(ominous piano music)
(choir meowing)
I know what this looks like.
But it's not my fault.
It's my cat, Angel.
(choir meowing)
You look nervous.
If you'd been through what
I've been through,
you'd be nervous too.
(screaming)
(purring)
I don't even know
where to begin.
When I first got to LA,
it was great.
It was magical.
(thunder booms)
I figured it would
inspire me to write again.
I was looking for my muse.
(vomiting)
(moaning)
Just go with it.
And did you find her?
Hi.
(giggles)
Come on in.
So this is your place?
Yeah.
Things got really bad.
That night with Lisa.
I love Stephen King.
I like him too.
(purring)
Oh here's my cat Cujo,
I mean Angel.
(laughs)
Holy Miss Beautiful.
It got to the point where I
couldn't really date
another woman.
My cat, she would get
too jealous.
You underrated her
gorgeousness.
I can't wait to pet her.
Oh maybe you shouldn't.
Some people think she's...
Dangerous.
(meowing)
(laughs)
You!
(laughs and snorts)
Dangerously adorable you mean.
Oh God, she scratched me!
[Nick] It's not that bad.
(knocking)
Coming.
(dramatic sting)
What, did I scare you?
Adam!
What the hell are you
doing dressed like that?
It's called body armor and I'd
be up
here in one of those shark cages
if I
could figure out how to
get it up the stairs.
Huh.
Here's your mail.
I can't believe Lisa made such
a big deal over
a little scratch.
A little scratch?
I just saw her running
out of here.
Looks like she sliced an artery.
I wonder if she'll
ever talk to me again.
Not if she's like every
other girl you brought up here.
I'm telling you man, you
need to exorcize that cat.
Don't you think you're
being a little extreme?
Is that...
Is that blood?
There is nothing worse
than a bloody pussy.
Didn't you think you had a
real problem on your hands?
Not at that point.
I had no idea what was to come.
(girl screaming)
(meowing death metal music)
Things kept getting stranger
after that.
(loud boom)
(phone rings)
Hello?
Is that you blasting music?
Adam.
I don't know, there was
music, a bright light.
And I grew a beard.
You on drugs?
I think someone may have
broken into my apartment.
Why would anyone wanna
break into your apartment?
I think someone might
be in my kitchen.
Yeah, well I told you
not to keep
all that food
in the refrigerator.
I gotta go.
(ominous piano music)
(floor creaking)
Angel, you're not supposed
to be eating late at night.
(dramatic sting)
(phone rings)
Hello?
I couldn't sleep.
Lisa.
I had a dream about you.
That's strange.
You were about to give
me a very, very large...
Go on, I think I like
this dream.
Check.
(record scratch)
Because I sued your ass
for the pain and suffering
I had to endure from your pesky
demon cat!
Still like the dream?
I'll see you in court.
Aww, you still hungry baby?
(woman screams)
(ominous music)
(loud banging)
(woman screaming)
(loud banging)
(woman screaming)
(dramatic sting)
I wouldn't do that
if I were you.
What do you mean?
There's blood seeping
from underneath the door.
Do you think we should
call the cops?
Don't believe everything you
see, buddy.
(coughs)
This is real blood.
I was kidding.
Hey look, it was maple
syrup, food coloring.
What am I, neighbors with
Aunt Jemima?
What do you want, it's
the week before Halloween.
What about the screams?
I heard somebody scream.
It's probably her,
the new girl.
She works in special effects,
when she's
working on something, she
messes up, she screams.
She sounds nuts.
She's one of those
dramatic artists.
You know, you're a writer,
you're all a little moody.
You know, I hope she
doesn't make this a habit.
Give her a break,
she just moved in
and she's probably not that
happy about
you blasting that music,
what was that about?
I don't know.
When I came out there
was no one there.
I just got a call from Lisa.
She's threatening to sue me
over that scratch
Angel gave her.
Frustrated actress.
I'm gonna need a lawyer.
Here, take this.
[Nick] What's this?
It's the number to a
real professional.
Okay?
Friend of the family.
I've used her on more
than one occasion.
And you keep her number
scribbled on
a piece of paper
in your pajamas?
You never know when you'll
need it.
Listen, my dad's a lawyer,
he goes to her, she's good.
[Nick] Miss Rommel,
my name is Nick.
I know who you are.
I hear you're having a little
problem with your pussycat.
How did you know?
Adam told me.
I've worked with Adam before.
See you in one hour, be ready.
Come right in.
Ooooh.
I see you like swords.
They're not really
sharp, they're for show.
Where's your bathroom?
Down the hallway,
to the right.
Sit!
You're making me nervous.
(purring)
(dramatic drumming)
I was about to get screwed.
(muffled screaming)
Awww, relax.
(western music meowing)
(loud banging)
(meowing)
(muffled screaming)
Hey buddy, I've never seen
you so tongue tied before.
(muffled yelling)
What the hell happened?
What are you talking about?
I heard screaming.
When I realized it wasn't the
neighbor I headed over here.
Where's Miss Rommel?
Miss Rommel?
How do I know?
(ominous atmosphere music)
(jazzy meowing music)
Would you put that thing away?
What are you doing with a
camera anyway?
I just bought it and
I was testing it out.
I heard all the noise
coming from your apartment
when I came over here to
see what was happening.
You told me Miss Rommel
was a lawyer.
No, I said she
was a professional.
Where is she anyway?
I don't know.
It's you, man, you're
screwing with me aren't you?
Me?
Why would I do that?
I'm telling you, it's probably
that cat.
Seems to be the only
logical explanation.
Logical explanation?
That my car is possessed
by a demon
and attacked a lawyer
who really isn't
a lawyer, but a
dominatrix mistress?
You should be glad
she's not a lawyer.
Assuming it was your cat who
attacked her.
I'm gonna get sued from
another chick!
You've been a big help.
Thanks.
(dramatic sting)
I don't think she's
gonna say anything.
What makes you so sure?
Because it looks to me
like the cat got her tongue.
(thunder booms)
(meowing)
After that I was haunted
with guilt, or something.
(ominous atmosphere music)
(menacing laughter)
(dramatic sting)
(screaming)
(dramatic sting)
(suspenseful orchestra music)
Please.
Please no.
Don't be a pussy!
(sobbing)
(bones cracking)
(groaning)
(heart beating)
(laughs)
Eat your heart out.
She's a heart taker
She's coming for you
She is a heart taker
She's coming for you
(rock music)
(alarm ringing)
(heart beating)
What, did I scare you?
I just brought you some milk.
The healthy crap, kind you like?
Little vitamin D?
Have you heard from Miss
Rommel yet?
No, but I'm thinking
no news is good news.
Jeez man, why do you
still have this?
What am I supposed
to do with it?
Throw it away.
What if someone finds it?
So you're gonna keep
it in your refrigerator?
Throw it down the garbage
disposal or something.
What if she comes back
and wants her tongue back?
(mocking speech impediment)
What are you doing?
My impression of somebody
asking for their tongue back.
You're sick.
Listen, I've been called
a lot worse by a lot better.
I hired a therapist.
You need a cat whisperer.
Look.
What do you think?
Yeah, she is way too hot to be
any good.
She's the only one who
will make house calls.
She's coming later today.
Well I better get
rid of this then.
Last thing you need is
to be making a drink for
this girl and accidentally
slip her the tongue.
(gentle electric guitar music)
I think it's love.
Pardon?
Not real love, but love
addiction.
So are you saying
that it's not real love?
It's real for her, but that
doesn't mean it's real love.
You see, love addicts lack
self-esteem.
Likely from some early
life loss or trauma,
so they get wrapped up
in the drama wanting
others to love them to
the point of obsession.
How do you know so
much about this?
(chuckles)
Because I used to be a love
addict too.
That's great!
Give her the attention
she thinks
she wants and then
maybe she'll stop
sinking her claws
so deeply into you.
(hissing)
[Nick] Stop that!
Just you and me tonight
You, you touch my heart
You make me swoon
Like no one has before
You, you make me purr
You make me feel
Like I'm alive once more
Tonight, you're all I need
(record scratch)
You think you might
be taking that
therapist suggestion a little
too far?
What are you doing, Adam?
I'm trying to sleep.
I can see that.
I know you're a
little desperate,
but you're sleeping with
your cat, come on, man.
What do you mean, I sleep
with her all the time.
You know I'm recording
this right?
You'll never write in this
town again.
It's not what you think.
Really?
Rose petals?
(meows)
[Publisher] Well did
Angel calm down after that?
For a little bit.
(gentle acoustic guitar music)
Like the sparrow needs his
wings to fly
I just need your kiss
to live
Come on, little sparrow
(moaning)
Little sparrow
You need to embrace it.
Just go with it.
I know it's hard.
(hissing)
What was that?
(chomping)
(whimpering)
(dramatic sting)
(screaming)
(growling)
(door creaks)
(ominous atmosphere music)
Did you ever figure
out what the note meant?
Sort of.
(teapot whistling)
Grandma was the first to sniff
things out.
It was like she can smell
trouble before it happened.
(upbeat jazzy music)
(hissing)
Grandma, tea's ready.
Good.
How nice dear, thank you.
I'm worried about you.
I'm okay grandma, really.
Well I don't know.
Angel certainly doesn't
look okay.
What do you mean?
No, she's not herself.
Maybe it's something she ate.
Something she ate?
I know cats.
So about you.
You look tired.
Are you all right?
It's been a rough few days.
How's your love life?
Grandma, please.
I know women too,
and I know some
of them can be
downright villainous.
But if you need me, please
don't be afraid to call.
I may be old, but I
have nine lives as well.
I'm as fierce as any feline.
Thank you grandma, I
appreciate that.
But the nightmares just
kept getting worse.
(dramatic sting)
Why didn't you listen to me?
(menacing laughter)
Things have really taken
a downward spiral lately.
I've been having
these nightmares.
[Laurie] What sort of
nightmares?
(moaning)
Sexual ones.
[Laurie] With anyone
in particular?
No.
Are you aware that
your legs are shaking?
I'm going to be candid.
You're sexually frustrated.
Angel has prevented you
from having any real
relationship with a woman
and it's driving you crazy.
Do you masturbate?
Masturbate?
Masturbate?
Pardon?
(rock music)
Meow.
It's nothing to be ashamed of,
it helps
release all this
built up tension.
I've tried it.
Just doesn't work for me.
(meowing)
(screaming)
Well have you tried embracing
Angel's love like we discussed?
I have.
[Laurie] And is it working?
I don't really know.
She hasn't tried to attack
anyone lately.
I suppose that's progress.
You touch my heart
(ominous atmosphere music)
(screaming)
Oh stop it.
So I got fired from
my job today.
I didn't even know you
had a job.
Well I did for about
three days.
I was an extra.
How does one get fired
from being an extra?
It's actually simpler
than you might thing.
Taking a non-speaking role and
turning it into a speaking role.
I figured what's the point of
being an
extra if you're not doing
something extra.
Director disagreed.
So you got axed.
It's the makeup
artist downstairs.
She's using me as a model
for some
new horror movie she's
working on.
Adam, if you don't mind,
I'm trying
to have dinner with my cat here.
All right, I'll leave,
I'll leave.
(dramatic sting)
(screaming)
Did I scare you?
Who are you?
Pluto.
Detective Pluto.
I am here, I am investigating
the disappearance of one...
Lisa Graves.
I didn't know Lisa
was missing.
(purring)
What a nice kitty.
(dramatic sting)
What is that?
(chuckling)
(laughter)
Breath mint?
Don't mind if I do.
Ow, ow ow ow ow
ow ow ow ow ow!
(dramatic atmospheric drumming)
Think he's giving you
the finger?
Humph.
I, no, I still
don't understand
why the detective
bit this finger.
I don't know.
What about the finger?
It wasn't real.
I got it from the
makeup lady downstairs.
I must've dropped it.
Why didn't you say something?
I didn't wanna
complicate things.
You nearly gave me
a heart attack.
Where are you going?
I'm gonna tell that
mysterious neighbor
of mine what I think of
the screams, the blood
in the hallway and her
giving you the finger!
(door creaks open)
(ominous atmosphere music)
(loud slam)
(floor creaking)
(clock bell rings)
(woman screaming)
(woman screaming)
(woman screaming)
(floor creaking)
(woman screaming)
(dramatic sting)
(woman screaming)
Things kept getting weirder by
the moment.
I needed to clear my head.
But every corner I turned led
me deeper into a fog of mystery.
Running from someone?
Can I help you?
I hope so.
I believe you used to
date my daughter.
Oh, I don't know where
Lisa is.
Lisa?
No, my last name is Carrie.
I'm Rosemary's mother.
Rosemary.
Do you remember her?
Yes.
How's Rosemary doing?
She's dead.
(dramatic sting)
I'm really sorry to
hear about...
Rosemary.
Right, Rosemary.
We dated a couple years ago?
Six months ago.
She was blonde?
Brunette.
It's all so foggy to me.
Really?
Because she wrote about you in
her diary.
Here.
Read it.
Go ahead, she wouldn't mind.
(dramatic sting)
If you don't mind my
asking, how did she die?
Poison.
Oh my God.
Oh!
(dramatic sting)
It moved.
The box moved!
Please be careful.
I'm pygmachophobic.
A fear of boxes.
You never know what
you might find in them.
My husband once brought
home a crate.
(shrieks)
(shrieks)
(woman screaming)
It's all right.
It's nothing to be afraid
of, it's just my cat Angel.
How can you be so sure?
I used to be ailurophobia.
A fear of cats.
But that's not what this is.
This is phasmophobia.
(shrieks)
I'm getting out of here.
Wait, you forgot this!
Phasmophobia?
Fear of ghosts?
(meowing)
Hmm?
So is that the diary?
Mmmhm.
Written by a woman
you don't remember
dating who apparently
hated your cat.
What were you thinking?
I thought I
needed a therapist.
"The trouble started with
the cat,
so I'll kill the cat and end
all that.
And as for ye who
mocks what's written,
you'll die just like
that pesky kitten.
As I conjure a joke of my own
to come and slay
thee in thy home."
Your ex wrote that?
The whole thing's like
that filled with spells.
The girl thought she was
a witch and hated Angel.
What I can't figure out is why
I don't remember dating her.
Maybe you blocked it out.
Sounds like you should
stick with your cat.
It's probably safer.
I love Angel.
But I never can love love Angel.
It was a joke, I was just
trying to cheer you up.
Why would anyone wanna poison
my cat?
(yawns)
I don't know what's
gotten over me.
Why don't you get some sleep.
Yeah.
(thunder booms)
(menacing laughter)
(shoes squeaking)
(menacing laughter)
(hissing)
(clown nose honking)
(groaning)
(shoes squeaking)
(Angel meowing)
Angel?
Angel?
(water percolating)
(knocking)
(dramatic sting)
Lisa?
I thought you were dead.
Are you?
Where is that hell cat?
Look, you're upset and sick.
Very sick.
(vomits)
You're the one who's sick,
Nick.
You should've listened to me.
Don't make me eat your ear.
It was a nightmare.
You don't know nightmares!
I'm haunted every time I close
my eyes.
(coughs)
I ran away, but the
nightmares followed me.
This disease, it's getting under
my skin.
Gross.
I can't get a date for
Valentine's Day.
Not to mention what this has
done to my acting career!
(sobs) I'm sorry!
What do you want me to do?
Lick my foot.
You serious?
[Lisa] Tell me you like them.
I like them.
Convince me.
Precious.
My precious, my precious.
My sweet, sweet precious.
Now get up!
This is just the beginning.
It's a shame.
We could've been something,
you and I.
Together, we could've
ruled the world.
(coughs)
This isn't over!
(Angel meowing)
Angel?
Angel?
Angel!
(Angel meowing)
[Publisher] Why did Angel
run away?
I don't know for sure.
Did you ever find out where
she went?
No.
Valentine's Day was right
around the
corner and once again
I was alone.
(knocking)
Happy VD, buddy!
Looks like you started
without me.
Aww, is that your kitty?
So sad.
I lost a cat once.
I hate toilets.
All right.
Let's get this party started,
it's Valentine's Day!
(cheering)
Happy Valentine's Day to you,
gorgeous.
Cheers.
[Lindsey] Yes, my sexy love.
Cheers.
(laughter)
My chainsaw slices
away the fat
I wanna dine on
something more
And it's time to (mumbles)
Something's scratching
at your door
Well now you're
gonna wake up
To the nightmare
that's in store
Well I'm a chainsaw kitty
Chainsaw kitty
Chainsaw kitty
Chainsaw kitty
Chainsaw kitty
Chainsaw kitty
(music distorts)
(record scratch)
You're coming with me
to my hostel.
Can I tear open your heart?
Oh, sure.
Oh God.
This is almost as good as sex.
(giggles)
I have to use the bathroom.
Yeah, okay.
Okay.
Love love.
Boo.
Did I scare you?
Where's Adam?
Unconscious.
Where's Lindsey?
Do you like pain?
Not in particular.
Do you?
Choke me.
(moaning)
Hey, stop!
Stop, what are you doing?
I can't breathe!
Don't do it!
What are you doing here?
Adam passed out, so I
thought I'd join you two.
(laughter)
Maybe I should leave.
- Shut up.
- Shut up.
(Angel meowing)
Angel?
(loud bang)
What was that?
I tawt I saw a puddy cat.
(laughter)
You did, you did see a
puddy cat.
(laughter)
Where'd she go?
I don't see anything.
(dramatic sting)
(shrieking)
You bleeding?
I'm so jealous.
Come on, let me see this.
Are you okay?
Ow!
God!
Oh God.
You're scratched.
Do you want me to call a doctor?
Angel.
I'm yours.
(meowing and scratching)
(moaning)
Open up.
Open the door.
(moaning)
Oh yeah.
(dramatic sting)
(screaming)
[Laurie] Is she all right now?
She's fine now that she's back
with me.
I was referring to the girl
who fell down the stairs.
Oh, um...
Mild concussion
and a few scratches.
More shook up than
anything else.
And how do you feel
about everything?
Horrible.
Like giving up on dating
women altogether.
Safer for everyone that way.
[Laurie] That would
be a shame.
You think so?
Yes I do, you have so much
to offer the right woman.
Hold on a second.
(meowing)
Now where were we?
I was telling you that I
really think...
(ominous atmosphere music)
(growling)
We shouldn't be doing this.
You sure?
[Laurie] This isn't
helping you.
No, it's helping.
It's helping big time.
[Ghostly Voice] Meow.
What was that noise?
What?
[Ghostly Voice] Meow.
That.
I don't hear anything.
I have a bad feeling that
if I stay
here things are gonna
get out of hand.
It'll be fine.
I promise.
No, no, I'm sorry,
I have to go.
Don't.
Had we met under better
circumstances, maybe.
(ominous atmosphere music)
(phone ringing)
(phone vibrates)
Nick?
Nick!
(door creaking)
(Psycho theme music)
Adam.
What are you doing here
with a knife?
Why are you dressed like
Miss Bates?
Because I love you, man.
(screaming)
Are you here to kill me?
Not really.
I actually wanna kill
that therapist bitch.
Then I came to my senses.
I'm not a murderer,
I'm an artist.
An artist?
There is no
downstairs neighbor.
I made her up.
What?
Yeah, it was me all along.
I needed an excuse to get you
to come visit me downstairs.
What did you need an
excuse for?
'Cause you care
about that stupid
cat more than you care about me.
You're the one who
needs a therapist.
(meowing and scratching)
(screaming)
Oh, and since we're bearing
all here,
I never really thought
your cat was possessed.
I was just jealous because
you loved her more than me.
You cold?
I painted the pentagram
on the mirror,
I put the fake blood
in the hallway
and I put the tongue
in the bedroom.
You mean that wasn't
Miss Rommel's tongue?
No buddy, it was a fake.
And a pretty good one too
if I do say so myself.
Convinced the crap out of you.
Why?
'Cause I wanted to convince
you to get rid of that cat.
Ever since you got her, I lost
my wingman.
We used to party, we used
to do things together.
So you did those
things because
you wanted your wingman back?
Mostly, but then I realized
there was something more.
What?
I realized that I didn't
just want my wingman back.
I wanted my wingman...
In the back.
(Psycho theme music)
Are you gonna get that?
Are you trying to
tell me that you're gay?
(Laurie screaming)
That's not me.
(dramatic sting)
And that's not me either.
[Publisher] So I guess
that's when your love
affair with the therapist
came to an abrupt end.
It was hard to see a
future with her after that.
Well I guess it was pretty
hard for
her to see anything after that
because...
The eye.
So that's when you realized it
wasn't just Adam,
your cat really
was possessed,
only you still didn't
know who was possessing
your cat right?
I was just looking
for a miracle.
You have quite a
collection of books.
Yeah.
I guess I'm a bit
of a bibliophile.
What's a bibliophile?
(laughs)
It's Latin!
Biblio meaning books,
phile meaning lover of.
It means lover of books.
[Blatty] I see you have a pet.
Yeah.
Her name's...
Angel.
(dramatic sting)
(hissing)
I love pets.
Guess that makes me a
pet-o-phile.
Well Father...
That's what I wanted to talk to
you about.
I believe my pussy's possessed.
Have you ever performed
an exorcism on a cat?
(dramatic sting)
(purring)
We cast you from our
midst, oh unclean spirit.
All satanic powers.
All infernal invaders.
You think it will still work
if I don't believe in God?
You don't believe in God?
Why do you believe in the devil
if you don't believe in God?
I don't believe
in the devil either.
(purring)
(hissing)
Ow!
So...
You wanna play rough, huh?
(growling)
(ominous humming)
Did you see that?
Cat hates holy water.
She's a cat.
Hush.
Leave us.
(Angel growling)
Please.
Try not to hurt her.
Be prepared.
This is gonna get ugly.
Here kitty.
Here kitty kitty
kitty kitty kitty.
(growling)
(gasping)
[Blatty] Brother Damien,
what is it?
Has the demon overtaken
your voice?
(coughs)
Furball from Hell!
(coughs)
Furball from Hell.
(demonic hissing)
(growling)
(ominous humming)
Holy crap.
(suspenseful orchestra music)
Ow!
Open up!
Open the door!
(screaming)
Come on, open up!
(heart beating)
(muttering gibberish)
We better go check on him.
But when you went back
into the room
there was no sign of any of it.
No flying poop on the wall,
no burning
bedsheets, no furball from Hell,
nothing.
I was losing hope.
(knocking)
(disembodied gibberish)
Is your life empty
and full of pain?
Actually yes.
Good.
I am here to help you
find everlasting
salvation from
eternal damnation.
Right now I have
bigger problems.
Let us talk to you about
the only book worth reading.
I'm sorry guys,
you're wasting your...
I know karate.
You don't wanna touch that.
Rubbish.
Do you believe in the devil?
Why do you ask?
My cat.
I think she's possessed.
(laughter)
Aren't all cats possessed?
Silence!
This is no ordinary cat.
She attacked my ex-girlfriend,
turned her into a
flesh decaying zombie.
So I hired a cat therapist,
but she attacked her too.
Ripped her eye out.
So I tried to get her exorcized.
Your therapist?
No, my cat.
But she attacked two priests.
One evaporated into thin air.
The other ran away with a
nasty gash on his chest.
I don't even wanna tell you
what it said.
Pussy.
Pussy.
I don't know what
I'm gonna do.
I just know the longer you two
stay here,
the more likely she's
going to get pretty mad.
(upbeat acoustic guitar music)
I hate cats, I hate cats
I really really
really hate cats
I hate cats, that's a
natural fact
I like to grab them
by the tail
Swing them like a bat,
I hate...
Silence, profaner of the
blues.
Why you always pull the
superiority card on me?
Do not question me!
You think your cat's bad?
Try hanging around
with this guy.
He's a little tyrant!
Does this feline of yours
have a name?
Angel.
(laughter)
Where is this Angel?
Down the hallway.
In the bedroom.
Wait.
I warn you.
If you go to her, she'll
be most displeased.
Go!
Why do I always
have to be the one?
Do not disobey me!
Fear not.
He who is with me,
and I am with you.
It's just a cat.
(ominous atmosphere music)
(various animal noises)
(bird caws)
(ominous holy chanting)
(purring)
(growling)
(hissing)
(dramatic orchestral music)
(snoring)
Don't you believe in knocking?
I was worried about you.
What, this stuff will kill you.
I'll live.
Unfortunately.
Where's Angel?
Sleeping.
All right,
watching this movie.
In the movie, this woman hires a
psychic medium to
perform a seance,
trapping the evil spirit
in a goat.
Then she kills the goat thereby
ridding herself
of the evil spirit.
Adam, it was a movie.
[Adam] So?
Doesn't mean it's not true.
What makes you think
this medium is
gonna succeed where
two priests failed?
I don't know, maybe the spirit
you're dealing with
isn't Catholic.
(dramatic ethereal music)
Find peace knowing
there is no end.
Let The Medium help you.
Call 555-2368.
Sorry, I didn't get your name.
You may call me The Medium.
It's just such a strange
profession, you know?
So where is this cat of yours?
(phone vibrates)
You know better than to call
me when I'm with a client.
Well tell the meter maid
I'll be out in a minute!
I gotta go.
So here she is.
Here's Angel.
I see.
Wait, where are you going?
You can't afford me.
How do you know?
We haven't even discussed price.
I'm a medium.
I sense these things.
(meowing)
You see, this is no
ordinary spirit.
She has great power.
How much?
10,000.
I can't afford that.
I know.
(dramatic orchestral music)
(meowing)
Angel, I was just
considering my options.
[Publisher] What stopped you?
My cat.
I couldn't leave her like that.
Even after everything
she put you through?
I got the money!
What are you doing?
I was checking to see
why it wasn't working.
Where'd you get all that dough?
I emptied out my bank account.
Seriously?
I don't know what to say.
I'll pay you back.
I know you will, buddy.
But for the time being
I'll settle for a kiss.
On the cheek.
I didn't feel anything at all.
You know,
maybe I'm not even gay.
Good.
Yeah, let's try it again,
just to be on the safe side.
Mmm-mmm.
No?
Can't say I didn't try.
Well hopefully this medium
knows what the hell she's doing.
I know.
She's my only hope.
You're a disgrace to your
gypsy family.
Taking money from people?
You don't even believe in
spirits or the afterlife.
He paid,
I bring people closure.
What does it matter
what I believe?
Just as long as they do.
Justifying, justifying,
always justifying.
You mess with things you don't
understand, you get hurt.
Who will protect you then, huh?
That's what I've got you
here for, little sister.
(dramatic orchestral music)
What we are about to do
here is very dangerous.
I have placed on the table
objects to attract the spirit.
Objects of the spirit's
own choosing.
This spirit has sacrificed
everything for passion.
How do you know that?
Oh my sister is a very
powerful medium too.
We come from a family of
very powerful mediums.
I read her diary.
Yeah, let me get a
read on this.
So can we get started here?
Because time is money.
What's with the goat?
Oh.
(baaing)
It's a ram.
We are going to try to
transfer the
spirit from your cat
into this goat.
You're fools.
You have no idea what you're
dealing with.
This is a most powerful
spirit, and a vengeful one.
Yeah yeah, we know, sister.
But thank you for those
words of wisdom.
Now if you don't mind, I'm
trying to run a business here.
We beseech you, spirit!
Speak to us!
Tell us who you are and
what it is you desire.
How do we know if
this is working?
Oh you'll know.
(loud thud)
(menacing laughter)
I warned you sister, you see?
You see what you're
dealing with?
Do you wanna wait in the car?
Stinks like perfume in here.
It's Chaos.
Lisa used to wear that perfume.
(raspy breathing)
(wind howling)
Who has summoned me?
Who are you?
Rosemary Carrie.
Rosemary.
What do you want with me?
What I have always wanted.
You!
(thunder booms)
I don't even remember
dating you.
That's because I cast a spell
on you to
make you fall asleep
and forget all about me.
But why?
So she could kidnap
your cat while you slept.
She planned to poison it
because she
thought that you would
never love
her as long as the cat
was alive.
How did you know all that?
It's in the diary.
You planned to poison Angel?
Yes, but I changed
my mind because
I knew you would never love me
just as me.
So instead I poisoned myself!
(laughs)
And I thought I was dramatic.
Silence!
(coughing)
But as I was laying there about
to die,
I was careful to cast
one last spell.
What spell?
One final spell to
transfer my spirit into
the thing that you loved
most of all in life.
Angel.
(dramatic sting)
(demonic laughter)
What a bitch.
I'm sorry,
but I don't love you.
I barely know you.
No spell or manner of witchcraft
is ever gonna change that.
(screaming)
What happened?
Her sadness has weakened her.
Rest, sister, rest.
I will summon her this time.
When the time is right
we must expel the spirit
from the cat and into
the goat as we planned.
I hope it works.
It'll work.
I saw it in a movie once.
Bring in the cat.
(ominous atmosphere music)
Whatever you do, don't
let the cat out of the bag.
(meowing)
Now!
Careful!
Don't touch him!
Who would eat a live cat?
Shut up, gypsy bitch.
I don't want the cat.
I want you, and I will destroy
anybody who comes in my way.
(gasping)
[Nick] Stop it!
You fool.
You killed my sister.
Now I will kill you!
My power defied death itself.
You think you're any match
for me?
If I can't have you,
nobody will.
Adam, no!
[Rosemary] Yes!
No!
Yes!
I'm in control of you, fool.
No you're not.
I am.
I'm tired of pretending
to be somebody I'm not.
I'm not the downstairs neighbor,
I'm not the possessed
possessive witch.
I'm just me!
(clock bell rings)
Adam!
[Rosemary] No!
(groaning)
I wasn't gonna let
her hurt you.
You're not faking this one
are you?
Ow!
Sorry.
Oh God.
You really are hurt.
I always wanted to be more
than just
an extra or some
secondary character.
This has brought meaning
to my life.
I'm gonna come back stronger
than ever.
Like Obi-Wan Kenobi.
This is not a movie, Adam.
This is real.
Oh my God, it is real.
You do care.
(laughing)
I guess I'm too much of
a woman for them to handle.
Wouldn't you say?
Rosemary Carrie.
(dramatic sting)
I thought you were dead.
(laughs)
Is that any way to
greet a lady?
We come from down below,
baby
We come from down below,
we come from down below
We're crazy little
kittens, that much we know
We come from down below,
we come from down below
Where sexy as what
sexy is from fur to toe
We come from down below,
we come from down below
When we can, we screw
the man to steal the show
We don't take any crap
from all the boys in brass
We slice them and we dice
them 'till we burn them back
We come from down below,
where all inhabitants go
We're (mumbles) who play
the games
Get burned, you know
We come from down below,
we come from down below
Where sexy is what
sexy is from fur to toe
I wasn't always (mumbles)
or had a heart of gold
But once my life was
ruined, my blood ran real cold
(laughs)
I hate you.
Love is full of many emotions.
Hate is only one of them.
(dramatic orchestral meowing)
How poetic.
Your little kitten watches
helplessly as you die.
Just as I was forced to watch
you helplessly (mumbles).
Without my power your little
Angel is powerless to save you.
Yes.
Oh baby.
Oh baby!
(screaming)
Back off, you wicked feline!
No!
[The Devil] You've
defied me for way too long.
I've come for what is mine.
I'm coming to take your soul.
(screaming)
(fire alarm ringing)
It's okay Angel, it's over.
It's finally over.
(coughing)
(meowing)
All that, all that,
because some
obsessive chick had a
crush on you?
Some people are crazy.
It didn't help that she
happened to be a witch
who, in her own way,
loved me I guess.
Yeah, more like hated you.
Love is filled with
many emotions.
Hate is only one of them.
I love that line.
And then there was Lisa.
Yes, Lisa.
Where were you, Lisa?
I waited by your place for like
an hour.
[Lisa] Where are you?
I'm back at my place now.
I said to meet me at
your place.
You're so silly.
You must've gotten a few
furballs in the brain.
Or maybe you're suffering from,
what's that disease called,
toxic plasma?
What took you so long?
You look normal.
Thanks.
I can make some coffee here if
you want.
I just got back, I don't
feel like walking out again.
At your place, now?
Sure, why not?
But your cat.
I told you, you have
nothing to worry about now.
Right, you had her exorcized.
Something like that.
[Lisa] Is something wrong?
Strange.
Angel doesn't drink milk.
Oh?
What's strange about that?
It's just that there's milk in
her bowl.
Well maybe she's trying
to tell you something.
I'm sure a little milk wouldn't
hurt her.
I hear milk is good for cats.
Hmmm.
Shit.
You all right?
Yeah.
Do you like milk in your coffee?
Yes please.
So where is your little brat?
I mean cat.
I told you, you have
nothing to worry about.
No milk for you?
I like mine black.
You know, things will be better
off once your cat is dead.
How could you say
such a thing?
She is really a mean
little kitty.
She really was possessed.
I know it's hard to
believe, but look, even you.
You're better now.
The curse is lifted.
Things will be back to normal.
I promise.
I don't know what I'd do without
my cat.
She's all I have left.
Losing Adam was hard.
I've suffered so much
loss and tragedy lately.
The cops still don't know
what happened to the medium.
Her sister still hasn't said
a word since the incident.
At least I got a good lawyer.
I'm tired of people dying all
around me.
(gagging)
Okay, so you're the only one
to survive,
you're the only one who
can backup this story.
[Nick] No.
The medium's sister survived.
Unfortunately.
(dramatic sting)
You.
I'm sorry.
I never meant your sister
any harm.
I place a curse on you and
your pesky
pussycat for what happened
to my sister.
(thunder booms)
May all manner of demon, vermin
and beast, may all goblins,
vampires and
ghouls haunt you and your
troublesome cat.
May a thousand legions
of hellspawn
seek thee out all the days of
your life.
Wait 'till you and your cat
suffer as my
sister and I have suffered
until the end of time.
(screaming)
Angel, let's get out of here.
I'm sick of witches.
- They're here.
- They're here.
(dramatic orchestral music)
Hey, do you know how
to get to Hollywood?
Yeah, I was actually gonna
take a bus there myself.
It's that way.
Who takes the bus in LA?
Do you want us to give
you a ride?
Yeah, we can give you a ride.
Didn't your mother teach
you not to pick up strangers?
It's okay, I can take the bus.
He doesn't look
dangerous to me.
What's in the bag?
It's a cat.
It's only a cat.
I love cats!
Me too.
Well I suppose we can
make an exception this time.
Yes!
Come with us!
Come on!
Maybe my luck is
finally changing.
Hey!
- Hi.
- Hey.
You're very cute.
Hello, my little friend.
(meows)
[Girls] Awww, cute cat!
I don't get it.
All this fuss over a little cat?
You're very cute.
Her name is Angel.
[Girls] Awww, cute name!
Can we pet your cat?
(girls screaming)
(slashing and hissing)
You don't believe me do you?
As your publisher,
it doesn't matter what
I believe because
I'm gonna make...
We're gonna make millions.
Millions on this.
Boom, out, over, rich!
Together.
Well we have to negotiate this.
I'll do a little better,
I have a lot more,
I got kids in the house, what do
you got?
You got nothing, you got a
cat, what's that gonna cost?
Well it's getting late.
I better get going.
(purring)
She really is a cute cat.
You mind if I pet her?
(dramatic sting)
(rock music)
Chainsaw kitty
I'm a chainsaw kitty
Chainsaw kitty
I'm a chainsaw kitty
Creeping down the corner
Chainsaw kitty
I'm a chainsaw kitty
My chainsaw slices
away the fat
I wanna dine on
something more
It's time to get another cat
That's why I'm scratching at
your door
When are you gonna wake up
To the nightmare
that's in store
Well I'm a chainsaw kitty
Chainsaw kitty
Chainsaw kitty
I'm a chainsaw kitty
I'm not like those
other cats
My spirit looks for danger
No one can avoid my scratch
My claws are
like ten razors
I'm not like those
other cats
'Cause my spirit
looks for danger
No one can avoid my scratch
'Cause I'm a chainsaw kitty
I wanna dine on
something more
It's time to get another cat
That's why I'm scratching at
your door
When are you gonna wake up
To the nightmare
that's in store
When are you gonna wake up
To the nightmare
that's in store
Chainsaw kitty
Meow
Meow
I'm the kitty
with a chainsaw
Meow
I am the kitty
Chainsaw kitty
Meow
Chainsaw kitty
I am the kitty
with a chainsaw
Chainsaw kitty
Meow
Chainsaw kitty
I am the kitty
with a chainsaw
I am the kitty
with a chainsaw
I am the kitty
with a chainsaw
(dramatic orchestral music)
(chanting meows)