Oh, no.
Let's go. Come on.
And that is how a baby
antelope comes into the world.
The window,
obviously, would be...
Oh, hey, Principal Betcher.
The window would
be the birth canal,
whereas the whole building,
that... That's your
mother right there.
You're late, again.
No, I was just...
I was just giving a lesson.
I warned you, if you
were late one more time,
I would dock you
a vacation day.
You were serious about that?
Oh, yeah, dead serious.
Come on, pal.
I was teacher of the year.
That was 10 years ago.
Feels like eight,
though, right?
You got bus duty today.
Today, I can't,
'cause I, you know,
I volunteer down
at the youth center.
Not true.
Okay.
Everybody, open up your books
to whatever we were
working on yesterday.
Yesterday was Sunday.
Just get to work, okay?
Mr. Voss?
Mr. Voss, our textbook
says that
the discovery of penicillin
was the most important
biological discovery
of the 20th century.
But I read online
that this actually encourages
more potent strains
of infection.
Yeah, that's some very
advanced, college-y stuff.
Look, if you're done
with your work,
just go sit down and draw
on your desk like Martinez.
But I want to know.
Because if
the textbook is wrong...
Malia, the chances
of you actually using
anything you learn
in this class,
probably zero.
And I don't know if you
heard Mr. Betcher or not,
but, technically,
this is my vacation time now.
So I'm going to shut
her down for a few.
Oh, no, no, no, not today.
Not today. Come on.
Oh.
Bonus.
Now, remember,
please, listen to each other.
Help each other.
Inspire me.
This never happened.
We clear?
Join in.
Be together now.
Here we go!
Second violins, don't
overpower the first violins.
That's why you're
called "second."
I hear improvement
coming in the door.
Nice and subtle.
And you're done.
Thank you.
Mr. Streb.
Oh, right,
the quote of the day.
I forgot the quote
of the day. All right.
I think I'm going to go
with a rock star
of philosophers,
Friedrich Nietzsche.
And he said...
Dan, drumroll, please.
"Without music,
life would be a mistake."
Nice.
Who's going to practice?
Who's going to...
I don't believe one of you.
Get out of here.
You were great today.
Mr. Voss.
And what do I owe
the pleasure of this visit?
Oh, the music.
I heard the music.
Sounds great.
Yeah.
They really bring the heat,
these kids, huh?
Listen, I have
a huge favor to ask.
I have bus duty, and I was...
Okay, hold that thought.
I'm expecting this.
This...
See, the thing is,
my Aunt Cora,
she threw her hip out again.
I'm so sorry.
Yeah, it's nasty.
It's a nasty
hip-out thing.
And these pins and rods,
they're not even
connected to anything,
they're just loose. And I
wouldn't just ask anybody,
but I've seen how you are
with the whole
bus safety situation.
You handle it like...
I'm not going to...
Yeah, I'm going to
say it, you have a gift.
And...
Is everything all right?
You teach biology.
You know the body.
What are the chances of a
Well, it depends
what she looks like.
I'm just kidding.
That's more of
a fertility question.
My wife is pregnant.
No one knows.
It's still very early.
Please, please keep this
between you and me.
Are you kidding me? That...
It goes right in the vault.
That is locked.
Locked away. Wow.
Thank you. Thank you.
How old are you?
Old.
Oh. Congrats, right? I mean...
Well, yeah.
It's beautiful.
I mean, my son is 22.
He just finished college.
I thought I was
done writing checks.
Yeah.
I'm going to have a baby.
Yeah.
I'm going to have a baby.
Oh, you went low.
Okay. All right.
Wow. And thanks
for the bus duty, doing that.
I really appreciate it.
You want the vest on the chair
or just go with the... I'm
going to go with the desk.
I'm just going to put
it on the desk, okay?
Baby! We're having a baby!
Baby!
Can we take our seats, people?
Come on in.
We're about to begin.
Please take your seats.
You believe this guy?
All right, we're sitting.
Plenty of seats.
Come on in.
How much food do you think
is stuck in that beard?
I don't know, but I can
see corn from here.
Oh, yeah. You dip that beard
in hot water, you got ramen.
Hey, Bella. You know, I waited
for you for like three hours.
You waited? Where?
The bowling alley.
We had a date.
No, we didn't.
You asked me, and I said no.
No, it went... I said, "If
you want to go, just say no,
and we'll both know
it's code for yes."
You didn't really go, did you?
I did.
I waited for two hours.
You said three.
Yeah, but, you know,
actually, it's pretty hard
to see your watch
when you've been crying.
Okay, giving you
one last chance here.
You've already given me
How about this?
I swing by...
No.
Hello?
Thank you, everyone.
As several of you already know,
Wilkinson High School
has been operating
at a budget deficit
for several years.
Assistant Principal Elkins
and I have already conferred
with your union to try
to minimize the impact
on the classrooms,
but, unfortunately,
I have to make
some serious cuts.
Starting immediately, we'll
be freezing all supplies,
and, unfortunately, we have to roll
back to last year's pay scales.
Joke's on him. I didn't get
a raise this year anyway.
Me, either.
Also, despite best efforts,
we are cutting all
extracurricular activities,
which includes the debate club,
the music program,
the annual senior
class field trip...
Excuse me?
You're talking about cutting
the music program?
You're actually
going to cut music?
I'm sorry. We simply
don't have the funds.
No, wait a minute,
Mr. Betcher.
We're talking
about Marty's job here.
How about all
the money we raised
in the car wash or
the silent auction?
Miss Flores, after expenses,
we only netted $750.
It's a drop in the bucket.
"Verbis defectis
musica incipit. "
That's Latin for, "Music
takes us where word cannot."
I mean, what about
the athletic program?
Those football players, they
get new jerseys every year.
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
Are you trying to equate your music
program with the football team?
Are you aware that
the Booster Club alone
accounts for one-third
of our charitable donations?
This is a budget question.
And I just need
a little bit of that budget.
I've got 60 kids
with dented instruments.
Marty, what's your point?
Music helps the kids with...
With math. The kids... The
kids don't raise money.
This is about a budget.
Well, I...
I know how important...
You don't know.
Take a seat.
Come on. Why don't you just
take it easy on the guy?
Excuse me?
Let it go. Let it go.
Just back off him,
and let's move on already.
Why don't you not
tell me how to do my job?
Okay, and then why don't
you tell him the truth?
This is how we got
thrown out of softball.
Oh, and what would that be?
That you're cutting the music
program so he loses tenure.
That is ridiculous.
You are wasting
everyone's time.
Really? You know what?
You're wasting my time.
Okay, how does
a day without pay sound?
Bring it.
Really?
That's how you show your power?
You already docked me
a vacation day.
Oh! Oh, so... So that's
what this is all about? Hmm?
The decision's been made.
Yeah, well, every time you make
a decision, you know what,
you mess with somebody's life.
You know what? You have
just crossed the line.
No, I'll tell you
what's crossing the line,
firing a man
who's having a baby.
They don't know that I'm
talking about you necessarily.
Congratulations.
Stop looking at me.
They know it's you now.
He's having a baby.
Scott, you're talking
about a lot of money.
Money the school
just doesn't have.
A lot of money? Really?
How much could
it possibly cost?
$48, 000.
So, as I was saying,
we have no choice
but to make these cuts.
Yeah, or raise the money.
Oh, and who's going to do that?
We will.
Thank you.
I couldn't sleep
a wink last night.
My mind was racing.
And I bought you a coffee.
Oh, and I spoke to Elkins,
and he said we have to have
the money in by the end
of the school year, okay?
But then I made some fliers,
and I thought
we would all meet...
All the teachers at
and you can give us
your game plan.
Game plan?
Yeah.
I'm still kind of
sorting through everything.
That's great.
So, what do you think
about this?
I thought I would
start out talking
about how important
music really is,
and then I would
tell some stories.
Like, did you know that Ravel
liked to dress up like a lady?
Is that too risqu?
You know, I think we should
probably just wing it.
Okay, but you know what?
I have to thank you again.
I was driving in this morning.
I heard I Won't Back Down
by Tom Petty, and I said,
"Yes, that is a sign."
Wow, are you solid.
Okay.
Okay. Okay. 5:00.
What's going on?
Where is everybody?
Well, the meeting
doesn't start till 5:00.
It's 5:15.
Well, then you're late,
like everybody else.
Where do you think they are?
- Am I at the right place?
- Yes.
You are, absolutely.
Thank you so much
for coming, Miss Flores.
Are you kidding me?
Of course, Marty.
You know what I'm going to do?
I think I'm going to go
round up the other teachers.
They got to be somewhere.
Maybe they thought
it was in the cafeteria.
I think I saw
some people there.
Yes. I'm going to
try the cafeteria.
I'm feeling good about this.
There's no one in
the cafeteria, is there?
Just that janitor
that talks to himself.
I guess it was unrealistic
to think that
anybody would show up
when everybody has
their own problems.
You showed up.
You shut up.
I said, "You showed up."
Oh. I guess
I'm unrealistic.
But I got to say,
it's really nice
what you're doing for Marty.
Well, we tried, you know. I
mean, what are you going to do?
What are you talking about?
You can't give up on him now.
He's so passionate
about what he does.
This school needs more
people like him, not less.
Yeah, no, no,
I know, that's what...
No, I'm saying
that's what we got to do.
We got to find a way
to make this thing work,
and we got to stick at it.
So, what exactly is the plan?
Well, first off,
we got to get $48,000.
That's a definite.
Then we should probably help
save Marty's job after that.
Wow. I can see that you put
a lot of thought into it.
Well, how about this?
How about we work out a plan,
but we do it in
a controlled area,
which is my apartment,
and we put up charts and...
With the graphs and
the colored pencils.
But we have a plan, we go, "We
got to get to here by then."
Not a chance.
Okay, you're
making me work at this.
I understand. I get it.
What if I dunk this ball
in that hoop,
then you have dinner with me
at my house Friday night?
What do you say?
You dunk a basketball?
Please.
Fine. Then take the bet.
Deal.
Where are you going?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Come on, that's cheating.
Oh, no, it's not.
That's...
No, that's not what I...
Your dreams are
about to come true.
Nightmares.
I'll tell you,
this chili is amazing, guy.
It's got an incredible kick.
Eight alarms, guy.
Eight.
You made this?
Wait till you see what kind
of dreams you have tonight.
So, listen, you really
have no extra work?
I mean, power-washing,
painting, anything.
I'll take anything.
No, no one's hiring right now.
I had to lay off
two guys myself.
Bobby Denisi
just lost his house.
Eric, tell Mary Shannon
to get off the freaking phone!
Mary Shannon,
get off the freaking phone!
I could have done that!
Well, then why didn't you?
Man, she's so lazy.
Yeah. I wish I could
help you out,
but... Hey, buddy?
What are you trying
to accomplish here?
I got it, okay?
And where the heck is Peter?
He was supposed to be
in the tub 10 minutes ago!
I don't know.
Can't find him.
Dad, can I watch The World's
Deadliest Car Chases?
How old are you?
Five.
Five. I don't know.
What do you think?
No.
No.
Sorry, buddy.
Go upstairs, take a bath.
Found him!
...425 degrees
for about an hour and 15 minutes
until it's just perfectly...
Hey.
If you need me to front you a
couple hunnies, I can do that.
I got some money stacked away
that she don't know about.
Look, I appreciate it, but I
need a lot more than that.
You know what we could do?
We could bet a five-game
parlay and take those winnings
right to the Indian casino.
Mom, Dad's betting again!
All right, guess who's
not getting a hamster.
What about that
citizenship class you
used to teach at night?
Nah, that was so brutal.
I don't even know
if they're hiring.
No, no, you just relax,
you know.
I got all the kids, okay, Eric?
Good, honey.
I had a tough day.
All right.
I'm tired anyway.
You, middle one, upstairs now.
Hey, and stop putting Raisinets
up your brother's nose, okay?
Dad says it's funny.
What are you doing?
You're sitting there.
You haven't taken a shower.
You disgust me.
Mission accomplished.
Pig.
Ostrich.
Now, 10-car pileup.
Okay, question number three,
"Women such as Susan B. Anthony
fought for suffrage and were
finally successful in 1920."
What does "suffrage" mean?
What's that?
...to accept
the things I cannot change...
Okay, you know what? That's
the AA meeting next door.
You know what, let's let them
finish up the Serenity Prayer.
...accepting hardship
as a pathway to peace.
He will make all things right
if I surrender to his will.
That I may be reasonably
happy in this life
and supremely happy
in the next.
Living one day at a time...
Right, one day at a time.
Good for them.
Okay, so "suffrage",
what does it mean?
Miguel.
To be in pain?
No. Okay, you know what,
that's "suffering."
"No, that's 'suffering." '
Okay, no, you know what?
No, we're not
repeating today, Muba.
Thank you.
Sorry.
It's fine.
We're just not doing it today.
We're just gonna do it
a couple times as a study aid.
Sorry.
It's okay, it's fine.
No, "suffrage" is
the right to do something.
The right to not feel pain.
No.
Okay, look, we covered this
for, like, 45 minutes.
You guys remember Monday?
You guys remember Monday?
When we went over
this for, like, 45...
The whole class dedicated
to this. You don't...
"Suffrage" has nothing
to do with pain. No pain.
No pain, no gain?
Okay, we're off track.
We are
definitely off track here.
The right to vote?
I'm sorry,
you got something to say?
Niko. But forget it.
I'm sure it's wrong.
Please, look, there are
no wrong answers here,
people. You know what?
I'm gonna stop right there 'cause there
are obviously a lot of wrong answers,
but there are a couple
wrong answers, but...
It's okay, there are.
But let's give
it a shot anyway.
The right to vote?
There you go. Okay?
Yes!
You know what, "suffrage" is
the right to elect leaders.
You understand, right, Miguel?
I do, I do.
Okay, good.
Mr. Voss! Mr. Voss.
Can I talk to you?
Sure, what's up?
I always try to
be a good student.
But when it comes
to taking tests,
I get all clenched
in the tight spot.
If I fail this
citizenship test,
they'll send me
back to Holland.
And things here are
just starting to twist.
I'm sorry, is that good?
I don't even...
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Twisting is good.
So, I was wondering,
is there any way you can
give me a little extra help?
Extra help?
Yeah, you know what,
I kind of got,
like, a full plate right now.
I can't, I'm sorry.
Yeah.
All right.
Thank you. Thank you.
Niko!
I'll move some things around and maybe we
can sit down later tonight, all right?
You are the best!
Oh, thank you!
Thank you very much!
All right.
You can stop that now.
Yeah, all right.
Yeah, we're good.
We're good.
There he is!
Hey! How are you?
Good.
Oh, thanks for doing this, buddy.
Sure.
Scott, meet Koen and Nard.
Koen, Nard, this is Scott.
Hey, guys.
Oh, close the door,
before the ferret gets out.
The ferret, the ferret.
Okay, okay.
Hang your coat right there.
Okay.
He has no weaknesses.
He has incredible
knockout power...
Wow, you used to fight, huh?
Yeah.
Long time ago.
Now I just teach
Mixed Martial Arts at my gym.
Should we study or...
Oh, yeah!
Right after we watch UFC.
Come on, sit down.
Hi, again, everybody.
I'm Mike Goldberg.
Welcome once again to the
Ultimate Fighting Championship.
Since the first day
he entered the Octagon,
we knew Ken Dietrich
was something special.
My partner as always,
Joe Rogan.
Man, what
an exciting matchup this is.
Incredible matchup, you know,
for a bunch of reasons.
You hold for bets.
Ken Dietrich,
Brian Stann, here we go!
Straight left by Dietrich.
He's jumping all over Stann.
He should just double-leg
him, take him down.
Did you ever fight?
No, no, I wrestled in college.
That guy's a wrestler.
Wrestlers make great fighters.
And Dietrich
jumps all over him again.
- He's got the takedown!
- Oh!
You called it!
Ooh, twisty!
Twisty! Twisty!
Twisty.
And he has that
nasty shoulder-lock.
And it is all over!
Ken Dietrich, the Executioner!
Sorry, Koen.
Ah! He took his 10 grand
and ran off like
a Shetland pony!
Ten grand... He made
Yep.
But he lost.
Yeah, if he won,
it would've been 50.
Okay, next fight.
Mixed Martial Arts?
Do you even know
how to do that?
No. No, I do not.
This is crazy.
Look, I saw this
UFC event last night,
and the guy got paid 10 grand
to fight, and he lost.
I was a really good wrestler in college.
I think I can do this.
Do what?
Lose.
You cannot do this.
Marty, look, we only have until
the end of the school year
to save your job.
Come on! Night school.
Oh, great, yeah,
between what I make there
and what you make
with your private lessons,
we'll save the music
program in 18 years.
This is the best
chance you got.
Okay.
Okay, if you're gonna lose,
then I'm gonna help you lose.
Deal?
Deal.
Let's do this.
Let's lose.
Unfortunately,
today is gonna be my last day.
But don't worry, next week,
you're gonna be in great
hands with a new teacher,
and he's gonna be...
But you are new?
Yes, I am new.
But this guy, he's even newer.
Understand?
So, you are not new?
No, I am new, okay...
I'm so confused.
I don't...
Okay, we're going
off the rails again here.
Okay, listen, everybody.
Here's the point.
Next week, lam not gonna be here.
I will be gone.
But I wanted to say
to you guys good luck and...
You know what? Welcome
to America in advance.
Yeah, that's how
confident I am in you.
Live the dream.
Make it happen.
So, thank you and good night.
Okay?
So, I'm citizen?
Man, I can't believe you
would quit on me like this.
I'm citizen.
You know how
important this is to me.
Niko, relax.
I got it all worked out.
But I need to
ask you something.
Okay!
Here's the thing.
I need money
to save a friend's job,
a lot of money.
Okay,
and as crazy as it sounds,
I want to fight Mixed Martial
Arts, but I need your help.
I want you to train me.
You're kidding?
No, I can do this.
You're too old!
And on top of that,
you have no experience.
But there are guys that run
marathons well into their 80s.
Not when they're
being punched in the face.
Come on, you said it yourself,
wrestlers make great fighters.
And you know, when I was
younger, I took judo.
I mean, it was only for
three and a half weeks.
I had to stop 'cause my sensei
got accepted into dental school.
But he said I had
wicked potential, man.
There's no way you can fight.
And that's the end of it.
Okay, great.
What time are we
studying tonight?
You just quit!
Look, you don't want to
train me, that's fine.
But we started this thing
and we're not gonna stop
until you're a citizen, okay?
Okay.
You want to be a fighter?
You start in the cage.
There's a small-time show
this weekend.
I'll get you in.
Wait a second, no.
Fight right away?
Shouldn't we train first?
No! Trial by fire, baby!
I'm a citizen.
You made my dream come true.
Miguel...
I'm going to name
my boy after you.
His name is Sergio,
but I'm going to switch it up.
That's nice, Miguel.
Let's slow things
down a second, okay?
And let's take
a little walk and talk.
Something wrong?
Maybe.
Ow!
Ow!
Come on, I got to do this.
I know. Okay, okay.
Oh!
Okay, hold it for a minute.
This is a terrible mattress.
I'm feeling everything.
This is ridiculous.
I'm not gonna learn
any of this stuff.
I'm telling you,
I'm just gonna wrestle.
I'm gonna take it
to the ground.
It's my world.
Your world?
Your world is
gonna be destroyed
by people who know
multiple disciplines.
The fight's in two days.
What am I gonna learn?
It is what it is.
I got it.
I know exactly
what you have to do.
You're gonna beat your opponent
before the match ever starts.
You're gonna learn the
ancient art of intimidation.
You ever actually
been in a fight?
No. Well, none with a boy,
anyway.
But I know this is gonna work.
Okay, so based on your limited
experience fighting girls,
how?
Music.
You're gonna be
inspired by music.
That's why all the gladiators
entered the Colosseum
with all that thundering music.
Actually,
they do that in the UFC.
Exactly.
And you're gonna
follow in the footsteps
of all those great warriors.
Every one of them had
a distinctive musical theme
that put fear in the hearts
of their opponents,
which rendered them defeated
even before their match began.
I got it. You could
enter with Pachelbel.
No, I know what I'm doing.
With Bach.
I don't need that. It's gonna be...
I have it.
Don't...
Mozart's 35th in D Major.
Listen to me.
I'm picking the song!
Of course you are.
Good evening, sir.
This is Scott Voss.
He's fighting tonight.
Change behind the tarp.
Yeah. We were just hoping that
there would be some place private,
you know, where he could
have a modicum of privacy...
No, no, no,
I'm doing this for you.
I appreciate it...
It's embarrassing.
Yes, it is. We're gonna move.
We're gonna move.
Okay.
Thank you, sir.
Wow.
This place is unique.
Is that a chicken?
This looks like
a Civil War hospital.
Lookie, look who showed up.
You're not as smart
as I thought you were.
Look, I knew this
wasn't gonna be the UFC,
but I'm 80% sure I saw a chick...
I think it was a chicken.
Was it a chicken?
Chicken.
It's 100%...
That's a chicken right there.
Look at that,
that's a farm chicken.
They're filthy animal...
Is that even...
Is it sanctioned here?
Hey, this is
bottom-level MMA.
No, but I want to be clean.
You ready? You better be,
because you're next.
You ready to do this?
Yeah.
Making his MMA debut...
What are you doing?
Don't you worry about it.
...from Hyde Park, Massachusetts,
please welcome Scott Voss!
Watch this.
Intimidation!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Whoo!
Get in the cage, you Vike geek!
Whoo!
Come on, guys, you ready?
One second, okay?
Ready? Ready?
Fight!
I like your hair up like that.
Cute.
But I know it
could come down, too.
It'd be all...
I know, I'm just saying.
Is this the best plan
you could come up with?
Fighting in a cage?
What kind of an example are
you setting for these kids?
Hold this.
As much as I enjoyed
teaching future Americans
for eight bucks an hour,
it wasn't getting the job done.
You smell really good,
by the way...
Gee whiz, what's with the...
You're like this.
You're like that on me.
Just put a Band-Aid on it.
Come on, Scott. You and I
both know this is crazy.
What would I say to Marty?
He'll understand.
He saw you get
knocked out cold.
I wasn't out cold, all right?
I was half in, half out.
Mmm.
Although I did see a unicorn.
I was riding it.
Please.
Okay.
I'll talk to him.
Kiss? Want a kiss?
Nothing? No.
Hi, can I help you?
You must be Mollie.
Hi, I'm Scott Voss.
I work with Marty.
And I didn't see him
after school,
and I was wondering
if he's around.
No, he had a private lesson.
But he should be home
any minute.
Here. Please, come in.
Thanks so much.
Yeah.
You're welcome.
Oh, it is such a mess.
I am so embarrassed.
Marty's instruments
are everywhere.
Let me pick up
a couple things here.
We're turning the music
room into a nursery.
I can't believe
I just said that.
I'm expecting.
No one knows yet.
Please, don't tell anyone.
We're really... It's
just too early right now.
Say no more.
Believe me, I didn't...
What baby, right?
I didn't even know, you know.
That goes right in the vault,
by the way,
and it's like a,
it's like a vault,
locked down, Fort Knox
or some sort of prison.
Great. Thank you.
Wow, does he play all these?
Oh, no.
He buys them off the Internet
and garage sales,
and he fixes them up
for students who
can't afford them.
Oh, man.
Just sucks what's happening
at school, doesn't it?
What do you mean? What's
happening at the school?
He didn't tell you?
No. Is there something wrong
that's going on at the school?
No, no, nothing bad at all.
Last week, they installed
a metal detector
in the teachers' lounge,
'cause...
Really?
Yeah.
Because a teacher had
flashed a piece, you know?
Oh.
Yeah.
So now it just takes long...
You know, you can't
get in and out any more.
What happened to your eye?
I cut myself shaving.
I was shaving my eyebrows.
I do. On the weekends.
I'm gonna get going...
Well, is there a message
I can give him for you?
You know what? No.
Thank you. Okay.
Great.
It was nice meeting you.
Nice meeting you.
Tell Betcher not
to cut anything.
We're saving Marty's job.
That's 750.
That's the first
installment right there.
Scott?
Yeah?
You know I'm on your side
on this, right?
Yeah.
I played French horn
in the marching band.
I loved wearing that big hat,
shiny white spats,
the smell of the grass.
Those were some good times.
Okay.
Excuse me,
is there a Niko here?
Fourth floor.
And knee. And up.
And knee.
And up.
And knee. And up.
And knee. And up.
Grab him and head-butt.
Knee to the face, knee to the
face and throw him back.
Stomp.
Victory dance!
Oh, victory dance!
Run, run, run, run...
Hey!
No pain, no gain!
Victory dance,
victory dance...
And stop!
Worthy attack, everybody!
That's right!
Thank you!
Thanks for coming,
ladies and gentlemen. Scott!
Hey.
How you doing, buddy?
I thought you said
you owned an MMA gym.
No, no, no, no.
I said I taught MMA at a gym.
Oh. Well, that
wasn't MMA though, right?
No, that was
Disco Street Fighting.
Don't worry, with you, we're
gonna do the real stuff.
That's what we're gonna try.
Let's go. I have
a spin class in an hour.
Okay.
Let's work on some
takedown defense.
I wrestled, I think I know
how to stop a shot.
Ding, ding, boom, boom,
elbow, elbow, boom!
Liver shot, bang, bang, bang!
Oh! Knockout blow.
You got the point.
We need to keep you out
of dangerous situations.
Now, to escape
the Rear-Naked Choke,
you want to break the grip,
pull the arm down
and move to the side.
Escape.
No, don't squirm.
That just helps me
sink it in tighter.
Arm bar. Escape.
Escape!
Wrong way, wrong way.
Too late.
Okay, you're vulnerable
like a puppy.
Yeah, that's 'cause I
let you get into position.
It's easy. I could do
the same thing to you
if I got you in a hold.
Good point. Yeah.
I'm out.
I'm free.
I'm bored.
I'm late for my class.
We're just gonna
have to wing it.
All right, ladies.
Let's get those legs warmed up.
Ladies and gentlemen,
introducing the principals-
First, from Jamaica,
Queens, New York,
here's Ragin' Rafael Romero!
Romero!
No helmet?
Hey, it's okay to be afraid.
Don't worry. Use it.
Try to channel it into focus.
That last knockout,
never happened.
Three migraines a week
say you're wrong.
Hey, you got to... You
got to stop this. Why?
Either dig in or call it a day.
No, no, I'm loosening you up.
No, you're not.
You're rubbing me like
you're putting on sunscreen.
Get off!
It is weird.
Okay. I thought I was
doing the right thing.
And now, my friends, let's meet
his opponent here at the pier.
This young man is from
Boston, Massachusetts.
He has a record
of zero victories
and one defeat by knockout.
MMA fans, here he is.
Let's hear it for Scott Voss!
Here we go. Here we go.
Okay, let's go.
Come on. Let's go.
You can do this.
Block those knees, Scott!
Block them! Block them!
Pull him in close!
Time-out! Time-out!
What time-out?
Time-out?
There's no time-outs, guy.
Come on, let's go.
Put your hands up!
Come on, defense!
Wait! He kicked him
in the bells!
Ref, take a point!
Would you come on?
Man, are you okay?
He just kicked my
left nut into my throat.
Where's my stool?
What stool? You're in
charge of the stool.
We didn't have
a stool last fight.
I didn't make it out
of the first round last fight.
I'm a little confused about
my job description.
I'm a music teacher.
I don't know the rules.
I can't do this.
What are you doing?
You can't lay down. Get up.
I'm exhausted.
Yeah, that's exactly the
message you're sending him.
Hey, you can't lay down, man.
Can you continue?
He's fine.
Hey, I'm talking to him.
All right, let's go, fella.
Get up, Scott.
It's so soft down here.
So soft.
Okay, remember...
Defense.
All right, I heard you already.
Next time, bring the stool.
Okay, okay.
All right, we're ready now?
Come on, Scott.
You ready?
Let's do it! Come on!
Defense!
Watch out!
Keep those hands up!
Put your hands up!
Hands up, man!
Hands up!
Yeah, he's not listening.
Hello!
I'm talking here!
Watch out!
Nice job!
Okay, there you go.
Pull him in close.
Okay, that's right,
push him away.
Don't look at me.
Look at him!
Listen to me. You're giving
him too much space.
To take away his power, you
have to keep it in a clinch.
Got it?
I'm trying.
Defense.
Stay strong, Scott.
One more round.
Okay, it's raining.
It's over.
No, it's not.
This isn't baseball.
You fight!
This is stupid.
Fighter, are you ready?
Are you ready, chief?
I got to be honest,
I'm really not.
I'm out. I'm out.
Yeah, yeah, he's ready.
It'll blow over.
All right!
Let's fight!
Perfect.
Jump on him!
Jump on him!
Use the fact that
you're slippery now!
Don't let him take you down.
Okay, get away.
Get away.
Oh, come on!
Swim! Swim away, Scott!
Get over there! Get over there!
All right,
pencils down, people.
Let's go. Hand them in.
Let's get them up.
Let's go.
Let's bring it in.
Really? Really?
You don't even...
That's how you do it?
Malia.
Yeah?
You missed,
like, three answers here.
Come on. What's going on?
You're smarter than me.
Hey, what's the...
What's the matter?
My father is
making me quit music.
What?
But why?
He said I have to
work in his restaurant.
I mean, he doesn't understand.
When I moved here,
I didn't know English.
I had to learn everything
all over again, you know?
So I used songs
and stuff to learn.
Besides Filipino,
the only language
I knew was music.
It helps me remember.
If that makes sense.
Malia, it makes perfect sense.
I don't want to quit it.
Then you got to tell him that.
Look, you know what you do?
You tell him your teacher
won't let you quit.
He thinks school is
just a waste of time.
But it's not.
Come on, Mr. Voss.
You said it yourself.
Learning this stuff
doesn't matter.
I got to go.
Okay, what are the
three branches of government?
Three branches?
All right, three branches.
Yeah.
I got this. Don't tell me.
Oh, hey, you got to eat.
You have an hour
before the fight.
Oh. Hey,
you got my oatmeal?
I do.
The thing is
that it's not here.
It's in my classroom
right next to my briefcase.
Three branches...
The legal, the...
No, no, no, no, no,
don't count that.
Wait, wait,
you forgot my oatmeal?
Well, I brought the stool.
I got to eat, man.
Well, we can swing back.
No. Hey, stop it.
We don't have time now.
You said branches, right?
Yeah, three branches
of government.
What am I going to do here?
I got to eat something.
Oh, you know what?
I have applesauce I made.
You see it back there, Niko?
It's on the back.
Yeah, yeah, got it.
Come on, three branches
of government, buddy.
Do not throw away
that Tupperware.
I'm not going to throw away
the Tupperware, okay?
Is there cinnamon in this?
No.
Ooh! I got it.
Democrat, Republican
and Libertarian.
Not even close.
No!
Okay, last fight was better.
You lost,
but you didn't get hurt.
So, remember, the word
of the day, defense.
Close the gap,
and if he shoots...
Hips down.
Keep your hips down.
That's right.
All right, here we go.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.
They didn't come for us yet.
Let me see what's going on.
Hips down.
- Yeah.
- Nope.
This isn't you.
What do you mean,
this isn't me?
This is my song.
This is him.
It's his song.
Hey, he's got the same song.
Boom!
Wow. He's good.
Whoo!
I don't believe this.
He stole my song.
I bring the boom!
Well, tonight,
he's bringing the boom.
Look, we both can't
have the same song.
Come on,
we got to get ready, guys.
No, no, you gotta
get me another song.
What?
Go, please,
go tell them to
play another song.
Get you another song.
What? I need a song.
I got it.
Yeah?
Congress, Senate and State.
Okay, again, not close.
All right, can we stick
a pin in this, please?
I know! I'm sorry, but we
didn't study last night.
I'm falling behind.
What the heck is this?
Holly Holy, Neil Diamond.
Went platinum in 1969.
Who cares?
Excuse me. I do.
It got me through
a very difficult time.
It sounds like a revival.
Yeah. Blue-eyed gospel.
Extremely intricate genre.
It picks up.
Come on.
Okay, we got to go.
Let's go.
Yeah!
All right, it's Scott!
It's Scott.
Oh, he's in the house!
Yeah!
Scott Voss!
Hey! Hey!
Whoo!
Stand up!
Scott, he's a killer!
Everybody up!
It's the Scott Man!
Yeah. It's happening!
Yeah!
He's going to kick 'em.
Oh, he's fierce.
Here we go! Yay!
No, no! Defense!
Come on, now!
Come on, Scott!
Don't grab the fence!
I'm not even
grabbing the fence!
Keep your hands up!
Ow!
Tie him up!
Come on, Scott!
Keep your hands up!
Come on, get up!
Get up, get up, get up!
Getup! Getup! Get up!
Go! Defense!
Now hit him!
Ow!
Oh.
Fight it! Come on.
Oh. Oh.
Defense, buddy!
Come on!
Lock the elbows.
Ten seconds, Scott.
Ten seconds.
Watch the Kimura.
Watch the Kimura. Watch...
That's illegal.
It's legal. It's legal.
Sorry.
Okay, watch it.
Get out of it.
Fight it. Fight it.
All right, that's enough.
Saved by the bell.
Come on, come on.
Let's go.
Sit down.
Just relax. Relax.
Oh, my gosh. My shoulder.
What are you doing?
Stick to the game plan.
I'm sick of
the game plan, okay?
I'm sick of defense. I...
Listen to me.
If you get caught, you're done.
We have a lot more fights.
Oh, man.
Tie this guy up.
Protect yourself.
Okay. Yeah.
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
Fight!
All right, Scott,
this is your round!
Oh!
Get your hands up!
Tie him up, Scott!
Keep your hands up!
Come on, close the gap, buddy!
Come on, Scott.
Tie him up!
That just happened!
That just happened!
Yeah! Yeah!
You did it!
You! You the man!
Yeah!
Yeah! We won!
Hey, man, great fight.
I'm so sorry.
Who leaves applesauce
on the rear dash,
out in the hot sun?
You know, better question,
who among us who isn't Amish
makes their own applesauce?
Yes. Yes.
Mistakes were made.
But... We won.
- We did it.
- Huh?
We won. We won.
Mmm-hmm. We did.
Yeah. Yeah!
We won.
We won!
We did it.
It's unbelievable!
Yeah!
Oh, careful, Niko!
I'm sore! I'm sore!
Oh, my God.
Oh, here he comes.
Here he comes.
Okay, everybody,
just take your seats.
Can you keep it down?
Can you keep it down?
Malia.
Just come here.
What's going on?
You're famous.
What?
Everybody in the music
department is talking about it.
Mr. Streb told us that
you were doing this for us.
And I got to say,
you're a hero.
Hero?
It's not sprained.
It's just a bruise.
Good, 'cause I
gotta fight tomorrow.
I'm going to have to
start charging you.
So,
how much money
have you made so far?
Three grand.
I'm definitely going to
have to start charging you.
Speaking of which...
What's this?
$72 from my bake sale.
I had to do something.
This is amazing. Thank you.
I got to give it to you.
It's been a long time
since I felt any kind
of energy in this school.
Yeah?
Yeah. I don't understand
how we got so far off track.
We?
It's not our fault.
It's the system.
Go easy.
Oh, so it's the system
that's creating teachers
who just don't care.
Oh, come on.
You know the deal.
You can't speed up to
help the gifted kids.
You can't slow down to
help the slower ones.
It's about moving
cattle through, you know?
It's a numbers game.
That's what they want,
but what about you?
Yeah, look, there was a time
I couldn't wait for
the school year to start.
I was like a... A freshman
decorating my dorm.
You know, I'd put posters
up all over the place
and I'd set up
these plastic models.
No, you didn't.
I did! I would jump up
on the desk just to
get the kids into it.
It was so stupid.
No, it's not.
I think I would have liked you
better when you were that stupid.
All right, well, look,
I need to repay you
for all this right here,
and I think this equals dinner
at my house on Friday.
No, I don't think so.
Why do you always turn me down?
Do you know there's a lunch
lady who's got the hots for me?
And I'm just telling you, I can
only hold her off for so long.
Do you even know
that every time
you've asked me out,
you've done it from
a seated position?
You don't even make
an effort to get up.
That's because we're
so comfortable together.
I think, when it's easy,
it's right, you know?
Good-bye, Scott.
All right.
How about a little jambalaya?
What do you think? Oh, I get nothing?
All right.
Okay, push now.
Blocking fast, like, lower.
Here, over here.
That's good. See?
There. Little lower.
Just block lower, man.
All right, hey.
All right, come on, man.
This is still defense.
I want to start working
on my offense.
It's too dangerous.
I won!
You landed a lucky shot.
All right, look.
I know you don't want me
getting hurt. I get that.
But I made twice as much
money my last fight.
I don't think my body
can take 30 more fights.
Yeah.
I'm just saying, if I could actually
win a few more, I could fight less.
Yeah. Yeah, you're right.
Okay. Well, then you need
to get good at striking.
Fast.
Yes.
I know the best guy
for that, but...
He probably won't take you.
This isn't you
learning anything.
This isn't me
teaching you anything.
This is me seeing if
you're worth my time.
Is it hot in here?
I cranked the heat to 90.
This way,
you get a nice sweat going.
You good with that?
Oh, yeah, no.
Really brings out the smell of the place.
Oh, yeah. Good.
Which guy am I fighting?
Both.
Come on,
I can't fight two guys.
That's perfect.
I can't train a 42-year-old
biology teacher.
Your boy is good,
but he's got no offense, man.
You know, he's a wrestler,
and he picks up fast,
and he's tough.
They're all smiling.
Everybody's smiling and happy.
Mel, time to eat.
Go have some fun.
Whoa. This is going to be funny.
Boom!
Three? Really?
Hey, am I good outside?
I'm parked outside here.
Yeah, you got two hours.
Yeah? All right.
Yeah, those are hits.
Come on, give him a break.
All right, boys, that's good.
I'm good, man.
Let's go.
Come on.
Boom, there we go.
Guys.
Hey, guys, guys, listen up.
Listen up.
I got something to say.
From Genesis 32:24.
"And when he saw, he prevailed
not against him."
Jacob was tough, man.
He wrestled all night
with God at Pentel.
He was tired, he was beaten.
He had a dislocated hip.
But he refused to submit.
By sunrise, he had
won the Lord's respect.
Well, tonight, Scott...
Oh, yeah.
...you earned our respect.
And then some.
I just want you to
know I got your back.
Whoop, whoop,
whoop! Salud.
Let's eat, boys.
That Superman Punch, Mel,
that was awesome.
Yeah, that was crazy.
What's the matter? You don't
like my wife's cooking?
I can't lift my arms.
Can you move it?
Not much.
I can go, like, to right about there.
That's it?
Yeah, that's it. Right there, yeah.
You're sure?
I can't even move it past that.
You dislocated your shoulder.
You have to go to the hospital.
Last time I went
to the hospital,
it actually cost me more
than I made in the fight,
so you got to help me.
But I would have to reset it.
Look, whatever you got to do,
then make it happen.
All right. All right.
Okay, you got to go
easy first. No, no, no.
Okay.
Foot not going there.
All right, all right.
No, you're right. You're right.
I just got to find
the right angle over here.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Come on.
Okay, okay, you're
going to be all right.
You're going to be all right.
You can't go above.
Okay, okay,
that's past the level
that I just said
I can't go, though, okay?
Geez!
I'm sorry. Don't worry.
You're going to be all right.
Okay.
You're going to be okay. Okay.
Okay.
Now, I just got to get in here.
Easy, okay?
I have to get in there.
That hurts.
All right?
You ready?
Yeah.
Always wanted to try this.
Try this? What do you mean?
You've never done this...
Are you okay?
Oh, my...
Are you okay?
It's back in, I think.
Oh!
I did it! I did it!
I was a little worried,
but I did it.
Oh, I'm good, I'm good.
That was fun, no?
No.
A little jambalaya
for mama? No?
No, get away... Get away
from me, you crazy woman.
Good night, Scott.
Voss.
My office. Now.
Come on in.
Close the door.
Sit down.
I'd like you to meet Malia's
father, Mr. De La Cruz.
How are you?
Who the hell do you
think you are, Mr. Voss?
Telling my daughter
to disobey me?
I didn't say that.
I said... I said that...
And is it true
you're getting paid to fight?
It's Mixed Martial Arts.
What's this all about?
It's about our teachers not
promoting dangerous situations.
Look, it's a sport.
It's no more dangerous
than boxing or auto racing.
And believe me,
I wouldn't be doing it
if you'd been doing your job.
Did you really think
that you could save
the music program
by doing this?
I'm just trying to
make things better.
You know what?
You're not making
things better, Scott.
You're putting on a show.
You're getting beat up
in your bathing suit.
You are embarrassing
this school.
You know why I did this
in the first place?
Because a wise man once said,
"Without music,
life would be a mistake."
Yeah, and do you know
who that wise man is?
Marty Streb, the teacher
you're trying to get rid of.
Scott...
There's nothing here any more.
We're failing your daughter.
We need good teachers.
Yeah, well, fighting in a cage
is not going to make you
a good teacher, Scott.
You know, maybe you're right.
I'm not even that good
of a fighter.
I'm out there
getting my ass kicked.
Believe me, this wasn't Plan A,
but I don't know
what else to do.
Look, you're having a tough
time with your business.
I get it.
But you can't
take it out on Malia.
Mr. De La Cruz, I'm sorry that you
had to listen to any of this.
No, no, no.
It's all right. What do you
suggest I do, Mr. Voss?
My chef left.
That means I'm in
the back cooking.
Sol need my daughter up front.
It sucks, okay?
Nobody's saying it doesn't.
But it's not your
daughter's problem.
It's yours.
No.
You're the problem, Scott.
This is none of your business.
None of your business.
I've had it with you!
You know what?
We should be working
as hard in here as
you do out there.
And I'm sorry, but we're not.
And that is the problem.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have a class to teach.
And then I got to roll around
with a sweaty guy from Holland.
Whoa. What's going on,
Mr. Voss?
Biology, Derrick.
Fair enough.
Can someone tell me what
happens when a cell stagnates?
Okay,
no one is listening to me.
I will try again.
Anyone know what happens
to a stagnant cell?
What's he doing on the table?
I don't know,
something about cells.
Malia.
It's not good.
Did you hear that?
It ain't good.
People, a cell
that is not in motion
is not a productive member
of the system.
It ends up assuming
all the other cells
are gonna pick up
the slack somewhere.
But they don't.
In fact,
they imitate the stray cell
until basically the whole
organism begins to die.
Yeah.
But you know what?
Biology is an amazing thing.
And here's the good news,
all that decays
can be restored.
Is this hitting anybody?
Like how a cut heals.
Brian, my man.
Look, you got one!
And once that
cell's back on track,
it creates energy
amongst the other cells.
That's what happens.
It starts getting
a little movement going.
It gets a little rumble.
Can I get a little rumble
from everybody?
Everybody just rumble in
your seats right now for me.
Just rumble a little bit.
Okay, no rumble, that's fine.
I'll be the
lone rumbler up here.
That's what I am.
I'm a lone rumbler.
But then the cell starts
banging into the other cells.
And the cells push back and go,
"Hey, what are you doing to me?"
They hit into another one.
"Hey, don't do that!"
"Hey, that's my friend."
"You don't even know him!"
"You don't know me either!"
And they're
rumbling everything around.
And once that happens,
it's like a mosh pit!
They're goin' crazy...
"I know you,
we work together!"
Because then,
they hit a rhythm.
They all hit a rhythm.
And this is the beginning
of the restorative process.
So now,
even if the entire system
is close to dead, what happens?
Martinez, come on.
Give me something.
Oh, no, not today.
Oh, no, not in my house.
No, no, no, no.
Look out, here we come.
Don't look up
my pant leg, Derrick.
You're better than that.
I'm right over you.
Come on, man.
What do you say?
If all the cells work
together, what will happen?
The entire system is healed.
Exactly.
That is a sick dragon.
Yeah!
Move it! Come on,
Scott, keep working.
Hey, you know what?
You look as good going
as you do coming.
And you, my friend, sat in gum.
Please be gum.
Okay, so how many years
is a term of the president?
A president serves a term
of two years?
Ah, come on.
I can't remember this stuff.
Okay,
what's your favorite song?
My favorite song?
Mmm-hmm.
Faithfully.
The Journey song?
Yes.
Niko. I know it.
That's a great song.
They don't make them
like that any more, right?
Well, this is good.
Okay, let's try this.
Ah, that's beautiful.
Thank you.
And it goes with the lyrics.
I know.
You try it.
Yeah, right.
Okay.
Yes.
Nice!
Aha!
Oh, my friend!
She is unbelievable!
You are unbelievable.
I told you.
More later.
Now put him down,
'cause we have
a fight to go to.
Let's do this.
It wasn't a tap.
It wasn't a tap.
I was just fooling around.
I was just fooling around.
Obey my commands at all times.
The corner of the ring's
broken, so I'd avoid it.
The carbon dioxide molecules
get excited through a collision
with the nitrogen molecules,
and then there's a whole
bunch of excitement.
Derrick?
And 15, 16,
Oh, nice head movement, yeah!
Cover up, just cover up!
I think you're
wearing him down!
Watch out, watch out.
Back him up, back him up!
Do not lose that grip!
You know what to do.
Put your weight on him.
Don't lose your grip!
Don't lose your grip!
Don't lose your grip!
He lost the grip.
Thank you, Mr. Voss.
You got it, man.
Don't let him lock
your arm in place!
Scotty, pound him!
Use your elbow.
Got it!
Use your elbow!
Hey!
I'm giving
the instructions here.
No, I'm just saying
he should use his elbow.
I'm trying to help.
One voice.
No, you shush!
The other gentleman
is using his elbow
and it seems to be working.
Can we have this argument
on the car ride home?
Yeah!
Here's what happens.
Okay, you know what?
We should all...
Use your elbow!
Use your elbow!
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Voss is a winner!
Wow.
All right, everybody,
let's get our story straight.
Derrick did it.
"Derrick did it"?
Hi.
Hey.
Inspiring your students, I see.
Yeah, with a touch
of vandalism, yeah.
Hey, listen,
in case you haven't noticed,
I'm standing and I just...
That offer for dinner is...
It's still out there, so...
Okay.
So if I was to let you cook for
me, and I'm not saying I am,
what would you cook?
I'll tell you what.
You name it, I'm cooking it.
Really?
Yeah.
Hey, which one of
these should I go with?
Volcano or Enigma?
Hey, what are you doing?
This is coq au vin. The sauce
is extremely delicate.
You know what, I'm just gonna go
with both, let 'em fight it out.
Fight, boys!
I haven't
seen you like this in years.
What are you talking about?
I'm jealous.
You're passionate
about something.
Someone.
What do you mean?
You got the kids,
you got Lauren,
you got your business.
Yeah, I know,
but every night I come home,
and at least one kid's
locked in a cabinet.
Last night, Lauren says good night
to me by throwing a yogurt at me.
And my business is killing me.
Pepper.
I thought you loved painting.
Yeah.
But when Dad died, I just kept going
with the business, you know?
It wasn't my dream.
Okay, we are done.
It's perfect.
You got to go after
your dreams, Eric.
I mean,
if you don't make an effort,
nothing's ever gonna change.
You think?
Absolutely.
You got to find your passion
and then let it guide you,
let it envelop...
She's here. You're out of here.
Already?
Oh, yeah. Just two
minutes, stir the sauce!
Here you go.
Wow, this is beautiful.
You know, you picked
a very delicate dish.
The sauce there is extremely,
it's delicate.
Hope you like it.
Well, let's see.
How do you like it?
It's incredible.
You made this?
Yes, I made it.
I told you I made it.
I made it.
Of course I did.
Okay.
Where does coq
au vin come from?
Coq au vin
is of Turkish descent.
It's from...
No. It's French.
No, the name is French.
Coq au vin is of, obviously...
Oui, oui.
But, no, where do you think
they get their poultry?
They get it all out of Turkey.
Hence the name, Turkey.
It's all fowl...
No, it's all...
It's a bird country.
It's honestly...
Okay.
Whatever restaurant
you ordered this from,
it's amazing, so make sure
you thank the chef.
And you just did.
The chef, me.
To the chef.
To the chef.
To me.
Whoever it is.
It's me. I did it.
So, I saw one of your
fights on the Internet.
Checking me out.
All right. I see where
you're going with this.
How'd I do?
I don't understand.
When you are asking me out, you
are as stubborn as a badger.
And then with this guy?
He grabbed your
hand and you're like,
"I give up,
I give up" in two seconds.
Okay. First of all,
it's "stubborn as a mule",
it's a mule.
Second of all, he had me
in an arm bar, okay?
Do you know what an arm bar is?
If I didn't tap out,
he's gonna break my arm,
so that's what you do.
That's what you do
when you give up.
You know what?
Do me a favor, stand up.
Please, stand up.
Okay? I'm gonna
put you in an arm bar.
Here, this is a
Kimura, right here.
See? Feel this?
Now what would you do
if I got you here, huh?
What would you...
What are you doing?
Take it easy.
My father told me to strike
first and to strike fast
and to always be the aggressor!
All right, stop it!
What you gonna do now, huh?
You're gonna quit?
You're a quitter!
You're hitting me
with closed fists!
Of course I'm hitting you with a closed fist!
This is a fight!
No, it's not.
It's, like,
the weirdest date ever.
You know what?
You're sort of right.
Yeah, yeah, you are right.
'Cause I don't know
what I was thinking.
Hey!
Okay. This is definitely
the weirdest date ever.
Yeah.
Good night, Scott.
Yep, okay.
Well, this was a nice dinner.
Sorry about the lamp.
I wouldn't worry about it.
I wouldn't worry about it at all.
You can just leave that there.
You're good. All right.
By the way, a little
cologne goes a long way.
Yeah, no, I know. I felt it.
My eyes were burning.
I hear you.
Give it to me!
Hey.
Hey. Can you get
away for an hour?
I got something for you.
I can't, guy.
This is a bad time.
This one thought
the Ex-Lax was chocolate.
I'm up to my eyes in it.
- Lauren thinks it's my fault.
- It is!
Says you!
Who keeps Ex-Lax in
their back pocket?
I had a situation!
You're a situation!
Whatever!
Where do you want to go?
You got to wash
your face first.
Okay, got you.
Ow! Stop kicking me!
Yeah, and change your clothes.
Hey, what's up?
What are you doing here?
We training today?
Nah, nah, we're good.
Look, I told you
when you joined my team
I had your back, right?
Yeah.
I just thought you should
know Joe Rogan called.
They want you to
fight in the UFC.
It's 10 grand.
To lose?
Yup.
Yes! Yes!
Niko turned it down.
He what?
Relax.
Om...
Let your tailbone be heavy.
Om...
Hey!
Relax. Relax.
Back to the peaceful meadow.
Hey, why would
you pass on the UFC?
You're not ready
for a fight like this.
You realize we're six grand away
and the semester's almost over?
It's too dangerous.
Yeah. But this
could be one and clone.
Hey, the UFC's the real deal,
all right?
It's big-time.
There's no broken cages or
chickens running around.
Okay, you know what?
I got to be honest here.
I don't see what
the problem is.
Oh, yeah, okay.
You know the problem?
The problem is we're the same
age, and I can kick your ass!
You know, maybe we should...
You know what?
He's up, he's okay.
You're a schoolteacher, Scott!
I devoted my whole life
to fighting.
And you should've
been given this shot.
I was good, Scott.
When I was fighting, man,
I was beating everybody.
I was unstoppable.
And then when I got my big
break to fight for the UFC,
I thought to step it up.
And during training,
I just destroyed my neck.
That was it.
Over.
I'm so sorry.
I didn't know that.
Look, if you don't think
I deserve this fight,
you know what,
I'm not gonna take it.
No, you deserve it.
It's just me. It's...
I'll set this up.
I'm sorry, bud.
Yeah.
It's just...
Yoga makes me emotional.
Mr. Voss, welcome.
Come, this way.
I want to thank you
for your help.
Business has never been better.
Oh, that's great.
I'm so glad.
Your table.
Joe. What's up?
What's up, Niko?
How are you, brother?
Scott, nice to meet you.
I am such a big fan.
Oh, thank you.
Thanks, man.
Joe Rogan, wow.
I showed Dana White
some of your fights,
and I was there
at the Romero fight.
Great job when
you put him down.
That is a tough guy.
That's a serious win.
- Yeah, thanks. Thanks so much.
- Good evening, gentlemen.
I have created some
delicious lettuce wraps,
prepared with very little oil
and a hint of ginger.
Thanks.
Actually, best eaten
while hot, so...
Yeah, we're gonna...
Enjoy.
Yep, yeah.
Get out of here.
Okay.
Thanks.
So, here's the deal.
The UFC had a fighter
fall out last minute
in an undercard fight
against Ken Dietrich
in Las Vegas next week.
Dana's a little worried
you might throw up on him.
No, no, that was
a one-time deal.
I'm telling you, it was some bad
applesauce that got away from me.
It won't happen again.
Good to hear.
Look, my daughter got
into music in middle school.
It changed her life.
And I think what you're doing
is awesome, and the UFC agrees.
We'd like to give you a shot.
Now, Niko,
you had some concerns?
He's ready.
Okay, good.
I'm gonna grab one of
these lettuce things,
and I'll see you boys in Vegas.
All right, Joe, thanks.
Good luck, sir.
Wow. Thank you.
You got yourself a fight!
Fight!
Okay. I can't believe
that we're doing this.
Ding, ding, ding, ding.
Oh, my God, I love you guys!
I really do.
Take it easy, Marty.
Oh! Listen,
I have a window seat
and I pee a lot.
Do you mind if I...
Okay, we're switching seats.
Thank you very much.
I'll be right back, honey.
Okay.
Hey, Scott. Can I talk
to you for a second?
Sure.
I just want to tell you
how grateful we are
for everything you've been
doing for my family.
It's been an honor.
He's my hero.
Mine, too.
Thank you.
All right, you gonna
wish me luck or what?
Please be careful.
Niko says this guy you're
fighting is really dangerous.
Look, I'm going in there,
I'm gonna lose the fight,
get my 10 grand,
and I'm getting out.
I know you really want
to kiss me right now.
But I think we have
something special here,
and I don't want
to rush the magic.
Okay, first of all, do you
know anything about magic?
'Cause magic has to be rushed,
otherwise you can see
how the trick is done.
So, bring it in.
Give him your best shot, Scott.
Right here.
Mmm-mmm.
What is that?
Cherry cheesecake, guy.
That looks heavenly.
Could I have one?
Thank you so much.
Give me a slice, guy.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wow!
Wow.
Yeah. You know what,
give me a little bit...
Hey!
What?
What are you doing, man?
Just a little bite.
No way,
you're fighting tomorrow.
Come on.
I made weight today.
- Doesn't matter.
- Bro, you've been eating clean
for six weeks. You eat this
crap and you'll be lethargic.
I don't care if
I'm "lethargic."
One bite, come on, man.
Mmm-mmm. Mmm-mmm.
Stay strong, Scott.
After the fight.
Have it after the fight.
Fine, just give me a smell.
Can I get a smell of it?
Can I get a sniff in there?
Here you go.
Look at him.
I'll take it.
I'll take it.
Guy, he's fighting tomorrow.
Oh, it's on, man.
It's on, boom, man.
It's on!
You want some?
Boink!
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
Come on, guys.
We're making a mess here.
Look, we represent the UFC.
Let's act like it's not our
first time to the dance, okay?
I'm getting a call.
Hold on a second.
No claws, no claws.
Guys, guys, guys, guys.
Take it easy.
He's right,
we're making a mess.
Let's take it down a notch.
Want some of this?
What are you... Oh!
What you want?
Hey, you want some?
Hello?
Hi, it's Bella.
Hey. Glad you called.
Did you hear the news?
Elkins was arrested today.
What?
Oh, it's horrible.
Apparently, he's been embezzling
from the school for years.
You're kidding me.
He took it, Scott.
All the money that you raised
for the music program,
it's gone.
It's over.
Just come back.
I can't. I got to do this.
The money is gone, Scott.
There's nothing
to fight for any more.
Nothing to fight for?
I mean, everyone's
quit on these kids.
Elkins, the system,
the school, even me.
I can't...
I can't do it again.
I don't want you to get hurt.
You're a teacher.
What are you teaching these kids
if you go through with it?
What am I
teaching them if I don't?
Can I call you later?
Sure.
Bye.
Okay, bye.
Hi, again, everybody.
I'm Mike Goldberg.
Welcome to UFC 176.
We are live in Las Vegas.
Sold-out MGM
Grand Garden Arena,
where, later tonight,
in our main event,
two of the best heavyweights in
the Octagon today will collide.
Joe Rogan, my partner,
that is a great fight.
Fantastic matchup.
Shane Carwin versus
Junior Dos Santos.
Two of the best
heavyweight knockout artists
in the sport collide tonight.
We also have a very interesting
UFC debut tonight.
Scott Voss, a biology
teacher from Boston.
Now, here's the good news,
he was a Division 1
college wrestler.
Here's the bad news,
that was 20 years ago,
and he's facing Ken "The
Executioner" Dietrich.
And everyone
around the world knows
how vicious and dangerous
Ken Dietrich can be.
And I think he's gonna
be looking to make
a huge statement tonight
against the UFC newcomer.
Let's get UFC 176 underway.
All right, guys.
We should start heading out.
Hey. I need you to
forget about Elkins.
All right?
No matter what happens tonight,
I promise you, we are gonna
figure this thing out.
Look at me.
I need you.
Okay.
All right.
Voss and Dietrich,
what a great story.
Biology teacher from Boston
making his UFC debut.
And Dietrich is angry.
He's looking for
the highlight-reel knockout.
He was supposed to be
fighting a top-20 contender.
That fell out, and he takes this
schoolteacher fight on last minute.
He's trying to send a message.
He's trying to tell
the world that Scott Voss
does not belong in the Octagon.
Amen. Let's do this.
Amen.
It sounds different.
Yeah, it does sound different.
Come here.
You're not gonna believe this.
How did they...
You put this all together?
Wasn't me.
How did you do this?
I called him.
Be safe.
Thank you.
He looks good.
He does look good.
Got nothing on you though.
My little fireplug.
Aw.
Yeah.
"Fireplug."
It's a compliment.
Okay.
No matter what happens,
I'm so proud of you.
This is great. Come on!
All right, Scott, let's go.
Get up there, baby, let's go.
Getup!
Good song, man.
Good song. It's a scary song.
Don't worry about it.
It's a cool song.
You go first.
Hey, look at him right there.
He's got no business
being in here with you.
Ladies and gentlemen,
this fight is three rounds
in the UFC
Heavyweight Division.
Introducing first, fighting
out of the red corner,
out of Boston, Massachusetts,
Scott Voss!
Mr. Voss! Mr. Voss!
And now
introducing his opponent,
fighting out of
the blue corner,
out of Lake Forest, California,
Ken "The Executioner" Dietrich!
Come on!
Kill him, baby!
And when the action begins, our
referee in charge, Herb Dean.
All right, gentlemen.
We've been over the rules
in the dressing room.
Protect yourself at all times.
You're gonna
follow my instructions.
We're gonna keep it
clean, everything above the belt.
We're gonna keep
our hands closed.
No grabbing the fence.
We're not gonna
grab the shorts...
All right, gentlemen.
Touch gloves,
let's make it official.
Hey, take it to the ground
as fast as possible.
Let me ask you guys something.
How much do I get if we win?
What are you saying?
I know what he's saying.
Fifty grand.
Holy smoke.
Let's win this thing.
Yeah!
That's right.
Go get him, kid.
I like it.
UFC debut for Scott
Voss, the biology teacher.
You ready to fight?
You ready?
Let's do it.
Here we go!
Oh, huge Superman Punch
right out of the gate!
Cover up!
Cover up, Scott! Cover up!
Big hooks to
the body and the head!
Dietrich is swarming him!
Cover up, Scott!
Dietrich is lethal
on the ground.
You need to get on top, Scott!
Up, up, up, up, up, up, up!
Scott Voss is in
pure survival mode.
Oh, my goodness!
What is
keeping this guy in there?
Pull down, Scott!
Don't stop, Scott!
Keep scrambling, buddy!
Herb Dean
right on top of the action.
He may stop this fight.
Fight back.
Protect yourself.
Voss is in all kinds
of trouble here, Mike!
This is ugly!
What a great round
for Ken Dietrich.
And what a terrifying
first round for Scott Voss.
You got to give him credit, though.
The kid can take a beating.
No question about it.
You all right?
He is so good.
He's so good, man.
He hit me flush,
so freakin' flush.
Oh, God. Stitch.
I can't believe
you're working on me, man.
It's so awesome.
I'm having a crazy month
of meeting people.
Welcome to the UFC, huh?
Thank you.
It is gonna be very hard for
him to recover from that.
He took some bombs
in that round.
Man, so you want
to fight in the UFC?
The ground is not working.
No, I know. I see that.
It's not working.
He's so good there.
He knows everything.
Everything you taught me,
he knows better.
Stay on your feet.
Okay, yeah.
Don't get on the ground.
He knows everything.
And, Joe, Scott Voss has
got to do something different.
He's got to come up
with some sort of an answer,
but I don't know what
he's gonna be able to do.
Ready? Ready?
Fight!
Round two under way.
Voss comes out swinging.
He's got heart.
Come on, put your hands up!
Big counter.
Checks the kick.
Not that one.
He is taking some shots.
Oh, caught him!
Oh, he gets reversed!
Voss throws him off, though.
Very nice.
Oh, Showtime Kick!
Get up, Scott!
Pull! Guard!
Keep your hands up!
Get off your back!
If Voss has
anything left in his tank,
he's got to use it now.
The Executioner may
finish this fight right here.
Get out from under him!
Come on, Scott,
pull him on you!
Oh, this might be the end.
Voss is getting a beating!
Pull down, Scott!
- Come on!
- Get up, Scott!
Yes!
Nice, nice, nice, nice!
Oh! Watch out!
Dietrich clearly is trying to
get him out of there early,
but I am just amazed
that Voss can take all this.
They might stop this fight
in between rounds.
This guy is hurt.
Wrong corner, guy.
No, it was a good round.
It was a good one.
It was good.
No, wrong section.
Follow my voice.
Come on.
Over here.
Scott, listen to me, you've
got to stay away from him.
Okay, he's got to go
back to the ground.
Can I say something? The ground
was just as bad, though.
I'd really like
to say something.
It's the lesser of two evils.
I know, but...
Hey! I need to say something!
Okay. Take it easy.
I'm sorry, buddy.
I don't think I'm going
to be able to do this.
You've already done it.
To hell with my job.
Look up there.
Look at those kids.
I got to be honest, it's a
little blurry right now.
Then let me tell you
what you would see.
You would see
a bunch of our students
witnessing complete resolve
in the face of
an unbearable obstacle.
They are invested.
Scott, they're inspired.
That's what we're supposed
to do as teachers, right?
Inspire.
You can quit right now,
and everything
that we worked for
will have been accomplished.
You know, last night,
Mollie said to me on the phone
that you thought
I was your hero.
You're mine.
Third and final round.
I'll tell you what,
the third round
is going to be
very interesting,
'cause I don't know what they
said to Scott Voss in the corner,
but he is fired up.
Ready? Ready? Fight!
Oh, look at that.
Voss has earned
the respect of Dietrich.
Voss is slipping shots now, Mike.
Look at this.
He looks really comfortable
here in round three.
Keep moving.
Look to set it up.
Counter that jab.
Oh, Voss countered
with a big left jab!
Oh, that hurt him.
Flying knee by Voss!
Oh! He's all over him!
Dietrich reverses him here.
Oh, he kicks him off!
Voss is doing damage now.
Follow up!
Good job! Good job! Come on!
Oh! Big body shot!
Oh, he's hurt again!
Great combination.
Boom! Boom!
Go! Pull the punch!
Honey, honey,
should they be watching this?
They're fine!
Finish him!
Okay.
Come on!
Dietrich is in trouble.
Oh, now Voss is in trouble!
Put him out of his misery!
Oh, they are exchanging
like Don Frye and Takayama!
Great work in the clinch.
Come on!
Go, buddy! Go!
Both men trying to
finish this fight.
Go hard!
Go, Scott!
Go, go, go, go, go!
Dietrich is hurt bad, Mike!
He's got him up!
Voss on top.
Voss is winning this round!
Go! Nice!
Go, go! Let's go!
Dietrich is getting battered.
This is crazy!
This crowd is going nuts!
It is deafening in here!
What a great flurry.
Landing punches on Dietrich.
Oh, no! Oh, triangle!
Okay, don't let go.
Don't let go.
Don't lose that grip, Scott.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Oh, Voss is in
trouble here, Mike!
This is not
good for Scott Voss.
Dietrich switches to an arm bar.
Voss has got to defend.
He's got to keep those hands
clasped together.
He can't let go of that grip.
Don't lose that grip!
Do not lose that grip!
Hold on tighter!
No!
Stack him up!
Oh, no, it's deep!
Come on, stack him up!
Stack him up!
Put that body weight on him!
Okay, Scott,
get back to that grip!
You know what to do!
I showed you this!
Oh, Voss is in
a lot of trouble here.
He may tap.
Oh, this is crazy!
He defends!
Oh, he's got him up!
Oh, he's out!
- He's out!
- It is all over!
Yes! Yes!
Scott Voss wins his UFC debut!
Scott Voss by knockout.
Yeah!
He did it!
When you think
about the dedication
this guy has shown,
the sacrifices
and the risks he made,
all for those kids,
that guy is a hero.
We won!
Good job, man.
Good job.
Scott! Scott!
Scott! Scott!
Scott!
You were awesome. You won.
Are you ready to kiss me now?
'Cause I'm ready.
I am.
One down.
Go down one, this one.
No, this one. One over.
You are powerful!
Is there anybody better? No!
Thank you, Scott.
Your donation was
more than generous.
It's going to keep our school in
the black for quite some time.
Hey, could I get
that vacation day back?
Not a chance.
Didn't think so.
Yeah.
Don't you have a class?
I do. I do. I'm going.
Okay. Bye-bye.
Congratulations.
You are now citizens of
the United States of America.
Yeah!
I citizen!
I citizen two times!
- Twisty!
- Twisty!
Twisty!
Twisty!
Viva America!
Viva America!