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Hobo With A Shotgun (2011)
Spare some change?
Come on! If you wanna make my money you gotta get rougher than this. Hey! Hey you! You wanna get in on this? Come On. Ten dollars. Ten dollars. Come on! Hey, fuck you then! You'll never make money without me. Alright, alright let's see some blood. That's it. That's it. Go damn it, HELP me, they're coming after me! Please! Lady, please help me, get this off me! They're gonna fucking kill me. You've gotta help me here! Please, get this off my neck. Get back, don't leave me! Fuck. You! Please you've gotta help me here. If you don't help me my hand's coming off my fucking body. Please just untie me, that's it. Oh brother of mine. Look at you now. Boys. This isn't a joke anymore. You weren't planning on leaving town without saying goodbye were ya? Yeah, we've been looking all over for you. I was gettin' worried. I'm your uncle. I've known you since you were fuckin' babies! This cocksucker gave me the shittiest Christmas presents. I hate Christmas. You fucking brats! Fuck off! Drake, stop this, we're family! It's the rules, Logan. You're our lucky contestant. No, please. Don't put me in there. Show 'em how to play boys. Slick. You we're always my favorite nephew I swear to God I mean that. Get your feet in that fucking deathhole! Fuck! Ivan my boy. I want everybody here to appreciate this. Time to get the show on the road boy-yo. Alright you fucking androids. My father's got something he wants you all to see. And I swear, anybody looks away for even a second, I'll make them wish they we're fucking aborted. Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Drake Show. Tonight's special episode is going to be filled with thrills, and chills, and my own personal favorite. Lots and lots of that red shit that flows inside all our bodies. IVAN? CHEER you fuckers! Thank you. How can you watch and not do anything? They're going to fucking kill me here! Somebody say something! Don't just stand there! You know, ever since our mother brought Logan home from the hospital, I knew he was a fucking coward. I'll leave town! You'll never fucking see me again. Just please, I can't feel my legs, Drake. He wants mercy from the Drake. From the Drake... And he should know better than anybody... mercy ain't my style. What do you want from me? Logan is no longer my brother. Our relationship has been severed. And now he's all alone in this world, with nothing but a barbed wire noose around his neck. You can't let him do this! It's not just MY life he's ruining. Please. Help me. Please! You should have started beggin' a long time ago. I've never enjoyed listening to you as much as I do right now. You're a fucking animal Drake! You're a shitty fucking weird little animal. The way I see it, I'm a fucking miracle worker, because I am going to make it rain! Gun it, Slick! Well, can you feel your legs now? Can ya? Huh! Was there something else you wanted to say to me? Well, thanks for tuning in ladies and gentlemen. Who knows, maybe next time one of you will be our lucky contestant. Enjoy the ride, my favorite fuckin' uncle. Go the fuck home everybody! And don't forget to wash your dicks! $49.99. Ugh. I dare you to lick his dick. Woo! Woo! You bastards! Hey Slick, you gotta check this out man. Fuckin awesome. Hey, where the fuck are you going? Business with dad. Ah. Hey Otis. What are ya playing? I forgot Slick. I spent all my money in the arcade. You owe me money. You're burning me, Otis. Let me call my mom! I can get my allowance early! That must be some hell of an allowance. Come on man, he's a kid, let it slide. What did you say to me? You heard me. Let it slide. Sh-sh-sh... The only thing I'm gonna let slide, is my dick in your pussy. Hey, Otie - where ya going? Don't hurt me IVAN! Shut the fuck up! Did that hurt? No. You want to know how to never feel pain again? No I don't want any more! Does everybody wanna know how to never feel pain again? Come on Otis! Have at it! You know how I can tell I'm making you wet? No. Cause you're making my dick thirsty. What are you supposed to be? Some kind of bad ass murderer or something? Why? Does that frighten you? If you've got money to spend, nothing frightens me. Baby, I've got all kinds of money with your name written all over it. Well what are you waiting for? Let's go. Awesome. Nobody messes with you, do they? Not if they give a fuck about living. So how many people have you killed? What am I? A mathematician? You're sexy... You're fucking right. Are we gonna fuck, or what? What the hell? That's your ride bitch. Come on. This was not our fucking deal! I'm paying you good money. You're gonna love this! Let the girl go Punk. I'm making a citizen's arrest. And who the fuck are you? Put the knife away kid or I'll use it to cut welfare cheques from your rotten skin. Well you better cut one to Mother Theresa so you can give it to her while she's finger banging you in hell. Shut you filthy mouth! Mother Theresa is a God damn saint! Serves you right. What did you think? He was gonna put a ring on your finger? Lock him up with the Sodomites. And get me the god-damned chief of police now. Good day sir. No, no please, take a seat. I don't think I've seen you around here before. Let me guess, you rode in on the rail? That's right. So I understand you've been having a little bit of difficulty with one of our young men. Well, I think you're gonna need a lot of dump trucks. Dump trucks? I don't follow you. You get out there, get all the criminals, put 'em in dump trucks. Take em to a landfill site and bury them. Put 'em in the ground. I'm not too sure I know what you're trying to say here, sir. What I'm trying to say is that people don't go bad like they do here. Look, if I'm being honest, I can't argue with anything you say. Crime in this city has become an embarrassment. I've been suspecting some of my boys are working with Drake. C of my officers are givingis that maniac a free reign?me So thank god for honest people like yourself. You better get those officers and send them packing. And start this whole operation all over again. Between you and me, I'd love to bring a wrecking ball down on Drake. But he might as well be KING around here! King's fall. You ought to read a history book, Chief. Now I gave you this little bastard, put him away for life. Well, we'll certainly see what we can do about that. By the way, did... anybody officially welcome you to town yet? They never do. Well... welcome to Fuck-town. Hold still, you slimy maggot! Get off me! These two are the princes of Fuck town! Any idea what we should do with him, Slick? Yeah, hold him still. Ah! I'm gonna carve a billboard into his chest. You better get that knife away from me! Easy Slick, I think you might be hurting him. God, Jesus God boys. What ever happened to delicacy and finesse? This is so you'll never forget what you are. I thought this was a police station. Not a fucking circus. I just wanted to help. Ah! And don't forget you fucking piece of shit, everyday is garbage day for street trash like you. Hey. You're so hot, you make me want to cut my dick off and rub it all over your titties. Why don't you just calm down and tell me what you're looking for. I was hoping to keep it a surprise. I've had enough surprises tonight. Quit wasting my time. What's it gonna be? Come on Abby, I'm a regular. Baby, nothing about you is regular. Hey, look, I'm the one with the money and you're the one selling your hole... I know that sweetie, I'd love to take your money. So why don't you just tell me what you're after? Fuck it. Just give me the regular, plus 10%. Okay. I'm gonna make you love the taste of my rot! What the fuck? Get the fuck off me! Oh my God. Help me. I could use a drink right now. Do you mind? I really appreciate your helping me out today. If it wasn't for you, who knows, I'd probably be dead in ditch somewhere. I see you have an empty picture frame here. Why don't you put a picture of your famit. I don't really have anything worth remembering. Right. You seem like a smart intelligent girl. You should be teaching. Tell people about beautiful things and miracles. You're obviously not from here. I'm not from anywhere. Yeah, well I fuck for a living and believe me I don't have a lot of other options. Right. Well, I wouldn't know about that shit. Hey, take it easy. I think I'm okay now. I just tell my brain when I know I'm hurting. I just say I got nothing for you buddy... Nothing to make it go away, so just go to hell. And he goes. He's like a brother to me now and brothers fight sometimes. Well, I think it's time to put you and your brother to bed. No, I'm not going to stay here. I'm gonna go, it's all right. No, no, it's okay. I want you to. It's a good one. I don't even remember when I slept a real bed. I am tired. I didn't get your name. It's Abby. Here. Put this on so you don't get blood on my sheets. Oh. Thank you. Oh, I like that. This is good. Thank you. Well Abby, can I... tell you something about bears? Sure. The bear is a solitary animal. They like their space. They live in a magic circle. They mind if you're like a mile away, but if you get inside their circle, they will maul you. If a bear's claw would ever strike your face, it would take your whole face right off your skull. Your eyes, your nose, your lips. Everything. And you would die from it. Wow. I didn't know bears could be so vicious. They are wild animals. There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of human blood, he becomes a man killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed and that's why you should never hug a bear. Give me that fucking money! You fucking little bitch, I'll shove that money up your... Move bitch! Make you feel it. Help! Don't let him take me! Help me someone! Beautiful. Beautiful. I love your work. Hey! Back for that 10 dollars, eh dirt bag? You're right. Ah! Yeah! Beautiful. I'm only giving you twenty for that one buddy. Now get down on your knees, go on, on you go. Now I want you to start chewin' the glass. What? I want you to start eating that glass. Go on. Don't even bother looking at this, until you start chewing. Go on. That's it. That's it. Oh, now smile for the camera. Holy shit, this is fucking gold! Now... pick it up with you mouth. That's it. Arrr... Good dog. You earned your money today. Yeah. Yeah, you heard me right, I want four big fucking dogs... Un-huh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And shave em first. Lady. I don't trade for babies. If you're looking for jewelry you gotta cough it up. All right everyone this is a god damn fucking robbery! Ah! Okay, this guy, this guy, he is a great baby sitter! Don't worry about Junior. I'll look after him. Give me the fucking money or I'll slit her god damn throat! Okay, okay. What are you waiting for?! Fucking kill her! Kill the fucking baby! Here it is, here it comes. All right. Old man you've got five seconds to give me what I want or I will end her life. Put you hands in the cash register, give me more you piece of shit! That's it, that's everything. - 1... - No. Faster, come on! No! Come on! Just fucking kill her already! I'm gonna sleep in your bloody carcasses. Tonight! Ah! Jesus Christ! You vultures circle this city tearing off the flesh from everything that is innocent. Please don't shoot me. I didn't even hurt her. I want you out of this city, you and your grave-robbing friends. Spread the word. Now! Pay guns! Keep the change. Oh fuck! Where's the tape? Leave me alone man. Take it out. Now you put it in your mouth and eat it. You fucking bitch. Stop wasting your time doing homework. Get up on the block and make me some money. Come on baby, show daddy you ain't mad at me and give me a kiss. Listen. Go home to someone who loves you. Now. And you - you're fucked. Fuck em. Read em and fucking weep! You can have the fucking bitches. Happy Valentines Day, you fucking sluts! Kill him! Fucking kill him! Kill him! Hallelujah. I'm gonna come down both your chimneys and give you a big present. Jerk on this you child molesting shit-licker. Ah! Night watches and other anti-crime groups have been seen springing up all throughout the city and their inspiration, a brave, yet still unidentified, homeless man who has been delivering justice, one shell at a time. A shotgun! This town is impressed by a homeless man with a fucking shotgun. Ow! Where's the creativity in that? So what happened to you? School bully get your lunch money? I don't want to talk about it. Look Slick, don't make me mad. Tell me who did this to you. I don't know. Some bum? Some bum! Have you been watching the fucking news lately? Don't worry dad, we carved that fucker up. You carved him up. Somebody does this to your brother and you treat him like a Jack-o'- lantern. Put your head on the table. Head down, now! Don't worry son, everybody gets knocked out once in a while. Really? Have you ever been knocked out? Fuck no, I'm the DRAKE, who's going to fuck with me? But I'm Slick, nobody's supposed to fuck with me either. Listen, you've got a lot of potential, way more than your brother... head down. Maybe even more potential than me, eventually, but first you've got to learn to think bigger. Bigger? I'll crucify him to a homeless shelter. That's revenge. Don't look for revenge. Look for people's fear. Okay, fear. I'll cut a hole through his body, and I'll make them watch as I spread his intestines out all over the street. Well, you be ugly, you be hateful when you do that, some will fear you... Slick... I want to fear you... But I don't... You've got to show me that you can scare the shit out of everybody! So why don't you unlock that imagination of yours and give them a show that is so fierce that everybody in this town will remember your name forever. What should I do? Well, you need to figure that out for yourself, but I can give you one sweet morsel of advice. When life gives you razor blades, you make a baseball bat covered in razor blades. Do you kids like school? Hey, I asked you a question. Do you kids like school! Yeah! What about ice cream! Do you kids like ice cream? Yeah! And bicycles! Yeah! And Hobos? Yeah! I hate Hobos. Disco Inferno. After a horrific act of arson this afternoon, a school bus was found burning. There were an undisclosed number of children on board. There were no survivors. Again, we regret to inform you that only the charred bodies of many, many, burnt children remain... Hi all you kids out there. How are you doing today? Good? Great. Guess what. I've got something very, very special to share with you today. - Are you ready? - Yeah, yeah. Come on up to the screen kids. Let go of your mommy and daddy's hands. Come, come on, it's okay. Get as close to the TV as you can. Do you see this! This is what you get when you want to follow a beggars instead of the DRAKE! Now It's time to play a new game. It's called gutter tag. It's very, very easy. And every single one of you gets to play. All you homeless people - you're it. Everyone else - you get to kill them. All of them. Otherwise... We're going to kill the rest of your children! Ladies and gentlemen, one more thing before you continue on your busy day... I want that Hobo's head on my wall, and whoever brings him to me, gets all my broads! Oh, you're gonna like em! Grab your guns boys! Grab your fucking guns. We got homeless to kill. So let's go make some dead bodies. At least he's only shooting the dirty cops. We're all dirty cops. You ever sleep with a prostitute, kid? No sir. Fuck. She's so hot, I'd eat the peanuts out of her shit. Come on. What the fuck is wrong with you? This conversation is disgusting. Well, you can't beat your wife like you can beat a whore. That's what I love about them. Tell you what, we'll go splits on this one. You're joking right? Hey, hey, Abby. Fuck, I love the smell of your asshole. Why don't you get in here and take me for a ride. My legs are closed for the night. Maybe we should get back to work. You get back to the fucking station. Get the fuck out of here! Come here, baby! No! Babydoll. I am going to break your legs off to get at your sweetness. Don't hurt me. I'll do anything! That's not even a fucking option. Now, I'll tell you what: You make sure that I enjoy what you give me and I'll make sure that you can still crawl home when I'm done. Oh come on, now I know you want it, No! You little fucking whore. Step away from the girl. I'm a cop! Don't do anything fucking stupid! Shut up! Look at her. What do you see? I don't know man. She's... she's just a fuck tube. She is a teacher! She despises you, and so do I! STOP! STOP! STOP! What are you doing? Let me walk you home! Why are you out so late - it's dangerous! Why are you doing this? Shit. What are you doing? You can't kill them. I'm cleaning the streets from the shit and the smell makes me sick. They're not bad people. They're just scared. You're not afraid of what they'll do to us when they come here? We have to figure something out. He shot him! The Hobo shot him! He's back there! Mom, I need my allowance early this week... I just do! Okay, come on. Come on. You're pretty sick, you know that? Come on, we gotta go. I gotta go Mom. Where the hell were you going after you left here? What? Come on, man, I let you sleep in my bed, tell me where you went. I just wanted to buy a lawn mower. Wait - you wanted to buy a lawn mower? Yep. After all those years living in box cars and on the streets, I thought I might start up my own business. That's what we'll do. I've got my own slogan. You grow it, I cut it. You grow it, we cut it. We'll get out of this town and go somewhere where they have nice big lawns to mow. This isn't the only place that grass grows. Are you serious? Yeah. First I gotta wash this guys asshole off my face. Slick! Slick! Slick! They're in there! Do you need any back-up? I could join your gang. Shut up Otis. Now fucking beat it! You're pissing me off. Jesus Christ. Ivan, you're going to ruin your fucking skates. I ruin everything! Let's fuck. Macaroni, beans, I don't know. What would you take? Why are you in such a rush? You shot a fucking cop. Everybody wants to kill you. Oh, all right. We need a blanket, it's gonna get cold at night and uh, some matches. I don't have much money. All right. Don't worry about the money. We'll hop on a train. We'll get a job somewhere and start saving up. No, no, no, no TV. We've gotta travel light. Right. Fuck TV. Just take what you need. Okay, I think I'm ready. Okay, I'm ready too. Woo! It's a beautiful day for a skate rape! Is there another way out? Woo! Oh! Do you fucking see me? Do you fucking hear me? Do you fucking feel me? Why don't you get up beggar and beg me for your fucking life. Ah! Do you fucking fear me? Fuck you! My face! Don't kill that fuck without me. Turn that whore into a baby factory. Ah! Hit me again mother fucker! Come on. Right in my fucking face! I'm going to wash this blood off with your blood! Get away from me! No! Don't kill me, don't... I love murder. Come on, play with me grandpa. Fucking play with me Grandpa. Yeah! Now we're gettin' rowdy! Abigail... Sh-sh-sh... You! Do you know me? He made me come! Oh God! Slick, what the fuck is going on in there? You better be killing that fucking hobo! Get the fuck out of here IVAN. Now! Bro? All right you scum carving fuck. I'm going to make you regret a whole lot of living and teach you some respect. All right, man, you win, you win. Just tell me what you want? My dad owns this fucking town. I bet there's not on human being in this town who's life you haven't ruined. Pl.. Please don't shoot my dick off, okay? I'm young, I've got too much fucking left to do. Please! God damn it boy! Nooooooo! I'm gonna get you to a doctor! Just give me the fucking phone. What? Dad... My whole body hurts everywhere. Slick? Where are you? What happened? He shot my dick off! Tell me where you are. I'll come and get you. I'm not gonna make it dad. I'm dying. I'm dying. Slick boy, you're tough and I'm so proud of you. You're the toughest kid I know. Thank you. Hey dad... You were a pretty rad father. Slick... Slick... Slick! Fix this girl. Now! Stop, you can't do that! Just fix her! Shit! Summon the plague. Tell them to bring me that hobo. Stay with us honey. Come on, stay with us. It's gonna be okay. It's gonna be alright. She's fucking dying! Come on! Stay with me! Live! Live you fuckin' whore! That's it. Come on. Stay with me. Stay with me. Hey you. Welcome back. It's good to see you. I wanted to give you something. They're beautiful. Just to make sure you don't forget me. Where are you going? I have to get back to work. Please don't. You should put them in your classroom. They'll be good by the window. You know I'm not really a school teacher, right? You do right? Yeah, but everybody ought to have a dream. You can't solve all the world's problems with a shotgun. It's all I know. A long time ago I was one of you. You're all brand new and perfect. No mistakes, no regrets. People look at you and think of how wonderful your future will be. They want you to be something special. Like a doctor or a lawyer. I hate to tell you this, but if you grow up here you're more likely to wind up selling your bodies on the streets or shooting dope from dirty needles in a bus stop. And if you're successful, you'll make money selling junk to crack heads. And you won't think twice about killing someone's wife because you won't even know what was wrong in the first place. Or, maybe you'll end up like me... a hobo with a shotgun. I hope you can do better. You are the future. That's it! I am sick and tired of you fucking junkies! What's going on? Abby! Abby. Abby, come on. Ah! Oh! Psst. You got a match? Ah, the Plague. You guys fucking rock! Do you want to see him? No, I trust you guys. I can fuckin' smell him from here. Take him to the truck. You know, I almost feel sad for you. You're in the shadow of your brother. And you're just a little tiny thug. A thug! Listen you homeless piece of shit. I'm the only son Drake has left! And you know what that means? That means I run the fucking show! I'm gonna show everybody. They're gonna fear the fuck out of me! In fact, they're gonna make comic books out of my hate crimes! I promise you when I get out of here, I'm gonna bite your face off. That's funny, because I promised myself. I'm gonna bash your fucking teeth in and make a chainsaw out of them. Fucker. Hold it right there lady. What the hell do you think you're doing? You want to know if I'm homeless so you can kill me? Yeah, are ya? Some people got a bed to sleep on, where they can crawl under the covers and have a good night's rest. But other people, they don't got beds at all. Instead they gotta find an alleyway, or a park bench where some fucker's not gonna stab them. But just because they don't got beds doesn't mean they're homeless. Cause guess what, they've got the biggest home of any of us. It's called the Streets! And right now, we're all standing in their home, so maybe we should show them some god damn respect. If this is their home, they've got a right to keep it clean, don't they? And sometimes on the streets, a broom just ain't gonna fucking cut it. That's when you gotta get a shotgun! So if you want to kill me, go ahead. But I'll warn you. From where I'm standing, things are looking real fucking filthy! Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome back to the Drake show! Yeah! That's how you cheer you fucking creatures. Woo! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you everybody. Tonight I have a special treat for you all. The culmination of one of the bloodiest spectacles we have ever witnessed. Everybody please a round of applause to the team that made this possible. The Plague. Now, I want you all to meet our special guest. A man I'm sure you've all heard about. Ladies and Gentlemen, without further ado, let's bring on the man of the hour. The one responsible for the death of my favorite son. And here he is, a worthless, homeless piece of shit... Get your hands off me, you demons! You're crushing my smokes. When God lost his son, he knew he'd get him back in a few days. He never had to mourn, not for a single second. But, I know I can't get son back. So, what does that make me, when I know more about pain than the most powerful being in the universe? You're a fool. And a shitty father. Take him to the glory hole. Look up at all those people. I'm your God. They fear me more than anything. And that fear is what saves their lives everyday. If I want something from them I take it. If they try to fight back I kill them. Fucker. They live to please me. Because if they don't, I cut off their fucking heads! Well, now you look scared. Drake. Eventually, evil... will turn against evil. It'll wipe itself out, leaving nothing but wreckage. And fucked up memories. Every time I find somebody like you, who wants to be a hero, who wants to fuck with me and stop my show, I send em straight to hell. What the... Let him go Drake or I'll chop your boy to pieces. Abby. I mean it. I'll mulch this fucker into the ground. What do you think? Replaceable. Dad, I'm the only son you have left. Quit fuckin' around. Sorry boy, but... you've just never had that much potential. No one upstages the Drake! Do you see what I mean folks? I provide you with nothing but the highest quality, adrenaline filled family entertainment. Okay, Rip, let's get us some Hobo head! Oh! Let's go home. Get this off me... You want to be the star of this show? I'll make you shine. You take your dirty hands off her, you bastard. I'd love to just shoot her but my audience, they expect more. Get your hands off me! Settle down, honey. This will be the best trick you ever gave. Let's start with a nose job, huh? No! Get me out of this hole! How? Pull my hair! My hair. Pull it! Pull it! Harder! Harder! Untie me. Demon's coming back. She killed Grinder. Now she must take his place in the Plague. She's not going anywhere buddy. Listen to me. You can't fall asleep now. You hear me? There's one more thing I have to do. No, I just wanna go to the zoo and see the bears with you. Don't leave me. Don't leave. Bears don't belong in a zoo. Stupid fucking bitch. I'm gonna find her and I'm gonna fucking kill her... and I'm gonna cut his fucking nuts off and stick it up his fucking ass. Show's over. You know, except for killing my son, you made my town a lot more interesting. You're so fucking crazy. I would have been you're biggest fan, you worthless street rat. Drop the fucking gun you cocksucking garbage bag. Put it down and walk away. This is your only chance to leave alive! You want to die for a town that never gave a fuck about you? You'll never beat the Drake. This town worships me. Boys, if he shoots. Kill the fucker. Whoa, what the fuck are you doing! Get back inside everybody. Put you weapons down! I said put the God damn weapons down! Okay, get rid of these fucking animals now. You fuckers! You and me are going on a car ride to hell. You're gonna miss me. You're riding shotgun. Nooooo! |
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