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Ghost Stories (2018)
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[PROJECTOR CLICKING] [WATER DRIPPING] [MAN BREATHING HEAVILY] [INTENSE MUSIC] [CHALK SCREECHING] It was my father's religious beliefs that destroyed our family. [WINGS FLUTTERING] [INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC] We have to be so very careful what we believe in. Hello. There's a... there's a little lad coming through to me now. Come on, come on. He wants to talk to someone. Oh, he's a little... he's a little lad and he... and he's lookin' for his mom. He's sayin' his name is... is Rob or Robbie. Is that... Is that you, sweetheart? Stand up, my love. Mark Van Rhys is one of the UK's most popular psychics. He believes that we're making a documentary about his special powers whereas, in fact, we are investigating the many, many complaints that have been made against him. Do what this lady has done and accept the message. Mark? Mark, can you hear me? Oh, just give us a sign. Scratch your nose for a sec, see. Oh, thank God for that. It's Steph, right? The woman's name's Steph. He calls you mom, but he's... he's telling me your name is Steph? [SOBS] Oh, my God. Is... Is that right, my love? - Are you Steph? - Yeah. Okay, so before the show starts Van Rhys' team have audience members fill out one of these prayer cards. There are the name and details of the person they wish to contact who has passed over to the other side. The team then steal this information and they feed it back to Van Rhys through a hidden earpiece, which I just hacked into and, hey, presto, he's psychic. [GASPS] My blood hurts, mommy. My blood hurts. Why is he saying that? [SOBS] He had leukemia. Poor little lamb. Oh, he's got a cheeky little smile, hasn't he? [LAUGHS] Yes. Children often make the best connection because they're so pure, you see. He was such a good boy. He still is, my sweet, he still is. He says he's happy but he does miss your cooking. Ladies and gentlemen, I am sorry to interrupt. My name is Professor Philip Goodman from the TV program "Psychic Cheats." Mr. Van Rhys, we have got.. Mr. Van Rhys, we have got proof that you are being fed information through a hidden earpiece and you are passing it off as contact with the dead... - Excuse me, sir. - I beg your pardon. This is gonna be broadcast on national television. Can you deny that you were using an earpiece? That's slander. I can assure you, you will be hearing from my solicitor in due course. His assistant just told him that Robbie was in Christchurch Hospital. I can play you the tape. I'm sorry. Christchurch Hospital! [SOBS] He's lyin', isn't he? [SOBBING] The idea of us and our loved ones dying just ceasing to exist is so awful that we'll believe anything which gives us hope that there might be something beyond. That fear is known as existential terror and the man who coined that phrase was Dr. Charles Cameron. So why do you think the voices come through you, Jean? 'Cause we love her. And how many voices are there? I moved back in. I thought it would help. She's only here 'cause she ran out of booze. Mom. She fingered herself last night thinkin' about John Travolta. Daddy sees everything. [SHATTERS] Jesus! I've seen this before. Your mother feels abandoned at the death of your father. Is she possessed? No, she's angry that her husband had died. As for the vase.. [SHATTERS] ...I did that. The brain sees what it wants to see. When I saw that clip when I was a boy it was like a lightning bolt struck me 'cause it was like somebody saying you don't have to have your life ruled by superstitious fear. And the way that I'd been brought up, that was.. Honestly, that was a revelation 'cause I didn't realize there was a different way of thinking. And, uh, from that minute I... I can remember thinking that's what I wanna do that's what I wanna be, that's who I want to be. The search for the missing scientist and paranormalist, Charles Cameron, has been called off three weeks after Mr. Cameron's car was found abandoned near his house in Filey. I think it's ironic to say the least that a man who spent a lifetime explaining away mysteries became one himself. I just wish I could have met him is all. [WINGS FLUTTERING] [DRAMATIC MUSIC] [CLATTERING] [INHALES SHARPLY] Hello, Professor Goodman. This is Charles Cameron. I'm sure you're surprised to hear my voice. I'm familiar with your work and I need to see you. I don't have long. Please come to 79 East Shore Caravan Park.. [INTENSE MUSIC] Hi, Mr. Cameron. I'm Philip Goodman. Hello, I'm Philip Goodman. Come on. Hello, Mr. Cameron, I'm Philip Goodman. Hello, Charles. Hello, I'm Philip Goodman. [DOORBELL BUZZES] [DOORBELL BUZZES] Hold on. [TOILET FLUSHES] [SIGHS] Come in. I'm not paying to heat the street. [CLEARS THROAT] [FLY BUZZING] Oh, Jesus. Come in, sit down. Sit down, please. Hello, I'm Philip Goodman. I know who you are. I can't quite believe this. No? Why is that? I think like everybody else, I just pre.. ...sort of presumed you were dead. How do you know I'm not? [CHUCKLES] Can I ask what, where you've been? - What's happened? - Pour me a drink then. Pour it from that bottle there. Bottle there. Pour it! Okay. [COUGHS] I brought you something. It's a copy of my latest book. - I signed it... - Aah. Just stick it there. I'm so familiar with your books and your, your TV work. I've always felt a closeness to you. Save those sentiments for your wife and family. What a surprise. You're not married. You could always see the truth, couldn't you? Truth? I look back now at my work with absolute shame. I see the arrogance and the disrespect with which I went into those homes. I took pleasure in pulling those stories those people apart. I think you're being really hard on yourself. I have seen your work, Goodman. You want to know what I think of it? It's shit. You are a conceited, weak-willed coward. Editing out any inconvenient data. Terrified of anything that doesn't fit into your tiny worldview... Okay, I'm done. I came here in good faith because you... Three cases! I couldn't explain three cases that haunt me still. Now you go and investigate if you dare and come back and tell me that I am wrong because I've come to one inescapable conclusion and that is the supernatural the unseen forces that surround us everything that you and I have spent a lifetime trying to debunk and disprove, it's all true. Every last bit of it. Please, Mr. Goodman I'm begging you. Tell me I am wrong. I need you to tell me.. ...I'm wrong. [INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC] [INTENSE MUSIC] [LAUGHTER] [INDISTINCT CHATTER] [INTENSE MUSIC] [DRAMATIC MUSIC] [CAR DOOR CLOSES] Oh, hello, Tony? Aye, captain. Hello there. Hi, I'm Philip Goodman. Bang! Whoa! Slow. Too slow. Yeah, you look like a teacher. Do I? Right. Um, well, technically, I'm a professor. They bloody insist on calling me that on that TV show that I do, "Psychic Cheats." Oh, yeah, that's where I know you from. - Yeah. - Yeah, I seen that. Yeah, it's shit. I'm only joking with you, mate. I ain't seen it. I have never even heard of it, sunbeam. - Professor, eh? - Yeah. You know, that's the official title for someone who does a "Punch And Judy." I bet you didn't know that, did you? - No, I didn't actually. - There you go then. The professor just learned something from the humble night watchman. And that's what you do, is it? [TURNS ON RECORDER] You're a night watchman? Actually, I don't wanna talk about it, mate. Sorry? I'm just not feeling very chatty, sunbeam. [SOFTLY] For fuck's sake. Oh, did I forget to mention that there was a fee? - 100 quid. - 50. Done. 20, 25.. So that's what you do, yeah? You're a night watchman? Well, I was, you know, when, um, it happened. - And now? - Now? Let's just say that immigration has made things a bit tough, yeah? How about family? You married? I was married for 15 years. You get less for murder, don't you? [CHUCKLES] Did you divorce? She died 23 years ago. I'm sorry. If she fell ill now, they'd smash that cancer. Different world, isn't it? Yeah. Any children? Mind your own fucking business. How many more of these questions have you got, eh, Kojak? It's worse than getting car insurance, this. I got a daughter, Marnie. I was always a big Hitchcock fan. If I had had a boy, I would've called him Norman. - How old is she? - She's 30. Right, so she was seven when your wife died. That must have been tough. Marnie is not my wife's. I had a little bit on the side. What are you gonna do, eh? Right. You see much of her? Well, I'm done here. This is bullshit. I thought you wanted to talk about what I'd seen. Tony, I'm just trying to help. You can't help me, mate. [SIGHS] She's in hospital. She's been in there five years. Oh, fuck. Locked-in syndrome they call it. Her eyes are open, but.. ...everything else is paralyzed. If I go and see her, I... I don't know if she even knows if I'm there or not. I stopped going in the end. I couldn't handle it. My little girl. I'm sorry. You apologize a lot, don't you? Guilty conscience? You wanna.. Wanna tell me about your incident? You'll think I'm mad. Everyone else does. Even my priest. Ah, you don't believe, do you? [SCOFFS] It was my last night working that job. Quarter to 4:00 in the morning. That is a shit time of night. Even after seven years of doin' that shift your body never gets used to it. That place had a history. None of it was nice. Hundreds of years before, it was, um, it was a.. What do you call it? A nuthouse for women. Mad birds roaming about the place. Old brasses, drunks young girls that got themselves knocked up newborns that no one wanted, thrown away. Miserable. In the month leadin' up to that night two of the new foreign blokes quit. They said they had seen things. Did you believe them? I wish I had. Christ Almighty. [DRAMATIC MUSIC] [RADIO BEEPS] Hello? Marek? You have to press the button on the side. Press the big black button on the side, you Russian prick. Yo, Tony. I am in other building. Congratulations. Which other building? Um, the building with the blue door. Alright. You're in building number three. Yes, yes, yes. What do I do? Well, you sit on your arse for the next 10 hours. Every hour go for a walk round and then chart it. Set that timer that I gave ya. Other than that, you do what you want. I don't know, read, play chess, learn English. Okay. Thank you a lot, Tony. Alright, Marek. No worries. And then she sat down with a cup of tea and just went mad. "That's typical of you," she said. "Lord Muck, always thinkin' of himself. "Didn't even cross his mind to ask if I wanted one, so.." I'm havin' a cup of tea, mate. What do you reckon? Was I selfish? Is that what marriage is? A lifetime sentence of making two cups of tea instead of one? Or is it good to grab a bit of healthy me time? It can oil the wheels after all. What do you think? - Mike in Barnet, hello. - Hi, Jeff. Yeah, it sounds silly, but we like... we like doing everything together, whatever it is. Even if it is just getting a Chinky on a Saturday night. Ooh, fried rice. Nice. We just love it, slobbing in front of the telly. Perfect. Oh, thank you for that, Mike. You mean a Chinese, of course, don't you? Apologies on Mike's behalf. But you're right. Maybe that's the secret of all. [POWER SHUTS DOWN] Oh. How did that.. ...[INDISTINCT] I'd have been worth a fortune. [HUMMING] [DRAMATIC MUSIC] What the.. [SCOFFS] Ah. ...about, you know, you've got to have this and you've got to have that and they forget the simple things you know, like holding hands. My husband had a stroke a few years ago and, um, he has been bedridden ever since but I see him every day without fail. I hold his hand, I tell him.. Oh, well, that makes you a saint you silly old bitch. [TURNS OFF RADIO] [SIGHS] [POWER SHUTS DOWN] Oh, Jesus Christ! Bloody hell. I don't.. [GASPS] [GASPS] [DRAMATIC MUSIC] [GROANS] Hello? [WINGS FLUTTERING] Oh, Jesus! Oh. Marek? Marek? Pick up, please, it's Tony. Hello, Tony. Listen, have you been over here to this building? Mm, no. I am in other one. I don't like this place, Tony. It feels... bad. We have, um we have a word for this back home. It is zloslivy. Look, don't, um.. don't let them thoughts get into your head, mate, alright? Get yourself a radio, sunbeam. Yeah? Look, I'm gonna, uh, take a walk around, right? You sit tight for 10 minutes and I'll call you when I get back, alright? Okay. Thank you a lot, Tony. Alright, mate. [SIGHS] [MUSIC ON STEREO] I'll never let you go Why? Because I love you I'll always love you so Why? Because you love me No broken hearts for us 'Cause we love each other There could be no other.. [DRAMATIC MUSIC] [GRUNTS] [CHAINS RATTLING] [SIGHS] [EXHALES] [INTENSE MUSIC] [GASPS] Hello? Is anyone there? Because you love me because you love me Because you love me because you love me Because you love me Marek? Marek? Dada? It is a coma. A probable lock-in. He is here for keeps. Just one of those things. The lights are on and nobody's home. [BANGING ON DOOR] Marek? [GROANING] [SIGHS] Right, listen. You've got two minutes to get out of this buildin' before I come for ya. [GRUNTS] Marek, if that's you.. What.. I can't believe this. [LAUGHS] [FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING] [GASPING] [DRAMATIC MUSIC] Hello? [BREATHING HEAVILY] [INTENSE MUSIC] Oh, what the bloody.. Oh. I'm not fuckin' about. Right. Yeah? Yeah? [HEAVY BREATHING] [CHAIN RATTLING] Shit. [WHIMPERING] Dada. [GASPS] I'm comin' in. [HEAVY BREATHING] [GASPS] [DRAMATIC MUSIC] Yeah. I got you now. [CHUCKLES] Yeah. [DOOR CLOSES] [GASPS] Let me out! Let me out! [GASPING] Shit. What the.. [SCREAMS] [GASPING] [WINGS FLUTTERING] [INTENSE MUSIC] Dada! [GASPS] [GASPING] [GROANING] Do you know what brought Tony back to the church? Uh, you know, I am not comfortable talking so directly about a parishioner. I'm assuming you have Tony's permission to talk to me? Yeah, yeah, of course. But I can.. I mean, I can ask you some more indirect questions if you're comfortable with that? - Yes. - Okay. Great. [CHUCKLES] Um, so.. So what do you think is your responsibility when a grown man like Tony comes to you and says that they've had a supernatural experience? [CHUCKLES] You know, uh, when I was a school's chaplain I would always say to the boys "Age is not important to the Lord. We are all children before Him." If He wants you to believe He will send you a sign. That is what these experiences are. Signs. Sure, but.. Uh, Tony, with Tony, uh.. Presumably, Tony told you about his incident? Of course. The spirit. The unquiet spirit. Yeah. So for a moment let's hypothesize that that really happened... Oh, you do not need to hypothesize. It did happen. Tony testifies that he saw a spirit and he changed his ways accordingly. But in what way is that not real? Oh, of course, for Tony's sighting to be taken seriously there's got to be some sort of material evidence. Because without that, it's, uh, you know.. Tony has got so much emotional baggage. Baggage? We... We are talking about a man. Our brother. I'm so tired of this modern disregard for the spiritual life. How unfashionable it's become to believe in anything other than our own personal gains. Did Tony tell you what he did after he had that experience? No. He went to see his daughter, Marnie, again the very next day. And when she heard her father's voice for the first time in five years the doctor said her heart skipped a beat. That, I think, professor tells us everything we need to know about the reality of that experience and its value. You, Mr. Goodman, would do well to think about that with regard to your own family. Good day. [DRAMATIC MUSIC] [RASPY BREATHING] [INTENSE MUSIC] [DOORBELL BUZZES] Who is it? Uh, it's Professor Philip Goodman. We spoke on the phone. [CHUCKLES] Do you have an ID or anything? You might not be the man that I spoke to. I am. [CHUCKLES] Oh, okay. Here you go. You sent that to Charles Cameron. Come in. [INDISTINCT CHATTER ON TV] I'll be upstairs, mom. [WATER RUNNING] [DRAMATIC MUSIC] Professor Goodman? [DOOR SHUTS] [DRAMATIC MUSIC] Simon? Simon? [COUGHING] [DRAMATIC MUSIC] - Down here. - Oh. Jesus. [ETHEREAL VOICE] Demon. - Sit down. Please, don't touch my books. God, it's boiling in here, Simon. Oh, yeah, yeah, I know. I just get really cold and really uncomfortable so I just like it to be as comfort.. I just like it how I like it. [CHUCKLES] Wow. Uh, so.. So what are all these.. Where are these pictures from? They're from... They're from all over. It's my research. Stuff that I find on the internet or books that I'm reading. Stuff I'm interested in. I'm just trying to understand certain things. So it's helpful to have all that stuff out so I can see it all the time. Or at least whenever I want to see it. If I don't wanna see it, I can look over there. The thing that I don't want.. I don't want people looking at me and thinking that I'm mad 'cause I know what I saw. And that's the thing. I'm tired. I'm so tired and I'm finding it hard to think straight right now. But, I mean, I want to talk about this. I wanna find out about this but I don't want people to think.. I just want everything to be straight now. No frayed edges, no loose ends. All straight. All smooth. I don't want.. I don't want people thinking that there's anything wr... wrong with me. I see. You okay? Yeah. Okay. So.. ...who else is up here with us in the... in the upstairs room? No one. It's just us. No, sorry. In the top bedroom? - My brother's old room. - Right. Your brother. So is he still living at home? Well, Mr. Perfect.. No, he's 25 and married. He's got a flat. There's no one here. It's just us. - Sorry, I was just up... - There's nobody here. I'm telling you there's nobody here. Do you wanna go and look? [EERIE MUSIC] - No. - Fine then. [KNOCK ON DOOR] Can you go away, please? We're trying to talk. Do you not get on well with your parents? They don't care about me. I know you're still there! [FOOTSTEPS] Can you help me? [SIGHS] I'll try. All I need you to do is to just.. ...just tell me everything you can about that night. Everything. If I can just understand what happened then everything will be fine. [SNIFFLES] Okay. I'm not the same person now as I was. It's.. The world is n... not the same. Oh, God. I feel like such an idiot. Why? Yeah. I was driving my dad's car. I failed my test but I was too afraid to tell them. I pretended that I had passed. [INHALES] I was driving without a license. [INTENSE MUSIC] [CELL PHONE RINGING] - Hello? - Where are you? I'm in the car. I am on the way back from the party. Oh, thank God. He's in the car, Raymond. We've been trying to call you. Where have you been? I... I'm sorry. There's no reception near Eddie's. We've been sitting here on shpilkes. You should have been back hours ago. Should have been back hours ago! Oh, Raymond, for God's sake, I'm trying to talk.. Hello? [CELL PHONE RINGING] Hello? Your mother's gone to bed. We are very upset. Dad, I didn't put the phone down on you. Oh. And I'm sorry that I'm late. I just found that bloody housing form for university that you should have sent in three weeks ago. You told me you'd sent it! Well, I... I thought... I thought that I had. You're a bloody liar, Simon. You're a liar. You might be able to schmooze your mother but you cannot schmooze me. You lied about that form. You lied about getting that Saturday job, didn't you? What are we gonna find out next? That you lied about passing your driving test? - Shit. - I'll tell you what. I'm sick to the bloody back teeth. Shit. [CELL PHONE RINGING] Don't you put the bloody phone down on me! I... I... I didn't put the phone down on you. [CRASH] [SCREAMING] Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my.. Oh, my God! Oh, my God! [DRAMATIC MUSIC] You okay? [GASPS] [INTENSE MUSIC] Oh, my God. [LAUGHING] [BEEPING] [ENGINE SPUTTERING] No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. [GASPING] [HEAVY BREATHING] [INTENSE MUSIC] No signal. Come on. [ROARING IN DISTANCE] Fucking O2. [KEYPAD CLACKING] [PHONE RINGS] - Hello? National Breakdown. - Hello. Can you give me the car's registration, please? Just give me one second. AG57-EOZ. Thank you. And is that Mr. Rif-kind? Rifkind. Yes. I'm Simon. I'm his son. Okay, Simon. And are you with the car right now? [ROARING IN DISTANCE] Hello, Simon? Yes. Yes, I'm right by the car. Okay, we have you on the GPS so we know exactly where you are and we'll be with you somewhere between 10 and 45 minutes, okay? Please come as quickly as you can. Thank you, Mr. Rif-kind. Goodbye. Rifkind! [BREATHING HEAVILY] [SOBS] What have I done? What have I done? [SOBBING] [EXHALES DEEPLY] [INDISTINCT TALKING] [THUD] [GASPING] [INTENSE MUSIC] Hello? [SCREAMING] [FOOTSTEPS] [SNARLING] [DOOR OPENS] [GASPS] [CAR DOOR CLOSES] God, I'm... I'm so sorry. - Stay! - Fuck that! [INTENSE MUSIC] [PANTING] [GASPING] [RUMBLING] [SCREAMS] [GROWLING] The supernatural are unseen forces that surround us. Charles, I've now investigated two of your cases quite thoroughly. It feels quite simple to me, really. The brain sees what it wants to see. They're your words, Charles. Tony Matthews is an alcoholic who's wrestling with unresolved grief. And Simon is a fragile young man and from a deeply dysfunctional family who's on the edge of psychosis. [LEAVES RUSTLING] I understand all too well, Charles how easy it is to get confused and to lose faith in one's own judgment. Especially when we're tired and emotional.. ...and unwell. [GASPS] What the.. [DRAMATIC MUSIC] Keep up, Goodman. Thing is, I'm the soppy one if you can believe that. I wanted kids from the moment we got together but Maria said, "No, it's not gonna happen, babe." Maria is your wife, yeah? Yeah, of course, she is. Do you know why she didn't want children? Presumably, you were comfortable financially. Oh, Jesus. That's all your lot ever think about, isn't it? Money. Sorry, what exactly do you mean by your lot? No way was she getting pregnant until she was made a partner at the firm. Her words, not mine. Priorities. Someone's got to earn the money so you brainy poofters can sit around stroking your chins and pulling onion out of your arses all day long. [CELL PHONE BEEPS] Oh, hang on. [CLEARS THROAT] Yeah, I've got to do this. Right. [SIGHS] Alright. Can we, please, talk about the incident? Do you know what they used to call me when I was trading? - No. - The prophet. I had a sixth sense of what was going up and what was coming down. This isn't about the financial markets. I know what it is you're asking about. I know. Come on then, up there. [CLEARS THROAT] I made a killing in the city. Uh, I built the house. Real investment property. And that's where the incident happened, at the house? When Maria finally got partnership bingo, time to have a baby. But she was pushing 40 when we started though. So, yeah, she had left it too late. She was drier than the Gobi Desert down there. Still, I said not to worry. A splash of IVF get the old baby machine working again. I'd been to school with the top guy in that field. So, uh, yeah, 30 grand later, bull's eye. The old girl is finally up the duff. Oh, why is it always the last key that unlocks everything? Hm? [CLEARS THROAT] Et voila. So, yeah, everything was going great and then seven months in she suddenly started spotting. So we pop her into a clinic for a couple of days. Best care money can buy. It was more like the bloody Savoy! [LAUGHS] So I dropped her off. Popped home to do some paperwork. Okay, what time was that? It was.. Quarter to 4:00, hm. [INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC] [WATER DRIPPING] [SIGHS] [INHALES] [GRUNTS] Hm. Hm. [SIGHS] Hm. [EXHALES] [EERIE NOISES] [SIGHS] [CLATTERS] [HEARTBEAT] You're telling me you actually saw that happen? It's my understanding that a poltergeist is an evil spirit or an angry spirit. - Is that true? - No, it's not. There's absolutely no evidence to support that. Hm. The guys at the hospital took Maria in for a scan but they didn't wanna show us. They said there were distortions on the screen or something. [CELL PHONE BEEPS] Sorry. I'm right in the middle of this Chinese thing. [SIGHS] [DRAMATIC MUSIC] Yeah, so the scan.. [INTENSE MUSIC] What.. [GASPING] A bit, uh, bit chilly, prof? Sorry, I, uh.. Have you ever killed anything, Mr. Goodman? Certainly not. Nothing you'll admit to, eh? The doctors thought it best that Maria spend another night in the hospital so I went back to the house. I had a stack of work to do. You're supposed to feel safe in your own home aren't you, Mr. Goodman? Do you believe in evil, professor? I didn't.. ...until that night. [EERIE MUSIC] [WOOD CREAKING] [WOOD CREAKING] [CLATTERING] [GLASS SHATTERS] [DRAMATIC MUSIC] Maria? [CLATTERING] [CLATTERING] [DRAMATIC MUSIC] [HEAVY BREATHING] [GASPING] Maria? We are dead. Why aren't you in the hospital? [INTENSE MUSIC] [GROWLING] [SCREAMING] I managed to get out of the room. I don't know how long I'd been standing there when the phone rang. It was the hospital. I knew what they were going to tell me. The prophet. [CELL PHONE BEEPS] Apparently, the birth was.. He split her in two. I'm glad Maria never lived to see what Barty looked like. That would have destroyed her. No one believed that Barty would have survived this long. But somehow life... finds a way. It's what I've learned, that, uh.. ...life goes on. [CHUCKLES] What? [GUN COCKS] [GUNSHOT] [GASPING] Fuck. Fuck. [INTENSE MUSIC] [COUGHING] Um.. Mr. Cameron, I didn't know you were here. I know exactly what's going on. Oh, thank God. What? This whole thing's a stupid, shitty hoax to get you back on TV. It's a way of usurping me. You are a lonely, jealous, bitter old man, and that's the truth. Mr. Goodman, you wouldn't know the truth if it kissed you on the lips. Well, I know this! There is nothing in any of these stories that couldn't be explained away by any intelligent five-year-old. Nothing! You just can't find it in yourself. Can you, Philip? [GRUNTS] You can't find the humility to admit that perhaps, just perhaps things are not always as they seem. And that is precisely my point. Everything, everything is exactly as it seems. You sure about that? Yes. [INHALES DEEPLY] [SCREAMS] [DRAMATIC MUSIC] [GROANING] [LAUGHS] You don't know everything. Do you, bubala? [LAUGHING] Oh. [DRAMATIC MUSIC] Sorry, can we cut? Who are you talking to? Philip.. ...the brain sees.. ...what it wants to see. Oh, I really wanna show you something. May I? [SIGHS DEEPLY] [CHUCKLES] Um.. In you come. Come on. It will just be the four of us. You, me, Barty and, uh.. ...you know who. [GASPS] One last chance, Mr. Goodman. Anything you want to tell me? About what? I'm.. 6, 79, 19? Jewface Jewface Goodman Mommy fucked a dog shit [CHUCKLES] Okay, you weren't at school with me. - Who are you? - Who are you? Mr. Brain Box, clever clogs overachiever, living on his own there's no one there at home. Dare you turn some of that prize-nominated never-quite-winning acuity onto yourself? 11, 92, 20? Ah. Come on. Ahem. [DRAMATIC MUSIC] Wait, wait, please. I don't like it. Do you want to go in? I can't. [LAUGHTER] That's on my shirt! What are you doing, man? - Yuck. - Hey. Oi, Jewface! Oi, Jewface! Come here. - I've got to go home. - Come here. I've got to go home for my tea. Or what? Your fat pig of a mom will eat it? [LAUGHING] I won't tell you again, mate. Get here. Come on. I'm not going in there again, Freer. [MOCKING] I'm not going in there again, Freer. Oh, don't shit yourself. It is not a gas chamber. [LAUGHS] Stand over there. Go on. [SHATTERS] Yes! - Alright, pick one up. - I don't wanna. I don't give a shit what you want. Pick it up! Go on. Put it in front of your face. - What? - In front of your face! Now don't you fucking move. What are you playing? [LAUGHING] What is going on here? Hey, Kojak! Hey, come here, mate. Oh, my God. Come on, mate, quick. Hey, Kojak. - Wanna be in our gang? - Can I? Yeah, of course, you can, mate, if you're cool enough. Do you think you're cool enough? [LAUGHING] Where do you think you're going, Jewface? - I need to get home. - No, bollocks. You're staying here. You're gonna watch Kojak do the 10th number. Yeah, stay and watch. Leave him alone, Freer. You know he can't count. Yeah, I can. I can count to 100. [LAUGHS] See? Right, come here. Come here. You see that on the side of the Echo? - What number is it? - Six. Yeah. Well done. Well done. That's the first number of 10 different numbers I've chalked up on the walls in there. All you have to do to be in our gang is go in, right the way in, keep walking until you find all 10 of the numbers and then remember which is the 10th one, yeah? - Callahan, there aren't... - Mate! I just need to remember the 10th one? Yeah, you only need to remember the 10th one. Now you've got to look carefully 'cause some of them are quite far apart. Yeah? Shut up! Now when you come out and tell me what that 10th number is if you tell me the correct number, you can be in our gang. Yeah? I'll start now. Now hang on. You're gonna need this. It gets quite dark in there. Alright. Go get that 10th number then. - Go on. - Yay! [LAUGHING] Go on. Six. Good start. [LAUGHING] - What were you gonna say to him? - Nothing. You were gonna tell him there's no 10th number, weren't you? No, I wasn't. I bet you weren't gonna tell him you shit yourself when you tried it. So keep it zipped or else.. Alright? I don't like it. I wanna come out now. Oh, don't give up now. Please! Oh, keep goin'. I wanna come out. It's really narrow. Don't you fucking dare, Kojak! We're not letting you out of there until you find that 10th number, alright? [GASPING] [SCREAMING] [GASPING] Callahan! Callahan! [INTENSE MUSIC] [PANTING] You left him to die in there, didn't you? What could I have done? Told someone when you got home? Brought it up in assembly the next day? How about running into the Echo to see if Desmond needed help? It was a fluke, just one of those things. - A horrible accident. - How convenient for you. We didn't know he was asthmatic. The only fluke here is the fluke in his DNA that left him vulnerable to people like you. People like me? I've spent my life trying to help people tryin' to put back in tryin' to help people see the truth in amongst the sea of sentimental lies and crap. [LAUGHS] That's... Don't laugh at me! I wasn't the one who made him go in there. I wasn't the one who called him Kojak to his face and I wasn't the one who wouldn't let him come out when he wanted to. I did nothing. That's right. You did nothing. You passenger. And since then how have you spent your days, Mr. Goodman? Reducing life's biggest questions to atoms and molecules? It is just atoms and molecules. What else is there, for God's sake? [BABY CRYING] Hello, here I come. Here I come. Barty, shh, it's okay. Look, look, look. Look, it's alright. Daddy's got meow-meow. It's alright. [CRYING] Here we go, a big one. Open wide. Open wide. Yeah. Yes. Good boy. Good boy. Good boy. [BABBLES] Good boy, Barty. Oh, there's a good boy. Mr. Goodman, for all your clever talk you're really more scared than anyone, aren't you? And what you've actually been doing with your life isn't helping others it's running from your greatest fear which is that there's more than the here and now and that every action you've ever taken or didn't take has had an effect. It's left a little trace. A ghost of itself. That's true, isn't it? Shh. Shh. He's asleep. - Shh. - Shh. Come on. Shh. [INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC] [INTENSE MUSIC] Please. [LAUGHING] Callahan. Callahan, I'm so sorry! [INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC] [SOBS] Oh, no. Oh, no. Not, not again. [LAUGHING] Please. [SOMBER MUSIC] Please, please, please, please, please, please. Callahan, please, please, please. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry! Please. [SOBS] Callahan. Callahan. [LAUGHING] [SCREAMING] [DRAMATIC MUSIC] ...and just went mad. "That's typical of you," she said. "Lord Muck, always thinking of himself." [SOFTLY] Yes, I know I missed last Friday night, mom. I'm sorry. Um, well, you could tell dad that I will be there this Friday, okay? Please, mom, I'm at work. I've gotta go. Love you too. Bye. - Ah. - Mr. Priddle. [CLEARS THROAT] Ah, yes. "Professor Philip Goodman "admitted April 13, 3:45 a.m. attempted suicide." [CLEARS THROAT] "Failed self-asphyxiation in his car." Silly bugger. Shotgun in the mouth, that's the way to do it! [CHUCKLES] Oh, better see this. Mm-hmm. Ha! Right. Neurological examination reveals fixed and dilated pupils. So what's our verdict, Dr. Rif-kind? Rifkind, uh.. It, uh, coma. Uh, probable lock-in. He is here for keeps. Yeah, just one of those things. Lights are on, there's nobody home. Well, as my old professor Charlie Cameron used to say "Let's just hope his dreams are as sweet. Next room, laddie, next room." Ha! [CLEARS THROAT] Hello again, sunbeam. Don't mind me. Love has a way of, um, conquering. Hi, Jeff. Yes, it sounds silly but we like... we like doing everything together, whatever it is. Even if it is just getting a Chinky on a Saturday night. Ooh, fried rice. Nice. Alright. See you tomorrow. Be good. [HUMMING] Here we go, sunbeam. A little change of scenery. [WHISTLING] [THUD] I was working in the lab late one night When my eyes beheld an eerie sight For my monster from his slab began to rise And suddenly to my surprise He did the mash He did the monster mash The monster mash It was a graveyard smash He did the mash It caught on in a flash He did the mash He did the monster mash From my laboratory in the castle east To the master bedroom where the vampires feast The ghouls all came from their humble abodes To get a jolt from my electrodes They did the mash They did the monster mash The monster mash It was a graveyard smash They did the mash It caught on in a flash They did the mash They did the monster mash The zombies were having fun The party had just begun The guests included Wolfman Dracula and his son The scene was rockin' All were digging the sounds Igor on chains backed by his baying hounds The coffin bangers were about to arrive With their vocal group The Crypt-Kicker Five They played the mash They played the monster mash The monster mash It was a graveyard smash They played the mash It caught on in a flash They played the mash They played the monster mash Out from his coffin Drac's voice did ring Seems he was troubled by just one thing He opened the lid And shook his fist and said Whatever happened to my Transylvania twist? It's now the mash It's now the monster mash The monster mash And it's a graveyard smash It's now the mash It's caught on in a flash It's now the mash It's now the monster mash Now everything's cool Drac's a part of the band And my monster mash is the hit of the land For you the living this mash was meant too When you get to my door tell them Boris sent you Then you can mash Then you can monster mash The monster mash And do my graveyard smash Then you can mash You'll catch on in a flash Then you can mash Then you can monster mash [GRUNTING] Mash good! Easy, Igor, you impetuous young boy. [GRUNTS] Mash good! Mm. [GRUNTING] Monster mash aah ooh Monster mash aah ooh Monster mash aah ooh Monster mash aah ooh [INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC] |
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