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Fury of the Fist and the Golden Fleece (2018)
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Farid Morocco My fellow Americans, thank you for sharing your time with me tonight. Tonight we're launching an effort which holds the promise of changing the course of human history. There will be risks and results take time. But I believe we can do it. [narrator] I heard about a man who carries his own coffin. He doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is. [playing "La Cucaracha"] [laughing] [music stops] [screaming] [farts] [yells] [music resumes] [moaning] You know why they call me Nino Grande? [women shrieking] Nino, are you ready for dinner? [laughing] -Drop 'em. -You gonna make me? [The Fist] No. But Dirty Harry will. Ay, chinga! I've been looking for the six-fingered man. What does that make you? I am Nino Grande! You bang my sister. Now! Prepare to die! [grunting] Nino Grande, always a foot short. Adios, muchacho. You just got Fisted. [women chattering] [women moaning] [spurting] This is a stick-up, mofos, put your hands in the air! We can either do this the easy way... Or my way. -I can do it both ways. -Give me everything you've got. Lollipops, chains, keys, jewels everything. I don't want your dirty ass cash, where's your bling-ass pimp? Spread out! I want this bitch platinum by morning! Put your weight on it. Fools! Everybody, bow your heads to Superfly. Your new god. Don't you all know who I am? -Who is that guy? -You don't know, that's, that's... That's the best kung-fu rapper on the planet. What you looking at, motherfucker, you ain't gonna do-- [screams] What the hell are you doing, Chinaman? [screaming] Now put some weight on it! You ain't nothing but a fake-ass Bruce Lee kung-fu fool! Hey, don't you la-la's know who I am? You better ask somebody! -Superfly motherfuckers! -That's right. Hey, somebody get this fake-ass pimp? [moaning continues] -Superfly motherfuckers! -That's right. Bow your heads! And girls, ladies, you with me now! Take his hat too. What's my name? -Superfly motherfuckers! -What's my name? -Superfly motherfuckers! -What's my name? -Superfly! -Remember... I'm Superfly! When you see me coming. Bow your heads! [narrator] New York City, 1984. Ain't nothing like the Disco-funk, free love of the '70s. Grown men are moving right on back home with mama. And everybody's on welfare. With the central planners in full genocidal effect, this whole city man, needs a hero, to fight back against the blight, the smack, the crack, the gangs, the boys in blue, the agents in suits. And all that trickle down Reaganomics bullshit! We find our heroes in the most unusual places. [alarm blaring] [grunts] Okay, man, okay. Goddamn, you like King Kong. Conyo, wake up, man. Come on you gotta do your job. Don't call me conyo, pendejo! You don't even speak Spanish! I speak everything, what you talking crazy for? -Dude you want me to call the IRS? -You mean the I-N-S. Whatever I send your ass back to Guantanamo. I'm from Mexico, cabron. What the fuck difference does it make where you're from, Hector? Did you want me to come, we start over again? This eye in the sky You know what I mean Vengeance is mine Yeah, you know how I feel Wipe the self The felt is the birthplace I see the G-O-D In some blackface Zeroes and heroes Fist knew about this Solid ages Flagrant, and they talk shit What has the world come to? What are you gonna do, Fist? Return to sender. Now you talking, baby! That I like. Keep it coming... Well, ain't this special. Okinawa Jackson was wondering when you homos was gonna show up. Sign says the shop opened 20 minutes ago. Okay, Jackson. Get a job, man. You know what I saying. I talking to you. Guapo, that's not funny. You know I got fired from Chuck E Cheese last week. Is that why you wearing your Mickey Mouse outfit? Guapo! You know I'm broke, man. Wanna buy me some Chuck's? -No, man. You know what I buy you? -What? I buy you some Soul Glo in your fro. Because it looks like you got pelicans in your head, man. Man, I can't afford a haircut, okay? Hell, I can't afford clippers, shoot! And my rent... It's too damn high! [man] You got meet for the week? You gotta order anything from the boss? [Willy] I got more beef than you can handle. [man] Okay. Order up. Yeah, give Okinawa some water. Okinawa, you know water costs money, right? Come on, man. I'm black. I'm hot. -What's that have to do with you wanting water? -I'm black, I'm hot. -So what? Again, so what? -Black people need water when it's hot. KGB! What's goin' on wit' ya? Hey? How about you hook me up with some of them Soviet bitches. -Them's the finest honeys ever. -Yes, good. Boss there, must sweep. Boss? Where? What are you talking about, crazy lady? Remember, boss is always watching. Listening. Video cameras, listening devices, everywhere! He likes to watch. -But you can't get away all day... -Like Soviet Russia. Shut up! On hay, down by the bay, all day, on hay, by the bay, when the kids come to play, but you can't get away all day, 'cause when the kids come to play, all day on hay, down by the bay, when the kids come to play, cause one way, or another, crime don't pay! You know what, you know what a hassa is? It's a pig that don't fly straight. You know that hassa hasn't paid me in two weeks. -He pay you, Willy? -Not a damn thing. No, he don't pay Willy either. What you doing, cuckoo bird? Hey, the loony bin is down that way. What you need? I just want you to know, we're being watched. They're everywhere. They're everywhere. They're everywhere. People are getting killed... And I'll have a bagel burger, fries and a Coke. Willy, let me get a bagel burger with fries, Coke and a Diet Coke for that loony guy. Hey, you don't want that burger. If I get you a good lawyer, we can sue the government for your crack addiction. You know that the CIA sells all the cocaine, right, all the crack? The Drug War's a fraud! It's a fake, it's a scam! And don't believe it! You know that CIA! CIA! Runs all the drugs in this country! On the planet! It's nonsense. They made it up so they could take all of our money. They made it so they can steal our tax money! Fucking thieves! I'll just have fries then. Just the fries. You know-- [shrieking] Ho, it's a stick-up. Okay? I don't want nobody to make any kind of fucking noise. I know you got some money in here. -Hey, give me your money. -I don't have anything. You don't have anything, how about you? There's something wrong with everybody in here, okay! Manolo, is that you? Manolo... Primo, what are you doing here, Guapo? What am I doing, I work at the Bagel Burger. What are you doing here, man? -You work here? -Yeah. Can I talk to you real quick. I'm going through some things, you know. And my food stamps, they don't really buy me anything, no Coke, nothing. So basically what I was trying to ask you is, if I can rob your restaurant? Ju know what, I don't see nothing. Ju know, I don't see anything, man. Guapo, I'm standing right here. -Manolo. -How come you don't see nothing? Manolo, I don't see nothing. But I am right here! Manolo, you're not listening, I don't see nothing, man, it's okay. You know, whatever, it's okay, I don't see nothing. Primo, I am right here! Manolo, listen to what I say. I don't see nothing. I can't see ju, ju know. No eyes on ju. I don't see ju. Oh! Oh! It's okay. Whoa. Let's get it on! Hey, man give me the watch. -Hey, hey, hey, okay. -Give me your watch. Listen up, motherfuckers! In 1462, Nostradamus predicted that a bad motherfucker would appear upon the land. The sun will refuse to shine, and a darkness would fall upon the land. Today is the day. Prepare thyself, the Superfly is here! What's up! My name is Superfly. Put the weight on it. We giving away free 8-tracks for the kids. But everybody will make a donation, or I will Suge Knight your ass, okay. Everybody. -Even your punk ass. -Yeah! My name is Superfly! Superfly! Everybody empty your pockets! Listen to the man. Yeah. Superfly, motherfuckers! [all yelling] What is this? Give me that purse! What the hell you think you doing? What are you talking about, man? This ain't your house no more. -This is my house. -This is my house, too. What? You need to go home, play some Nintendo, or do something. -Be nice, okay. -Hey, do you know who... Do you know I'm big-head... Hey, do y'all know big-heads, fools who I am? Don't you know who I am? Okay, just relax. Go home, play some Nintendo. What you gonna do? Exactly, that's what I thought. Hey, everybody, go bum rush this fool. Whoop this fool! You wanna do something, okay. [yelling] -Puto. -What you gonna do? [grunting] Ana Conda, go beat some ass. Okay. [laughing] [Superfly] You motherfuckers! Ana Conda, kick him again! Like your dad, yeah, that's what I'm talking about, fool. You know what, on second thought, I think I'm gonna come back, work on some things. Take it easy, you know, what you gotta be so grumpy for? You know, like, I didn't really mean... Okay, Primo, I see you later, man. That's what I'm talking about, Ana Conda, just like your pops. -Hey, ugly. -Hey, ugly! Hey, ugly. What the hell you say, fool? Little Barbie doll. What the hell you want? Do we have a problem, Mr. Barbie Doll? [chuckles] I probably banged your mama, you're probably my child. You're probably my little big-head baby. I probably banged your mama, too. Now get that. My name is Superfly! [grunting] Superfly is dead! Who the fuck is this? That's The Fist. The coolest porn star in the 1970's. The hair of his hair, in the wind of the air, blows through his luscious locks. But where's your cucumber? You know what happened in the '80s the AIDS came, bitch! Attack! [grunting] [exclaiming] [yelling] Get out of my kitchen, what are you doing in my kitchen? See what you got now? [yelling] Payback, sucker! Solid. Let's go. Come on! Ugh! Yeah! Get into me So, you're trying to tell OJ that that's The Fist. As in Enter The Fist? Fist of Bangarian. Fist or Be Fisted! Yeah, man. That guy, he was the number one porno star in all the universe, better than the Kardashian lady. Much better. Better looking, you know what I'm saying. Guapo, do I look gullible? What color is my skin? Come on. That's a silly question, man, ju black as night, like a panther, in the darkness. That's right! That means I don't believe the president. I do believe the judge. And I don't believe that no millionaire works at a bagel shops. I don't believe it. How can he work here? Ju know, once upon a time he used to be a normal guy like ju and me. -Normal? -Normal. Like ju and I. -Like me and ju. -Like us? Normal. Like he clocked in at nine o'clock and got off at five. Like ju and me. Like his check was only $150. -Like I and you. -Normal. Normal. Like this was guy just a normal guy like me and ju. -That's pretty damn normal. -He was normal, man. Normal, you know, like me and you. He's more normal than-- No, not more normal, just normal. Like you're normal. I normal. Me and you. You and I. We're normal. And he was normal normal? Or he was just normal. He was just normal. -So it's just one normal? -One day, yeah, normal guy. One normal? What you mean one normal, there's only one fucking normal, how much more normal can you get? Well you said normal like four times, I got a little confused. He was a normal guy. He was a fucking normal guy. Okay, well, he's normal, I get it, I think. -Just look at the fucking flashback. -Okay. [The Fist] Well I really had a great time with you Chastity. I'd like to take you out again sometime. -Yeah. Whatever. -Great, great! My, not on the lips! [laughing maniacally] Come, witch. Time to make a movie. Could you hold this for me. Yes, yes, one bitch, two bitches... three bitch, four bitch. What, you've never seen a real pimp before? Money makes the world go round, but bitches make the money! Limp dick. Let's go, bitches. Let's go make some money. [laughing maniacally] [screaming] [El Guapo] He couldn't even get action from an action figure, this guy. That's when he found the fleece. [Okinawa] Flees? The Fist got flees? [El Guapo] No man, fleece. Fleece. [Okinawa] Don't know what you're saying. Fees or flees? [El Guapo] Fleece, man. Okay? Fleece, like the golden fleece. A fucking jacket. You know what I'm saying. Like you wear a fucking jacket, a fleece. Sometimes, a man can't take it anymore. Then the man's got to stand up and say, get out of my way, my time has come. And I'm coming with it. [grunts] So that's, you know, that's when The Fist started doing shit, you know, slaying bitches left and right. Then he lost his mojo, man, he lost the fleece. -What? He lost the fleece? -He lost the fleece. Damn, who stole it? Nobody knows why or how or who. But he lost his mojo, like, you know, and I said, "Fist, I wanna see ju bang!" I like to watch him bang, ju know. He said, "No, I don't want to bang these whores no more because they're whores, you know." Horse like in Seabiscuit? No, man, whores. Like the horses that run around the track, horses? What the fuck ju talking, whores, man! Horse like Mr. Ed horse? No, man, whores like putas, like whores putas. Ju know what I'm saying? -Oh, you mean whores! -Whores! Man. Whores! That accent, man. Whores! Like listen to me, ju get one guy to bang twelve women in one night, this is torture. But if you get one womans to bang twelve mens in one night, that's puro. Now ju talking my language, all night she do that shit. The Fist, he stopped the porn, and he say to me, "I want to find the one." The one what? The Golden fleece? The one. He said the one. [grunts] Watch where you're going. -What's your name, kid? -I'm not a kid! Chewbaca! [yells] Yeah, get this! Europeans lying in the Baltic Freedom be done Yeah, you trot this Dumb down the culture... [oriental flute] Whoo. Whoo. [grunting] But Master Duck Suck Song, I've been studying here for 10 years and I still don't even know how to defend myself. Like two mirrors facing each other, great truths are secret even unto themselves. And to you. But Sifu, I thought I was learning the secret art of Mu Shu. On the good foot! Come on. Padawan, there is no Mu Shu style. [gasps] Sifu. This may look like a traditional Panther Fu dojo, but I am running a political intelligence operation against the United States government. We're starting a rebellion against the evil aliens that run this world. -[gasps] -But for that, I need martial artists who can think. Sun Tzu says, thinking is a revolutionary act. If you have an idea, kill it. If it comes back, aim for the head. If it does not die, deploy it against your enemies. Oh, Master. Is that the secret of all martial arts? Hear me now, understand me later. Hey, Jackson, welcome to the Duck Suck Song dojo. You know, you can sign up with my wife and then come back with your black leather gloves. Solid! OJ's gonna go get that look. Just you wait and see, suckas. [Okinawa screams] [shouting] Thunderfoot! Lighting Leg! [shouting] -Offense. -Defense. Special Teams. [both] Oh! [Thunderfoot] It's good. Ugh. You're in some big trouble, boys. We like big trouble here in Chinatown. Yeah? Well, you put away our tax collector. What ju talking about taxes, man? We don't pay no stinking taxes. What do we look like, baggage handlers? You torched Superfly's ass. You wiped away his street cred. You tied up our income for a day. Thunderfoot is gonna kick your thunder ass back to that candy-land you came from. And Lighting Leg is gonna wipe your ass back to the past, McFly. Ju know what a hassa is, Frank? It's a pig that don't fly straight. You already said that line. These suckers are intense, man. More like past tense. [growls] [grunting] [serene music playing] You'll be paying my taxes by the end of the year, Mr. Duck Sucks! Oh, you'll take it out of your ass. -Thunderstruck! -Whooping Crane! Super Mario Brothers! [laughing] [groaning in slow motion] Leprechaun style wins. [birds chirping] [both groan] Who sent you? [out of breath] You're making a mistake. [panting] Big mistake. Mistake's the first word my mama said to me. Now who sent you! [hip hop playing] [Paco] Hey, Willy. You don't got a TV at home? Even my family in Mexico got a TV. And I bet it took all 15 of your brothers and sisters to pay for it, too, Nacho. You see this? They might as well call it toilet paper. It ain't money. It's a Fed note. And it says, "I owe you"! So you stick it! Garbage! [screaming and laughing] This is my living room here! I'm living here, people! [hip hop playing] Oh, yeah. [laughs] -Yeah. -Whoo. [Johnny Fang] Here we go, baby. Looks like a dead end, baby. We got you dead to rights. The only way you're walking out of here is with the walking dead. Yeah. Aw, you must be tired. Let me guess, I've been running through your head all day. How'd you know that? So where's Superfly to save your skinny ass? I don't need no Superfly to save my ass from you, Ponyboy. [all] Ohh! Okay, whoa! Here's the deal! You can join our gang, and serve me -on both knees. -[all laughing] Oh, on your broken knees? Whoa. Whoo. What? What did she say? You look like the Boys of Summer. Too bad summer's over. Keep walking... if you want to keep that look, pretty boy. You know something funny? I used to fuck guys like you in prison. [laughs] What were you in the slammer for? Playing my guitar too loud! [grunting] [grunts] Better call the dentist. [whimpering] [The Fist] Drop 'em. [groans] Where you going, runaway? Looks like you're cruisin' for a bruisin'. I'm looking for a She-Ra to my He-Man. I'm pretty sure She-Ra was his sister and He-Man is gay. Don't talk about He-Man like that. Listen, you, I'm a witch from hell, and you better not forget it, creep. I come from hell. So when you go back, tell Nicky, como estas? [El Guapo] Hey, Fist, come on, man, what you doing? Let's go. He's trying to bang something. Watch it, don't step on his teeth. [narrator] When the wanna-be gangster Superfly got wasted, his two crazy-ass white boy bosses disrespected the Duck Suck Song dojo looking to collect. After handing them back their asses, Fist and friends are on a retaliation train headed for the next boss in line. 'Cause you know what, we all got one. Someone's gotta pay. Someone always pays. [Willy] Service in this place is terrible. Who picked this joint? So what's your name, kid? Ana. Ana Conda. I always wanted to hunt an anaconda. See what it feels like to get swallowed. I'd rather kill myself. Where you from? Wrong side of the tracks. That why you got caught up with Superfly, trying to get even with the game? He promised me a record deal. You sing the blues? No, I'm always happy! [laughs] What's the 411? Aren't you, like, some sort of has-been porn star? Why do you even work at a bagel shop? I don't work at a bagel shop. I'm waiting for the night train. Night train to what? [The Fist] To get my groove back. I think you might need some silverware or something. [Willy] A fork, I need a fork. [Willy's date] That's it. Waiter, bring me a fork. Chica, why you dating this monkey? Monkey? [laughs] Oh, I always wanted a monkey as a pet. -[Willy's date laughs] -What? Did you know that I'm Willy's date? Listen to me, ju can pet my monkey anytime. -Oh, I can pet it? -Anytime. Wow. [giggles] Are you really El Guapo? And is he really The Fist? [laughs] Do you wanna know why they call him The Fist? I've always wondered. Because he puts it all the way in. Wow. That's crazy. [giggles] I think Thunderfoot was right. Chinese Boss is here. It smells like acrylic and gold nail polish. [Willy] You know why gold is so expensive? 'Cause a dollar in gold is always worth a dollar in gold! [high-pitch voice] Sir. You make too much noise. It's no good for business. Well, excuse me, Ching-chong-chung. Last I heard this is a free country. All except for the Federal Reserve which has enslaved the people since like 1917 when Paul Warburg pulled this bullshit out on Jekyll Island and enslaved the United States citizenry. All the people in America are slaves. And now we don't even know what a dollar is, it's just a worthless piece of paper with shit ink on it, and you can't even buy a chopstick which, which will poke your eye out because tuna's cud, watching the world go by, while the Chinese come in here and rape and pillage. They're planning on raping for the next thousand years. It's like this whole national debt thing, there's no such thing as a national debt. It's a fraud. It's a bunch of nonsense because it's worth nothing. And this is worth as much as a fucking dollar! There's just completely worthless shit. And we can do anything we want! You understand? We are the United States of America. We are the greatest nation in the world! And you are a bunch of Chinese-eating Long Duk Dong, plum sauce. You got these fake ducks, rubber ducks, their fake dildos, get these commies out of here! Next thing you know, we'll have these commies selling their stuff all over our biggest stores in our country, enslaving the hard-working man! OJ wants some Chinese spare ribs, Jack. -Chinese ribs? -Yeah. I like 'em charred. [shouting] No ribs! You go now. Now, go! No. I stay. You go! Take a seat. [all grunting] [dance music playing] [grunting] This is the worst date ever. [screams] [inaudible arguing] [cracking] [shouting] The fuck are you doing, boy? Jew Fu! Jew what? [The Fist] Ju on this. Boss. [grunts] Yeah. [grunting] Yeah! Everybody, take it easy. I'll take it anyway I can get it. Wait. Ju the Chinese Boss? That's the last time you call me a Jew. I'm Armenian! Ju da boss at the bagel shop, too, that's what I'm saying. -Ju the boss... -Yeah, I saw, too. He runs both operations. He's the Armenian mob's connection to the Chinese mafia. -Okay. Okay. -What did you expect? Charlie Chan? Somebody's gotta pay for the damage you did. Listen up, Boss, you got problems with me, you can take it to the shop, the chop shop. Well, here's the deal. Your Scooby Gang is not gonna interfere with my street racket anymore. Don't get upset, honey. You want a chair? I got one right here that can fly. And it's powered by a can of whoop ass. I'm the boss! What do you think you're doing? [screams] [narrator] Whoo, you know, sometimes, man, that spicy kung fu chicken can give you hot wings to crush your boss like a Coke can. But even a boss is just a dealer in this game. So Fist and his friends gotta look further down the supply chain if they're gonna find the real gangsters in this town. For real. You know what I mean? Hey, man, what you doing back there, be careful. This is the boss' car. Oh man, shut up, jack. Okinawa says that Fist should've banged Willy's date! Man, this guy hasn't banged anything since the '70s. Look at him. Ju know what, Okinawa, that's why ju gotta keep your balls sharp. Okay, oh, look at this one! Hey, little lady! Ju wanna ride my love machine? [honking] Okay. I got your machine, man. What's up, man. Are you a cop? Are you a narc? What you doing man? What do you mean what am I doing here, man? You know I was coming. I was supposed to be here, man. Hey, guess what? Chinese restaurant closed. Which way to Brooklyn? Hey, man, Okinawa think this man is fruity pebbles. I am Hong Kong 8. We the 8, the Hong Kong 8. I'm on a rendezvous with my group, the 55 Brooklyn Crew, you understand? I don't know what you're talking about, but Brooklyn's back that way. You will. I believe in The Fist. You understand what I'm saying? I know you, man. I want the tiger's eye. I will trade you the fleece for it. Did he say gold fleece? That's what I said, man. Man, what are you two turkeys jiving at? Argonaut's got it, 'cause war's coming. What war? We don't got no tiger's eye. I don't know what you're saying, man. You will. And you know why? Because I believe in The Fist. The 55th Infantry, Brooklyn, got your back. Hong Kong 8. Hong Kong 8. We got your back. [Okinawa] Man, that dude is crazy. He holding up traffic for us. He's not crazy. He'll be back. So, uh, we're going to Brooklyn? No, man, what you talking crazy? The Chinese boss says he works for The Albanian. Which means we gotta find The Albanian. What Chinese boss? The ol' Jewish crippled guy. And who's Albanian? Ugh. If I knew that, chico, I wouldn't be black. [Willy] Albanian? I know that scumbag. He puts all the creases on the comic books. Messes the whole things up! I hate the guy! Willy, what, I thought your ass was dead as an ass. Must've been somebody that looked like me. I had to take my girlfriend home. Rule number one, a man don't die till he pays the reaper. Someone's always gotta pay. Just drive. I gotta catch the red eye. [The Albanian] The spider web is almost like you're a spider. Nice shirt. Beach boys, man. You know what? I just remembered. What was your name again? Sugar. Sugar. -I love the sugar. -Oh, yeah? May I? May I? [both] Oh. [Sugar] Oh, my. I love the sugar. [both] Oh. We do this with the leg, like this. In my country this is called Kun-un-a. Oh, what? Makes no sense. -But just do it. -[Sugar moaning] We go like this. [both grunting] One more time. [The Albanian] Oh. Okay. We get 'em drunk, put 'em in the trunk. That is my motto. Where do you think you're going? Uh, uh... Into the trunk. I'll show you the way. Uh, what, what, what the... What, what is, what are you talking about? [Willy clears throat] No one knows. Ju know what, this guy, this guy is not Albanian, man. He sounds like he's Italian or Greek. Ju know what I talking about? Olive oil countries. -Ju know what I'm saying. -Yeah. First time I laid eyes on this lying cock-eyed Commie, I knew he's a fraud! You steal everything, don't ya? You've stolen every comic book in the building here! -No, there's... -And you put a crease in Amazing 15! Amazing 15, you broke the crease! That was not me. That was me, but not. It was the women. They like to sit on the comic books. Sorry. But I'll get you 15. Rule number two, don't ask, don't tell. Ring the bell. Ring the bell, chico. The boss, he says ju gave him your meat. My meat? Ju gave him your meat. Did, gave. I gave-- That cheap, fraudulent SPAM! Estrogen-filled, mercury-laden garbage! [Willy] My cat, he ate some of that shit, and everybody's growing tits now! Look at my tits. I wear a C-cup bra! My cat got stuck in the dryer, he went around and around. Meow, meow, meow, meow. Come out, and he puffed up like that. He can't even walk anymore. His name was Leon, he answers to Noel! -I feel so sorry for you-- -My cat! I don't like having tits! I'm, I'm, I'm very sorry, but blame it on the FDA. Not on me. They had me do tofu and call it beef. I mean, they pump estrogen in the meat, and they pump it and they pump it and they pump it, and they do that all the time and then the men come out and have pretty little titties and look like princesses. But that is not me fault. Not my fault, is it? What? -You got a nice smile. -You're very scary. I'm not... I'm not part of that tree. If you know what I mean. -Uh... -Wanna be? But look, look, then in the forest, the estrogen, it make beautiful pussy. With growing the pussy. [stammering] FDA approved. You got a little pussy growing on your chest, pretty boy. [El Guapo] Now ju talking my language. Who sent you? Pretty boy? [The Fist] Who sent you? What are you talking about? You came in here. What's this guy on? He's about to be on ju, gringo. -[The Fist] Who sent you? -[gurgling] [breathing heavily] What my furry friend is trying to say is, who do ju work for? Why didn't you say so in the first place? [gurgling] Ju better hurry up, he's getting bigger and greener. And harder. We all work for the same people. The witches. You know, the beautiful witches, with the curvy asses and the long legs and the juicy, juicy, juicy pussies. Which witch? Why did you dunk me again? Huh? -It slipped. -[gasping] They're the beautiful ones. The beautiful witches. -The nasty witches. -Oh, those witches. Aren't they nice. No, not those witches. The fucking hot ones with the green pussies. Look, I'm just a shmoe that has meat. That is it. No. You're empty and I'm about to fill you up. Please don't rape me. You got a nice smile, boy. [bell ringing] Hey, man, check out the snow man. I don't like snow man, I like Santa Claus. Oh, shit. Agents. Government agents. OJ's about to be DBM, dead black man. OJ, hide my yayo, man. Go, go, go. The Fist. Let The Albanian go. His ass belongs to the FDA. You can have his ass. I want his face. Why don't we step outside? Hmm. You can step outside in a body bag. You got a nice smile. You're being watched. They're everywhere. It's all connected. They're in your brain. The fuck is wrong with this guy? [hip hop playing] Pause. I get it. Chains. Chains. They're still here, okay? Brothers wearing gold chains. The chains that came from slavery. The chains that held us down. It's gonna change. Gonna lead to riots. Okinawa, unpause. Dig it, change. And change gon' come. As a matter of fact, gonna be a black president one day. -I know-- Yes, it is. -Black president? It's gonna be a heck of a future. He's gonna start out looking like Carl Lewis. He's gonna end up looking like Benson. Mmm. The future's looking bleak. They're gonna have security guards at Popeyes with guns around niggas with chicken! The Fist. Sign of power. -Sign of power. -Sign of unity, -love, brotherhood. -Brotherhood. I mean, the Beatles and Woodstock and all that stuff don't mean nothin' to what this brings to the world. We'll put it in the air. Retract it. All right, pause back to you, Okinawa. Bitch, get in the car! And the rent's still too damn high. [engine starting] Hope and change! The Fist. You've been evicted. [upbeat music playing] [grunting] Dead or alive, you're coming with me. Man, these some super-agents. [all grunting] You reptilian-radiated scum! They feed you green sewer water and they give you lead paint and then they send you out like RoboCops to beat up your own people. I got news for ya. I'm one man, but I come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass, and I'm all out of bubble gum! I'll be back. Okay, uh, now I think we're wanted by the government, you jacks. [The Fist] I should be wanted in at least 50 states. Your baby-sitters got sent home, big time. Hey, there. I've been waiting for you. [The Albanian exhales] I give up. I want you inside me. [inhales] They tried to get me to talk about the Superboss who sells protein to my cattle. But you are like a light that I see in the dark, and I grasp for it, and I keep grasping for it, and it pulls me in, and it pulls me in. And Fist, this is for men. Men. Man to man. You are the greatest porn star the world has ever seen. And I wish every man could be like you. If looks could kill. Yes. I'm just gonna watch. [funky music playing] Fist. That you or a clone? [The Fist] Straight out of a comic book. Hey, man, look. We got evicted from our apartment. Su mi casa es su casa. I love you, man. Dude, you got some food here or something for us? [Willy] No, my refrigerator broke so I threw it out the window. Oh, man, you don't got anything organic, vegetarian, something like pussy, or vegetarian pussy, or cheapos, goat testicles? Ah, I got some bull balls. [knock at door] -That's protein. You want some? -Blue balls. [Willy] Who the hell are you? I had dinner with you last night, retard. Hi, Fist. I'm sorry I ran out on you. I brought you a doggybag. I promise in future I won't be bad. [bell clanging] What, did your mother slap some sense into you? I bet you don't even have a mother. True story. Make sure that when you take bites, they're big. Hey, okay, little lady. We gotta go now because we got a mega fight with the Superboss at the car wash. Right, Fist? So you gotta go, little one. Okay? I'm not the little one. You're the little one for hiding behind The Fist. Hey! I'm a political refugee from Cuba, okay. And I want my human right like the President Jimmy Carter says. Now you go. Peace be upon you. We gotta fight evil-doers. He has to get some rest. -Just wait here. -Here? Here, look. You see here, man. Here, there, this, that. [chomping] [pleasant music playing] [The Fist] Good morning, world! [gasping] Good morning, Guapo nino. What a glorious day! What's the matter with this guy. This guy's acting like he banged the Victoria Secret birds, man. Hey, he's got a nice smile. Fist, you shave or something, man? The razor broke before I could shave my chest. Guy's going a little cuckoo. Yeah, but he's got a nice smile. Aye dios mio, first he's shaving, then he play with doll, the next thing you know he's gonna take it up his culo. Hey, he's got a nice smile. [hip hop playing] [screams] [shrieking] Welcome to the Super Car Wash, where everything we do is super! Thank you. Clean and wax please. No problemo. Clean and wax. Thank you. Thank you. No, thank you. You have a good one, sir. Thank you. Gracias. No. Thank you. Hey, what's up, you guys? What can we do for you today? Hi, guys. Welcome to the Super Car Wash, -where we do everything super. -Super. Because you're first time customers, to join our super-savings program. You're gonna save a lot. Well, we got a discount for ju. Why don't ju tell us where you're boss is. Okay, chica? Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. But you know what, I think I detect a Soviet accent? Oh, my gosh, that's the first time a Russian has been in our store. What the fuck is going on, are we in some Candyland or something, man? Chica, why don't ju just show us where your boss is, okay? We wanna talk to him. That's it, okay. Oh, you want to talk to our Supervisor. Supervisor! Here comes the Supervisor. Who called the Supervisor? Nice nunchucks, soul glow. -You smacked my ass! -How can I help you ladies? [whooping] Oh! What the... The Albanian told us about your car wash. More like a money wash where you launder Fed Notes from making sales of garbage meat, garbage meat to the hard-working American man. I got your meat in my pants. You got nothing! Sleep, sleep, little boy. Okay. -What's your name, man? -Name? What's your name? What's your name? -I asked you first. -I asked you second. I like to know a man's name before I put it on his grave. [grunts] Welcome to the Super Car Wash. [El Guapo] Hey, Fist, ju gonna do something or stand there looking like Pippi Longstocking? This guy is smacking our ass, man. Do something. I hope everyone is having a beautiful day. Are my friends too much of a nuisance for you? No, no problem, no problem, Fist. Now Superboss, he wants to see your fist, Fist. Not as much as I want to see him. Not as much as I want to see your fist. -Thank you. -Let me show you something. [smacking] -Thank you. -Yes, thank you. [Supervisor] Have a nice day. I've been up all night for this. How ya doing? Welcome to the Super Car Wash, where we do everything super great. How are you finding our service? Feel free to take a survey... Fantastic. I'm sorry if my Supervisor was a little rough with your friends. Not good. They were probably asking for it. What my little friend is trying to say is, we heard a rumor that you're selling meat pumped full of estrogen to emasculate men. [laughing] [laughing maniacally] I know, right! Soylent Beef is the wave of the future. Soylent Green is the number one seller in the world. Okay, boopie. Thank you. Out, out. [breathing heavily] I'm talking 50% reduction in male testosterone. 50% reduction in male testosterone. 50%! Are you hearing me? Soon, man and woman will become interchangeable, like lady-boy bok choy. Lady-boy bok choy! I know your game! I know your game! But I tell you what, I've been taking this organic testosterone booster for years now, and I'm ready, you understand what I'm saying, Mean Gene? I'm ready to fight your reptilian army! And I'm gonna squish you like a bug. You're like a buffalo, man. Just relax. [pleasant music playing] Hi, welcome. Would you like a discount to our super saver plan? I don't do discounts. Ah! Senorita, you sure you don't want a discount? Ah! [moaning] [Superboss] I can't let you go off and warn these half-men about my operation. We need them slaving away for the rest of their days. Give it 30 years. We'll be feeding them genetically modified food, and these idiots will be eating it up. Slaves! They keep the economy going in the hopes of one day finding a man-eating, ball busting, credit-swiping witch for a wife. Witch? Boy! I told you not to call women witches. Mom! I'm right in the middle of a final showdown here. Have some respect, Marian... -Marian? -Marian? That's a sissy-ass name, man. You like a lady! -Shut up! -Marian. Just shut up! You die right now. [laughing] Who's this? Hey, big boy. Take me. -Hey. -I'm yours. Okay. Give it to me, daddy. Give it to me. Mom! Mom! Mom! Mother! Look, I love you, but will please just leave. This is still my car wash. Mine. Okay, but remember he's mine. Sure. Fine. Fine. Let's go. Okay, cut, cut, this is not right. What did you do to The Fist! I did. I put enough estrogen in those camel-filled sweaty hairy balls to grow you another tit. What does Fist need a third tittie for? I told you, and I warned you that I'm a witch from hell, and you didn't believe me! Ju know what your problem is, pussycat? Ju got nothing to do. Ju need a passion in life. And a Quaalude. That's why I'd take made in China over American crap any day. Don't make too much noise, boys, I'm putting mama to bed, you know when you blow their brains out. [singing in foreign language] So this survey says you're dead. In this world, there's right, and there's wrong. And you. You're wrong. Dead wrong. Got anything else to declare? [The Fist] You're damaged goods. [shrieking] Have no fear, KGB is here! [grunting] [yelping] [yelling] Gimme some of that DDT! I'm ready! I need to resent the reptilians. [upbeat music playing] [dramatic music playing] [slow motion groaning] [coughing] [gagging] Have a super day. [laughing] You got a nice smile. And you do, too. Who's next! [laughing] You know, I don't have to do this today. I can come back tomorrow. Just tell me, is it still screwed on? I'm out of lines. Ha, ha! Not so tough now, huh! [narrator] Now don't go scratching your heads and shaking dandruff all over the person next to you. Fist might look tough as Swayze, but that Soylent Green GMO estrogen he got slipped would have you feeling like Tinker Bell, too. It's time for Fist to find that tiger's eye he lost with his gold fleece jacket. [grunts] Where has my gold gone? Forged in the hearts of men, grown drunk on the spoils of war. [Drunk Santa] Shut that shit up. How we doing? Was it something, I was off-key or something? Hey, listen up everybody. When the dragon sings, everybody listen. [The Fist] Dragon? Dragons are meant to be wise. Tell me, where is my gold fleece? Dragon mist. Ain't you The Fist? [sighs] Used to be. When the world's on your shoulders, there's only one way down. I lost it all. My home. My job. My manhood. When you lose something, there's only one thing to do, retrace your steps. [shrieking] [Duck Suck Song] We are faced with a simple complex formula, people. The tide in the affairs of men have become a flood in a bucket of tears. It is time for us to build our castles in the air. Fist, you have been looking for the one for many moons. But you will never reach your potential until you can forget what you cannot remember. There has been and always was only one. He who cries in the dojo, laughs on the battlefield. The heartbeat of a man is what powers the earth. Listen for it. But do not dwell on it, for like a thief, if you let him in, he will steal the night. Body, mind, soul must be one. Come on, punch me. Punch me. Kick me. Kick me. [El Guapo] Get him, Fist. Again. Again, come on. [grunting] Everyone gets knocked down. Just make sure to punish the ground so it knows to hold you up next time. Man, this Chinese bullshit don't work, Jack. Fist, don't worry. I got something to jack you up, man. A little steroids, a little cocaine. I got a guy in Colombia. Sosa. Class A shit. Man, this is the '80s. You can just go downtown, baby. Now ju talking, Jackson. The temple is the body. If you burn it down, you cannot honor the gods. Honor the gods! It's okay, Fist. I'll be back, man. We'll come back, come on. We're being watched. They're everywhere. People will die. Hong Kong 8 is a dock. OJ remembers. Hong Kong 8, crazy man in the streets, heading for war in Brooklyn. And that means, the war is here. The war is here. Okay. Ju wanna go to war, we take you to war! So, we going to war, huh? [heavy metal music playing] [screaming] It is not my time. You have to defeat me, if you want to take me. I have not come here to fight you this time. But to warn you. You must fight next to The Fist. The Fist has lost his way. His heart is broken. There are many different ways to the mountain's top. What matters is that he gets there. He doesn't need me. You must fight with him. The fate of man depends on your victory. Honor the Gods! [grunting] [Duck Suck Song] Guapo, enter the warehouse. Okinawa will parachute in from his castle in the sky. Here, take this beret. You have been knighted a black cat in Panther Fu. Watch Fist's back. Let's put these witches in their places on their backs, suckas. Oh, it's a dock party! [El Guapo] Let me get in there. [Okinawa] Oh, no, I want some Action Jackson. [El Guapo] You want some style, flash, pizzazz. Hey, ju want some ice cream with me, baby? -Okay, since you like it better. -Ooh, okay, you can take it. Ju wanna have some ice cream with me? Is that what you want? This is why I do not have children. Master. Will you fight with us? Hell no! I got a political action committee to run. Money doesn't exactly raise itself. That's all right, I got this. When the dragon flies, everybody looks up. What are we looking at? I don't know. [hip hop playing] Hold on, blood. Who the hell invited you? I do not need an invitation. What the heck is that, some kind of Jedi mind trick? No. It's called waving good-bye. [dance music playing] [roaring] It's The Fist! [all yelling] [Captain] You know you have to ask the Captain's permission in order to come aboard his boat? You're not Captain Crunch, -and this ain't a ship! -I'm Captain Stabbin'! He killed the Captain! You think you're tough? Well, I'm mad as hell, and you're about to get roughed! [all yelling] [shrieking] Your cucumber is mine. [yelling] [all yelling] [choir singing] Just a bunch of dead bodies. Excuse me, oh strange one. You may look, but you may not touch. Oh, shiny head, I can touch, but you can't look. I'm the Supervisor. I say we go outside, and I teach you how to touch. Sounds like a party I'd like to be invited to. Are we gonna go out and fight, I mean, uh... Oh, absolutely, after you. [all yelling] [sniffing] Fist, que pasa, man? Where you at? You see the girl with the feathers? Fist? Where you at, man? Conyo? [yelling] What you looking at, huh? What you looking at, huh? I'm El Guapo. You fucking with me, you fucking with the best! Who put this thing together, huh? Me, that's who! [yelling] Check it out. You guys see that shit? [yelling] Okay. You kill my partner, I kill you! [gun firing] [screaming] [gun firing] [screaming continues] [gun firing] [gun firing] [firing multiple gunshots] [screaming] [growling] [screaming] [screaming continues] [gunshots continue] [all yelling] Pass the Courvoisier, I came to bleed. You must pass my ninja clan first! [growling] Let's bang. The Ancient Greeks fought naked. I'll fight naked. [dance music playing] [groaning] Pop-blocking boxer style! Drunken Master style! Dolphin style! Gorilla Style! Padawan Master style. [all yelling] Nunchuck style. Fist this, Mr. Fist Man. Godzilla style! [grunting] I hope you brought your boarding pass. 'Cause you're about to fly. Midget style! [yelling] Now that's what I call a skull fuck. [women moaning] It's time for the payback, Jack. Halt. The Fist. The people upstairs know all about you. You're going away for a long time. The Federal Reserve has never been audited. The Illuminati run everything. You're under arrest. And you're under my friend. [yelling] How come Okinawa didn't get an invitation to this dance, you jive sucka! -Solid. -Solid. Let's see what you got. [both yelling] Step up to the fucking big boy plate. Ice cold! I hope you got more. Cross it, bitch. Bring it over here. [whooping] I got your woo in my pants. [grunting] Playing your game now, boy. [both grunting] [yelling] [cracks] [whooping] What are you doing? Super agent, huh. Fuck that shit. I told you I'd be back. Damn it, they live! Right. [both grunting] Give me more, give me more. I wanna eat a reptile. Come on, reptile boy. Let's see about that. Give me some skin. [yelling] This is for Hot Rod making snakeskin sandals in Heaven, you reptile piece of shit. Goodnight, Irene. Consider that my tax return. Oh yeah, you got a nice smile. And I don't want to hear from the G's anymore, you stupid jive turkeys! So we meet again, buddy. It must be a re-run on your face. [dramatic music playing] [mumbling] Show me what you got. [wheezing] [laughing] [growling] [laughing continues] You're not so big anymore. You're not so big anymore. You're not so big anymore! ["Bring Us A Warrior" playing] [laughing] And you can take your Soylent Dream with it. The Fist in the palm of my hand. [laughing] [groaning] Service with a smile. [grunts] It's hammer time. [screaming] [sobbing] How about a Coke with that smile. It's the porn chicas. [women moaning] Welcome, El Guapo. [all] El Guapo, come join us, let's play. We are also known as the Women's International Terrorist Conspiracy... From hell. Do you think The Fist would refuse to do us? All of us? Yeah, Guapo. Will you leave us unpleased? Sometimes a man has to do what a man has to do. And a woman's pleasure is a man's pain. [groans] Say hello to my little friend. [all moaning] Okay, you wanna play, huh? First you get the money, then you get the power, [both yelling] then you get the women. Okay, I'm reloaded. Come on, what you got for me, huh? What did I tell you about talking to other witches! Oh, you got kicks. Okay, you wanna see some of my kicks? Look at the birdie. [El Guapo] How you like that? How you like that, huh? [both grunting] Okay, okay, come on. Oh, ju okay? I sorry. [sobbing] I sorry. I sorry, little lady, I didn't mean to do that to you. [yelling] Chastity. [narrator] All right, motherfuckers, I know what you're thinking. The Superboss is working for the goddamn witches. You're damn straight. No matter how big a man may be, there's always a woman behind him ready to crack that whip with her hypnotic sex magic, unless your name is The Fist and you're packing a 50 caliber cucumber filled with consciousness named Dirty Harry. I should've known it was you. He's ours now. Let him go, snake eyes. [El Guapo] Come on, what you gonna do? [hissing] Master Duck Suck Song was right. We won. Always have. Always will. Listen up, witches. I didn't come to change the world. But the world's gonna change for me. Or get out of my way! 'Cause you can hate me or you can love me. But tonight, I'm gonna make you scream God's name. [yells] [all moaning] Enter the fist, witch. [moaning continues] [screaming] Fist, Fist, Fist, Fist, Fist, Fist... Can you feel how hard I am! I guess Fist got his groove back. [moaning] You got my tiger's eye? You got something what I'm looking for, man? I got what you looking for, man. Who sent you? Who sent me? Sun Tzu sent me! Man, rewind, man. Sun Tzu sent my ass. [imitating flute] Man, wars are fought and won, man, but you know what, the battle stays the same. You know what I'm talking about, man? Because of the fact you found the tiger's eye. You found the tiger's eye, so I'm gonna hook a brother up. [Argonaut] You found the tiger's eye. [trumpets] -Who sent you? -Who sent you? No, who sent you? No, who sent you? You came into my movie. Fist, I just arrived from the Planet Mongo on my rocket cycle. What were you doing on Mongo? Kicking Ming's butt. I gotta tell you something. I stole your golden fleece. Why did you take it? I needed it to become the savior of the universe. You can keep it. It's '70s style. I'm an '80s man. I gotta get back to work. Fist, is it okay if I watch, man? -Is that real gold? -Oh, yeah. Awesome, man. [moaning] You got a nice smile. You got a nice mustache. Watch what I do with it, baby. [gunshots] ...Montezuma To the shores of Tripoli We will fight our country's battle On the land and on the sea I am proud to have the title of United States Marine Yes, that's right. No, Charlie don't surf. Huh? No, no, no, no! [laughing maniacally] I love the smell of napalm in the morning. I want some, too! Show me The Fist! [moaning] [The Fist] Where's Superfly when you need him? [laughing maniacally] One bitch. Two bitch! Three bitch! Four bitch. [laughing maniacally] Who invited Count Chocula to the party? I am not Count Chocula. I am Blacula. [laughs boisterously] Do I think all limp dicks look alike? I'm gonna make big bucks from this movie. [laughing maniacally] Any last words? [all yell] Leave me, bitches! [laughing maniacally] Any last words? Yeah, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Heaven has no fury like The Fist. I ain't got nothing left to say, man. Let's do the monster smash. [glass breaking] ["Bring Us A Warrior" playing] Galactic Fist. You're not going to win, Fist I'm going to win. You can never beat me! Heroes don't exist anymore! Fist the fist! Get him. Get him. Bleed them. Get them all! Get the black one first. [yelling] Oh, robots can't stop me. Okay? Whoo! [yelling] Feel my wrath, Fist. How does that feel? [whooping] Are you ready for the red eye? [laughing] Galactic Fist. Farid Morocco Bring us a warrior Bring us a champion Someone to fight hard Be light in the dark Bring us a warrior Bring us a champion And we won't back down Bring us a warrior Bring us a warrior We won't back down Bring us a warrior This eye in the sky You know what I mean Vengeance is mine Yeah, you know how I feel Wipe the self The felt is the birthplace I see the G-O-D In some blackface Zeroes and heroes Fist knew about this Solid ages Flagrant, and they talk shit Palo Alto licked And I'm about this May you rest in peace Or more selective Soul rissoles Can't taste this dog shit Speak to the G Yeah, he's The Fist Yeah, VOD I hope you get this Negro peons Lyin' in the pulpit Not free to be dumb Yeah, you trot this Gone down the coast You must pork this |
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