Can you hear them?
The night noises.
Mockingbird in the magnolia.
See the moss hanging
from the moonlight.
Fairly taste the night, can't you?
You're part of it, Pres,
and it's part of you.
Like I am.
You can't get away from us, Pres,
we're both in your blood.
This is the country you were born to,
the country you know and trust.
Your country, Pres.
Amy wouldn't understand.
- She'd think there would be snakes.
- Julie, please.
Oh, it isn't tame. It isn't like the North.
It's quick and dangerous,
but you trust it.
Remember how the fever mist smells
in the bottoms, rank and rotten...
...but you trust that, too,
because it's part of you...
...just as I'm part of you
and will never let you go.
Yes, ma'am?
Hello. Where's Richard?
Oh, he's not in today.
Could I have your name, please?
Hack, Marilyn Hack. Stage 11.
I'm sorry, I-- You look familiar.
Are you an actor?
Thirty-two years.
Yeah. You were in that prison movie
with Sharon Stone.
No.
And you had that scene where you
punched that little girl in the face.
- Not me.
- That was a good movie.
You should have been in that movie.
I'm sure I should have been.
May I go in?
Sure. And you're all set.
Have a good one.
Yes.
- Got a chair open.
- Oh, Sandy, am I late?
- Oh, you're fine.
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
Per our conversation yesterday,
I think steer clear of the Sephardic tones.
Go for the A-one or the A-two,
the Ashkenazi palette.
I didn't mean to make
such a big deal out of it.
Oh, it's nothing.
I just thought I could look a little younger,
couldn't I?
- But it's okay.
- You are playing an older woman.
But I could be a woman
who's taken good care of herself.
Who has a terminal illness.
Up until then, I--
You're right. You're right.
Liz said I should get
my face stonewashed like her--
Oh, honey, are we aware of
what was on cable last night?
Song for Reuben.
Honey, you killed me.
When was the last time you saw that?
- I've never seen it.
- I was a total puddle.
I mean, complete waterworks.
They had to resuscitate me.
I'm never gonna watch it again unless my
wife takes up CPR or paramedics move in.
I was dying.
We were babies then, weren't we?
- Yes, we were.
- Babies.
You have such a gift,
you shouldn't just keep it to yourself.
- You should teach.
- Teach?
Teach acting.
I wouldn't dare.
You gotta give it away to keep it.
You can't just hold on to this.
Sandy, now you're mocking me.
You might as well say,
"Why don't you save the world?"
Well, maybe you could
with what you have to give.
Victor. Victor.
- Hey.
- Oh, Morley.
- Yeah.
- What the hell are you doing here?
- What am I doing here?
- Yeah.
- You wanted to have a meeting?
- Yes. Yesterday.
We had a meeting scheduled.
You didn't show.
Yesterday? No, no, no.
No, no. What the hell are you talking--?
I was in the office all day.
Why didn't you call--?
I called you.
You didn't return my message.
- Well, you got a minute now, because--?
- No, I have to go to the stage.
What did you wanna talk about?
A lot of things. But, look...
...I'm working for scale.
An actor of my stature,
There's no excuse for me
working for scale.
That's exactly what
I've been telling people.
- You should not be working for scale.
- Good.
But you know these producers,
they have their own take on things.
I'm on your side, all right? I'm your agent.
You are my number-one priority.
There is nothing more important to me
in my life than--
Than you. Excuse me.
Yeah.
Stranger, what do you say?
Nothing important. I'm here with a client.
- I gotta go.
- Hang on.
Good, because I gotta take this, Victor.
Look, stop by the office any time.
You know, we moved.
Yeah, talk.
I've done all my homework
on this guy.
I've established everything
there is to know...
...as far as his short-term objectives go.
I know that I wanna defend my sister,
console my father...
...and, ultimately, I feel a sense of guilt...
...for having abandoned my shipmates in
the Galpagos Islands to come home, but--
I think you're making this
too complicated.
This is not about,
"What is the actor thinking?"
You go and see a movie, you don't say,
"I wonder what he's thinking."
You gotta know.
Can you see the difference?
That's exactly my problem...
I wanna show you what I'm thinking...
...but there are certain things
that I'm not sure about.
- I love the fact that you did all this work.
- Yeah.
I think it will help you later,
but not on this movie...
...if you know what I mean.
Oh, my God. Doesn't he know about
her allergies? Here's what you have to do...
...you have to call me tomorrow--
Give me two secs.
--as soon as they get back
and let me know exactly what happened.
Bye. I'm so excited for you. Bye.
Hey. Sorry about that.
Miss Campanella, this publicity campaign
is to be run with military precision.
It is to be timely, quantifiable
and orotund.
- Do you know what that means?
- No.
I warn you. These are actors.
In every actor there lives a tiger, a pig,
an ass and a nightingale.
You never know
which one's gonna show up.
Don't make assumptions about the talent.
Don't assume that the talent can hear well.
Don't assume they know the plot.
Don't assume that they have living parents.
Don't assume that
they don't have a drop of Indian blood.
Question, do I look like
I have Indian blood?
- Not at all--
- Question...
...would it surprise you to learn
that I am one-eighth mighty Choctaw?
- It would--
- Question...
...would it astound you to learn
that here on the set, I am Corey Taft...
...but when I'm at home, I'm Jo-Jo?
Picture's up.
- Roll sound.
- Sound speed.
And dolly.
And action.
She's not coming.
She's not coming home
to see her sick mother.
She'll be home.
And you, Shmuel?
How long do you think you can stay?
I don't rightly know, Daddy.
Long as it takes, I expect.
The Navy's pretty accommodating
about things like illness...
...and death.
Your mama was so happy
to see you today.
Oh, I know she couldn't show it...
...but she was kvelling in her own way.
She smiled,
but I don't know if she knew who I was.
Your coming home today
was a dang mitzvah, is what it was.
It ain't no mitzvah, Daddy.
It's family.
It's what a son does for his mama.
And what does a daughter do
for her mama?
Your sister ain't been home
in nigh onto 12 years.
I don't give two hoots
what Doc Silverstein says.
It was your sister
that put your mama on her deathbed.
I know Rachel, Daddy.
And she'll come home to see Mama.
And she'll come home
because it's Purim.
We all know what that means to Mama...
...or meant.
Was that Rachel's voice I heard...
...or am I just going meshuga?
Mama!
And cut.
Okay, everybody,
stay where you are, please.
That's a cut.
I thought it was great.
It's fantastic.
I just have a couple of suggestions.
You guys were great.
Simon, the move is too fast,
so we're gonna have to slow it down...
...and I wanna add one thing,
so just watch for a second.
Marilyn, you had a swooning,
kind of a fainting move which I love.
It's great. I love the eyes rolling back.
I want you to add one more thing,
something more...
...almost from the bottom
of your womanhood to make it a:
So let-- Let me--
- Let me see what that would look like.
- Okay.
Exactly. And Brian, I love that thing.
Let me see that, just that flash.
No, not the intake of breath,
just the eyes flashing as if:
"Mommy is going now?"
So this is gonna be great.
Whitney? Hi there.
- Can I talk with you for a moment?
- Oh, yeah.
Hi. You okay in there?
- Not interrupting a meal or anything?
- No.
Sorry I'm on this thing. I hurt my back.
- I fell over the side of an escalator.
- Great.
Whitney, I have to tell you that
I have been a publicist for 20 years--
Fifteen and five strapped to the gurney.
I have never experienced
the hostility that this little picture...
...which I think is a charming show,
is engendering in the community.
I've had hang-ups.
I've had rude-- Rude responses.
- That's not what I'm getting on this one.
- That's not good. But you know what?
It's all right because we should go
a whole different angle...
- ...that no one's even thought of.
- Okay.
What if we go the angle of
let's play it down?
Let's tell people not to see our show?
- What about--?
- That's a dangerous sell, Whitney.
Put a big ad in the paper
and say, "Don't come."
Okay. True enough.
But as my proud ancestors,
the Choctaw, say...
...what we're dealing with
on this picture is:
Difficult to translate it.
Basically, we don't have a blanket.
We don't have a blanket for a--
It's a diuretic pony, I'm sorry--
Urinary-problem pony to piss on.
Excuse me.
- Give me one sec.
- Okay.
- Just look up.
- I just need one sec.
Can you do that without touching me?
You're fine.
- Gorgeous.
- Thank you.
- I'm almost set here. We're rolling.
- We're good?
Okay. Actors.
Actors acting.
- Good.
- Not right now.
- But, yeah.
- Oh, you don't think you are?
I mean, we're all acting all the time.
You know, but I'm acting differently.
So tell me, Home for Purim.
- Home for Purim.
- Yeah.
It's a period film.
- Yeah.
- I play Rachel Pischer.
I play Sam Pischer,
her brother, little brother.
Yeah.
But, which brings me to,
I heard a rumor that you two are:
- Yeah...
- Is that true?
- Depends on what you mean by:
- That's so cool.
- That's really cute.
- It is.
We are-- That-- It's a very--
It's a very interesting scenario,
playing siblings, living the life of lovers.
Well, tell me how you both
got started in acting as art?
I started doing standup
at Jerry Seltzer's Laff Emporium.
I was at Chortles, The Comedy Place.
And-- But no one really--
- No one really got it.
- I got it.
- I thought it was hysterical.
- What did she do?
She has a show. Tell her the title.
- No Penis Intended.
- Oh, I actually did hear, yes.
- What was that about?
- One critic described it as:
"A humorless romp
into Miss Webb's dysfunctional psyche."
- That's a humorless critic.
- That doesn't make sense.
- No.
- No.
Tuesday night. Eleven-ish.
Diamond Pawnbroker
on Sterling and Fifth.
- Ring a bell?
- Yeah. There was a break-in.
And did you make out the report?
- Did I what?
- You heard me, son!
Yes, I made out the report.
This report is an I-N270,
file number 79251J.
It is not a 35-DIB...
...and should not be filed as such.
Do I make myself clear?
That's a good clip. That was a good clip.
I loved that. I love the movie.
Paper Badge, I just loved it.
What a roller-coaster ride.
Nothing happened!
- Nothing happened in that clip.
- But that's the beauty--
Yes, it's about time in a film
nothing happened. It's about time.
It always, it's-- People get
to story points and have a little problem...
- ...and then they say, "Let's blow it up."
- I am not one for violence...
...but I would have given anything
to see a coffee pot explode.
What a brave choice the director made.
What a-- What a pioneer this guy is.
"Let's do nothing."
Sometimes it looks like somebody hit you
with a frying pan and you enjoyed it.
But I have been hit.
Been hit a couple of times.
You know, this film reminds me of your wife
and her ceramic turtle collection.
Can't believe you keep this
in your purse.
- Well, you never know.
- Yeah.
Mr. Orfkin, for the third time,
Victor Allan Miller is waiting.
Oh, okay, just give me five seconds
and then send him in.
Right this way, Mr. Miller.
Now, you listen to me, Bernie,
you may run a studio...
...but I've got way too much respect for
my clients to put up with this kind of crap.
Hang on. Simi, hold all my calls.
I'm in a meeting with Victor Allan Miller.
I do not wanna be disturbed.
I gotta run. Ciao.
- Thank you, Simi.
- Hey, look at you.
- Look at you.
- You look fantastic.
- Thank you. Thank you.
- You should be stopping by more often.
- Really? I know, I know.
- Yes, you should.
But we're not filming today,
I thought I'd drop by, say hello...
...while my tires are being rotated.
- Well, let's talk movies.
- Okay.
Okay? Movies.
There's nothing going on
in movies right now for you.
I mean, it's just-- This is the thing.
There was just--
There's no interest, okay?
You're like a cold piece of toast.
I'm not gonna
candy-coat things for you...
...because if you want candy-coated
information, go someplace--
Go to one of the bigger agencies.
Okay? Because I--
My thing is say it like it is.
But right now I don't think film
is what we should be focusing on.
Quite frankly, I think television
is where we should be looking.
- I know, but television--
- Okay, we're on a couple of pilots. Listen.
Listen, Victor.
There are some very exciting things.
Joel?
Singing the Blues.
The dysfunctional Blue family
rises to a position of prominence...
...in a small New England town.
- Very, very powerful. And I--
- Was that a drama or a comedy?
It's a comedy because it's--
They're dysfunctional.
The whole family's dysfunctional.
The father doesn't know.
The kids don't know. Nobody knows!
Nobody knows what's going
because of the whole dysfunction.
And that's-- That's the beauty of that.
Simon, all I'm saying is I want it
to be brighter. That's all I'm saying to you.
I want to come in the room
and I wanna see an object like the--
Like a chair or a light or a sofa
and be able to make out what it is.
- Do you understand me?
- I get it.
If you get it, then you turn it up.
Look, I know my job is to translate
your vision into the real world, okay?
But the problem is, I don't see a vision.
- Can I ask you a question?
- Yeah, sure.
Do you know how tight my aperture is
right now? Have you any idea?
If you're being a smart-ass,
I'm gonna put you across my knee.
I want it to be bright.
It's bright. It's brighter than
Stephen bloody Hawking in here.
- Up, up, up. Just turn it up for me.
- All right. Fine.
- Thank you. Thank you.
- You're the boss. You're the boss.
- Whole way.
- That's all there is.
- There you go. Look at that. Lovely.
- I love this.
I love it because I look and I go,
"Hey, it's a room."
It's a sports stadium, is what it is now.
You're so European.
There's something about you
that's just foreign.
Have you ever been to--?
You travel a lot or...?
No, I've-- I haven't been
out of the United States, actually.
Who is your--?
Who is your acting coach again?
- Leonid Kazovskich.
- Oh, she's good.
- She's amazing.
- He, it's a he.
Wasn't she the one that made her students
have nervous breakdowns?
- He, and yeah.
- Oh, it was a he.
It wasn't really necessarily
a nervous breakdown...
...it was more of, you know,
he would just break you down.
- You know, get rid of everything.
- Well, they're--
- That's not the thing out here, is it?
- It's a breath of fresh air out here.
- It's really not.
- At least that's intense and real.
I mean, out here it's like
magazine people.
Here it's all soda pop and blue jeans.
Excuse me, guys. Fifteen minutes,
we'll be ready for you on set.
Could you instead of
referring to me as "guys"...
...could you refer to me by
my character name, Mary Pat?
- Sure.
- Great.
- Sure.
- That's great.
- I apologize.
- No, no. Apology accepted.
It helps me. I appreciate it.
Move that up about another 5 feet.
Yeah, straight on up. That's good.
- How's it going, mate?
- Good.
Excuse me. Sorry.
- So much food and nothing to eat.
- Yeah. Absolutely.
What waste.
Ever notice, like, a kind of
a weird smell around here?
It's like-- It's just in this area.
It's kind of a...
I don't know. Maybe it's me.
Well, my father would say,
"A fox smells his own hole first."
Simon...
...I need to ask you a question,
but I don't want the answer.
I'll ask it anyway,
but stop me if you can, all right?
Stop me. Stop me.
How does the film look?
No. Stop me again. How do I look?
- You didn't stop me.
- No. I can stop you now.
- You look absolutely amazing.
- Okay, good.
I'm sorry I asked.
I didn't mean to bother you.
- No, please.
- No, I mean...
That's enough. I don't need any--
That's good. I'm glad to hear it.
- Oh, you know what?
- So it's good?
I forgot to mention. My girlfriend
was on the Internet last weekend...
...and she was checking out
her specialty sites.
Anyway, she got bored with that
and ended up...
...on one of the movie gossip things,
you know.
Filmtattle.com
or one of those celluloid...
- Do you ever go on those?
- I wouldn't know.
Well, anyway,
the long and the short of it is...
...some bloke got on the set...
...and he reckons there could be an
Academy Award nomination in the offing.
And more specifically,
he said that he thought...
...your performance
was likely to get recognized.
You know, come the announcements.
Anyway, thought I'd just share that,
for whatever it's worth.
See you out there.
All right, everybody, back to work.
- Whitney Taylor Brown.
- Yes.
That's a lot of names.
So you're a producer.
A woman producer.
What does a producer do?
Well, as my assistant, Lincoln,
can tell you...
...there's a lot of telephone calls
and, you know...
...lots of getting out the wallet and paying
for sometimes ridiculous things like--
Like snacks.
Let's go back
to the beginning of your career.
You are-- Your family is
in the diaper business?
Yes. Brown Diaper Service.
And what exactly did they do
with the diapers?
Well, they picked up the diapers
in big trucks...
...and then we washed them...
...and then gave them back
to the people.
That's neat. Thank you so much.
- We're done? We're done.
- Yeah, we're done.
All of it's done.
Don't you wanna know more about me?
Yeah, but we-- I don't--
We don't have time right now, so...
Thank you, though,
for talking to us and...
I don't want anyone to know
what I look like from the back...
...so I don't want anyone to film my exit.
Okay, it's off. It's not even on.
All right.
First of all, it's been so creative for us.
Every aspect of the movie,
I think, is represented.
I hope you like it as much
as we liked doing it.
The first, of course,
is a sort of Norman Rockwell.
It's America. It's the family eating.
You have the title in the Hebraic letters.
All right, well, my first instinct says
it reminds me of my family.
- Which we--
- And I hate my family.
And I think a lot of people
might feel that way.
I think that's such a fascinating take
on what we've done...
...because we've gotten away
from the family...
...and we make it this.
Man, that one is scary.
You got disembodied heads.
You know what I like?
I like when it's misleading in a good way.
This looks like a horror film.
It's horrifying, but like,
it's horrifying like a horror movie.
Someone's killed their children
and made them into cookies...
...and I wanna go see that.
Oh, okay. This was also trying to be...
...a kind of family kind of presentation,
kind of a comedy thing, but--
What's creepy about this one is how
y'all made it where they eyes follow you.
That's scary.
Everywhere you go, they follow you.
You actually do want that in a poster...
...because when you set the posters
in the theater...
...as people walk by, you want that,
you actually do want that.
I'm really glad that you picked that up.
That's what we're trying to do
with both the visual...
...and maybe even something
with the eyes.
And, of course, this is just a gay romp.
- It's a party. It's fun.
- You also see the wistfulness here.
What's good about this is it's real.
It's very real.
I've been to a party before...
...where people's heads
were actually on the balloons.
I wanna go to this party.
This is a party I would go to...
- Okay, great.
- ...because it's got balloons with colors.
This is so stupid and I'm sorry
to bother you, but I just wondered...
There's something on the Internet.
Somebody had been on the set,
here, at Home for Purim...
...and brought up the idea
of there being...
...a possibility of a nomination
for an Oscar.
It's nothing, no big--
It's a big deal. Who cares?
I mean, it's no big deal.
It's nothing. Forget it.
- Forget I said it.
- Okay.
- I just thought, because...
- All right.
...if you Googled Simon Whitset,
apparently, you could--
Okay, this is a rumor that's out there
on the Internet and you think it's nothing.
Tell you what. I'm gonna look into it.
This could be very interesting indeed.
Okay, quick question. The Internet.
That's the one with e-mail, right?
- Yes.
- Got it. I'm on it.
- Why, did I get--? I had some salad.
- You're good.
Philip. Lane, Lane,
Philip, Philip, Philip.
- Hi.
- Hello.
- Tell me. Purim. Writers.
- Purim.
- You're writers.
- Yes.
Home for Purim.
This is probably the most personal play
that we've written.
There are elements of my family life.
Purim is strictly your territory.
I didn't know what it was.
I thought Purim meant "a face."
Cute little Purim.
- That's a punim.
- You straightened me out.
It's the one in the shack,
where the shrubs--?
No, no, no, that's Sukkot, Sukkot.
No, Purim, a lot of people
don't really know.
I mean, I didn't know that much
about Purim, but I like Purim a lot.
And it's got a tremendous amount
of symbolic...
...and metaphorical resonance
wrapped up in there.
- You like writing?
- We love to write.
- That's great.
- We would write if they didn't pay us.
And guess what, they usually don't.
- Some--
- That's why we're still teaching.
We write just enough
to keep us in teaching.
- Put it that way.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Let me just throw something at you.
- Okay, okay.
Philip, what is your favorite place?
I'd say Chicago.
Lane?
Under my mother's dining room table.
She's here, Daddy!
She's coming up the walk!
- Hey, sis.
- Hey, little brother.
Look at you, all decked out
in Uncle Sam's finest.
Well, if Tojo wants a fight,
a fight he's gonna get.
- Hello, Daddy.
- Ruchel.
My, my, you're a sight for sore eyes.
Daddy, Sam, I'd like you to meet my...
My friend Mary Pat Hooligan.
- Well, welcome to our home.
- Thank you.
How's Mama?
Rachel?
Mama.
We're late, I think.
It was nice of you
to keep my sister company on this trip.
I love Rachel.
We don't spend a lot of time apart.
Do you two live near each other?
Well, if you call sleeping in the same bed
"near each other," I suppose we do.
Well, that just don't make no sense.
Sam, I love your sister.
- And cut.
- That's a cut!
- Okay, that was the best one.
- Hold it.
Okay, all right. Yeah.
Everybody stay where they are, okay?
I thought that was great.
Victor, come on out.
I thought that was fantastic.
I mean, you know.
I didn't think it was exactly
as it should be.
- Stinks.
- Tell me what's going on.
Okay, I'm just not feeling--
I'm not feeling it.
I feel like it's ambiguous.
I don't think it's clear that I'm gay.
I mean, I got the look,
but I just think that we're...
- ...pussy-footing around--
- Excuse me?
- That makes you sound gay.
- If I say--?
Let me approach this a different way,
because you're all--
There's obviously something that
isn't jelling about what we just did.
- I could be blind. I mean, this walks in--
- No, I understand.
Okay, time, time.
Look, this is just... It's just paper.
It's paper and they put a letter and a name
and a word and then they called it a script.
But you know what? I'd be--
Let's toss this away.
Let's start from scratch.
- Oh, Jesus.
- What would you do?
Okay.
- Where's Whitney? Where's Whitney?
- We don't care about the script.
Here's what I'd like to do.
And I don't mean to be the leader,
but I am.
So let's follow me around a circle.
You follow around.
And we kept going.
And remember the mumbling we did.
My name is Sam Pischer.
I'm stationed in the Galpagos Islands.
And we stop. It's like musical chairs...
Are you seeing this? What is this about?
What is this about?
Why is the script on the floor?
- It's upsetting.
- What's this about?
You're another person. You're Debbie.
You're Brian. Say those lines.
- I'm Vic?
- Say her lines.
- Say his lines.
- I'm Sam.
- Just a couple of words.
- We have to speak--
Well, I'm gonna talk to Jay.
I'm gonna get him.
- Lincoln.
- Yeah, yeah, Miss Brown?
- Lincoln, I need to talk to Jay right away.
- All right. That director dude, right?
- Yes.
- All right.
I'm gonna shoot this again
and there's no script.
I don't even want to know
what's happening. What?
Whitney wants to see you.
- I'll be out in a second.
- No, she needs to see you right now.
Okay. I'll be right back.
We're gonna continue this.
I want you to do some exercise.
All of you guys, you pick this up, okay?
- Let's go.
- I'm Mary Pat Hooligan...
- Jay? Here.
- ...I'm Irish and I'm a freaking lesbo.
- I just want to-- Hi. Hi.
- Jay.
So, what's going on?
Well, Philip Kuntz and Lane Iverson
both have a problem.
- Koontz.
- Koontz.
We were a little bit disturbed when
we saw you throw the script on the floor...
...because the actors were asking
legitimate questions--
It was a way to motivate them.
It was a way to get them thinking:
- "Oh, spilkes, something happening."
- Hey, look.
I don't want to throw the baby out
with the bathwater.
You'll get a wet, critically-injured baby.
That's not what
you want to put your name on.
- Good point.
- Well-put.
I think you've lost your minds.
I don't think you understood
what was happening.
Those exercises,
the things we were doing, the thing--
You need to light a fire under an actor--
It seemed like you were
dodging the questions...
...the legitimate questions
the actors were asking.
- Lane?
- You were saying, "I don't really know."
Didn't say it out loud. In here.
"I don't know, but I'll have them
walk in a circle and change hats."
- But what about me?
- Lane.
I am not dodging your questions.
I'm trying to--
We're having a conversation here,
all right?
I'm just saying,
don't provoke the situation.
Me, don't provoke?
We didn't walk on in the middle
of the scene and say, "Don't do this."
- Yes, we did.
- We did.
Right.
Marilyn--
- Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.
- Every time.
I'm sorry. I wanted to let you know
you're wrapped for the day.
- No, I have another scene.
- They just said that you're all done.
Of course they did.
Next time, they'll tell me.
I'll make sure they do. I'm sorry.
- And your name is...?
- Sam.
No, it isn't. No, it isn't.
That's not what I've been calling you.
I know, you've been calling me Brian.
- Because your name is Brian.
- It's Sam.
I'm so sorry, Sam. I love you.
I love--!
- Sam.
- Sam! I love Sam!
Thank you.
- Sorry, Sam.
- It's okay.
You work the computers
in the AD wagon, I've noticed.
- Yes.
- So you know about these movie sites...
...where they go to sets
and talk about them on computers.
- Sure.
- Why am I telling you this?
But it seems my name
has been mentioned...
...with reference to an Oscar nomination.
- Wow, that's exciting.
- Oh, big deal.
- That's exciting.
- But-- Yeah, so I just...
You might have known
or seen such a thing.
Would you like me to do
some research for you?
- If you want to.
- Sure.
- Wonderful.
- I'll let you know tomorrow.
- Big deal, but if you can--?
- Okay.
- Say your name again.
- Sam.
- Sam. Thank you, Sam.
- My pleasure.
- Thank you, Sam.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Oscar. It would be in reference to Oscar.
Are you still there, Sam?
- I'm here. I'll look it up. Oscar.
- Okay.
- Wonderful.
- Great.
- If you can. Not a big deal. Who cares?
- Okay.
Oh, Marilyn, wow. Okay.
No, stop it. Stop it, dear.
Let it go, let it go.
Don't think about it.
Oh, an Oscar. Oh, okay.
No, thank you. Just-- I just love the work.
It's enough for me. It really is.
It really is. Really is.
It's enough. It's enough. It's plenty.
Oh, God, it's plenty.
You're lucky to be alive.
And now, Chuck Porter and Cindy Martin.
Well, the much-awaited,
star-studded Hollywood epic...
...The Pride of Plymouth Rock
opens soon...
...and this is one film every patriotic
American has been waiting for.
I'll tell you what, Chuck.
Its two megastars,
Cynthia Chapman and Jim Beyman...
...may command the highest salaries
in Hollywood...
...but can all that money buy them
a coveted Best Actor and Actress award?
Oh, look, Daniel.
Gaze upon this bountiful
and beauteous place.
The Lord hath surely guided us
to this New World...
...so that we may till its fertile soil
and plant the seeds of a new life.
Oh, Daniel, let us seize
this glorious moment, now and forever...
...and commit ourselves to do his service
and to love each other, you and I.
I love you, Sarah.
And I you.
Wow, well, I say, dust off the mantle,
Jim and Cynthia.
This could be your year.
That film has a budget of almost
300 million.
My gosh, just how much does
a funny-looking hat cost anyway?
- Liz.
- Hey! Hi!
You look so good.
I'm so glad you could make it tonight.
- Oh, me too.
- Thank you.
I finally get off early and you're here.
I'm so happy.
- You look beautiful.
- Oh, thank you.
Thanks. You know, I'm glowing
because I have very big news.
What?
First, you're never gonna guess
who I ran into today.
I went to Shoe Barn
because I wanted to get a strappy sandal...
...something open-toed and kind of sexy,
kind of loose.
And you'll never believe
who was the salesman.
Take a wild guess.
Your gynecologist.
No. Zach. From Sisters of Stone?
- Remember?
- I'll never remember, but go on.
He's running naked through tombstones.
He finds out he's gay.
- It's a full moon and he--
- Sort of. Is he still acting?
No, he's selling shoes,
but we just had this incredible connection.
He was cradling my instep
and looked me in--
Oh, the one with the breath.
The one with the breath.
How was it today?
He'd have to have had his guts removed
and his teeth to have it better.
- Does he still stink?
- He doesn't, he's fine.
God, that was the smell of sin.
It was. But he's-- So he looks good?
Yeah. Yeah, he looks good.
Well, he was at your feet.
Not up...
It's a good thing
he's not a hat salesman.
I had some wonderful news today too.
What?
What is it?
I think I might get nominated
for an Oscar.
Oh, my God! Oh, my...
Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.
- Yes!
I could see it. I could see us.
A little piece of land,
far away from here...
...you teaching acting class
somewhere in town--
- No, that's too far.
- What?
The fantasy had gone too far?
It wasn't the apple in the tree...
...but the pear on the ground
that caused all the trouble.
Morning, kids.
- Hi, Corey.
- Hi, Corey.
- Big day?
- For her it is.
She shoots her big scene with Marilyn.
Big day for all of you.
No. I have, like, two exteriors with Victor
and then I'm done.
You haven't heard the rumor?
No.
Do you kids like to use
the World Wide "Interweb"?
The Internet?
- It's the Internet.
- Yep.
We do. We know what it is.
Well, there was an item
published on the--
Internet.
--and it mentions very favorably
this little picture...
...and in particular, your colleague,
Marilyn Hack.
- Good for her.
- That's so great.
In further "particularlyness,"
a possible Oscar nomination.
- For Marilyn?
- For Marilyn Hack.
That's so cool.
- For Home for Purim?
- Home for Purim.
- That's great.
- That's great for her.
Chew upon that.
- See you, Corey.
- Yup.
--days in this scene...
- Oh, my, this is too much.
- ...I need to know the script count...
- Too much.
What? What do you have?
I told you there was a blurb
on the Internet.
- Oh, did you get it?
- I did.
- Tell me.
- That lovely AD printed it off.
- They can do that now.
- On his own!
- On some connection?
- He has a machine...
- ...and a cord right out of his computer.
- To a printer?
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Amazing.
And now I have it here on paper.
Real paper.
It's short, but it's powerful.
"Marilyn shines in Home for Purim.
The role of Esther,
like her biblical namesake...
...is laden with the riches
of complexity...
...and guilt as old as the parchment
on which the Purim story was written.
- Yes?
- In the hands of anyone less capable...
...the casting would be criminal.
But Marilyn Hack is delivering a performance
sculpted by tools...
...in whose hands only the most
experienced craftsmen should handle...
...a performance that could only be
described as Oscar-worthy."
Hello. Well, how about
getting it right, for once?
- It's very nice.
- It's crazy.
He's right. I could have written that.
- Did you?
- I could have.
Could have been your nocturnal labors.
What's my nom de plume?
Remind me.
It's just a bit silly about the Oscar stuff,
don't you think?
Silly? It's the backbone of this industry.
An industry noted
for not having a backbone.
The problem is, there's not enough
pageantry anymore.
People want pizzazz,
they want pageantry.
They want more red carpet, not less.
And what's wrong with that?
And settle in. Roll sound. Okay. Rain up.
And action.
The air is as heavy
as a magnolia blossom...
...with the weight of a thousand teardrops
on its petal.
If you're waiting for forgiveness, Rachel,
I don't believe I can muster the strength.
It don't much matter now, Mama.
It don't much matter who forgives who.
What?
What did I do that was so wrong?
Wanting my daughter to grow up
to be a mama of her own...
...with a houseful of babies
and a decent man...
...to cherish and take care of?
You just didn't want the boys around,
Rachel.
What kind of girl
doesn't want to meet a nice fella?
I only invited the best ones over,
the ones whose daddies were professionals.
There wasn't a nebbish in the group.
But you wouldn't have it.
You wouldn't have any of it.
And so you ran.
You ran and tore a chapter
out of your family's life...
...and a piece out of my heart.
I was screaming, Mama,
but you couldn't hear me.
And you couldn't see me
for who I was.
I didn't want your life.
I didn't wanna be in a kitchen...
...with the brisket or the fish balls
or the kreplach or the kugel...
...or go out with boys that turn into men
I don't want to marry.
It was all fershteit.
I am not you, Mama.
I am me, Rachel Pischer.
And, oh, yes, I did meet a nice fella.
Her name is Mary Pat.
Oy gevalt, what have I done?
- Hi, kids.
- Hi, Corey.
Excuse me. Miss Hack, Miss Hack,
permission to speak with you?
- Of course. How are you on this fine day?
- I'm very well, thank you.
I just got off the phone with
the segment producer from Wake Up L.A.
Guess who they want on their show
tomorrow morning.
- Oh, Corey, you think you're ready?
- No, not me. You.
- Marilyn Hack.
- No.
You and Victor Allan Miller.
- Oh, Corey.
- Yeah. Yeah.
You have no idea how difficult it has been
to get people on the phone.
- It was worth it.
- Thank you.
Corey, good job.
See what a little buzz
can do in this town?
Just a little bit of buzz, a little bit of
fairy dust and... you're off to the races.
Oh, Victor, incidentally, those radio
auditions have been changed to Friday.
What do you mean, auditions?
Hold on.
- A banana and water, please.
- All right.
- You?
- I don't audition.
- I'm gonna have the corned beef.
- Thank you.
You told me I don't have to
read for commercials. You said that.
I told them that. I said,
"My client should not have to read for this.
I think he's proven himself
time and time again."
- Excellent. So I've got the gig?
- Well, if you read for it.
- Why--?
- I think reading is important.
I don't understand why,
after 40 years in the business...
...I have to read for a freaking radio
commercial in freaking Oregon.
Victor, if you go in and audition, okay,
what you're saying to these guys is:
"Hey, fellas, I know I don't have to
audition for this, but you know what?
I'm going to audition for it, just to show you
why I shouldn't have to audition for it."
Just do me a favor. Let me be
the last person in, if I'm going to do this--
- Gentlemen, pardon the interruption.
- Hi, Corey.
Victor, the booking.
Tomorrow morning. Wake Up L.A.
- Wake Up L.A. for Victor?
- For Victor Allan Miller.
- Which is what?
- Which is a morning show.
Wake Up L.A. Wake up.
- I don't have a TV, Morley, as you know--
- Doesn't have a TV. Cherish this client.
One hour infotainment. Variety.
Cohosts: male, female.
Happy addition tomorrow morning,
you and Marilyn Hack.
- Victor, fantastic.
- Congratulations.
Thank you, Mr. Miller.
This ship's turning around.
Thought you'd like to know.
That is so fantastic.
- Wake Up L.A.
- Did I not say--? Am I a mind reader?
- What do you mean?
- Home for Purim. I predicted it.
I said, "This is the one.
This is the vehicle."
Morley, you told me not to do it.
And so a high of 79 in Los Angeles
with a low of 67.
Long Beach is 77 and a low of 65.
Anyway, all around, it's gonna be
a pretty hot day and not very much wind.
Where does wind come from?
Where does wind come from?
I don't know. It just blows around.
That was a complete non sequitur.
We won't worry about it.
We'll go over to Skip and Sanchez.
Hello, Skip. Hello, Sanchez.
You look nice today, Sanchez.
Well, thank you very much, Monkey.
Oh, Sanchez, if only...
If only it was your hand and not Nina's.
- That's so rude.
- Get in line, get in line.
- He always does this.
- Good God.
All right. We've got a couple of wonderful
actors coming up on the show this morning.
Miss Marilyn Hack
and Victor Allan Miller.
You know, these two are good.
Very tough to do a morning show,
this chitchatty kind of thing.
But these two have an intellect
behind whatever it is they're doing there.
Oh, Skip's a good guy.
He and I worked on
The Jerry Jeckel Show together.
I can't speak for the painted whore
next to him.
Hi, hi, good morning.
In about 30 seconds,
at the end of this break...
- ...you guys are gonna go on.
- Okay.
Now, the seating arrangement
is Mr. Miller is in the middle...
- ...and Miss Heck is next to him.
- Hack.
- Okay, so I'm--?
- Right, so let me show you.
- Mr. Miller is in the middle...
- Yes.
- ...Miss Heck is next to him.
- Hack.
- She's on first?
- That's all right.
- As long as they have the name right.
- Yeah.
- And we're back. Wake Up L.A.
- Wake Up L.A.
- We have two fabulous veteran actors...
- Yes.
...that have joined us to talk
about their new movie, Home for--
- We want to--
- Purim.
- Purim.
- Purim.
- That's a Jewish holiday, correct?
- It is a Jewish holiday.
It's a wonderful Jewish holiday.
Family, good triumphs over evil.
A wonderful story.
Victor, I want to tell you
that my family and I...
...we stop when your commercials
are running.
Thank you, that's very kind.
Does anybody out there know
Victor's day job as an actor?
- Let him have it.
- I do!
- Name of the character?
- This is on the tip of my tongue.
- It's the wiener...
- Yeah.
- Irv the Footlong Wiener!
- The Footlong Wiener, right.
Head of the class.
Told you I'd get one right.
I wanted a wiener
every time I saw your commercials.
- That's the idea.
- Fantastic.
- Good, good.
- And you buy the hot dogs too?
Let me ask you a couple of questions
about Home for Purim.
It's a story about a Jewish,
Yiddish family?
- Jewish family.
- Tell us a little about the movie.
- Marilyn, why don't you--?
- Yes, Marilyn.
I just would like a moment
to collect my bearings.
Okay. Can I--? If it's okay with you.
You gave a performance
in Song of Reuben...
Oh, she looks nervous.
She's too sensitive for this.
She shouldn't even do that.
You look gorgeous!
I'm calling her on her cell.
I swear, I'm calling her in 10 seconds,
when she goes off.
When they go to commercial break,
I'm calling to tell her.
Yes, Victor!
I don't act for trophies.
I think some people act for trophies.
Some don't.
- This is the range we don't see in actors.
- I hope I don't laugh.
Absolutely not.
Now, Victor, let me ask you something.
Because you are so distinguished
as the wiener...
...do you feel that people
are going to accept you in this role?
Well, if they've seen my theatrical work
over the years, I think they will.
Well, I have to tell you, for my money
and how I feel about it...
...I think you're looking
at an Academy Award nomination.
This is the woman, right here.
No, we know that, but I'm telling you,
I think you can...
- Did he just say what I thought he said?
- What?
Did he just say Oscar buzz at Victor?
He thinks there's gonna be Oscar buzz
around Victor?
- That's what he said.
- Great.
That's two Oscar nominees.
He said, "Oscar" and "Victor"
in the same breath, didn't he?
- Yes, he did.
- Do you know what this means?
- The guy said Victor--
- The man.
- Has to be quiet.
- He thinks Victor's gonna be nominated.
- Oscar buzz.
- I need a Selectric.
- Let's send a big gift basket to Victor.
- I need to compose a very long letter.
- Oh, my God, that was...
- Oh, Corey.
- My infrastructure had a meltdown!
- No, no, you were perfect.
- Couldn't have done better.
- Don't lie.
- It won't help me.
- I'm not.
I didn't know what I was saying.
- Oh, I heard.
- How did he do it?
- Well, he's a natural, okay?
- He is.
You made him look good,
you were so stiff.
- I mean, you were a little nervous.
- Stiff? I should be so lucky.
- He was marvelous.
- But you looked pretty.
- She had a sexual feeling to you.
- Thank you.
I'm not used to being a sex object,
more of a food object.
- Get used to it.
- You play the actor so well.
- Congratulations.
- You had a quiet drama.
- That was wonderful.
- Sure, thank you.
- Do you know any, like, coaches?
- Come with me.
- Victor, go like this:
- Yeah?
You taste that?
That's the taste of stardom,
my friend.
You're entering a new plateau,
joining the ranks of a very select few.
I know,
I've seen this a hundred times.
I've guided so many actors
to this place.
You are now a star.
You have to start walking and talking
and thinking of yourself as a star.
- Okay?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Give Victor Allan Miller fans
the star they've been waiting for.
- Got you, got you.
- Yeah?
In today's "Lost and Found" segment...
...we're going to look at careers that
seemed to be missing for quite some time.
And wouldn't you know it? They both
turned up in exactly the same place.
Marilyn Hack made quite the splash
in Song for Reuben back in 1989...
...for her memorable portrayal
of Imogene the blind prostitute.
Know what they say about blind prostitutes?
You really have to hand it to them.
We can cut that out.
But where did she go? She got lost.
And Victor Allan Miller,
the venerable Broadway veteran...
...best known as
Irv the Footlong Wiener...
...in those amusing commercials
for Felber's Kosher Hot Dogs...
...well, he just up and disappeared.
Until now, Cindy.
They have been found.
And I'm glad to report
they are not only alive and well...
...but more important, they're working.
I'll tell you what, Chuck. Both are
starring in the Sunfish Classics feature:
Home for Purim.
And from what we hear...
...they could both be marching
down the red carpet this year.
And Cindy and I will be on the set
of Home for-- How to pronounce?
- Purim.
- Purim tomorrow...
...talking to Marilyn Hack
and Victor Allan Miller...
...and the cast of this hot little movie
that seems to be creating a stir.
We'll have that story
and much more for you...
...on tomorrow night's show.
When Achashverosh heard the news
Of Haman's evil scheme
He told his wife Queen Esther
"Don't fabrent
Haman will be punished
And the Jews will all be saved
And you'll shep noches later
In my tent"
Purim, Purim, Purim
It's a time to have some fun
By drowning out the sound
Of Haman's name
Purim, Purim, Purim
Spread the news to everyone
That Mordecai and Esther
Saved the day
- Let's get you back to bed.
- No.
My time is short
and I will not leave the Purim table.
What is it about Purim
that is so special to you, Mama?
I'm an Esther, like the queen.
She was a woman who came
from the worst of times to the best.
To a palace where she had
everything she wanted.
Comfort, riches, power.
And she risked it all,
including her life...
...to serve a higher purpose...
...commit a selfless act
to save a nation.
Your daddy was my king...
...this house, my palace...
...and my selfless act was to protect
my family from all the Hamans.
I don't have much time!
Let's put the toys down!
Only now do I realize the irony...
...that my selfless act
was indeed a selfish one.
Because the Haman I was trying
to protect you from, Rachel...
...turned out to be me.
Mama.
- Mama.
- Mama.
You're no Haman, Mama.
You are... Queen Esther.
- And cut.
- That's a cut.
- Very good, everybody. Very good.
- Thank you very much, everybody.
And we are moving on.
Scene 31, in the kitchen.
- Simon? Simon.
- Yeah?
- Brilliant.
- Do me a favor.
In the next take, extreme close-up
of the kugel, all right?
Make a note of that.
I got it.
- To call attention to...
- I don't alter my reading.
That was terrific, unbelievable.
I loved that. That was great.
Victor? What I want to do is,
I want to come in low.
See your face after lunch.
I want to see your--
- Not too low?
- No, not under your chin.
Because I wanna be able
to crosscut after.
- Hello, everyone.
- And Debbie, who--
Everyone, quiet, please.
I have Martin Gibb,
the president of Sunfish Classics.
- Hi.
- Oh, hello.
- Victor Allan Miller.
- Hi.
- This is Marilyn.
- Hi.
- Marilyn Hack.
- Yeah?
- And this is the gang.
- I'm Brian Chubb. Nice to see you.
- Callie Webb.
- Hi.
The article.
The article?
Planet Earth calling.
Did you get a chance
to see the last take?
Yeah. Right. Variety.
So "Star on the Rise" is the headline.
Okay. "With stellar performances...
...from its veteran mainstays,
Marilyn Hack and Victor Allan Miller...
...it is the surprisingly adept
portrayal of Rachel...
...that could earn Webb
Academy recognition."
- Made you happy?
- Oh, my God.
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
- Oh, bye-bye.
- Wow, that's unbelievable.
- It's gonna be so much fun.
- This is good news for everybody.
- Bye! Bye, thank you for coming.
- Baby, this is fantastic.
I just feel like...
- ...I got in trouble.
- No.
- Like I don't know you.
- No. You don't--?
- You're mad at me for something.
- I'm not. I'm...
You're not happy for me.
I'm happy for you
because you do good work...
...and you're wonderful
at what you do.
You know how embarrassing
that was for me in there?
- You weren't happy for me.
- Listen, Callie, I'm happy for you.
- What is your problem?
- I don't have a problem. I'll--
- You're jealous. That's your problem.
- No.
If you're not gonna be there for me
then I will do this alone.
- I'm confused.
- I don't need you.
I don't need anybody.
I don't need you.
And you know what, Brian?
You're not confused.
- Callie.
- I see right through you.
- Come back here, please.
- I see right through you.
If you take my meaning.
Oh, good times, good times.
Well, done.
- Well done, everybody.
- We're very, very relieved and happy.
I mean, we had no idea, you know,
what to expect.
- We've never been here before.
- Babes in the woods.
It's great. The cast are great.
We make enough money on this,
there'll be babes in the trailers.
Hey, hey. Hey, now.
And so with a few little tweaks
here and there, you know...
What kind of tweaks?
Just make it more palatable.
We want a wider audience to see it.
We don't want a very small art movie.
Oh, I see what you're saying.
No, no, no.
I don't think you have that problem.
I've seen cut footage.
It's vital and it's exciting.
It's about real people.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we can--
It will be if we just tone
some of the themes down a little bit.
- That's all. Just tone--
- And how would that be?
- Just--
- What is the theme?
Well, the Jewishness.
Which is good. Ethnicity is good.
- Well, they are Jewish.
- Absolutely. Tone that down...
...and then everyone can enjoy it.
Wait. This is about a Jewish family.
They're home for Purim.
That's the title.
Well, we could--
Yeah, we could change the title.
I wasn't suggesting we change the title.
I'm pointing out...
...that Purim is an essential part
of this story.
It looks like guys in suits
are telling you--
- No, no, no.
- It's not that.
Just tone down the Jewishness
so everyone can enjoy it.
- Title change would be good.
- No one...
...is wearing a hat or has ringlets.
I'm just saying the film as a whole,
the theme...
...the whole thrust of the film...
...the whole in-your-face
Jewishness of the film...
...tone it down.
We could change the title.
Oh, here's people coming
to see it now.
It's a good film and there's people
watching. That'd be good, wouldn't it?
What if we do a different holiday
around the table-- Easter.
--and just focus on the rabbit?
All I'm saying is have it there,
don't shove it down people's throats.
I don't-- I don't run around--
I don't run around going,
"I'm a Gentile, look at my foreskin."
I don't shove it down your throat,
because I don't care.
Three, two, one, and hit them.
We're sitting on the set...
...of one of the hottest movies
being made in Hollywood today.
It's called Hello, Purim.
- Home for Purim.
- No, "Home."
Home for Purim.
Some faces we're not familiar with.
Some new faces.
And I recognize Victor Allan Miller.
- How are you? Question for you.
- I'm fine, Chuck.
The Brady Bunch.
What was your favorite character?
- Jan.
- Well, she's an attractive young lady.
Mine was-- I think her name was Alice.
Was that it?
She was the maid. She was the glue
that held the family together.
- You had a question, Cindy?
- Yes. Victor...
...when word got out
that I was interviewing you today...
...I was inundated
with phone calls and e-mails...
- ...all of them asking me to ask you...
- Knocked out by the opportunity.
- ...the same question.
- Which is?
Where the heck have you been?
Oh, aren't you nice?
Well, actually, I've been teaching in--
That's rhetorical.
You don't have to answer.
Marilyn Hack,
you play the matriarch here...
...and you are dying as I understand.
That must be tough,
doing a dramatic scene like this.
Let me ask a question.
Anybody play any gags...
...any pranks on the set?
Anything funny that happened?
No high jinks per se, but I--
Hold it just a second. I gotta take this.
Yeah?
- What's he doing?
- I don't know.
- Nothing much.
- Yeah, talk amongst yourselves.
- No, it was easy day.
- Hang up the phone.
Aren't these things wonderful?
In a restaurant, you can use them.
You don't have to hunt for a pay phone.
They say soon we'll be able
to use them on an airplane.
Callie Webb,
you had to play the daughter...
...that comes home to her mom
who is dying.
You have a history of standup comedy.
Were you able to fall back
on your comedy chops...
- ...in playing a role like that?
- No.
- It doesn't translate, eh?
- It's a drama.
Tragedy plus time equals comedy.
I didn't know if it worked the other way.
- It's a different movie.
- Yeah.
Years ago, I read a book called
The Little Engine That Could.
- "I think I can."
- What?
"I think I can, I think I can...
- ...I think I can.
- That's what he says.
- That's what the train said as--
- I think I can...
- I think it was just three.
- ...I think I can."
And it reminds me of this little movie
that started out as practically nothing...
...and is chugging up, up, up.
Who knows if it's gonna
reach its goal and explode.
It's a wonderful book.
It's big print, lot of pictures,
not too heavy reading.
If you want something heavy, see Hamlet
or Shakespeare or something like that.
For me, something you can
get into and out of.
God bless you all.
Victor, keep plugging at your career...
...despite what critics say.
You know, the dogs bark,
but the caravans move on.
Everyone, keep up the good work.
Tune into our show Friday night...
C.J. Simon...
...and a group of people
who stand around him...
...because there's no studio work.
Please get a name for your band.
Our next guest finished shooting
a charming little movie this past summer...
...that was just supposed to pay rent.
Here we are in January,
with the Oscars around the corner.
Let me tell you, that charming
little movie not only paid the rent...
...could end up buying her
the whole block.
It turned this town on its ear.
Please welcome the star
of Home for Thanksgiving...
...Marilyn Hack. Oh, Marilyn?
I love you, Marilyn!
- Well, good evening.
- Good evening, Ben.
Thank you very much
for being here with us.
Oh, no, thank you.
It's a dream come true.
Well, we're glad that we could
help you achieve your dream.
Speaking of which,
there is word on the street...
...that your performance in this movie
is spellbinding.
- Well...
- Tell me a little about the movie.
It's about Thanksgiving,
which I believe...
...is probably our most elegant holiday.
Don't you think so?
- I do now.
- Because we say "thank you."
And I, for one,
can't say thank you enough.
And it's all-inclusive. It includes
everyone, no matter what religion.
- It's nondenominational.
- Exactly, that's the word.
And it kicks off Awards season.
I gotta tell you.
I see a lot of films. I love all of them.
And Home for Thanksgiving?
I think it's my favorite film.
Favorite film of the year.
- Well--
- Oh, here we go.
--I hate to surprise you, Ben...
...but I also enjoyed it very, very much.
- You know, when people see--
- I slobbered.
I don't believe this.
- Well, thank goodness.
- Home for Thanksgiving...
...is, as far as I'm concerned,
one of the top films of the year.
I mean, Oscars. I smell Oscars.
I loved it. I loved the movie.
KXBD 104.9 Talk Radio.
- Dinkie and Don--
- Turning you on.
It's the Morningwood Show.
Morningwood and Holly would if she could.
- I've got morning wood this morning.
- Yes, we do.
We got a special guest.
That's the reason for my wood, I tell you.
- Her name is Callie Webb.
- How are you?
- I'm good. How are you?
- Excited to have you here.
We heard there's a little bit of,
I don't know, Awards-season buzz...
- ...around the film you have opening.
- That's right.
- Tell us about that.
- I'm very excited.
The film is called Home for Thanksgiving.
- And--
- How many topless scenes do you have?
- There are no topless scenes.
- No scenes?
- What's the point?
- How is there buzz?
But there's...
Gentlemen, welcome.
- Thank you.
- Thank you very much.
So here you are, playwrights.
How has the transition been from writing
for the stage to writing for screen?
Because it starts out
as a wordsmith's medium.
It starts out as a medium
in which your script is sacrosanct.
- Yes.
- Correct? And it's a medium...
...in the screen,
where the director calls the shots.
The director designs what's gonna go on,
the sequence of events.
The director, in fact,
can marshal your words around...
...and you're relegated.
Do you feel relegated...
...in this situation?
Or do you feel like...
...you have reached a position of comfort?
What up, everybody?
It's your boy, chillaxing.
We have a special guest today.
He's the star of the upcoming new movie,
Home for Thanksgiving...
...which comes out this Friday.
I want you guys
to give a warm welcome...
...for Victor Allan Miller.
- Yeah!
- Yes!
- What's up, man? How you doing?
- How you doing?
- I'm so glad you could be here.
- I am so thrilled. I'm pumped, stoked.
Absolutely, absolutely.
Here on Chillaxin'.
- We're gonna pump this beat now.
- So am I dancing?
Yeah, exactly.
All right, cool. Right there.
Let go a little bit.
That's what we gonna do.
That's what I'm talking about, chillaxing.
Let go even more.
- Let go even more. More.
- More?
- Absolutely.
- I'm a sandwich, huh?
- Just have a good time. That's what it is.
- All right, Victor!
- Yeah, right there.
- Home for Thanksgiving.
Some love for him right now.
Victor, right now, letting go.
Well, the countdown
to Awards season has begun.
The nominations will be announced
in just two days.
And once again, we have to rely on
Chuck and Cindy's crystal ball...
...to give us the inside track
on this year's favorites.
Yes. We will gaze into the crystal ball...
...and tell you who we see
as our nomination picks.
Nice accent, incidentally.
Cindy, who do you see for Best Actor?
Well, I see two faces appearing, Chuck.
Ben Connelly
for Whispers in the Attic...
...and Victor Allan Miller
for Home for Thanksgiving.
Who do you see
for Best Actress, Chuck?
I see Louise Mayer for the classy,
big-budget musical, Dream Alley.
And there seems to be two other faces
fighting for recognition.
Marilyn Hack and Callie Webb.
Both for Home for Thanksgiving.
Yeah, well, I'll tell you what.
Tomorrow night, the Best Supporting
Actor and Actress category.
- But right now...
- I see a commercial in the future.
And I'm feeling a lot better
about my accent.
Guess who. Hi.
Hi.
Hi, darling.
Do you believe this?
Do you believe any of it?
It's too exciting. How do you feel?
- I feel good.
- Oh, yes.
I don't see anything wrong with both of us
being nominated. Don't see why not.
I'm sure it's been done before,
don't you think?
I mean, after tomorrow,
I won't talk to you, but...
- Marilyn?
- Yes, it's exciting.
It's exciting, isn't it?
Yeah.
I'm so-- I'm very happy for you.
I'm happy for you too, Marilyn.
I haven't seen Brian here,
my other little baby.
- We split up.
- You did not.
- Yeah.
- Tell me you're kidding.
- Yeah, it's--
- That's awful.
Hello, blondie.
Are you a natural blond?
Oh, no. All of it
is really brown and curly.
Mixing business with pleasure.
My pleasure.
Yeah.
Do you like restaurants? You like wine.
Do you like restaurants?
- They're okay.
- Yeah.
Do you wanna go to a restaurant?
Maybe.
What sort do you like?
I like...
..."latesion"? Lesion?
Lesion, that's a-- That's like a wound.
No, it's Latin restaurants...
- ...but I don't know what the word is.
- Latin?
Latin restaurants.
You mean, like, Mexican or...?
No, Latin. The people that speak Latin.
I need this to calm my nerves.
- I'm not gonna sleep tonight.
- It's so exciting.
I'm a peeled nerve. I'm just--
I'm all jitters. I can hardly...
I think Marilyn is very deserving,
but I think Callie is equally...
...as deserving of an award.
She's wonderful,
but it's an early celebration.
I don't think she's quite ripened yet.
But you know what? I have to tell you
that when I was a very little girl...
...my daddy would say to me,
he said, you know:
"Never let them see you sweat."
And I think that the voters
can smell the fear. It's like dogs.
They know that she's hungry.
No, but you know what? I'm sorry.
Dying is easy.
Playing a lesbian is hard.
Oh, please. Marilyn Hack is the queen
and tomorrow, there will be a coronation.
There was a thousand queens
on that set.
- And you know that.
- Your point is?
Oh, come on. There's a ton of queens.
It's been a good experience
for everybody. I mean, you know...
...this is the last bargain-basement deal
you get out of this guy.
You know?
We now have to be more discerning.
We're not gonna just take
any commercial that comes our way.
- We're not gonna take any.
- We're not gonna take any.
Gentlemen, c'est a.
Now, if I may go out on a--
- Jesus, don't touch me.
- Sorry.
Corey, what is it, Pioneer Days
at Moorpark this weekend?
Certified degree of Indian blood.
It's on my wall, kemo.
Mr. Miller, I presume you will be
watching the nominations...
...this morning at 5 a.m.
on your television set.
Well, I would, except for the fact
that I don't own a television.
- Has no TV. Yeah.
- I'd be happy to telephone you.
Call me, Taft, and I will call him. Okay?
- We're having a meeting.
- Got you.
Could you step back, physically?
- Yep. I'm going to go sit in my car.
- Thank you.
Hello.
Hello, everybody.
Come around.
Come on. Okay.
Okay:
Okay. Thanks.
When the enchanting Whitney Brown
first came into my office...
...I realized I was in
for a very special encounter.
And when I actually got around
to reading the coverage...
...I realized I had in my mitts a story...
...the likes of which
I had not seen before.
Which goes to show...
...the suits aren't always the wankers
they're made out to be.
Hear, hear.
So with that in mind...
...I would like to propose a toast...
...to the future nominees
for Home for Thanksgiving.
The future nominees.
Home for Thanksgiving.
Home for Thanksgiving.
The backup, however,
remains northbound at Costa Mesa.
In Hollywood, traffic on the 101
is running smoothly in both directions...
...through the Cahuenga Pass
and into downtown L.A.
That is your early drive-time report...
...and now we head back
to our KAJE coverage...
...of the nominations from the Academy.
And now the nominations
for Best Actress in a Motion Picture.
Veronica Randolph
in Whispers in the Attic.
Cynthia Chapman
in Pride of Plymouth Rock.
- Okay, say it.
- Sally Ann Middleton...
- ...in Whispers in the Attic.
- Say it now.
Louise Mayer in Dream Alley.
And Monique LeBlanc
in Le Cheval Obscurit.
Dark Horse.
The nominations for Best Actor
in a Motion Picture are...
...Ben Connelly in Whispers in the Attic.
Marilyn Hack.
- Jose Mercado in Crystal Lake.
- Just...
Just say Marilyn Hack.
- William Montague...
- It's so easy.
...in Tomorrow Never Sleeps.
Hi, this is Brian,
please leave me a message.
Brian? Brian, it's Corey.
Corey Taft and Associates.
Congratulations, my young friend.
You have achieved a nomination.
That is very exciting news
for a young actor...
Good evening America, and anyone else
who can understand the king's English.
Well, the nominations are in
and there are surprises galore.
Well, I'll tell you what, Chuck.
Once again, the voters have spoken.
And it seems that sentiment alone
will not get you that coveted golden statue.
And because there were so many surprises,
Cindy, I thought to myself...
...instead of hearing the usual drivel
from the glowing nominees...
...what could be more
fun than hearing...
...what the devastatingly disappointed
losers had to say this morning?
Well, I guess it all depends on what
your definition of fun is, Chuck.
Fun is where you find it.
We had our roving cameras on the losers
first thing this morning...
...and here's what they had to say.
Hi, Callie. Chuck Porter...
...Hollywood Now. Scrunch over. I thought
you'd like some company this morning.
So let me start by saying... no nomination.
And I say that on behalf of myself
and all your fans.
Your movie was exceptional.
But what went wrong?
Why no nomination?
Honestly, Chuck,
I haven't really thought about it.
- No thought?
- It doesn't really matter.
It doesn't matter. Can I have an order
of humble pie over here?
For Miss Callie Webb? Don't say, "Who?"
One thing you have to look forward to
is having privacy.
Not having people come out and say,
"Can I have your autograph?"
No autographs for this lady.
What do you mean
you didn't want one anyway?
Victor Allan Miller is inside auditioning
for a Buffalo-wings commercial.
Let's sneak inside like a fly on the wall.
Maybe they won't even notice
we're there.
Wow, that's spicy.
- Wow, that's spicy.
- You've sold me.
I'll take a thousand
of those Buffalo wings.
Because I got 500 buffalo
I'm teaching how to fly.
Chuck Porter, Hollywood Now.
Would you all be an angel...
...and give us two minutes
with Mr. Miller, here.
- Hello, Chuck.
- How are you, Victor?
- I'm good, I'm good.
- Victor, listen.
You're striking
while the iron is cold, right?
I was shocked that you were
considered for a nomination.
But once the word came out,
I was rooting for you.
How did it feel when you thought
you were gonna get a nomination?
You know, when you just came in, I thought
you were gonna say there was a mistake.
I wish I could have.
There were so many great performances.
You know, I'm gonna call you Mr. Miller.
Because it's kind of hypocritical
to call you Victor.
- You get what I'm saying?
- I get it, yeah.
Victor, he's certainly not a victor.
Can I help you?
Are you a member of the union?
Would you tell your cameraman
I have to sign a release?
I'm kidding. Just get back there
and make notes.
We are out of here. We're in Times Square.
And we've watched this man's ball drop...
...ignominiously, so let's light the sparklers
and move on down the road.
I think we see Marilyn Hack right now.
Let's pay her a visit.
Morning, Marilyn. Chuck Porter,
from Hollywood Now.
- Wrong house.
- No, the right house.
- I didn't get nominated.
- We wanna talk to Marilyn.
- Marilyn and trash. What a juxtaposition.
- I didn't get nominated.
We know that. And what happened?
- What was that?
- But the important--
You get close to being nominated.
- That's what it's all about.
- No, it's not right. It's a big tease.
Because four out of five of those girls
are gonna lose, bigtime.
- Can I ask you--?
- Way worse than me.
I didn't even get nominated.
- I'm not gonna lose. I'm not gonna lose.
- What happened? All right.
How could I think I'd win
if I'm not nominated?
- That's what I mean. You came this close--
- Stop it!
- I don't think you--
- I'm gonna go to France.
- What for?
- How'd the French girl get in?
The French movie. Drives me nuts,
with the writing on the screen.
- That's French. It's French. It's not legal.
- I don't think it's late-breaking news.
Then I'm gonna come back,
and they're gonna say, "Oh, la, la, French."
"French, foreign. You're so--
Let's give you all the awards."
And I'll say, "Fuck you.
You didn't know-- Even know it was me."
- No. I'm sure--
- Yeah, go see Frenchie.
No, I think they did a wonderful job.
Best of luck.
Come in. I got so much food. Come on.
Marilyn Hack. Now I know
what it feels like...
...to stare down into the Grand Canyon.
Chuck Porter, Hollywood Now,
saying, fade out.
You were never there for me
You never really cared
I can see right through you
You were always running scared
But wait. Were you there for him?
Did you give him everything he needed?
Maybe it was you
who was running scared.
Wait a minute, wait a minute
You're changing the subject
I'm getting all confused
He always was the problem
I was being used
Or was I?
Second chances don't happen every day
But in every single way
I will forgive him
Maybe I will forgive him...
...in hell!
What if I told you...
...that you could have a slim,
trim and sexy body...
...in just nine and a half days...
...and have all the fun
of a Hawaiian vacation?
Sound too good to be true?
Well, not when you're exercising
with Hula Balls.
And here to help demonstrate
this fantastic new product...
...a man who came this close
to getting nominated for an Oscar:
Victor Allan Miller.
Victor, welcome.
And congratulations on almost
being nominated. That's exciting.
Yes, it is. Thank you very much.
It was an honor
just to be almost nominated.
It's an honor to be demonstrating
this fantastic product.
Let me just show you
how easy it is to use.
Great. Now, to the untrained eye...
...it may look like Victor is having
the time of his life...
...but he's actually working
his abdominals...
...quads, calf and hip muscles.
Victor, may I join you?
- Please, do.
- Okay.
Plenty for everybody.
- God, this is as fun as it looks.
- Feels good, doesn't it?
- I'm feeling that burn.
- He looks good.
Good? He's this close from the A-list.
I mean, this is such a profile booster
for Victor.
Because you gotta be somebody
to sell these balls.
They don't just ask anybody.
More people will see this
than all the Shakespeare...
...and all the Broadway he's ever done.
He's gonna get a lot of work from this.
- I'm gonna need some help to get up.
- I'm right here.
You can't get away from us, Pres.
We're both in your blood.
This is the country you were born to,
the country you know and trust.
Amy wouldn't understand.
She'd think there'd be snakes.
Julia, please.
- That was good.
- Thank you.
- Not bad. Not bad.
- Thank you.
- But indulge me.
- Okay.
Okay.
Like I am.
You can't get away from us, Pres.
We're both in your blood.
This is the country you were born to,
the country you know and trust.
Your country, Pres.
Amy wouldn't understand.
She'd just think there was snakes.
Julia, please.
See the difference?
Was it louder?
Oh, my darlings, you are so talented.
That's why you're here, with me.
But you are so full of yourselves.
Ask yourself why the naked mole-rat mother
allows 30 babies at once...
...to grow inside her,
feed on her every resource...
...and stretch her skin
to the point of breaking.
I'll let you in on a little secret.
Because it feels good.
She lets it all go. Everything.
And she's left feeling comfortable
in her own skin.
Oh, I wish I could jump-cut you babies...
...right now to the happy place
that I'm in.
I wish, but that's your own journey.
It's worth it.
I have learned...
...that if I can expunge everything within...
...I am left comfortable...
...in my own skin.