1
How did it happen?
You knocked me up.
That's how it happened.
You said you were safe!
Well, I was wrong.
It's a hell of a thing
to be wrong about.
You're not taking this too well.
I'm sorry! So am I!
Hey, I'm the one that's
knocked up, remember?
Damn!
How do you feel?
Oh, great, great,
especially in the morning.
Does anybody else
know about this?
Just you and my gynecologist.
What are you going
to tell your folks?
What are you going
to tell your folks?
Oh, shit! I had
these lines down cold.
Oh, Denise. Steve, I really did.
I can't work with you anymore.
I got to go meet my agent.
Just one more time.
Another day. When? You name it.
Monday before class. Don't want
to make a fool out of myself.
Alright. I'll see you then.
I'll see you Monday!
And learn your lines!
Corned beef on rye,
extra-lean, extra-thin bread.
I'm a storm, a flame too
strong to war with mortals.
Bring me giants!
Bring him a corned
beef sandwich.
Marty, there's an off-Broadway
production of cyrano.
Can you get me an audition?
Talk to me about
the beer commercial.
I read for them this morning.
And?
And they like my sincerity.
They like your acting?
Oh, Marty, how much can you do
with "that's what I call beer"?
Marty, get me a play, any play.
You had one last summer...
Shakespeare in the park.
I carried a spear. Jesus, Marty.
That's a joke.
When an actor says
he carried a spear,
he doesn't mean
he carried a spear.
I carried a spear.
Steve!
Oh, most worthy person,
prince of actors, friend
of friends, thank you.
Who's the arab?
Jerry feldman, Marty fields.
Hi. Nice to know you.
I got it.
The schlitz commercial...
I got it!
Hey, that's great!
No. You're what's great.
I wouldn't have known
about it. You told me.
I'm happy for you.
I'll remember you in my will.
I'll let you guys talk.
I'll call later.
Alright, man. Hey, Jerry.
Congratulations.
Bye.
You told him about
the beer commercial?
Yeah. He's in my acting class.
He's a good guy.
You told him, and he got it.
Schmuck!
He'll do the same
for me sometime.
And you believe that?
Double schmuck!
Oh, come on, Marty. You
didn't lose the commercial.
Did I get 10% from that arab?
Just get me a play.
I'll get you a head examiner.
Did you put these
on separate checks?
No. I put them on rye,
like you said.
A schmuck and a smart ass. I'm
surrounded!
This looks like a job
for captain avenger!
Captain avenger!
Mind if I drop in?
Get him!
We're saved!
Thank God you got here
just in time.
Captain avenger, the superhero
who thrilled a generation,
returns to rock
the motion picture screen
with new excitement.
Sworn to uphold justice,
protect the weak,
and punish wrongdoers,
captain avenger fights
a never-ending battle
against the forces of evil.
This is his story,
his greatest adventure.
Who says nice guys finish last?
This weekend, captain avenger
appears in person
at selected theaters.
And now back to Clark gable
and Joan Crawford
in strange cargo.
Is it because I haven't
seen any women lately?
Now get smart.
Why don't you get smart?
You know what they'll do to you.
I'll take all they've got
for a little of this.
Sorry. That's o.K.
So, you're j. Marsh.
I'm s. Nichols. We're neighbors.
Hello.
Here. You want me
to hold that for you?
Thank you. Oh, you're welcome.
I've seen you come
and go a few times.
I live in the front
apartment up there.
And you watch people
come and go.
Well, I'm an actor,
so I watch people.
Haven't you got that backwards?
No. I learn things about
how people are, you know.
How are they?
Well, you look sort of lonely.
I'm not.
No. That's o.K. We're going
in the same direction.
So, did you move here
from out of town?
No.
Somewhere in the city,
like queens or...
East 66th street.
East 66th street?
Why would anyone move
here from there, right?
No. Hey, I wasn't thinking that.
You're a lousy liar
for an actor.
That's my tiger shake.
My schefflera!
Oh, good, Steve.
I always do that.
I forget about it.
Uh... This is home.
Looks more like a gymnasium.
Yeah, well, I have to
stay in shape, you know.
I take a lot of lessons...
voice, movement, fencing.
Collecting.
Yeah. I can't
throw anything away.
You ever act?
Well, sure.
Professionally?
Sometimes.
What do you do other times?
Uh, whatever. Right now
I'm driving relief cab.
Well, may I have my plant now?
I will deliver it to your door.
I think you better
have your drink.
No. It has to settle.
So, what do you do?
About what?
Well, I act. What do you do?
I make commercials.
Really? So do I. I got
one running right now.
Other side of the camera.
Oh. Oh, that's great.
Listen, um...
I guess you already
have a date for tonight.
No. I'm working.
Perfect. I am, too,
till about 10:00.
Maybe we could get together...
we start at 11:00.
It's the only time
we can get into sardi's.
That's where you're working?
Sparkey goes to opening night.
Sparkey the dog? You
do those commercials?
God help me.
Oh, that's funny.
Uh... Some other time
when you're not working?
I don't think so.
Why not?
You live in a lousy
neighborhood.
Huh.
There you go, o.K.?
What's your name, tiger?
Does it really hurt you
when crooks sock
you in the face?
It sure does, little fella.
There you go.
Hi.
Hey, captain avenger.
Yes, sir.
Let's see you fly.
Sorry. I don't fly.
Don't let him shit you, man.
Anybody dresses
like that, flies.
You mean, he's a fruit?
You saw the picture. He don't
fool around with girls.
Hey, uh, captain avenger...
Can I feel your muscle?
Ha ha ha!
I'll let you feel mine.
You faggot!
Alright, you wise guys,
get out of here.
You want to feel my muscle?
I want to kick your butt!
Eddie, come on. The
others can hear, o.K.?
I don't believe you.
How can you keep dishing
out this stuff?
I'm having fun. Don't you
think this is great?
Great? It's terrible. We were
expecting 400, and we got 40.
Here's your coat.
See you tomorrow.
Alright.
Good-bye, captain.
Good night, captain.
Faggot.
So long, wimp.
How's it going? Don't ask.
Two years at actor's
studio for this?
Well, it's just
like any other part.
You got to really get into it.
When I was at that theater,
I was captain avenger.
Listen. I gave it a
shot I was doing o.K.
Until some kid got
me with a pellet gun
right in the ass.
Wanted to find out
if I was really tough.
What did you do? I screamed.
I'm not tough... Not in the ass.
Hey, hey, hey. Captain crud.
Where?
Hold it, hold it.
Excuse me, can I get in there?
We're closed.
Can you stay open long
enough for me to get milk?
We have to go home.
Just for a second?
O.K.
Oh, thank you, sir.
The milk is in the back.
Oh, great.
Here. Check me out.
I'm no accountant.
Who can read your handwriting?
Hire yourself a secretary.
What I should do is hire
myself another wife.
Oh, that's good.
No. I'm sorry, dear.
We're closed.
Just taking some beer.
Uh, anything else?
No. Just a bag.
Give me a bag.
This will be...
2.47.
I don't want the beer.
I want the money.
Come again?
I want your money!
Here, here, here!
Not this. I want the money!
Where is it?
We haven't got it.
It's in the bank. We deposited.
Where is the money?
Give him... give him money!
I'll cut you if I have to.
I'll cut you in half!
Hey!
Captain avenger!
Let's get him.
You got the knife. You get him.
Oh, come on!
Mind if I drop in?
I'm going to cut you, man.
How 'bout that?
I would never believe it
if I didn't see it.
I can't wait to tell my Sheldon.
He always used to read
your comic books.
Yours and Batman!
No. He was always
Sheldon's favorite!
Well, I better get going.
Can we get you something?
Uh... Oh, my milk!
Almost forgot. That's
what I came in here for.
Oh, I've got
some very nice fruit,
some peaches and plums.
How about some nectarines?
No, no. Just the milk.
That's fine. Thank you.
Thank you!
How much do I owe you?
Oh, please! It's on the house.
We couldn't take
a penny from you, darling.
Well, thank you very much.
Thank you!
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye, dear.
Oh, he's such a nice boy.
This is a miracle.
You'll never believe
what just happened to me.
You know that little grocery
store on bleecker street?
Hold on a second, will you?
No. Hey, Jerry? What? What?
I'll tell you about it later.
Just tell me when you get here.
Yeah. If I come.
It's crazy! Ha ha ha!
I'll talk to you later.
Sorry, guys. I'm a little late.
Soup's on.
This is Marty fields.
I'm not in right now.
Want to know if you got a job?
The answer's no.
When it's yes, I'll call you.
Any other business,
leave your name and number.
Yeah. This is Robert redford.
I'm seeking new representation.
Sorry you were out.
Ladies and gentlemen,
may I propose a toast
to our beautiful leading lady?
Bravo!
Bravo! Bravo!
May I have your autograph?
Thank you.
Cue the waiter...
And we start to zoom in.
We zoom in even tighter.
Sparkey looks at it,
smells it. Mmm!
Smells terrible.
He looks around
and says, "where's soupo?
Where's my dog food?"
Look at that eclair! Cut!
Joe? Ms. marsh?
Here!
Where is she?
Come over here
where the work is.
Look. I'd pick soupo
dog food over that.
If you take so long
between takes,
it's going to melt.
It has to be a beautiful
eclair, o.K.?
I've got an entire
refrigerator full.
Would you bring
another pastry, Jeff?
Tell everybody to relax.
Background people, you relax,
but, please, do not wander off.
Now let me hear that playback.
Excuse me. Hi. Hello.
May I have this dance?
What are you doing here?
Are you crazy?
No. I'm on a high.
Well, come down.
Don't be sore. I am working.
You're on a break!
Good-bye. Hello.
It's a prop!
O.K. I'll leave. You know why?
I'll leave because
I'm a very nice person.
I'm one of the nicest
people you know.
I don't know you.
I'm working on it.
O.K. Let's take it
from the beginning.
Alright, people.
It's picture time.
If you're not in this shot,
will you please clear out?
Thank you very much.
People, we're laughing
our way into overtime.
Where's the waiter?
Oh, alright. We ready?
Doggy ready? Sound ready?
Ready!
O.K., milo. Let's go. Roll 'em!
Fade! And action!
That didn't take too long.
I'm going to leave the
wardrobes here for now, alright?
Fine.
What about the props?
Don't worry about it, Sean.
Just organize it
as best you can.
O.K. Alright.
How about some coffee?
I don't believe it!
I'll even spring for a Danish.
What are you doing here?
I just felt like
being with somebody.
Don't you have any friends?
Not a lot. Do you?
Hundreds...
Give or take a few.
We'll have some coffee together.
We'll talk.
Wait till you hear what
happened to me tonight.
I can't.
You can't. Well, we can
share a taxi home together.
I got a ride.
Is it something special,
or is it just a ride?
Look... I've got nothing
against you personally.
Thank you.
You're a guy in condition,
and I'm a girl across the hall.
Why shouldn't you try?
But as it happens...
come on. Let's get out
of here. I'm tired.
Hey.
Come on. I'll buy
you some coffee.
Alright.
You will never believe
what happened to me tonight.
You know a little grocery
store on bleecker street?
Well, I was in this costume
to promote this film.
It's called captain avenger.
I had a cape...
Mr. and Mrs. Rothberg,
has this neighborhood
really changed
in the years you've been here?
Oh, yes. As a matter of
fact, we were talking...
maybe we should sell the
store and move away.
After 33 years.
But after last night...
That sort of gives you hope.
Have you any idea,
who that man was last night?
Certainly.
It was captain avenger.
Yeah. Believe me.
You can't miss it.
But, Mr. And Mrs. rothberg,
captain avenger is a character
in the comic books.
I don't care
where he comes from.
A man comes in to the store,
takes care of a couple of punks
that tried to cut my throat.
What should I do... ask him
for a driver's license?
Hey, j.?
J., turn on your television set.
Hurry!
Mrs. havacheck... Huh!
I got excited.
Please! I'm not interested
in your personal life.
I'm on t.V. Right now.
Without your trousers?
They're talking about me.
I wouldn't doubt it.
Today is the 15th. That makes
your rent two weeks overdue.
Oh, yeah. The rent. Right.
You know how it is with actors.
I studied with ouspenskaya.
I appeared with sir galleon.
I toured with Barrymore.
You told me.
We played the classics!
It's a long time between classics.
I did this commercial.
Commercials do not
an actor make!
It's the best I can do.
Pay your rent on the first of
each month.
And don't come out
without trousers!
At least you can walk
on the street at night!
Thank you very much,
Mr. and Mrs. rothberg.
Calls have been
coming into the switchboard
expressing gratitude, but to whom?
Who is captain avenger?
It's me... Steve Nichols!
Surprisingly, there is very
little curiosity about that.
In fact, some people
have stated flatly
they don't want to know
his true identity.
You can tell a child that
Santa claus is on payroll.
He may believe you, but he
really won't thank you for it.
So perhaps the question isn't
"who are you, captain avenger?"
But "what next,
captain avenger?"
What do you mean, what next?
Eight weeks away
from election day,
and look at us.
A lot can happen in eight weeks.
It better.
He hasn't been a bad mayor.
There's a great
campaign slogan...
"he hasn't been a bad mayor."
We focused on a solid, responsible
job for the past four years.
What's wrong with that?
And they focused on subway crime,
blackouts, garbage strikes,
and they laid it all on him!
That's New York. The incumbent
is always under attack.
Tell me something
I don't know, will you?
The bottom line is
they're killing us!
We're trailing
in all the polls...
the New York times poll,
Lou Harris poll, 6:00 news.
Fine. We'll shift emphasis
away from his record
to his personality.
Except you and I both know...
He hasn't got one.
Your name's on the door
out there.
You are the high-priced
PR genius.
Work it out.
Calvin, take it easy.
We're coasting, Walter.
We need some fresh ideas.
I don't know what they are,
but I know we need them.
I'm expecting to hear something
from you by the end of the week.
You're really
pushing me, Calvin.
You're right. I am.
Hey, I've got great news.
Can we talk? Yeah, yeah.
Linda, keep holding the calls.
Grosses are in
on the captain avenger flick.
Lines around the block.
Lines, Walter!
Lines to see that Turkey!
People are going nuts
on account of last night.
They're calling in... radio
stations, television stations,
even city hall...
to say they're happy.
They're going to see the movie.
When that kook walked
into that grocery store,
it was the best thing
that ever happened to us.
We got a hit!
Two reporters called me here.
I told Linda to stall them
until we could figure
out what to say.
What do you think?
What do I think?
You know what I think?
I think captain avenger
just saved the mayor's ass.
You guys hired those yo-yos
to cover the theaters, right?
How many were there? 62.
They keep the outfits?
Yeah. For the matinee
this afternoon.
O.K. You tell them to...
Hang on to those suits.
Tell them they're going
to wear them again,
and maybe one of our
62 captain avengers
will make another
special appearance.
How do we know it's one of ours?
Some freak could
have made a costume.
No, no, no. I know in my heart.
I know it's one of ours.
You guys are going to find him.
Bring him in?
No. If he'd wanted us
to know who he was,
we'd have heard from him by now.
I want you to check
him out, quietly.
Find out which one could
do it and would do it,
and get out word
that one's missing.
A guy?
A costume.
Tell them that it was stolen.
That'll confuse anybody who's
trying to find out who he is.
Still say it could be anybody.
That's why my name is on
the front door, not yours.
Gentlemen, we have
a golden opportunity.
Let us take it firmly...
By the private parts.
My God...
The more I see it,
the less I believe it.
Can I have your autograph?
Sure.
Chuck, set up over there.
Tom, go get captain avenger.
Let's go.
Captain avenger, you're the man!
Gloria Preston wants to
interview you for television.
You mind coming here?
Oh, o.K. Sure.
O.K.
We're here at
the greenwich theater
in New York's west village.
A large crowd
has gathered to meet
or catch a glimpse
at captain avenger.
Hi. How are you?
Hi. Fine.
This is my seventh stop.
People in Brooklyn are doing
this and all around queens...
as a matter of fact, all
over greater New York.
What do you think of
all this attention?
I think it's terrific.
It sure sells tickets.
Yeah, but that's not
quite what I meant.
Let me ask you the same question
I've asked half a dozen
other captain avengers.
Where were you
last night at 10:00?
I was having dinner with a girl.
Ooh!
Would you like to
introduce yourself?
Oh, sure. My name
is Steve Nichols.
An actor, model, or what?
I'm an actor.
How do you account
for this turnout?
Do you think these
people may be here
on the chance that you're
the captain avenger,
the, uh, grocery store hero?
Unfortunately, I don't think
it has anything to do with me.
What, then?
Well, um, I think it's the idea.
The idea?
Yeah. You know, what captain
avenger stands for...
what's right and for justice.
I think these people like that,
you know. Yeah.
See, captain avenger looks out
for the little guy, and he wins.
It makes people feel
like they have
a chance, you know?
We've just heard
from Steve Nichols,
1 of 62 captain avengers
making appearances at movie
theaters all around New York
and giving his thoughts on
what this is all about,
an idea come to life, out of
the comics onto the front pages
to make us all feel better.
It sounds good to me.
Hurray for captain avenger
and Mickey mouse for president.
This is Gloria Preston
from greenwich village.
Hi. Hi. J. Marsh.
We're neighbors.
I'm sorry. My head
was someplace else. Hi.
Um, about last night.
I'm sorry I barged in on you.
No. I could have been nicer.
No. That was way out of line.
I've been a little
uptight lately.
That's o.K. It's my fault.
Well!
I got it. That's o.K.
O.K.?
Hi.
I knocked on your door
this morning.
Oh?
About 8:30.
You're a sound sleeper.
I spent the night out.
That was a special
ride, wasn't it?
With an old friend.
Does that old friend
live on east 66th street?
Who are you... j. Edgar hoover?
Nope. I'm captain avenger.
Right.
I guess you heard
about last night?
How could I help it?
What do you think?
The world is full of weirdos.
That's it? He's a weirdo?
Probably stoned out of his mind,
sitting around today trying
to figure out how he did it.
You have a terrific way
of looking at things.
I traded my rose-colored
glasses in
for a crash course in karate
and a fountain pen
that shoots tear gas.
I'll keep my distance.
Why did you knock on my door?
I was going to tell
you a funny story.
I'm not the best
audience at 8:30.
You would have
laughed at this one.
So tell me.
I forgot the punch line.
Ever since we met,
I can't think of anyone but you.
You are my whole life,
my reason for being.
You mustn't say
things like that.
I have to say what's true.
I don't understand.
I don't know what you want.
I want to surround you,
to possess you,
to absorb you.
No.
Why are you turning away...
I'm sorry. I can't do this.
I mean, he and I... Look at us.
That's alright, Steve.
Thank you very much.
No, I'm sorry.
I'll try it again.
It won't be necessary.
I'm used to it now.
If I could try again...
I have a number of other
people waiting to read.
O.K.? Thank you.
I guess I blew it, huh?
No. No, that was lovely, really.
Nice.
Thank you.
Who's next?
Mr. Nichols!
Mrs. havacheck. I know.
About the rent... I'm sure
there's a residual check
in my mailbox right now.
It's so overdue.
These things happen.
The agents have to take
out their commission,
and the computers foul up,
but I'm sure it's here.
It's not here.
Can you believe this?
They are running my
commercial all the time.
Maybe you've seen it.
I only watch
public broadcasting.
Oh. Well, I'm going to call my
agent right now and raise hell.
It's not fair to you,
and it's not fair to me.
Hello.
Haven't seen you for a while.
How is the acting business?
I wouldn't know.
You look great.
Thank you.
Well...
See you later.
O.K.
Tonight, Mr. Nichols, or else.
Gimme a break, will you?
Authorities are still wondering
who the man in the
costume really is.
Carol, any reports of a second
appearance by captain avenger?
Not yet, rollin, but calls
have continued to come in
with people saying they feel
good about what happened.
We still need heroes.
And that's channel 2 news.
Good night, Carol.
Good night, rollin,
and good night, captain
avenger, wherever you are.
27 Adam, in pursuit
of gray sedan
headed north on 3rd and 21st street.
Over.
27 Adam, transmission garbled...
repeat. Over.
27 Adam, what is your
current location? Over.
Pursuit of gray sedan, New York
license 287 Frank-David-Henry,
headed west
on 25th street. Over.
27 Adam on 27th and Lex.
I've lost them.
Any unit in the vicinity
of 27th and Lexington...
We have lost gray sedan,
license 287 Frank-David-Henry.
All units respond. Over.
Pull over, man!
Get the hell out of here!
It's over, fellas!
Hold it right there.
Don't make another move.
Bullshit!
Let's go! Let's go!
Drop it right there!
Good night!
J.
Hi, j.
S. Nichols? Is that you?
Tsk-tsk. Drunk as a skunk.
What you got on?
It's a gag, right?
You've been to a costume party.
I wish.
Then what?
Uh, I got a little
carried away this time.
You're not going to tell me...
S. Nichols is...
Captain avenger.
I don't believe it. It's true.
What is it?
J., they got me.
You haven't got
a bullet in there?
But you were shot? We better
get you in your apartment.
It's locked. What?
I didn't pay the rent.
Mrs. havacheck, you are
a wonderful person.
Isn't she?
You can't stay here. I better
get you into my apartment.
Can you stand up?
Yeah, I think so.
Put your arm around me. O.K.?
Lean on me.
Oh, yeah. That... that helps.
You don't look that heavy.
I'm sorry you have
to deal with this.
You and me both.
It's not too serious.
It stopped bleeding.
Don't talk about bleeding.
I have a problem with that.
Ow!
Sorry! It's o.K.
You have a doctor?
Uh, yes, I do.
Only he's back in
cawker city, Kansas.
Figures.
This is nice.
I'll call emergency.
No, please. I'll be alright.
All I need is to rest.
Don't. They have to report
gunshot wounds, and...
I'll be fine.
I just need to rest.
It's o.K. Oh, see?
Oh, well, now,
I'm better already.
O.K.
I don't know
which of us is crazier,
but o.K.
Of all the beds
in all the apartments
in all of New York City...
Captain avenger ends up in mine.
Tell him I want what I
want when I want it.
I'll be around no matter
who wins the election.
Just let him know gently
that I'll always be around.
You're late.
I'm sorry, Cal, but
have I got an idea.
I'm sorry, too, because
it's too little, too late.
You're through, Walter.
We fell four points
in the latest poll.
I know. I saw this.
I'm talking to
an aggressive young man
with some bright ideas.
He's hungry, and that
makes people aggressive.
Really? Can he bring you
the election in
a box, gift-wrapped?
Can he do that, Calvin?
What are you talking about?
Captain avenger,
that's what I'm talking about.
How do you like
what's happening?
How would you like
him to keep it up?
How would you like it if he stayed
in action uptil election day?
What's the point?
The point is,
when the people feel
good about the city,
they feel good about
the administration, right?
Well, the people feel good
about the city today
because of him.
A comic book hero?
Read the papers, Calvin.
Watch the news.
New York loves captain avenger.
Who is he, Walter?
Uh-uh.
You can tell him what to
do and when to do it?
I set up the whole thing.
I made a third-rate movie, the hit
of the year with a simple gimmick...
captain avenger comes
to your neighborhood.
Who is he?
Come on, Calvin.
O.K. But there will have
to be a closer connection.
You bet.
Photographs for the media.
Captain avenger meets the mayor.
Two crusaders working together
toward a better life
for the people.
It is a natural.
You'll have to do bigger
stuff with more witnesses.
Can you arrange that?
It's already in
the planning stage.
Oh, Walter. Walter!
I was writing you off.
S. Nichols?
Oh, yeah. Hi.
What are you doing?
I'm just freshening my breath.
Get back in bed.
Also fighting tooth decay.
A hero's work is never done.
Get back in bed.
I love the way you say that.
Are you hungry?
Oh, no. No, I couldn't
eat right now.
Good. Then we can
get this over with.
Get what over with?
This very nice man
at the pharmacy
told me exactly what to do.
I told him my dog
had an accident.
With a gun?
He didn't know it was loaded.
He's only a dog.
It's only fair to warn you,
I am not experienced
at this and may faint.
I don't expect you
to take care of me.
Who do you suggest?
You're such a good neighbor.
Did you, by any chance,
pick this up
in the vicinity
of park and 52nd?
How did you know that?
The guy that shot you
wants credit,
but since nobody else saw you,
he's having a hard time
proving it.
I picked this up in case
you keep a scrapbook.
Quarter of a million dollars
worth of angel dust?
Hardly a record,
but after all,
it was your first bust.
You really didn't know what you
were getting into last night?
Really didn't.
Who sends you out on
these missions, anyway?
Your agent?
No. He only sends me out
on beer commercials.
Why? Why do you do it?
Because of what happened...
all those people calling
in and writing letters.
How often do you get a
chance to do something
that's really special, you know?
You really mean that, don't you?
You're for real.
And nobody knows?
Just you.
What do you do... keep it
up till somebody kills you?
No. If they're going to use real
bullets, I think I'll retire.
That's for me.
I'll be right there.
You going out?
Yeah. Got a date.
Oh, good.
Listen, I... I'm in the way.
Why don't I get out of here?
You're in terrific
shape to travel.
Well, I could manage.
Look, uh, it's alright with me
if you want to stay here
until you're feeling better.
You don't take up much room,
and I'm gone a lot.
I don't even know your name, what the j.
Stands for.
Jolene.
Listen, j., I'll tell
you what I'll do.
I'll move to the sofa.
I accept.
Sorry. What kept you?
You wouldn't believe it.
Uh, try me.
When I got home last
night, I found this stray.
You took him in?
He'd been hurt. I was
taking care of him.
Don't get started. There are
strays all over New York.
Not like this one.
Hi.
It's just me... captain avenger.
I thought you'd be asleep.
Well, that was some date.
We lingered over dinner.
Oh.
Just you and, um...
Milo.
Right. Right.
Where did he
take you... Elaine's?
A little restaurant
in Chinatown.
Ah, so! Oriental atmosphere.
Curiously seductive.
I like Chinese food.
Mm. Gentleman strive to please.
He want you back
in house on, uh...
East 66th street.
Confucius say,
grandma have long nose.
Well, I care about these things
now that I'm living with you.
You are not living with me.
Well, visiting with you.
How's the arm?
Oh. You did a great job.
Probably saved my life.
Yes, he wants me back.
And what about you?
How do you feel?
Excuse me, but that is
none of your business.
Don't let him rush you.
A guy like that
can be very pushy.
How do you know that?
The car. It's a dead giveaway.
You're crazy.
Of course, that's not
exactly a news flash.
Steve. My name's Steve.
Good night, Steve.
Good night, j.
Jeff Goldstein.
A Jewish captain avenger?
Captain avenger is a wasp.
Here.
This is Steve Nichols.
I was with him that first day.
And?
He's sort of strange.
I won't go with a pansy.
Oh, not that. Not one of those.
He takes this captain
avenger very seriously.
He really wants
kids to like him.
That kind of strange.
Alright. Let's see, uh...
O.K.
Tell me about Matt Lewis.
I know him.
Actor, model, into bodybuilding.
That's six of them.
Tony and I think it's got
to be one of these guys.
You want to see them all?
No. Just this one.
Why him?
I don't know.
I...
Just got a feeling.
Hey, j... J. I'm in big trouble.
Swim for shore.
I have nothing to wear.
Fighting crime is
a dirty business.
I'm trapped in here.
Can you wear size 7
in junior dresses?
Someone's here. Yeah, I heard.
Keep the splashing down.
Anything you say.
Shh!
Milo!
Hi.
Get your bikini.
We're going sailing.
What?
Mr. soupo dog food wants to
take me out on his 40-footer
and said to bring the
playmate of my choice... you.
Well, thanks, but,
uh, I've got plans.
What kind of plans?
Well, personal plans.
Break them.
I can't.
I thought we came to an
agreement last night.
Not that I remember.
Sure, we did.
You came to an agreement,
milo, with yourself.
Get your stuff together.
We'll talk about all this later.
Milo, you can be very pushy.
Alright. We'll
talk about it now.
No!
I want you to go.
Hey, what's the matter with you?
There's nothing the matter,
except that I am
about to get angry.
Why? Because I want to stop you
from making
a very large mistake?
I am getting angry.
Hey, we belong together.
We're a team.
Not true. I am part
of your team.
Haven't I taken
good care of you?
You treat me like a thing.
I am not a thing.
Let me take you
out of this hole.
Now I'm angry.
This hole happens to be my
home, and I want you out.
Take it easy.
Now! I want you to go now.
I'll go when I'm good
and goddamn ready.
I'm counting to 3, milo.
Who the hell is that?
1...
You better go.
2...
So this is your stray.
Listen, he's not
the guy for you.
I knew that the first
time I saw him.
You don't know anything.
Look at you.
You're a crazy man
who dresses up
in a comic book suit
and goes around doing good deeds
like an overgrown boy scout.
Yeah, but...
I would never treat
you like a thing.
Who are you, and what are
you doing in my apartment?
You want me to leave? Yes. No!
Ow! Sorry!
It's o.K.
I don't want to get involved.
I just got uninvolved.
I know.
A struggling actor
from cawker city
and a nut, at that.
A nice nut. Thank you.
But a nut's a nut.
I want you to know,
I'm not always this easy.
I bet you say that
to all the girls.
I don't suppose you've seen
a high-heeled shoe anywhere.
Do you have to go?
Job interviews are very
important at this point
since I don't think I'm going to
be doing much more work for milo.
I'll take care of you.
I don't want to be
taken care of.
Besides, you can't even
take care of yourself.
My luck is changing.
You're sure about that?
Yep. Yours, too.
Maybe you're right.
I just found my shoe.
Come here.
Uh-uh.
I gotta go.
Just one minute.
See you later.
Well, hello.
Hello.
I'm looking for Steve Nichols.
His apartment
is across the hall.
Yeah, but he's not in it.
The landlady thought you
might know where he is.
I wonder where
she gets her ideas.
I'm from, uh, Walter
Reeves' public relations.
It's very important that I talk to Mr.
Nichols.
It's about a job.
Oh!
Could you excuse me
for a minute, please?
I've just located him.
Oh, good, good, good.
Hiya, Steve.
Eddie, it's nice
to see you again.
How are you?
Did you hurt yourself?
Well, yeah. I fell.
I was just clumsy.
Listen, Steve,
Mr. Reeves wants to talk to you
about something
very interesting.
Oh. Well, it might
be kind of hard
for me to see him today.
I paid your rent.
Does that help?
Well, yeah, that does help.
Listen, Eddie, can you give me
about five minutes
to get dressed?
Sure. Take all
the time you want.
I'll be right outside
waiting for you.
I'll be right there.
See, I told you.
Our luck is changing.
I think you're
going to need these.
Oh.
Steve,
don't wear pink.
I won't.
Goddamn it, this is a moment!
I won't dick you around. We
know what you've been doing.
You do?
A beautiful thing.
Beautiful.
Beautiful.
Sorry. I don't know what you
guys are talking about.
You can relax. It's just us.
Kick off the boots.
Drop the mask.
Take off the cape.
How did you find out?
A little detective work.
So... What happens now?
Well...
We wanna help you.
Help me do what?
Finish what you've started.
I didn't start anything.
Oh, really? Turns the
city upside down,
says he didn't start anything.
I think the question really is
how long can you keep it up?
I have to quit. I know that.
Let's talk about that.
Quitting?
How to do it.
You can't just walk away.
They'll forget you in a week.
You wanna go out a legend.
It was just something
that happened.
Don't do that, Steve.
Don't ever make little
of what you've done,
even in modesty.
It's too important.
You see,
the need you've touched
in the people of this city,
the faith you've restored...
Well, it's amazing.
I don't think even you
realize what you've done,
what you still can do.
All it needs
is a little advanced planning.
You mean a setup?
A performance.
I can't do that.
Come on. You're an actor.
If you were...
if you were giving
a performance of Hamlet,
would you use real swords?
Yeah, but that's make-believe.
What's captain avenger?
Captain... you ca...
I... I... I know.
It's a fine line.
I'll grant you that.
But you did something...
Beautiful.
You played captain avenger.
To do it, you wore a costume.
Does that make it less honest...
Less beautiful?
But I didn't fake it.
Don't be selfish, Steve.
Selfish?
Give them what they want, Steve.
Give them the legend.
You know, I... I...
I need some time
to think this over.
Is that alright?
Of course. Absolutely.
Oh, good.
Come on out this way. Yeah.
Take care of that arm.
You play pool?
Sometimes, yeah.
We got a nice table here.
Take a look.
Steve, I want you
to think it over.
It's very important...
To all of us.
Mr. Reeves, tell me something.
Why do you care
about this so much?
That's a good question.
Somebody has to care.
Steve, you know zev bufman?
The producer?
Yeah. He's a...
he's a friend of mine.
He's doing a revival of
cat on a hot tin roof,
and they're looking
for a new face
to play the role of...
what's that character's name?
Brick?
That's the one.
Paul Newman played that part...
And Ben gazzara.
Well, I...
I think they ought
to talk to you.
Well, thanks a lot.
Thank you very much.
It's alright.
Wow. I'll see you later.
Linda, get me Calvin Donnelly.
Hey, shouldn't you wait till
you hear back from the guy?
What for? He's hooked.
Don't worry. Just trust me.
Mr. Reeves?
I'm sorry. I can't do it.
I just can't.
Thanks anyway.
That looks better on you.
What's all this?
This is dinner! It's the
old Chinese seduction.
Oh, and flowers for the
lady of the house.
I bring you wondrous delights...
tender duckling steamed
with delicate spices,
pressed into dainty cakes,
and served with
a spicy plum sauce.
Spicy plum sauce.
Steve, I'm going out to dinner.
You'll change your plans
once you've tasted
quong how Singapore noodles.
I got a job.
You did? Congratulations!
Look! Look!
We'll celebrate...
With a wine of recent vintage,
very recent vintage,
but it's not too
dry, not too sweet.
I'm meeting some agency people.
Hold on. Fortune cookies so wise
you will gasp to read them.
I can't have dinner with you.
O.K.
Wonton for one.
I'll just watch TV
till you get home.
Steve...
Home is over there.
The rent was paid.
The lock is off the door.
Yeah, but I thought
that you and I...
I thought that's
what you thought.
Look...
Steve...
You're a terrific guy,
and I like you.
I like you a lot,
but right now,
I need some time
with me, for me.
You understand?
No.
There are things I want to do.
I wouldn't stop you.
Yes, you would.
You're not just another guy.
You're someone
to stay home with,
and I don't want
to stay home right now.
When I look at you,
I see Christmas cards
with kids' pictures
on the front.
I got a few dreams of my own.
I want to do something
about them.
Now, when I still have
the chance.
I could help you.
It wouldn't work.
I promise...
I don't want promises.
Steve...
There's no place for you
in my life.
Please... Go back
to your apartment.
Could you open the door for me?
My hands are a little greasy.
Thanks, j., not just
for that, but for...
I know.
My fortune.
What's it say?
"A duck who flies upside down
may have a bad quackup."
New York is going
captain avenger crazy.
Last night, there was a report
about captain avenger
thwarting a bank robbery.
A passerby described seeing
him rout five armed men.
Now, Dr. brothers,
is this a good thing
or a bad thing
in the sense of
healthy or unhealthy?
Your question isn't as
simple as it sounds.
On one hand, who says it's unhealthy
to admire heroic figures?
Oh, I will.
Next we'll be looking
for genies in bottles
or having our fairy godmothers
take us to the ball.
Doesn't the public response
to captain avenger
indicate that the people
would like to have a hero?
Of course they would.
What happens when they
find out it's a joke?
Assuming that the man
is completely sincere,
the question surely arises,
how far will he go?
Isn't it inevitable
that he'll let us down?
Well, he can't let us down
if we don't let him set us up.
You're saying
we ought to give up hope.
I don't believe that
we have to give up hope.
We need our hopes
as we need our fantasies.
We need you, captain
avenger, dream and reality.
Keep it up.
This is a stickup! Everybody up!
Get up there! Move!
Come on! Hurry! Move it!
Quiet! Everybody
to the back of the car!
Sit down on each side!
Quiet! Don't make
any sudden moves!
Sit down back there!
Everybody be quiet,
nobody gets hurt.
O.K.
Your money, rings, watches,
wallets, in that bag!
Hurry up!
Stick it in there!
Come on, sis.
Stick it in the bag.
There you go.
Pass it down the line.
And your wallet!
You forgot your wallet!
Pass it along! Come on! Come on!
Come on! Come on!...
Come on! Hurry up!
I haven't got all day!
Here. Take it.
Whatever you say, tough guy.
Captain avenger!
Don't you want your loot?
Stay there!
Get him, captain!
Get him, captain!
Get him, captain!
Alright, everybody,
you can relax now.
Everything's under control.
This is the end of the line
for you.
Officer!
We have an attempted
armed robbery here.
Thank you, captain.
I'll take over.
Officer, I was a witness.
Would you mind coming with me?
No, I don't mind.
Let's move. Come on.
Great, huh?
It's selling so good,
we can't keep it on the shelves.
Well, I heard
you were a big hit today.
Listen, Mr. Reeves.
I'm not doing it anymore.
I told myself
all those things were true...
people needing captain avenger
and going out a legend.
And?
And I wanted a part in a play.
I wanted to be somebody.
What's the harm of doing
something good for yourself?
The harm is I feel lousy!
When I did it before, it was
real. I felt great. Not now.
Steve...
You had a big day.
Why don't you go home, relax,
think it over?
No, I thought it over. No.
We have an agreement.
I haven't collected my part.
Alright. Now, wait a minute.
Steve, hold on a second.
Something you should know about.
The mayor's office has
been in touch with me.
They want to have a
captain avenger day.
Not bad, huh?
With television coverage.
Everyone will get to see you.
Really see you.
I mean, listen, if you...
if you want to quit, o.K.,
but it's a nice way
to go out, isn't it?
Alright, but that will
be the last time.
You bet. I'll send
a car for you.
Uh...
Uh, no, thanks.
I'll get there on my own.
I'd rather send you a car.
I promise. I'll be there.
Thanks so much.
You're crazy.
You know that, don't you?
Uh, yeah. I heard it
a couple of times.
Armed robbers
on elevated trains?
Have you decided you really
are captain avenger?
Not doing it again.
That's what you said last time.
Maybe it's an addiction.
Oh, come on, don't do that.
I should turn you in
for your own good!
Hey, you don't want
to deal with me.
You got other things
to do, remember?
I should have expected that.
Oh, well.
I haven't seen you for days.
I've been busy.
Riding around
on elevated trains.
Tomorrow I'm leaping over a tall
building in a single bound.
Wrong guy. I'm expanding.
Go ahead and get
yourself killed.
Just don't come
and tell me about it.
Hey, toots. You want
to put that in there?
You might want to check
out the big c.A.
He really did it this time.
So I heard. So I heard.
"Suddenly he appeared"?
How the hell does somebody
suddenly appear
on a moving train?
20 witnesses say so. That's how.
20 witnesses.
"It's the idea that counts."
He even stopped to
make a speech, Gloria.
Yeah.
Seems like I heard
that speech before.
See you in the funny
papers, honey.
Taxi! Taxi!
This is your better idea...
forget about the fake heroics?
Have a ceremony. Give him
the key to the city.
Enough coverage
for two elections.
What have we got,
a disappearing act instead?
He said he would be here.
I'm afraid we
just have to start.
Without him?
We don't know what's happened.
You got me into this, Calvin.
I'm sorry, your honor.
I am not happy.
Ladies and gentlemen!
Ladies and gentlemen,
the mayor of New York City!
Through the years,
many heroes have been honored
on these steps,
none of them more extraordinary
than the one we honor today.
I wish that he had seen fit
to accept this tribute
in person.
I can only hope...
I can only hope
that wherever he is,
he can hear our heartfelt
expression of gratitude.
You are a bum! You are a bum!
I only hope... I only hope...
We want captain avenger!
We want captain avenger!
We want captain avenger!
We want captain avenger!
We want captain avenger!
Thank you.
I don't want you to think that I don't
appreciate this honor you're paying me,
the mayor and all of you.
Thank you.
But, you see,
I didn't come here for that.
I came here
because I have something to say,
and this is a chance to say it
to a lot of people all at once.
But what I want to say is...
That I don't really
matter very much.
That's not true.
We love you.
No, no, no.
You see, I don't really
matter very much...
who I am or where I come from,
or if I'll ever show up again.
It's what captain avenger stands for.
That's what's important.
That's what's important,
and he stands for justice...
And loyalty...
And courage...
Those things still exist.
God bless you!
And there are heroes everywhere
if you look for them,
and not just guys
in flashy costumes
and comic book names
but people...
next-door, down the block...
people putting themselves
on the line for other people,
caring.
People like you!
And people like you!
It's people putting themselves
on the line for other people,
caring,
that's what being a hero is.
Be one yourself!
What if we all did?
What a world that would be?
Right on!
And...
I'm not used to
giving speeches, but, uh...
That's all I have to say,
and I think it's enough.
Thank you for listening.
Just a few words for
our viewers at home.
No. Not now. I can't. I'm sorry.
I'd like to talk to you, Steve.
Uh, I better go now.
Thank you. I'm sorry.
This is Gloria Preston,
wnyb, from city hall,
where I am attempting to get an
interview from captain avenger,
the man being honored
here today,
or should I say Steve Nichols...
a small-town, out-of-work actor
performing rehearsed...
performing rehearsed
heroics to sell a movie
and maybe... and maybe
even a politician.
Mr. mayor, I think
we ought to leave.
I have...
wait a minute, people!
I have with me...
I have with me another actor...
the so-called holdup man.
This man is prepared to admit
that the whole train
robbery was staged
and it is as phony as
captain avenger himself.
News media's always
distorting information.
Is it true?
Is it fake?
Is it fake?
No. Not at first,
but later on...
Not at first?
It was a fake!
It's not me. I'm not important.
It's what captain avenger
stands for.
What the hell are you
talking about, you fake?
It doesn't matter
what you think of me.
Just don't forget the idea.
Please! It's the idea!
It's all a bunch of garbage,
phony baloney.
Shut up!
What the hell are you
talking, shut up?
Woodson put him up to it!
Get the son of a bitch!
Don't. Don't do that.
Were you involved?
Did he hide in your apartment?
Do you expect him
to contact you?
I don't know anything.
Did you know before today
that he's a fraud?
Some say he should be arrested.
Arrested?
Did you know a p.R. Firm
told him what to do?
Did you suspect he was a phony?
He wasn't a phony.
How did this all happen?
The man I knew was real.
The bullet wound
in his arm was real,
and what he believed in,
that was real, too.
How did you find
all of this out?
That's all I have to say.
I have a mean knee. If you don't want
to sing soprano, I suggest you move.
Ooh!
Good seeing you. Take care.
Take care. Bye-bye.
Steve.
I was watching for you.
May I come in?
I'm kind of busy.
Please.
I'm sorry.
I got what I deserve.
I gave them something.
Then I took it away.
You're being pretty
tough on yourself.
I'm just being honest.
If you run away,
the bad guys win.
They will anyway.
They got the numbers.
I don't know.
Maybe there's more
of you than you think.
Fight back! Keep talking!
Nobody listens!
I did.
What about your career?
Some career.
You're going to give up acting?
You're going to let
them take that, too?
Maybe they're doing me a favor.
Maybe I'm not any good.
You did a pretty good
job as captain avenger.
I couldn't sustain
the character.
How often do you have
your costume ripped off
in the middle of performance?
It's not fair.
Good luck...
With all the things you want.
What about the things
that you want?
I'm not sure
what they are anymore.
I don't believe that.
Alright, give up.
Go back to cawker city
and lick your wounds.
Forget your career, forget
captain avenger, and forget me.
Just let the whole
world go to hell!
I'll forget, too!
I'll forget I ever met you.
We'll all forget you.
We could forget anything,
you know.
There's been a collapse.
Gas is escaping,
and they're afraid of
more explosions at any moment.
Make sure everybody's
out of that building.
Get some more lines
to the inside.
...To the entire building now,
and there is concern
about it spreading...
Get some of this water
over to the left-hand window.
We've had nearly
a dozen casualties.
They've been sent
to local hospitals,
and the paramedics now tell me
at least two dozen...
Help! Help!
Ross, get a light over to the top
floor, far window to the right.
Help!
Get that basket up there
right away!
Come on! Hurry! Get it moving!
Take it easy. Come on.
Move it up there.
Quick!
Keep it moving. Keep it moving!
Please stay calm, lady.
We're coming up to get you.
Help us! Help, please!
My baby! My boy's in there.
Help! Help! I can't find him!
I can't find him!
The fireman will help you.
Do you have my baby?
Where is he?
I want our people
out of that building right now!
Where's my baby?
Dead! He's dead!
Don't worry, now. You're o.K.
Come on!
Move it! Move it!
Get out! I want everybody,
and I mean everybody...
Johnny! Johnny!
Johnny! Johnny?
Easy. Easy.
You're going to be alright.
He's up there!
My baby's up there!
Where's my son?
Have you seen my little boy?
Johnny! Johnny!
I'm going in there!
You can't! It's too dangerous.
Please find him.
Will you find him?
Please! He's up there!
Johnny! Johnny!
My boy's up there.
My boy's up there.
Nobody goes back in that
building, understood?
...A young boy is still
trapped in the building.
All rescue efforts
have been stopped
due to the imminent danger
of further collapse.
Both fire and rescue crews
have been ordered to stay out.
Chief Palmer faces
a very difficult decision...
whether he should
risk the lives of his own men
or to stand by helplessly
while a boy is trapped
in a potential time bomb.
What the hell is that?
Get a light up there!
Jesus Christ!
It's captain avenger!
Is anybody there?
Yes.
It's going to be alright.
Let's get out of here. Let's go!
Come on. Here we go.
Grab on tight grab on tight.
I'm going to get you
out of here.
Will he find him, or will...
He's got the kid!
Captain Moore,
bring out the net!
Get that net here!
Move it! Move it in there!
Drop the child first.
Give us a moment to reset,
then you jump!
Alright!
Oh, Johnny!
Now! Are you ready?
I'm ready!
Steve!
No! I know he's still alive!
I'm going in!
You can't!
Stop me! Me, too!
Where are you going?
I'll go in?
No. You take over here.
I'm going in.
Get these vehicles out of here!
There he is!
Steve!
You o.K.?
I love you!
I'm alright. I'll be o.K.
Let's go home.
Let's go home. O.K.?
Please.
God bless you.
It's him, isn't it?
The same guy
from the movie house.
You know, I guess it
doesn't matter who it is.