(NEON SIGN BUZZING)
(WIND WHISTLING SOFTLY)
(SHUTS OFF ENGINE)
- (SOFT SNARLlNG)
- (GASPS)
(WIND WHISTLING SOFTLY)
(WHISPERS IN FRENCH)
- (ROARING)
- (SCREAMING)
- (SNARLlNG, GROWLING)
- (SCREAMING)
(SHRIEKING)
Help me! Anyone!
Help me!
(SCREAMING, WHlMPERING)
Anyone!
(ROARING)
(SCREAMS)
(GRUNTS)
(MOANS SOFTLY)
(SNARLS)
(SOFT MUZAK PLAYS)
(SOBBING)
Hey! Hey!
- (SNIFFLES)
- (DIALS PHONE)
- (SNARLS)
- (SCREAMING)
(SNARLING, SCREAMING CONTINUES)
(CRACKING)
( SPACE NEEDLE: "WHITE COW")
What are you waiting for?
- Amy.
- Hi.
- So... Romania, huh?
- Yeah, Romania.
Just like we planned.
Yeah, I guess some plans do work out.
Listen, Amy, I wanted to talk to you...
Charley, we're not gonna
do this here, OK?
What's done is done.
You've just got to move on.
Are you ever gonna trust me again?
I need to check into my room.
Hey, wait.
I, uh...
I bought you these.
Charley.
That's really nice.
I really need to check into my room.
(GROWLS, LAUGHS)
Relax, Charley.
You know what they say,
"When in Romania," right?
It's Rome, Evil.
"When in Rome." You dumbass.
Hey.
You coming on the Bloodsucker
Blues Tour with me tonight?
Bloodsucker what?
Midnight tours of all the castles
rumored to be the lairs
of the original vampires.
The Cachtice, the Bran, the Poenari,
the Hunyad, the Orava.
- First one's tonight.
- I guess it could be kind of cool.
Attaboy.
We need a night out on the town,
now that you're single again.
- I'm not single.
- She forgave you?
- For cheating on her?
- I didn't cheat on her.
Hey, didn't one of her friends
see you kissing another girl
- then text Amy...
- Drop it, Ed.
Just sayin'
Looks like the Dynamic Duo's
together again.
- Great.
- And don't lose these.
There's a $50 replacement fee.
Check out the blood bags on that,
Brewster. (LAUGHS)
Ooh! (LAUGHS)
MAN ON TABLET DEVlCE: On this
week's episode of Fright Night:
This building became the centerpiece
for the Nazis' obsession
with the paranormal
when occult researchers
discovered a prehistoric monster.
This dilapidated Nazi insane asylum
was home to one of the most
notorious monsters in history.
You know, out of respect,
I'm gonna give it a week,
then I'm gonna try
my hardest to tap that.
Oh, yeah?
Oh, wait. Wait, wait.
Tap that.
Free market, bro.
Hey, Ed, check this out!
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
Ed! Hey, Ed, come quick!
- What the fuck?
- Quick!
Look!
Whoa...
Stonework... on an old building.
- Imagine that.
- Wha...?
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Down in the lobby
in ten minutes, boys.
First class at the university
is tonight.
Sir, yes, sir.
Hey, want to know
what I'm watching?
Uh, a sex tape your mom made?
Ha! Yeah, very funny, bitch.
I'm watching an old episode
of Fright Night.
- Want to know why?
- Not really. No.
In the honor of reality TV
monster hunter extraordinaire,
Peter Vincent.
He who has no fright of the night.
And according to his Twitter,
he's in Romania as we speak
filming a new episode.
(SCOFFS)
(TENSE THEME MUSIC PLAYS)
(THUNDER CRASHES)
PETER: On this week's
episode of Fright Night:
I find myself all alone
inside the infamous Poenari Castle.
Home of Vlad the lmpaler,
aka... Dracula.
Many historians have tried
to find the unmarked grave
where Vlad Tepes...
...allegedly rests.
- But to no avail.
- (LOW GROWLING)
So legend has it
that a vampire still haunts the halls
of this ancient castle.
- There once...
- (LOW GROWLING)
What was that?
There's something in here
with me and it just took off.
I'm gonna turn the light on
on my camera mount...
...and get a better view.
- (WHOOSHING SOUND)
- Ah! Cut!
Get your shit together, people!
How many times do I have to tell you
to stay away
from the fucking camera, huh?
I mean, there's only one...
Stop that! There's only one.
How hard can it be?
How hard can it be?
Give me that. Turn the light off.
- Are we ready?
- MAN: Yes.
Shut up. And... action.
CHARLEY: I swear I saw her.
EVIL: Sorry, dude.
I didn't see no MlLF at the window.
CHARLEY: Whatever.
(INISTINCT CHATTER)
Free market, bro. (CHUCKLES)
What? I'm kidding. Chill.
- Asshole.
- Don't get upset. Geez.
- CHARLEY: What happened?
- EVIL: The lights are off.
What's that for?
- (OMINOUS THEME MUSIC PLAYS)
- EVIL: What's going on?
Oh, my God.
What the fuck?
Ay, caramba!
That's our professor?
- (MUSIC FADES)
- Hello, everyone.
- My name is Gerri Dandridge,
- Hey, Gerri...
and I'm the visiting professor
at this university.
Over the next week that you are here,
I want to give you an overview
of the history of European art,
a history that is riddled
with blood and madness,
brilliance and glory.
A history that,
when I am through with you,
you will feel as though
you have actually lived through it.
Ready to begin?
MAN: Please follow me.
This is very interesting.
Now, believe it or not,
the most famous vampire of all,
Bram Stoker's Dracula was actually...
...a woman.
Yes?
I thought Bram Stoker based Dracula
on Vlad the lmpaler.
In part, yes.
But why, if there are no accounts
of Vlad drinking blood,
does Stoker's Dracula consume blood
and then seem to appear younger
after doing so?
- Elizabeth Bthory.
- AKA... Countess Dracula.
I'm gonna find a bathroom
and get a drink of water.
- I'm wiped.
- Now we should move on.
The next story
is even more interesting.
Elizabeth Bthory
buried her victims,
who were mostly
adolescent peasant virgins,
in graveyards
and other unknown locations.
(SOFT MOANING)
MAN: Oh, yeah.
(MOANING CONTINUES)
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Oh, baby.
Oh, God. (LAUGHS)
Oh...
(MOUTHING) Charley.
- Charley.
- Oh!
- Are you OK?
- Yeah.
I was just, uh...
still searching for the bathroom.
Yeah, well, tour's over.
We should get going.
Yeah. OK.
(RAPID TICKING)
(EVIL SNORING)
Down in the lobby
in half an hour, boys.
First class of the day is at 8:00 a.m.
- (EVIL YAWNS)
- (CUCKOO CLOCK SOUNDS)
Van Gogh's paintings show him
identifying with his subjects
so deeply they merge
into one identity.
A single image of multiple people,
he turns into them,
and they turn into him.
In his desire
to transcend time and place,
he chooses a palette so vivid,
it burns into the spectator's memory
and remains within him forever.
- (SNIFFING)
- Hey!
Yes, Mr. Brewster?
I, um...
(LAUGHS)
Like what you saw last night, Charley?
(SCREAMS)
(ALL LAUGHING)
(GASPING)
Are we keeping you from your beauty
sleep, Mr. Brewster?
(ALL LAUGHING)
You didn't answer my question.
Excuse me?
I know you liked what you saw.
As with the self-portrait van Gogh
dedicated to Paul Gauguin,
his face morphs into an almost
Buddhist monk-like appearance.
- Is everything OK?
- Yeah.
Yeah, I think so.
I, um...
I bought you...
I bought you these.
They're my favorites.
That's, uh... that's ...
That's really lovely of you, Charley.
I mean it.
Oh... For me? (CHUCKLES)
She loves me, she loves me not,
she loves me, she loves me not.
Look, isn't there something weird
about Professor Dandridge?
Yeah. There is something weird
about Professor Dandridge.
Right?
Yeah. She's smoking fucking hot,
you dick face. (CHUCKLES)
When was the last time you could
say that about any professor?
MAN: It was part of the American tour.
(INISTINCT CHATTER)
- Is everything OK?
- Yes, sir.
Everything OK.
I think somebody just went missing.
Have you seen him?
This student was last seen
at Cachtice Castle.
(CAR ENGINE TURNS ON)
(WIND WHOOSHING)
(CAR ENGINE TURNS ON)
(CAR DEPARTING)
Detective! Wait!
(WIND HOWLING)
It's a UV filter.
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
- Come on.
- (RATTLES)
Oh, good. OK.
(CLATTERING, CREAKING)
(CLOCKS TICKING)
(DOOR OPENS)
(FLAME WHOOSHES)
(FLAME WHOOSHES)
(LID CREAKING)
(FLAME WHOOSHES)
(SPEAKING IN A FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
(FAINT WHlSPERING)
(WHISPERS CONTINUE)
- (SPEAKING IN A FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
- (WHISPERING CONTINUES)
(MOANS)
(MOANING)
(MOUTHS INDISTINCTLY)
(MOANING)
(MOANING, GASPING)
(MOANS)
- (GROWLS)
- (GASPS)
- (GROANING)
- (GASPS)
(YELLING)
- (GROWLING)
- (GRUNTING)
(BODY THUDS)
(WHIMPERS)
(PANTING)
(THUDS)
(HEART BEATING FAINTLY)
(GROWLS)
(GROWLS SOFTLY)
(INDISTINCT WHISPERING)
(SOFT GROWL)
- (GROWLS)
- (GASPING)
- (WHIMPERING)
- (GERRI CHUCKLES)
(WHISPERING) Fuck. Fuck.
(GASPING)
So glad you could come, Charley.
I thought there was something
special about you.
I just don't know what it is yet.
But I can't wait to find out.
- (CAMERA CLICKS)
- (GROWLS)
(PANTING) Hello, lnspector?
Oh, God, thank you.
It's about the missing person.
I think I know what happened.
I know it's gonna sound crazy, but...
...it was a vampire.
- No, I know. Look... Hello?
- (LINE DISCONNECTS)
Fuck. He fucking hung up on me.
Oh, God.
- Hey.
- Amy, look. I... I need to talk to you.
How did you get in here?
Amy was kind enough
to invite me in.
- (GERRI CHUCKLES)
- Yeah. Come on.
Professor Dandridge asked me whether
or not I had any family in the region,
which, uh, I don't think I do.
Um, Amy, remember that thing
we got to go to?
- AMY: What thing?
- Yes, Charley, what thing?
You remember, right?
The party that Ed was talking about.
- There's a party?
- Oh, I do love a good party.
- (CHUCKLES)
- Right, yeah. So, we gotta go.
- Charley! Why are you being weird?
- She's a vampire!
(LAUGHS) What?
I swear to God,
I saw it with my own eyes.
Get the fuck out of here.
AMY: My God, Charley,
what the hell are you doing?
- Professor, I'm so sorry. Charley!
- Shh... It's OK.
I'm warning you, stay away from us!
I don't know what you're on,
Charley,
but you're starting to scare me.
Now, stop it!
It's OK.
You think I'm a vampire?
Really?
Give me the Bible, Charley.
Come on.
That's it. Hand it over.
(CHUCKLES)
There's a good boy.
I am so sorry, Professor. I...
Sun's coming up.
Better get back to my, um... coffin.
(CHUCKLES)
- I saw her. You've got...
- Shut up, Charley.
Once again,
I'm really sorry, Professor.
It's been a long night for everyone.
Yeah.
I'm sure having
the police buzzing around
has made everybody
a little bit jittery.
You take care of yourself, Charley.
Romania can be
a very dangerous place.
Thank you for your hospitality, Amy.
A vampire?
Are you kidding me?
Please, you've got to believe me...
Why are you making it so hard for me
to give you a second chance, Charley?
I have tried to put
the past behind me,
but we need to move on.
You need to move on.
- Amy, please...
- Go.
Countess Elizabeth Bthory,
aka The Blood Countess
or Countess Dracula,
is one of the earliest human beings
rumored to be a vampire.
(GASPS)
(RATTLING)
Ed?
Ed?
- (ROARING)
- Ah!
(LAUGHING)
Hey, Penis Breath.
You missed a good one last night.
Hunyad Castle was the shit.
(CHUCKLES)
Ed, what if I told you
I had an honest-to-God, real-life
vampire problem on my hands?
l'd say... you're fucked.
- Oh, thanks.
- Well, it's true.
If vampires were real,
we'd be no match for them.
They drink our blood,
they can glamour us in an instant,
they run three times fast as us,
and, uh, oh yeah, one more thing.
(OMINOUS TONE)
They're fucking immortal.
(GASPING)
Oh! Oh, God!
- OK.
- (LAUGHING)
After saying all of that,
what would you say?
Who is he?
Not he, she.
Maybe the Queen She of them all.
Gerri Dandridge,
aka Elizabeth Bthory.
Oh, dude.
Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude.
Oh, that is not good.
Oh, you are so totally fucked.
What? Why do you say that?
Because she's like
the ultimate She-Bitch, bro,
and don't take it from me.
OK, look.
Every issue of Vampire's Crypt has
a "Vampires in History" back page
where they give you a quick history
of the Vampire of the Month
in comic form.
This is the entry on Elizabeth Bthory.
(INDISTINC T SHOUTING)
(THUNDER CRASHES)
EVIL: Countess Bthory was being
escorted across the country
by her royal guard when it all began.
(MEN SHOUTING)
EVIL: The sounds
of all hell breaking loose
could be heard
just outside her carriage.
- (MAN YELLS)
- (WOMAN SCREAMS)
EVIL: The countess finally had no option
but to leave the carriage
to see what had happened.
(SCREAMS)
- (ROARING)
- (GASPS)
- (SCREAMING)
- (ROARS)
EVIL: The few survivors
brought her back home
where the castle doctor
diagnosed her as...
...vampire.
Elizabeth's husband
was desperate to find a cure
to which the castle doctor told him
of an ancient pagan legend.
Only the blood of a virgin
born at the stroke of midnight
by the light of the blood moon
could save his wife from damnation.
(WOLF HOWLS)
EVIL: The count ordered that his wife
be unshackled at once.
She would be free to roam the world
and hunt all of its dark corners...
...hoping that one day she'd be able
to walk once again in the sunlight.
(BLOOD SPATTERING)
EVIL: But decades passed
with no luck for the blood queen.
Her quest eventually took her
to the shores of new lands.
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
EVIL: But the countless years
passed in futility,
and the blood queen began
to lose all hope
that she might ever find
the virgin she was searching for.
Unbeknownst to the countess,
the country of her origin
was pulling her back,
and Elizabeth Bthory returned
to the modern embrace
of her ancient homeland.
What if we've actually found her?
PETER: On this week's episode
of Fright Night:
It just so happened
that the vampire never left.
Take me... to your leader.
He still uses this lair
to perform his rituals.
- Peter Vincent?
- He who has no fright of the night.
- Dude, he's a fucking TV host.
- True, but the dude knows his shit,
and like I said,
he's in town filming a new episode.
- About Dracula, right?
- Correct-a-mundo, Chuckster.
(CHUCKLES)
So, are we gonna do
this shit or what?
( GRAM RABBIT:
"AMERICAN HOOKERS")
Double.
Hey, your producers told us
we could find you here.
Uh-oh.
- Do I got to call security over here?
- No.
- No, no, sir.
- Oh, no...
- We have a problem.
- Oh... (LAUGHS)
Oh, let me guess.
Might this be of the "things
that go bump in the night" variety?
Like a, like a, like a monster problem?
- Yes.
- Hm...
(DJ SPEAKING A FOREIGN LANGUAGE
OVER LOUDSPEAKER)
Shayla Sunshine.
Oh-ho! Shayla Sunshine.
You boys do not want to miss this.
( DEZ CLEO: "LMFAO")
Let me give you
a piece of advice, fellas.
- Monsters aren't real.
- EVIL: What?
They don't exist.
Trust me, I know.
Thanks to Fright Night,
I've been everywhere,
from the Himalayas to Haiti.
I've sought out everything
from yetis to zombies
to trolls to werewolves,
and every time...
(GASPS) ...nothing.
So there's nothing you can do?
No advice you can give us
from all the times you've...
...monster-hunted?
Actually, I do have
a piece of advice for you.
I was once in Saudi Arabia
looking for a djinn,
and the whole thing
went kablooey on me.
Had to hitch a ride on
a freighter to get back home.
Always make sure your check clears
before you show up.
So, what if we paid you?
What are you talking about, Evil?
Yeah, Evil, what are you talking about?
We all have needs, man.
Mine are comic books and horror movies.
Charley's is Amy Peterson's pussy.
Yours is money and strippers,
in no particular order.
Let's get you some of the ol' greenbacks
and get down to business.
How many greenbacks
we talking about, Evil?
Yeah, Evil, how many greenbacks
are we talking about?
How many greenbacks
do you normally charge?
Do you know what?
Can we please stop saying "greenbacks"?
How much moola do I usually
charge for what, Evil?
You know, an appearance,
a kind of assessment?
- You want him to assess her?
- Well, why not?
If she really is a vampire,
who better than the great Peter Vincent
to make that distinction?
And, even more likely,
if she isn't a vampire,
our boy here
can also make that call,
based on the fact
that he is the world's
foremost expert on not monsters.
Thank you so much.
I would love to... (INHALES)
Ouch.
I knew I shouldn't have taken the crew
out for drinks last night.
Two thousand dollars.
- What? There is no way...
- Done!
(WOMAN SCREAMS)
- Done?
- Done?
Let's just call this the small price
of doing business, OK?
Are you sure about this, Evil?
We got a deal, Peter Vincent?
We got a deal,
whatever your name is.
Whoo! Yeah! Boo-yah!
But, especially... a lot about
the second series
when you did most
of the vampire stuff. I...
- Come on. Come...
- PETER: Nah.
- (PETER TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
- (WOMAN LAUGHS)
Come on, guys,
we don't have all night!
Sorry. Charley, wait there, dude.
Look, I know...
What are you doing?
Get out of here.
- I know. I'm sorry.
- Get out of here.
Peter, sir...
- Hey.
- Hey!
Listen, I... I'm sorry about last night.
Yeah, well...
You know, it's just...
Wait. Oh, my God, look.
Isn't that the guy of...
Isn't that the guy of...
What's his name?
The Fright Night guy.
What is it?
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.
- Peter Vincent, right?
- Yeah!
That's so funny. (CHUCKLES)
Hang on a second.
Isn't he with Ed?
Hey, Amy! Hey.
You got to meet mine
and Charley's boy, Peter Vincent!
And me, too.
The one, the only! (LAUGHS)
Yeah.
He's the world's greatest
monster hunter.
Amy Peterson, meet Peter Vincent.
Seriously, please tell me
this isn't about vampires.
It's not about vampires.
Please tell me you're not lying.
- He's totally lying.
- I'm totally lying.
Charley thinks Gerri is a vampire.
I already had my suspicions about her.
And sure enough, I was right!
Her apartment is a total vampire's lair.
The lair!
We can get her before she's fed,
when she's at her weakest!
- I actually saw her feed on somebody.
- And then bam! Stake in the heart!
Just like you did
on the season two Vampire Special.
I'm out of here.
- Hey...
- Three thousand dollars!
What?!
You know, I always wanted
to meet a real vampire.
Three thousand bucks is not a bad price.
OK, so... supposing you're right,
- supposing you're not lying...
- (TRAIN HORN HONKS)
What do you want us to do?
Yeah, Charley.
What do you want us to do?
EVIL: Listen, Charley,
don't sweat it, OK?
He's done stuff like this
a million times before.
He knows what to do. All right?
I trust him.
Hey!
Hey, Peter! Hey!
- Peter, what the fuck?!
- What are you doing? Damn it!
- What the fuck?!
- What's wrong with him?
Stay back.
Stay back.
Stay back.
Behind me.
- AMY: Charley!
- Stay behind me!
Hey, Professor.
Fancy meeting you here.
- AMY: Uh...
- You've been a very nosy boy, Charley.
Hey, kids, did Charley tell you
everything he saw
in my apartment last night?
- Yeah.
- No.
(GASPING) Oh...
(GROWLS)
- Oh, fuck!
- (AMY SCREAMS)
Get back, you creature of the night!
- (GRUNTS)
- (ROARING)
Run, Charley!
(SHRlEKS)
Come on, Charley!
(BRAKES SQUEALING)
(GROWLING)
Go!
(ROARING)
- Oh!
- Charley, we have to go!
Ah!
Come on, Charley!
(MOANING)
Let's see how evil you really are.
(GROWLS)
(PANTING)
CHARLEY: Be careful.
- I can't keep up, Charley!
- Come on! Come on!
CHARLEY: Hold it! Wait!
- Come on, you have to keep...
- There's a hole! Come on!
- What?
- She's coming. Get in here!
AMY: Oh, my God, Charley, move it fast!
(GRUNTING)
CHARLEY: Get in!
- Oh, my God, she's coming, Charley!
- Quick, get in!
- Come on, hurry, Charley! Jump!
- (GRUNTING)
- Are you OK?
- Yeah, I'm fine. Just go.
Oh, God.
AMY: Oh, my God.
- Where are we?
- I don't know.
Are you OK?
Watch out.
- It goes on forever.
- It's a fuckin' maze.
- Charley, we have to find a way out.
- I know, I know.
(GROWLING SOFTLY)
(TEETH CLICKING RAPIDLY)
(TEETH CLICKING RAPIDLY)
Stay close.
I think I heard something.
- AMY: You heard something?
- CHARLEY: Yeah, come on.
(LOW GROWL)
(AMY PANTING)
(SCREECHING)
- Charley, what is that?
- I don't know.
Charley, she knows we're in here!
(SCREAMS)
CHARLEY: Run!
(ROARS)
- (AMY SCREAMING)
- CHARLEY: Run! Come on, run!
AMY: Wait up, Charley!
Oh, God!
(ROARING)
Amy, come on!
- Amy! You have to run!
- Oh, my God!
- Fuck! Come on!
- Run, Charley, run!
(SCREECHING, TEETH CLICKING)
(AMY SCREAMS)
This way!
This way! Come on!
Charley! Charley!
Come on!
Oh, shit.
It's an exit! Help!
Help!
- Help!
- Help!
- Somebody help! Help!
- (RAT SQUEAKS)
- Help!
- Charley? Charley, there are boxes!
- Charley, there are boxes!
- OK.
Shit! OK, stack 'em!
(TEETH CLICKING)
(SCREECHING)
Shit!
- Charley, hurry!
- I've got it!
(SCREECHING)
She's coming, Charley!
- I can't reach you!
- Amy, come on, you can do it!
I can't!
Grab me, Amy, please.
Amy, come on!
I can't reach you, Charley!
I can't!
Please, Amy, hurry!
Hurry, she's coming!
Charley, I can't!
I can't reach you!
- I'll catch you, I promise you.
- I can't, Charley!
Please, Charley, I can't!
OK, you're gonna
have to trust me! Please! OK?
I'll count to three!
- One! Two!
- (ROARING)
(AMY SCREAMS)
Three! Come on, jump! Please!
- (LOW GROWLING)
- (AMY SCREAMS)
(SCREAMING)
Amy, come on.
I've got you. OK.
- Oh, Charley.
- We got it!
Come on.
Ah!
(SNARLS)
(GROWLING)
Charley!
Oh, fuck.
- (ROARING)
- (TEETH CLICKING)
Come on.
- Get up.
- Charley.
(ROARS)
(SLURPING)
(GASPING)
She's the one.
CHARLEY: Come on!
(PANTING, WHIMPERING)
- Come on, Charley.
- Look out! Come on. It's OK.
Hurry, there's a taxi! Come here!
- Taxi!
- Taxi!
Take us to the airport.
- AMY: Look, she scratched me.
- CHARLEY: Oh, shit.
I've got to take you to a hospital.
Oh, God.
Evil's dead and we're next.
- Are you OK?
- Yeah. (WHIMPERS)
Charley...
Charley, I am so...
I'm so sorry I ever doubted you.
No, I really am.
- I'm so sorry about everything.
- It's OK.
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- We're OK.
DRlVER: Hey, boy!
- (SPEAKING IN A FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
- (BOTH LAUGH)
- Look out!
- (AMY SCREAMS)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(NO AUDIO)
(SCREAMING)
- Are you OK?
- Yeah.
OK, we got to get out.
(GROANING)
Where did she go?
- (AMY SCREAMS)
- No! No! No!
No! Please! Let her go!
Let her go!
You can do anything.
You can kill me!
If I wanted to kill you,
you'd be dead already.
Come to my house later tonight
and you'll see what I mean.
Wait, wait, wait! Your house?
My home, Charley.
My real one.
- (AMY SCREAMS)
- No!
Amy! No!
(SOBBING)
(ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC PLAYS)
PETER: Another shot, Dragomir.
I got to take a pit stop.
(URINATING)
(GURGLING GROWL)
Hello?
(ZIPS PANTS UP)
Is anybody in here?
(LOW GROWLING)
(LIQUID GURGLING)
Oh, fuck.
- (ROARING)
- (GRUNTING)
(GROWLING)
(GRUNTING, COUGHING)
You're pathetic, Peter Vincent!
You're a joke! A sham!
You host the greatest
monster show on TV,
but you don't believe in monsters?!
I believed in you, you bastard!
I believed in your shitty little show
more than you ever did,
you piece of shit!
I'm gonna make you bleed, motherfucker!
- Sorry, kid.
- Bleeding is believing.
- Ah!
- (ROARING)
- (HIGH-PITCHED RINGING)
- (SCREECHING)
- (HIGH-PITCHED RINGING)
- (SCREECHING)
- (FLESH SlZZLlNG)
- Come here. Kiss the cross, bitch!
Kiss the cross, vampire boy!
Kiss the cross!
That was nasty.
(GLASS SHATTERS)
Phew!
Let go of me!
Help me!
Let me go!
Let me go! Help me!
(SCREAMS)
Let go!
(LOW GROWLING)
(LOW GROWL)
( GRAM RABBIT:
"COWBOYS AND ALIENS")
Where's Peter?
Put the Old Testament over there.
Old Testament over there!
More garlic on the side, too!
Catch.
- CHARLEY: Peter!
- Stop him!
It's me, Charley!
Back the fuck up!
I will fucking use this, motherfucker!
- What the hell, Peter?
- Are you one of them or not?
- Them?
- A vampire!
Of course I'm not a vampire!
(CAMERA CLICKS)
- CHARLEY: Satisfied?
- Let him in.
- What the hell is that?
- It's a Stake-O-Fix.
The weapon that is said
to have killed Vlad the lmpaler,
aka motherfucking Dracula.
- And you got it how?
- Stole it from the props department.
- What's with the change of heart?
- Change of heart?
I thought you didn't believe
in monsters.
- Bleeding is believing.
- What, so you're just running away?
As soon as the sun comes up,
as fast as I fucking can.
But Gerri's taken Amy to her home,
to Cachtice Castle.
I think she's gonna kill her!
I wish I could help, kid.
- You can!
- But I won't.
Oh, fuck.
Wait!
Wait.
I wanted to tell you.
There still might be a way
for you to save Amy.
As long as she's still alive, of course.
What are you doing?
Preparing you for the ceremony.
Tonight I will bathe
in the blood of a virgin,
herself born at the stroke of midnight
by the light of the blood moon.
How do you know that I'm ...?
(LAUGHS)
That you're a virgin?
No.
How do you know that I was born
at exactly midnight
during a blood moon?
I can taste it.
In your blood.
And after,
you'd no longer be a vampire.
Oh, l'd still be a vampire
but l'd be free.
Free to walk in the daylight.
Free to feel the sun on my skin.
(CHUCKLES)
What does Charley
have to do with this?
In order for the ceremony to work,
the sacrifice's blood must be pure.
You yourself must kill
that which you love.
Who says I love Charley?
(CHUCKLES)
I won't hurt him.
If you don't, you'll die.
You must kill him.
You can't make me do that.
(GROANS)
It's not up to you.
- (GROWLING)
- (SCREAMING)
Holy water, garlic.
All right.
PETER: According
to traditional mythology,
if you kill a vampire
before the sun comes up,
anyone he or she has bitten that night
will return back to their human form.
Now, legend talks about a bathhouse
deep in the bowels of Cachtice Castle.
Bthory can be defeated in that pit
at the break of dawn.
But you don't want to find
yourself down there alone.
AMY: Charley?
Is that you?
Charley, I'm over here.
Please, just come here.
- Amy?
- Charley.
Amy.
Are you OK?
Charley?
(GROWLING)
(ROARING)
Ah! Ow!
(MOANING)
Oh... (LAUGHS) Really?
Garlic?
(LAUGHING)
(LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)
- Step aside, Ed.
- You left me at the subway!
You told me to.
I did. Didn't I?
(CRACKLING, GROWLING)
(ROARING)
- (GROWLING)
- (GRUNTING)
- Ah!
- (ROARING)
(CHARLEY SCREAMING)
(SCREECHING)
(GURGLING)
(GURGLING)
- (ROARING)
- (GURGLING CONTINUES)
(EVIL GRUNTING)
(GURGLES)
I'm so sorry.
You're... so... fucked.
Pity.
Not so evil after all.
(CHARLEY GRUNTING)
(CHARLEY YELLING)
(COUGHING, GASPING)
Happy hunting.
(COUGHING)
Amy? (PANTING)
Amy, you in here?
(WATER BUBBLING)
Amy?
Amy? Is that you?
Amy... it's me, Charley.
Are you OK?
Did she hurt you?
(GIGGLES)
Please, stay away.
I don't want to hurt you.
Shh...
(LOW GROWLING)
- (ROARS)
- Ah!
(GRUNTS)
- Ah!
- (SCREECHING)
(GROWLING)
(SCREECHING)
(SCREAMING)
(GASPING)
(ROARS)
(GROWLS)
(SCREECHING)
(SCREECHING LOUDLY)
(RATTLING)
(GASPING)
Kill him.
(SCREECHING)
(SCREECHING)
I'm so sorry.
- (SCREAMS)
- No!
(GASPING)
(AMY SCREAMING)
No! No! No!
(WAILING, SCREAMING)
(AMY SCREAMING)
(BOTH SCREAMlNG)
(GROWLS)
(HEART SLOWLY BEATING)
(HEART BEATING)
(GROWLING)
(SCREECHES)
Do it! Now.
Welcome to Fright Night for real, bitch.
(WATCH BEEPING)
(CLOCKS CHIMING)
Didn't I tell you not to find yourself
alone down here at the break of dawn?
(PANTING)
Nothing has changed!
Uh-oh.
Shit!
(GROWLING, SCREECHING)
Shit.
Missed!
(GROWLING)
(ROARING)
Do something, Charley.
(GASPING)
Amy.
You don't want to do this.
Charley!
- (ROARING)
- Do something!
(SCREECHES)
It's me, Charley. Come on!
(ROARING)
Ah!
(HlSSlNG)
- (NECK CRACKING)
- Charley...
- Amy! No!
- Charley, the sun! The sun is up!
(SCREECHING)
(TEETH CLICKING)
Ah!
(RUMBLlNG)
- (LIQUID DRIPPING)
- (SIGHS)
PETER: Oh, no.
Oh, no, Charley.
Charley? Amy?
Oh, come on.
- (GASPING, COUGHING)
- (CHUCKLES)
Charley.
- Oh, my God.
- (CHARLEY LAUGHS)
Oh, that's disgusting.
You know how many people
have probably peed in that pool?
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
Well, I guess this is goodbye.
I'm sorry about what happened
to your friend.
Yeah. Me, too.
Take care of this guy, will you?
I will. I promise.
And thank you.
(CHUCKLES)
Hey, Peter.
What made you come back?
Had to make sure
the check cleared, kid.
(ENGINE STARTS)
Come on.
- No, wait. Wait.
- What?
- I bought you something.
- Charley.
- Don't peek.
- What?
(CHUCKLES) Really?
Oh, my God.
Charley, it's beautiful.
Thank you.
(SPACE NEEDLE: "WHITE COW")