bThanks to guilty57/b
I have crossed
the mystic desert
To snap pictures
of the poor
I've invited them
to brunch
Let them crash out
on my floor
There's sunshine
in my veins
My kitchen's
filled with flies
I'm crying out in vain
Like a little African child
Trapped in me
There's a little
African child trapped in me
All of these blowjobs
in limousines
Why do they matter,
what do they mean
To the little
African child trapped in me?
This is Zoe Salmon,
and I'm on the set
of international
rock star Aldous Snow's
new music video,
African Child.
I was watching
the news one day
and I saw footage
about, well,
a war in I think
it was Darfur
or Zimbabwe or Rwanda,
one of them.
And I just thought,
"This isn't right, is it?"
And I made some phone calls.
It turns out, it isn't.
Aldous' long time girl friend
and mother of their son, Naples,
model pop star Jackie Q.
He's really passionate.
He's never been to Africa, but
he's really passionate about it.
And about, like,
potentially going there.
When they were putting
together this costume, I said,
"Imagine an African,
white Christ from space."
And this is what
they came back with,
an African,
white space Christ.
That's how it... Well, that's
just the concept, you know.
Obviously, I'm not saying I'm
an African, white space Christ.
That would be... That's not for me
to say. That's for other people...
That's for other people
to say if they think I'm...
They think
I'm like Jesus.
Ride me inside me
supertight
Boom boom Shake the
room like it's dynamite
Ride me inside me
supertight
Boom boom Shake the
room like it's dynamite
Ride me inside me
supertight
Boom boom Shake the
room like it's dynamite
Jackie, you've had multiple hit
singles, an amazing modeling career,
and your very
own perfume line.
How do you find balance
with your family life?
Naples is a darling.
Really cool!
He's so gorgeous.
And Aldy's the best father.
What do you love
most about Aldous?
I just love his
energy and insight.
The way he says
my name and...
Jackie.
Oh, don't.
You have a huge album coming out
right now, African Child.
Everyone is so excited
about it. You must be, too.
When people look back
at musical history,
they'll say, "Sergeant
Pepper, African Child."
That's what
they'll probably say.
Trapped in me
Jackie, Aldous, welcome back
to Showbiz Tonight.
Great to see you! How
are things going, Aldous?
Fantastically. To tell
you the truth, Brooke.
I'm happy in a way I didn't
think was truly possible for me.
Great. And you, Jackie?
I'm actually a bit bored, you know.
We've been sober now
seven years together.
And it's been a real
adjustment for me,
you know, the difference in lifestyle.
You know,
he works out all day
getting every part of
his body really hard.
Except one part's missing,
you know? One part.
- I think that through all that...
- Jackie. Have you been drinking today?
I've had a few fucking drinks,
yeah. Just a few drinks.
- Yeah.
- But that... You know, whatever.
- Arrest me. But it's really boring.
- Jackie. Jackie.
The old Aldous would have,
you know, had his way with you.
Would've bent you over that pretty
little chair and had his way.
And now we'd be
having a three-way.
You'd be coming over for a cognac
later, I'll tell you that, sweetie.
But that's not
happening anymore.
Do you want me to start drinking
again? Is that what you'd like?
- Do you want to return to that?
- Maybe you should.
I'll do lines
off her forehead
while I'm in her
up to my nuts.
- If that's what you want.
- I'm just saying.
Tell you what, time to
invest in Jack Daniel's,
'cause Aldous Snow
is off the wagon.
Drinking gin
at half past 5:00
Chatting up the bird
with the dodgy eye
I vomit Jger
on her pasty thighs
Do a runner
when her fella arrives
Drop the pills,
I'm off me crust
Meet the lads,
I'm coming up
The misbehaving singer appeared
on MTV News this weekend
to leak some
exciting info.
Let's get fucked,
let's get fucked
Let's get fucked up
on the town
Let's get fucked,
let's get fucked
Let's get fucked up
on the town
Aldous Snows father and
former manager, Jonathan Snow,
has written
a tell-all book.
Well, I managed Aldous for the
first two years of his career.
Yeah, he managed me
while I was in his testicles.
The minute he ejaculated,
the management ended.
No, I don't fucking miss it!
I'll show you what it's like.
Yeah, you're watching
Aldous Snow on TMZ!
Let's get fucked,
let's get fucked
Let's get fucked up
on the town
Let's get fucked,
let's get fucked
Let's get fucked up
on the town
Let's have fun, let's have fun
Let's have fun up on the town
Let's have fun, let's have fun
Let's have fun up on the town
Called a cab, back to mine
Same routine every time
Okay, I'm up. I'm up!
Hey, Daph, how was work?
I can't talk.
Too tired.
Is that blood
on your scrubs?
Probably.
This guy's heart
just went, like...
It was like
something out of Saw.
You want me to
get you an Ambien?
Oh, God, no. I have to
be back there at noon.
- At noon?
- Mmm-hmm.
That sucks, babe,
I'm sorry.
It's okay, sweetie.
It's not your fault.
Okay.
What do you want? Whale,
wave or mountain stream?
All of them.
Really loud.
There you go.
Thank you, sweetie,
I love you.
You're welcome.
I got you an eggy thingy.
I took a bite out of it and it's
kind of cold, but it's still good.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
You want to tape
ourselves having sex
for two hours
before I go to work?
You're so funny.
I love you.
No? Are you sure?
I've always wanted to have sex with
the Lone Ranger I the Hamburglar.
No, I'll see you tonight.
Okay. Have a good day.
I love you, Aaron,
so much.
- Good night.
- You're funny.
Oi! I'm a love dealer
You want to score
I'll give you my number
So give me a call
You're looking so lonely
There's no need to be
Let me introduce
you to my family
What's up?
How's it going?
What's up, man? I went to that
Jay-Z listening party last night.
Was it crazy? Was it insane?
Was the album incredible?
I don't know.
I got there late.
But there was this
sweet after-after-party
back at Jay-Z's house.
It was insane.
I ate cheese off
some girl's titties.
Just lie to me and tell me it
wasn't the best night of all time.
Yeah, it was, man.
That party was dope.
Yeah. Dude,
I used Jay-Z's bidet.
Yeah. We went into
their bathroom.
Jay-Z and Beyonc have these two
bidets right next to each other,
so they can sit
there and hold hands
while they get their
bungus's cleaned out.
You used Jay-Z and Beyonc's
matching his and hers bidets?
Jigga Man's bidet.
Did you hear? Killtown Records
just fired 80% of their employees.
- So what? I'm safe.
- I'm safe.
I'm in the jazz game.
Sergio doesn't even
know your name.
Good. I'm like background
noise. Just like jazz.
Let me put it like this, little
boys, replaceable, replaceable,
replaceable, jazz.
We gotta thicken
our revenue stream.
We gotta thicken
our fucking stream.
We gotta thicken the fuck
out of that stream right now.
Shit is serious out here.
The music business is
failing. The bubble done pop!
Whose phone is that?
- It's my phone, man.
- That's your phone?
It's mine, yeah.
Answer it.
Definitely.
What's up, bro? Yeah.
No, I can't talk right now.
He forced me to answer it in the middle
of this meeting in order to humiliate me.
Yeah, he's actually staring at
me, he's really pissed right now.
Swear to God, I'm not
joking, man. Yeah, 6:30.
I gotta go right now,
though. Bye.
I apologize about that.
Throw that phone
out of my office.
Please don't
make me do that.
Throw the phone
out of my office.
Throw that fucking
phone out of my office!
Right on.
Y'all think this
meeting is for me.
No. No, this meeting is
not for me. It's for y'all.
See, see,
I'm gonna be all right.
I'm straight. I got
villas in Brazil, Tahiti,
East Hampton, Westhampton.
Sergio gonna be fine!
Fuck the recession.
I own 20 Koo Koo Roos.
Twenty-one, sir.
I own 21 Koo Koo Roos.
Y'all don't own one
Koo Koo Roo. Not one.
Not one.
Y'all are fucked.
You all are fucked!
He's not wrong.
Everyone loves chicken.
I'm doing fine.
Please, people,
help me help you.
Y'all need to come up with
some brilliant ideas right now.
Who's first?
Me first, Sergio.
There's this Taiwanese
phone company, TEC,
it's got great valuation,
it's a steal, dude.
We buy that shit, we're not
just selling the ring tones,
we're selling the
fucking hardware, bitch.
Does this look like a
telephone company to you?
We make records here. This
is not Cingular Wireless.
Anybody here know anything about
Cingular's wireless broadband,
any of that
fucking phone shit?
- No.
- Well, you know something, you should.
Don't be proud of your ignorance.
Now tell me something good.
I just discovered
the next Alicia Keys.
I swear to God above,
I can vouch for her.
The next Alicia Keys.
- Yeah.
What was your
last discovery?
Chocolate Daddy.
I couldn't hear you.
What'd you say?
Chocolate Daddy.
Yeah, Chocolate
motherfucking Daddy.
He discovered
Chocolate Daddy.
How much did
Chocolate Daddy sell?
Fifteen thousand units.
Fifteen thousand units.
I'm proud of every unit.
I'm proud of those units.
- I'm telling you, this girl is...
- Shut the fuck up.
- This girl...
- Don't talk.
- She got a...
- Shut the fuck up, man. Please.
- I'm not gonna talk anymore.
- Shut the fuck up!
Fifteen thousand units!
You made me vouch for Chocolate
Daddy! Fifteen thousand units!
I got six fucking kids!
You know how much money that
is to put them through school?
You know how many Air
Jordans six black kids wear?
I'm sorry for my outburst. I'm
having a panic attack right now.
You. What you
so quiet for?
Just thinking of ideas.
That's what we need.
We need ideas.
Share.
Share with the group.
Okay.
Next month is the
Aldous Snow Live at
the Greek Theatre,
which is one of the highest
selling live albums of all time.
And if we did some sort
of anniversary concert...
I did the figures,
and it can generate
millions of dollars
in revenue.
So you think one show
is gonna change our game.
Well, we simulcast
on HBO, Facebook.
We charge them each a million
bucks to co-sponsor the event.
And that'll jump-start sales
of his back catalog,
which we can re-release,
re-master, with additional tracks
and a live DVD
of the concert.
Come on.
We need a game changer.
And Aldous Snow is not it.
Aldous Snow is one of the
last remaining rock stars.
With all due respect, maybe a
game changer's not what we need.
He's a real musician, and we
have a chance to make real music,
and that's how
we can succeed.
And personally, I think it would
kick ass to see him play live again.
That's why we're all
in this business, right?
To... 'Cause we're fans?
That's really nice.
Now I need y'all to listen to
something that's a game changer.
Play that shit.
This is a game
changer right here.
Hey.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I'm so tired.
Oh, my God.
You look pretty.
Thank you!
It was such a crazy day.
I can't wait to watch, like, a
hundred hours of Gossip Girl.
Me, too.
Yay!
Or instead of that,
we could go see The Pixies
and The Mars Volta play a show.
I don't think I can do
it tonight.
I have to be back at the
hospital at, like, 6:00 a.m.
And who's Mars Volta, again?
Oh.
I don't think it's worth
me being tired over.
Just stay and watch
Gossip Girl with me.
Okay, well,
then if you fall asleep,
then I get to go
to the concert?
If you stay,
I'll have sex with you.
I feel like
you're blackmailing me
with your genitals.
That's not fair.
Well, then do it to me.
Listen, if you don't
go to that concert,
you don't get any
of my penis tonight.
I think
I'm gonna stay home.
- Doesn't work with the penis.
- No, it's not fair.
- Blackmail does not work with the penis.
- It doesn't work.
Inside you
are the stars unfurled
I've crossed me heart
and I've crossed the world
And I need you here
And I need to be inside you
Inside you
Inside you
There's got to be some
part of me inside you
Aldous Snow wants
to do the show.
- He's interested and available.
- Really?
I want you to go to London
and pick him up.
Then I want you to take him to
New York to the Today Show
to make the announcement
about the concert.
Then bring him back here
for the show at the Greek.
Are you...
Are you serious?
Don't smile like that.
It makes you look
like an 8-year-old boy
who just discovered
his first boner.
I don't have one, so...
This is your fucking moment!
You only get one
moment in life.
It's not hiding in some cubicle,
answering some fucking phone.
- Can you handle it?
- Yeah. I can handle the moment.
An artist is the
slipperiest, most conniving
motherfucker on
the face of the earth.
That's why you have
to watch your tushie
while, at the same time, you
make them feel like a star.
It's called mind fucking.
You ever been
mind fucked before?
I don't think so.
I'm mind fucking you
right now.
You are?
Can you feel my dick
fucking your mind?
I don't... I can't
really feel anything.
See, that's it.
That's the art of it!
I'm mind fucking
the shit out of you.
I hope you're wearing a condom,
'cause I have a dirty mind.
That was a joke.
This is no time to joke.
Mind fucking is
not no joke.
You have to mind fuck
Aldous Snow.
He's a drug addict, Aaron.
You have to
show him balance.
People want to
see him fucked up,
but they don't want to
see him too fucked up.
If this is fucked up
and this is sober,
right here, that's the
perfect balance right there.
- Not here. Right here.
- Okay.
Do you like his music?
I love his music. Except for
African Child. That album sucked.
No. No. No.
You love African Child.
Your mother loves
African Child.
It's your girlfriend's
favorite album.
You love African Child. You
bought 10 copies on the first day.
Okay. Yeah,
I love African Child.
- So lie to him.
- No.
We don't lie to people.
We don't do that.
We just believe
in valid truths.
Okay.
Do you like African Child?
Hell, fucking no.
It was the most racist,
condescending shit ever made.
What the fuck you calling me?
A house nigger?
Do I look like
African Child?
I don't... No.
You just called me
a fucking house nigger.
No. I don't think
you're a house N-word.
- No. I wasn't...
- No, I don't like fucking African Child.
But if he asks me if
I like African Child,
I love that shit! I play
that shit in my fucking sleep.
I wake up to it and I brush my teeth
to it. I love African Child.
Okay. I got it.
But, no,
I don't love African Child.
Don't ever ask me
that fucking question again.
Okay. I understand.
From the minute you
touch down in London,
you have 72 hours
to get Aldous Snow
to the Greek Theatre
in Los Angeles.
Do you understand me?
Yes. Definitely.
Your flight leaves
in three hours from LAX.
Please, do a good job.
Where is she?
Right there.
Hey.
Hi, sweetie.
I have amazing news.
Let's go get some coffee.
I think I was asleep.
Go back to sleep. I'll
carry you to coffee, okay?
You're funny.
- You're funny.
- You're funny.
Sergio was
just so awesome.
He was like, "You got one
moment, and here's your moment."
And it was like 8 Mile. You
know? And he's letting me do this!
I mean, I get to spend
one-on-one time with Aldous Snow.
Aldous Snow! I mean,
how awesome is that?
Wow, that's awesome.
I feel like I have all these
ideas for his sound specifically.
You know, I could help
resurrect the guy's career.
You know? I mean, it's
incredible. It's, like, my dream.
I have some kind
of big news, too.
I got offered
a residency,
a place in a residency program,
at East Seattle General.
So, if I rank it first,
then I can get matched there,
which is pretty good.
Like Seattle, Seattle?
Yeah. It's really,
really nice there.
And it's a bigger staff, so
they have better call schedules,
so we could actually spend some
time together. It's so nice!
I'm sorry.
You want to... You want to...
You want to move to Seattle?
Well, yeah.
To work in the hospital.
To work in the
hospital there, yeah.
What am I gonna do
in Seattle?
Oh, my God, there's tons
of music stuff in Seattle.
Nirvana! Nirvana came from Seattle.
Can you not see how
it's a little alarming
that you've just decided
that I'm moving to Seattle?
Do you have
an extra scalpel?
Do you want to
cut my balls off
and put them in your pocket so you
don't just metaphorically own them,
you can physically
hold them in your pocket?
I mean, I feel like a '50s housewife
right now. Like my dreams don't count.
You're like Michael Jackson's
dad. You're abusing me right now.
Okay. You know what? We should
just... We're gonna table this.
We're gonna table
it because I can't...
Guess what. Just on a side
note, I had an idea today.
You're moving to Africa.
Listen. You know how hard
I've been working for this.
You know I am killing myself
in this internship.
This hospital will be beautiful in
Seattle, and it will be good for us.
That's all I'm saying.
I'm not trying to be hurtful.
I'm just saying that I
think it will be good for us,
so we're moving to Seattle!
- I don't want to move to Seattle...
We're moving!
We're moving to Seattle.
No. We're not
moving to Seattle.
Great. So maybe we should
just take some time.
Are you having your
period or something?
I'm sorry, what?
Are you on your
period or something?
Are you fucking
kidding me?
Hey! Aaron Green,
yeah? From Pinnacle.
- Hey, man! Hey!
- Yes.
Wow. What?
Okay. Oh, two. Right.
Europe.
Europe. Yeah.
So, the Greek concert.
- In about three days?
- Three days.
Yeah, Aldous is really excited.
We all are. This is fantastic.
I'm so ready!
- What?
- Cheerio!
Great.
I'm sorry, I'm nervous.
Okay, come in, come in.
- Cool.
- He's gonna be a moment.
Just go and wait for him
outside on the terrace.
I shouldn't
have done that.
This is awesome.
Hey!
I'm Aldous Snow,
the rock star.
Oh, man! I mean,
your place is great!
This is gonna be
so much fun.
- We're gonna travel together...
- Who are you, mate?
I'm sorry.
I'm Aaron Green.
What are you
doing in me house?
I'm from Pinnacle.
I'm here to take you to the 10-year
anniversary show at the Greek.
That's not for
another two months.
Mum?
- Yeah?
- This joker's here
to change the date
of the Greek concert.
Why would they do that?
Why would they do that?
Duffy!
- Yeah?
- Remember that concert in Los Angeles?
- Yeah.
- It's supposed to be in two months, right?
Yeah, two months.
Two months, right, exactly.
They've changed it.
What?
We had spoken about it.
I've never seen you
before in my life.
I don't like change. I don't
like it when things change.
It's unsettling,
isn't it?
Would you like a biscuit?
Or a lolly? Codeine?
Mum, Duffy, just
objectively, is this fair?
- No.
- No.
It's not, is it? I'm
not being unreasonable.
- No.
- No.
- He is.
- Yeah.
Yes.
Sorry I changed the date.
Finally!
- Finally, he admits it.
- That's my bad.
That's better. That's better
that you've apologized,
'cause now we can
start to rebuild.
- Duffy?
Yeah?
Get us a couple
of lagers, mate.
It really is so nice to
meet you. I'm a lifelong fan.
This lager hits the spot.
We should probably get going if we're
gonna catch that 6:00 p.m. flight to JFK.
Aldy, by the way, whatever
happened to Jackie?
She was such a darling girl. She
was so polite. I always liked her.
Did you? I really
liked Dad. Where is he?
Fuck off, Aldous. Your dad's
a piece of shit moocher.
You see how she talks
about me dad? Imagine that.
Anyways,
we really should get...
He had a heart attack
last month, my dad.
Look how she mugs him off.
Disgusting.
Well, if you like
the bastard so much,
why don't you go and visit
him when you're in America?
Perhaps I will. Perhaps I'll
pop over and bond with him.
You'd like that,
wouldn't you?
Yeah, I'd love that.
Cut you out of the equation,
you old bag.
We really...
We should get going if
we're gonna catch the flight.
I'm only joking.
I love you, Mummy.
I'm your special
little soldier, ain't I?
Yes, you are. You're
my special little boy.
- To Bushmills!
- Wow.
Cheers.
Hey, so, Aldous,
for the Today Show,
they want to know what
song you want to play.
Say it was up to you, Aaron,
what would you have me do?
That's your call. You're
the artist, you know,
whatever you
feel like playing.
I'd be really interested, 'cause
you're, like, a legitimate enthusiast.
I'd like to know what
you'd be into doing.
If I had to choose,
all-time favorite
would be The Clap.
That's a classic.
You know, that's...
That's, like, my childhood
right there, you know.
Okay. Well, I suppose the obvious
choice is African Child, right?
Yeah.
Great tune.
Yeah, I love African Child.
The song's awesome. I brush
my teeth to it, you know?
I think maybe we should run
to the airport right now,
'cause we're getting close.
Change it to the next one.
Should we get out of this
bourgeois shithole?
I disagree with
what you're saying!
- Bollocks!
- I disagree highly!
Oh, no.
Hey, move into...
Make Aaron famous.
Aldous, here!
Hey, look, the car service
is here, with all the bags.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Change it to the next one.
So we're going
on the next one?
This is why we delay flights. For this!
What's up, man?
Hey.
I'm here with Aldous Snow, so
we have a table in the back.
Great.
Feel free to bring
Professor Snape.
Come by. We'll play some
late-night Quidditch.
Just leave it. Yeah.
Right?
Not everyone cares.
Excuse me.
Aldous. Hey. Sorry.
Excuse me. Sorry.
Excuse me.
- What? What are you doing?
- I'm so sorry. Excuse me.
- What's this?
- Listen, hey, listen.
It's just getting super close
to that 12:00 a.m. flight.
- Aaron.
- I don't...
See them two girls?
Just there?
I want to fuck them two girls. Do you?
Yeah, they seem awesome.
They seem, like, cool.
Sure. Why not?
I don't want to think
about that right now, man.
That's cool. I just want
to leave here, please.
You're in a long-term
relationship, right?
No, just ended, actually.
See, my...
Brilliant! So, doesn't it make
sense that we would stay here
and have possibly
the time of your life?
Fuck!
Okay. What'd you prefer, blonde
or brunette? Blonde or brunette?
- I don't know.
- What was your ex?
- Brunette.
- Blonde it is.
Here we go!
- Thank you.
- Cheers.
Do you want to go to
the loo for a minute?
Why?
- Oh, yes!
- Oh, God.
My butt's getting wet!
My butt's getting wet!
I'm falling in the toilet!
I'm falling into the toilet!
That was great. Awesome.
Chase me!
It's better
than Christmas!
No, shut up.
Go on, Aaron,
give her both barrels!
- All right.
- Can you give me the key, please?
I love you.
We've seen not much of that today.
Toss it!
And there it goes.
The hoop goes wide.
Oh, no.
We're fine. We got 35 minutes
to catch an international flight.
I wouldn't worry about it.
Your mouth is smiling, but
your eyes look all sad. Why?
Will you excuse me one sec?
Do you mind driving faster, please?
Would you like me to take
the Chiswick Roundabout
through Hounslow
and Staines?
What is this,
fucking Middle-earth?
Just take us to
the airport, okay?
Come on!
- All right, sir.
Run! Run! Run!
Run! Just, try and keep up.
Final boarding call...
- Just keep up.
Hold the plane!
We're here!
Aaron. Aaron.
Aaron, you're sleeping. Stop
sleep. Aaron, you're asleep.
You're asleep. You're asleep,
Aaron. Here's your drink.
- My leg.
- Don't sleep so often.
Cheers, mate.
Thank you for
waking me up.
Why do you think people
keep saying my music's shit?
I don't think that's the
case. Is it? Is that the case?
Yeah, a lot of negativity. Lot
of sniping and snidey remarks.
People are, "Yeah, he's shit,
he's a has-been, he's over,
"he's in his
greatest hits era."
Don't listen to that shit.
I love all your albums.
Do you love the album
African Child?
Yeah, of course. I love
African Child. It's awesome.
Aaron. NME said
that African Child
was the most detrimental thing
to happen to black culture
since the Rodney King
beatings.
- Are you serious?
- Yeah.
I read in Rolling Stone
that African Child came third
behind famine and war
as the thing that had been
most damaging to African life.
I find that hard
to believe,
but they say any press is
good press, right? I mean...
Come on, mate.
You know, open up.
It seems as if
on your last album
you kind of went in
the studio and just did
whatever the producer
asked you to do.
Right. Yeah, no, that's
exactly... This is good.
Aldous Snow needs
to be two guitars,
a bass and a drum kit
and his incredible voice.
- Vocals, yes! Yes.
- And that's it.
And that's what we want to
hear. That's what I love.
That's what all
your fans love.
It's just every artist
has this one album
that's just not good,
and that's it.
Honestly, I listen to
that and I'm just like,
"What is this piece of shit I'm
listening to? Do I even know this artist?
"What the fuck
was he thinking?"
Don't fucking talk to me
like that, you little prick.
I'm so sorry.
In future, if someone asks you to
give them a critique of their work,
don't rip out
their fucking gizzards
and hold it in
front of their face.
What are you?
What do you know?
I'm sorry. Look, I don't
know what I'm talking about.
Yeah, what you did
was very spiteful.
But it was also very
brave and very honest,
and I respect you
for doing that,
but the content of what you
said has made me hate you.
So there's a layer
of respect, admittedly,
for your truthfulness,
peppered with hate.
Hateful respect.
I'm sorry.
It's over.
Scalpel! Now!
But, Doctor!
Hey, I think I used
to have sex with her.
Yeah, yeah.
No, I did, I did.
Love is blind
Love is blind, love is blind
Aaron. I haven't performed
in three years, you know?
I need a drink if
I'm gonna do this show.
I feel tired. I don't
even want to do it.
You'll do great.
We have, like, 14 minutes to get to
the Today Show, so step on it.
Aaron.
Here's a photo of you
being sick last night.
And so it is.
Who's this guy?
He's really cute.
That's Naples. My son.
The only thing that makes me happy,
the little twit.
Hey, Sergio.
The 7:00 a.m. flight!
What the fuck?
You have lost control
of this shit.
- What you think?
- Hold on.
I mean, come on, player. Lose
the pink, man. It's not gangsta.
That's your problem, man. You
always trying to be gangsta.
What are you talkin' about? The name of
the song is called I'm Gangsta!
You're five zippers
away from Thriller.
And you're one shirt away
from Carlton, motherfucker.
Fuck off, Sergio.
You can fuck me all you want, but
you gonna change that goddamn pink.
Aaron, listen, your job is to keep
him sober for the next 30 minutes.
Hey, I feel like a little
whiskey. Do you mind?
Thanks.
I'm not gonna wear
this hat on the program,
so whatever you do to my
hair now is irrelevant.
I kind of feel like getting
a buzz on also. Do you mind?
You enjoying yourself, mate?
- Goddamn.
- This ain't cool, what you're doing.
'Cause I need
that for the show.
This isn't cool.
Don't be a bitch, dude.
Let me get my smoke on.
Economist Paul Krugman stops by to
give us his take on the economy.
Hey. I'm Aaron.
Do you have any idea how late
you are? You smell like a hobo.
But first, our interview
and performance
from British rocker
Aldous Snow.
We'll be back right
after these messages.
And we're in commercial.
- Thanks, guys.
Meredith! Hello,
this is Aldous Snow.
It is such a pleasure
to finally meet you.
I was getting a little
worried. I know you
changed your flights
quite a few times.
I didn't think you'd make it.
I apologize
for our tardiness.
The culprit is this
gentleman. He's Aaron Green.
That's why we're late,
because of him.
- Aaron!
- Hey.
- Come meet Meredith.
- Hey, Meredith.
- Oh, my gosh.
- It's lovely to meet you.
My mom loves your shit.
There, see?
He looks after me.
I am here with
Aldous Snow of Infant Sorrow.
Ready, one, take.
Aldous, tough question. You were
famously sober for many years.
Now you are
famously not sober.
Are you on
something right now?
- Yeah.
- You are?
- Yeah.
- Several things?
I'm just mucking around,
Meredith. I've never taken drugs.
I have.
I love them.
Aldous,
I'm worried about you.
Are you Paul Krugman?
Yeah.
My dad loves your shit.
Thank you.
Hey, you're doing great, man!
You're doing great. So good.
I don't know the lyrics
to African Child.
You're funny as shit, man.
I need you to get the lyrics. I'm
serious. I don't know the lyrics.
I can't remember
what the lyrics are.
They're, like, the most
simplest lyrics ever.
Are they, mate?
What are they?
Yeah...
Across the mystic desert
Is a desert that is mystic
No! That's not the lyrics.
- I don't know.
- Thirty seconds.
Thirty seconds.
- I will figure this out. Don't worry.
- You started this.
I am herewith
Aldous Snowof Infant Sorrow.
I understand that African Child
was commercially disappointing.
Who knows the lyrics to African
Child? Who knows the lyrics to...
...artistically fulfilling.
Yeah, but it was also
critically disappointing.
Yes.
- Hey, man.
- What's up?
Do you know the lyrics
to African Child?
I don't know the lyrics. I just
pound the drum and do the Africa face.
I need the lyrics
to African Child!
I need the lyrics
to African Child!
Yes, in a way.
Although, in another way, no.
Well, we all want
you... We want you to sing.
What are the lyrics
to African Child?
I guess I'm gonna.
- Okay, he's gonna sing.
- We'll be right back with Aldous Snow.
- I'm gonna.
It is a wonderful day
here in New York City.
We are seconds away
from Aldous Snow
performing live out
in Rockefeller Plaza.
I can't...
Sorry, Meredith!
Oh, boy.
And now, Aldous.
Thank you.
I'm Aldous Snow.
And this is African Child.
Oh, fuck.
Take three.
Can you hit the delay?
- Oh, shit.
- I'm sorry.
I want to...
Do you remember The Clap?
Play The Clap.
One, two, three, four!
We got the clap
You got the clap
We cooked the rocks
You took the smack
Ah, yeah
We love you!
We got the itch
You got the scratch
Burns, burns, burns
Like the head of a match
You took the front, I
took the back. Ah, yeah
We got the clap
We got it
I got the clap!
I got the clap, too!
I'm so shitfaced.
What's going on?
My gosh.
We got the clap
You got the clap
Wiped my face on
the welcome mat
We got the clap
Can't be beat
Got it off
the back of a toilet seat
Shake your hips
Mind your feet
We got the clap
We got it
Oh, no.
Tell the West Coast
they gotta trim the balls.
Ready, one, take.
We got the clap
Can't be beat
We got the clap
We're gonna be performing at the Greek
Theatre in two days! See you there!
- Aldous!
- Aldous!
Pandemonium!
Oh, man!
That was awesome!
- So cool.
- I enjoyed that.
I couldn't have done it without
you, do you know what I mean?
The Clap. Great idea!
You rocked that shit!
- It was amazing.
- It was crazy, man.
That is so fucking crazy.
Oh, man.
Central Park is beautiful.
Are you sure you
should do that, man.
We're on our way
to the airport.
Let's go jogging!
Come on, join in with me.
No, I don't...
This... You know...
Please!
For us, our friendship.
Thank you. Thank you
for that. I'll use it.
I would grind that. I would
ride the shit out of her.
Yeah,
I would kiss her face.
Don't take it.
Don't take it.
Who is it? Sergio?
- Shit, it's Daphne.
- Worse.
- Hey, Daph.
- Hey, sweetie.
What's up?
Listen, I'm just calling
'cause I wanted to apologize.
I just slept for,
like, 20 straight hours
and I'm feeling really bad,
and I just wanted to say I'm
sorry about what happened.
I was out of my mind.
- Okay.
- Really?
Yeah. Thanks.
So, I'd like to
make it up to you
when you get back
from your trip.
Wait, what's up?
I would like to
make it up to you.
Fun Daphne got us
tickets to Radiohead.
Wait, what's up?
Can you hear me?
I thought we broke up.
You broke up with me, right?
Aaron, we live together.
We have a home together.
How could you think
we were broken up?
Because that's
what you said.
You really think that we're broken up
right now? What have you been doing?
You know, you're so holier-than-thou
about being a doctor.
You know, just 'cause you're a
doctor doesn't make you a good person.
The Nazis have doctors,
Daphne.
They had Nazi doctors
that fixed Nazi legs
so they could walk around
being angry, okay?
- So...
- What are you talking about?
Aaron! Is it your
girlfriend? Let me have a go.
Aaron is very busy now.
Press seven for fellatio.
Here you go.
Don't hang about.
There's pussy everywhere,
mate. I can't do them all.
Hey, that was Aldous.
You know, here's some medical
advice from your Nazi doctor.
Herpes is incurable.
I labored under the myth of
monogamy for seven years with Jackie,
and it was pointless.
So you only slept
with Jackie?
No. No. I mean,
I slept with other people,
but I always
told her about it.
Monogamy.
I realize now my dad
was just a realist.
I used to be angry...
All right, love.
I used to be angry
'cause he abandoned me,
but really, he was
just being a realist.
You can't remain
in that situation.
Your dad lives in,
in Vegas, right?
Mmm-hmm. That's right,
yeah. He lives there, yeah.
You should invite him...
Hello, love.
- Your dad should...
- Nice.
You should invite him to the
show. You want me to get on that?
I don't know if we really
have that type of relationship,
you know,
me and my dad.
He always wants something
from me. It's a bad idea.
Well, I'm sure he'd love
to come see you perform.
Let's put it this way. If I had
a concert, my dad would come.
He would come,
like, five hours early
and ask all the roadies
what town they were from,
and if he knew
anybody from their town.
He'd be proud.
He's good.
He's a good man.
Yeah. Yeah.
I hate to be a downer,
but it's getting really late.
We have a flight early in
the morning. Do you mind if...
Yeah, yeah, right.
Hey, Aaron!
Have you ever drunk absinthe,
like from the 1900s?
- No.
- Picasso drank it.
Oi!
Absinthe!
All right, well,
we'll take one shot
and then we'll go
back to the hotel?
Just a little sip
of naughty water,
and we go back
to the hotel. Simple.
Aaron! You lost control,
motherfucker.
Stampin' on an
African child!
Do you like it when
I whip you, Aldous?
Why is Moby whipping us?
Whee!
Whee!
Look, I'm eating
my own head.
I accept your apology.
What's
Aldous Snow like?
He's the best.
- Hello?
It's sort of like...
I'm basically
like his new producer
or whatever.
That is so amazing
for you!
- Hello?
Why are your boobs different sizes?
'Cause the left...
I don't
care either, Daphne.
You live in Seattle, I'll
fucking live in New York.
Look how
beautiful you are.
Do you see how
beautiful you are, Jackie?
I like being so close.
You're so beautiful.
Jackie Q, Jackie Q
I love you
Jackie Q
Fucking hell.
Jackie Q, Jackie Q
at the barbeque
You silly bastard.
- I love you.
- Why don't we make a sex tape?
- 'Cause I don't want to make a sex tape.
- Yes.
Fucking hell.
Come on, it'll be fun!
Please, Aldous, come on.
I will not call you.
- Let me marry you.
- Please, Aldous.
Jackie?
Is that you, Aldous?
No, Aldous Snow
has got better things
to do first thing
in the morning
than call up
an ex-girlfriend.
What are you doing?
Where are you?
Just in our old flat,
actually.
In New York.
You with anybody?
Some affable nitwit.
Where are you now, Jackie?
Los Angeles.
What are you doing?
Sleeping next
to Lars Ulrich.
Lars Ulrich?
From Metallica?
Yeah.
Why?
What's Lars packing
in the drumstick region?
I can't tell you
that right now.
He's sleeping
right next to me.
What are you so interested
in Lars for, Aldous?
You jealous?
No. I don't get jealous.
I miss you, Aldy.
I miss you. I miss you.
I miss you.
Listen, why don't you be a
good girl and put the phone down
next to your vagina,
'cause I need to talk to her.
Hello?
Is that Jackie's vagina?
Hello, Aldous.
All right.
How are you?
I've missed you.
I'm very well, thank you. I've
just come back from Brazil.
What's the weather like?
- It's quite wet down there, actually.
- Fuck off.
I really miss
your cock, Aldous.
I'm gonna come
and see you, Jackie.
I don't think you should, but
I do, I really miss you, Aldous.
I'm stuck here
with a hard-on.
I don't know
what to do with it.
Hey, babe.
Who's on the horn?
It's Mum. She's just
calling up from London.
Let me
take care of this.
Oi, Aldous.
It's Lars.
"I'm ashamed that you're
with a drummer, Jackie.
"I'd always dreamed that
you would marry a front man.
"With charisma.
Razzmatazz.
"Rough around the edges, but with
stars in his eyes, you know."
Jackie, your mom kind of sounds
like a Monty Python skit.
- Give me the phone back.
- Okay. Okay, okay, sorry.
Darling,
I've gotta go, all right?
I'll see you later.
I'm coming to see you.
Don't say anything
else, all right? I gotta go. Bye.
Get up.
I can't be here
anymore now.
Huh?
I can't believe we're
actually on time for a flight.
Hey, can you
pull over, mate?
Actually, we, we have
a flight to catch.
Yeah, no, just pull over here off
Linden. I want to get a pretzel.
Dude really wants
a pretzel.
He's not getting
a pretzel, is he?
Not the kind you
put mustard on.
Go, please.
Next in line!
You two traveling together?
Okay.
You mind coming in
back for a quick exam?
Just come this way, please.
Thank you.
I need you to put this
into your bottom hole.
What?
Put this into your rectum.
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa!
What the fuck, man?
What are you doing? We're
in the middle of the airport!
It's a necessary part of your
job, Aaron. Don't be complicated.
I won't do it.
I won't do it. No.
- Put it in! Relax your anus.
- Stop! Just stop!
Aaron! If you don't do it,
I ain't gonna do the concert.
I'll just get on a plane
and go back to London.
The only logical thing
to do in this situation
is to put this
deep in your asshole.
Please keep
the line moving, sir.
My phone is ringing.
Your phone is not ringing.
It's Sergio.
It's not Sergio.
There's no one there!
Aaron, stop pretending
to talk to Sergio!
Right, mate. Hello!
Hey! The couch
is not for jumping!
Aaron, my superstar.
Great news.
The concert sold out
in 10 fucking minutes.
Hey, so I'm having a possible
health issue with the talent.
What kind of health issue?
His eyes ain't rolling to the
back of his head, are they?
- No.
- Babe! I don't see no string cheese!
All I see is Babybels
and chocolate pudding!
Baby, look in the dairy
drawer! Next to the Go-Gurts.
I don't see no Go-Gurts!
You need to put these shits
where I can see them.
He wants me to put drugs up my
ass. And I don't know what to do.
Then you put
the drugs up your ass.
What's the problem?
Please don't
make me do that.
This is the opportunity
that you've been waiting for.
You are now in
the power position.
You hold all the power
in your ass.
He will do whatever
you want him to do.
Isn't that enabling him?
Yes, that's what we do.
It's only a little bit
of heron in your ass.
Nobody's gonna die.
You know what
you signed up for.
It's Biggest Loser time
It's Biggest Loser time
It's Daddy's favorite show
It's Daddy's favorite show
Just give it.
Aaron!
Come on, mate,
we ain't got all day.
It's not recreational! It's not
meant to be a hobby! Just get it up!
Close the door behind you!
Hurry up!
Why did you do this to me?
Out of love.
Are you sure you should
be doing this stuff?
Have you got an anti-drug message
that you're gonna convey now?
I just feel like it couldn't
hurt to not be on heroin.
Couldn't it? You know,
I used to be sober.
When I was sober,
I was worried about,
"Is this the twilight
of my career?"
"Is the mother of my child a cruel,
evil, brilliant, savant, idiot genius?"
You know, "Am I bringing
up my kid the right way?"
Now, I'm just
worried about drugs.
Your life's to-do list
must be a baffling document.
You're worried about
so many things, Aaron.
You're worried about
will we get to the show?
Will I perform well? Will you
get the credit that you deserve?
Mine has on it
but one word.
- Do you know what that word is?
- Oh, no.
- I have to sneeze.
- What?
I have to sneeze.
But I'm terrified that my
bowels will evacuate if I do.
If you sneeze,
it is very important
that you clench
at the same time.
Aaron.
I'm gonna sneeze. I'm
gonna clench and sneeze.
- Listen to me.
- Dude, I'm gonna clench and sneeze.
Don't close your eyes. It's impossible
to sneeze if your eyes are open.
Open your eyes.
- You're being selfish.
- I'm gonna clench and sneeze.
- Is it still in?
- I think I broke a rib.
- Hello, to you.
- Hi.
I'm just checking
if flight 51 is on time.
Let's see.
Hello, gorgeous. That
flight to Vegas left yet?
Not yet.
Well, stick us on
that then, please.
Two first-class tickets?
- No.
- Yeah.
Yeah, switch us onto the
Vegas flight, me and him.
- All right.
- No.
I want to visit my dad.
It was your idea.
That's not what I meant. I meant
after the show to see your dad.
You didn't specify.
He didn't specify.
Yeah, well, I... You know, I did
that special favor for you earlier.
So, maybe you could return that
favor and we could just go to LA.
What favor?
You know. The favor that I did earlier.
My mind's a blank.
- Oh! He means the heroin.
- Nope.
- His bum's all full of heroin.
- He doesn't mean that.
- No, no, no.
- I'm a terrible drug addict.
- Mule!
- No.
- He's a mule!
- No.
- You're the devil.
- Perfect.
All right,
I want my package now.
I'm not gonna
give you the drugs
until we're in Los Angeles,
post-show.
Just to clarify, are you saying
you're withholding my narcotics?
You made a huge tactical
error and now I'm in control.
Okay.
- Are you ticklish?
- Okay, stop.
- Okay, stop.
- Give me the package.
Seriously stop! Seriously
stop! Seriously stop!
- Seriously stop! Seriously.
- I'll smoke you out.
Seriously, seriously stop!
What are you doing?
Stop! No! No! Let go!
You're crazy! No! No!
- No!
- Open up.
- No!
- Good girl.
- Wasn't painful, was it?
- No.
In future, if you find
yourself in a situation...
What are you doing? Get the
fuck... You little wanker.
I just need you to go
and score for me, Aaron.
We're in Vegas. I don't know
peeps out here, you know?
It's not a fucking game, Aaron!
Don't put yourself between me and my
problem or I'll fucking destroy you!
Go on now! Why are you still
here? Why are you still here?
Just calm...
Just calm down.
It's not a joke!
It's not funny!
Spilling my narcotics,
fucking me around!
I need you to sort me out!
You spilled my medicine!
You need to remedy it!
This is calm.
Twenty minutes ago,
I was even more calm
when I had my fingers
in your asshole.
You don't want to wait around
for another half-hour, son,
'cause I'll be
fucking you up.
I'll figure it out.
Yeah, you will. Yeah.
- Hi. Can I help you?
- Yes.
I am trying to look up a friend
of mine who's staying at the hotel.
- I don't know what room he's in.
- Okay. What's the last name?
- It's spelled H...
- Okay.
... E-R-O-I-N.
Can you find
that guest for me?
Can you find
that guest for me?
Okay, I see
what you're doing.
I don't think it's funny,
to be honest with you.
I mean, you come here,
you ask me for,
if somebody named Heroin has
checked in the fucking hotel,
'cause you wanna buy drugs
and that's how you do it?
You pretend that it's the
last name of a fucking guest?
Are you out of your mind?
I don't know. I just,
just, just... I just...
I'm looking for my friend
Heroin. Do you know him?
Yeah, I do. He'll be out back of the
Spice Market Buffet in 20 minutes.
I feel like I'm in
Yo, Brian,
give me my money
or I'm gonna stab you in the
fucking stomach, all right?
Get out of my room, dude.
What are you gonna do?
What... I'm not,
like, involved in this.
Oh, my God!
Where is the hospital?
You take a right
on North Casino Way!
Every street's
called Casino Way!
God, why didn't he take
me all the way to the door?
One, two, three, four
It's just like
coming in the back door
Five, six, seven, eight
Feels great
A ring, a ring
around my dirty posie
My rear pocket is so
fit and so damn cozy
Ring, ring,
ring around my posie
All the boys in town say
I've the tautest of posies
Aldous.
I couldn't get what
you wanted me to get.
Sorry.
Yeah, I forgot
I asked you to do that.
No, that's all sorted.
Turns out, it's quite easy
to get drugs in Las Vegas.
Why do you look
so flustered?
All right, just change and
we'll get going, shall we?
Looking forward
to seeing me dad.
Thanks again for
the suggestion.
Great.
By posie,
I'm talking about my asshole
Jackie Q!
When Frank Sinatra moves his arm,
you can see my dad. There. There!
What about... What was that
fucking album you brought out last?
It was... What was it?
African something or Zambezi,
or what was it?
- African Child.
Child. Child. Yeah, yeah,
African Child.
You should have stayed
away from that one, I think.
I think you should've aborted that
child, eh? You got that?
You know, mate?
I loved it.
She loved it, yeah.
Yeah. She really did.
No, she told me
that she loved it.
- Yeah?
- I loved it. So enlightening.
We didn't order these.
These drinks
are on the house.
Oh, really? Great.
Thank you very much.
Funny, isn't it?
You get rich and then
everything comes free.
Yeah.
So what brings you
to Vegas?
Aldous wanted
to visit you.
No. No, we were
just passing through.
- We were near.
- Really?
Actually, I've got a show
at the Greek Theatre in LA.
Terrific! Terrific. Great.
It's tomorrow, actually.
Really? Terrific!
We should go see that.
Well, I'm not sure I...
No, I think I'm busy tomorrow
night. I'm busy tomorrow.
Don't worry about it.
It's not set in stone or...
It's actually
very set in stone.
No, some of us have to work
for a living, right? You know.
Yeah, 'cause I remember
I became a rock star
as a result of
winning a quiz show.
What?
All right, all right.
I'll check the schedule.
Dad!
I like it here.
Cheers, son.
Yeah, I like to come here and clear my head.
You remember that first
strip club I brought you to?
I do.
Fondly. Very fondly.
So listen, what are you going
to open with at the Greek?
- Love Explodes.
- Really?
I think you should open with Going
Up. I love that fucking song.
It's fucking genius. You know,
it's a great thing to open with.
I mean, getting them up,
getting them, fuck,
right there in the fucking palm of
your hand right away. Going Up.
You missed
sound check, bitch!
You know how much
that's gonna cost us?
I apologize. Look,
things got out of control.
But, hey, we're at The
Standard now, so it's all fine,
because we're all
settled in and we're here.
Guess what. I'm downstairs in the
lobby. Why don't you come on down?
You know what?
Actually, Aldous just went to sleep.
So I just think it'd be better
if he just, like, got some rest.
April Fools.
I don't want to hear
that shit. You fucked up.
He doesn't do anything you want
him to do! He's a crazy person!
Okay, shut the fuck up and
listen. There's a change of plans.
I hope you got
a good night's sleep.
We going to party these pussy
limey motherfuckers into the ground.
They gonna be
dying to leave Vegas.
But we gonna have
to mind fuck them.
A deep mind fuck.
Sergio!
Aldous, hey!
Have a drink with us!
Come on!
Whoo! Vegas!
- What's up, baby?
Vegas! Vegas! Vegas!
Join in!
Let's get our mind fuck on.
Now, the Rat Pack
was the shit!
Those guys right
there could croon.
Whenever I would hear
Frank or Dean or Sammy sing,
shit would just
warm my heart!
- You know, it just makes me fucking tingle!
- It's nice, isn't it?
Yeah, I feel that.
I feel that, Sergio.
Sometimes I think that I was
Frank Sinatra in a past life,
even though I was
born before he died.
No, I'm Frank Sinatra.
What? No.
You? No.
No. No, no, no.
Sorry, mate.
- You can't be Frank!
- Can't be Frank.
- No.
- Yeah. I'm Frank.
What you trying to say?
I gotta be Sammy?
Yeah.
- Why I gotta be Sammy?
'Cause I'm black,
I gotta be Sammy Davis?
Well, you know...
I look more like Frank
than I do look like Sammy!
Hey, so it looks like you
got everything under control,
so I might call
it an evening.
Sit your ass...
Has he been acting like
a bitch this whole time?
- Yes, he has.
- Yeah, he's been a right little bitch.
What are you doing?
You are representing Pinnacle.
Excuse me. Come here for
a second. What's your name?
Destiny.
Destiny, this is Aaron.
He's my personal attendant.
He runs shit for me.
- Nice to meet you.
- Aaron.
Destiny.
Destiny, pay attention.
You are gonna go and have
sex with Aaron. Right now.
That's disrespectful.
Aaron,
go with your destiny.
That's my name, Destiny.
And you're using it two ways.
I'm actually in a band.
My life is music.
I'm in an all-girl cover band
and we do the
Pussycat Girl's songs.
And we're called
the Pussy Kittens.
Can you hook me
up with Aldous?
- Sure.
- Cool.
Okay, what are you doing?
What?
Don't do that.
I feel like I want to
show you something.
I feel like I don't
want to see it, though.
All right! Hey!
So that's your vagina.
- Right on.
- No, but look at it!
Look at the hair. Look
at the pubic hair! It's...
- Yeah, it's a microphone.
- For my work.
Hello. Testing, one, two,
three! Is this thing on?
Hello?
Hey, so put that away, all right?
Do you want to
sing hair-aoke?
I'm okay. I'm all right.
Oh, my God.
I think you're really sexy
because you look
like Dennis Quaid.
What? Really?
Randy Quaid, maybe.
- Pants off!
- No!
- Off with the pants.
- Honestly...
Pants-off party!
You're acting crazy!
Stop. No!
- Hello.
- All right.
Fun and games are over.
Let's relax for a second.
Let's just, let's just... You
carry that around with you?
Stop! When's the last time
you Purell-d that thing?
Kiss it.
You like it.
I want to go home!
This is going
inside of you!
No! Get off of me!
What are you doing?
Oh, my God! Why does
this keep happening to me?
- Just relax.
- No!
Take your medicine.
Yes, yes.
Why does it
have balls?
That was really nice.
No, it's really nice,
you know,
playing together like that.
Yeah.
We should do it
more often.
We should, Dad.
Yeah, you know, there's a ballroom
space opening up at the Golden Nugget.
I know the owner a bit,
you know?
I could hook you up
with a permanent gig there.
We could make loads of dough. Well,
they're all doing it, you know.
Cher. Cline Dion. Elton John.
If you want money
from me, Dad, just ask.
I don't want your
fucking money, do I?
I just want to help your
fucking career, don't I?
- My career don't need help.
- Really?
Your last record,
you know how many it sold?
Don't need help?
You sure fucking do.
So you know the precise sales
figures for me last album.
- When was me birthday? Surprise me.
- Now, look, look...
- When was me birthday?
- Aldy, Aldy, Aldy!
You never would have
made it without me.
I did make it without you.
I made it in spite of you.
You inherited all your
musical talent from me!
I wrote all your songs
from the tip of my cock.
Right. That's it. So, like, I've
been plagiarizing from your ball bag.
Where does the DNA come...
Where does your talent come from?
- Here.
- Brilliant bit of biology, Dad.
Yeah, I think that's what Darwin
discovered on the Galapagos Isles.
That music can be written
in someone's spunk.
I'm talking fucking facts.
- I think I've just been raped.
What's that?
Raped?
Here you go, mate.
That'll take the edge off.
Yeah, give him that.
Make yourself useful.
- Here you go. All right?
- What is this?
It's called a Jeffrey, Aaron.
Bit of this, bit of that.
Here. Have a
look. Have a look at this.
Aldous Snow wasn't always
so pretty, was he, eh?
What are you showing him
that for, Dad?
Why do you carry
that photograph?
Remember when
we used to box?
You used to get in the ring,
wheezing around.
Do you remember?
Hey, what's in this? My heart's
starting to beat really fast.
It's weed mostly.
Sergio gave it to me.
It's got a bit of opium
in it. Some heroin.
- Crunched-up E's.
Clorox.
Methadone. Subutex.
Morphine. Peyote.
Some other stuff
that's unidentifiable,
and I think a little bit of angel
dust, actually, if I'm not mistaken.
- You know, bit of glue for... Yeah.
- Keep it traditional.
It's like a drug Neapolitan.
Oh, my God,
look at his little boat.
What a lovely
little boat race.
Yeah, let me get a shot of
that. Hold it, hold it. Cheese!
I'll never tire of
looking at that git.
Why the fuck is it
called a Jeffrey?
'Cause who could be
scared of a Jeffrey?
Yeah, Jeffrey's just this nice
bloke from down the road, isn't he?
What's wrong with you?
"Hello, I'm Jeffrey!
I've just moved in."
"Yes, I'm Jeffrey."
- "Jeffrey. Jeffrey, Jeffrey."
- "My wife has got varicose veins!"
I'm having a heart attack.
I'm having a heart attack.
You're not having
a heart attack, Aaron.
I think he might be
having a heart attack.
- He's not. He's all right.
- Oh, no.
Don't wind him up.
I'm having
a heart attack.
He is.
He's having a heart attack.
- I'm telling you.
- Listen to your dad! He's right!
He's not having
a heart attack.
He looks like he's having
a heart attack, doesn't he?
Aaron, come with me, mate.
Just get away from him.
He's an idiot.
It's all right.
Just take deep breaths.
In through your nose,
out through your mouth.
In through your nose,
out through your mouth.
That's what you need to do.
Come here. We're together,
mate, all right?
I shouldn't have given you the
Jeffrey. That was a mistake.
I'm so sorry. But relax now. It's
over. Everything is beautiful.
The world is beautiful. Everything
is cool. Look around us, we're...
Look at that, look.
Look at these.
Look at this tiny, simple
beauty of this tiny little ant.
Isn't that lovely? See? We're
at one with that. So lovely.
It's nice, beautiful.
Isn't it beautiful?
And lovely, and wonderful,
and pure and...
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have done that.
- No.
- I'm on the Jeffrey, too.
Now just breathe deeply.
- Okay.
- Okay.
That won't last. No.
That's the joy of
the Jeffrey, you see.
It goes away,
but then it comes back!
Don't worry. It doesn't do
that. You're gonna be okay.
Don't listen to him,
don't listen to him.
Here. Put your hand here.
Just touch the furry wall.
Stay with me. Be calm. Be calm.
Just stroke the furry wall.
You're with the furry wall.
With the furry wall now.
Dad!
Stop bullying my mate!
You sound
just like your mum.
- Don't talk about my mum.
- Y'all need to take a hit of this Jeffrey!
It'll calm you down!
Sammy's right!
Right, I've got a question. She still
seeing that soft-dick postman, eh?
Or has he left her as well?
You're gonna die on
your own, old man.
You're gonna die and I'm gonna fucking
laugh when you die, you old cunt.
Aaron, stop stroking the
furry wall! We're going...
Get off!
Hey, shouldn't
somebody stop this?
Feel how good this feels?
I'm gonna cover the whole outside
of my house in this material.
Come back here.
Get back here. Get...
My house is gonna look
like a fucking werewolf.
What the fuck?
- Go on, run away!
- Stop chasing me!
See, Aaron?
The plan is working.
This is what old pussy used
to look like in the '70s.
I miss that.
You're a very bad parent!
I'll show you bad, eh?
What are you doing?
That's a gun!
He's got a gun!
- Now that's what I'm talking about.
- Oh, no.
- Where did that come from?
- Hey!
Keep stroking the wall!
Keep stroking the wall!
- That's Jeffrey's gun.
- No one endangers my artist!
- Somebody help me, please!
- I'm coming, Aaron!
This is so rock star.
I'm having a heart attack!
Somebody take me to the hospital!
It's on North Casino Way!
- Calm down.
- I'm having a heart attack!
- You're having a heart attack, are you?
- I am!
Jesus! Why can't
everything be this simple?
Sergio, fancy a drink, eh?
Sergio would have made you
bring a medical kit.
Where is the medical kit
that Sergio...
It's over there!
It's over there!
Fucker.
Yeah!
- I'm okay.
- Right!
Come here!
No! No. No.
Now I'm gonna stab you in the
heart with this adrenaline needle.
What? What?
I'm alive!
See if you like this.
Where the hell you been?
We went to see Cher.
Cher? How was it?
Amazing.
This is all your fault!
He's fucking Catwoman!
- You're so mean!
- That's enough!
It's not easy
being a parent.
Shit!
I'm sorry, pops,
you okay?
Now, this is what the
music industry is all about.
Sergio's gone crazy.
I love this game!
He's Jeffreyed.
Let's go! Bye!
No, I don't think so.
This adrenaline's crazy! I've
never run so fast in my life!
I don't have my luggage!
Fuck your luggage!
We'll get you new luggage!
Where you going? Run
all the way back to LA!
Sergio is chasing us!
This is the longest
hallway of all time!
It's Kubrickian!
You cannot outrun me!
I am black!
- Go, go, go! Please, driver!
- Just drive it!
- Go! Now! Go! Go! Go! Go!
- Drive!
- Drive faster!
- Quickly!
It's not fucking cool!
- Go! Oh, no!
- Oh, my God! Oh!
- Stop, stop!
- Stop!
Why aren't you bitches going?
Come on!
- Go, go, go, go, go!
- Go! Go!
The plan worked!
Now that's a mind fuck.
Aldous? Aldous.
Aldous, I can't sleep.
The adrenaline'll wear off
soon, Aaron. Just be patient.
- Go back to sleep.
- I can't sleep, man.
This adrenaline is just... It's
like coursing through my whole body!
Aaron, don't be selfish.
I'm really tired.
I've had a really
difficult few days.
Been under a lot of pressure.
Just let me relax.
No! No!
Aaron,
you're being strange.
- No!
- Aaron, don't be selfish. I'm sleeping.
No! You've kept me up for three
days, you got me all Jeffreyed up,
and you stabbed me in the arm
with an adrenaline needle!
You're staying up
and talking to me!
I gave you that adrenaline
for your own good.
Your life was in jeopardy.
I'm like a guardian angel.
Your dad. Your dad, man. That sucks.
That was crazy, man.
He's all right. He's just trying
to live his life, isn't he?
He's not all right. He uses
you. You let people use you.
Sooner or later you're
gonna be all used up!
Yeah, a lot of the time
when people are on drugs,
they come up with sentimental
rubbish. But this is brilliant.
Ha, ha. I know you're making
fun of me, but I don't care.
No, you've made me happy.
Just let me sleep now.
You know what I'm gonna do
when I get home?
No, this is good.
I'm gonna get on
my hands and knees,
and I'm gonna beg
Daphne to take me back.
It's gonna be shameful. But
that's what you should do.
Because Jackie
is your Daphne!
I think it's a bit more
complicated than that, mate.
No. Underneath that hair is a
brain and a heart just like mine.
No, I think your brain
is full of lollipops
and rainbows and
cheese and wonder.
Mine's slightly darker.
Aaron, you seem very tense.
Stop it. Aaron!
You're growling. I don't like
your spasm. You're being strange.
Stop it. Stop it.
Sorry.
Thank you.
You okay?
Yeah. Sorry. I'm just...
I'm just really tired.
Just get some sleep, Aaron. Go
home and sleep, mate, all right?
Okay, good. 'Cause if I don't get
some sleep, I think I'm gonna throw up.
Go home.
I'm cool.
I'm just gonna be here.
I'm just gonna rest,
prepare, you know.
- Prepare for the show.
- See you in a few hours.
Good morning, beautiful.
Fancy an orgasm? 'Cause I
knock them out, like, for free.
I told you not to come here.
It just happened.
- Get in here, Aldous.
- Don't be so violent.
I gotta stop now.
- We're done.
- All right.
Hey. Steady! That's not
fair. I haven't finished.
I got a busy day!
What, you want to have a wank and
then just rub my tits or something?
- No, I don't want to.
- Please?
- I'm not 12.
- Please?
I don't want to rub
your tits and wank.
I'll tell you a sexy story.
- Jackie!
- Darling.
That's not fair. That's
not equal. Reason within.
What about a BJ?
Just a quick one.
Will you do
my balls as well?
Yeah, fuck, all right.
Will you put your fingers
up my bottom?
All right, yeah. Later. What
are you even doing here, Aldous?
Why are you in LA?
I'm here because I've been thinking
about you the last few days.
I want to be with you,
Jackie. I know that now.
- You on a Jeffrey?
- Yeah.
I'm not partying anymore.
I'm in a clean zone.
I have been for a while.
Well, that's perfect,
because...
I'm actually
a different person.
A very different person.
I want to be clean with you.
You're the love of my life.
Aldous, I've been
doing kabbalah.
It's an ancient religion. It's brought
to light all the mistakes that I've made.
For all those mistakes,
I am sorry.
Don't be sorry.
Let's get married.
I love you.
Yeah, and I was
going to get married,
but then you went to rehab
for methamphetamine,
I was taking a lot of E,
and we had to reschedule.
Come off, 'cause that's not important.
Aldous! This has been the
best four months of my life.
I've realized you aren't
capable of happiness.
It's why your
music's so shit.
It's been years since I've seen
you laugh or cry in a real way.
You just numb
yourself with drugs.
I was clean for
seven years...
And you did yoga for
five fucking hours a day!
That's mental. There's
nothing in this world
that you can't
turn into heroin.
The other day Lars
cried for three hours.
Bit indulgent.
It was beautiful!
And cleansing!
And more intimate than anything
you and I have ever shared.
We share a son. That is a bit more
intimate than a crying drummer.
- Naples is not your son.
- Yes, he is.
Yes, he... Jackie, why...
Don't say things like
that in an argument,
'cause, like, you can't come
back from that. That's horrible.
He's not. Do you remember
that photographer, Fernando?
Do you remember when
Fernando and I went
and spent that month
together in Naples?
I'm so sorry, Aldous.
I was 19 at the time,
and I was so
in love with you,
and I thought you would
break it off with me,
and then you turned out
to be such a good father.
And then he just kept
looking more and more Italian.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so glad we finally got to
have this conversation, darling.
Namaste.
This is not an appropriate
time to say namaste.
Yeah.
- Naples?
- Yeah?
One day you'll have to
find a wife or a partner.
Yeah, I know that.
Don't choose a woman
like your mother.
What do you mean?
I mean, your mother is
a wonderful mother,
but she is
a terrible human being.
Are you sure of that?
Well, yeah, because if she
wasn't terrible, Naples,
why would she have
torn my heart up?
- Why are you so moody today?
- I'm not moody. I'm just...
I'm all right.
Do you love me?
I do love you, Dad.
I do love you, Aldous.
Why do I have to
call you Aldous?
- You are my dad.
- Aldous.
- Dad.
- Aldous.
- Dad.
- All right. I'll see you later.
See you tomorrow, Dad.
Good boy.
You gonna be okay, Aldous?
Yeah, yeah, I'll be fine.
I'll forget that the last
seven years has happened.
Aldous!
Hello. Enter Sandman.
Babe? We should
really get back to Naples.
He's waiting
back there for us.
So why don't you go and sue
Napster, you little Danish twat?
Aaron! This is
Sergio! Where the fuck are you guys?
And why the fuck aren't you
answering your phone?
I'm answering my phone, and I just
got hit by a motherfucking car!
Answer your...
Hi. Before you say anything
just let me talk, okay?
You were right.
We broke off our relationship
without really thinking about it.
And I've learned
over the past few days
that life is mainly filled with
superficial surface encounters.
And I realize now how
wonderful it is, what we have.
I'm begging you to
take me back. I'm sorry.
Did you hook up with anyone
while you were gone?
You mean
surface encounters?
What is he
doing here?
What the fuck
is he doing here?
- I'll get rid of him, all right?
- Did you invite him?
Hey, man.
What are you doing here?
Just went and saw Jackie.
She's marrying
Lars Ulrich now,
and Naples ain't
really my son.
I remember thinking,
"What bad advice."
Thank you, Aaron.
So, this is
what you live in.
You're Daphne then?
Dr. Daphne?
You know, when you hear about
someone and then you meet them?
That's happening now.
I've walked in the middle
of a romantic reconciliation?
No.
No, no, no.
Definitely not.
Why is it so tense?
Is it because he had sex with other
people when he was working with me?
I think that's
something we should...
We're gonna
discuss privately.
No, I think I'd like
to discuss it now.
Yes. I would like to talk about
it. I am upset. I am pissed.
Why are you
so cross, Daphne?
Because he broke my trust.
We were barely
broken up for a day
and he went and
cheated on me.
I didn't enjoy it, okay?
What I think, Daph,
is that human beings
by their nature
are polygamous.
It's against nature to be with
one person. It never works.
Yeah. Or you think it's working,
and then it turns out
he's cheating on you
with a bunch of
hos and skanks.
I personally think that monogamy can
work given the right circumstance.
Aaron, why have you chosen to put
yourself in this ideological prison?
You don't need these
unnecessary restrictions.
Unless you get rid of them,
you just can't progress.
What kind of
sexual restrictions?
'Cause in nature,
there's everything
from polygamy to,
like, a threesome.
- What...
- Threesome.
Well, I mean, a threesome is
something that's possible right now.
You know, the three of
us could have a threesome.
Hypothetically.
We've got the utensils.
There's three of us.
Okay, that's funny.
Yeah, we're gonna
do a threesome.
Let's just get naked
and start fucking right here.
We should do it. We
should have a threesome.
Wait, what?
I don't... What?
Come on.
Let's have a threesome.
No, thanks. I don't...
I'm all right, thank you.
So you get to mess
around on the road,
and because I'm a woman,
I don't get to have any fun?
You had your turn.
It's my turn now.
I would like to have
a threesome, please.
Don't think of it
as a threesome.
Think of it as having
sex with your girlfriend
while someone else also has
sex with your girlfriend.
I think it'd be fun.
We should do a threesome.
What are you doing?
We are pre-negotiating
a threesome.
Pre-negotiated.
And agreed upon.
I'm fucking psyched!
So, Aaron, Daphne,
shall we play doctor?
I'm not sucking his dick,
that's like 100%.
Just relax. Just
relax and listen to Mariah.
That's good.
Aaron, look at her.
Aaron, look at Daphne.
Put those strawberries down.
They're not for you.
Come on, mate, don't be tight.
We share everything now.
Okay, I'm gonna kiss
Aldous now, okay?
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Is that okay?
- Yeah, it's totally cool.
- Okay. Great.
Oh, my God!
Oh, fuck!
Oh, my God!
- Daphne?
- Yeah?
- Are you ready?
- Yeah, I'm ready.
You sure you want to do this?
- Fuck!
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
- Aaron, no.
- What?
- What are you doing?
- I'm just having a threesome!
I'm just having fun!
Come on!
Enough with these rules and
restrictions, right? Come on!
Unleash that! This is
the emperor! Release him!
Aaron, don't do that!
You need to
look at yourselves.
Honestly, this isn't
how people live.
What the fuck
are we doing?
I don't know.
What are we doing?
I don't want to do this.
I don't want this, either.
Like, at all.
I am so sorry, Aaron.
How did this happen?
You kind of insisted,
but whatever.
Wow. That was insane.
What was I thinking?
I think I've misjudged the dynamic.
You've been wonderful hosts.
Particularly you.
Oh, God, I'm on call.
Jesus Christ.
Nothing you say makes any sense!
Okay? I understand that now.
You're just
a fucking junkie.
And you're smart, so you
make your insanity sound good,
but it's bullshit.
This is it, Aaron.
This is rock and roll.
Did you enjoy the party?
You're sick in
the fucking head!
You messed your own life up and
now you have to mess up mine, too?
We're done here?
Get out of my apartment.
Thanks for the hospitality.
Bye.
Where are my boxers?
So I might not
do the Greek.
You know, the show at
the Greek. The concert.
I might not do it.
Oh, dear.
That's a shame.
Can you say something
reassuring to me?
Say that reassuring thing
that mums say to their son?
You... No, you...
You stay chipper.
And don't get down.
And when you get back, I'll
make you some shortbread or...
All right, well, I think
everything's gonna be all right.
Anyway, I just wanted you
to know that I love you, Mum.
Stay chipper. All
right, darling? Bye-bye.
Coming up later...
The 10-year anniversary of Aldous
Snow's seminal concert at the Greek.
Live in Los Angeles. But
now, Bill Maher, Red, White and Spew.
"Where the fuck are you? I
am gonna kill you. Smiley face."
Fuck him.
Broadcasting
live from the Greek,
your Uncle Joe.
The crowd is amped!
Aldous Snow, the most self-destructive
man in rock and roll,
not yet in the building.
Well, there'll be
a lot of Infant Sorrow...
Aaron? It's me.
I really need to
apologize and to tell you
that I'm gonna jump off the
roof of the Standard Hotel now.
Fuck him.
If you're not busy...
Shit, shit, shit, shit.
Hello, Los Angeles!
Should I jump
into the pool?
Or how about
into the street?
Hey, Aldous, it's Aaron! Get down! I'm
here! I'm here, get down from there!
Hey, Aldous, I'm here! Hey!
Hey, Aldous, don't jump!
Hi, Aaron!
Just come down and
we'll talk about it!
- You made it!
- No, stop!
He's gonna jump!
Don't do it! No, stop!
No, no, no! No, no, no!
Aldous! Aldous!
My arm.
Aaron.
Are you okay, man?
You...
Aaron, it was
wrong of me to have sex
with you and
your girlfriend, Daphne.
- That wasn't fair.
- No, no, that's okay.
- We don't have to talk about it.
- I done it for me.
I done it for my
selfish reasons.
I know, but fine.
Whatever. Just...
I don't wanna...
Are you okay?
I'm lonely, mate.
I'm really lonely.
And I'm sad. And I ain't
got no one, except my mum.
And she's an idiot.
And now I'm crying
in front of you,
and you thought
I was cool, didn't you,
for a while, and now I'm
crying. I'm embarrassed.
Embarrassed.
You try so hard, man.
But you're fine.
You're Aldous Snow, man.
You make people happy
by doing what you love to do.
And that's fucking awesome.
There's thousands of
people in a room right now
just standing,
waiting to see your face.
And they like you. I
liked you before I met you.
Don't you like me no more?
Aldous, I came here.
I'm here.
Right. I want to do the gig.
I'm gonna... I'll do the gig.
- I'm gonna do it.
- No, I didn't mean that.
- I don't think that we...
- Let's go.
- We shouldn't go.
- No, we should do it.
I don't want to let
people down who love me.
Not tonight. Let's go. Let's do it.
I'm pretty sure if you don't go
to a hospital, you're going to die.
I want to go to the Greek Theatre
and I want to save your job,
and I want to
perform for my fans
and do something
that ain't selfish,
'cause this is not working
for me as a lifestyle choice.
You sure you're okay?
'Cause it looks like Jaws
just bit your ass off.
Yeah. Little bit of blood
makes a really big cloud.
This is a bad idea. We
should not be doing this.
Yes, we should.
This is a good idea.
Although, my arm is
hurting a little bit.
- I sustained an injury.
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
- That's bone.
- I'm taking you to the hospital, Aldous.
I'm taking you to the
hospital, all right, man?
Not tonight. This is
rock and roll. Touch it.
That is so fucking...
Don't overreact.
I fucking threw up.
I told you
don't freak out.
Get that fucking arm out of
my face! I fucking threw up!
Yes, yes, yes! I knew you
would make it. I love you!
- Sergio.
- Shit!
No! We should take him
to the hospital.
No. Come on, let's
get him into wardrobe.
Don't worry about it. Let's get
him out to the audience there.
The audience is
getting restless,
but you're here.
You are here.
Hey, look, we should talk.
- What's up?
- He's like, really, really hurt.
What are you talking about?
He's here.
He's all right.
It's just a little scratch.
There's a teeny-weeny
bone sticking out!
He can't go on.
What the fuck? Hold on.
We have something for that.
Give him two of these. He'll
be singing like Aretha Franklin.
I can't do this anymore.
What the fuck you talking
about, you can't do it anymore?
You, you got him here!
You've done it!
He doesn't need to be pushed
on the stage right now. I...
Sometimes we gotta
sacrifice one lamb, baby.
It's gonna be all right.
He's not gonna die!
You keep feeding
him drugs and lies.
He's a sad guy.
He needs help.
He's gonna live a long time. Trust me.
British motherfuckers
don't die.
You ever heard of a fucking... A
British rock and roll star dying?
No, none of them die.
Mick Jagger. Keith Richards.
Those Led Zeppelin... Them
motherfuckers old as fuck!
Fucking Ozzy Osbourne's
gonna outlive Miley Cyrus!
I quit.
Hey, come on! Why do you even
have me feeling like this?
This is supposed
to be fun!
I fucking quit.
Aaron, get back here!
Aldous! You don't
have to go out there.
You don't have to
do this anymore!
I don't know what all the fuss
was about. I love doing this!
You don't have to do this.
I do, Aaron.
They're all here to see me.
I feel nervous.
It's good to
feel something.
I love this! It's all I've got. And you.
I owe you one, mate.
See you on the other side.
bThanks to guilty57/b
Like water through a drain
- I'm spinning down, down, down
Down, down, down
Like the needle in my vein
- You're bringing me down, down, down
- Down, down, down
Like a dog who's gone insane
- You're putting me down, down, down
- Down, down, down
And those of you
who doubted me
- You're going down, down, down
- Down, down, down
And the record man
who never called
Can you hear what's going on?
I'm coming up
I'm coming up
I'm coming up
I'm coming up
And this world ain't gonna
Catch me going down
Another night
you're on my mind
I'm hypnotized but I
cannot find the signs
The signs for the Tube to come
home I need the Tube to get home
Another night I'm here alone
My eyes so tired from
staring at this phone
Why won't you call and come
home? Please, call and come home
And I know that you won't
come Just for the cash
But will you come for my
bangers? My beans and mash?
Another night in Soho Grand
My wrists so tired
From working with my hands
Why has the world gone so
still? The world is so still
I feel that my next meal
might be my last
Will you come for my bangers
My beans and mash?
Come for my bangers
My beans and mash
Aaron? Listen...
Don't say anything.
The signs for the Tube to come
home I need the Tube to get home
Another night I'm here alone
These eyes so tired
From staring at your phone
Why won't you call and come
home? Please, call and come home
I know that you won't come
Just for the cash
Will you come for my bangers
My beans and mash?
Oh, come for my bangers
My beans and mash
Oh, my God. We slept
for, like, 14 hours.
Wow. I feel
so much better now.
Me, too.
Do you want to
get some brunch?
We should probably burn
these sheets, huh?
Yeah. I can get some bleach
from the hospital.
Maybe just torch the
whole apartment. You got it?
Yeah.
All right.
Thank you. Thank you. You sound
sarcastic now. Cheers, cheers.
Welcome back to Storytellers.
Yeah, I've been sober
now for six months.
So that's positive.
Thank you.
Thanks.
It's lovely to be applauded
for being in recovery
by people who I can see
are on drugs.
I can see some of you are
literally on drugs now, aren't you?
Here with us in the audience is
my dear friend and collaborator,
Aaron Green.
Stand up, Aaron!
Yes.
We have
a working relationship.
He's my producer.
He's got a label.
- How are you?
- What are you wearing?
Is this 'cause
you live in Seattle?
You think, "Oh, I'm grunge."
Is that what it is?
You look like a lesbian.
Sing the song.
- Sit down, Aaron.
- Thank you.
That is Aaron Green.
Round of applause.
All right.
But also here is my lad.
You all right, sunshine? Naples
is here. You all right, mate?
I'm fine, Daddy.
Yeah. See,
he still calls me daddy.
He was my son for a while, but
due to my complicated sex life,
it turns out it's best just to
think of him as a tiny associate.
Also, also he's quite mature.
He's more mature than me.
Do you love me?
- Uh, yeah.
- Don't think that long!
It doesn't mean anything!
See, that's the thing now,
don't pause.
So, all right.
And my mum's here as well.
You all right, Mum?
You all right, darling?
She doesn't know
where she is.
You don't know where you are,
do you, darling?
Well, hey, listen,
I wanna... Jeez,
I'm sidetracked.
So, let's get on with the...
Let's do this song. It's
important for a number of reasons,
but the most important thing
is that it was a hit.
Thank the fucking Lord.
Yeah
When the world
slips you a Jeffrey
Stroke the furry wall
Stroke the furry wall
Furry walls,
don't bring me down
Furry walls,
please stay around
Furry walls, furry walls
Furry walls, kiss me to sleep
Furry walls, please help me leap
Furry walls, furry walls
Furry walls can take you
On a magic carpet ride
Furry walls surround you
Till you got no place to hide
Let your furry fingers
be your guide
Furry walls,
turn out the light
Furry walls,
please stay the night
Furry walls, furry walls
Furry walls, lets have a
taste Furry walls, sit on my face
Furry walls, furry walls
Maybe I'm in heaven
With the furry skies above
All around are furry clouds
Look, here's a furry dove
Let me stroke
your furry walls of love
Furry walls, furry walls
Furry walls, I'm gonna cry. Furry
walls, please lift me high
Furry walls, furry walls
Furry walls, furry walls
Furry walls
Little bird
Drink the champagne
from my lips
Take a flying saucer trip
To the stars in my eyes
Little bird
Sitting on the tip
of my tongue
Though you look
a bit too young
Could be the stars in my eyes
Your words, like butterflies
Dance around my head
Your body, like forbidden wine
Spills out of my bed
Hope your daddy doesn't mind
Hope your mummy doesn't mind
Hope your granny doesn't mind
Hope your grandpa doesn't mind
Little bird
You have got to be 18
Or a few years past your teens
Or you are in my eyes
Little bird
If you were born 'fore '92
Then you know just what to do
Rip the stars from my eyes
Your words, like butterflies
Dance around my head
Your body, like a cherry pie
Spills out of my bed
Hope your daddy doesn't mind
Hope your mummy doesn't mind
Hope your nana doesn't mind
Hope your grandpa doesn't mind
Little bird
Brand new galaxies await you
Open up and let me take you
To the stars
Your words, like butterflies
Dance around my head
Your body, like forbidden wine
Spills out of my bed
Hope your daddy doesn't mind
Hope your mummy doesn't mind
Hope your granny doesn't mind
Hope your grandpa doesn't mind
Hope your daddy doesn't mind
Hope your mummy doesn't mind
Hope your daddy doesn't mind
Hope your mummy doesn't mind
Little bird
Little bird
Little bird
Yeah, yeah! Oi, oi!
Put your dominant hand
up high
Reach your dominant hand
in the sky
Yeah, yeah! Oi, oi!
Put your hand up for sex
For me and me helmet
and wherever it winds up next
Yeah, yeah! Oi, oi!
Put your hand up
for our Queen
For shagging five birds
in the back of me limousine
I feel particularly
in tune with the cosmos
I feel in tune
with you tonight
Yeah, yeah! Oi, oi!
Put your hand up for love
While snogging down south
While jiggling up above
Yeah, yeah! Oi, oi!
Put your dominant hand
up high
Put your dominant hand
Tonight
Unity
Yeah, yeah
Oi, oi, unity!
And love
Yeah, yeah! Oi, oi!
Put your hand up for tea
For separation of
Church and State and me!
Yeah, yeah! Oi, oi!
Put your dominant hand
up high
Put your dominant leg
I feel particularly
in tune with the cosmos
I feel in tune
with you tonight
Yeah, yeah! Oi, oi!
Put your dominant hand
up high
Put your dominant hand
To the sky
Go home.
Get the fuck out the theater.
The movie's over.