If you're watching this, you've
discovered something you shouldn't have.
Anyway, um...
This... This is a close-up
of a model's eye.
Yeah.
I can't remember her name to save my life,
but she had the bluest eyes
I've ever seen.
The only other time I remember seeing
this exact intensity of blue...
was the day my sister drowned.
It was everywhere.
It was in the water,
in the sky, Nicole's skin.
Blue.
I remember.
And gold.
The gold of the light
off the surface of the water.
Like an empty frame
flashing onto the screen.
Nicole.
She's the one girl
I keep trying to remember.
But I... I think
she's the problem.
I think she's the reason
I am the way I am, right?
Maybe I should back up and try to
explain what the hell happened here.
Jesus Christ. What the
hell did happen here?
Um...
Well, let's start with me.
My name is Kevin Wolfe.
I'm a studio photographer.
I do head shots,
and most of my clients are girls.
Girls.
They've sort of been the focus
of my whole fucking life.
They're sort of
a problem for me.
I've just been trying to find a way
to forget all the bad experiences...
and try to have
at least one good one, so...
every girl that comes
into this studio...
every actress, every model...
I ask out.
Would you like to see a movie?
And they almost always say...
No.
And so, I do
this forgetting thing.
It's like a ritual.
I mean, I know it sounds weird,
but you gotta do something positive...
to cancel out the negative experiences,
right?
Um, for instance,
I forgot Theresa
by going to Coney Island.
And before Theresa
there was Carrie,
who decided to stand me up
at the movies.
Forgot her by watching every
single episode of Lost on DVD.
And then, uh...
Then there was Sheila.
She was a real girl, you know?
Not like most actresses...
not fake.
Although she does look
really overdone here.
My assistant Jamie,
she sometimes went
a little crazy with the makeup.
Anyway, I remember asking...
Are you single?
Um, I'm only 19.
Oh.
Um, do you have
a... a boyfriend?
Oh, no. No, I don't.
Maybe we could go
to a-a movie sometime?
Uh...
Sure.
Yeah. Uh, sure.
Um...
I... I like movies.
A lot of
girls have a hard time saying no,
especially if they're from Iowa
or some fucking place.
It's like they're trying
to be polite all the time.
But, anyway, she called the day
we were supposed to go out...
and she said she'd forgotten
about other plans.
Some relative was in from out of town,
I think, or something, blah, blah, blah.
I forgot her
by going to the newsstand.
Flipping through
the fashion magazines,
the pictures of
the skinny supermodels,
the emaciated and beautiful.
And then, uh, there are the ones
who are not so easy to forget...
because they are the ones
who said...
Yes.
Okay.
This looks great.
Thanks.
It's a great smile.
Have you done a lot of acting?
I mean, theater or...
Um, a few years ago,
I went on some auditions.
And then I met this guy,
and... now I'm a hostess.
But I'm planning
on getting back into it.
How old are you?
How old am I?
Why do you want to know
how old I am?
Where'd you grow up?
Who said I ever grew up?
Oh.
Well, where'd you go to school?
You know, usually, how this works is that
I'm usually the one asking questions.
Oh.
What are you doing tonight?
What am I doing?
Do you want to go out
with me, Kevin?
Oh, like what?
Like a movie?
I was thinking more like a bar.
Okay.
Kevin.
I had a bad dream.
Oh, my God.
- Good morning.
- Are you taking pictures of me?
Taking one picture.
Here.
See? You look beautiful.
Not likely.
Yeah, you do.
Oh, God.
What time is it?
Oh, my God.
I don't want you to get
the wrong idea about me.
Get the wrong idea?
What wrong idea?
Um...
Yeah.
I mean, I can't believe that I, like...
Listen, I'm not, uh...
I'm not the type of person
that just wants to...
Uh, fuck.
Listen, I know that... I know that I
really don't know you at all, Adrienne.
I can't even think of your
last name at the moment.
But... And it's safe to say
that you don't know me,
but...
I really feel
that we made this...
this connection.
Right?
Uh, a connection?
Yeah.
I mean, you're here, I'm here,
and I just feel like there's this...
there's a spark.
I mean, what I want,
really, is just...
I just want a girl, you know?
I mean, I'm just a guy. I mean,
I'm not, like, a fashion photographer.
It's nothing glamorous.
I just do head shots, you know...
300 a digital set,
prints are extra.
It's the deal I gave you, essentially.
Yeah.
Um, hey, listen.
Yesterday was, like,
a really, um, weird day for me.
So...
Mmm.
Yeah.
Okay.
Sh... Coffee?
Do you want coffee?
I could go down to the corner... No,
thanks.
No, thanks.
You have to go to work?
Work. Yeah, I do.
Work.
Can I, um... Can I
call you sometime?
Um, did I give you my number?
Oh. Wow.
Uh, yeah, you gave it
to Jamie on the card...
so that I could call you when the
pictures were ready. Oh! Right, right.
Awkward.
Okay.
Thanks!
Fuck. Fucking fuck.
I am such a fucking idiot.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
I can't believe how stupid I am.
No idea how to talk to people...
girls in particular.
Hi. I really think we had this connection,
right?
Hi! We have a connection.
I really think, uh...
Stupid. I'm so fucking stupid.
I'm stupid.
I'm such a fucking moron.
I'm such a fucking dumb-ass piece of shit.
Fucking brain...
Hey.
Hi.
Do you wanna go camping?
Uh, Derek and me were...
Derek and I are going camping,
and we want you to go.
And I was thinking you could do
some of your nature photography.
You know, if you don't want to,
that is totally fine.
Please tell me
you're kidding, right?
Yeah. I was kidding.
You're kidding.
Yeah. I got you.
You got me.
I'm going to go set up now.
Okay.
Do you have
any pictures to show me?
Nah.
You never show me
your pictures.
They're just girls.
They're just...
head shots.
They're boring, Ruby.
They'd bore you.
Girls are nice.
You wouldn't like 'em.
Trust me, Ruby.
You wouldn't like any of 'em.
They're not dirty pictures,
are they?
Come on.
I've seen those magazines. I know what all
kinds of pictures they have out there.
They're not dirty.
You're taking dirty pictures!
You are crazy, Ruby.
You are a crazy old woman.
You shouldn't call me Ruby.
You should call me Grandma.
Ruby, can I see
the pictures of Nicole?
She wasn't supposed to be
called "Nicole," you know,
because that was
your mother's name.
I know.
But when she died,
we thought it was fitting.
Just a newborn baby,
and a little girl and all.
Such a pretty little baby.
It was fitting she should
have your mother's name.
Oh, your mother...
I guess it was just
one of those things.
They said they
couldn't have known.
And I thought I could console
myself with little Nicole.
You're all I've got left.
Fuck.
It's not that you're
a bad guy or anything.
I mean, you seem like
you're really nice.
It's just...
I don't know...
like you seem
kind of like, um...
You know, like, with
the whole connection thing?
And then, plus, the mood
that I was in when we...
You know, um, I was kind of
acting something out.
I mean, you... you asked me out,
you know.
Why would you ask me out?
I mean, I don't...
I'm sorry.
It's not something that you
should do lightly, you know.
You know what?
Thank you for the head shots.
I, uh... Yeah, I have some, uh,
extra prints in here, if you want them.
And I ended up using one of them,
actually, for my flyer.
I hope that doesn't bother you.
Oh, no, it's fine.
And these are fine.
Yeah.
Um...
It is fine. It's gonna be fine.
It's totally fine.
It's, uh... Don't even
feel bad about it.
You know,
I know a lot of girls.
Um, it's just...
I felt... I felt like
we had a, uh...
Hey, Kevin.
I'm sorry.
Me too.
You know when you're in a museum
and you're looking at a painting,
and it's really
freaking you out?
It's all jagged and awful,
and it gets inside you?
Then you just turn your head
and walk through the door...
into another room
of the museum,
and you're looking
at another painting...
a calculation of colors,
abstract and meaningless, but beautiful.
So beautiful.
Just waiting for you...
if you just walk through.
Hi.
Uh, my name's Kevin Wolfe.
I'm a studio photographer.
I do head shots, $300 a digital set.
Prints are extra.
You've probably
seen my flyers...
all over the city?
No? Sounds like you've said
that a few times before.
Yeah,
I think I even say it in my sleep.
Well, I mean, it's okay
if you haven't seen 'em.
It's probably not something
you'd pay attention to anyway.
I mean, unless, of course, you know,
you wanted to get head shots, right?
I mean, are you, uh, an actor?
Yeah, uh,
actually, I need some.
Yeah?
I'm Beth.
Beth, uh...
Beth Dalewell.
Beth Dalewell.
Are you, uh, enjoying
the play so far?
Yeah. Uh, so far
it's all right.
Just all right?
Yeah.
I don't know.
It's kind of embarrassing, isn't it?
I mean, the guy's walking around in
white tights pretending to be a swan.
I don't know. We're actually
supposed to believe he is one.
Yeah.
Did... Did you produce it
or something?
Oh, no. No, no, no.
I mean...
I did the head shots
for someone in that cast.
Yep. And plus,
I'm just a fan of the theater.
Oh, fuck.
I can't believe I just said that.
"I'm a fan of the theater."
"The theater."
I'm sorry.
I'm just an idiot.
No, you're...
you're funny.
I'm funny? What do you...
What do you mean?
I don't know. You're just...
You're just funny.
So...
Are you, um,
coming from Kevin's?
Uh, yeah.
Just picking up some head shots.
Photos.
Are you an actress?
I'd like to be.
What do you do?
Nothing.
Really?
I'm sort of the...
the landlord.
Oh.
I feel like I'm just like this
worthless piece of shit...
that, like, exists in the world
for absolutely no reason.
And, like, I should just essentially be
dead, and everyone would be happier.
Like everyone else
has a reason to be alive,
and I'm just, like,
this worthless failure that has no... point.
Okay, Jamie.
James. Listen.
I look in the mirror,
and I'm just like...
I just feel like I'm so ugly and hideous,
and I...
Jamie, listen. You're not hideous, Jamie.
You're not ugly at all.
Will you... Will you stop
being so negative?
Why don't you try
being positive?
Think about... Think about anything.
I know, Derek.
I know it is your job
to talk me down, okay?
And...
I'm not gonna
drink anything, okay?
And thank you, you know?
Thank you.
You're like my only friend
in the entire world,
and that is why I call you,
because you're nice, you know?
You're a very, very,
very nice sponsor.
I'm really gla...
Can you hold on?
I have another call.
- Hello?
- Hi, honey.
Hi, Mom.
I didn't interrupt anything?
No. I can call you
back if you want.
No.
What are you doing?
I was just on the other line
with the suicide hotline, so...
Really? Yeah.
They said I should do it.
Oh, my God, Jamie.
Are you okay? I'm kidding.
I'm kidding, Mom.
Why would you scare me like that?
Can you please
hold on for a second?
The swan started crying,
you know?
The dancing was one thing,
and then... and then, yeah.
Hi.
Hey.
So, I still need you to get
me a key for the downstairs,
and then you wouldn't have to buzz
me in every time I come to work.
I don't mind it,
but since I already have the upstairs key,
and I know it bothers you...
I keep forgetting about that.
Would you mind making some coffee, please?
Yes.
So... you know how I was
telling you Derek is gay?
I know you knew he was gay,
but all of my best friends are always gay.
"Fag hag." That's what they
used to call me in high school.
Because my best friend
was gay... Tony.
Oh, my God.
You would like Tony.
The weird thing is is that I
have never known any lesbians.
I mean, I don't think
I'd get along with one.
Although, who's to judge?
I don't know.
Maybe I've known a lot of
lesbians and didn't know. God.
If I was friends with lesbians in high school,
they couldn't have called me "fag hag."
They'd have to call me something else like
"lesbi-friend."
Oh, shit.
You didn't think, a minute ago,
that I was saying
I thought you were gay,
'cause that is not
what I was saying.
I would not want you
to think... That's not...
Wow.
So, yeah, Derek
is not my boyfriend,
and I wouldn't even want Derek to be
my boyfriend even if he wasn't gay.
- I mean...
- You know what I'm saying? Kevin?
Sorry.
Jesus Christ, Tanner.
It's dark as hell in here.
Sorry.
I need to borrow your...
your car this weekend. Is that all right?
What have you got in your hand?
Just pictures.
Photographs.
Let's see.
I don't think so.
If you want to borrow the Impala,
show me the pictures.
That's a good boy.
Mmm. Mmm.
I saw this one on the poster.
Wait a minute.
You mean you actually left your apartment?
Hilarious.
Did you fuck her?
Let's look at yours.
Mine are better.
Yeah, I'm sure.
Hmm, hmm, hmm.
Aw! God.
Look at this one.
What is... What is that?
That's a fish.
Why would she...
Look at this one.
Yeah. Oh.
Where do you get this shit?
Come on, Kevin.
This is beautiful.
You're so fucked up.
Yeah.
Can I keep this?
Yeah, it's yours.
Thanks.
Don't you want this?
No.
Why?
What'd you do to her?
I guess I scared her.
Yeah, apparently.
Apparently,
I do that sometimes.
Anyway, Adrienne's memory
played on in my psyche...
like one of those
extended remixes...
over and over and over.
How did I forget her?
Hello?
Hey, it's Kevin.
You, uh... You still
going camping?
Yes.
So I'm pretty much not sure
what I'm going to call it yet.
It could either be
a "uni-peg" or a "pega-corn,"
or I could just call it something really
simple like "flying horse with horn."
You know what I mean?
If I just need to keep it simple.
But basically, it's like the most
incredible animal that's ever existed.
It's half unicorn,
half Pegasus.
So it's like a flying horse
with wings and a horn.
I can't even tell you how important the
Pegasus on its own, without a horn,
has been essentially
since I was, like, born.
'Cause when I was a kid,
I had this game called Dark Tower.
It's, like, there's this tower,
and it's called the Dark Tower.
And there's all these things like Brigands...
I think the Brigand is the bad guy.
Then there's this other...
like you have rations.
Oh, yeah. And you go
to the Bazaar.
It spins around,
and I don't know... Jamie.
Could you stop, like... Could you stop
talking, please? For like a second.
I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.
No, don't be sorry.
You just... You make me
nervous, I guess.
There's nothing
to be nervous about.
There isn't?
No. I like you, okay?
Just... with the talking,
please just be calm, okay?
For an exercise.
Because I want to be quiet.
I mean, I really do.
It's like I want my mouth to just die.
But then, like,
all of a sudden, it's back.
It resurrects like Christ,
and then it's like... Jamie!
Please!
I am begging you.
Sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. Thank you.
I'll shut up.
She told me how she feels
about you, Kevin.
You might take that
into consideration.
What are you talking about?
Jamie's... very fragile.
I'm not saying
she'd do anything, but...
Just do me a favor
and be nice to her.
Yeah.
Yeah, of course.
Everybody loves him.
He's very talented.
Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet.
Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet!
I'm sorry.
Tweet, tweet.
Tweet, tweet!
In the end,
I did end up forgetting Theresa...
and Doris and Allison
and Sheila and Adrienne...
and... and all of them.
I mean, it's not that
I forgot them literally though.
It's just I made it
so I didn't care anymore.
See? That's a picture
of me not caring.
Ah, anyway, um,
I decided I had to try to remember
more about my sister Nicole,
what happened.
Try to really find
the answer this time,
try to figure out...
why I'm like this.
All right, Ruby.
Are you comfortable?
What do you want me to do?
Well, I just... I want
to record you, okay?
I want to...
I want to record some of your
stories about the old days...
because, uh...
I mean, what happens
when you're gone, right?
I mean,
no one's gonna know what you know.
So, I just want you
to talk, all right?
Just like normal.
Forget that the camera's even here.
What do you want me
to talk about?
Talk about Mom.
Talk about Nicole.
What is it?
Uh, there's someone here.
I didn't have an appointment.
It's not a good time.
I think you should
come out here, Kevin.
- Hi.
- Um, my name is Denise Gilcrest,
and this is my...
this is Mike Haley.
What...
What can I do for you?
Well...
- Adrienne.
- She's my sister.
- You're Kevin Wolfe, right?
- Yeah. Yeah.
- I took these pictures.
- Have you seen her?
Uh, no. I mean, not for a while.
You know.
Why? Is... Is she...
- She's been missing.
- Missing?
- Did you know her?
- Me? No.
No, I just saw her
when we did the pictures.
But you knew her better than that,
didn't you, Kevin?
Yeah. I mean, we went out one night,
um, and then that was it.
I mean, I called her once after that,
and then we saw each other briefly, but...
- Do you remember what day that was?
- Yeah, that was on...
Uh, when was that?
Uh, no, actually I don't
remember exactly.
Well, where did you go?
We went to a diner on 43rd Street,
and then, uh...
Yeah, are you sure
she didn't just take off?
Is that... I mean,
you called her friends and everything?
If she just took off,
she did it with none of her belongings...
no suitcase, no money, nothing.
The detectives think
it's really unlikely, so...
She would have called her sister,
don't you think?
Are the police, like...
Are they helping you guys?
Hardly.
So, can you tell us what you talked
about the last time you saw her?
Um, yeah. Well,
I gave her these pictures, and then, uh...
and then, geez, what did we...
then we talked about, um...
Well, we talked about why she
didn't really wanna see me.
She was breaking up with you?
Ye... Well, I mean,
we had hardly left it at that.
Do you guys want coffee or...
Hmm.
Oh!
You are one sick motherfucker.
Ah, you're just as interested
in these pictures as I am.
Mm-mmm.
No, I like real girls.
Yeah, but even these girls
won't do it...
unless there's a camera there.
It's true.
The camera...
That's what makes all this magic happen.
You do have a point. Which is exactly
why you became a photographer.
So that you could get girls
to do twisted shit...
like... that.
I don't take pictures
like this.
What about that one?
- It's not pornographic.
- She's naked.
Yeah, but it's different.
It's completely different.
Oh, yeah. I mean,
if I were you, I would...
I'm not really interested in what their
bodies look like in these pictures.
Would Adrienne do
something like...
that?
No.
See her eyes?
Yeah?
Yeah, like, the way they're flat.
Looks like
she doesn't even care,
like it doesn't even matter.
Yeah.
That's exactly
what I don't like.
When I have a girl
at the studio,
she's, like...
She's doing it for
a whole different reason.
She's looking at the camera in a
completely different way, like...
like she's looking out
at you from the inside.
And you see it.
You see that spark.
You see that life.
Good.
Good. This is really good.
Have you modeled before?
No. I'm an actress.
I mean, I want
to be an actress.
Right. Wolfe Photography.
Hello.
Uh, Kevin's busy right now.
Who is it?
Just some girl.
What girl?
Uh, Beth, her name is.
Beth.
Give me the phone.
Hold on. Kevin wants
to talk to you.
Hold on for one second.
Beth?
Hi!
Beth from the play, right.
Kevin won a, uh,
portrait award in college.
I don't know if you know that.
It's true.
I'm Jamie, by the way.
I've been doing
Kevin's makeup...
Well, not Kevin's makeup because Kevin
doesn't actually wear any makeup,
but makeup for his clients,
you know.
Girls like you...
actresses and models.
You're not a model, are you?
Mm-mmm.
No. Hmm.
Good. I'm so glad
that you called.
Your pitch
was pretty hard to forget.
Remember Beth? Hmm?
Those big, watery eyes.
Her mouth permanently curved
into a half smile.
I'll never forget the day that she
looked me dead in the eye and she said...
Okay.
You will?
What do you wanna see?
Um, I don't know.
Whatever.
Anything that you wanna see.
You can pick it.
Okay. I'll call you.
Later this afternoon,
I'll find something and I'll call you.
Good.
Okay, yeah, call me.
Good.
Okay.
I was
starting to get giddy inside.
Like all of a sudden,
I had another chance.
It was like Adrienne had never happened.
Forget Adrienne!
Just relax.
I knew exactly what
was gonna happen next.
It was gonna be awesome.
Truly, incredibly,
amazingly fantastic.
Easily the greatest romantic
experience of my entire...
fucking... life.
- You're incredibly blotchy.
- What are you talking about?
Step away with that thing,
please. Please.
Maybe afterwards
we could grab a bite to eat?
Maybe.
Maybe.
- There's nothing wrong with me, is there?
- No.
He could... He could...
I mean, if I really
made an effort...
You would totally
have to help me, Derek.
Jamie. He could go for me,
right?
Jamie. He's all I ever think about,
Derek.
I know.
He's all I ever have on my mind.
And sometimes I think if I could just get
him away from those girls for one minute,
if I could just get them out
of the fucking picture...
There's always another one.
Maybe you should keep
your options open.
There are a lot of boys
out there.
Kevin can't be
the only one, can he?
He kind of is.
What was she like, Ruby?
What was her...
her personality like?
Oh.
She was full of energy.
She was rambunctious.
Not like you.
You were always quiet,
always such a quiet little boy.
You were very sensitive,
you know.
Oh, but I was so proud of you.
So proud.
Of both of you.
You were such good children.
A boy and a girl.
Wish your mother
could have seen you.
She never even saw your sister at all,
did she?
She never even saw
what Nicole looked like.
She never...
She never got to see her own daughter.
How could I have lost
my two girls like that?
Hey, hey.
Hey.
Thought I wouldn't make it?
Hmm. I wasn't sure.
Uh, we don't have to see this
particular movie if you don't want to.
I mean, there are
a lot we can go to.
Yeah, this is fine.
I really wanted to see this, you know, so...
And besides, I already
bought the tickets.
Yeah.
Um, do you want some popcorn?
Sure.
La-la-la-la, la-la
La-la
La-la-la-la
What about...
What about the day
that she... you know...
in the pool?
Kevin. I can't.
You can't remember?
It was my fault.
I wasn't there.
I wasn't...
I know you tried.
Did you see me?
Did you see me try?
You know what I like to do
sometimes, Derek?
Sometimes I like to imagine that I have
this whole bottle of little blue pills.
Why blue?
I don't know.
I just like the color, I guess.
And then, I take
these little blue pills...
and I line them up
on the bed, one by one.
Jamie, why are you
telling me this?
I'm just making
conversation, Derek.
Then I take the pills...
and I push them into my mouth.
Past my lips.
But you don't have
any... of those pills.
Do you?
No.
No, of course not.
'Cause if you did, you would tell me.
I tell you everything, Derek.
You're my sponsor.
I just feel like,
why did she have to call him?
Who, Jamie?
Her name is...
B-E-T-H.
Jamie, I'm...
I'm gonna ask you to do something for me.
I'm gonna put down the phone.
And I want you
to look at yourself.
This is gonna sound stupid, but I want
you to look at yourself in the mirror,
and I want you to tell
yourself that you're pretty.
- Did you hear me?
- Are you serious?
Do that for me, Jamie.
Are... Are you gonna stay
on the phone?
I'm right here.
Okay.
You... are...
You... are...
Fuck you.
Go fuck yourself!
I'm not even fucking
kidding around right now.
Go fuck yourself,
you stupid piece of shit!
I fucking hate you!
I fucking hate you,
and I want you to fucking die!
The holy crosses
Shit.
Co... Coming.
Did you find her?
No.
Did you ask anyone
in the diner?
Nobody remembers
you two being there.
Where's your boyfriend?
Kevin.
Do you mind if I
ask you a question?
No, not at all.
Did you do something to her?
Listen, I-I...
I am really sorry if something bad has
happened to your sister. I really am.
But it was her decision to not
see me anymore, you know?
That was her choice, not mine.
I've just been trying
to forget I ever met her.
I'm sorry.
No, I'm sorry.
I don't know what I'm doing.
Just tell me... Tell me how to help.
I just don't know where she is.
I know. Gee.
I'm so sorry.
No, no, no, no. It's okay.
It's okay.
That was good.
The movie?
Oh, no, the...
the pizza.
Was it, uh,
Ray's Original or Famous Ray's?
Famous Ray's Original.
Um, you can kiss me now.
Really?
Hey, hey.
Sorry. Not, uh... Not yet.
What?
Um...
- Kevin. Kevin. Kevin, come on.
- I said stop.
Shit.
Okay.
Sorry.
I just, uh...
Sorry. I thought that we had a...
Oh.
Sorry.
No. You're really nice,
you know. Uh...
Nice. And I really like you.
And... I just...
I just barely know you.
You know? I mean, we just, um...
I just met you.
And I...
I just think, you know,
I gotta wait a little.
I mean, you've just
gotta be patient.
But I love you.
Suddenly,
I could see directly into the future.
Sorry.
I could see the days unfolding in
front of me like pages of a newspaper.
Huh.
What do you mean?
And I realized
that Beth was far, far away.
I would have to forget Beth
with some... severity.
It wouldn't be easy.
Forgetting Beth would not be easy at all.
If I told her the truth... This is bullshit.
I'm sorry. This...
If I told her who I really was...
I probably should go.
She would hate me.
Uh, Kev. Uh...
Why would she go out with me in the first
place? What the fuck is wrong with her?
Kevin...
What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just...
And I guess I hadn't
really forgotten Adrienne after all.
Sometimes nothing can help you forget
a girl better than another one.
Hello?
Hey, it's me.
What are you doing?
What happened to your date?
What date?
Oh.
Uh, are you hungry?
No.
- Will you meet me?
- Okay.
The truth is,
women are objects.
I mean, the feminists
can say what they want,
but when it comes
right down to it,
girls are made of bones...
and muscle...
and blood.
And you're over there.
You're right
behind the camera, looking at them,
creating a moment,
an object in space.
- And you're saying...
- Smile.
Look this way. And smooth your hair
just back a little off your eye.
- And they're saying...
- How do you want me?
Here?
Like this?
And you're saying... yes.
Yes, I want you exactly...
like...
that.
Like that.
I take the "A" train
- No!-
Oh, yes!
- - That's one of the
saddest things I've ever seen.
- I'm fine.
- And...
- Oh!
- Yes! I got one.
Notice the form.
You're like...
I'm a champion!
Go, Kevin, go!
Your aim... It almost looks like
you're placing it in the gutter.
There.
You want a direct line.
Cool it, cool it, cool it,
cool it, cool it, cool it, cool it
Feel the hot dough
Are you kidding me?
Oh!
Oh, my God.
I'm like a bowling genius.
- That is... Wow.
- Oh, my God.
That... Wow.
Is this helping you?
What do you mean?
With that girl.
With Beth.
Is this helping you with
your forgetting thing?
Do you know what I need?
What?
I need whiskey.
Neat.
Do you want to go get a drink?
Yeah.
That would be fantastic.
Okay.
Looks like you caught me.
Mmm. Looks like I did.
My parents are dead.
Or actually, you know, that I...
I never actually met my dad,
so... who knows?
Who knows?
He might still be alive.
Um... And then when I was eight or...
seven.
Uh... Something like that...
Eight, seven.
I... had a sister.
Uh, Nicole.
I have a dead sister...
named Nicole.
What-What happened to her?
You know, I don't know.
I, uh... It's hard
for me to remember.
I, uh...
She drowned in the pool.
She drowned?
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
It's okay, Kevin.
Is it?
Yeah.
It's fine.
I don't pay you enough.
Oh, my God.
Jamie, I don't.
Come on.
I don't.
I mean, here we are, we're sitting here.
I feel like I can
tell you anything.
You can.
Yeah.
I feel like I can...
I-I can explain myself to you.
You can.
I feel like...
I feel like you understand.
I do, Kevin.
Yeah.
I do.
I-I do understand.
I understand
absolutely everything.
Anything that you could ever say to me,
I would understand.
And there's something that I've
been wanting to tell you too.
For a really long time, okay?
Mm-hmm.
And that is that...
I told my mom...
that you were my boyfriend.
And, like, I know
that I shouldn't have.
Oh, and another thing:
I've been following you.
When you're with those girls.
Just to make sure you're okay.
And I know that I shouldn't
and everything, but I just...
I don't know. I wanted
to make sure you were okay.
And I just felt, like, a little bit jealous,
and, uh... I don't know.
It's just that I've always felt like we
have this amazing connection, you know?
And, like, the first time
I ever met you...
It was
like I was watching again.
I mean, I was there
with Jamie, in the bar,
sitting on the hard stool.
But my true self
was actually up in the ceiling,
looking down,
watching myself sitting there.
I could see Jamie too.
I left you on the bed
And took all the money
Gonna buy you something
to ease the hurt
You're here.
You're here.
I am.
I've loved you for so long.
I know.
I've always loved you.
I know.
It's okay.
Okay.
This is Jean. Jean.
Forgotten after
a full-release body massage.
Oh, this is Fiona.
Uh... I forgot Fiona by joining
a gym I never ended up going to.
Brenda. I forgot Brenda
at the Museum of Modern Art.
I forgot... Mary.
Forgot Sarah.
Forgot Kelly.
I forgot...
Forgot.
Holy shit.
I had to do something radical,
something to forget all this
in a major way.
I was really going
out of my mind, I admit.
And I don't think I knew...
I mean, I...
I knew what was going on,
what was happening.
But I had to find some way
of canceling it all out.
Of forgetting Beth,
forgetting Adrienne...
and especially
forgetting Jamie.
I had to forget Jamie.
Kevie. Kevie!
Kevin!
I really feel that we made this...
this connection.
- I'm really sorry, Kevin.
- But I love you.
What do you mean?
- - I feel
like I can tell you anything.
- I've been following you. I've always
loved you. -
Beth.
- What are you doing here?
- Oh.
I thought you were someone else.
Ow.
Poor Beth.
She couldn't have known
what I was doing this for.
But once I started,
I had to keep going.
Come on.
I had to forget about
all this somehow.
Kevie. Kevie!
I just wish I could remember more
about Nicole, you know? Kevie!
What the hell was she doing in that
pool anyway? She wasn't allowed.
She was too little to swim.
I mean, I could barely swim myself.
What was I supposed to do?
How was I supposed to save her?
What are we gonna do with her?
How did you get in?
I finally got a key made.
Oh.
Why don't you go hop in the shower,
and I'll clean up here.
Go.
In the past I was a man
But now I'm a ghost
with dirty hands
I stain the ground
as I crawl to you
I stain the ground
as I move on through
Good.
Good. And tilt... Tilt your head a
little to the left. A little more.
Yeah. Completely.
In the dark I cannot sleep
Good. That's good.
- I can't escape these thoughts
that creep - Hmm.
Good. Look this way.
Great.
Yeah, let's see that smile.
Good. Good.
Perfect.
Move your hair.
A shadow descending
to be a man
Why don't you sit up here?
Me?
Just for one shot.
Mmm.
My makeup is a mess.
No, that's okay.
It's not a glamour shot, Jamie.
Plus, I just... I don't have any
pictures of you, that's all.
Let's see.
- You know, Jamie, I've been thinking
about... - I'm not gonna tell anyone.
I know.
I know that you
wouldn't do that. But...
You have to understand, I...
I can't go around
remembering all of this.
You know?
I have to forget.
Well-Well,
what about last night?
Do you have to forget...
Jamie,
last night was...
a mistake.
Oh.
Do you know what I mean?
It's okay.
It's okay.
'Cause I...
I have been thinking about something...
for a really long time.
And I even told Derek about it.
And he's trying
to talk me out of it, but...
I've got a whole...
whole fucking bottle.
Of what?
Blue pills.
Blue.
Blue.
Jamie, it's gonna be beautiful.
It's gonna be so beautiful.
You.
Beautiful?
You...
are gonna be so beautiful.
Beautiful.
So beautiful.
- So beautiful.
- I promise.
I promise.
I'll give you something.
I wanna be beautiful
for you, Kevin.
I wanna be beautiful for you.
Kevin, if you are watching this,
that means that you found me.
And I just want you to know...
why I killed Beth Dalewell
in your studio.
And also,
why I took Adrienne
Gilcrest's life too.
I guess I was jealous.
And now I have nothing left...
to live for.
I have nothing left.
I'm sorry.
This is Adrienne.
I forgot her on a camping trip.
This is Beth.
Forgotten.
And this is Jamie.
Where did you get these anyway?
A doctor.
Said I was nervous.
You should wipe your fingerprints
off the bottle, don't you think?
Don't worry.
What if it doesn't work?
It'll work.
Kevin.
Can I keep my clothes on?
Sure. Sure,
you can keep 'em on.
If you're watching this, you've
discovered something you shouldn't have.
Anyway, um...
This... This is a close-up
of a model's eye.
I can't remember her name to save my life,
but she had the bluest eyes I'd ever seen.
The only other time I remember seeing
this exact intensity of blue...
was the day my sister drowned.
It was everywhere...
in the water, in the sky,
Nicole's skin.
Blue.
Nicole. She's the one girl
I keep trying to remember.
But I... I think
she's the problem.
I think...
I think she's the reason...
I am the way I am, right?
This is what it looked like,
these flashes of white.
It was like this empty slide.
The sun was flashing
off the water.
It was just like this.
Jesus.
I watched her.
I watched the whole thing.
Through the blue and the gold
and the white flashes.
The white...
flashes.
Flashes.
Kevie!
Kevin!
Kevin!
Help me! Somebody help!
Do you remember what happened,
sweetheart?
I just don't remember.
I watched her.
I was looking through the light.
Into the heart of the light.
Into the silence.
I knew my baby sister
was drowning.
And I let it happen.
I watched it...
because it was beautiful.
I let it happen...
because it was
beautiful to see.
Under the water,
Nicole called my name.
What I saw
were flashes of light.
And what I heard...
What did I hear?
Put your hands over your ears.
Press down.
I know it's hard to
tell how mixed up you feel
Hoping what you need
is behind every door
Each time you get hurt,
I don't want you to change
'Cause everyone has hopes
You're human after all
The feeling sometimes,
wishing you were someone else
Feeling as though
you never belong
This feeling is not sadness
This feeling is not joy
I truly understand
Please don't cry now
Please don't go
I want you to stay
I'm begging you, please
Please don't leave here
I don't want you to hate for
all the hurt that you feel
The world is just illusion
trying to change you
Being like you are
Well, this is something else
Who would comprehend?
But some that do lay claim
Divine purpose blesses them
Well, that's not
what I believe
And it doesn't matter anyway
A part of your soul
ties you to the next world
Or maybe to the last,
but I'm still not sure
But what I do know is
to us the world is different
As we are to the world
I guess you would know that
Please don't go
I want you to stay
I'm begging you, please
Please don't leave here
I don't want you to hate for
all the hurt that you feel
The world is just illusion
trying to change you
Please don't go
I want you to stay
I'm begging you, please
Oh, please don't leave here
I don't want you to change for
all the hurt that you feel
This world is just illusion
always trying to change you
Please don't go
I want you to stay
I'm begging you, please
Please don't leave here
I don't want you to hate for
all the hurt that you feel
The world is just illusion
trying to change you
Please don't go
I want you to stay
I'm begging you, please
Oh, please don't leave here
I don't want you to change for
all the hurt that you feel
This world is just illusion
always trying to change you