I know, I know,
we're almost there.
All right, all right, okay, let's...
Oh, cut that out!
Will you stop that?
Will you knock that off?
Come on, a joke is a joke.
Will you cut it out?
All right,
smoke 'em if you got 'em.
All right, lighten up
and listen to me now.
Hi. I guess you're wondering
how I got here.
Well, let me
first introduce myself.
My name is John Bourgignon,
of the Melonville Bourgignons.
And a good friend of mine
Chick Leff and I
ran a limousine service
back in the States.
You see, I was about
to get married to this girl
Nancy Reese.
Well, see for yourself.
You're not gonna believe
this story.
You're really not
gonna believe it.
You might believe it,
I don't know.
You might buy it,
you might not. Check it out.
I'm just gonna stop off
at Sal's for a second.
No, I don't wanna go there.
He's gonna talk us
into acting in another one
of his kung fu movies again.
That was embarrassing.
What do you
think he wants?
Look, the only time he ever
talks to me is when we're
late on limo payments,
and we're not late, so...
How does he make any money
on a look-alike service?
He don't.
We're here to see
Mr. Di Pasquale.
I think his mother
is on the phone.
May I say who's calling?
Tell him John
and Chick are here.
I'll see if he's free.
Thank you.
Fuck you!
Yeah, well, fuck you!
He's on a conference call.
If you'd care to take a seat,
he'll be with you momentarily.
Great. Thanks a lot.
Thank you.
Hey, Chick, Johnny, come on.
I've been waiting for you.
Come on inside.
I didn't know you guys
were here.
Chick, how you doing?
Here comes the bride,
here comes the bride
I got an important
meeting inside.
No phone calls,
no interruptions.
I don't wanna be disturbed.
What if you get a phone call?
No phone calls!
I got an important
meeting inside.
No interruptions,
no nothing!
Yes, Mr. Dispas...
Pasquale!
Di Pasquale, Di Pasquale!
Make yourself at home.
Is this a real Oscar, Sal?
You bet your fat ass it is,
Johnny. It's the real thing.
Best Foreign Film, 1958.
My Big Hill.
Somebody gave me that.
One of these days
I'm gonna have my own.
I've been thinking about
getting back into movies,
you know?
Yeah. Sit down.
Thanks, Sal.
So, so, so,
a lot's been happening
since I seen you last.
Been reading about you
in the paper and everything.
I mean, you're marrying
Ed Reese's daughter,
that's a very big thing.
I guess so, yeah.
So, how'd you swing that?
Well, we met
and we liked each other.
We fell in love
and we're gonna
get married.
That's very warm.
I mean, I like the sound.
The love thing
is very important,
because you know,
my own marriage didn't
work out too good, but I don't
wanna get into that now.
Sal, show him the picture.
He don't wanna
see the picture.
Come on, show him the picture.
He don't wanna see.
So I carry a picture
of the ex on me.
You know,
just for old times' sake.
I'd like to see it.
She was a sweet kid.
She was 18 when I married her.
Where'd you meet her,
in high school?
No. I wish
I went to high school.
Take a look at this.
Nice.
Took a good picture, huh?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well...
The whole thing
turned to rat shit
just after the honeymoon.
Well, look, Sal,
why'd you call us here?
You know,
wouldn't it be interesting
if you talked Ed Reese
into letting me film
the entire wedding?
No, I'm sorry.
No, it just wouldn't work.
You don't think
I'm good enough?
I didn't say that.
Maybe you didn't see
a little film I like
to call Kung Fu U!
What?
Maybe you don't remember
a little Salvatore
Di Pasquale production,
which just happened
to gross $410,000
across this entire country
including drive-ins.
I guess you don't
remember that, huh?
And I put you
in the damn movie!
Sorry, Johnny, I got a bark
that's worse than my bite.
I gotta do something
about this temper.
I'm sorry, I didn't know that.
Oh, no, that's all right.
I'm sorry. I'm very sorry.
I just think it's...
He just won't go along
with it, that's all.
Hey, you wanna know
what I think?
I think it would be good
for his image.
I really feel it'd be wrong.
I mean, he doesn't like me.
Telephone, Mr. Dispasques...
Moron!
Moron!
Hey, let me ask
you boys something.
How much money do you
still owe on the limo? Just...
I don't know. About,
a little over $10,000,
I think.
$12,300.
It's a lot of money.
That's a lot of fares.
That's a lot of work.
You know, I'd be willing
to kiss that money off
if you could swing
a deal with Reese.
Oh, no. No, no, no, no...
Well, it's real important
to me, Johnny.
You do this, do this for me,
I do this for you.
Scratch my back,
I'm scratching yours.
Well, Sal, it's impossible.
Thanks very much.
Well, just think about it,
that's all.
We gotta go to work.
Johnny,
that's a lot of money.
I know it is,
and I'm thinking about it.
Good.
All right, I'll tell you
what I'll do. I'll ask Nancy
to ask the old man,
but I'm not
promising anything.
Great. That's all I ask.
Now, do me a favor, would you?
I'm not covering
for you tonight.
I'm sorry. No,
I cannot work late.
Now, we've got that
big brunch tomorrow
at Nancy's folks',
and I wanna be perky
and charming.
Easy fare.
They're classical musicians.
You just take them
to their hotel.
It'll only take a minute.
No! No is no.
We are live
outside the courthouse
where religious cult leader
Sun Yi Day has just been
indicted on several counts.
Included are conspiracy,
tax evasion,
kidnapping, resisting arrest
and jury tampering.
Congressman Ed Reese,
the presidential hopeful
who's leading the crusade
against these people,
will be joining us shortly.
Hi, Shirley.
Congressman.
Shirley, what everyone
must understand about this
is that it is not
religious persecution.
The Church of Sun Yi
is not a church at all.
It's a front.
It's a, it's a tax shelter
set up solely for personal
financial gain.
Well, how do you see
this situation now?
Shirley, there are so...
Excuse me. Reverend Sun Yi,
could we get a statement?
The Reverend Sun Yi
has no statements
at this time.
I'd like to say that
this is a very old story.
If you don't understand
something then you attack it.
You call it weird or a cult
and you try to destroy it.
While the person
who is leading the attack
is usually someone
who is on very shaky
moral ground himself.
He's unsure of himself and so
he lashes out in a paranoid
way against those of us
who've ascended
to a higher plane of
consciousness and awareness.
Well, we'll survive this.
We always have in the past.
And when Mr. Reese
loses his anger and his fear
we invite him to join us
in spreading our message
of love and profit.
Thank you very much.
Shirley, this is pure crap.
Can we quote you, Congressman?
Shirley, you may quote this.
I am going to get him.
Spanish version
of the Beatles. Wonderful.
Los Beatles.
Ringo.
Really?
Pablo.
How you doing?
Hi.
Hi.
Juan.
Juan.
How are you?
Jorge.
Jorge.
And I'm Mick Jagger!
No.
Not while I'm driving, thanks.
Oh, thank you very much.
Oh, thank you, God!
Oh, thank you, God!
I owe you!
You made it.
A whole hour to sleep.
That's all I need.
Just need an hour.
I'm sorry.
You're fat.
My husband was fat.
He's dead now.
You must eat like a pig.
Pig.
Yeah. Yeah.
Cigarettes will kill you.
My husband smoked,
you know.
He died from smoking too much.
I thought you said he died
'cause he was fat.
He was fat with bad lungs!
Granny? Granny!
It's so good to see you.
My little girl.
I see you've met John.
No, I don't believe I have.
Oh, Granny,
this is my fianc,
John Bourgignon.
Oh!
How do you do?
Oh, what a handsome young man.
I hope you will both
be as happy
as your grandfather
and I were.
John!
Are you okay?
I'm sorry.
I'm very sorry, Mrs. Reese.
I'm very sorry.
That's all right.
He's been
real tired recently.
He's been working so hard.
He's just exhausted.
Where's Dad?
He's still on the phone
talking to Washington.
You know how it is
in Washington.
Yeah.
I'm sorry I'm late,
everyone.
I always say you can
call me anything but don't
call me late for dinner.
Yeah.
Mother, it's good to see you.
You look as wonderful as ever.
Hi, honey. Hello, baby.
Hello, Daddy.
Hello, Mr. Reese.
Yeah.
Daddy, John and Chick's
business is really
improving now.
Do you think that's gonna
make you enough money
to support my daughter,
driving a limousine?
Yes, sir, I do.
Yes, sir, that, and I also
supplement my income
by drumming part time.
As a matter of fact,
I'll be performing tonight.
Wonderful.
You hang out in nightclubs?
No, sir, it's not
really a nightclub.
How much money
do you make a year?
Wouldn't you rather talk
about this in private, sir?
No!
I'll get it.
Who could be
at the back door?
That'd be probably
my best man Chick
and his date.
I invited him, Daddy.
As I was saying,
how much money
do you make in a year?
Oh...
In a year? I would say
anywhere from 30 to...
$11,000 a year, sir.
But I invest
very heavily in stocks.
Stocks?
Oh, yes.
Who's your investor?
It's...
You wouldn't know them.
Really? What's that name?
No, I know a lot
of small firms.
Oh, they're just,
they're new almost,
and they go by the name of,
of Smith and Barney
and Andy and Dopey.
I'm very sorry.
You clumsy ox!
Daddy, please!
Do you see what you did?
He didn't mean
to break the chair.
He's too fat.
I'm sorry.
I'm very sorry about
the chair, sir. A little Krazy
Glue will fix that right up.
I'll just sit here if it's...
Here's my friend
Chick Leff now
and his date.
Hi, everybody.
Thanks for the invite.
Johnny, this is Misty.
Hi.
Oh, soup.
Pretty fancy place here, huh?
Yes, it looks great.
You have a half hour left.
It's up to you if you
wanna get off or not.
Oh!
Cool it!
You know how ridiculous
you people look?
Hello, darling.
Patti's here now.
I hate you people.
I hate all of you.
She doesn't mean this.
But your day
of reckoning will come!
And when it does,
I hope you get
what you deserve!
That's my daughter Patti.
She's the youngest.
Probably just a phase
she's going through.
If you like, I'll talk to her.
You know, I'm more her age.
Oh, Jesus, I need a drink.
I gotta make a martini.
He's been under
a lot of strain lately.
That's all right,
Mrs. Reese.
Stress has been known
to turn people
into complete shitheads.
Not your husband
per se, but...
I'll get it.
Well, maybe the wedding
will help to
bring everybody
closer together.
Yeah.
Yeah. Weddings are like that.
Misty, your pimp
is here to see you.
Uh-oh...
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.
Come on, ladies, and run.
Run, shoulders back.
The new recruits
sure look good.
Sun Yi showed great foresight
setting us up here.
Mind control,
by way of the body.
Such empty minds
crying out for fulfillment.
I'd like to fulfill
that one in the red.
Control, strong,
your body is your best friend.
I claim my divine right...
I claim my divine right...
...to material stuff...
... to material stuff...
...before someone else does.
... before someone else does.
My body, my mind, my money.
Sun Yi, Sun Yi...
Okay, okay, okay,
that's enough.
Let's get down to business.
Bruno, you got a cigarette?
Yeah.
Let me have
the regional financial report.
It's not great news.
I told you we were gonna
have a lot of bad publicity
from that Reese interview.
Transmissions have been
very clear on this.
The obstacle must be removed.
Angela, initiate Plan A.
Yes, Your Holiness.
Plan A.
Get the big guy
in the gray limousine.
Hi, guys.
Cut the small talk,
you're late!
I've been playing pocket pool
up there for 15 minutes.
I got a grand opening today!
All right, all right,
where to, Sal?
Third and Elsmere.
Mr. Hound Dogs.
The hot dog people?
Yeah. They want the boys
to walk around
wearing sandwich boards.
It's not a bad idea.
Did you talk to Reese?
No, sorry.
I haven't had a chance.
Would you talk to him, Johnny?
This is important to me.
Yeah, I will.
Do you think you could
drop me off on the way?
Yes, I would mind actually.
Would you drive?
All right.
Hey, John?
Yeah?
What do you think
if we put like
a flat gray on the wall
and then maybe
a Chinese-red lacquer trim
on the molding?
Do you think that'd be good?
Yeah.
Yeah, I do, too.
John? John?
What?
John, did you hear anything
I was saying?
No. I'm practicing.
Come on, Nance.
I gotta practice.
I'm playing tonight.
Yeah, but you've been
practicing all day long.
I know, I'm bad.
What do you mean you're bad?
You're the greatest.
You're a great drummer.
Well, you tell that
to the guys tonight, okay?
I think it's amazing
what you do
with all these things.
You know, what you do
with your little foot there.
I know,
it is amazing how that works.
What you do with these...
What do you call them,
"drumstick" things?
Drumstick things,
that's very good. Yeah.
That's what they're called.
Well, why don't you show me
how to use them?
No, no. This takes years.
Come on.
It takes years to play this.
Show me.
No, I can't.
I gotta get ready to go.
Tell you what.
Just put them in your hands.
Very good, just like that.
Why don't you just sit down
and play? Go nuts, all right?
Have fun.
I gotta get ready.
Nancy, don't ever
do that again!
Excuse me. I'm looking
for a guy named Skipper.
I'm a guy named Skipper.
Damien, take that tablecloth
off there, will you?
It's all bloody.
It looks terrible.
And I told you
I want baby blue spots
in all those fixtures.
Now get to it!
I'm trying.
Yes?
I'm John Bourgignon
from the Musicians Union.
Oh, really? Well, you tell
those people over there to
take me off that unfair list.
It's unfair to me.
I didn't do a damn thing.
I don't know
anything about that.
I'm just a drummer.
Oh, thank God you're here.
Here's the costume.
Take it and put it on.
The dressing room
is right back there.
Damien, be a dear, will you,
and get me a cup of coffee?
I'm only one person.
I'm sorry,
I can't wear this.
Oh, look at the gross
national product.
After inflation, you know,
you gotta remember that.
We gotta go back
to the gold standard.
How you doing?
Hi, how are you?
Yo.
Yeah.
I don't know about this.
I've heard those ladies
can get pretty rough.
Come on, it's a job.
With women, what can happen?
Since most of you
gentlemen are not strangers
to this court,
you know exactly
what kind of behavior
I will tolerate.
Any breach of courtroom
protocol will receive
the maximum penalty.
Am I understood?
Okay, let's get this
over with.
We'll start at this end.
Approach the bench
and state your case.
What are you doing here?
I set fire to my family.
Jesus Christ,
he set fire to his family.
Oh, my God! Oh!
How you doing?
I don't know. I don't think
I'm doing too good.
Right. Listen,
you got any ludes?
What?
Ludes.
Shut up! The guy's a cop.
How about some reefer?
Just relax, will you?
Toot! You got any toot?
Listen, I'm freaking out!
I'm not gonna make it.
Get out of my pocket!
Look, we're all
freaking out, here!
Just relax, will you?
Get some control of yourself.
Think positive,
you'll be all right.
All right.
This guy over here, he just
set fire to his entire family
for God's sakes!
Just don't look at him.
Be quiet! Just relax.
You all right?
Great.
Think positive.
I'm right here if you need me.
Easy.
Where did
our public defender go?
Right here, Your Honor.
Oh, my God!
Think positive.
You don't even
know the case.
I know the law.
Don't you...
Would you like to consult
with your client?
I would like
a change of venue.
Denied. Proceed.
Your Honor, then I request
a summary dismissal.
Can you support that motion?
Yes, indeed, I can.
There are thousands
of criminals roaming
all over the streets
just as guilty as my client.
Why pick on him?
What the hell are you saying?
I know what I'm doing.
Motion denied.
Your Honor, I would
very much like to have
another lawyer, please,
because this one is not
to my satisfaction.
And I would feel that...
Your Honor, I would like you
to disqualify yourself.
On what grounds?
On the grounds that
you've got a bad attitude.
Bad attitude?
Denied!
Counselor?
Okay.
May we approach
the bench, please?
Yes.
Don't blow this!
Don't, don't worry.
Your Honor, may we speak
off the record here?
The proceedings so far
are rather pressing.
I wanted to ask you,
do you have a toot?
A lude, reefer?
What the hell are you saying?
You are out of order!
I'm out of order?
You're out of order!
Shut up!
You're out of order!
This whole court's
out of order!
Thirty days in
the County Jail for contempt.
This is worse than Attica!
Attica, that's right!
Attica! Attica!
Order! Order!
Attica! Attica!
Attica! Attica!
Order! Order in the court!
Attica! Attica!
Attica! Attica!
I mean, I'm cool.
I mean, I'm out of here.
I know.
You see I,
Muhammed Jerome Willy,
have a plan.
Yeah?
You see, Muhammed
ain't going to the joint.
I'm a three-time loser, man.
I mean, I'm gonna
do some time for this one.
And I don't feel
like dying in jail.
You with me?
What?
You with me?
What do you mean?
We out of here. You with me?
Oh, no.
You gotta be crazy.
I'm not going with you.
You go yourself.
You're a murderer.
I'm just a... I didn't do...
I didn't mean that,
I didn't mean...
Make my move,
you best keep up. Dig?
I dig very much, sir.
No, wait, I've changed
my mind. Wait,
I don't wanna go with you!
I can't. Look,
I'll never keep up!
Let's go.
Oh, no. Oh, no.
Who is it?
It's me, baby. Open up.
Muhammed,
what are you doing here?
What do you mean,
what am I doing here?
I'm here to see you.
You look good, baby.
How about a little sugar?
Never mind the sugar.
I don't have any time.
I'm running late.
Excuse me.
Do you think I could
borrow a hacksaw?
Who's the surfer?
I just wanna borrow it,
cut this off
and I'm gone.
Later! Sit down!
Baby, you look good.
What are you doing
in handcuffs?
I got busted.
It's a long story.
That's it! Get out of
my house! I'm not harboring
escaped criminals.
You have an acetylene torch
in there I could borrow?
Sit down!
Well, listen how the woman
talks to the man
who pays the rent.
In your dreams.
You never paid my rent
in your life.
Well, look, I was gonna!
I just never got around to it.
It looks good, baby.
Hey, what's this?
Nothing.
What do you mean nothing?
It looks like a suitcase
to me.
You don't wanna know.
Don't get involved.
Hey, hey, baby, baby.
Now, where my baby going?
I've got a date.
See, it's just a date.
A date? Looks more
serious than a date.
Looks more like
an overnight trip.
Hey, who you been seeing
behind my back?
Look, it's probably
just a pajama party.
Bunch of girls get together,
they play some records,
they have some popcorn,
pretzels. That's all it is.
Francine, get out here, now!
I'll come out
when I feel like it!
Look, want some advice, pal?
Be gentle with the woman.
Women like it
when you're gentle.
I'm gentle.
Works for me all the time.
I'm telling you, if you...
I'll just shut
the fuck right up.
I'm furious!
I don't belong to you.
I don't belong to anyone and I
advise you to get out of here
before he gets here!
Oh, lady, please, reconsider.
You could help us, you know?
Before who gets here?
Before he gets here!
Look, I want him
to get here.
As a matter of fact,
I'm in the mood for a fight.
I'm not afraid of him,
you, you, nobody!
And no woman talks to
Muhammed Jerome Willy
the way you've been doing
and especially not in front
of company!
Well, I'm not impressed
with your company!
I'm not impressed with you,
now, just get out of here!
Look, you don't tell me
to get out. No woman tells,
nobody tells me to get out!
I'm telling you
to get out!
I wish I could take that back.
I didn't mean to say it.
I'm sorry I yelled.
What I wanted
to say was just
that maybe we could
all sit down like adults
and just sit down and talk.
Look, I'm very sorry.
I'm sorry for yelling.
Fine.
See what we're into now?
We're yelling.
Fine. Sit down.
Let's sit down
like adults, right?
Now?
Fine.
You're nothing but a goddamn
lazy no-good fool!
And you're nothing
but a two-timing bitch!
You're nothing but trouble!
I hope they hang your ass!
Good! Because that's just
what they're gonna do!
Well, doesn't that
feel better now? Huh?
Let's get out of here!
Come on!
Break out!
Running and hiding
from the police!
Come all the way
over here to see you.
Only reason we came over
anyway was to say goodbye.
That's why you came over?
To say goodbye?
You mean in the midst
of all that trouble
you came over to see me?
That's right. That's okay,
'cause I'm ready
to face the heat.
Now, I know the police out
there with their machine guns
and helicopters.
We gonna get blown away,
but that's all right, too,
'cause we ready to die!
No, we're not.
At least I got a chance
to behold my baby's face
one last time.
Listen to this here.
Muhammed, don't go.
Say "please. "
Please.
Please.
Baby, I love the way
you say, "Please. "
That was a great "please. "
So good to Muhammed.
Did my big Muhammed miss me?
Baby, Muhammed missed you.
How much did he miss me?
I missed the smell
of your hair,
the taste of your neck.
Don't waste it.
Oh!
Oh, no. Hey, man,
you got to go!
Why?
Now.
Don't! Oh, come on.
Bye.
I won't.
Thank you.
Let's jump to it, baby.
About how long?
Not long. Get out of here!
Oh, baby! Oh, baby!
Yes. Good.
Oh, God!
It's been so long.
Oh, I missed you.
I missed you so much.
There you are,
right there. Good.
Oh, Muhammed, you thrill me!
Oh, you thrill me!
So good. So good.
Can I give you a hand there?
Yeah, would you?
Yeah, sure.
Would you hold this
while I open my door?
No problem.
Yes, yes, yes.
That's it!
Thanks.
Yeah, sure.
Push, push, push, push,
push, push! Oh, baby!
You're the king!
You're the king!
Muhammed! Muhammed?
Oh, my God!
What's wrong?
He's dead!
What?
He's dead! Oh, my God,
he's dead!
He's what?
Dead.
Chick? Yeah, it's me, John.
Look, I'm in a little bit
of trouble here.
I wonder if you could
come down and move real
quickly and get down here?
Yeah. I'm at...
Okay, boys, last call.
Yeah.
I'll have another draft,
please, and another
screwdriver for my friend.
What's the matter
with your friend?
Just... Just still meditating.
He looks drunk
as a skunk to me.
Yeah.
I just hope that rigor mortis
doesn't set in.
Whoa! Hey,
Muhammed Jerome Willy.
My man. What's up?
What's happening, blood?
Hey, man, that's me.
Wallace Jefferson,
you remember me?
P.S. 303?
Draft beer for you
and a screwdriver
for Mr. Personality.
Thanks.
Oh, man.
Hey, man, you remember
Maurice Walker, the car thief?
He's dead.
Yeah, his old lady threw him
down an elevator shaft.
That must have happened...
That must have been three,
four years ago, man.
I got me a new ride.
I'm talking about
cocoa brown, drop-top...
The guy next to me is dead!
He's dead?
Who's the other guy?
I don't know.
Did you bring it?
Yeah, I got it here.
Just cut,
just cut these off.
Well, so how have you been,
Muhammed? You was always
the loose cat.
Always the laugh of the party.
Really?
You know, that's,
that's what he was saying.
Oh, yeah.
They always depend
on Muhammed.
Really?
This is my main man.
You in good company, Jack.
We were just talking
about you.
Yeah, he done
mellowed out a lot, man.
That's good, brother,
that's good.
Same thing with me, too.
Are you still
with Francine? Huh?
You know, I've been meaning
to talk to you about that.
I mean, that's a heck
of a woman you got there.
Personally, I never thought
you had the energy for her.
Yeah, but I can see
you done mellowed out now.
You cool,
and that's good, brother,
because you know we get older,
we got to start thinking
about our future, man.
You know?
What you looking at, bro?
Tell you all about it later.
I just wanna get out of here.
Yeah, well, I feel kind of
funny just leaving him
sit there like that.
Yeah, well, at least
he's with his friend.
Oh, by the way, Nancy set up
a meeting between Ed Reese
and Sal for tomorrow.
Oh, I can't make it.
I'm exhausted.
Man, you got
to cover for me.
All right, all right,
get some rest.
I'll cover for you.
Pal, I owe you for this.
Nice tits,
huh, Congressman?
I'm terribly sorry.
I meant to say breasts.
That was very crass,
I'm sorry.
Your wife was
a very beautiful woman,
Mr. Di Pasquale.
Yes, she was, Nancy.
She certainly was.
See, she was,
she wanted to be an actress.
I was a very important
film director at that time.
Very important,
prominent movie director.
And she was using me
to get to the top and that...
That hurt me very,
very deeply.
Let's get this thing signed,
shall we?
I have other things
on my agenda this evening.
I'm sure you do,
Congressman.
I mean, what with running
for President and all,
you know.
Please have a seat.
Nancy, asseyez-vous
as they say in Paris.
I'll get some champagne
'cause I wanna
propose a toast.
Thank you.
Okay. That's good.
To a very successful campaign,
and an equally
successful marriage.
That's warm.
I just picked it up.
I didn't have a chance
to chill it.
It's not bad.
I think it's French.
I hope you understand,
Mr. Di Pasquale,
I like the idea of capturing
my daughter's wedding on film.
I think the American public
would enjoy
seeing the daughter
of a prominent politician
marry a ordinary,
hard-working American boy,
but I'm not at all
acquainted with your work
and on first impression,
I'm not at all impressed
by your lifestyle
or your character.
Hm.
Why don't we just take
a look at Mr. Di Pasquale's
film, Daddy?
That's a wonderful idea,
Congressman.
Why don't we
look at the film?
And then it... Chick.
'Cause I think my work
speaks for itself.
You wanna get the lights
while you're back there,
Chick?
Kung Fu U!
This was a very difficult
film to put together.
Hey, young fella, listen!
Why don't you try out some
of our other facilities
besides the cafeteria?
That's right!
We've got a lot of facilities
here like,
well, the athletic department
and there's a wonderful
library, too.
Yes, I know.
Why don't you check them out?
Okay.
When you get a chance.
I'll do that.
Now, just beat it!
Thanks very much.
See you tonight.
So the Korean said, "Lice?
I thought you meant rice. "
Oh, that's funny.
Hey, you, freshman,
go get me some food.
Snap to it.
Joe!
Now that scene there
was critically acclaimed
in papers across this country.
The reviewers ate it up.
We must teach them a lesson.
Seduce her!
Can't you read the sign?
No seducing in the cafeteria!
Now you pay the piper.
It was very big in France.
One, two, and one and two.
Oh, there you go.
You want some? All right, you.
I've seen enough.
Oh, well, I thought
that's all it would take.
Nancy, honey, will you wait
for me down in the limousine?
Let me talk a little...
Oh, sure, Daddy.
...business
to Mr. Di Pasquale.
That's a good idea,
Congressman.
I won't be long, baby.
Okay.
They don't have to know.
Take him with you, will you?
Nice meeting you, Nancy.
Sure, my pleasure.
Chick, we'll see...
Okay.
So, Congressman,
where shall we start here?
I have some marvelous ideas
about the procession itself,
but if you wanna talk
money then maybe
we should talk budget.
I wouldn't give you
a wooden nickel to film
my daughter's wedding.
I think this whole wedding
idea is a very bum idea.
I'm sorry to hear you
say that, Congressman.
You know, I didn't really
wanna have to do this,
but you know, I got to...
Have you,
have you ever heard
of the Del Marina Motel?
What are you talking about?
Well, sir, it might be
coincidental but I just,
I got a property...
And it seems to have
your name on it,
unless, of course,
there's a different Ed Reese.
I thought you might wanna
take a look at it.
Calling Limo One.
Dispatch. Come in, Limo One.
Yeah, this is Limo One.
We only got one limo.
Well, that's Limo One,
I guess.
What do you want, Chick?
Look, don't forget
to get over to
the aerobics clinic tonight.
That lady asked
for you specifically.
Yeah, all right. I think what
I'll do is, I'm gonna go
to Moms and grab a burger.
Boy, I haven't been there
in years. I've been
craving burgers all day.
Have a nice quiet
meal at Moms.
Please, don't do anything
to my head, sir.
I will pay for it...
I will pay for any
inconvenience or damage
done to this...
Come on.
What happened
to the music?
It's music, come on, music.
Come on.
I don't like purple-headed
faggots jumping up and down!
Hey, why don't you
just leave us alone?
Oh, got pink hair
all over, huh?
What are you supposed to be,
a rooster or something?
Hey, hey, come on,
gentlemen, gentlemen,
please, ladies!
Come on, have we
forgotten our own youth?
You don't remember
the '60s?
How rebellious
our music was?
Come on, have you
forgotten acid rock?
Jimi Hendrix, Woodstock!
As far as the hair goes,
didn't our own long hair
turn a few heads?
Really, you know,
we should appreciate
another generation's
cultural movement.
Fuck you, hippie.
"Fuck you, hippie. "
"Fuck you, hippie. "
You know,
I would accept that,
you know,
from anyone else but you,
you fucking rooster head.
I expect it from you,
but you owe me an apology.
He's right.
S-O-R...
S-O-R...
R-Y.
S-O-R-R-Y. Sorry.
Period.
Yeah.
The end.
You know what?
We've got a failure
to communicate.
That's what it is.
Now, I could stay here
all day long,
and I could take each one
of you on, one at a time.
But I'm not going to.
I'm going to leave you
with one thought.
This simple message.
I still believe in it.
Because this is right.
I love all of you,
my brothers and sisters.
Peace. I'm leaving. Peace.
Hey, motor bum.
Higher, higher,
lift and reach. Reach.
Reach for beauty,
reach for peace.
Reach for money and success,
and reach.
Reach.
Good, here comes our boy.
Set everything up.
This could prove
to be very interesting.
Reach.
Reach for beauty.
Reach for peace,
reach for money
and success, reach.
Excuse me,
sorry to bother you.
Limousine guy.
Take them more often.
Hi, excuse me, you are...
Hi, how are you.
Limousine's out there.
I'll wait here,
I'll just wait here.
Reach, reach for beauty,
reach for peace,
reach for money and success.
And stretch, stretch.
Stretch, use it all...
Limousine!
Sorry. I got
the limousine
right in front.
I'm a little early.
I'm very sorry.
I'll wait out there for you.
Whenever you're ready,
I'm right out front.
Come in for a second.
Come in?
This is our driver.
Hi, John Bourgignon.
Pleased to meet you.
Bruno, hi.
I'm Clarence.
Clarence, how are you?
Nice to meet you, John.
So, where are we
going this evening?
Where are we
going this evening?
Where?
We're going out.
We'll tell you
on the way there.
Okay.
How about a drink, John?
Not for me, thanks,
I'm driving.
We insist.
Just one drink before
we start our evening.
I really can't.
It's company policy.
Oh, please, John,
you must have one.
I can't break
the company policy.
Come on.
I can't... Break it.
Cheers.
Cheers.
It's bad luck
if you don't all clink.
We'll have ours later.
I see.
Does it come in that bottle?
I'd like to get
the name of that.
I'm having a little
party later on.
How are you feeling?
Me? I'm...
I don't feel very good.
Why don't you
sit down, John?
Thank you. Yeah, I will.
I kind of gulped it a little
fast there. That was the...
I shouldn't do that,
you know. I've done that
since I was a kid.
I have this bad habit.
Just relax, John.
All right.
Look at the girls.
Lovely, long-limbed bodies.
John, someone wants to
take their bodies away.
No, you got to be kidding.
Those bodies?
Oh, not a chance.
He's in our power.
Show me something.
Is this a dream, John?
I don't know.
I am the only one
on this planet.
The only one in the universe.
I am your world, John.
Okay, I'll buy that.
You'd do anything for me,
wouldn't you?
Yes, sure.
Even kill your future
father-in-law.
Okay, why not?
Bark like a dog.
Shut up!
Thank you, John,
that won't be necessary.
Very good dog, though.
Continue.
Tomorrow you'll be going
to your wedding rehearsal.
At a certain point
someone will come up to you
with a playing card.
That card will be
the five of spades.
John, do you see this man?
Yes.
This man wants to
take away the bodies.
When you see this card,
you will kill this man.
Heel! Heel!
Now, see what you did? Idiot!
Walkies. Sit, sit.
Yeah!
SUN Yl: What's this?
That's not a killer,
that's a schmuck!
Something has gone wrong.
The hypnosis has magnified
his most juvenile traits.
Well, is he gonna
kill Reese or not?
We won't know until
he sees the five
of spades again.
That irresponsible bastard,
I'm gonna kill him.
Please, Mr. Reese,
this is a house of worship.
Oh, for God's sake!
Where is he?
Now what's the real story,
you little weasel?
Mr. Reese,
I'm sure he had a late fare.
I mean, you don't realize
how hard he's been working.
There he is now.
Hi, sweetheart.
Hi.
Where have you been?
I overslept.
Everyone's been waiting.
Now let me get this straight.
Patti shows him
the five of spades.
And he either turns
into a killer or a schmuck?
Yes, Your Holiness.
Why don't we all
assume our positions?
Has anyone seen Patti?
No, I'll go find her.
Oh, thanks, John.
Patti, what are you
doing here? Come on,
what's going on here?
John, would you sit down?
They're waiting out there.
Sit down!
What is it?
I have something
that I have to show you.
Come on, they're...
It's very important
that you see this.
It's a matter
of life and death.
What is it?
Okay, we'll start
off with "Dearly beloved"
and all that,
then we'll move straight
into the personal vows
that Nancy and John
have written for themselves.
Would you care to
read those, folks,
so I'll know what to expect?
"I, Nancy, take thee, John,
in soul and body
"and offer all my love
to thee, as our separate
lives merge into one. "
Lovely.
Wait, I'm not
quite finished yet.
"With this ring,
a circle of our
precious love,
"I thee wed. "
Is that it?
Yes, and then John
pledges his vows.
John?
Let's consummate
the marriage now!
Dive! Dive!
Yeah!
It's hickey time!
He's acting like a schmuck.
He's not gonna kill anybody.
No, he's not.
He'll have to be
reprogrammed.
Well, what's he gonna do?
There's no telling
what he'll do.
A little decorum, please!
Did you say decorum?
Did you say decorum?
That big word coming out
of that little cute mouth.
Say "decorum" again.
Decorum! Decorum.
I'm gonna put you up
on my mantle. There you go.
You sit right there.
I wanna talk to everybody.
Mom, Dad, Grandma,
Patti, Nancy, I'd like
to talk about my dick.
John, what are you doing?
It's about this wide.
And it's about...
I'm gonna kill him!
Who's Dick?
Like I keep telling you,
I don't know. I draw a blank.
I can't remember anything.
What'd I say
to that minister?
You looked him
right in the eye and you
said it was that big.
Oh, my God,
I'm gonna kill myself.
How big?
Never mind. Now look,
this psychiatrist
we're going to is great.
In fact, he's the one
that cured Sal.
I am gonna kill myself.
What the hell is that?
A mushroom?
It's a brain. Come on.
Mushroom.
You must have some fear
that's unspoken.
You must have some dream,
a recurrent nightmare.
What haunts you?
A dream?
I got a dream that comes
almost every night,
or every other night.
All right,
tell me about that.
Well, I don't know,
it's a little embarrassing.
I don't think I can...
No, not at all.
Oh, you know,
it's one of those dreams
you don't wanna talk about.
You're among friends.
I know, I...
You can trust me,
I'm a professional.
Yeah.
Come on.
All right,
what the hell.
Well, I...
It always starts on
this desert island.
And there's
this beautiful girl there.
I must admit, I am kind of
sexy in this dream.
Did you ever see that movie
The Blue Lagoon?
Well, it's kind of like that,
I guess.
I'm on this island
with this beautiful girl.
I don't know
how she got there,
but it's a dream.
You can do whatever you want
in a dream, right?
I really, I think,
turn her on a lot,
but I'm not,
I'm not into that,
you know?
No, she wants games
all the time.
She keeps on eating fruit
in front of me to show me
that she's horny.
Now, this drives me crazy.
But no, I don't bite.
We meet at our palace.
This palace that I built
on the beach.
And I know this is the night
that has got to be
the big confrontation.
She wants it.
It's like a nymphomaniac
in heat, if that's possible,
but that's the way she is.
I can't do it.
I just can't do it with her.
No matter how much
I want to, I can't.
I got to say no to her,
and it drives her crazy.
She's begging me,
she keeps begging me.
But I won't allow it.
She keeps pounding on the door.
She's driving me crazy.
It's like a bad nightmare.
At this point,
I wanna wake up
but I just can't.
"More, more, more,"
she screams. "More.
I need you, I want you. "
I can't.
So I go off to be alone
with my thoughts.
I'm alone, alone,
alone, alone,
alone, alone, alone, alone...
And I look up,
and I'm not alone anymore!
There's a big ship in front
of me. It's like the cast
and crew of Love Boat,
all looking down
laughing at me,
pointing and laughing and...
I was standing there alone
just holding that one little
thought in my head.
I'm so embarrassed and I smile
and I just can't do anything
and they're still laughing.
Oh, it's disgusting.
I'm so alone and...
Oh, that's funny.
Look at his problem.
Oh, that's great.
Thanks a lot. Thank you.
Thank you very much.
That's wonderful.
What do you make
of that, Doctor?
Well, if you want my
professional opinion, I think
someone has altered his mind.
Altered his mind?
Why do you think that?
That's right.
Well, his fear of fantasy
is too vivid.
I don't trust that.
You see, I think you've
been put under some sort of
post-hypnotic suggestion.
Like, you know,
the Amazing Kreskin?
Oh, no,
it's not as simple
as just memorizing
a few names from
the Tonight Show audience.
I think your friend
has been put under
an actual spell.
There's only one way
to cure that.
What's that?
To drop him
on his fucking head.
There you go.
Drop me on my fucking...
I'm gonna drop you.
Doc, what are
you doing?
This is fear therapy.
It's just like curing
the hiccups.
You see that Pinto?
That's my target.
Is this gonna work?
I don't know,
but I bet the spell is gone.
So how do you feel?
Nice and refreshed?
I feel all right.
Good. Good.
Now, you talked to her,
what did she say?
Yeah, I talked to her
while you were in the shower.
Yeah.
She said she was willing
to meet you here
at the restaurant.
That's it? What else?
Look, you're lucky
you got that much
out of her, believe me.
Now, what are you
gonna say to her?
Oh, I'm gonna
take your advice.
I'm gonna sit her down,
look her right
in the eyes...
Yeah.
...and lie my ass off.
Always works, Johnny.
There she is.
All right, let's go.
Naw, she looks pissed.
I'm gonna have a drink.
Me, too. I'll have...
Get over there! Go on.
Hi, Nance.
Mind if I sit here?
Thank you.
So...
So.
I have never
been so embarrassed
in my entire life, John.
Well, why don't we leave?
We don't have to stay here.
You don't like it,
I don't like it either.
You know, let's go.
I don't even know why
I'm bothering to stay here
and talk to you.
Hey, come on, Nance,
give me a break, please,
let me explain.
Give me a chance.
Five minutes,
that's all I want.
All right?
Okay.
You see,
I think I've really...
I don't have any control
over myself anymore.
I seem to have lost it.
Oh, you can say
that again.
My father wants
to kill you, John.
Sure.
You're frightening.
I don't even know
who you are anymore.
Neither do I.
Neither do I, Nancy,
and that's why I went
to a psychiatrist.
You did?
I didn't want to tell you,
but, yes, I went
to a psychiatrist.
What'd he say?
What he... He said that I'm...
I've developed a brain virus.
You mean, you're sick?
Crazy kind of sick or...
It's more along the lines
of a 24-hour brain virus.
Something that can affect
your brain much the same...
Much like diarrhea
of the brain,
in that the gray matter
kind of runs a little bit
and mixes with the other.
It's just a passing thing,
that he said that if I get
a lot of rest
and took a lot of vitamin C,
which I thought strange,
but vitamin C is very good,
and the love of a good woman,
he said. And those were
his exact words.
I know it sounds like
a John Wayne movie,
but that's...
"The love of a good woman. "
What do we do now?
Well, I guess we could
get married, but I...
I would like to
but I know you
wouldn't wanna do it.
Who says I wouldn't
want to do it?
Oh, come on, don't.
Let's just drop it.
Don't grovel.
Well, I gave it a shot.
I gave it a very good shot.
It worked.
It worked?
Where did I get you?
The virus? I was reaching.
Thank you.
Oh, yeah, I'm in love.
Looking good.
You have a very nice ass.
Like I'm gonna bite it!
John, what are you doing?
Don't do this to me, John.
Hey, I'm not gonna do this
to you. You relax me, baby.
You do, you soothe my soul.
Savage soul.
What we have between us
is special.
The magic.
Spin the magic.
It's show time! Yeah!
All right, show time, ladies
and gentlemen. Here we go.
Don't!
Did you think
I was gonna do that?
Let's mambo!
Are you all right?
I'm fine. Take a bow.
Yeah, I'm an asshole
and I'm loving it!
Hey, let's mambo! Thank you
very much. Okay, fellas, take
it easy. Take five minutes.
Okay, can we have
a little light here, please?
Thank you very much.
Oh, that feels nice.
That feels...
Doesn't that feel nice? Huh?
It's incredible what light
will do to you. It just
changes the whole mood.
I feel, I feel like singing.
I feel like singing.
I hope you folks don't mind.
This next song is dedicated,
well, to you, honey.
My fiance.
She's wonderful.
This is her right here.
The one with the blue eyes,
soft blonde hair.
A wonderful lady.
The greatest lady in bed
you'll ever wanna meet.
She's amazing. I mean...
I mean this.
The things that she can do
with her mouth.
They're just...
It's incredible.
I mean, she has...
She knows so many
sexual positions.
I'm dumbfounded half the time
and I mean that, honey,
I really do.
You're incredible.
The best lay I've ever had.
I mean, I would put her up
against anybody in this room
right now.
I mean, she'll wear you down.
She'll wear you right down.
She just grinds,
grinds you to death.
I mean, she...
You know, all day.
It's all day with her.
It's just non-stop.
She can't get enough.
And I respect that
and I love you.
And this song goes out
to you, honey.
It's entitled,
Me and My Dick.
Help me out
'cause this is a special song.
I'm gonna sing with my dick
in my hand, for you, honey.
I love you. I mean that.
Drum roll, please!
I'm trying
to understand, John.
I know. I guess it's like
what Dr. Ted said. Somebody
must have put me in a spell
and I've been walking around
in this voodoo-like trance.
You were definitely
in a trance
at that wedding rehearsal.
I know.
I don't normally
act that way.
I wanna thank you guys
for sticking with me.
Hey, anything to get
the old Johnny back, huh?
I'm gonna get the limo.
I'll meet you on the corner.
Thanks, Chick.
Okay.
You know, I love you, Nancy.
I know you do.
Everything's gonna be okay.
Yeah.
I want you
to open your eyes, John.
This hypnotism isn't
gonna work. All it does
is make him act like a jerk.
He's not gonna kill anyone.
Yes, it will work.
His respect
for the institution of
fatherhood was too strong.
It caused a mental block.
Once we destroy that respect,
he'll be exactly what
we want him to be.
SUN Yl: Who's that imbecile
out there?
That's his friend.
Make him one with the ocean.
Let him sleep with the fishes.
You know, John, a lot
of bad people are out there
trying to get you.
Really?
That's why we had
to bring you here.
We wanted to make sure
you'd be safe.
That's very kind of you.
One of those bad people
is your future father-in-law,
Ed Reese.
I'm looking for a John.
My name...
I wonder if you saw him.
He's about this tall,
light-colored hair,
round face.
He's got a good nature,
good-natured guy.
He's got a...
He laughs like that.
I think he's with a couple
of gentlemen.
Let's go, buster.
And no trouble.
Fathers are the root
of it all, John.
I have a great respect
for the institution
of fatherhood.
Do you see?
Fathers are bad, John.
And they must be stopped
at all costs.
Think of all the damage
they've done.
You know, John,
throughout history,
it was the father
who was the cause
of all the trouble.
Hi, honey, I'm home.
Hello, dear.
Where's Princess?
Here she is.
Hi, Dad.
Hi, Princess.
And where's my Kitten?
She's upstairs.
Hi, Daddy.
Hi, Kitten.
Why don't you just
slide down the banister?
You know Daddy will always
be here to catch you.
Here I come.
Another cup, dear?
No, this coffee sucks!
Maybe it's the caffeine
that makes you so irritable.
I'm not irritable,
God damn it!
I'm an insurance salesman.
Insurance salesmen
never get irritable, Margaret.
Anything you say, dear.
Where's Bud,
that gearhead son of mine?
You locked him
in the shed for a week,
don't you remember, dear?
Oh, yes.
Hi, Father.
Hi, Princess.
Father, a very nice
young man asked me
to the RO TC ball next Friday.
Can I go?
No.
But why not?
He's perfectly acceptable.
And a lot of my friends
are going.
I said no.
Friday is punishment night,
Princess.
Father, I really wanna go.
Well, maybe you'd like to
talk about this in the den.
Please, Father.
Oh, let's talk about it,
Princess.
Please, don't! No!
Let's have a little chat!
Come on, Princess!
Margaret? You're next.
Hi, Mrs. Anderson.
Hi, Mr. Anderson.
Do you think
I could hide out here
for a while?
Beaver, what's wrong?
You're covered with blood.
Yeah, I know.
It's Wally's blood.
See, Wally and I
were fixing his bike
in the driveway
and Dad came home
and got real mad.
So he took a gun out
and killed Wally.
Blew his head clean off
his shoulders.
His face is all over
the garage door,
it's a real mess.
Well, maybe your dad
knows what he's doing.
I don't think so.
I think he flipped out.
Margaret, call up Ward.
Tell him Beaver's here.
Oh, don't do that,
Mr. Anderson. Please,
Mrs. Anderson, don't do that.
I think it's time
you had your punishment,
Beaver.
Oh, no, Mr. Anderson, no! No!
No! No! No! No!
No, don't do that
to the Beaver.
You can't do it to Beaver.
I hate you, Ward!
I hate Jim Anderson!
I hate Ed Reese!
Good, John.
Now, when you hear
the Minister say,
"With this ring I thee wed,"
you will take out your gun,
point it at Ed Reese
and squeeze the trigger.
It's the father of the bride.
So nice to see you again,
Congressman.
Hey, couldn't ask
for nicer weather, huh?
Listen, we both know why
you're here, you low-life
scumbag, son of a bitch!
Jim? Good to see you, Jim.
Just don't press your luck!
Don't ever try to talk
to me again, you hear?
Hey! That's wonderful.
That's great, what a thing.
A marvelous sense of humor.
That's nice and low.
Bobby, get down.
Let's get the, the majesty
of this damn thing.
Yeah. Yeah. Just kind of
pan around. That's it.
Just move, move! That's it.
What are you looking at?
I'm not here! Just do
your thing! It's a wedding.
Hi. Friends of the bride
on this side, friends of
the groom on this side.
Groom.
Don't look at me.
Just keep walking.
That's beautiful.
Good. Can we
get the black guy?
Can you get in here,
'cause that's very important
for the Congressman?
We need some black people
in this. That's nice.
Hi. So far so good, huh?
Hold your tongue.
The hardest part
is still to come.
Where's the leader?
He's around, somewhere,
watching,
like a cat on the prowl
stalking his prey,
making every movement count.
Shouldn't we go?
Yes.
Keep moving.
I was a little hungry.
It's good. It's a good thing
to be hungry. It's allowed.
I saw Patti.
You did a good job with her.
She looks very fine.
I hope the spell lasts.
It's been known to wear off
under pressure.
Negative thoughts.
No negative thoughts.
Circulate.
That's good, just...
That's good. This is...
That's good.
This is just no problem,
keep moving. This is
a low angle. That's all right.
Making a film.
Oh, this is beautiful.
This is great.
Just keep walking up.
That's fine. That's good.
Making magic down here.
It looks fabulous.
Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here today...
Action!
Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here today
to join John...
In a matter of moments
a union will take place
within these hallowed walls.
A union between
a man and a woman,
who just happens
to be the daughter of a guy
that could be
the next President
of the United States.
I'm Sal Di Pasquale,
and this is my film.
With this ring...
John and Nancy.
...I thee wed.
The wedding.
Okay, Bobby,
you can zoom in now.
That was great, Mr. Di...
Get out of the way!
And now, John, your vows?
John?
Well, I guess Nancy's vows
will suffice for both.
And now we'll continue
with the ceremony.
If anyone here
knows of any reason
why this couple should not
be bound in holy matrimony,
let him speak now
or forever hold his peace.
Do you,
Nancy Wilhelmina Reese...
Do you, Nancy Wilhelmina Reese
take this man,
John Franklin Bourgignon,
to be your lawful
wedded husband,
to have and to hold,
in sickness and in health,
from this day forward?
I do.
Do you,
John Franklin Bourgignon,
take this woman,
Nancy Wilhelmina Reese,
to be your lawful wedded wife,
to have and to hold,
in sickness and in health,
from this day forward?
Yeah.
With this ring, I thee wed.
Chick, it's all right,
I know what I'm doing!
Sal, stop those guys!
Block the aisle!
Get out of the way!
We're in a church.
Chick, are you all right?
Yeah, I'm fine.
How about you?
I'm not hypnotized. Look,
those cultists, they wanted
me to kill Ed Reese.
Yeah, I know.
Look, what happened?
They made me watch
some phony
Father Knows Best film.
I know TV.
Jim Anderson would
never choke the Beaver.
Johnny?
Oh, are you all right, Nance?
Didn't you just save
daddy's life?
Will somebody please tell me
what's going on?
Daddy, Johnny just
saved your life.
Dad, you owe me one.
Oh, my God!
Well, was I right
or was I right?
I told you this was
gonna be an incredible story,
and it was.
Can you believe
the way things work out?
Sal and Ed Reese are partners?
No!
All right, it's a hot day
out here, let's get it right
the first time, all right?
We can go home,
it's history. Ready?
One, two, three, four.
Loosen up! That's it. Smile.
Don't be afraid to smile.
You need to go with it.
Well, I'll tell you one thing,
I'm happy to have you here.
You know, hey, man, you know,
you ought to try some skin
softener or something, man.
That stuff look real hard.
You ought to take care of it.
One thing I wanna talk
to you about, though.
Now that the noodle factory
is a success, and after all,
I am the pasta king,
I think we ought
to try and diversify.
What I think we ought to do
is get into animal noodles.
We ought to make
little dog noodles
and little cat noodles.
We should get little lion
and little tiger noodles,
you know? Elephant noodles.
The kids will love it.
They'll eat it up.
And that's my plan, you see,
I'll get all the kids
going into the supermarkets
and they'll be buying
Wallissimo Jefferson noodles
and we will make a fortune.
Which reminds me,
guess who I saw on 33rd
and 3rd the other day?
Lefkowitz.
You remember Lefkowitz,
he a lawyer now.
Did it at home, too.
Correspondence course.
That boy was always smart.
He handles all
my affairs for me now.
Takes care of me legally.
As a matter of fact,
I don't mind saying
Lefkowitz is directly
responsible for the condition
I'm in today.
Two weeks ago we did my will.
I wanna show it to you.
I got it right here.
He told me to keep it
with me at all times.
You know like, just in case.
Here let me read this to you.
See, it say right here,
"I, Wallace A. Jefferson,
being of sound mind,
spent all my money. "
Ain't that good?
Wait till I die
and they read that.
That's wonderful.
Another thing I wanted
to talk to you about
is about my new idea.
I call it
Raiders of the Burning Bush.
You see, all we have
to do is find the spot
where the original
burning bush went down
and then we sell tickets
so people can go see it.
It's kind of like
the Lost Ark, especially what
we're gonna do with it, see.
Well, I think more people
would wanna see the spot
where the burning bush
went down.
Now, I know you might think
it sounds kind of far-fetched.
I know a lot of people
probably been looking for it
and everything,
but it's hard to find
because the bush burned down.
You and me, Muhammed.
I think we can do it.
And I bet you we could
make a fortune, too.
I know we can make enough
to buy me a new convertible,
after that dude stole it
from the noodle factory.
You hired the cat.
And don't,
don't go pretending
like you didn't hire him
because when he came
and asked for the job,
I turned to you and I said,
"Should we hire him or not?"
And I gave you the nudge
and you gave him the nod.
So you did hire the cat.
And you... I never brought
this up before.
But I'm bringing it up now
simply because it's gone.
So either you
go in with me on this
Raiders of the Burning Bush,
or I'm gonna have to
reconsider our partnership,
Muhammed.
That's enough for you
to drink, you know. Hey, look
here, I'm buying you a drink,
you sit there,
you eat, you waste it.
Come on, Muhammed.
That's all right,
leave it there,
I'll drink it myself.
The only trouble is,
every time I drink one
then I got to go again.
You never have to go. I mean,
I have two or three
and I'm off to the john.
Used to be a time
when I could hold
a whole case.
Now I have two
or three drinks, boom,
I got to go.
Guess I must be getting older.
Ain't nothing I can do
about it. I mean,
you can't stop time.
I mean, you see time
walking down the street.
You say, "Hey, Time, hold it.
I wanna rap to you. "
Time ain't gonna stop for you.
Time waits for no man.
Time will tell you,
"Sorry, I got to march on. "