[Turn signal clicking]
[Horn honks]
[Doorbell buzzes]
Asshole.
Fucker.
Hi.
Hi.
Come on!
Oh, Bridget...
What?
Look what I found.
Let's see.
Come and get your 40, Bridget.
Welcome home.
Hmm.
Completely.
[Siren wailing in distance]
That's where I set up my account.
You can set one up there.
Okay.
And then there's a really cute
grocery store down there,
so that's where I shop.
What's wrong?
Nothing.
What?
Nothing. I swear.
It just doesn't look like the New York
that you see in movies, you know?
Come on! It's totally charming.
Okay.
Huh!
Um...
Hey... How 'bout we go over there?
Perfect.
Between two of them -
that's perfect.
Who would you rather fuck -
Aretha Franklin or Wynonna Judd?
Judd.
Wynonna Judd or Kirstie Alley?
Ugh... Alley.
Uh... Oprah or Gayle?
- Oprah.
- Bridget.
Oprah.
Damn. 10.
Definitely a 10.
That girl? She's a 4.
You're crazy.
Bridget's a 10.
Didn't you say you had
work or something?
I got to get ready.
All right, this is one of the ones
from last Thursday.
Last Thursday? What?
This girl's like a retard, Bridge.
Where do you meet these girls?
Another restaurant on Bleecker.
That wipes out the entire village for you.
I know.
That's really good, Bridge.
Stupidest girl I've ever met.
She is so clingy,
and boring...
And dumb.
Ooh. 9.
She's a 4.
Oh, my God.
She is not.
Oh, God.
Bye, guys.
Amy, before you leave,
who would you rather fuck -
your mom or your dad?
Oh, my dad.
Okay, how about you wait
for me outside on that one?
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Bye, Amy.
- Oh, cute. Bye.
Yeah.
- Thank you.
- I got your back.
You always do.
But never have I ever
drank that much rum.
All right, wish me luck.
Hey...
Does this place
not remind you of Joe's?
On Temple Street.
Yeah, in downtown Westport.
- It's great.
- I told you.
Are you gonna
have another one?
Mm-hmm.
Do you remember the time...
This girl keeps looking at me.
I totally know him.
- I like your shirt.
- Is she still looking?
Sorry...
Aren't you the only guy in my...
Girl-writer book class.
...female authors of the 19th century?
I am literally
the only guy in that class.
Why are you in that class?
Bridget made me.
- Is that your major?
- No. Statistics.
- You?
- I finished last fall.
He's studying for the LSATs.
That's like a lawyer, right?
That's... amazing.
She's a ballerina.
Modern-dance major, uptown.
Don't you just hate her?
Her? No.
God, no. Sorry.
Um, Anderson, our professor.
Oh, yeah.
She's a big old douche bag.
Where you guys from?
New Jersey.
- You a Giants fan?
- Hells yeah.
My dad's company
has box seats.
No shit.
- It's a douche nozzle.
- What?
Not a douche bag.
It's a douche nozzle.
It's just being more accurate.
- You're so smart.
- I am.
Girls are so offensive!
- Thursday gone?
- Yeah.
Hey, do yous
want to come sit down?
Sure.
Aren't you in...
- Girl-writer book class.
- Female authors of the 19th century.
Okay, um, never have I ever...
wiped my ass with leaves.
It's disgusting.
You lick ass.
Thank you.
Yeah...
You're up, sunshine.
Oh, I, uh...
It's "Never Have I Ever."
If you've done it,
you drink.
If you haven't, you wait.
Um...
Never have I ever, uh...
...locked myself out.
Naked.
Oh, my God.
Um, never have I ever...
kissed a girl.
Oh. It's not too bad.
It was a dare.
It's, like, hot.
- You jealous?
- Always.
All right, I got to pee.
All right, never...
Never have I ever
been to the Four-Faced Liar.
So you're not good at this.
Why is it called that?
Oh, uh...
It's named after a clock tower
in a town in...
...lreland.
- Thank you.
I forget the name of the town.
- Bridget, it doesn't matter.
- It really doesn't matter.
But each face of the clock
tells a different time,
but none of them are right.
They all lie,
so they call it the Four-Faced Liar.
I'm Bridget, by the way.
Molly.
Greg.
Trip.
Huh?
Terrence Witherspoon McNally, III.
Ill... Triple... Trip.
I'm Trip.
Why would anyone name you that?
[Car alarm blaring]
[Voices outside]
It's so loud.
You'll get used to it.
This is the craziest thing
I've ever done.
I can't believe I live here.
- I love it here.
- I know you do.
I asked Trip
to the game on Thursday.
Good. They were fun.
He was fun.
She was... all over the place.
Well, that's the village for you.
Uh huh.
What?
Nothing.
What? What?
- Stop it! Stop it!
- What? What?
Stop, please!
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
What for?
For following me here.
Anywhere.
Hey, babe, you want to come to
a play with me tomorrow night?
Can't. I have a date.
What?
Jealous?
You're nuts.
Baby...
Baby, look at me.
Hmm? No.
Shut up.
Look at me. You're beautiful.
What?
Um...
What do you want the
whole world to know today?
I love you.
Wait. Stop.
Look at me...
What do you want
the world to know today?
Trip, I love you.
Say it one more time.
I love you.
- Yeah?
- Yes.
Um, who you going
on a date with tomorrow?
Greg.
Okay.
Bye.
[Mumbles Bye]
Bye.
[Mumbles Nice]
Thank you.
Never have I ever...
eaten worms.
That's stupid.
Never have I ever...
fallen out of a window.
What the hell is wrong with you?
Worms?
Point taken.
Dude, what do you want to
do for Anderson's project?
Why don't you do something
without me for a change, okay?
That fiery little redhead,
third row back, asked you, didn't she?
Sure did.
Ass.
Never have
I ever been caught cheating.
Never have I ever
lost to you at this game.
What's up, dude?
Sorry. I didn't know
that you were coming.
Where's your girlfriend?
I have no idea.
It's boys' night.
What?
Pull up a stool.
Uh, you can take mine, actually.
I'm gonna go smoke.
Study break?
- Yeah, two hours.
- Cool.
Dude, those seats
were so good last night...
But I had the shits all day
from that hot dog.
- That's foul.
- You have no idea.
Speed four?
Absolutely.
You're going down.
Sorry.
Okay, I'm gonna go
out with her, I guess.
- Hey.
- Molly.
I know.
Oh...
Mmm... Tuesday.
So, you call them
days of the week?
No.
Well, yes, but Trip started that.
But there are that many?
No.
Sometimes.
I've never just dated, per se.
I wouldn't necessarily call it dating.
Oh...
What would you call it?
Fucking.
Oh.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Wednesday.
Maybe!
Oh, I don't... I don't smoke.
Shocking.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Please don't do that.
What?
Never mind.
I don't know why
it drove me so crazy,
but I almost said to him,
"Let me leave my keys
setting on the mantel.
Let me screw up.
What's the worst that's gonna happen?"
- You'll be locked out.
- And people do that all the time.
They get back in.
They do. They must.
Or they don't.
Unhelpful.
Sorry.
Oh, that's totally my thing.
What thing?
Everyone has a thing that makes
them attracted to someone else.
You straight girls are into holding doors,
and a hand on the small of your back.
Totally.
That lip thing -
that's... my thing.
What's that look?
Nothing.
Okay.
[Rock music playing,
crowd chatter]
All right, here we go.
Here we go.
Careful!
Never have I ever fallen on my face
and broken my nose twice.
Well, never...
Never have I ever pulled over
on the parkway and shat in a bag.
Prom night!
Never have I ever peed in the hallway
of our apartment building.
- I didn't poop.
- But you peed!
I didn't poop.
Never I ever stripped
in the Halloween Day parade.
Just the once.
It's unfathomable!
Dude, your little boyfriend's here.
What the hell is wrong with you?
Greg totally wants Trip's sweet ass.
- It is a sweet ass.
- That's right.
Why do you think everyone's gay?
I don't think everyone's gay.
I don't think Chloe's gay.
I have totally kissed a girl.
Sweetheart, if I thought you were,
like a second, gay, I'd be all up in it.
Well, now is your chance, Bridge.
- Want to do me in the bathroom?
- Yes.
Stop hitting on my girlfriend.
Oh, were you about to do that?
Didn't think so.
- Asshole!
- Fucker!
Hey! Cute skirt.
I'm a 4.
Wow... Shots.
Do you really need that, Greg?
Hells yes.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Hi.
What are you?
I'm a pumpkin.
Of course.
What have you been up to?
Not a whole not.
You know, I've been staying at home,
biting my bottom lip.
Wow!
You're an ass.
?
[crowd noise]
Hey.
Hi.
Oh, uh, I'm actually
a guy under here.
Okay.
Some people think I'm pretty cute, too.
I'm sure.
Can I get you something?
Like a date?
I was thinkin'
more a drink, but, uh...
Oh, okay, sure.
- Trip...
- Can you hold that thought?
Oh, my God. Just shut up!
I won't say anything.
I won't even talk about
that guy that you blatantly flirted with
in the movie theater line the other night.
- Bridget, he was so...
- Let it go!
I'm letting it go. It's gone.
- I could throw you right now!
- Ooh, like sexually?
Really mature, Trip.
Mature... Cataw!
- Just shut up!
- I'm done.
[Game sounds]
Chloe seemed pissed.
- She's okay.
- Okay.
Shit.
You gonna marry her?
No...
I don't know... Probably.
Yeah, me too.
I mean, Molly.
Greg...
- She's perfect.
- Shut up.
How do you handle this?
We don't really have this problem.
You mean your boyfriend doesn't flirt
with other girls right in front of you?
He doesn't...
He doesn't flirt with anyone, really.
Shocker.
- Just apologize.
- What for?
- You flirted.
- I don't flirt.
- Oh?
- Girls find me.
Makes sense.
I mean, even if he'd just apologize.
- Exactly.
- What for?
He should apologize
for being an ass.
For flirting with another girl
right in front of her.
We don't flirt -
girls just find us.
Makes sense.
You think she'd
at least be on our side.
I mean, you have to be
more sensitive than the average guy.
- But I'm not.
- Of course you are.
You can tell by the way you listen.
Exactly. He doesn't listen.
Of course he listens.
Okay...
Hey, Trip, what's December 7th?
Uh... Pearl Harbor Day.
Yeah. And our anniversary.
I want to go to the ballet.
Okay. Ballet. Anniversary. Love you.
See?
Okay, okay.
I don't really know if that proves
that I'm more sensitive than all guys.
Stop saying that.
You listen with your whole body
and you have this intense eye contact.
No guy, not even the best guys,
have that.
But I don't really feel like
that's a gender thing.
I feel like that's a personal thing.
You're so wrong.
Okay... look at modern literature.
All of the greatest female characters
were written by women
because no man could ever write
from a female's perspective.
Women have this
compassionate chemistry
that allows them to listen
with an unbiased ear...
All women, even you.
We should do
Anderson's project together.
Okay.
So glad I'm a dance major.
[Laughter]
?
I totally want kids some day.
Okay.
Oh, did you get that quote
on page 126?
Um, no,
I don't think I did, actually.
Here.
What are you doing?
Um, you might need a bookmark.
So cute.
- What?
- What?
You're flirting with me.
No, I'm...
Oh.
Wow. I'm...
It's fine.
You're my only girlfriend
in the city, so I just...
Be careful how you use that word.
Sorry.
Don't be.
Greg...
Not now.
I don't get it.
Dude, there is nothing to get.
I just don't think the
whole gay thing is natural.
Dude, you never
screwed someone in the butt?
A guy?
No, dude, a girl...
in the girl butt.
Oh...
No, Molly would never.
She's not like that.
Oh...
Chloe is.
Molly's been... weird.
Lately, I mean, just lately.
Dude, they're all weird.
No, not Molly.
I mean, we really connect on everything.
It's just ever since I moved here,
we just have less and less
to talk about.
- That's a bad thing?
- Fuck yeah.
We talk about everything.
Like, we've already
planned our honeymoon.
Ew!
Dude, Chloe's always
talking about her feelings
and her emotions
and her period and shit...
What the hell am I
supposed to do with all that?
I don't know.
I just can't read her anymore.
Dude... stop trying.
?
She's so desperate.
No, I really don't think
Catherine's desperate.
- I get her, actually.
- You?
You're the most anti-romantic person
that I've ever met,
and you understand
the neediest woman ever written?
But she isn't needy...
Or indecisive, even.
I mean, she's right.
Like, here she's talking
about Heathcliff, and she says,
"Whatever our souls are made of,
his and mine are the same,
and Linton's is as different
as a moonbeam from lightning,
as frost from fire."
But she still takes him.
I mean, she represents
that typical human struggle...
that conflicting need
for consistency - Linton -
and passion - Heathcliff.
Wow.
What?
Uh... you just described me.
I'm totally Catherine.
Okay.
No, it's true.
I mean, Greg is my Linton.
He's absolutely everything
that I could ever want in a guy,
but he's just...
He doesn't...
Haven't you ever wanted to be thrown
up against a wall and kissed hard?
Yeah...
I'm usually the one
doing the throwing, though.
Yeah.
So maybe if I
initiated it more with Greg...
Maybe you should just
start kissing other people.
Oh.
Where were you all day?
With Bridget.
All day?
Yeah, Greg, all day.
All right.
What?
I just said, "All right."
If she wasn't gay,
would we be having this conversation?
No.
That's offensive.
[Game sounds,
announcer voice]
He's not coming, is he?
He still might come.
I've called him a thousand times.
He's not coming.
It's double overtime... He's not coming.
God forbid he pick up a phone.
- But it's double overtime.
- Shut up.
Hope you like the ballet.
Damn it.
So, why didn't you go again?
I hate the ballet.
She's gonna kill you.
Nah... Double overtime.
She'll understand.
Okay.
And technically it's still
our anniversary.
I haven't missed it yet.
She's gonna kill you.
No... She loves these things.
She's gonna love it.
Mmmm...
Just doesn't seem like... quite...
Enough.
Yeah.
She's gonna kill me.
I'm sorry...
I'm really, really sorry.
Oh, I actually got to...
I'm gonna go ahead...
I-I don't, uh...
I don't expect you to forgive me...
but I hope you can
give me a second chance.
Second?
All right, 22nd, 34th, 42nd chance.
You have no idea
how you made me feel.
You're right.
I completely let you down.
I'm so sorry.
Ooh...
I-I got you this...
It's your favorite.
A cupcake and some candles,
and I'm supposed to forgive you?
Come on, Trip, it's our anniversary,
and I had to go
to the ballet with Bridget.
What are you doing?
A ballet... for you.
- Trip...
- Shhh.
[Swan Lake plays]
Trip!
I forgive you.
I forgive you.
Mmm... mmm... good.
I love you.
I'm sorry.
I know.
Are you wearing a dance belt?
Hot.
Look at me.
What?
Can we, uh, do this over there?
Yo, man.
What's up, asshole?
Good.
Saved my ass last night.
Hey, man, you suck.
Huh?
I don't know.
She's pretty much perfect.
You should have gone.
Thank you.
And next time
I need relationship advice,
I'll ask your girlfriend.
?
Perfect.
? Everythings moving
from green to red ?
? If you ask me ?
? I want to stay in bed... ?
?
? The clock is screaming ?
? lts a quarter till ?
- Love you.
- Love you, too.
I'll be back in a few days.
? Ticks in rhythm ?
? With raindrops on the sill ?
? Try our best
to plan our future ?
? Try to believe ?
? Try to control the cycle ?
? And just cling to the trees ?
? And the leaves ?
? And we,
we want to stay green ?
? But it all goes around ?
? The seasons turn inevitably ?
? And we all fall down ?
? And down and down... ?
I'm sorry!
- I'm sorry!
- Let it go.
I just can't take
your parents for that long.
I just feel suffocated.
Yeah, I know the feeling.
What?
I just think it was
too stressful for us.
- That's all.
- Sure.
No. Not now.
No. Stop. You're drunk.
[Panting]
No.
Greg, stop!
[Panting]
[Moaning]
No, Greg. No, don't.
[Panting]
No! Stop!
Oh, God!
Greg, get off!
Hi, love.
Chloe...
Chloe.
Chloe!
Don't follow me!
Fuck.
I fucked up.
Yeah.
[Cell phone ringing]
Hey.
I need to talk to someone.
Now?
Can you meet me?
Okay. Ill meet you halfway?
Yeah.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Bye.
You gonna talk?
No.
You call me at 3:00 in the morning,
you're not gonna tell me why?
No.
Classic.
I found a dance belt in
Trip's laundry the other day.
You know, a dance belt's
the thing that keeps his...
Balls.
Don't say balls.
I don't do balls.
Right.
- Once, though.
- Really?
Yeah, I was young.
I didn't know any better.
- He wore a sweatband.
- On his balls?
On his head!
It was a head sweatband.
Why?
To keep the product in his hair
from trickling down onto his face.
It was to prevent breakouts.
- Wow.
- I know.
You're fun.
Thank you.
Everything else just...
Goes away.
I need to stay with you
for a little while.
I fart in my sleep.
So, if that's okay, then...
Thank you.
There's that look again.
Hey.
So, we have milk
or $2 wine from the deli.
$2 wine.
Okay.
?
- She's just staying with you?
- Yeah.
- And you don't know why?
- No.
- Did you ask?
- No.
Did you sleep with her?
No!
Do you like her?
She's okay.
She has a boyfriend.
How you holdin' up?
I'm fine.
So you have seen her?
Yep.
Molly's definitely staying here.
Why would she stay here?
I don't know,
but I wouldn't let my girlfriend
stay with Bridget.
Molly's not gay.
Bridget is.
She's not a cheater.
You don't know that.
Why did you cheat on Chloe?
Honestly...
I didn't know she'd be home so early.
I thought I had another day.
? lm driving west ?
? Speeding too fast ?
? I keep on running ?
? The sleep is just not
coming to me ?
I had something to say...
I swear.
I just don't remember
what it was.
I'm...
I'm sorry.
I can't let you go.
I won't.
Give me another chance...
Please.
?
? Could a body
close the mind out ?
? Stitch a seam across the eye ?
? If you can be good,
youll live forever ?
? If youre bad,
youll die when you die ?
? Hearing only one true note ?
? lm the one and only sound ?
? Unzip my body,
take my heart out ?
? Cause I need a beat
to give this tune... ?
?
Hey, it's just like old times.
Not really, no.
Oh, God,
I'm glad this year's over.
Right?
I had a great year, actually.
I had the worst year of my life.
That's why my
New Year's resolution
is to drink as much
as humanly possible
so I can forget it.
Great, Greg.
? Hearing only
one root note ?
? Planted firmly
in the ground ?
? Undo my heart,
unzip my body ?
? And lend to my ear ?
? A clear and
a deafening sound ?
?
? Unzip my heart ?
?
? And if I need a rhythm ?
? ltll be to my heart I listen ?
? If it dont put me
too far wrong ?
Oh, so, let's hear it.
I don't know yet.
Never have I ever been
thrown up against a wall
and kissed hard.
Bridget.
Never have I ever
been turned down.
Bridget!
Bridget!!
What?
What's your
New Year's resolution?
Stop smoking.
Really?
No.
Hey, Trip! Where's Chloe?
?
- Okay?
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
- Uh huh.
[Crowd chattering]
?
Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg...
- They're gonna miss the countdown.
- Dude, fuck 'em.
[Moaning]
? You can go back ?
? You can crawl back
into your shell ?
? With your holy ideas ?
? You can concentrate
on someone else ?
? Like the pictures
that block your walls ?
? Like the frame thats
around your scene ?
Happy New Year, man.
Yeah, you too.
Come home with me.
What?
No.
Please.
I can't.
Shit.
Please come home with me.
We should get back out there.
You missed everything.
- We did?
- Yeah.
Happy New Year.
Stop fucking his girlfriend.
I don't know what
you're talking about.
Trip! Trip!
?
[intercom buzzes]
Trip?
Fucker.
Hi.
Hi.
I put him to bed.
Come here.
I want to see you.
Okay.
Never have I ever.
Bye.
?
Are you coming to bed?
Bridge, you want to
come out with me today?
- I can't.
- Great.
?
? She will make it
a better tomorrow ?
? Better tomorrow, better tomorrow ?
? I can tell ?
? lts just as well ?
? She knows how
to shut my mouth up ?
? Shut my mouth up,
shut my mouth up ?
? She knows
why things will look up ?
? Things will look up ?
? lts gonna get better now... ?
What did you
think about that, though?
[Laughs]
[Cell phone ringing]
I can't reach anything.
I think it's in here.
So disorganized.
Oh, shit...
Hi, Mom.
I'm great.
Greg's great.
We're great, Mom.
What's going on?
I'm just doing a final
sweep-through for my stuff.
- I don't have anything in here.
- I can't find my hair straightener.
- I can just drop it off...
- Why can't I just look for it now?
I'm just in the middle of something.
I'm sorry, but I can be totally quiet.
- No, can you just...
- What, honey?
Oh, my God.
I knew it. I fucking knew it.
You're an idiot.
You know that?
It's all my fault.
You're right.
It is all your fault.
You have a boyfriend.
This is absurd.
Please tell me you
were drunk last night.
Oh! This is a sober brilliant idea!
- What is wrong with you?
- I don't know.
Did you know
that Chloe's coming?
Great...
This has been
a wonderful morning.
Yep...
Whatever.
Give me a call when you
get your head out of your ass.
Fuck.
Are you attracted to me?
What?
Are you attracted to me?
Are you okay?
Can you answer the question?
I don't know if
that deserves an answer.
- Come on.
- What?
Do you want me?
I want this.
- That's not what I asked.
- Yeah, it is.
You would do anything for this?
For us, yes.
Kiss me.
What?
If you want me,
kiss me right now.
Molly, I know that your
favorite flower's the gerber daisy,
and I know that you get blotchy
when you have to speak
in front of a group of people.
I know what your shoes sound like
coming down a flight of stairs.
I should have to kiss you
to prove that I love you?
I didn't ask if you loved me...
I asked if you wanted me.
I don't see the difference.
Why don't you have a girlfriend?
I don't know.
Oh... Here.
Scented or unscented?
Scented.
Do you want one?
A girlfriend or a dryer sheet?
Both.
No, and yes, respectively.
Why don't you?
Why don't I what?
Want one?
I don't know.
No one can hold my interest
for long enough, I guess.
Oh.
So, if someone could
hold your interest, then...
Then I'd have a girlfriend, yeah.
Oh.
So, what's it like?
What are you talking about?
Being single, I mean...
Are you okay?
Aren't you sick of people
saying that you guys
are so cute together
or that she's so perfect?
She's not.
Chloe wasn't.
You think there's
someone else?
There's always someone else.
That's gonna scratch the pan.
I don't know
what I'm doing, man.
I mean, I can't
be her girlfriend.
What does she want?
Oh, it's really hard.
You just want...
Did that just happen?
I'm sorry. Were you in the
middle of something?
I'm not doing this right now.
She's into me.
That's all I wanted to say.
- So, she is your girlfriend?
- No.
Call me crazy...
Isn't she Greg's girlfriend?
Stop, please.
Sorry, Tuesday.
What?
Is Friday better? Wednesday?
What are you talking about?
You're her day of the week.
And you're a prick, Trip!
I'm a prick?
No, no, no, no.
Bridget, don't walk
away from me!
But I-I can't do this.
I really can't tell you
how I feel right now.
Why?
You talked to Chloe,
my ex-girlfriend.
I didn't have
anyone else to talk to.
What about me?
Dude, we've been
inseparable for years.
I mean, we used to
talk about everything,
and now you can't
come and talk to me?
I'm sorry.
Good.
Oh, by the way...
I told Greg everything.
Hi.
Hi.
I've always wanted
this to work,
but I don't see
how it can.
Why would you say that?
I'm not gonna lie to you.
A huge part of me
wants to leave.
I want to leave you
right now, but...
I know that you're worth it.
Don't look away.
You can't see her anymore.
[Door slams]
- Hi.
- Don't.
I'm getting married at St. John's
on Chapel Street in downtown Westport.
I know what my dress looks like,
and I have always known
that my dad would
walk me down the aisle.
You could never be
at the end of that aisle.
- Why?
- I can't do this!
I broke someone's heart, Bridget.
He loves me, and I broke him.
- I'm sorry.
- I feel sick, Bridget!
To see someone every day,
to kiss him, and to kiss you...
I don't want
to think of you like that.
Tough shit!
This is what I am.
This is who I am now.
But we did this.
I was okay with my life
being just okay.
I can't do this.
I need my life back,
and you cannot
be a part of it anymore.
I'm sorry.
?
You okay?
Yeah...
That sounds about right.
Baby, look at me.
No.
Shut up.
You're beautiful. Look at me.
What?
Um, what do you want
the world to know today?
I love you.
Look at me...
What do you want
the world to know today?
I love you.
One more time.
I love you.
One more time.
I love you... I love you...
? So, you... ?
? You can nod
my way politely ?
? You can smile ?
? Right at me ?
? Knowingly ?
You going to
Molly's birthday thing tonight?
Nope. You?
Nope.
No one's ever talked to me
the way that you do.
You make me feel
so vulnerable...
And I just...
Yeah, no,
this is difficult to do
when you're sitting there
blatantly ignoring me.
I'm not ignoring,
I'm pre-gaming.
Great...
Okay, so...
I walk in, drink with you,
and, um, pretend like
I'm not thinking about her.
And then I pull her aside,
and, um, I tell her that
I have to talk to her
and that there's
no other time but now.
Great.
And when she says she can't
because she loves her boyfriend,
you walk away.
I walk away.
Perfect.
Yeah, just embarrass
the shit out of myself,
and then once I think
it can't get any worse...
- It does.
...it does.
Ew.
You swear Trip won't be there?
If Trip's there,
I'll give you a rim job.
It's a win-win.
I think I need
to borrow something to wear.
I'll give you that
gray V-neck that you like,
but you have to give it back.
I think I need something hotter.
I have a little black tie.
How about a little black dress?
?
- Happy birthday.
- Thank you.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Where you been hiding?
- What are you talking about?
- I haven't seen you in a while.
Yeah...
I've just been spending
more time with Molly.
She's...
You know -
It's hard when you're
in a new place.
The city's been tough on us.
And, uh, we're just
trying to work things out.
I know...
I know that's not
important to you,
but it is to us.
Excuse me?
There are just a lot more
ways to mess up here,
and I don't want that.
Neither of us want that.
Okay.
I thought she wasn't coming.
She wasn't.
I thought you said
he wasn't gonna be here.
That's what he said.
- I fucking need a drink.
- Yeah, me too.
- I can't do this.
- You can't leave.
I'm not gonna leave.
I'm just not necessarily
gonna stay, either.
Just drink.
I can't do this.
I have to go talk to her.
See you later, Greg.
Happy birthday.
Cute dress.
Thank you.
I have to talk to you.
I can't.
I can't do this to him.
Thank you for coming.
Sure.
That went well.
And to the first position.
Second position... Sorry.
And pli...
And up.
And breathe.
How did it look?
Looks good.
I've been practicing.
I could tell.
Hey, can I get, uh...
two whiskey sodas?
You look good.
You too.
- There you go.
- Thanks.
Thank you.
You're completely welcome.
It's exactly what I have to do now.
Hi.
Don't.
New York City is
a pretty interesting place.
You learn shit every day.
Come on.
Some of...
Some of the crazy people,
you have no idea.
Okay, go.
- Go.
- I like you.
And?
And I like you.
That's what you
had to tell me?
Yeah.
This would change my life,
and you like me?
This has already changed mine.
Right.
I'm wearing
a freaking dress, Molly!
I would have to give up
so much more than that to do this.
But you haven't given up anything.
Is everything okay?
Hey! Happy birthday!
Hey. Thanks.
Bridget!
Bridget!
Fuck off, Greg!
- Bridget!
- What?
Great party, Molly.
Thanks.
Where's Bridget?
Where's Greg?
Why are you doing this?
Go back inside, man.
No, no, no!
I need to know everything!
I don't know what
you're talking about.
You do know!
What do you have
that I don't?
Nothing.
Don't walk away from me!
What do you want me
to say to you?!
Why are you
better at this than I am?
We talk, laugh...
We listen.
No, no, no.
How do you fuck her
better than I do?
Stop.
- How do you fuck her?
- I don't.
You can't!
You don't even ha...
- I can.
- How?
It's different every time.
You fuckin' dyke!
Greg!
I would do anything for her!
- Greg! Get off her!
- Let her go, dude!
Get off her!
Bridget!
Shit! Bridget!
Bridget, wait!
Are you okay?
Are you hurt?
No.
- Did he hurt you?
- No.
- What is wrong with me?
- There's nothing wrong with you.
Why is she still with him?
They have a past. I get that.
Look at Trip.
There's nothing wrong
with Trip, Chloe!
Trip just saved my ass, okay?
And that is what girls want.
They want their
schmuck of a Heathcliff
to come in from nowhere
and 'Linton' them.
What?
Sorry, I'm trying to
Linton-like the verb.
Are you making casual
"Wuthering Heights" references?
- Yeah.
- It's weird.
I can be both.
I mean, I can be.
I can be the...
the unreliable douche nozzle
who grabs her ass in public
and wears work boots,
but I can also be the one
who holds doors for her
and tucks her in at night
and buys her fucking gerber
daisies for no goddamn reason!
I know you can.
I'm gonna go
kick his ass right now.
No, no, no, no.
Come on, Bridge.
No. I'm done with this!
Don't say that.
I just did.
Did she go home with him?
- I don't know.
- Fuck!
You fucking straight girls!
You're all just a bunch
of fucking closet cases!
Maybe we should all
just date guys.
I mean, maybe I should
have a fucking boyfriend!
My heart is, like,
on the floor right now!
I wish a car would just
come and fucking hit me!
- Want me to hail a cab?
- No, I'm talking bus!
- Goddamn it, I hate her.
- No, you don't.
Yes, I do. I hate her!
I hated her from the
second I saw her!
I hate her! I hate her!
I hate her! I hate her!
I...
don't hate her.
I had nothing to say to her.
Right.
I think I actually said to her,
"You're completely welcome."
"You're completely welcome."
Who says that?
No one.
Thanks.
What?
What do you mean, what?
I lost her.
I can't believe
that I lost her.
She just... got me.
You know?
It was easy.
It never felt like we had
to try or anything.
We just fell into this thing...
We could always just be ourselves.
Are tears really made out of
the same things as boogers?
Yeah.
I taste the boogers, you know.
I like the way
that Chloe looks at me.
You should be
with the person that...
Gets you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
[Cell phone vibrating]
Hey.
Is everything okay?
Good.
Asshole.
Fucker.
?
Hey.
Hi.
I like the way we feel together.
We fit.
I've... I've never fit with
anyone the way that we do.
I don't know what I'd do
if I thought you'd
never kiss me again.
I love the way you kiss me...
Like... like you don't want
anything but to kiss me.
But...
It isn't that easy.
Is it?
I really do need someone who
chain-smokes on street corners
and talks about Bronte until
I also need
someone who wants
a family and that whole life.
I tried.
I'm - I'm trying.
I know.
That's why I'm here...
with you right now.
God, there was so much
that I wanted
to say to you last night...
But I couldn't.
Um... I can't.
You keep me interested.
That's what I wanted
to say last night.
You...
You keep me
completely interested.
That look.
It means 'I love you.'
So...
So...
?