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Gags The Clown (2018)
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[eerie theme playing] [static] [beeps] [static] [helicopter whirring] -[woman giggling] -Hey Jon, you missed a spot there on the back of your neck. -[Jon] Fuck you! -[Cory] I'm sorry, man, I'm sorry. I was just clowning around. Cory, seriously, I'm not in the mood. Turn off the phone. Let's get the fuck out of here so I can clean this shit off. [Ashley giggling] [Ashley] What? [Cory] Oh, my God, why are there balloons in your car? -[Ashley] What? -[Jon] Goddamn it, Ash. What, you think this is my fault? [Jon] You drove, it's your car. You probably left the doors unlocked. Fuck you, I locked the car, I know I did. [Jon] Yeah, I bet you did. Besides, you're the one who had to go make a friend tonight. You just had to go find him, didn't you? Now, look. [Jon] How did he get in? How did he get in? [Ashley] He broke in, genius. And he probably stole all my stuff too. -[Jon] Like what, you didn't have anything in there. -[Cory] Jesus! [Jon] Oh, shit, guys, he's following us. [Ashley] What? [Cory] He's just standing there watching. -This fucking guy. -[Ashley] Oh, God. Jon. [Cory] Dude, dude, I don't think that's a good idea. -[Ashley] Guys, we need to get in the car. -Hey, asshole. -[Ashley] Jon? -You think you're pretty funny, huh? [Ashley] Cory! Jon? [Jon] Why don't I come over there and beat the shit out of you? Jon, get in the car. [Jon] You got nothing to say? -You're just gonna stand there? -Cory, come on, get in the car! -[Jon] I should call the cops on your dumb ass. -[alarm chirps] [Ashley] Both of you, get in the car now! [Jon] Who the hell fills balloons with a bunch of powder? Everyone's all scared of you because they saw some photos on the news. -But you're nothing but a pussy. -[Ashley] Jon! [Cory] Come on, Jon, get in the car. I want to get out of here! [Ashley whispers] Come on, let's go. God, he's creeping me out. [Jon] It's not Halloween, you piece of shit. [Jon coughing] [Ashley] You're the one that made us leave. Somebody told you they saw Gags. You, you had to go find him. And you did. Well good job, because he's a fucking prick. [Cory] These damn balloons are everywhere. [tense theme playing] [Cory] Try and find another exit. This is not right. [coughing] [Ashley] Ugh, what were you drinking tonight? [Cory] Is that blood? Can we get going before the creepy clown comes back? [Ashley] I know, I'm trying. I don't know -what this dickhead is doing! -[car horn honks] -[thumping] -[Cory] What was that? [Ashley] God. [thumping] -[Jon] Jesus Christ, this is not cool. -Oh, my God. [Ashley] Feels like someone's kicking us from underneath the car. Jon, just shut up for a second! God, come on! [Cory] That wasn't coming from him, that was coming from outside. [Ashley] Anything? [Ashley screaming] [Cory] Fuck, fuck, God! [Ashley] Oh, my God! Where you going, Cory? Cory, come back. [Cory] God! [Ashley] Oh, my God! [Ashley] Cory, come back! [Cory mumbling] [laughing] [Ashley] Cory! [Cory] It's me? [Cory laughing] [Ashley] What is going on?! [splattering] [Ashley] Oh, my God! Oh, God! Oh, my God! Oh my-- Oh God, oh my God! [urgent TV news theme playing] [male reporter] It's something I never thought I would say in my 22 years of broadcast journalism. But here it goes. There's an evil clown roaming the streets of Green Bay. This frightening video and many other images of a mysterious person in a dingy clown suit roaming the streets with black balloons have been flooding social media all week. While police and city officials are still determining the proper recourse for this bizarre situation, we sent WGRB's very own Heather Duprey out on location to where it all began just eight days ago. Heather, take it away. Thanks, Tom. I'm standing under the Mason Bridge, a quiet little area in downtown Green Bay that no one ever paid attention to...until now. As you can see, there's a frenzy of action behind me, as people gather hoping to catch a glimpse of Green Bay's very own Gags the Clown. It was here that the clown was first spotted one week ago. A passerby stopped to take pictures in awe of what he saw and posted them on social media. The pictures quickly went viral, intriguing millions around the world. But some are suspicious about the clown's intentions. While some find it to be harmless, good-natured fun, others are troubled, even frightened, and wish that whoever was responsible would quit their clowning around. The last thing I need to worry about is some unstable person dressed in a clown suit. I mean, how is this not illegal? Children are scared, parents are scared. Heck, I'm scared. What are people really scared of, a killer clown from outer space? Come on. It's just a guy looking to have some fun and I'm all for it. Now, as reported earlier this week, the Green Bay Police Department has issued a statement saying that they will not be pursuing this individual unless they have reason to believe that he or she has broken the law. However, due to the commotion that Gags the Clown has created, the police department will be increasing its patrols and questioning anyone for suspicious behavior. If you or anyone you know has seen this individual or any other individual dressed like a clown, you are instructed to call the police department immediately. [man] Come out, come out, wherever you are, Gags! [crowd cheering] Regardless of your thoughts on the Green Bay clown's actions, it's safe to say that he or she has this city's attention. For WGRB, I'm Heather Duprey. Make sure to check back in at 10 p.m. as we continue our on location coverage for WGRB's Gags Watch. [urgent TV news theme playing] -[Dale] And feed's cut. -"Gags Watch"? That's what our crack team of writers spent a week coming up with? -[Dale laughs] -Sounds like a porno, for fuck's sake. [Tyler] Last time I'm gonna tell you this, dude. You gotta wait outside for 30 minutes. No one's gonna expect when it happens, but you gotta trust me on this. -Hey, it's Heather Duprey. -[Chris] What? [Sara] From Channel Nine. [gasping] I bet they're looking for Gags. She is so pretty. I'd totally bang her. [Sara scoffing] What? I totally would. Hey, what about you, Gags? You wanna bang the hot news lady? Gags horny. Gags wants bang hot news lady. [both laughing] [Sara] Why does Gags sound like a Neanderthal? A what? Those original Gags photos are just creepy. You're still looking at them? I mean, I don't wanna look at them, but you know... No, I don't. Then just don't. Heh. Pretty simple. You know when something's really scary or creepy and you just can't stop looking at it? That's how I feel about those Gags photos. Yeah, no, that's your problem, not mine. -That obviously is my problem. -[police radio chatter] I just was hoping that you're my partner and I can confide it with you. I guess this clown situation has you really emotional, huh? You know, uh, yeah. [rock music playing over speakers] As you just heard, I am Charles Wright and this is the Wright Stuff Podcast, coming at you live every Saturday night for your listening pleasure. I almost hate to do it, because I'm so damn sick of hearing about it myself, but tonight's topic is something that's really been bothering me as of late. As most of you know, I'm a Wisconsin boy, born and bred, currently residing in the beautiful city of Green Bay. It's small, it's quaint, and for the most part peaceful. But earlier this week, we had an unwanted visitor. And his arrival has me pissed to say the least. That's right, a clown. A goddamn clown. Gags the Clown, to be exact, because somebody thought it'd be a good idea to name the bastard. Can anybody tell me what kind of person dresses up in big floppy shoes and a red nose and walks around at two o'clock in the morning? I mean, we're not just talking about some drunk kid from the house party down the road who lost a bet and ran around in a Halloween costume. This guy, he put some thought into this, with the sole intent of terrifying people to death. And what's worse, he keeps doing it. He keeps going out and being seen. I'm thinking this wacko is getting off on terrifying my city half to death, and I, for one, have had enough of it. -Thanks, dude. -Thank you. [people chattering] -Yes! -[Sara] Ew! [crowd laughing] Well, he should have thought about that... before passing out. [Sara] Oh, ew, that stinks so bad. [crowd chanting] Eyebrows! Eyebrows! Eyebrows! -[man] Do it, come on! -[thumping] [Sara] It's about time. What was that? [hip hop music playing over speakers] I don't see anything. [thumping] -Holy shit! -Oh, my God! It's nothing, someone's just messing with us. [Sara] No, there's something down there. [tense theme playing] [Sara] Is that Chris? [woman screaming] -[woman] Holy shit! -[Sara] What, what is it? [woman] It's that clown, it's the news clown. [woman] Hey, that's not funny. [chattering] -[woman] It's Gags! -[Tyler] Oh, guys, relax. It's probably just some jackass dressed like a clown. This isn't funny. Lock the doors. [Sara] Liz, calm down, it's all right. Someone's probably just messing with us. It's not all right. This is my house and I fucking hate clowns. [crowd cheering] [sniffing] [Liz screams] Wanna blow my balloon? [laughing] Chris, you fucking dick! You assholes aren't funny! -Epic. -So good. Holy shit, I had no idea that she was so afraid of clowns. [Tyler] Nice one. Nice job, dude. [rustling nearby] [Sara] That didn't sound good. What the fu-- WGRB is first on the scene reporting on a major disturbance at the Pine Street parking ramp in downtown Green Bay. While details are limited at this time, what I can tell you is that the ramp will be closed until further notice, and that an official investigation has been opened by the Green Bay Police Department. Stay tuned to Channel 9 for more updates on this developing story. For WGRB, I'm Heather Duprey. [Dale] And the feed is cut. [sighs] Thank fucking God, something exciting to report on in this city. Unfortunately, Ron wants us officially sticking with Gags. Are you fucking kidding me? He's giving Nathan the parking ramp so we can stay on the clown caper. Fucking Nathan. [Ashley] Yes, it was Gags. The girl's ride is here. They were wondering if they could take her home now. [Chrissy] Yes, I have everything I need. How bad is the victim? [Jake] It's messy. What's Perkins saying, homicide? It's really messy. We have a mess of a victim, an individual who's face is cut off that fled the scene, and a witness whose boyfriend is now MIA. Wait, his face was cut off? That's what she said, the man's face was cut off. [dispatcher on radio] Unit 1-12, response to 237 Courtland for a possible child abduction involving a clown. Of course. This was eight days ago. And in those eight days, there have been about three confirmed sightings and about a million unconfirmed sightings and what I wanna know is, why are people grabbing their phones and taking pictures of him? Like I said, I'd be grabbing something else. I mean, don't these people realize that by snapping these pics and loading 'em online and going on and on about how scared we are, not only are we giving this asshole exactly what he wants, we're paving the way for copycats to come out of the woodwork and look for the same amount of attention. Don't even get me started on the GBPD. I mean, look, I have endless respect for our men and women behind the badge going out there every single day, putting their lives on the line to protect and serve, but they have dropped the ball in a big way this week. I mean, we have a individual essentially terrorizing the city. People are afraid to go out at night. Parents are afraid to have their kids walking home from school. I mean, the city is essentially under attack, and yet, the cops say there's nothing they can do about it. "Dressing like a clown isn't illegal." Well, what about disturbing the fucking peace? 'Cause last time I checked, that was still illegal. Is that true, Eddie? Did you see a clown who offered you candy in exchange for you coming into the woods with him? Can't remember. Eddie. You know it's a crime to lie to the police. -[Mom] Now, wait a minute. -Lori saw him, not me. I never even saw him. [police radio chatter] It's okay, we're done here, Eddie, thank you. Ma'am, it is very important when making a report to the police that you gather all the facts first. Facts? You know he's up to no good. And stop giving me that, "It's not illegal to dress creepy" bullshit. Watch your language, ma'am. And have a good night. Unit 1-12, reporting 207A as a false alarm. [dispatcher] Copy 1-12. This whole damn city's clown crazy. [tense theme playing] [Meredith] 1-13 approaching blue Impala. [dispatcher] Plates are registered to a Doug Van Buren, address 542 Skylight Terrace and appears valid on a blue Chevy Impala. [Meredith] I need you to shut off the engine and exit the vehicle. Sir, take off the mask and exit the vehicle now! -[knocking] -Hey! I'm not playing games! You need to take off the mask, show me your hands and get out of the vehicle! Christ's sake, what is this kid on? Driver of Impala plates unresponsive. White male, early 20s wearing a clown costume. We're gonna need another unit. Hey, don't you move! Stay right there! Picked a hell of a topic for tonight's show, boy. Comments are flowing like the Schplatz Light. -Ah-ha. -Laura from Green Bay says, "My 15-year-old daughter is begging me to let her and her friends go out and try and find him, but I refused. There's something not right about him. This isn't someone having fun at the expense of others. This is a sick individual." Hey, I couldn't agree more, Laura. Let me just say this. If dressing up like a clown and walking around the city at night is your idea of entertainment, you need to get your fucking head checked because something ain't right. Hey, hey, hey, check out this comment by Larry Robinson. It's what we were talking about last night. All right, all right, uh, let me find it. Okay, here we go. Oh-ho. "We'd love to see you go out and find him. Do what the cops are too afraid to do and put a stop to this nonsense." Thanks for the comment, Larry. Oh, shit, it's a popular one too, 14 likes already in just two minutes. Hey, trust me, folks, it's been discussed long and hard. You know, at first, I just shrugged it off, 'cause I figured, you know, our law enforcement's gonna take care of it. But eight days past the point, I'm wondering if maybe that's what needs to be done, a little vigilante justice. I mean, we are the laughing stock of the country right now. The whole city's in a state of panic over a goddamn clown? Hey, what do you all think? I mean, is that the popular opinion out there? Should Charles Wright go clown hunting? Let us know on the page. Better yet, share this video. I tell you what, if we get 500 shares, it's a done deal. I will go out and I will hit the streets of Green Bay and I will find this clown tonight. So if you wanna see that happen, share the video. [rock music playing over speakers] [crowd] Whoo! [chattering] [laughing] Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me. [cheering] [nose squeaks] [Deighan] Power's out. Place is trashed. No sign of anyone. 10-12. -[thumping] -Wha...? -[radio chatter] -[tense theme playing] Green Bay Police Department! Anyone in here, make yourself known! -[film reel clicking] -Huh? Hey, don't move! Freeze, stop moving! Stop, stop! [screaming] What do you think is cool about it? It's a fucking clown. I honestly, I don't even get-- Why do people give a shit? -Why--? -He just stands there. He's probably some fucking crackhead. If I met a crackhead that had the initiative to build a clown costume... You don't build a clown, he bought it somewhere. Great, so he saved up money. Ask and you shall receive. This is Charles Wright of the Wright Stuff Podcast. And on tonight's episode, we asked our fans if they would like me to go out and find this clown that's been causing all this ruckus. But there was one stipulation. Our clown huntin' wouldn't begin until we had reached over 500 shares. Well, last time we checked, we had over 800, so we took it as a big fucking yes that was heard loud and clear. So, we're gonna hit the streets tonight, Wayne here's gonna tag along and videotape everything for your viewing pleasure on this exclusive Wright Stuff special episode. If he is just a fucking crackhead, he's done very well for himself. [laughing] He's got a following, a devoted fan base. He has a hashtag. No, this is just like Squirrelly T in Cincinnati. -[Dale] Great. -The guy dressed up as a squirrel mascot, turned out to be a crackhead. It's the same thing. Great, but that is like if you're going to be a crackhead and you have x amount of options in front of you and you chose the one that you're going to create a character-- I hate when you play devil's advocate. It's so obnoxious. I, for real, find this guy heroic. -Heroic? -Heroic. I think that you use words and you don't entirely know what they mean. [dispatcher] I need a unit at 1647 Division Street. Underage drinking party. We have clowns reported on site, please advise. Should we take that call? Now look, here's the deal. If we find this guy-- [Wayne] Uh-uh, when we find him. Thank you, Wayne. When we find this guy, I'm simply gonna ask him to take his goofy ass home and stop this nonsense once and for all. And I will do my goddamn best to be civil. I really will. But after that, the ball's in his court. And if he comes at me, pulls anything, or even says something so stupid that I get pissed off, he's gonna say hi to old Audrey here. [Wayne] Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. See, old Audrey and I did a few tours together overseas. Had a few dates on the front line, got along real good, and she put out from the get go. [Wayne] Yeah, put a few towelheads out of their misery. Oh, trust me, there was more than just a few. [chuckling] I'm just kidding. Much as I love to let old Audrey tag along, I'm thinking I'll need to be a little more discreet. That's where Gwen comes in. See she's simple, dependable, always has dinner ready, never lets me down. You know what, I might even bring along big Marge. She's been cooped up for a while, been itching to powder up. One blast from old Marge, that clown's gonna pop like one of those black balloons. Be nothing left but his big ole shoes. My life's work is jeopardized by these scary clowns. [sobbing] I'm sorry, I didn't think that I'd get this emotional. It's okay, you're doing good. I just, I love being a clown, and it feels like the whole world is either scared of me or hates me right now. Oh, careful, your makeup's gonna run. [crowd chattering] Sara? -What are you doing? -[Sara] Nothing. Sara. -[Sara] What? -Don't be like that. -[Sara] Don't be like what? -Don't do this. -Dude, dude. -Hey, what's up? Drew is upstairs. -Okay? -With Anna Novotny. [Sara chuckling] They're gonna hate you. -The fuck? -Jesus Christ! Oh, Drew! I'm gonna make you-- Get the fuck off of me! The hell is the matter with you? -[Anna] Get out, Chris! -[Sara] We gotta hit, cops! [Sara] Crap, Chris, Chris, stop screwing around, we gotta go! [people clamoring] [Sara] Chris, really? Really, just gonna leave without Tyler? I can't get busted, I can't get busted, I can't get busted. [Jake] Hey! Stop right there. I don't think so. [Chrissy on radio] What's your 20? Over. [Jake] I'm in the alley behind the 1600 block of Division. Just apprehended one, over. So, your night's about to get interesting, huh? [Chrissy] You've got to be kidding me. [Jake] Hope the party was worth it. [Sara] Of course you're working tonight. I'm sorry, I... Jake, meet my daughter Sara. Stepdaughter. Oh, so you're Sara. Nice to finally meet you. Likewise. -[Chrissy] You been drinking? -No. -Don't lie to me. -I'm not. Give me a breathalyzer if you don't believe me. This is awkward. [Chrissy] Thank you, Jake, I got it. I'm gonna go sweep the house. [Chrissy] Look at me. Look at me. -Who were you with tonight? -Friends. -[Chrissy] What friends? -I don't know, a few. Cut the shit, who? Am I in trouble, Officer Renard? Or can I go now? [Chrissy] Okay, drop the attitude, Sara. I am really sick and tired of this. You know, you can't just use me as a get out of jail free card, okay? [Sara] I didn't drink. [Chrissy] Okay, where's your car? [Sara] It's at Chris's. Okay, I want you to go directly to Chris's house, get your car and drive home. I'm calling your father in an hour and he better tell me you're in for the night. No, it's Saturday night! I don't care, Sara, I want you home! You know, matter of fact, get in my squad car, I'll take you home myself. [scoffs] No, I will go home on my own. I'm serious, Sara. Yeah, I know, me too. [Chrissy] Okay, I want you to go straight home! 10-4. [Chrissy] You don't run from cops! Damn brat. Gee, Miss Duprey, you really are much prettier in person than you are on TV. Oh, thanks. [Dale] All right, in five, four, three... Thanks, Tom and Alison. I'm standing here with Ralph Jungwirth, business owner of Somewhere In Time Antiques on Cedar Street and lifelong resident of Green Bay. Ralph here claims to have seen the person that everyone in Green Bay, not to mention the world, has been talking about. Ralph, what can you tell us about your Gags the Clown sighting? Well, ahem, it happens every day when I walk through my store, I see this! Ah, excuse me. Are you saying that you didn't see the clown that everyone has been talking about this past week? Well, not exactly. But I mean, I saw all the photos on the news. [chuckles] Everyone has. But I recognized him immediately. The outfit, the face paint. Now, this picture is from 1974. It was taken at the Bowers and Marsh Big Top Family Circus that set up shop every summer in Green Bay for 20 plus years prior, right up until that August when it all went up in smoke. I've got tons of their old stuffs in this store. Salvaged everything I could after that fire, and I'll-- Sir, you mean to tell me that you are not referring to the clown that everyone's been talking about, but rather a different clown from 1974? Look! It's the same one. Well, there you have it. Has Gags the Clown been wandering the streets of Green Bay since 1974 and no one's noticed until now? We'll have more on this story and many more exciting updates as we continue our WGRB Gags coverage. For WGRB, I'm Heather Duprey, stay tuned. [Dale] And the live feed is cut. What? We're done, that's it? Yeah, we're done. Eh, okay. Thank you for making me come all the way down to my shop this late at night for a piddly little interview! No, thank you for that wonderful breaking news from 1974. Get out of my store! Maybe the competition will believe me, you pixie whore. [Dale laughing] Oh, my God! [Dale] You kind of did deserve that. Pack up your shit, let's go. Oh, shut the fuck-- -Oh, look who it is. -Oh, jeez. Rebecca Chambers of WBSC, reporting live on scene where we have Heather Duprey of the struggling WGRB. Now, can you tell me, Miss Duprey, what does it feel like to be the sole ambassador of Gags Watch? -Just stop. -Hmm, "Just stop." Well, you heard it here first, folks. Heather Duprey, first on the beat is going to, well, stop. Details at 10. Hmm, typical Channel 3, coming here for my sloppy seconds. Damn girl, clearly someone can't handle a little friendly rivalry? Oh, could this night get any worse? I feel like my head is gonna blow. Make sure you're rolling, Cody. Wouldn't wanna miss this. Ah, okay, okay. Calm down, we'll let you be. Good luck tonight. Make sure to keep that positive attitude of yours going strong. -Bye, Dale. -Bye, Bec. -Later, Cody. -[Cody] Later, man. -What was that? -What was what? Bye, Dale. Oh, bye, Bec. -Later, Cody. -Oh, come on. Wait, are you and Miss WBSC fuck-- Yes, I heard that, so game on. [Chris] Hey, look who showed up. Oh, yeah, and we were starting to think you got booked by your mom-- -Thanks for waiting on me. -Uh-huh? Yeah, I could have bolted a lot sooner when the cops showed. I was looking for you. Come on, you don't have to worry about me. [Chris] Yeah, and we were pretty sure your mom would just bail you out again. All right, it's stepmom. You know, and speaking of which, she is fucking hot in that uniform. I mean, your dad must love 'em young and exotic. Tyler, shut up. Just take me to my car. Yeah, Sara, it's not even nine o'clock, you can't go home yet. What, this party's busted. What is there to do? We're just gonna stay in the street and drink beer that Tyler stole from his dad all night? Yeah, we did that. We're currently doing that. But you know what, we were talking about it. The most fun that we had all night was scaring everyone at that party, dude. I mean, like, we need to take advantage of this right now. You make such a convincing Gags. [Sara] I don't know about that. Hell yeah, I do. And I'm just saying, Liz damn near shit her pants. And this whole city is about to do the same thing, so let's just have a little bit of fun with this, dude. [Chris] I second this idea. Yeah, well, you guys go have fun. I still wanna go home. [Chris] But Sara, we need you to be our third. Who's gonna record everything? [pop music playing over radio] Traitor. -Uh... -Three letters. I was going to say Benedict Arnold. That's way too many, far more than three. I'm just looking, something traitor... Ron... Oh, oh, get this, look at this guy! -Look at this guy! -Oh, my God. -You are fucking kidding. -[Dale laughing] [Dale] Oh, he's going down. He's gonna-- Oh, and he went! -Whoa, buddy, oh, oh! -[Dale] We gotta interview him about Gags! Can we please interview him? This is exactly what Ron deserves. [Dale laughing] Green Bay, you never cease to amaze me. Dude is just wrecked. Well, what exactly did you have in mind? We're just gonna go to random houses and throw water balloons at 'em? No. We're gonna go downtown. We're gonna scare some real people. I mean, come on, he's on everybody's mind. We're just scaring them? Yeah. [Chris] But it's going to be awesome. Are you in? Fine, I'm in. [Chris] Yes. [dispatcher] Unit 1-62 and unit 1-83, respond to the address 1120... [male cop] Good evening, ma'am. I'm responding to a phone call. It's my daughter. She's-- She's-- I don't know what's gotten into her, but she's not herself, something's wrong. The cops are here. Okay. Ma'am, I'm gonna need you to tell me who's all in the house. Oh, it's just me and my two daughters, Genna and my oldest daughter Erin, who's locked herself in here and won't come out. Okay, just the facts, tell me what's going on. Erin, she came home early. Her and her two friends went out looking for that damn clown. She wasn't feeling good and she was covered in some sort of white powder. That was cocaine. Shut up, Genna. I didn't put much thought into it, but then she went into this trance and she was holding scissors in her hand and she looked at me like she wanted to hurt me. She's been here ever since. -May I? -Yeah. [tense theme playing] -[knocking] -Hey, Erin? It's Officer Jacobs from the Green Bay Police Department. Why don't you come out here so we can talk for a bit? [clanking] Did she have the scissors with her when she went in? -Yes. -Hey, Erin? Hey, you're worrying your mother. Yeah, I'm gonna come in and check on you, just make sure everything's okay, all right? [water running] -[slamming] -[Mom gasps] Jesus, kid, you're gonna have to let me in. Unit 1-19, I'm gonna need immediate assistance on that 10-16 on Baird Street. -[Mom] Oh! Oh, my God! -[Genna screaming] [man on speaker] Okay, pull up to the next window. Want one? No, keep those away from me, I told you. [cell phone ringing] Ugh. Ron, no thank you. Really, you're not gonna answer that? No. I'm not in the mood for his crap. Well, you know he can see you, right? I'm not in the mood for your crap, Ron. He doesn't have anything worthwhile for us, you know that. [phone vibrating] -Ugh. -Jeez. Oh. Don't. I mean, now I'm supposed to ignore him too? Dale! Don't, don't, don't. Hey, Ron. Yeah, she is, right next to me. Yeah, hold on one sec. Okay, you are good, Ron. [Ron on speaker] Heather. Hey, Ron, I must have just missed your call. Sorry about that. Yeah, just stop right there. I don't care to hear it. How's your assignment? Uh, it's going fine. We interviewed everyone you requested and now we're just waiting for the next big break. Oh, the next big break, huh? Great. You remember that nutjob Charles Wright from the Wright Stuff Podcast? Is that the guy we interviewed last fall when the NRA came into town? Yeah, exactly. Looks like he's out there conducting his own clown hunt tonight. He asked if people wanted him to enforce "vigilante justice," since the GBPD aren't doing enough, according to him. Wait, you mean that he's gonna...? Yeah, he's out there looking for Gags and he's gonna put an end to him. He began posting Facebook Live videos over an hour ago. Holy shit, yes, this is exactly what we needed, yes! Yeah, you're right, this is exactly what we needed. So tell me, why in the fuck did Rebecca Chambers just announce that WBSC exclusive interview with him? Wait, what did you just say? Oh, you heard me. What I wanna know is how in the hell did you miss the biggest break in the Gags story? Are you even paying attention to what you're doing out there? Don't you put this on me, okay? I have done every single one of your pathetic fucknut interviews. Who the fuck was that Ed Gein motherfucker at the antique store? These pieces aren't news, Ron, they're a goddamn joke. You wanna tell me about what is and isn't news, sure, go ahead, fine. Clearly you can't tell what real news is even when there's some wannabe Batman running around Green Bay hunting a clown. Somehow that didn't show up on your radar, huh? So please, go on, Heather, enlighten me. I did the best I could with what you gave me. Hell, I didn't even want Gags Watch. Good. 'Cause you're not on it anymore. Excuse me? I've had enough of your attitude and having WBSC snatch up the exclusives without you even being aware of the situation. It's a pretty big fuckup. You're officially off the assignment. Uh, wait, I'm sure we can work something out, guys. It's too late. I already gave it to Nathan. Nathan? Yes, Nathan. No, you cannot do this to me. I worked my ass off for you. I can do this, Heather. And I just did. Go home. You're done for now. But first, bring back my fucking truck. [call beeps off] [screams] [urgent TV news theme playing] Good evening, Green Bay. I'm Rebecca Chambers reporting live for WBSC. And we are proud to report a fascinating development in a story that has been in the news this past week. You better believe I'm gonna act on my God-given right to defend myself and put two slugs in his [beep] lungs. And the GBPD can hold me accountable all they want. 'Cause guess what, I hold myself accountable. Charles Wright, host of the Wright Stuff Podcast, has opted to take to the streets in an effort to find Gags the Clown. To him, the joke has gone on for far too long and he is not laughing anymore. [Charles] Rebecca, Americans have to take our country back and Charles Wright is here to set an example for you all. Some may say, including yours truly, that you're taking this a little too seriously. Oh, am I? That's hilarious, because for the last week all I've been hearing from you and all the other crony news stations is Gags, Gags, Gags. So if anything, my seriousness in the matter is thanks to you. [Rebecca] Well, for all we know, this can be someone's idea of a prank. That's right, it could be a prank. It could be a publicity stunt. It could be for some dumb horror movie nobody's ever gonna see. That doesn't change the fact that he's out there soliciting terror. [Rebecca] So Gags the clown is a terrorist? That is exactly what I'm saying. Look, he's not your just standard garden variety ISIS jihad terrorist. You know, instead of hiding behind a beard and a turban, he's hiding behind a clown mask. But in the end, he's still a terrorist. -[man] Get him, Rock. Get the clown. -[dog barking] Get the clown, there's a good boy. [Rebecca] ...it seems as if nobody's... -...been able to find... -[man] Good boy, Rock. Gags the Clown. What makes you think that you will? Not everybody was a Marine for seven years. Not everybody has the knowledge that I have. Look, I'm a trained soldier. Hey, you sure you don't wanna watch this? [Heather] Goddamn van, right, you piece of shit. We'll take that as a no. See, Gags isn't some punk high schooler with nothing better to do. You could tell he's got a plan of some sort. And I am gonna foil that plan. Her hair is stunning. What will you do? I will exercise any and all of my God-given rights as an American. [man] Oh, my God, this guy is such a-- I don't believe him for a second, okay? ...because Charles Wright is looking for you. Coming for you, pal! And there you have it. I'm Rebecca Chambers. Make sure to stay tuned to WBSC for more exclusive coverage of Gags Hunt. [urgent TV news theme playing] [Rebecca] Thanks, Charles, you did great! It's just a guy in a clown suit. -You two know that, right? -[Wayne] Listen up, toots. You just do what you do, let us do what we do, okay? -Toots? -Stay pretty in front of the camera. You two have a good night. [Charles chuckles] Thanks, we will. [female operator on phone] 911, what's your emergency? [woman on phone] Yeah, I was just chased up the stairs to my apartment by a person dressed like a clown. And now he's just standing outside my front door. [operator] Are you inside the apartment now and are your doors locked? [woman] Yeah, but he's just standing there and he won't leave. [operator] What's your address? [woman] 1506 Adams Street, apartment seven. [operator] Do you know this person? [woman] No. Well, I don't know. He's wearing a clown mask. [operator] Has the individual threatened you? [woman] I consider being chased by a clown threatening, don't you? [Chris laughing] Oh, man! He's totally booking it. [Sara] A shopping cart! [Tyler] Holy shit. And you wanted to go home. [Sara] Hey, I stayed out, didn't I? [elevator bell dings] [women both gasp] [woman] Close the doors! Close 'em! Close 'em! Go, go, go. -Go, go, go, go. -[clown] Bye, ladies. [ship horn blaring] [Sara and Tyler mumbling] [Sara and Tyler laughing] This shit. [police siren blaring in distance] It's too fucking easy. [Tyler] Sara. Sara, look. -[Sara] Oh my, look at-- -[Tyler] Yeah. [both laugh quietly] Jeez! Are you fucking kidding me? -After the day I had? -Chris. You're gonna pull this shit on me? [Tyler] Chris, get back in the fucking car. Chris, Chris, what the fuck? Oh, fuck. -[man screaming] -[honking] -[Chris] Go, go, go! -I'm going! Oh, my God. Dude, that guy just almost kicked your ass. Dude, Chris. Chris, are you okay? [laughing] [horn squeaks] Fucking punks! It doesn't matter who Gags is. That's what everybody wants us to be worried about. But I tell you what, Gags is just a distraction from the real issues. That's the problem with what's going on with the media right now, is that they wanna focus on these distractions, these entertainments, instead of talking about the real issues. Unit 1-12, 10-23 going in for a closer look. [dispatcher] Copy, 1-12. All available units, Green Bay Memorial Hospital is in need of some serious assistance. Staff seems overwhelmed, please advise. [tense theme playing] [male cop on radio] Um, we're overwhelmed, what's their excuse? [dispatcher] They only have two security guards on duty right now. [police radio chatter] [Chrissy] Forced entry on front door. [dispatcher] Copy, 1-12. 10-90 currently in progress at Gather Restaurant on Broadway. Be informed-- [Chrissy] You sweep right, I'll take the left. [Jake] Copy that. [tense theme playing] [Jake] I got something here. [ominous theme playing] [metallic banging in distance] [Chrissy] This is the Green Bay Police Department! If anyone is here, you need to make yourself known! [banging continues] [Jake] Ah, goddamn it. [Chrissy] This is the Green Bay Police Department. Raise your hand and get down on your knees. Sir, this is the police! Put your hands in the air and get down on your knees. [Jake] Do what she says, man! [Chrissy] Sir? [Jake] You wanna do this the easy way or the hard way? [Chrissy] Sir, this is the police. [Jake] Jesus Christ. [Chrissy] Drop your weapon... -and get down on the ground now! -Don't do it. -Stop! -I will not-- [gunshot] -[Jake] Chrissy, you all right? -[Chrissy] I'm fine. [Jake] What the hell is wrong with him? [Chrissy] He's dead, that's what's wrong with him. Oh, what the hell was he doing to himself? [Jake] I've seen a lot of things in my day, but nothing like that. [Chrissy] Unit 1-12. Shots fired, suspect down. Paramedics required immediately. [Jake] You gotta be kidding me. [ominous circus theme playing] Fuck! You said he was dead! [Chrissy] His vitals were gone. -[Jake] Where are you going? -[Chrissy] After him. Meet me out front! [Jake] Shit! [tense theme playing] You recording? [Sara] For the ninth time, yes. Do something already. Oh, ho, ho, impressive. [Tyler] You guys! I don't know why I didn't think of this sooner. -[Sara] What? -Boom. [Sara chuckles] No way, they won't let us in. Why not? I mean, it's a carnival. What better place to mess with people dressed in a clown costume, right? What's going on? Dude, we're going to the fairgrounds. -Fuck yes. -[laughs] Yeah... [Sara] No, absolutely not. Guys, we are not going to the carnival. -[both laughing] -Okay. [Sara] Guys! Ugh, I hate my friends. Hate 'em. [turn blinker clicking] What are you doing? Going back to the station. -Keep driving. -Ron said we had to-- I don't care what Ron says, this isn't over. This isn't over? You wanted this over. No more Gags Watch, you got your wish. I don't understand why this isn't a good thing. This Wright guy. Do you think he'll find the clown? Better yet, do you think he'd shoot him? I don't know, Heather. He's an entertainer, not a murderer. I mean, you never can tell with these wacko conservatives. One second they're praying, the next they're lynching gay people and blowing up abortion clinics. -I think he would. -Okay. And? And that's the fucking story, Dale. No one gave a damn about the clown. He's standing around, people are taking pictures, big deal. Someone with the intent of killing him, that's a one-in-a-million exclusive. That's worldwide news. Bec already got the interview. Gah, stop calling her Bec. Ugh. She just interviewed the guy. All right, let's find him. Let's tail him, wait and see what he does. If it's nothing, it's nothing. We go home and we deal with Ron on Monday. But if we catch this guy in the act of killing, or even threatening someone with a gun because they're dressed like a clown, both our careers skyrocket. Ron said he wanted the van-- -Ron wanted a Gags exclusive. -And it's my ass! And we can still deliver that. Please. Please, please, please. Goddamn it, Duprey, you're a bad influence. Attaboy! How you doing, folks? Charles Wright of the Wright Stuff Podcast checking in with you. We just caught wind of a new photo going viral, taken when? [Wayne] 22 minutes ago, Eastside Industrial Park. Thank you, Wayne. Now, scanner's been poppin' off all night with pranks and copycats and what not. But this photo looks legit and the location fits our guy's MO. So we're gonna head on over there, we're gonna ditch the wheels and continue on foot. Stay tuned. [clicks tongue] I don't see him, where the hell is he? [Sara] I'm telling you, he's gonna chicken out. He's not gonna show. I should have wore the damn thing. [gaming bell sounds] -[Sara] Heh, he did it. -[Tyler] Where? -He's right over there. He-- -Where do you see him? Where? [Sara] I-- I just saw him. [Tyler] Look, I don't see shit, okay? [Sara] Wait, huh? Did that really just happen? Hey. What are we looking at? [Sara] Wait, weren't you just over there? -There? -[Sara] Yeah, over there. -No. -Dude. -Hey. -What are you doing? I'm eating cotton candy at a carnival. They wouldn't let me in with the costume on, I'm sorry. You jackass, man. I told you to put the thing on after you came in here. I know. Sorry. [Sara] So, what are we gonna do, we're just gonna go? No. We're gonna go ride the Tilt-a-Whirl at least twice. Yeah. This dick shine here's paying for me. -[Sara] Seriously? -Yeah, seriously. This has to be related to the parking ramp. -No shit? I'll be damned. -[police radio chatter] Did you know they're not actual bath salts? That's just slang. I had no idea. Detective Perkins. Officer Chrissy Renard here. Have there been any developments to the homicide investigation of the Pine Street parking ramp from earlier this evening? We've just had an encounter with a suspect who resembled a description from that one eyewitness we had. Can't help but think they're connected. Bath salts usually contain the cathinone methylenedexa-- Wow. No wonder why they just call them bath salts. I can't pronounce any of these words. Okay, thank you. This is bigger than we thought. What do we got? I guess the hospitals have had a few patients tonight who've had similar symptoms as to what we just witnessed. Self mutilation, disorientation, hyperadrenal disorder. So what is it, some kind of virus? No idea. They've all disappeared. [tense theme playing] [people screaming] Oh, my God. I hate you so much! If you were a semi-delusional conservative podcast host carrying a gun looking for a clown, where would you be? Church? [Wayne] Hey, yo, hold up, the picture was taken back there. Right, that picture was posted 30 minutes ago. He already got what he wanted. Somebody snapped his picture, posted it online, give him his attention fix. He's long gone. I'm interested in where he went. [Wayne] Well, dude, come on, let's just take a look, huh? I'm telling you, he's not there anymore, you fucking idiot, let's go. [Wayne] Hey, you better check your tone with me, Charles. I'm not one of your pansy ass fanboys, you got me? Okay. Here's why we're not going down that way. 'Cause it'd be a waste of time. Think about it. He's always in one spot and then poof, gone. Now, a guy dressed like that, he doesn't just disappear, not with the attention he gets and the people looking for him. So I figure he's gotta have a vehicle of some sort or a mode of transportation, so he can just jump in and take off without any hassle. So that's what we're looking for, okay? Remember, this is my show. I'm driving this bitch. You're just along for the ride. [Wayne] Fucking asshole. [Sara] You guys, what are we doing? They're about to close. -That's what we're doing, look. -[Sara] Really? It's a black balloon. You gotta get that for the costume. You totally do, you gotta go. Go, go, go! [Sara] But... Look, this is a Gags original black balloon. You gotta get a photo, you gotta get a photo. -[Tyler] Totally on it. -[Sara] You don't know that. [Sara] There are thousands of balloons here. It could be anyone's. Sara, can you just be happy for once -for me and my new balloon? -[popping] [Tyler and Sara laughing] [Sara] What just happened? Turn off the camera. [ominous theme playing] I said turn off the fucking camera! What'd I tell you? Never the same place twice. [Wayne] Wait, let me get it on camera. [Wayne] Goddamn, that bastard's creepy. Okay, go live. -[Wayne] Now? -No, next month. [Wayne] All right, give me a second. Okay, we're live, go. Boy, oh boy, folks. Things are about to get exciting. I'm standing here at the Eastside Industrial Park just off of Quincy. Guess who we just found. [Wayne] Yeah, we found him, boy. [Charles] Shh, of course we did. Now, for all you viewers at home... [Wayne] 1900 viewers, Charlie. ...I swear to you on the Bible, this is the real deal, folks. This is not staged. [Wayne] 2000 viewers and counting. This is Charles Wright with the Wright Stuff Podcast coming to you live from Green Bay, Wisconsin, taking matters into my own hands, doing things the Wright way. My city's clown problem ends tonight. You ready? [Wayne] Hell yeah, let's do it. [ominous theme playing] Well, well, well... if it isn't Gags the Clown. Pretty popular these days, aren't you? Weren't too hard to track down though, if I may say so myself. Listen, why don't you cut the act and come over here? We'll have a little chat face to face. No more balloons, no more bullshit. Look, man... this clown shit stops now, you hear me? I'm not having it anymore. My city ain't having it anymore. You had your fun, got a bunch of people scared, received all kinds of attention, but this stops now! So why don't you come on over here, take off that fucking mask and go the fuck home! [Wayne] Hey, we got 2500 viewers, Charlie. Hell, yeah. I'm not gonna ask you again. [Wayne] Draw it! [Charles] You really wanna do this? Goddamn it! [Wayne] Shoot him, Charlie, shoot him! This is your last chance! [eerie circus music playing over speakers] -What the hell is that, Wayne? -[Wayne] I-- I don't know. Hey, where did he go? He was right here, did he just run off? [Wayne] Come on, man, you gotta find him! Don't let him get away! What the...? Oh, man, come on! You gotta be kidding me. No, no, no, no. This doesn't make any fucking sense. [Wayne] What's up? He couldn't just disappear. Where'd he go? [train horn blaring in distance] Where was that music coming from? [Wayne] I don't know. We blew it. [Wayne] No man. You blew it. [dispatcher] Respond to the Vic Theatre. Officer down, conscious, status unknown. Last check in over 30 minutes. Squad GPS still showing up. [Chris coughing and retching] [Tyler] What the fuck?! -[people chattering] -[man over P.A.] Please collect all... -[Sara] What was that? -...your personal belongings... Chris just puked up a gallon of Jaeger in the bathroom. [Sara] But you guys weren't drinking Jaeger. Well, he clearly was. He just blew chunks all over the place. I am posting this shit right now. [Sara] Oh. Oh, is he okay? Do I look like his doctor? [Sara] Tyler Zepnick, world's best friend. Whoa. You don't look so good. Puke and rally, boy. [Sara] Are you sure you're okay? Do you want us to take you home? Hey, guys, guys, check this out. There's this guy, this crazy dude. He's been hunting Gags all night and apparently found him and then totally chickened out. [Sara] What do you mean, hunting Gags? -Who is he? -I don't know. -Charles Wright. -[Sara] The podcast guy? His video is everywhere. [Charles on video] This is Charles Wright... -...Wright Stuff Podcast... -[Wayne] You reading the comments? coming to you live from Green Bay, Wisconsin. -Takin' matters into my own hands. -It's not good. They're calling you a chump, you know that? Just another coward who's all talk. They don't even think you had the thing loaded. I wasn't sure it was him. [Wayne] Oh, of course it was him. -Well, I didn't have a clean shot. -[Wayne] Bullshit! Look, I just can't kill a guy, Wayne, okay? You do understand that, right? Could have been anybody under that mask. I mean, it could have been an undercover cop for all I know. [Wayne] An undercover cop, really? You think it was a cop who was dressed as the clown? Just give me a goddamn break already. You know, here's the bottom line. You told your viewers, your great amazing fans, that you were gonna find this clown and put a stop to him on a live video that already has more than 5,000 views. Wayne, I swear to God! [Wayne] I swear to God, Charlie. Whether you like it or not, this is my show too. And now because of your little fuckup, I look just as bad as you. -Look, I deleted the video. -Oh, come on... It's been downloaded and reposted hundreds of times already. Just read the visitor comments, man, the damage has been done. I'm gonna make it right. Get in the goddamn truck. -[coughing] -[hip-hop music playing on radio] [Tyler] Oh, no more boomers for this guy. You gave him shrooms? We have to take him to a hospital. [Tyler] Okay, and tell them what? That our friend here has been drinking and consuming hallucinogenic mushrooms all night? Get real, Sara, think about it. I'm fine. Let's party. [Tyler] Attaboy. There's definitely something wrong with him. -We need to go to the hospital! -[Tyler] Holy shit! [Tyler] Guys, check it out, look. It's fucking Charles Wright. Oh, great, let's you know, stop for a chat, maybe an autograph. Can you focus on anything ever? Read it. [Wayne] Damn it. Now people are just messing with you. [tense theme playing] Hey, what the hell are you doing? Piece of shit didn't get the best of me. Let's go. [Tyler] I know exactly where they're going. You're gonna have to turn. You're gonna turn right up here. No, we need to get Chris to the hospital. [Tyler] Sara! This is my car. So could you stop being a drag for once in your life... -...and turn the damn car? -[Chris coughing] -[Tyler] Turn now. -No. -Are you kidding me? Turn. -No! -[Tyler] Sara, turn the fucking car right. -Okay, okay fine, I'm turning. -Tyler, let go! -Jesus Christ. We got one more prank. Save the best one for last, we'll fucking do it. [tense theme playing] [Wayne] You really think this is Gags? Who the hell else would it be? [Wayne] Well, I don't know, maybe somebody who watched the video and then started messing with you. Hey, I just find it hard to believe that the clown would run off to an industrial park and then leave a trail of balloons for us to find him. Wayne, are you coming or what? [Wayne] Well, maybe I am and maybe I ain't! [Charles] Fine. Suit yourself, I don't need you. [Wayne] Ah, I'm coming. It's way too much fun watching this Charles Wright train derail. [dispatcher] Be advised, Charles Wright, possible suspect on officer down call in Vic Theatre. Male white, mid 40s, with a military haircut... You see this? It's him. [Wayne] So now what, fearless leader? Go live. -Oh, you want me to go live? -Go to live. [Wayne] All right, we're live. This is Charles Wright. I'm standing about a mile or so as the crow flies from our last encounter with Gags the Clown. And I want all of you out there to know this isn't over. Sure, I was a little lenient with the clown. What can I say, I'm a nice guy. But I assure you, he's not gonna get strike three. It's now or never. Cut the live video. [Wayne] Live video is cut. Hey, wait. You're not seriously going in there? Come on. [Wayne] Oh, man. Shit. [tense theme playing] [coughs] Motherfucker, they put cream in it. I asked for black. I specifically said black coffee. Oh, son of a bitch. -Do you wanna go back? -Yes, I would like to go back. Then go back, Jesus Christ, it's cream. -Damn it. -Just go run in and get a-- Holy shit! -What's going on? -[Charles on video] This is Charles Wright... Charles Wright says he's found Gags again. He says he's at an abandoned building about a mile or so away from the industrial park? What's abandoned out there? The old Larsen Green Mill. -My old man used to work there. -Let's go there. All right, hold on, I'm gonna swing back, I gotta get this coffee switched. -Dale, now! -Okay, fine! -Holy shit. -Goddamn it. [tense theme playing] [Wayne] Oh, man, what am I doing in here? Ah, Jesus. [Sara] This is ridiculous, he can't even move. [Tyler] Whatever. You still got one left in you, don't you, buddy? Yeah, man. [coughing] [Sara] That's enough, I'm taking him to the hospital. [Tyler] Come on, don't do anything stupid. No, Tyler, you don't be stupid. What do you plan to achieve here, what are you doing? [Tyler] We're going to go screw with those podcast guys. Right, 'cause you want Chris to dress like a clown to go prank a guy who wants to shoot a clown. Just think about this for a second, you moron! [Tyler] Whatever! Oh, come on, he's all show. He's obviously carrying around a fake gun. He's just trying to get stupid publicity for his dumb show. Think about it. Fine, then you go do it. You go be Gags. But we're leaving. [Tyler] Okay, fine. Oh, but guess what? You're gonna walk. 'Cause you aren't gonna be taking my car. Come on, let's go to the hospital. -You gotta get up. -Sara... I wanna stay with Tyler. [Tyler] Oh, oh. Dicks before chicks. [Sara scoffs] You two deserve each other. [Tyler] Oh, oh, right fine, whatever. I got what I wanted out of you anyways! Another V-card to add to the collection! Screw you, Tyler. [sobbing] [Chris coughing] Don't worry, buddy. I got this. [dispatcher] Unit 1-12, respond to a 419 Elizabeth Street. Suspected vandalism with reports of suspicious behavior. 10-4, 1-12 in route. -[siren sounding] -[engine revving] 419 Elizabeth Street. It's the old Larsen Green Building. When was the last clown sighting? Be more specific. There was one in the Fox River Trail, one in the K.I. Center, one off of Bayshore Drive, one at the fairgrounds. All within the last two hours or so. All locations on the East Side close to the vicinity on Elizabeth Street, correct? Yeah, I guess. All fairly close. And the first Gags sighting was under the Mason Bridge, maybe a mile away? Look at you, doing police work. [Heather] Holy shit, Dale. First day? [Dale] Changing to an empty card. You said that you just wanted me recording. Gotta have space. Okay, we're good. And...rolling. I'm standing outside of the old Larsen Green Mill on the East Side of Green Bay, a building that stood empty for the last 15 years. But tonight its doors reopen as local celebrity Charles Wright, host of the divisive Wright Stuff Podcast, enters the building on his hunt for Gags the Clown. Stay tuned as we remain on location as this developing story unfolds. For WGRB, I'm Heather Duprey. [Dale] And got it. How was that? [Dale] It's not your best work. Go fuck yourself. Come on, let's go. [Dale] Wait, we're going inside? Yes, keep rolling. [Dale] You really think that's wise? Dale, I'm gonna need you to man up, okay? Find your balls, find them, or I will find them for you. [Dale] I should probably report that to HR. But I'll let it slide. -The mouth on this woman. -[Heather] Okay... Hold up. [Heather sighs] [laughs] Hey, MacGyver. You really think that's gonna work? Where'd you learn to do that? MacGyver. [scoffs] [Dale] MacGyver. [tense theme playing] -[Wayne] Ah, shit! -Easy over there. Don't get your panties in a bunch. Hey, fuck you, man. I've about had it with this little exploration of yours. You had your shot at Gags and you blew it, remember that? Big tough Marine almost pissed himself while staring down a clown? You better fucking watch it. Go ahead, push me to the edge, see where it gets you. [Wayne] Oh, yeah, right, I'm pushing you to the edge. You know what, man? -Forget this shit, okay? -Shut up. -I'm gonna head back-- -Shut the fuck up! [eerie circus theme playing over speakers in distance] Listen. What the hell is that? It's that same shit we heard on the tracks. Come on. [Tyler] Ah, damn it, Chris. I told you to stay by me. Where the hell are you? I should have gone home with Sara. Whoa, what the fuck? Oh, no, no no. That's a big fucking no. No, no, no. [dispatcher] 1-11, what's your location? [male cop] I just had a goddamn balloon pop on me. [Dale] It's been like an hour and a half. It's been five minutes. Do you have any sense of adventure? [Dale] I have a sense of not dying. You're not gonna die. Stop being a fucking pussy. [Dale] Can you go five minutes without calling me a pussy? I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the queefing. [tense theme playing] We're close. There's something going on here. -Just keep recording. -[Wayne] Don't you worry. I'm recording the whole thing. [thudding] [Wayne] What the hell was that? [Charles] Anybody there? [man in distance] Help! [Tyler] What the hell's going on here? [Charles] Hey, stop right there. -You ain't getting away this time! -[man] Help, somebody help me! -[man] Stop! -[gunshot] [eerie circus theme playing over speakers in distance] [Chrissy] Shots fired at 419 Elizabeth Street, requesting backup. [Wayne] Holy shit. You shot him. [Charles] He was... [Charles] He was coming in. [Wayne] I can't believe it, you actually fucking shot him. You just shot Gags the Clown. Is he dead? [Wayne] Man, he's deader than a doornail. Hey, hey, hey, hey, calm down, killer. It's just like them terrorists you blasted overseas, it's no different. I... I never killed anyone ever. [Wayne] Wait, wait. Are you fucking kidding me? I was a mechanic over there. I fixed humvees. I never saw combat. [gun thumps on concrete] [Wayne] Oh... Oh, look at you. Aren't you the most pathetic fucking coward I ever seen? He was yelling for help. -You did this. -[Wayne] Me? [Wayne] Hey, don't you pin this on me, huh? You're driving this bitch, remember? -[Charles] Mm-mmm. -[Wayne] Your own words. It's your fucking fault, you did this. [Wayne] I got you on camera, Charles. Video evidence of you shooting the sumbitch. -[Chrissy] Green Bay Police! -[Wayne] Ah, fuck, five-o. Hey, listen, you do what you want, clown killer, I'm out of here. [Charles] Wait-- [Chrissy] Possible functioning security system. [Jake] The city still has juice flowing to the building. Last I heard they were gonna turn this whole thing into a luxury condominium. [Chrissy] I got something. [Jake] Shit! Is that him? Is that our clown? [Chrissy] 1-12 here at 419 Elizabeth Street. I have subject down, possible PNB, requesting 10-33 traffic. -[Jake] Anything? -No, he's dead. [Jake] Chrissy, wait. -No. -Damn. [Jake] Just a kid. It's Tyler Zepnick, Sara's boyfriend. [Jake] Ah, jeez. [Chrissy] Hey, sweetie, is Sara home? Yeah, no, no, no, it's okay, everything's fine. Look, I have to go. Split up. I take north, you take south. [Jake] We stay put and wait for backup! [Chrissy] I'm not waiting 15 minutes! [Jake] Chrissy! Damn it. [eerie circus theme playing over speakers in distance] [Dale] So instead of running out of the building at the sound of creepy carnival music, we're following it? Oh, Jesus Christ, Dale, why can't you just be happy for the surprising developments this story's presenting us, hmm? Now, help me figure out where this is coming from. [Dale] I don't feel like I'm wearing the proper footwear here. [Dale whispers] I can smell the asbestos in here. Oh, huh. [Jake] Picked up on something. Pursuing one, possibly two suspects. Whoa! [Dale] Whoa, watch it. I don't think you wanna go walking through there. It's coming from down here. [Dale] Ah, I just kind of saved your life back there. Thank you would be nice. Oh, please, I wasn't gonna fall through. [Wayne] These damn things. More importantly, how do I get out-- Hey buddy, can you tell me, what's your name-- Oh, whoa! What the hell happened to you? The show is about to begin. [Wayne stammers] You go ahead and start the show without me, okay, pal? I'm getting the fu-- [panting] [Chrissy] Come on, Sara, pick up! [eerie theme playing] [Sara on speaker] Hey, it's Sara. Surprisingly, I don't have my phone on me, but you know what to do and when to do it. -[phone beeps] -[Chrissy gasps] It's coming from in here. [Dale] Oh, dear God. [Dale] Ah, it's boarded shut. I guess we can't go in there. [panting] Come help me. [Dale] You're not at all concerned what's on the other end of that door? No, I'm not concerned. I'm not a giant pussy. What I am is intrigued, intrigued at the possibility that our clown friend might be on the other side of this door, thus giving me my fucking Gags exclusive. Now, help me. [sighing] [grunting] Just put-- Put it over there. Jesus Christ, Dale. [Dale] God. [Heather] Oh! Oh, shit. Come on! Fucking hell. Get all of this on camera. [Dale] You gotta be kidding me. Hey, Heather, wait. Oh, shit! This guy sure takes his clown gig seriously. [Dale] This is beyond messed up. Wait, we're going closer to that thing? This is him. This is our guy, Dale. [Dale] I thought we wanted the gun guy! Well, something tells me he's not too far behind. [Dale] You don't find this at all weird? No weirder than a clown walking on the street in the middle of the night? Think about it, Dale. This guy calls himself Gags. This is a joke to whoever's behind this. This is all clearly part of it. Come on. [eerie circus theme stops playing] [Dale] Fuck me. [Dale] What's wrong with their faces? Don't move. [tense theme playing] [Chrissy] Come on, Sara, pick up. -[crashing] -[Chrissy] No! -[thudding] -Ugh! [Sara on speaker] What do you want, Chrissy? [Chrissy whimpers in pain] Look, I just got home. So you can stop pestering me now. It worked, you got me in trouble with Dad. I get it, you're trying, but you'll never be my mom. [Sara sighs] Goodbye, Chrissy. [phone call beeps off] [Jake] Police! [Wayne] I don't know why I'm running, man. [Jake] Freeze! [Wayne] You're the fucking murderer. [Jake] Stop running! In pursuit of two suspects. [Wayne] Ah, shit! [Heather whispers] Just keep shooting. [Dale whispers] Holy shit, that's him. That's Charles Wright! [Wayne] What the fuck is this? I'm done. I am so done with all this shit. [police radio chatter] [dispatcher] If located, stop, hold and advise. [Jake] Green Bay Police, freeze! [Heather gasps] I need everyone to freeze and get on the floor! Now! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Officer, you need to arrest that man. I saw him murder a man tonight in cold blood. Are you kidding me? Hey, why don't I show piggy here a little video I shot, huh? Both of you are gonna shut the hell up... Show him how you're an accomplice? -...and get on the ground, now! -An accomplice? -You were there! -Now! You were egging me on! The only thing I'm an accomplice to is your shitty fucking podcast show! Officer, this man is useless white trash. He's a horrible influence and a rotten individual. Hey, what the fuck did you just call me? [Jake] Drop it! I am a United States Veteran. I served our country. I have two degrees-- I am of use to society. He is an inbred yokel shit for brain and a fucking murderer! -That's it. -[gunfire] [Heather gasps] [Dale] Whoa, no! No, no, no, no, nope! -[Heather] Dale! -[Dale] No, no, I am done. -[Dale] I am out of here. -[Heather] Are you fucking serious? [Jake] Hey, get back here! Goddamn it! -Shots fired, two suspects down. -[eerie circus music playing] -Immediate backup required. -[man over PA] Ladies and gentlemen... -...welcome to... -Where the hell did he come from? [man continues over PA indistinctly] [Jake] Green Bay Police! [Jake] You, on the stage, get down on the ground now! [man continues over PA indistinctly] [Jake] I am in some serious shit here. [Jake speaking indistinctly] [Jake] Sit down! Sit the fuck back down! I said everybody sit down! I need backup. Over! I said sit down! [eerie circus theme stops playing] -[balloon pops] -[Jake gasps] [coughing] Fuck! [screaming] [Heather screaming] Make sure you get the mill behind me. Oh, and when I'm done, if you could just do a-- [Heather screaming] What the...? [whispers] Shoot this, shoot this. Oh, fuck. Fuck me! [eerie theme playing] [Heather] Fuck! [police sirens blaring in distance] [laughing] [explosion] [Cody] Holy shit! Go live. There's a clown in town He's waiting around He's waiting around for you Yeah, there's a clown downtown He's hangin' around He's hangin' around for you He might make you laugh, he might make you frown It's only a gag It's holding you down Looking at me Am I looking at you, my little There's a clown in town He's scaring you now What if the joke's on you? There's a clown in town Don't make a sound Don't make a sound or you're through He might make you laugh, he might make you frown It's only a gag It's holding you down Looking at me Am I looking at you, my little My little clown I'll come downtown My little clown It's Gags the Clown It's Gags the Clown It's Gags the Clown It's Gags the Clown It's Gags the Clown [eerie theme playing] |
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