Oh, baby, what I couldn't do
With plenty of money and you
In spite of the worry that money brings
Just a little filthy lucre
Buys a lot of things
And I could take you to places
You'd like to go
But outside of that, I've no use for dough
It's the root of all evil
Of strife and upheaval
But I'm certain, honey
That life could be sunny
With plenty of money and you
All right, now, boys.
This afternoon, for our final session...
...we will have with us Andy Callahan,
manager of the Good Life Agency.
Introducing, Andy Callahan.
Men, I've only got one thing to say.
Carloadings.
Carloadings.
What does it mean when I say
that carloadings...
...are up 16 and one-half percent
over last month?
What does that got to do
with life insurance?
Plenty.
It means there is no depression.
Don't let your prospect talk about it.
All you've got to do
is get him so enthused...
...over what life insurance
would do for him...
...that he can see himself
lying in his grave...
...glorying in the physical comfort
of his family.
You can't sell insurance
sitting on your chairs in the office.
You've got to get out and get it.
All right, now, boys. Let's go.
Everybody follow our song leader,
Rosmer Peek.
Where is Rosmer?
Come on, Rosmer.
Come out from wherever you are.
Rosmer, come on.
Rosmer.
We want Rosmer.
We want Rosmer.
Now, Boop.
I'm gonna get someplace, see?
When I left school,
I got this business to please my father.
I'm not cut out for it, neither are you.
Yes, sir, boy.
I'm gonna get out of this insurance business
as soon as I get back to New York.
Peek. Oglethorpe.
Come on, up and at them. On your toes.
That's the old pep.
They want you to sing.
I thought you cured them yesterday.
So did I. Guess they had a relapse.
That's the old stuff.
Give them all you got.
All right, Andy,
we'll give our all for Good Life.
You'll get pie in the sky
You'll get pie in the sky
When you die, die, die
If you buy, buy, buy life insurance
Lilies will adorn you
Relatives will mourn you
They'll be in the gravy
When you're in the grave
You'll get pie in the sky
Angels high all will cry
Did you buy, buy, buy
The Super Great, The Pearly Gate
The New York Colossal
The U.S. Old Fossil
The A.K. And A.Z.
The Knee-deep-in-daisy
Life insurance
Everybody.
You'll get pie in the sky
You'll get pie in the sky
When you die, die, die
If you buy, buy, buy life insurance
Lilies will adorn you
Relatives will mourn you
They'll be in the gravy
When you're in the grave
You'll get pie
All aboard.
The Jolly Maids.
We should be called
The Fire Horse Brigade.
No company made a quick round trip to
Atlantic City since footlights were invented.
I must say it's very humiliating.
I haven't got over it yet.
Oh, dear,
I feel as if I were going to faint any minute.
Save it.
There's no man around to catch you.
I thought it was such
a pretty little show.
You didn't ever see the show.
All you ever saw
was that moonfaced tenor.
Working for Herman
is like a student tour.
I should be used to it, but I'm not.
Hello, Verna.
Hello, dear.
I want my luggage, if you please.
She wants her luggage.
Aren't you going back with us?
Oh, dear, no.
I couldn't think of riding
on that beastly train.
I hate trains.
She hates trains.
- Take them over to the car like a good man.
- Yes, miss.
Harry ran up for me, you know.
She'd wear that coat if it killed her.
Six months ago,
she was working for a seamstress.
- Now she's engaged to a broker.
- How'd she get such a break?
One day, my children,
the broker ripped his pants.
The rest is history.
I've come to the opinion
she's got the right idea.
- That's only way to get ahead.
- Work for a seamstress?
Yeah... No. Be a gold digger.
Well, of course, a girl doesn't have
to be a gold digger exactly...
...but if she wants to be nice to a man
and takes a present or two from him...
...in a nice way, I mean.
And men just love to give presents
to little girls and it's such fun.
I mean, opening packages.
Yeah, if y'all's conscience
don't jump out at you.
Girls, from now on,
you're looking at a new Genevieve.
A gal who starts with that old slogan,
"Get your man. "
And ends with the old police slogan,
"Cherchez la femme. "
What are you doing?
I'm doing nothing in this world
but looking for a job.
They don't advertise for chorus girls.
They just whisper it.
Nevertheless, I want a job.
One where they hand you a pay envelope
every Saturday night and out comes money.
Sounds interesting.
Oh, look.
Look, girls. The gold rush.
Get out your pick and shovel.
I always love men around me
when I'm hungry.
Girls, we're saved.
Look what's getting on.
Happy days are here again.
I hope there's a fat man among them.
I like fat men.
You can always outrun them.
They're insurance salesmen.
Whoever heard of an insurance salesman
with a dime?
They have expense accounts
and we can get dinner.
I never did like starving.
- You coming along?
- No, thank you.
- You coming, Genevieve?
- Not me.
I never yet found a worthwhile guy.
I'm going to explore the observation car.
I think I'll go with you.
Well, good luck.
- You all ready, girls?
Yes.
Come on, let's go.
I hope I find some kind of a boyfriend.
- Come on, girls.
Just get in, get in.
Hello. Hello.
What's the matter, Sally?
Open the door.
We're hungry.
Well, it's stuck or locked or something.
Say, can I help?
Oh, thank you.
That's the kind of work I do.
Say, I'm afraid it is locked.
Oh, dear.
We were on our way to the diner.
I don't want you to think
I'm fresh or anything...
...but if you'll sit down
and wait till I'm hungry...
...I'll break that door down
and go in with you.
Well, I hardly think I should.
There's no sense in your going back
when you come this far.
- Sit down, I'll tell you my story.
- Well, I might if it isn't too long.
Come here.
I hope y'all forgive me.
But sitting here with a strange gentleman
makes me feel terribly embarrassed.
At home on the plantation...
...my daddy wouldn't think
of letting me talk to a strange northerner.
Northerner?
Honey,
didn't you know I was from the South?
Why, that makes a big difference.
Oh, sure enough, honey.
What are we waiting for?
Come on, let's play.
I won't tell your pappy.
Well, if you ask me, I don't see why
J.J. Wanted us to come down here...
...and catch a turkey
like that Jolly Maids.
We've got shows of our own just as bad.
Well, I'm going in and get some dinner.
You coming?
Oh, dear, stupid of me, isn't it?
Not at all. I'm afraid it's me.
I'm looking for the diner.
Is it down this way?
No, no, this is the last car,
so it must be up the other way...
...unless we've lost it.
Oh, goodness.
I'm afraid I'll never be able to find it.
Well, may I show you?
Oh, would you? Thank you so much.
And your friend?
Oh, me? Oh, I'm not hungry.
Oh!
Oh, was this your paper?
Well, it was.
I'm so sorry. I didn't see you under it.
Well, weren't the feet hanging out?
Oh, yes. I'm a little shortsighted.
Oh, is that so? That's too bad.
I had trouble with my eyes
about 10 years ago.
Really? When you were just a boy.
Well, not exactly a boy.
You will forgive me for disturbing you,
won't you?
Why, of course.
And you will go right on with your nap just
as if nothing ever happened, won't you?
Well, as a matter of fact,
I don't feel like napping just now, Miss...
Larkin. Genevieve Larkin.
Isn't that a terrible name?
I always wanted to be called
something like Jewela or Carmen...
...or something sweet like that.
But Mother thought that...
Poor Mother.
She thought
Genevieve would protect me better.
Poor, dear Mother,
she was always worrying about me.
And she's gone?
Yes. And father too.
There, there.
You mustn't dwell on such things.
Oh, I can't help it.
It just seems sometimes that life's empty.
Well, you must get new interests,
new friends.
I've tried, I've tried.
Well, perhaps I could help you.
Oh, could you?
Could you with psychology
or something like that?
Well, not exactly that.
Oh, you're so awfully kind, mister...
Isn't this terrible?
Here I am talking to you like this...
...unburdening myself,
and I don't even know your name.
Morty Wethered, Miss Larkin,
and it isn't terrible at all.
It's done every day.
Dinner is now being served.
Dinner now being served.
Will you take dinner with me,
Miss Larkin?
Oh, I'd be delighted.
Thank you.
First call for dinner.
First call for dinner.
Come on.
First call for dinner.
Hey, back there, wait a minute.
Well, boys, there must be more
where they came from.
Time's up. Come on, let's go.
There's one left over.
Hi, baby. Wowie, she's mine.
She's mine, I saw her first.
Hey, wait. Come here.
Come on.
Hey, wait for me, will you?
- Wait, wait.
- Just a minute. Why hurry?
- Lady, you're next.
- Excuse me.
Hey, wait a minute.
- Oh.
- Hello.
Hello.
I came in.
No, you didn't.
You couldn't, the door's locked.
Oh, yes, I'm here. I can tell.
Oh, now, don't be so positive.
I don't see a soul.
I see you're not shaving, either.
No. You got me in this lather.
Catch on?
I guess I owe you an apology
for bursting in like this.
It seems that some men
were chasing me.
What for? Oh, I mean, were they?
Yeah.
Well, thanks for the refuge.
You can't get out.
The door's still locked.
- Is it really?
- Yeah, come in and sit down.
I'll call and get the porter
and get a pass key, huh?
Is this being done in the best families?
- You're one of the Boston Bluntzingtons?
- Oh, no.
Well, then sit down.
It's comfortable there. Sit down.
All right.
Begin at the beginning.
Name, age, weight, height,
and occupation.
Name: Norma.
Age: You can see I'm just a baby.
Weight: I won't discuss.
Height...
There's a spot over here
you just missed.
Oh, and you're just the right height too.
Well, I guess I better be going.
Say, the light's kind of bad in here.
Do you see any more spots?
Yes, I do.
Now, no, not that one, now.
Wait a minute. That's my pet.
I'm saving that. I mean here.
- Where did you just come from?
- Fresh from the chorus.
You mean, you do time steps
and buck routines and all that stuff?
- Uh-huh. I've been at it for three years...
- I know.
- You never lost a spangle.
- Yeah.
- Ouch.
- A little stiff.
You like that kind of work?
No, I don't.
I'm looking for a job right now.
What kind of a job?
Oh, there must be someplace
where you work and get paid for it.
Say, maybe I can fix that.
Yeah, look.
Here's my card.
Rosmer Peek. That's me.
- How do you do?
- How do you do?
I'm ace salesman
for Good Life Insurance Company.
Anything I say around the plant goes. Give
this to Mr. Callahan, he'll give you a job.
- You're nice to do this.
- That's all right.
- One good turn deserves another.
- What did I do?
Well, that close shave you gave me
was kind of nice.
Well, I guess I better be going.
Would you like a little drink,
for good luck or something?
- No, thank you.
- Come on, have one.
Come on, you'll hurt my feelings.
These are martinis.
You don't have to be afraid of the gin.
I made them myself fresh last night.
There you are.
You got a cute face.
I mean, you had a cute face.
What's the matter?
That's awfully good, but I guess
I'm just not a drinking woman.
Goodbye now.
Oh! Wrong bottle.
Darn that Boop and his sauerkraut juice.
Life insurance.
What's life insurance got to do with you?
- Well, it's a job.
- Lf you get it.
When they start passing out jobs
in washrooms, a new day has dawned.
It was an accident.
I came along
so there won't be accidents.
Well, here's the battlefield.
Well, they not only need a stenographer,
they need a whole staff.
Maybe we shouldn't have come in.
You didn't expect them to come to you,
did you? Hello.
Hello?
Hello.
- Good morning.
Good morning.
- Are you Mr. Callahan?
- Right. Just call me Andy.
I have a card here from your ace salesman.
He said you needed a stenographer.
- Oh, so Rosmer is my ace salesman?
- Well, that's what he told me.
You're the only person he's sold since
he's been in the office. Do you type?
It's not one of the things I do best.
I'm the one applying, remember?
- Oh, experienced?
- Well, I...
She's modest
but the best stenographer in New York.
I see. Started in the cradle.
Well, I've tried out a lot of girls
around here...
...but none of them had any zip
for an insurance agency.
- You've got it.
- And I'm gonna keep it.
Norma, I don't think
this is the right place for you.
Well, I'm sure it will be all right
if Mr. Callahan will have me.
Okay. We'll give you a whirl.
Salary's 22.50 a week.
- Goodbye, Norma.
Goodbye.
Don't forget next Tuesday.
- What do you mean?
- When we take our last jujitsu lesson.
- Do you know how to run a switchboard?
- Yes.
Good. Just make yourself at home
and I'll show you around later.
"The good life keeps rolling along. "
- Remember that.
- Yes.
- And "life insurance is immortal. " Got it?
- Oh, yes.
Got any more martinis?
- Well, hello.
- Hello.
Isn't that funny?
I just gave my secretary a letter
to the boss. Mr. Callahan.
I said, "There's a girl coming
and I want you to give her a job.
She'd be great. Got blue eyes.
She's as good as in. "
Has the boss read the letter yet?
Oh, oh. Well, I've been awfully busy.
Somebody read your mind then,
because...
P.S. She got the job.
Really? You're gonna work here?
Oh, that's swell. That's swell.
That's fine. I guess
Mr. Callahan heard me dictate the letter.
Oh, yes. I distinctly remember him saying
something about his ace salesman.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, well, that's me. Yeah.
Well, it's nice weather, isn't it, huh?
- No, it isn't. It's raining out.
- I'm glad you're gonna work here.
- I better get it done.
- No, wait a minute.
I wanna talk to you. Sit down.
Well, go ahead and talk.
Yeah, yeah, well, I thought, maybe...
You see, I...
Yeah, and very true.
- It's still raining though, isn't it?
- Oh, speaking of the weather again, huh?
Speaking of the weather...
Speaking of the weather...
Speakin' of the weather
It isn't the humidity, it's you
Come donner, come blitzen
Come pitter or pat
What in thunder is thunder
Compared to my heart
When it beats like that?
Speakin' of the weather
Speakin' of the thunder
Speakin' of the lightning
It's frightening, dear
What your eyes can do
Let the heavens crash
Zoom and swirl
Let it flash
Boy meets girl
Speakin' of the weather
Good old weather
Ain't it lovely weather?
And, incidentally, I love you
Pardon me, miss
Do you belong to this umbrella?
Pardon me, miss
It matches your eyes
Speaking of eyes
If they belong to this umbrella
They should be sheltered at once
From those threatening skies
Speaking of skies
And the storm in view
If that's your conversation,
I've some work to do
Oh, so thou would'st
forbid me speak, eh?
About the weather?
- Aye.
- Nay.
But the hour is noon, thy work is done.
It may be noon, but it's just begun.
Pray let me speak,
whil'st thou fiddlest the keys.
Speak if thou must, but softly, please.
Speakin' of the weather
Speakin' of the weather
Speakin' of the weather
It isn't the humidity, it's you
Come donner, come blitzen
Come pitter or pat
Your nose loves the raindrops
Your nose knows the rose
Always grows from that
Speakin' of the weather
Speakin' of the thunder
And speakin' of the lightning
It's frightening, dear
What your eyes can do
Let the heavens crash, zoom, and swirl
Let it flash
A boy meets girl
Speakin' of the weather
Good old weather
Ain't it lovely weather?
And, incidentally, I love you
And what is this?
- We were just speaking about the weather.
- Fun's fun but...
Yeah, I know,
"Life insurance is immortal. "
- Miss...
- Perry. Norma Perry.
I'm terribly sorry.
Rosmer,
you can't sell insurance this way.
Or any other way.
Optimism's what you need.
- Do or die.
- Sink or swim.
- Strike while the iron's hot.
- Insurance can be sold.
- Statistics prove it.
- Now you're getting the idea, come on.
- Oh, Andy.
- I know what you're gonna say.
- I wanna quit.
- Quit?
Would you lay down your tools
before the job was done?
- Would you be branded before men?
- All right, all right.
You'll sell a million yet.
Come on. And remember,
"The good life keeps rolling along. "
Yeah, and we roll with it.
- We're going out, Miss Perry.
Yes, sir.
And remember,
"Life insurance is immortal. "
Yes, sir.
- That's the spirit.
Come on, Rossie.
Would you call Andy if I kissed you?
Not unless you wanna kiss him too.
That's for me.
That's for you.
- Norma.
- Norma.
Norma.
How are you, darling?
Gen, you look wonderful.
Isn't it marvelous?
- We were just coming after you.
- Throw down that pencil and climb back.
- Why? What's happened?
Well, Mr. Wethered, the new boyfriend,
is a partner of J.J. Hobart, the producer...
...and J.J. Is putting on a show.
And we're all going to be in it.
Come, we'll meet the boys
at Embassy Club.
- And have lunch.
- And maybe shopping afterwards.
No, thanks. I wouldn't care about that.
You don't mean to say you like
this life insurance business?
There's a boy in the office,
one of the salesmen.
Oh, I get it.
I know when I'm well off,
those paychecks come in like clockwork.
The poor child. Must be the heat.
Or love.
Something.
Is there nothing we can do?
Nope. Oh, yes, find somebody
who wants insurance.
If anybody wants it, we'll find them.
Maybe we can sell the boys.
- Yeah.
- That's grand.
We've gotta go.
They're waiting for us.
Bye.
Bye-bye.
To the Embassy, Pierre.
Hello, Wethy, baby.
Hello, Hugo, you little darling.
Not in public, Irene.
- Mr. Hugo, Miss Larkin, Miss...
LaVerne.
- How do you do?
- Where is my sugar daddy?
Didn't you bring one for me
sure enough?
I thought we will meet Mr. J.J. Hobart.
He wouldn't come, he felt too sick.
What's Sally supposed to do?
Twiddle her thumbs?
Sally can twiddle anything.
I'm sorry, something's happened.
Got to speak to you alone.
Will you excuse us, please?
- One champagne cocktail and a martini.
Yes.
Baby, what's the matter?
Oh, judgment day has sounded.
J.J. Insists on putting on the show.
What's wrong with that?
He's been putting on shows for 20 years.
Sit down
so that you can stand the shock.
Well, what's the matter?
We haven't got the money
to do the show.
- You mean, J.J.'s broke?
- Yeah, almost, and he doesn't know it.
We got a tip on the market, we lost.
We tried to get it back, we lost more.
Oh, it's all becoming very clear.
And when the time comes for J.J.
To sign the check, he's going to find out.
And then we're gonna be out on our ears
and very possibly behind the bars.
Why don't you talk him out
of doing the show?
As though we haven't tried.
If only something would happen to him.
He's been on the edge for months.
If only he'd fall apart while there's time.
What good would that do?
Wouldn't they investigate the books?
Gen, you've got to think of something,
my mind is blank.
J.J. Is likely to find that out too.
Well, has Genevieve got any ideas?
Shh.
- She's thinking.
- Really?
Boys, I've got it.
- What?
- Got what?
Insure him.
Make yourselves beneficiaries.
If he can't last longer, insure the brains and
spirit of Hobart, Wethered and Hugo.
How can we do it?
Get one of those high pressure men with
facts and statistics, let him do the selling.
That's what we need, high pressure.
- Wait, wait, I've got it.
- Got what?
My brother's wife's brother...
No, no, now, let's keep
your family out of this.
Your sister's husband's cousin
gave us that tip on the market.
What we need is a stranger.
Well, I have just the one for you.
The Good Life Agency.
- I never heard of them.
- So much the better.
Hand me that telephone.
- Hello.
- Hello, Good Life Agency?
This is Genevieve Larkin.
Hello, Gen.
Hello, this is Morty Wethered speaking.
Yes, of Hobart, Wethered and Hugo.
I wanna talk to your best salesman,
please.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, wait a minute.
Answer the phone, quickly.
Hello.
Look, we want one of your best men
sent over here to handle a little policy.
Oh, well,
there's no one in the office right now.
Talk to him.
Hey, hey, will I do? I mean...
Well, you said your best man.
What's the name?
Oh, our best man is named Andy.
Rosmer Peek.
Oh, yes, yes, he's our best man.
There's no doubt about that.
Hobart Theatre, 2:00?
Yes, sir, positively.
Wow!
Norma,
somebody actually wants insurance.
- Oh, wonderful.
- Life insurance is immortal.
Good afternoon, Mr. Hobart.
Good afternoon, J.J.
Good afternoon, Mr. Hobart.
Good afternoon, Mr. Hobart.
Good afternoon, Mr. Hobart.
Yeah, what's good about it?
- Good afternoon, chief.
- Good afternoon, J.J.
Stop slamming doors, soften your tone.
Please, have a little respect
for a tired old man.
That's a good one.
"Tired old man. "
You're only as old as you feel.
Now, listen,
I am old and I am tired, see?
Yeah, that's settled. Now what?
Well, J.J.,
Hugo and I have been thinking...
That's something new, at least.
Oh, J.J.
Oh, what's the use?
Here I've spent my life building up what?
Fifty-nine years old today.
I'm sick of it.
Sick of the city.
Sick of the country.
I'm sick of the theater.
Sick of you.
Sick of myself.
Now, J.J., how can you talk like that?
Oh, come, come, gentlemen, what is it?
It's like this, Hugo and I had an idea.
- Could I see Mr. Wethered?
- He's busy.
Then I'll wait over here.
Over here.
Why? Why the Sam Hill
should I take out an insurance policy?
But it's high time you realized...
...that you're the keystone
of this organization.
The guiding genius
of the American theater of today.
And if you're taken away from us...
Heaven forbid.
We're sunk.
We're licked.
Have you been keeping something
from me?
Aren't we in A-1 financial condition?
Why, of course.
This makes me feel
as if you're all standing around, waiting.
I'm surprised at you, chief.
It's ridiculous.
Well, we'll forget the whole thing.
Ask Miss Bailey to call up
and see where that agency fellow is.
- Now, I don't want any insurance.
- Now, J.J.
Nothing doing.
Oh, Miss Bailey, call up the Good Life
and find out where that salesman is.
He's here. Send him in.
Throw him out.
Come in.
Get out.
- Yes, sir.
Just a minute, just a minute.
Mr. Peek, this is our president, Mr...
Mr. Hah.
- Hobart.
- Oh, Mr. Hobart.
- And there's Mr. Hugo.
- How do you do?
- How do you do, sir?
- I'm Mr. Wethered.
How do you do, sir?
And won't you sit down?
Yes, thank you.
Well?
Well, how is the insurance business
these days, Mr. Peek?
Well, the carloadings last month were...
Carloadings?
Yes, sir, yes, sir.
The carloadings are up
16 and a half percent.
Listen, young man,
I wanna ask you a question.
I've got enough money to live on.
My theaters,
they're in A-1 financial shape.
I have no dependents of any kind.
Can you give me one reason
why I should have my life insured?
Frankly, I can't.
- Oh, life insurance is immoral.
What?
Oh, I mean, life insurance is immortal.
Oh, throw him out.
Put him in the show as a comic.
Oh, wait a minute, J.J.
Mr. Peek, can you give Mr. Hobart
some figures and statistics?
I'm a sick man, I'm going to the doctor's.
Now, wait a minute, J.J.
Mr. Peek, will you...?
Can you give us something definite
about insurance?
- Well, I...
- Now, just a moment.
Mr. Peek has something else to say.
Yeah, life insurance is immortal.
That's all he has to say.
Oh, no, no.
Life insurance is triumphant.
I'm having one of my dizzy spells.
Give me a glass of water.
But, J.J., think of your responsibilities.
I have no responsibilities.
I don't give a darn about anybody.
You, you and you included.
Not even your own family?
I have no family.
He's right.
Mr. Peek has hit the nail
right on the head.
You have a family, J.J.
A family of millions.
- Millions?
- Millions?
Millions who have followed the fortunes
of J.J. Hobart and the theater.
The audiences of America,
they are your responsibility.
And after you've gone,
after we've all gone...
...audiences will still cling
to the tradition of J.J. Hobart.
And that is your
responsibility, J.J., tradition.
Well, maybe.
When the captain goes over the side
for the last time...
...life insurance takes the wheel.
And brings the ship safely into port.
Well...
I'll take a policy in the name
of the company, and, well...
What do I do?
What have you got, young man?
Well, have you heard about
our special $ 100 a month income plan?
All right, I'll take it.
Mr. Peek, we had been thinking
of a straight life policy.
Straight life for $ 1 million.
What's this?
Did you say $ 1 million?
That's what I said.
That's what I thought you said.
Have you any application blanks?
Oh, yes, sir. Yes, sir.
- Well, I did have some here someplace.
- What?
- Oh, my briefcase, I had it...
- Here, here, here it is.
Oh, here, I never leave without it.
Wait a minute, this looks like it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Now, you're not fooling me, are you?
Why, certainly not, young man.
All right, all right, shall we begin?
Oh, come on, come on.
- Got to have your name and address here.
- You know both.
Hey, you said $ 1 million, didn't you?
Give me this.
There you are, J.J., sign there.
There you are, young man.
Mr. Peek, your pen.
Thank you.
A million dollars.
Wow!
Wow! A million bucks, a million bucks.
Men, on my
way up here, I said to myself:
"I'll bet this has been a tough day. "
It's like that sometimes.
But don't worry, tomorrow's another day.
Anybody land anything?
Here you are, Mr. Callahan.
Well, fast nickels are better
than slow dollars.
Volume, that's what counts.
Hey, Andy.
Now, Peek, don't say it.
Remember the world hates a quitter.
Yeah, but, Andy, I...
The mongrel's hold may slip,
but only crowbars loose the bulldog's grip.
Now, listen, my boy.
I too have known discouragement, but...
- What's that?
- That's what I wanted to talk to you about.
Oh.
Oh. Wow!
What is it, boss?
What is it, boss?
Come here, everybody.
Wow, jumping sea lions.
- You know what he's done?
No, what?
He's brought in an application
for $ 1 million.
Let's see it.
Let's see it.
Let me see it.
Hey!
Somebody go to my desk
and get that bottle.
- Drinks for everybody.
- What's the matter?
Peek's just knocked over the biggest case
in history, $ 1 million, look.
Oh, Ross, I'm so proud of you.
Here you are, Andy.
Peek, here, have yourself a drink.
To Rosmer Peek.
The best gosh darned salesman
that ever stepped into this agency.
Rossi, you're in clover
for the rest of your life.
Come on, tell us about it.
Now, boys, stand back.
Come on, Rossi.
- Well, I was just sitting here...
- Here, have another drink.
Yeah, yeah.
- Well, to tell the truth...
- Come on, come on, give us the lowdown.
Shut up and let him tell it. Go on.
Oh, well,
I've been working here five months.
You hear that? Five months.
That's perseverance,
five months on one case.
Here, have another drink.
Well, I went in there...
Cold?
- Cold turkey.
- I didn't know a soul.
- You just felt your way along?
- That's right, but I kept going.
- You hear that?
Get up and tell
the boys how you did it.
All right, all right.
Well, I went in there,
and I got Wetherford.
He's the vice president.
You see?
Right at the top, that's the stuff.
Have another drink.
And then...
Then he said he'd speak to Hobart and...
But I says, "No, no, I'll do the talking. "
And then I went into Hobart's office.
He had a great big desk, 14 feet wide.
I sat down,
made myself very, very comfortable.
Looked him in the eye
and shook my finger on his face.
And I says, "Hobart... "
No, I didn't either.
I says, "J. J... "
- Those were his initials.
- You hear that?
Personality, make him your pal.
I says, "J.J., if you don't know
what you're doing, it's not my fault.
Here's a policy
worked out to the last detail.
Now you can sign it, do yourself a favor,
or stew in your own juice. "
- And he signed it?
- No, no.
No?
I says, "J. J, you don't realize the millions of
people depending on you for entertainment.
The audiences of America, J.J.,
that is your family.
A family of 50 million people.
That is your responsibility!
It's a tradition. "
- Well, that got him.
- And he signed?
- Like a baby.
- Like a baby.
He may be old and baldheaded,
but he signed like a baby.
Say, Rosmer,
did you say old and baldheaded?
Oh, Rosmer, how old is he?
Fifty-nine.
Fifty-nine?
Why, he won't pass the medical.
Huh?
Wait a minute,
I know a guy who passed and he was 68.
Yeah, passed out.
He may not pass the medical.
Get a doctor.
- How does your head feel now?
- Oh, terrible.
Just like somebody was poking at it
with a nut pick.
Thanks for taking me to dinner.
Did I take you to dinner?
Oh, Ross,
will you stop worrying about J. J?
You've given up hope
before they've examined him.
So what?
You're quitting that's what,
and I hate a quitter.
Hey, wait a minute.
You ought to read a book or something
about perseverance.
- How men succeed.
- Well, I have.
- I've been reading books all week.
- Yeah?
- Just finished one Saturday.
- What's the name?
Well, it was a swell one,
and it was called Mutual Attraction.
- Mutual Attraction?
- Uh-huh.
It's all about love
and how to find one's mate.
Eight easy lessons.
Look, look.
- When I hold your hands, how do you feel?
- Silly.
- When I put my arm around you?
- I can't tell with only one arm.
Now what's the reaction?
Dithery.
- Now?
- Is this the seventh lesson?
What's the eighth?
- What's the mater?
- The page was torn out.
- Quitter.
- No, I'm not.
- I mean about Mr. Hobart.
- Oh.
You know, if you'd convince yourself
that he'd pass the medical, he would.
- Lf he doesn't, what are you gonna lose?
- A lot of money, and, baby, I need it.
When a fellow's thinking about asking a girl
to marry him, he ought to have money.
Are you thinking
about asking a girl to marry you?
Well, I was,
if I could get a little bank account.
Where there's love, is money necessary?
I don't think so even if you do.
Well, I hate to be mercenary,
but I've gotta disagree with you.
Oh, baby, what I couldn't do
With plenty of money and you
In spite of the worry that money brings
Just a little filthy lucre
Buys a lot of things
And I could take you to places
You'd like to go
But outside of that I've no use for dough
It's the root of all evil
Of strife and upheaval
But I'm certain, honey
That life could be sunny
With plenty of money and you
It's the root of all evil
Of strife and upheaval
But I'm certain, honey
That life could be sunny
With plenty of money and you
With plenty of money and you
Right this way, doctors.
Right this way.
Excuse me, excuse me.
- Good morning, miss.
- Good morning.
- Remember me? I was here yesterday.
- Yes, I remember you.
Well, these are the doctors
to examine Mr. Hobart.
He isn't in, he may not be down
this morning, he isn't feeling well.
Always the little kidder.
- Did you say...?
Don't pay attention to her.
She couldn't live
if she didn't have her little joke.
J.J.
Oh, Mr. Hobart, Mr. Hobart.
Yes, sir, everything is all set.
The doctors are here.
We're here for the medical checkup,
as you know.
Come back in a month.
Always clowning.
You know how these show people are.
Oh, Mr. Wethered, these are the doctors
here to examine Mr. Hobart.
Oh, yes.
Come right in, gentlemen.
All right, doctors.
The doctors, J.J.
Send them away, I don't feel good.
Now, J.J., that isn't fair.
Good morning, J.J.
Dr. MacDuffy, Dr. Henry,
Dr. Bell, Dr. Warshof.
Looking at you, Mr. Hobart, I would say
this examination was a mere formality.
Which however, has to be done.
Well, let's begin.
Come, J.J.
Come on.
- Sit right here, J.J.
- I don't feel good.
Now, Mr. Hobart, have you ever been
treated for any disease or disturbances of...
Answer separately.
The brain, nerves, nose,
tonsils, throat, lungs...
...heart, blood vessels,
stomach, liver, hay or rose fever?
No.
Skin, bones, glands, gout, rheumatism...
...tuberculosis, diabetes,
epilepsy, vertigo, dizzy spells?
No.
Maimed or deformed?
Do you use intoxicants of any kind?
- Do you ever travel in tropical countries?
- Yes.
No.
- No.
Let's proceed.
Just stand up, J.J.
Good heavens,
you're not gonna operate, are you?
I'm afraid not, come on. Down you go.
Careful now, careful, J.J., careful.
Upsy-daisy, up you go.
There.
You'd think I was a prize bull
in the county fair.
Please.
Now, J.J., don't worry,
it'll all be over in a few minutes.
Shh.
Shh.
- Gentlemen, you concur?
- Absolutely.
Yeah, well, it's about time.
- One moment, please.
- No, you can agree with them or get out.
Please, Mr. Hobart.
- No.
- Now kindly do this 10 times, very rapidly.
Hello.
It's for you, Mr. Peek.
Oh, excuse me.
Hello.
Oh, hello, Norma.
We can't wait any longer.
Is he passing?
Well, so far, yes, but we're not through.
I'll let you know.
Keep your fingers crossed, goodbye.
- What did he say?
What did he say?
Practically nothing.
MacDUFFY: Say, "Ah. "
- Ah.
Ah. Ah!
- Say 99.
- Ninety-nine.
- Ninety-nine.
- Ninety-nine.
Breathe, deeply.
That will be all, gentlemen.
Take it easy, J.J.
All right, all right.
There you are.
Give me one of my pills.
I'm having a dizzy spell.
Now, buck up, J.J.,
everything's gonna be all right.
Oh, doctor.
Doctor, how was it? Did he pass?
You'll get your report in the usual way.
Here you are, J.J.
What's the matter? What's the matter?
Ever since those doctors have been here,
I've had the most awful pain in this arm.
What...?
Hey, you forgot your inner tube.
He didn't pass.
Oh, Andy.
Oh, Andy.
Hey, Andy, here's another one.
An error.
Pennsylvania $ 1 million.
Oh, no, I mean, this is...
This is J.J. Hobart's office.
No, I didn't mean that, yes...
No, no, we sell insurance.
I don't blame him.
Take it, Andy.
Hello?
No.
Yes.
Yes, I see.
Oh, doc, for the love of Pete,
don't give me technicalities.
Tell me, did he pass?
Wow! He passed.
Oh, Boop, stick around, will you?
I feel funny.
Let an old-timer give you a word
of advice, not that you need it.
But get this.
J.J. Hobart is your meal ticket.
The longer he lives, the more you earn.
But if anything happens to him,
your income stops.
Remember, stay close to him.
- Stay close to him?
- Yeah, that's right.
Let me see.
"Health, Exercise, Diet, Weight Control,
Life Begins at Fo... "
- How old is he?
- Fifty-nine.
"Life Begins at 40, Life... "
Here it is, Life Begins at 59.
Now, remember, stay close to him.
- Boop, you want a job?
- Sure.
You're night shift,
10 percent goes to you.
Stay close to that fellow, will you?
Stay in his pocket.
I'll surround him.
Hello, get me the Hobart Theatre.
Hello? What?
He passed. He passed the medical.
He did?
Hold the wire.
He passed.
Say, listen, Peek...
...could you get that policy
over to my place on Long Island tonight?
You could?
Fine. And say, bring your girl.
Yeah, bring anybody's girl.
Bring all your friends.
We're gonna have a party to celebrate.
Fine.
Gen, you're a genius.
Just don't you forget it.
Hey, wait a minute.
What?
- We mustn't tell J.J.
- Why not?
- It might make him feel better.
He might recuperate, so to speak.
Oh, that's right.
But we'd better have him to the party.
Oh, sure.
Swimming. Night air.
He might have a chill.
Now, what the dickens did you go
to all this trouble for?
Well, J.J. Passed.
I thought we ought to celebrate.
And, remember, my boy...
...it's not every night that we stand
on the threshold of $ 1 million.
Besides, you never can tell
what might happen in the crowd.
What are you going to do?
Hit J.J. Over the head with a club
because he's insured for a million dollars?
Why, Irene...
...I'm surprised at you.
How can you think of such a thing?
You might just be a little bit subtle.
Well, here we are.
Let's shake the dust of 42nd Street off
of our feet and mingle with the elite.
It's too good to be true.
We're not dreaming, are we?
Certainly not.
Look at the moon up there.
- Look at this garden, the crowd.
- Look at you.
Yes.
- Oh, if it would only last.
- I'll make it last, honey.
From now on,
I've only got two people to worry about.
As long as you're around, I'm delirious.
As long as J.J.'s around, I'm rich.
- Hope he stays around a long time.
- With my care, he'll live to be a million.
Hey, Boop.
You're only here for one reason.
To keep an eye on J.J.
Get your mind off of everything
and let me know when he arrives.
Don't worry. Not even an earthquake
could move me from this duty.
We're gonna dance.
Hey, Sally. Remember me?
Why, Mr. Ogleboop.
Oglethorpe, but you may call me Boop.
May I take your hat and coat, sir?
Well, I don't know.
Darn foolishness
dragging me way out here.
I don't feel good.
When will you want your car, sir?
In about 15 minutes.
I don't wanna stay long.
I'm gonna get home and get to bed.
Yes, sir. I'll tell your chauffeur.
Darn fools.
They'll catch their death of cold
getting wet this time of night.
Remarkable, sir, isn't it?
Hey, here's a piece here
that will fit in very well...
...when we start hanging the crepe.
J.J.
Evening, J.J.
Well, for heaven's sake.
What do you mean?
Nothing, J.J. Nothing.
There's nothing wrong with us.
Shh.
- Huh? Oh.
Hey, what is this? What is it?
Look, J.J., if you don't feel all right,
if you don't wanna stay...
...I'll understand perfectly.
Understand what?
Are you sure you feel all right?
Say, listen here, I...
J.J., sit down, J.J.
We were worried about you.
Of course, I don't say that if a man's face
is drawn and pale...
...it necessarily means anything.
No, it may be something
unimportant like pneumonia...
...or something like that.
Say, I thought I felt pretty good.
Good heavens.
What is it now?
Why, it's says here in this paper
that Stanley J. MacNeil dropped dead.
Stan MacNeil?
Why, I saw him only last week.
Well, after all, he was getting on...
- How old does it say he was?
- Fifty-eight.
- Well, ripe old age.
- Yeah.
What did he die of?
Overwork.
Just because old man MacNeil dies,
I suppose you think I'm next.
Can I get you a glass of water
or something?
- No.
- Don't you want a pill?
No. I think I better go inside
and lie down for a moment.
Now, wait, wait, wait, J.J.
Look, look, you're all perspiring.
Here, you come right over here
and sit down where there's a breeze.
That's it. Right in there.
There you are.
Well, J.J., congratulations!
Congratulations!
- For what?
Didn't they tell you?
You passed the examination.
Perfect health.
Heart of a man of 35.
The doctors were unanimous.
Said they could examine hundreds
before they'd find a man in your condition.
- They must've told you, didn't they?
- Well, we didn't want to lead him on.
We wanted to be sure
there wasn't any mistake.
- Say, I'm in good health, eh?
- Good health?
It isn't often that Good Life runs
across such an excellent risk as you.
Doctors say you'll live to bury us all.
Mr. Peek, would you be good enough
to step over to the pool with me, please?
- Oh, yes, yes.
- No, leave him alone.
I wanna talk to him.
Leave us alone, go away. Go away.
All right, but shall I send a wreath
to the MacNeil home?
No.
Well, just a little one.
- Stanley J. MacNeil?
- Yes.
Why, we turned him down
less than a year ago.
You mean to say
that your company knew that...
Why, we could have predicted it
to the very day.
You think I'll pull through?
Pull through?
Why, you're a perfect specimen.
Sit down, young man, sit down.
I wanna talk to you.
Now, tell me more.
All you gotta do
is follow the Good Life health plan.
Do or die. Sink or swim.
You'll live to be a hundred.
- It's in the cards.
- What cards?
Right here. Got it all figured out for you.
Right here, right here,
it says keep out of drafts.
What's the matter?
- You're in a draft.
- Yeah?
That's the very important thing
of the Good Life health plan.
Stay out of drafts.
Is it all right here?
- All right here, all right.
- I might've sat over there for hours.
Young man, I like you.
What's that one?
"How to Feel Like a Million.
Play Games for Health. "
- Play games? I never had time.
- Make time.
Say, did you ever play Indian wrestling?
Is it anything like Japanese?
How should I know? I'll show you.
Stand right there.
Put your foot onto mine.
- Right foot?
- Yeah. Give me your hand.
Now. Now, pull.
Wow, you've got strength.
Yeah, I haven't done that for years.
What else you got there?
- Life Begins At 59.
- I thought it was 40?
- Oh, no, it's 59, in your case, J.J.
- Let me see that.
Why, doggone it, it says 59.
"Life Begins At 59."
Well, why not?
You're still in a draft, J.J.
We better work up a little circulation.
What did you wanna invite Peek for,
anyway?
To get the policy.
And why didn't you keep him away
from J. J?
Oh, well, why didn't you?
Hey.
How deep is the pool at that end?
Eleven feet. Why?
I was just thinking.
Hello, baby, am I late?
Or hasn't anything started yet?
Gen, you're in the nick of time.
You sound like a melodrama. Why?
Peek broke the news to J.J. That he passed
and J.J.'s getting younger by the minute.
You've got to take him in hand.
Get Peek away from him
or he'll have J.J. Back in shape.
Ask him to dance. Keep him on his feet.
Get him overheated.
Where is he?
There.
Is that J.J. Hobart?
That's the guy.
That old fellow.
Morty, he's got 2 feet
in the grave already.
Well, all we've got to do
is to make him lie down in it.
Don't you worry.
I'll have him pull the dirt in over him.
Good girl.
That's the boy.
With your physique,
you should have been a prizefighter.
Oh, Mr. Hobart.
I can't find anyone to dance with me.
That is, I mean anyone
that I would like to dance with.
Would you like to dance with me?
Oh, would you really?
Would I?
Darned if life don't begin at 59.
Knock, knock.
- Who's there?
- Remember me?
Oh, yes. You're the guy what brung me.
And a very successful guy too.
Everything's all set.
J.J. Is feeling fine.
I'll get my commission tomorrow and end up
by being one of the wealthy class.
It's probably time
I thought about getting married.
Somewhere before
I've heard that speech.
Oh, but I mean it. With my check,
we could start right out with a dining set.
With a bit of straining,
we could get a radio.
And then, if J.J. Lives a while,
we could get a bedroom set...
We better dance.
- Norma?
- Yes.
I meant that crack about getting married.
I'm terribly in love with you.
- How do people act at a time like this?
- I don't know.
I'm not an old hand at it, myself.
We could get married but there are things
we should talk over first.
- Like for instance, what?
- Like for instance, are we really in love?
We'll find that out soon enough.
- Just let's...
- Let's what?
Let's put our heads together
Is it love or is it weather?
How are we to know so soon
With so much April
And with so much moon?
Wise old moon
Laughing at romancers
He perhaps knows all the answers
Let's put our heads together
For with our heads together
We'll know the answers too
Let's, oh, let's...
Let's what?
- Put our heads together.
- Oh.
Look, Morty, do you suppose that's love?
Must be the weather.
How are we to know so soon
With so much April
And with so much moon?
Wise old moon
He's laughing at romancers
He perhaps knows all the answers
Let's put our heads together
For with our heads together
We'll know the answer
Let's put our heads together
Is it love or is it weather?
How are we to know so soon
With so much April
And with so much moon?
Wise old moon
He's laughing at romancers
He perhaps knows all the answers
Let's put our heads together
For with our heads together
They'll know the answers too
Speakin' of the weather
Speakin' of the weather
Speakin' of the weather
It isn't the humidity
It's you
Come donner, come blitzen
Come pitter or pat
What in thunder is thunder
Compared to my heart
When it beats like that
Speakin' of the weather
Speakin' of the thunder
Speakin' of the lightning
It's frightening, dear
What your eyes can do
Let the heavens crash, zoom and swirl
Let it flash
Boy meets girl
Oh, good old weather
Ain't it lovely weather?
And, incidentally, I love you
Let the heavens crash, zoom and swirl
Let it flash, boy meets girl
Speakin' of the weather
Good old weather
Ain't it lovely weather?
And incidentally
- I love you
- I love you
Look.
How do you feel?
Oh, I'm hot. I'm burning up.
You'd better come into the house, J.J.
Right this way. Here, right this way.
You just probably got yourself
a little bit overheated.
All right. There you go.
- Help.
- Help.
Not so loud.
- Help.
- Help.
Help!
Help! Help!
- It's J.J.
Help me!
Help. Help.
- J.J., J.J., I'll save you.
Help.
Hold on, J.J., hold on.
I'll save you, J.J., I'll save you.
I'll save you, J.J.
Nice work, Rosmer, nice work.
- Take it easy.
- Hold my hand. Over this way.
Boop, come in here
and earn your 10 percent.
- Come in, earn your 10 percent.
- To the rescue.
All right. Come on, J.J.
Give me your hand.
Take it easy. Take it easy.
Take it easy. Take it easy.
Take it easy, J.J. All right, take it easy.
Take it easy. Take it easy.
- Somebody pushed me.
Take it easy.
Are you all right, J. J? Are you all right?
Are you all right?
Oh, young man,
I wanna thank you for saving my life.
You're a hero. I won't forget it.
That's all right, J.J. That's all right.
- But are you all right, Mr. Hobart?
- Yes. No.
I don't know.
But I tell you, somebody pushed me.
Now, J.J., listen, that's impossible.
- Hugo and I were right behind you.
Why, yes.
That's right.
You could have seen anybody...
Certainly.
- Come right into the house, J.J.
- Right over here.
Careful, boys, careful.
Any other man in the world at his age...
...would've come out of that pool
a walking case of pneumonia.
But not J.J.
He took it like a medicinal bath.
He's been in there all day
with Peek and that other guy.
- What do you suppose they're doing?
- How should I know?
Come on, young man.
Give me some opposition.
What's that?
It sounds like something in J.J.'s office.
Come on,
maybe something's happened to him.
Oh, hello, boys.
- I must say...
- Say, how does it stand now, Rossie?
Eighteen to six. How are you, fellas?
Look, J.J., there are several matters
that are very important.
You can talk to my new general manager
about them later.
- Your new...
- General manager?
- That's me.
- You mean Peek?
Run along now, we're busy.
Go on, go on.
A couple of sissies.
J.J., I wanna thank you
for what you have done for me.
Forget it, young man, I like you.
I'm through with this game.
Need something strenuous.
I know. Let's wrestle.
But, now, J.J. Now, wait.
Wait. Careful, careful.
I'd like to bust that guy, Peek,
right in the nose.
You know, if he keeps this up,
he'll have J.J. In short pants.
What do you mean? He is in short pants.
Well, we'll have him in diapers next
if we don't do something about it.
Now what are they doing?
Now they are playing leapfrog.
Well, if my brother-in-law
had handled this...
Oh, drat your brother-in-law.
We've got to find a way
to make J.J. Old again.
As old as time so that his teeth fall out
and his hands shake.
Hello.
Yes.
Send her in.
Listen, what makes a man crack up?
- Oh, trouble? Relations?
- No.
Mr. Hugo, I give you Genevieve.
There he is.
- Now, you know what to do, don't you?
- Yes.
Well, if she doesn't,
she's changed a lot in the last few days.
Oh, it's so hard to be good
under the capitalistic system.
I beg your pardon.
Oh, not at all.
I remember you.
Why, you're Mr. Hobart, aren't you?
And you're the whirling dervish.
Yes. Oh, I'm so sorry.
I didn't know this was your place.
You will forgive me, won't you?
Well, I think I might.
Do you mind if I sit down? I'm so tired.
I've been walking so long.
Walking?
Oh, it's so hard being a debutante.
Oh, you're one of those?
Yes. And you know what debutantes do?
No. What?
Well, going around seeing people
about all sorts of worthy causes.
Of course,
I don't mind the going around part.
That gives me something to do
and since Mother...
Oh, what is it, tag day?
Oh, yes.
Yes. And I can't do it, I really can't.
You know, some of the girls
have gone over their quota three times.
But I just can't do a thing like that
unless I really like the man.
Oh, of course. Huh?
Well, it's all right for Mrs. Quimby,
Mrs. Sage Quimby to tell us how to do it.
But after all, all she has to do is tell us.
Exactly. Huh?
You see, the last time we had tag day...
...Mrs. Quimby got the idea
of having a kissing booth in the bazaar.
Then she thought
that if we girls went out in public...
...and did what the girls did
in the booth...
...we'd sell more tags, you see?
She made me promise
and, oh, I just can't do it.
No, that's all right.
I'll buy a tag and you...
You don't have to kiss me
unless you want to.
Oh, but I promised Mrs. Quimby.
Well, that does complicate things,
doesn't it?
You don't like this kissing business,
and Mrs. Quimby says you have to, huh?
Oh, I didn't say I didn't like it.
Oh, no. No.
I just said that I couldn't do
a thing like that unless I meant it.
I'm sorry but that's the way I am.
Oh, but I mustn't take up
any more of your time.
No, no, no, sit down.
I'd like to straighten things out.
Now, suppose instead of you kissing me,
I kiss you on the hand, say?
Or on the cheek, maybe, huh?
And then you could tell
Mrs. What's-her-name...
...that everything's all right.
Oh, how much are the tags?
Five dollars. Six for 25.
I'll take six.
There you are.
Now then.
What's the matter?
I've never been kissed like that
in all my life.
Well.
Oh, I think I could kiss you and mean it.
Yes.
Yes, I'm going to do
what Mrs. Quimby told me.
She's breaking my heart,
but she's reaching her quota.
Good morning, afternoon, everybody.
All right. Hold it, everybody, hold it.
Hello, boys.
- Everything all ready?
Why, certainly.
I declare, if it isn't nice
Mr. Wethered and Mr. Hugo too.
Good afternoon, gentlemen.
Yes, to be sure.
Mr. Hugo and Mr. Wethered.
How do you do?
- A pleasure.
- Likewise.
Miss Larkin's got some great ideas
for the show.
Oh, is that so?
Yeah. Oh, by the way, I want you
to double Sally and Irene's salary.
Now, listen here, J. J...
Fix Miss Larkin up
with an expense account.
Huh?
- Mr. Hobart.
- Yeah?
Gentlemen outside wanna see you.
One is your general manager.
Excuse me a minute, will you, folks?
I'll be right back.
- Morris.
Yes?
Break for 15 minutes.
Just a moment, Miss Larkin.
Now, if you will just step this way...
...we'll take up that little matter
of the expense account.
Good act, Gen.
I beg your pardon?
You can let your hair down,
and you could call me Morty too.
I really couldn't do that.
- Hey, what is this?
- I don't like your tone either, Mr. Hugo.
Cut out the act, Gen.
We want to know,
have you been seeing J.J. Regularly?
That's a very personal question.
Well, we've got a right to be personal.
Who picked you for this job?
- Job?
- We made an agreement.
You were supposed to run J.J. Ragged.
How can you even think of such a thing?
J.J. Is one of the finest men
I've ever known...
...and I wouldn't do the least little thing
to hurt him, not the least little bit.
Are you double-crossing us?
You ought to be ashamed of yourselves...
...after all the nice things
he's going to do for you too.
- For us?
- For us?
Yes. Yes, he's thinking of transferring you
both to the Pittsburg Theatres.
Gen, I don't know what you're up to...
...but if you don't go through with this,
I'm gonna tell J.J. The whole story.
The whole story?
Oh, no. No, I don't think so.
You wouldn't want J.J. To think
you weren't loyal to him, would you?
And dear Mr. Wethered, you will remember
about that expense account, won't you?
Double-crossed by a fan dancer.
Come in, boys, come in.
Now, make yourself right at home.
Them is kind words, Mr. Hobart.
I've got a lot of swell ideas for the show.
Yeah? Well, we'll talk about those later.
Now I have something on my mind.
- Do you know where Genevieve is?
- She went to her dressing room.
Thanks. Excuse me, boys.
Okay.
Hey, Boop, what's the first thing
a general manager does?
Well, if you don't know,
I'm not gonna tell you.
You mind if I sit down?
Of course not, darling.
I've been wondering
what's been keeping you.
Sort of miss you when you're not around,
and I wanted to have a talk with you.
Jackie, you're an old darling.
You know, when I met you,
I think I fell into something.
You certainly did. The swimming pool.
No, I don't mean that.
But there's something about you I like.
I don't know what it is...
...but I get a great kick
out of doing things for you.
I want you to know that I appreciate
everything you do for me too, Jackie.
You know, Gen, all the years
when I didn't have anybody...
...this theater has been my only home.
I guess I was lonely.
I didn't know it.
I'd grown into a cross,
cranky old dum-dum.
Then you came along.
You done me a lot of good, Gen.
You made me think about a lot of things
I never thought of before.
And I haven't been lonely.
Now I'm grateful to you, Gen.
Oh, you shouldn't be grateful to me, J.J.
Oh, yes, I should.
You made me feel young all over again.
And I'm going on,
and do bigger things for your sake.
J.J., you're crazy.
No, I'm really serious.
And I mean it all decently, Gen.
Yes, I know you do.
That's just the trouble.
Why?
Well, you make me
so ashamed of myself.
J.J., I'm not what I pretended to be.
I know that. You didn't fool me any
about being a debutante and all that.
But that doesn't matter.
What really does matter
is I've grown terribly fond of you.
Oh, J.J., you're an old darling
that everybody's taking advantage of.
Who's taking advantage of me?
Those precious partners of yours,
Wethered and Hugo.
- Why do you think they had you insured?
- My responsibilities, my family of 50 million.
Your family, my foot.
They insured you
because you'd fold up...
...and they could collect the policy
and save their skins.
They sicced me on you
to wear you down.
That's the kind of partners
you've been good to...
...and the kind of a girl
you've been grateful to.
But why? Why did they do this?
Because they're broke.
They played with the firm's money.
They haven't enough left
to put on the show.
The last dime they had, they put
on the premium of your insurance policy.
You mean I'm broke?
Yes, J.J. Oh, I'm sorry, honestly.
After I got to know you,
I liked you so much.
I tried to tell you,
but I just couldn't get it out.
I'm broke.
J.J.
J.J.
Oh, J.J.
Help. Help.
Help. Help.
- What's happened?
- J.J.'s had a stroke.
- Where is he?
- Oh, come quick in here.
J.J.
- J.J.
- Come on, crowd around, girls.
Don't give him any air.
Oh, J.J., what's the matter?
J.J. Boop, get a doctor.
Get an ambulance. Hurry, hurry.
All right, stand back.
All right.
How did it happen?
Genevieve told him he was broke.
Well, why didn't we think of that?
- You may come in now.
- Thank you.
Just the four of you,
and don't stay too long.
- Yes, thank you.
- Oh, J.J., darling.
- How do you feel?
- Terrible.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Oh, now, please, Gen. Please don't.
It isn't your fault.
Don't worry.
We're with you, broke or not.
Don't forget, J.J., life begins at 59.
Remember, Mr. Hobart,
the mongrel's hole may slip...
...but only crowbars
loose the bulldog's grip.
You and your crowbars.
Oh, let me alone, let me die in peace.
J.J., don't say that.
That's not the right spirit.
No, sir. You've just gotta get better.
Especially before your next premium
comes due.
What's the use?
What have I got to live for?
Why, everything, everything, J.J.
You're just in the prime of life.
You're right at the peak.
Why, you'll soon be the old hard-fisted,
fire-eating producer again.
Think of your responsibilities.
Think of the audiences of America.
The millions of them. Think of posterity.
Well, you can't let them down.
You may be broke but you've got us...
...and we'll get together and put you
back on your feet where you belong.
We'll put you on your feet
with the greatest show you ever saw.
With the greatest show
anybody ever saw.
We'll have millions standing on their feet,
cheering the name of J.J. Hobart.
- There he goes again.
- J.J., J.J.
- Oh, J.J., darling.
- J.J.
Please, you have to leave.
J.J.
Is he all right?
Well, he's terrible, in terrible shape.
- Rosmer, how we gonna do?
- Yes, how are we gonna do it?
I don't know now.
Attention, girls.
I suppose that you're all aware
of the distressing position...
...that Mr. Hobart has placed us in.
So there's scarcely any need
of going into it any further.
I can only say
on behalf of Mr. Hugo and myself...
...that we're extremely sorry.
You know how close J.J. Was to us.
And the fact that he could place us
in this unfortunate situation...
...wounds us deeply.
Nevertheless, I'm forced to announce
that rehearsals will be discontinued.
Wait.
Take care of them, Boop.
- Oh, what's the meaning of this?
- Shut your face.
- This is an outrage.
- Keep quiet.
Yes, keep quiet.
Boys and girls,
I don't know what you've been told.
But it's no fault of J.J.'s
that this show is on the rocks.
His only mistake was in trusting
the financial matters of this company...
...to these two crooks here.
I just came from the hospital
where J.J. Is flat on his back...
...holding on to one thread
with the hope that this show will open...
...and get him out of the hole
that these two put him in.
Now, I promised him
that we'd put the show on.
I don't know exactly
how it's gonna be done...
...but it's got to be done,
because it means his life.
So it's up to us.
Now, the cast has walked out
but if you'll stick...
...I know we can put it on.
And now, if you feel a sense of loyalty
to a grand old man of the theater...
...here's your chance to give him help.
- Are you with us?
Sure.
Swell.
Then there's one thing to be done first.
Come on.
Ten thousand dollars?
Do you think I'm crazy?
Andy, I think you were a bit cracked.
Now I think you're completely gone.
Which would you rather do?
Put 10,000 in the show,
or pay out 1 million in insurance?
- Maybe he won't die.
- But he will.
If this show doesn't go on,
he's the guy that will glory in his grave.
There will be no peace
for the loved ones.
Only the wailing
of an insurance company...
...to the tune of one million smackers.
How did I ever get in this?
Well, never mind how you got in it.
Get out of it.
You wouldn't take 5000, would you?
Ten thousand or 1 million.
This used to be a great business
in the old days.
Optimism, that's what you need.
Do or die.
Sink or swim.
Shut up.
Wouldn't Reginald
make a marvelous impresario?
It would be just too thrilling
to have him actually in show business.
Maybe Reginald
will let us exhibit him in the lobby.
Now, you just write out a check, honey,
and we'll take care of everything.
And what's more,
I might tell Aunt Matilda...
...what happened that time
you got drunk in Cleveland.
Certainly, Boop. Glad to help out.
I had forgotten about Cleveland.
Hello, darling.
I have a marvelous surprise for you.
You're going in show business.
No, not me. You.
I'm gonna let you be an angel.
And, honey,
the scenery will only cost $ 10,000.
It isn't exactly a charity, darling.
Just make it out to the Hobart Theatre.
Oh, honey, I forgot to tell you.
I sold your automobile this morning.
And we're all gonna chip in
everything we have.
Hello? Yes.
You better give me a check, or there will be
three at your house for dinner tonight.
You, your wife and me.
Come on, hurry up, will you?
- Boop.
- Hello, babe.
When are we gonna get married?
My mother wants to know.
Now, don't you worry.
If this show's a hit, we'll get married.
We'll get married or nothing.
Hey, Milt, don't forget that floodlight.
- I'll take care of it.
- Thanks.
- Hello.
- Is everything all right?
I think so.
Angel's wings didn't come.
Mule refuses to be painted like a zebra.
Second act scenery got rained on.
Character woman's got hiccups.
Dancer can't find his tights or partner.
- Outside of that, everything's all right.
- Don't worry, the show's gonna be swell.
Well, it better be.
You know what it will mean
if it flops to J. J?
Well, it can't flop. Don't even think of it.
Think of the audiences of America.
Think of the millions
that will be there standing and cheering.
Think of posterity.
Oh, Ross, I'm so scared.
Don't you be scared.
It's a good show, you're swell in it.
You can't miss. You're like Joan of Arc.
Yeah. But, honey, they burned her.
I'm surprised at you breaking up so.
I just couldn't help it.
It was so moving,
so touching and beautiful.
I've never seen
a ceremony like that before.
Answer the phone.
Hello?
Hello. Is Mr. Hobart there?
No. They've all gone.
They've all gone? Who?
The reporters and everybody.
The reporters?
What's the matter?
Something wrong with Mr. Hobart?
Yes. He...
He...
Oh, Mr. Hobart has gone on?
Yes.
Oh.
Ross, what's the matter?
Old J.J. Has gone.
You mean he's...
Fifteen minutes.
- Well, we can't put the show on now.
- Of course not.
Fifteen minutes.
Hey, wait a minute. Kids.
Kids, come here, will you?
Come here.
Whole thing's called off.
There will be no show.
What?
- Tell them to give the money back.
- What's the matter? Are you crazy?
No, I'm not crazy.
We can't put the show on now.
You see, old J.J. Hobart is gone.
Gone?
Well, he...
- J.J.
- Mr. Hobart.
- Mr. Hobart.
J.J.
Are we glad to see you.
Hello, folks.
Well, you did it, didn't you? Good work.
And now,
I have some broadcasting to do.
This is J.J. Hobart speaking.
We had the ceremony performed
in the hospital...
...and I felt so good about it,
I had to come over and tell you.
I want you to meet Mrs. J.J. Hobart.
Congratulations, congratulations.
Well, say, what about the show?
It's late, isn't it?
That's right.
You get into your costume.
- The curtain goes up on time.
- Come on, everybody.
Here we go.
Boy, are we glad to see you.
I'm afraid this excitement
will be too much for you.
- Maybe we better go back to the hospital.
- Hospital, nothing.
Here. Take this thing away.
After the show,
we're going out to a nightclub.
Life begins at 59.
Don't forget that, Gen.
That's the curtain.
The soldiers of the world
Can conquer you
With powder and with steel
The women of the world
Can do the same
With charm and sex appeal
A soldier must be patriotic
A woman's got to be exotic
A kiss is deadly
As the cannon's roar
In fact I fear it more than warfare
The battlefield's a rocking chair
Look out, look out
For all is fair in love and war
Just like a bombshell from the air
A kiss can blow you up
Beware of love and war
Two arms can squeeze you senseless
You're defenseless in the dark
Two eyes
Two brown or blue eyes
If they do invite you
They'll dynamite you
And with your back against the wall
She marches you to City Hall
And leads you through the door
And then the deed is done
Her victory is won
For love is just like war
The battlefield's a rocking chair
Look out, look out
For all is fair in love and war
Just like a bombshell from the air
A kiss can blow you up
Beware of love and war
Two arms can squeeze you senseless
You're defenseless in the dark
Two eyes
Two brown or blue eyes
If they do invite you
They'll dynamite you
And with your back against the wall
She marches you to City Hall
And leads you through the door
And then the deed is done
Her victory is won
For love is just like war
If I could snare some millionaire
I'd have a lovely love affair
For he's the kind of man I could adore
Oh, yes, yes.
I wouldn't care if he's a wreck
As long as he could sign a check
And keep the wolf away
From my front door
I'd be willing to take my chances
If his finances were okay
I'd make him pay
Or am I too brutal? Maybe.
I'd encourage his bold advances
If he got reckless, I'd get a necklace
Diamonds and things.
A nice old man with lots of wealth
Who isn't in the best of health
Who could ask for more?
See what I mean?
A sudden love attack,
And I'd have all his jack
For love is just like war
The battlefield's a rocking chair
Look out, look out,
For all is fair in love and war
A smile may be the camouflage
That comes before the big barrage
In love and war
Drilling can be so thrilling
If you're willing to obey
Round you, her arms surround you
Though you may maneuver
You'll never move her
If you escape a rocking chair
Then you deserve a Croix de Guerre
Or two or three or four
And after you've been kissed
I know that you'll enlist
For love is just like war
And with your back against the wall
She marches you to City Hall
And leads you through the door
And then the deed is done
Her victory is won
For love is just like war