...it's good but
Penn is the place to be.
I like Northwestern.
We shall be arriving
at Altoona in about 15 minutes.
On your right
is Rockview Correctional Institution,
one of the largest prisons
in Pennsylvania.
...today you need
a BA and a Masters degree.
Altoona, Pennsylvania.
Get out your baggage checks
for Altoona.
...the obligation of placing
in his home the Holy Scriptures
and provide him with instructions
in the Christian faith.
As Thomas grows in years,
do you Frankie, as godmother,
and you, William, as godfather,
promise to fulfil these obligations?
Then, by the power vested in me,
I baptise you Thomas.
In the name of the Father, the Son...
Michael! Stop shooting,
you're making the minister crazy.
I'm outta here!
By the power vested in me
by this state,
I declare you released from custody.
- You're a free man.
- Thank you, Master Lincoln.
Try to stay out at least a year.
Good luck, Johnny.
- Thank you, Mr Rosen.
- You're the best cook here.
I sincerely pray
I'll never see you again.
- I'll miss your omelettes!
- I'll send you the recipe.
New York City can be
a real dangerous, hostile place.
It'll be a nice change.
New beginning for you men,
make the most of it.
Come back and cook for us, Johnny!
Delaney! I'm in, I'm out
I'm out! Out!
Nice thought, Lester!
Fresh air.
We're really free.
It was a beautiful christening.
Thanks for letting us use your house.
I love babies. Now, I don't have
any grandchildren...
Don't start, Mum.
Would you stop cleaning and sit down?
Come on.
This is the way people live, Frances.
Real people.
- What time's your bus?
- Late.
I want to spend some time with her.
- Now it's my fault!
- Nothing's your fault.
It was a lovely ceremony.
- You wanna try it again?
- One more time.
- No!
- Please! Yes, one more time.
- Great christening, honey.
- Gotta go. Bye, Frankie.
I better get going.
Baby, I worry about you in New York.
I'm fine, Mum.
Maybe I'm not the happiest person
who ever lived...
but that's not your fault.
Welcome to New York, you sinners.
This city is filled with sinners,
we don't need any more,
but you could be saved if
you follow the word of the Lord.
Will you follow? The Lord
can save you. Do you wanna be saved?
Do you? You must choose your way
today, brothers and sisters.
Do you hear me? You must choose...
Leo! Meet me at the corner.
Thank you.
VCR Special
Sale
Cabbie! Taxi!
- What are you doing?
- Helen's sick.
They're sending her home.
I don't know what's the matter.
Do you want water?
Nedda, get me some water, please.
You're going to be OK.
- I'm fine.
- I'll tell you when you're fine.
- What's wrong?
- He's sending me home.
Twice in one week?
Dizzy spells, not good.
It's my medication.
- Nick, I got a cab.
- Good.
Here's $10 for the cab,
you take Helen home.
- What about me?
- You take the bus.
I'll call you this afternoon.
That woman at table five
stiffed me last week.
OK, thanks for telling me.
I'll burn her toast.
I tell her to stop working so hard,
now she tells me that she's fine.
She doesn't look so fine to me.
She's been waiting on me
for ten years.
No wonder she's sick.
What are you talking about?
You know that nice dress...
Not so much butter!
I say this much, why you use
that much? Get off the phone.
In a minute, Tino.
Listen, baby, as soon I...
- Don't tie that thing up all day.
- Luther, who's gonna call you?
Scrambled with sausage, home fries
and a gun
to shoot that bitch on three.
- How was your weekend?
- It was great. I saw my mum...
Where's my bacon?
I'm backed up. Help me
and get lover boy off the phone.
...that underwear I bought you.
- Jorge, hi! Lmmigration!
No, I was just kidding!
OK, here we go.
Good morning, Frankie.
There you go. Sorry it took so long
but Tino's real backed up.
Walt learned to juggle oranges,
he thinks it gives him vitamin C.
Hi, we have two specials today. We
have a feta cheese omelette for 3.95
and a western omelette for 2.95.
- I'll take the pancake special.
- No, there are no special pancakes.
There's the feta and the western.
I'll have the French toast special
with double syrup.
- My goodness! Did you see that?
- Yeah, I saw it.
I'm all right, don't worry.
Look what you did! My father
had to work very hard for this car.
- Get her off!
- Poke him in the eye!
...when you give them change,
they say, "No, I give you 20."
I bring you from Greece
to teach you business.
- I try, Uncle Nick.
- You can sit anywhere.
Go on, take any table. Once again.
No, it says you looking
for a short-order cook.
We're always looking for cooks
but they come and they go.
I'm not a come-and-go guy.
I'll stick with you if you hire me.
I like your hair like that.
- You don't think it's too young?
- No, it's perfect.
- See the guy on two?
- The cop?
Wants chopsticks. Where's my bacon?
My references,
signed by the governor.
- More like a diploma.
- Excuse me.
- Sorry.
- Peter, phone call.
This chopstick has tape on it,
you can't be that cheap.
- The other one is good.
- One chopstick?
You want me to sharpen it
and have him stab the food?
Good idea. So, what do you think,
pookie? You think I should hire him?
- Yes.
- Why?
- I like his face.
- Me, too. You're hired.
Thank you, sir. Really, thank you.
- OK. You wanna know why? Ask me why.
- Why?
I believe in giving men
another chance. Close your ears.
Until he fucks up.
This country gave me another chance.
Close your ears, pookie.
I didn't fuck up.
- This is between us.
- Thank you.
I won't... Could you close your ears?
I won't fuck up.
Here. Fill this out,
you bring back tomorrow, all right?
- You start tomorrow, 6am.
- I can start now.
Tomorrow's good.
I'm Nick, you're Johnny?
- How'd you hurt your hand?
- Soccer. You play soccer?
- No. I play handball, though.
- OK, tomorrow.
Nice you meeting, pookie.
I'll see you at six.
- Got a job today!
- Who gives a shit?
The head is ten points.
How much for the belly button?
Man! Winner! One more.
You know what I'm saying.
Stop playing and get out of here.
Come on.
You took away our playgrounds
now you take away our stiffs.
Guy comes out of the garage,
gets in his car and gets shot.
Hello? How are my shelves?
- I'm a friend of Tim's. I'm Bobby.
- Where's Tim?
He's in his place.
You were out of beer.
- Nice elephant collection.
- Thanks.
He asked me to help
with your shelves. You like 'em?
A little crooked but... yeah.
The shelves aren't crooked.
It's your floor.
There she is! There's the
little godmother. Welcome home.
Have you met Bobby?
We met at a Dr Pepper audition.
He was the big pepper,
I was the little pepper.
Hands on buzzers.
Acrophobia is the fear
of high places,
agoraphobia is the fear
of open spaces,
but what are you afraid of
if you're xenophobic?
Foreigners.
- Foreigners.
- Foreigners or strangers. Correct!
Lucy, this is Bobby.
He'll be taking you for your walk.
She likes to chase Limos.
She has delusions of grandeur.
I know how to walk a dog.
We do have these things in Kentucky.
Kentucky! I'm dating Huck Finn!
- Nice to meet you, Frankie.
- You too, Big Pepper.
So, have I found Shangri-La?
- He's nice.
- That's a rotten thing to say.
He's very nice!
What do you want me to say?
I leave you alone for two seconds...
I know. I said I'd never
fall in love again.
- Where did that get me?
- Don't get dramatic.
It's an occupational hazard.
I love watching TV with you,
I hope we'll best friends
the rest of our lives
but there's a whole world out there,
it's no use pretending there's not
just because our feelings got hurt
or there's some virus.
I know.
But I'm going for a VCR.
A VCR. I hope it comes
with a lot of attachments.
- Is that a life?
- Send out for a pizza, rent a film.
That's dinner and a movie
and I don't have to deal with some
schmuck putting his tongue in my ear.
What is the topic of discussion
when lepidopterists get together?
Butterflies.
- Gems?
- No, ma'am. Butterflies or moths.
You've been to college,
you should know that.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
Give her a kiss.
Give her a nice kiss.
Want some bran?
May as well just eat rope
and yank it through.
Come on!
You have feet, you have shoes! Run!
Papa! Are you OK?
- What's happening?
- Don't poke! Please.
Hi, are you buying? I'm on sale.
I'll pay you Thursday.
How you doing?
Hi. Looking for company?
- I don't know. What's the rate now?
- $100. Cash.
I appreciate the offer
but that's a little out of my...
Listen, it's slow tonight.
We can talk.
- You wanna talk? OK, let's...
- So, what do you like?
What about the spoon position?
What you gonna do to me
in the spoon position?
Party time.
- Celeste, no...
- Christine.
Yeah, well, clothes on.
You know what I mean?
Clothes on, spoon position.
I will go on with dynamite.
People got to be able to see
as well as hear.
Watch this, I'll do Bette Davis...
You all right, man.
That's like a move, ain't it?
All right! Chop that celery!
- That's a good way to lose a finger.
- Do it, baby.
I had a cousin, he lost two fingers
at his last job.
- He can't even tie his own shoes.
- Come on!
- I wear loafers anyway.
- Frankie, come here.
Look at this guy, he's a hot dog.
He's cute, though.
He's got a cute little ass.
- Why don't you tell him?
- I think I will. Hey, Zorro!
Anybody ever tell you
you got a cute ass?
- Last job I had.
- Are you blushing?
Stop bothering the new guy.
Everybody get to work for a change.
Scrambled with bacon, two easy-overs
with sausage and a Belgian waffle.
I'm Johnny. Who are you?
These eggs aren't runny.
Mr DeLeon likes them runny.
They look runny to me.
They're pretty runny.
- He's a regular.
- Who can argue with that?
And who can argue with you?
"Thy head is full of quarrel
like an egg is full of meat."
Romeo and Juliet. I'm reading it now.
Act three, scene one.
I can't find it now.
OK, raw eggs coming up.
Not raw, runny.
Wait a minute. Stop!
Nick, the pie machine's gone berserk.
Look, if he jumps, he jumps
but they never do.
I gotta go, I'll call you later.
Yeah, bye.
- What do you think of him?
- Who?
- The guy. The new guy.
- He just started, Cora.
I've been checking him out.
Something about him I don't like.
I know what you mean. Some wise guy.
No, it's the headband.
- He is cute.
- You always see something cute.
- I'm lucky like that.
- Is Helen still out?
She'll be back tomorrow.
You know what your problem is?
You're too picky.
Women like that always have
opinions about women like us.
- How do those look?
- Perfect!
You girls take such good care of me.
I know, I should have said ladies!
No, you should have said women.
Frankie, you're looking at
a very old dog.
In my time I've said tootsies,
dolls, gals, chicks, babes,
sometimes even broads -
that's when I was a young man.
When I was a young man,
the wonder-drug was Mercurochrome.
Did I tell you my daughter-in-law
wants me to call her Ms?
I put up with her
because of my grandchildren.
Have I shown you pictures of them?
Want to see them again?
Some of them are out of focus.
Peter, telephone.
How can VCRs be so complicated?
- What's his story?
- Ask Cora.
She after him already? She's fast!
Like a bullet!
Maybe Jorge knows about VCRs.
That boy?
All he got on his mind is pussy.
You open his head,
you'll find little hairy triangles.
Frankie, come here.
The professor from the college just
stuck his hand up my skirt again.
OK. You pour, I'll bump.
- Let me freshen that up for you.
- I always like more.
It's very cold.
I am so sorry! Are you all right?
I'm so sorry.
Helen's in the hospital.
Her neighbour just called.
She thinks this is it.
15 years she works here.
It's a long time.
Do you think she knows we're here?
I don't know.
It's a hospital.
Helen, honey, it's Cora.
Can you hear me?
Excuse me. Could you leave now?
Helen has another visitor.
We're leaving.
We're gonna go now.
We'll be back tomorrow.
Do you think we're gonna
end up like this? Alone.
She's not alone.
She's alone.
Easy. We'll need something under
his head. Let me have your jacket.
Back off, OK? Give him a little room.
- It's not like your father's...
- What's going on?
- Where's Nick?
- At the hospital.
- What's wrong?
- He's having a fit.
Call an ambulance.
- I love...
- What is wrong with you?
That's my girlfriend!
He's just sitting there,
then he falls like a ton of bricks.
Stand back.
We need an ambulance, please. The
Apollo restaurant, 23rd and Ninth.
Is there a doctor here?
Is anybody a doctor here?
- You're dressed like a nurse.
- I'm a dental technician.
- We're gonna need an ambulance.
- They're on the way.
You gotta get him on his side
so he can breathe right.
Where did you learn that?
Campfire Girl...
I don't remember. Is he epileptic?
- Yeah, I think...
- Sure? It could be drugs.
Drugs? He don't look like
an addict to me. What is it?
Epilepsy!
Yeah, he's epileptic.
Go back to your tables, he's fine.
The ambulance is coming. Thank you.
Thanks for cooperating.
Free coffee for everyone.
- Give everyone...
- Nick'll kill you.
You can make that call now, Jorge.
Your name is Frankie, right?
- I'm Johnny.
- I know.
Frankie And Johnny, the song.
Yeah, I've heard of it.
Is he breathing all right?
Yeah. Frankie and Johnny
were sweethearts...
- I don't think he's breathing right.
- He's breathing.
- Why not go out with me tonight?
- What?
I'm asking you out with me tonight,
on a date.
He just asked her out.
- I don't believe this.
- What's not to believe?
No. Keep him company.
I'll wait for the ambulance.
- Welcome to the world.
- What happened?
Nothing much. I just got
turned down by some woman.
You're gonna be fine.
Hey, Lucy.
I'm actually in Rego Park.
Look who's here.
What's he doing here?
He didn't know her.
Sure he did. His first day
was her last... I think.
Helen can use all the mourners
she can get.
- Nedda!
- I didn't mean it unkindly,
I'm just glad
we didn't book St Patrick's.
Tino and Luther were here earlier,
Nick got the flowers.
- They're nice.
- I gotta go.
I'm gonna go with you.
Funerals give me the willies.
- You gonna come?
- We just got here.
- It's the thought.
- I don't wanna leave her alone.
Yeah, sure.
Come on, Nedda, we don't need
a brick wall to fall on us.
Shut up, don't be ridiculous.
You're picking up a guy
in a funeral parlour
in front of a freakin' stiff!
In my wildest dreams
I didn't do anything like that.
Blow it out your ass.
Charming.
Sorry, Helen.
Who do I have to fuck
to get a waffle?
Forget about the waffle.
Thank you, Tino,
Oscar's a lot better.
Hot plates, look out. Here's another
present for you, Luther.
Can I ask you something?
Yeah, shoot.
Tino, give me a moment here.
Thank you.
- I'll clean that later.
- Did you know Helen?
- It looked like you were crying.
- Death is very sad.
But you didn't even know her.
You don't have to know someone to
feel sad for them. It's empathy.
Yeah. Empathy, yeah.
Empathy. The sympathetic vibrations
of two human beings.
- I know what it means.
- No, you don't.
I didn't know either
till I looked it up.
You see, every day when I'm shaving,
I look up a new word.
It's a little piece of turkey,
that's all.
How can you have empathy
with someone you've never met?
I didn't have to meet her. I just
looked at her picture and I knew.
I knew she lived alone,
I knew she had these dreams
that weren't quite enough
to keep her heart beating
so she kept it going by
putting a bottle of Four Roses
under her pillow - nobody knew about.
Vodka.
You should get a crystal ball and a
turban, you'd make a lot more money.
I'm no fortune teller.
I just tell it the way I see it.
She had that look. My mother
had that look her whole life.
Disappointed.
I need a blood sausage
and hash browns.
Nedda! She's just asking me out!
I am not! I am not asking you out.
- I'm sorry I'm interrupting.
- You're slicing the turkey too thin!
That's OK, I'll wait.
Baby, you know
how I feel about you, right?
Don't monopolise the phone.
Thank you, Cora.
Did you come?
Yes. I usually
can hold it longer than that.
- Sorry.
- But it didn't seem like you came.
I came. I did. That was terrific.
Are you sure?
Are you kidding? Of course I did.
Yeah, but usually a guy will moan
and yell or something,
you didn't even clear your throat.
I trained myself to do it quietly.
- Why?
- Let's just say I've been in places
where full-throated orgasm
would be highly inappropriate.
- You mean like a monastery?
- Yeah, sort of.
I'm dizzy.
Maybe the shoes
was too much for you.
It could have been.
- Or position maybe.
- Position! Yes!
I like that position.
Woman astride. Yes.
Why didn't you say something?
I would have done it.
You did it.
That's what this is, astride.
- What, on top?
- Yeah, on top. Like this.
Though my lips were sealed,
my mind and my body
were just shooting off fireworks.
So, it wasn't exactly perfect.
Don't worry about it.
I wasn't exactly 100% - these shoes
are cute but they kill my feet.
Can I stay over?
Why not?
Because if you stay over, the two
of us will lay here all night, awake,
pretending to be asleep but
wondering why we didn't hit it off.
Johnny, you're just lonely.
I'm just lonely.
We don't have to be Romeo and Juliet.
Lonely.
You got a boyfriend, you said.
I got two boyfriends.
I'm looking for one Mr Right.
- I'll see you tomorrow.
- See you at the salt mines.
- Bye.
- Good night.
- It's not the end of the world.
- I know.
I seen the end of the world.
"But look, the morn,
in russet mantle clad
"Walks o'er the dew
of yon high eastward hill."
- The morn?
- What the hell does it mean?
It means the sun is up.
Why doesn't he just say so
instead of this bullshit?
Because he's Shakespeare.
The greatest poet ever.
Are you saying
you don't respect me any more?
- I could care less!
- I don't respect you any more.
I think you're both a pair of tramps.
Look, I did you both a favour,
I tried him out.
Did he really...?
Two minutes tops!
- I hate that!
- And so quiet. Like a mouse.
Marcel Marceau
comes louder than this guy.
Maybe you scared him.
That isn't out of the question.
Well, maybe so
but I don't read poetry.
As I see it, you need two words
to make it in this town -
"fuck" and "you".
- Someone didn't get laid last night.
- I get laid every night.
I bet you do.
- No, not the wig!
- No! I knew not to use the wig.
Do you know those gold pumps I got?
The stilettos? I put 'em on,
things are looking good,
but then I...
I know what you two
are talking about.
- You do?
- Of course I do.
What are we talking about?
Say the word.
- Leave her alone.
- Just one time. Just for me.
- Copulate. Say it.
- Cora, leave her alone.
- Once in your life.
- You are so mean!
You can do it! On the count of three.
One, two, three!
I watch Dr Ruth.
Peter, telephone.
Yeah. How much?
What's with you?
Ladies and gentlemen, staff,
I have an announcement.
- Crazy busboy.
- I sold my first script.
Right! They're flying me
first class to sunny LA
to begin shooting Bloods On The Moon!
I'll give you one last day
and I'm off to Hollywood.
Son of a bitch! Pardon my French.
Nice shot.
OK, serving for the game,
this is it.
I got you now! Go, Joe!
Shit! Pardon my French.
- Out!
- There it is, good game. Good game.
- Good one, Joe.
- I gotta go catch criminals.
Why won't you go to
Peter's going-away party with me?
- I don't want to.
- I'll pick you up at seven.
- Sometimes you're really obnoxious.
- I'm not obnoxious.
I'm just eager to go out with you.
That's a big difference.
545 West 54th Street, right?
- How do you know that?
- Come on, it's on your punchcard.
What are you doing looking at
my punchcard? You stay away from it.
What's your apartment number?
- 6A.
- No, I don't believe you.
6B? 3F? Am I close?
- Am I talking to myself over here?
- Just a minute.
What can I do to make you respond
to me? Can I write little notes?
I don't respond to little notes.
- What about if I give you presents?
- You can afford that?
- I'm saying little.
- I don't like presents and things.
I know, I gonna back off
but I gotta tell you something.
- I got a crush on you.
- Burger Deluxe, pick up.
Why do you want to go out with me?
Because the heart does things
for reasons
that reason cannot understand.
Does Nick know about this?
I'm gonna tell Nick.
You got her jealous, you see?
You got her all riled up.
I want to know why
you want to go out with me.
We're gonna go to the party
and walk in alone?
Our whole life
we spend alone at parties.
So we walk in together,
it's not so bad. So bad?
No, it's not. We can do it.
- What? Do what?
- What's the matter?
I don't even remember
what my order was!
One meatloaf platter
and two chef's salads.
See? I never forget an order.
Cancel the tuna melt, the customer
just died of malnutrition.
I'm giving his lawyer
your number, OK?
Try something a little more festive.
You need these?
No, not yet.
I'm too old for this shit.
Come on.
- You look like an Italian widow.
- I wish you'd just come with me.
I can't. I've cancelled this dinner
three times already.
I hate going to parties alone.
I always feel like
everybody's staring at me.
Dressed in that they probably are.
What time is the bullfight?
Let me weave my magic spell.
The land of lost dresses.
And the winner is...!
There. Now that is a party dress.
I feel prettier already.
If you don't want to go
to parties alone, start dating again.
She hasn't had a date in three years.
Not since Phillip...
- I said the "Ph" word.
- It's not true.
What about that Welshman?
I dated him that whole summer.
Please! I don't count him.
What? He asked me to marry him.
That's why I didn't like him.
I knew he wouldn't leave his wife.
What do you know about those things?
- More than you do obviously.
- She doesn't have to date.
I don't date by choice.
Too bad because I love your choices.
We went from Mr Abuse You
to Mr Use You,
plus a fling with a cross dresser
that I blew the whistle on.
Yes! Mama, the pumps. Definitely
the pumps. Bobby, what do you think?
- Leave me out of it.
- I'm giving us six weeks.
Are you expecting someone?
Hello, who is it?
I just got goosebumps.
Do you know that song?
Four weeks.
It says your name but it doesn't
say the apartment number.
- 6A. What?
- It's the new guy at work. The cook.
- Is he cute?
- Yeah, sort of.
Do you have a date with him
or did you order sandwiches?
No, he asked me to go out with him
and I told him no
then he asked me to Peter's party
and I said no, I think.
What did I say?
How should I know? Who cares?
It's a gentleman caller.
What did he do? Run up?
This guy means business.
- Should I get it?
- Wait!
Who are you gonna say you are?
The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance!
What's wrong with you? How do I look?
- I'm supposed to say that!
- Yeah, but you never do.
My God! I look like the Breck girl.
- This is 6A, right?
- 6A.
- Welcome.
- Hello.
- Are you OK?
- My God!
- Can I get you something?
- I'm fine.
I just ran up five flights.
I don't know what got into me,
I just had to run up.
- Wanted to get here.
- You didn't have to do that.
No, it was my pleasure.
- So, you ready?
- Almost.
Yeah? Good.
Nice apartment. Big for a studio.
OK, sit. I guess there's
not an empty chair in the house.
Man, I couldn't figure out
what to wear either.
This is Tim and Bobby,
they're hooking up my VCR.
Right.
I'm Tim, he's Bobby.
I live across the hall
and Bobby lives with
the Von Trapp family.
So, this is your first date?
We just started dating ourselves.
Each other?
That's interesting.
You'd never know it.
This is really nice and homey.
Elephants!
She's collected those
since she was kid.
When the trunks are up,
it means good luck.
But they gotta face the window.
Otherwise it's bad luck.
I read that somewhere.
That explains a lot.
I think I could help you
with that wire.
I think I got it if I could just...
Sure you know what you're doing?
Last time I worked on one of these...
OK, I think
that one goes right there.
- I'm sure.
- No, it goes over here.
You gotta take the plug...
- Are you an electrician?
- No, I'm a cook.
This is so exciting.
I feel like your big sister.
- What do you think?
- He's nice.
That's a rotten thing to say!
He's very nice.
Look, we've both done worse.
Of course, he could be
a mass murderer or a psycho.
Thank you for sharing that with me.
Come on,
hurry up before he changes his mind.
It's better the way I had it.
Yeah, I think you're right.
Maybe I should just learn to leave
well enough alone.
Let me help you. Here. Try this.
I have a cousin who's gay,
by the way.
- Most people do.
- Ready?
- He's a really great guy.
- I'm sure.
He just found out he was gay
a couple of months ago.
I'll look him up in the directory.
Under the new listings.
- Let's go.
- Good one.
Nice meeting you. Nice meeting you,
Bobby. Sorry about the TV.
- Don't worry about.
- Nice meeting you.
- Sure you don't wanna come?
- Next week we'll double.
I hope it works out.
There's lots of reasons. At work, the
little things you do that I watch.
I love the way you swig.
You don't think we'd fit, do you?
We fit, Frankie. We fit like...
peas in a pod, like a lock and a key.
I'm not so sure I like
where your key's been.
You mean Cora, right?
You think that was something?
Come on, you know what that was.
It's a Band-Aid on loneliness.
So, how old are you?
None of your business.
How old are you?
What do you think?
Late forties.
- What? Then don't ask.
- Don't ask!
...but before I go any further,
I'd like to introduce you all
to my heart, Cheryl.
And the man this couldn't have
happened without, Mutzie Calish.
Finally, to all of you
who helped me when I was a nobody,
I'd like to thank you all now
because I'm sure I will forget you
when I'm big and in Hollywood!
I have something to say.
I wish to make salute to Peter.
He worked for me at the Apollo Cafe.
For Peter, my cousins
will play some Greek music.
Let's break some plates!
Would you like some cake?
So, wanna dance?
No. Ask Nedda, that's her thing.
If something happens between us,
I hope you can handle it.
- Nedda?
- What?
- Would you like to go Greek with me?
- Yeah! Hang on, my bra snapped.
For old times' sake.
Me and three of the guys
tightened that up.
Johnny's teaching me
how to be a cook. This is Maria.
- Great party.
- Confession time.
On my first day,
I stole some of your tips.
I know.
But you put it back the next day.
I was broke. I was really broke.
I'm really glad things
are working out for you, you know.
- I wish you all the best.
- Thanks.
See you Johnny.
- Hey, baby. Let's cut a rug.
- Are you bra-less?
Let's go, Nick!
When do we break the plates?
That's good. Go.
Nedda, come on!
- It's not Greek but it's good.
- Party!
Let's go, Johnny!
That's right. All right.
Bravo!
- Come on, there must be a reason.
- Dumbo.
- Dumbo? The movie?
- Yeah.
No deep hidden meaning.
Plain Dumbo the elephant.
Just before my father left,
he took me to see Dumbo
and I liked it so I save elephants.
I like that movie Dumbo.
The flower market. My secret place.
Only me and 3,000 florists
know about it.
How about a lovely corsage
for the lady?
Good.
- Which one?
- On the bottom, third one in.
This one?
OK, I got it.
You want me to do it?
You never went to the prom, did you?
No. Did you?
I wish you'd stop looking at me
like that.
Like what?
Like that. It's too intense.
You don't look, you stare.
It makes me nervous.
Thank God! You finally got here.
Sorry I'm late. Get off my back.
I think we should go to your place.
I think so.
I really like you
but does it have to be tonight?
Who says?
- I'm OK.
- Are you OK?
You got something?
- You mean rubbers?
- Yeah.
- Talk about a mood changer.
- Well, do you?
The truth is I didn't think this
was going to happen on a first date.
I just didn't think this...
The truth is, it's not going to.
- No.
- It's OK.
I don't know, I just...
If I'd brought something,
what would that look like?
It would look like I was planning
to do it with you.
No, it's OK. Maybe this
is just not such a good idea anyway.
Come on. I'm being penalised
for respecting you.
You're not being penalised,
you're just not getting laid.
Wait a minute now.
Is this about getting laid?
- Let's talk about...
- No. How about I make us a sandwich?
- You want a sandwich?
- A sandwich?
I hate wearing goddamn rubbers,
pardon my French. I know you have to.
I never thought I'd contemplate
sleeping with a man
who said "Pardon my French"
all the time.
Done.
I'll never say those words again.
Where do you pick up
an expression like that?
- This is good. You made this?
- No, my mum.
- Shit.
- Let me see that.
- It's all right.
- I'll get you something.
Just keep pressure on it. Don't
let any blood spill on the meatloaf.
I don't think this is gonna work out.
I can't hear what you're saying.
I'm a BLT-down sort of person,
I think you're looking for
someone a little more
pheasant-under-glass.
- What are you doing in there?
- I'm just looking for Band-Aids.
- What are you doing?
- Come on in. Sit down.
I know first aid.
Give me your finger.
Give me your thumb.
I'm 42.
- I'm 32.
- Really? You don't look it.
- I'm 44.
- Honest?
I'm gonna be 46 this year.
What do you want for your birthday?
I want to stop bullshitting
about things like my age.
I'll be 35 on the 11th of November.
You're a Scorpio?
Look in the medicine cabinet.
I have some.
I didn't want you
to get the wrong impression.
- They're behind the blue...
- I got 'em.
Is it on?
Not yet. You can't just
put it on until it's...
No, I know.
You know, I wouldn't have gotten
the wrong impression.
Let me hear you. I wanna hear you.
Come on, baby, let it go. Let it go.
Come on. Let it go. Come on.
I need eggs over-easy
and a roast chicken.
- Here you go.
- You wear bandanna, I wear bandanna.
So, the baby's coming soon?
Know what is it yet?
- Twin boys.
- Twins you got?!
- Can I touch?
- Yeah, be my guest.
This one just kicked the other one!
Cora, I never see you like this.
People think I'm a tough bitch
but it ain't true.
Shit like this chokes me up.
Frankie, come here, touch the baby.
No, that's OK.
My hands are dirty. Next time.
This is your last chance.
I am never getting pregnant again.
You said last time!
Flora, the blue, remember?
Blue is for the morning.
The red one is for the evening.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome. Two eggs over-easy.
Hello to you, too.
I see you made it home all right.
Yes, I made it here this morning,
had time enough to put this together.
- Nice.
- I slept like a babe.
So, I saw you over there,
you like kids?
- They're OK.
- You look someone who likes kids.
Yeah? So did my father.
What does somebody
who likes kids look like?
I need an order
of liver and onions... Captain Ahab.
Thanks for loaning me the car, Nick.
He's lending me his car,
I got an errand to run.
- He's lending you his car?
- He likes my cooking.
How about we talk a walk?
I think we should.
- No. I gotta eat.
- We all gotta eat.
We'll eat. How about
I make a little picnic for us?
What's the menu?
Whatever you like.
You like tuna fish?
Tino tells me you like tuna.
- I'll make a tuna casserole.
- No! Not casserole.
- Tuna fish sandwich.
- I am defined by my tuna sandwich.
I take the tuna out of the can
and I work it between my fingers
till it's real soft.
I'm back.
It is kinda scary, you got to admit.
Two people coming together is scary.
You can't deny that it's happening.
I'll tell you how I really feel.
I feel like you're too needy for me.
I just feel like you want
everything that I am.
I do.
Nick tells me guys ask you
out and you keep saying no. Why?
I'm retired from dating.
What does that mean? Something
happened when you were a kid?
Why is it that any time
a women doesn't want to get involved,
men think it's because
they were messed with as a kid?
They were messed with as a woman.
I'm not gonna mess with you.
Do you like my tuna?
Yeah, it's good.
You didn't graduate high school,
so what? You can go back.
Go back? I don't think so. I had one
highlight in high school, one.
What was that?
I played Sister Sarah
in our production of Guys And Dolls.
No kidding.
- Frankie and Johnny.
- I've heard the song.
- We were a couple before we met.
- Didn't they kill each other?
No. She killed him.
You got the edge there.
Come on.
What are you doing tonight?
- It's my bowling night.
- Great! I love bowling.
No. It's a league and besides,
you have your errand.
- After my errand.
- No. I need a night to get over you.
OK, I'm on Meadow Brook. 14...
Meadow Brook.
111? What is 111?
So, am I close? There it is.
Let's bowl.
Now, concentrate, Cora.
Here we go, Frankie.
Need this spare, honey. Go!
Watch this. Watch! Beautiful!
- Hell.
- Great, Nedda.
- It was two.
- It was better than last time.
- You see that?
- Where'd you learn to bowl so good?
Altoona, PA.
That's about all I learned.
You're from Altoona?
I think I'm going to have
some kind of fit.
I was born in Altoona.
- Very funny.
- No! Are you kidding?
I was born in St Stephen's Hospital.
We lived on Martell Street.
I suppose you went
to Moody High School?
No, because we left when I was eight.
I went to
Park Lane Elementary, though.
Are you really from Altoona?
Why would anyone pretend
to be from Altoona?
To keep up this silly coincidence
theory. Don't encourage him.
My mother ran off with a guy
she met at an AA meeting,
my father took us to Baltimore,
to his sister.
- Cora, it's your turn.
- No, this is better. Go on.
She couldn't cope with us
so they put us in foster homes.
Now, I'm 18 years old
and I'm with the carnival.
This guy, Mr Memory, he's 85
years old, he's got a memory...
Instant recall, he's got things
in his head - entire books,
- palindromes, speeches...
- What's that?
Something you can spell backwards
and forwards the same way.
- Madam.
- Otto.
Boob, b-o-o-b.
- Puppy!
- Close enough.
Anyway, the old guy says to me...
Are we bowling or what?
Sorry. Shall we bowl?
That's why he has such a good memory.
He can't bowl in those shoes.
What is wrong with him?
I'm gonna use my own little ball.
Come on, Frankie, pull another one!
- How you doin'?
- OK.
You all right?
I know I wasn't supposed to come.
I don't know how you feel about it.
- It's OK.
- It's OK?
Really?
Frankie, you're up.
We need a strike.
They're ahead by four.
What are you talking about?
Let me look at this.
- There, see?
- 92 and eight is 100, not 96.
No, that was a happy face I drew.
If you're gonna doctor a score,
doctor mine.
I'm going all over the place
with you.
I don't know
what you're talking about.
I'm in love with you. I love you.
I am totally, completely mad for you.
My heart stops every time I see you.
I think we should be married.
I definitely want kids.
Four or five if possible.
There, I said it.
It wasn't so difficult.
You don't have to say anything,
I just wanted to get it out.
- Talk about a load off.
- Talk about a load off?
Talk about a crock of shit.
Don't say that, that's vulgar talk.
You don't talk like that.
Fuck you how I talk.
I'll talk any fucking way
I feel like.
This is my fucking bowling night.
Who the fuck are to spoil it
by telling me you love me?
She really likes this guy.
That makes me unloveable?
No, it makes you a creep.
No, you're sincere, that's worse.
I mean, are you nuts?
Kids, for Christ's sake!
So, what's wrong with kids?
- I hate kids.
- I don't believe that.
- OK, I'm too old to have kids.
- No, you're not.
I can't have any. Are you happy now?
We'll adopt.
You don't just decide
to go falling in love with people.
- Why not?
- They don't like it.
Do you need help?
How would you like it if Nedda said
she loved you and wanted your baby?
Nedda, I really like you,
you're nice but I love Frankie.
- I'm getting help.
- You don't know me.
I can't do anything,
I slept with the guy.
- You slept with him?!
- Frankie didn't tell you?
She said you slept
with everybody else.
- She didn't mention the gold pumps?
- He wore gold pumps?
You just wanna believe that.
It makes it easier for you
to run away.
"You don't know me."
I don't know you? I know you.
What do you want, Frankie?
What do you want?
What do you want from a guy?
I want a guy who will love me
no matter what.
You got him. Here. Me.
This is worse than
Looking For Mr Goodbar.
I am trying to improve my life
and I'm running out of time.
Find someone else
who is double-parked like you.
It could happen.
I could meet somebody tomorrow.
- Get laid, think I was in love.
- Don't let me stop you.
You're not stopping me,
I'm stopping me. I love you.
But I'm so scared.
So scared you are gonna retreat back.
You know, that place
you're so comfortable with,
that place where nobody can find you.
That's why I'm coming on so strong.
What's going on here?
Frankie, chances like this
don't come along often.
You gotta take 'em because
if you don't, they're gone forever.
And you may wind up not only -
and pardon my French
for the very last time -
screwing some other person you meet,
thinking you're in love with
this person and marrying them.
- It happens.
- OK, you're making her cry.
Boy, are you barking up
the wrong tree!
I never thought
I could fall for a woman
who said "barking up the wrong tree".
- Let's go.
- You've driven me to it!
All right, let's calm down, shall we?
Wait outside. Are you all right?
I've never used
that expression. Ever!
If I wanted a man in my life,
I wouldn't have bought a VCR
I can't even work.
Excuse me...
I live in the building
across from you and...
I've seen how he beats you.
Is there anything I can do?
I don't know
what you're talking about.
Shit!
Excuse me.
Don't be afraid, let me help.
Thanks, mister.
I can't take it any more. You're not
giving up your job because of him.
You were there first.
I'll handle him.
Now, what's the problem?
He says he's in love with me.
He wants to marry me.
- Bastard!
- He's talking about a family.
You can pick 'em. Love, a home,
marriage? Screw that shit.
- Can I answer this?
- Tell him to go to hell.
Frankie just said something
very derogatory about you
but I know at least a dozen women
and quite a few men
I can put you in touch with.
Johnny, give it a rest.
She doesn't want to talk.
He wants to know about tonight.
Saturday night,
the loneliest night of the week.
I'm busy, call me in a few years.
He's singing.
I got to go, we're expecting
another call from you any minute.
Remember, you're new here
so you're easy to fire.
OK, keep things clean. Over here,
we have the ice for the drinks.
Remember that. Here's the telephone,
don't use it.
I like your ponytail. You don't
write scripts? All dishes go here.
Over here, all waitresses
put dirty dishes here.
You keep clean.
- You're going to kill me.
- Why?
Many people changing shifts. It makes
me dizzy. It's not my fault, OK?
- You had tonight off.
- So did you.
Yeah, well, something came up.
Something came up for me too.
Look, I don't wanna hurt
your feelings, OK?
I really don't but Nick doesn't like
the help messing around.
So please, don't make this difficult,
I really need this job.
You think I would
jeopardise your job?
I'd quit before I'd do that,
I mean that. And I need this job.
OK, let's just both
go about our business.
A chicken sand' and
it's birthday time at table eight.
This is new cashier
and she's my grandmother.
You give her check when you finished.
Come.
Good, have good time.
- Happy birthday, Uncle Lou.
- You look great!
Lou, blow it out.
- Thank you.
- Grilled cheese and skins.
I got a little carried away
at the bowling alley.
My errand didn't turn out too good,
so I'm sorry, I apologise.
You certainly made an impression.
You want something to drink?
I'm on a break too, so...
talk, don't talk, it's up to you.
Are you keeping
some big secret from me?
- Like what?
- Like I don't know, you tell me.
- I'm not married.
- Were you?
Yes.
- How many times?
- Once. That it?
Were you in jail?
- I served 18 months in the slammer.
- What for?
Signing somebody else's name
to somebody else's cheque.
- A forger?
- I'd call it a failed forger.
I just did it once, I was...
Is that where you
did all your reading?
Yeah, most of it.
I got most of my books
from Henry Hank Hill.
- Don't know him.
- Nobody did.
He was executed two months ago.
I cooked him his last meal.
- This lettuce is limp.
- I'm sorry, you're right.
I'm going to the john.
How about you?
Were you ever married?
No. Chef's salad, chicken salad
and a side of 'slaw.
- Anyone serious?
- Try terminal.
Who's this serious person?
He got more serious with
who I thought was my best friend.
- Really? How long ago was that?
- Three years.
I was divorced three years ago.
Now, is that a coincidence?
- Really?
- I cross my heart and hope to die.
- Waitress!
- I'll be right with you, ma'am.
- You got any kids?
- Two.
I thought so. You see 'em?
- Yesterday. First time in two years.
- Yeah?
That's what the errand was.
My wife remarried,
she lives in the suburbs.
- I hate the suburbs.
- It's not bad. Beautiful house.
Nice. I could never have provided
them with anything like that.
I got there, there were my kids,
playing on the lawn.
I bet they were glad to see you.
I didn't get out of the car,
you know. I just couldn't...
They looked so happy and all.
They got so big.
Looked like somebody else's kids.
I just drove away.
It's like I lost them, you know?
That's how I feel.
- Waitress!
- Hello? Can we get some service?
You haven't lost them,
you're just not ready.
Finally! What's safe to eat here?
I'm sorry, we're closed.
What kind of a place is this?
Hurry up, let's go.
- Night, Frankie.
- Night, Andreas.
Here's yours, Frankie.
- You come back any Saturday night.
- Thanks, Maxine.
- Night, Maxine.
- Night.
Was she home? Did you talk to her?
- What she say?
- I'm seeing the kids next weekend.
- Good.
- Thank you.
What is that?
It's a rose.
Grew in the kitchen.
Good night, closing up.
Everything finished. It's good.
What's that?
- It's potato.
- It's a rose.
- Johnny made it.
- On my break.
It's nice.
Red potato, it's very romantic.
Frankie, you want lift home?
It's OK. Thanks.
OK, you know how to close up.
Bring back fork.
- Good night.
- Night, Nick.
Come on, Grandma,
we go home and watch wrestling.
Come on, I'll walk you home.
So, how about you? Do you ever
want to kill yourself sometimes?
Yeah, everybody wants
to kill themself sometime.
Can we change the subject?
- You want me to buy you that?
- Yeah.
If you had any wish,
what you wish to be?
You won't laugh?
- Teacher. Teaching little kids.
- That's good.
What about you?
Did you always dream of being a cook?
No, prison did it.
When I went in and I heard
that "clank", you know, I died.
Then they put me in the kitchen
with food and, I don't know,
suddenly I was born again.
I started to feel
like I could breathe again.
You know,
it was like I had aspirations.
Aspiration?
Have you been shaving again?
So what about this
terminal relationship you had?
What was it? A guy who left you
for your best friend?
Phillip? You know what
the main thing I felt was? Dumb.
I even introduced them.
I lent them money.
I gave her my old television.
They're probably watching it
right now.
I hope it explodes and blows
their faces off.
What about before Phillip?
Anybody else?
I don't wanna talk about that.
OK, but you can't spend the night.
There's gotta be
something in this world
better than watching you do that
but I'm damned if I know what it is.
Yeah, sure.
No, I'd put it up there.
It's a vision, inspired spectacle.
I'd put it up there with
the Grand Canyon,
mother nursing her child,
triumphant facts of nature.
- You been to the Grand Canyon?
- I have not, no.
Me either. I'd like to go there
some day. Hawaii, too.
Open your robe.
No, I don't wanna open my robe.
Why?
I don't know,
I just wanna look at you.
15 seconds, that's all.
- I just wanna look at it.
- Look at what? Why?
I don't know, I just...
To know that I can.
That I can look at the woman I love
and just see her.
Her eyes, her breasts,
her stomach, her...
- Don't say it! I hate that word.
- I wasn't going to.
I hate both of them!
I'll look up some new ones
in my thesaurus.
I never know when you're
playing games or being serious.
It's both. Serious games.
Why do we have to name everything?
Say you had a pet parakeet. If it was
beautiful, I'd want to look at it.
You'd let me look at it
and we'd move on.
I had a parakeet, I hated it.
I was glad when it died.
15 seconds. I'm timing this.
Turn that light out.
I told my cousin I didn't want a
bird. She swore I'd love a parakeet.
What's to love?
They don't do anything
except not sing when you want them to
and sing when you don't
and make that awful scratching noise.
If I ever get another pet,
it'll be a dog.
Something you can hold.
The only time I got my hands on
that parakeet was the day it died
and I had to pick it up
and throw it away. That's enough.
That's got to be 15 seconds.
Happy now?
That music is nice.
It makes me think of grace.
This is Midnight With Marlon.
For information on becoming
a member of the WNYL family,
why not give me a call? 555-1111.
Why do you want to kill
yourself sometimes?
I want to kill myself when I think
I'm the only person in the world
and that part of me that feels
that way is trapped inside this body
that only bumps into other bodies
without connecting to another person
in the world trapped inside of them.
We have to connect.
We just have to.
I feel... very...
Say it.
- I don't know what.
- Say it anyway.
- Protective.
- Good. That's very nice.
I'm looking for somebody
to take care of me this time.
Aren't we all?
Why do we keep going from one subject
I don't like to another?
What is this?
Suddenly the armour's up?
What about your armour?
Besides, I wasn't talking about you.
Not everyone thinks life is a picnic.
Some of us have problems.
Some of us have sorrows.
People like you
are so busy telling us what you want
you don't notice the rest of us
who aren't exactly singing
Yankee Doodle Dandy.
Hold it, how we getting
into this now?
I've done nothing but notice you.
You don't, you smother me.
I'm not giving up everything
for someone I don't know.
I can't repeat the same stupidity.
Who says you have to give up
anything? We're talking about love.
- We're not in love.
- That's what you think.
I think we are. Just because
you've given up on that possibility
there's no need to drag me down
to that level.
I think you better leave now.
You know, I'm sorry.
I thought you were a kindred spirit.
Kindred means two of a kind
sharing a great affinity.
- I know what kindred means.
- Shall we go for affinity?
You know, that is the first really
rotten thing you've said to me.
To make fun of somebody else's
intelligence or education or lack of,
that is somebody
I'd be very glad not to know.
I thought you were sad, weird.
- I didn't know you were cruel.
- I'm sorry.
It's just a cruelty waiting
to happen again. I want you to go.
Why do you want me to go? Really.
I want to be alone,
I want to watch my VCR,
eat ice cream, I want to go to sleep.
Come on, alone? Sooner or later
you're gonna have to deal with us.
There's just no two ways about it.
So why don't we just get it
over with? You're in the mood.
Tomorrow's Sunday, day off.
We'll sleep in. Let's talk.
- Right, I'm calling Tim.
- Tim?
No, Bobby.
He'll beat the shit out of you.
- Not yet.
- I'll open that window and scream.
In this city? Everybody's doing
the same thing, who'll hear you?
Get out!
I promise I will go
only I wanna make a call.
You know, this all should be so easy.
Why is it always so damn hard?
Hello? Midnight With Marlon?
Hello, Marlon. My name is Johnny
and I would like to know the name
of that piece of piano music
you were playing a minute ago
so I can buy the record
for my lady love,
whose name is Frankie, is that
a coincidence? Frankie and Johnny.
Debussy, Claude Debussy, right.
Clair de Lune, you got that?
Why are you doing this?
Everything I want is in this room.
Hello, Marlon?
I know you don't take requests
but could you just listen to me?
Now, there's a man and a woman.
He's a cook, she's a waitress.
Now, they meet
and they don't connect,
only she noticed him,
he could feel it, and he noticed her
and they both knew
it was gonna happen.
They made love
and for maybe one whole night,
they forgot the 10 million things
that make people think
"I don't love this person,
"I don't like this person,
I don't know this..."
Instead, it was perfect
and they were perfect
and that's all there was
to know about it.
Only now, she's beginning
to forget all that
and maybe he'll forget it, too.
So could you play an encore
for Frankie and Johnny
in the hope of something that ought
to last and not self-destruct?
Why don't you just
think about it? Thank you.
I want to show you something.
That guy I didn't want to talk about,
he did this with a belt buckle.
It's gone.
It'll never go.
It's gone. I made it go.
No, Johnny, you can't make it
go away. Nobody can.
He's the reason I can't have...
kids.
He knocked me around
when I was pregnant and...
I lost the baby.
There were complications.
He's gone now.
I would never hit you. Never.
You don't have to be afraid any more.
I am. I'm afraid.
I'm afraid to be alone,
I'm afraid not to be alone.
I'm afraid of what I am,
what I'm not,
what I might become,
what I might never become.
I don't wanna stay at my job
for the rest of my life but I...
I'm afraid to leave.
And I'm just tired, you know,
I'm just so tired of being afraid.
Honey, listen.
I know I can't make the bad go away.
You're right, I can't.
But when the bad comes again...
I'm gonna be next to you.
I can't, Johnny.
I'm sorry.
This is WNYL in New York
and you're listening to
Midnight With Marlon.
As you know, it's not my policy
to take requests
but there's always
an exception to the rule.
I don't know if this is the most
beautiful song, Frankie and Johnny.
I wish they
really were your names
but I know when
my leg's being pulled.
God, how I wish you two
really existed.
Maybe I'm crazy, but I'd still
like to believe in love.
Why the hell do you think
I work these hours?
Anyway, you two moonbeams,
whoever, wherever you are,
whatever you're doing,
this one's for you.
Here's an encore.
You wanna brush?
That means you want me to brush?
Take the blue one,
it's never been used.
I'm not gonna ask whose robe this is.
Good.
You should get toothpaste
with fluoride.
Listen.
No matter what?
I'm 36.