CALVIN: Gus Delario... | the invisible man is Gus.
He's one of those guys...
who you feel like | you know them really well...
but when | you think about it...
you don't really know them | at all, you know what I mean?
And, you know, obviously...
you look at his track record | of all the movies he's done...
He's been very successful. | Almost every actor in town...
wants to work in, you know, | one of Gus's movies.
FRANCESCA: I've done | some mean things in my life.
Yeah. And sometimes, | the... ahem, ahem...
the worst part is | is that sometimes...
it doesn't bother me.
I just say, well, | yeah, this is mean.
I wanted to be mean, | and I was mean.
Period.
LEE: Well, I have to be | somewhat judgmental...
because of what I do, | you know...
so I don't think | that it's such a bad thing...
to be judgmental.
I think that's | how you get through life.
You have to assess things...
and people do it | about you all the time...
and that's life, | and it's too bad.
CARL: I think there is | no amount of money...
I could have been paid...
there is no deal | that I could have made...
that she would not have felt | that I had been too passive...
and that... I think that...
her opinion of me | on that level...
was formed before | the movie was ever sold.
I think it has nothing to do | with the movie, frankly.
ARTHUR: It's frightening. | It's monstrous.
It's evil | to not have feelings.
So I spoke to Carl about it, | and we discussed it...
and we went immediately...
to the most monstrous | character...
we could think of in history...
you know, Hitler himself.
LINDA: Yeah, they're always | trying to set me up...
Lee and Carl. They...
Well, they never have | introduced me to anyone...
but they always talk about | how I should be dating.
But they're | trying to set me up now...
with this producer friend | of theirs... a guy named Gus.
Uh... we'll see. | I don't think...
a film producer's going to go | for me, but I don't know.
- Catherine? | - Nicholas,
Yes,
- How are you? | - I'm good, How are you?
Excellent, Thank you, | Thank you for having me,
- Sure, | - Mind if we get started?
So, I play his partner,
An equal partner?
No, I'm his flunky,
if that's what you want to hear,
Is that what you want to write?
Is that what | you want me to write?
No, | No, you can write "sidekick,"
That's fine,
See, the thing is, | I've done a lot of TV,
He's an established star,
I figure it doesn't make me | any less talented,
So, no,
Look, if I'm going to make | the leap to the big screen,
I expect to work for it,
Don't that make sense?
Don't you think | most black actors,
expect to have to work | to make that leap?
It doesn't seem to happen | as often with white actors,
- Jesus, | - Don't you find that the case?
A couple of movies,
15,20 million dollar paychecks, | magazine covers,
OK, is this the kind of story | you want to write?
We can go there,
Trust me, I've got plenty | of opinions on the subject,
Jesus,
LEE: Carl, | I've reached the point...
where I can't continue | in this marriage.
I'm writing because | I can't take any more...
emotional confrontations | about it.
I'm out of ideas, | and I want to make a change.
When I get home tonight, | we can discuss...
the practical issues | of how to separate.
Please don't call me. | I'm sorry.
"Fifth robbery in two weeks | at a pornographic bookstore,"
CARL: Oh.
LEE: | They say it's a woman.
Jesus,
Did you have | bad dreams last night?
LEE: No.
Well, I did,
Well, I had a weird dream,
I dreamt that my job,
was that every day | I would go into work,
and narrate a documentary | about some guy's life,
and go home from work | and have dinner,
and go to bed and go back | to work in the morning,
It's like | I have no effect on anyone,
So, what's on for today?
More bloodshed,
God. | How do you stand it?
Hey, listen, don't | forget to make the brownies,
for Gus tonight, OK?
Right.
Bye,
ARTHUR: Nobody I know...
is in any kind | of long-term relationship...
with anybody they've met | on the internet...
but the short-term stuff | have been pretty exciting.
I don't know what | I'm gonna do when I meet her.
She thinks I'm twenty-two | years old, and I'm not.
I'm not a painter, | although I'd like to paint.
So, it could be anything.
I mean, the imagination | could take you anywhere.
I find that | really, really exciting.
And it's one of those places | where I can lie.
LINDA: I'm happy with | meeting men on the computer...
on the internet, | in the chat rooms.
And, you know, | people disappoint...
and these people | don't so much, so...
I really connected | with somebody.
So... and he's a painter...
and, you know, gosh...
five years from now, I'd like | to be living there with him.
I've told him | I'm a massage therapist...
and I didn't lie.
Um...
I lied a little about my age...
just a little... | because he's so young.
So, I just knocked | a few years off of that.
CAL VIN: She said, | "No, baby, you're bored...
"but why are you | taking that out on us?"
It was that kind of thing,
It just... you know, | everything clicked,
for me,
Oh, Sorry,
You transcribe those yourself?
Someone at work,
- Like an intern? | - Mm-hmm,
Male or female?
What do you think?
Male,
Yeah, So, which is it?
And don't tell me | you're not gonna say,
Male,
- Ah, | - Mm-hmm,
Do you want to know | if he's straight?
Oh, no, I know he's straight,
Oh, shit,
Yeah, I'm coming, I'm coming,
Wait, Wait, I...
Django, go, go, go, go, go,
Hey, Frank!
CARL: I'll tell you... | I'll tell you what it's like.
OK, you know, | I work at this magazine.
This magazine is great. | It's very good.
It has very high standards, | I think.
I think they can do | really good work.
But I think the guy | who runs the thing...
is just not very smart.
I mean, you know, | this is between us...
but I just don't think | he's very smart.
I think his instincts | are all wrong...
and I think | he's, you know, the big butt.
LEE: Yeah, you know, | I've lost my temper in traffic.
I have. I've lost my temper.
I wouldn't call it road rage...
but I have gotten pissed | driving...
because people, you know...
they drive cars | that are ridiculous...
you know, wrong for them.
I don't really like my job.
I've thought about | doing something else.
I like the money.
I don't even | like that that much.
I could get a betterjob.
LINDA: Lee is ambitious | and smart and beautiful...
and she always has been | all of those things...
and she's always done | really well, you know?
So, maybe she is | completely in control.
- Hey, | - Hey,
- Coffee, | - Herr director,
- How are you? | - What's up, man?
Rehearsing something | for ten days sucks,
And I know how tough it's been,
Oh, no, no, no. | Listen, listen...
I think I know | where you're going, man.
First of all,
I know I've been | all over the map,
and that's my process, | and I've kind of been crazy,
Listen, I really feel bad | about what I said,
to your friend, | I know he's Jewish,
and I went way too far | with that whole oven thing,
But believe me,
some of my anger management | stuff last night,
and I really feel like | I had another breakthrough,
That's great. That's great.
But I just... oh, I felt so bad,
You know what,
You are our Hitler, | Don't you ever forget that, OK?
That means a lot,
your and Carl's vision... | I mean, you wrote this,
But, yeah, it's funny, | I was talking to Tom Sizemore,
and he was saying the only way | to learn how to act is to act,
- Right, Yes, | - And I know you're concerned,
because I haven't really | memorized anything,
and I've been | all over the place,
but believe me, on the day... | well, you know, tonight...
yeah, I really think | it's gonna be salty,
You're gonna be OK.
I just want to make sure | you're all right,
- I'm good, | - OK, All right,
- See you later, | - Oh, hey, Um,
I don't take cream,
- Sure, | - Thanks, pal,
All right.
" Bad boys, bad boys, | what you gonna do?"
" What you gonna do | when they come for you?"
LINDA: | Well, no, not married.
This guy that I was seeing...
This guy Tom that I was seeing | last year at this time...
said when he broke up with me, | he said he was...
getting back together | with an ex-girlfriend...
but I don't know | if that's true or not.
I heard he's... | I heard it's not true.
But that's what he said | at the time.
- Hey! | - Hey, how are you?
- I'm OK, how are you? | - Good, good,
It's funny,
Yeah, what are the odds, right?
Well, uh, have a good day, | See you,
LINDA: I like Carl.
Uh, have you ever been | in therapy?
Who?
No, I don't even get that,
I don't even get that, | It's like,
they're just selling you | back to yourself,
What is that?
Hmm, | I never thought of it that way,
- Mm-hmm, | - Um,
your appetite | is certainly worth noting,
- I'm hungry, | - Mm-hmm,
Oh, don't tell me
- You don't eat? | - Oh, no, I eat,
I just don't eat airplane food,
Why not? It's first class,
They cook the shit | on the premises,
What's the problem?
I'll wait for the cookies,
Man, how corrupt | was your father?
And milk,
Did he kill people?
He killed their spirits,
Did he threaten | their identities?
Something like that,
So, what about you?
He, um,
No, no, that's all right, | Sorry,
- No, | - OK,
No, he didn't,
- "Adored"? | - Mm-hmm,
Wow,
I don't think | I've ever been adored,
CARL: You can get paid | to have sex by a company...
I mean, | acting in an adult film...
but if some guy pays you | five hundred bucks...
to have sex with him, | that's illegal.
So, you're in porn.
Why are you in porn? | Two reasons.
Either you need the money, | or you're an exhibitionist.
WOMAN: What do you think | is exhibitionism?
CARL: Porn.
What... well, no, OK. | That's a good question.
I think it goes way beyond | just wanting to perform.
You can't pretend that you're | having sex with someone...
when you are actually | having sex with them.
Well, I think
that they're | enjoying themselves,
Or maybe they want you | to enjoy yourselves,
Why would you want | to think about it so much?
It's been made to turn you on, | It's nothing deeper than that,
Yes, I do,
Sorry, I thought you said | this didn't bother you,
Carl, I can't have
You can't?
I've met someone,
- Oh, | - It's not appropriate anymore,
Oh, I understand,
Don't be... sorry? Hey, you are | showing absolute respect,
by being honest with me and not | being weird or, you know,
protracted about it, | Thank you,
I just... hey, I like to know | where I stand,
Otherwise,
Are you all right?
Yep,
Yeah, I was just thinking | of the rest of my day,
Jerry wants to meet with me,
- Really? | - Yes,
He's never liked me,
Just... nothing I can do | about that, I just, uh...
I'm sure you'll do just fine.
LEE: You are aware | of the recent layoffs, correct?
MAN: Well, yes.
LEE: We're making some changes, | rearranging our priorities...
getting things straight, | that sort of thing.
Mmm, Are you a smoker, Brian?
I participate | when it's available,
- Are you a smoker? | - No, but I smoke,
Have you ever been caught | driving under the influence?
Under the influence of what?
"DUl"... | you're familiar with the term,
Yeah,
- Correct? | - Yeah,
No, I mean,
Do you vote | democrat or republican?
Neither, Either, | I... I vote for the best person,
- And how do you judge that? | - Uh,
- Do you know in an instant? | - Yes,
Right,
Hmm,
Oh, come on, kitten...
You know,
Nothing's changed,
since the last time | we had this discussion,
No, I'm just... | I'm too committed to my work,
to sustain a serious | relationship right now,
You know, I bring work | home with me, I'm distracted,
I'm taking a swim in Lake Me, | you know?
And, you... hey, you deserve | better, believe you me,
I would only cause you pain,
Remember how I let you | twirl my key chain?
Nice, right? | Hugging, kissing, all nice,
Now, go on, sweetie, | Go on, split, Come on, come on,
I'll call you,
If the phone doesn't ring, | it's probably me,
Oh, man,
Fucking Goebbels... | he thinks it's a toy,
"Gone to get haircut,"
What an asshole,
LINDA: I don't know why, | I just started that.
I don't... I just don't want | them knowing me, you know?
I don't want them knowing me.
I give... I give the name "Ann" | all the time...
because it seems like Ann is...
One,
And it's less invasive.
It's less... | or more anonymous, you know?
More invisible. | If they know me as Ann...
they don't know who really | is in the room with them.
And for some reason, | that feels good to me.
CAL VIN:"Nicholas. | I will begin simply.
"I love you,
"Have always loved you,
"and will always love you,
"Ever since the moment | I met you,
"the love I feel for you | is overwhelming,
"When we are apart, | you are all I think about,
"and can't wait until,
"we are just even | in the same room again,
"Until then,"
I've been away a lot,
Ahem,
- Hi, | - Hi,
- Hey, Mike? | - Yes?
- Can I ask you a question? | - Yes,
- It's kind of personal, | - Shoot,
Is that your real hair?
Absolutely.
Hmm, I'm thinking of | getting some more,
Don't do that.
- Why not? | - You'll have doll head,
I don't care, I want more hair,
Low-level, free-floating | anxiety about it, you know?
I have anxiety about it,
I see homeless guys | with a full head of hair,
and I think,"What the fuck?"
You know, Kirk Douglas, | what the fuck...
Does Lee mind?
Uh, she says no,
Well, that's a lie,
She doesn't say anything, | and I assume that's a no,
We sit in the same room,
but, uh,
- "And," | - What?
Try changing your "but"s | to "and"s, See what happens,
We live in the same house,
Now you got it,
Yes, I would say that,
- How often? | - Um,
Once a week, once a month,
- This is kind of... | - I'll come back to that,
God,
Do you believe in him?
Well, you know, | not like a bearded guy...
It's a yes or no question, | David,
Yes, then,
Listen, I'm sorry, | I just thought...
I'm going to be straight | with you, David, OK?
OK,
In three years, | you haven't impressed,
a single person at this agency,
You'll be notified officially | through the mail,
- I'll watch for it, | - OK,
Do you have a girlfriend?
- What? | - Are you involved?
Are you... are you... | What... what are you doing?
Put that chair | against the door.
- Ms, Bright? | - Yeah,
Is this a joke? | 'Cause I'm a good sport.
This is a test of skill | of sorts,
I like you, David, | I'll tell you that right now,
- OK, | - OK?
Yeah.
On one leg... balanced,
You... you are a piece of work, | do you know that?
- OK, | - Good!
- All righty, | - OK,
Now, name all the countries | in Africa.
- Oh! | - One minute,
LINDA: There's this guy I met | on the internet.
WOMAN: | Ooh, are we doing this now?
LINDA: Mm-hmm. He wants me | to meet him in Tucson...
for the weekend. He's a kid.
- In Tucson? | - Mmm.
- You have to try these. | - Do they have sugar?
- No, sugar free. Why Tucson? | - Mmm. He lives near there.
WOMAN: | Does he live in the desert?
LINDA: But we're staying | at a Holiday Inn.
- Uhh. | - I'm intrigued.
- In Tucson? | - These are good,
I know, They're sweetened | with fruit juice,
I could eat | this whole damn tray,
I bought new underwear,
- Have you seen a photo? | - No,
That Holiday Inn part... | that's kind of a little sad,
- Why is that sad? | - Because, Tucson?
- So what? He knows a good one, | - All right,
Seems like you put | a lot of thought into this,
- Planned... we both have, | - Mm-hmm,
- Kind of like a wedding? | - Sort of,
OK, I think that was good, | but I really, really think,
you guys shouldn't make | eye contact,
Hold on, hold on,
That whole thing of you guys | being an extension of me...
Hold on, | Stop giving them directions,
One second, | Just let me work this out, OK?
One second, | You know when we do,
that first scene | where I'm exercising,
you guys gotta have | athletic supporters,
You know what, stop. Stop.
Hey, guess who the world | doesn't revolve around?
You. OK? I'm trying...
Maybe you want to come out here | and look at it,
Give me the jacket...
Can I talk to you for a second?
I'm fucking giving my all here,
I know, I know,
I'm giving my all, and | I'm really fucking worried, OK?
Because last week you tell me,
you want me to play it | like Danny Kaye, right?
This morning, | you come in, and you say,
"Hey, why don't you play it | like Alan Alda,"
What am I, fucking Danny Alda?
OK, I think
You've been | on the fucking laptop,
like a little crack monkey, | logging onto Expedia,
for this fucking chick | in Tucson?
Let me tell you something, man, | This is art,
I dumped my girlfriend | the day we started rehearsals,
You're not here, man,
I am here, I am here,
You're not, OK?
whether you and Carl know what | the fuck you're talking about,
Because let me tell you | something,
Peter Ustinov said,
"but it's more difficult | to write a bad play,
"than to give | a bad performance,"
You know what? You know what?
What a great fucking idea, | watching me squirm,
What are you talking about?
- Catherine, | - What are you talking about?
- The letter, | - What letter?
Uh, the letter,
- May I? | - Oh, yeah,
You're acting crazy,
Hmm,
Wow, Well,
Pretty extraordinary,
Really?
This is a prank, right?
I mean, that's cool,
I don't think it's a prank, no,
You didn't write this?
Is it your fantasy | that I wrote it?
Oh, don't, Don't do that,
I don't know what to tell you,
OK, here's the deal,
This right here, | you can't write about,
- I can't? | - No, you cannot, It's not fair,
You know, they really do | have ovens back there,
I am onto you, girl,
Well, I think I'm onto you, | all right?
Look at me,
- Look at me, | - Oh, my,
Come on,
It's OK,
See?
Ahem, I'm just not gonna play | this game with you anymore,
I ain't even thinking about you, | Look,
You missed a piece,
CARL: So, Tracy... | is that your given name?
- Yes, | - Mm-hmm,
And what's your porn name?
I'm...
Do you know about porn names?
- No, | - OK,
Your porn name | is your middle name...
and the name of the first | street you grew up on.
OK,
So, like, my porn name | is Andrew Highland.
It's terrible. | It's not very sexy.
So, you're Tracy...
I don't have a middle name,
Oh, well, you can...
Yeah, well, you can also use | the name of your first pet.
We weren't allowed to have pets,
Ivory Coast, Senegal, | Sierra Leone,
LEE: Mm-hmm. Good.
Ghana, Mali,
Have you ever... been tested | lately for the H, I, V, virus?
No, Yes, | Morocco, Mozambique, Angola,
Good, My goodness,
- Cameroon, | - Stay there,
- Congo, | - God, you are good,
Gabon, Angola,
- Go east, | - Kenya, Somalia Republic,
- Jesus, | - Ethiopia,
Time, | You are very impressive,
I don't think | you're allowed to do this,
Of course I am.
Get down from there.
LEE: Just meet me | in the lobby, please.
You'll have a great time. | I know you'll love Gus.
I can't go to a party like that, | I have nothing to wear,
LEE: Wear the green dress. | You look great in it.
It's too tight, | It doesn't fit me anymore,
and it has a stain that's...
LEE: | You always have an excuse.
It's not an excuse, | Lee, that's a reason,
There's a difference,
Look, are we still
Because I have | a birthday present for you,
LEE: It's tomorrow.
You know what? I know | when your birthday is, OK?
I'm not here tomorrow,
LEE: Hey, Linda...
Hello?
LEE: You're breaking up. | Call me back.
Hello? Listen, if you can | hear me, call me back,
LEE: Call me back.
Fuck,
LINDA: | Yeah, I think about him a lot.
You know? It's hard. | I found him in the basement.
And then I found Lee...
who was outside, I think, | or somewhere else in the house.
I mean, I remember screaming...
and then I remember her | appearing.
Uh, and then, you know, | no one else was home...
so she ran to a neighbor's...
and, uh, I stayed with him.
And then neighbors came, and...
and then my mom was home.
They found my mom, and so...
LEE: | It's pretty surprising...
when you see | somebody you know...
like your dad, you know, | in that state, you know?
So, it was surprising...
but I think that, you know, | in retrospect, he...
He was pretty unhappy...
most of the time.
My friend Gus says that people... | the straight world...
will always be fascinated | by gangster sagas,
because, here are these guys,
they say, | "We're not going to live,
"by some unspoken rule,
"that we don't take you | to the cleaners,
"when you're not looking,
"We don't have any agreement | not to take advantage of you,"
And these people, they're | in the minority, fortunately,
otherwise, there would be chaos,
But we love watching them, | because... because,
it's a walk on the wild side,
without any real risk | of corruption,
It's two-dimensional, you know?
And it's always | going to be compelling,
Uh, you know, sometimes, | we can't look away,
But... and we should,
- Hey, Carl, how you doing, pal? | - Good to see you,
- You look great, | - Thanks, Uh,
you know, that's amazing | that you called today,
because I... ahem... | I needed to see you,
I have an idea, I have an idea, | I think it's a cover,
You got slobber | all up on your,
Mmm,
What time is it?
Oh, I feel... I feel nauseous,
Are you ready to talk | about this?
Ohh, Nicholas,
look, I think
and I'll probably write | a very nice piece about you,
but you're really annoying | about this whole letter thing,
No, You're annoying,
Mm-hmm, OK,
CARL: You see, I think that is | worth discussing. I really do.
Well, Carl, I'll discuss
because every time | you've come into my office,
every time | I've asked to see you,
or you've come to see me | with an idea,
about a cover | or a feature story,
or anything you want to do,
it always has validity, | It always has,
it's important to me | to hear your ideas, you know?
Thank you, thank you.
Let me ask you a question.
The reason I called you in | today, actually...
Yeah, Sorry, Ahem,
I have a question for you...
and it's kind of important | to me to hear the answer,
And the question is,
when you go to your | refrigerator in your home,
and you open the door, | and you see a bottle of beer,
do you take | that bottle of beer,
and pour it into a glass | and drink it,
or do you drink it | from the bottle?
Um, I... I... | well, I drink it from a glass.
Ah, you see?
Ohh, That's the problem,
You see, I want this magazine | to drink from the bottle,
In talks? What the fuck, Alex?
Tch, All right, in talks,
I need this,
All right, all right,
NICHOLAS: | I suppose we've come a ways...
since Sambo, Mr. Bojangles.
"Step and fetch it, boy. "
"What? | Man, call me Mr. Tibbs... "
we've heard Poitier say.
It's a new day, some say.
Because every now and then, | black men are even in.
Motion picture heroes. | It's the American way, Wesley.
Be cute | and still save the world.
Yes, we will, Will.
Go from Boy in the Hood | to Man of Honor.
Show 'em the money now, Cuba.
Give 'em funnies | like Chris Rock or Tucker,
Or just cool it, | be anybody, like Denzel,
But wait, He ain't even really | getting no loving,
like Sidney before him | and whoever after him,
Romancin' and dancin' | with amore's passion,
ain't in the script's equation,
But can even Mr, Washington,
briefly be seen kissing | a Pretty Woman,
underneath a Pelican Moon?
Can even he be a romantic lead?
Check it, From Sambo to Sidney | to Denzel to me,
Brothers ain't getting | nor giving no love now,
I don't want to complain, but | my doctor says I'm suffering,
from underloved syndrome,
Maybe it is a conspiracy, | But do folks still fear,
the black man's sexuality | like that?
A fear that could be wiped out | just by seeing us love,
not by race, but by heart,
And can't a brother | get some love?
Now, that, Catherine,
is a question | for the screen pages,
written by folks | who rarely look like me,
but want to see me | run and jump and shoot,
but don't care to see me kiss | a woman with my skin tone,
and would shoot me if I were | kissing a woman of their hue,
Who are you?
Who are you? Who are we?
We are human, too,
and we love loving, and,
can't a brother get some love?
That's the state of being,
a chocolate leading man | in Hollywood today,
I keep bringing it up,
because I don't want you | to think I forgot,
Look, you just pay me back | when you have all of it,
I have half now, so...
- It just feels awkward, | - Please,
- Hi, | - Right this way,
- Thank you, | - Thanks,
What would you like | to start with?
Some evian or pellegrino?
- Thank you, | - You're welcome,
You still going on your weekend | with that guy from the internet?
Mm-hmm, | No, I haven't cancelled,
I'm putting myself out there, | I'm going,
Good, | You need money for that,
You want me to meet men,
You could meet men there, | There'll be plenty,
I can't come tonight, | I can't,
On the internet? | How is that meeting?
It's encountering,
What airline are you flying?
Southwest.
- Southwest? | - Yeah,
That's a good airline,
Southwest, younger man,
new underwear, Tucson,
What is your point?
Have you ever stayed | at a Holiday Inn?
No, Have you?
I think that's what's | really bothering me.
You know what, Lee?
So if that's what's | really bothering you...
- What does he do? | - He's an artist,
- An actor, | - A painter,
In Tucson?
Yeah, He says the desert | inspires him,
- Lend me what? | - What is wrong with you?
Seriously, what is wrong | with you right now?
Friday. Fridays are good. | T. G. I. F. Fridays are good, Lee.
You're acting insane.
I'm going to have the squash,
But this is | a boundary issue, man!
What I do off-stage is | my process and my business, OK?
And I don't care | what anybody thinks.
And it's my business | to put on a play,
And now I've got three hours | to find a new Eva Braun,
Oh, OK, You know what?
And here's why, Number one...
anyone who's offended | by drinking blood,
obviously doesn't drink blood,
Number two... anybody who drinks | as much blood as I do,
knows it has no effect,
Number three...
there is absolutely | no scientific connection,
between drinking | a shot of blood a day,
and being | an extraordinary actor,
And number 4... it is impossible | to prove number 3,
You know, do the words Masai
Do you know who that is?
Yeah, Herzog made | a documentary about them,
The herdsmen of fire, | warriors of Africa.
They drank blood.
Jack fucking LaLanne | drank blood in the fifties.
Yeah, granted, | his wife wouldn't kiss him...
but this is bullshit, man.
I don't care what you do | outside of this theater,
I don't give a shit, You could | eat the ass out of a dead wolf,
I don't care,
Just keep it to yourself, OK?
Just keep it to yourself,
I think it's fucking hysterical | that she walked,
And I know comedy,
LINDA: I don't understand.
I don't understand | what's wrong.
I mean, birthdays are fun.
Well, OK, this is mom
at my birthday | introducing me to people,
"And this is Lee, She ruined | my body, didn't you, dear?"
- There, | - Thanks,
I won't be here tomorrow, | so happy birthday.
Oh, It's smaller than the gift | you gave me last year,
for my fortieth birthday,
You know what, Lee, you make | forty a bigger deal than it is.
You have no idea about forty,
I'll be forty.
What did I give you last year? | I don't even remember.
You know, that... that thing, | That,
- Oh, You didn't like it? | - No,
Well, honestly, | I would have rather had...
just, like, | a card or something.
OK, God,
It's just a weird gift | to give your sister...
who's married, | on her fortieth birthday.
You know what Gus gave me | last year for my birthday?
First edition of Bernard Shaw's | The Sanity of Art.
Did you get anything out of it?
- Which? | - The gift I gave you,
Are you kidding?
No, I mean, yes or no,
But for my fortieth birthday?
Well, I have one, so,
I used it once.
OK, All right, | Well, what happened?
Um, I got stuck in the chair,
You used it in a chair?
Well, yeah, | that's what's on the box,
Different ways. I've never...
Not in a chair. I've never...
Well,
gift-giving... | you know, it's an art,
You should have | the person in mind...
OK, I'm sorry, I thought | you'd like it, I like it...
Well, that's... | but you should give people...
what you think | they would want...
you know, something personal.
How much more personal | could that be?
But then, you and that guy... | what was his name?
- Tom, | - Tom,
Yeah. You sat at | the other end of the table...
and just stared | at each other the whole time.
You didn't even | really socialize.
Oh, my God, Oh, my God, | Lee, forgive me, OK?
I happened to be in love... | for a brief period of time,
Once... which happened | to include,
the week of your birthday,
- This is all a year later, | - You don't get it,
Christ!
You know what? | Gift... it's a gift,
A gift is a gift, | Don't question it,
At least not to the giver | and out loud a whole year later,
Chr...
OK, now I know,
Well, that it meant something | to you,
What?
Just the whole thing, | that you put thought into it,
You know, | it's for your small change.
FRANCESCA: So he gives me | this injection...
and I become invisible.
And I can do anything, right?
Because, you know, | I'm invisible.
What do I do? I go to | one of my colleagues, Carl...
and I make him | sign a confession...
while I hold a knife | to his neck.
Now, it's just weird, | because I really like Carl.
He's a brilliant,
completely misunderstood | by his boss,
Well, you know, I'm not | surprised he was in my dream,
really, because | I think of him a lot,
I think I'm actually...
MAN: Wheel in Nicholas. | We're ready for him.
It's funny, because | he's one of these guys...
You know what? | I want to tell you,
what I think about that,
OK, I'll be here... listening,
Hey, Pitty,
Hey, man, What's going on?
OK, exactly the same thing, | We're starting from over here,
It took me a little bit...
I needed to do this | with track,
instead of just the walk-up,
so we're gonna do | a little bit of a push-in,
There's probably | going to be some focus stuff,
so we're gonna shoot a few,
OK,
But just split the extras | as they come through...
don't be precious about it,
Tell them we're coming through,
I will, I will,
R-139, take one,
And background action... action!
Move! Move!
- Out of the way! | - Goddamn it,
Uh, looks like we're late,
Looks like,
Back to square one,
That's what he thinks,
You think different?
Like the back | of my big ten-inch,
- Oh, | - Come on,
CARL: One minute | I'm drinking a beer...
and the next minute | I'm unemployed.
How does that happen?
He said I have confused,
my personality quirks | with standards,
What the fuck?
CARL: You have no idea | what I have lost just now.
This goes way beyond this job. | I could lose everything.
The ripple effect. | It's the ripple effect.
It's like,"Oh, yeah, | by the way, you're fired. "
"Oh, yeah, honey, by the way...
"uh, you don't think | I'm so great.
"Guess what? They don't think | I'm so great at work.
"Hey, maybe I'm not so great. "
Hey, that's simple. | Well, there, I can write that.
I can write, | "I'm not so great. "
Maybe I can write it...
a hundred-fucking-thousand | times on a blackboard...
Oh, I can teach. | I used to teach.
I love teaching. | I do love teaching.
R-139, take 49, mark!
MAN: OK, here we go! | And background! Action!
BRAD., Move!
- Out of the way! | - Move!
- Move! | - Out of the way!
Ohh, Looks like we're late,
Looks like,
Back to square one,
That's what he thinks,
You think different?
I know different,
Come on,
- Cut it! | - OK, we got.
Nice one.
Very nice, very nice,
Check the gate, Check the gate,
BRAD., Lunch?
OK,
So, David, David,
No, no, Absolutely, | Lunch... go ahead,
Nice scene, man,
Thanks,
Would you not take a role | if you felt,
the people of the black | community wouldn't like it?
Hmm,
This guy that lives | in my neighborhood...
lives right across the street | from me,
And he dresses like... | yeah, yeah,
He dresses like a vampire | twenty-four hours a day,
I don't know if he's got a job, | I don't know what he does,
but I know | he dresses like a vampire,
like Dracula all the damn time,
- You want to go? | - Mm,
I mean, look,
buying romaine lettuce | dressed as Dracula,
so you got to figure,
he's an actor, right? | He's got to be,
Well, you could find out,
Yeah, The point is, the answer | to your question is,
if I needed the money, | abso-fucking-lutely,
Absolutely, | Now, am I proud of that?
No, | But, yeah, I'd take it,
'cause, look,
- OK, Are they gonna say cut? | - I don't know,
OK, what's going on?
- OK, can somebody... | - Did they call cut?
Well, can somebody | communicate... OK,
Bonnie, Bonnie, this is
Fran, listen, listen,
next time we do this, | could you give me...
more to work with | on this whole attraction...
What do you mean? | That was good, huh?
We can't hear in there, though, | We can't hear anything,
No, 'cause I'm not feeling | the whole sexual chemistry,
No, no, but remember,
you gotta leave yourself | somewhere to go,
for the second letter | at the airport,
All right, Oh! | All right, all right,
Right?
In the way it's got to build,
you got to give me | something to go on,
- We had it going before, | - Did he call?
- Yeah, | - It's not working for me,
OK, well, if you're | going to stay for lunch,
let's talk about | whatever it is...
No, I gotta run an errand, | so next time... and maybe it's me,
All right,
We'll figure it out, | Don't worry about it,
All right. I think it was good! | Oh, thanks.
No, it's the movie,
As far as he's concerned,
CALVIN: Hey, can you | hold that door for me?
- Sure, | - Thank you,
Got it?
Excuse me,
CARL: Oh, the film. | Well, the film...
Artie and I wrote this.
We started working together...
really writing together, | about a year ago.
We tossed around | a couple of ideas.
And Artie's a pretty good | playwright in his own right.
And we thought, | you know, maybe this...
sort of my understanding | of Hollywood and everything...
and his ability | to actually write...
would be a good combination...
and so we came up | with this idea...
for what is now | Rendezvous, the movie.
It's almost like a spy film | in the intrigue...
of this romantic encounter...
between this guy | that Calvin plays...
I'm sorry, there's a...
Uh, and this woman.
And anyway, | I think it's a neat story.
And I think it's a great cast.
Um, uh, but, uh...
Yeah. I'm sorry, | I have some... it's weird.
I'm really happy about | the project. I really am.
I got... you know, there's... | I've got issues with some of...
Actually, Calvin. Calvin is, | I think, I don't know...
You know, other people...
get more excited about him | than I do.
It's not to say I'm not happy | having him on the movie.
I think that's great, and | I'm sure he's very good in it.
I just don't get what | the big thing is with Calvin.
I think... you know, you picture | a role in a certain way...
And sometimes it's... | I'm not always right, either.
I know, you know, certainly | my wife thinks he's great.
FRANCESCA: | I'm starving to death.
- Well, I've got it right here, | - I might actually faint,
OK, tuna, No celery,
No celery and no,
- Onion, | - Right,
Uh, so listen...
you know that thing | that we were talking about?
Um, I can't keep...
OK, I mean...
Come on, come on,
I'm uncomfortable dealing | with this aspect of your life.
I don't want to talk to them,
Well, I don't want | to talk to them, either.
I don't even want to talk | to the guys I'm dating,
Uh-huh. | Well, I'm not dating anyone.
A date is not dating.
Well, you know, | someone buys you dinner,
you owe them a phone call, | in my opinion,
See, dinner... | that's where I fucked up.
It should have been lunch,
They all seem pretty nice | to me.
Well, they don't strike you as, | like, networky, freaky,
actress-dating | executive types,
with their water bottles | in, like, a mesh tote bag?
This is really... | this is disgusting,
I can't eat this, | That arugula is so bitter,
It's like | my algebra teacher on bread,
- OK, | - Ugh,
I'm truly, I'm... look at me,
I'm gonna faint, | I might actually faint,
We all know how you get | when your blood sugar's low.
All right. I'll be right back.
OK. Thank you.
- You're welcome, | - I need some wet naps, too,
- OK, | - Tuna fingers,
- Don't want tuna fingers, | - No, we don't,
- You're an angel, Thank you, | - Oh, you're welcome,
Oh, post-its!
LEE: See, I knew | something was wrong, I just...
I didn't know it was that.
I had that one this morning,
CALVIN: Hey,
I need to talk to you | about something,
- Lee... | - Don't,
Why did you even pursue this?
What? Wait a minute. | You came over and spoke to me.
Now, all of this began | because of you,
Are you saying | you weren't attracted to me?
No...
Gus told me | to watch out for you,
I'm forty-one tomorrow, | Calvin...
the age where | I could have a stroke,
in the middle of the night,
If you think I'm not going | to Gus', you're,
OK, I have a meeting, | Go fuck somebody else,
- Hey, | - Hi,
- You're still here? | - Yeah, I was just upstairs,
I was shopping | for my friend Gus,
- Oh, | - Yeah,
- Are you OK? | - Oh, yeah, I'm good,
I've just had really some | sad cases today, so I'm just...
- I'm sorry, | - I'm emotional,
Yeah. | What did you get him?
- Who? | - What did you get Gus?
Oh, They didn't have it,
- What was it? | - Yeah,
- Are you, | - It was a thing,
He's... he's, uh,
It was... they didn't... you know, | 'cause he's forty today,
and I was just gonna get him | some, I don't know, this...
- Are you OK? | - Yeah,
I just have to go, | I'm really late, so...
- Are you sure? | - Yeah,
I'll call you later.
Oh, OK,
Thank you.
Um, you need to find him,
I don't know if he knows | I'm here at the office,
so I have to have a contact | name in order to transfer you.
Um, Harvey's not here | at the office right now.
He sees on the TV a murder,
and as he listens to the murder,
His whole face | just goes white...
and he bolts | from his apartment.
Now, we follow him.
The murders... they deviate | at this key point...
for reasons nobody can | understand, because...
T ell Trevors I'm not gonna | do it, I'm not gonna do it,
Good, good, Go, Sorry, Go ahead,
Aah,
My brother Bob | should look at this,
Yeah, Good, Good!
- Great, | - Good,
CALVIN: Motherfuckers,
Did you see their faces | looking at us?
Yes,
It was like a labrador | staring at a Picasso,
Right,
Ed, we walked in there
- They want beer mugs, | - Yeah, right?
I could so see myself | in that part,
Right?
Fuck!
- It's all right, | - All right, I gotta go,
- See you later, | - See you,
Hey, Ed, keep the faith,
It was good. It was good.
- Mr, Liveright, | - Hey, hey, Bill,
- Come on in, | - Thanks,
- Ann? | - Yeah,
My massage is here, | I'll call you back in an hour,
- How about in back? Good? | - OK, sure,
Um, what do you think | about the lighting?
A little light... too bright?
Whatever you're comfortable | with is fine, Yeah,
I think a little darker,
- Like so, | - Sure,
- Need some help? | - No,
Done it before, huh?
"Bill Liveright"... great name,
Well, a name with a message | is a good name, right?
I don't know, | It just always eluded me,
Mmm, | Money is just feminine energy,
Huh, It always seems so male, | I don't get it,
Money: Mater, The Latin,
You connect with that,
You make it sound pretty simple,
- It is, | - Just connecting with it,
You're catching on, Ann,
Look, don't be
If you have purpose, | you can just wade right through,
It's like running past | people who are asleep,
OK,
you can turn over now,
I think I kind of drooled | a little bit,
Just scoot your head down, | so you're not in the hole.
OK,
You're from L, A,?
No, Miami, actually, You?
- New York, | - Oh,
Do you find me attractive?
What?
Yes,
In what sort of way?
In a human sort of way,
- Ann, | - Bill,
It's my birthday, Ann,
- Really? | - Yeah,
Happy birthday,
What's your philosophy | on release?
You know what, Bill, I know
and the thing is, | I don't do it, so,
Right, Not even | for a little extra money?
Mm-mmm, It's not | the kind of massage I do,
Right,
I offer a release | of tension and toxins,
and sometimes emotion, but,
Yes, well,
Well, I don't do it, so...
Oh, yeah, | You can come in thirty seconds?
- Do you have a second-hand? | - Look, I can't do it,
You could stop | after thirty seconds,
Five hundred dollars, | When was the last time,
you made five hundred dollars | for thirty seconds of work?
- You're cruel, | - I'm not cruel, I'm practical,
You need the cash,
This is crazy,
Five hundred dollars, Ann,
You can't make any noise,
- The place is noisy, | - No, You can audibly exhale,
You can't moan or grunt or sigh,
I can't moan or grunt or sigh, | just audible exhale only?
- Yes, | - Ahh!
No, Too loud, And if | you do it... it's too much,
I'll be quiet, | OK, Ann, I'll be quiet,
Are you ready?
Fuck.
Are you ready?
Will you just hand me | that plastic bag right there?
Well, why?
No reason,
Oh,
Oh, my God,
Ahem,
- Here, | - Thank you,
GUS: Shit.
- Hey, Ann? | - What?
I'm sorry, | I thought I had more cash on me,
That's OK, Bill,
You know what? There's a limit.
There's a limit.
To the machine, You can only | get three hundred dollars out,
Could you move that, please? | That bag,
- You're kidding, | - No, I'm not kidding,
- I feel bad, | - You should,
You should feel | really bad and ashamed,
It's,
- Hold on, | - Forget it,
- Just hold on a second, | - You know what? Forget it,
It's pathetic.
"Mater equals money. " I mean, | give me a fucking break.
All the world loves a winner,
You know why | they love the winner?
Because they think | he knows something,
I mean, he had to know
So, we admire him,
But the winner doesn't | learn anything from winning,
No, the loser... the loser
Losing teaches you | about yourself.
So, the loser's the winner.
I don't know. I mean, | it's not in actual terms.
I'm speaking figuratively.
Sorry, Excuse me,
- Good night, Denny, | - May I see you, please?
The gentleman in 205 | left this for you,
Oh, Huh,
Wow, That was nice,
GUS: Ann, thanks | for the happy ending. Bill.
Nice card,
Django?
Django? Hey, hey, hey!
Sweetie-pie?
Dja...
LEE: | I know what they say.
I know what they say | about me...
my colleagues...
and my family.
I don't... fucking movies.
OK, let's fucking go,
Fucking movies!
Fucking overpaid, fucking | unhappy childhood fuckers,
Fucking movie fucking fuckers,
Let's go! Somebody... | Jesus, buddy!
Uh, do you think somebody else | could go?
Maybe one of us could | fucking cross the street?
Fucking movie cop!
Hey, fucking movie cop!
Could I maybe | fucking cross the street?
Francesca Davis, Fuck,
Yes, He's gonna get... what? | Dehydrated? OK,
Yes, Yeah, I understand,
Hello, Yeah, hi,
I did that,
and... and I gave him | some water, yeah,
and I was just hoping | that Dr, Green could come by,
and, uh, and give him | a quick look,
Oh, he is?
Oh, I see, Uh,
Yeah?
Well, if... you know, | I just... I just, uh,
want to make sure | he's not gonna die,
you know, or anything,
Um, so if you could, | that would be great,
Right, heh heh, Yeah,
Uh, that's fantastic,
Yes, I will see you then,
Yes, What? The address?
Oh, Oh, my address, Oh, yeah,
I guess you'd need that, | wouldn't you? Heh heh,
Hi,
I know, | You know, I can't really talk,
I'm going into a store, | Can I call you back?
OK,
Oh, really?
Oh that'd be... | that's... that's great,
I'm... I'm glad,
You met Gus?
Where? Wow, | Yeah, well, there's a guy,
who could change your life, | you know?
So, I'm gonna get the dress,
- Oh, good, Great, | - Yeah,
LINDA: Mm-hmm. Sure.
Yeah. I was, um, fat...
overweight, and very short...
and, um, I hadn't | gone through puberty.
So, yeah, I mean, I looked, | you know... I did not look...
like I would've liked | to have looked in high school.
Yeah, surely I would've | changed my social status.
I still would. Heh heh. Yeah.
Treat myself,
So, that's five there,
Oh, great, Thank you very much,
- OK, | - Excellent, Thank you,
Hey, you came, I thought | you were coming later,
No,
Hey, How are you, man? | Good to see you,
The house is open, guys, | if you want to,
Oh, Hi, Dee,
Good to see you, | Thank you for coming,
Good,
That guy didn't pay,
Did you pay, sir?
MAN: I did, yes. | Would you like...
No, no, I just... I saw you | come the other way,
and most people were coming, | I'm sorry,
Right in here, | Right there on the sofa,
Oh, boy,
What else was in the brownies | besides chocolate?
Um,
- Hash? | - Yeah,
Aw, come on, man,
No, My wife | brought it back from London,
We made the brownies | for my friend's fortieth...
So, what'd you do, | leave it out for him to eat?
No, no, I know,
it was right here | on this counter,
I didn't think | he could jump that high,
He's got little legs like a,
All this... he ate all this,
It's so much better than pot, | right?
- Uh... | - Aw, no, no, no,
You don't understand,
I haven't smoked that in years, | so, you know what I'm saying?
Goddamn,
When I was in my twenties, | this guitar player and I,
would make up all these lyrics | while he played,
and our songs would end up,
with all these fucked-up | rhyme schemes,
Heather, Heather, I'm sorry, | Is he going to be all right?
Oh, he's going to be fine, | He's going to be fine,
So, uh,
you going to throw that out?
Look, you liked it,
and you've told me | you haven't liked things,
You liked it, Man, listen,
you're not going to pursue | any more meetings...
because | this is what I want to do.
I'm serious, OK?
Hey, listen. Could you, like...
It's better now, | It's a lot better now,
Ed and I,
We've been | beefing up the scenes,
And that whole thing | you mentioned...
I agree with you... | about me being in it.
I'm not going to do it.
Even if they ask about it, | we're not going to build it in.
I figure, you know, | in the long run...
it's probably a good thing,
me trying to establish myself | as a writer instead of an actor,
Like Pinter. You know, Pinter, | he was an actor.
He started off as an actor,
He still acts, occasionally.
All right, this shit | is cyclical, you know that?
All right, don't. | Don't, don't, don't.
I got it,
OK, Thank you,
If you stop telling me | that that letter makes sense,
you can throw up all you want, | How about that?
Tch, Yeah, Aw,
Do you know her?
- Ahem, Who? | - Carl's wife,
Nuh-uh,
That's kind of funny, because | I've heard things, actually,
Yeah. Yeah. | A couple of them.
- Hey, how are you doing? | - Uhh,
Hey, Fran, listen, | I want you to meet...
Frannie, It's Lucy Morgan, | L, A, Magazine,
- I'm sorry, I... | - The Sedona piece,
Oh, my God, Yes, Oh, wow,
Wow, You changed your hair | or something?
Yeah, How do you know Cal?
- Uh, we... | - It was a dinner.
Yeah.
Excuse me,
Hey,
Hi,
Is it... is it upstairs, | or is it in there?
God,
- Oh, this is wrong, | - No,
- I'm overdressed, | - You look,
- I wasn't sure what, | - It's on the roof,
Where's Carl?
He's not here yet, | I just, um,
- We should go up and, | - OK,
- Wow, | - You OK?
Yeah,
You know,
No, You look great,
Well,
You know, I have to admire you | for your belief,
in this project, | but the reality...
is a whole different thing | altogether.
It's all marketplace shit,
And I don't think that | this is a good role for you...
so don't even push that.
When does this article | come out?
In a couple of months,
Well, you call me,
if you can't get any answers | out of this guy,
Thank you.
Nice to meet you,
Nice seeing you,
Huh?
"Meltzin. "
Name kind of suits him, | Oh, Nicholas,
No, it looks good, | Where'd you get that dress?
- Seaver, | - Where?
On Third, Do you know it?
- Is it good? | - Yeah,
- It was on sale, I like it, | - No, it's,
Oh,
God,
All chromium is not bad,
because | I get Fitness magazine,
I need a drink,
No, I'm saying there's | a lot of good chromiums,
- I read it in a magazine, | - Hey,
Hey, I wouldn't go | to the lengths,
of bathing in bottled water, | that's all I'm saying,
I believe what you're saying,
- Franny Davis? | - Yeah,
Sam Osborne.
- I'm sorry, | - The Duchess of Malfi,
- Birchers, | - Yeah,
I was the lighting guy,
Mmm, Oh, my God, Oh, OK, Yeah,
- Sam Osborne, | - Osborne,
- How are you? | - Nice to see you again,
Oh, you, too, Wow, That's funny,
- Yeah, | - That's...
Do you remember when you said,
"I feel like a waitress | on vacation"?
Oh, God,
It was, like, just the cutest | thing I've ever heard, and,
I don't know why | that just stuck out,
I don't... yeah, | I just... um, well,
- I was going to go, | - OK,
Jesus, You remember that?
Yeah,
Yeah, I do,
- I got a funny memory that way, | - Oh,
Anyway, hey, | I... I don't want to bug you,
I know you got | lots of people to see,
I just wanted to say | how happy I am for you, and,
Oh, thanks, Thank you,
It's... I always thought | you had something special,
This,
You know, it's just amazing | what you've been able to do,
well, from,
Or, well, yeah,
No, I'm just... I'm... thank you, | Thank you,
Right, Good, Well, hey,
- Cheers, Good to see you, | - Thank you, Cheers,
I couldn't "Cheers" you, | I don't have a drink,
but, well, shit,
Ha ha! | Birchers lighting guy,
Birchers,
Get me a... | why don't you come with me?
- Yeah, OK, | - OK,
- Nicholas, Oh, my goodness, | - Oh, God,
- Uhh, | - Let's get you on the sofa,
- Oh, God, did I just... | - Yes, you did,
- Ohh, | - Go slowly,
Ah, Catherine, I'm sorry,
Are you all right?
- Here's some water, | - Oh, thank you so much,
- I feel a little light headed, | - Here, have some water,
- Yeah, | - Drink it,
Yeah? | Are you sure you're all right?
- Mm-hmm, | - Thank goodness,
- I need to ask you something, | - What?
I need you to come back | to New York with me,
Nicholas, I can't...
Catherine, it's that letter,
Well, but that was...
I've never had anybody | write me a love letter,
- Never, | - But I just...
No, listen,
You're here, | You there just makes sense,
You write the article,
Nicholas, these kind of things...
A moment of inspiration,
that's all | anybody ever really wants,
Mmm,
To have an original idea,
to fall in love,
It takes courage,
to surrender these things,
Especially when you have | control issues,
I get that a lot,
I know what | they're going to talk about,
when they talk about me,
They're going to talk | about the mustache,
People are so fucking petty,
People say, | "God, what's up with that?
"Like, didn't you know | that Chaplin had it first?"
Yeah! I knew, OK?
It's either the name | of your first pet,
and the first street | that you ever lived on,
or it's your middle name,
and the first street | that you lived on,
Well, which is it? | I think... is it pet?
- Pet, | - It's pet,
So, if it's pet... | all right.
WOMAN: I'm Daisy Bufane.
Daisy Bufane?
Jo Jo Mountainview,
I would be Peavey Meander.
- What? | - Peavey Meander,
Meander,
- Thurston Craddock. | - Hmm.
Uh, Baron Von Hugecock,
What? | That's... that was my street,
I lived on | Van Hugecock Avenue,
MAN: The little kid | who lives on Van Hugecock.
FRANCESCA: | Oh, God, where is Gus?
- Save us from this misery. | - Uhh.
CARL: | So, it's your middle name...
- Right. | - first.
CARL: And then... and then...
the name of the street | that you grew up on,
HEA THER: OK.
Lolita...
Honeysuckle.
CALVIN: | All right, I'll open it.
Obviously, everybody, | Gus is not here...
so I was thinking,
to pass the time, | why don't we all just kind of,
whoever wants to, stand up | and give our little Gus stories,
Uh, so, let me start off,
I think | my favorite Gus moment,
was when he called me | at 1:20 in the morning...
to ask what | I really thought about him.
WOMAN: What'd you say?
What did I say? | What did I say?
I said,"Well, Gus,
"I'm going to think the same | thing at 10. 00 in the morning,"
Then I hung up,
- Whatever. | - Calvin.
Aw,
It's all right, It's all right,
Listen, | let's get down to business.
If someone wants to stand up, | please, feel free.
The floor is open.
MAN, TAPPING GLASS: | All right. I got one, Calvin.
Yes, | that's right, that's right.
So, Gus and I... some of you | may not know this...
Gus and I used | to hunt together, all right?
And this one time, we're
and, uh, Gus climbs down,
to relieve himself | in the bushes, OK?
And, uh... it gets funnier. | It gets funnier.
So, uh...
Wow. Thank you, man.
I can't tell you | how much that means to me.
I really appreciate that, | you know?
Especially coming | from someone like you,
who writes and acts and directs | and plays the sax,
Originally, | I kind of felt like,
it was really coming after me, | you know?
Now I feel like | I'm coming after it,
Perfect,
It's not coming after me, | I'm going to get it,
- Can you grab that sword? | - I'm already on it, man,
It's weird, I was watching | this interview with Al,
- Pacino? | - Yeah,
And he was talking | about the differences,
between stage acting | and film acting,
and he was talking about | how being on stage,
is like being on this high wire, | like, a hundred feet up,
And if you fall, | you're fucked,
but acting in film is like | having the wire on the,
- Ground, | - On the Ground,
Oh, OK, you've heard that,
Yeah, man, working for guys | like you and Carl,
- the writing, just everything... | - Aw, come on, man,
Where is Carl, by the way? | Is he,
He had a party to go to,
Oh, that's right, | Is that that producer guy?
- Gus Delario, | - Oh, OK,
That's not too shabby, | Carl owns a tux, huh?
Mm-hmm,
Huh, Not just one of those | shirts with the design on it?
You know, he says | good luck and break a leg,
Thank you, Thank you,
Did I tell you about tomorrow?
Yeah, Fuck, man,
That should go really good, | Ann? Is that her name?
Yeah, It's a nice name,
I hope so, man, | I've been looking a long time,
Yeah, I hear you, | It's hard, I don't know,
You want to go for a beer | or something?
No, I got to teach a pilates | class, but thank you,
FRANCESCA: | Shouldn't we all say grace?
I think you're right,
Listen, it's been 45 minutes,
so let's eat, | Everybody dig in,
MAN: Thank you.
FRANCESCA: | Even at a party... bossy, bossy.
CALVIN: You know you love it. | You love it. You know you do.
- Oh! | - Oh!
FRANCESCA: | What are you doing? Shit.
" C-C-C-Calvin "
I'll get my ball,
CALVIN: Uh, everybody, this is | Lee Bright, Carl's wife.
Hi!
Our writer, | Gave us a beautiful script,
- Hi, | - Hi,
Hi, Thank you,
Lee, Lucy Morgan, L, A, Magazine, | I've worked with Carl,
Oh, yeah, That's right, Hi, | How are you? Nice to meet you,
Hi, I'm Lee,
Yeah, Hi, hi,
Hey, can you name all | the countries in Africa, Calvin?
What do you want from me?
- I'm not drunk, | - OK, Let's go,
I'm just... | you know, fuck you, man,
- Yeah, let's go, | - He needs to sober up,
All right, Sorry, | Sit down, Sit down,
He needs to fucking sober up, | I mean, come on,
LINDA: | You know what? Enough, No more,
No more drinks, all right? | I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
No more, Do not drink anything, | Carl's on his way, all right?
- Where are you going? | - I'll be right back,
Don't drink | and don't talk to anybody,
No one!
Tch,
Hey, Soledad, Do me a favor,
- You're beautiful, | - Oh, thank you,
- You working? | - No, I'm not,
You know, | I left something in here today.
Could you just let me in | for a second?
Of course,
Yeah, Thank you,
Thanks, Gus?
Hello?
Hello?
Oh, my God,
Oh, my God.
LEE: I mean, I'm wearing | a linen suit, for God's sake...
and mascara's | running all over my face...
And I'm the only fucking car | in the parking lot.
It's, late,
Hey, where did you go?
Why?
He's what?
OK, OK, look, look, look,
We'll call down, and I'll say | I left something in here,
and I came up and I knocked | and he didn't answer, OK?
What? What? | Lee, I don't know what!
- Just wait, | - Fuck!
Wait for what? Oh, my God!
A few hours ago he was alive, | OK? He was really alive!
Oh, man!
Fuck, fuck! Do not touch him!
- Jesus Christ! | - Oh, my God!
Of course he's cold!
CARL: I don't know | ifyou can calculate...
I don't know | if you can quantify...
the effect that would have | on a ten-year-old girl.
I think Lee is like...
Have you ever seen | a dog get hit by a car...
but walk away?
And... there's this impact...
and you know | something terrible...
has happened to that dog...
but it walks away...
and it doesn't seem to even | realize the implications...
'cause it just goes on.
But you know | that something terrible...
has happened inside this dog.
LEE: | Why do you think he did it?
Oh, God, I don't know,
It's some weird sex thing, | I don't know,
LEE: No. Not this.
Ohh,
CARL: That's, I think, | what happened to Lee.
It's like... it's like...
She's a dog that got hit by | a car, and she walked away...
and she's still walking, but...
LINDA: I don't know. | I guess he was really sad.
CARL: Some very, very | important things...
inside her are damaged.
LEE: Oh.
Jesus.
CARL: So... my wife and I | were having trouble...
and I said I thought | maybe we were in a rut...
and that maybe | we should try something...
to liven things up, | and she said,"Like what?"
And I said like maybe we should | tape ourselves doing it.
And she was | completely shocked by this...
and she thought | it was beyond disgusting...
and that was that | for, like, four months.
And then one night, | out of the blue...
she says,"Let's do it. "
Ohh,
So, we get it all set up, and | I'm ready and she's ready,
and, uh, and she has gone out | and bought herself,
a little toy to use | in the video,
Really?
Well, it's not a little toy, | It's a... it's a huge,
Fucking, I mean, it was...
No one has a... you know, OK,
Well, anyway, I took one look | at this thing,
and I knew | I would not be able to...
I mean, it... I just couldn't... | I couldn't,
I couldn't,
So we haven't,
And, you know,
you can't come back | from something like that,
I don't know whether | she lost respect for me,
or I lost respect for myself, | but something was lost,
HEATHER: | What are you going to do?
CARL: I have no idea.
I mean, I know professionally, | I'm gonna go back to teaching.
I always loved teaching.
- Really? | - Yeah.
CARL: Never learned a thing in | my life, but I love teaching.
The legacy of higher education.
HEATHER: What about your wife?
CARL: Tsk. I...
will hope | that we get over this.
HEATHER: Hmm,
CARL: Aside from loving her, | I just really like her.
A lot.
But...
I guess she thinks...
everyone and everything | is against her.
Somehow I just think...
it keeps her from being happy.
Is that your wife?
- Hey! | - Hi,
HEATHER: I'm with Dr, Green,
CARL: | This is... Heather, this is Lee,
- Django, he was sick, | - Django ate the brownies,
- Yeah, | - He's OK,
- He's fine now, | - We put him to bed,
CARL: Are you OK?
Um, the,
they found Gus | in his hotel room,
He's... he's dead,
He's...
HEATHER: I should go.
CARL: OK, OK, Thank you, | Thank you, Thank you for that,
HEATHER: Yeah.
Hey, OK?
OK, OK,
He... he's dead,
Oh,
Oh, sweetie pie, OK,
Um,
Well,
If you ever left me, | I would die,
I would die, Please don't,
OK,
I just want this day to be over,
Mmm,
Yeah, Let it out,
OK,
- Happy birthday, | - Thanks,
CARL: Mmm,
LEE: Hi,
Did you have any | interesting dreams last night?
CARL: | Um, no, Back to normal,
LEE: Oh,
CARL: I had an afro,
LEE: Huh?
LEE: I really don't know | what you should do...
when you're in love | with someone.
I know that you're thinking | about them all the time.
You want to be with them | and see things with them.
I think it's impossible. | It's an ideal to just think...
that you can actually | be kind all the time...
and never be disappointed | in them or by them.
It's hard. I mean, it's like | the dream is short-lived.
CARL: You've got | to keep hoping that...
that there's more.
FRANCESCA: | You know, you always...
It's when | you least expect it...
that something | kind of pops up, literally.
He just was... | appeared, kind of...
Um, so...
And nice that it's somebody...
that I knew | a really long time ago.
And, clearly, you know, | paid attention to me...
before I was, you know, blond.
So, that makes it nice...
but I think | that it's just fate...
and it's kind of, um...
I don't know. And today, just | negative ions in the air...
bringing good fortune | and... and, yeah.
Yeah.
Sam Osborne.
CAL VIN: I think, | you know, with Lucy...
she's a good listener, | like I said...
but she's also, you know, | she's teaching me stuff.
She comes from a nice family. | Her parents are still together.
She got three-four | brothers and sisters...
and they're | a real close-knit family.
It's just the opposite | of where I had come from.
I don't know. Honestly, | I don't know what it is.
I mean, I gotta just kinda go | off my gut right now...
and just see what feels right.
And right now, | when I'm with Lucy...
man, it just feels right.
Catherine,
Nicholas,
You're here,
I am,
I wasn't sure,
Neither was I...
until now,
Mmm,
- Mmm, | - Mmm,
- Did you get that? | - The announcement? No,
- Where you going? | - Oh, Tucson,
Mmm! I'm going to Tucson,
- Oh, yeah? | - Yeah,
- You ever been? | - No,
It's supposed to be beautiful,
That's what I hear, | I've never been, either,
- I'll see you on the plane, | - All right,
- Oh, are you Russian? | - No,
No, you're supposed to say, | "Am I rushin' where?"
- That's funny, | - Thanks,
Hi, I'm sorry, | Is this seat taken?
No, no,
Ohh,
Sorry, | I hope this isn't a full flight,
- Yeah, I hope so, too, | - Sorry,
LINDA: | You know, I was ready to go.
I was at the airport, | and I met...
like, in the food court, | I met this guy, um...
and then he sat next to me | on the plane...
and we just hit it off.
His name's Arty, and we just...
He just made me laugh. | He's really funny and sweet...
and, um, sort of open.
We just talked the whole time, | the whole flight.
ARTY: | She laughed in a way...
that made me feel like | she saw me.
I blew off | meeting... meeting Ann...
but we ended up spending | the weekend together.
And she's terrific.
LINDA: It was amazing. | We just had an amazing time.
It was definitely...
It was like out of a movie.
" Do something real "
" Sidewalks chasing, | citizens racing "
" Do something real "
" Bloodhounds closing in | on opposing men "
" Do something real "
" Do something real "
" Crows like rats | like cats on vacation "
" Do something real "
" You've been scrapped, | I'm trapped at the station "
" Small claims courts, | community snorts "
" It's fine | when it's so concealed "
" Do something real "
" Extra special happiness "
" Defined | by an endless field "
" Of nothing real "
" Do something real "
" Crap stripe exits, | examiners expect it "
" Do something real "
" Plot of rockets, | holy ghost markets "
" Do something real "
" Small claims courts, | community snorts "
" It's fine | when it's so concealed "
" Extra special happiness "
" Defined | by an endless field "
" Of nothing real "
This is, like,
When we know | who the killer is,
I know, | The audience doesn't know yet,
But I know,
And this is where you see me | put the pieces together.