How do you do?
Mr. Rob Zombie feels it would
be a little unkind
to present this picture without
just a word of friendly warning.
We are about to unfold
the story of El Superbeasto,
a man of action.
It is one of the strangest
tales ever told.
I think it will thrill you.
It may shock you.
It might even horrify you.
So if any of you feel that you
do not care to subject your nerves
to such a strain,
now's your chance to, uh--
Well, we warned you.
All right now, bitches, listen up.
The director's on the set.
The director is on the set!
Howdy-doodly-doo, ladies?
Gather round, gather round.
Big Time Movie Casting
is now in session.
I've got a very special porno--
I mean art film-- to shoot today.
So, time to get a-crack-a-lackin'.
You heard him.
Get your asses a-crack-a-lackin'!
Now just to let you know, I'm not
one of those shallow Hollywood types
that casts based on looks.
I'm all about pure talent.
I want the audience to believe
in the characters,
to experience the emotions,
breathe in the spicy meatball man,
as they breathe life itself.
All right, Granny,
tell me a little about
why I should ignore the fact
that you're, like,
a thousand years old.
In 1910, I attended the
Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts
- on full scholarship, winning the...
- Next.
...stunning portrayal of Blanche Dubois.
Oh my God!
I know I'm, like,
totally like a star.
I know it!
Perfect perfect!
You're hired. Next.
I dig into the inner texture
of the soul of the character
and reflect society's issues with women
- and their hatred of the vagina.
- Next!
- Let me tell you--
- No.
- I'd really like to--
- Next!
- People make me nauseous.
- No way!
- Hello!
- Nope.
- Who do I have to fuck--
- No.
- Oh, Edgar, why did you--
- Ugh!
- I'm ready for my-- whoa!
- Next!
Well, hello, honeypants.
I think a good tan is as important
as a good script, you know?
Also, I can't really read so good,
but I can do 300 crunches
without stopping.
Words are so overrated.
But on the other hand, tight abs--
so underrated.
Oh, oh my God.
Quiet on the set!
Sound speeds.
"Big Spicy Meatball Macho Man,"
take one.
And action!
Uh, line.
"Mama mia, how about
some a-delicious sauce-- "
Yeah yeah, I got it.
Okay, and we're still rolling, mate.
Mama mia, how about
some delicious sauce
for the spicy a-jumbo meatballs?
Ow! What are you,
like totally weird?
That's, like, so hot!
If it's not a-hot, how am I
gonna melt-a the cheese?
Luigi, she wonder why
it is too hot.
The cheese a-not gonna melt!
Aw, shut up a you face.
God!
That's what I call a spicy meatball!
- Oh, Luigi!
- Oh!
- Mama mia!
- You like-a Luigi?
Yes, a-you do!
Mama mia!
Ahhhh!
How do you like-a
my canole now, eh?
I'm gonna fill you up
with my cream!
Oh, Mama. The big finish--
she's inside!
Get ready!
Holy monkey!
That wasn't in the script!
Here we go again.
Please tell me
that was good for focus.
Yeah, focus was good.
We got it.
Check that gate, baby!
Yeah, good gate.
That's a wrap. Make sure
you hand in your paperwork
to Production before you leave.
Whoo! After a hard day
of directing-slash-acting,
there's only one way
I like to chillax.
Titty bar!
Now let's see.
Confidence? Check.
Frighteningly chiseled
good looks? Check.
Noticeable obscene bulge
emanating from the lower region?
What the fuck?
A check-a-doodle-doo.
Later, G.
Keep it real, playa.
Hey, I'm here to kill the bats.
Carry on, my simpleminded,
minimum-wage friend.
Yeah, I only kill these things
on the side.
I got me an application in
to the Dinky Donuts.
I know I know,
you want an autograph.
Oh, that'd be great.
Sorry, I don't sign.
I feel it damages
my artistic credibility.
- What?
- Oh, fine.
Take a headshot, and here,
a Superbeasto bumper sticker.
Put it on your shit car.
Now lay off!
Cow-a-yay-ya!
It's about time for my theme song,
don't you think?
Maestro, if you please.
# Left upon a darkened stair #
# A baby thick with body hair #
# A wrestling family
heard the cries #
# And learned him
how to murderize #
# He soon grew up
and up and up #
# And now this
not-so-little pup #
# Had found a knack
for pounding guts #
# While pounding booze
and pounding sluts #
# Assholes,
better watch your ass #
# Here comes a mangler
with a mask #
His hands are like hammers.
Each one is too big.
All surrender.
He renders them tenderized meat!
Ram 'em, jam 'em,
block 'em, clock 'em!
# El Superbeasto! #
# El Superbeasto! #
# El Superbeasto! #
Oh, shit!
Hey, man, what the hell?
I get my hands on you, I--
Gee, wipers--
whoo hoo hoo!
Hiya, Beasto.
Good to see you back.
Well, it's good to see
your back too!
- Or should I say crack?
- Oh, Beasto!
Nice rack, buddy.
Houston,
we no longer have a problem.
Time for a little
hair of the dog that bit me, Lloyd.
Get it? "The Shining"?
Hilarious.
A fucking comedian.
What'll it be, Beasto?
I ain't in the mood for
tired '80s references, man.
Make it the Ethel Merman.
And because I'm a man
of superior taste,
I will take an order
of your tasty hot wings.
Doh!
Sorry, was this seat taken?
Yello, Beasto World Enterprises.
Beasto, I'm in position.
Operation Iron Eagle is a go.
Yeah, that's not really gonna
work for me.
Can we pencil this in
for next Thursday?
- Are you in a bar?
- No, I'm not in a bar!
I'm entering a bad cell area.
I might lose--
Suzy?
That was my agent. I'm working
a whole synergy thing
with a win-win crossover
demographic branding thing.
You wouldn't understand.
Achtung, blondie!
- No running in the halls!
- Hiya!
Take that, Aryan assholes!
What in the name
of the Fuhrer's head--
Gotta stay sweet.
O.M.G.
Giant spiky iron ball?
So clich.
I hate to waste you, sweetie,
but it's all in the name of freedom.
Uh-oh.
Feet, start moving!
Whoa, Mama!
I bet MacGyver never had
anything like this next to his ta-tas!
Weee!
Hey, Murray, baby.
Did you miss me?
Yes, of course I missed you.
I missed you like the stars
miss the moon.
Murray, you need a girlfriend.
Hmm. If only I could
think of someone.
I was thinking--
I mean, I thought of someone--
Hold that thought.
We better make like
a banana and split, baby.
Uh, okay.
Hey, man, what's a girl gotta do
to get a theme song around here?
# Suzi #
# Where you running to
with Hitler's head? #
# Watching you grow
from a little child #
# To the girl with the ass
that drives them wild #
# Did they try to
fit you in a box? #
# Cleaning up dishes
and sucking on cocks #
# Was never enough
to make you smile #
# What the fuck's up
with your eye? #
# But nobody cares
when you're getting' all wet #
# Something about your titties
that makes 'em forget #
# And you know
you got a mission #
# To waste every
shitbag you meet #
# Suzi X #
# Oh, Suzi, what have you-- #
# What, have you built
yourself a robot, baby? #
# What, have you built yourself
a horny robot #
# That can change
into all sorts of vehicles? #
# Oh, Suzi X,
the X is for X-tra bonus! #
# I got to get into your groove. #
Hi, I'm El Superbeasto,
and I always use
- Dandruff Away shampoo...
- Wow, this is embarrassing.
It's my commercial.
On the TV, right up there.
...have any more flakes
on my clothes.
People thought
I either didn't shower
or had a bad coke problem.
May cause anal bleeding,
penis shrinkage, migraine headaches,
and nipple crumbling.
You got a problem, Rover?
Go blow yourself, has-been.
Ooh, easy, Beasto.
Not now, darling.
I need to smash a little fuckface.
Oh my God, you killed him!
Calm down, folks.
You can't do any real damage
to a werewolf without silver.
The kid doesn't look so good.
No worries. He's fine.
Nothing to see here.
- Oh, silver-- not the silver.
- Back to your drinks.
- Oh, Beasto!
- Hey, bumper pool.
I'm next!
Oh, yeah.
Mmm.
Women,
women everywhere,
but none of them
bear the mark.
My army of video voyeur bats
are everywhere,
and I can spy on them all!
I can see them in their showers,
in their boudoirs,
even on the can.
Where are you,
my future queen of evil?
Ah, look who is in the paper!
Give me that,
you silly noodle-ass!
Steve Wachowski?
How many times do I have to
tell them it's Dr. Satan?
Dr. Satan!
Dr. Satan!
Steve Wachowski is no more.
There there.
Who's the big man?
I told them.
I- I- I told the editors.
I even legally changed my name.
It's not you, it's them.
I am evil, aren't I, Otto?
- Really really scary?
- Yes yes.
We all tremble
at your very name.
- You do?
- And by midnight tonight
so will the rest
of the world.
Do tell, Otto.
Tell me again how I will gain
all the sudsy powers of hell!
Oh God, here we go again.
Now pay attention,
because this is serious shit.
# Find the woman with
the devil's mark #
# On her backside #
In the Book of Revelations
the Number of the Beast
Is 600 and three-score six--
oh yeah!
# Bring her back here
for a meatpole ride #
"Here" is an adverb of location
referring to this castle.
"Meatpole" is an adjective
describing the kind of ride.
# Make her your unholy bride #
Marriage is a contractual union
generally recognized by society,
religion, and/or government.
In other words, legalized fucking!
# Then you will be
transmogrified #
Into one giant fierce
horrifying Dr. Satan
with all the
sudsy powers of hell.
# Backside,
meatpole ride #
# Unholy bride,
transmogrified #
# If all these things
should coincide #
# Y'all motherfuckers
better run and hide #
# From one giant, fierce,
horrifying Dr. Satan #
# With all the sudsy
powers of hell inside #
# Well, all right! #
All the sudsy powers of hell!
I will be kicking some
major ass, buster!
Hurry, Otto, to the joystick!
Ladies and gentlemen, the
Haunted Palace is proud to present--
Miss Velvet von Black.
# She's the girl you read about
in girlie magazines #
# While you've got your
wiener in your hand #
# She is more addictive
than a mountain of crack #
# Velvet, Velvet von Black #
# Every fella gives the
old thumbs up when she is near #
# Melons that could
feed a pack #
# Of bears for a year #
# Miles of tits and a garden of ass #
# Velvet makes you harder
than a calculus class #
# She could suck the gay
right off #
# Of a painting of a unicorn #
# She could fuck you
right in half #
# Her cans are posable #
# That makes them hosable #
# Two, three, four #
# She'd be fun to lick
like a philatelist stamp #
# Especially if you like the taste
of kerosene lamps #
# Did I forget to sing
about her monstrous rack? #
# Velvet, Velvet von Black #
# If you want to meet her
for a casual screw #
# Don't get shocked when
you get balls of royalest blue #
# She will steal your cash
and shove a shiv in your back #
# Velvet, Velvet von Black #
# Funbags, meatballs #
# Love stones,
yabos #
# Velvet, Velvet von Black. #
Oh oh oh, is that it, Otto?
The mark-- I think I see the mark.
I think that mark could be
due to G-string chafing.
Otto, you must fetch her for me.
That could be the mark
of my unholy bride!
Just when I've almost
perfected my souffl.
Listen, you, you wouldn't
even be able to say souffl
if I hadn't put that smart screw
in your head.
I can always take it out,
you know,
send you back to the jungle.
You remember the
jungle, don't you?
Not the jungle!
There's no cable in the jungle!
Are we on the same page,
monkey?
Yes yes, master, yes.
Now huff it out of
here, gold brick!
Ooh! Ooh! Ahh! Ahh!
It's hot out.
Tomorrow's
gonna be even hotter,
they say.
Yes, hot weather
happens in the summer.
See the game last night?
A real white-knuckler.
That Puerto Rican kid
can really hit.
Okay, then.
Here we go. See ya.
Ah, finally.
Ooh! Ooh! Ahh! Ahh!
I think I left a nickel onstage.
Consider it my donation
to the Sad-Ass Ho Club.
Ay! What did she say?
I said "sad ho,"
you sad-ass deaf ho.
Funny!
Goddamn wedgies
up in my pussy and shit.
Excuse me, but I didn't see no sign
saying "dumb-ass ape wanted."
How charming.
All right. Here we go.
Keep it simple.
No fancy stuff needed.
After all, she's only a stripper.
You're a world-famous
man of action.
No need to be nervous.
Hello, Miss von Black?
Come on, get in there.
Excuse me?
Didn't catch that.
Come come come!
Come in? I don't mind if I do.
I hope you're not decent!
Yowza!
Hey, should I leave or join in?
I'm just gonna go.
Come on, Beasto.
Flowers? Beer hat?
Stop thinking with your brain
and start thinking with your c--
Do I look like a wheelbarrow?
Get your hands off me!
Did you say something?
Negative.
Hello, will somebody get
a monkey off a bitch?
Take your stinking paws
off her, you damn dirty ape!
Now that's a little derivative,
don't you think?
That is one kinky broad.
Hello, am I in for some
hot monkey love? Hmm? Is that it?
Would you keep quiet? This is
humiliating enough.
What would Penelope say if she
knew I was with someone like you?
Be-atch, your shit should be honored.
I bet if I save Velvet
from that screwy ape
she'll love me long time.
But my order of hot wings
is almost up,
and I do love the hot wings.
Draping my ass over your
hairy-ass fucking shoulders
like I was a mink-ass stole and shit.
- Mink stole? More like a stanky mole.
- Motherfucker!
If you want to scratch this here,
you better watch
your ass mouth!
Oh, but she does
have an amazing ass.
And those jumbo jiggly-wigglies!
The only thing that comes close
is the bleu cheese
they give you with the wings.
You see, the wings are spicy,
and the bleu cheese
cools them off just so.
Madam, you repulse me.
Hey, monkey, where's
your organ grinder?
I find that very hurtful.
Oh, boo hoo.
You know what else is hurtful?
Your thumb all up in my ass.
My thumb is not in your ass!
Well, why not?
What are you, queer?
Aw! I'll save the day.
Celebrity coming through.
Out of the way, lard-ass.
Grab my car, pronto.
I'm in a hurry.
Hey, get to the back
of the fucking line!
People, people,
I only have so many headshots.
Motherfucker,
I don't want this!
Fine. Here's a free copy
of my new CD, "Beasto Crankies."
It's a full 40 minutes
of phony phone calls.
Hi, I'm calling from the bank.
Beasto, nigga, I know it's you!
No, it's not Beasto.
I'm calling from the bank.
Beasto, you hear me?
Stop calling my ass.
- I have some--
- Beasto--
Banking business to--
Now I'm off to see Suzi X.
What a dickhead!
Thank you!
# Explosion!
Hey, look at that bunch of zombies #
# I think they're Nazis,
that one had a tongue #
# She throws a thing,
it blows up #
# But a bunch get through #
# Why does a zombie need a scarf? #
# She turns left
and some don't make it #
# Zombie Nazis
fucking with my day now #
# Here they come,
time to put on lipstick #
# That's not safe
while you're driving #
# And here comes a train #
# Sweet bleeding Christ,
she fucking jumps the train! #
# Look at that asshole,
what's he supposed to be? #
# Oopsy, hundreds of people dead #
# She got away and
everything is great #
# Are you shitting me?
Here comes more of them #
# Zombie Nazis
blocking up the road #
# Now the chase is done
so we can end this song. #
Okay, I'll make you a deal.
You surrender
the head of the Fuhrer, okay,
and we promise
we will show you mercy.
That's the best I can do.
Oh, I love it when you boys
talk all nasty Nazi to me.
I get all crazy inside.
- Now, who wants a little head?
- I do, I do, I do!
- Uh-oh.
- What was that, Murray?
Oh, the flu, that's what I meant.
I think I'm getting it.
- Get the Fuhrer's head, Hans, Wilhelm!
- Jawohl!
Get the Fuhrer's head.
Show the Nazis how to do it, please.
Hold me tightly,
big strong paisan!
Holy crap!
Zip it and start spinning,
pussycat!
# Zombie Nazis
getting shot to ribbons #
# Ooh-ooh #
# Nice #
# Zombies melting. #
Oh, God.
Cow-a-ya-ya!
Beasto, what are
you doing here?
- Hold this. Hah!
- Hey, I recognize this dude.
He's the Little Tramp!
He's hysterical.
He's taller than I thought.
What's up, bro?
What's the dealio, yo?
I need your help
with a little problem.
I mean, it's barely even that, really.
- Let's call it a situation.
- Beasto, man,
don't waste my time.
Is this about pussy?
- No.
- Poontang?
- Nada.
- Tool shed?
- Nein.
- Cockpit?
- Nope.
- Love box?
- Negative.
- Fur patch?
- No.
- Bearded clam? Nipsey Russell?
Fish patty?
Panty hamster?
Vertical bacon sandwich?
- No ma'am.
- Okay, I'll help.
You didn't say bat cave.
What did you say?
I said,
it seems a crafty monkey
with a big screw in his head
kidnapped this sweet, innocent
little village girl against her will,
in front of my very eyes.
The balls.
Primate kidnappers?
Sounds groovy, baby. I'm in.
But if you're just trying to
get into said village girl's knickers,
then you are gonna be
the sorry chimp, buster.
Dynamite!
Find out what tree the smelly ape
is hiding in and hit my digits.
- It's easy as pie.
- Yeah, no shit, Sherlock.
What exactly are you gonna do?
For shizzle. I'm gonna keep it real,
talk to my peeps,
get the 411 from my boys
back in the hood, yo.
Oh, and here's your pickled Fuhrer.
All right, Shitler Youth,
it's your lucky day!
You want it? Here it is.
Come and get it!
Agh! My Fuhrer!
I will save you!
At last, mein Fuhrer,
you are home!
All hail the Fuhrer!
Our fearless leader
has returned!
Whoo!
I think you're gonna like
this new design.
Mein Fuhrer, why do you
not sing with us, hmm?
Oh, what a big breath mint.
So I told that bitch,
"Step off them pumps, ho!
Them shits are mine!"
Where the fuck we gong now?
What kind of "Fright Night"
bullshit is this?
Oh, please refrain
from speaking.
I know you must be proud
of your beauty-school education,
but your constant use of profanity
is an assault on my
Wellingtonian sensibilities.
I ain't the one with a dingleberry
hanging off my ass hairs,
nasty ape and shit.
Yes, well I'm not so sure about that.
The stank in this landfill
is killing my coif.
I'm gonna have to get
Tananeesha now to fix my weave.
Hey, how about them gas prices?
Not that I have any place to go.
Hey, monkey.
Hello?
I think he's talking to you.
He sure-ass ain't talking to me.
T.G.I.F., huh?
Yeah.
Friday already?
Seems like Wednesday.
All day.
Oh. Speaking of gas prices. Ew!
Shit. Even my ass is bored.
Don't think I'm apologizing,
neither.
- You know that shit smells good.
- Oh, delicious,
the plowman's lunch.
Finally got that itching under control.
- Oh, God.
- Yeah, nipped that right in the bud.
Hey, what's wrong
with your car?
Hey, fellas.
What the friggidy-fuck?
Hello to you too.
Yo, ese, where you been?
Turned your back
on your homeboys, huh?
- Blood is blood.
- Yeah, whoo, I've been, like, crazy busy.
I lost my cell phone too.
I lost, like, every number.
You look good, really good.
You losing weight?
That's not cool, homes.
You could have been dead
in a ditch somewhere.
We were worried sick.
Rodriguez hasn't slept
in a month.
Look, Rico, you're my homey.
And as Ricky Ricardo said to Fred,
"Don't be such a pussy."
Look what you've done
to Rodriguez now.
You are so mean.
Oh, boo-hoo.
Look, I need some info
on a giant horny ape, pronto, amigos.
Not so fast, homes.
First, we gotta see
if you're still one of us.
I was afraid of this.
No way!
Are you still the man, bro!
Yes I am!
I missed you guys.
Get in here!
Okay.
Getting a little gay, fellas.
This is it. Make
yourself comfortable.
No, don't-- I'm afraid
of what that might entail.
Mm-hmm.
Flat screen! Mmm.
Sweet. Better be
fucking plasma.
Better be a fucking minibar.
Hot damn, there is!
You did good, monkey.
I'll be back to run your bath.
Perhaps performing some ablutions
will make you more palatable.
- And try to remain somewhat coherent.
- What did you just call me?
You're the one who's all
fucking coherent and shit.
What the hell are these
tiny bottles for, huh?
What you think I am,
a fucking midget or something?
I ain't no Lilliputian and shit!
Nice mouth. You'll make
the perfect bride.
# I hear the cottonwoods
whispering above... #
Now...
ooh!
There we go. Hello.
Attaboy, attaboy!
That's it. Keep it going!
Yeah.
Ho, ho, come on, buddy,
stick with it!
Stick with it, stick with it!
Oh, oh, yeah!
Keep it up,
keep it up, yeah!
Dr. Satan, I--
whoopsy!
What did I say about
me in the bedroom?
Dreadfully sorry about
interrupting your wank, sir.
A Miss von Black
is in her room.
Sorry, nothing.
Get out!
Damn it!
That moment is ruined.
# El Superbeasto! #
# El Superbeasto! #
Hmm.
Come on, Suzi, call!
What am I up against?
I do not call this professional.
Aw, screw it. What's
the worst that could happen?
No, no!
Nah.
That stuff only happens
in the movies.
Yeah...
- What the--
- Right there. Oh, yeah...
Oh, you're a dirty little girl,
aren't you?
- Daddy likey.
- Ohh...
Oh, you want to make
little sounds.
Ow-a-ya-ya.
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
Yowza!
Damn, baby, your shit is tight.
Mmm-mm-mm.
- Burt?
- Hey, Beasto.
Burt, you sly dog.
Hey, listen, have you seen
a monkey run through here?
Man, he went that way carrying
some grade-A booty, you dig?
Hey! That's cold, baby!
Give me a call if this
doesn't work out.
Hey, squirrel, do I look like
I want to talk to you?
I ain't here to talk. I'm here
for the all-American ass party.
How about you make yourself useful
and go get me some beer nuts?
Oh, Mama, I got your nuts
right here. Why don't you salt 'em--
Sorry about the door.
I just had sex.
All right, babies, listen up!
It's Suzi X!
I just remembered I've got to go
visit my sister Bernice in Newark.
I've got to put some
ointment on her fistula.
So long!
You see that girl?
The one killing?
She's my girlfriend.
- Oh, let's spank them pushin' cushions!
- No!
That's fresh.
Funbags are fully inflated and are
ready for official clown business.
Oh, you want some clown business,
do you, greaseball?
Well,
dig these buns of steel!
Ow, my hand, you bitch!
I need some info on
an ugly, filthy, stinky ape,
and I'm gonna squeeze every one
of you zits until one of you pops.
I have to take this.
It's my agent. Pilot season.
Uh, have we heard anything?
Oh, really?
Fred Savage? Great.
That's all I'm saying. If Flavor Flav
can do it, why not me?
See, now we're on the same page...
Dr. Satan, that is the
barrel-chested luchador
that saw me kidnap
Miss von Black!
So? The graveyard is
crammed with security.
What's the big stinkeroo?
Ooh, pretty.
I'm not yelling at you!
I'm not-- I'm not yelling at you.
I'm just saying I deserve
to be a star.
Well, I am-- I know I'm a star,
but I want to be a
bigger fucking star.
Um, I gotta go.
Listen to me, tootsie.
Ain't no dame ever gonna
make me turn pigeon, you hear?
I've been kicked around by the best!
Joey the Roach, Frankie the Mug,
Jimmy the Cracker--
All right, you little worm,
you got until I count to three
to tell me who that smelly ape
with the screw in his noggin
is working for or I'm gonna
blow your little friggin' worm head
- into a million pieces!
- Aw, blow me!
- Uno...
- "F" you!
- ...dos...
- Bet you can't even count to three.
...and three--
I mean tres!
Go ahead, blondie.
I don't want to live, you hear me?
I don't want to live!
Ah, fine. Dr. Satan.
Murray, we've got a name, an address.
Let's move, Tin Man!
Thanks, fellas.
Nice ass kicking!
Ta-ta!
You picked the wrong guy
on the wrong night.
I just lost another goddamn pilot
to that punk from "Malcolm in the Middle"!
You like that?
This is the result of several pushups
and that new ab thingy.
It looks kind of shitty
but it really works.
Ow, my ball joint!
Listen, ass pile,
get out of my fucking fuckface.
No, you get out of my friggin' face!
Out of the way, Sally.
No siree, Barbara!
Look, Mary,
I'm an A-list celebrity.
I don't have time for this shit!
Oh, yeah? Well, you're
also on private property,
you stupid baby.
Hold that thought.
Yello?
Who loves you, baby?
Dig it-- I got the lowdown
on the hoedown.
Yeah, the ape works for
some cat called Dr. Satan,
and he's trying to take
over the world.
Huh. Yeah, right!
Dr. Satan? Holy schnikeys!
What would that crazy fruit ball
want with my lady?
Did you say "your lady"?
I knew this was about pussy!
Cell phone people are so rude!
Beasto, are you all right?
Are you okay?
Fred Savage, is that you?
Murray, I can dig a scene, and
this one is about to swing mondo.
Beasto's hit the ultraskids and
I ain't a dame to take it on the arches
with a brother in Dragsville, baby.
# Check it out,
I'm imp the dimp #
# The ladies' pimp #
# The women fight for my delight #
# But I'm the grand master
with the three MCs #
# That shock the house
for the young ladies #
# And when you come inside,
into the front #
# You do the freak, spank,
and do the bump #
# And when the sucker MCs
try to prove a point #
# We're treacherous trio,
we're the serious joint #
# From sun to sun
and from day to day #
# I sit down and write
a brand-new rhyme #
# Because they say that
miracles never cease #
# I've created a
devastating masterpiece #
# I'm gonna rock the mike
till you can't resist #
# Everybody, I say it goes like this... #
Oh, my!
God damn it,
Otto! Don't you ever knock?
Oh, ho ho. Who the fuck is that?
Quit with the charade.
Nobody's buying it.
Everybody in this room
knows who I am.
Am I right, people?
- You!
- Hold the short bus. I know you!
You're that dorky freshman
who was obsessed with my sister.
No, I'm not.
I'm Dr. Satan!
Yeah yeah yeah.
You're little
Stevie Pee-Pee-Pants Wachowski.
Be aggressive!
B- E aggressive...
- # If you love blueberries... #
- ...Be aggressive...
- #...Kiss my toes... #
- ...B-E-A-G-G...
# If you've got an appetite
for some sticky-sweet #
# Huffin' and puffin' #
# Eat me up! #
# I'm your real love muscle! #
Okay, nice song, nerd.
Listen to this one.
Hey!
Yeah!
Get a load of this, ladies.
I'm awesome!
I'm awesome! I'm awesome!
Let's not go through all that again.
Just hand Velvet over
like a good little nerd
and I can get busy
tapping that ass.
All right, listen up,
you dumb jock.
Velvet von Black is mine!
At midnight she will be
my unholy bride and all mine!
Mine! Mine mine mine mine mine!
Oh, is that me?
I gotta take this.
Yello?
Talk to me, baby.
Give me some good news.
Oh, really?
Krongarr, discipline him!
Yes, master, yes!
That's right, bitch!
Yeah, we'll see who's wedgie boy now,
hmm, hotshot? Hmm?
Ouch!
There you are. Yo, go pass me
some more of that Champagney shit.
Oh, God.
Hold still.
Hey hey, easy with
that brush, you creep!
I'm tender-headed!
Believe me, I don't want to
do this any more than you do.
Don't front. You know you
staring at my Wonder Twins.
You want your monkey juice
on these shits, don't you?
No, put the twins to bed.
I would rather shuck out my eyes
with a rusty clam knife.
Mmm-hmm.
Hand me that bottle, Bozo.
Here you go-- oh!
Hey hey hey, you're dirtying
my bathwater, monkey.
Whoa. Oh.
Ooh, hey, that's not half bad.
Hidden talents and shit.
Agh!
Oh, the stench!
It's like bilge water
from the River Thames!
Now why'd you stop?
I'm the one who tells you when.
- Shit!
- It was a mistake, I assure you,
like casting George Lazenby
as 007.
Mistake, my ass. You know, once
you go black you never go back.
That's von Black, bitch.
I need some mouthwash
and a mind eraser immediately!
Why? Why? Why?
Why? Why?
Why?
Hey, brother, snap out of it!
That's just perfect.
All right, who said it?
Who dared interrupt
my big moment?
Well, that would
be me, brother,
the toughest mat-grappler
this side of your mama's panties--
El Gato!
Who really gives a shit?
Now if you'll excuse me,
I'm busy.
- Okay, bring it up.
- Camera assistant: How's that?
- Up a bit, yeah.
- That good?
- Okay, that's it.
- Scene 67, take 2.
Um-- damn it.
See, this is what happens.
Line, please.
- Why?
- Oh, right.
Why? Why? Why?
Why? Why?
Why?
I can't believe you're here.
My idol,
locked in chains like
a towelhead at Guantanamo.
Yeah, well, this is
a temporary setback, see?
You remember when
I was pitted against
the Raging Earth's Crust
at the Razzledome?
- No.
- Oh, yeah.
He was squeezing my head
- like I was a tit--
- Do you mind?
I'm trying to formulate
an exciting plan of action.
Then he yanked my balls off.
That's great.
Your family must be very proud.
I bet they gave you a party cake
and everything.
Oh, no. Can't have any cake.
I'm a diabetic.
But I did get a new set of
pendulous balls grafted on.
- See?
- Hmm.
Could this get any more repulsive?
Oh, sweet buns--
firm, yet squishy.
Oh, I love 'em.
Beasto's Hot Wheel's
at 12:00, big daddy!
I dig the new cycle, Murray.
But if I didn't know better,
I'd say the design was a bit,
shall we say, kinky.
Kinky? Um, uh, no,
it was, uh-- I mean--
I meticulously calculated
the wind velocity
and that was the most
aerodynamically sound...
Time to change, Murray.
If somebody caught me wearing the
same outfit in two different adventures,
I think it would
simpwy bwake my wittle heart.
Oh, I understand
how the heart can ache--
sometimes achy-break.
Suzi, oh, please--
Wow, Murray, you're a riot.
Let me tell you-- count yourself
lucky you don't have a heart.
You never have to feel the rush
of hot blood racing through your veins,
pumping life into vital organs,
throbbing, pulsating,
swelling, pumping.
- Agh!
- Cool it, hot stuff.
- Oh, God!
- I'll tell you when we need the big guns.
Murray, I think we've got company.
There they are!
# Zombie Nazis standing
at a wall now. #
Love is a battlefield.
Ah, the wisdom of Benatar.
Witness the carnage, Otto.
Welcome to
the Hall of Frozen Ex-wives!
Where did I go wrong?
Take Deirdre.
We met in pre-med.
Oh, how I adored her.
Oh, she was beneath you, sir--
and beneath every man on the
Manchester United Football Club.
Oh? And what would
you know about it, monkey?
Anyway, she was boring.
Ah, my second marriage, to Lilith,
was a debaucherous downward spiral.
Mmm!
Ah, Shirley.
She was cute--
couple of father issues, though.
Hmm.
Oh, Maria.
Philosophical differences.
Mmm.
Impala-- she wouldn't
let me get too close to her.
Sarah--
she ran hot and cold.
Sex was mechanical!
Too clingy.
Too bossy.
Slurped her soup.
Oh! My dry cleaning.
Nope.
Wrong.
No no no no no.
Nose!
Ball busters on parade, brother!
all of them abysmal catastrophes!
A total waste of time!
Oh, but how I love the ladies!
Nothing will stop me now!
Get me Velvet von Black!
- What was that?
- I'll tell you what it was,
if you ask me. But quite honestly,
you've been difficult to talk to.
Oh, shit.
I think that was a rat.
Well, then-- there are only two things
in this world that I'm afraid of:
my Uncle Carl in a thong,
and rats!
Well, I got bad news for you, son.
And worse news.
Uh, what's the bad news?
Hey, Beasto, you want to
play "My Bad Little Pony"?
Uncle Carl!
Jesus, Mary, and Seacrest!
What's the worse news?
Hey, check this out.
B- b-b-b-b-b!
Oh, moist.
That's a new one.
People'd pay money to see that.
I can't take it.
I'm not supposed to die like this.
I'm a celebrity, damn it!
Wachowski, get ready for
the wedgie of your life!
Whoo! Attaboy!
My pretty Miss X.
You thought you'd seen
the last of us, didn't you?
Yeah, well, I was kinda hoping,
you know.
I did change my outfit and all.
Do you like it?
It looks like it was painted on.
- She's much hotter than Eva Braun.
- Come to Papa!
Now you're cooking with gas!
Ooh, sexy Mama!
Silence, Grossberger!
Very clever, Miss X,
but you are not familiar
with the Nazi Curse, are you?
Hmm, which one?
Let me see.
There's "Fuck Nazis,"
"God Damn Nazis,"
"Nazi Assholes,"
"Nazi Pricks,"
"Nazi Douche Bags,"
"Nazi Jerk Offs"--
the list just goes on and on.
Ha ha ha.
That's so funny I forgot to laugh.
No, my pretty.
The Nazi Curse proclaims
that the one who vanquishes
the soul of the Fuhrer
will suffer the second coming
of the Third Reich!
Arise, soldiers of the Third Reich!
Nobody's laughing now!
Well, I am, but it's
all about context, you see.
Correct me if I'm wrong here,
but wouldn't the second coming
of the Third Reich
actually be the first coming
of the Fourth Reich?
What did you say?
Since this is the new one
after number three,
wouldn't this technically
be number four, dipshit?
That's right. You go, girl.
You know what you're talking about.
Technically she is correct.
Wilhelm, would you do me a favor?
- Yeah.
- Shut up!
Aw, forget it.
Wait wait, my brothers.
No no no!
Do over! Do over!
Arise, soldiers of either the
Fourth or the Third Reich,
you know, depending on
how you choose to count it.
Who's your daddy now?
That's right. Me!
Murray, prepare
for Ass Kicking 101!
Let's get it done!
So, Dr. Satan, huh?
What the fuck?
You a doctor, like a PhD and shit?
Ah, Velvet, you are the most
delightful and bewitching woman
I have ever met.
That's 'cause I'm a fuckin' lady.
Mmm.
Hmm. I don't want
to seem too forward, Velvet,
but the truth is I've grown
quite smitten with you.
Oh, God.
Yeah, me too.
You got some nice digs, though.
I ain't gonna front.
When Tananeesha and
Roqwana come through,
ooh, it's gonna be on!
Them bitches gonna be jealous.
Velvet, I'm going to cut to the chase.
you see here is yours
if you will be my bride.
Oh, Satan, you're
the motherfuckin' man!
And now, my dear--
And now--
Otto!
Where the fuck is the ring?
How fast do you think I can
saw the finger off a corpse?
Hmm, so, this is awkward.
Mmm-hmm.
Be my number 23.
Da-a-amn!
Now that's what
I'm talking about!
That shit's tight!
Aiight, I'm down.
Let's turn this mother out!
Whoa-ho-ho-ho!
We are gonna have
the best Polish wedding ever!
You gotta understand--
it's not an exercise program,
it's a lifestyle.
Look at me. I don't eat carbs.
I don't eat 'em after 8:00.
I just don't do it.
You know what we are,
don't you?
I'll tell ya--
we're doomed!
Not so fast, my big-balled friend.
I didn't come this far to go down
like a Filipino transvestite
during Fleet Week.
Uh, music.
# El Superbeasto... #
What the--
Whoo, that was a lot of fun.
I haven't kicked ass
like that in a long time.
Wait, I hear something.
Is that Bodislav Bodinsky
the polka king?
Outrageous!
Let's go!
Oh, sure, use a man's balls
to beat the hell out of something
and then don't wait for him!
Kraut bogey, 5:00!
When I woke up this morning
I was in such a good mood.
Mind if I borrow these
for a moment?
Time to take over, big boy.
I'm going in.
Going in?
Fucking awesome!
Damn iit, Otto, this is my special day
and those two are going to ruin it!
Now, hold still.
I don't think you're
taking this problem seriously.
Not taking it seriously?
Whose idea was it for the giant
cascading waterfall of shrimp, hmm?
You.
And who was going
to surprise you
with a life-size ice sculpture
of His Supreme Evilness
Dr. Satan in all his glory?
- You didn't.
- I did.
Well, that's fine and dandy,
but did you ever stop
for one second
and think that if you weren't
acting like a giant Froot Loop
parading around
knee-deep in doilies,
then you would have noticed
that there were two superheroes
about to throw a
goddamn monkey wrench
in my master plan,
you stupid monkey!
Fuck you and your shrimp boat.
I'm doing this my way.
Oh! I meant to do that.
Mark my words, Steven.
They're all gonna laugh at you.
Oh!
Don't all try and crowd in
on this one.
There'll be another shuttle
along shortly.
Hmm. Perfect.
There's enough pigs-in-a-blanket
for everyone.
- Hi.
- Oh!
So, are you with the bride
or the boobs-- the groom?
I'm with the groom, honeycakes.
Slut!
Please, Mildred,
don't make a scene.
She seems nice.
So, Latrizza, I'm just saying,
he's a crazy, fugly sonofabitch,
but I'm gonna get all that money,
you know what I'm saying? Half!
Half, bitch, you
understand that shit? Half!
Darling, are you almost ready?
The guests are arriving.
Oh, I know you ain't talking to me.
Do I look motherfucking ready?
Yeah, you needs to
wait your ass outside. Shit!
No, I just thought that- that--
Thought what?
- Um--
- What?
- Uh, um--
- What?
Yo, spit that motherfucking shit
out or get out.
Please, sweetie pants,
your tone is distressing!
Special day.
Shrimp boat.
I'll be ready when I'm goddamn ready.
Yo, is this the way you gonna be,
acting like a fool and shit?
Act a fool?
No, cupcake.
I'm gonna act like this!
Is there something
you'd like to say, Otto?
I'll save my comments for later, sir.
Then get this frozen
bitch to the altar!
Oh my God,
these pierogies taste like shit!
Here, you try them.
Time to blend in and mingle.
Holy mother jugs!
Look at those ass flaps!
Hey there, hot pants.
Let's get nude.
Take a picture.
It'll last longer.
Whoa! Hey, Suzi.
Creepy. Incest.
Places, people. Places, everyone!
The wedding
is about to begin!
All right, hotshot.
Why am I at a wedding?
Admit it, this was always
about P-U-S-S-Y, huh?
- Wasn't it?
- Well, no!
No. I mean, it was,
it was-- agh!
Then it wasn't.
It might be again, but--
Agh! listen, listen!
Dr. Satan is Steve Wachowski,
and if he marries this broad
we're all toast.
Steve Wachowski? Why does
that name make my panties cringe?
You know, I mean
if I wore panties.
Does the phrase, "Eat me, I'm
your love muffin" ring any bells?
I think I just threw up
in my mouth a little.
This demented maniac
must be stopped!
Uh, what do we do?
Whoa!
Oh!
Hey, baby, show me your tits.
Madam, please keep your
meat pillows contained.
You ain't the boss of me.
Nice!
All right, they're out.
Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here today
to join these two begotten
souls in unholy matrimony.
Some tears would be nice.
Anyway, here we will
marry Dr. Wachowski--
I mean Satan--
- and his big-titted...
- Excuse me, bro,
don't you think we should be out
kicking some Satanic ass right now?
I'm telling you, this plan is foolproof.
All I've got to do is pull this rope
before they get to the "I do's."
Hey, come on, have I ever
let you down before?
Well, there was that one time
when you left me to fly solo
against the dreaded man-eating
alligator men of Venus.
Ring a bell?
Ow! I told you, I missed my flight.
They overbooked first class.
I refuse to fly coach.
You know I can't have
my public see me like that.
Other than that my record
is clean as a whistle.
If there is anyone among you
that believes
this wedding should not
take place,
speak now or forever
hold your peace.
Then there was the time
you overslept
and missed the massacre
of the vampire women.
Does that one ring a bell?
Ding dong?
Clearly not my fault.
I set that clock to AM.
Do you, Velvet von Black,
take, um, this well-read
horror of a man
to be your
frightening husband?
Do I look stupid?
I mean, you know I do!
I love him!
Dr. Satan, do you take Velvet von Black
as your unlawfully wedded whore--
I mean wife?
I do!
- Wait. Did you hear something?
- Pull it!
I now pronounce you
man and wife.
Look out!
# This scene is so familiar #
# Like I've seen it once before #
# Was it in a dream
or another life? #
# I'm really not sure #
# Wait, it's coming to me #
# I think I got it #
# Ooh, why'd you
have to rip off "Carrie"? #
# Since the movie started #
# This part is the most retarded #
# Why, why'd you
have to rip off "Carrie"? #
# With the sound effect
and the split-screen thing #
# Did you ask DePalma
or Stephen King #
# If you could
rip off "Carrie"? #
Oh, yeah. Nice play, Shakespeare.
Uh, yeah.
Not exactly what I had in mind.
Okey-dokey, artichokey.
Time to do this my way!
Hah!
Hmm?
Cowa-ya--
You're too late!
Satan boombaye!
Satan boombaye!
Wake up, Beasto!
You're earth's only hope!
Caramels are chewy.
Now my dream has come true!
Steve Wachowski, vice-president
of the chess club,
and Suzi X, homecoming queen
together at last!
Hey, loosen up, man.
You're crushing my titties!
Oh, no he didn't!
I'm gonna get you, ho!
Holy mother of God!
Santa Claus is dead.
- Evil wins.
- Yeah!
Is-- stop that back there!
Is there anyone
who can save us now?
There they are.
I see them.
What?
Give me those.
Ow!
That two-timing playa wannabe
pimp-ass son of a bitch!
I'm gonna beat his dumb red ass.
This is nice, isn't it?
Just the two of us reminiscing
about the good old days.
Oh, it's like we're back in homeroom
all over again!
Eww! Hands off, Dr. Perv!
Say, here's a real blast
from your past.
# If you love blueberries,
kiss my toes #
# If you like apple sauce,
lick my nose #
# If you've got an appetite for
some sticky-sweet huffin' and puffin'... #
# Well, then, baby, eat me up! #
# I said eat me up #
# I'm your real love muffin! #
Put the ho down!
I said back away
from that stank-ass ho!
What? Who you calling
a stank-ass ho?
Well, it must be you, bitch.
You're the only stank-ass
brokedown ho I see.
Excuse me, Dr. Satan.
Would you mind putting me down
for a moment, please?
I really don't think that that's--
- Sweet baby mother!
- I said put me down!
Yes, dear.
Yo, what was that, be-atch?
Do I stutter?
All right!
Cat fight!
# Pull my hair,
I'll pull your hair #
# They'll struggle to the pavement
at the cat fight #
# Cat fight #
Is it wrong this is turning me on?
- # Hey there, mister, that's your sister #
- Come on, blondie...
# Boner's are a poppin'
at the cat fight #
# Cat fight #
# All will want to poke you when
the blonde chick goes to choke you #
# At the cat fight. #
# It's all right to
jerk off to cartoons #
# The Japanese do it every day #
# So rub one out for the U.S.A. #
# The U.S.A. #
Ooh, you're gonna get it!
- # Pull the leg back, hear it crack #
- Owee!
Say my name, bitch!
Feel that shit, Mamita!
# Bite the ass #
# Jump up, gonna kick you back #
Splish splash... #
Takenzie her top offen!
Show us her boobies!
# 'Cause masturbation's
good for your prostate #
# It lowers blood pressure
and it helps you sleep #
# U.S.A. #
# Watch where you're a-steppin' #
# You better grab a weapon
at the cat fight #
# Cat fight #
# Time to fuckin' take her #
# Punch her in the babymaker
at the ca-at #
# Fight #
# Cat #
# Fight #
# Cat fight #
# Cat fight cat fight
cat fight cat fight cat fight #
# Cat fight. #
Who's the ho now, bitch?
And the new Mrs. Satan by T.K.O.
in the first round,
Suzi X!
You gonna leave
Velvet von Black?
Fuck you all!
I got a pre-nup!
Half!
Null and void.
Oh, Doctor, you
don't look so good.
I think you got a little something
something going on upstairs.
What the hell?
- According to the handbook--
- Handbook?
Really? Is that the best that you--
and by you I mean the writers--
could come up with?
Hey, Shakespeare,
the strike's over.
Now get back to work.
All right, let's get this over with.
You had that book and
you never said a thing?
You idiot!
Give me that!
"Dr. Satan will shrink
back to normal size
if he squashes his unholy bride
with the heel of his cloven hoof
- under a crescent moon...
- Wazzup?
...as an albino Barry Manilow lookalike
warbles through "Copacabana"
under a shower of rainbow sparkles
while a disgustingly cute kitten
screams a Moroccan death chant.
Great. Now here are we gonna
find a kitten like that?
Hey, buddy, I don't want to be rude,
but I was, like, staring at your crotch,
and it seems like
your package is purring.
Hey-oh!
Come on, get me
the fuck out of here!
I stand corrected.
Ow ow ow ow ow ow!
I got you, Suzi!
Thanks, my big, metal
manboy machine!
That's me, Murray.
Murray loves Suzi.
So I'm a little smaller. So what?
I know how this
high school thing works.
I've got the homecoming queen
and now it's time to put
the school bully in his place!
Medic.
Are we done now?
Yeah, I think so.
Oh, my blueberries!
And now a little smashing
of the old fuckface.
Eat this, love muffin.
Sir, might I suggest a bit
of the old Brixton 9000?
Oh!
Yeah!
What the hell you
lookin' at, bitch?
Eh, nada, mein homey.
Hey, that's Spanish!
Okay, I think what we
should do is, um--
Run!
Come on, Wilhelm, ride
it like you stole it!
Oi--
temporary setback.
Nothing a little ointment
won't fix.
Huh?
Oh, sweet heaven.
Well, I did it again.
Saving the world is like
riding a bicycle.
Oh, I know where this is going.
You really never forget
how it's done.
Come on, Murray,
let's go.
Some say it's my
superior strength.
Did you see how I--
Oh, well.
Ladies, anyone up for some
hot wings?
Welcome back to
"The Morris Green Show."
Ladies and gentlemen,
my next guest--
oh, he's a big favorite
of my wife Dodi.
She just loves to see two men
entwined in a sweaty embrace.
She also loves it when it's
in the wrestling ring.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. Superbeasto.
Hello! Good to see you!
It's so great to have you here.
How do you do it?
Well, look, I don't want
to dwell on the fact
that I saved the planet again.
I mean, it's just what I do.
But you do have a new rock 'n' roll
compact disc, I understand.
Aw, where did you get that?
Well, your publicist sent it over.
It's just a little project
I put together
with a certain group known as--
Loverboy!
# Everyone's watchin' #
# To see what you will do #
- # Everyone's... #
- Hurry! You're missing it.
Cool your jets, Mr. Roboto.
I've seen it all before.
I heard somebody's been
a naughty little mechanical boy
and needs some serious discipline.
Oh my God!
I see someone's
in the mood for love!
Functions not functioning!
Now, let's try out those
new special modifications.
Yes, Mistress Suzi,
whatever you say.
Fasten your seatbelt, Murray.
It's gonna be a bumpy night!
- Yeah, baby! Whoo!
- Oh boy!
- Oh, man!
- Yeah, baby!
- Never stop! Never never!
- Baby, faster!
# Everyone's lookin' #
# To see if it was you #
# Everyone wants... #
Oh, God, give me strength.
Why do you subject me
to this meaningless drivel
night after night?
At least put on BBC 1.
There's a riveting history
of Lord Byron's teacup collection--
Quick talking like a book, monkey.
You ain't here to talk.
Put your filthy paws on me,
you damn dirty ape!
Aagh! What the fuck?
Don't break a bitch!
# Come on, baby, let's go! #
Hey, it's you again.
We gotta stop
meeting like this.
Did you like the movie?
My part was pretty good.
I could have done without
all the potty humor.
Instead of a punchline,
they just flash some titties.
Not that I'm complaining.
I haven't seen a set
of whoppers like that
since Ava Gardner.
What a rack!
Okey-dokey, smokey,
I guess that's it.
You really should go now.
Yeah.
No no no.
You should really go now.
Okay. All right,
you asked for it.
Howdy, folks!
My name's Betty Sue Lou
and it's my great pleasure to
introduce tonight's special guests.
Straight from their two-night stand
at the Barn Door
Exit 7 off Route 91 in Ruggsville--
all-you-can-eat fish popper Mondays--
kids love their poppers--
here they are, the one and only
Banjo and Sullivan!
Yee-ha!
# Liquored up in Jackson
after the show #
# Bucket full of wild oats
I had to sow #
# Promoter said he knew
just where I should go #
# Hundreds of women
for old Adam Banjo! #
Oh, fuck me! Just get
me out of here!
# 1,000 pickup trucks
in a gravel parking lot #
# Looked at my roadie,
said, "Ready or not!" #
# Splashed on Hai Karate #
# Ready to run my race #
# Took a look around, there wasn't
no woman in the place #
# Dick soup #
# Cock salad #
# Can't sing a ballad #
# Don't give a hoot #
# Dick soup #
# Dick soup-- #
All right, Pops, I think it's about time
I end this fiasco of a picture show.
Say goodnight, Gracie.
Come on, Mama, let's boogie.
Oh dear, that's going to leave a mark.
Make room for Daddy!
Cow-a-yah!
Oh, hello, Officer.
Don't pull me over now.
Nice tools.
- Hah.
- Where's your casino?
Take a look at this guy.
Those chaps should be illegal.
Hey, ain't this great,
a bunch of guys can get together
and dance without being all gay?
Oh! Hey, easy, pal.
I'm not being no fucking cowboy.
Bitch.