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Hello I Love You (2018)
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- That's me. The little guy there on the lawn. My name is Andy Miller. Andrew to my mom, that's her there. She calls me Andrew but I go by Andy. Please don't ever call me Andrew. Growing up, kids used to call me Androol, Andpoo, Hand Tool. Well, you get the idea. Anyway, well, what you're seeing is the beginning. Well, of my personality, anyway. See the little shirt and tie combo? That was just a foreshadow of things to come. I don't know where the idea came from, but as far back as I can remember I've always wanted to be a professional something. I tried the usual kid jobs; lemonade stand, then there was the newspaper delivery business, lawn mowing business, grocery delivery business, and, of course, there was the fast food era. Chicken, burgers, burritos, pizza. You name a fast food joint, I have a plastic name tag from there. Here I am today, the product of years of hard work and sacrifice. Didn't date, didn't hang out with friends, spent my childhood either working or studying. I got my own place, I'm 29 years old, and I work in a TV production studio. The worst production studio in the nation. To top it all off, I am what is known as a P.A., which stands for Production Assistant, which means bottom of the ladder. So I ask you, was it all worth it? So far? No. - 'Bout time, donut boy. Boss man's on his way. Why don't you set those bad boys down? We're starving. - Okay. - Good job, champ. What are we supposed to do? Take turns drinking out of the jugs? Where are the cups? - Oh. Right here. - Uh no. You realize those have been hitting your butt as you've been walking, right? Do you really expect us to drink out of butt cups? - I don't mind. - No! No! No! No! No! All right, I trust you're gonna pitch me the greatest reality TV shows this network's ever seen. - Oh, I think you'll be blown away, Big B. Hey, Elaine, why don't you take the lead? - Okay. This is Rachael Ray meets the Dog Whisperer with a psychic twist. You wanna know why your yellow lab refuses to eat dry dog food and yet has no problem chewing on your $200 shoes? Was your cat Hitler in a past life? You wanna know? Just ask the psychic pet whispering chef. - Next. - I think you're really gonna like this one. So, chess has always been a snooty game, but our version will feature death row inmates. So, instead of rook takes pawn, it'll be rook shanks pawn. It'll be entertaining. And it'll speed up capital punishment-- - I, uh, thought we weren't gonna bring that one up again, Chuck. - I've got a great idea. We gather a bunch of former celebrities, we strand them on a desert island and the first one that resorts to cannibalism is our winner. And he wins a big part in the next Michael Bay movie. We call it Celebrity Cannibals. - I have a satirical version of the Hunger Games. It's called the No Thank You, I'm Quite Full Games. It's where you-- - Look, the studio owners are on my back. I need a hit and I need it now. You know what we're gettin' beat by? Cafeteria workers that hate children, garbage men that are sensitive, and that little girl that makes dolls out of used chewing gum. Oh, they're nice, but nobody wants to touch 'em. Everybody leave. - You didn't pitch your show, did you? - No. - Andy, you've been talking about this show idea for a year. Do you remember the deal that we made if you chickened out today? - Yes. Just. Just give me a second to prepare. - I'm only doing this because you made me promise to. And I want you to know that I take absolutely no pleasure in what I'm about to do. - Okay, just let me prepare. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. - When? - I'll do it right now! - When? - Right now! Now, right now, right now! Oh. - Now, remember Andy, you swore me to this. And as your friend, I am bound to do what you ask me to. It is my responsibility to complete that. - Oh, you're a good friend, Peggy. - I enjoy being your friend, Andy. Especially times like this. - No, no, we're gonna go to that one place we went with that one guy that one time. Right. Right. What? No, no, no. I'm gonna bring my own chopsticks. Okay, say hi to Mom. - I have an idea for a reality TV show. - And you are? - Andy Miller. Production Assistant. - Doesn't ring any bells with me. - I've been working here for three years. I bring you your paper every morning. - And now you have a show idea. - It's a great idea. - I'll tell you what. If I like your idea, we'll talk about it. If I don't, you're fired. - Deal. - You got 30 seconds. - Okay, it's called Hello, I Love You. - You have 20 seconds left, Alan. - Actually it's. Never mind. Okay, so, the host of the show goes up to random women with hidden cameras and proposes to them. Now, of course, they'll say no, but he just convinces one to spend the next month or so going on dates, doing things that couples do, and then at the end of that time he proposes again and we see what she says. - Then the cameras bust out of nowhere and she discovers she's on a reality TV show. - Exactly. - We can even give her a check. A small check. I can't believe I'm saying this. I kinda like this idea. - Thanks. - You can host. - Oh, I'm not an actor-- - Professional actors cost money. Now, bring me the footage. If I can put something together that I'm comfortable enough showing the studio owners I'll pitch your show. Now, do you think you could do it for 15. 10 grand? - I will make it work. Thank you. - Now, you're gonna need three things. One is, go to the equipment room, pull a camera and some equipment. Two, you're gonna need a crew. A small crew. And three, you're gonna need the perfect contestant. - Are you sure we're in the right area? - Yeah, he said he'd meet us here. Or somewhere around here, anyway. I'm sick of driving, we can just wait. - Good, you can tell me more about him. - Uh, he is Zack. He's British, he's an orthodontist. - Why do you say all those things like they're bad? Should I be worried? - No, no, no, no, no. It's just dental people and I usually don't get along very well. - Fear of the drill? - No, no, no, no. It's more the fact that they can have their hands in someone's mouth all day and then just go to lunch like no big deal. - Thank goodness Zack is not a proctologist, I'd hate to imagine where this conversation would be heading. - No, it's just. Grosses me out. - Ever since you got dumped by Justin you've been scared to get close to people. But it's been two years, it's time to regroup and move on. - I'm starting to beginning to think that there is something really wrong with me, Mandy. I mean, what if I never get married? Our apartment complex doesn't allow cats. - Oh my god! What did you do? - You were the one distracting me! - You're the one driving. - I don't care! This is it, we're going to jail. All right, Mandy! Mandy, stop, stop, stop. I know what to do. I know what to do. Okay. All right. So, we're gonna put him in the trunk, he can't stay there, and then we're gonna go to the hardware store, we're gonna buy some hack saws, some bags, shovels, some lime-- - Shovels? Bags? Limes? A hacksaw? I'm calling an ambulance! - No, no, no, no, no, no, wait! Listen to me, we can do this. Okay, I've seen it on TV. All right, so we just chop him into smaller pieces and put him into bags and we put in some limes and then we just go in the woods and we bury him there. Okay? - You want me to help you bury a guy in the woods? Are you crazy? - Mandy, we have to do this! We can do this! - Are you kidding me? I was a math major! - Then you can find a perfect trifecta of where they'll never find him! - Sorry. Sorry I was late, love. - No, it's fine. - So, that was Mandy. You're bang on, she's absolutely stunning. - I knew you'd like her. - Seems very nice. - Oh, definitely. She refused to chop your body up for me. I had to steal the phone out of her hands so she wouldn't call an ambulance for ya. - That's good. - Yeah. - It is so hard to find a girl these days who's not willing to dismember a corpse. Even to save her own best friend. - Tell me about it. I'm tellin' ya, Zack, she's a keeper. She wants to have a lot of kids, too. You guys could have like a whole Brady Bunch of non-corpse dismembering children. - Should we not tell her this was all a prank? - Oh no, no, no, no. She needs more practice running, look at that. - Her run is quite odd. - It's like she doesn't know what to do with her arms. I would say that's worth five points. - All right, you two. This is the strangest contest I've ever heard of. - Well, it started two years ago and Mandy won it last year, but I'm on track to take it this year. - And what did I win it with last year? I forget. - That would be the hair removal shampoo gag. - All of Emma's hair fell out, you should of seen it. Even her eyebrows were gone. - Just in time for the Christmas card photos. How long am I gonna have to wait for your retaliation? - Oh, it's already planned and ready to execute. See, we're not allowed to do two pranks at once, we have to take turns, but doesn't mean we can't think of something diabolical ahead of time and plan it. - You think you'll really get me, huh? - Oh, the wheels are in motion, my friend. And you have no idea when it will hit or how long it'll last. But I can promise you mortification galore. And who knows, it might even change your life. - Hey, Dad. Yeah, I'm actually waiting for the new camera guys right now. Craigslist. I don't care if they're serial killers as long as they can operate a camera. - Hello, good citizen. You must be Andy Miller, the producer. - Maybe. - Allow me to introduce us. I am Reel Man and this is my sidekick Boom Boy. - Hey bud, how you doin'? - Hey. I'm not sure what's going on here. I'm not filming a superhero movie. - Oh, Mr. Miller, we're not actors. - No. - We're filmmakers. - Super filmmakers. - Okay. Um. - You see, mild-mannered men by day, superhero filmmakers by, well, I guess later that same day, you know, later in the evenings, nights, alternating weekends-- - Depends on what we do at work. - Yeah, yeah, this is fun, but I have so much work to do. I just gotta, I'm gonna. Thanks, guys. - Mr. Miller, we really are filmmakers. - Sure, yes. - What format are you using? HD, HDD, H.264, 4k, 5k, 6k? - Are we shooting day? Night? Oh, night for day? Are you using a dolly or a jib? Maybe you're a crazy man doing a steady cam all the way. - What kinda audio are we using? Are we gonna do boom mic, lavs? Are we gonna use XLR? Speak-on connections? What are we using? - See, Mr. Miller. May I call you Andy? Mr. Andy, we're not just filmmakers. We're super filmmakers. - And what is exactly is a super filmmaker? - Have you ever sat through a film and thought how on Earth did this thing get made? - You see, it is our mission, and we have chosen to accept it. Is to gain the power to stop all horrible films in the development process and to stop every piece of cinematic excrement from ever reaching the big screen. - One day, Mr. Miller, we will be the gatekeepers through which all films must pass before gaining entry into America's home and heart. - And how do you plan on doing that? - We have no idea. - Not a clue. - Well, I mean, we have some kinda clue-- - Some idea, yeah. - Yeah, I mean, we'll have to be rich studio execs but that doesn't take too long. Maybe a year, 18 months, 2 years tops. - Three tops. - Yeah. - Seems legit. - All right. - That's about focuses it out of frame. You have a minute? - All right. - So. - Clear the set. - Good? Just-- - You're looking good, you're looking good. - Just go? - Yeah, just, just, just go. - Go, okay. What did I think the first time I saw Reel Man and Boom Boy? Well, I knew that there was a comic convention in town and I was really hoping they were a part of it. They were not. - All right, we've already staked out some hiding places. So, go ahead, maneuver as necessary, and we'll find the angles. - Yeah, and with this you will be able to hear us. - I got it. - And with that we will be able to hear you. Just two things: one, don't cover your mouth when you talk, and two, try not to bump the mic. - Okay. Anything else I need to know? - Yeah, a lot of women are carrying guns in their purses. Try not to get shot. - Yeah, and watch out for bed bugs. What? Hey, I heard there was an epidemic in New York. Hey, those things can jump, I've seen it. - Good luck. - Yeah, we'll see ya. Do you think we get to keep the footage if he gets shot? - Of course we're keeping the cameras. - Goodbye! - This is great, kid! You gettin' whacked in the face by every woman in town is gold. In fact, I feel good enough about this show to pitch it to the old man. - Wow, really? That's great. - Don't get too confident. I mean, you gettin' whacked in the face every week is entertaining, but you still gotta pull this thing off. Either you find us a contestant or get killed on TV trying. - I'll stick with finding a contestant. - Suit yourself, but, I'm actually fine either way. - Andrew. How's it going? Baggins told me about the show. Congrats, amigo. From P.A. to producer? Whod'a thunk it? - Well, actually-- - Well, I gotta tell you, I'm rootin' for ya, little buddy. - Thanks. - I ran into your protege earlier. Really, Big B? I mean, I know you hate us all, but to promote a P.A. to producer? - Relax. I'm pitching the idea to the old man. I'm leaving out who's idea it actually was till I see how it comes in. In the meantime, I've got a low level employee shooting a potentially successful TV show for pocket change. - Well, what happens when he brings in the show? - Well, I'll take credit for it and turn it over to you and your moron squad to bring it in for the Fall season. - And if it sucks Andy takes the rap and the consequences. - Yeah. And if it's good I take the credit, put you in as producer. Just make sure he doesn't screw it up. - Not a problem, Big B. - You guys in position? - Affirmative. Near the target. - Hello! - Hi. - Mind if I sit? - I'm sorry, do I know you? - Not yet. I'm Andy. Andy Miller. - Well, Andy Miller, my name is Wondering Who. - Interesting name, is that Native American? - Yeah, it means she who stares at crazy man. - Okay, I get it. But before I go, I have one question to ask you. - I don't have any change. - Funny, no. No, seriously, just one thing I need to ask. Will you marry me? - Give me a second, I have something just for special occasions like this. - You don't have a gun, do you? - No, I much prefer mace, myself. You see, with a gun it's like shoot, bam, you're dead. You know, where's the fun in that? So, I much prefer the horrified screams that can only come from a good shot of mace to both eyes. - What's your brand? Personally I prefer Oleander. You don't even need a direct shot, you just graze the side of the face and it's like someone started a fire behind your eyeballs that just burns so much. - I'm guessing this is coming from personal experience? - You could say that. - Oh, so I'm not the first gal that you've asked this insane question to. - Would your feelings be hurt if I said no? - No, but you're not making a good case for me not to spray you in the face with mace that I definitely do have right here. - You don't have any mace, do you? - No. But you've inspired some to buy some. Was that brand you liked? - Oleander. I think it's sporting good stores you get it for grizzly bears or angry chihuahuas, maybe. - Darn, 'cause I had an enormous full grown grizzly chihuahua chasing me last week. It coulda come in handy. Really, what is this? - I already told you. - You just go around proposing to complete strangers-- - Makes sense when you think about it, right? - On what planet could that make sense? - People who get married were strangers when they met. - Yeah, but over time is when they fall in love. - Exactly my point. All we need is time. I mean, you do wanna get married one day, right? - Who says that I'm not already taken and married and loved by someone? - Are you? - All right, well. Look, Andy, I'm too lazy to think up an excuse so I'm just gonna say goodbye. - I thought that we were hitting it off. Hey, wait, no! - I gotta go invest in the stock market, I'm thinking that mace is about to sky rocket. - No, wait, wait, please. Can I be honest with you? - What's the fun in that? - This is really important to me. All I'm asking is for a few dates. I am a very nice guy. I promise I will pay for everything, no commitment. Just give it a few weeks and then we'll see how you feel. I will propose again. If you say no, you will never see me again. I promise. - Are you getting paid to do this? - What? No. Paid to? Who's? I just, I just want to get to know you 'cause you seem like a really nice girl and I would like to get married sooner or later. - Well, Andy. I'm thinking for you it's gonna be later. Much much much much later. - Are you sure? Because this could be really the opportunity of a lifetime. It might even change your life! - What was that? - I just mean that, um, you never know when an opportunity can change your life. - Well, Andy, if I'm going to do this I'm gonna need to see the merchandise. - Merchandise? - Yeah, take that jacket off. Jacket's just a little too much. There you go. That's nice. Good, very good. Just throw it over there. All right, now give me a spin. - Spin? - Yeah. Spin. Oh, well that's way too fast. Okay, now, spin again. This time go really slow. Hands on hips. Nice. Oh, I like that hip. Good, that's good. All right, so, lift it up, we gotta see-- - Lift what up? - The shirt. - Do. Do I have to? - Come on, I gotta see what I'm investing my time or potential future, and I gotta see if you're hidin' a six pack or a keg under there. The clock is ticking, Andrew. Oh, that's not bad, actually, that's okay. We can work with that. Let's cut to the chase, let's take the whole thing off. Just tie, buttons, everything. - Oh okay. Okay. - Yes. - All right. But, there's something that I need to explain-- - Explain it, explain it while I'm seein' it. What happened to you? - I lost a bet with a coworker and the punishment was a. - A what? I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. - Purple! Purple nurple. She gave me a purple nurple. - Plural nurples, I would say. You look like. You look like a shaved raccoon. - So, yes, I have done what you have asked. Do we have a deal? - All right. All right, okay. Here are my terms. I have a list of requirements. Basically the rules for the guys that want to date me. - Okay, what are they? - I can't tell you that. You might cheat and try to meet the requirements I set and I will never learn who the real you is. And how can I marry someone who I don't even know? - Okay. - So here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna go on 10 dates. Each of the dates will meet one of the core requirements of mine. And then I will grade you on a pass or fail scale. - How do I know if I pass or fail? - I guess you'll find out when you propose to me again. - I love it. It's actually better than. I mean, I love, love, when do we start? - How about tomorrow night? I'm free tomorrow night. - Okay, where do you live? Where can I pick you up? - I'm not telling you where I live! Geez, I mean no. Okay, you just give me your number. I'll call you later. - All right. So I guess I will see you tomorrow? - I guess you will. - My thoughts when I first met Emma. Beautiful, of course. Odd, smart, and a bit scary. It's gonna be interesting dating her, to say the least. What do I think is going to be her reaction when she finds out this has all been a reality show? I think she'll laugh, take the check, and go on with her life. - I'm looking for Zack. - He's just right around the corner. - Okay. Is it safe to come in? - Oh, sure. - I was at the park today eating this awesomest burrito which is currently destroying my insides right now. - Lovely. - And this guy walks up to me and asks me to marry him. - Are you in the habit of receiving proposals from strange men? - No. But can't you see it's Mandy's prank? I mean, can you believe that? I can't believe that. I'm no math major, but I'm oh, am I being too loud? - Oh, no. - I don't wanna wake him up. - No, no, be as loud as you like. He's dead. - Dead? - Dead. Dead. - Oh my gosh. - They found him this morning. They brought him in, no identification, so we have to make a mold to compare dental records. - Oh. Okay, well, on another note. I have a brilliant idea with this guy. So I'm actually gonna date him and I'm gonna pretend that I'm falling for him and then I'm gonna tell Mandy that he broke up with me and then I'm gonna act so emotionally destroyed she's gonna feel so guilty and she's gonna confess, and then-- - And then you're going to tell her that you knew about the prank all along. And you're telling me this now so that I'm a witness that you knew about it from the start. That's very clever. - Thank you. - You do realize I'll be killed shortly afterwards? - Yes, but your death will be for the greater good. - So we have a contestant. Emma, Emma something? - Granite. - Is she ugly? Ugly works onto sometimes on TV but it's gotta be that circus freak show kinda ugly. - Oh no, she's beautiful. We really lucked out, she's gonna be great for the show. - Between the footage we have now and the dates we need 13 episodes. The last episode is the season finale where you finally propose. - Assuming she doesn't bail first. - That's why I'm giving you some help, Andrew. - Help? I don't think I need-- - I'm sending Mike in as co-producer. He's gonna make sure everything runs smoothly. We can't afford to lose this girl. Not now. And finding a new one, we'll never make the Fall schedule. - Do you really think that Mike is necessary? - I wouldn't suggest it if I, well, suggest really isn't the word I would use. Is it, Mike? - I think order might be a better word. - Good luck on your date tomorrow. And remember to coordinate with Mike. You can go now. Make sure the dates are entertaining, if you know what I mean. - I believe I do. - Embarrass Andy as much as you'd like but not to the point it affects the girl. We can't afford to lose her. - Don't worry. I've got some things in mind. - Oh, hey, guys. - Andy. - What is that? - This is Reel Man and Boom Boy, my film crew. - Together we fight the battle of ill-fated-- - They're pros, they know their stuff. - Excuse me, common citizen. Man. I'm sorry, who are you? - Mike Herd. I'm your producer. - Wait, wait. I thought Andy was our producer. - So I called the restaurant owner ahead of time to make sure we get permission for your crew to get in and set up out of the way. That way we can get coverage of the dinner from both angles. - I already talked to the owner and arranged everything. - I just wanted to call ahead and give them a little reassurance. You know, being backed by the network and such. - Okay. - Also, there's a small change. - Change? What kinda change? - I set up a series of sponsors for the show. - How do you get sponsors for a show that doesn't even exist yet? - That's called being a fantastic producer. Okay. Don't worry, it's just some product placement ads you'll be doing in each episodes. - Product placement? What if the item doesn't fit the scene? - Hey, I've got faith in ya, sport, okay? It doesn't matter if it fits. I'll be listening in with an ear piece and if you need help I'll give you some help. Okay? - Okay. - Hi. - Oh, hey. Hi. So this is officially as awkward as the first time we met. - Somehow I doubt that. - Oh, maybe this will break the tension. I couldn't find a grizzly chihuahua, so. - Oh. It's adorably creepy, I love it. - So you ready for this? - The food or you? - Mostly me. All of it, really. - That's cute that you're nervous. - Who me? No. Nay. Negatory. Nein! Nyet. Yeah, I'm a little bit. - Well, don't worry, you already got me on the line so now you just have to reel me in. - Oh, a fishing reference, huh? Are you a fish fan? I mean, do you like to fish? - I watch a lotta Animal Planet, so, yeah. - Oh, the great outdoors. Nice. Great movie, by the way. John Candy, Dan Aykroyd. There was a bear. - Yeah. That was a great movie, actually. - Right? A classic. - Yep. - Bear was bald. - Can I take your order? - Yes, please! I will handle this. I would like the barbecue chicken pizza with breadsticks, and the lady will the Giovanni's Zilio's house salad. The lady will have the pear and blue cheese salad. - No. - Strawberry spinach summer salad? - The lady will have a few minutes to look over the menu. - Sure. - Thanks. - Sorry, I saw it in a TV show, movie. Girls seem to like it. - Well, this isn't a TV show. And, you know, unless you're James Bond that doesn't work on real girls in real life, so yeah. And just on the off chance, that you know, things don't work out between you and I, I'm thinking maybe you should let your dates order for themselves. - Good to know. Sorry, I'm a little new at this. - Really? 'Cause you seem perfectly natural at it, asking perfect strangers to marry you in the park. - Oh, that's easy. I just go and ask and I'd get punched or slapped and have a dog thrown in my face. I got used to it. - Well, I could stab you in the forehead with a fork if that would help. So, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that you don't date often. - Who me? Nah, no. Nay. Negatory. Nein! - Please stop that. - Sorry. No, you're right, I don't date much. - Well, how much is much? - Five maybe. Not including blind dates and dates with cousins. Oh, no, no, no, nothing weird. No, I had cousins that didn't get asked to dances. I was being nice. - Oh, well, they were at least women though, right? - Yes. - Okay, well, then you should know that women tend to enjoy thinking and speaking for themselves, right? - I will keep that in mind. - I mean, five dates. How is that possible? I mean, you're so not bad looking, you know? I mean, unless you have halitosis or you're really as crazy as I think you are. - I just had different priorities growing up. I was one of those kids that had 50 jobs by the age of 15. - I don't think there were any other kids like that, I think that was just you. - Well, while everyone else was out running around playing games, goofing off, I was raking leaves, painting fences, mowing lawns. - Where were your parents? - Oh, they were against it. But they, I guess they kinda figured that since I was making straight A's, wasn't doing drugs, they sort of accepted it. - So, basically you gave up your childhood for money. That's cool-- - Oh, no, it wasn't about the money. I put that in a bank account and forgot about it. I was trying to figure out my career path, you know? Where I belonged in the world. - Okay, well here's your problem, Andy. All those things that you missed out on; playing with friends, going on trips, all the little games. Those are the things that life uses to teach you who you are, to tell you what you like and dislike. - Huh, never thought of it that way. - Okay, so, you skipped childhood, now here you are. How'd it all work out? What do you do for a living? - Uh. Uh. - Say you have a few jobs. We'll use some of our sponsors. Tell her. Tell her. - Castle of Chaos. - Oh, like a haunted house place? - Yes. I am a zombie. - A zombie. Cool! And it should probably be a little bit strange but I think it's rather impressive. - Wait, you're impressed that I'm a zombie? - Yeah! I mean, what are you, so like, you just dress up and chase children? - Apparently. - Fun. So, that's your main job? - Apparently not. I mean, um. I have a lot of different jobs. I will take you to see them some time. They're all just temporary though. Just what I'm doing until I can figure out where I belong in the world. - Well, you're starting to sound like a Disney movie. - First date thoughts. Um, admittedly I was a bit nervous, but Emma is nice, charming, and of course very beautiful. Um, to be honest I was a little concerned about the zombie stuff and a little concerned that the zombie stuff didn't seem to faze Emma. But she did like the grizzly chihuahua. So, um, yeah, she's a little weird but in a good way. - What's got you in such a good mood? You see another old guy bend over and split his pants again? - Not this time, actually. I, believe it or not, just came from a date with a man named Andy. - Why am I just now finding out about this guy named Andy? - Well, you know, I wanted to make sure that I had real feelings for this guy before I told you. - Wait, did you just say feelings? Does this mean we're done chasing unavailable guys? - Oh my gosh, I hope so Mandy. I mean, I think I really could fall for this guy. On our next date he's gonna take me to where he works, so. It's pretty - Okay. legitimate, you know? - What's that? - It's a list that I'm starting. - You're seriously making a list? - That's your judgmental face, okay? I recognize it from when I tried to enter that eating contest. - It was a contest to eat 10 pounds of gummy bears in five minutes. - And I would've won if you hadn't stopped me. - I didn't stop you. You passed out, remember? - No. - Has a job. Well, that's a good start. Just don't fall too far too fast. We don't need another repeat of Justin. What's wrong? - Now you got me thinking about gummy bears. I must go. - Okay, remember, if Andy asks you to go hiking he's planning on killing you and making a kite out of your skin. - I know. - Hey, Andy? Don't take this the wrong way, but what are you wearing? - I know, right? Andy, you look ridiculous. - I mean, have some self-respect, man. - I know. First off, Andy, your halo is completely the wrong size. Not to mention those sandals. What did you do? Buy them at a thrift store? They're completely non-period. You look insane! - Are those wings? Are they supposed to be wings? 'Cause they're not really saying wing to me. - Can it, morons. - Someone woke up on the wrong side of the lake of fire and brimstone this morning. - You're the camera crew, focus on what you're shockingly good at. Leave the costumes to wardrobe. - The ice cream angel's here! - You kids having fun? - Yeah! - Ready for some ice cream? - Yeah! - Did you bust open your piggy banks and bring all its guts to pay for your ice cream? - Yeah. What? What? - She's kidding! - Yeah! - I want chocolate! - Oh, I'm sorry, but it's considered polite to let the girls go first. What would you like, sweetheart? - Dude, I'm a boy. - He's a boy. - Oh, um, I'm sorry. Well, that's okay, you can go first anyways. - I thought you said girls get to go first. - I was kidding. - Maybe he hates girls. - Yeah, he hates girls. - Hey, Dad. This guy hates girls. - No, no, no, no, no, I don't hate girls. - No, no, no, no. Yeah, 'cause I'm a girl and he likes me, right? - Yeah, right, I like you. I like her! - Maybe he didn't know you were a girl. - There's no mistaking this, honey. No, no, thank you. - Right? I mean, look how cute she is. She's a 10! - Pa-lease, she's a five at best. - Hey, chick, take your misogynistic angel and get lost! - Bring it, Bugs. - Oh, okay, let's, let's keep things calm. No. - Fight, fight, fight, fight! Fight, fight, fight, fight. - Where are your parents? - Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, - What is happening here? - Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight. - He killed the Easter bunny! - Get them! - Hey. - Hey. - Great job back there. That went down much better than I could've expected. - It was easier than I thought. He kinda opened an opportunity and we just went with it. - Nice. Well, I trust you're gonna get this to everyone involved. Right? - Right. - Good. Great doing business with you. - Nice doing business with you. - Take care. - I tend to think of myself as a pacifist. But, on the rare occasion where brute force is called for, I do not hesitate to answer the call to be forceful. - I believe the question was while dressed as the angel of ice cream did you, in fact, get your butt kicked by a little girl in a bunny suit? - I, I. I believe I remember the events of that day quite quite differently. - New question. Are you, in fact, a little girl? - Wow, it's true. - What's true? - A desk in the middle of nowhere. It's really depressing. Just think. If the show's a big hit you might finally get that cubical you've always dreamt of. - Yeah, wouldn't that be something. - Yeah. Now just imagine a wall. A wall right here where you could hang all of the pictures of your friends, your girlf--. Your family, you said you have one of those. Right? Just make sure you don't do something stupid to screw it up. - Like what? - Well, I dunno. The other night there was this moment between you and Emma. - Moment? - Yeah, you know, it would just be a shame if all of sudden you grew a conscience and told Emma about the show. - And destroy all that I've worked so hard for? - Well, okay. I just wanted to make sure. So, you ready for your next date? - Um, not really. Are you sure of what you want me to do? - Trust me, it'll be great. - Hello? Hi. Do you know where Andy is? Okay, thanks. La la la la la la la La la la la la Yes, this is awesome! - Wait, you weren't scared? - Yes, I'm freaking and I love it. This is so cool, I love scary stuff like this. This is the best job ever. - Well, you should see me in all my glory. I've got this button I can push that will shoot blood out of my neck and. I think the batteries are dead right now. - That's okay. - And tell her you have to stay in your makeup 'cause you have to go back to work. It'll be great. - Um, so I've got some bad news-- - Wait. Are we not going to chocolate? Because you did promise me chocolate. And you don't dangle chocolate in front of a girl and rip it away like that unless you want your face to look like that for real. - No, we're getting chocolate. I just have to come back to work after so I have to stay in costume. - Oh. Can I have some makeup too, please? Please! Can I have some makeup too, please? - Yeah! Yeah, okay. - Okay! Where is it, this way? - Yeah. So how am I doing on this list of yours? - So far so good. - Get the product placement out of the way quickly this time. - Did I mention how much I love Hatch Family chocolates? - Why do you always sound like a commercial? - I'm just saying how much I love this place. Did you know that the Hatch Family have been making fine hand-dipped chocolates since 1917? - Wow. - Mom. Caramel apple now! - Whatever you say, Bridget. - Excuse me. What do you think you're doing? - Oh, um, we are on a date. - No. What I mean is, this is my favorite table. So take your freak show to another stage. This is my spot. - Oh. So this is where you perform your freak show? - You heard me, cyclops. Hit the bricks before you lose another eye. - It's fine, we can move. - No! We were here first and we are not going anywhere. Maybe if she had asked nicely, but now it's too late. - So, you're not going? - Not a chance, you-- - Okay, let's, let's just keep it calm and civil, ladies. Wow. You must really be part of a freak show because I'm lookin' at you, yet he's the one who sounds like a girl. - Listen here, you little brat. This guy just beat up the Easter bunny and a girl, do you wanna be next? - Technically it was the same person. - Fine. Have the table. - I'm sorry, I just... - No, I, I can you see have a little bit of a temper. - Only when faced with pure evil. Anyway, you were saying? You like this place? You come here a lot, or? - Yeah, yeah, all the time. - But not on dates? - No, just me. - That's ridiculous. What else do you do by yourself? - Um, movies, restaurants, library. - And you don't have any friends to do that with you? - Well, I know a lot of people, I just don't really hang out with anyone. - You say that like it's normal. - I dunno, I never really thought about it. I mean, I didn't have time for friends growing up. I was so busy, so I guess I got used to it. - That's just so sad, Andy. - Why? Who says that you have to have friends to be happy in life? - Everybody says that. That's why you have friends. Because sometimes life sucks and you just need someone to be there to tell you that everything is gonna be okay. - I have parents. - Your parents' job is to be your parents, not your friend. Can you really imagine living the rest of your life so alone? - I always figured that, um, I would get to that when the career was squared away. Hey, I'm doin' right now! I asked you to marry me. We are on a date. I'm taking care of it. - Yeah, I guess you are. - You did not say anything about this! I want extra money. - Stop it, stop smiling, okay? Okay. - I don't believe it, it's all in one piece, it really is. Ah, Ems, come, have a look at your flatmate in seventh grade. - What the heck? Did something crawl on your forehead and die? - I grew up next to a cow farm and they gave us free milk. Apparently they shot up the cows with so many growth hormones that I grew a mustache. - On your forehead? - Oh, no, I had a gross mustache, too. - I actually can't believe that you're telling Zack all about this. - I do applaud her honesty. She's a very honest lass. - Honesty. Yes. - And I've now seen her at her worst and I still love her. So, to me, that's a sign that this is all leading somewhere. - Oh, so sweet. - Okay. So, now that you've shown him the bad do you wanna show him the good? - Our trip to Cabo? - Bikinis? Yes, please. I would very much like to see those. - Quick. Has she said anything about her prank? - Prank? What? No. What's going on? Nothing. - Nothing? Something. I dunno. - What? Did he make a move on you? - No, no, no. We had a moment. - A moment? You had a moment? Well, that was part of the plan, wasn't it? To make him believe that you're falling for him, right? Hold on! You really like him, don't you? - Maybe. Oh, what am I gonna do? - What do you mean what are you gonna do? Forget the prank and tell him. - Think about it. I fell for him but he's just playing a role. - How do you know that? Maybe he feels the same. Maybe he wants another moment. - Okay, well, the only to find out if that's true is to ask him. And if I ask him, then it's over. And then I fell for him, he's not into it, and she wins. - You do realize how crazy you sound right now? You're risking possibility of losing a real relationship for a joke. That's absurd. - And what are you two talking about? - Nothing. I think my curiosity just got the better of me so I'm gonna look at this one. Oh my! Hello, I love ya What's your name Would you like to marry me Hello, I love ya What's your name Would you like to marry me You saw me there sittin' across the room Oh baby, why don't you say hi They say you can't go sledding on ice So baby, come and watch me fly Hello, I love ya What's your name Would you like to marry me Hello, I love ya What's your name Would you like to marry me So, you are a horrible singer, but a great sport, so full credit. - So, I passed. Excellent. Although, I am a little afraid of the remaining dates. - Does that mean you're quitting? - Not a chance. I have had more fun with you than I've had my entire life. - That's kinda sad, Andy. - I don't think that's a shock after everything that I've told you. - Product placement! - Is something wrong? - No, nothing, I just. Have I told you how much I love Snap Daddy's barbecue sauce? I think you, uh. I think I would've remembered that. - It is MSG-free. It contains no high fructose corn syrup. Comes in three delicious flavors. And can be put on hamburgers, hot dogs, onion rings, and of course, steak. It's so good you could slap yo mama. - Are you hungry? Or? - No, I just sharin' info. Christmas gift ideas and such. - No, it's good. I mean, I have a birthday coming up so it's a good idea. - Oh, well, have this one. - It's still warm. - All right, now move that from there to there. Andrew, come on in, we're just about ready to take a look at a rough cut of episode four. - Come on, where's your sense of adventure? So, are you excited? - Wait, that's wrong. - Sounds disgusting. - What? What's wrong? - Oh, that last line. That's from a totally different part of the conversation. It's out of context. Putting it there makes her look-- - It makes drama, Andrew. That's what people want. - We talked about this. - We never said anything about taking lines out of context. - He probably didn't say anything because that's how all reality shows are done. - I forgot who we're dealing with. He's just a P.A. - Oh yeah. He's just a donut boy. Right? - Andrew, are you saying that you have a problem with how we're editing your show? - No. No problem. Sounds disgusting. Happy, happy Happy, happy This is your birthday song We hope to sing it all day long We are here to sing for you And make your birthday wish come true Emma, happy birthday, girl We are here to rock your world We are known as The Singing Grumps Get ready for your birthday hug - I can't believe you did that. My birthday is forever tainted. - All the more victorious. - How did you even get them to agree to that? - It was disturbingly easy, actually. - Well, I guess they did cure me of my hairy man aversion. So, that's good. - See? I told you it might change your mind. - What are you doing? - Are you serious? That was totally worth five points. - Yeah, but you cheated. You can only do one prank at a time and you just did two in a row. So, you are disqualified and I retain the lead. - What are you talking about? What other prank? - Andy. The dates. You had no id. Nothing to do with Andy. - Why would you think Andy was my prank? - Because he proposed to me after like two seconds. - Andy proposed to you? - And I said he could propose again after we dated. - What? Why would you do that? - Because I thought you were behind it! Oh my gosh, Mandy, what am I gonna do? We're supposed to go out for my birthday dinner tonight. - Um, does he know where you live? - I didn't tell him. I assumed he knew because you. - So, it's simple. Just avoid his calls and he'll get the clue. Unless you actually like this guy. - Are you kidding? I mean, he's crazy, right? But I don't wanna hurt his feelings, you know. - Oh, well, so let him down easy. - How do I do that? - Easy, fake a disease. There's hepatitis, mad cow. Rabies. Rabies works really well. He'll run for the hills and never look back. - What? Rabies? - I mean, the way they're editing the how together. Emma's gonna look like a beast. - My friend, they are the hammer. You're just one of the little nails. They represent everything that Boom and I are against. - I'm just gonna tell her. End it. - It won't be all you're ending. They can burn you with every single network in the nation. - I mean, come on, dude, what's the real reason? - What do you mean? - Well, obviously this is more than just concern. You really like Emma, like for realsie real, right? - Yeah. - So, before you go ruining your career why don't you find out if she for realsie real likes you? - Words of wisdom from a man who hasn't had a girlfriend since kindergarten. Still, while Boom may not be very good at getting women, he's an expert at losing them. - That is very true. I actually wrote a book about it. It's called A Million Ways To Hear Get Lost. It's a pop-up book. I don't know, Reel. It's been three whole days. Maybe she's not coming back. - This is her favorite lunch spot, she's bound to come back sooner or later. - But what if Andy finds out? - We're doing this for Andy. Neither of us want him to throw his career away for some girl who doesn't even care about him. There she is. - So, what's the plan? - We test her loyalty. - Ah. But how? - By offering her forbidden fruit. Well, hello there. - I really gotta find a different place to have lunch. - Speaking of lunch, I may not be on the menu but I am the special. - I believe you. - I am Reel Man. - You call yourself a real man? - No, no. Reel, Reel. See, it's a reel? Look, I sewed it on myself. It's R-E, yeah. I am the master of media. The slayer of cinema. The warrior of... W, warrior. - Work harder? - Warrior of work harder. No, that's terrible, don't do this. Oh! The question is: are you ready to sample the main course? - Gimme a second. - Take all the time you need. It's easy to be overwhelmed by all of this. - Emma? Emma! - Zack. Oh, here comes my boyfriend. - Boyfriend, boyfriend? - Yeah. Boyfriend! - Hi, love! - Zack! Come here. - What is it, love? - You're just in time to see me grizzly mace this guy's face off. - Oh, come on, Emma. We both know that you don't actually have any mace in there. All right? So, you're the-- Oh, not the. Worse than prom! Worse than prom! - Worse than prom. - You make the most interesting friends here, don't you, love? - Sweet Spielberg. Oh, you are. Oh, you had me. Had the mace. Emma, Emma, Emma, Emma, Emma, Emma, Emma, Emma, Emma. Emma, oh! Boom! Code pepper! Code pepper! - Sorry I haven't called you guys in awhile, it's great to see you, though. So, um, what's going on here? - Andy, we need to tell you something. Andy, we need to tell you something. - Okay. - We, well, you know, me and Boom here. We-- Thank you. We saw Emma with. I don't wanna say it. - Emma has a boyfriend. - Wait, what? - We saw them in the park today. - See, we didn't want you to lose your job over a girl that may not like you, so-- - I pretended to hit on her. It did not go well. Her boyfriend gave me the stink eye. - Yeah, then Emma gave him the mace eye. - I'm. I'm sorry, man. - Hey, at least you still have the show. - Maybe not. She hasn't responded to my calls or my texts for a week. I guess now I know why. - A boyfriend! How many episodes do we have? - Seven in the can. I'm editing number eight right now. - We need 13 to make a season. Can we stretch the footage? Steal some footage, maybe even animate some footage? - Add B roll, two part each state, episodes aren't the problem. - No, we need an ending. - I've tried calling her all week. Short of stalking Emma at work, I dunno how to get ahold of her. - Then you stalk her at work. This is on you. You beg, borrow, steal if you have to. But get another date with her. Sonny, boy. I need an ending. - How did I feel when I found out Emma has a boyfriend? Hey, guys, can we cut? Now it's time to take off my mask I don't have to pretend every time people ask When the lights go out I'm alone with my thoughts I'm still thinkin' 'bout the one that I lost This is me letting go This is me moving on I'm running in circles And I don't even know This is me moving on This is me letting go This is me letting go Oh, me letting go Oh Letting go - Sweet or spicy? - I like the spicy. - Emma just texted, she wants to meet. - That's great, what time? - 5:00 today at the park. - 5:00, 5:00. Call Mike. He's got a crew all ready. Have them bring the good cameras. - Sure. - What about my guys? - You're guys? No, they're a joke. I need this perfect. He's also got a check, he's got the extra list. In fact, call everybody. And, Emma, regardless of what she says or does you can't lose her, I can't afford that again. You propose to her. Get me my ending. - Okay. - And don't screw it up! Spicy, huh? - Hello. - Hi. - Good to see you. I didn't know if that was gonna happen again. - I'm sorry about disappearing. - Is everything all right? - I don't know hot to tell you this, but I need to tell you something. - I. I already know. - You do? - Yeah, a friend of mine told me. - Who? - It doesn't matter. But I understand. I put you in a very difficult position. - I'm sorry that you heard it that way. I wanted you to hear it from me. It's just, the way we met was so strange. - I just want what's best for you, so. - Thank you. But I needed you to know that-- - Emma, um, before you say anything. I know that we have only known each other for a little while and how we met was different, but in the short time that I have known you I've seen how my life can be. 'Cause I thought I was happy before just moving through life, ignoring everything and everyone. But now I see how important people are in my life. And more importantly, how wonderful it is to have someone to love in my life. I don't wanna go to the movies alone anymore. I don't wanna eat alone, I don't wanna be alone. I wanna be with you for the rest of my life. Emma Rose Granite, will you marry me? - Yes. - What? - Yes. - Congratulations, Emma. You've been a contestant on a new reality show called Hello, I Love You. - What's going on? I don't-- - Emma, I need to explain something, just-- - This is a reality series based on the question whether or not there's such thing as love at first sight. We've been following you two love birds for the past two months, recording your conversations and your dates. And just for your participation, you've won $10,000! - Congratulations, Emma! - What do you think about that? - You knew about this? - Knew about it? This was all Andrew's idea. - So it was all fake? This whole time? - Just. Emma, don't! - Congratulations, Andrew. In a little over two months you were able to get a complete stranger to fall in love with you to the point where she accepted your proposal. How do you feel about that? - I. Uh. - Andrew, you gotta go faster, you can't take as much time, man. All right? Smile more and say something positive about Emma. Say she's excited, she's overwhelmed with joy. Okay? Crap like that. - Yeah. - We'll do a few different takes, all right? Okay. Okay, guys, get ready. In three, two. So, Andrew, how do you feel about that? - I had a good time. Emma is a great girl and I think she's really happy about the $10,000. Even though the proposal was not real, I think that we are going to be friends. Good friends. - So, there you have it, folks. A happy ending for a fairytale romance. Thank you for watching Hello, I Love You and remember, the next time a stranger asks you to marry him, think about it. It might just be worth your while to say yes. Okay. Well, that went all right. So, let's get a few other takes while we got our extras here just to cover our butts, okay? And bring in the Emma stand-in. Where is she? - A game show? - No, it was like one of those cheesy reality TV shows. - But you love those shows. - I didn't ask to be on one. - Emma, you're looking at this the wrong way. There are major upsides. - Upsides? - Yeah, I mean, first off, you're gonna be on TV. - Looking like a love-sick idiot. Falling for any guy that just walks by. - There's that. But you said they're gonna pay you $10,000. How are you not exploding with joy about all this? - Because it was just a job to him. He doesn't even care about me. - Are you sure? - You weren't there. When the cameras came out and the host stuck the mic in my face he just stood there and he just watched. It was all his idea. Everything that he said to me and everything that we did together was just a lie. - But do I regret creating the show? I never would've met Emma and I'd be that same myopic idiot obliviously trudging through life ignoring what's important. Like things like friendship and just taking a break to enjoy life. And I never would've fallen in love with Emma. So the answer is no. I don't regret it. I felt in my bones over time My heart beats to make you smile For a little while With the beat of the drum Tap your foot and hum along You're the reason I've been singing for so long And I'll be one step closer if you give me your hand And the sun will shine brighter I'll love you till the end Never wanted so badly for someone To love me back If heaven's not a place on Earth Where am I with you If I can't be by your side then what could I do If heaven's not a place on Earth Then where am I with you If the love is not what it's worth Then what's the use 'Cause I can't mend, I can't pretend I can't spend another night just Staring at the moon Lost without you If heaven's not a place on Earth where am I with you If the love's not what it's worth Then what's the use 'Cause I can't mend, I can't pretend I can't spend another night just Staring at the moon I'm lost without you - No, it's the name of a drink! Yeah. Andrew, come on in. We have a problem. - You screwed up, champ. Now you gotta go fix it. - What's the problem? - Well, the problem is we don't have a show unless your girlfriend signs these forms that allow us to use her voice and her image. - She took off before we could get her to sign the contract. Needless to say, we don't have a show without Emma. - And this is my problem how? - Well, you're gonna help us get her to sign these forms. - How am I supposed to do that? She won't answer my calls. - I got her on the phone. - $20,000 got her on the phone. - 20? - Yeah, I had to raise my offer. But she won't sign anything until she talks to you. - We did half your job, now it's up to you to push her the rest of the way. Remind her she doesn't see a penny until she signs. - I'll do my best. - Do better. She's in Mike's office waiting. - Go get him, sport. - Do not touch me again. Now this one has to be the most-- - Awkward. Yes, by far. - Look, um. For what it's worth, I'm sorry about all of this. - Seems like it's worth 20 grand, so how can I complain? Heck, a whole pile of money for a couple months work. It's not bad. - This isn't how this is supposed to go. I really care about you-- - No. I mean, it's a great idea for a show. You find a naive girl, make her fall in love with you, propose, she says yes, cameras bust out, she forgets all about you and she sees the giant check. - Is that what happened? - I'm here, aren't I? Ready to sign on the dotted line. It wouldn't work between us, you know, you and I. How we met. It's just too weird. - This probably doesn't even matter, but, I wanted you to know everything I told you about myself was real. - Well, then it wasn't a total waste of time. I get the money and you finally get what you've been waiting your whole life for. More than anything or anyone, you get your career. - Wait. Before you sign that, you need to know the way they are editing this together, they're moving things around to create drama. It makes you look like not a very nice person. You need to ask yourself if this money is really worth it. What I said when I proposed. That didn't come from a script. - Oh, I am very very happy. - Well, here's a bonus. I quit. - Well, you can't quit 'cause you're fired. - I honestly don't care. - Oh, I think you do care, Andrew. Not only did you lose a TV series, but you lost every opportunity to ever work in this business again. - There's only one thing I regret losing today and it isn't this stupid job. - The kind of trouble you're in. - Hello? Really? Sure, no problem. Well, I'm kind of in the middle of something right now but I can come in a few hours. Yeah. - Hey, Andy, you look good. - You too. I am here to see-- - Yeah, they're in the board room. - Oh, the life of a worm just doesn't seem as interesting. Andrew, Andrew! Welcome, my Andrew's here! - Yeah. - Oh, my boy, I'm so sorry about my actions a few weeks ago. I was under stress. Well, you understand, you're a producer. Stress can make you do a lot of crazy things, say stuff you don't mean. - Oh, so you didn't mean to fire me after I already quit? - Why would I fire the guy that brought in the highest tested show we've ever seen? - Highest, really? - It's testing through the roof. It's guaranteed to be on the Fall season. I couldn't be happier. - Wow, that is just fantastic. - And that's why I'm prepared to offer you this contract. It's a one year contract, everything you want; higher pay, producer credit, even your own corner office. No more sitting next to that big behemoth trying to work. And I don't mean the copy machine. - Oh, you're referring to Peggy. Good one. - Look, all kidding aside, I need you, buddy. - Oh, you need me? - Yeah, look at these bozos. Worthless, all of them. - I see there's an image release form in this contract. - Just in case you wanna be on camera again. - And the image release form is retroactive. Interesting. - Well, that's the legal department. I don't know anything about that. - But isn't this the whole reason why I'm here? When you hired me as a production assistant it didn't include an image release form. Why would it? And then you failed to have me sign one when you made me the show's host. Major oversight. Therefore, you can't use a single frame of footage with me in it which makes this entire show worthless unless I sign an image release form. - So you knew all along? - Of course. I'm just surprised it took you two weeks to figure it out. You being the head of the production studio, and all. - Are you gonna sign it? - I don't know. I mean, it doesn't seem like a good deal for a producer. - What do you want? - Just a couple of things. First, I would like you to fire Mike. - Done. - Are you serious right now? - What else? - It feels a little uncouth to talk about money in front of everyone, so I'm just gonna write in a number. - Fine, if it's reasonable I'll sign off on it. - Uh, last, I really hate being called Andrew. Unless it's my parents, it drives me absolutely crazy. So, from now on, I'm Andy. - Fine, Andy it is. - I'm sorry, I can't sign this. Not without a pen. Huh? - All right. You're a smart man, Andy. I didn't give you enough credit. - Do you all see how little he cares about you? How worthless you all are to him? He just fired Mike without a second thought. How long before that happens to you, Belinda? Or you, Bob? Or any of you, all of you? He just doesn't care. And why? Because he has you all convinced that he doesn't need you. When in reality, he needs you more than you need him. - What are you doing? - You really think I'd work for you again? And I may have lost Emma already, but I would never let you broadcast a show that makes a fool out of her. - If you don't sign that paper, Emma gets nothing. - She already signed the release, you gave her the check. You lost. - You know, I wasn't gonna do this, but it didn't take me two weeks to realize you didn't sign the talent release form. But it did take legal two weeks to realize a loophole in Emma's contract. - What loophole? - If the show doesn't get aired, the footage isn't used. Without footage, no show. What am I paying Emma for? - You can't do that. - Oh, I assure you I can. She's gonna pay me back every penny or I'll sue her. You should've signed the first contract when you had a chance, this is a standard image release contract. No pay raise, no corner office, no producer credit, and I'm keeping Mike just to annoy you. Once again, Andrew, you lost everything. Now pass that back over to me and get out of my building. - I can't let you do that, Andy. - What are you doing? - Emma can't get in trouble. - What? - Think about your career, Mike. - Baggins told Emma that not only was he gonna fire you, but he made up a bunch of legal stuff to scare her. That's how he got her here. - Oh, you're both finished in this business. I'll make sure you guys never work again. - Emma tore up the check, Andy, she didn't care about the money. She did it thinking she was saving you. - Thanks, Mike. Sorry about the job. - I think it's time for a vacation anyway. I've always wanted to go to Paris and get some culture. - I've always wanted to go the Eiffel Tower. - Sounds good to me. - Can I come? - Why not? Anyone else? My treat. Consider it severance pay, I guess. - If anybody leaves this room, you're fired. - Too late again, Baggins. Looks like everyone already quit. - Hey, Andy, how you been, bud? It's been awhile. - Yeah, well, it's good to hear from you. What's going on? - We have a couple surprises for ya. - Wait until you hear this. It's mind exploding. Like brain oozing out of your eye socket amazing. Like tongue shooting out of your nose and-- - Boom, come on, man. That's super graphic. You really need to cut down on those slasher films. - Sorry. - Okay, so check this out. We get a call from jerk Mike, right? He apologizes for the way he treated everyone and says he has an idea for a show. - A show for us! - It's a weekly film and DVD review. - Like fricken' Siskel and Ebert kinda stuff. I mean, get this. It's called The Fantastic Friends Film Forum and Stuff. - We're still workin' on the name. - No, no, no, I actually, I think that's a perfect title. Congratulations, guys, that's awesome. - That's not all. Baggins got fired. - Really? - The dude took credit for your show and when it didn't happen, the production studio lost a ton of money on the deal they made with a major network. And when all of his staff quit, that was the last straw. - Long story short, Mike took Baggins' job. He hired everyone back. Now, he wants you to take his old job. - Um. That's amazing, really. I mean, you guys'll have a forum that you can influence people's film choices which is what you've always wanted. I'm very happy for you. Just not sure if that's what I want for myself right now. Tell Mike that I said thank you, though. - What are you gonna do? - I have no idea. No set plans. I'm gonna be traveling somewhere. No career to worry about, just me, my thoughts, and a beach or a mountain or a museum or something. - Wow. - I don't know for sure and I love it. - Can I come? - Have you tried calling Emma? - She blocked my number a long time ago and I have no idea where she lives, so. - Nah, it's okay, man. Could always go back to the park, ask another girl. - Why would he do that? - What? It worked before. - You. Have a good trip. Call us when you get back. - I will. Thanks, guys. - Hello. - Hi. - Mind if I sit? - Um. Do I know you? - Not yet. My name is Emma. Emma Granite. - That's a lovely name. My name is Man Who Stares At Beautiful Woman. - That's an odd name, but I really like it. - It's a Knuckleheadese for I am very glad to see you and I am sorry. And I love you. - What a coincidence. Because Emma means the exact same thing in Moronese. - You must have the world's smartest parents. - I was gonna say the same to you. - Oh, you'd be wrong. - I do have to ask you one question, though. - Okay. - Will you go on a series of dates with me, and if all goes well get down on one knee and propose to me again? - Let's see the goods. - The goods? - I mean, if I'm gonna do this I'm gonna need to see the merchandise. - Okay. - Give me a spin. - A spin? - Oh, way too fast. I need to see what I am investing my time and potential future in. Give me another one but go slow. Yeah, that'll work. - Good, 'cause it's all you're gonna get for now. I hear you're leaving town. - And how did you know that? - Bumped into some strange guys in capes when I was lookin' for you at the network. Did you really quit? - Well, this beautiful girl once told me that I missed out on a lot of really fun stuff over the years so I decided I'd make up for lost time. - She sounds like a smart girl. - I used to think so, but apparently she tore up a check for $20,000 just to save this loser guy she was in love with. - I can't believe she did that. - I know, right? - I wonder if it's too late for her to get that check back. Don't worry, I got a promotion at work. Had a nice signing bonus. I can be your sugar mama. - Sweet. I've always wanted one of those. But I think I'll be fine, I have a little saved up. - How much is a little? - A little over $200,000. - You have $200,000? - Been working since I was five. Didn't hang out with friends, didn't date, lived at home. So. - I'm starting to get some really great date ideas. - Like Hawaii, London, Greece? - Don't you think we should save for the honeymoon? - I do. - I do, too. Hello, I love ya What's your name Would you like to marry me Hello, I love ya What's your name Would you like to marry me You saw me here sitting across the room Oh, baby, why didn't you say hi They say you can go sledding on ice Oh, baby, come and watch me fly Hello, I love ya What's your name Would you like to marry me Hello, I love ya What's your name Would you like to marry me When I woke up at a quarter to three I couldn't get you out of my mind I grabbed my phone and I saw you there This love, I thought I'd never find Hello, I love ya What's your name Would you like to marry me Hello, I love ya What's your name Would you like to marry me We walked around the avenues Are you sure we met just yesterday We sat real close and you touched my leg Oh, man, let's do this every day Hello, I love ya What's your name Would you like to marry me Hello, I love ya What's your name Would you like to marry me |
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