Mr. Kurtainbaum,
why did you decide to continue production
on "The Game of Death"?
I feel I personally owe it to Bruce
to finish this picture.
This was his passion project,
his statement to the world.
This was his "Gone with the Wind".
Ronney, how do you plan on
completing the movie without its star?
You see, we are going to do
a worldwide search
for the man who will literally
be stepping into Bruce Lee's shoes
to complete his performance.
Ronney, won't it be obvious
that it's someone else playing Bruce Lee?
Film reality, my man,
it's made in the editing room, you know?
Eisenstein, you know,
he taught us that with associative editing,
and that was 50 years ago.
We're only limited
by our own imaginations.
We meet again, Bob.
Yeah.
I knew you were a snake,
Leroy Jackson.
Yeah.
Well, it doesn't matter
because I will destroy both of you.
Have you met
my sirens of fury?
Oh, you've joined the Nazi Party.
Poor birds.
I feel sorry for all of you
in the afterlife.
Ninjas!
Aaargh!
You know, I really don't know why
people keep confusing me and Bruce.
I mean, seriously,
we are two totally different actors.
Yes, but...
don't you see the obvious similarities?
Look, the cat wears
a yellow jumpsuit on the big screen,
I'm always wearing a blue one.
He's Bruce Lee, I'm Breeze Loo.
It's kind of like Pepsi and Coke.
I can guarantee one thing -
anyone who's taken that Pepsi Challenge
can definitely taste the difference.
Is it true
you don't do your own fighting?
That's correct.
I mean, why should I, right? I'm an actor.
There's a name for actors that do
their own fighting. They're called stuntmen.
To me, acting's all right here,
in the eyes.
What do you think
of Bruce Lee's acting?
You know,
I wouldn't really know.
I've never seen any of his films.
Really?
Come on, I've done 14 films in
the last two years. I've been a little busy.
Why are you
entertaining the idea of finishing his film?
The cat and I are peers.
I figure if I was the one who passed early,
I hope he'd have done
the same for me.
Yes, master.
Would you like another?
What do you think?
- I think that was pretty good.
- I liked that one. You sure?
- I asked Saraghina to be my manager.
- Yeah, but I'm still his lady.
It's the ultimate when you get to
work with someone you love.
Yeah, yeah.
I'd do anything for Cole.
What is it
you are doing at these studios?
Well...
You go first, honey.
Well, I'm here to be in
my first Hollywood movie.
- I feel really blessed.
- Yeah, yeah.
I was at this swap meet
and I found this flyer
that said that "The Trombone Thief Part 3"
was needing someone to play the butler.
I only have one line, but I think it's a big
deal because they're already on part three.
Yeah, plus this gives us momentum
to go into "The Game of Death".
- It's a perfect career move.
- Cole Kim, we need you on the set now.
You look great.
You look great.
OK.
Best butler ever.
- I think it's one of those European films.
- Yeah, maybe.
- You do golden showers?
- Um...
I-I'm Cole Kim.
I-I-I'm playing the butler.
Well, go change into your butler outfit
and sit outside the door.
As I'm humping the blonde
and chomping on the Oriental's furburger,
look through the peephole
and whack off, OK?
- Go. Wardrobe.
- Whack off?
Yes, whack off.
The fucky-sucky is reserved for me.
Daylight, come on.
- Change.
- Forget you.
Amateurs.
Get me another butler, OK?
Quickly.
Aim low. I want to see the hardcore. If you
don't see the hardcore, don't shoot. OK...
And... action.
Now stick it right in her ass.
That's it. A little deeper.
Bend over.
Please.
Oh, that's...
that's great.
Today's my first day as a doctor.
Seven years of schooling,
three years as a resident.
Today's my last day as a doctor.
I'm quitting to become an actor.
I'm a little confused.
For as long as I can remember,
I've always wanted to be a ninja,
or an actor.
So then why did you choose
to go into the medical field?
Um...
When I was 15,
my mom got ill.
Before she died,
she asked me for one thing -
to become a doctor.
Today I've fulfilled
that promise to her.
And tomorrow
I try to fulfill my promise to myself.
Do you think she intended
that when she asked you to be a doctor?
I kept a promise.
That's all I can say.
So how do you intend
to jump into the industry
after all these years
of medical school?
You know, I've done my best to incorporate
my theater training into my medical career.
Very good, Victor,
but it's more like a groan from below.
Right,
and you're having a kidney stone,
so the pain is in your lower abdomen
or groin. Try again.
As an intern, I came up with the idea
to work with actors as patients
so that med-school students
could have real people to diagnose.
Sort of like community theater,
except everyone's sick.
All the time.
How about film experience?
I've done some film work
here and there.
I got to work as a stunt double.
I've even worked as Breeze Loo's
stunt double a couple of times.
It's not exactly
what I want to do, but...
I get to combine two things I love the most -
acting and martial arts.
Addey, Addey,
Addey, Addey, Addey.
Hi, kids!
Hi, Addey!
Do you know
what my name is?
Addey the Astro-duck!
Say it again!
I was hired by NASA's outreach division to
raise awareness about the Skylab project
and the space race
against the Russians.
I make public appearances
as Addey the Astro-duck
and they treat me like a king.
Especially moms.
Is space exploration
an important issue for you?
Actually, no. I think there are
far bigger problems here on Earth
and here in this country.
- Can you elaborate on that?
- Racism for one.
Our people have been oppressed
for far too long.
- Really?
- Yeah.
There have been no reparations
for the abuse our people suffered
building the railroads
in the 1860s.
That's just the tip
of the proverbial iceberg.
But, Tarrick, um...
aren't you Caucasian?
I'm half Chinese.
So, um...
so, Tarrick,
why do you want to audition
for The Game of Death?
I admire Bruce Lee as a role model
for the Asiatic community.
I try to be the same. Maybe my work is on
a smaller, more humble, grass-roots level,
but I think that reaching out
to promote the yellow brotherhood
certainly has its place.
Do you really feel like
you have a shot at getting the part?
Nothing has ever been given to me.
My life has been a continual struggle.
It's that very struggle
that fuels my art.
You call me "slanty eyes."
I stay silent. But my eyes
can see the damage being done to me.
# Railroad worker
# Railroad worker
Emasculated half-man.
I don't deny there's a piece of me
long-dead on the tracks.
But I am railroaded every day.
Tracked and trapped.
But never defeated.
Never defeated.
But also...
never free!
Let's face it, leading men and ladies
are white. You can't deny it.
But what about the people they visit,
the ones they encounter?
The noble savages,
the angry Pygmies,
the exotic geishas
and the street thugs.
All of them?
Colored folks.
And when I say "colored,"
I mean all colors.
Hollywood needs these colors
to paint their pictures.
And I'm the one
who delivers the variety.
I represent Latinos,
Orientals and Afro-Americans.
Hell, I even got clients
who are Afro-Latinos and Latin-Orientals.
You want 'em, I got 'em.
Some of my clients
have even stepped into the spotlight
and made a real name
for themselves,
courtesy of Roy Thunder.
Clear. Go!
Just relax.
Troy Poon was the costar
of a hit primetime TV show.
Chang.
Bring this clown
down to the squad car.
Hey, man,
I ain't gonna do your laundry.
"Hey, man,
I ain't gonna do your laundry."
Troy's tag line swept the nation.
J.J. Walker had nothing on him.
Wow.
It's Rob Force.
You know, the last time we met,
you had the gun to my head.
I should have shot you
when I had the chance.
Woulda, coulda, shoulda,
Robbie.
Any last requests?
Hey, Chang, why don't you send for
someone to pick up this rotting corpse?
Hey.
I ain't gonna do your laundry.
- You know what I like about you, Chang?
- What?
Absolutely nothing.
It was the highest-rated show
in the country on Friday nights.
But after only nine episodes,
something horrible happened.
Dean Silo, best known for his
role as tough-talking detective Rob Force,
was found dead early this morning
in his Beverly Hills home.
I'm here on the scene
with Officer Williams.
Officer Williams,
when did Dean Silo pass away?
Well, the preliminary report put the time
of death at approximately 3:37 a.m.
And the circumstances
surrounding his demise?
Well, based on the position
of the body of the deceased
and several pieces of evidence,
it appears that Mr. Silo
was in the midst of self-asphyxiation
and attempted autofellatio
at the time of death.
Thank you, Officer Williams.
Traces of several substances
were found in, on or around the body,
including amphetamine, morphine,
Dramamine, codeine, Sizzlean, quinine,
Quaaludes, pre-ludes, mescaline,
methadone, metha-dust, angel dust,
Mercocet, Percocet, Darvocet,
Roxicet, Vicodin,
OxyContin, tin,
LSD, CPC, PYT,
amphetamines, barbiturates
and Elmer's Glue.
Also, several male juvenile
pornographic magazines
and a giant Nazi flag
were strewn around the body,
and the deceased was wearing
a Ku Klux Klan Grand Wizard's outfit.
Needless to say,
Troy's show got canceled,
and all the networks
refused to air the reruns.
For me, a job in sales
is the same as an acting gig.
You know,
I mean, it really is.
The only difference is you, um...
you're performing
in front of a smaller crowd.
Hello, how are you?
My name is Troy Poon.
Do you have a moment?
I'd like to show you a great product.
Aren't you...?
A-a-aren't you...?
Aren't you that guy?
Th-the one on the television?
- Yes, yes, that's me.
- Oh!
Do you have a moment?
I'd like to show you the...
Why not?
- Don't mind the mess.
- The more mess, the better.
That's what this thing is for.
And as you can see,
the MegaVac cleaning machine
is extremely simple
to put together.
See? I mean,
it doesn't get any better than this.
It's beautiful.
Its sucking power is unrivalled.
Oopsie!
Let's see how the new MegaVac
cleaning machine handles the job.
Sorry to interrupt,
but could you say it?
- Excuse me?
- That little thing you say about the laundry.
Please say it for us,
just once?
- Cheese!
- Me, me, me!
- Go, go, go.
- Ready? OK, here we go.
Ready?
Everybody, "Cheese!"
Well, hello!
There are quite a lot of you here...
So today
is the first day of your auditions.
What are you experiencing
right now?
I imagine this is how Godard felt
when he was casting "Breathless ".
Yeah, yeah.
But on to the new Bruce Lee.
So, I' m thinking...
Here's what I'm thinking.
A loud, intimidating type,
like a... like a...
like a hip Genghis Khan,
you know?
Well, he needs to be the silent, calm type
with an inner strength.
Oh, yeah. Of course.
Well, that's what I meant.
You know, I don't mean "loud"
in, like, a volume sort of way,
like, "I'm Bruce Lee,"
screaming.
I meant that he has
an intense internal power.
Ronney... When you work with
these young directors,
you very often have to
give them what they need,
even though
they're not aware they need it.
You know, 90% of filmmaking,
it's the casting.
So this is the time
to lend my support to a young director.
You know, give him
my years of experience. Right now.
Well,
I love open auditions.
All bets are off
and anything is possible.
You never know when you might discover
the next Pat Morita
or the new Esther Rolle.
You got a great look.
Great look.
Roy Thunder, talent manager.
"Colored people"?
Last time I checked,
yellow was a color, my man.
The casting process isn't about
which of us is better than the other
or who's more right for the part.
Honestly, it all comes down to
covering your bases.
For example,
I happen to know
Cassie thinks I'm a great lay.
She rode me for six days last summer,
I got a spot on "Sanford and Son."
Now, that may be a coincidence,
but I'm not willing to
take the chance that it was.
You are the best in the room.
You are filled with strength
and power.
But all around you is weakness
and insecurity.
They are afraid of you because
they all know that the part is yours.
Open your eyes
and look at them.
Really look at them.
They're weak.
Weak.
Hey, is...
Hey, I think that's Breeze Loo.
Cole? Cole,
you're disrupting my exercise.
- But it's Breeze Loo!
- Who cares? You're Cole Kim.
- I gotta go meet him.
- Well, he's the competition.
But he's Breeze Loo!
Solid, baby. Solid.
Peace.
- Hey, Mr. Loo.
- Hey, brother.
- My name is Cole Kim and I'm a big fan.
- Very cool.
Yeah, I love Fist of Fhrer and
I've seen Exit the Serpent, like, 17 times.
- Oh, that's a lot of times, brother.
- And your moves, they're, like, flawless.
Yeah, how do you kick three guys
at the same time?
Oh. Saraghina,
Mr. Breeze Loo.
It was like he was sleeping
with the enemy. I couldn't believe it.
Oh, I didn't think it was a big deal.
He was a nice guy.
It made you soft.
- It made you lose your edge.
- Edge?
Yeah, you asked him
to autograph your shirt.
Well, what else
was he supposed to sign?
Cole, come on.
Look, imagine you saw Warren Beatty.
I mean, what would you do?
OK, Breeze Loo
is no Warren Beatty.
He can beat up three guys
at the same time.
Oh, Reggie!
How you doin', baby?
This cat makes me look real good
on the big screen, don't you, Reg?
Hey, baby.
I'm here to see the director.
Oh, great.
Um, your name is...?
It's Loo. Breeze Loo.
OK, all right.
Oh.
OK. Mr. Loo.
You are in group C, so it's gonna be
about an hour before we send you guys in.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, kitty cat.
I ain't here to audition.
I'm here to meet the director.
Oh.
You know,
the director is unavailable right now, so...
what I can do
is I can put you into group A.
- Do you mind if I use your phone?
- Of course. We have a pay phone outside.
One of your current clients
will be auditioning.
Oh, Troy.
I got him this amazing opportunity.
Not the usual Oriental bit part.
I'm talking leading yellow role
in a film with serious distribution.
That's like Nixon visiting me in Watts.
It just don't happen, baby.
- Thunder, I need to talk to you.
- Not now, Troy.
- Hey, now.
- We got this dynamite interview going.
Troy, look...
- Man, we're... Look, Troy...
- Thunder, listen to me.
Why, huh?
Why did you send me here?
- It's a big part.
- This is not a part. It's a body-double gig.
But it's an opportunity.
I... I can't believe
you're actually trying to sell me on this.
Look, Troy, come on, man.
Look what's out there.
You don't wanna go back
to playing delivery boys.
No, of course not.
But this?
This is even more insulting.
Troy, what have you got to lose?
You know what?
You ain't doing shit
for colored people, Thunder.
Troy, hold it, man.
Look.
You're making a big mistake.
Yeah.
- Big mistake.
- OK!
OK!
OK, hello, everyone.
Hi.
Hello... Don't stand behind me.
Thanks so much. Over there.
Hi, everyone. I wanted to welcome you
to the auditions for The Game of Death.
My name is Eloise.
I am the casting director.
This is Ronney.
He's the director of the film.
I wanted to tell you how much I appreciate
you being here today.
I'm very grateful and I appreciate
your time and patience. Absolutely.
So, look, to find the best man
for the role, guys,
we are going to have
three rounds of auditions.
Not six, three.
It's just so you can all see this.
OK, and it's gonna be
a really, really fun process.
So how about,
just to kick it off,
raise your hand if you have
formal conservatory training
with an emphasis
on Shakespeare.
- Wow. That is...
- Good for you.
Very good for you.
I love the classics. Excellent.
How about all of you eager people
with your hands up in the air
can follow Cassie here
right out that door?
Thank you so much.
It's pretty simple. I have found over the
years that actors with all of that training,
they spend so much time
connecting to their inner truth,
they don't connect to the average
moviegoer, you know what I mean?
And our Bruce Lee needs to be the kind
of guy Middle America can really relate to.
Someone... someone like Larry in Omaha
would drink a Bud with.
You know what I mean? The last thing we
need is some educated, snooty Bruce Lee
to alienate America.
Right, Ronney?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
So what's gonna be
happening during today's audition?
Well, today, in this round,
we give the actors sides -
these pages right here
with basically their lines on them.
And, um...
it's a cold reading today,
meaning the actors
have never seen the lines.
Specifically, what qualities
are you looking for from these gentlemen?
Well, it depends on the person.
Everyone brings something different,
but I would like to see the relationship
between the text and the subtext.
It's very important what an actor brings in
on his own, which is in-between the lines,
but what he also does
with the text, you know?
You offended me.
You offended my family.
Great. Thank you.
My name Remi Nguyen.
I would like very much
to be part of your movie.
In my village in Vietnam, I dreamed of
being on the big Hollywood movie screen.
My parents, they would be
proud to see me that way.
But they didn't make it
out of Saigon.
I dedicate this to them.
OK. Let's get started.
You offend me.
You offend my family.
That was nice.
Can I give him a note?
Can you try it one more time?
But I want you to think about
your family stuck in Saigon.
You offended me.
You offended my family.
You have offended me!
You have offended my family!
You offended me.
You offended my family!
You offended me
and you offended my family.
Hi-yaaah! Whoo!
Can we lose the glasses?
I'd really like to see...
I wouldn't bother. I think he's just bad.
I think he's just... I think...
I think you're not ready for this.
I don't... Let's not... Let's move on.
You offended me.
You offended my family.
Mm-hm.
Can you hold on one second?
I think
we should ask him to do a move,
see if we can inspire
some more aggression.
- Is that all right?
- Oh, yeah.
OK. Maybe just to get
a little bit more voice out of you...
I see the outfit. Do you know a little karate,
a little jujitsu or something?
I do.
Would you mind... Maybe you can say
the line, this time doing some type of move.
You offended me.
You offended my family.
- Better.
- Way better.
- A lot better.
- Way better.
- There he is.
- Here I am.
- The man.
- You look great, Breeze.
- Do I?
- Yeah, you look fantastic.
Thank you, brother.
Thank you.
- I have a question, though.
- Shoot.
- You are a powerful agency.
- That's the word in the street.
You cats are in the Hollywood big three,
am I not right?
- Number one in the big three.
- Wow.
- That must mean you have a lot of muscle.
- Might makes right.
How many feature films have I starred in
in, let's say, past two years?
- 14.
- Wow! You cats remembered.
Of course.
You're a star, Breezy.
Oh, stop that. Stop.
- Just the truth, man.
- Thank you.
- But I'm a bit confused.
- Why is that?
If you cats
are such a powerful agency
and I'm such a big star,
then why the fuck am I standing here
like a motherfucking idiot
at this goddamn
motherfucking cattle call?
There must've been
some sort of mix-up.
- A little confusion, that's all.
- Confusion?
What is so fucking confusing
about offer-only?
- We'll straighten it up.
- Do you know how humiliating this is?
I can only imagine.
It's awful. It's awful.
Breezy.
I know this place, it's like
a concentration camp, it's beneath you...
It's offer-only, you dig?
You got it.
Trust me, I'll take care of this.
Let's take care of this, fellas.
- It's done.
- Good.
I thought
he was completely contrived.
He had no subtext, you know?
There were no layers.
Yeah. Yeah, I mean,
I don't disagree.
I completely hear what you're saying.
He's not a very strong "actor," you know,
but as I understand it, we're looking for
a star, not an "actor," you know?
And, I mean,
they're completely different animals.
For star searching, I think it comes down to
something more immediate and visceral.
- Like what?
- Fuckability.
I simply ask myself,
"Do I want to fuck that guy?"
Since we're looking for the new Bruce Lee,
the question should be:
"Do I need to fuck this guy?"
- You know?
- Give me an example.
- Charlton Heston.
- Are you serious?
Oh, yeah. How do you think he got to be
Moses, Ben-Hur, the guy with the apes?
The world wants to fuck
Charlton Heston.
This guy, here,
he's no Charlton Heston, but I'd fuck him.
After a few gin and tonics,
I would fuck him silly.
I mean,
he deserves a callback for sure.
All right, well, who...
who in this group would you fuck sober?
Hm. Sober.
Yeah.
Ooh, him.
Him? A star?
Oh, yeah. Are you kidding?
Charisma, sensitivity, presence.
He's got that, you know,
refugee survivor grit. Yeah.
Oh, and I would...
I'd fuck him good.
I mean, look, I'm not saying he'd be
a Steve McQueen kind of movie star,
but, you know,
he's got Gene Hackman potential for sure.
Oh, yeah.
I'd fuck him.
- Right?
- All right.
So who would you fuck,
unconditionally?
Unconditionally...
So is someone gonna say,
like, "action"?
- Would you like that?
- If you like it.
- Sure.
- I will.
This is Ronney, the director.
So he's gonna call "action."
- Thank you.
- OK.
Action.
You've offended me
and you've offended my family.
Cole, can I ask you to do it again?
Of course, sure.
Do you... I...
If you want me to change it around
or something, I can...
Could you wait one second?
I think
he needs to be more intense.
- Yeah. Yeah. Um, just...
- Maybe... Yeah, go ahead.
- Maybe a little more intensity.
- You seem happy that they offended you.
- You shouldn't...
- I'm happy to be here.
That's really nice
and we're thrilled to have you,
but, Cole, maybe a little, you know, anger.
Anger is hurt turned out.
I think...
I think maybe a little anger.
You've offended me
and you've offended my family.
- Oh...
- What?
Oh, come on. I mean, maybe if he had the
teensiest bit of confidence, but this guy?
No, wait a minute.
Wait a minute, no, I...
Yeah, I would still fuck him,
even without the confidence.
No, you think so,
but you wouldn't.
Oh, yes, I would.
I would. And...
he...
wouldn't have to
buy me dinner beforehand.
I would just... fuck him.
All right, Ronney, are you listening to
yourself? 'Cause now you just sound silly.
What? Who are you
to tell me who I wanna fuck?
No, you're totally right.
You're right.
You can want to fuck whoever you please
'cause you're the director.
Absolutely. I'm sorry.
You're right.
- It's OK.
- Mm-hm.
Hi!
I am so sorry, everyone.
I know you've been so patient.
Thank you for waiting.
We are finally ready, and before I put the
list up, I just want to congratulate all of you.
We saw some really wonderful
auditions today.
Congratulations.
Have a good night.
Excuse me.
Yeah! Yes!
All right!
I told you! I told you.
- Look.
- We made it?
So, Raja,
how do you feel right now?
All I can say is I did my best.
Do you think that you'll return
to your career in the medical field?
Probably not.
I heard Warner's
is doing a musical about Geronimo.
Maybe I could pass for an Indian.
So, Breeze, how often
do you get to relax like this near the pool?
You know what most people don't realize?
Being an actor is a 24-hour job, man.
Like right now, I'm working.
I'm taking the time
to fine-tune my appearance
in order to be that image that's
on the screen that's bigger than life, baby.
See, Breeze Loo isn't just the cat that
you see sitting in front of you right now.
No. Breeze Loo is an idea.
He's a force of nature
that includes each individual out there
that keeps that Breeze Loo juggernaut
alive and pumping.
I work very hard
at what it is that I do.
All I ask is for those individuals out there to
do the exact same thing - pull their weight.
That's why I fired my agents.
So, then,
what's your next career move?
I got the Bruce Lee audition tomorrow.
But what about your refusal
to audition and your "offer-only" policy?
I realized it's a bit premature for me to be
considering any offers at this point in time,
mainly because the producer and director
really don't know how much they need me.
So, I'm gonna go through
this audition process,
they're gonna see firsthand
how much better I am than the competition,
and then they're gonna pay the full price
of what the Breezy Breeze is worth.
$500,
that's what we paid for Breezy.
- We couldn't have children of our own.
- Oh, we certainly tried, but, uh...
Well, we got Breezy when we lost Penny,
and that was horrible.
Yeah. Yeah, Penny was
our cocker spaniel and she died and...
my wife was so upset,
so, uh...
to make her feel better,
we got Clarence.
- Breeze.
- Breeze.
$500, that's what it cost.
- Tom, don't talk prices.
- Why not? That was a lot of money then.
Well, Breezy certainly is
generous with us.
He gave us this house
and a big Cadillac
and all this art.
Oh, yeah, we sure as hell won't forget
what he looks like, that's for sure.
My dad fought in the Korean War.
That's where he met my mom and me.
Yeah, most guys, they would
have made the women leave the babies,
but not Cole's dad.
If not for him,
I never would've met Cole.
Yeah, we grew up in Alabama
where I was the only Asiatic
and Saraghina
was the only Colombian in town.
Mm.
We weren't very popular.
Yeah, if I got hit in the head
with a bottle,
I knew it was the white kids.
If it was a rock,
it was the black kids.
It all hurt the same.
We dreamed of leaving the South.
We even tried
getting rid of our Southern accents.
We'd sit around for hours,
talking like our favorite movie stars.
Mm-hm.
Mine was Grace Kelly.
Mr. Rogers.
Buddha never bowled!
He won't be bought and sold!
Buddha never bowled!
He won't be bought and sold!
Buddha never bowled!
He won't be bought and sold!
Buddha never bowled!
He won't be bought and sold!
Buddha never bowled!
He won't be bought and sold!
Buddha never bowled!
He won't be bought and sold!
Tarrick's always been very active,
just like his dad.
Many men abandon their families with
all sorts of pathetic excuses, but Derrick,
Tarrick's dad,
was in his own league.
First of all, he was a real narcissist. He
named his sons Garrick, Tarrick and Erick.
If we had girls,
what would he have named them?
Anyway,
the marriage didn't work out,
mainly because Derrick
was an abusive drunk.
I can't believe
I put up with that shit.
He moved to Cincinnati after the divorce.
I was relieved, to tell you the truth,
but to completely cut off all contact
with the kids, his own sons,
I mean, who does that?
He wanted a new family, fine, but guess
what he had the balls to name the kids?
Garrick, Tarrick and Erick, same goddamn
names in the same goddamn order.
Who does that?
I used to have meaty roles
that any actor would kill for.
I was entrusted to play characters
well beyond my age range
and from various walks of life.
But that was college.
Hey, man,
have you seen my brownies?
I saw them.
And then I ate them.
You what?
That's my evidence!
I don't know what to tell you, man.
The more I ate,
the hungrier I got.
- That will be 14.39.
- Yeah!
You know what?
You're nothing but a big...
Now, that's what I call
saved by the bell.
- Hi.
- That'll be 11.76.
Well, the good news is,
I've been in 12 feature films
and 23 TV shows.
OK, that will be...
...9.69.
And the bad news is,
every role except for one
was a Chinese
food delivery boy.
Last week,
I got a call from this agency.
They said they wanna represent me.
I mean,
this could be huge for my career.
- Gentlemen, this is Troy Poon.
- There you are.
They're one of the biggies.
Finally, representation with power.
They can fight
for my artistic integrity.
- Thank you for coming in. Appreciate it.
- It's good to be here.
- We think you're a movie star.
- So no more TV.
We are gonna
reintroduce you to the world in a big way.
I just got you a meeting
with this hip young director
who is starting
a major motion picture,
and he's looking for a yellow lead.
- This flick has a built-in audience.
- A lot of action.
- Some cool camera work.
- Groovy soundtrack.
We're talking
major opportunity.
You ever hear of Bruce Lee?
Anyway, he's hotter now
than when he was alive.
Imagine, getting to be Bruce Lee.
Right when it matters most.
What in the hell was that?
Huh?
Cole, why did you choose
Saraghina to be your manager?
When I told her
I was going to be an actor,
I think the idea of me
kissing other women upset her.
Well, I mean,
when you feel so strongly for someone,
it's hard to see them do something like that
with someone else.
What if there's
a kissing scene in The Game of Death?
Saraghina's gonna be
right there with me,
and she's gonna realize
it's not a big deal, right, hon?
How has
your relationship been affected
by your new
professional partnership?
It's been, um...
a bit challenging,
because as his girlfriend,
I try not to tell him what to do,
but as his manager,
I have to tell him what to do.
No, you don't.
We can figure it out together.
But I'm your manager.
You asked me to be your manager.
- I know.
- That's my job.
I'm doing my job.
What do you expect me to do?
You're doing a great job, honey.
No, I'm not.
You know, you don't even listen to me.
I'm trying to help you, but you're
running around getting autographs,
you're eating chili fries when you're
supposed to be fit and... I don't know.
- What? See?
- I wind up feeling like your mother.
- I'm listening, OK?
- Oh, baby.
I'm serious.
You're doing a great job, OK?
You're doing a great job.
Can you pass me a napkin?
So, round two, I thought, you know,
they all take karate classes and things,
so I needed something that was going to
separate the boys from the men.
Ten-hut!
Attention!
Give us one line facing front. Now!
So I thought Mac and TJ,
having had all that Vietnam experience,
you know, killing,
you know, babies
and running around
hurting civilian people,
I kinda feel like
they have a life experience
that is gonna lend a little, uh...
a little gutso to this process.
I understand we're here to help you
pretend to be real men. Is that right?
That's kinda funny to me.
'Cause on the battlefield,
you're either a shit bag or the real deal.
There's no mistaking the two.
See, the real men,
they march towards the danger,
and the shit bags, they stay back
'cause they never grew the balls to battle.
Tell you the truth,
you all look like shit bags to me.
But you'll get a chance to prove me wrong.
You will engage in one-on-one combat.
See if any of you
have any fight in you.
- Do you understand?
- Yes, sir, sir!
Oh.
A military boy.
You serve for Uncle Sam?
N-no.
Fuckin' pussy.
Whoaaaa!
Who do we have here?
- What's your name, boy?
- Remi Nguyen.
"Nguyen."
Isn't that a commie name?
No, I fight the Vietcong!
Sneaky bastards, aren't they?
What's so funny, douche face?
- Nothing.
- Oh.
You think you're
something special, don't you?
I'm gonna keep my eye on you.
We think it's sad
what America has come to.
All you pinko fuckin' hippies
taking our freedom for granted.
Mac here, he gave up his eye
for your freedom.
And you wanna know
how you showed your gratitude?
I said, do you wanna know
how you showed your gratitude?
You spit on us and burned our flag
after we went through hell for you.
Never knowing where the next bullet
was gonna come from.
Going into a village,
not knowing who to shoot, who to kill.
Tell 'em how it was, Mac.
- Hearing and smelling goddamn commies.
- Right, talk about the hell, Mac.
Crawling on our bellies while
those bastards were tunneling under us,
ready to slice and dice us
and eat us for dinner.
- That's hell! Hell was...
- Tell 'em!
Hell was getting called a gook
by your own platoon
while they step on your body
and leave you for dead in My Lai village.
That's hell!
Thinking you're the enemy!
Spitting up blood,
gasping for air,
choking on your own vomit.
But let me make this clear.
I would have gone through that hell
Huh!
He has better legs. Much better legs.
I mean, we need to start thinking about...
That was good.
That was good too.
Yeah, kill him.
No, no. Cross him off.
He did not take that hit.
Breeze Loo, what do you
think about today's part of the audition?
I'm not exactly sure
what this round is for, man.
I mean, aren't we auditioning
for an acting role?
It's a little overwhelming at times,
you know?
You're in front of Mr. Loo like that
and he's your idol.
I mean, I've seen him in tons of movies.
That's the reason I became an actor.
Come on!
Fight! Huh!
Stop dancing!
It was the last straw, really.
I just couldn't take it anymore,
you know?
It was bad enough
that my client, Cole, choked,
but I just couldn't handle
the disappointment I felt
towards my boyfriend, Cole.
You know, it was just...
It was... too much.
So...
so that's why
I broke up with him.
But I'm still his manager, though.
And, um...
So now I can guide his career
without any of the guilt
or the conflict or the drama.
I need to talk to you.
Turn off the camera. I said shut it off!
- We're...
- Get out!
Shut your face!
Get out!
- You need to calm down!
- I want you back.
We agreed
this is how it needs to be.
No!
You stupid face!
Finally.
It was my chance to prove my value,
show 'em who I really am,
you know?
The color of my skin,
my economic class...
None of it mattered.
I was expressing myself.
The room was captivated,
I could feel it.
And then he showed up.
- Eli, hi! Ronney.
- Hey, how are ya?
When my step-cousin
was abroad,
he caught Eli in a movie
and tipped me off immediately.
I mean,
he may be unknown here,
but he just won
the New Zealand Oscar for best actor.
And I think it's just a matter of time before
he is the next David Carradine. You know?
G'day, guys.
That guy Eli waltzed in late
like he owned the fucking place.
He didn't even show at the first round
of auditions. How fair is that?
Some of us
know what struggle is.
Some of us had to fight
to get where we are.
Eli is not "some of us."
How's it all going,
everyone?
- It's good.
- Great.
- Yeah, it's good fun.
- Eli...
- Yeah, he's pretty good.
- It's so obvious. It is!
I mean,
he is Bruce Lee, you know?
Well, hold on. I mean,
let's not get carried away with ourselves.
We have a few
very, very solid options.
Close the deal and cancel the next round.
There's no need to keep looking.
What?
What are you talking about?
It would be a waste of everyone's time
to keep looking.
OK, Ronney, you oughta know,
that's just not how it's done.
I'm the director.
Cast him now.
So, Eli,
what's it like
to be offered this role?
Well, there's a certain amount
of satisfaction that I feel
when my work is acknowledged,
you know?
What challenges do you
expect when you take over for Bruce Lee?
Well, you mean
if I choose to take the role?
Are you suggesting
you're not gonna accept the part?
There's... there are some questions I need
answered first, before I agree to anything.
- Like what?
- Well, firstly...
am I working with
the right people?
You know,
it's important to me.
Secondly,
is this really a safe and nurturing
environment for me?
And third...
How is this for my career,
you know?
I'm trying to build one,
so it's important right now.
You know, this cat, Eli, does he have
anything going on in his eyes? No.
Does he even indicate for one second
what's going on up here - why he fights?
- No.
- I see.
But do you think that his presence
in the competition will affect your chances?
Absolutely not. The cat's parlor tricks
are just an act of desperation
because he knows he doesn't have
what it is that I was innately born with -
true power and the ability to destroy
with my very presence.
This is just unacceptable.
All I asked for was a fair fight.
Instead, I'm stuck here.
We're stuck here, in limbo.
Waiting.
The studio just doesn't get it.
Eli's not even American,
he's not even close to American,
and they're allowing him to come in here
and hijack this whole process.
Typical.
Foreigners coming in here
and taking our jobs.
We Asian-Americans have it bad enough.
This is just insult to injury.
So what's about to happen next?
- Well, Eli called a meeting.
- Of course he did.
- Well, what do I do?
- It's... Ronney, it's an actor thing, OK?
You just stroke his dick a bit
and, you know, he'll feel better.
It's standard procedure, OK?
- G'day, fellas!
- Hi.
- I got you some coffee.
- Thank you.
Hey, Eloise.
I just need to speak to the director alone.
- Oh!
- Yeah.
- Alone.
- You mean us?
No, just the boom guy.
Of course I mean you.
- All right.
- What's on your mind?
Ronney?
What happened?
Are you OK?
Do you wanna talk?
I'm here for you. Ronney?
Is this his home?
Eight.
Here he is.
Number nine.
You couldn't
pay me enough to live here.
Ronney!
Ronney, can we talk, honey?
All right, come on.
Look, it's not like he's Jesus or something.
I mean, we can do a lot better than,
you know, Eli from New Zealand.
Ronney?
All right, Ronney, not to state the obvious
or anything, but Eli? Not a team player.
Eli cares only about Eli. He would have
been a nightmare to work with, trust me.
What's your next move?
You don't have to touch me.
Ronney.
Ronney, sweetheart?
Goddamn fucking...
goddamn fucking pussy!
OK, Ronney. Ronney, we haven't even
seen the other actors on screen yet!
You know,
and that's where it counts!
Do you know how many amazing stars
seem just... pathetic?
They were shit until they were projected on
the silver screen. That is how it goes.
I mean,
our best is probably still with us.
Ronney...
All right.
Ronney,
here's what I'm gonna do for you, OK?
I am going to handle everything
from here on, all right?
I'm gonna...
I'm gonna run the screen tests myself
and I will make the final choices
for the studio, OK?
So don't you worry about it.
OK, let's go!
Come on, come on, come on, come on!
Oh. Hi.
Well, well.
- You made it.
- Surprised?
I'm only surprised
that it took you so long.
It takes time
to track down cowards like you.
I wasn't the one
who ran away last time.
That's because
you were hiding behind the army of venom.
Excuses, excuses.
I'm shocked to see
you're fighting your own battles.
You will pay for your audacity.
Run, baby, it's a trap!
Kimberly,
I'm not going anywhere without you!
I've got to hand it to you, brother.
You always did have
good taste in women.
- Brother.
- In school, you always got the pretty ones.
Unlike me.
- You can't let the past be your master.
- And you can never master the past.
But, my dear brother,
I can seize the present!
Oh!
You keep her out of this, brother.
This is between you and me.
We're not kids anymore.
You can't tell me what to do.
And besides,
you're in no position to call the shots now.
I can't let you
get away with this.
Move another inch closer
and you will have a very dead girlfriend.
Do you really think
I'm gonna let stand here...
Do you really think
I'm gonna stand here and let...
I'm sorry. Can we just cut that
and we'll just start from the top?
No, we're fine, Breeze.
Why don't we go six lines back
when I enter the forest?
- It's not necessary.
- He's good, I'm good.
He's seen all he needs to see.
I'm good.
- Yeah, but we don't have a clean take.
- We've seen it. We've seen it.
- It's enough?
- Yeah.
- Thank you, Breeze.
- Thanks, Breeze.
That's ridiculous. They cut you off
and you were just getting started.
I thought we were
working with professionals!
I agree. That's why you need someone
who will fight for you, someone like me.
Cole, are you ready?
You call me.
- Thanks.
- Cole, are you ready?
Cole?
OK, let's go.
Roll camera.
Mark it.
Set.
Action.
Look at you.
You're powerless.
Tongue-tied, brother?
You may be holding the cards,
but you have nothing.
That's why you're trying to
take everything away from me.
But it won't work
because you have to
live with yourself.
Who are you,
really?
You're the worst kind of villain that
pretends to be something that they're not,
a monster who acts like
they care about people,
but then will betray them
when they least expect it.
Yeah, I may have been a fool for trusting
you, but that was my biggest crime.
But you...
Oh, you'll get what you deserve.
Maybe not now,
but all your lies
will catch up to you,
and you will be left alone
to see yourself
and suffer.
Wow!
- Wow.
- Where's he going?
Cole, that was...
Cole? Oh, my...
Where's Breeze?
Where the fuck is Breeze?
A screen test to me is like
going to the bathroom for anyone else.
It's not exactly fair.
I have much more camera time
than pretty much any
of the other candidates.
You know, for me, it's the difference
between preparation and actually acting.
It's pretty seamless.
It's not really there.
Hey, fucker.
Cole?
Cole, Cole, Cole!
What are you doing?
Get off me!
- Cole! Cole!
- You asshole.
- Stop that!
- Stop it! You're gonna hurt him.
- Cole?
- Breeze. Breeze, are you OK? Breeze!
- Oh, my God!
- Breeze, can you hear me?
- Are you OK?
- Can you hear my voice? Guys! Breeze!
- What's happened?
- Is everyone OK up there?
Cole,
what was it like
to see Saraghina talking to Breeze?
She just betrayed me
in front of my face.
That's all I have to say.
Breeze,
what do you think of Cole Kim now?
He's a coward. Only a true coward
would Pearl Harbor someone like this.
- Why did he attack you?
- It's the price of fame, baby.
What are the chances
of you getting this part?
Well, was it even a question
from the start?
I mean, seriously, take a look.
I'm the real deal, baby. I mean,
this is a big-time Hollywood studio film.
Do you think the studio was considering
giving it to one of those other cats?
Come on.
Hey, Doc.
Reggie!
When did you become a doctor?
What the hell is going on here?
My name is Raja.
Really?
Cole.
Cole is intense.
- He did some really good work.
- He did, but, uh...
I'm sorry. I gotta go with my gut,
and the gut never lies.
OK. Well, uh, I don't know.
He's kind of...
I don't feel comfortable
around him at all.
- Really?
- No. He's really creepy.
Well, Ronney,
Jack Nicholson's kind of creepy.
I mean, creepy's...
creepy's in.
No.
All right.
OK, got it.
Well, you know what?
We've got Breeze.
I mean,
Breeze is a pretty safe bet.
Makes sense.
OK.
All right, so Breeze.
- Yes.
- OK.
- Cole and Breeze.
- OK.
- Anyone else?
- No.
No. No one else is really gonna cut it,
I don't think.
Well, we need to find one or two more
for the studio, cover our ass.
Yeah, fine. Fine.
I have my pick,
so you can choose the backups.
OK, well, Cassie, uh...
why don't you choose the backups, OK?
OK.
Sure, yeah.
They will tell you you are not unique,
you are not one of a kind.
You are. You are,
and in your poetry, when you speak...
Oh, my God, Breeze!
Oh, my God.
What happened?
Excuse me.
Excuse me. Excuse us.
What in the hell is going on here?
First of all, where in the hell is Cole?
- I've been calling him. He's not picking up.
- Fuck.
OK, can someone tell me why the fuck
the white guy showed up, please?
- He's like a fucking fungus.
- I asked you for two backups...
Hey, Dad. Hey!
Mr. Kurtainbaum, I would like to
introduce you to the finalists for the film.
- Would you get 'em out of here, please?
- What?
- Please go. Get 'em out.
- Out of the office?
Now. Now.
Go... You too, please.
Please.
I'm gonna ask you once,
please go.
- Go.
- Just a few minutes?
This will just take a few minutes.
I told you once, I told you twice, now go!
Are you guys
fucking retards or what?
We just spent a week of good money
on this bullshit!
Do you have any idea -
any idea - what's going on here?
You give me some crippled Chink, a white
guy and some guy who's obviously, what?
Two feet taller
than the real Bruce Lee!
God!
You're... you're fired.
- And you're fired!
- Dad! Dad!
- Fired!
- Dad, please!
Ronney
had a vision of a man...
- A vision, my ass. Go! Go!
- But we can't find him. OK, OK.
Please, would you go...
- Go!
- Dad, please? Dad, please!
Son, go!
Oh, you.
Who said you could stay?
Take your fucking fishing pole
and go fish somewhere else,
but not in my pond!
So how do you plan on
completing the film now?
We're in the business of making money.
It's very simple.
We own some footage of someone
who's very famous, but he's dead.
We need to find someone who looks like
him so he can walk around for an hour
so we can package the picture
and sell it as a whole movie.
Huh?
What's so hard about that?
Are you gonna conduct
another search to find a replacement?
Search?
What search are you talking about?
I can go down to fucking Chinatown
and find someone who looks just like him.
Five minutes.
But would that be
the right person for the part?
Faster than you could say
egg foo yung.
- Egg foo yung.
- I found him.
And his brother.
# Hey
# I ain't got no satisfaction
# No satisfac...
it's satisfac...
# No satisfaction
# Keep on dancin'
Howdy, pardners. It's EZ Breezy, bringing
you the best deals in the Wild, Wild West.
This Gremlin's a peppy critter that'll outrun
any rapscallion that dares to race it.
That's right, ladies and gentlemen.
It's got 63,000 miles and it's listed at $470.
$470?
I think that's hogwash!
I'll give it to you for $440. That's right,
I said $440 and I'm not bluffing,
but you gotta mosey on down here mighty
quick 'cause this here Gremlin's going fast!
# I ain't got no satisfaction
# No satisfac...
it's satisfac...
# No satisfaction
# Hey
# Keep on dancin'
# Hey
Frankly, that audition process
was eye-opening for me.
It made me realize that the only way
to effect change is from a position of power.
No longer will I be at the mercy
of someone else's whims, you know?
- What is it you're doing now?
- Directing and starring in my first film.
But it's not just a movie
I'm creating,
it's a...
it's a watershed event.
Till now, the Asian-American male
has been neutered and castrated
by being systematically excluded
from the sexual landscape of America.
Is that why
you went into pornography?
It's a revolution.
- # Keep on dancin'
- # Hey
- # Keep on dancin'
- # Hey
- # Keep on dancin'
- # Hey
# Keep on, keep on
- # Keep on dancin'
- # Hey
- # Keep on dancin'
- # Hey
So, Cole and Saraghina,
what's been happening
with you two?
Well, we were having a few problems
but, well, we worked them out.
Mm-hm,
and we're getting married.
I just can't imagine
my life without her.
# Hey
# I ain't got no satisfaction
# No satisfac...
it's satisfac...
# No satisfaction
# Hey
# I ain't got no satisfaction
# I ain't got no satisfaction
# So I keep on dancin'
# I got no car,
got no clothes, got no dough
# Live at home with my ma
# She tells me, "Get a job
# "Go to school, go to church "
# Get my hand out her purse
# Or at least do some dirt
# Maybe then, I'll have work
# With my family
# I can't be a doctor, lawyer or athlete,
I'm the black sheep
# Girls think I'm nasty,
they don't stop, they just walk past me
# Hey
# I ain't got no satisfaction
# No satisfac...
it's satisfac...
# No satisfaction
# Hey
# I ain't got no satisfaction
# I ain't got no satisfaction
# So I keep on dancin'
# Is it the way I look
or the way I flow?
# And I understand
I ain't your typical Joe
# I'm a dude with the jewels
and expensive clothes
# But I'm down to pay dues
for my crew to close
# You make action happen,
no relaxin'
# Blood, sweat and tears,
you can feel the passion
# 21 songs,
# Why's it getting slept on
like a mattress?
# Stop the snoozing
and stay awake
# The rhyme's cocaine
straight to your brain
# And it's A- OK,
go and have a taste
# Of the dopest cuts
from around the way
# Hey
And... action!
Action! Oooh!
Oh, that looks terrible.
Yeah, that's really bad.
# I ain't got no satisfaction
# I ain't got no satisfaction
Oh, baby, that was so sexy.
Do it again.
Oh, I like it!
- I'm gonna gash your head open!
- Do it!
This is like Crash.
Look at his face, dude!
Last-take shuffle!
Spin kick?
Action!
# No satisfac...
no satisfac...
# No satisfaction
Hi-yaah!
You know,
people say I have a hairy problem.
I don't quite understand.
Check the gate
so we won't be late
There's a party goin' on
after the gate