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Hansel vs. Gretel (2015)
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Damn it! Hello? Hey. Gretel? Still open? Gretel, it's Mason. You here? You, uh, wouldn't happen to have any of those meat pies left, would you? I'm just going to leave this money right here on the counter. Okay? Oh crap. Gretel? Ahh. Crap! Hey, pussy. Whoa! Ahh! Gotcha. You remember me, right? Poughkeepsie. Dayton. Stamford. You got to remember Stamford. You got me with the gas trap. Spent two weeks in the ICU. That shit hurt. But not this time. Do you smoke? I say we fucking find out. You're good. You're really good. No flinching. I like that. Please. Why are you doing this? You know why. I want the little girls. What little girls? What kind of pervert are you? I don't know what the hell you are talking about. Please, let me go. Hmmm... no. See, I'm not buying it. See, I've been doing this for a while now and I've developed a sixth sense for these kind of things. And you and me? We get to tussle I think. Listen, I don't know who you think I am or what I've done but you're wrong. Please, if you let me go now I don't say anything to anybody. I promise. I'll keep it between you and me. We can play these games all you want but I do not have all day and I think you know exactly what that means. You really don't want to do this. I really do. - Oh God. - You're so stupid. How's that? Who's stupid now? Hello? It's okay, little ladies. I'm coming down. I'm Hansel. I'm one of the good guys. Oh shit. Gretel. Come on. Come on. Uh, hey. There's a line. My sister owns the place. Relax. Hansel? The one and only. Oh my God! It's been a year. What are you doing here? Where have you been? Why didn't you call? I did. Oh, I'm sorry. The bakery's just been so busy and I didn't know how to reach you. Look, we need to talk. Gretel, my coffee. Oh right! Just a jiff, Margie! Yeah, just a jiff, Margie. Hey, who are you? Lilith's meat pies? You've got to be fucking kidding me. Hansel! They're the best sellers. They're not the same, okay? And I'd like to have you for dinner. You're staying at the house, right? Thank you. Mmm! Grandma, everything tastes so great! I made your favorite, ribs and potatoes. Grand's been doing all of the cooking since Dad died. I don't know what I would have done if she hadn't moved back here. You know I'm really sorry that I couldn't make it home for his funeral. You know, I was just- - Busy. We know. So, Sweetheart, how is life out on the street? Grand! Grandma, come on! You're making it sound like I sell my body on the streets or something like that. Well, how am I supposed to know what you do? You never call. You could use a bath. We worry about you. Well, listen, if you really want to know I've been killing witches. Oh. Yeah. I beheaded one down in Florida, crushed one to death with my van at the Grand Canyon, lit a couple on fire in Portland. Smelled something awful. And most recently I cut the, uh, insides out of this teenage demon cheerleader. All in all, I've had my hands pretty busy trying to catch these evil creatures. Well, not all witches are evil. Of course, Grandma. But the good ones, they don't really get on my radar. More juice? Please. Smile for me, pretty girl. Good night, Grandma. Honestly, what is up with her? She's getting old. No, there's got to be something else going on with her. Here. You dry. Like the good, old days. So what brings you back here? Mason. Oh, you found out about that. Yeah, I found out about that. Gretel, six people have gone missing. You didn't think it was a good idea to let me know. I was going to, Hansel, I wanted to. But I didn't know where to reach you! I figured people run away from home, parents, relationships, all of the time. And then I thought it was nothing but then- Mason is a grown ass man. He's not going to just run away from home. I know. I think I know what happened to Mason. The morning after he disappeared I went to the bakery and the rug was just covered in blood. What? I thought about going to the police but after what happened to us with Lilith. And... They didn't leave me alone for months. I just grabbed the rug and I tossed it. Lilith was gone. They were going to think it was me. Well I can tell you from personal experience there's a hell of a lot more Liliths out there than you can imagine. This can't be starting again. Gretel, look, we've got to get to the bottom of this. Okay? But I need you to trust me. Yeah. First thing in the morning we're going to Mason's house. Hey. I'm glad you're back. Tastes like magic. She's here and she's taken our sister's place. Greedy bitch. We'll liquefy her. We've got to find her first. You! Devils! Rotting, filthy devils! She's smarter than she looks. Well you did say you needed a new pet. You couldn't find a better place to hide? Lilith's cabin is just- She will protect us. No one will see. There's a strong energy here. What did you find out? I was right. That little girl is still here. Oh, she's a friend. She'll be useful to us. She'll help us track them down. What's for dinner? Just the usual. Long pig. Baby back ribs? Yummy. Tell me, Dear. Tell me everything you know. Do you remember which apartment he's at? Seven, I think. Oh, right here. He's missing. Remember? What now? How'd you learn how to do that? Let's just say it's been one hell of a year. So if he was taken by a witch, what exactly are we looking for? I'm not sure. We all got to start somewhere. He was my favorite customer. Do you smell that? Hello? Anyone home? Ugh! What is it? You don't want to see this. It's Frank! What? It's Mason's rabbit. Frank. He was such a sweet little rabbit. Who could've done this? So what's the plan? You still talk to Mason's brother Jacob? Sometimes. Not too often though. He lives with Willy now. With Willy? Ugh, man. I haven't thought about her in years. Is she, uh, she's doing alright then? Yeah. Hansel, you've been gone for a long time. Things have changed. Does she still live in the same place though? Yeah. Maybe he's at work. You hear that? Don't run. It's all good. They're eating us. They're going to eat all of us. They're going to eat you too. Don't you see that? Lunch. What's she trying to do. Steal the tire? Well she's not going to be much help. I guess not. Man, she looked familiar. Was that- Mrs. Klima. That was Mrs. Klima? From kindergarten? What the hell happened to her? She's crazy. Hey! What are you two- Gretel? Hansel? Hi Jacob. What's up, man? Hey, I'm really sorry about your brother. I mean, hopefully he's going to show up soon. Thanks. I I mean, I just don't know how to make sense of this whole thing, you know? It's not like him to run off like that. Okay, Sweetie, so I'm going to head to the store. So do you want me to get you anything? Oh. Hey. What are you guys, uh-Jacob? They just stopped by. Oh. Where have you been? You think you can hold off on going to the store? So you're looking into Mason's disappearance, right? Yeah. The others too. If you guys got rid of Lilith and she was the witch... Hansel thinks that there are others. No, I know that there are others. Hundreds. Maybe thousands. Spread all over the place. Yeah, but... witches? Like with powers and shit? It varies. Not all of them have powers. I'm not even sure if Lilith was human or carrying something else, supernatural. Some channel energies that are so powerful that it overcomes them. Or they get greedy but others, they intentionally choose a dark path and basically become skin suits for demons and the like. Look, just trust me. Okay? I've seen things. Seen things that would turn your shit white. Okay, so, maybe it's not a good idea to go looking after these things. No, not particularly. No. So you think another one of these things came into town, took Mason and the others? I got a pretty good idea about it, yeah. Unless Mason's lost a ton of weight in the last year I know for a fact that these types specifically target big boys. Fine. Let's go. I'm with you. With me? Yeah, me too. Hold on a second. No, you hold on. It's my brother. If you're going to go looking for him then I'm going with you. - And so am I. - Why you? Because I want to help. Because Mason was my friend too. No, it's not happening. If shit goes down we could all die. Oh come on, Hansel. I think we should let them come. We could use the help. Hansel, you can't keep me away. So where do we start? This is where it all began. How'd this place blow up again? Gas leak. We burned Lilith alive. What? You burned her alive? Fuck yeah. Taste of her own medicine, right? Well I'd say from the looks of things no one's been here in a long time. But underneath maybe... Wouldn't all of that would have collapsed in the explosion? Yeah, except for the fact that I've seen a witch burrow under the ground like a damn gopher. No shit? No shit. So I'm thinking we're dealing with two possible scenarios. One, Lilith is somehow still alive, which I'd never rule out. Or two, we're dealing with a replacement witch, who maybe wants to stake claim on Lilith's old territory. So what are you leaning towards? New witch. You guys, is there a storm coming? Get down! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Stay down! What's happening?! Did you see anything? Yeah. There's movement in the trees. It's just a shape. I can't see much... Stay here. What? Where are you going? Come on. Come on. - You two okay? - Yeah, fine. Who is that? It's Mrs. Klima. My old kindergarten teacher. Was she a witch? I doubt it. Jesus, Mrs. Klima? Why would she want to kill us? She was compelled to. This is a coven sigil. I've seen it before. It's being used for mind control. Where's Gretel? This can't be her. What the hell is this? Who are you people? What did you do to Lilith? Lilith? You killed her, bitch. Why? No, I didn't! You lie! I swear. It wasn't me. You have to believe me. I taste killer on you. No, it wasn't me. It was Hansel. You have to believe me! What a mewling little rara. He killed her and we were going to eat her and he escaped. He burned her alive. He killed her! She lies. Kill them both then. Only way to be sure. Wait! You are right about one thing. You've spilt blood. I tasted it. Let me show you. Please. It's untainted. And it's human. Mmm... Mmm.. That's Lilith's exact recipe. Taught me everything she knows. Are you aware that your brother didn't stop Lilith? That he hunts our kind? Bring us his head. Then we'll talk. What? You can't seriously be... I know a sister when I see one. We'll give her a chance to prove herself. But if you fail, we get to eat you alive. Fine. Clever girl. Only one way to get stronger. Eat the strong. Are you sure, Grandma? Okay, thanks. No, I'll call you back. Bye. No one's been by the house. This doesn't make any sense. She was right there with us. I- Mrs. Kilma was a distraction. They wanted our eyes off Gretel. Who would want Gretel? Revenge for Lilith. I mean, she owns... the shop! Dude! I'm not strapped in! Hansel, the shop is the other direction. I'm sorry but I'm taking you both home. What?! Absolutely not! You can't go by yourself. What are we just- I'm not going to expose you! It's too dangerous. I'm going at it alone. Okay, please tell me you're going to call the police first. No cops. Okay, Hansel, Gretel is going to be okay. She is a lot tougher than we all realize. And you're going to find her. Yeah. Look, I'll just get you guys home, alright? Come on. Let's get some sleep. Good luck. - Come on Willy. - Goodnight. Wait, I hope you understand. I don't want you to get hurt. Either one of you. Thank you but Jacob's a big boy. He can take care of himself and I don't do so bad either. So... Yeah, I know. But look... Just- I want you to take this, okay? What is it? It's supposed to protect you. Hansel, it's a little bag. I appreciate it. I can see that you're just trying to take care of me but I'm fine. Okay? - Hey Hansel? - Yeah. I have to ask you something. Why didn't you ask me out on a second date? I don't know. I just thought you thought I was a spaz and to be honest, I felt like you didn't have that much fun. Well you sure know how to show a girl a good time now. Yeah. And you are a spaz. Just for the record. Wait. What do you mean? Good night. Oh shit! Easy. Come on, let's go. I don't think Willy saw me go around the back. I want to go on record that this is a terrible idea. Jacob? Jacob, are you awake? Jacob, are you awake? What are you- Ugh. Tastes rotten. Great. Right. Thank you, Remy. Remy Prendes swears he saw Gretel in the Gingerbread House last night. That's impossible. I mean, we cased that place at least a dozen times. Jacob and I, we went everywhere. So there's no way. What's up, man? They got them. - Who got who? - Alright. Jesus Christ! Yeah. I mean, they snatched Gretel in the woods. They must have grabbed Willy when we dropped her off. After we left. No. No, I don't believe this. Willy! Willy! Hon? Oh no. No no. I can't imagine they've gotten very far. Wait a second. Those pictures. Let me see them again. Come on. Come on. I know they're in here. Shoot. Let's go. I took this summer art class. I had to take photos of graffiti around town. There! Yeah, what about it? Look. I know where this is. You ever shot a gun before? Not really. Take this. Uh... Don't worry. Just swing it like a bat. You'll be fine. How many times have you done something like this before? Alright, here's what we're going to do. I'm going to take the lead. You back me up. Swing at anything that's not me or the girls. And Jacob? Try not to take my head off with that thing, okay? Hansel, I don't think I'm ready to kill anybody. Don't worry. You're not going to have to. Just give me enough room to get a couple of shots off. Let's go. The girls need us. Your hero is coming for you, my damsel. Must be nice to have a big, strong man coming to your rescue. Does it make you wet, I wonder? Don't touch her. It stresses the meat. Makes it tough. Wrong. It makes it sweeter. Come on. Tie me up. They'll be here soon. With pleasure. Jesus, they could be anywhere. All looks the same. No, we're close. I can feel it. Alright, this way. Stay close. Wait here. Where'd it go? I don't know. Shit! Quiet! Hansel! This way! Come one! She's here! Hansel, hurry! It sounds like she's up ahead. Whoa! Wait a second. I know this guy. He's a panhandler. I've seen him outside of my work. They're fucking with us. Using the homeless to do their dirty work. Things could get messy. Come on. Let's move. Hansel! You alright? I think so. Alright, we got to keep moving. Let's go. Hansel! Shit! - Are you okay? - No! Get me out of here! Wilamina! Wilamina! Wake up! Wake up! She's fine. She's just been knocked out. Untie me! Ahh! Jacob, use this. Thanks. Are you ok? Huh? Are you hurt? You ok? Great. What now? It's locked! Cover your mouths! Quick! Shit! Wait. Hold on a second. It's just steam. No, it's fog. Do you want me to eat you? Stay close. Hug the walls. I can't see shit in here. I don't want to cut you. Show yourself! Ooh, I'm going to eat you all up. Especially those chocolate eyes of yours. Face me, witch. Stay here. No! Where are you going? I'm going to help. How? Stay here. Willy needs you. Show yourself, you fucking witch. Hansel, behind you! - Are you good? - Yeah. Where's Willy? Willy. Hansel? Ow, my head. What's going on? Where's Gretel? Gretel! I'm here. Come on. Let's go. Take me home. What about Mason? And the other missing kids? Whatever's left of them. Sorry. Look, we came here for the girls, ok? And since neither one of you know who took you, we don't know how many witches are left. You said there was only one witch? Yeah but I saw a sigil in the woods. That same thing here. Ok? It's definitely a coven. There was somebody else. She was talking to someone. It could have been a woman. I don't know. I was pretty out of it. Well, we need to be prepared. Let's get back to town. Ouch! Hey. Let me get the keys to the bakery. I want to go work on the town map. Try and figure this out. I thought you hated the bakery. I do hate the bakery. I just want to go to some place where I can clear my head. Are you okay? Yeah, just a little shaken. That's all. Gretel, I know we haven't spent a ton of time together recently, but you can still tell me if there's something wrong. You know that, right? Well, yeah. Sure. Why do you ask? I don't know. I just got this feeling like... Maybe you need to talk. Wow! You're sounding like such a girl right now. Well, listen... If you change your mind. You know, you do want an ear, just know that I got one. In fact, I've got two. Thank you. - Thanks. - Oh wait, don't forget to lock up after you leave. Yes ma'am. What do you see, Hansel? He can see me. That's impossible. He isn't the dumb piece of meat he used to be. YOU! You betrayed us meat bag! No, I didn't! I'm going to tear your filthy little heart out and toss you to the rats. And then I'm going to have some fun with you. No, listen to me! He got lucky. I didn't think he would be able to kill her. It was an accident. An accident?! You stupid girl. I could just rip you a part right now. I could take you to Hansel. We don't need you for that. We could get him ourselves. But I do. Please, don't abandon me. I can take you to him right now. It will be easy. Why do you smell dead? Why do you think? I'm like you. Hansel. I want you to meet one of friends. She's also one of the part-timers here on the weekends. Circe. Nice to meet you. Go away now, Gretel. I need to chat with your sexy brother in private. Uh, Gretel- You and I need to have some serious conversation, doll face. About what? You like my eyes? Yes. I'm pretty, aren't I? Yes. You wouldn't mind talking to me, would you? No. You've been a bad, bad boy. Haven't you? I have? Yes, you have. You want to know why? Why? Because you've been killing my sisters, you naughty naughty boy. I'm sorry. It's too late for that, sweetheart. But it's okay. It is? I want you to do something for me. Anything. I want you to cut yourself for me. Where? Surprise me. Beautiful. Does this make you happy? Yes. You want to know what would really make me happy? Tell me. If you killed yourself. Would you do that, sweetheart? Oh, yes. Go ahead. Kill yourself. Push it in, baby. Kiki? Not exactly. Hansel! Kill her! She's doing this. She ate Mason! Gretel? Gretel? What happened? I'm so sorry, Hansel. I don't know what happened. She must have hypnotized me or something. It's okay. Let's call Willy, Jacob, have them come meet us here. Are you sure? Yeah. Safety in numbers. Okay. What do we do with the body? So we got them all? Maybe. What'd you do with her... you know... corpse? Jacob! You don't want to know. Don't suppose you got her to tell you where Mason was before you off'd her? You don't think he's still alive anymore. We can still look for his body, right? I can't just sit here. They ate him, Jacob. They're gone. We're not going to find them because they've been eaten. That's how these witches survive. They eat the young to prolong their own lives. If that's what you can call living. You know how they say if you see one roach in your house what you don't see is the thousands of others that are in the walls? That's two witches in a single day. And I bet anything that this is not over. What and after you find them you're just going to leave again? Yeah, I kind of have to. This kind of stuff is happening everywhere. Maybe you can come with me? You know, get out of town. Just for a bit. I can't, Hansel. I can't leave grandma or the bakery. I have a life here. I'm going to go home. Are you coming? No, I'm staying. We need a new plan. I'll drive you home. No, it's fine. No. Look, none of us should be alone right now. I want to. I'm going to drop her off. I'm going to come right back. You guys going to be okay? Mmm. Wow, these are really fresh. The best ingredients always are. Do you know what you need? Whoa... I think you need to treat yourself right, Jacob. I do? Mhmm. I think you need to do something for yourself. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. I think you need to make love to me. I do? Mhmm. And then I think you need to pluck your eyes out for me, sweetie. Can you do that for me, sweetie? No. I can't. Sure you can. Don't be shy. I'll show you how. No, I can't. I'm gay. Oh. There are many bodies here. Beneath our feet. Lilith was... busy. Is she one of them? There's something... Chewed bones. Nothing more. She was eaten. No... yes... no. Wait, there is something. What is it? Circe... She is gone. I can't feel her life force. It was the girl. So when you leave again where are you headed? Umm... I'm not sure. I usually just scan newspapers for patterns. You know, missing kids, mysterious deaths. You know, stuff like that. Sounds exhausting. It can be but somebody's got to do it. And that somebody has to be you? So, do you ever get time off or do anything fun like date, relax? Honestly, I can't even remember the last time I had fun or took time off. Yeah, if it's any consolation I don't really, I don't date at all. I think I was honestly waiting for you to call. Maybe. I quit school. FYI. That was kind of a big deal. Really? Yeah. Well, you know what they say. Nothing worth doing is easy. Or whatever. Wow, scholarly, Hansel. It's good. No, my priorities changed is all. You know, simple as that. Come on. You know, when it is time for me to leave you could come with me. Where? Anywhere. To hunt witches? I'm going to have to think about it. Fair enough. What is that? I don't know... Jacob can see everything now. Fuck! Shit! What did they do to him, Hansel?! What did they do?! Thank God. Are you okay? Yes, I'm fine. Why? Okay. What the hell happened? What? What are you talking about? Look, they got Jacob. What? I told him not to leave! Look, Jacob, It's not over. He only left here 20 minutes ago. What the... Hansel! What are you doing... Hold on. Hold on. Oh shit. Fuck. - We have to find him. - Gretel, I have to call you back. Okay, listen. Just close up the shop. Go home. Be with Grandma. Don't leave until I get there. Fuck. Listen, Jacob, He told me in confidence that he fucking kicked the shit out of Rudy Ray Moore on Candlewood Street. What does that have to do with anything, Hansel?! Just stay here, okay? Lock the doors. No, screw that! I'm not staying here. I want to come with you. Okay, come on. Let's go. Oh God, please let me be wrong. Oh my God! Motherfuckers! There's another note. Hold on. Hold on. Oh my God. No. No no no. Echoes of the past. Come play cowboys and indians. Why are they doing this? Because they're just fucking with us. Look, he might not be dead. - What? - We could still save him. Where are we going to go? Chumash. What? With the huts, teepee village. Where we used to play cowboys and ind... - Yeah. - Oh my... Cthonia? Cthonia? You! Wait. I did as I said. Here. My brother is gone. Tell your mistress I'm one of you. Hansel, what are we even looking for? Well if I'm right Jacob could be anywhere near here, okay? Just keep your eyes open. Jacob! Do you think that he's even- Stop it. Don't even go there. Okay? We're going to find him. Jacob. Hansel. Fuck. This is starting to get so fucking fucked up. Oh God. I left my heart in San Francisco. What the hell do these mean, Hansel? Thank you, sister. Come on Gretel, answer the phone. Still nothing? No. Something's not right. Are you sure this is the right place? Yeah, Church of Saint Francis. It's the closest thing to San Francisco I could think of. Keep trying her. Hansel, look. Oh my God. Oh no. No! Jacob! Once upon a time... dinner is served. Those motherfuckers. Come on! Let's go. Where are we going? Checking the servant's of the trail. What does that mean? It means it ends where it began. Did you see that? Oh my God. The bitch's brother! She will pay for lying to me! She said this was you! You son of a bitch. Stay here. Stay here. Is that the best you've got? I've killed cheerleaders tougher than you! You are going to be a nice little treat. You can't kill me that easily you little ko fi yan sako! Whatever you say, lady. Hey! Hey! Are you okay? Hurry, we've got to go. What do I do? Go. We've got to go. Poor, little thing. Does it hurt? Good. Mmm.. Grandma? Gretel! You betrayed us, little girl. What are you talking about? Get away! Don't you lie to me. You're responsible for all of the lives lost. Don't you touch her! Gretel? That's why you've been killing us off to steal our gifts. No, I was too late to save her. Morai told me to drink her essence. She would never say that and there is no way that this is accidental. I'm with you. I swear it. What are you two talking about? Gretel, what's happening? You expect me to believe that? It's the truth. Convince me. If that's what it takes. Oh Grandma. I'm so sorry. Run while you can. You love me, don't you? Very much, baby girl. You wouldn't want me to appear weak, now would you? No, no my sweets. Of course not. I'll be your favorite, forever and ever. Of course. Gretel! Oh my- Oh. What the fuck did you do? Oh my God! Hansel, I can explain. Please fucking explain why you tore off our grandmother's head! Well no, I guess I can't explain this away. Hansel? Hansel, wake up! Wake up. He'll be fine. I need him later anyway. People are going to come looking for you and your brother, Gretel. Lots to answer for, I think. You've made a big mistake, girl. Taste me now, bitch. You've ascended. Get the picture? You planned this whole fucking thing so you could- That's right, sister. It's my coven now. What's left of it. Do you concede? Ring please. That a girl. Help me with my brother. We're going to the cemetery. What's at the cemetery? An old friend. Is this the right place? Wait, is this a pet cemetery? I needed to find a place no one would expect to find... Lilith. Clemmie was buried just days after Lilith died. Hansel, are you okay? Perfect. Gretel? Oh, you're awake. I'm glad. I wanted you to see this. Willy! Gretel, why are you doing this? This is bigger than friendships or family, little brother. So you're one of them now? No, I'm better. And my first job... I have a debt to repay. I'm sorry I didn't come soon enough. But I wasn't strong enough. Thanks to the lovely ladies who sacrificed themselves. I'm here now. Gretel? Whatever you think you are, you are not strong enough to survive this incantation. Hecate omnipotens, mihi, quaeso manu. Nunc anima mea in mediis huius placiti anima damnati! I am a queen! Lilith! I should have known you'd come to pick the bones. No! I owed you everything. I only came here for revenge! You came to take my territory. You could never control your appetite. So greedy. My dear. Lilith. You're going to pay for this! Good girl. Now bring me the body. I need to feed if I'm to regain my strength. I don't think so. Wake up. We got to get the fuck out of here. What the fuck? Willy? Willy's dead, darling. She was delicious. Oh Lilith. And you could never control your proteges, Lilith. Please, your highness- Enough! I wanted that. Oh tut tut tut. So hungry, little one. But I can see that you need a lesson in subservience before the head of the order. I serve no one, you old hag! Feisty little imp. Sticks and stones. Now, now! You really are determined to try my patience, little thing! Gretel. It doesn't have to be like this. Get out of my way. This isn't you. Lilith is still inside you. I love you. I do not want to hurt you. There is no Lilith! There is only me, the queen! Where are you?! Can a queen bleed? Damn it, Gretel! Don't make me do this! I can see I'm going to have to take you down! I'm done playing with you! This ends now. Ahh! Gretel. You shot me. I should kill you. I'm sorry. You deserve to pay for what you've done. Not by them. Come on. |
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