What was that?
I don't know.
Must be my stomach.
Father.
Father.
Oh, my father.
It is so wonderful.
San Francisco.
Yes, but how do we know
what kind of city it is?
It is named after a saint, so
it must be a very holy place.
I have the weary feet
of a wanderer.
Oh, my back.
Here is Madam Fong's address,
my father.
I will ask someone
how to find it.
Be careful with
strangers. We are illegal.
It is unlucky to start in a
new country by breaking the law.
I will only break it
a little bit.
Pardon me, venerable sir.
Can you direct me
to this address?
Sorry, sister,
I can't read Chinese.
He does not understand.
I will ask a policeman.
No, no, no.
Never a policeman.
My daughter, we should not
draw attention to ourselves.
But if I faint on the
sidewalk from hunger,
it will draw even more
attention, my father.
Yes, we have no money left.
I know.
I will make some with the flower
drum, as I did in Hong Kong.
Good. But do not sing too loud.
Kind-hearted
and distinguished friends,
my daughter and I are
going to give a show.
A flower drum show
from the north.
Songs of filial piety.
Songs of loyal officials.
Songs of ghosts,
songs of love,
and songs of misery.
Kind-hearted
and distinguished friends,
if the song is good...
Give me a little applause
when I am through.
If the song is bad...
Give me applause, too.
My father says
That children keep growing
Rivers keep flowing, too
My father says
He doesn't know why
But somehow or other they do
They do
Somehow or other they do
A hundred million miracles
A hundred million miracles
Are happening every day
And those who say
they don't agree
Are those who
do not hear or see
A hundred million miracles
A hundred million miracles
Are happening every day
Miracle of changing weather.
When a dark blue curtain
Is pinned by the stars
Pinned by the stars
to the sky
Every flower and tree
Is a treat to see
The air is very clean and dry
Then a wind comes blowing
The pins all away
Night is confused and upset
The sky falls down
Like a clumsy clown
The flowers
and the trees get wet
Very wet.
A hundred million miracles
A hundred million miracles
Are happening every day
A swallow in Tasmania
Is sitting on her eggs
And suddenly
those eggs have wings
And eyes and beaks and legs
A hundred million miracles
A Swede is getting sunburned
The sun from overhead
A hundred million miles away
Will make him brown or red
A hundred million miracles
A little girl in Chongqing
Just thirty inches tall
Decides that she will try
to walk
And nearly doesn't fall
A hundred million miracles
A hundred million miracles
Are happening every day
Hey, you!
Let's see your license.
License?
Yeah, to beg
in the streets.
Please, we are
looking for someone.
I guess I should've
taken lessons in Chinese.
Anybody here read this?
I think I can.
It's the address
of Sammy Fong.
He's at the Celestial Gardens.
Yes, yes.
Sammy Fong?
Yes.
Okay, kid, come with me.
You too, Pop.
All right, folks.
Break it up.
Let's go.
Where are you folks from?
The East.
New York, huh?
Further east.
Oh.
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.
Tonight you're gonna meet
some beautiful chicks.
And you know what?
They're all college grads.
One of them is even an LLD.
A long-legged dame.
And now we're going to make the hills
of San Francisco rock with gaiety.
The star of our show,
Linda Low,
and the Celestial Garden Lulus
in Fan Tan Fannie.
Fan Tan Fannie
was leaving her man
Fan Tan Fannie
kept waving her fan
Said, "Good-bye, Danny,
you two-timing Dan
"Some other man
loves your little Fannie
"Bye-bye"
In the icebox,
you'll find in a can
Some leftovers
of moo goo gai pan
Fan Tan Fannie
has found a new guy
His name is Manny
He's good for Fanny
So good-bye, Danny, good-bye
Bye-bye
Bye-bye
Bye-bye
What's the matter, Officer?
Anything wrong?
I don't know yet.
I want to see Sammy.
Sammy?
Yeah. Will you get him, please?
There's an officer and two
characters outside waiting for you.
Hello, Mac.
Hi, Sammy.
These folks are looking for you.
Who are they? Never saw
them before in my life.
Honored sir,
surely you recognize
my daughter?
Oh, sure. That's right.
I've been expecting them.
Welcome, venerable sir.
It is a most
unexpected pleasure.
Okay, Sammy. But you better get them a
license if they're gonna sing in the streets.
Oh, sure, sure, Mac.
This way, please.
Okay, folks.
I was just keeping it warm.
Okay, kid.
Okay, I'll get you
all you can eat.
Right this way. Come on in.
I like American cooking.
American? That's the best
Chinese food in San Francisco.
Clever people,
these Americans.
The American cuisine
is over 2,000 years old.
Why didn't you let me know
you were coming?
We were unable
to let anyone know.
We were smuggled
ashore tonight.
Smuggled?
You mean you got in illegally?
If we came here
under the quota,
it would take 10 years,
and I would be too old
to get married.
I'm a dead duck,
Peking-style.
Listen, folks, you can't go roaming
around San Francisco. You're hot.
I gotta keep you on ice,
till I think up an angle.
I do not understand, Mr. Fong.
It is very simple, my father.
We are hot so he must keep us on ice.
What is wrong, Mr. Fong?
There's nothing wrong. You
just caught me at a bad time.
Are you sick? Oh, something
went down the wrong way.
You mean you are not prepared to
honor your proposal of marriage?
Who said anything
like that?
Sure, I'm gonna honor it.
I just want to settle
some old business first.
Sit tight. I'll be back
in a minute, folks.
Wait, baby. Hold it.
Baby, what's going on?
You and your picture bride.
Good-bye, Sammy,
you two-timing Sam.
Oh, that. Is that all?
All? As soon as you get rid
of that "old business"?
That's me, huh?
The old business.
It's a lie! Whoever
said anything like that?
You did!
I did?
Why would I say
a stupid thing like that?
I'll tell you why.
Never mind.
Oh, Linda,
let me handle this.
I know a family that's
looking for a bride,
and this kid's
exactly the type.
I'll unload her tomorrow.
Keep away from me.
I'm gonna unload you tonight.
Baby, you remember that new
convertible you've been drooling over?
Well, it's yours.
I don't want it.
Don't think you can bribe me
with expensive presents.
What?
Okay, I'll take it.
When do I get it?
I'll make the down payment
tomorrow morning.
Oh, Sammy.
You're the most considerate
friend a girl ever had.
Hello?
Is this
the Ping Wah Supermarket?
This is Madam Liang, I
would like to place my order.
How is your octopus today?
Oh, it isn't?
Then send me four pounds of seahorse,
two pounds of dried snake meat
and a box of longevity noodles.
Oh, yes, and a dozen
thousand-year eggs.
And be sure they're fresh.
Right.
Excuse me, ladies. I had to place
my order before the store closes.
Whose turn is it?
Hello, Madam Liang.
Can I talk to you for a
minute? It's very important.
Pardon me, I'll be right back.
You wanna see a real doll?
Who is she?
She's my picture bride.
She is? You're lucky.
You're even luckier.
Your brother-in-law,
Old Master Wang,
wants a bride for his son,
doesn't he?
Yes, but she's yours, Sammy.
Mom picked her out for me. I
got another kumquat on the fire.
I got this kid on ice,
but the ice is melting fast.
But what will
the Family Association say?
The elders
would never permit it.
Besides, you have a contract
with her father.
I'll turn it over to you.
They'll never know.
I'll talk
to my brother-in-law.
Good.
I'll show him this picture
the first thing in the morning.
Good.
My sister's husband.
Now what have I failed to do?
You sit here idling while I must
arrange for a bride for your son.
You have done what?
A wonderful girl. And she's
right here in San Francisco.
Now where did I put...
I will not choose from
these local Chinese girls.
They are without reverence
or filial devotion.
My son's wife must be
born in a suitable month,
from a house with a high door.
Exactly. A girl
from the old country.
Fine, respected,
well-educated.
And here she is.
She looks right.
Where did you get this?
Sammy Fong.
He will present her this
afternoon for your inspection.
Good morning, my father.
Auntie?
Did you sleep well, my father?
Yes. Thank you, my son.
Good. I need some money.
Money.
That is nothing unusual.
How much this time?
Twenty-five bucks.
Bucks?
Dollars.
Hi, Pop. Hi, Auntie.
Sit! Only cannibals
eat standing up.
Okay.
And you sit down, too.
Now, what do you need
those $25 for?
He probably got himself
a new tomato.
Tomato?
For $25 you could fill
this room with tomatoes.
Father, I must hurry
or I'll be late for class.
I shall go to the bank
and change a bill.
I will give you
the money later.
I'll advance it
for you, Ta.
If you kept your money in the
bank, you could give him a check.
Do I tell you where
to keep your money?
Here you are, Ta.
Thanks, Auntie.
Well, I've gotta run.
My son, your aunt has been talking
to me about choosing a bride for you.
What are you doing?
I can't wait to have a lot of little
nephews and nieces running around the house.
Quiet!
Your aunt is right.
Father, they don't do things
like that over here.
Here a man picks his own wife.
Ta! While you are still my
son, you will do as I tell you!
There. You have given me
a coughing spell.
I'm sorry, my father.
Strange how your cough comes over
you when you do not get your own way.
But every time
I speak to the boy about...
We can discuss that later,
my father. I've got to go.
Ta!
I gotta go, too.
So long, Pop. Don't take
any wooden chopsticks.
You! You go right back
and finish your breakfast.
What language is he using?
I have a feeling he has been
disrespectful, but I am not sure.
No, no,
that is American-style slang.
And I suppose
it's American-style, too,
when a boy can do anything
without his father's consent.
Yes, but this is the USA.
In my citizenship class,
I have learned,
"We, the people
of the United States,
"are entitled to life, liberty
and the pursuit of happy times."
And the parents are entitled
to pay the bills.
Where are you going,
my sister's husband?
I'm going to the bank to change
my old-fashioned $100 bill.
Bucks? Tomatoes?
Wooden chopsticks?
What are we going to do
about the other generation?
How will we ever communicate
without communication?
You can't account
for what they say or do
And what peculiar thoughts they
think they never reveal to you
A very discouraging problem
is the other generation
And soon there'll be
another one as well
And when
our out-of-hand sons
Are bringing up
our grandsons
I hope our grandsons
give their fathers hell
Can't wait to see it
I hope our grandsons
give their fathers hell
Hi, San. Are we going to play baseball?
Hi, San. Are we going to play baseball?
Hey, what's the matter with you?
Hey, what's the matter with you?
The more I see of grownups,
the less I want to grow
The more I see what they have
learned, the less I want to know
And yet we've got to all grow
up, there's no place else to go
I wonder why we're all so poor
and they've got all the dough
What are we going to do
about the other generation?
How will we ever communicate
without communication?
When we are using words
the modern way
They're much too big
To try to dig
The colorful things we say
If we could take over the
training of the other generation
We know we could improve
them quite a lot
But they will never let us
They stay the way
they met us
And so we're simply stuck
with what we've got
We can't improve them
The kids are simply stuck
with what they've got
What are we going to do
about the other generation?
How are we going to stop them
when they start an explanation
Of what it used to mean
to be a kid?
The clean
and wholesome fun they had
The innocent things they did
They all had a wonderful
childhood in the other generation
The games they played
were bright and gay and loud
They used
to shout "Red Rover
"Red Rover,
please come over"
They must have been
an awful droopy crowd
When they were younger
They must have been
an awful droopy crowd
Oh, your papers, Master Wang.
Thank you.
Did you notice whether my letter
to the editor has been printed?
I have not read
the papers, Master.
This week it is a good
letter. You must read it.
Stick 'em up.
Don't turn around
or I'll plug you.
And keep your hands up.
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
I have been robbed.
Robbed?
The $100 I changed are gone.
All my new bills.
Where were you robbed?
Right there.
In my own vestibule.
A bandit put a gun in my back.
Calm down before you get
another coughing spell.
How many times have I told you, you
should keep your money in a bank?
It has always been safe
under my bed!
Your bedroom may be safe for
everything else, but not money.
I want you to report this
to the American government.
I want two soldiers to
guard my house day and night.
You are not a feudal lord.
This is not China.
For five years you have gone
to that Citizenship School,
and all you have learned is,
"This is not China."
What did he look like?
Who?
The robber.
Don't ask me what he looked
like. All white men look alike!
How many times have I told you you
should keep your money in a bank?
Money is like a man's wife.
Strangers should not get
their hands on it.
Come in, Sammy.
Madam Liang.
You know Sammy Fong,
my sister's husband?
How's the Old Master?
Mr. Fong, I am honored
by your presence.
Be seated.
Thank you.
Tea.
Let me lay it on the line.
Madam Liang tells me you're in the
market for a bride for your son.
You have an unfortunate way
of expressing yourself.
You want something for immediate
delivery and I've got it.
She's got skin
like white jade.
She's built like a Ming vase.
She'd be the daughter-in-law
of the year.
Her family. Is she from
a house with a high door?
You could ride through it on a
camel without knocking your hat off.
I would like to have
this young person meet me.
That's what I figured.
I have her right outside.
Come on in, folks.
Master Wang Chi-Yang and his
good sister-in-law, Madam Liang,
Dr. Li
and his daughter Mei Li.
You honor my house, Dr. Li.
Your distinguished name has been
rumbling in my ears like thunder.
Ten thousand benedictions,
sir.
And to you, Madam.
You don't get them like that
over here anymore.
Come here, my child.
Let me look at you.
I see no outside blemishes.
Right off the assembly line.
Not a scratch on her.
She has a good chin.
The blessing of longevity.
She is strong as a cow,
and just as amiable.
Thank you, my father.
And when she eats regularly,
she's inclined to be plump.
A sign of fertility.
I was born
in the Year of the Rabbit.
Rabbit?
If your son gets on the ball, you
could have a grandchild by October.
She also sings
flower drum songs.
Oh.
It has been a long time
since I heard one.
Come, my daughter, quick.
Get the drum.
Miracle of making music.
An idle poet
Makes words on a page
Writes on a page
with his brush
A musical friend
Makes the notes to blend
Suggested by an idle thrush
Then a young soprano
Who reads what they wrote
Learns every note,
every word
Puts all they wrote
In her lovely throat
And suddenly a song is heard
Very pretty.
Very pretty.
A hundred million miracles
A hundred million miracles
Are happening every day
Liu Mai!
Send my son to me.
No, no.
That is not the way to do it.
You must let them
fall in love naturally,
American-style.
Very well.
I will give him just one week
to fall in love American-style.
Then I take over.
Well, there he goes again.
Who does he think
he's kidding?
Hey, Ta, ask her
if she's got a friend.
Outside.
Don't you know
that's his private office?
Hello.
Hello. Is this Miss Linda Low?
Yes. Who is this?
This is Wang Ta. Remember me? We
were on a double date last week.
I was the one
with the wrong girl.
Oh, yes, I remember.
I was the one
with the wrong boy.
I'd love to take you out
sometime, Miss Low.
Just give me 20 minutes
to pull myself together.
I'll meet you in front
of my place. Got a pencil?
Yeah. Just a minute.
Okay.
Bye.
Good-bye.
I'm a girl
and by me that's only great
I am proud
that my silhouette is curvy
That I walk
with a sweet and girlish gait
With my hips
kind of swively and swervy
I adore being dressed
in something frilly
When my date comes
to get me at my place
Out I go with my Joe
or John or Billy
Like a filly who is ready
for the race
When I have
a brand new hairdo
With my eyelashes
all in curl
I float as the clouds
on air do
I enjoy being a girl
When men say
I'm cute and funny
And my teeth
aren't teeth but pearl
I just lap it up like honey
I enjoy being a girl
I flip when a fellow
sends me flowers
I drool over dresses
made of lace
I talk on the telephone
for hours
With a pound and a half
of cream upon my face
I'm strictly a female,
female
And my future I hope will be
In the home of a brave
and free male
Who'll enjoy being a guy
Having a girl
Like me
I enjoy being a girl
I enjoy being a girl
When I hear
the complimentary whistle
That greets my bikini
by the sea
I turn and I glower
and I bristle
But I'm happy to know
the whistle's meant for me
I'm strictly a female,
female
And my future I hope will be
In the home of a brave
and free male
Who'll enjoy being a guy
Having a girl
Like me
You know something?
I had a feeling
you were going to call me.
You did? How?
Well, I was concentrating
on it all week,
and I always get
what I concentrate on.
I can understand that.
That's how I got this car.
Just by concentrating?
Uh-huh. I always wanted one,
and my brother bought it for
me, you know, to save carfare.
Your brother?
Oh, yes. He's an officer
on an ocean liner.
He's very strict with me.
Doesn't like me to go out
with boys at all.
He sounds more
like a jealous lover to me.
He likes me to stay home
and study my singing.
Are you serious
about a career?
No, not particularly.
I want to be a success
as a girl.
Oh, it's nice to have
outside accomplishments
like singing, cooking
or first aid.
But the main thing is for a woman
to be successful in her gender.
Yeah, but don't you think it's
important to do one thing very well?
Well, sure,
that's what I mean.
What are your ambitions?
Well, I'll be graduating
from college pretty soon.
Then I guess I'll study law,
'cause then I won't have to look
for a job for another three years.
What will you do for money?
My father.
Is he rich?
Very, and he doesn't care what I do as
long as I marry and give him grandchildren.
Cigarette?
Oh, no, thanks. I don't smoke.
Your father sounds very
Chinese.
He is completely Chinese.
And that's good.
It's good for my brother,
'cause he's completely American.
And I'm both, and sometimes the
American half shocks the Oriental half,
and sometimes the Oriental half keeps
me from showing a girl what's on my mind.
Well, let's start working
on the American half.
Oh, what's that,
with the Chinese letters?
Oh, that's not Chinese, it's
Greek. It's my fraternity pin.
Oh, it's sweet. The tiniest
pearls I've ever seen.
Is it true that when a fellow pins a
girl, that means they're going steady?
Yeah. Haven't you
ever been pinned?
No, but I wouldn't mind
going steady with you.
Would you wear it
for me, Linda?
I'd love to.
Oh, boy.
What's the matter?
Oh, it's late.
What time is it?
Oh, I'd better go. I promised
Brother I'd always be home early.
I'll be seeing you soon,
won't I?
We're going steady, aren't we?
Good evening.
I'm Wang Ta.
You are the first-born.
I am Mei Li from Hong Kong.
My father and I are guests
of your esteemed parent.
Oh, I see.
You remove your shoes
Japanese-fashion?
No, it's just that my father
is a very light sleeper.
How long have you been here?
Only for two days ago.
Then you haven't seen
anything much?
No, only a little
of anything much.
Do you like it here?
Oh, yes, I like it.
Especially I like Quaker Oats.
Quaker...
You are so tall.
You must have been growing
a long time.
Steadily ever since
I was born.
Tell me, Miss Li, what do you
expect to do here in San Francisco?
I came here to get married.
Married?
Oh, I see.
Well, I hope
you'll be very happy.
I hope you will be happy, too.
Thanks.
I must say one thing for my
father. He's got good taste.
Oh, yes.
Good night, Miss Li.
I hope you're going
to like it here.
Good night, Mr. Wang Ta.
I am going to like it here
There is something
about the place
An encouraging atmosphere
Like a smile
on a friendly face
There is something
about the place
So caressing and warm it is
Like a smile
on a friendly face
Like a port in a storm it is
So caressing and warm it is
All the people
are so sincere
Like a port in a storm it is
I am going to like it here
All the people
are so sincere
There's especially one
I like
I am going to like it here
It's the father's first son
I like
There's especially one
I like
There is something
about his face
It's the father's first son
I like
He's the reason
I love the place
There is something
about his face
I would follow him anywhere
If he goes to another place
I am going to like it there
Son of a turtle!
He calls himself an editor.
Why did he not print
my letter?
Who is it?
It is Mei Li, Master Wang.
I bring your breakfast.
Come in, Mei Li.
Good morning, Master Wang.
I have cleaned
your water pipe.
You are a good,
thoughtful girl, Mei Li.
Personally, I never fully approved of
the old custom of drowning daughters.
Thank you, Master Wang.
Today you will meet
my first-born, Wang Ta.
But I have already met him.
You have? Where?
Last night, in the garden.
He is a very good son.
He had his shoes off,
so as not to awaken you.
He had his shoes off so I would
not know what time he came in.
And how did you respond
to each other?
I responded good.
I have not spoken to him
about you, yet.
I'm giving him one week
on the American plan.
My sister's husband,
are you not dressed yet?
Your knock is getting
very weak, my wife's sister.
It is too late to knock.
We are going to the bank.
No, no, no bank!
Last time you were very lucky.
You only lost $100.
Next time, who knows? Mei
Li, help me with this chest.
Has a man no privacy
even in his own bedroom?
At your age, privacy in your bedroom is
the last thing you should complain about.
It is indeed a sad widower
who inherits his wife's sister.
My sister's husband wishes to
open an account in your bank.
That can be arranged.
Have you any references?
References?
Here are my references.
Where are yours?
Why, we are members
of the Federal Reserve Bank,
and we have assets
of over three billion dollars.
And what happens to those
assets if you should fail?
Fail?
Did you say fail?
Must you insult the bank?
They have not even
accepted you as yet.
Where do you keep your money?
Come with me, please.
See that safe?
That door weighs 50 tons.
It looks
solid enough.
But I have read
of bank robbers.
What if they
should hold you up?
Come with me, sir.
Excuse me.
You see that button? There
is one in every teller's cage.
It is the best alarm system
ever devised.
The teller presses that
and every alarm in the bank
and in police headquarters
is set off.
Is that so?
No, no, no, no, no.
False alarm! False alarm!
It's a mistake.
Everybody, everybody.
Back, back!
The gentleman made a mistake.
Mister.
My sister's husband!
My congratulations.
This is indeed
an excellent system.
You look splendid. Splendid.
An excellent fit.
Regular Ivory League.
Three buttons, Pop.
You're swinging.
I am in torture.
It hurts my arms
and itches my neck.
Can you not do something
about this, Helen Chao?
I'm afraid not, Master Wang.
You must get used to the itch.
That is a bad cough, I must
get some herbs to cure it.
Pound his back gently.
This is good for your
cough, Master Wang.
My cough gave me the authority
I need in this household.
But where is my authority now?
I put my money in the bank
and I'm being measured for a
foreign suit that is unbearable.
I know you'll wear this suit
with great distinction, sir.
Have you finished
the graduation robe, Helen?
Yes, madam. I worked late last night.
You must give me the bill.
Please, Master Wang,
would you mind?
I'd like this to be a gift.
For Ta's graduation.
That is very good of you.
Why don't you give it to him?
He is in his room.
Thank you, sir.
She is very kind
to your brother.
She's got a yen for him.
A yen?
That's when someone sends
you. And Ta sends her.
Sends her where?
Oh, Pop, that's bop.
Bop!
Come in.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Helen, come in.
Have you got it?
Yes.
Wow.
Try it on and see how it fits.
Boy, I've been waiting
for this.
I copied it
from a Supreme Court judge.
Thanks.
How do I look?
If you had a pigeon on your
head you'd look like a statue.
It's a little loose.
Oh, no. With my coat on,
it'll be just right. Here.
Oh, I forgot.
You didn't think I was going
to graduate like this, did you?
You could.
Helen, you're coming to
my graduation, aren't you?
Do you want me to, Ta?
Well, sure I want you to.
That's very nice of you.
After all, you're like one
of the family.
Oh, I see.
And you'll be coming to the
party afterwards, too, won't you?
Party?
We're celebrating two
great events in the family.
I'm graduating from college and
Auntie from Citizenship School.
I'll make her a happy coat.
It fits fine.
Know something?
I never realized
it was such fun going steady.
Well, I'm afraid we won't be seeing
much of each other anymore, Ta.
Why not?
My brother's ship's coming in.
You know how he feels
about me and boys.
I couldn't tell him I've been going
steady unless I told him it was serious.
Well, I have been pretty
serious so far, haven't I?
Not serious enough.
You see, my brother
wants me to get married.
I can't get married yet. My
father's putting me through college.
Well, two can be put through
college as cheaply as one.
I'd have to have
my father's consent.
Aren't I good enough?
Don't you think he'll give it?
Sure. It's not that.
It's just that...
I've got an idea, Ta.
Why don't I bring my brother
to your graduation party?
Then we can settle everything.
What's the matter?
You don't look very happy.
It's not that. It's just that
it all happened so suddenly.
Well, can I help it
if you're such a fast worker?
What do you think of it?
It is beautiful.
Mei Li has never had
anything like it before.
What will she say?
She will like it.
It cost 92 bucks.
Bucks?
Bucks is the American word
for dollars.
Oh.
What are these things for?
All of the women
over here have them.
At home, our daughters are
taught to strap themselves in.
Here they let themselves out.
Out?
Oh, maybe they serve to keep
people away from them in crowds.
Whatever they're for, they all
wear them in the United States.
Here it is a symbol,
like the American eagle.
Oh.
Come in.
Did you send for me,
my father?
Yes.
Daughter, you may not wear that
dress for the party tonight.
But, Father, this is the best
dress I have. I tried it...
Look. This is for you.
No...
Oh, it is beautiful.
And very outspoken.
How can I thank you?
Put it on. See if it fits.
Yes.
Wow!
Wang Ta, why do
you stare at me?
I didn't know you.
Do I look like a tomato?
What?
Wang San said you like
American tomatoes.
Oh.
Don't let him teach you
any English.
Oh, I like Wang San.
He's a cold cat.
I mean a cool cat.
Oh, Wang San
told me American joke.
Would you like to hear it?
Yes, please.
The first...
The first space ship
landed on the moon
and found people there.
And people in the moon
are so small, like a bean,
they fit on your hand.
And spaceman
fell in love with a girl
and asked her to marry.
"I love you.
I want to marry you.
"I want to take you
back to the Earth.
"Ask your father.
"Sir, I would...
"Shh.
"I would like to marry
with your daughter.
"May I? Oh, thank you.
That's wonderful."
I like.
Very good.
Before I make my final award,
I wish to thank
Master Wang Chi-Yang
for so graciously permitting
us to use his beautiful garden
for our commencement
exercises.
And now, I proudly announce the winner
of the medal of excellence of
the Marino School for Citizenship,
Madam Liang.
Oh, my! For me.
Oh, thank you, Professor.
Don't thank me. You were
the best in the class.
As Lincoln said, "You can only
fool half of the people at a time."
Right.
Wonderful speech
you made today, Ta.
Thank you, Helen.
My son, today is the first time
since you lost your baby teeth
that I have been proud of you.
Thank you, my father.
It's been a long time
between compliments.
Aren't you also proud
of this fine American citizen
in your family, Master Wang?
To become an American citizen,
it took her five years.
She was Chinese
in nine months.
I am happy to be
both Chinese and American.
You are like the Chinese dish
the Americans invented.
What do they call it?
Chop suey.
That is it. Everything
is in it, all mixed up.
I like that.
Chop suey
Living here is very much
like chop suey
Hula-Hoops and nuclear war
Doctor Salk
and Zsa Zsa Gabor
Bobby Darin, Sandra Dee
and Dewey
Chop suey
Chop suey
Stars are drifting overhead
Birds and worms
have gone to bed
Men work late
in laboratories
Others read
detective stories
Some are roaming
round the country
Others sit beneath
just one tree
Tonight on TV's late,
late show
You can look at Clara Bow
Who?
Chop suey
Good and bad, intelligent,
mad and screwy
Violins and trumpets
and drums
Take it all the way
that it comes
Sad and funny,
sour and honeydewy
Chop suey
Chop suey
Ball point pens
and filter tips
Lipsticks and potato chips
In the dampest kind
of heat wave
You can give your hair
a neat wave
Hear that lovely La Paloma
Lullaby by Perry Como
Dreaming
in my Maidenform Bra
Dreamed I danced
the cha cha cha
Chop suey
Cha cha cha cha
Chop suey
Cha cha cha cha
Mixed with all the hokum
and ballyhooey
Something real
and glowing and grand
Sheds a light
all over the land
Boston, Austin,
Wichita and Saint Louis
Chop suey
Chop suey
Chop suey
Chop suey
Chop suey
Chop suey
Meet your partner
with a bow
Two by two, kowtow
Allemande
with an elbow swing
Promenade round the ring
Right and left grand,
chop-chop
With a do-si-do
Promenade
Go, go, go
Waltz the hall
Everybody have a ball
Chop suey
You know, it's amazing.
For a broken-down comic, you
almost look like a sea captain.
Thanks. If Sammy hears about this,
I'll be captain
of the good ship Up the Creek.
Well, come on.
Well, Mei Li, how are you and
the boy barrister getting along?
Wang Ta?
Yeah.
Oh, I like him very much. Good.
But he is a puzzle.
Sometimes I am not sure
he likes me very much,
and sometimes I think maybe
he likes me a little much.
How could he help himself,
baby? You're a bunch of stuff.
Excuse me.
Linda?
Hello, Ta.
This is my brother,
Commodore Low.
Glad to meet you, Commodore.
I told Brother about us and he
would like to meet your father.
My...
Aye aye. We ought to have a little
talk and get you two launched.
You know how we sailors are.
We like to have everything
tied down in shipshape.
Sure, sure.
Would you come
with me, please?
Excuse me, my father.
I present my father.
Madam Liang,
Dr. Li and his daughter.
This is Miss Linda Low and
her brother, Commodore Low.
I'm happy to meet all the esteemed
and honored Wang Chi-Yang family.
Glad to be aboard.
Sweet incense. You smell good.
You wear incense
to keep evil spirits away?
Oh, no. To attract them.
You live with your family,
Miss Low?
Well, no. I have a little
apartment on Grant Avenue.
Near my music teacher.
You are a student?
Well, I...
You drive that crazy car.
I saw you drive up
the other night.
That's me. You sing rock and roll?
I dig that the most.
Do you know You Be the
Rock, I'll Be the Roll?
Sure.
You be the rock
I'll be the roll
You be the soup
I'll be the bowl
You be the furnace
I'll be the coal
Rock, rock, rock
Roll, roll, roll
Wang San!
Strictly.
Master Wang?
Venerable Master Wang.
I wish to say
I've been considering your son's
proposal to my honorable sister.
Proposal?
As her guardian and her loving
brother, I hereby give my consent.
Father.
Please. I would like
to speak to my son.
Alone.
Have something to eat, drink.
I'll be right back.
I am going to my room,
my father.
I think I want to go to bed.
I understand.
Mei Li, I've known Ta
for a long time.
And I know Linda Low.
I do not believe
he's in love with her.
The old man sure left you
with egg fooyung on your face.
Give the old boy time. He's
got to get used to the idea.
Well, well, well.
Hello, there.
Hi, Commodore.
Glad to have you aboard.
Who's taking tickets
down at the theater?
Well, I... She...
What did you say
the name of your ship was?
The SS... The SS...
Well, you got the
initials right, anyway.
Now I know where you've been
sneaking off to every night.
What is it with you?
You don't love that jerk.
He's a very sweet boy.
Besides, you and I have been
keeping company for five years
and I'm just where I started.
I want a little
social security.
What do you know of marriage?
What do you know of women?
Sir, what did you know of marriage
and women when you married my mother?
Nothing. That is why I obeyed my father
and married the woman he chose for me.
This is not China.
This is a different world.
And here a man has a right
to choose his own wife.
And here he also has the right to get
divorced every year and pick a new one.
After all, I am over 21.
Do you think
you were born over 21?
Almost everything you are
up to now has come from me.
Ta, do you really want
to marry that girl?
Sure I do.
I knew it!
You do not even know
your own mind.
That's not the point. Here, a man
is supposed to think for himself!
When that day come when
you can think for yourself,
I will let you know!
My trusted servants,
friends and merchants.
In observance
of our ancient tradition,
we must all start the new year
with a clean body
and a clean conscience
and all our debts paid.
Thank you, honored sir.
I wish all our customers observed
the ancient laws the way you do.
My son!
How did you hurt yourself?
Paul Revere's horse
kicked me.
Paul who?
San should see a doctor.
No, he's all right.
He's in
the New Year's Day parade.
The spirit of 1776, when
we won the Boston Tea Party.
What happened
to your Western suit?
I burned a hole in it
while smoking my water pipe.
Accidentally.
Accidentally?
Throw it away.
You cannot throw away
an expensive suit like this.
I will send it to Helen Chao.
She will mend it for you.
Good morning, Madam Liang.
Master Wang,
I regret that we can no longer
accept your kind hospitality.
Please do not leave yet.
I would like
to speak to Mei Li.
Come in.
Mei Li, I understand
what you feel.
My son has behaved badly.
But it is not
altogether his fault.
Ta does not accept
my authority.
In his rebellion he does many
foolish things to defy me.
But I do not believe
he really loves that girl.
I do not understand.
It is difficult for me,
too, in America.
Mei Li,
I do not want to lose you for my son.
Or for myself.
Please, please,
trust me. Do not go.
Ta will realize
that he loves you.
He has not yet
opened his eyes.
Just give him
a little more time.
I will do as you ask,
Master Wang.
In other words,
"Happy New Year."
Happy New Year to you, Sammy.
Yes, Happy New Year
for those that are happy.
Venerable Master Wang,
I came here to invite you
and your family
to be my guests tonight
at the Celestial Gardens.
Thank you, but I never go out.
One of the virtues of growing old is
learning that if you do not go out,
you do not miss anything.
Master Wang,
if you want to break
up your son's romance,
you'd better break
that rule tonight.
What did you say?
I can do it.
Just make sure you're there and
I'll make you a New Year's present
you'll never forget.
So long, folks. See you later.
Mr. Fong.
Western street
with Eastern manners
Tall pagodas
and golden banners
Throw their shadows
through the lantern glow
You can shop
for precious jade
Or teakwood tables
or silk brocade
Or see a bold
and brassy nightclub show
On the most exciting
thoroughfare I know
Grant Avenue, San Francisco
California, USA
Looks down from Chinatown
Over a foggy bay
You travel there
in a trolley
In a trolley up you climb
Dong, dong,
you're in Hong Kong
Having yourself a time
You can eat
if you are in the mood
Shark fin soup,
beancake fish
The girl who serves you
all your food
Is another tasty dish
You know that
You can't have
a new way of living
Till you're living
all the way
On Grant Avenue
Where is that?
San Francisco,
that's where's that
California, USA
Didn't she get back yet?
No, Mr. Fong.
Say, you're always
around here.
I bet you knew where
she was going out every night.
No, Mr. Fong.
But, I do know the man
she's engaged to marry.
Man? He's a jerk.
I'll break his rice bowl.
Frankie said you were
looking for me, Mr. Fong.
Keep that floor table
for a party of five.
No check. It's on the house.
Under what name, sir?
Master Wang Chi-Yang
and family.
I'll be out there.
Yes, sir.
Oh, I see.
Oh, you see? But you didn't
hear anything, you understand?
What were you doing
in my dressing room?
Well, that's a nice
greeting for the New Year.
Baby, I've been thinking it over
and I've decided I was a bum sport.
I want to wish you
and Ta lots of luck.
Okay, what's the pitch?
For the first time that I'm
sincere you think I got an angle.
Well, I mean it
whether you believe me or not.
So be happy.
Take it or leave it.
I'm sorry, Sammy.
How was I to know?
You were never sincere before.
He's a nice kid.
Even if he's still in college.
He's a little young.
He'll age.
Sammy, would you mind
if I quit tonight?
Sure, kid.
I know how you feel.
But this is New Year's.
I got them stacked
out there like sardines.
I'll make a deal with you.
Go on for just the first show,
and I'll keep up
the payments on the car.
It's a deal.
That's my girl.
Let's just be
pals.
I'll be out there
waiting for your entrance.
I wish it was diamonds.
So do I, pal.
Has Wang Ta ever seen
your act, Miss Low?
Of course not. He doesn't
even know I work here.
That's the reason
I'm quitting tonight.
Sammy Fong's going
to be heartbroken.
You see this finger?
For five years
it's been naked as a jaybird.
But now I am going
to warm it up with a ring.
Good evening, Master Wang.
Step this way, please.
We have a wonderful table
for you. Excuse me, sir.
It's a pleasure to have you
and your guests here tonight.
Joe. Joe, please.
Welcome to
the Celestial Gardens.
I know you're going
to enjoy the show.
Jimmy, bring a magnum
of champagne to this table.
Yes, sir.
May I join you?
Happy New Year.
Oh, thank you, Mei Li.
Would you like to dance?
I do not know how, but
I will walk around
with you while you dance.
Come on, I'll show you.
What happened?
We're too late.
I am always too late.
Hiya, folks.
Happy New Year and welcome
to the Celestial Gardens.
You know, a funny thing happened
to me on my way here tonight.
I...
It's Commodore Low.
Ayayay!
I can't think of what it was, but
it struck me funny at the time.
Maestro, please.
I am a vagabond sailor
All my friends call me sport
I am a fellow for action
Any storm in a port
Any storm in a port, get it?
Back to the laundry.
Now that I'm home
and I'm resting
Home from over the sea
All of the girls
who adored me
Go gliding through my memory
A sweet Colleen from Ireland
Her hair was fiery red
Her eyes gave out
a green light
That said I could go ahead
Say something in Irish.
I met a girl in Sweden
Of whom I grew quite fond
A stately Scandinavian type
A buxom, blue-eyed blond
And then in merry England
A girl who worshipped me
Gliding through my memory
That's how I see them
Gliding through my memory
In sunny Barcelona
A dancing chick I picked
Her castanets were clicking
Like nothing ever clicked
Ol!
You can say that again.
A very friendly mademoiselle
In ooh-la-la Paris
She was a girl
who couldn't say
Anything but
Oui
Ring-a-ding-ding
Was fun to cast an anchor
In lovely Casablanca
I loved a Grecian doll and
Another doll in Holland
But of all the girls
in every hemisphere
There is no one like
the girl I have right here
I guess you didn't know she was loaded
with all that talent, did you, kid?
Hey, Ta! Happy New Year!
Have some tiger bone wine.
Happy New Year.
Have some tiger bone wine.
Hey!
Ta!
Listen to me.
Please, Helen,
just leave me alone.
Where are you going?
I don't know. To the
Rickshaw Bar, I guess.
Then I'm going with you.
We'll drink the New Year in together
with tiger bone wine.
All right now.
I'm just a vagabond sailor
Here we are.
Just stand here.
Don't move.
Just stand there,
don't move
You're gonna be
just fine, Ta.
All you need is a little
rest and a little sleep.
All you need is some rest
Helen will take care of you.
Not over there.
Come on. Up we go.
All of the girls
who adore me
Sit over here.
Sit down. Right over here.
All of the girls
who adore me go gliding
Let me have your shoes.
Let me have your shoes
You know what year this is?
The Year of the Ox.
That dumb ox.
Yeah.
And that's me.
Her brother gave her
the convertible
to save carfare.
She has no brother.
Sammy Fong gave her
everything she's got.
She's been his girl
for five years.
Sammy Fong's girl?
That's right.
The worst of it is
it proves my father was right.
My father was right.
You'll get over it, Ta.
Just rest a while.
Close your eyes.
You're here with me, Helen.
Don't leave me.
Don't leave me.
Don't leave me.
I have wished before
I will wish no more
Love, look away
Love, look away from me
Fly when you pass my door
Fly and get lost at sea
Call it a day
Love, let us say
we're through
No good are you for me
No good am I for you
Wanting you so
I try too much
After you go
I cry too much
Love, look away
Lonely though I may be
Leave me and set me free
Look away, look away
Look away
From me
Good morning, Miss Helen Chao.
Good morning, Miss Mei Li.
Thank you.
Madam Liang asked me to bring
the Old Master's Western coat.
It is damaged.
How did he ever do that?
Oh, the Old Master
does everything in a big way.
Excuse me a minute.
I'll tell Madam Liang
when it's ready
and you can come
and get it.
Good-bye.
Who was that?
A customer.
I'm preparing
breakfast for you.
Breakfast?
What time is it?
It's past noon.
My father's probably called the
police and every hospital in town.
Please, Ta.
Stay and eat something.
Thanks, Helen.
Some other time.
I've got to get home.
When will you come again?
Soon.
Ta, please.
Don't go yet.
Please.
Helen, I'd like to stay.
But you know
my father, he'll...
Really, Helen, I'm sorry.
Maybe some other time.
Ta.
Look. He didn't come home.
This is the first time
he's stayed out all night.
What could he be doing?
If this was a quiz program,
I could win a trip to Europe.
I want you to call the police
department to close down that nightclub.
It is destroying
public morals.
They cannot.
It is a free enterprise.
It is
that dancing girl's fault!
Throwing her evil spirits
in my face.
That is American folk dance.
Uh-oh.
Wait.
Why are you not in school?
It's Saturday.
Always some excuse!
I was going
to mess up your bed
but the folks beat me to it.
Father?
Where have you been
to this hour?
Spending the night...
Stop. Not in front
of your aunt.
I beg your forgiveness,
my father.
You were right.
I should've listened.
I was a fool.
Knowing you are a fool
is the beginning of wisdom.
Now I have my son back.
Send Mei Li to me.
Finding the right woman is a
responsibility that rests on my shoulders.
And I'm happy to say
that I have found her.
I have spoken to Dr. Li.
True, Wang Ta.
I would be honored to
have you for my son-in-law.
Come, we will drink to the
happiness of our children
with tiger bone wine.
My child.
I'm glad you are here.
We must all drink
to my grandchildren.
Leave them alone. Let
them settle it themselves.
What is it, Mei Li?
Look at me, Mei Li.
I want to tell you a story.
Along the Hwang Ho valley
Where young men walk and dream
A flower boat
with singing girls
Came drifting
down the stream
I saw the face of only one
Come drifting
down the stream
You are beautiful
Small and shy
You are the girl
whose eyes met mine
Just as your boat sailed by
This I know of you
Nothing more
You are the girl
whose eyes met mine
Passing the river shore
You are the girl
whose laugh I heard
Silver and soft and bright
Soft as the fall
of lotus leaves
Brushing the air of night
While your flower boat
Sailed away
Gently your eyes
looked back on mine
Clearly you heard me say
You are the girl I will love
Some day
Yesterday I would have been
very happy if you loved me.
But last night I learned it
was another girl you wanted.
No, that was all a mistake.
My engagement
to Linda Low is broken.
I am not speaking of Miss Low.
This morning I took...
I took your father's coat
to Helen Chao's to be mended.
I saw another coat on a chair.
And this flower...
You will not understand
how I feel
unless I tell you something.
It will be hard to say.
When you came into this garden
the first time I saw you,
I knew I loved you.
I knew I wanted
to be your wife.
Oh, Mei Li.
It is necessary for me
to tell you this
strange thing
so that you will understand
how I feel now.
It is because I loved you
on that first day
that my heart
is so hurt today.
I do not love you anymore.
I'm grateful for your
hospitality, Master Wang,
but the time has come
for us to leave you.
Please believe that our
reasons are good ones.
There he goes again.
I'm clean.
Me, too.
Hey, what's the matter? Don't
you enjoy winning a fortune?
Oh, Sammy's carrying
a torch for Linda.
You some kind of nut
or something?
Sammy Fong don't carry
a torch for any dame.
I'll get it.
Hello, Mrs. Fong.
Hello.
Hello, Mama.
Hello, Uncle.
Sit down, Mom. Sit down.
Why didn't you let me know
you were coming?
We just finished dinner.
Having our tea.
Sammy cooked us
a wonderful goose.
My son is a very fine host.
Sit down, gentlemen.
They were just leaving.
You must give us
a revenge some time, Sammy.
Sure, any time.
Glad you enjoyed yourselves.
Thanks a lot for the
dinner. Thank you, Sammy.
Good night.
See you later.
See you.
Thanks for the tea, Sammy.
Yeah.
Sammy, that's just the crowd I
don't wish you to go around with.
Gamblers. They'll take
all your money away from you.
Right now they're
having a little trouble.
It's living alone like this.
Oh, I don't mind living alone,
not the way I do it.
Oh. Excuse me.
Oh, good evening, Miss Low.
This is my mother
and my uncle.
This young lady is an employee
at the Celestial Gardens.
How do you do?
How do you...
I came to see Mr. Fong
on business.
Oh, I see.
Mama, why don't you and Uncle go
on ahead to the Family Association?
I'll meet you there.
Very well, my son.
Business first.
An interesting business.
Yeah.
What's the idea
of barging in like that?
I never rang the bell before.
I came to pick up my umbrella.
Listen, baby,
I did you a favor.
You and that guy
would never be happy.
Baby, deep down in that
plastic heart of yours,
you know we belong together.
We were both born
in the Year of the Horse.
This horse is scratched.
But, baby, you know the
spot I'm in with my mom.
A grown man
afraid of his mother.
But, sweetie,
Pop left her the business.
If I cross her, she'll cut
me off without a fried noodle.
Talk is cheap.
This time
I'll prove it to you.
Now don't blow this.
I'm in the money
and the mood at the same time.
It may never fall
that way again.
Linda, will you marry me?
Yes!
There you are, baby.
We're as good as married.
Nothing's as good as married.
Now that we're going
to be married
I keep imagining things
Things that can happen
to people
When they are wearing
gold rings
Being together each morning
Sharing our coffee and toast
That's only one
of the pictures
Here's what I picture most
Sunday, sweet Sunday
With nothing to do
Lazy and lovely
My one day with you
Hazy and happy
We'll drift through the day
Dreaming the hours away
While all the funny papers
Lie or fly around the place
I will try my kisses
on your funny face
Dozing then waking
On Sunday you'll see
Only me
Sunday, sweet Sunday
On Sunday you'll see
Only me
Dozing or waking
On Sunday you'll see
Only
Me
Venerable elders of
the Three Family Association,
I am honored
to stand before you.
I have here a contract
entered into by Madam Fong
for the marriage
of her son, Sammy,
to my daughter, Mei Li.
She is the girl
I chose for Sammy.
Is that so?
You don't tell me?
Isn't that lucky,
the very girl?
My daughter is exactly
as the picture
represented her.
And if the elders
wish to examine her,
they may do so.
That will not
be necessary, Dr. Li.
Your contract is valid
and it will be honored.
But can you not
reconsider your decision?
It is not my decision.
It is my daughter's wish.
And it is my wish, also.
Madam Fong.
Dr. Li and his daughter.
I didn't know you had arrived.
We didn't expect you
for another five years.
I must tell Sammy.
He will be so happy. You look
exactly like your picture.
And just the kind of
daughter-in-law I had in mind.
Thank you, Madam Fong.
Isn't she adorable?
Yes, delightful.
If opposites attract,
she should be very happy with your son.
You are so right.
You must stay at my home
until the marriage.
And Sammy can come there
to see you.
I insist.
And now, we'll have dinner and
drink to the future of my children.
Tell me, what would
you like to have to eat?
We can have bird's nest soup,
shark's fin...
It is all your fault.
My fault?
What have I done?
"Let them fall in love
naturally," you said.
You see what happens when
you leave it to young people
to fall in love naturally?
You and your American plan!
Sammy, my little Sammy.
Hello, Mom.
Boy, Mom, have I got
great news for you.
I finally decided to settle
down and raise prize children,
just like you wanted me to.
She's a fine girl,
from a distinguished family.
What's the matter? Don't you
think I can get a girl like that?
Well, I'm having her
to dinner tonight
and I know you're gonna
take her to your heart
and love her as I do,
as I will.
Sammy, stop surprising me.
She's here already.
Come in, my dear.
Oh, it's you!
Hi, honey.
You are the lowest, the
sneakiest, the slimiest...
Now, don't jump the gun.
I was framed.
Just give me
a chance to explain.
Explain?
You couldn't wait to marry me.
You had to marry me.
Oh, you couldn't live
without me.
And nothing's changed.
Nothing's changed?
You're going to marry her.
That's the only thing
that's changed.
Well, I'm off
to my canasta game.
Why don't you two talk?
Go on. Find out
what you have in common.
Well.
Yes, Mr. Fong?
Let's see.
What have we got in common?
I don't know, Mr. Fong.
Call me Sammy, as long
as we're gonna be married.
Sammy?
How would you like to go out
on the town with me
so you can see
how I spend my nights?
That would be nice.
Come with me.
Let me give you
a free demonstration.
How about a little action?
Alone, Sammy?
Give me that.
Here you go.
Craps! You lose.
Come on, again.
Eleven!
Boxcars!
You sure are lucky, baby.
Let's get out of here.
I always lose.
I'm just unlucky.
Maybe you're lucky in love.
And how! Come with me.
I'll show you.
Hello, honey.
Sammy, how are you?
Hi, Sammy. Where have you
been? Hello, baby, how are you?
Hi, cutie pie.
Hello, sweetheart.
You see that? I know them all.
I can't keep away from women, and
they can't keep their hands off of me.
It would be nice to have a husband
who is so popular with everybody.
Yeah.
Am I the man that you love?
If that is true, I am more
Something beyond and above
The man I was before
Like a god with my head
above the trees
I can walk
with a god-like stride
It sounds like the music
back home in Peking.
This joint doesn't start
to groove until 4 a.m.
I'm here every night,
but I'll always be home before
dawn, so don't wait up for me.
You'd have a red mark from here
to here, leaning out of windows,
watching for me
to get back home.
I won't mind.
I will still be your wife
no matter what happens.
You are young and beautiful
Sweet as the breath of May
Earnestly I speak to you
Weigh every word I say
If you want to have
a rosy future
And be happy as a honey bee
With a husband
who will always love you
Baby, don't marry me
If you want a man
you can depend on
I can absolutely guarantee
I will never fail
to disappoint you
Baby, don't marry me
I eat litchi nuts
and cookies in bed
And I fill the bed
with nutshells and crumbs
I have irritating habits
you'll dread
Like the way
I have of cracking my thumbs
My grandpa was
a big game hunter
He met grandma
swinging on a tree
If you want
to have attractive children
Baby, don't marry me
Don't marry me
I would like to see
my sons and daughters
Sliding up and down
their father's knee
They'll get splinters
in their little fannies
Cookie...
I'm devoted
to my dear old Mama
And if you and Mama disagree
I would always side
with her against you
Schnookie, don't marry me
I would always like
to know where you go
I don't like a man
to keep me in doubt
Honey, that's a thing
that's easy to know
You will always know
where I am, I'm out
I am talking
like a Chinese uncle
I'm as serious as I can be
I am saying this
because I love you
Darling, don't marry me
It's too late, Sammy Fong.
The invitations have been
sent. All is arranged.
Yeah, I guess
we're both hooked pretty good.
Yeah.
Rosalyn, come away with me.
You don't belong with him.
I'll make a new life for you.
No, Eric.
He may be a coward,
but you mustn't kiss me.
We haven't the right.
Rosalyn.
Hello, Mei Li.
Hello, too, Wang Ta.
May I come in?
Please.
Madam Fong and Sammy are out,
but I can ask my father...
Oh, please don't disturb him.
I just came to bring you
a wedding present.
They were my mother's.
She wanted them to go to
the girl my father selected.
I do not think
I should accept.
Please, I want you
to have them.
They are so pretty, Ta.
My mother wore them
when she was married.
Oh, Ta.
What are you doing here,
Wang Ta?
He brought me
a wedding present.
A gift from
Wang Chi-Yang family.
You have brought
a very beautiful gift.
I was watching a late movie,
and beautiful music, too.
Filter, flavor,
flip-top box
Do you like
American movies?
Oh, yes.
In the movies,
every American
has a beautiful automobile
and a beautiful golden girl in a
car who wears wonderful clothes.
They all seem so happy.
But I do not understand why they
all go around killing each other.
They have to do something exciting late
at night or people would fall asleep.
He's asleep.
He falls asleep on front of
television, even when it isn't on.
Maybe I'd better go.
Wang Ta,
will I see you at the wedding?
No, I couldn't face that.
Oh, it is very pretty.
It will be a real
Chinese ceremony.
It is the wish
of my mother-in-law.
The bride is carried through
the street in a sedan chair
and at the ceremony we
drink from a double goblet,
and then the bridegroom
lifts the veil and looks
at his bride's face.
You have a beautiful face, Mei Li.
Same face.
Doesn't he even
kiss the bride?
Why should he?
They are already married.
Here, they're not really married
until they seal it with a kiss.
Everything in America
ends with a kiss.
What does it mean?
Why do they do it?
It expresses how you feel.
When you do it with the right
person, you light up inside.
It's difficult to explain.
Maybe it would be easier
if you show me.
Yes, it would.
Then do it.
Come here.
What's that for?
It is the kiss position
I saw on the television.
No, relax. Not that much.
You've got...
You've got two noses.
Close your eyes.
It's better
if you don't stare at me.
Can I open my eyes now?
Is that the kiss that
makes you light up inside?
No. Compared to the kisses
you see in the movies,
this was only half done.
Only half done?
Do a well done, please.
I like it well done.
Oh, Ta, your heart is beating.
Can you feel mine?
I love you, Mei Li.
Oh, Ta, what can we do?
I don't know,
but I'll think of something.
I won't go home tonight.
I'll walk the streets
until I get an idea.
Oh, I will not sleep, too.
Good night, my darling.
Good night, my darling, too.
Try to think of something.
Good night. Try to think of something.
I have not been asleep, my
daughter. I heard everything.
Father, please help me.
There's nothing we can do.
The marriage contract
is signed and sealed.
Seor Sheriff,
I must give myself up.
Well, now, don't tell me that you held
up the Wells Fargo stage at Eagle Rock.
No, no. I came
into this country illegally
across the Rio Grande.
I am a wetback.
I cannot marry
with Rodriguez.
He is in love
with another woman,
and he is a wetback, too.
I must give myself up.
I am a wetback.
Honorable sirs,
and my future mother-in-law,
I must confess something.
I came into this country
illegally across the Pacific Ocean.
It is for that reason,
I cannot marry your son.
My back is wet.
Did you hear that, Momma?
My son cannot marry a wetback.
She has broken the law
and can be deported.
The contract is not valid.
Sir, I would be happy
to marry your daughter,
even if we are both deported.
You are a brave man, Ta.
Oh, Mei Li, you're wonderful.
You thought of something.
Ta, tomorrow we must go
to the Temple of Tin How
and thank the Goddess
of Heaven for television.
Yes.
Linda.
Sammy.
Come with me, Linda.
Mom, I want to make it
a double wedding.
She's okay. She came into this country
the regular way, through her mother.
Mother.
A hundred million miracles
A hundred million miracles
A hundred million miracles
A hundred million miracles
Are happening every day