1
[pop music plays]
[woman] With the sparkling success
of "Whirly Girl,"
their premier single on Geffen Records,
OXO has emerged as one of
the most promising new arrivals
on the modern music scene.
Frank, you're on tour now.
You're opening for Hall & Oates.
-What's it like?
-I think it's great.
It's really nice.
I've had a lot of fun and...
It's been a lot of fun.
Whirly whirly whirly whirly girl
Whirly girl
Whirly girl
Whirly whirly whirly whirly girl
Whirly girl
Whirly girl
Let me tell you about a girl I know
She's been to Paris, France
She can really dance...
[sad piano music plays]
He's pretty much laid around the house
and gotten fat.
He eats and eats and eats.
[man] And when he was working as
a musician post-OXO, you supported him.
I supported him for all these years.
I had two jobs.
-And he rarely had a job at all.
-He never had a job.
Here's my record. Ha!
-The living situation?
-Mm-hmm.
Well, he lives down here
and I live up there.
There's no bathroom down there.
Yeah, can you explain that to me?
His leg's always bothering him
because he's so fat
and he can't get up and down the stairs,
so he will collect coffee cans,
the large ones.
And then he'll use those.
Number one or number two?
[laughs]
I can't answer that, Geej.
[mystical electric guitar solo]
In walks a stranger
His smile is made of wood...
So, Geej, why are you filming this?
Really, come on, what's the scoop?
[acoustic music plays]
See that no smoking sign?
You're gonna get busted.
Yeah, but, look, they tore it off.
-Oh, shut up, Frank.
-So they must have changed the law.
There he is. Go. Go. Oh, my God!
-Oh, my God.
-[Cindy] It's the little man! [laughs]
-Hi.
-[Cindy gasps]
-You just get more handsome every year.
-Well, thank you.
-Meister, welcome home, Geej.
-Oh, my God.
-Welcome home!
-Yeah.
-We got you a snack.
-Oh.
-Here you go.
-OK. Thank you.
[rock music plays]
How do you like my new jam, Geej?
-[turns music off]
-Leave him alone. He's tired.
So, OK, I've been thinking
about you living with us
and I've made some real decisions.
I vowed, you'll see, that
I'm gonna respect your space
-from now on like you want, like you said.
-OK.
In fact, I think you're gonna
see some real changes. Big ones.
-Are you ready for the shock of your life?
-Yeah.
I quit drinking.
No, but I did! I really did.
I swear to God, GJ, on your life.
-Didn't I, Mr. Fatty?
-Yeah, she did, Geej.
I haven't touched a drop of alcohol
in 15 months.
-In a row?
-Yes! [laughs]
In a row! Of course in a row.
How did that happen?
What came over you?
It's-It's-It's complicated.
Basically I was drinking at the Laundromat
and when I left I got pulled over.
And they made me go to
those idiotic meetings.
-And they repo'd the van.
-[Cindy] Yeah, well, that's a long story.
Un-fucking believable!
-It's just one bite.
-I bought that for GJ.
You already had a Big Mac,
a filet-of-fish and a large fry.
-Hey, it's alright. He can have it.
-Pass it up here.
Problem solved.
Son of a...
-That's good food, woman.
-[car horn]
I swear to God, Frank,
if you get out of this car
I will take off and leave you
and possibly run you over.
[car horn]
Frank. Jesus Christ.
I've spent so long doing that.
You had to screw it up.
Surprise! Welcome home!
[Frank laughs]
You have to give me your diploma
so I can have it framed.
-I've got the perfect spot there.
-I already mailed that to you.
-[Cindy] What?
-Yeah.
-I didn't get it. Wait, did I?
-You lost my diploma.
No. I bet Frank did something with it.
Here, come on.
You have to see the kitchen.
[GJ] Wow.
It's the cowboy kitchen. You ever seen
anything like this? I bet you haven't.
No, I've definitely never seen
anything like this.
-Hang on just a second.
-It's the Wild West! [laughs]
Hang on.
[Cindy whispers]
Let me just put-- Oh, shit.
OK, show me the cowboy kitchen.
OK, get back there. Get all of this.
This... Oh, this is good. This is my
favorite. This is cowboy Frank.
This is actually of value.
I could sell this.
We probably should.
It's worth a lot of money.
Yeah, it looks just like him.
[Cindy] GJ, you have no idea
how much of your life gets eaten up
when you're drunk constantly.
-Suddenly I've got all this time.
-Has it really been 15 months?
Yes! 15 months, GJ.
I swear to God it has.
And I've been decorating
and cleaning for a change.
It looks good.
You're gonna really like it here.
I'm so happy.
Which is great, but I don't want you
to get too excited
because I am leaving
in a couple of months.
-[Cindy] Well, I know.
-[Frank] The Meister's back.
Hey, Geej, seriously,
we gotta talk about some stuff.
-Beat it.
-What?
-What's going on?
-He's an idiot. Come on.
You have to see the bedroom.
[lullaby music]
[Cindy] I just want to ask you,
now do you think I'm crazy?
No, seriously, people are always saying,
"Oh, you're so crazy! You're so nuts!"
What does this say?
This says just the opposite. Doesn't it?
Definitely.
-I should unpack right now.
-GJ, honey...
I know you don't want to hear this
right now.
Shouldn't you take some time off?
There's no possible way
I can take any time off.
Why? You could put off
going to Art Center until next year.
You could stay here,
not have to worry about the rent.
I understand that you want me
to live here right now,
but Art Center is one of the best
film programs in the country.
-I can't just postpone it.
-Why not? You need a break.
What I really need to do right now
is I need to get a job
because even with the money
that Miss E left me
I'm not even gonna be able
to make tuition in three months.
But I'm going no matter what.
-I know.
-Alright?
[sighs]
[rock and roll music]
All men
(All men)
All men are liars...
Jessica, hi, it's GJ.
I just wanted to see what you were doing.
I wanted to see if maybe you
wanted to have some sex tonight.
No, I'm just kidding.
I just want to be friends.
Hello, Miley, this is your doctor calling.
I actually don't have a car,
so I'll need you to come pick me up.
Hey, Rebecca,
you're not gonna believe this
but I just found that pencil
that you let me borrow.
[funky music plays]
Yeah! You're looking good...
Oh! Eh, eh, eh! Sorry, sorry.
Oh! Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
[girl shrieks happily]
-[GJ] Whoo-hoo!
-[girl] Uh-oh. OK...
Whoa!
-Oh, my God! I thought it was a real guy.
-Did he scare you?
-What?
-Yeah.
-This is your room?
-Mm-hmm.
-Do you like it?
-Um...
Remember the thing I told you
about living with my roommates?
-Well, I actually meant my parents.
-Oh.
But I thought I'd spring that on you
whenever you got here.
[both chuckle]
-Cool.
-Do you like it?
[girl] Uh... It's real... sexy.
You don't seem too into it.
I know this is kind of a nerd shrine.
I should have taken these things down
a long time ago.
It's not that big of a deal. I mean, a lot
of people probably live with their parents
-and have swords.
-Well, I have to tell you...
-I've lived on my own since I was 13.
-Mm...
-I'm kind of a lone wolf. Yeah.
-Yeah.
-You were like a runaway or something?
-No, I skipped high school.
-Oh.
-Yeah.
True story. And I just got back.
OK. So this is like your room as a kid?
Yes. This is my 13-year-old version.
OK. And you're definitely not
into this stuff anymore, right?
-I hate all this stuff.
-OK.
If you want any of this stuff, you should
feel free to just walk out with it.
Yeah. How did you skip high school?
Well, I took a test. That was it.
-That's crazy.
-Yeah.
-So you're a genius?
-Yes.
No, I'm not a genius.
It took me eight years to graduate.
-But yes, I'm a genius.
-Oh.
What about you? Where are you from?
What's your favorite color?
What instruments do you play?
Do you like horses?
[knocking on door]
Meister, you wouldn't happen to have
anything to drink, would you?
No, I don't have anything to drink.
I have a friend here.
Oh, hello.
-This is a beautiful girl.
-I don't have anything to drink, alright?
-Come on.
-Frank, there's nothing in here.
A little sip. A little taste for Frankie?
[Cindy]
What the hell are you doing in here?
OK. I'm just--
Can we just step outside for a minute?
I'm sorry, I'll be right back.
[Frank] Nice to meet you.
[Cindy] You're bothering him
on the first fucking day, Frank!
-I didn't know he was...
-Oh, you heard them up there.
Will you guys please, please
not do this right now? Please?
Geej, it's all good. Just give me
the cashola, I'll go to the liquor store.
What?! Are you joking?!
I just want a little something.
A little sip.
Quit being a goddamn little kid.
"I want more alcohol."
You've got a job interview tomorrow.
Get your ass to bed!
Do you care about your family? Do you?
Because if you did,
you'd be responsible and say,
"Honey, don't worry, honey.
Just go to bed."
"I'm going to bed. Let's all go to bed.
Let's have a good night."
But no, you want more alcohol
to make me worry all night.
You're gonna get up in the morning?
I'm sick of worrying because
you won't fucking do the right thing!
-I just want a little twist.
-A twist?!
Just let him do whatever he wants.
Screaming is not gonna help anything.
Look at that face.
Very good-looking boy.
No question about it.
[indistinct arguing]
-[Frank] I'm getting up!
-[Cindy] Then get up!
[Cindy] You're not getting up!
I don't see you getting up!
[Frank] If you leave me the fuck alone
maybe I'll get up.
[Cindy] I leave you the fuck alone,
you won't get up.
[clock] It's 7:17am.
Don't worry, this is normal.
[arguing continues]
[Cindy] He was so drunk
he could not stand up.
And he's saying to me,
"You're the captain of the ship."
I said, "If I ran the show
you wouldn't be doing this!"
"Bullshit. Is this what I rule?"
Oh! Pull over right here. Right--
No, no, no, no, no. Right there.
OK. That guy saw me go get it.
You're gonna get caught someday,
you know that?
Yeah. Anyway, listen,
I got it all worked out.
Since I have such a good resum I'm
planning to get a job in show business.
As soon as I get my teeth fixed.
Then I'm gonna marry a Jewish producer.
You know, hook you up in
the film industry and leave Frank.
So you're gonna leave Frank
after you marry the producer or before?
Before or after, it doesn't matter.
Actually, I'm gonna get a job
at Art Center.
-At Art Center?
-Yes. Here's the kicker.
I found out that if I work there,
then you get free tuition.
-Really?
-Yes!
Isn't that great?
Yeah. I mean, I already have most of the
money, but that's a really nice gesture.
Well, now you're not gonna need your
evil grandmother's money anymore
because you're gonna go for free.
GJ, now that I'm sober,
I'm just hell bent on doing something
to help you for a change. You'll see.
Well, I have to say
I'm really happy that you quit drinking.
But I don't know how you're
gonna stay sober living with Frank.
Yeah, but honey, you don't understand.
I don't love Frank anymore.
He's history.
Yeah, I don't know how you
loved him in the first place.
[phones ringing]
[whispers] She's my boss.
She has the biggest ass I've ever seen.
Oh, my God.
Look, look, look, look, look, top trunk.
Hi, Rhonda.
This is the most boring job
I've ever had. Ever.
[phone rings]
Marino Heights School District.
-[voicemail beeps]
-[man] So since you're back in town,
I've got a little poem for you.
I am not a symptom of the system.
I am not a disburser, I am a disperser.
I'll traverse and reverse her,
just to plunder her--
-[beep]
-...copulation without abdication
leads to recapitulation.
I am not a magnate
for the sexually stagnate.
[beep]
-I am a rock star. A near death--
-[beep]
-I am--
-[beep]
-I am not--
Gilbert's been calling 24/7, huh?
-Yeah.
-Does it bum you out, Geej?
You know, he's not really your father.
You know that, right? Not according
to your mother and me anyway.
Well, you know, I can put up with you,
I can put up with him.
-Wanna have a man-to-man talk?
-No.
-Let's have a man-to-man talk.
-No, that's OK.
You got a lot of chicks
coming in and out of this house.
I had no idea you were such a stud, man.
Let's talk about chicks.
Want to talk about some chicks?
No. [chuckles]
-God, no.
-Let's make a movie.
You should make
a frickin' movie every day.
Art is like a muscle. Use or lose it.
What do you think I should film?
My equipment.
Let's videotape my new equipment.
I've been dying to show it to you.
Come on.
-I would like to see your new equipment.
-Yeah, come on.
Geej, the 24-track mixer.
-Top of the line.
-That's new.
New projector, new video system. Hey!
We should load up one of your movies.
Have a screening.
-That's another project.
-Yeah.
So how did you pay for all this stuff.
Did you steal it or...?
[scoffs] It was cheap. Know some people
who knew some people...
-[door opening]
-Hands were "made," deals were "shaken."
Yeah.
-What are you doing in here?
-Showing Geej the studio.
GJ doesn't care about your studio, Frank.
How did you pay for all this?
I got a settlement.
You got a settlement
and you didn't tell me?
Think of it as an investment.
OK, GJ. You have to promise
not to get stressed.
-What are you guys talking about?
-It was a year and a half ago.
And I was drinking and...
-my judgment was foggy and Frank...
-No, wait.
You couldn't have spent my savings.
No! I just haven't repaid it.
I was gonna get this loan
and then the car broke down.
What? What? No, no, OK.
How did you even get access to my account?
She did it.
GJ, it doesn't even matter
because I'm gonna get this job.
You were forwarding me bank statements
while I was in New York.
-What are you talking about?
-I, for one,
am very relieved
the cat is out of the bag.
You shut up! We had a plan, Frank.
You know how goddamn important this was.
No, he's not gonna--
Just shut up!
I'm leaving this house.
I'm leaving right now
and I'm never going to speak
to either of you ever again.
-GJ--
-Don't!
[Cindy] I made you some food.
Won't you just talk to me
for one second, GJ?
I'm really, really sorry.
I know that I'm the worst mom
that ever lived.
But you have to believe me, GJ,
I was drinking so much then
and I did all kinds of stupid things
and...
But I've really quit this time
and I did it for you,
I swear to God, GJ,
so that you could be happy.
GJ...
Can't you just give me one last chance?
I'm gonna get this job at Art Center
if it's the last thing I do.
I swear to God, GJ.
You know how many times
I've heard you say stuff like this?
But things are different now, GJ.
GJ...
Tell me what you just said.
I'm gonna document this. Go.
-Well, I'm gonna help you.
-You're gonna change your life?
I'm gonna change my life.
Tell me the steps.
I'm gonna get my teeth fixed,
get a job and help you.
And you're gonna leave Frank.
-I'm gonna leave Frank.
-OK.
I'm gonna film you 24 hours a day.
And whenever you watch this footage,
you're gonna see that you never, ever
do anything that you say.
I'm gonna film this bullshit
once and for all. Both of you.
Yes. If that's what you want, GJ, yes.
-OK.
-OK.
You spent my savings on Frank.
I can't even think about this.
And I'm gonna pay you back your money, GJ.
You'll see.
Tell me about your husband,
the love of your life.
I thought he was a rock star.
I thought I was going to the Grammy's.
I mean, they had the No. 8 song in
the nation, opening for Hall & Oates.
I thought, well, this is my big chance.
He wants to get married and these other
guys, they just wanted, you know...
go out, send me roses
and try to have a roll in the hay,
which was not gonna happen.
This one just spent hours on the phone.
Didn't want anything.
Next I knew, he wanted to get married.
I mean, you know, come on, how old is he?
He's 20 years younger than me.
I thought, OK.
You read it this way and that way.
Palindrome.
Um, OK, so why aren't you
wildly successful as a musician?
Because of my frustration
with the music business.
The music industry is crap, you know?
When I was 19 and I got signed
and, you know, I was in TV.
Get up at 6:00 in the morning
and go do a stupid interview
and then sign autographs.
I just want to play music! You know?
Frank's gained 200 pounds since I met him.
That's a lot of weight. Think about it.
A chicken weighs about a pound, right?
Imagine 200 chickens
just stapled to your body.
Come on, Frank, you were a rock star.
I mean...
must have been fun to be famous, right?
This one time, I'm playing somewhere
in the middle of somewhere
of some country
and I get up and I start playing
and I look down and I see this one girl.
Ooh!
And she looked at me and she was like...
[mock screams]
And that's when... that's when
I realized... a lot of power.
I don't want that kind of responsibility.
Frank, do you have a job?
My job is music, man.
You should see the letter
that I wrote to myself
and the steps that I'm gonna take
to get rid of Frank.
Where is it?
Its's-It's-It's over there.
It was 2:30 in the morning.
I was up since 5:00.
I couldn't think. I was livid.
"What good is this for you
to worry every night
whether he will drink past his ability
to wake up and get a job?"
"Every night of your life
spent alone worrying."
"He does nothing but take advantage of
your unselfishness."
Man, it's hopeless.
Did you have to read that pathetic...
[keyboard intro plays]
[Frank] Well, so it seems
you've read the book
You have the clothes,
you have the look
You pose an act full of comprehension
to represent our corporation
[rock music]
All the chairs agree
Didn't need your fee
- Welcome aboard!
-[rock music]
[turns music off]
So what do you think?
Um...
So, Geej, why are you filming us?
What's the scoop?
Oh, I'm just doing
a "Where are they now?" type of thing.
-Yeah, for school.
-Mm-hmm.
-Oh. Are you in school?
-I will be at some point.
You're not gonna put this on
the Internet or something, are you?
No. He's not gonna do that. Frank.
If GJ wants to film us, let him film.
This is the least we could do.
-Yeah, but why really?
-Because it's fun!
Look, when's the last time
GJ even talked to you?
And you told me to film everyday, right?
OK. OK.
OK.
Art is a muscle!
If I say that I love you
And you say you love me too
That'll bring us together
We'll have nothing left to do
But dance all night
- Dance all night...
-It's delicious.
[Cindy] See, you just gotta get this hair.
[Frank] You're not cutting it.
We don't have to have a reason...
-You need a backbone in this family.
-He was such a good little kid.
Oh, hello. I faked my death,
but I guess they found me.
Dance all night
Now dance all night
Dance all night
Dance all night
We'll dance all night
[Cindy] ...down there and I live up here.
And never the twain shall meet.
-[GJ] He lives in the basement.
-[Cindy] There's no bathroom down there.
[hip-hop music]
Whoo-hoo!
-[GJ] Boom.
-Bad.
-DJ?
-No, GJ.
-JJ?
-GJ.
G... J...
-Oh.
-GJ. It stands for Gilbert John.
GJ. It's GJ.
That's fucking hard to say, man.
How about I just call you Gilbert?
Hmm... No, that's my dad's name.
And I've always just been called by GJ.
-Alright, GJ.
-GJ.
-I'm Kate.
-Kate. Nice to meet you.
-Nice to meet you.
-I like your teeth.
-I have a random question for you.
-Yeah?
Would you like to come to my parents'
house and play video games with me?
[Kate laughs]
-Yep. Yeah.
-Stop.
Do you suck at video games?
You have no idea
what you're talking about.
I'd kill you. I'd humiliate you.
I'd embarrass you.
-You don't want me to come over.
-OK. Prove it.
-[Kate] OK... [laughs]
-[GJ] Shh!
[she continues to laugh]
[GJ] And I'm not even a drinker.
We're not gonna wake anybody up.
[Frank] What's up?
-What are you doing in here?
-Oh, hey...
I was just about to leave, man.
Do you sleep in here all the time?
No. I was testing the mattress.
It's good. It's firm. It's a good one.
-Is that your dad?
-No, that's Frank.
He's supposed to be my stepfather.
Say, Meister, I forgot my twist.
Do you mind?
-[Cindy] Is he bugging you?
-I forgot my twist.
-Oh, I'm so sorry. This never happens.
-Do you mind--
Frank!
-You don't look too happy about that one.
-Oh, oh, yeah.
Booyah! Dead.
This is actually very embarrassing for me,
I have to say.
This is incredibly embarrassing for me.
Be humiliated, bitch.
-Want some?
-No, I'm good.
I would, however,
like to make a wager with you.
-A wager, huh?
-Yes.
Alright. Hit me.
If I win this next round...
you have to make out with me.
[chokes] Excuse me?
-Why is that funny?
-No, I'm not gonna make out with you.
First of all, no way you could beat me.
Obviously.
And second of all, if somehow you did...
I still wouldn't make out with you.
OK. OK. Final offer.
Above the waist touching only.
I just actually got out of
a really long and shitty relationship.
And I have to lay low.
I didn't mean to lead you on or anything.
No, no, no. That's alright.
I understand. I can respect that.
-Men are pigs.
-Yeah.
-I'm a pig.
-Yeah.
-That's a good call.
-OK.
Besides, I got tons of other girls
anyways, so...
Oh, yeah, right. Like what, dork chasers?
Oh, ye of little faith.
[indie music plays]
[laughs]
Um... I can't tell if this is amazing
or, like, really terrible.
What's wrong with you?
You show these to everyone?
You said that you only want to be friends
so I thought, fuck it.
This would cement our friendship.
And I knew after this,
you would never want to sleep with me.
[GJ] That guy in the middle
is taking it like a champ.
I love the gay porn.
Never have told that to a dude before.
I think that the entire concept of love...
is a sham. I don't believe in it.
-Oh. Me neither.
-Really?
-Yeah!
-I swear to God
you're the first girl
that's ever agreed with me.
Uh, I used to be really fat.
And... I hate small dicks.
My ex-boyfriend, his was like a dog penis.
Like, I think I know what you're talking
about, like pointy and curvy.
-Like a Smurfette.
-Yeah.
That's disgusting.
Yeah, man. That was rough.
Alright. We gotta keep going. Um, uh...
OK. In the nature of being honest...
What if I told you
that I've cheated a lot?
I don't know. Have you?
Have you?
[distant arguing / door closing]
-Well, it's officially morning.
-Yeah, I should go.
You aren't all of a sudden
freaked out, are you?
No, I'm not freaked out. I have
band practice in, like, a couple hours.
-Oh, how hip.
-Fuck you.
[he laughs]
-OK.
-I really should get out of here.
Well, let's do an awkward ass
out hug and...
I'll walk you downstairs.
I don't know what an "awkward ass hug" is.
-You don't?
-No.
Just stick your butt out.
We're like 7th grade dancing.
There we go.
You didn't stick your ass out.
Oh, I should film. It's a long story.
[beep]
[Gilbert] You know, I'm sitting
out here watching my cat,
and it's sad, because she's all I've got.
And you know
she's not gonna be here forever.
I feel like I'm sitting here
watching her die.
And I look at her and she says to me...
"No, Gilbert, I'm watching you die."
Would you please call me back
sometime? Please?
-Hi, honey.
-Hi.
I'm just getting this one--
Oh, no! Come on. I look ugly today.
How is everything going with
your master plan?
Well, I'm glad you asked.
I have an appointment in a few weeks
to get my teeth fixed.
I still don't understand
what applying for jobs
has to do with going to the dentist.
GJ, you may not know this,
but I'm missing 17 teeth.
-Show me.
-No!
-Come on.
-No!
Come on, we're documenting
all this, remember?
Put your money where your mouth is.
OK. Now...
-Something weird happened.
-What?
Remember I said I wasn't
going to put any of this footage online?
-Yeah?
-Well, I lied.
I made a five-minute short
and I put it on a video website.
Oh.
And a bunch of people saw it.
I think that this might be something.
I think I could make, like, an
actual documentary out of this thing.
I think I'm gonna ramp up filming.
I'm gonna really dig deep.
We're gonna pull out
all the skeletons in the closet.
Everything is gonna be seen
on this camera.
I may not be going to Art Center
thanks to you guys,
but at least we can make a documentary
about our messed-up lives.
Can I just put on some make-up?
-Can you get Frank on board?
-Yes, he'll do it.
He'll do it or he's a dead man.
[Frank strums guitar]
-[GJ] Let me take this off.
-[Cindy chuckles]
Oh, yeah.
[Cindy laughs]
-OK, I'm ready.
-[Cindy] OK. OK.
You want me to hold this flag?
-[GJ] I think not.
-No?
So, Frank, we're gonna
talk about some stuff.
GJ says that we're going for broke now
and I'm all for it.
So, this is gonna be good,
cos I've got some questions for you.
So tell us about your music.
Tell me about that new song.
You know, the one
you were telling me about.
I want to produce a band.
I think the world is in dire straits
for a new Beatle band.
And I would like to produce a group
that would sound like The Beatles.
You know, singing those sweet songs.
Those songs that portray the love
and the humanity.
I mean, not much to life...
except sex and food and...
...water.
So, do you want your stuff to play live?
No. I'm through performing and that.
Never gonna perform again.
[laughs] Can you imagine him
rocking out on stage?
What? I look good.
What happened to all that OXO money?
-I blew it.
-Like on what?
-Food, gas... dry cleaning.
-Cocaine.
You see, she puts this on record
and makes me look like a fucking criminal.
I'm doing all sorts of things, you know.
Do we have a picture of that girl in DATA?
She was the one that
you had your first affair with.
-[Cindy] What was the reason for that?
-[Frank] Honey...
People do what they do.
You know? It's... about the moment.
Can you predict the future? I don't know
what's gonna happen tomorrow.
-Do you know what's gonna happen tomorrow?
-Living for the moment.
That's selfish. You'd be having affairs
right now but you're too fat.
That's the truth.
You wouldn't even be nice to me
if women were interested in you.
I could. I could have an affair
at the drop of a hat.
With what?!
A lot of fat women out there
who love fat men.
But why are we talking about
that stupid time?
Let's talk about something else.
Let's play a song.
-You guys are solid gold.
-But the thing is...
-What?
-Huh?
You guys are solid gold.
[both] What's that supposed to mean?
Set a course for Party Island!
Yes, sir. Which direction, sir?
Forward! Forward, Stevie!
[drummer] One, two, three, four!
We're off to Party Island
Play, play, play, play, play!
We're all off to Party Island
We're approaching, hey
We're off to Party Island
Yo, ho, ho, ho
We're off to Party Island
And there she blows!
-Good morning, captain.
-Good morning, men!
Welcome aboard!
[GJ] That was crazy.
-Thank you.
-That was awesome.
And the puppets and the...
I... That was...
You wanna get the fuck out of here?
-Yeah.
-Yeah? Let's go.
-Right now?
-Yeah, let's go.
Hey, sorry we had to get out of there.
It's like...
It's my ex-boyfriend.
He's been calling me all the time
and then showing up to all of our shows.
It's driving me fucking crazy.
Has he been waving that little penis
around?
-No. Stop.
-You're not the only one with a stalker.
-I actually have a stalker, too.
-Oh, tell me.
He's my dad.
-Like your real dad?
-Yeah.
He's a crazy conspiracy theorist. Right?
He lives in this trailer
and he's had sex, allegedly,
with, like, 600 women.
And he's chronicled all in this book.
He's got entries like...
"Alyssa. Blonde. Screamer."
-Oh, my God, you sound just like him.
-Yeah...
-Or he sounds just like you. I don't know.
-No. He's insane. Definitely.
I hope I don't sound like him.
-Fuck!
-Oh!
We're off to Party Island
We're off to Party Island
-So what have you been up to recently?
-Other than Party Island?
-Boning lots of girls, I bet.
-Tons. Yeah. Why? What do you care?
What do I care?
I'm just making conversation, bro.
I haven't been screwing anybody because
I've been too busy filming my parents.
[chuckles] Are you doing that thing like,
"I just got out of film school
"and I, like, grabbed my camera
and I film my ma and pa
"and interview them about their tough life
and I put myself as the lead of the movie
"and then I'm gonna cut it together
and send it to film festivals."
-Is that what everybody does?
-Yeah. Yeah.
-Oh, shit.
-Oh, so you really are doing that?
-So you're quitting drinking?
-Yeah.
Something's happening.
I'm going through a change.
-Kind of like a menopause?
-Yeah, maybe. I don't know.
No particular trigger I can put my finger
on and say, "This is what did it."
It has nothing to do with your family
or getting a job or anything?
-I don't want to prompt you, mind you.
-No, no, no, no.
I've been concerned with my family
and a job for a long time.
It's just that it doesn't
really do anything for me,
except make me stupid and then
I regret it, and I'm tired of regretting.
-You should have seen him last night.
-Yeah, well. GJ...
I am getting uncomfortable
with this camera thing.
I really want to help you with
your project in any way I can,
but I'm saying this, right now,
is an imposition for me.
-Oh, he's above this.
-I wasn't saying I'm above it.
Well, what do you got to hide?
You see, well, I'm growing up
and you're not.
What? But-but-but what?
You're growing up because
you stopped drinking for six hours.
I have a job interview
and I have to get dressed. Going on.
He's quit drinking.
It won't last.
Turn left at the stop sign.
Wait a minute. Where are we going?
Oh, I just wanted to go to
some places that we lived.
[knocking on door]
Oh, hello. He is documenting
what a terrible mom I was.
Can we have a look around?
So we lived here
when you were five years old.
This is where we lived when your
grandmother came and took you away
-and then never brought you back.
-Why did she take me away?
She said she was gonna sue me for custody.
I was a bad mom.
-Why did she think you were a bad mom?
-My sister told her things. Total lies.
-Like what?
-Oh, just, you know,
that I was... that I was running around
with-with-with musicians.
And that's around the time
you married Frank, right?
Yes.
Shouldn't this walk down memory lane
be pleasant?
You sure I didn't die and go to hell?
I'm not joking. This is what I thought
hell would be. Going back over my life.
Well, this is the picture that's always
broken my heart right here.
Look at your face.
Happy Birthday, GJ, and I wasn't there.
"Roses are red, violets are purple"?
"Get well soon. Come back to us soon."
"Room 17." Where were you?
You don't remember?
Was this the accident?
What a horrific experience.
I was holding your head together.
Oh, my God, GJ. That was my fault.
What happened?
I was going through a yellow light
and a couple drunk teenagers hit us.
Were you drunk?
I wouldn't have been drinking or
the police would have thrown me in jail.
So then how was it your fault?
It was my fault...
because there's more to the story.
I was taking sedatives.
But that had nothing to do
with the accident.
It... It's just that I always wondered
if maybe I could have,
you know, stopped sooner.
Better reflexes or...
I couldn't sleep at night, you know?
I mean, I had... I had nowhere to go,
and living here and there,
a different place every week,
trying to get you back.
You don't know how depressed
I feel about this whole thing.
Quitting drinking
and then waking up to reality.
You find yourself, your kid has grown.
And you can't be a mom anymore, and
that's all you want in the whole world.
Just go back and do it over.
I'm sorry, GJ.
You don't know what that's like.
I hope you never have
those kind of regrets ever.
I'll regret it till the day I die.
I know that.
Of course I will.
-But it worked out, OK? Didn't it?
-[laughs / sobs]
Did it?
So how was it?
I'm not cut out for this shit, you know?
I'm an artist.
I shouldn't have to work.
That's all there is to it.
-What'd you guys talk about?
-Music.
Nice guy. Perfectly nice guy.
But I don't know.
Listen, I had this idea
I want to run by you.
I'm not gonna drink, OK?
Without your permission.
So, I was just thinking, just for today.
You know, for the interviews,
take the edge off.
Just maybe one little teensy twist.
For today. Just, you know...
I'm not gonna give you
permission to drink.
I guess I won't get a job.
[starts engine]
I walk around almost every day of my life,
GJ, with a lump in my throat.
And I can't think of your childhood
and I can't think about...
-because I can't-- I'm paralyzed.
-[Gothic keyboard music]
I can't move.
I would just-just... lay in bed.
Just lay in bed the rest of my life.
But if I can just do something good.
Thank God.
I thank God for the opportunity. Every
time I get an opportunity to do anything,
no matter how small or insignificant,
it's...
[phone vibrates]
-What's up?
-What are you doing?
I'm editing, which is just
the most painstakingly boring--
Take a break. Come hang out and
listen to us play music or something.
Drinkin' my manly shit
Tear off your face
Rip off your side burns
Take my greasy hands
and put them in your girlfriend's perm
My boyfriend just broke up with me. Um...
I mean, I thought he was my boyfriend.
He said he actually wasn't my boyfriend.
But you know, I guess that's
open to interpretation. Right?
I'm pretty alone right now.
It's not funny. It's not funny.
Do the chorus.
Drinkin' my manly shit
My baby left me...
-[laughter]
-[GJ] Do you see his lip?
Hit it one time! Go!
OK, so, GJ's stepdad was in,
like, an actual, like, huge band.
-No, he wasn't.
-He was in a band called OXO.
They opened for Hall & Oates
and he says that every time.
-We opened for Hall & Oates.
-[laughter]
-[Frank] Hall & Oates.
-That's amazing.
Alright, bro. I'll see ya later, man.
-Bye.
-Solid gold.
-Bye! Alright, drive safe, GJ.
-Oh, yeah.
-Call you soon.
-Alright.
-Bye.
-One last held hug there.
-See ya later.
-See ya later.
-[GJ] Bye.
-[Kate] Ciao.
-The sexual tension is crazy, right?
-GJ!
I think we should probably just
go ahead and do it. You know?
I gotta tell you, man. Sometimes I think
that you are playing a game
where you pretend to be transparent,
but actually,
you are trying to charm me
with how awful you are.
[laughs]
-You're good.
-I know I am.
-OK.
-OK.
-Bye.
-Bye.
Oh, hey, GJ. For what it's worth,
that stuff you showed us? Those scenes?
Fucking awesome. I had no idea. I think
you should, like, try to finish it.
Well, thank you. That means a lot.
-It really does.
-Yeah, I mean it.
I hope it's worth it. You know?
Reliving all these shitty memories and...
-I think it will be.
-Today it was... I was... Yeah. Anyway.
-What? What? Come back.
-I'm supposed to be leaving. Um...
Well, today... I remembered something
while we were filming.
After my grandma took me...
she told me that my mom
didn't want me anymore
and that I was never gonna see her again.
I was five years old and I just remember
crying myself to sleep every single night.
And just hoping that my mom
was searching the world for me
and she was gonna swoop in like Superman
and just save me and take me away.
And I saw this photograph my grandma
showed me of Frank and Cindy's wedding
and I thought, that's it, you know?
I'm forgotten. You know?
-I had a pretty fucked-up life.
-You know what, GJ?
Everybody had it fucked up.
Everybody goes through horrible shit.
I went through terrible shit as a kid.
Life is tough.
You suck it up and you move on.
I think, for the record, if you've been
through something traumatizing...
you don't have to pretend
like it never happened.
I'm not saying that at all.
I'm saying that you can't use it
as an excuse to do bad shit.
-OK. Yeah.
-It's late. It's late. It's late.
I don't know what I'm talking about
anymore. I've had too much of this.
If you ever want to talk about
any of this stuff or whatever...
I know where you're coming from.
And I just think you're just
a bad ass and I love it.
-So, I'm gonna go now, but I--
-Wait, maybe you shouldn't go now.
I think maybe we should just
get this over with.
Don't. Don't.
[Sixties pop music]
Oh, brother.
Well, before they could start
the construction in my mouth,
I had to have one tooth extracted
and I had to have an oral surgeon do it.
So it was time to go and he said,
"You're gonna have to walk."
I said, "I can't walk."
And then I saw that he had,
like, four bottles of wine.
What time was it?
9:00 this morning.
And I'm not disappointed.
I'm not really disappointed
because he's drinking again,
because I didn't have much hope. Did you?
It's just that I couldn't get
to my appointment
and I'm just sort of let down.
Alright, so what happened this morning?
I thought she had surgery.
She had surgery. I took her there,
she changed her mind last minute.
Ran barefoot. You know, it's embarrassing.
Everyone's looking.
She looks like a whacko
from an institution.
OK, I'm confused about the timeline here.
OK, so you decided that you
weren't gonna go this morning, right?
Well, I was, but then I knew
he was gonna get drunk
and I knew he couldn't pick me up drunk.
So when you decided
that you weren't gonna go,
-you just assumed he was gonna drink?
-No. I... He was getting...
When I really decided not to go,
he had already bought the alcohol.
-You're busted.
-No, I'm not!
I don't understand what's funny.
Well, it's not exactly like I told you.
-It's not how you told me at all.
-Well, it was close enough.
OK, so the alcohol had been
purchased at this point?
-Yes.
-OK.
So why did you purchase the alcohol?
Because she was driving me crazy
all morning
and I need something to calm me down
before I knock her block off.
I think that's well put.
But didn't you just make
a large commitment to not drinking?
Yes, I did. I made a commitment
and I'm sticking to that commitment.
I just fell down for a minute.
Frank, you have a very
important job interview today.
I know, honey.
Hey, Geej, you know that part
where you filmed me scratching my balls,
can you cut that out?
I don't know what you're talking about.
It's the ball scratching part.
It's impolite, you know.
Honey, don't look at me
with those... teeth.
-Can I ask you something?
-Yes.
What's changed around here?
Well, you can't blame me
because he's drinking again.
I could have taken you
to that appointment, though.
-I didn't want to bug you, GJ.
-That's never stopped you before.
I don't understand what's going on
with all this dentist stuff.
GJ, it's just not a good time right now.
I didn't want to tell you this,
but I've been written up at work.
-And I can't be conked out from surgery.
-Well, then forget this job.
I still don't understand why you can't
just go apply for new jobs.
Why don't you apply at Art Center?
Because I can't smile! I need confidence.
Does anybody understand that?
You need confidence to go to
a goddamn job interview.
Do you know there's like 5,000 people
for every job?
-In show business, you gotta have an edge.
-So nothing's changed, right?
Isn't that what I said was gonna happen?
What's changed...
I quit taking sedatives.
I've been taking sedatives
the whole time you've been filming.
Until last week,
so I'm probably different now.
-Have you been drinking, too?
-No, of course not.
After-- You're taking sedatives
after you told me
that you were taking sedatives whenever we
had the accident? What the hell?
I don't know how I thought that anything
could ever be different with you.
-But it is, GJ!
-No, but nothing is different.
-Nothing's changed.
-Listen, but it has!
-No, it hasn't!
-And you're not being fair with me, GJ!
I don't want to hear your--
I've heard all this crap for years now.
Well, apparently this entire time
Cindy has been taking pills.
OK, so?
So, that's a really big deal to me.
Really, I mean, what did you expect?
What did I expect? What do you mean?
I expected her not to take pills.
You're the one who's always saying that
people just do the same shit forever.
Bullshit! She stopped drinking.
Of course people change.
-Probably not, though.
-Yes, she did. What the fuck?
I don't understand. Is it really so bad to
have a little hope every once in a while
or should I just write everybody off?
That sounds like a great idea.
What a great way to live.
Why are you freaking out?
Because I'm calling you about...
OK. I've changed.
-OK.
-I'm not doing the stuff that I used to.
I'm sure.
OK. Yeah. I'm not.
I'm not seeing other girls.
I'm not doing any of that stuff.
I don't get it.
Why would you be doing this with me
if you think that I'm messing around?
I don't know. I don't know.
Because I haven't thought it through.
Because I don't-- Maybe I'm fucking up.
OK, so you're fucking up.
I like you, GJ, but I'll never trust you.
I'm not a moron.
What do you mean you're not a moron?
Because I've been so honest with you?
You know what, hey, you know what?
Do whatever you want.
Don't do anything you're gonna regret,
alright?
I suck. Everybody sucks. The end.
[pounding on door]
Open the door!
-[girl] I can't do this.
-[Cindy] Oh!
Go, go, go, go. Go.
[Cindy] Frank!
Hey. What's up?
Um, Kate, this is Melissa,
a friend of mine. Melissa, this is Kate.
Nice to meet you, Kate.
-Well, I should be going to work.
-Right. Yeah.
-Alright, bye.
-OK.
-I'll see you soon?
-Alright.
So, were you just in the neighborhood?
No, actually, I felt bad
about what I said and...
...I was gonna give you that CD.
-Kate, she's just a friend of mine.
-I told you I'm not stupid, GJ.
-Actually, I am. I'm a fucking idiot.
-I'm not lying, Kate.
[Cindy] This movie is
a lot of stress on me.
[Frank] Oh, so take your estrogen.
-[Cindy] I did.
-[Frank] Take some more.
[Frank] I don't care.
I really don't care. It's not my problem.
I didn't say it was your fucking problem,
shithead.
-I didn't ask you for shit.
-You're the star. OK?
I don't want anything to do with this.
Alright?
Get that thing out of my face.
I'm done filming.
-[Cindy] You owe him.
-I'm done filming.
-You owe him, mister.
-You shut up. Let me talk. OK?
Sit down. Sit down.
What are you trying to accomplish here,
GJ?
I'm making a biography.
-Of what?
-[GJ] Of my life.
Of our lives.
[Frank] Don't you think
you have enough footage?
Leave him alone.
I don't like everyone knowing
our business. Originally...
Oh, who cares?
Who are these fucking people?
Shut up!
You're really pissing me off.
And there's no reason for that.
What is it that is so great
about your life
that you think you need to be filming
in the house all the time?
[Cindy] What kind of question is that?
You see, the movie is stressing your
mother out and she's taking it out on me.
No, I'm not stressed out.
Let's go clean up the backyard.
It's not some fucking picture show,
you know?
What are you doing with your life, GJ?
How are you making money? Aren't you a
little bit old to be living in the house?
I thought you were a genius?
I think you should be killed!
Talking to him like that.
Isn't your whole goal
to make me look like an asshole?
I fucking hate you, OK?
I hate every fucking fat bone
in your body.
Fuck it.
[Frank] Don't you follow me.
Don't follow me.
Don't you follow me.
[Cindy] After you spent all his money
buying all this goddamn equipment.
[Frank] The equipment is shit!
You get that thing out of my face.
-[Cindy gasps / camera smashes]
-[GJ] What the fuck!
[Cindy] It's OK, GJ.
[emotional music]
Ah!
Hey, Dad.
GJ! Glad to see you finally came
to your senses, man.
Yeah.
Come on in, man.
Hurry up so the cats don't get out.
OK. It smells like a tuna melt in here.
-What's that?
-Nothing.
Alright. This is it, man.
That's the guitars.
That's the video equipment.
-Nice.
-And that's that.
There's the cats around. Well, there's
Tiny. Right here under the table.
Tiny is a little warrior, man.
Did you know that we have warrior blood
in our family? Did you know that?
I think, yeah, I remember
you telling me that last time.
This is... I don't know whose cat it is.
[plays guitar]
You know, you just might be
better than Frank.
I am definitely better than Frank.
-I'm better than Frank.
-Mm-hmm. That's right.
-Frank stanks.
-Yeah, he does.
[laughs] Frank stanks. Hey, what's up?
How's it going with the girls?
Oh, that's a long story
filled with many sides.
I've actually...
I've hiked up all these hills.
I've hiked up all the hills in the
mountains of any significance around here.
Boom-block! Boom-block!
X-block. It's all about the X-block.
Gotta use the X-block, right?
You gotta run some distraction, too.
Hey, buddy. What are you talking about?
I don't want to fight.
What do you mean
what's up with my hands? What? Boom!
Fight's over.
Come on.
-Is your foot OK?
-No.
-Honey swirl penis.
-Nice.
Petrified mammalian tusk.
That's a baby dinobite.
How did you and my mom meet?
It was a trap.
We had a great time at first. Beautiful.
I mean, we would party all the time,
play music.
-And she was a sex machine, man.
-Mm.
No, I'm serious. The best I ever had.
-Maybe leave that part out, I think.
-It's an important part.
-Well, I don't know.
-I mean, we would go for days. Days.
Bottom line, she just wanted my genes.
She had it all planned out.
As soon as you were born,
she was fucking out of there.
Wizard-head Decepticon.
But you cheated on her and...
were doing drugs and stuff, right?
I don't know. You don't have to believe
everything your mother says.
Yeah, but you probably did
a lot of it, right?
What about what I was putting up with?
Cindy is crazy. She would drink all day.
-But she actually stopped drinking.
-Oh, again?
Yeah, she really did.
That's the only reason why I can live in
that house for more than five minutes.
And actually, since she stopped drinking,
I kinda...
I don't know, I kinda like
being around her a little bit.
-So why you up here?
-Because of Frank.
Frank's a good guy. He's alright.
What do you mean Frank is an alright guy?
I mean like it's amazing
that he puts up with her.
-He's never had a job.
-OK.
Alright? He's had a bunch of affairs.
She's been with him the whole time
and taking care of him.
I mean, I hear ya. I hear ya. But I mean,
they've been together 20 years.
-They're miserable!
-They must be doing something right.
They're trapped. They're miserable.
They are co-dependent
and they're too weak to leave.
That's all it is.
Look, I don't know. I don't know
their life. I mean, I can't judge them.
I mean, you think
relationships are a trap?
Look at me. I thought
I could go it myself forever.
And now I'm stuck in Needles, California,
the asshole of the earth.
I'm trying to make friends
at a fucking gas station.
You know what that's like?
"Hey, buddy, what's up?
"What kind of Slurpee you like? Really,
cherry? I kind of like the Coke one."
Shit.
But that book you wrote.
And all the women and...
-You slept with all the...
-Yeah. I did. I slept with a lot of women.
-There you go. That's...
-It's not worth shit.
This is what I got now. You know?
This is what I got.
I got my cats. I got Tiny.
I got Trouble. I got Sasha.
And, honestly, I'm probably gonna
die in that trailer
and my cats are gonna end up
eating me. I don't know.
[cat meows]
[cat meows]
-Where you going? You leaving?
-I had a job interview...
...and they called me
and I think I have to get home.
I thought we were gonna tool around
and, you know, shoot some cans.
Yeah, I think next time
we're gonna have to do that.
I get it.
You know, I'll give you a ride if you
promise to pick up the phone sometimes.
Let me talk for about 30 minutes
each time...
about whatever I want to talk about.
-I'll do that, yeah.
-Really?
I really will.
[dial tone]
[Kate] Hey, it's Kate. Leave a message.
[beep]
[electronic evil laughter]
[electronic evil laughter]
Hi, sweetheart.
Do you just sense whenever I'm here?
-Well, it's the dawn of a new era.
-You don't have to say all that.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
You gotta hear me out.
Just hear me out for a second.
I think that the old version of me
would expect that
something different would happen.
Especially after everything
that went down the other night.
But I think I know better now.
I don't know what it is that you and Frank
have. I think Frank is an ass...
but if it works for you
and it makes you happy...
No, it doesn't make me happy.
Then I think the best thing for me to do
is just stop getting involved.
[Frank] Honey, where'd you put
the trash bags?
Aren't they in the downstairs cabinet?
No, I looked in the downstairs cabinet.
Are you filming up there?
-I asked him to do no more filming.
-No. He's not filming, fucking shithead!
He's still mad?
He didn't even apologize
for breaking my camera.
No, no, no. He said he fixed it.
It's in there.
He still doesn't want to be filmed
and he's not speaking to me
and wants a divorce, but...
Anyway, listen, I've got a plan.
Three words. OXO. Reunion. Concert.
Here's the deal. You need a big ending.
You gotta finish this project
and it's just gotta be big.
-I'm not filming anymore.
-What?
Yeah, I just... I'm not.
I just decided-- I think that...
-No, no, no, no. Honey...
-It interferes too much.
It just provokes you guys and...
You were so happy, GJ. You were so happy.
You were coming in here all the time.
You were getting on the computer,
telling me how many hits you got.
You gotta finish this project.
And it's gotta be big.
And I've got the hook that's gonna make
everybody want to see your movie.
Cos it can't just be, you know,
two people bickering back and forth.
I mean, you gotta have, like,
lights and crowds
and-and-and people and explosions.
Listen, I've been in contact with Orlando.
Don't tell him that.
Cos I dated him too, you know.
He said that he's up for doing this.
Like a big show.
And all the money will be to pay you back.
-Everything.
-How are you even gonna do that?
You and Frank aren't
even talking right now.
[scoffs] That'll work out.
I mean, come on. Visualize it.
Frank up there rocking out
in all his fat glory.
-Yeah, that would be pretty good.
-Yes.
Can you get Frank on board?
[Sixties pop music]
[Kate] Hey, it's Kate. Leave a message.
[Cindy] Geej, look, just blame it on me.
I mean... [stammers]
I'll say that she was a friend from work
and you didn't want her to stay there,
but she had so much to drink
that I insisted.
And that it just looked more than it was.
I mean, if you love this girl, then...
I mean, you don't love her, right?
I mean, yeah, I have the love chemicals.
I have that going on,
but that's over in 18 to 24 months, so...
-I'm gonna be just fine.
-Is that a joke?
I messed up, you know? Whatever.
I have to deal with that.
OK.
You're calling this a cancer benefit?
That's just to get people in the door.
Come on.
That's fucked up.
[Cindy] Oh, you're the one who's bugging
me. You're the one who came in and said,
"How many beers have you had?"
Who cares. What's one?
-This movie is a lot of stress on me.
-[Frank] So take your estrogen.
-[Cindy] I did.
-[Frank] Take some more.
[Frank] I really don't care.
It's not my problem.
[Cindy] Well, I didn't say it was your
fucking problem, shithead. I didn't ask...
[Cindy] Oh, you're the one who's bugging
me. You're the one who came in and said,
"How many beers have you had?"
Who cares. What's one?
-This movie is a lot of stress on me.
-[Frank] So take your estrogen.
[Cindy] I did.
[Frank] Leave me alone.
[Cindy] Oh, you're the one who's bugging
me. You're the one who came in and said,
"How many beers have you had?"
Who cares?
Alright, pie.
Gosh, thank you.
You're welcome. There you go.
Anything else for you guys?
No? No more? OK.
Sorry about the wait. I've been...
Hi.
-What's up?
-How you doing?
-Do you like my thyme boutonniere?
-You look like an idiot.
Thank you. I agree. You should put that--
You must feel, like, pretty shitty working
here after going to college at, like, ten.
You know what? The truth of it is,
I'm getting used to it.
I love mayonnaise and I go home
every night smelling like mayonnaise
so it's just an additional perk.
What are you gonna do, you know?
Well, I came here cos
I wanted to tell you that...
I like that video you made for Manly Shit.
-You did?
-Yeah, it was really cool.
That took me, like, a week and a half. I
was... Shit. My manager just looked at me.
So did you come here just to see me?
Your mom called me actually.
She wanted me to invite
all my friends to the cancer benefit.
Oh, my God. I'm really sorry.
We mostly talked about you.
What'd she say?
She said that you were desperate...
...and lonely and...
She basically painted
this whole sob story.
Told me the only reason
she gave birth to you
is because she had to spend
the abortion money on the electric bill.
[laughs]
-Oh, man. That's...
-It's shitty.
I haven't heard that one before.
So, friends?
-There's something I need you to do.
-What?
Tell me the truth about
what happened the other night.
-What are you talking about?
-You fucked another girl.
I need you to say that to my face.
I don't understand why you're saying that.
You don't know what I--
You could have all this wrong. You really
have no idea what happened...
GJ.
-I don't know why you're doing this.
-Just fucking say it.
Alright.
Bye.
OK.
I fucked another girl.
[Kate] Fuck.
[sniffles]
OK. OK. I needed to hear that.
I'm not gonna make any excuses.
That's what I would do right now
and I'm not gonna do that.
I'm just really, really,
really, really, really sorry.
I've been pointing my fingers
at all these people,
and all along I've just been doing
the most despicable shit.
OK.
I really want to put my arms around you
right now but I know I don't deserve to.
No, you don't really, but... fuck it.
I'm really, really sorry.
I know you probably don't believe that,
but I...
I really am.
I slept with my ex-boyfriend.
You're talking about dog penis?
Yeah.
-When did you do that?
-It doesn't matter.
But I guess we're even.
We're really awesome people, aren't we?
So... friends or...?
We'll see.
Hi, honey.
Hi.
Oh, you look tired.
I'm alright.
What?
[sighs]
Come on.
[Eighties music plays]
[whispers] What's going on with Frank?
I smoked him out with a pizza last night.
He was incommunicado and once I said--
He goes, "What's in?"
Finally, I said, "Well, I think I'm
gonna..." "What's to eat?"
I said, "I think I'm getting a pizza." All
of a sudden he came right out of there.
So he's writing some tracks
for the big show,
and I think he might be amenable
to one last interview.
With a few more pizzas.
Did you force him into this somehow?
No. He wants to do it,
but I think he's nervous.
But he knows there's some element
of parody to this, doesn't he?
Even if he suspects it,
he doesn't think it's gonna be that way.
I mean, he thinks he's gonna rock it.
-And I mean, rock it!
-I feel kind of bad now.
Honey, would you like some more cereal?
-[Frank] Not hungry.
-[Cindy] Jesus.
I have to be really nice to him. OK.
[GJ] So tomorrow's the big event.
[Frank] Yeah. First time I've played live
in 20 years. Fucking A!
So you're not gonna back out, are you?
No. No. Happy to play
for your friends, you know?
What? It's gonna be ten people
or something, right? It's just like a--
The motherfucking thing is bright, man.
How about that? Is that better?
Is that in your face less?
Is that good? A little lower?
Why are you catering to me so much, man?
Um... I don't know.
Because we have to do this interview.
I'm fat. My teeth are ugly. I'm old.
But I'm happy, Geej. You know,
I'm happy in my misery. Right, Geej?
OK, so. If you could somehow
take advantage of this documentary
and give a message to the entire world,
what would it be?
Lead or follow...
or get the fuck out of the way.
That's my message.
Lead or follow...
...or get the fuck out of the way.
Cool. Yeah.
Um, I wanted to ask you about something.
Uh...
Is my mom drinking again?
No.
Is that why you quit the documentary?
No, no, no, no. It's all me.
I'm the drunken asshole in the house.
OK. Well, I just-- I wanted to say that
if you quit the documentary
because she's drinking
and you took the heat for that,
I just wanted to say that I appreciate it.
GJ, I promise you, it's all under control.
There's nothing to worry about.
-OK? I got it.
-OK.
OK, moving on.
One thing that I think...
was a major event in my adolescence
was the whole...
...the suicide attempt that was, um...
...you know. I just think we have yet
to discuss it. It was such a...
Then maybe we should talk about it.
I considered talking about it. Um...
Well, what happened was...
I took these drugs
that didn't agree with me, alright?
First of all, I can't take pills. OK?
The only pills I can take are
Black Beauty, Quaalude, Vicodin.
Man, that shit is good.
Speed is wonderful, you know?
Black Beauty... Whoo!
Oh, yeah. So my brother-in-law came over
and he's, "Let's play some pool."
You know, and he had some coke.
I was like, "Yeah, that'll wake me up."
And so I did that on top of the pills
I'd already taken.
You know, and then I came home
and I was not in a good mood.
And I was just so sad and depressed.
And I felt like I have been
the doom of my life.
Of myself, of my family...
of everything that I wanted to accomplish.
I am the key to fucking everything up.
And so I, um...
I kind of punished myself and, um...
...eventually, I, uh...
I trashed the apartment.
You know? And if I remember correctly,
I, um... I picked up that sword
that you had.
The Indiana Jones sword
that you eventually sold,
and I asked you to kill me.
And I positioned it to my chest...
and I got down on my knees.
And I asked...
"Rid me of this fucking pain."
It was a... a selfish act...
...and a stupid thing to do.
I think it was hard for me
cos I was just...
I was 12 years old.
The only person I ever wanted to hurt
was myself. You know?
If you had to guess what I thought
about you, what would it be?
Well, I wouldn't want...
wouldn't want to know.
-Why not?
-It might not be a good thing.
What do you think about me?
I love you, GJ. I want the best for you.
The proudest moment of my life
was marrying your mother.
Becoming part of-of-of your family.
My family now.
[music plays quietly]
-What's up?
-Hey, Frank.
Honey, listen, you haven't
been on stage in a long time.
And you can't just go up there
with your belly hanging out. So...
[Frank] Honey, it's no good. It's no good!
-[Cindy] Relax! Frank!
-[Frank] It's no good! It's no good!
-[he grunts]
-Ooh, that's good.
[Cindy] I'll let it out a little.
Stop being a baby.
[pop music plays]
[whispers] Where are
the other members of OXO?
-Other members?
-Yeah.
Did I say that?
I don't remember saying that.
-[GJ] Oh, my God.
-[Cindy laughs]
I'm not so sure this is such a good idea.
There's a lot of fucking people out there.
Listen. That was the whole idea.
No, but you said there'd be,
like, ten people.
What are they all doing here?
-We didn't say ten people.
-What are they all doing here, though?
For you, they're for you.
Are they your friends?
Did you invite them?
There's a lot more here than I invited.
I got four songs. It's crazy.
You know what I'm saying?
-Frank.
-And I really don't want to play...
I'm not gonna play Whirly Girl, OK?
I'm just not gonna do it.
Oh, you gotta play Whirly Girl.
Definitely play Whirly Girl.
-Oh, for God's sake. I just don't...
-Come on...
-It's a little bit of a surprise.
-Well, big deal.
I wanna help you out,
you know I wanna help you out.
We'll just have to have a 20 piece
and a shake after. Come on.
-20 piece, huh?
-Yes. Come on.
-I don't believe it. I don't believe it.
-We're so proud of you.
-[smattered applause]
-[GJ] Alright.
OK, so thank you, everybody,
for coming out tonight.
[cheering]
We raised... What is it?
$1260 for kids with cancer.
[applause]
Thank you, guys, thank you. Really.
OK, so without further ado...
here is Frank Garcia from OXO!
[cheering]
-How's everybody doing?
-[cheering]
[guitar feedback]
[bass line plays]
[backing track skips]
-One second.
-[backing track stops]
[under his breath] Fuck...
[backing track plays]
[he plays guitar]
In walks a stranger
Smile a' made of wood
One hand says evil
The other hand says good
Tattoos on fingers
He plays a plain old guitar
You might be hiding
But he knows where you are
Better dread the day
he offers you his hand
Driving on Borderland
[guitar solo]
He's really good.
[cheering]
Last day of '69
I was crying in the knick of time
Bound for the USA
A new start, a brand-new day
Old man got a job at Sears
Mama sold a dress or two
I bought myself a brand-new guitar
But the old man said
that'll never do...
[upbeat music]
Let me tell you 'bout a girl I know
Cos she's really hip
And she can go go, go
A straight shooter
She's got hers down
Won't hesitate
to put you on the ground
She's been with the Rolling Stones
on their tours and in their homes
Won't tell you where she's bound
Cos she ain't lost
and don't want to be found
But, ooh
Maybe tonight...
Yeah, she'll find the time
To give me her phone
So I can call her at home
Whirly whirly whirly whirly girl
Whirly girl
Whirly girl
Whirly whirly whirly whirly girl
Whirly girl
Whirly girl
Whirly whirly whirly whirly girl
Whirly whirly, whirly whirly
Whirly whirly whirly whirly girl
Whirly girl
Watch her go, go, go
Watch her go, go, go
Watch her go, go, go
Watch her go, go, go
Watch her go, go, go
[song ends / cheering]
-So how do you feel?
-Feels great.
You know I'd do anything for you, Geej.
Right?
-Can I get a picture of you guys?
-Yeah, yeah.
[laughs]
He really put his ass on the line for you.
Yeah, he did, didn't he?
Fuck yes he did.
Let me get it super wide.
-Alright. What do you want me to do?
-Sit.
-Sit down?
-Mm-hmm.
-OK.
-OK, I'm gonna interview you now.
-Alright.
-And don't try to get out of it.
-OK. I won't.
-Alright.
Question number one. Do you hate me?
No.
OK. Do you think that we're
the worst parents that ever lived?
-No.
-OK! We're cooking now.
[chuckles]
On a scale from one to ten,
how bad of a parent am I?
-Nine.
-Oh.
Well, at least that's not a ten.
No, I'd say six.
-Six.
-Eight.
Seven. Seven seems right.
-Are you happier now?
-Sure.
-Are you really?
-Yeah.
-Whoo!
-Come on, GJ.
Yeah, I'm happier. I mean, I...
I'm still here, which is a shock to me.
That's something to be happy about.
Yeah. OK, well, so...
OK. Well, I can't find my actual question.
My papers are all messed up. Hold on.
Um, something occurred to me
while I was filming. I, uh...
I realized that I never, as
far as I can ever remember,
um, told you that I love you.
-And...
-Oh, I know you do.
Yeah.
-So for the record, I love you.
-What's going on in here?
Phone call for you, Geej.
-GJ loves me.
-Oh.
Do you love me?
Well, if I did, I would never be able
to say it to your face. So...
-That's pretty good.
-That's really good.
-That's good enough.
-It is.
Oh, Frank. We missed his entire childhood.
Now we can spend time with him.
Is it too late? What do you think?
I don't think so.
I think the best is yet to come.
I think so, too.
[country music]
Without love, I am half human
Without love, I'm more machine
Without love, there's nothing doing
I will die without love
Without love I am an island
All by myself in the heartbreak sea
Without love, there's no denying
I am dying without love
For there is nowhere I can run
And there is no hiding place
Sticking out like a sore thumb
By the blooming look upon my face
Without love, I'm incomplete
Without love, I am now whole
Without love, I'm barely on my feet
I am dying without love
For there is nowhere I can run
and there is no hiding place
Sticking out like a sore thumb
by the blooming look upon my face
Without love, I'm incomplete
Without love, I am not whole
Without love, I'm barely on my feet
I am dying without love
I am dying without love
Oh, yes, I'm dying without love
Oh, yes, I'm dying without love
Oh, yes, I'm dying without love
[Eighties pop music]
Well, so it seems you've read the book
You have the clothes,
you have the look
You pose an act full of comprehension
to represent our corporation
All the chairs agree
Didn't need your fee
Welcome aboard
Now let me show you around
the company and all the grounds
As you know we don't have titles
By the book, our real bible
All we ask of you
We believe you'll prove
Welcome aboard
To your left your cubicle
I'm sure you'll find it suitable
To your right is your department
which handles all other departments
Surely you understand
The chain of command
Welcome aboard
By the way, your benefits package
includes a relative retroactive phone
Workers' compensation
mostly matters of prevention
Don't ever let the boss know,
he will hang you on the cross so
Let him see that
you are willing to comply
Et cetera, et cetera
Our boss knows what his boss knows
And we can't know more than they know
Cos our boss knows
what his boss knows...