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Hello Sister, Goodbye Life (2006)
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL LIFE
TO BE LIVING SO BEAUTIFUL OH, YEAH I CAN'T HELP THE WAY I'M FEELING I DON'T WANT TO STOP WHAT HAPPENS TO ME... QUICK, CAFFEINE. RIGHT DOWN HERE. NO, NO, NO, NO. I WENT OUT LAST NIGH AND DIDN'T CRACK A BOOK. HEY, WHAT DO YOU THINK IS WORSE, FAILING MACRO-ECONOMICS OR FAILING COMPARATIVE LITERATURE? MM. STAYING HOME ALONE ON A FRIDAY NIGHT. YOU GOT A POINT. SEE YA. SO DO YOU HAVE NOTES FOR CHAPTER 6? BECAUSE YOU'RE MINE WHAT A BEAUTIFUL LIFE TO BE LIVING TO BE LIVING WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DREAM TO BE LEAVING TO BE LEAVING WHAT A BEAUTIFUL LIFE TO BE LIVING TO BE LIVING WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DREAM TO BE LEAVING TO BE LEAVING IF YOU WERE THE ONE... IN THE KNIGHT'S TALE, CHAUCER PRESENTS THESEUS AS A FIGURE WHO UNDERSTANDS MAN'S PROPER LIFE IN SUBMISSION TO THE PERFEC HARMONY OF THE UNIVERSE. SO WHAT'S HE SAYING? ANYONE? IF EVERYBODY THINKS MY SENSES HAVE RUN WILD LOVE'S A MIRACLE AND ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN [CELL PHONE RINGS] I FEEL IT HAPPEN EVERY TIME YOU SMILE OH, YEAH 'CAUSE YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL YOU WANTED TO SEE ME? I DON'T KNOW IF YOU STUDENTS ARE ALL BRAIN DEAD OR IF MY TEACHING TECHNIQUE STINKS. WELL, IF YOU'RE ASKING MY OPINION, I'D SAY ALL THE BLAME FALLS ON YOU. AN 84? COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS. YOU SCORED HIGHER THAN MOST. YEAH, BUT MOS WEREN'T SLEEPING WITH YOU. MOST WEREN'T SLEEPING WITH YOU, WERE THEY? WAIT. THAT'S WHAT YOU CALLED ME DOWN HERE TO TELL ME. FIRST OFF, I DIDN' GRADE YOUR PAPER. THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN UNETHICAL. MEANING I'VE WASTED MY TIME ON YOU WHEN I COULD HAVE BEEN DATING SOMEONE I REALLY LIKED? ABSOLUTELY. AND SECOND? I GOT WORD THIS MORNING THAT MY DISSERTATION PROPOSAL WAS FINALLY ACCEPTED. CONGRATULATIONS. AND I'M LEAVING FOR ITALY END OF THE SEMESTER. YOU'RE MOVING TO EUROPE? 6 WEEKS FROM TODAY, I WILL BE BURIED IN A FLORENCE LIBRARY RESEARCHING RENAISSANCE POETS. WOW. THAT'S...THAT'S... 6 WEEKS? YOU'RE HAPPY FOR ME, RIGHT? OH, ABSOLUTELY. OF COURSE. I MEAN, BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, WE ALWAYS TALKED ABOUT KEEPING THINGS LIGHT BETWEEN US. REMEMBER? GRAVITY FREE. SO YOU THINK YOU'LL BE ABLE TO STAND ME WHEN YOU HAVE TO CALL ME DOCTOR? I CAN BARELY STAND YOU NOW. WE NEED TO CELEBRATE. LET'S GO SOMEWHERE GREA FOR DINNER TONIGHT. NO, I CAN'T TONIGHT. DON'T TELL ME YOU'VE ALREADY FOUND ANOTHER MAN. NO. I FOUND ANOTHER WOMAN. AND THEN I TOLD HIM I WAS 36. BUT YOU'RE 46. SO I'M 36 PLUS 10. HE'S A MINISTER, BARBARA. WHO WAS SINGLE AND MOST LIKELY ONLY INTERESTED IN DATING YOUNGER WOMEN. AND IT DOESN' BOTHER YOU THAT YOU LIED TO A MAN OF GOD? IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER, I WILL GO TO CONFESSION TOMORROW AND BE FORGIVEN FOR MY SINS. YOU CAN'T GO TO CONFESSION BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT CATHOLIC, AND LYING ABOUT YOUR AGE PROBABLY WOULDN'T CRACK THE TOP 10 STUNTS YOU'VE PULLED THIS WEEK ALONE. WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT? SEDUCING A PRIEST WOULDN' CRACK THE TOP 10. YOU WEREN'T USING THIS, WERE YOU? ME? OH, NO. I'M ONLY DRIVING. [COUGHING] SO, ABOUT TONIGHT. I WILL BE ON MY VERY BEST BEHAVIOR, CROSS MY HEART, HOPE TO DIE. WELL, IT'S NOT EVERY DAY THA YOUR FATHER INVITES US OVER. YEAH, EX-WIVES AND EX-DAUGHTERS DON'T MAKE MANY GUEST LISTS. THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS AN EX-DAUGHTER. MY GUESS IS HE JUST WANTS TO SHOW OFF THE NEW HOUSE. OR MAYBE HE CALLED US BECAUSE HE FINALLY CAME TO HIS SENSES AND DUMPED ALICIA. YOU THINK? YOU KNOW, YOU COULD BE MORE SUPPORTIVE. AFTER ALL, I DID CARRY YOU FOR 9 MONTHS. AND BLAMED ME FOR THE WEIGH GAIN EVERY DAY SINCE. NOT EVERY DAY. AW, YOU'RE SO CONSIDERATE. IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE RICHARD EVER LEFT YOU. WELL, I WOULDN'T TAKE HIM BACK IF HE BEGGED ME. DON'T WORRY. HE AIN'T BEGGING YOU. [DOORBELL RINGS] WELCOME. MAY I TAKE YOUR COATS? OH, THAT'D BE GREAT. RIGHT THIS WAY. THANK YOU. IT'S COZY, ISN'T IT? IS IT HOT IN HERE? YOU NEED TO JUST ADMI YOU'RE GOING THROUGH MENOPAUSE. WHERE DO YOU THINK A GIRL CAN GET A DRINK IN THIS JOINT? DID I HEAR SOMEONE WAS IN NEED OF REFRESHMENT? AW. HI. DENNIS, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET BARBARA AND OLIVIA. IT'S A PLEASURE. OH, OURS, TOO. HEARD A LO ABOUT BOTH OF YOU. LET ME GUESS. YOU'RE A LAWYER. IT'S THE SUIT. SALESMAN SWORE IT DIDN'T REEK OF ATTORNEY. SORRY. IT WAS THE SHOES THAT WERE THE DEAD GIVEAWAY. DAMN. AND I THOUGHT I'D FINALLY CONCOCTED THE PERFECT DISGUISE. DON'T LET OLIVIA FOOL YOU, DENNIS. BENEATH THE BITING WIT IS A VERY CHARMING YOUNG WOMAN. WAY BENEATH. BARBARA! OLIVIA! IT'S WONDERFUL TO SEE YOU AFTER SO LONG. ALICIA. WELL, THIS PLACE REALLY IS...AMAZING. DID RICHARD GIVE YOU THE TOUR OR DID HE KEEP YOU WAITING IN THE FOYER? OH, WELL, WE WANTED TO CHECK IN FIRST, BUT WE WERE HOPING MAYBE YOU COULD SHOW US THE WAY TO THE FRONT DESK. OK, I'LL ADMI IT'S NO COTTAGE, BUT WE CALL IT HOME. WATCH OUT! CELIA! AAH! CELIA! CELIA, I'VE TOLD YOU 100 TIMES NOT TO DO I IN THE HOUSE. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. YOU MUST BE MORE CAREFUL. I AM SO SORRY. YEAH, YEAH. LISTEN, COULD I, UM-- I'M SURE THERE'S SOMETHING IN MY MOTHER'S CLOSET-- YOUR MOTHER? SHE LEAVES CLOTHES HERE SO SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO CAR THEM BACK AND FORTH FROM ARGENTINA. HMM. WELL, ISN'T THA LUCKY FOR ME? IT SURE IS. COME WITH ME. OF COURSE, WHAT WE DIDN'T REALIZE IS THAT CELIA WOULD APPEAR AT THE END OF THE PROGRAM, SO AFTER 4 VIOLIN PLAYERS, 2 TAP DANCERS, AND A CLARINET SOLO, WE FINALLY GET TO HEAR MY JUNIOR POP STAR SING FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE. AND GRANTED, WE'RE PARTIAL, BUT CELIA WAS THE HI OF THE TALENT SHOW. MAYBE WE CAN COAX HER INTO A PERFORMANCE AFTER DINNER. EVERYTHING'S NEGOTIABLE, UNCLE DENNIS. [EVERYONE CHUCKLES] OLIVIA, YOU'VE BARELY TOUCHED YOUR OSSO BUCO. THAT'S BECAUSE I'M A VEGETARIAN. I AM SO SORRY. NO ONE TOLD ME. SHE'S JOKING. OLIVIA, TELL THEM YOU'RE JOKING. OF COURSE I'M JOKING. WRONG ONE. EXCUSE ME? BIG FORK, MAIN COURSE. MEDIUM SIZED, SALAD. LITTLE FORK, DESSERT. EVERYONE KNOWS THAT. WELL... WHAT DO YOU CALL THE ONE I STICK BETWEEN MY EYES? I DON'T GET IT. OH, I WAS JUS BEING SARCASTIC. IT MEANS YOU SAY SOMETHING BUT YOU MEAN THE OPPOSITE. DUH! WORD IS YOU ARE ON YOUR WAY TO LAW SCHOOL. THAT'D BE THE EARLY WORD. REALLY? SO YOU HAVEN' NARROWED DOWN YOUR CHOICES? BARBARA, HAVE I MENTIONED THAT I JUST LOVE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING? IT'S GREAT. WELL, IF YOU AREN'T TOO CAUGHT UP WITH SCHOOL, WE WERE HOPING YOU'D JOIN US NEXT WEEKEND AT THE BEACH HOUSE. IF YOU CAME, I'D HAVE SOMEONE TO PLAY WITH. OH, WELL, WHEN YOU PUT IT THAT WAY, UM... I'LL HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT. [PIANO PLAYS] FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE I HAVE SOMEONE WHO NEEDS ME SOMEONE I'VE NEEDED SO LONG FOR ONCE UNAFRAID, I CAN GO WHERE LIFE LEADS ME SOMEHOW I KNOW I'LL BE STRONG I'M STUCK BETWEEN HELL AND WHATEVER MIGHT BE WORSE. I JUST CAN'T GET OUT OF HERE, JOE. I'M SORRY. LISTEN, I GOTTA GO. I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER. YOUR MOTHER TOLD ME ABOUT THE DASHING TEACHING ASSISTANT. YEAH. HE HELPS ME WITH MY HOMEWORK, SO IT SAVES YOU FROM HAVING TO PAY FOR A TUTOR. WANT TO TURN OFF THE SARCASM MACHINE FOR JUST A SECOND, OLIVIA? THE CLINICAL TERM IS LONG STANDING ANCHOR. YOU KNOW, THINGS CHANGE, OLIVIA. PEOPLE CHANGE. IF YOU DON'T MIND, I WANT TO CATCH THE END OF YOUR DAUGHTER'S RECITAL. OLIVIA. IS THIS REALLY ABOUT A BOYFRIEND? I WANTED TO DISCUSS WHAT APPEARS TO BE YOUR INDIFFERENCE TO LAW SCHOOL. YOU KNOW, LAST TIME I CHECKED, MY FUTURE WAS STILL MY DECISION. AND NOT GIVING ANY THOUGH TO LONG TERM GOALS, THAT IS THE AC OF AN OVER-IMPULSIVE PERSON. WHAT, LIKE MY MOTHER? I ALWAYS BELIEVED YOU HAD LOFTIER AMBITIONS THAN POSING FOR THE COVER OF THE SPORTS ILLUSTRATED BATHING SUIT ISSUE. WELL, JUST SO YOU KNOW, I DID GIVE LAW SCHOOL A GREAT DEAL OF THOUGHT. AND WHAT SWAYED YOU AGAINST IT? I HATE WHAT BECOMING AN ATTORNEY DOES TO PEOPLE. OLIVIA... MAYBE WE COULD DISCUSS THE FUTURE UNDER DIFFEREN CIRCUMSTANCES, HMM? ALICIA'S INVITATION TO JOIN OUR FAMILY NEXT WEEKEND STILL STANDS. OUR FAMILY. WOW. I'M SORRY. THAT WAS A BAD CHOICE OF WORDS. NO, YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU WANT ME TO COME ALONG SO I CAN PLAY CANDYLAND WITH CELIA WHILE YOU AND ALICIA PARTY ON. NO, THANKS. THAT WASN'T MY REASON AT ALL. I'M BUSY, RICHARD. I'VE ALREADY MADE PLANS. MAYBE ANOTHER TIME SOON, THEN, HMM? YEAH. YEAH, SOME OTHER TIME SOON. HELP ME SWING. SURE. WHY SHOULDN'T WE BOTH GET PUSHED AROUND? SO HOW ARE WE RELATED AGAIN? WE'RE SISTERS. HALF-SISTERS, IF YOU WANT TO GET TECHNICAL. TOP OR BOTTOM HALF? IT'S A LITTLE MORE COMPLICATED THAN THAT. JENNY AND CHER FRANCONI ARE SISTERS, BUT THEY LIVE TOGETHER. WELL, WELCOME TO THE 21st CENTURY FAMILY. HIGHER! AND PLEASE, FOR YOUR OWN SAKE, NO LATE PAPERS. AND WE'RE CHOOSING AMONG THE MILLER'S TALE, THE MONK'S TALE, AND THE COOK'S TALE. AHEM. JUST SOMETHING TO BE SAID I GOT 20. HERE WE GO. CALLING OUT THE FEELING BUT I NEED SOMETHING MORE THAT'S OK. WE'LL PLAY AGAIN. SOMETHING MORE IT'S OVER 200 YEARS OLD, AND IT SITS IN THE MIDDLE OF A VINEYARD. ALL THAT'S MISSING IS ELECTRICITY AND RUNNING WATER. IT'S 15 MINUTES OUTSIDE OF FLORENCE. THE PROFESSOR WHO LIVES THERE IS GOING ON A BOOK TOUR, SO HE'S LETTING ME STAY THERE FOR, LIKE, NEXT TO NOTHING. WELL, IT SOUNDS LIKE EVERYTHING IS...PERFECT. YOU DON'T SOUND SO CONVINCED. I KNOW WHAT'S COMING. THE "WE SHOULD DATE OTHER PEOPLE WHILE I'M AWAY" SPEECH. OVER AND DONE. WELL, IF TOTAL HONESTY IS WHAT YOU WANT, WHY DON'T WE LAY ALL OUR CARDS ON THE TABLE? DATE WHOEVER YOU WANT. I DON'T CARE. I WANT YOU TO COME WITH ME. WHAT? I WANT YOU TO COME WITH ME. [LAUGHS] THAT'S NOT EXACTLY THE RESPONSE I WAS LOOKING FOR. ARE YOU SERIOUS? NO, I'M MESSING WITH YOU. ITALY? YOU'VE HEARD OF IT, RIGHT? BUT-- BUT-- I KNOW. I HEARD THE WHOLE "I'M GONNA GET DUMPED" PART. DON'T EVER GO INTO MIND READING. WHAT HAPPENED TO KEEPING OUR RELATIONSHIP LIGHT? YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE RIGHT. FORGET I ASKED. NO-- NO, NO, NO. IT WAS A STUPID IDEA. NO, NO, NO, NO. HEY, BETSY. STOP. THAT'S NOT-- YOU WANNA GO ON THE ADVENTURE OF A LIFETIME? OH! YOU KNEW I'D SAY YES. I READ MINDS BETTER THAN YOU DO. [CELL PHONE RINGS] IT'S MY MOTHER. NOT COMING WITH US. BARBARA, YOU CAN'T COME TO ITALY. IS THAT UNDERSTOOD? [LAUGHS] WAIT A SECOND, BARBARA. CALM DOWN. WAIT. SLOW DOWN. I CAN'T-- I DON'T UNDERSTAND. WHAT? RICHARD ALWAYS DROVE SO FAST. THEY WERE ON THEIR WAY TO THE BEACH HOUSE. RICHARD... ALICIA... NOW HE'S GONE, LIVVY. THEY'RE GONE. WHAT ABOUT CELIA? I ASSUMED SHE WAS WITH THEM. ALL RIGHT, WHO CALLED YOU? WHO DID YOU TALK TO? THAT LAWYER WE MET AT RICHARD'S. UM... DENTON. CLONE. DENNIS KLINE? WHATEVER. I THINK HE WAS CHECKING ME OUT AT DINNER. MAYBE YOU SHOULD CALL HIM. DID HE LEAVE A NUMBER? Dennis: HELLO. IT'S OLIVIA MARTIN. LISTEN, I'M SORRY TO CALL SO LATE. NO, NO. IT'S NOT A PROBLEM. ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? I'M FINE. BARBARA JUST DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HAD HAPPENED TO CELIA. IF...SHE... YOUR SISTER'S OK. SHE HAD A SLEEPOVER PARTY THIS WEEKEND AND DIDN'T WAN TO MISS IT. SO SHE'S THERE NOW? SHE'S GONE HOME. THE HOUSEKEEPER'S GOING TO STAY UNTIL ALICIA'S PARENTS ARRIVE FROM BUENOS AIRES SOMETIME LATE TOMORROW. OK, GREAT. THEN SHE'S TAKEN CARE OF. WHY DON'T YOU GIVE HER A CALL? WHAT WOULD I SAY? I DON'T KNOW. YOU COULD START WITH EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE OK. LIKE THAT'S GOING TO HELP. THINGS CHANGED FOR US ALL TONIGHT, OLIVIA. SHE BARELY KNOWS ME. I SUGGES HANG IN THERE, OK? AND, UM, NOT THA IT CHANGES ANYTHING, BUT I'M VERY SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS. YOUR DAD SURE HAD A LOT OF FRIENDS. CLIENTS. HMM? OK, EITHER SLOW DOWN ON THE WINE OR JUST SPEED UP AND FALL DOWN ALREADY. I'M A WIDOW. YOU COULD SHOW A LITTLE RESPECT. PLEASE TELL ME YOU HAVEN' MENTIONED THE WIDOW THING TO ANYBODY BUT ME, 'CAUSE I BE BEING AN EX-WIFE OF 18 YEARS DOESN'T EXACTLY QUALIFY YOU UNDER WEBSTER'S DEFINITION. IS IT POSSIBLE FOR YOU TO BE ON MY SIDE JUST THIS ONCE? MM, IT'S POSSIBLE. NOT PROBABLE, BUT POSSIBLE. ANYBODY CARE FOR A REFILL? DON'T COME BACK WITHOUT THE BOTTLE, HMM? HAVE YOU TALKED TO ALICIA'S PARENTS YET? JUST A BIT, BUT BETWEEN THE SHOCK AND THE LONG PLANE FLIGHT, THEY ACT LIKE THEY'RE HAVING A REALLY TOUGH TIME. WELL, EVERYONE HERE IS, LIVVY. YA THINK? EVERYONE BUT YOU. I'M DEALING WITH THIS IN MY OWN WAY. WHAT, BY SHOWING NO EMOTION AT ALL? I HATE TO BREAK I TO YOU, SWEETIE, BUT YOU'RE A LOT MORE LIKE YOUR FATHER THAN YOU'D EVER CARE TO ADMIT. [KNOCK ON DOOR] ONE SECOND. MY MOM AND DAD DIED. I KNOW, AND I'M REALLY, REALLY SORRY. I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. OH, RIGHT. IT'S ALL YOURS. OLIVIA. HOW ARE YOU DOING? I'M FINE. NO ONE WOULD THINK ANY LESS OF YOU IF YOU WEREN'T. ONE OF THE MORE UNATTRACTIVE GENETIC TRAITS RICHARD PASSED ON WAS THE ABILITY TO MOVE FORWARD LIKE A SHARK REGARDLESS OF THE SITUATION. THEN I DON'T REALLY THINK YOU KNEW YOUR FATHER. HIS FAULT, NOT MINE. LET'S TAKE A WALK, OK? YOU WANT MY THOUGHTS ON YOUR NEWEST PAIR OF SHOES? NO, I COULDN'T TAKE YOUR BRUTAL HONESTY. AS EXECUTOR OF YOUR FATHER'S ESTATE, I THOUGHT WE SHOULD TALK. LISTEN, IF EVERYTHING'S IN CELIA'S NAME, I'M FINE WITH THAT. RICHARD DIDN'T OWE ME ANYTHING. YOU FATHER WANTED THE TWO TO YOU TO SHARE IN EVERYTHING EQUALLY, AND A TRUS WITH SUBSTANTIAL ASSETS WAS ESTABLISHED TO ENSURE THAT HAPPENED. ARE WE TALKING ABOU THE SAME RICHARD MARTIN? WELL, THERE'S MORE. OH, WAIT. LET ME GUESS. IF I DON'T GO TO LAW SCHOOL, I THROW THE ENTIRE BOOTY AWAY. MAYBE WE SHOULD HAVE A SEAT. THERE IS ANOTHER MATTER WE NEED TO DISCUSS. YOUR FATHER AND ALICIA, IN THEIR WILL, THEY NAMED YOU CELIA'S GUARDIAN. [LAUGHS] THAT'S A GOOD ONE. I DON'T EXPECT LAWYERS TO HAVE SOME WACKED OUT SENSE OF HUMOR, BUT-- NO, OLIVIA. I'M TOTALLY SERIOUS. THEY BOTH BELIEVED CELIA WOULD BE BETTER OFF LEFT IN YOUR CARE. OH, NO. NO? WHAT I MEAN IS I BARELY KNOW THE GIRL. BUT CELIA'S YOUR SISTER. HALF SISTER, AND I SEE HER MAYBE ONCE A YEAR. I CAN'T TAKE CARE OF A KID. I HAVE NEVER KEPT A FISH ALIVE FOR MORE THAN A WEEK. OLIVIA, NO ONE IS EXPECTING YOU TO HANDLE THIS ALONE. WELL, THE ANSWER IS STILL NO. WILL YOU THINK ABOUT IT? I CAN'T. IT'S INSANE. WELL, SHE'S RIGHT. I MEAN, OLIVIA IS MUCH TOO YOUNG TO TAKE ON THAT KIND OF RESPONSIBILITY. COUNSELOR, YOU'VE ME MY MEDDLESOME MOTHER, WHO NEVER MINDS HER OWN BUSINESS, BUT FOR ONCE MAKES AN EXCELLENT POINT. YOU'RE 21. YOU'RE YOUNG, BUT OLD ENOUGH-- SHE CAN BARELY TAKE CARE OF HERSELF. AND WHAT ABOU CELIA'S GRANDPARENTS? I MEAN, I'M SURE THEY WOULD LOVE TO RAISE A LITTLE GIRL. THEY LIVE IN ARGENTINA, AND YES, THEY WOULD BE HAPPY TO TAKE HER IF ASKED, BUT IT WASN'T WHA YOUR FATHER STIPULATED. BUT WHY WOULD RICHARD AND ALICIA HAVE DONE THIS WITHOUT ASKING FIRST? FROM WHAT RICHARD TOLD ME, THAT'S WHAT THE WEEKEND AT THE BEACH WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT. WELL, THAT DIDN'T WORK OUT THE WAY HE HAD IT PLANNED, NOW DID IT? I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T MEAN THA THE WAY IT CAME OUT. THAT'S OK. THIS IS A LOT TO TAKE IN AT ONCE. WHAT ABOUT YOU? YOU'RE THE ONE SHE CALLS UNCLE DENNIS. YES, BUT YOU'RE BLOOD, AND THE BOTTOM LINE, OLIVIA, IS YOUR FATHER CHOSE YOU. YOU'RE NOT ACTUALLY THINKING YOU COULD HANDLE THIS. WELL, WHAT WOULD YOU DO, JOE? I MEAN, THE ONLY OTHER FAMILY SHE HAS ARE HER GRANDPARENTS. I'D LET HER GO. THEY'RE OLD. THEY LIVE HALF WAY AROUND THE WORLD. AND RICHARD'S LAWYER AND THE GUILT TRIP HE LAID ON ME. SO TELL HIM THA YOU'RE FLATTERED, BUT NO. I WANTED TO, BUT I COULD JUST FEEL RICHARD STARING DOWN AT ME FROM WHEREVER HE IS SCREAMING THA IF I DON'T DO THIS, I'LL ROT IN HELL. PEOPLE DON'T ROT THERE. THEY BURN. YOU'RE A BIG HELP. THANKS. SO WHERE DOES THIS LEAVE ITALY? OH, MY GOD. I'M SO SORRY. IT ALL CAME TO ME SO FAST I DIDN'T EVEN-- HEY, IT'S ALL RIGHT. WE'LL JUST LET THINGS PLAY OUT OVER THE NEXT FEW WEEKS AND SEE HOW THINGS GO, OK? MS. MARTIN? YES? MR. KLINE IS READY TO SEE YOU. I'M SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS. THANK YOU. YOUR FATHER WAS A WONDERFUL MAN. IN ADDITION TO BEING THE EXECUTOR OF RICHARD AND ALICIA'S ESTATE, I'M ALSO THE FIDUCIARY OF A TRUS ESTABLISHED FOR YOUR BENEFIT. WHICH MEANS YOU DANGLE ALL THE PURSE STRINGS. WELL, UNTIL YOU TURN 25, AND THE RESPONSIBILITY IS HANDED OVER TO YOU. SO FOR 4 YEARS, CELIA AND I LIVE ON BREAD AND WATER? WELL, I'VE ESTABLISHED A CHECKING ACCOUN AND AN ALLOWANCE TO GIVE YOU A SENSE OF FREEDOM. IF YOU NEED TO PURCHASE SOMETHING MORE SUBSTANTIAL, WE'LL DISCUSS IT. WHAT, LIKE A BRAND NEW PORSCHE? YOU MAKE A CONVINCING ARGUMENT, AND I PROMISE TO GIVE I THE ATTENTION IT DESERVES. OH, NOW HERE ARE A SET OF KEYS TO YOUR FATHER'S HOUSE. NOW I'D LIKE TO GO OVER A LIST OF ALL THE ASSETS IN THE TRUST. DO WE HAVE TO DO THIS RIGHT NOW? NO, NOT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO. IT'S JUST THA IT'S GETTING LATE AND I STILL HAVE SO MUCH TO DO TO GET READY TO MOVE IN. FINE. WHEN YOU'RE READY, CALL ME. WE'VE GOT LOTS OF TIME, AND I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE. THANK YOU. YOU KNOW, I GREW UP WITH 3 BROTHERS AND ALWAYS WANTED A SISTER. YOU LENT ME THIS SOPHOMORE YEAR. OH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. I BORROWED A PAIR OF YOUR JEANS FRESHMAN YEAR AND NEVER GAVE THEM BACK. I LEFT YOU THE PHONE NUMBER, RIGHT? YOU'RE ONLY MOVING 6 MILES. IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S ANOTHER UNIVERSE. NO, IT ONLY FEELS THAT WAY. [TURNS OFF ENGINE] [STARTS ENGINE AGAIN] [SIGHS] I THOUGHT YOU MIGH BE MORE COMFORTABLE HERE THAN IN THE MASTER BEDROOM. THANK YOU. IF YOU NEED ANYTHING, I LEFT MY PHONE NUMBER ON THE REFRIGERATOR. OH, YOU MEAN LIKE YOUR CELL PHONE NUMBER? THAT WAY IF YOU GO OUT FOR A SECOND, I CAN FIND YOU? NO, I LEFT MY HOME NUMBER. YOU DON'T LIVE HERE? DID UNCLE DENNIS EXPLAIN EVERYTHING TO YOU? NO. I GUESS HE DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO CROSS ALL THE Ts. I CLEAN THE HOUSE AND CARE FOR CELIA DURING THE DAY, BUT I LEAVE EVERY DAY AT 6:00 IN ORDER TO CATCH THE BUS. WELL, WHAT IF I GOT YOU A CAR? I DON'T DRIVE. I'LL PAY FOR LESSONS. I APPRECIATE THAT, BUT NO, THANK YOU. COULD YOU ADD AN EXTRA HOUR OR TWO TO THE DAY? I HAVE A FAMILY OF MY OWN. DIDN'T MR. KLINE TELL YOU I NEEDED A FEW DAYS OFF TO BE WITH THEM? DAYS? I HAVEN'T SEEN THEM SINCE... OH, RIGHT. OF COURSE. I UNDERSTAND. IT'S JUST THAT, I MEAN, THIS IS A REALLY BIG PLACE. MAYBE YOU'D ALL LIKE TO MOVE. MI CASA, SU CASA? MY CHILDREN GO TO A DIFFERENT SCHOOL. I HAVE A LIFE APART FROM HERE. I DON'T WANT YOU TO GO! I'LL BE GOOD! I PROMISE! OH, CELIA. I WANT YOU TO LISTEN TO YOUR SISTER, OK? SHE LOVES YOU VERY MUCH. NOW YOU TAKE A DEEP BREATH-- AND HOLD I TILL I PASS OUT? YOU'LL BOTH BE FINE. [CLOCK CHIMES] SO IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S JUST YOU AND ME LIVING HERE TOGETHER. UNCLE DENNIS DIDN' GIVE ME ANY CHOICE. ME NEITHER. SO WHAT DO YOU NORMALLY DO AROUND DINNER TIME? WE EAT. OH, EXCELLENT. YOU EAT. THAT'S BRILLIANT. HA HA HA. YOU EAT. WELL, I'M NOT REALLY MUCH OF A COOK, BUT I'M SURE THERE'S SOMETHING THAT'LL WORK. MY MOM WAS A REALLY GOOD COOK. I BET SHE WAS. BOY, THIS ALL LOOKS SO...UNPREPARED. THIS IS LIKE THE ENTIRE COW, ISN'T IT? DID YOU GUYS EVER EAT ANYTHING THAT YOU JUST POPPED INTO THE MICROWAVE? MY MOM THOUGH IT WAS BAD FOR YOU. WELL, I BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT BAD, IN SLANG TERMS, SOMETIMES MEANS GOOD OR EVEN GREAT. SURE, I DO, BUT SHE MEANT THE REAL WAY. WELL, THERE ARE SOME THINGS THA COME OUT OF A CARDBOARD BOX THAT I THINK YOU MIGHT REALLY ENJOY. LIKE? SO IS THIS WHAT WE'RE GOING TO EAT EVERY NIGHT? ABSOLUTELY NOT. SOMETIMES I'LL MIX IN BUTTERSCOTCH SYRUP INSTEAD OF CHOCOLATE. I CAN LIVE WITH THAT. I FIGURED YOU COULD. DID YOU PUT AWAY YOUR CLOTHES? YEP. NEED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM? ALREADY WENT. DID YOU BRUSH YOUR TEETH? BEFORE I PUT ON MY NIGHTGOWN. WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE TAKING CARE OF ME INSTEAD OF IT BEING THE OTHER WAY AROUND. IS THAT YOU BEING SARCASTIC AGAIN? ACTUALLY, THAT WAS IRONY. THAT'S WHAT THEY MAKE CARS OUT OF, RIGHT? EXACTLY. SO WHO'S THE RAT? HIS NAME IS MR. TONTO, AND HE'S A HAMSTER. WELL, DOES HE DO ANY TRICKS? I WANT TO GO TO BED. OK. CAN YOU TURN OFF THE LIGHT? OH, OK. I CAN DO THIS. I CAN DO THIS. I CAN DO THIS. Celia: DADDY! DADDY! WHAT HAPPENED? I HAD A BAD DREAM. OK. EVERYTHING'S OK. I WAS LOST AND MY DADDY COULDN'T FIND ME. YOU'RE OK, OK? YOU'RE FINE. IT'S OVER NOW. IT WASN'T REAL. IT FELT REAL. CAN'T I SLEEP WITH YOU TONIGHT? NO, YOU'LL SLEEP BETTER IN YOUR OWN BED. YOU'LL BE FINE. I PROMISE. JUST GET SOME SLEEP, OK? THERE'S NO WAY IN THE WORLD I CAN POSSIBLY DO THIS. UHH! UNLESS THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE, GO AWAY. COME ON, WE'RE LATE. SCHOOL STARTS AT 8:00. MY CAR KEYS ARE IN THE KITCHEN. I DON'T KNOW WHERE MY SCHOOL CLOTHES ARE. [SIGHS] CAN'T ROSAVEL HELP YOU? SHE'S NOT WORKING TODAY, REMEMBER? OH, RIGHT. HER BEING HERE WHEN SHE'S ACTUALLY NEEDED WOULD ONLY MAKE SENSE. SO WHAT SHOULD I PUT ON? UH...ANYTHING NOT COVERED IN MUD. ANYTHING? YEAH, I TRUS YOUR FASHION SENSE. AFTER ALL, WE ARE GENETICALLY RELATED. SO WHAT'S YOUR PLAN AFTER SCHOOL TODAY? I DON'T HAVE ANY EXTRA CURRICULAR ACTIVITIES TODAY. WELL, WE'LL HAVE TO FIX THAT. MY SCHEDULE'S ON THE REFRIGERATOR. "SCHOOL, ART, SOCCER, PIANO, COOKING." WHAT, NO KARATE? THAT WAS LAST YEAR. HOW OLD ARE YOU? I DIDN'T DO THIS MUCH WHEN I WAS 7. WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT? I DON'T DO THIS MUCH NOW. CAN WE GO NOW? I DON'T LIKE TO BE LATE. BUT I HAVEN'T EVEN MADE MY COFFEE YET. MY FATHER SAYS COFFEE IS FOR WIMPS. STOP! WHAT'S WRONG? YOU FORGOT MY LUNCH. [DOOR AJAR BELL RINGS] MR. TONTO. SHOW AND TELL DAY. ANYTHING ELSE? I DON'T THINK SO. NO GYM CLOTHES? NO HOMEWORK? NO FOOD FOR THE RAT? JUST MR. TONTO. [SIGHS] OK. OK. GO, GO, GO. WOW. THIS IS A FANCY PLACE. DADDY DIDN'T SEND YOU HERE? ARE YOU SURE THIS IS THE RIGHT WAY? OF COURSE IT IS. DO YOU THINK I'M AN IDIOT? WHAT GRADE ARE YOU IN AGAIN? CELIA. HA HA HA! WHAT A PLEASANT SURPRISE. WE MISSED YOU. I'M SORRY WE'RE LATE. THE HAMSTER, HE LOS THE DIRECTIONS. IT'S NOT A PROBLEM. UH, THE KIDS. THEY ALL SEEM TO HAVE ON THE EXACT SAME THING, DON'T THEY? BECAUSE IT'S A PRIVATE SCHOOL AND THEY ALL WEAR A UNIFORM. RIGHT. THEY'RE NICE. VERY NICE. AND WOULD I ALSO BE CORRECT CONCLUDING YOU'RE NOT VERY FLEXIBLE ON THAT 8 A.M. START TIME? WELL, GENERALLY NO, BUT I THINK FOR TODAY, WE CAN MAKE AN EXCEPTION. I'M CELIA'S TEACHER, MR. CALHOUN. THIS IS OLIVIA. SHE'S MY HALF-SISTER. IT'S HER FAUL WE'RE LATE. WELL, IT'S A PLEASURE MEETING YOU. RIGHT. YOU, TOO. WILL YOU PICKING CELIA UP AFTER SCHOOL TODAY? YEAH. 3:00 ON THE DOT. 2:00 ON THE DOT. 2:00 ON THE DOT. THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I MEANT. UM... OH. THERE. THANKS. [CELL PHONE RINGS] HELLO. Celia: DON'T FORGET TO PICK ME UP. WILL YOU? OF COURSE NOT. PROMISE? HEY, I GOTTA GO. THANKS. FOUND DISRUPTION IN COGNITION AND EMOTION. THE ARRAY OF SYMPTOMS, ALTHOUGH WIDE RANGING, FREQUENTLY INCLUDES HEARING INTENTIONAL VOICES. [CELL PHONE RINGS] HELLO. I GET OUT AT 2:00. I SAID I'D BE THERE, DIDN'T I? OH. UH, IT'S THE WRONG NUMBER. SORRY. NO SINGLE SYMPTOM IS DEFINITIVE. [CELL PHONE RINGS] RATHER, THE DIAGNOSIS ENCOMPASSES A PATTERN OF SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS. WE COULD JUST SIT BY THE HOTEL POOL ALL DAY, GRAB A BITE FOR DINNER, AND THEN GO TO BED EARLY. YEAH, RIGHT. EARLY IN THE MORNING. COME ON. THE GIRL'S BEEN THROUGH A LOT. I'M IN. GREAT. YOUR GOING OUT OF TOWN JUST MAKES IT EASIER FOR ME TO SAY GOOD-BYE TO ALL MY OTHER GIRLFRIENDS. IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL ANY BETTER, I WON'T LET HER DO ANYTHING I WOULDN'T DO. I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO GO THERE. [CELL PHONE RINGS] IT'S MINE. JOE LOUDEN. MY PHONE. RELAX. YOU CAN USE MINE WHEN I'M DONE. NO, I LEFT I IN PSYCH CLASS. WHAT TIME IS IT? IT'S 3:15. UGH! I GOTTA RUN! WHAT'S UP? I'LL CALL YOU LATER. I'M SO SORRY I'M LATE. THE TRAFFIC WAS JUS UNBELIEVABLE. WE'RE ALL ADJUSTING TO A NEW SITUATION. I GUESS. IF YOU DON'T MIND MY ASKING, HOW ARE THINGS GOING? HONESTLY? I'M OVERWHELMED. I'M LOS IN THIS HUGE HOUSE, I HAVE NO CLUE HOW TO TAKE CARE OF THIS KID, AND MY BOYFRIEND IS LEAVING THE COUNTRY WITHOUT ME. I MEANT WITH CELIA. OH. OH, SHE'S HANGING IN THERE. I HOPE. Man on radio: AND IT LOOKS LIKE ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL COUPLE OF DAYS FOR US IN THE REGION. YOU NEVER GOT STUCK IN TRAFFIC BEFORE? LOWS IN THE UPPER SIXTIES, AND THERE'S NO-- [TURNS OFF RADIO] ALL RIGHT, HOW MANY MORE TIMES DO I HAVE TO APOLOGIZE BEFORE YOU FORGIVE ME? COME ON. 100 MORE? 1,000 MORE? A MILLION, BILLION, GAZILLION MORE? YOU MAY NOT KNOW THIS, BUT THERE ARE LOTS AND LOTS OF PEOPLE WHO THINK I'M FUNNY. AND I GUESS THERE ARE SOME WHO DON'T. [SNIFFING] CAN'T ANYONE CLEAN UP FOR THEMSELVES AROUND HERE? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? MY MOMMY AND I WERE MAKING THAT. YOU CAN'T TOUCH IT! OK. OK. I DIDN'T KNOW. GET OUT! I DIDN'T KNOW. MOMMY'S THE ONLY PERSON BESIDES ME ALLOWED TO TOUCH IT. I'M SORRY. GET OUT OF MY ROOM! [SIGHS] HEY, IT'S ME. NO, NOTHING'S THE MATTER. WHY DO YOU ALWAYS THINK THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG? OK, IF YOU WEREN' DOING ANYTHING, IT WOULD BE OK IF YOU... WANTED TO COME OVER FOR A LITTLE WHILE. I JUST THOUGHT IT WOULD BE NICE TO HAVE SOME COMPANY. OK. [SIGHS] [DOORBELL RINGS] WHERE'S THE RUNT? WATCHING TV. MY BAGS ARE IN THE TRUNK. BAGS? OK, LITTLE GIRL. LOOKS LIKE I'LL BE SHACKING UP HERE FOR A WHILE, BUT I HAVE ONE GROUND RULE BEFORE I UNPACK. LIKE? YOU CAN CALL ME "B" OR BARBS OR BARBARA, BUT NEVER GRANDMA. YOU'RE NOT MY GRANDMA. PERFECT. WE'RE GOING TO DO JUST FINE. WOW. IT'S LIKE THE TEMPLE OF VOGUE. DID I GET AMNESIA? BECAUSE I DON'T REMEMBER ASKING YOU TO MOVE IN. CAN YOU JUST DROP THE WHOLE "I'VE GOT IT ALL UNDER CONTROL" ACT? HOW'S CELIA DOING? FINE. JUST HAVE TO KNOW HOW TO TALK TO A CHILD. SO YOU BASICALLY TALK TO HER LIKE SHE WAS ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS? YOU'RE WELCOME. I WAS GETTING THERE. YEAH, I CAN TELL. ALL RIGHT, HOW'D YOU DO IT? I JUST TOLD HER THA IF SHE BEHAVED HERSELF, YOU'D GIVE HER HORSEBACK RIDING LESSONS. WELL, I'M THINKING THAT BRIBERY IS NOT THE BEST WAY TO HANDLE HER. ALL RIGHT, FINE. YOU KNOW, MS. PSYCHOLOGY MINOR, NEXT TIME, YOU DEAL WITH IT, OK? WHERE DO I GET A HORSE? [LAUGHING] HI! YOU'RE ON TIME. WHAT'S WRONG? I WOULDN'T KNOW WHERE TO START. READY? OH. [WHISTLE BLOWS] [PARENTS SHOUTING ENCOURAGEMENT] THIS WILL NEVER WORK. IT'S JUST A WRONG FIT. AND THESE MOMS WAITING FOR THEIR KIDS AT SCHOOL. THEY LOOK LIKE THEY JUST STEPPED OUT OF A SHAMPOO COMMERCIAL. Celia: OW! HOW WAS THE LAMBDA CHI PARTY? PLEASE TELL ME IT SUCKED. WELL, I'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU ON A GIRLS WEEKEND AWAY. OH, CELIA? NO, NO, NO. I'M SICING BARBARA ON KID DUTY. EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME. YOUR DAUGHTER-- SHE'S DOWN. I'M SORRY? YOUR DAUGHTER, SHE'S HURT. OH, I DON'T HAVE A DAUGHTER. WELL, THE LITTLE GIRL YOU BROUGHT TO THE GAME, SHE COULD PROBABLY USE YOUR HELP. [CELIA CRYING] [SIGHS] HOW'S THE RUNT'S SHOULDER? IF ONLY BANDAGES COULD FIX EVERYTHING THAT'S HURTING AROUND HERE. I'D BE MORE WORRIED ABOUT THAT GUY THINKING YOU WERE HER MOTHER. WHY? I TAKE HER TO SCHOOL, I DROP HER OFF AT PRACTICE. MEN DON'T NOTICE THINGS LIKE THAT. MY GUESS IS HE WAS CHECKING OUT YOUR ASS. [GASP] DO I HAVE A MOTHER'S ASS? NO. NO, NO, NO. MAYBE IT WOULDN'T HUR TO SHED A POUND OR TWO. OH, YEAH. THAT'S A BIG HELP, BARBARA. THANKS. I TRY. GOOD, BECAUSE I WAN TO ASK YOU FOR A FAVOR. SURE. ANYTHING. I NEED YOU TO BABYSI CELIA THIS WEEKEND. BETSY AND I WERE PLANNING TO GET OUT OF TOWN, AND I REALLY NEED TO GO. ANYTHING BUT THAT. I'M HOOKING UP WITH MY PALS AT THAT SPA IN TAOS FOR A FEW DAYS. BUT I THOUGHT YOU WERE HERE TO HELP ME. BUT I'VE ALREADY BEEN HELPFUL. BESIDES, IF I CANCEL NOW, I LOSE MY DEPOSIT. THAT'S IT. I AM A THE END OF MY ROPE. YOU WANNA BET? WHAT NOW? HAMSTERS DON'T USUALLY SLEEP ON THEIR BACKS DURING THE DAY, DO THEY? OH, NO. OH, YES. OK, "HAIR, HAIR SUPPLIES, HALLS, "HANDICAP, HANDWRITING ANALYSIS, HANDYMAN, HARDWARE-- " HAMSTERS. THERE'S NO HAMSTERS. TRY "P" FOR PETS. HOW DO YOU SURVIVE? IT'S PAST 6:00. NOTHING IS GOING TO BE OPEN. CELIA'S PARENTS DIED TWO WEEKS AGO. I CAN'T LET HER LOSE A HAMSTER, TOO. WELL, WHAT IF SHE ASKS ABOUT THE RODENT? JUST DO WHAT YOU DO BEST: MAKE SOMETHING UP. HI. I'M LOOKING FOR A GRAY HAMSTER WITH WHITE SPECKS, AND A REALLY PINK NOSE. NO, NO, NO. I DON' WANT A ROTTWEILER. NO, NOT A GARDEN SNAKE, EITHER. [SIREN] OH, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. NO, NO, NO. I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU. LOOK, I NEED A HAMSTER. A FURRY LITTLE GRAY ONE, PREFERABLY BREATHING. [SIREN] YOU DON'T SELL THEM? WELL, YOU SHOULD. BYE! YOU WENT THROUGH A STOP SIGN. MY SISTER'S HAMSTER DIED. LICENSE AND REGISTRATION, PLEASE. [CELL PHONE RINGS] WHAT? Barbara: ANY LUCK? YES, BUT ALL BAD. 1122 PRICE STREET. Olivia: WHAT? I FOUND YOUR HAMSTER IN A PET STORE. OH, THAT'S TERRIFIC. BUT IT'S GOING TO COST YOU $200. IS IT MADE OF GOLD? I CAUGHT THE OWNER AS HE WAS LEAVING. HE SAID HE'D STAY OPEN, BUT ONLY FOR A HAMSTER PREMIUM. THAT'S BLACKMAIL. FINE. THEN YOU COME HOME AND WE'LL JUS REVIVE MR. TONTO. OHHH! OK, TELL HIM I'M ON MY WAY. HAS CELIA NOTICED ANYTHING? NO. SHE'S RIGHT HERE. WE'RE PLAYING SUPERMODEL. OH, GREAT. SO YOU'RE TEACHING HER TO STARVE AND PARTY THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT AND ACT LIKE A DIVA? ACTUALLY, WE'RE WORKING ON MATH. SHE'S ADDING RUNWAY PAYCHECKS AND PHOTO SHOOT FEES, FIGURING OUT HOW MUCH SHE CAN GROSS IN A WEEK. BARBARA-- I'M SERIOUS. I'VE EVEN GOT HER SUBTRACTING OUT COMMISSIONS. THANK YOU. YOU'RE WELCOME. IN CASE YOU HADN' REALIZED IT, I SPECIALIZE IN CRISIS MANAGEMENT. BYE. OFFICER, THERE REALLY IS A DEAD HAMSTER. THERE ALWAYS IS. YOU HAVE A NICE DAY. WE ARE BLINDLY BORN WITH A FACE QUITE UNKNOWN WE CAN LEARN SO MUCH ABOUT NOTHING YOU WANT TO DO BUT IT'S THE RIGHT PATH AND I'M FEELING SO BITTER 'CAUSE MY RIGHT PATH IS SO HARD, BROKE DOWN... OH, YES! GOOD JOB. THANKS. I'M SHOOTING KIND OF HIGH, I KNOW AND I'M FEELING SO DARN LOW SORRY. GREAT. SO WHEN LAERTES LETS HAMLET DOWN IN THE GRAVE DIGGER'S SCENE-- HORATIO LETS HAMLET DOWN. OH, RIGHT. OF COURSE. HORATIO. ARE YOU SURE? THIS IS PRETTY SIMPLE STUFF. WELL, I'M SORRY, BUT BETWEEN PLAYING CHAUFFEUR AND BRAT NANNY, I'VE FALLEN TWO ACTS BEHIND. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GETTING COOKIES. NOT A CHANCE. YOU ALREADY HAD SOME. WELL, I WANT MORE. WELL, HAVE AN APPLE. IT'S BETTER FOR YOU. BUT I WANT A COOKIE. GREAT. TRY THE RED ROUND ONES WITH A STEM. IS HE YOUR BOYFRIEND? THIS IS JOE. HELLO. JOE, CAN I HAVE A COOKIE? CELIA, GET OUT OF HERE. OK, WHERE WERE WE? AHEM. HORATIO. [CELL PHONE RINGS] CELIA, TURN THE TV DOWN. YOU'VE GOT TO CALM DOWN. LOOK. WOW. BETSY REALLY SEEMS TO BE ENJOYING HERSELF. YEAH, AND I'M STUCK HERE BABYSITTING A RUNT. [TV CONTINUES] CELIA! WHAT PART OF TURN THE TV DOWN DIDN'T YOU UNDERSTAND? SHH. DON'T YOU HAVE HOMEWORK TO DO? IT'S THE WEEKEND. WELL, I DON'T CARE. TURN IT OFF AND GET IT DONE. WHY? BECAUSE I SAID SO. WHY DON'T YOU JUST CHILL? EXCUSE ME? THAT'S WHAT YOU'D SAY TO BARBARA. NEWS FLASH, LITTLE GIRL: YOU'RE NOT ME, AND I'M NOT YOUR 24/7 SERVANT. WHEN I ASK YOU TO DO SOMETHING, I WANT IT DONE. DO YOU BOSS YOUR BOYFRIEND AROUND LIKE THIS, TOO? YOU'RE A SPOILED LITTLE BRAT. WELL, YOU'RE A REALLY BIG ONE. GO TO YOUR ROOM. NO. I SAID GO. A REAL SISTER WOULD NEVER TREAT ME LIKE THIS. WELL, THAT'S TOO BAD, BECAUSE I'M THE CLOSEST THING THAT YOU'VE GOT. MY MOM AND DAD WOULDN'T HAVE ACTED LIKE THIS, EITHER. GO UPSTAIRS TO YOUR ROOM RIGHT NOW OR I SWEAR I WILL GROUND YOU FOR A MONTH. I SAID GO UPSTAIRS TO YOUR ROOM. Celia: DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO. CELIA, THIS ATTITUDE ISN'T GOING TO PLAY. CELIA! CELIA, I-- YOU SOUNDED EXACTLY LIKE MY MOM. [CHUCKLES] IT WAS SURREAL. I'M SUPPOSED TO BE STUDYING TRAGEDY, NOT LIVING ONE. IT IS SAD TO SEE A LIFE EXTINGUISHED AT SO YOUNG AN AGE. CELIA'S OR MINE? BOTH. YOU NEED TOOLS TO RAISE A KID. I HAVE NONE. PARENTS NEED PATIENCE. I HAVE NONE. I'M SO IN OVER MY HEAD HERE, AND... CELIA WOULD BE BETTER OFF BEING RAISED BY WOLVES. WELL, SHE SAID IT BEST. YOU'RE NOT HER MOTHER. YOU KNOW, THERE IS A SIMPLE SOLUTION TO THIS LITTLE PROBLEM. SUICIDE? NO, I'D SCREW THAT UP. TRY THESE INSTEAD. CDs. ITALIAN LANGUAGE CDs. JEWELRY WOULD HAVE BEEN MUCH MORE ROMANTIC. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? ITALIAN'S THE LANGUAGE OF LOVE. FRENCH IS THE LANGUAGE OF LOVE. YEAH, WELL, GIVE ME SOME SLACK. THEY SHARE A BORDER. YOU LEARN THE LANGUAGE. WHAT, FOR OUR LONG DISTANCE PHONE CALLS? SO YOU CAN BLOW OU OF HERE WHEN I DO. BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T, YOU ARE GOING TO LOSE WHAT LITTLE MIND YOU'VE GOT LEFT. JOE, WE'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS. OLIVIA, WHO ARE YOU HELPING BY STAYING HERE? BELIEVE IT OR NOT, YOU DESERVE SOME HAPPINESS, TOO. WELL, I THINK IF GOING TO ITALY IS GOING TO MAKE YOU HAPPY, THEN YOU SHOULD DO IT. DO YOU MEAN THAT? ABSOLUTELY. IT'S TOO GOOD AN OPPORTUNITY TO PASS UP. AND YOU'LL BE OK WITHOUT ME? AFTER SOME INTENSIVE THERAPY, I THINK I CAN FIGURE OU HOW TO SURVIVE. BUT THERE IS ONE CONDITION. I ALREADY PROMISED I'D COME BACK AND GRADUATE FROM COLLEGE. FORGET THAT. I NEED YOUR OPEN INVITATION TO COME AND VISI WHENEVER I WANT. OH, I'VE ALREADY NOTIFIED THE ITALIAN EMBASSY. THEY HAVE STRICT ORDERS TO TURN YOU AWAY AT THE BORDER. THAT'S VERY FUNNY. OH, NO. DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT. ROSAVEL'S GOING TO GE EVERYTHING READY FOR PICKUP. HEY, IT SAVES ME A TRIP TO THE GYM. I STILL WONDER IF WE'RE DOING THE RIGHT THING. LOOK, SOONER OR LATER, THESE CLOTHES HAVE GOT TO GO. CELIA WILL UNDERSTAND. I MEAN, THE MONEY THEY COULD RAISE FROM ALICIA'S SHOES ALONE COULD END WORLD HUNGER. I BOUGHT THIS TIE FOR YOUR FATHER. HE WORE IT THE DAY HE GRADUATED LAW SCHOOL. DO YOU THINK, UM... HE'D BE ANGRY IF I KEPT IT? HE'D BE ANGRY IF YOU DIDN'T. [SIGHS] OK. YEAH. OK. SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ONCE YOU GET THERE? THE FIRST THING I'M GOING TO DO IS TRY AND FORGET THE LAS FEW WEEKS EVER HAPPENED THEN MAYBE I'LL GET A JOB. OR STOMPING GRAPES. WELL, I JUS WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I AM INCREDIBLY JEALOUS. I CAN'T EVEN GE MY BOYFRIEND TO TAKE ME TO SEE A FELLINI FILM. [CHUCKLES] HEY, ISN'T THAT HIM? TIME TO CLOSE THE DEAL. NEED BACKUP? NO, BUT THANKS FOR ASKING. EVENING. THANKS FOR COMING ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE, COUNSELOR. JEEZ, I MISS COLLEGE. ME, TOO. SO WHAT WAS SO URGEN THAT I HAD TO CANCEL AN EXHILARATING TAX SHELTER SEMINAR? I WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT THIS IS WHO I AM. I ALREADY KNOW WHO YOU ARE. NO, YOU THINK YOU DO, BUT YOU DON'T, REALLY. OK. LOOK, I'M A KID, COUNSELOR. YOU'RE GIVING UP CUSTODY? I'M A KID WHO'D RATHER BE OUT DANCING OR AT A PARTY TILL 4:00 IN THE MORNING INSTEAD OF TUCKING A 7-YEAR-OLD IN BY 8:00. I SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT MIDTERMS, NOT A MID-LIFE CRISIS. I HAVE GREAT FRIENDS I NEVER SEE ANYMORE, AND I HAD A LIFE I LOVED. AND NOW I'M LIVING A LIFE I'M STARTING TO HATE. DID YOU THINK THIS WOULD BE EASY? NO, I THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE, REMEMBER? AND CELIA'S NO HAPPIER THAN I AM. SO YOU'RE BAILING ON HER BECAUSE YOU HIT A BUMP IN THE ROAD? RICHARD'S DYING WASN' A BUMP IN THE ROAD. HAVING MY LIFE TURNED UPSIDE DOWN WASN'T A BUMP IN THE ROAD. OLIVIA, THAT IS NO WHAT I MEANT. YOU'RE JUST QUITTING NOW BEFORE GIVING THIS A CHANCE IT REALLY DESERVES. THAT'S NOT FAIR. YOU ALWAYS KNEW THIS WAS A POSSIBILITY. I'LL CONTAC CELIA'S GRANDPARENTS AND HANDLE ALL THE PAPERWORK. HOW ARE YOU GOING TO TELL HER? OH, I'M NOT. THAT'S ONE DETAIL YOU'VE GOT TO HANDLE FOR YOURSELF. CAN I GET YOU SOMETHING? NO. NO, THANK YOU. WE'RE DONE HERE. BUT YOU MIGHT WAN TO CHECK THIS ONE'S I.D. APPARENTLY SHE'S NO AN ADULT AFTER ALL. MADAME. WHEN'S OLIVIA COMING HOME? I'M NOT SURE. SHE HAD TO TAKE CARE OF A FEW THINGS. LIKE WHAT? GROWNUP STUFF. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? TRYING TO FIGURE OU WHERE BABIES COME FROM. WHY? BECAUSE THIS KID IN MY CLASS, YALE, HE SAID MY PARENTS FOUND ME INSIDE A POT ROAST. WELL, THAT'S RIDICULOUS. SO WHERE DO BABIES COME FROM? SO I WAS THINKING THAT TONIGH WE COULD ORDER IN WHATEVER YOU WANT FOR DINNER. WHY? WHY DOES THERE HAVE TO BE A REASON? BECAUSE YOU'RE BEING SUPER NICE. I WAS HOPING THA MAYBE WE COULD TALK. I MEAN, ARE YOU HAPPY WITH THE WAY THINGS ARE GOING? I GUESS. SEE, THAT'S THE THING. I DON'T WANT YOU TO GUESS, 'CAUSE YOU DESERVE THE VERY BEST OF EVERYTHING. LIKE WHERE I WOULD BE A FLUTE PLAYER? YEAH, NOT A CHANCE. MY OWN CELL PHONE? WHAT? YOU'RE NOT OLD ENOUGH. WHO ARE YOU GOING TO CALL? YOU'RE 7. ALL RIGHT. I GUESS I WILL, UH... I'LL PICK YOU UP AT 2:00. DON'T BE LATE. I HAVE NOT BEEN LATE IN WEEKS. GIVE ME A BREAK. ARRIVEDERCI. WHERE DID THA COME FROM? I HEARD YOU PRACTICING OVER AND OVER AGAIN. WHAT DOES IT MEAN EXACTLY? IT MEANS THAT WE'RE BOTH GOING TO BE LATE. I'LL SEE YOU LATER. DID YOU PUT THE GRAND PIANO IN YOUR PACK? JUST SOMETHING FOR SHOW AND TELL. BYE. BYE. SO RIGHT AFTER THE MOM AND DAD DO THAT, MILLIONS OF THINGS THAT LOOK LIKE POLLYWOGS HEAD FOR THE MOMMY'S EGG, USUALLY FINDING I SOMEWHERE IN HER... FALLOP... CALLOP... FALLOPIAN TUBES? YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS, TOO? SOME OF IT, YES. ANYWAYS, THEN 9 MONTHS LATER, A LITTLE BABY IS BORN, AND THAT'S WHERE WE ALL COME FROM. NOT FROM A POT ROAS LIKE YALE TOLD EVERYBODY. ANY QUESTIONS? READY? MR. CALHOUN WANTS TO TALK TO YOU. WHAT DID YOU DO THIS TIME, TRY TO SET THE SCHOOL ON FIRE? I SWEAR TO YOU, I'M NOT THE ONE WHO GAVE HER THE SEX EDUCATION LESSON. THAT'S NOT ALL. SHE EVEN BROUGHT IN A VISUAL AID. THAT'S MY MOTHER. YOU'RE KIDDING. NO, WHICH LEADS ME TO BELIEVE SHE'S RESPONSIBLE FOR GIVING THE IMPROMPTU SCIENCE LESSON. YOUR MOTHER, HUH? I WOULD APPRECIATE YOU NOT GAWKING. THAT'S BAD MANNERS. I'M SORRY. IT'S JUST THAT MY MOTHER, SHE LOOKED... YOU KNOW...FLABBY. SHE HAD A MOUSTACHE. I'M NOT TRYING TO STIFLE TRUTH, JUST KEEP SUBJECT MATTER AGE APPROPRIATE. WHEN A CHILD ASKS ME WHERE BABIES COME FROM, I GENERALLY TELL THEM CHICAGO. CHICAGO? I'M A CUBS FAN. LISTEN, I WOULD APPRECIATE I IF YOU JUS KEPT THIS TO YOURSELF, BUT AT THE END OF THE SCHOOL YEAR, CELIA WILL BE MOVING TO ARGENTINA TO LIVE WITH HER GRANDPARENTS. OH. SHE HASN'T MENTIONED ANYTHING. THAT'S BECAUSE I HAVEN'T TOLD HER YET. I JUST HAVEN'T REALLY FOUND THE RIGHT TIME. YEAH, WELL, I'M CERTAIN THIS WAS NOT AN EASY DECISION, BUT YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT YOU'VE DONE A GREAT JOB HELPING CELIA THROUGH A VERY DIFFICULT TIME. IF ONLY THAT WERE TRUE. WHEN SHE CAME BACK AFTER THE ACCIDENT, SHE KEPT TO HERSELF, BARELY SPOKE. BUT LITTLE BY LITTLE, SHE'S OPENED UP, AND TODAY...WELL, TODAY'S SHE'S TELLING THE WHOLE CLASS WHERE BABIES COME FROM. YOU KNOW... THERE'S A STORY SHE'S BEEN WORKING ON. HERE. MAYBE THIS WILL HELP MAKE A BELIEVER OUT OF YOU. "ONCE THERE WAS A CAT NAMED OLIVE "AND A DOG NAMED CECE. "ONE BARKED AND THE OTHER MEOWED, AND NEITHER KNEW WHAT THE OTHER WANTED." [CELIA'S VOICE] THEY BARELY KNEW EACH OTHER, AND THEY GOT IN FIGHTS ALL THE TIME. BUT THEN THINGS BETWEEN THEM BEGAN TO CHANGE AND THEY STARTED TO FIND THEIR WAY. HOW DOES THIS STORY END? I GUESS WE'LL FIND OUT, HUH? READY? WAS MR. CALHOUN MEAN TO YOU? NO. WHY? BECAUSE YOU LOOK UPSET. NO. I JUST, UH... I JUST GOT A LITTLE CHALK DUST IN MY EYE. YOU OK? I'VE GOT TO GO. WHAT? IT'S 5:30 IN THE MORNING. YEAH, BUT WHAT'S CELIA GOING TO DO IF SHE WAKES UP AND I'M NOT THERE? YOUR MOM CAN POUR SYRUP ON HER PANCAKES WITHOUT YOU. AND SHE'S GOT A SOCCER GAME THIS MORNING. OLIVIA, BARBARA IS THERE. SHE CAN HANDLE IT. IT'S BAD ENOUGH YOU'VE GOT ME ABANDONING THIS LITTLE GIRL. I'VE GOT YOU DOING IT? YEAH, AND NOW YOU WANT TO ADD CHILD ENDANGERMENT TO THE LIST? THAT WAS A JOKE. I GUESS I'VE SORT OF LOST MY SENSE OF HUMOR WHERE THIS KID'S INVOLVED. ONE MORE WEEK, JOE. THEN IT'S JUST YOU AND ME. [WHISTLE BLOWS] [PARENTS SHOUTING ENCOURAGEMENT] Olivia: THAT'S IT! THAT'S IT, CELIA! YOU GOT IT! THAT'S PERFECT. OK, GO, GO, GO, GO, GO! GOOD JOB, CELIA! I GOT IT! PERFECT! GO, GO, GO, GO! THAT'S OK. THAT'S OK. COME ON, GUYS. YOU CAN DO IT. DON'T WORRY. YOU'LL GET IT NEXT TIME. JUST KEEP KICKING. KICK THE BALL! WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT GUY OVER THERE? NOT NOW. I'M WATCHING CELIA PLAY. IT'S JUST A GAME. CHECK HIM OUT. HE'S PERFECT FOR YOU: DIVORCED AND ATTEMPTING TO RECONCILE. I'M NOT REALLY LOOKING FOR A LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP. WE'RE HERE TO SUPPORT CELIA, NOT FIND YOU A DINNER DATE. KICK IT! I'M SORRY, BUT I HAPPEN TO BE A MULTI-TASKER. GET READY, CELIA. GO, CELIA! [CHEERING] DID YOU SEE THAT? I'M SO PROUD OF YOU, CELIA. WAY TO HANG IN THERE. HA HA HA HA! YES! THAT WAS PERFECT. JUST GO DO IT AGAIN. OK. WAS THAT THE MOS AMAZING THING EVER? WILL YOU STOP? YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME. CELIA SCORED A GOAL. HEY, MY LITTLE SISTER, SHE SCORED HER FIRST GOAL. HA HA HA HA! IS SHE GOING TO DO THIS EVERY TIME SOMETHING GOOD HAPPENS? I HOPE NOT. IT'S EXHAUSTING. SO HOW DO YOU WAN TO CELEBRATE? YOU WANT TO GO TO, LIKE, TOY STORE OR MAYBE GE SOME VIDEO GAMES OR KNOCK OVER A BANK? I'VE GOT A BETTER IDEA. MY MOM MADE THIS ONE. IT REALLY IS BEAUTIFUL. YOU SURE? OK... MY DAD WASN'T SO NICE TO YOU WHEN YOU WERE A KID, WAS HE? NO, HE WASN'T, BUT... SOMETIMES... SOMETIMES I WASN' VERY NICE TO HIM, EITHER. LET'S TRY THE TURTLE. OK. [SIGHS] HOW DID CELIA TAKE THE NEWS? SHOULD HAVE HAD A STAMP MADE. THE REASON I'M ASKING IS BECAUSE-- I HAVEN'T TOLD HER YET. I JUST HAVEN'T FOUND THE RIGHT TIME TO DO IT. YOU DO IT. WE'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS ALREADY, OLIVIA. YOU'RE BOTH LEAVING IN LESS THAN A WEEK. YEAH, BUT YOU'RE HER UNCLE, DENNIS. YOU HAD A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER LONG BEFORE I DID. THE NEWS HAS TO COME FROM YOU. I CAN'T HURT HER. MAYBE YOU CAN' TELL HER YOU'RE LEAVING BECAUSE YOU'RE HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS. ABSOLUTELY NOT. NO, I CAN HEAR I IN YOUR VOICE. I CAN SEE THE RELUCTANCE IN YOUR EYES. WELL, THEN YOU NEED TO CHANGE YOUR PRESCRIPTION, COUNSELOR. AH, YES. THE FAMOUS OLIVIA MARTIN BITING SENSE OF HUMOR. WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? SPIT OUT A JOKE. PUT UP A WALL. DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO SHOW EVERYONE AROUND YOU THAT YOU DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT ANYBODY BUT YOURSELF. WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO TALK TO ME LIKE THIS? NOBODY. NOBODY REALLY. BUT YOUR FATHER TRUSTED ME, AND I HOPED TO HONOR HIS WISHES. AND OLIVIA, I CARE A GREAT DEAL FOR CELIA, AND FOR SOME STRANGE REASON, I'VE EVEN STARTED CARING ABOUT YOU. TELL ME ABOUT IT. SHE'S BEEN LIKE A YO-YO. SHE SHOULD BE BACK PRETTY SOON. NO, I DON'T KNOW, BUT YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS STUFF UP FRONT. YOU KNOW, I LOVE HER. SHE'S MY FLESH AND BLOOD, BUT REALLY... LISTEN, JOE, I ONCE DATED THE MOST CHARMING SOCCER PLAYER FROM BUENOS AIRES. THE PLACE IS FABULOUS. CELIA'S GOING TO LOVE IT. LIVING WITH HER GRANDPARENTS IS THE BEST POSSIBLE SOLUTION FOR ALL OF US. SHE'S GOING TO BE FINE. I PROMISE. I REALIZE THA YOU PROBABLY THINK I'M THE MOS HORRIBLE PERSON ALIVE. NO, I DON'T. I THINK YOU ARE A 21-YEAR-OLD WOMAN WHO WAS GIVEN A RESPONSIBILITY SHE WASN'T READY FOR. WELL, IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL ANY BETTER, YOU SHOULD KNOW THA I'M GOING TO TELL CELIA EVERYTHING THE SECOND I GET HOME. OLIVIA, I WAS OUT OF LINE BEFORE. I DID TRY TO TALK YOU INTO SOMETHING YOU WERE TOTALLY SET AGAINST. WELL, I STILL COULD HAVE SAID NO. I'M TRYING TO APOLOGIZE. IF YOU NEED ME TO STILL BE THERE FOR YOU WHEN YOU TELL CELIA, I'LL DO WHAT I CAN TO SOFTEN THE BLOW. YOU'RE A GOOD MAN, COUNSELOR. IT'S THE SHOES, OLIVIA. AND DON'T LET ANYBODY TELL YOU ANY DIFFERENT. IS CELIA UPSTAIRS? PROBABLY. I MISS ANYTHING EXCITING? JOE CALLED. YOU OK? YEAH, NEVER BETTER. DENNIS IS HERE. HE'S UPSTAIRS SAYING HI TO CELIA. YEAH, SHE'S DOING HER HOMEWORK. DID YOU DOT ALL YOUR Is, CROSS ALL YOUR Ts? YEAH. CELIA? WHERE'S CELIA? ISN'T SHE IN HER ROOM DOING HOMEWORK? NO, SHE'S NOT. ARE YOU SURE? I'M TELLING YOU, SHE'S NOT UPSTAIRS. CELIA? CELIA? CELIA? CELIA! COME ON, HONEY. THIS ISN'T A VERY FUN GAME. CELIA! DID SOMETHING HAPPEN? DID YOU SAY SOMETHING TO HER? WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE MY FAULT? I HATE TO BREAK THIS TO YOU BOTH, BUT ARGUING ISN' GOING TO HELP FIND HER. YEAH, WELL, WHAT IS? I KNOW. CELIA... WHAT'S GOING ON? GO AWAY. DO YOU HEAR ME? GET AWAY FROM ME! WHAT'S WRONG? YOU CAN TELL ME? NO, I CAN'T. OF COURSE YOU CAN. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE! CELIA-- I MEAN IT. I CAN'T WAI UNTIL YOU LEAVE. YOU'RE NOT MY MOM OR MY DAD. CELIA, YOU'RE GETTING THIS ALL WRONG. I HEARD BARBARA ON THE PHONE. I'M GOING TO GRANDMA AND GRANDPA'S. YOU'RE LEAVING ME, TOO. IT'S TRUE, ISN'T IT? IT'S ALL... IT'S ALL VERY, VERY COMPLICATED. YOU LIED TO ME ABOUT EVERYTHING. I'M SORRY. I HATE YOU! DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT? I HATE YOU! NO WONDER MY DADDY NEVER TALKED TO YOU. CELIA FINALLY FELL ASLEEP. SHE DIDN'T WAN TO TALK TO ME. OLIVIA, IT HAS BEEN A VERY... VERY LONG NIGHT. COME ON. I THINK MAYBE IT'S TIME FOR ME TO PACK UP AND GET OUT OF HERE. NO. NO. THIS ISN'T YOUR FAULT. I SHOULD HAVE BEEN STRAIGH WITH CELIA FROM THE BEGINNING. YOU JUST DIDN'T WAN TO HURT THE LITTLE RUNT. YEAH, WE SEE HOW WELL THAT WORKED OUT. IT'S OBVIOUS YOU'RE HAVING MIXED EMOTIONS ABOUT LEAVING. NO, I'M NOW ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE THAT GOING TO ITALY IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO. BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE. WHEN WE COULDN'T FIND HER, I MEAN, WHEN I DIDN' KNOW WHERE SHE WAS, I'VE NEVER BEEN MORE SCARED IN MY WHOLE LIFE. THAT'S CALLED BEING A PARENT. WELL, I'M SORRY. I HAVE TRIED MY BEST, AND I'M JUST NOT READY FOR THIS KIND OF RESPONSIBILITY. WELL, SOONER OR LATER, WHETHER WE LIKE IT OR NOT, WE ALL HAVE TO GROW UP. SHE TALKING ABOU HERSELF OR ME? I'M STILL IN THE ROOM. SO I'LL TALK TO YOU TOMORROW? YEAH. HEY... IT'S GOING TO BE OK. NIGHT, DENNIS. YOU COULDN'T SLEEP, EITHER, HUH? MIND IF I ASK YOU A QUESTION? I WAS 4 WHEN KENNEDY WAS ASSASSINATED, SO YOU CAN'T BLAME THAT ONE ON ME. WHY DO YOU THINK RICHARD LOVED CELIA BUT DIDN'T CARE ABOUT ME? WHEN YOU CAME ALONG, YOUR FATHER WAS... A VERY DIFFERENT MAN. HE HAD NO IDEA HOW TO CARE FOR ANYBODY BUT HIMSELF. MY GUESS IS THAT HE SCREWED UP SO BADLY WITH US, WITH YOU... HE JUS COULD NEVER FIND A WAY TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT. THEN HE JUST COULDN' DEAL WITH THE FAILURE. YEAH, BUT WHY TREAT ME LIKE A CLIEN AND TREAT HER LIKE A DAUGHTER? SHE WAS HIS SECOND CHANCE TO FIX THE BIGGES MISTAKE OF HIS LIFE. WHAT? IT'S JUST THIS PAINTING CELIA DID. IT'S HUNG HERE EVERY DAY WHILE I WAS JUS NONEXISTENT IN HIS UNIVERSE. [CHUCKLES] WHAT? WHAT'S SO FUNNY? CELIA DIDN'T PAIN THAT PICTURE. YOU DID. YOU WORKED ON THAT THING EVERY DAY FOR A WEEK UNTIL YOU GOT THOSE LITTLE HANDS EXACTLY RIGHT. WHY'D HE KEEP IT? MAYBE THAT WAY... A LITTLE PART OF YOU WOULD ALWAYS BE WITH HIM. OH, HONEY... I'M SORRY. I DIDN' MEAN TO WAKE YOU. CELIA, I OWE YOU A HUGE APOLOGY. I MEAN, THE LAST THING I EVER WANTED TO DO WAS MAKE YOU SAD, AND I PROMISE I'LL NEVER LIE TO YOU AGAIN. I'M SO SORRY. I'M SORRY FOR WHA I SAID BEFORE, TOO. ARE YOU KIDDING? I THOUGHT YOU LET ME OFF PRETTY LIGHT. SO WHEN ARE YOU GOING AWAY? YOU AND I BOTH ARE LEAVING IN ABOUT A WEEK. UNCLE DENNIS IS GOING TO FLY WITH YOU TO YOUR GRANDPARENTS. I LOOKED AT MY GLOBE. ITALY IS A LONG WAYS AWAY FROM ARGENTINA. NO, IT'S NOT. YEAH. YEAH, IT'S PRETTY FAR AWAY, BUT I PROMISE WE'LL TALK ON THE PHONE ALL THE TIME AND I SWEAR I'LL COME VISIT YOU. YOU THINK THEY'LL LET ME BRING MRS. TONTO? I THOUGHT YOU SAID HE WAS A MR. TONTO? HE WAS, BUT YOU REPLACED HIM WITH A HER. YOU KNEW ALL ALONG THAT MR. TONTO WAS AN IMPOSTER? MR. CALHOUN IS AN EXCELLEN SCIENCE TEACHER. BUT YOU NEVER SAID ANYTHING. YOU WENT TO ALL THAT TROUBLE. I DIDN'T WAN TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS. WOULD YOU MIND IF I BUNKED WITH YOU TONIGHT? YOU THINK MY MOM AND DAD ARE IN HEAVEN, LOOKING DOWN AND WATCHING US? EVERY SECOND OF THE DAY. I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT MY LIFE MAYBE GIVE ME INSIGHT YOU GUYS HAVE TO HAVE FINAL PAPERS IN BY NEXT WEDNESDAY. THEY MUST BE 1,500 WORDS AND COUNT FOR 20% OF YOUR GRADE. FOR YOUR OWN BENEFIT, NO LATE PAPERS. IN LIFE, AFTER ALL, YEAH I WENT TO THE DOCTOR I WENT TO THE MOUNTAINS I LOOKED TO THE CHILDREN I DRANK FROM THE FOUNTAIN AND WE GO TO THE DOCTOR WE GO TO THE MOUNTAINS THE MILLER'S TALE, THE COOK'S TALE, AND THE MONK'S TALE. YEAH, WE GO TO THE BIBLE WE GO THROUGH THE WORKOUT WE READ UP ON REVIVAL WE STAND UP FOR THE LOOKOUT THERE'S MORE THAN ONE ANSWER TO THESE QUESTIONS POINTING ME IN A CROOKED LINE THE LESS I SEEK MY SOURCE FOR SOME DEFINITIVE THE CLOSER I AM TO FINE THE CLOSER I AM TO FINE THE CLOSER I AM TO FINE, YEAH WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO ALL MY TOYS? YOU'RE GOING TO CHOOSE ALL THE THINGS YOU LOVE AND THEN ROSAVEL WILL PACK THEM UP AND SHIP THEM TO ARGENTINA. IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR YOUR TICKET, IT'S RIGHT HERE. I WASN'T. ARE MY GRANDPARENTS GOING TO MAKE ME DO MY HOMEWORK BEFORE I CAN WATCH TV? YEAH, I'D PRETTY MUCH COUNT ON THAT. AND THAT PASSPORT THA YOU'RE NOT SEARCHING FOR IS UNDER THE FRUIT BAR. ARE THEY GOING TO MAKE ME BRUSH MY TEETH? IF YOU HAVE ANY LEFT AFTER YOU FINISH EATING ALL THAT ICING. ARE THEY GOING TO MAKE ME PICK UP ALL MY CLOTHES LIKE YOU DO? I DON'T SOUND LIKE YOUR SISTER. I SOUND LIKE YOUR BOSS. IT'S OK. I COULDN' STAND IT AT FIRST, BUT THEN I ACTUALLY STARTED GETTING USED TO IT. ME, TOO. WEIRD, HUH? THANKS. [DOORBELL RINGS] THAT MUST BE UNCLE DENNIS. WELL, I HOPE HE'S HAD HIS SHOTS. THAT MAY BE THE BEST CHOCOLATE CAKE I'VE EVER TASTED. IF THE KID HAD HATED DESSERT, WE WOULD HAVE STARVED BY NOW. AND I FINALLY USED THE RIGHT FORK. I NEVER THOUGH YOU'D GET IT. COME ON, RUNT. HELP ME CLEAR THE TABLE, HMM? SO YOU'RE ALL PACKED AND READY TO FLY? YEAH. THE CAR PICKS ME UP AT 6 A.M. AND WE SWING BY AND GRAB JOE. YOU? MY FLIGHT LEAVES IN THE EVENING, BUT I'LL BE COMING OVER AROUND NOON. THAT'LL GIVE CELIA TIME FOR SOME EXTRA LAST-MINUTE STUFF. I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE YOU TRAVELING WITH HER. WELL, THAT WAY I'M SURE THEIR SIDE OF THE CUSTODY PAPERWORK IS COMPLETED. WON'T BE ANY PROBLEMS. RICHARD MUST HAVE BEEN NUTS TO THINK THA A 21-YEAR-OLD MISFIT LIKE ME COULD POSSIBLY TAKE CARE OF A 7-YEAR-OLD KID. HE WAS A LOT OF THINGS, BUT CRAZY WASN'T ONE OF THEM. EVEN THOUGH ALL THE EVIDENCE WAS TO THE CONTRARY? YOU EVER HEAR HIS PICASSO STORY? NO, I THINK I MISSED THAT ONE. RICHARD HAD A CLIENT WHO FOUND OUT HER HUSBAND WAS SLEEPING WITH ABOUT A HALF DOZEN WOMEN BEHIND HER BACK. IN THE DIVORCE SETTLEMENT, SHE GETS THE PICASSO. WORTH MILLIONS. ABOUT A YEAR LATER, AFTER SHE'S PUT HER LIFE BACK TOGETHER, SHE FALLS OFF A LADDER, SNAPS HER NECK, AND DIES. WOW. THAT'S A VERY UPLIFTING STORY, COUNSELOR. WELL, THERE'S MORE, OLIVIA. OH, BUT THAT ENDING WAS SO SATISFYING. SHE LEAVES THE PICASSO TO HER EX-HUSBAND, THE VERY SAME MAN WHOSE GUTS SHE HATED. HUH. SO YOUR POINT IS... WHAT DO YOU THINK, COUNSELOR? WELL... I'D SAY THA ANY FIRST YEAR LAW STUDEN WOULD PROBABLY ARGUE THAT SHE DIDN' REALLY HATE HIM. IF SHE HAD, SHE WOULDN'T HAVE LEFT HIM WITH SUCH A TREASURE. SHE OBVIOUSLY STILL LOVED AND TRUSTED HIM. MAYBE YOU HAVE A CAREER IN FRONT OF A JURY AFTER ALL. RICHARD LEFT ME HIS TREASURE. YOU TWO TELLING PIRATE STORIES? WOULD YOU GUYS FINISH THE DISHES? DO YOU MIND? I'VE GOT TO TAKE CARE OF SOMETHING. WILL YOU BE BACK BEFORE BEDTIME? PROBABLY NOT, BUT I PROMISE NO TO LEAVE WITHOUT SAYING GOOD-BYE. PROMISE? CROSS MY HEART. Joe: YEAH, I'M COMING. HEY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? THAT'S A VERY DIFFICUL QUESTION TO ANSWER, JOE. DO YOU WANT TO COME IN? I'M STILL PACKING. NO. HOW ABOUT I COME OUT? OH, BOY. HOW DO I SAY THIS? OK, HERE'S THE THING. WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT ME? I CAN'T EVER REMEMBER. THAT'S WHAT MAKES OUR RELATIONSHIP SPECIAL. OK. WELL, WHAT DO I LIKE ABOUT YOU? YOU'RE ATTRACTIVE, SARCASTIC, AND YOU DON'T DOTE ON ME. SO YOU WANT ME TO GO HALFWAY AROUND THE WORLD WITH YOU BECAUSE I'M CUTE, I GIVE YOU GRIEF, AND DON'T ACT LIKE YOUR MOM? MY PARENTS STAYED TOGETHER FOR 30 YEARS BASED ON A HELL OF A LOT LESS. YEAH, BUT THAT'S NOT ENOUGH FOR ME. I CAME FROM A BROKEN HOME WHERE I DIDN'T GIVE FAMILY ENOUGH THOUGHT. I KNOW ALL OF THIS, OLIVIA. BUT I WAS WRONG, 'CAUSE FAMILY MATTERS MORE THAN I KNEW. AND IF I RUN AWAY WITH YOU, WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT GOING TO ITALY IS ALL ABOUT, I WILL BE DOING TO CELIA EXACTLY WHAT MY DAD DID TO ME. YOU ARE PUNISHING YOURSELF OUT OF GUILT. YOU DON'T GET IT, DO YOU? I'M TAKING CARE OF THIS PERSON WHO NEEDS ME, AND STRANGE AS IT IS, I... I NEED HER, TOO. YOU ARE MAKING THE BIGGES MISTAKE OF YOUR LIFE. MAYBE... BUT THERE'S THIS PAGE TURNER THAT I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF ABOUT A CAT NAMED CECE, A DOG NAMED OLIVE, AND... I GOT TO SEE HOW IT ENDS. [CHUCKLES] CAN'T TALK YOU OUT OF THIS? HAVE A SAFE TRIP, DR. JOE. HEY. WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. WHAT? OLIVIA PROMISED SHE WOULDN' LEAVE WITHOUT SAYING GOOD-BYE. BREAKFAST? YOU'RE STILL HERE. SO IS THAT A YES TO WAFFLES OR A NO? I THOUGHT... I THOUGHT YOU LEF WITHOUT SAYING GOOD-BYE. I CHANGED MY MIND. YOU'RE NOT GOING TO ITALY? HOW CAN I LEAVE WHEN THE MOS IMPORTANT THING ON EARTH IS STILL IN THIS HOUSE? YOUR BLOW DRIER? NO. YOU. I WAS BEING SARCASTIC. WHAT A BEAUTIFUL LIFE TO BE LIVING SO BEAUTIFUL OH, YEAH I CAN'T HELP THE WAY I'M FEELING Celia: ONCE THERE WAS A DOG NAMED CECE AND A CAT NAMED OLIVE, AND THEY DIDN'T GET ALONG VERY WELL. BUT SLOWLY THINGS CHANGED. THEY GAVE EACH OTHER A CHANCE AND STOPPED FIGHTING LONG ENOUGH TO LISTEN. THE DOG REALIZED THE CAT'S MEOW WAS A BEAUTIFUL INSTRUMEN AND THE CAT DISCOVERED THE DOG'S BARK WAS THE MOST AMAZING SINGING VOICE IT HAD EVER HEARD. IF EVERYBODY THINKS MY SENSES HAVE RUN WILD WORKS FOR ME. Celia: SO CECE AND OLIVE LEARNED THA THEY'RE MUCH SMARTER HAPPIER, AND STRONGER TOGETHER THAN THEY EVER WOULD HAVE BEEN APART. TO BE LIVING WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DREAM TO BE LEAVING TO BE LEAVING IF YOU WERE THE ONE SITTING NEXT TO ME WHAT A BEAUTIFUL LIFE THAT WOULD BE WHAT A BEAUTIFUL LIFE THAT WOULD BE |
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