For me to talk about the man
I have become, you need
to know about the man I was.
I was 14 when I joined
the Tartan Gangs
and I was 15 when I joined the UVF,
the Ulster Volunteer Force.
At that time, don't forget,
there were riots on the streets,
every week, petrol bombs every day
and that was just in our town.
When you got home and switched on the
TV, you could see it was happening
in every other town as well.
And it was like we were under siege.
Fathers and brothers of friends
were being killed in the streets.
And the feeling was,
we all have to do something.
We're all in this together
and we all have to do something.
'The Republican Clubs Thanks.
'And after the overnight shootings
in Belfast,
three men are still seriously ill.
'Also, as we talk to The Fianna
Fail Party about their changed
policy to Northern Ireland,
'The Republican Clubs Movement
has suspended meetings and warned
members to be on their guard
'after last night's
widespread attacks upon its members.
'Despite the many shootings
only one man was killed. In
another incident a 22-year-old...'
# I got the money I've got the place
# You've got the figure
You've got the face
# Let's get together the two of us
Over a glass of champagne
# I've got the music
# I've got the night
# You've got the figure
Put out the light
# Let's get together the two of us
Over a glass of champagne
# I've been waiting
# Much too long
# For this moment to come along
Oh yeah
# Oh yeah
# Oh yeah. #
Come on, come on, come on.
Fuck!
CHILD: Come on, Mum!
Get down!
Wait...
Oi! Fuck! Run!
All right there, kid? Hi, Jim.
All right?
Heya, Dad.
Hi, Jim. Are you ready for your tea?
Thanks, Ma. Go and take a seat
and I'll bring it in to you.
Hey, Jim, Chrissie called for you.
He asked if you were going out laterI called him earlier.
One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven,
eight, nine, ten.
OK.
One, two, three!
Come on! I'm doing it! They'llI know!
THEY CHUCKLE
They've left us some buns.
We've four fucking buns!
What sort of buns? Iced.
What colour? Pink.
Pink! How did they know?
Ah, fucking hell. Eh?
Fucking hell!
All right, Stuart?
All right. I'll be right with you.
All right there, Mr Little,
Mrs Little?
Hello, Stuart. Hello.
TV: 'He is still alive, isn't he?'
I like this fella here.
Aye, he's not bad.
All right. I'll see you later.
No drinking now. No, Mum.
They don't serve drinks at the hop.
Sure, he's a lemonade boy,
Mrs Little, you don't need to worry.
You have a nice evening.
Did Sammy visit?
Aye, it's all in the bag.
So what's the craic?I'll tell you in the car.
Yes, Ma. Now! Yes, Ma.
See you later, kiddo. ..60, 61...All right, Joe. ..62,
All right, lads. Where did youThe Windsor.Does it run OK? Aye, it's OK.
Craig's barn.
OK, Stuart, open the bag.
He's wanting us to dig his gardens.
Right, this is what's going down.
You know Colin who works at Castle's
Yard... Aye, the stonemasons?
The Provies told him that if he
didn't leave, he'd be stiffed,
so I sent the message back,
"If you don't leave,
it's one of youse who'll be stiffed."
They haven't withdrawn the threat.
So this is our first kill, boys.
I told Sammy that I wanted to do it.
He said he'd check and see if there
was anything else going down tonight.
He came back to me
and said it was good to go.
"The hit's yours," he said.
He told me I could pick up the piece.
Where from?
You don't ask that.
Let's see it, Alistair. Aye, goWhat is it?
It's a 38. Smith and Wesson.
Could you not get an automatic?
Nah, Stuart, this is better than
automatics, they jam all the time.
With this, you know, it's not going
to leave me there fucking clicking,
you know, standing there
with a dick in my hand. Aye.How many rounds did you get?
Enough.
He must be reckoning we're good
then to be getting a hit.
Well, this is the one I asked for
so we better be. What did he say,
Sammy,
when he said the hit was ours?
He just looked us in the eyes like
he was, you know, he was proud of us.
I'm telling you, it was
a good feeling. We'll be walking into
that bar ten foot tall now, eh?
I can't wait for that.
We have to do it first, mind.
Can I hold it?
Give us a wee jig of it after you,
will you?
Hey, give us a look.
Fucking hell, man!
It's like fucking James Bond, eh?
Powerful, isn't it? Mad, isn't it?
Who is it?
Griffin.
Griffin? He was warned to leave
the yard by the end of the week.
Hang on, Jim Griffin.
Aye. I know him. That's right.
Albert Street, aren't they?
He's leaving the yard anyway,
isn't he? Setting out on his own?
Griffin, is he?
That's what I'm hearing.
Oh, you meanAye,
that's what I'm hearing.
Hang on, can't be here in Lurgan.
Surely now, not two masons' yards
in the one town?
They're going to be up
and running by Christmas.
That's what I'm hearing. Well, he's
still in Castle's now. So that's bad
luck on him then. I know his mother.
She's our dinner lady
at the apprenticeship.
Aye, I know the woman you mean.
I don't know her, like,
but I know who you mean.
Sure her sister Catherine
works in the bread shop.
So is that her son we're doing?It's not Albert Street.
They used to be, I'm sure of it.It's Hill Street.
It's 37 Hill Street.
Go on in now, son. And doYes, Da.
..72, 73, 74, 75,
When we've done it, we burn the car,
we burn the gear,
we call Sammy and we go to the hop.
We get seen around, a few dances
and then we're back home.
Let's go.
Aye, it's left.
Army! Down!
What's happened?
They're passing.
Go right.They've seen me indicating left now.
Go left then.
Just take us round the block, Andy.
We'll come at it again.
Oh, fuck! What is it?
Lights have gone red. Where are
the jeeps? We're right behind them.What?!
Are they staying in the vehicle?
So far.
Alistair,
this has got to be a no-goer.
Let's get out of here.
Aye, do you want to get out of here?No, don't! No!
Sammy'll think we've chickened.
Are they doing anything?
They're just sitting there.
Oh, fuck, Alistair!
Stay down!
We're off!
TV: 'You play golf?
'Did you watch me play?' Joe.'Didn't you do well!'
'I didn't do too badly. I shouldReally?!'
'Oh! I've scored already!
Could be a very short show! Right.'
..123, 124...
Joe? ..125...
Come on, son.
I'm almost setting a record! 128,
I've scored. Go! Go!
They have a 14-month-old
Let's go.
Hi, Alistair. Hiya. Enjoy
the evening. Behave yourselves!
MUSIC: "Dyna-Mite" by Mud
# And the party turned insane
She called out her na-a-a-ame
# And then she walked in
looking like dynamite
# She said, "Now come along
boogaloo through the night"
# And the way she's moving
well Dyna-Mite
# Light you up
with all she's got... #
Want a drink, Skittle?
# ..She's got the whole town
lighting up dynamite
# Nobody quite knowing what to do
wrong or right
# But they all know Dyna is dynamite
# And they're right... #
No! You stop it, Mummy!Why didn't you do something?!
You didn't do anything!
Stop it, Mummy! Stop it!
You could have stopped him
with a milk bottle or something!
Please, Mummy! Stop it, Mummy,
please? Please?
Why didn't you? You killed him!
You killed him! NO! Ssh!
NO! NO!
..NO!
'Never knew why that picture
of a cat was there,
'and the other one. Don't know
what happened to that one.
'I mean...?' What the fuck?
Sorry, what did you say? What?
Did you not just say something?
Was I talking to myself?
It gets me a good seat. I've had
no-one sitting next to me for years.
One on one. For fuck's sake.
I mean, for fuck's sake.
Would you turn back?Are you wanting me to turn back?
I'd love you for it. I think
I should get you there first,
don't you?
I can take you back when I've gotI'd rather eat my two
fucking feet than you get me there.
Jesus, I mean...
Do you want me to call them?
I can call them.
No, you go on. You do your job.
They said to get you there.
And what? And what? Well, I know
you have to get me there,
that's why you're driving me there.
I mean did you say
you wouldn't get me there?
You mean they mean I wouldn't
get you there, that's why you
have to get me there? Is that it?
It's something like that.
No, you drive, you do your job.
Do you mind? I don't want you
getting in trouble.
I mean, Jesus,
I'm in trouble, I can't have you in
trouble, then we'll never get back.
HORN BLARES
So that last one you did, Alistair,
the Kazakhs, sorry, no,
the Cossacks...
Kosovans. Kosovans.Aye, Albanian and Serb they are.
Aye, that's the one!That worked out quite nicely.
So,
did they show it in the end then?
They did, about six months ago now.
I was looking out for it.Actually, I didn't see it myself.
I was in South Africa at the time.
'Swanning around the world
talking about your feelings.
'A ticket to paradise.'
For killing a man! I mean, where
would he have been without me?
making egg cartons
like the rest of us. Aye, not him!
He can make a living telling
the Pope and the Queen,
the Dalai fucking Lama
how it feels to kill a man.
How it feels, the suffering I have,
the burden I carry.
'Why should you get women in pastel
shades and rosy perfumes
'giving you tea and buns and wine
from fucking Chile, just so's
you can tell them how it feels
'to be putting three bullets into my
brother's head? 12 years for armed
robbery, membership and murder.'
Fuck! Jesus Christ!
Sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
You made me jump!What do you think it does to me?
I'm one fuck of a lot closer to me
than you are!
So is this another one of your
counselling things, Alistair?
No. Well, kind of.
It's a programme
about reconciliation.
My own, in fact. It's my own.
I'm to meet the brother
of the man I killed.
Is that where we're going now? Aye.
Have you not met him yet? No.
No, not since the day.
Well, did you ask for this?
That was never
going to be my call, Ray.
I don't have the right
to ask anything from him.
So did he call you or...?
No, the programme people,
they approached him.
Then me.
I said I'd be I'd be willing t-to,
you know.
If it's a meeting he wants I'd be
willing t-t-to do it, to see him.
I'd do anything to...
You know, to...
Did you do time for it, Alistair?Aye.
There was no release date
but I did 12 years.
You could have stopped him!
Why didn't you stop him?!
You could have stopped him!
Can you stop the car?
Can I get you anything?
You want some water?
'He was only a wee boy at the time,
you know.'
And is it just the brother
you're meeting?
Aye.
Aye...
It's...
His father died eight months later.
A heart attack.
A broken heart, the family said.
His brother, Daniel,
it was an overdose with him.
After that, his mother, she died.
It's what happens.
It's often what happens.
To the family, you know.
It's the part people
don't understand, don't realise.
What happens after.
RADIO: 'Paddy Barnes
'with a bronze medal
in the Olympic Games
'after losing in his semifinal bout
'against Chinese world champion,
Zou Shiming.
'The defeat was comprehensive,
by 15-0.'
You OK?
Carry on?
Aye.
Is it good pay you get?
It's not bad.
Are you thinking of it?
Aye, why not?
It looks comfy.
Would I need a driving licence?
There's always
a snag somewhere, eh?
'She's been staring at me
for 33 years, do you know that?
'What it's like?
'Your mother blaming you
for 33 years?
'Three bullets went into his head.
You'd know that, though.
'Did you know another one
hit a picture of a cat on the wall?
'It wasn't me
who broke that picture,
I never got the blame for that one,
'and if it wasn't me who broke
the picture on the wall,
it wasn't me who killed my brother.
'I didn't kill him
like she said I did. It was you.
'It was you in the car
arriving at her house
'and shooting three bullets
into her son's head,
'making her grieve the way she did,
blaming me the way she did.
'Well, I'm the one
in the car now, visiting you.
'I'm the one in the car now.'
I'm the one in the car now.
Is this it? This is it.
Yes, it's Paul here.
We're just coming in now.
..Yes, he is.
Right.
Jesus, will you look
at this place?
Joe, hi! How are you?
Aye, good! Good.
You've made good time, well done!I was just sitting in the back.
This is David, Michael's assistant.Pleased to meet you.
Hi. Come on inside
and we'll find Michael.
It'll be grand.
Michael is this way, Mr Griffin.
Mr Griffin is stepping
into the house.
It's an interesting staircase.
You sort of expect Bette Davis
to come sweeping down it.
I could move in here.
It's yours for one day, at any rate.
We've set up a room
for you upstairs to relax in.
Come in and meet the crew. Aye.
Joe, you know Stephanie, don't you?
They didn't tell me you'd arrived.
It's good to see you.
Aye, you too.John, video technician.
Pleased to meet you. Hello.Martin, camera. Hello.
'Well, here you are, pal.
A fully signed up member of the
celebrity circuit of Life's Victims.
'Men in love with donkeys, twins
stuck together by their bollocks,
'elephant women who can't get
out of their chairs, and now you.'
I know, it's all a bit, you know...
But they're all lovely people,
and they're very experienced
at this sort of thing.
Fiona'll take you upstairs. Yeah.
OK, this way.
So, did you get that
poor old toaster sorted out?
When we last spoke on the phone,
were you not sorting out a toaster?
Oh, aye.
Here we are.
Isn't it gorgeous?
Can I smoke? Um...yeah.
Over there on the balcony.
Now, what can I get you? Tea or
coffee? Tea would be nice, aye.
Yeah? Milk, sugar?
Aye, milk, two sugars. Thank you.No problem.
Joe...
How are you?Yeah, good. Aye, I'm good.
Thank you so much for coming.That's OK, aye.
How are you feeling?Aye, I'm OK. I'm OK, aye.
Everybody looking after you? Aye.
Good. I know it's going to be
a difficult day for you.
But we will do everything we
can to make sure it's, you know,
it goes the way you want it to.
So, if there's anything you need,
any questions,
anything you're worried about,
you just stop us and, well,
basically, we're here for you.
OK. So it's very important
that you let us know if things
aren't feeling right.
Now, has Fiona taken you through
the format and so forth? Aye.
OK, good.
Just to briefly
put you in the picture on how
the day is going to pan out...
Now, you've got time to settle down
here and make yourself comfortable.
Will you have someone
in the bed for me?
Then, at some point, a make-up girl
will come in just to put a little,
you know, on your face.
Sometimes the camera
can make the skin shine.
So, she only needs a few minutes.
Then, when you're ready,
we'll do a little shooting...
filming, up here.
And then, at around 12,
you know, when it feels right,
we can go downstairs and...
you've seen the room, haven't you?
Aye. OK, good.
So, in terms of
your actual meeting with him,
it's important to remember,
for all of us to remember,
where we are trying to get to
in this programme - the truth.
'Yes, I know, I know what you want.
'Shake his fucking hand
and we can all go home.'
The last thing I want to do
is push you into areas of your mind
where you don't want to go.
But it's important for us to
understand all the emotions in this.
Do you understand what I'm saying?
Aye. Aye, I understand.I know it's difficult.
Which is why
I don't want to push that,
but I do want you
to be truthful with how you feel.
What I'm saying really is,
I just want you to be you.
KNOCK ON DOOR
Michael? Yeah.
Sorry. Yeah, I'm coming.
And you know, we are all
going to have an important day here.
I can't tell you how important
I think this is going to be
in terms of...
well,
in terms of what it's going to do.
This is the question
we are all wanting the answer to.
Truth and reconciliation.
What's at stake?
Is it possible?
That's it. Speech over.
'I can do handshakes, Michael!
And I can do victim.
'I can do handshake and victim
both at the same time.
'But I've made a decision
on this one.
'Reconciliation?
'You have no idea.'
A handshake?
For killing my brother?
For me taking the blame?
What do you think I am, a joke?
'If ever a man deserved
a knife run through him,
that scum of the earth.
'Truth and reconciliation?'
'I'm going for revenge.'
Oh, hi. I'm Vika.
Joe. How are you doing?
Your tea. Oh, aye. Thanks.
I'm the runner. The runner?
Do you mind
if I have a smoke out there?
Oh, no, no, no...
No, no, of course you can!
Come on, come on.
Here, have one of mine.It's OK, I...
No, Jesus, come on! Thank you.
Here.
Thank you.
You stay out here with me andThanks, but I...
I'm the star of the show.
You have to do what I say!
I've come to look after you
anyway, so... That's great!
Everyone's looking after me! They're
even worrying about my toaster.
You're a what? A runner?Yeah, it means I run around
A dogsbody, then! A dogsbody?
No, no! Runner's better -
I like runner.
Young Fiona here visited me
out of the blue one morning,
said she was a researcher
on a programme called One On One.
She was all posh and lovely, her
voice is all up here and down there
and the weather's
always doing something,
and every time she turns,
she smiles at me.
Would she smile at me
if she didn't know me and
I sat down next to her in the pub?
She'd call the police.
Ah! Fuck, I would! So, anyway,
And now look
what I've got myself into.
Maybe it's a good thing
you are here. Aye. Maybe it is.
Where are you from?
Vladivostok.
Vladivostok AND Belfast?
Does bad luck run in your family?
I like it here.
I like you here too. I like you!
So, she was sitting in my kitchen,
she says,
this is an important programme
about men who have become the man
they have become,
that you have become,
or some fuck-knows thing.
Then she said it's more about
the man you could become.
"That's what excites us all
about this project," she said.
She had the light in her eyes,
the missionary light.
"It's about healing", she said.
"It's about reconciliation."
"What is that?" I said.
"People coming out of their graves?"
"No", she said, smiling.
"That's resurrection."
We want you to meet the man who
killed your brother, face to face.
I don't know. The thing is, it isn't
the way she was looking and talking,
and I wasn't really listening
to anything she was telling me.
It's just that...
she showed me a little kindness.
Well, I'm sure...
But I don't do kindness.
I fucking hate kindness.
I don't let that in.
I let it in then, but never again.
The trouble with me is,
I've got all the wrong feelings.
But him? Oh, his feelings?
They are just right, just perfect!
He did it in cold blood, but now
look at the man he has become!
"What is it like to kill a man,"
they all ask him?
"Well, you have to understand..."
And off he goes again, telling
them all about this and that.
But hats off to him,
he's cracked it!
He knows they all love
to shake hands with a killer.
Is there someone with him? Oh, yes.Yes. That's important, you know?
Whatever he tells you
he's feeling about this,
he's going to be very angry.
I mean, very angry.
That anger could go in any direction.
I understand that.
You have to be prepared
to stop the filming at any moment.
We're not performing monkeys. No.
I realise
you have a programme to make
but what's happening to him
has to come first.
Yes, absolutely. You have to make
sure he doesn't come to any harm.
"Listen to him", they will say,
"and there is hope in the world!"
And you know what he's thinking?
"Do this gig well here
and I've got another 20 years
of pay cheques in front of me.
"I can talk about that day then and
this day now for the next 20 years,
"how I came face to face
with the brother of my victim,
"and how it was
the final act in my journey
towards a magnificent redemption,
"and how listening to me is
the way forward in life, plus VAT.
"And with their cheques
in my pocket, I will talk
unto the wretched of the world
"and I will heal them with my words,
"I won't have to work in a fucking
egg carton factory ever again."
So!
The man shot my brother
three times in the head.
The man is having the life of Riley.
What should I do?
Do I shake his hand
or do I kill him?
Well, killing him
wouldn't be good for him.
For sure of that! But it wouldn't
be good for you either.
Oh, not good for me?
My five minutes of heaven?
How would that be not good for me?
KNOCK ON DOOR
Joe, hi! Everything OK?
Aye. OK, aye.
They're just doing
a wee bit of filming downstairs
and then we're set to go, OK?
Can Cathy come in and do a wee bit
of make-up just to get you ready?
Aye. OK, aye. Hi, Joe.
I'm Cathy. How are you, all right?
Good, aye. I'm good. Lovely!
I just want to sit you down here.
There we go.
That's lovely.
Now, this is just
to take the shine off your skin.
Fuck, am I shining?
OK, Alistair, the camera's running,
so just in your own time.
In order for me...
In order for me to talk about
the man I have become,
you need to know about the man I was.
I was 14 when I joined
the Tartan Gangs
and I was 15 when I joined the UVF,
the Ulster Volunteer Force.
The situation at that time,
you know...
BANGING IN BACKGROUND
Cut there. Sorry, that's very good
but we're picking up some noise.
That's really good.
OK? OK, we're good to go again.
Running up.And in your own time, Alistair.
For me to talk about the man
I have become, you need to know
about the man I was.
I was 14
when I joined the Tartan Gangs
and I was 15 when I joined the UVF.
At that time, don't forget, there
were riots on the streets every week,
petrol bombs every day.
And that was just in our town.
When you got home
and switched on the TV,
you could see it was happening
in every other town as well,
and it was like we were under siege.
Fathers and brothers of friends
were being killed in the streets
and the feeling was,
we all have to do something.
We're all in this together
and we all have to do something.
The thing you have to remember,
what you have to understand,
is the mindset.
Once you have signed up to terror
and joined the organisation,
the group,
your mind closes right down.
It becomes only our story
that matters.
Not their story,
the Catholics.
It's only my people that are being
killed and who are suffering
and who need looking after.
Catholics being killed
doesn't enter your head.
And so when I went up to Sammy,
our local commander,
and told him
I wanted to kill a Catholic man,
it wasn't a wrong thing
for me to do.
In my head, it was the proper, the
just, the fair, the good thing to do.
And so it was easy.
When I got to the house,
there was a boy in the street.
I didn't expect him to be there,
but there he was.
I only looked at him for a moment
because I had a job to do.
But if I had known
that he was Jim's brother,
I would have shot him as well.
It was in the mindset.
It was tit for tat
and perhaps one more, why not?
That's what it was like.
I was only 17.
I had seen my people fighting
ever since I was a wee boy.
You take sides
with your friends as a boy,
but we weren't just throwing stones
over the fence -
we were shooting guns.
HE CLEARS HIS THROA
What I want to tell people,
what society must do,
is to stop people getting to the
point where they join the group.
Because when you get to that point,
it's too late.
No-one's going to stop you.
No-one's going to change your mind.
And once you're in,
you will do anything.
You will kill anyone on the other
side because it's right to do it.
Once your man has joined the group,
society has lost him.
And what he needs to hear
are voices on his own side
stopping him before he goes in.
There were no voices on my side.
Not on my side of the town.
Not on my estate.
No-one was telling me anything
other than that killing is right.
It was only in prison
when I heard that other voice.
And the Muslims now, you know,
the kids now are like I was then.
They need to hear those voices now,
stopping them from thinking
that killing is good.
They need their own people
to say no.
That's where they need to hear it.
That's where I would put my money,
on making those voices heard
in every mosque in the country.
HE CLEARS HIS THROA
When I got home, my mother
and father were watching the TV
and it came on the news
that the man I had shot was dead.
I was so excited
that I couldn't wait
for when I would get
my congratulations.
Sammy was going to come
knocking at my door.
He was going to lead me out
into the street
and proudly walk me into the bar
and everybody was going to stand up
and applaud me.
I would have shot anyone for that.
And that is why I talk to anybody
who will listen now,
to tell them to stop boys
like me thinking
that to shoot an innocent
and a decent man in the head
is a good thing.
Alistair, when he comes into
the room, what are you hoping for?
Well, what I have to do
is to be honest with him.
That is the most difficult
thing, but that's what
he's going to need from me,
is to be honest with him.
Cut.
Good.
Fantastic.
Thank you. That was perfect. Yeah.
Once he's in the room with you,
do you think...?
I mean, is it likely
he'll want an apology from you?
Michael, Michael...
He doesn't want to hear me say
I'm sorry or to ask for forgiveness.
Reconciliation is not on the agenda.
That's not what he needs.
He has come here and I have come here
so he can confront me.
Hiya, Joe. Ah, here he is.
I wondered if I could sort you out
with a wee radio mike here?
Where are you putting that?How are we doing? Ready to go?
I just need to clip this on here.
I don't like that side.
How are you feeling? Aye, OK.
What about if I put it in here?
Is that better?
Thank you. You sure?
Aye, OK.Just need to clip this on here.
All right, that's it. OK. Good.
What we're gonna do now, we are
going to bring you downstairs.
Now, the cameraman will be filming
you but don't look at him...
..Joe?
Yeah, Joe?
Going downstairs, aye.
Now, when you open the door
and go into the room,
make sure you open the door wide
and leave it open.
OK? Aye.
What the cameraman
will be doing, he'll be
following you into the room,
and somebody else'll be
closing the door behind him, OK?
Aye. Clear? Aye.
Sure? Aye, I'm sure. OK.
OK, here you are.
OK, we're ready. ..OK.
'Quiet please! Running up.
'Joe, whenever you're ready.'
EXHALES DEEPLY
RAGGED BREATHING
Shit! Cut! What?Sorry, I nearly fell there.
Sorry, Joe. These things happen. I'm
afraid we really do need that shot.
Would you mind
just doing that again -
the walk down the stairsAye, OK.
Sorry, Joe. Thank you.
OK, guys, let's rehearse our moves
until we get it right.
Then we'll go again.
Can I get a drink of water, please?
..Oh, yeah.
Stay with him.
So, you're still looking after me,
are you?
I just want to say...
I hope it goes well.
But he seems a nice man. Who does?
Mr Little.
Have you met him? Yes.
Where? In Belfast.
I went to his home.
I didn't know that.Yes, I was delivering something.
To his home? Yes.
Did you go in? Yes.
Where was that? City centre...
um...
..beside the motorway.
A block of flats.
It's a flat, then, is it?Yes, a flat.
So, he let you in, did he?I didn't stay long, I...
What was it like?
His flat? What was it like?
It was like...cold.
Empty. Empty?
Like not a home.
Not a happy place.
Was it?
I didn't like it.
Is he on his own, then?
Yes. Is he? But you liked him?
Yes.
What did you talk about?
About this.
This meeting. What did he say?
Well, he was worried about it.Oh, I bet he was!
He was worried for you.
DOOR OPENS
Joe, ready whenever you are. OK.
What do you...?
Will you let me finish my ciggie?
Aye, yeah, sure... Fine.
Worried for me? What do you mean,
he was worried for me?
That... He said he thought
it would be too painful for you.
He said that, did he?
Too painful, is that what he said?
Yes, difficult for you.
Painful or difficult? He said both.
Did he?
What about him?
What did he say about himself?
He didn't talk about himself.
But he seems very sad.
Sad?
I don't know, but...
I don't know him really,
but that's how he seemed.
Like he couldn't forgive himself
for what he's done to you.
There's an expression
you say, um...
..a broken man.
A broken man.
So, it's good...
It's good that you're meeting.
I think.
Fuck!
DOOR OPENS
Ready when you are, Joe.
OK?
Ready when you are.
Aye.
I need an end to this.
Everything OK?
Joe?
Everything OK?
Aye.
You ready?
Aye.
Joe, just a wee bit more here.
There you go.
Great.
'Quiet, please!
'Running up.
'OK, Joe, ready when you are.
'Joe, whenever you're ready.'
Joe?
Are you all right?
Do you want to sit down?
I don't want the camera there.
I know, it takes some getting usedYou'll have to take it away.
Well, the thing about that...The thing is nothing!
Why don't we go
and talk this through?
I don't want the camera in my face
when I am meeting that man!
We did agree...I don't care what we agreed to.
I hear what you're saying,
but there must be a camera.
Would you like to speakStephanie?
They're going to be setting up,
so why don't we take a few moments
out, go upstairs and...
I've been upstairs
to be down the stairs!
I am not a fucking show pony!
I will meet him! I want to meet him!
But I don't want the camera there!
I understand that, Joe,
but what I think...
Joe, what we can't do is... No!
Joe!
in this head, standing there,
staring at me, looking up at me,
never leaving me.
Never leaving.
Every morning waiting for me,
and I know
he'll be there for always.
I don't know what to do any more.
How to deal with this.
I feel I've come to the end
of what I can take.
'Time will heal, they say.'
What everyone says about everything.
The years just get heavier.
Why don't they tell you that?
Nobody tells you that.
Can I get you anything?
Why do YOU think he didn't come in?
Too frightened?
You think
he really wanted to meet me?
I think he wanted to kill you.
MUFFLED VOICE OVER EARPIECE
..Sorry, I just have to go.
Guilty if I laugh.
Guilty if I drink.
Guilty if I forget.
How to get through a day.
What to do in it.
I wake up, I go out.
But where to go?
He's always there.
In my head.
And I don't know where to go.
Where to put yourself after it all.
It's the same for everyone.
'Some of us have found an answer.
'He's killed a few Catholics in his
time and now he's killing his own.
'Some protection thing
to control the estate.
'Released after
the Good Friday Agreement,
he's on top of the world again,
'still living it,
just like he always was,
'with his mates watching his back,
'breathing in
the scent of his victories.
'If I had gone with him then,
just said yes to him then...
'That's all I had to do,
just tell him I was in.'
I know that isn't my answer,
but what is my answer, you know?
'I sit in meeting rooms
all over the world
'and I help men to live with
what they've done to a wife,
'a child, a stranger, a neighbour,
'how to live with that act
of violence that's, you know,
'always there inside us.
'But I can't help myself.
'Sometimes I feel that this preacher
is just the man I've become
'so that I can cheat my way
through my life.'
KETTLE WHISTLES
'The next stop is Lurgan.'
Tommy!
Boys.
How's things? Aye, OK.
Tommy!
It's a surprise to see you in here.
Would you mind getting this
to Joe Griffin for me?
How's Tommy? OK.
Aye.
Is he expecting it? No.
He might not take it,
but I'll make sure it gets to him.
I would appreciate that.
Thanks.
Black tea, please, love.
Yeah, no problem.
WHIRRING
Hi, Liam.
Who's this from? Sean.
What is it?
A letter.
Can I go now?
What did you say? Can I go now?
Are you taking the girls, Joe?
The girls? Marion's.
You said you would. Marion's.
Oh, aye. Aye, I'm taking them.
They're ready now.
They're waiting to go.
What is it? What's the matter?Little's come back.
He's wanting to meet with me.You're not going to meet him.
You're not to be calling him!
I'll be killing him, not callingMaybe he's wanting to end this.
I should have had himWhy don't I get
Sean to deal with it?
You will fucking do nothing!You're not going to see him!
Joe!
I will have my five minutes! Joe!
Joe!
MOBILE PHONE BEEPS
Joe?
Joe?
JOE SCREAMS IN PAIN
Come on, man!
Fuck you!
Enough...
Enough.
ALISTAIR GROANS SOFTLY
I'm going to Belfast
and I won't be coming back...
so I'm going to tell you
everything that happened here.
We were told that a Protestant
worker had been threatened...
and if he didn't leave the yard,
he'd be shot.
I asked who the Catholics were
working there.
Somebody said Jim Griffin.
I said, "Tell him if he
doesn't leave, I'll shoot him."
I knew he was leaving anyway,
but it didn't make a difference.
It was my decision. I was up
for anything, to kill anyone.
I wanted...to be someone.
I wanted to...
walk into the bar a man.
Walk in ten foot tall
and hear the applause from the only
people that mattered to me then.
And I heard it. And it was good.
Get rid of me, Joe...
so that when you wake up
in the morning,
it's not me's in your head,
it's your daughters.
Don't give them me.
Go home and tell them
that you've killed me off.
That I'm gone, forever.
I'm nothing.
Nothing.
Go home and tell them that
and live your life for them.
TV: 'We did everything together.
'I don't know what is was,
we just clicked.
'Alan was great.
'He liked me for who I was.
'And he didn't care
about my problem.
'Alan had no sense of smell.
'Alan was my best friend.
'Alan was my only friend.'
'But every day was a constant
struggle with my problem.
'And every day, I tried to avoid...
'Damian.
'Look who it isn't.
'Patrick Smash.
'What you doing in my corner
of the playground, Smash?
'You ain't nothing but a big,
fat loser.'
I haven't done
this sort of thing before.
Or talked, or...
So...
I don't know what to say
or how to say it.
I don't know the words,
the sort of words you use.
I bought some sandals
cos I'd seen it in a movie.
They were all sitting in a circle,
wearing sandals.
Then I remembered it was a comedy.
But I got here eventually,
got through that door.
I want my daughters...to have a dad
they could be proud of.
That's it.
That's it.
Well, that's it.
That's out.
That's out.
That's out.
That's out.
'Alistair Little?' Yeah?
'It's Joe Griffin.
'We're finished.'