a Martin Zomer film
REAL LIFE
RE-EDITED
I want to know your name first.
Goodbye, stranger.
Jesus... Milan.
I thought you'd left.
Would you have preferred that?
- Of course not.
What's wrong?
Why aren't you in bed?
Why do you think?
I love you, Simone.
I love you.
- Sweetheart.
What's wrong?
You cheated on me before my own eyes.
You gave yourself so easily to him.
As if it didn't cost you any effort.
- That's because I knew it was you.
That's not true.
I was a complete stranger.
That's because you did it so well.
Pretending not to know which floor
I lived on. Pure genius.
You're such a great faker.
So are you.
- With you everything could be fake.
But it isn't. You know I love you.
- You'd say the same to him.
As I'm doing now, right?
You are him.
You are my one and only true love.
Words, Simone...
- But beautiful words.
Yes. But right now I don't know
what those words mean.
They mean I love you... I'm certain.
There's only one way to find out.
- How?
You don't want to know.
Hi, this is Milan.
I'm away for a while.
I won't be using this number for now,
so you can't leave a message.
Especially not you.
There you go.
- Thanks.
Don't be late next time.
This is Simone from Synovate.
Could I have a moment of your time?
It concerns the ageing of Dutch society.
Can I ask you some questions?
Hi, this is Milan...
Have you... seen... Milan?
Seen... Milan?
- I don't have time for this.
THE BAR
What can I get you?
Could... argh... uh...
I'd...
- Here. Show me.
I told you to show me.
Vegetarian Special.
Anything else?
Enjoy your meal.
Just wave when you need me.
Exactly.
Have you started yet?
Where are you?
- That's not important.
When will I see you again?
Haven't you read my letter yet?
Are you afraid to read it?
Of course not.
- Okay, I'll call again sometime.
Beautiful. Thanks.
- Wasn't it too much?
Not at all. Cut.
Beautiful.
Did you get it right, Martin?
- Yes. Super.
Okay everybody, let's wrap it up.
Tomorrow's another day.
We can discuss that later...
The view makes our job so attractive.
We see them, but they can't see us.
Use it to your advantage.
Good, but you're turning it into
a bit of an act. Don't do that.
I'm trying to add an extra layer here.
Otherwise, the character will be empty.
He's got to have something special
about him, don't you think?
A certain talent.
- He doesn't have to be talented.
Maybe that's the wrong word.
Make him normal.
- Not talented but...
A sort of depth.
- Something special.
Don't you agree? A certain presence.
Actually it's quite simple.
You only have to cut a cucumber.
Why not with a bit of flair?
- It's not theater.
Shall we do it again?
- Just do it again.
It's not theater, it's film.
Make him normal. The film's called
Real Life for a reason. Get it?
I get it, but aren't there people
with talent in real life as well?
Make it less theatrical.
Just cut the vegetables.
You know how to cut.
Teach him.
It'll be fine.
- I'm really trying.
Try less.
Maybe that's it.
The view makes our job so attractive.
- You still have that look.
Hold on. I hadn't even started yet.
Give me space to set it up.
With all due respect.
The view makes our job so attractive.
We see them, but they can't see us.
Use it to your advantage.
Say your lines.
I thought we were just rehearsing
this moment.
I want some coffee.
Irene, can we have coffee?
Come on, guys.
- Martin, come on.
I don't understand him.
- Let's do it again.
But wouldn't it be nice...
- I don't need...
Let me finish. Maybe it's a good idea
if he brings his own knife.
He has his own personal knife.
You definitely won't bring your own knife.
- He stands like this and goes...
He turns around a few times
and then...
Fjodor...
- Something like this.
Not like that, of course.
- Just listen for once.
I've been listening all along.
- Listen and don't interrupt.
You won't turn it into an act.
You won't bring a knife
You come into
a fully-stocked kitchen.
You came in... You...
I don't how how to say it.
You're just cutting a cucumber.
Let's focus on that.
And then everything will be fine.
I'm going to get coffee.
- I'd like a cappuccino.
What do you want?
- Tea, please.
Are we going to do it again?
Or do you want coffee first?
Dirk...
It doesn't matter.
- It was fine.
Sorry, Simone.
- Again.
I saw Dirk's face again.
Concentration, please.
Action.
Milan?
- Well?
Yes, I found someone.
He's really nice.
Sensitive.
Special.
Are you in love?
Of course.
This way we'll never
see each other again.
I know it's difficult,
but I miss you too.
So come back to me.
- No, we have to persevere.
Otherwise, we're no good.
This proves it too, doesn't it?
I didn't write that letter
for nothing.
Just do as I asked.
Find someone and fall in love.
There you go.
Hey, girl.
Have a seat.
I'll be right with you.
The view makes our job so attractive.
We see them, but they can't see us.
Not like that, Fjodor.
Stand beside me
and look at me.
The view makes our job so attractive.
We see them, but they don't see us.
Who cares?
Sjon, we can talk about this forever,
but you're just here for the tidbits.
Get it?
Do you see this? And this?
Watch.
Tid-bit-tid-bit-tid-bit.
Get it?
Your turn.
Damn it, Fjodor.
Stop it, asshole.
Jesus Christ. You're doing it
on purpose. Get lost.
You don't even give him a chance.
- He doesn't deserve it.
Now what?
- Dirk, come here.
Hey, girl.
Have a seat.
I'll be right with you.
The view makes our job so attractive.
- The camera isn't in position yet.
I told you this wouldn't work.
- Take it easy.
We'll just do it again.
It happens.
My hat isn't comfortable, so...
- Attention, everyone.
Are you ready, Dirk?
Don't worry, everything
will be fine. And action!
The view makes our job so attractive.
You see them, but they can't see you.
Use it to your advantage.
Hey Sjon...
I didn't realize you meant me.
I'm Dirk.
- Arif. Nice to meet you.
Tid-bit-tid-bit. Get it?
Yes. Tid-bit.
Good. Your turn.
Give it to me,
before we have an accident.
Three spareribs and
a Vegetarian Special for the dumbo.
Loes means to say: the dumb one.
- It's sad. She can't talk.
That's what I'm saying.
- I wish you were dumb.
Your yapping makes us all sad.
- Hands off.
Poor girl. It's not easy,
living with a handicap.
Want a drink?
I promised my wife
I wouldn't be late.
Another time?
You did well, man.
Thanks.
Bye.
Angelique, whore.
- End board.
Are you okay?
What happened to you, man?
- I fell down the stairs.
Then you probably don't live
on the first floor.
Could I stay at your place tonight?
I had a huge fight with my wife,
Angelique.
Did she do this?
- What the heck happened to you?
I just told you. That...
Sorry, I can't do this.
Can't I just try it
the way I would do it?
I mean, it's not realistic to say:
my wife Angelique...
Take fifteen.
A whisky please.
Could I perhaps...
stay at your place tonight?
I caught my wife in bed
with another man.
Some muscular type.
She likes those.
I don't understand why
I feel so hurt this time.
Has it happened before?
- And you put up with it?
Of course.
What else can I do?
I won't leave my kids with her.
- Your kids?
Doesn't matter. Keep going.
Charity and Lafurtery
are my two little girls.
I sometimes feel that Clarisse...
- Who?
Clarisse.
My wife.
- Oh, your wife... okay
I sometimes feel she only sees me
as my own children's babysitter.
I wish she was more
like she used to be.
But that's the funny thing...
In that tough face of hers
I still see the sweetheart she once was.
She was so pretty,
with gorgeous dark curls like you.
When I think of that,
I can't get angry anymore.
Even though I'd like to.
Even though I'd really like to.
Well done, man.
Maestro.
Thank you.
From now on we'll do everything
the way you would do it.
Beautiful.
That's not right. It says: Sjon.
And I'm Dirk now.
Daddy.
Look behind you.
Sweetie, did that scare you?
- It's just for the film.
Look, it's Paul. It's not real.
- You don't need to be scared.
Wimp. Get lost.
Stay away.
Doormat.
What? Did you think I was making
those hysterical noises?
I thought you were a couple.
No, I choose my men more carefully.
Have some.
- Thanks.
In a while,
he'll start playing guitar.
Just wait.
He always does that.
I guess it's some
twisted kind of shyness.
It can be tough if you have to talk
to girls.
Nice story yesterday
at The Bar.
Thank you.
Can you do the dishes?
I'm not here.
This is Simone from Synovate.
Do you think I could fall in love
with you?
With me?
That's difficult to say.
Why's that?
- Because it's...
It's just that it's easy
to hurt each other.
Have you ever hurt anyone?
Or were you the one
who was hurt?
I'm sorry.
- Go on. Don't be shy.
Suddenly she started talking about love.
- That was wonderful.
I didn't know.
- It was just so...
Funny?
- It doesn't matter.
Are you still there?
I'll be right back.
Why didn't you tell me earlier?
I have to go to work.
That jerk put the alarm
an hour behind.
Tjaltje, I wanted some quality time
together. So what?
Hey, what's wrong with you?
- He's still worried about his wife.
Wimp. If you want your wife back,
take a girlfriend.
You can't just take someone.
- Why not?
I took you.
A few times even.
Bye.
This beats cooking.
Can you get that?
Anyone there?
Hey girl, you look good.
Daily Dish or Vegetarian?
Vegetarian. And to drink:
red, white?
If she has the hiccups but is still
at it, you're doing something right.
'Vegetarian' for the dumbo.
Not so loud. She'll hear you.
- Why? I'm not saying anything wrong, am I?
So, you were really going at it?
- Powerfully.
At every hiccup I was ejected.
I've never experienced that before.
Keep going.
- At every hiccup I was ejected.
At every hiccup I was ejected.
Such power. I've never
experienced that before.
Me neither.
Must be a matter of size.
What do you mean by that?
That your little Luke is rather small, Luke.
- Or Tjaltje's hiccups were very bad.
Let's talk about you.
- About me?
Loes, we need female input.
Suppose Dirk loves his wife.
- He does, judging by his stories.
But she cheats on him a lot.
What should he do to get her back?
Get a girlfriend, probably.
- You see?
But I don't want a girlfriend.
- That doesn't matter.
Loes, how do you feel about Dirk?
- Well, Luke, that's an idea.
Could be interesting. Bald.
Sturdily built. A good cook.
That's no coincidence, my friend.
What isn't?
- That you're looking at dumbo.
It's just...
- She's the perfect candidate.
And she won't ever
sound smarter than you.
Dear Simone,
As I was trying to tell you...
I can't trust you anymore
so something has to happen.
I guess it will take some time
before you can forgive me this.
I know it will be hard,
but I want you to forget me.
I've disappeared, as you can see.
I won't return until I feel you've
found happiness with someone else.
Only then will I know
what we truly mean to each other.
And then you'll have to choose.
I have to know. So, please,
search for someone you like.
Someone you can trust
and feel safe with.
But search for someone
you can start over with.
Only then will I return.
Only then.
Hey, Luke.
Usually, it only lasts one night.
Hurry up.
This is your chance, man.
Go and say hi.
I think you forgot something.
The letter.
Don't I get a kiss
as finder's fee?
Sorry, I was into...
- This is not a porn movie.
I understand, but it was just
a passionate kiss.
When I read the script...
Did you read it?
- A few times even.
Do you want to do it again?
- If differently, yes.
Kissing, but no tonguing.
That looks better.
Unless you want to.
- That's okay.
Could I fall in love with you?
I'm not going to...
No, sorry.
Nice house.
Sorry, I didn't know it was you.
Please don't take it personally.
Too bad... It's just a movie, Dirk.
You're only acting.
I was sleeping.
I didn't know it was her.
Even better.
'Dirk' didn't know either.
I am Dirk, Martin. You should
tell me these things beforehand.
In real life you don't know
how things end up either.
Fine. It failed.
We'll do it as we wrote it.
It's sick,
the way you treat your girlfriend.
Pardon me?
All those weird sex things you make
her do: you treat her like some whore.
Don't you see
this it's hard for her too?
Right?
- It's okay.
It's not. You don't have to do this.
You're not like this.
Don't think a simple
grip like you...
...can understand someone
as complex as Simone.
As if you know everything...
mister hotshot director.
There you are: this awkwardness is
what I need.
Is the camera still running?
- Did you say 'cut'?
Now then: cut. Okay?
Is it turned off?
- Almost.
What is this, guys?
Are we shooting a film, or what?
Good. Thank you.
Thank you for your cooperation.
Anyone there?
What? Who?
She's sleeping.
Can I take a message?
You may want to talk to her,
but you can't. She can't speak.
Then why does she have a phone?
Good point.
- Could I ask you some questions then?
I'm not going to participate
in a survey at 1 a. m.
Haven't I spoken to you before?
- Me?
No.
- I did. I recognize your voice.
Is it that special?
- You were mean to hang up on me.
That wasn't very kind.
- I didn't mean to be unkind...
Look behind you.
Jesus.
You probably want to go now,
but I hope you'll stay.
You pretended you couldn't talk?
- Yes. But I can't anymore.
I want to show you my real self.
- You don't have to.
I always knew you were different.
From the moment I saw you
in the bathroom mirror.
You mean in the restaurant?
- No, here in the bathroom.
No, you mean...
- Right. In the restaurant.
From the kitchen,
by way of the mirror...
You were always sitting there
with food, wine.
And cut. Thanks.
Very nice.
And... you wake up now.
It's been a long night.
A lot of things happened.
Look, who's that?
You don't know her.
You feel bad and guilty about
what happened. How could you do this?
No kiss.
That's history.
You feel... no.
You're leaving and you think...
I don't want him to.
- Simone, you're just sleeping.
Rolling.
This time you leave. Go!
You're guilty. You feel bad. Scram.
- A kiss.
Stupid cow.
You're ruining my film.
I think Dirk's right.
- Listen, he has to feel guilty.
The glow is gone.
He feels bad about himself.
But I feel great.
- Not you. Him, idiot.
In real life we'd fuck like crazy.
Like any couple that just met.
- That's what I'm saying.
Where's my script?
- Right here.
Take a five-minute break,
because you're stressed out.
No reason.
Because I'm happy.
Thank you.
Didn't you think sex was overrated?
- That was before I met you.
What are you doing here?
I hadn't seen you for a while.
I wondered how you were.
So you just sneak in unasked?
- You left these.
So I considered that to be
an open invitation.
Judging by my mail,
you haven't been by for a while.
But you've been busy, I see.
Hi, I'm Milan, Simone's boyfriend.
- Dirk. Nice to meet you.
He's polite.
That's to his credit.
You have to ask these things first.
Do I need your permission
to kiss my girlfriend?
No, hers.
He's emancipated. It's getting
better and better, guys.
You're sick.
- Undoubtedly.
But tell me:
what are you going to do?
I'm out.
- Weakling. Giving up already?
In real life you don't get away
with those games of yours.
What are you talking about?
I told him he's free to go.
- Does that mean what I think it does?
I leave that up to you.
You heard her. Get lost.
- Take it easy, little clown.
Good catch.
You were hard to reach,
so answer the phone next time.
That's up to her.
Tough case, that guy.
- You got that right.
I'm a lot easier.
Is he really your boyfriend?
- He was.
Do you still love him?
I did. But...
But now I just feel...
A...
- A?
A hard dick against my ass.
- Damn it, Simone. Really.
Stop behaving like you're in highschool.
Please stick to the script.
Shouldn't you be out in the rain,
looking pathetic?
Or should I throw you out again, 'Milan'?
Why did you come barging in like that?
- I had to know what he meant to you.
And?
I missed you so much.
If you only knew how tough this is
for me. For you too.
It's good that it's tough
and that we're doing this.
It's good, because it's tough.
- Stop it.
Are you trying to make me jealous?
- It's not that.
I can understand you want
to make me jealous. That's fine.
But we shouldn't quit.
- I'm done.
So let's start all over.
- I can't go back.
Of course we can go back.
You're out of luck, because I met
Dirk. He's different.
He's real. You don't always
need to play games.
Why did you phone me?
I love you.
- Words.
But beautiful words.
- Very beautiful. Bye.
Cut.
Endboard.
Mister lover lover. How was it?
Come on. How is she?
Does she taste good?
I'm not going to...
I'm glad you're here.
So you can train your new assistant.
I have an assistant?
- Yes. An assistant kitchen assistant.
Hi, I'm Milan.
Since you walked off duty
for some 'hubba-hubba'...
With or without?
I'll go without.
And cut.
You're a natural.
- Thank you, chef.
I'm going to like it here, I think.
Sorry, Milan. Would you be so kind
and clean that up?
Of course, mister Dirk.
If I can be of service to you.
One has to start at the bottom.
Stop. Good take...
Mark, could you clean up this mess?
Boss...
I put it on again.
I hear you're dating a dumbo.
- She's not a dumbo.
No, she's dumb.
And I hear she's gorgeous.
She just has a bad taste in men.
Funny for you to say.
Since you're dating.
Actually I meant her ex.
He's a strange guy.
Did you meet him?
- Unfortunately, yes.
That must have been awkward.
Was he jealous?
I don't know. Not my problem.
- It can become a nuisance.
A stalking ex on your tail.
- I'm not worried.
He was a sad case.
But are you sure he's her ex?
Maybe they still have a relationship.
No, she really likes me.
- How can you be sure?
Maybe she's playing some weird game.
Then you wouldn't be making
a fool of yourself, 'Milan'.
On the contrary, Dirk.
This one's fine for me.
- And cut.
Hey, girl.
What a pleasant surprise.
Do you know each other?
- Will you tell them or should I?
Stop it.
You know she can't talk.
Don't mind Milan, honey.
Do you want a drink?
Are you thirsty?
- Not really.
He's fine.
Did you see that?
She's not a dumbo.
- I keep saying it's 'dumb. '
She's been acting all along.
What a bitch.
They seemed such a nice couple.
- Incredible.
I thought he only cared
about his wife.
His wife?
- Yes. His wife.
He got himself a girlfriend
to get his wife back.
Or so I thought.
- Is he married?
Tjaltje says: 'It only works
if you're in love. '
Why are you hanging out with Tjaltje?
- She's sensitive.
She makes those sensitive sounds.
- Hiccups are normal.
This is Martin Zomer calling
from the set of 'Real Life. '
I'd like to ask you
if the children are there.
Anything else?
- No, thank you.
Don't you recognize me?
- Not really. No idea.
I'm your wife. Clarisse.
And you are?
You have a wife?
Do you have a wife?
- Apparently.
She says so.
Bad casting...
- You two look terrible together.
I agree.
Can't you play my wife?
I never drink beer actually.
- Me neither.
BAD LIVER
Kiss her again, Dirk.
And... action.
Do you recognize these two?
- Sweethearts.
Were you really kissing her?
- Just for the film. Come on.
Listen up. I don't give a shit about
what you do to me...
but keep your filthy hands
off my kids.
It's not my fault your wife brought
the kids. Insert on his face.
I'll insert your face somewhere, Martin.
- Milan, the name's Milan. I know it's difficult.
Let's not forget it was your idea
to give the kids a cameo role.
They only had to sleep, asshole.
This was very different.
Yes, like you were only supposed to act
that you'd steal Simone from me.
Why don't you hit me?
You'd like that, wouldn't you?
I'm leaving.
Are you coming?
No.
That was very good, but I'd still
like to do it again.
Get lost with your stupid film.
- You sit down in your trailer.
Someone get my script in order.
We'll gladly do it again.
That was good.
Take a two-minute break.
I owe you my thanks.
You taught me not to be afraid
of my feelings.
You're welcome.
Your example gave me
the courage I needed.
Were you expecting someone else?
Can I come in, or...?
Sweetie.
Shouldn't you be with your wife?
That wasn't my wife,
it was an actress...
Clarisse is Surinamese.
- You lied to me.
You used me.
I thought I'd found someone
who was honest and real.
Like your boyfriend with my kids.
- Clarisse did that.
Are you two playing games with me?
The grip gets to fool around with
the gorgeous girl and then gets dumped?
Kitchen assistent.
- What?
Kitchen assistent.
You said 'grip. '
Okay.
Kitchen assistent.
Sweetie.
You were right... Dirk is just as
much of a lowlife as you are.
So?
Can't we start over?
- I thought that wasn't possible.
It is.
I was wrong. I'm sorry.
- Right. You're sorry.
And now the last line:
'I love you. Really. '
Easy to say when he's awaiting you.
- He's gone.
Is he?
- Yes.
Is he really? And here?
Is he gone here as well?
How can I be sure?
I have to say this:
You created it, you solve it.
What do you want me to do?
- I want you...
to do to him...
what you should have done
in the first place.
Tomorrow.
And in my presence.
- I promise.
Tomorrow I'll break up with him.
In The Bar.
So you can watch.
Then you can't kiss me
until tomorrow.
You're sick.
- You're beautiful.
Beautifully sick.
And cut.
Research into the emotional life
of the Dutch...
have proven not to be accurate.
Therefore, we need further data.
Could you please tell me if you
believe in love at first sight?
Pardon me?
- I believe in love at first sight.
I have no more questions.
Goodbye.
What are you doing here?
- I have to tell you something.
I'm working now. I'll meet you later,
for a drink at The Bar.
I'm busy.
This is the most important thing
I've ever said to anyone.
Don't be silly.
- Do you recognize this?
Give it to me.
- When you've found someone...
you really love,
you have to choose.
Only then will I know what we
truly mean to each other.
How could you do this?
I may have lied about my wife...
but what you did is just as bad.
And Milan is even worse.
If he dares to ask
something like that...
he not only doesn't respect you...
he simply doesn't love you.
This letter proves it. Treasure it.
I...
I wish you...
- Lots of luck in life.
Lots of luck
with the rest of your...
with the rest...
There's one more thing.
Before I leave, I want to say that
these past few weeks have been...
the most beautiful
of my life.
I'd like to thank you for that.
- You're welcome.
I see so much love
in your eyes.
I'm so proud someone like you
likes me.
I have to go.
- Wait.
Let me go.
- I just don't get it.
Remember what you said in the hotel?
Remember?
That you could be
yourself with me.
I don't want you, get it?
- You even wanted to take the kids...
to an amusement park
to get to know them.
Stop it.
It was my job.
I did it for the film.
You were so very shy. I had to do
something to loosen you up.
We're not a good fit.
Don't you see that?
No, I don't.
Action.
Jesus... Milan.
I thought you'd gone home.
- Would you have preferred that?
Of course not.
What's wrong?
Why aren't you in bed?
Why do you think?
I can't sleep.
I've had that strange woman
in my head all day. Woman. Girl.
A girl who apparently spends nights...
in a hotel with a stranger
talking about his kids...
and amusement parks.
- What are you doing?
I love you, Simone.
I love you.
- Sweetheart.
What's wrong?
You cheated on me before my own eyes.
You gave yourself so easily to him.
As if it didn't cost you any effort.
- That's because I knew it was you.
Yeah, right. Dirk and I
really resemble each other.
Jesus Christ.
Shit. Damn it.
Yes, and what do we do now?
You and your deadpan expression.
Damn it. Were you this invulnerable
and aloof with Dirk as well?
A total blank
so it seems real.
You're such a...
Camera on her.
Do what you have to do to seem sweet.
You're such a great faker.
- So are you.
With you everything could be fake.
- But it isn't.
You know I love you.
- You'd say the same to him.
As I'm doing now, right?
You are him.
You are my one and only true love.
Words.
- But beautiful words.
Yes, beautiful...
This is bullshit, guys.
Damn it.
- Martin.
My name is Milan.
Finish the scene.
- I forgot.
But beautiful words.
Yes. But right now I don't know
what those words mean.
They mean I love you... I'm certain.
How does it feel
to outsmart everyone?
Keep going.
You're almost there.
Don't you understand
for who I did all this?
Not for me, in any case.
Is that what you think?
Martin, come.
Come here for a minute.
Please.
What did you do?
What did you do?
I still had some scenes with him.
You've got all you need now?
I think so.