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Hardware (1990)
This is Angry Bob, the man with
the industrial dick! Coming at you loud and clear on W.A.R. Radio. Rise and shine folks, its a beautiful day. Just look at that sky, its a work of art! Nature never knew colors like that. When you look at it, be sure to wear your shades! The radiation count is way up... ...and the heatwave aint expected to let up either. Wheatercontrol tell us it will probably hit As for the good news... There is no fucking good news! So lets rock with one of our golden oldies... New York Max, thats the place to make it now. Youre talking 9000 tons of steel, ...kitchen appliances, typewriters. audio gear, tons of autoparts! Works of art, hanging in the galleries Just hanging there, waiting to be plucked. Clothing, tupes, bridgework, false teeth, prostetic limbs... You name it, New York has got it all. No one is going to repopulate The Big Apple, not with the rat count the way it is. You know, stuff is just going begging! Salvage City, Max...Youll love it. Dont call me Max. Well, well well. Hard Mo Baxter. Taking a little vacation? Is this authorized? What do you care? Nothing that comes in here is authorized. Oh, untrue. Im primarily legitimate now... Maybe we should go elsewhere then Alvy? No, no, wait untill I get my glasses! Are you sure? We can go somewhere... No, no, just wait... That Alvy... He kills me every time. My back. Christ! Where is the little man? Hes indisposed... You pushing something? See what his shit is. Let me see. Where did you find it? Glass flats, Judas sea, looking all over. I give you 30. I knew youd see it my way. Merry Christmas. What the fuck was that?! A zonetripper. Ive seen his type... The whole sea is full of them. - Who was that? - Someone looking for the bathroom, come on! I put my boot in his ass and sent him on his way. Why dont he piss in the street, like everyone else? - Show me! - Where did you get this?! - Out in the zone, what do you think it is? - Probably a maintenance droid. - Stepped on a fragmine I guess. - You think so? Its not alot I can do with this. Its got good visual circuits, infrared... Unusual microgear... I give you 30 cs cash in hand. but I think I will hold on to it. This is junk, what are you gonna do with it? Its christmas eve Alvy, you should know that. You used to be an elf, didnt you? You cant expect me to go back to my girl empty handed, can you? You dont know my girl. How much for the other stuff? Yep Alvy, your as high as you ever gonna go. Cant help it if mother caught a dose in the big one. Come on. You just wait. All those years out in the zone your kids will make me look like narcissis. Hey, hey folks! Rise and shine. I got an update here on the conflict, we all know and love. The deathtoll from last nights violation of the christmas ceasefire is still rising. It currently stands at around 578, with the counterattack now well underway. I send this message of holiday cheer to all of you: Kill, kill, kill! Yo, hey Miss Wakowski. Vernon, the son of a bitch was at my door again. Who? I dont know. I didnt see him, he just keeps ringing my bell. - Then how do you know its the same guy? - Vernon, it is. - I couldnt see anybody. - Yes... thats what worries me. - Let me speak to Chief. - Hes out on his rounds. Dont worry miss Wakowski, well keep our eyes peeled. Listen Vernon I... hey! Ive got a delivery coming up this morning. - Be sure you let him up this time. - Will do. As planned, the emergency population control bill... ...will take affect at midnight, on the first of the year. Eager citizens are already lining up at sterilization centers. Wich will be opened around the clock to aid in the transition. to what the President terms: A clean break from procreation. In a related story... The two creators of the population control bill was found dead yesterday... Ready...on...boil. You took a beating on that deal man. That zonehead fell asleep and you were still jacking up the price. Well, I just want Jill to be happy. Thats what I like about you, Max. Youre a real romantic. Youre the cabby? Where you guys going? Downtown. You guys like music? Check these guys out. Used to be okay down here, you know that? Used to be, you could walk down here any time. Go out on a saturday night with just brassknuckles, nothing else. Maybe a piece of wood, piece of pipe, you know what I mean. Nowdays you need a gun all the time. Fucking bunch of shit, what these people are doing to the fucking world. Its the same every time man. The minute Im back on earth, I wanna be in space again. Yeah, right. Till one of you boosters blows up under you... ...or your heatshield ripps off on the way home. Hey, dont knock it. Dying in space is real easy. One pssst and youre gas... spread out over a thousand miles of stratosphere. Jesus man! Think of the view. No more sitting in a bunker coughing your guts out. Waiting for your first cancer cells to show or kids to be born blind and blue Because I mean, you have had one trip to many or... ...caught snake-eyes in a genetic crap game. Jesus, do you think Jill wants you to go on wading around up to your arse in... ...radioactive iodine for the rest of your life. Think she liked it better if I ended up like one of these bums? Holy shit! What the hell happened here? This was a respectable building a few months ago. Some drugged out joyrider drove a landcruiser through the security gates. You just cant keep m out. This place is going to hell. Christ! They are all over the place. Somebody ought to help these people... ...or clear them out. They just keep coming back Max. Nothings gonna keep them out except for sealing this place up like a bunker. Thats not such a bad idea. - Does she know youre back Max? - I didnt want to wake her. - Do you think she is going to let you stay? - Of course she will. She sleeps better when Im around. Makes her feel more secure. Thats a laugh man! She couldnt be more secure, then she is now. Shes sealed in tight! She doesnt need your help. She doesnt stick her little toe out if she dont need to. How do you know? - I keep an eye on her. - Good... keep it up. When Im not around... see nothing happens to her. Youve been away a long time man. What are you going to tell her? She understands. She knows what kind of job I do. Jill! Its me, Mo. You home? - Mo? - Are you going to let me in or what? - I changed the code. - She changed the code? Come on Jill. Its Mo. Im back. - Hey baby. - Hello. - Second levels low today. - Ive had warmer hellos. - Its been a while. - Yeah. - Hows it going? - Fine. How are you? Pretty good. Got a job costumizing these consols for these uptowners. Welfare checks are coming in... cant complain. See my new pet? Ive been using it for modeling. Woke up this morning and made a web. - What you feed it? - Sometimes I catch a bug. Sucks them dry. Ive got something else youll like. Ive been basing my work more on organic forms but... ...sometimes by the time Im finished, its hard to tell. Its like Im fighting with the metal and... so far the metal is winning. Its... very... powerfull. - Thanks Shades. - Jill, I got something for you! God! Its horrible... I love it. - What is it? - Maintenance droid I think. I picked m up out in the zone. Probably somekind of new design they are testing out. Thought you could make an ashtray out of this. Just look at the workmanship, its so beautiful. Yeah, it is, isnt it? You dont look so bad yourself. Merry Christmas baby. Its good to see you Mo. Spread those lips. Thats it... oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh thats it baby. Take that big dick! Yes. Take it all the way in, thats it. All the way in. Take it. Suck him dry. Thats it baby, you got him now. God, youre beautiful! Yeah, thats it baby. Take that big dick, take it in. Yeah... oh yes. Yeah. Take him baby... squeez that tube. Yeah...come on. Yeah. Take him, suck it dry. Thats it... Thats my bitch! Yeah... squeez it! Fucking bitch. God, I love you. Sweet. This is a military file. Do not proceed without correct security clearence. Please select correct combat system required. BAAL7697 Biomechanical auto-independent artificially intelligent lifeform. Fairisle Electronics presents its new model: The MARK-13. Ready...on...boil. ...widespreed deficiency related diseases in the inner city. Elsewere in the news: Popular support has been swift and loud... ...for the proposed emergency population control bill. The bill would mandate... - Its raining. - What? - I thought it was raining. - God, I wish. I was dreaming. I could hear the rain... on the glass. And you were laying beside me... in the dream. - I like it. - Really, I think its okay. Where did you get all the babydolls? Shades found a whole box of them in the streets. Well I provided the crowning touch, eh? Did you hear about the new population bill they are trying to put through? No. They are trying to stop people from having kids in the next few years. Gonna levy fines against people that have to many. Take away their ration coupons. Sterilize people who already have... - ...high enough doses of radioactivity. - It will never work. Its our nature to reproduce. To live on. Man has always gone against their nature. Used to be natural to die of old age before 30. What are you saying? You like the idea? No, I just...think its stupid and suicidal and sadistic to have children right now. Stupid, sadistic and suicidal... The three Ss. - Thats how I feel. - Thats how you feel, eh? And what is this? Somekind statement about all that? - No. - Because if it is, I dont get it. You know, whats the head supposed to mean anyway? It doesnt mean anything! Its... its not for you. Its not for anybody. I guess not. All Im saying, is that it be nice if you could sell something... - ...every once in a while, wouldnt it? - Look, Im doing alright on my own. - I dont need anything from you. - I dont know about that. Goverment takes a pretty big hunk out of my paycheck every month. Where do you think your welfare checks are coming from, eh? What do you want me to do? You want me to join your corps? Think of what our radioactiv kids will be like then. I stopped thinking about kids a long time ago. You always say that things will change. Maybe they will. Oh yeah they will... they will. They are going to get worse before they get better. - Survival of the fittest. - Youd like that, wouldnt you? Oh yeah, I like that. And why not? Im one of the fittest. Keep asking myself why I let you in everytime. Why the fuck do I let you in? - Great. - Ill get it. - No, dont answear it! - What are you scared of? - Alvy? - I got to see you. Sorry to call you so late, but its important. Jesus Alvy! Talk to me in the morning. No, no no! It has to be now! Im talking about big bucks! Savy? Meet me in the yard in one hour and bring the MARK-13 with you. - The what? - Oh no... the skull and bones - No way Alvy! Forget it. - Hear me out! I cant talk on the phone... to many ears. Meet me in one hour. MARK-13 project, file number 4371D... Fairisle Electronics. Goverment funding to the MARK-13 project is currently under suspension... ...due to minor problems with the prototypes insulation system. Currently its susceptible to high levels of moisture and humidity. Designed primarily for harder terrain... ...MARK-13 is self-repairing, capable of recharging... ...its storage batteries from just about any powergrid, including the sun. The MARK-13s strenght lies in its multifacited combat systems. Equipped with electronicly activated weaponary and nightsights... ...the MARK-13 has a choice of using six primary limbs and three auxiliary limbs. More legs then a fucking spider. See these mighty buildings. It all shall be thrown down and shattered to splinters. The earth will shake, rattle and roll. The masses will go hungry, their bellies bloat. These are the birth pains. No flesh shall be spared. Yeah, thats it brother. You just keep walking away. - Yeah. - Hi baby. Mo? - Mo, where are you? - Hello? - Hello, this is Mo! - Who is this? I told you baby, this is Mo. Look, I wanna come back. Im ready to go again. Im hard again just thinking about you baby. What you say we try it up the ass, eh? How about I fuck you with a string of popcorn up your ass? Who is this? Then I pull it out real slow... pop by pop. You think youd like that? Think you ready to try the Hershey Highway, eh? Fill you all the way, eh? What do you say Jill? Fuck yourself asshole! I have a pain... here! And I see... their... faces! They are so small and yellow and black. I want to squeez them! These are fucking hippies! Get right on down to Renos for your radiation free reindear steaks. Hurry while stocks last! The fully armed model storage tubes, carry an additional chemical weapon. A cell destroying toxin, Trifilobim Morphate. Avaible to you for no extra charge. Our number smells like applepie. The drug causes sensory distortion, followed by death. Hey, hey, what the fuck? ...and even makes the target enemy enjoy the experience. To administer the drug, the MARK-13 comes equipped with a unique needle arrangement. Alvy! Alvy! This is a military file. Do not proceed without correct security clearence. Please select correct combat system required. BAAL7697...Biomechanical auto-independent artificially intelligent lifeform. MARK-13 project, file number 4371D... Fairisle Electronics. Goverment funding to the MARK-13 project is currently under suspension... ...due to minor problems with the prototypes insulation system. Currently its susceptible to high levels of moisture and humidity. The MARK-13s strenght lies in its multifacited combat systems. The fully armed model storage tubes, carry an additional chemical weapon. A cell destroying toxin, Trifilobim Morphate. Hey, hey, what the fuck? ...and sensory distortion, followed by death. Shit! Jill, Jill? Shit! Alright... Shades! Yes! Shades! Okay... thank god youre home man. I need your help. - Hi... hi. - Shades, listen to me! This is serious! Jill is in trouble, you gotta help her. This is serious man! Its cool... its cool... its cool. - Whats wrong with you Shades? - I can feel my heart. - Shades, whats wrong with you? - It feels like an alligator. Shades, whats wrong with you man? You know that a... that tablett of aminoflash that I was saving? No... no... no. Dont do this Shades. Not now... not now! Not thonight... not thonight Shades! Listen to me. Shades! Shades! Shades, listen to me! Shades! Listen to me Shades! Come back! Come back Shades! Jesus Christ, you are so fucking beautiful. Jesus Christ! - Shades, listen to me. This is serious. - Whats that... what was that? I want you to get out of the appartment. I want you to get Jill right now, right fucking now! I want you to bring her back to your place and lock the door untill I get there. - Are you listening to me? - Just let me get my trousers on, okay? Shades, listen... Im counting on you man. Im counting on you... okay? Everything... is under... control. Hi. No! - Its okay. - Who are you? Im a neighbour. What do you want? Lincon Weinberg Jr. You can call me Lincon or Link. I just wanted to be sure you are alright. Im fine! Look, my boyfriend is asleep in the other room. Your boyfriend? So... I think you better go now! I dont think to much of his boyfriend of yours. I dont see anything going on between you, you know... nothing real, nothing permanent. - Its really why I came here. - God, get back! Listen... I know alot about you. I know things about you, that you probably dont even... admit. - You always been my favorite subject. - Oh Jesus! Oh, wow! What was that? Theres a droid running crazy in my lounge. - Thats okay, we can go to my place. - Why wont this work? Someones activated the emergency override, you can only disengage from the main consol. - How do you now? - I used to be with the surveillance company... ...that installed all the locks and cameras in this whole block a few years ago. Thats how we know each other. You made me a coffee while I was here. - Black... two sugars? - I dont remember. - Its okay. I dont mind. - Now what? Sounds like something is overloading the main powerframe. - Well, look Mr... Weinberg. - Lincon... you call me Link, please. - Lincon. Can you get us out of here? - Wheres the main terminal? Its in the living room, but you cant go in there. Thats okay. Its alright, I know what Im doing. Come on, you can trust me. Keep talking, so I know where you are. Im right here. Hello in there? - Man, I bet that android is anywhere... - Ouch! -Hey? Lincon? - Lincon? - Its okay! Im alright! Theres nothing in here! - Whats his name? - Whos? - Your boyfriends. - Moses. Moses? Jesus, some name. Hes not around very much, is he? You ought to get somebody closer to home. - Somebody, kind of like... a neighbour. - Just fix the frickin' consol, okay! You smoke alot of dope. I see you. Does it get your boyfirend hard or what? I get people dope sometimes... ...when they come around to my place and it gets them hard. You can stop talking now. What if I sing? You want me to sing? I dont really care, just get us out of here. Okay. Ooo we all walk the wibberly wobberly walk... And we all talk the wibberly wobberly talk. We all wear wibberly wobberly ties... And we look at all the pretty girls with wibberly wobberly eyes. I made that up. Look. Im gonna make two things very clear to you right now: One... there is no other way out of here... ...so that means that droid is still in here somewhere. And two... You just want me to leave. I just want you to open the door. Why are you so afraid of me? Im not afraid of you. Two... my boyfriend is in the corps. He just got back from the zone. He just went out for a pack of cigarettes. Any second he is going to walk through that door. And we dont want him to get the wrong idea! Do we? Check! Good thinking. Okay, this should just about do it. So we can go? - Er... wait... Im just gonna... - What? - Your blinds! - What about them? You closed them! I just wanna... Ooo we all walk the wibberley wobberly walk. - No I didnt. - And we all talk the wibberly... No I didnt. Dont! You dont wanna keep these closed. You wont be able to see Santa Clause coming. Help me! - Check... and mate. - Hey Chief! Howd you do that? I didnt even see that coming. Cecilia Momomba. Thats how you beat computers when you play. And she dont understand sacrifice and neither do morons. Read! Go away! Help me! God! Infrared. The bastards using... infrared. Scream... scream... scream... Jill! Jill, you in there?! Eat that! Motherfucker! Why? - I dont know man. She wouldnt... - Get out of the way! Jill! Jill! Jill, open the door! Open the door Jill! Jill! We got him, okay! We got him! Hes dead baby! Hes dead! I got him! Hes gone! Put that fire out over there! - Come on man, turn the alarm off! - Come on, get on...come on, move along! Alright! Chief man, cool down. Why dont you just take chillpill man, Im getting rid of it. Stop messing around and put that fire out! What are you doing? Move it! Come on, move it! Okay! Im here, Im here. Ill take care of you, okay? - Here we go. - I can do it! Lets just put this on. Here we go. Here we go. This is... a serious... fuck up Max. Okay. Here we go. Vernon! Well come here boy! - Who is the stiff? - I dont know. Never seen him before. Jeez, its beautiful. Hope it didnt hit anybody. Hey Mo! The fire is out! You wanna call the cops and get an ambulance? I already had somebody call. They should have been here by now! They are to fucking late, its all over! Calm down Jill. - Over! Its to late Mo! - Youre in shock Jill, youre in shock. - To late! You fucking left me! - Im right here. Im not going anywhere. - But for how long? - From now on baby, okay? Im gonna take care of you. Everything is gonna be alright. I dont care about the money. Ill get something together here. Maybe...maybe you and I should live in New York. Just the three of us. Alright Shades. Im looking forward to that, okay? You never had to come back, did you? All that bullshit about your contract! You just wanna be able to leave whenever you feel like it. Na, na, you dont understand Jill. - You dont understand. - Guys, Ive got to go. - Hell of a lie wasnt it? - No it wasnt a lie. It was... They threw me out Jill. - They threw me out. - Doesnt matter...Its all a lie. Youre lying if you think that things gonna kill the enemy. It dont care who it kills. The first usefull thing they ever given us. What are you talking about Jill? What are you talking about? That little bastard you just blew away. Thats their population control. - Our final solution. - So what? - Are you gonna let them win? - No. - You gonna lay down and die? - I wanna live. Of course you wanna live. Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! - Jill baby. - Help me! I cant baby! I cant! Your hanging on a powerline. If I cut you, well both fry! Help me! Listen! The ledge is just below you! You got to jump! - I cant! Help me! - Swing it! - Just swing, swing for the love of christ. - I cant! - Just swing and drop. Its coming! - Help me! You got to do it. Jill, its coming. Swing, for the love of christ. Jill! Piece of shit! You cant fuck with me! You cant fuck with Mo! Im devined and protected asshole. You cant fuck with me. You... stay away from me. You stay away from me. You can kill him. Jill, you can kill him. You can...you can. Let go. Get out of the way, get out of the way! Give her some air, move! Look whos alright. Its alright. Its okay. Easy Jill. - No, no Jill! Just lay down. - Where is Mo? I... could have called somebody. Just lay back Jill. Just lay back. Everything is going to be okay. Jill! Jill! - Jill... Look, be careful. - Just hang on Mo! Im coming! I trained for whats right. Jill baby. It has a metal defect. Theres a defect. Its raining? Salvation? No! No! Light! Light! Its fight!... Light! Light! Fight! Fight! The flesh shall be spared for the elect. Who then shall see him coming, the son of man. And he shall send his angels on a mission, to gather together his flock. Did you hear something? Im going away. Jill! Come back, come back Jill! Put the bat down Jill! Put the bat down! Oh sweet jesus! Sweet jesus! Get out of the way! Please Jill! - Let me go! Let me go! - Get out of my way Vernon. - I cant do that Miss Wakowski. - I said, get out of my way, god dammit! - Miss Wakowski, Im sorry! Hes in there! - Look, so is Mo! Miss Wakoeski! What a shit! Vernon, are you okay? - She hit me, god dammit! - Vernon! Miss Wakowski! - Chief! Chief! Chief! - Let me go! Let me go! Youll be alright my man. Chief, youll be okay man. Mo? Mo? Why do you keep away from me? Mo? God damn you! Why dont you come after me, you fucking perv junkie? You scared? Yeah, you can feel me now, motherfucker. Right inside your mind. Talk to me. Hey baby. - Cant we make a deal? - A deal? You took a beating on that deal. Im not the enemy. This isnt the zone. - She knows I got a job to do. - What Job? Whats your mission? Im trying to tell you Jill. I love you Jill. There is a defect... in the insulation. Theres a defect. You can. You can. You can what? Dammit, I can what Mo? - I love you. - I can what? To many. What is your primary function? What is your primary function? Are you alive? Ooo we all talk the wibberly wobberly talk. And we look at all the pretty girls with wibberly wobberly eyes. I wanna live. Bastard! Fuck! Fuck you, I know the answear! Come on! Jill! Jill, jump Jill! Jump! Come on. Bastard! Fucking shoot it! Shoot it! Hes gone now. Its gone now. It flies now, hes gone now! Its gone now. Its gone now. This is Angry Bob, coming at you you loud and clear on W.A.R. Radio. Somewhere on your dial and Im gonna wake you up! We got some good news this morning from Fairisle Electronics. The Defence Department has just given them the goahead... ...to massproduce the new MARK-13 Cyborg. And as a result, 800 wonderful new jobs are to be created on the main assembly line. So get your unemployed asses on down to Fairisle Electronics... ...and get yourselfs a job, huh! Fruitbat. |
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