1
(POUNDING)
(GROWLING)
GEORGE:
Survival of the fittest, Son.
ERNIE: The law of the forest, right?
Right.
Of course, your new rifle
gives you a little edge.
(SHUSHING)
Dad, do you hear...
(WHISPERING) Be real quiet.
Lunch!
And I killed it!
Nancy!
Will you look at the size
of this thing?
There's no way
I'm eating a dead rabbit.
I thought you said
we were leaving.
Will this never end?
Start the fire, Nan.
We are leaving. Before lunch.
George, what happened to "home before
dark. Grab a bite on the way"?
Come on, Nan, we gotta cook it.
It's Ernie's first kill.
Yeah, it's my first blood.
I hope you're proud of yourself.
Look, we'll stuff it. Okay?
You're a butcher, Ernie.
Back off, Sarah!
It was him or me!
(SQUEALING)
SARAH: I don't feel very good.
ERNIE: Pull over, Dad, she's gonna launch.
GEORGE: Ernest.
NANCY: Open the window, honey,
a little air will do us all some good.
SARAH: It's the fish.
Ernie, close the cooler.
NANCY: Ernie, what are you
doing in the fish?
Looking for my baseball glove.
Hey, Dad.
Yeah.
Do you think I can get a pair of
real major league baseball cleats
when we get back?
You bet.
Great. I'm gonna
spike Frankie McDowell.
NANCY: No, you're not.
Listen to your Mom, Ern.
But he spiked me twice!
That's different. You go
right ahead then. George.
Nan, you don't understand these things.
It's just smart baseball.
Hey, hey. Be careful of
my drawings back there.
And don't step on the trout.
Or my flowers. They're still alive.
Or Mom's flowers.
Oh, Nan, don't you love
roughing it in the wild?
"Roughing it," George?
The only thing rough
about it was when
the generator went out in the
middle of Masterpiece Theatre.
(BRAKES SCREECHING)
Whoa!
George, please, slow down.
I know these roads
like the back of my hand.
And I know Seattle's
not going anywhere.
Want your sunglasses, George?
No, I'm fine, dear.
Mom, Ernie's playing
with that gun again.
Ernie, don't even touch that gun.
It's a rifle, girls.
If you can shoot with it,
it's a gun.
Oh, my God! Look at that deer!
Did you see that, Sarah?
No, I missed it.
I always miss everything.
Hey, Dad.
Yeah.
Maybe there's a chance
you can blast something.
Ernie, don't give Daddy any ideas.
I could not face two stuffed bunnies.
Did I bring my rifle this time?
Did I? No.
You're right, George, we'll always
remember this as our first camping trip
when Ernie killed something
and you didn't.
My God!
(BIRDS SQUAWKING)
My God.
I thought I hit a man!
Is everybody all right, Nancy?
Okay, kids?
Sarah, are you all right?
Yeah.
George, what is it?
I don't know.
I hardly saw it.
But it's gotta be a bear.
Could it be a gorilla?
I don't think
they get that big around here,
SARAH: I think we should
just get out of here, Dad.
What if it's still alive?
What if it's in pain?
If it's still alive, it's
probably not in a very good mood.
No way it's alive!
You trashed him, Dad.
There's probably guts and
eyeballs hanging off the bumper.
Knock it off, Ern.
We can't just leave it
in the road, suffering.
ERNIE: Cool. Look.
(GROANING)
Everybody, stay in the car.
Son of a bitch.
You drive a classic, you try to take
good care of it, and some dumb animal...
George, shouldn't we call a Ranger?
No, not yet.
ERNIE: You did bring it.
Don't you need some backup?
No.
I said stay in the car.
This is exactly why I brought it.
For protection.
You didn't have to lie.
ERNIE: Shoot it!
It's dead.
Shoot it anyway!
Nan!
What?
I think you better come
take a look at this!
(GASPING)
(WHISPERING) Dad.
Yeah?
What if it's him?
Who?
Bigfoot.
Bigfoot?
Holy shit! Sorry, Dad.
That's okay.
I was looking for the right words.
It smells gross!
George, what is it?
I guess it must be
a Bigfoot.
I don't know what else it could be.
Nancy, this is a big deal.
It's a major discovery.
I bet a museum
would want it or something.
We have to take it home.
(SIGHS)
Ernie, you and your sister go take the stuff
off the top of the car, put it in the back.
Right, Dad.
And tell your sister she's gonna
have to help us lift this thing up!
Oh, Sarah!
Pull it forward!
Don't worry.
NANCY: I feel so guilty.
What if it's the only one?
It's not as if
I tried to hit it, Nan.
It was just luck.
Luck?
What if we've just rendered
an entire species extinct?
One of a kind?
This thing could
really be worth something.
I don't believe you just said that.
Come on, Nan. It's all
in how you look at it.
(GROWLING)
It's alive!
Dad!
Did you see those big honking teeth?
Ernest.
Get me my rifle.
George.
What are you gonna do?
Be careful.
It's still loaded.
George, you're not going out there?
We can't just leave it
in the road, can we?
What if it's suffering?
Sorry.
It's dead!
Are you sure?
Yeah.
Are you really sure?
I'm really sure!
Remember, you were sure before.
Nancy, I'm not a doctor,
but it has no pulse,
it's not breathing
and it's cold as a Popsicle.
Believe me, honey, whatever
it is, it's definitely dead!
(PANTING)
(BANGING)
(EXCLAIMS)
(ROARING)
(EXCLAIMING IN FRIGHT)
(EXCLAIMING)
(ROARING)
(SNIFFING)
(SNEEZING)
Help!
Somebody!
Help!
Ernie, get your mother!
Quick!
(EXCLAIMING)
All right. I knew you weren't dead!
Not yet I'm not!
Not you, Dad, him!
Help!
George, what...
(GRUNTING)
Are you all right?
Nancy, get my rifle, quick!
What...
What are you...
George!
(STAMMERING)
Sarah, don't come in here!
Oh, my God!
Horrible smell!
Nancy, do something!
(STAMMERING)
Be very careful.
What are you doing?
(SNIFFING)
Oh, God!
GEORGE: That's brilliant. Come on,
everybody, let's get out of here! Quick.
Come on, Sarah.
No!
Mom, my corsage!
No.
My orchid!
It's eating
my fifteenth birthday corsage!
Sarah!
The one I saved for
over six whole months!
(SPITTING)
I was gonna keep that flower
for the rest of my life!
And you ate it!
(WHISPERING) Sarah!
I don't care how big and
ugly and smelly you are.
You just can't go around eating
other people's corsages!
That was a bad thing you did!
A bad, bad thing!
Do you hear me?
Even if you are an animal!
You just can't go around
acting like one in this house!
Let's get out of here, now!
Boy, Sarah. You really pissed him off!
Shut up.
Shh! Both of you!
Come on, it's going
in the dining room!
Wow!
That's great, that's just great!
George, he's eating my plant.
Look, he's eating my plants! No!
He's eating my
Passiflora coriaceas.
Stop that!
GEORGE: Oh, God!
(GASPING)
(WHIMPERING)
Uh-oh.
Oh, dear.
(ALL GASPING)
Okay, that's it!
George! Can't we
just call somebody?
George, what's that for?
I know what I'm doing.
Oh, George!
I'm not gonna stand around while
some animal destroys our house!
Dad, it's not an animal!
George?
George?
I'm okay.
Everybody, get up here!
Quick! Quick!
What's it doing?
It's burying Grandma's mink stole.
Don't you look at me like that!
Why are you all
looking at me like that?
I didn't kill the poor little things.
Grandma didn't kill them!
Some ranchers raised them
and killed them.
And they only did that because
they knew somebody would buy them.
GEORGE: Come on, quick,
everybody back into the house!
All right, everybody out!
(GRUNTING)
GEORGE: Uh-Oh.
Keep an eye on him!
"Keep an eye on him," George?
Lock the door!
Yeah.
George, he's coming back!
Stall him!
I can't! How?
I don't know!
Show him the pasta maker.
George!
Not yet!
George!
He really wants to come in now.
George!
Company!
(PHONE RINGING)
Downtown. Sergeant Mancini.
Sergeant, my name is George Henderson.
I'm at 437 Manning Drive.
I wanna report a...
Something in my house.
What kind of something,
Mr. Henderson?
Some... A big... Something.
My family's in terrible danger.
In danger?
Mr. Henderson, do you have
someone in your house?
A burglar, a prowler?
No, don't think
I'm crazy, Sergeant,
but it's Bigfoot.
Of course, yes.
They can be a nuisance,
I'll tell you what,
Mr. Henderson.
It kind of happens
all the time around here.
Now, we found these Bigfeet
are pretty reasonable fellows.
Hey!
Look, I hit a Bigfoot with my car.
I thought it was dead.
I was gonna call in the morning,
but it must have been hungry
'cause I found it in the kitchen!
You hit a Bigfoot with your car...
No! Yes.
in your kitchen.
Look, I'm under
a lot of stress here,
I mean, it wasn't dead anymore. It must
have just walked into the kitchen.
It was eating
out of our refrigerator.
I thought it was gonna eat me, but it
ate my daughter's corsage instead.
And then our Passiflora coriacea
and then it ate our goldfish.
And where is it now, Mr. Henderson?
It's in the bathroom.
Of course, how stupid of me.
Hey, look, just say I believe you
have a Bigfoot in your house.
First we cordon off
your neighborhood.
Second, we evacuate your neighbors,
and third, we send a whole
shit-load of cops in there
to deal with the thing. I mean, fully
armed and ready, Mr. Henderson.
So unless you wanna
be responsible
for wrongfully turning your
neighborhood into a war zone
I suggest you drop this
whole thing right now.
A war zone?
Very well, then.
No, no, no Bigfoot here,
Sergeant. I was just joking.
Sorry, it's just a prank.
I'm not even George Henderson. You
must have reached the wrong number.
We're on our own.
(PHONE RINGING)
No, no, Sergeant, no Bigfoot here.
Irene.
Fine. Wonderful time.
What? No, wait!
It's Irene!
She's bringing the dog back.
I couldn't stop her!
I'll meet her halfway.
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
IRENE: Nance!
It's no use hiding!
I know you're up!
Just take Little Bob
and get rid of her!
Easy for you to say. This is Irene.
Oh, my God!
Look, we can't
let her see this thing.
No offense.
The basement.
You'll love it. It's like
a cave with a pool table.
Come on!
Nancy!
Nancy!
(DOGS BARKING)
Beat it!
Come on, hurry!
(BIGFOOT BARKING)
Nancy! Yoo-hoo!
Quick, quick!
Let's go! Now's our chance!
Nancy, what...
SARAH: This is it!
The beginning of the end.
Once Irene sees it,
the whole world's gonna know.
I'll have to join a convent.
Nancy!
Marry a zoo-keeper.
I'll be a social outcast
for the rest of my life!
I'll go to my prom, the kids will
probably throw pig blood on me!
Thank you, Dad.
Sarah, don't let her in!
ERNIE: Come on, big guy.
Rise and shine!
Don't worry.
It's the safest place in the whole house!
(CRASHING)
Ernie!
It's okay, Mom, the stairs broke!
We're all right.
Oh, good.
There you are!
Amazing. That was...
Can you imagine?
Little Bob must be in heat or something.
Every dog in the neighborhood is out here.
(SNIFFING)
My God!
What is that smell?
What the hell happened?
We decided to defrost the fridge.
Oh, God!
Is everything all right
with you kids?
Us?
Oh, hey, fine.
Wonderful.
No. Great. Really great.
(DOG GROWLING)
I got your mail.
Just put it on the fridge.
Nan, you wouldn't happen to have any
peanut butter and brewer's yeast?
I found a new diet.
Sarah, please take
the dog out of the room.
Peanut butter I know we have.
Is chunky okay?
Let me see if I can
help you, Irene.
Peanut butter's always
on the second shelf.
Great. No brewer's yeast?
No, sorry.
Never mind,
I gotta go to the market
and pick up some
cod liver oil and Tabasco.
It's a new energy diet. You
might wanna try it, George.
(CREAKING)
Exercise, Irene.
That's the only diet.
Plenty of energy right here!
Well, maybe it's just rotten
meat or eggs or something.
Exactly. No sense standing
around breathing it.
Thank you for
taking care of Little Bob.
(CRASHING)
Oh! Ernie!
What was that?
Ernie's experiment
for his science class.
(STAMMERING) He's got
one of those gerbils.
Yeah! It's so cute.
Only, it's more like...
A hamster.
Yeah, only bigger,
and it's always hungry.
Nothing more than rats getting a lucky
shake from society, if you ask me.
I know where you are if I need you.
Ernie!
Ernie, are you all right?
Boy, is this guy strong!
Ernie, give me your arms.
I'll lift you up.
It's Monday morning.
What am I gonna do about work?
You are going to call in sick,
that's what you're
going to do about work.
Dad's gonna just love that.
Can I be sick, too?
No.
I think you and Sarah will
be safer at school, Ernie.
Oh, well. At least I can
tell the kids at school
my dad creamed a Bigfoot.
You're sick, too.
We're all sick.
No one's going anywhere until
I figure out what to do!
Get out of the fridge,
Ernie.
Coffee?
Now, it took some doing, but...
At least for now
it seems to be trapped.
GEORGE: It's okay!
So, how are you doing?
(DOG BARKING)
I don't know.
He's our little pet.
(GROWLING)
It's hurt.
Are we sure we don't have
anything that doesn't sting?
Don't I wish.
Yeah, this is going
to hurt a little, okay?
What I do is just close my
eyes real tight. Like this.
NANCY: All right. Okay.
(BLOWING)
Good.
Does this mean we can keep him?
Oh, grow up!
Maybe we can.
I don't know.
You don't know?
The answer is "No."
Now you know.
It was just so different
when it was dead.
George, you were different.
And I'm convinced he wasn't dead.
Hey, hang on. I thought we were
gonna sell it, and get rich.
Let's keep it and get rich.
Exactly.
(GROWLING)
I don't believe this family! Sorry.
We are talking about a living,
breathing being here.
It might even be
some kind of a person.
It's a Bigfoot person.
We don't even know what it is.
We don't know
if it's male or female.
Definitely male.
How can you tell?
Oh, don't answer that, honey.
Never mind.
Nan, I don't know how, but we gotta
figure a way to keep this thing.
It's big bucks, don't you see?
I mean, it's a ticket
to a better life!
A better life for whom?
What about his life?
I'm thinking about us.
I just need time
to figure away to...
Oh, well.
At least he's safe here.
LAFLEUR: You should not have
given up, my old friend.
The only difference
between these and those
is I get a buck a strand for mine.
These are real, Doc.
I chased a set of tracks
for two or three miles.
Okay, Jocko, if you've got
castings, I'll buy them,
but let's keep the price
on the ground.
Listen, you don't understand!
I almost had him.
I was that close.
Then what, gun jam?
Or maybe a change of heart.
Had him in your sights
and couldn't do it?
What's the story this time?
I don't know.
I think he was hit by a car.
That should have made it easy.
Yes, I know but...
There are no traces,
no tracks, nothing.
He just vanished.
Well, like I tell my customers,
Bigfoot eat their dead.
I don't know why the
hell I bother with you!
Because you figure I'm the only one
who deep down wants to believe you,
but I don't.
Not any more.
We both spent our whole lives
chasing after that beast,
and we both have to stare at
ourselves in the mirror every morning
and keep repeating,
"I'm not a fool!"
"I am not a fool!"
Only you finally blinked!
Or finally opened my eyes!
We'll find out soon enough!
Go for it, Jocko!
Raise a ruckus!
God knows, I can use the business.
Put the stuff
in the freezer, honey.
Where is he?
Living room.
Everything is melting. Have I
got something to show you.
George, give me a second.
Irene had us cornered out
there for 15 minutes.
She invited us to dinner and bowling.
Bowling?
Don't worry, George, I spared you.
I told her you had something to
drop off tonight, don't you?
Don't be so sure.
You might just change your mind
when you've seen what I've seen.
Sarah, you, too.
Come on.
George, those are
just empty calories.
Never mind about that.
No, no, no, no.
Not yet.
Just a minute.
I have a little something
to show you.
But first, I want you to think
about this just for a moment.
Us,
Life,
Time.
Magazines! Cover stories.
I mean, you could be looking at old Dad
on the Carson Show, for heaven's sake.
No, no, no, no.
Now, we started with
something kind of simple.
But I'm sure you'll see
that as soon as he gets going there
is absolutely nothing to stop him!
Sit.
Sit.
Sit!
That's great!
You taught him how to sit?
No, no, no!
Don't sit!
That was outstanding, Dad!
No, no, no. Stay. Please...
George, if I could have a word with
you before the Carson Show calls.
Nancy!
It wasn't...
Nancy, honey, we've got to
give him one more chance!
George Nathan Henderson,
what is the matter with you?
This is our home! Our stuff!
Look, he had it perfect
just five minutes ago.
George, you are acting
like a crazy person!
Honey, that wasn't
supposed to happen!
None of this was
supposed to happen,
but it did, and now we have
to do the right thing!
I know it seems bad, but
just give me one more week.
We don't have enough house
for two days!
George, he doesn't fit here!
He doesn't fit in our lives!
Look, we have to do the right
thing and think about him!
Mom, Dad, hurry, this is great!
(SIGHING)
MAN ON TV:
What's the matter with him?
WOMAN:
Maybe he thinks you're getting...
(LAUGHING)
Now watch this.
(CHAIR CREAKING)
Cool, huh?
He didn't care for the blue cheese.
eat your Pablum
like a good boy...
and you'll have
Swedish pancake too.
Now I know where
Bonzo get his bad habits.
That's outright bribery.
Okay.
I'll take him back.
But you know
it might not be so easy,
I think he likes it here.
What kind of a way
is that to talk to a baby?
What do you mean?
She's gone.
It's time to go.
Remember this?
Your favorite station wagon.
Right. What's left of it.
(ROARING)
No, no, no.
It's really much nicer
on the inside. Come on.
Perfect.
Hungry? We're gonna
have a little party.
Yeah. A goodbye party.
Plan B.
No problem.
See what we're gonna be missing?
Never mind.
Let's eat. Nancy?
Here. Ern.
Have you ever had a burger?
Smells good.
Look at this.
Mmm. Mmm.
(BARKING)
Oh, right.
Yours was the fish. Here.
This is for him,
the burgers are for you.
You want another?
I ordered wrong.
Double fish on a sesame bun.
Catch of the day.
Covered with tartar sauce.
How about some fries, huh?
Extra larges, two orders.
You can wash it down
with a chocolate shake.
Look at all this stuff!
All you can eat.
Atta boy.
Great!
Comfortable?
Just sit... Stay.
Stay.
Stay right there.
You're not changing
your mind, are you?
Your mom's right, Ern.
I know it's hard.
It's hard for me, too.
But it's the right thing to do.
It was wrong of me to think that we
could just claim it like a stray dog.
He's more of a man than an animal.
You were the first one to see that.
He deserves to be free.
Mom's right.
He's gotta go back
where he belongs.
So why don't you and me
go on down there,
like a couple of real men
and say, "Goodbye, hairy friend."
(CLATTERING)
Harry?
Since when does he have a name?
Since right now.
(HOWLING)
(HOWLING)
Harry.
Harry!
(WHISPERING) There's someone in the house.
What should we do?
You stay right there.
(SQUEALING)
(GROWLING)
TV ANNOUNCER: Good morning, Seattle.
Today Jerry's special...
You're free, Little Bob.
Go back to the wild.
Run, Little Bob.
Run free.
And now, your host,
the toast of
the Olympic Coast,
Jerry Seville!
SEVILLE: Thank you,
thank you, thank you.
(LAUGHING)
Good morning, Seattle.
God, I hate this guy.
I'll turn it off.
No. Let me hate him.
It'll keep me awake
until the coffee kicks in.
But I sure am glad
it's Tuesday.
Isn't Monday
the dullest day of the week?
Up yours, Jerry.
Seems old Jer was wrong.
All right.
This morning's paper.
By no means front page news.
Are you sitting down?
Listen, late last night
a Hawthorne Hills man
discovered his wife lying
unconscious on top of their car.
After the paramedics had
revived the woman she said,
"She must have been put there by
a huge, hairy, man-like creature
"resembling the legendary Bigfoot...
Harry.
"...who she had earlier
mistaken for a mouse!"
Hawthorne Hills?
A mouse?
A mouse!
I gotta find him.
I can't go to work.
When do we ever listen to
silly old Jerry Seville?
If there really was a Bigfoot, don't you think
I'd have had him as a guest on my show?
I gotta check it out anyway.
No, the very best thing that
you can do is go to work.
What if somebody finds him before I...
All right?
See you tonight.
Bye-bye. Bye.
John Morrow, who will talk to us all
about his new squid and prune juice diet.
Bigfoot.
ERNIE: Mom, he came back!
Little Bob!
LAFLEUR: It's amazing, you know,
I see an old Army buddy from 40
years driving along the freeway
and, of course,
I cannot remember his name
so I take his license number
plate and I come here,
and because of that I am going to find
out where he lives. It's fantastic.
Ten bucks.
(MEN LAUGHING)
So how about you, George?
Did you see any Bigfoot?
What?
You know, your vacation.
Bigfoot?
No.
I read the things weigh over 400 pounds.
Smell real bad, too.
Hell, looks like we got
one of those right here.
What's your shoe size, Billers?
Very funny.
I'm working with assholes.
Can I help you?
Probably yes.
I hope we can help each other.
I believe this is yours.
Okay, what are you
selling, buster, huh?
Mrs. Henderson?
Yes.
Irene, would you go see if the tea
kettle is just about to boil, honey?
Thank you.
Good morning.
Hi.
I am called Richard Smith.
And I'm from
the U.S. Forestry Service
and I'm investigating a possible
road-kill, with an animal
either killed or maimed
in a car accident.
Now, I know that you did
hit something on Route A-4
which was a little fire road
off the I-90?
Yes. We did run into something.
(SNIFFING)
What was it that you hit,
Mrs. Henderson?
I don't know.
We couldn't see it.
You know, it happened so fast.
Where is it now?
Now? I don't know.
It ran away.
Mrs. Henderson, obviously, our
main concern are for your family,
to be sure no one was injured.
No one was injured.
I'm so pleased.
Obviously our other concern is for the
safety of that poor little animal.
It could be out there suffering
and I know you would want to help
me find it so I could care for it.
No. I mean, yes.
But I mean,
there's nothing wrong with it.
It walked into the woods.
I mean, it didn't even limp.
Walked?
It crawled, it scurried,
you know, it scampered,
it kind of wobbled, creeped,
like an animal does, you know?
Anyway, he's fine,
and we are fine and...
You know...
I forgot I have a sink backed up and I...
And a potty.
I've gotta go take care of it.
Thank you.
Thanks very much for thinking
of us and bringing this to us.
And thanks for your consideration.
License plates, huh? That guy's
probably a convict. Here.
What you don't need now
is somebody bothering you.
Just sit back and relax.
I can remember Herb's and my first fight.
This is nothing.
Can I help you?
Probably not.
This is the first
place I have been.
I want some .458 magnums.
I think we got those
in here somewhere.
Yeah. Here we are.
We don't get much
call for these monsters.
$28.50 for the box.
Do you have any more?
There's 20 of them in there,
you know?
Do you have any more?
I'm sorry, that's the last we got.
What, are you going
on safari or something?
No. Just into my own back yard.
There he goes, just like clockwork.
Jeez, Dad,
who the hell is that guy?
Jacques LaFleur.
He's always the first to show when
these crazy sightings start up.
He bought some
pretty serious ammo, .458s.
Before Sasquatch got under his
skin he was a Class A hunter.
Where do you think Claws came from?
That guy shot Claws?
Yeah.
Why would he part
with a trophy like that?
Probably because
it was the smallest one.
May I help you?
Yes, I'm on my lunch break
and I'm kind of in a hurry.
Could you point me
to some books on the...
(WHISPERING) Bigfoot?
Sasquatch?
Sasquatch.
Sasquatch.
That's the one.
Fantasy, folklore,
myths and legends.
Basement stacks. Take the stairs.
Thank you.
You could also try children's books!
Right!
This book sucks!
Ernie.
These pictures don't look
anything like Harry!
He's right, Nan. It's no
wonder people wanna kill them.
These books make them
out to be monsters.
All except this journal from the North
American Anthropological Institute.
Some guy named Wallace Wrightwood.
NANCY: That's him.
No. That's Jacques LaFleur.
He's a hunter who came
into the store today.
No, honey.
This is Richard Smith,
the forestry guy I told you about
who came to our house today.
That lying bastard!
SARAH AND ERNIE: Mom!
Both of you, to bed, right now.
Sarah, get off that phone. It's two hours.
Come on, that's it!
Mom, it's only 8:30.
You mind your mother!
(HORN HONKING)
Hard to believe, huh?
And from the look in your mug, you
think it's a load, don't you?
Everybody asks,
"Has anybody ever seen one?"
Let me ask you,
you being a flatlander,
a city fellow,
you've seen hundreds,
thousands of pigeons, right?
Of course.
Have you ever seen a baby pigeon?
Well, neither have I.
But I got a hunch they exist.
Are you Dr. Wrightwood?
I'm George Henderson.
Wrightwood ain't here.
Is he coming back?
He might.
Could I leave a message for...
How do you know Wrightwood?
His books. And his research.
He seems to be the only person
who really believes in all this.
I just need a few answers.
Doctor's old, tired.
I'm gonna put
my phone number down here.
Could you see
that the Doctor gets this?
"Vital facts that could prevent
an unnecessary and tragic end
"for the big fellow?"
I have a friend,
a man named Jack.
And say there was this,
this, giant...
ls there a beanstalk involved
in this, Mr. Henderson?
A beanstalk?
No. No.
I mean, with all
these Bigfoot sightings
what if Jack and his family
opened up their home
and their lives to this thing?
And, what if they found out that
he was more human than animal,
and they just said,
"We'll take him in.
"We'll accept responsibility for him until
a safe place can be found for him to be."
Not some zoo, or lab...
So what you're saying is
you would be willing...
Excuse me, Jack would be willing
to take this creature in,
care for it and love it like a pet?
No, no,
like a member of the family.
That's a noble gesture,
but impossible.
Sasquatch is a primitive
ancestor of modern man,
but if you ever came
face to face with one
you'd see that they're still
very much animals.
Only on the outside.
Look, I know what
I'm talking about!
And I know it's closing time so if
you wanna talk shop, then shop!
Jack and the Beanstalk,
George?
It just came out like that. I
didn't know what I was saying.
I think you knew
exactly what you were saying.
Face it, Dad, you want him back.
Sarah, I want to take him back
where he belongs,
but that means
I've gotta find him first.
By bringing Harry here
we put his life in danger.
Now, we've got to
try to set things right.
George,
this is really Harry.
Did you draw that?
Yeah.
NANCY: It's beautiful.
(GROWLING)
MAN: Hey! Hey, fella, get away
from that window!
(SCREAMING)
(REPORTERS CHATTERING)
WOMAN: He's the person who saw it.
Now get this.
"It must have been the large hairy
giant he saw running from the scene."
Did you get that, George?
Yeah.
George, do you still
fool with that painting stuff?
Yeah.
As a matter of fact, I...
Good!
You can save your old man
a few bucks.
How about you draw
a big full-size Bigfoot?
We'll put it in the window
right next to the gun section.
Now, you make him real big,
you know, real scary.
You know, like they're
supposed to be, George.
Hands up, big claws,
big fangs, a lot of drool.
And let's put up a map of the area,
and we'll mark on it all the spots where
people say they've seen the thing.
We'll become kind of like
a Bigfoot Central, a B.H.Q.
Dad, don't you think we might be
encouraging a lot of unqualified people
to go running around
with loaded weapons?
Come on, you know as well as I do
there's nothing out there to shoot at.
This is the first time my dad ever wanted
me to draw anything and what is it?
A target for a bunch of
blood-thirsty crackpots.
Come to bed.
No, really, it's the same old story.
One Christmas, when I was a kid,
I begged him all fall
for a set of paints.
He ends up giving me a BB gun.
Like you got Ernie.
Yeah.
Come to bed.
No.
Honey, I can't.
I gotta finish this.
What's the problem?
If I make him look
mean and vicious,
people are gonna shoot first and
then worry about the consequences.
It's like drawing a "wanted"
poster of your best friend.
But if I make him look peaceful,
the way Harry really is...
Well, that's just not
what my father wants.
George, I'm so proud of you.
You don't know what to do.
If your father wants a Bigfoot,
give him a Bigfoot.
I wanted King Kong, you brought
me a goddamn giant gerbil.
I told you exactly what to do.
You didn't even come close.
Well, maybe it's right on the nose.
I mean, how do we know?
Maybe it's not vicious at all.
Maybe it's gentle,
even has feelings.
Where did you dream up that shit?
Go stick a pin in Queen Anne's Hill,
we just got another sighting.
Should have got a real artist.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
MAN: I need one of those
Clint Eastwood magnums.
You got an M-16?
Anything that'll go
fully automatic?
Fully automatic is illegal and it
takes seven days to clear a handgun.
I'm afraid if you want a gun right now
it'll have to be a rifle or a shotgun.
Anything with a night-scope.
Give me the biggest one you got!
Well, we've got some big guns
and some big, big guns,
but I'm afraid we're all out
of big, big ammo! Who's next?
Look, pal, they just spotted that
thing not three blocks from my house.
Where do you live?
What for?
It's for the gun.
Where do you live?
11484 Devon Drive.
Where was the sighting?
On the corner of Maple and Ogilvy.
What the hell's
that got to do with it?
Where you going?
MAN: Son of a bitch!
(PEOPLE GRUMBLING)
See? You're not
the only artist in the family.
How's that for
an arthritic old shooter, huh?
What the hell did you do that for?
It was my drawing!
Why did you change it?
Hey, George. Cool down.
It's just a piece of cardboard.
Not to me!
It means something to me!
Can't you see that?
He means something to me!
What the hell are you talking about?
The hell with it! I quit!
Over this? You can't quit!
We've never been so busy!
What the hell's
the matter with you?
(POLICE RADIO CHATTERING)
Harry.
Yeah.
Sorry, thought
you were someone else.
MAN: It was huge.
It was bigger than you are!
Twice as big as you. Gigantic!
Biggest thing I ever saw.
Excuse me,
when did all this happen?
Do you mind? I'm trying
to take a statement.
It was huge. Gigantic.
A monster like an ape with rabies, only
bigger than a regular ape with rabies.
Now just calm down and
tell me what happened.
Okay. I'm okay.
I brought my poor ten-speed
to a complete stop
like I always do at stop signs.
When out of nowhere
this humungous hairy thing
is standing right
in front of me! Growling.
With these enormous fangs and these
giant hands, and he grabs me.
And he picks me up,
bike and all, over his head
then he smashes me down on the
cement and now he's all over me.
And he's snarling with saliva
dripping off his pointed teeth.
So I grab my Mace...
What? Mace? You idiot!
COP: Stand back.
I didn't really Mace him.
I was about to be eaten!
Eaten? By a vegetarian?
All right, that's it. Officers!
No, now look...
I have no doubt that you saw him,
but what really happened is
when you saw him,
you were so scared shitless that you
crashed your precious ten speed
into the stop sign,
bumped your head on the curb
and probably scared him
half to death in the process!
I'm right, aren't I? That's
what really happened, isn't it?
Isn't it?
(ALL LAUGHING)
Yes. Yes.
How did you know this?
Did you witness it happen?
What's your name, sir?
My name?
My name is George Hen...
George, George what?
George Hen...
George what?
I'm sorry.
I really have to go.
(ALL CLAMORING)
MAN 1 ON TV:
...the dreaded name of Bigfoot
reverberated through newsrooms...
MAN 2: They are usually
restricted to remote areas...
Today's report of the
legendary beast attacking...
Other news, there has been yet
another sighting of the creature
that some people are now
calling the legendary Bigfoot.
As a matter of fact an eyewitness is
now claiming to have been attacked
by the legendary beast
known as Bigfoot.
He quickly changed
his story, however...
Update, Bigfoot right here
in the city.
When this mystery man known to us as,
George Hen, appeared on the scene...
I have no doubt
that you saw him,
but when you saw him,
you were so scared...
knowledge of the Bigfoot's
habits, vanished before...
GEORGE ON TV: and bumped
your head on the curb...
crashed your precious
ten-speed into the stop sign,
bumped your head on the curb
and probably scared him
half to death in the process!
WOMAN 2: What's your name, sir?
My name?
My name is George Hen...
George, George what?
George Hen...
My name?
My name is George Hen...
George, George what?
George Hen...
WOMAN 2:
How did you know this?
MAN: Did you witness it happen?
What's your name, sir?
My name?
My name is George Hen.
WOMAN 1: Listening to
our reporter talk about it,
you'd think Mr. Hen
had a personal...
(REPORTERS CLAMORING)
MAN 3: Did I catch the fact
that he actually...
(WOMAN 1 LAUGHING)
Quite possible.
(POLICE SIREN WAILING)
MAN 4: Anybody who knows the
whereabouts of the elusive Mr. Hen
or the hairy visitor, should call
this station and report Bigfoot.
What the hell is that?
(POLICE RADIO CHATTERING)
(MAN TALKING ON TV)
I said get out of here now!
(WHISPERING) Harry!
Harry!
(GROWLING)
I want this quadrant air tight.
Nothing gets out! Nothing!
And no force except
in self-defense!
I don't want some prankster
in a monkey suit
bleeding all over the streets.
(MEN CHATTERING)
WOMAN ON RADIO: We have
civilians with weapons.
All units in the vicinity of Broadway
and Torrance please respond.
Repeat, we have civilians
with weapons.
(HELICOPTER WHIRRING)
OFFICER: Hey, you! Halt!
Freeze! Move out!
Drop it!
What, are you crazy? Do you know
how much I paid for this gun?
Get this guy. Come on,
move it! Move it!
(GROWLING)
(MEN SHOUTING)
(BANGING)
(ROARING)
(GUN FIRES)
My God! Harry?
(HOWLING)
Harry, are you hurt?
Where are you?
(BANGING)
Harry.
Thank God, you're okay!
Come on down!
Stay right there!
Don't move.
(BRAKES SCREECHING)
Hang on, Harry.
Follow that garbage truck!
(CLICKING)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(SCREAMING)
(GROANING)
Harry! Harry,
come on down.
There. Quick! This way!
GEORGE: We did it!
(GUNS COCKING)
GEORGE: (WHISPERING) Nancy.
Honey.
Look who's here.
Harry?
Harry!
BOTH: Harry.
I knew it was you. I could smell
you all the way upstairs.
Wow! Let's celebrate!
Let's take a picture!
I'll get the camera.
Ernie, no! No!
(GROWLING)
Harry,
I'm human.
I made a mistake
and I'm sorry.
Dad, he doesn't understand.
(WHIMPERING)
I know something he'll understand.
Ernie, give me a hand.
(ALL GASPING)
George?
What are we gonna do about Harry?
First things first.
Do you have a cat?
No!
Good, then it's just a hairball.
(ADDAMS FAMILY THEME PLAYING ON TV)
Are you completely deaf?
I said, "Get me out of here now.
"Tomorrow is too late!"
Jerome,
Jerome, I know where he is.
What the hell do you think I have
been doing for the last 25 years?
(WHISPERING) Him!
Yes, Sasquatch!
Jerome, this time it is different.
I've got his address.
Crazy?
You let me stay here for one more
hour and I'll show you me crazy.
(SQUISHING)
Time's running out.
Jerome,
you make something happen... now.
(PHONE RINGING)
Irene, the phone. I've
gotta get the phone. Okay.
I just need someone to talk to.
You know, it hasn't been easy
with this pool and everything!
And Herb? He's no help!
His latest theory is that a condor
flew over and took a shit in it!
MAN: Hello?
Hello?
Hello.
I saw you on television last night,
Mr. Hen, and I think we should talk.
Who is this?
Do the words,
"Vital facts that could
prevent a tragic
"and unnecessary end
for the big fellow, "
ring a bell?
Nancy, it's Wrightwood. Dr. Wrightwood?
Yes. How are you?
Fine.
Can we get together?
Sure, any time.
Now, this afternoon.
Well.
Come to the house.
How about dinner?
Hello, are you still there?
Sorry, bad connection.
You're up near Index, right?
Just take the I-5 right into town.
We're in the Wallingford section.
George? What are you doing?
(DOORBELL RINGING)
You?
I'm Wallace Wrightwood.
Dr. Wrightwood.
May I come in?
Yes, of course you can.
Nancy, this is Dr. Wrightwood.
He's the curator of the Bigfoot
Museum I told you about.
I'm pleased to meet you.
Likewise. Thank you.
These are beautiful.
This is our daughter Sarah.
Hello.
GEORGE:
Oh, and this is our son, Ernest.
Hello.
ERNIE: Hello.
Ernie, this is Dr. Wrightwood.
Something sure smells...
good.
That's dinner.
Roast beef.
Mom, where's the roast?
The roast. I'll get it, hon.
The roast,
is resting in a shallow unmarked
grave in the back yard.
Oh.
Right. Well, there's
plenty of other stuff.
Are you vegetarians?
Sometimes.
It depends on the guest.
(LOUD POP MUSIC PLAYING)
(MUSIC STOPS)
(GROWLING)
As you probably know, your Dad paid me
a visit the other day at my museum.
I liked him.
What I'm gonna say now
just might save his life.
I don't understand.
When I was younger I used to have a
good job working as a lab scientist.
Life was great.
And then something happened on a
hunting trip darn-near 50 years ago
that let the air out of everything.
I went out for a walk
one day in the woods.
I heard a rustle behind me.
Then I smelled something
that made my eyes water
and my lungs smoke!
By the time I turned around
all I saw was a streak of fur.
On the ground
there was a footprint.
A big footprint.
So, I was hooked
from that moment on.
I started spending all the time I
could spare searching for the beast.
Then I spent time I couldn't spare.
That's how I lost my job
and my friends.
It's so sad.
Well, I didn't tell it so you
could cry in your sprouts,
or whatever that is, darling.
I'm telling it so that your father
won't make the same mistake.
I appreciate what you're
saying, Dr. Wrightwood,
but there's a big difference
between your story and mine.
Not as big as you think.
Maybe even bigger.
(GEORGE CLEARS THROAT)
No, no, no. You're kidding yourself.
I remember what you told me
when you came into my shop.
Bigfoot can come live with us.
We'll accept the responsibility.
Can you imagine what a Bigfoot
would do to your home?
Yeah, well, I can.
You're good people.
I'm gonna say this once.
I'm gonna say it simple and I hope to
God for your sakes you all listen.
There are no abominable snowmen.
There are no Sasquatches.
There are no Bigfeet!
Am I missing something?
Oh, Lord! Lord God!
Dr. Wrightwood, say hello to Harry.
Harry?
(EXCLAIMS)
Isn't he something?
Oh, yes, he's so smart, too. I mean,
George has taught him how to sit.
To sit?
We haven't quite perfected it yet.
Hungry?
He lives here with you?
Temporarily.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
(DOOR BUZZING)
Well?
If I call in a favor, I might be able
to get you out sometime tonight.
Sometime tonight?
I need a damn good reason.
For Christ's sake, I'm talking
about bagging a Sasquatch!
That'll cut a lot of ice
for the judge.
GEORGE: It's just not
Harry's world out there.
It's like we've become an
enemy to anything wondrous.
Even the scientific community's
gonna poke and prod at him
until he hates every man that
he sees, including you and me.
The only answer is a safe place
where even LaFleur can't find him.
I might know a place, but we'd never
be able to find it in the dark.
Then you will help us?
In every way I possibly can.
That's wonderful.
We'll leave first thing
in the morning.
I'll wake the kids. Real early.
They'll wanna come.
We'll make a whole day of it.
Our last day with Harry.
He's so odd.
He didn't say good night.
I don't even know
when he's coming back.
Now, get some sleep.
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
(HARRY SNORING LOUDLY)
And where the hell have you been?
There was nothing I could do!
Don't bullshit!
They weren't letting anybody out
until they processed those guns
and there were a lot of guns!
You need a bath.
And what? Blow my cover?
Hey, come on!
Come on, give me my things!
Hey, when I'm ready, pal.
When he's ready, pal.
Jerome, do something, eh?
So what's your sign?
IRENE: Kimchee!
Kimchee! Kimchee!
My name is Kim Lee not Kimchee!
You killed them!
Oh, no!
Where are my
precious little babies?
Thank you.
Forgive me, Harry?
(THUDDING)
I'm gonna show these to Irene.
She loves roses.
Sure would be a dream come
true if we could keep him.
Well, you know
what they say,
"The best things in life
are supposed to be free."
Hold it right there, mister.
What did you do to my roses?
No!
Don't even think about it!
One false move out of you
and I'm gonna prune your plant.
And I'm talking nip it in the bud!
(SCREAMING)
My God!
ERNIE: Push.
Hurry up, Dad.
George, you drive.
It's not fair!
He should be mine!
Damn you!
(BRAKES SQUEALING)
(MUMBLING)
LaFleur!
What?
I think we're being followed
by our own car!
Wow!
He stole my car!
GEORGE: Oh, my God, will
you look at this traffic?
(POLICE SIREN WAILING)
Damn!
Cops!
Everybody just act normal.
Here he comes!
Look what he's doing
to my paint job!
He's almost on us, Dad!
(IMITATING POLICE SIREN)
George, could you go
a little faster?
All right, Mom!
That sucker's history!
Don't kid yourself. This
is the part he's good at.
ALL: Yay!
WRIGHTWOOD: I always miss it.
Hurry.
Up here, George.
Hurry!
You better make this
a short goodbye, George.
You've gotta go back
where you belong now.
Come on, now.
It's LaFleur!
Harry, you've gotta go!
LaFleur!
Hurry, please, please!
There's no time!
No, don't worry about us!
We'll be all right.
Get out of here!
Can't you see
we don't want you anymore?
Why can't you go back
where you came from?
Now, leave us alone!
Go.
Go!
(WHIMPERING)
Goodbye, my friend.
There's no need to cry.
We'll never see him again, will we?
Sure we will! We can just
follow his footprints.
Footprints.
(WHISPERING) Scatter.
Anything to throw him off!
It's a goddamn herd!
(FOOTSTEPS)
(GROWLING)
Oh, no!
(GROWLING)
(GROWLING)
(ROARING)
(SCREAMING)
(SNARLING)
(YELPING)
(ROARING)
Harry!
Good God! Harry, no!
(PANTING)
Listen to me. You're wrong!
I was like you!
I almost killed him myself!
But it would have been murder!
He's not an animal!
He's our friend!
For God's sake, Jacques,
open your eyes!
Are you people out of your minds?
Do you think I'm going to stop now?
I'm going to kill him.
You're not gonna kill him!
You're not gonna hurt him!
I won't let you!
George!
George!
I'll kill you first!
Don't let him kill me!
Don't let him kill me!
Please, don't let him kill me!
Don't let him kill me! Please,
don't, don't let him kill me.
I'm...
No, no...
Jacques LaFleur, meet Harry.
Harry Henderson.
Strange feeling, eh, Doc?
WRIGHTWOOD:
What are you talking about?
LAFLEUR: It's over.
Over?
Why, it's just the beginning.
Jocko, this old ticker hasn't
thumped like this for years.
It's like going to heaven with
your feet still on the ground.
And we get to share it with
one of our oldest friends.
(LAUGHING)
Goodbye, Harry.
We gotta let him go.
GEORGE: Harry...
I never got a chance to thank you.
I don't think you'll ever know
how much you've meant to us.
You take care of
yourself now, okay?
Okay.
Mon dieu!
They have a language?
Now, Jocko, what for you?
I don't know.
There's always Loch Ness.