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Go Tell the Spartans (1978)
Cowboy!
Get that man out of that jug! He say he not Cong. We make him say he Cong. He can't say anything if you drown him. Now get him out! Yes, sir, major. Instamment. Cowboy! He lie, major. He goddamn bastard. Put him back in the cage, you hear me? God damn it, Cowboy! Do you hear me? Yes, sir, major. Instamment. Any traffic? Uh, let's see. Mung Tau wants to get lit up tonight. You pass the signal to Nighthawk? It's passed. What are you juicing up now, Ackley? Carrots and onions. You think it'll cure your pimples? It'll keep my bowels open anyways. - AI. - Major. "Instamment, major." I'm gonna zap that goddamn gook. Which gook, sir? Cowboy. He had a prisoner stuck in the water jug again. Well, you can't shoot that goddamn gook, sir. He knows English, French, Chinese, and 75 Viet dialects. I can shoot him. I can shoot him and his goddamn dialects. Thank you, Kwan. I didn't get my combat infantryman's badge. Why not? New regulation from Saigon... that you gotta have thirty days under fire. I've only got twenty-two. Well, I guess you'll have to get out in the field, Al... and kick a little ass, huh? When, sir? When I don't need you here anymore. What's the new map? We got a query from Saigon... about some crummy hamlet called Muc Wa. It's in this map plot here. What do they want? Complete position paper. Oh, shit. Too goddamn many static defense posts as it is. That's what happened to the French. They got themselves tied down in static defense. What do we know about this... this Muc stuff? Muc Wa. - Hey, sir. - "Hey, sir." Jesus Christ. What is it, Toffee? The replacements are here. Close the door a minute. Make up a position paper, Al. Tell them that Muc Fuck has about... Muc Wa, sir. Muc Wa. Muc Wa has about two hundred people... mostly old men, women, and children. No Cong activity there for years. Severe drought conditions. No water for troops. Uh, it's on a river, sir. Well, fix it up. In the opinion of this command... this hamlet is of no strategic significance whatsoever? "Et shitera." Toffee. Toffee? Yes, sir? - You got their papers? - Yes. Hamilton, Raymond... second lieutenant. What the hell are they sending us second lieutenants for? All right, Toffee. Show the o... - Yes, sir. - Show the officer in. Yes, sir. Come in, lieutenant. Lieutenant Hamilton, sir. I'm Major Barker. Captain Olivetti, the exec. - So, lieutenant? - Sir! Relax, kid. Sit down. Thank you, sir. How old are you, lieutenant? Twenty-three, sir. And still a second? What the hell do they expect us to do with you? We don't have any slots for second lieutenants. Send me into the field, sir. I feel that I can kill communists... as well as any first lieutenant, sir. Well, let's not rush things. Why did you volunteer for Vietnam? Well, sir... I feel that if my country's at war... it's my duty to fight for it. All right, lieutenant. We'll see if we can't find a slot for you. Thank you, sir. Yeah. Next! Oleonowski, sir. How've you been, Oleo? Sir? Have I changed that much? Goddamn. Mr. Barker. Captain Olivetti, exec. - How do you do, sir? - Oleo and I served in Korea. He kept my butt from being shot off more than once. Well, he was a pretty good officer, too, sir. Officers didn't have to be very good with men like Oleo. Where have you been stationed? - South, sir. Delta. - Hairy? Oh, Jesus. I'll tell you, sir... I had three teams shot out from under me. How's it up here, sir? Hairy sometimes, but the casualties aren't too bad. That's good, sir. We'll find something for you, Oleo. Thank you, sir. It's nice to be in your command again, sir. Sir. Put him in charge of weapons training with a squad of puffs. I can use him in the field. He's burnt out, Al. Let him rest. Next! Lincoln, sir. Abraham? Yes, sir. Well, we can use a good bac si, corporal. It says here you've been serving with the dispensary in Saigon. - Yes, sir. - Been out in the field much? Not much, sir. Why not? They didn't assign me, sir. All right, corporal. That's all. Abraham Lincoln. How'd you like to go through life with a moniker like that? No wonder the poor bastard looks like he's caved in. - What'll I do with him? - Assign him to clap control. Corporal Stephen Courcey, college graduate. Draftee. This one's a draftee, Al. Demolitions training. Well, that's S.O.P. Charlie blew up everything around here ten years ago. Next! What's your name, soldier? Oh, sorry. Courcey, sir. What are you doing here? - Sir? - In Vietnam. You volunteered. Sir, if I had to be a soldier... I wanted to be in the roughest, toughest outfit... in the U.S. Army, sir. Well, that's fine, corporal. But that adds six months to your draft hitch, doesn't it? Yes, sir. Now, look, corporal... I'm going to ask you once again what you're doing here... and don't give me any of that crap... about the roughest, toughest outfit in the U.S. Army. Does it matter, sir? The point is, I'm here of my own choosing, sir. All right, corporal. Dismissed. Now, what right does a fucking draftee have... to volunteer for anything? Or second lieutenants? What do you want me to do with him, sir? Put him on mosquito patrol? What else? You and the corporal got plenty... of insect repellant on your faces? Yes, sir. You don't have any on your arms, do you? - No, sir. - All right, lieutenant. Quartermaster people in Saigon gotta have this information. They gotta establish priorities... for mosquito net and an insect repellant. Yes, sir. You don't have to salute all the time, lieutenant. Not out here in the boonies. Thank you, sir. OK, corporal, follow me. Any action? Not yet. - Toffee. - Yeah, major. Any traffic from Mung Tau? Uh, yeah. They're asking for the flare ships. I told them they ought to be up there in a few minutes. Charlie's on the prod again. God damn it, I want to see those flares. Nighthawk control must have Mung Tau runnin' out its ears. They flew forty-four hours in there last week. Screw Nighthawk. I want that fuckin' jungle lit up! - Toffee. - Yeah? - Send a signal to Nighthawk. - There they go, sir. Forget it, Toffee. Yeah. OK. Now they can kick that little mother's ass. There's a firefight out there somewhere. That's where I want to be. Well, we have our own duty to perform, corporal. Ah, yeah. You count this time, I'll expose. Oh, that's OK. I'll do it. No. I never ask my men to do anything I won't do myself. OK... time. Five... Ten... Fifteen... Twenty... Thirty seconds, sir. OK, count! I get twenty-three, sir. Ow. They really zing you, don't they? Maybe we'll get a purple heart. Ha! I don't think that's very funny, corporal. OK, let's get moving. We got four more stations to run tests on. That amapola will kill you. It's altogether fitting and proper. What the fuck are you talking about? I'm telling you, that amapola won't do you no good. It's the last full measure of shit. You bet it is. How long you been on the hip? Four score and seven. Yeah, well, sweet dreams, Abraham Lincoln. Berries from the earth, sir. That means fuck off. Hmm... Welcome to Penang, General Harnitz. Captain Olivetti. Gentlemen, Captain McCain. Sorry I can't get here more often, Asa. Got a lot of ground to cover, though. A lot of ground. Captain, you make your inspection... while I powwow with Major Barker. - Sergeant Oleonowski. - Sir. See the captain has access to anything he wishes to see. Yes, sir. This way, sir. Allow your men to wear... those tiger-striped frenchified fatigues? Strictly unauthorized in this command, aren't they? Well, sir, I like to allow the men... some freedom in the field, sir. For the sake of esprit, you know. Esprit. French word, I believe, isn't it? I believe so. You know what happened to the French in this country... they got the shit kicked out of them. Now, that's not gonna happen to the U.S. Army, Asa. No, sir. All right, Asa... Muc Wa. Sir? Muc Wa. Let's see the coordinates with Muc Wa. Oh, it's on the wall... Where is it, Al? - I took it down, sir. - Well, put it up. I sent in a position paper, sir... to intelligence, as requested. I read your position paper. Put it over here. Yes, sir. It said Muc Wa has a population of two hundred... but according to other information... Muc Wa hasn't been inhabited since 1953. You didn't reconnoiter Muc Wa. I know your style, Asa. Everybody knows your style. You're a good field officer... but you are inclined to have it your own way. General, I don't have the people. My command is spread thinner than the hairs on a baby's ass. I'm sure you can do it, Asa, if you put your mind to it. 'Cause here's the situation. Muc Wa was abandoned by the French in 1953. Shortly thereafter, they lost the highway... from here to the sea. Then Penang fell, with two thousand defenders. Well, now, we wouldn't want to repeat... the mistakes of the French, would we? We want Muc Wa reoccupied and garrisoned. And that's your job, Asa. Cut the mustard, Asa, and don't fuck around. Just cut it. I'll do my best, sir. Fine. I'll be watching. Old hard-nuts lays it on you, doesn't he, sir? Yeah, well, I used to be his commanding officer... chewed his ass out. Ass for ass, Al. How many gooks you got working on that canal? About thirty, sir, but Jesus! You heard the general. Garrison Muc Wa. Give 'em shotguns... and sprinkle a few machine guns among them... just in case Charlie should get interested. OK. And this new garrison will be established here at Muc Wa. And you, Hamilton, will be in command. Sir, I'm just a second... I know, but I've been keeping my eye on you. I've tested your leadership abilities... on the mosquito patrol... and I'm convinced that you're the man for Muc Wa. I'm recommending you for promotion. Thank you, sir. Thank you. Now, according to standing operating procedures... we should have an ARVN officer to lead the Viet troops... but we're short of ARVN officers. In lieu of that, I've assigned Sergeant Nguyen. He's a fine interpreter. He'll be a big help to you. Major, I say this to you... Knock it off. You are also fortunate, lieutenant... in having Sergeant Oleonowski on your team. He's an old hand in Nam... and I advise you to lean heavily on his judgment. Yes, sir. I'm also giving you Corporal Ackley... as your signal man and Corporal Lincoln as your medic... both experienced men. Corporal Courcey will act as your weapons specialist. My primary is demolitions, sir. Good. And now, lieutenant... your troops will be moved by truck... to a point on the inland highway... about a half-hour's march into Muc Wa. Captain Olivetti will brief you as to the time... and organization of your departure. Any questions? - Sir? - Yes? Sir, I feel I have a fine team here... and I'm sure I speak for all my men... we appreciate this opportunity to fight for our country, sir. Very well said, lieutenant. That's all, men. Oleonowski, please remain for a few minutes. Thank you, sir. OK, Oleo. That gook company is a bunch of paddy farmers, sir. I saw them being mustered. They got shotguns. Jesus Christ, sir! This garrison, this Muc Wa. No reason for Charlie to be there. In fact, Charlie hasn't been reported... within fifty miles of the site. Any place we turn up, sir, Charlie turns up. You know that, sir. Oleo, I'm giving you a squad of crack mercenaries... as insurance, just in case you do contact the Cong. OK? OK, major. That's all. Shit. General Patton's gonna make a speech to his troops. Men, we have been ordered to march into the jungle... where we will establish a fortress... for liberty and justice. What are they laughin' about? They pleased much, sir. - You sure? - Certainement. Dinks laugh all the time, lieutenant. Don't let it bother you. Well, that's enough, then. Sat Cong! Sat Cong! Sat Cong! Sat Cong! Sat Cong! - Sat Cong! - Sat Cong! What's he doing? Stirring them up. They're saying, "Kill communists." - Sat Cong! - Sat Cong! - OK, old man? - Yeah, OK. All right! Fucking draftee. I still don't know what the hell he's doing here. Why are we going so fast? We don't travel slow anywhere in this country. Snipers. Charlie. - What's that? - Stay down, lieutenant. Get out! We ambushed? Courcey! - Yeah, sarge. - Check that roadblock. Me? You're a demolitions man, aren't you? Yeah. Tripwire, off to the left. - Cowboy. - Yes, sir. Charlie's in a hidey hole. Get him. Medic! Courcey. Where's Corporal Lincoln? Coming, sir! Corporal, take care of this prisoner's wound. Sergeant, do you think he's the only one out there? Yes, sir. They'll throw up a roadblock... and leave one man behind to blow it when somebody moves it. He could've been squattin' out there for three or four days. - Ackley? - Yes, sir. Get a signal off to Penang. Report this incident... the time and location. Sergeant Nguyen, I want you to question the prisoner... name, where he's from, where his friends are. Won't do any good, lieutenant. He won't say anything. They never do. That's enough, sergeant. OK, let's move out. You're crazy. You're crazy. - You're crazy! - It's all right. OK. - You're crazy! - All right, listen to me. He cut his head off! His head! I don't give a damn! You listen to me! Kid, that's what it's like in this fuckin' war. Sat Cong. OK. Bury him. Lincoln, look after the lieutenant. Give him something for his stomach. You nailed to the ground, Courcey? Go puke with the lieutenant. I'm not gonna puke. It's their war, Courcey! According to the map, this is it, lieutenant. Road to Muc Wa. Cowboy, flankers out. Detail five men to set up the rear guard with Courcey. Courcey, you're rear guard advisor. Wait a minute. How am I supposed to advise them? Stay a hundred yards behind us. Keep looking over your shoulder. Anything moves back there, zap it. Cowboy, set the point. This way. Sergeant Nguyen, give the order to move out. OK, uh, uh... Let's... let's go, men. That goddamn roadblock wasn't there... yesterday afternoon at 5:00. The scout plane cased that route for seventy-five klicks. Maybe they just accidentally decided to block that route. Shit, the V.C. Doesn't do anything accidentally. They knew that convoy was coming. They know everything we're gonna do. And we don't know a damn thing they're gonna do. Hey, major. A distribution package from Saigon just came in. Well, let me have it, eh? - It's got a lieutenant with it. - What lieutenant? I think that'd be... our psychological warfare specialist... from General Harnitz. Table of organization requires one. It's a new directive. You read it, sir. Oh, yes, yes. All right, Toffee, bring him in. And, Toffee, try not to say "Hey" to the lieutenant... if you can help it. Right, major. Hey, lieutenant! Major Barker. Wattsberg, Finley, sir. We've been expecting you, lieutenant. Captain Olivetti. - How do you do, sir? - OK. Oh, your distribution packet, sir. So, you're the new psycho specialist, huh? Covert warfare psychological specialist, yes, sir. What are you gonna do for us, lieutenant? Post the incident flow priority indicator, sir. Great. What's that? Allow me, sir. This, sir, is the indicator. A computer in Saigon will sift all intelligence reports... and reduce the information... to parables, ratios, and mean averages... whereby we shall be able to assign defense priorities. That is, sir, the incident flow indicator... will indicate which of your outposts... is the most endangered. I'll enter that name on the indicator here... condition red. Number two will be condition orange. Number three... condition yellow. You mean... you are going to tell us where the V.C. Will attack... before they do it? With reasonable accuracy, sir. That'll be the goddamn day. I assure you, sir, it works remarkably well. Toffee! Where shall I hang it, sir? Stick it over the door. Excellent. Very... prominent, sir. I'll make the first entries tomorrow, sir. I can't wait. Toffee. See the lieutenant has quarters... and a place out there to work. - Sure. - Thank you, sir. Where are we, Al? I mean geographically, where are we? Vietnam. Penang, sir. You sure we're not in a loony bin? Sometimes I get the feeling we're in a goddamn loony bin. Sergeant. Lieutenant. Muc Wa. It's almost time for the helicopter. Let's move out. Lieutenant, hold on just a minute. Cowboy, VARs. OK, lieutenant, we go in fast... and lay some smoke for the choppers. Move out! OK, I got it. Keep it moving. All right, let's get cracking. Cowboy, get that bunker over there cleaned up... for the lieutenant's command post. - Ackley! - Behind you! Set your commo shack up in there next to him. Lincoln! Find yourself a hospital somewhere. - Courcey! - Yo! Have all three points in the triangle... manned and ready in fifteen minutes. Excuse me for taking over like this, sir... but we got to get this garrison shaped up before Charlie time. Night. That's Charlie time. Fine, Sergeant, but what can I do? You make yourself comfortable, sir. You're the officer. - Cowboy! - Yes, sir. Assign every man a place on the wall. I want all the underbrush cut down. Nobody sleeps tonight, not till we find out... what kind of asshole situation we got here. Now let's move it along! Come on, boys, chop it up, chop it up! Let's go, let's go! Night's comin', baby! Move it out! You read French, corporal? Fairly well, sir. I think it refers to the battle of Thermopylae... where the 300 Spartans died trying to hold the pass... if you remember your Greek history, sir. Yeah. It says, roughly... "Stranger... "when you find us lying here... go tell the Spartans we obeyed their orders." You think there's three hundred French buried here? I'll count 'em first chance I get, sir. Hey, major? Hey, major, we got communication established with Muc Wa. Well, read it to me, hey. "Operation Blaze to blah, blah, blah... "French fortifications in usable condition. "Team morale excellent. No enemy contact. "Standing operating procedures in effect. "We shall do our duty. Lieutenant Hamilton, Commander, Operation Blaze." Let me have it. OK, Toffee. "We shall do our duty." Jesus Christ. We better get some aerial photographs of this place... have 'em brought up in detail. I wanna know how it lies like I know the wrinkles on my face. OK, major. - Sergeant? - Sir. Now, why are you leaving three gates in the walls? You're giving the enemy too many ways to break in. Sir, them gates is for us to break out of... if and when the time comes. Don't worry about Charlie breaking in. He'll come over these walls like a forest fire. Over the barbed wire? Well, sir, the dinks don't feel any pain. The barbed wire just makes 'em itch a little. Well, that's hard to believe, sergeant. Well, sir, I hope you don't have to see it to believe it. Well, three gates. That's fine. Excuse me. Lieutenant's got the quick-step. Yeah, well, he'll get over it. Some do, and some don't. Me, I think the lieutenant's on the don't side. What is it? What is it? Nuoc mam. Somebody used fish sauce. I don't smell anything. We smell. Well... let's get off this trail. Cong. We attack. Well, let's make damn sure before you start shootin'. - No. Shoot first. - Wait a minute. We'll take a look first. Some Cong. Hello! No! I'm an American! Uh, tell your men to lower their rifles. Tell 'em. Wrong, sir. They communist people. We'll see. Hold my rifle. I'm... I am your friend. Tell 'em. Interpret. I'm... I'm not going to hurt you. Interpret! L... I have some chocolate. I have some chocolate. It's good. Chocolat. It's good. It's all right. Mmm. That's good. Try a piece, hmm? Please? It's good. Yeah. It's good. Here's a piece for you. And here's a piece for you. They Cong, sir. Who cares? They're hungry. Here you go. - She's nice. - What are you, the Pied Piper? God damn it, Courcey, I send you out... to map the fuckin' jungle trails... you come back with a bunch of sick-Iookin' dinks! What the hell am I supposed to do with them? - They Cong. - They're refugees. - Ahh. - It's a goddamn lie. - They Cong family. - No, they're not. What is it, sergeant? Who are these people? Courcey dragged them out of the pocket bush. Cowboy, give 'em rice and run 'em off. Now, just a moment. Now, your attitude is wrong, sergeant. It is part of our job here... to win the hearts and minds of the people. - Sir... - We will make them welcome. Sir, you don't understand. I understand my duty, sergeant. Now, Corporal Lincoln, take these ladies to the hospital... and give them a health check. Corporal Courcey, I'll make you responsible... for seeing they have food and shelter. Sir, Cowboy says this is a Cong family. They don't look like communists to me. Sir, I been in this fuckin' war for three years. I still don't know what a communist looks like. Corporal Courcey, were these people armed in any way? No, sir. Well, there you are, sergeant. Carry on as directed, Corporal Lincoln. All right. Tell the slopes to follow me. Lincoln... you better pop that little cunt full of penicillin... before the whole barracks comes down with the clap. What's Boo Jum doing in the red? Mung Tau ought to be in the red. No, sir, Mung Tau is definitely declining in incident ratio. My flow chart indicates... that the next concentrated offensive... will be against Boo Jum. There hasn't been a shot fired in Boo Jum in three months. Sir, if you wish me to explain... the incremental digital contingencies... and the compatible logistical projection... by which the flow chart has arrived at red for Boo Jum... Forget it, forget it. It's got the toughest fortifications... of any of the outposts, and Charlie knows it. Hey! Hey, major, where you going? I mean, just in case I get some traffic. I'm going to Tapang, to a boom-boom joint... and get my ashes hauled, OK? Sure. OK. Thanks. Be back by Charlie time. World War II. What? That's what I call the major, World War II. Precisely. On the hill! I think it's Cong! - How many? - I just saw one. - Right over there. - Move it, move it! Hit all three points! Come on, move your ass! Move it! That's pretty good. Little mothers might give Charlie a show at that. Come on! Was that another drill, sergeant? No, sir. We got a contact. Enemy scout overlookin' us from the hill. I spotted him in the cemetery, sir. He left this note. Charlie likes to leave calling cards, sir. Better set ambush patrols tonight and every night. Of course, sergeant. I'll lead one myself. You might wanna wait till you feel a little up to it, sir. Courcey will take one patrol tonight. Cowboy will take the other. Yeah, I think you ought to get off your feet, sir. Just stay sort of quiet. Yes, sir, we might not get much sleep tonight... if Charlie probes us. Yeah. Well, I'll be in my quarters if you need me. Yes, sir. Amoebic. Yeah. Fourscore And And seven Years ago Our fathers brought forth on this continent A new nation Conceived in liberty Dedicated To the proposition All men Are created equal Brave Uh, men Living and dead Who struggled here Have consecrated it Far above our poor Power to add Or detract... Fire! Under God Shall have a new Birth, freedom And that government Of the people By the people For the people Shall not perish from the earth Corporal! Corporal, are you all right? Your president is safe. Get up, you doped-up bastard! We got wounded gooks on our hands! That's a girl. You're OK. Major? Yeah? - Signal, sir. - Ahem. Come on in. - Want some coffee? - Oh, thanks. OK, shoot. Uh... Mung Tau had a couple snipers last night. That's all. Lieutenant What's-His-Face moved Mung Tau... on down into the yellow. Red's in the clear now. I had a signal from Lieutenant Hamilton... about that little action over at Muc Wa last night... if you want me to read it to you. Mmm. Go ahead. "From Operation Blaze to Thunderhead. Sir, we have met the enemy, and they are ours." You dirty rat. You sneaked up on me. I don't believe it. Swear to God. That's what he says. What else does it say? Uh, signal goes on to say... the attack consisted of twelve rounds of mortar fire. There were two light casualties. Mortar was knocked out by an ambush patrol... led by Corporal Courcey, four Cong killed. Courcey, huh? Hmm. So, the draftee got himself bloody. Well, what do you know? Commend Hamilton, and tell him to pass it on to the draftee. Yes, sir. Fucking draftee. Hello, little girl. A-OK! What are you doin', corporal? I'm shortening fuses to one second for the sergeant. Oh, yeah? Yeah. He's gonna plant grenades in front of the barbed wire... with trip loops on 'em. How do you feel, sir? Oh, fine, corporal. I'm about recovered from my bout. Corporal, that little girl's standing out there in the rain. Well, what does she want? I think she wants me. You're joking. She's just a child. Cowboy says she's fourteen. Well, you're not going to, corporal. That's strictly against the rules for us. No, sir. I'm not going to. Oh, sir. I finally got those graves counted. Exactly three hundred and two. They were brave men, corporal. They fought the battle and lost... but we won't lose. We're Americans. I got a schedule, sir. I'm gonna pin my leaves on before I'm twenty-eight. I'm gonna have my eagles before I'm thirty-two. When I'm thirty-eight... I'm gonna have a star. Maybe two. General Alfred by-God Olivetti. That's my schedule, sir. Very proper schedule, Al. Very proper, indeed. Just like an express train. And you'll do it, too. You'll do it because you got the... you got the coal, and you got the steam. But watch out for those fucking block signals. Well, how... how do you mean, sir? Well, did you ever ask yourself, Al... why after two wars and a bucketful of medals... I'm still a major? Well, I wasn't gonna ask that, sir. Booze and pudenda. Oh, I could handle the booze, all right... but it was the pudenda that got me. I don't know that word, sir. Well, in politer circles, I think they call it pussy. Don't laugh, son. Listen, in the Pentagon, there's a secret vault... and nobody has the key but the chief of staff. He wears it around his neck. And in that vault is a list of names of officers... who are not gentleman. Now, any time an officer comes up for promotion... the chief steals into that vault and runs down the list. If the officer's name is on that list, zap, no promotion. I'm on that list. I'm not a gentleman. Oh, I was once, yes, but... there's a certain general... I won't tell you his name or how many stars he wears... but I was his aide for a while, right after moving up to major. And he had a wife... who was some twenty years younger than he... and I guess he wasn't up to snuff... in the conjugal department... because it wasn't long before I found myself being groped. But I was a gentleman, Al, and this was my general's lady. And I tried to be courteous and remain upright at all times... but, shit, how long can a fella remain upright... when he's being crawled all over... every time the general goes out to take a pee or something? Not long, right? Well, finally, I screwed her. Big mistake, Al, big mistake. I thought I'd cool her off some... but it turned out that I got hooked. She was the hottest thing I ever had in all my life. Wow. Thereafter, I found myself humping her... on any and every occasion, in all fashions known to man. Then one night there was a big to-do... at an embassy in Washington... and I accompanied the general and his lady. Very prestigious affair. Even the president was there. And while the general was brown-nosing... around the president... the lady and I slipped out into the garden. You know what a gazebo is? Well, it's a big bird-cage piece of junk... that sits in gardens covered with rose vines. The lady and I slipped quietly into this dark little bower... and she sat with her back to the door... while I remained standing... keeping a sharp lookout all around... whereupon she proceeded to make love to me, orally. Well, as you well know... there comes a time in the sexual encounter... when a fellow is apt to lose interest in the surroundings... which is precisely what I was guilty of doing... and when things swam into focus... the first thing I saw was the general... standing in the arch... pink roses all around his old gray head... and next to him was the ambassador's wife... and you-know-who. The president? Of the United States, on a tour of the embassy gardens. Jesus H. Christ. There are stronger words for that situation, Al... like gee whiz and, oh, gosh, and golly... because the lady, with her back to the door... didn't know they were there... and she had not yet ceased operations. And that's why, after all these years... I'm still a major. What did you do? Do? When you saw 'em standing there. I did the only thing I've ever been trained to do. I saluted. What the hell are you doing in my office? Posting the incident flow priority indicator, sir. At this hour of the goddamn night? I thought it was important, sir, in Muc Wa. What the fuck is Muc Wa doing in yellow? The parables, sir. Oh, screw the parables. Muc Wa's nowhere. Cong don't give a shit about Muc Wa. If you'll permit me to explain, sir. You're just trying to make trouble for me. You know that, God damn it. Sir, there's a definite... general converging of incidents... toward the vicinity of Muc Wa, sir. Oh, Christ. Get up off the goddamn floor. - Toffee! - Present, sir. Get Muc Wa on the horn. Maybe they're asleep, sir. They can't afford to sleep. Wake 'em up. Oleo, come in, Oleo. What's your situation? I got Cong on 2-7-2. I'm buggin' off before they cut us off from the river. As soon as we hit the water and clear the bank... tear the goddamn jungle up behind us. Do you read me, Muc Wa? Over? 5-5, Oleo, we'll cover. He's retreating to the river, sir. He wants cover fire to make the crossing. How can I do that? Cowboy, get me a fire team. Ackley, stay here with the machine gun. Good, good! Sergeant Nguyen. Come on, Cowboy. Team one. I'll call it. They're right on my ass! You better get cover! We got you! Here we come! Fire! - Blow the charge? - No! Get the fire team back. They're comin' in now. Sergeant, sergeant. You left one of your men out there. Well, Christ, lieutenant, we wasn't lookin' back. - I'll get him in, sir. - Damned if you will, Courcey. Charlie's zeroed in on him, just waiting for a sucker. I'll get him myself, corporal, but thank you for volunteering. Didn't you hear what I said? You're not in command here, sergeant. You don't see any of those gooks... running out there for him, do you? God damn it, he's their buddy, not ours! You will lay down an enfilade fire, and I'll go out under it. Enfilade, defilade... Charlie's like a mole... God damn it! They're dug in by now! You better listen to me. Carry out my order, sergeant. He's crazy. Sir. Sir, listen. He's stopped calling. He's probably dead by now. Don't you see I have to go out there, Courcey? - Don't you see that? - Sir! Sir. Cover him. OK, soldier, I'm here. You'll be OK now. By God, Asa, I was right! They don't want us in Muc Wa. They don't want us anywhere, sir. Asa, it's a key defense point. Look how quick the Cong moved in. The Cong moved in because they knew it was a weak point, sir. What's the reaction time for your reinforcements? With luck I can get air support in about thirty minutes. I'm not talking about air support. I'm talking about infantry... bodies, fella. How long does it take you... to get your reinforcements in there? Two or three days, maybe. Where the hell are your reserves, Bangkok? Sir, I have to get my reserves... from the province chief, Colonel Minh. Colonel Lard-ass Minh. Well, ask him to be ready to move. I have to make a deal with him, sir. He don't lend support for nothing. Christ! We're trying to help these people fight the reds... and they throw blocks into us. The only way we're gonna win this war... is to get United States combat troops in here. All right, you do what you have to do... to get those reserves and beef up Muc Wa. By God, we can't let those... scroungy little jungle buggers... chase the American Advisory Command off a post. Can we? Sergeant? We're ready to bury the lieutenant, sir. Sir? We're ready. We're gonna bury the lieutenant. Dumb jerk-off. We can't just shovel dirt on him. You've buried men before. You know what to say and what to do... and you're in command now. Shit on it. What's the matter with you? Look, you owe it to the lieutenant to honor him. The man he was trying to save was in your squad. You left him out there in the mud. He was a dink. I'm sick and tired of the goddamn fish-stinkin' dinks. Courcey, I was soldiering... when you were crapping in your diapers. Don't you tell me how to do my job! Get the fuck out of here! Sarge... Leave me be, kid. I've had it. When did you take this? About a half hour ago, I guess. Yeah? OK. You still want that C.I. B? You're the new commander at Muc Wa. Chopper's taking you in. Take a look at this. If they hit, they'll hit from the north and from the west. Concentrate your defense on those two fronts. Yeah. Right. Yes, sir. I'll get my gear together. Oh... I read the signal on Oleo, sir. It's too bad him going off his rocker like that. Two-bit war wasn't worth it. Or that kid Hamilton. Al... If I can't wangle reinforcements out of Colonel Lard-ass... you bug out of there at your own discretion. Run like hell. It'd be the end of my career, sir. Harnitz would see to that. I'll take care of Harnitz. Just don't be a hero. Comment allez-vous, major? - Very well, thank you. - Ah. A drink? - Always. - Ah. To the U.S. Of A. I thank you. To the Republic of South Vietnam. Ah, merci. Merci beaucoup. Please, sit. Thank you. The colonel has considered your request... for three hundred additional troops... but at this time, it is not possible. There is rumor of a coup in Saigon. The colonel must hold all of his troops in readiness... for support of the president. I appreciate the colonel's situation. But I need reinforcements for a place called Muc Wa. Before the colonel makes... an absolutely final decision, let me add this. A relief column going into Muc Wa would need artillery. Now, the American Advisory Command... has no artillery in this province. But Colonel Minh has. Allow me. The colonel has a battery of howitzers situated here... to protect the old road from the south going into Penang. If that battery were moved thirty miles to the east... on the road to Phnom Penh... They would be within range of Muc Wa. Now, I realize that the colonel... would be using precious ammunition... on a rather unimportant post. But if the colonel could spare the troops I need... I will have five hundred rounds of howitzer shells... brought in by air transport... And a thousand rounds delivered by truck convoy. It would take four or five days for the truck convoy... to bring the shells from the American depot. That could conceivably be too late for their use... could it not, major? Could be. In such a case, the American depot would desire... the return of the shells, would it not? In the whole history of the United States... they've never asked for the return of anything... be it guns, money, boats, or howitzer shells. They wouldn't know how to ask for the return of anything. If they did, it would screw up the bookkeeping... and everybody in Washington... would have a goddamn nervous breakdown. You tell the colonel... if he gets his hands on the ammo, it's his forever. A drink? Always. Alemay akefay. I do not understand. It's an old battle cry from our American revolution. It means, "To victory." Merci. Merci. - You got anything from Courcey? - No, sir. Ackley. Read me. Over. Ackley, read me. I got Charlie. Stand by. 5-5, Courcey, over. Charlie's got a big team out here... moving west along the river. Roger, Courcey, stand by. We're gonna get hit. Maybe a couple hundred VC, and they got hardware. We'll be ready for 'em. You tell Courcey to dog 'em long enough... to see if they get across the river... then get his ass back in here. Shoot a signal off to Penang... tell them we want flare ships and air support on standby. Cowboy, get outside and shake the farmers down. Yes, sir. Charlie's crossing the river. Now he's within mortar range. You want to try a hit? Over. Hell, yes, let's try it. Let the bastards know were onto 'em. Give me the range and direction. On the map, he's crossing... in the middle of the third bend above the fork. Set your range for two thousand yards. I'll talk you on target after the first round. Signal when you're ready to fire. Over. When we get the range, get out of there, Courcey. They'll know they're being observed... and they're gonna be on your butt, boy. Stand by. Out. Drop it. Take it down two hundred. Spray left and right for effect. Drop two hundred, fire left and right for effect. I'm buggin' out. There he is. Major! Sir! God damn it, Wattsberg... every time I see you it means bad news. What the hell is it now? Sir, Muc Wa is in the red, sir. Captain Olivetti's requested flare ships... and air support on standby. Intelligence reports that the 507th VC battalion... may be closing on Muc Wa, sir. Is that all? I'll bet you got some more goodies for me. Yes, sir. Nighthawk control reports they can't send up flare ships... because General Harnitz has grounded all helicopters... and planes on request of the Saigon government. An attempted military coup is expected, sir... and all our air support is gonna be needed... to suppress the insurgents in Saigon, sir. You can turn in now, boys. What are you going to do, sir? Don't worry about it. I'll think of something. What's going on? I just keep hammering for air support, sir... but Nighthawk just keeps saying, "Negative, negative, negative." Let me have the key, Toffee. What's General Harnitz's call numbers? F-F-Z-T. This is the code book, sir. Fuck it. Look. Let's go in here. Well, it's shocking, sir. It's unthinkable that any officer... would address such a message to his commanding general. What would you like to do about it, sir? Sir? Captain, there are things in heaven and earth and the army... they didn't teach you at Virginia Military Institute. This here is one. There are some soldiers who bought the rap with their blood. They'll say anything to anybody in a just cause. Now, military coup or no military coup... you hop-ass over to the combo room... and fire off a signal to Nighthawk control... to put some air support over Muc Wa. Yes, sir. 'Cause apart from the fact that maybe I got old Asa... stretched pretty thin up there... that crazy son of a bitch might just do what he says here... shoot my balls off. What do you think I'm here for, Courcey? Move over. Will you sit down on that box over there? You're beat. Been shot through the flesh. Lucky. Hasn't lost much blood. These little mothers are tough. You can't believe what I've seen 'em take... and get up and trot the next day. You can't worry about 'em, Courcey. You better learn that. You better get hard. They don't know what you're doin' here... or what they're doin' here. There. Slopes out there shot him... they don't know any more than he does. They could change places and not know the difference. A-OK, old man. A-OK. A... OK. A... A... Nighthawk to Blaze. Nighthawk to Blaze. Over. Got 'em, sir. Blaze to Nighthawk. What's your position, and what do you got? Over. Nighthawk to Blaze. One flare ship and two hawks in group. Position maybe ten miles due east of you... but a star shell will help confirm. Over. You got it, baby. Nighthawk to Blaze. We see you. Closer than we thought. OK. Let's go. OK, they got it. Hey, they got it, major! Hey, major, they got it. Hey, major, they got the air support. Marvelous, sir. You did it, sir! Yeah, well... me and old Harnitz, we go back a long way. Blaze to Nighthawk! You got us. Over. We got you, Blaze. Over. Then light us up! Hit the goddamn treeline on the west side of the triangle! Hit the wall, Ackley! Courcey! Cowboy! The north gate! A couple of the bastards are trying an end run! That's the way the USA kicks ass, Charlie! That's the way I get my goddamn C.I.B. Wattsberg, what the fuck are you doing out here in a chopper? I requested it in your name, sir. - Sir, I have... - You requested it in my name? Soldier, shoot this goddamn four-eyed nitwit. Sir, the uniform code of military justice... expressly forbids summary executions. Oh, shit, Wattsberg, what do you got? This message, sir. "Intelligence believes that more than one thousand VC... "are being moved into the attack on Muc Wa. "General Harnitz signals he will not... "repeat, he will not commit additional personnel... "to the defense of Muc Wa. "Its strategic value is not now believed... "to be worth a major engagement with the enemy. "Immediately exfiltrate all American personnel... by aircraft and disperse garrison." Here. Give me that. Sir, shall I take the helicopter into Muc Wa? I ought to let you. Maybe you'd get yourself shot. I want you to take the convoy back to Penang. I'll radio Olivetti from the chopper... that we're coming in to exfiltrate the team. I want 'em ready to go the minute we touch down. Understood. Be careful, sir! Wattsberg, do you love your commanding officer? Well... yes, sir. That's fine, because I love you, too. Sir. My men, they say they ride in helicopter to Penang. They're gonna do what they're paid to do. They're gonna help these farmers bug out of here tonight... and you're gonna be in command. Sir, I am interpreter... number one interpreter. I go with you. You can interpret, all right. You tell 'em... they set one goddamn foot toward that chopper... and the machine gunner'll cut 'em in half. I hear it, sir. They're getting ground fire. Git! What do we got here? We got two on stretchers and five walking wounded. God damn it, Cowboy! Tell 'em to stay back! Tell 'em now! Tell 'em, Cowboy. That Courcey sure has a way with the goddamn gooks, sir. Let's get out of here before he loses that way... and they swamp the chopper. Get the wounded aboard. Come on! Keep it moving! Keep it moving! All right. Let's go. We got a hit in the hydraulic line. We've got to leave these walking wounded behind... or I'll never get this heap off the ground. OK, OK. I got you. No, back, back. Move back. Come on, back. Get away from the ship. Sorry. Sorry. Pilot says no. We can't handle it. Just not enough room for all of you. Now get back. Get back. Come on, move. Sorry. Sorry. Sir, are you gonna leave these wounded soldiers behind? Pilot can't handle it. He runs the ship. Now get aboard. - No. - What? I said no, sir. Corporal! My orders are to exfiltrate all American personnel. Now get aboard that ship. Look, boy, it's their war, and it's their country. We've done all we can do here. They're gonna rip this place off. Hey, major! Come on, for Christ sake! I got to get it up. I'm giving you an order, soldier. Get your ass on that ship! Take it up, God damn it. Come on, major. Get back. Get back. Now I know what's peculiar about you, Courcey. I should have figured it right off. You got it written in great big letters... on your goddamn forehead... h-e-r-o. Hero. You're a fucking hero. I'm sorry, sir. I just didn't see how we could leave these people behind. We brought 'em out here. How'd they do in the fracas last night? Fine, sir. This character still getting his jollies... out of torturing dinks? Couldn't have done it without him, sir. You screwing this kid? No, sir. Well, if we're gonna break out of here tonight... we'd better start planning it. The aerial photographs show... that this... this gully runs back here about half a mile... then flattens out into a meadow. - You know it? - Yes, sir. That's the way we'll go. The province chief's got a bunch of 155 howitzers... ready to blow hell out of this neck of the woods tonight... if I can get the son of a bitch to use his ammo. Charlie be too busy ducking shells to worry about us. You sure you're not screwing this kid? Yes, sir. Somebody ought to. Bring 'em along, Cowboy. That is all, sir. You're sure? I don't want to leave one goddamn thing... that Charlie can use. Certainement. - You spike the mortars? - Yes, sir. Well, spike the machine guns 5 minutes before we shove off. OK, Cowboy. You seem to know what you're doing. I was trained in demolition, sir. So you said. How about it, corporal? How about what, sir? What the fuck are you doing in 'Nam? Does it bother you, sir? Well, now, it doesn't bother me to the extent... that I can't live without knowing... but we don't get many draftees here. Not yet, anyway. And in particular, we don't get any of your kind. Well, sir... it started with a dog. You mean a broad? No, canine, sir. Just a little black dog with a curly tail. We used to tie him in the furnace room... during inspection time... but he got loose this one time and trotted in the barracks... and took a liking, or disliking maybe... to the inspecting officer. Went on his boot. The officer kicked the dog, and I kicked the officer. You kicked the officer? It was just a reflex, sir. He was pretty nice about it, really. He could have court-martialed me or sent me to prison. He gave me a choice... Vietnam. Very generous. Very generous indeed. What was the officer's rank? Sir? The officer's rank, corporal? Uh, brigadier general, sir. Now, that's a cock and bull story if I ever heard one. It did happen, but also... maybe I just wanted to see what a war was like. That's more like it. You know what you are, Courcey? You're a tourist. Too bad we couldn't have shown you a better war. Like hitting the beach at Anzio... or smashing through to Bastogne with Patton. That was a tour worth the money. This one? This one's a sucker's tour. Going nowhere... just round and round in circles. Get on with the job, corporal. They tried to run away, sir. They Cong. You look. They steal guns. They Cong. You killed the kids! Whoa! Easy, Courcey. You look, sir. You look. I sorry, sir. I say to Corporal Courcey... these communist people. A-OK. A-OK. A-OK. Give me that flashlight. I count eight. I thought there were nine. - Nine, sir. - That little girl is missing. Search the camp. Yes, sir! Instamment! It's their war. Give me a hand with that crank. OK, corporal. Let's get moving... before old Lard-ass opens up with his howitzers. We got ten seconds. OK, kid. Let's go. All right. Now. You spike the machine guns? It's done, sir. The Cong girl... we not find her. Well, we can't hang around and worry about that. You lead off. Take the wounded. Come on. Hurry. What's it look like? All clear as far as I can make out. We'll rest here for a minute. We're well protected... just in case those howitzers get their triangulations wrong. He's stopped his mortars. He's getting ready to take the fort. Charlie's fighting goddamn feathers for a change. Come on, Lard-ass, you're on. Let's go fast, soldier. When we get to those trees... we'll turn north and head for the road to Penang. The trucks will be there about daybreak to pick us up. - Cowboy! - Yes, sir! Take a man and check out the area ahead. Where you hurt, kid? L... I don't know. I feel blood running down my legs. Maybe you just crapped your britches. I have very strong sphincter muscles, sir. The little mothers are comin' for us. Ah. Oh, shit. I'm goin' home, Charlie... if they'll let me. |
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