Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it
Dig it, oh-oh-oh, yeah
Dig it, oh-oh-oh
Dig it, oh-oh-oh
Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it
Dig it, oh-oh-oh, yeah
With broken hands
and weathered souls
Emancipated
from all you know
You got to go
dig those holes
Dig it, oh-oh-oh, yeah
You got to go
dig those holes
Dig it, oh-oh-oh, yeah
You got to go
dig those holes
Dig it, oh-oh-oh
Get that straight.
Get that straight.
Let me tell you, boy, we're
burnin' up back here, man.
This global warmin'.
Hole in the ozone is directly
above my head.
The hole's in your head.
Barf Bag!
- Man, what you doin'?!
- Barf Bag!
It ain't that bad!
Come on, man! Come on, man!
This ain't funny, dog.
Get back, Barf Bag, for real!
Come on!
What are you doin'?!
- Barf Bag, deal with it, baby!
- Barf Bag!
Aaaaaaaaaah!
All my life,
I seemed to be in the wrong
place at the wrong time.
My grandpa,
Stanley Yelnats II,
says it's all because
of this 150-year-old curse.
Now, I don't really believe
in the family curse,
but when things go wrong,
it kind of helps if you can
blame it on something.
And for me,
things went wrong a lot.
Oh, jeez! Oh!
Grandpa says
our destiny is sealed.
Could a pair of shoes
falling from the sky
really be part of my destiny?
- Come here, boy!
- Hold it right there!
- Did you steal those shoes?
- Officer, I didn't do anything.
- What's your name, boy?
- I'm Stanley.
Stanley Yelnats IV.
You see, my father,
Stanley Yelnats III,
is an inventor,
and for the last few years,
he's been trying to find
a cure... for foot odor.
I'm glad you're here.
This whole floor
smells like stinky feet.
What did you do to my Stanley?
Don't freak out.
It's a bruise.
Can I just say right off
the bat, this is a big mistake.
Don't say nothing
until we talk to our lawyer!
You're gonna be sorry you ever
messed with Stanley Yelnats!
Let me see that.
Just don't grab it
out of their hands.
Why not?
Because you're gonna
make 'em angry.
- Would you like a piece of cake?
- Excuse me.
- Do we even have any cake?
- How about some coffee?
Now, that is a fine pair
of shoes.
Could I just smell your shoe?
How about if you take
your shoe off, and I'll just...
Check the bedroom.
Just a minute!
Where are you going?!
This warrant isn't warranted!
This will never hold up
in court!
Uh-huh.
Here it is.
We got him.
We share the room.
How do you know
that's not mine?
Which bed is yours?
You don't have to answer that.
We have the right
to remain silent.
Oh, wouldn't that be nice.
I sleep here.
It's all because of your
no-good, dirty-rotten,
pig-stealing
great-great-grandfather.
There is no curse
on this family.
There is on the men
in this family.
"If only, if only,"
- The woodpecker sighs
- Please don't sing that song.
"The bark on the tree
was as soft as the skies"
Please don't sing that song,
not at my table!
Ma, relax. I don't believe
in the curse, anyways.
We're gonna need
a damn good lawyer.
We can't afford a lawyer, Pa.
We don't need a lawyer.
Stanley will tell the truth.
Stanley Yelnats, please rise.
Stanley Yelnats IV.
Sit down!
I could send you to jail,
and I would not lose
one bit of sleep over it.
But I don't know
what good that would do.
There is currently a vacancy
at Camp Green Lake.
They help troubled youth
build character.
The choice is yours.
Camp Green Lake... or jail.
Uh, well, I never have been
to camp before.
Camp Green Lake, son.
Well, the sun is shinin',
but it don't feel good
Don't smile down
on this neighborhood
When I go walkin'
through this stinkin' town
Mister,
I keep my eyes down
You keep your eyes down
The brotherhood
of the misunderstood
Live and die here,
in all likelihood
You're livin' in this town,
better pray for sundown
Like all the men,
you go downtown
You keep your eyes down
Hey, baby!
You keep your eyes down
- You keep your eyes down
You keep your eyes down
- Thanks for the ride.
- You keep your eyes down
Yo, fresh meat!
So, uh, where's the lake?
Hey, what did I just tell you?
Don't be a wise guy.
Follow me.
Sit down.
What's with
the sunflower seeds, man?
I gave up smokin'.
Stanley Yelnats...
...the fourth?
Yeah.
Everyone in my family names
their son Stanley
'cause it's Yelnats backwards.
It's like this...
it's a little...
it's a... tradition.
My name is Mr. Sir.
Whenever you speak to me,
you will call me by my name.
Is that clear?
Yes, Mr. Sir.
Do you think that's funny?
Huh?
No, Mr. Sir.
This isn't a Girl Scout camp.
Understand?
Here.
Boy, you're a bag of tricks.
Thanks.
You thirsty, Stanley?
Yes, Mr. Sir.
Well, you better
get used to it.
You're gonna be thirsty
for the next 18 months.
Look around you, Yelnats.
What do you see?
Any guard towers?
How about an electric fence?
Hmm?
No, Mr. Sir.
You want to run away?
Go ahead, start running.
I won't stop you.
I'm warnin' you!
You heard the man, Spence.
Oh, don't worry.
This here's
for yellow-spotted lizards.
I wouldn't waste a bullet
on you.
I'm not gonna run away,
Mr. Sir.
Good thinkin', Yelnats.
Doesn't nobody run away
from here. You know why?
We got the only water
for 100 miles...
our own little oasis.
You want to run away, them
buzzards will pick you clean
by the end of the third day.
Hi, Mr. Sir.
Undress.
You get two sets of clothes...
one for work,
one for relaxation.
After three days, your
work clothes will be washed,
your second set
becomes your work clothes.
- Is that clear?
- Yes, Mr. Sir.
You are to dig one hole
each day...
Your shovel is
your measuring stick.
The longer
it takes you to dig,
the longer you'll be out
in the hot sun.
Sorry, Mr. Sir.
You need to keep alert
for lizards and rattlesnakes.
Rattlesnakes?
You don't bother them,
they won't bother you...
usually.
Being bit by a rattler
ain't the worst thing
that can happen to you.
You won't die, usually.
But you don't want to get bit
by a yellow-spotted lizard.
That is the worst thing
that can happen to you.
You will die
a slow and painful death...
...always.
- Stanley Yelnats?
- Yeah?
I just want you to know
that you may have done
some bad things,
but that does not make you
a bad kid.
I respect you, Stanley.
Welcome to Camp Green Lake.
I'm Dr. Pendanski,
your counselor.
Start that touchy-feely crap,
I'm outta here.
Give him some towels, tokens.
Set him up.
You'll be in "D" tent.
"D" stands for "diligence."
That's the mess hall.
There's the rec room.
And there's the showers.
There's only one knob
'cause there's only
one temperature... cold.
And that's the warden's cabin
over there.
That's the number-one rule
at Camp Green Lake...
do not upset the warden.
Yeah, he seemed kind of...
Who?
Oh, Mr. Sir?
Oh, he's not the warden.
He's just been in a bad mood
since he quit smokin'.
Hey, Mom...
who's the Neanderthal?
This is Stanley.
So, what's happening
with Barf Bag?
Oh, Lewis won't be returning.
He's still in the hospital.
Stanley, meet Rex, Alan,
and Theodore.
Hi.
Yo, my name is X-ray.
And that's Squid,
that's Armpit.
Him, he's Mom.
They all have
their little nicknames,
but I prefer to use the names
their parents gave them,
the names society will
recognize them by.
Theodore, why don't we show
Stanley his cot?
Go ahead, Pit.
Welcome to your
new home, Stanley.
Barf Bag slept here.
Keep your bed clean.
Hey, I'm Magnet.
That's Zigzag.
Hi.
What I told you about leaving
that thing right there, man?
And this... is Zero.
Say hello to Stanley, Zero.
Do you want to know
why they call him Zero?
'Cause there's nothing goin' on
in his stupid little head.
Did you tell him
about the lizards?
Ricky, let's not scare Stanley.
His name's not Ricky.
It's Zigzag, all right?
Stanley, if you have any
questions, just ask Theodore.
Theodore will be your mentor.
You got that, Theodore?
Yeah, man.
Whatever, dude.
I'm depending on you.
It should be no labor
to be nice to your neighbor.
Hey, Theodore,
is there a place
where I can fill my canteen up
with water?
I know he smells that.
Yo, my name is not Theodore.
It's Armpit.
There's a water spigot
over there.
Man, Pit, what you gotta be
so mean for?
Man, I ain't mean.
I'm his mentor.
Ain't that
what I'm supposed to do?
Thanks, Armpit.
Man, whatever.
Today's menu...
chili, string beans,
refried beans, garbanzo beans,
green beans,
and banana jello.
Hey, Stanley,
come here, boy.
This is where you sit.
Sit down.
Hey, yo, new kid.
Hey, yo.
See, you didn't dig today.
So, uh, you wouldn't mind
giving up your bread
to somebody who did,
now, would you?
No, you can have it.
So, what'd they get you for?
Stealing a pair of shoes.
From the store, or were they
still on someone's feet?
No, no, he just
killed the dude first.
You just left out
that little detail, right?
They were
Clyde Livingston's shoes.
- Sweetfeet?
- What?
Man, you did not steal no Clyde
Livingston's Sweetfeet shoes.
His World Series cleats.
Hold on, hold on.
How did you get 'em?
He's, like, the fastest guy
in the majors, right?
Only guy to hit four triples
in one game.
Clyde Livingston
donated his shoes
to this... homeless shelter.
Did they have
red X's on 'em?
- What'd he just say?
- Huh?
You got Zero to talk.
Hey, yo, what else
can you do, Zero?
Yeah.
Yeah, they did.
Tell us a little something
of your background...
Mr. Livingston.
Besides the fact
that it was your donated shoes
that were stolen,
what other connection might you
have with this case?
Well, I was an orphan.
I grew up in that home.
I don't understand
what type of person steals
from homeless children.
You're no fan of mine.
It was all because of your
no-good, dirty-rotten,
pig-stealing
great-great-grandfather.
That's who sealed our destiny.
Why do you think
none of his inventions work?
Pa.
I learn from failure.
Doesn't matter
how smart you are.
You need luck...
something we ain't got.
Yeah, what about your father,
the first Stanley Yelnats?
He wasn't so unlucky.
You told me he made a fortune
in the stock market.
- Some luck.
- Yeah, he lost everything.
He was robbed
by Kissin' Kate Barlow.
Get on up outta there!
Gimme your loot!
Are you kidding me?
She kiss him?
Oh, no. She only kissed
the men she killed.
What you got down there, huh?
Pass it up!
Come on!
She left him stranded
in the desert.
Come on, boys!
Let's ride!
No water, no food
for 16 days.
If she'd have kissed him,
she'd have killed him.
You'd have never been born.
Smiling faces!
Smiling faces!
The early mole
digs the deepest hole.
Shovels on the left,
tortillas on the right.
Let's go!
Okay, come and get it.
Let's go! Come on, Magnet!
Open them peepers!
Let's go! Let's go!
Head's still on the pillow!
This ain't no dreamland.
It's reality.
Let's go, hotshots!
Step up and get your...
Hey, man, you picked up
X-ray's shovel.
It's shorter
than the rest of them.
Smaller shovel,
smaller hole.
H-e-e-e-ey
Oh, sinners, let's go down
Let's go down
Let's go down
Oh, sinners, let's go down
Down in the valley to pray
Oh, sinners
- This isn't a Girl Scout camp.
- Let's go down
- Nobody's gonna babysit you.
- Let's go down
- Dig here.
- Oh, sinners, let's go down
Now, if you find
anything interesting,
You are to report it
to me or Pendanski.
If the warden likes
what you find,
you get the rest
of the day off.
What am I supposed to be
looking for, Mr. Sir?
You're not looking
for anything.
You're building character.
You take a bad boy,
make him dig holes all day,
and it turns him
into a good boy.
That's our philosophy
here at Camp Green Lake.
Start digging.
Show me the way
Good Lord, show me the way
One down, 10 million to go.
Show me the way
Good Lord, show me the way
Oh, sinners, let's go down
Let's go down
Let's go down
Excuse me, can you throw that
in another pile or something,
'cause it
keeps getting in my hole.
Shut up!
Watch where you're
moving your dirt!
Watch where you're throwing
your dirt, Stanley.
It was all because
of your no-good, dirty-rotten,
pig-stealing
great-great-grandfather,
Elya Yelnats.
It started in a little village
in Latvia.
He was shoveling
in Morris Menke's barn,
when Myra, his beautiful
daughter, walked by.
And that was it.
So what does your
great-great-grandfather do?
He goes to a fortune-teller,
Madame Zeroni, for advice.
All you think about
is Myra Menke.
I know.
That's when our troubles began.
Listen to Madame Zeroni.
You should go to America.
That's where my son is.
That's your future,
not Myra Menke.
Her head's as empty
as a flowerpot.
Mr. Menke...
I would like your permission
to marry your daughter.
You too?
Igor Barkov has offered
his fattest pig for her.
What do you got?
A heart full of love.
He's just a boy!
I'd rather have a fat pig.
Morris Menke is a schmuck.
Okay, here's what you do.
Take the little one.
But this solves nothing.
So it will grow.
Every day, you carry the pig
up the mountain.
Make it drink the water from
the stream while you sing...
"If only, if only,"
the woodpecker sighs
Woodpecker sighs.
"The bark on the tree
was as soft as the skies"
While the wolf waits below,
hungry and lonely
He cries to the moon,
"If only, if only"
Every day,
the pig will get fatter,
and you will get stronger.
Now, after you give the pig
to Menke,
you must carry Madame Zeroni
up the mountain
and sing while I drink
so I can get strong, too.
But if you forget
to come back for Madame Zeroni,
you and your family
will be cursed
for always and eternity.
Rosalito is getting nearer
- Get your water, dog.
- Oh, my God.
Here comes the water truck.
- First hole's the hardest.
- Let's go!
Hey, Mr. Sir.
What you doin', man?
Get your place in line, Magnet!
Keep your hands
off of me, man!
So, how'd it go
your first day, Yelnats?
Got some blisters on you?
- Big, fat blisters.
- Yeah.
Well, don't worry.
Everything turns
to callus eventually.
That's life. Next.
Myra, who do you choose...
Igor Barkov or Elya Yelnats?
You want me to decide?
That's right, my blossom.
Gee, I don't know.
Which pig weighs more?
They are the same.
Oh, I know!
I will think of a number
between 1 and 10.
Okay, I'm ready.
Marry Igor.
You can keep my pig
as wedding present.
Two pigs for one daughter!
You done already?
Don't you know, man?
He's, like, the fastest digger
in the camp.
He's a mole.
I think he eats the dirt.
He's a weird dude.
Moles don't eat dirt.
Worms eat dirt, dog.
So that was it.
He took Madame Zeroni's advice
and went to America,
like her son,
but the dummy
forgot to go back
and carry Madame Zeroni
up the mountain.
If you forget
to come back for Madame Zeroni,
you and your family will be
cursed for always and eternity.
Somebody help me!
Anybody up there?!
I'm done with my hole now!
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
- Don't move.
Oh, f...
Aah!
Get your stuff.
Get yourself
a good sleep, son.
- Yes, sir.
- Yeah.
Oh, my God!
What color was its blood?
I don't know.
I couldn't tell.
I wish I'd have seen it.
- Bam!
If Mr. Sir didn't shoot it...
Stanley, you'd be in a hole.
Did you know that each one's
got exactly 11 spots?
Yeah, man, but if you ever get
close enough to count 'em...
...you're dead.
Look, it's the lizards
we're working for, man.
We build their houses for 'em.
I mean, yesterday, I saw
like 10 of them in one hole.
Man, we ain't diggin'
for no lizards.
What we diggin' for?
Like Mr. Sir said,
we're diggin'
to build some character.
- Come on! Wake up, buddy!
- Feelin' mighty fine
"Dear Mom...
- Feelin' mighty fine
"I'm having a wonderful time
at camp.
"The food's great.
Not as good as yours,
of course, but I like it."
Feelin' mighty fine
at this time
"We've been out on the lake
all day."
Where's a person go
to the bathroom around here?
- Man, pick a hole. Any hole.
- Feelin' mighty fine
"Once I pass the swimming test,
"I'll get to learn
how to water-ski.
I've made lots of friends."
Oh, you're goin' to Hell
for sure.
- Feelin' mighty fine
"And the water is
cool and refreshing."
- at his time
"You'd like my counselor.
He's a doctor."
Smells like puke from a mule
been ruminating on asparagus
for two weeks.
"And I'm really enjoying
the wildlife."
Don't believe a word
they say about me
Because I'm feelin'
mighty fine
Feelin' mighty fine
- Rent time! Pay up!
- This time
"The other boys
aren't bad kids.
Like me, they were just in the
wrong place at the wrong time."
Get on there, fool!
"Well, that's it for now, Ma.
"Say hi to Dad and Grandpa
for me.
Love, your son, Stanley."
Who you writin' to?
Aw, you miss your mommy
and daddy?
- I don't want them to worry.
- They don't care.
- Give me the letter.
- Believe me...
They're glad
to be rid of you.
Found something.
It's a fossil.
You see that?
- Well, that's interesting.
- Do I get a day off?
What?
That's what Mr. Sir said.
He said that if I found
something interesting,
I get the day off.
Stanley, the warden isn't
interested in fossils.
Let me see that.
- What is it?
- Man, see, look.
Look at the little fishies!
Aw!
I mean, it look
like those cave pictures, man.
- Ain't nothin', anyway.
- Fossil.
I tell you what, I think Stanley
belongs in a cave, man.
I told you he was a Neanderthal
the first time I saw him.
Guess there really was
a lake out here once, right?
There was a town, too.
The warden's grandfather
owned the lake
and half the town.
Whoo!
Tie her off, there, boys.
All right, now.
Get your sweet,
sweet magical onions!
Get your elixirs,
health potions, onion tonics.
Onions. Get your
onions here, folks.
God's own chosen vegetable.
Nature's magic vegetables
right here, folks.
Mr. Collingwood, let me see
that head of yours.
- My head?
- Yes, sir.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
I got exactly what you need.
Just rub this on his head
every night, Mrs. Collingwood,
and before you know it,
his hair's gonna be
as long and as thick
as Mary Lou's mane.
- Sam, thank you.
The ancient Egyptians knew
the secrets of the onions.
How its potent juices can cure
stomachaches and toothaches,
measles and mumps,
rheumatism, hemorrhoids.
If you don't believe me,
just ask Mary Lou.
All she eats is onions,
and she's almost 100 years old.
How would you know, Sam?
You're not a day over 25.
Nature's magic vegetable,
Miss Katherine.
I don't care how much gold
there is back there,
I ain't goin' back
without some lizard juice.
I see your friend back there
wasn't so smart.
Too bad he didn't know...
yellow-spotted lizards
don't like my onion juice.
Get your sweet,
sweet onions, folks.
Health potions, lizard oils,
onion tonics, cure-alls.
And for you, Miss Katherine,
I have this special bag
of onions.
Thank you.
- And your peaches.
- Thank you.
Sometimes I think Green Lake,
Texas, is Heaven on Earth.
Those peaches are the work
of an angel.
I like peaches.
Come on, boys.
Buy you a drink, sheriff?
Buy me two.
That was some lame crap
you pulled.
What?
Look, man,
you ever find anything,
give it to me,
you understand?
I've been here for over six
months and never found anything.
No one has.
Why should you get a day off
when you just got here?
You know what I'm saying.
It's only fair.
Right?
- Right?
- Right.
That's what I call
an informed decision, dog.
What are you doing? No.
I'm watching that.
Not today you ain't.
Look, you broke it!
Right there!
Watch it!
You watch it, man.
What you say to me?
Sorry, man.
I didn't mean to hit you.
You're a dead man!
Hey, hey.
Hey, just chill, okay, man?
All right?
Look, we start a fight now,
the warden will come down
hard on all of us.
Just keep that punk
away from me!
- Cool.
- Just chill.
It's all good.
Just relax.
Here's your tunes, man.
Don't look at him. He's crazy.
You understand me?
Hey, nobody messes
with the Caveman.
Nobody.
Did you see the Caveman
back there?
No, I don't want to mess
with anybody.
- Let's go eat.
- Hey, you coming, Caveman?
Come on, Caveman.
Come on.
Come on, Caveman.
What?
Caveman?
So I'm Caveman?
It's better than Barf Bag.
Come on, little fishes.
Get your lake water.
You get it?
Lake water... It's a joke.
You're here now, Caveman,
all right?
- Let's go, fellas.
- Move up, fool.
Hey, X,
when you moving me up?
Can I start now,
your highness?
Yes, Mr. Sir.
What about you,
Jose? What do you like?
I like animals.
That's what got Magnet sent here
in the first place.
Man, it's criminal the way they
keep them locked up in cages.
No, Jose.
What you did was criminal.
No, no. Tell 'em, Magnet.
They wanted 1,000 bucks
for just one puppy.
- What?
- Yeah.
I would've made it out if my
pocket didn't start barking.
You boys get one life,
and so far,
you've done a pretty good job
of screwing it up.
So, you're Caveman now...
big shot.
Got a nickname.
Well, let me tell you
something, Caveman,
you are here on account
of one person.
You know who that person is?
Yeah.
My no-good, dirty-rotten,
pig-stealing
great-great-grandfather.
That's who it is.
No.
You screwed your life up,
Stanley Yelnats,
and it's up to you to fix it.
It's not gonna be easy,
but you'd be surprised
what you can accomplish
once you set your mind to it.
Even Zero here
isn't completely worthless.
What about you, Zero?
What do you like to do?
You just won't talk with me,
will you?
Man, he only talks
to Caveman, yo.
You think you're better
than all this?
I like diggin' holes.
Then you're in the right place
for it, buddy boy.
"My dearest Stanley,
"your letters make me feel
like one of the other moms
who can afford to send
their kids to summer camp."
Do not touch my shoes!
"Your father thinks he's
real close to a breakthrough.
"I do hope so, Stanley,
because the landlord
is threatenin' to evict us
because of the odor."
Sir, you are an insult
to the chemistry of smell!
Eight months!
I am going to boil it
with cross-trainers!
Aah! Aah!
"I feel so sorry for the
old lady who lived in the shoe,
'cause it must have smelled
real bad."
She's crazy.
What are you laughing at?
Just something my mom wrote.
She said...
"I feel sorry for the little
old lady who lived in the shoe,
'cause it must have smelled
really bad."
You know,
like the nursery rhyme.
I feel really awkward
with you reading over
my shoulder like that, so...
I can't read.
Can you teach me?
Um...
You know, I'm not really
a good teacher,
and, uh, I get tired
from digging all day,
so I just want to come back
and chill, you know?
Just relax.
See you in there?
Look at this guy, Caveman.
Check it out.
Whoo!
Armpit, put it down!
Put it down!
Armpit!
Hey, look... a cloud.
Right there.
Maybe it'll move
in front of the sun.
Come on, little cloud.
You can do it.
Please, that's all
I'm asking for
is just a little shade.
Warden owns the shade, man.
Maybe we'll get lucky.
Maybe we'll get some clouds.
It will rain for 40 days
and 40 nights.
Yeah, and we'll have
to build an ark
and get two of each animal.
Yeah, two scorpions,
two rattlesnakes,
two yellow-spotted lizards...
all of that.
Hey.
What do you got there,
Caveman?
What?
What you got there?
I don't know.
Hey, X...
I think I might have found
something.
Let me see that.
What do you think?
Looks like an old shotgun
shell or something, man.
No, man, it's too skinny
to be a shotgun shell.
No. No, it's not
a shotgun shell.
Yeah. No, it's not
a shotgun shell.
Look at this.
You see that little heart?
You see that?
With the letters in it
right there?
Yeah.
- "K.B." That's what it is.
- Let me see.
- Let me see it.
- K.B.?
Yeah. Yeah.
That's Keith Berenger.
Man, who is that?
- He was in my math class.
-
- Stupid.
- Good thinking, Zigzag.
Yeah, it must belong
to him, huh?
Yeah, it must belong to him.
Well, I'm gonna go show it
to Mom.
Maybe I'll get
the rest of the day off.
No. No.
Your hole's already dug.
I'm not even close.
I'm gonna be out here all day.
Yeah? So?
So, uh, why don't you, uh,
why don't you just turn it in
tomorrow?
You know, give it to Mom
in the morning?
Then you get
the whole day off.
That's good thinking, Caveman.
I like that.
Pretty smart, Caveman.
Pretty smart.
No matter
how you're sad and blue
There's always someone
who has it worse than you
Sometimes you gotta pay
your dues
So don't worry,
just push on through
Keepin' it real
Gotta big up all my peoples
who be working on the future
Though they know they gotta
struggle
Keepin' it real
To all my homies working
on the 9 to 5
And doing right to keep
themselves...
- There you are, X.
- Keepin' it real
Good morning, Theodore.
Man, it's Armpit.
Yo, I don't know no fool named
Theodore, all right?
Well, I don't know
no fool named Armpit.
Whatever.
There's your water,
whoever you are.
Hey, Mom!
I think I found something.
Come here for a second.
I think I found something.
Looks like a... golden bullet
or something, doesn't it?
It's nice, right?
So I get the day off now, right?
You just might.
We're gonna call the warden.
Hey, Lou...
you better get down here.
I think we got something.
We got something nice.
We got something nice.
Sometime
Get a hump in my back,
sometime
I'm going over here,
sometimes
Till my honey comes back,
sometimes
I'm gonna grab that jack,
sometimes
Get a hump in my back,
sometimes
I'm going over here,
sometimes
Till my honey comes back,
sometimes
I'm gonna grab that jack,
sometimes
Get a hump in my back,
sometimes
I'm going over here,
sometimes
Till my honey comes back,
sometimes
Whew. Oh, man.
Get a hump in my back,
sometimes
I'm going over here,
sometimes
Right over there.
Till my honey comes back,
sometimes
I'm gonna grab that jack,
sometimes
Get a hump in my back,
sometimes
I'm going over here,
sometimes
Till my honey comes back,
sometimes
I'm gonna grab that jack,
sometimes
Get a hump in my back
This where you found it?
Yes, ma'am.
Dr. Pendanski,
drive X-ray back to camp.
Give him double shower tokens
and a snack.
But first,
fill everyone's canteen.
I already filled them.
Excuse me?
I had already filled them
when you drove up in the car.
Excuse me?
Did I ask you
when you last filled them?
- No. You didn't, but...
- Excuse me.
Now, these fine boys
have been working hard.
Don't you think
it just might be possible
they have taken a drink
since you filled their canteens?
It's possible.
- Oh, it's possible, is it?
Caveman!
You come over here, please.
- Get over there.
- That's right.
Go on. Come on over.
Come on over.
Now, did you,
by any chance, take a drink
since he filled your canteen?
Oh, no. I'm fine.
I have plenty.
Excuse me?
I might have, uh, drinken some.
Thank you.
May I have your canteen,
please?
Oh, God.
Can you hear the empty spaces?
Yes, I can hear.
Fill it.
If that's too much trouble,
you can grab a shovel,
and Caveman here
can fill the canteens.
Armpit! Squid!
Get them wheelbarrows
out of the truck!
Zero, you take over
X-ray's hole.
Caveman will assist you.
We're gonna dig
this dirt twice.
Y'all be good now, you hear?
Get C&F over here.
Get C&F over here!
I'm gonna be a wheel
someday
- Come on, boys. Let's see it.
- I'm gonna be somebody
Use those muscles.
- Keep it up.
- Then I won't want you
This is a special day.
I got a good feeling
about today.
There you go.
I'm feeling some double
shower tokens, boys.
There'll be steaks
for dinner tonight.
- Keep it up.
- Then I won't want you
You're doing fine!
- No hurry.
- You can cry
We don't want to miss anything.
MR. SIR:
We don't want to miss nothing.
Keep digging.
- Pick every rock now.
- When I go rolling by
Make sure it's a real rock.
- Caveman! Let's go!
- Then I won't want you
Hey, how'd she know
my name, man?
Oh, she's got the whole
place wired.
Oh, yeah, she's got
these little, tiny microphones
and cameras
all over the place.
Yeah, she's got 'em
in the rec room.
She's got 'em in the tent.
- She's got 'em in the showers.
- They're not in the showers.
Man, don't listen to him.
I read his file.
It says he suffers
from, um, acute paranoia.
Hey, so that means she watches
me every day, huh?
Man, he says she got cameras
and microphones,
not microscopes.
- Get outta here, man.
Okay, children, come back
first thing in the morning.
Okay? Rain or shine,
we're gonna have school.
Put your cap on.
Oh, here, take that, Louise.
Bye, Miss Katherine.
See you tomorrow!
Hello, Miss Katherine.
Hello, Sam.
I thought you might
still want some onions.
Thank you.
I can fix that.
Sam, are you gonna try to
tell me now
that your onions are a cure
for a leaky roof?
Naw.
I'm just good with my hands.
I built my own boat, you know.
I need it to get across
the lake to my onion field.
Well, then, I guess
you'd be in real trouble
if your boat leaked.
I tell you what...
I'll fix that roof
in exchange for three jars
of your spiced peaches.
It's a deal.
Well, Miss Katherine,
I guarantee that roof
for five years.
If there's anything else...
The windows won't open.
And the children and I would
enjoy a breeze now and then.
I can fix that.
"And this maiden, she lived
with no other thought
"than to love
and be loved by me.
"She was a child,
and I was a child
"in this kingdom by the sea.
But we loved..."
"With a love
that was more than love...
I and my Annabel Lee."
Sam.
You know, that door
doesn't hang straight.
I can fix that.
"The duck swims on the lake."
Very good, Mr. Penn.
Thank you, ma'am.
The duck may swim on the lake,
but my daddy owns the lake.
That will be all for tonight.
Thank you, class.
You're dismissed.
Come on, boys.
Whew.
Hey, Katherine...
how about me and you, uh,
having a little picnic?
Take a ride on my motorboat.
No, thank you, Mr. Walker.
It's brand-new.
I mean, you don't even
have to row it.
No, thank you.
Uh, come on now, girl.
Hey.
No one ever says no
to Trout Walker.
I believe I just did.
Come on, boys.
We're digging around,
all around.
Then we're digging
toward the center, see?
That's how we do it.
Today's the day.
I can feel it.
You know,
the ancient Mesopotamians...
they didn't have shovels.
Glad to have you back, X-ray.
We can use your sharp eyes.
Hello, warden.
Ma'am, I think
I found something.
Are you trying to be funny,
or do you just think
I'm stupid?
No, ma'am, I wasn't trying
to be funny.
Excuse me?
Well, Armpit, your little joke
just cost you a week
of shower privileges.
Aw!
All right.
Everyone back to work.
- Man, you sleeping outside.
- You heard her... back to work.
Aside from that,
everything's going real well.
I don't think so.
I want results.
Sam, this is the finest
schoolhouse in all of Texas.
Thank you.
Thank you, Miss Katherine.
Hello, my friend,
it's been a while
It's nice to see
your beautiful smile
We went our separate ways
Only to return
To face a lesson
We failed to learn
We didn't understand
the truth
We're blinded
by the eyes of youth
- I can fix that.
- Time kept on moving
And the change has come
The change has come
You think that I don't know
Where you're coming from
Well, I feel just like you
And I cry just like you
I cry
But I heal
Heal
Just like you
Come on. Ha!
Under my skin
Under my skin
I'm just like you
Four days.
Four long days.
And this is all you jackasses
got to show for it.
Probably ain't nothing
down there.
We would have found it by now.
I wouldn't tell
the queen bee that.
I ain't on stupid pills.
What are you jawing about?
If you can't get 'em
to dig any faster,
you can grab a shovel
and join 'em.
How about that? Huh?
Get to work!
This ain't no kindergartners
in the sandbox.
I want to see some effort here
or I'll put a hurt on you.
I ain't just whistling
"Bye-bye, Sue" neither.
I am surrounded by cow turds.
Stop it! Stop it!
- Yeah!
Lady, where you going?
Stop it!
Do something!
Yeah, girl!
How do you like me now?!
Sheriff!
Sheriff! Come quick!
They're destroying the school!
Give me a kiss.
You kissed the onion picker.
You're drunk.
I always get drunk
before a hanging.
If you hang him,
then you better hang me, too,
because I kissed him back.
It ain't against the law
for you to kiss him,
just for him to kiss you.
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
There she is!
Come on, now!
Sam!
Sam!
Sam!
Sam!
Listen up.
After the behavior exhibited
these past several days,
the warden and I have decided
that your character-building
be best served
by returning to the digging
of individual holes.
Over to you.
All right!
Let's go dig, boys!
Let's go! Let's go!
Let's go! Let's go!
Good morning, sheriff.
Do you still want that kiss?
Water's the most precious
commodity
on the face of the planet.
All life begins with water.
So think of it this way...
I'm giving you life.
Say thank you.
Thank you, Mr. Sir.
Next!
Don't get your hopes up.
Them storms never make it
past the mountains.
Maybe this time they will.
I got a story
for you girl scouts.
Once upon a time...
there was a magical place
where it never rained.
The end.
I don't get it.
Have a nice day.
I never get anything he says.
Guys. Hey, guys.
What?
Anybody want
some sunflower seeds?
- Whoo!
I can't help it, man.
My hands are like magnets.
Good old Magnet.
You got some sticky fingers.
- Pass it over here, man.
- I'll take some of those.
Hey, Zig, come on, man.
Hurry up.
Mr. Sir's coming back.
Hey, he's coming back!
He's coming back!
Catch it.
Oh, Stanley,
you butterfingers!
He's coming back.
You better hide it.
Hide it.
Come on, man.
Well, well.
How did this get here?
What?
How did that get there?
Did it fall
from the sky, huh?
No.
I stole that out of your truck.
I think maybe the warden
would like to see
what you found.
Let's go.
Y'all having a nice day?
Yes, Mr. Sir.
Good.
Hey, what are you doing,
dog?
- Caveman...
- See what turns up.
What?
We found a little something
in Caveman's hole.
What is it?
What'd you find?
Come in. Come in.
You're letting the cold out.
Tell her.
While Mr. Sir was filling
our canteens...
I snuck into his truck
and, uh, stole
his sunflower seeds.
Yeah.
That's it.
Caveman, would you, uh, kindly
bring me that little brass case
in the bureau over there
with my nail polish in it?
Yeah, sure.
Them little diddles
think I don't have eyes
in the back of my head.
But I don't miss much...
as you well know.
You know, my philosophy is...
see, I keep 'em in line...
punishment and reward.
Punishment... reward.
Every time they see me coming,
a little shiver
goes up their spine.
"D" tent...
snaky little bunch, you know.
They think they're
a step ahead of me,
but I'm miles ahead of them.
I come back at night.
I look around.
I see in their eyes.
They know I know.
Come right over here, son.
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
See this, Caveman?
This is my special nail polish.
I make it myself.
You want to know
my secret ingredient?
Rattlesnake venom.
I just love what it does
to the coloring.
It's perfectly harmless.
When it's dry.
So you think he stole
your sunflower seeds.
No, I don't.
I think he's covering
for X-ray or somebody.
It was a 5-pound sack,
and he claims
to have eaten it all.
But it was only half-full
when I got it.
And, uh, there's a lot
in my hole.
You could check that.
I will.
I will check it.
Aaah-aah!
Aah!
All I give you is
respect and affection...
I suggest you go back
to your hole now.
Why'd you do that?
Ooh!
I liked you better
when you smoked.
Hey, look who showed up.
Hey, man, we thought
you were dead for sure.
Hey, Caveman, what'd you say?
Nothing.
What'd she do to you?
Nothing.
Pbbtt. Nothing?
Yeah.
She didn't do nothing.
What is this?
Thank you, guys.
Man.
- Don't look at us.
- Yeah, it was Zero.
That boy likes to dig holes.
He'd dig a hole to China, man.
Yeah, man.
But where do them
Chinese kids dig to?
Man, shut up.
Hey, Zero.
Why'd you dig my hole, man?
You didn't steal
the sunflower seeds.
Yeah, but neither did you.
You didn't steal the shoes.
You still want to learn
to read?
All right, man.
I don't like no hocus-pocus.
$ 14 for onions.
We don't need
no stinking onions.
You told me to get onions,
I get onions.
- I want to taste it.
- Go ahead and taste it.
- I don't care. Go ahead.
- I'll taste it, then.
I'm tasting it.
Whoa.
What happened to your face?
Something the matter
with my face? Huh?
No. No, Mr. Sir.
You got that right.
Anybody see anything wrong
with my face?
Huh?!
I think I'm kind of purty,
don't you?
Yes, sir.
Clean this up.
I think we just learned
a valuable lesson.
We're all people, and Mr. Sir
is a very sensitive man,
just like all of us.
Leader,
he's a mighty good leader
- He's a mighty good leader
- Next.
All the way
All the way, Lord
- You thirsty, Yelnats?
- From up to Heaven
- Yes, Mr. Sir.
- He's a mighty good leader
There.
That should hold you.
Next!
Magnet, wipe that smile
off your face.
Yes, you.
You want some water?
Remember that gold tube?
Yeah.
I think that that tube...
was a tube of lipstick,
you know?
And the "K.B." stands
for Kate Barlow.
Kissin' Kate Barlow?
Kissin' Kate Barlow.
I've done a lot of things
that I'm not so proud of
Took a lot of turns
That turned out wrong
That's a worn-out song
Day by day,
moment by moment
Takin' my chances
Trustin' my heart
It wasn't too smart
I will survive,
I will endure
When the going's rough,
you can be sure
I'll tough it out,
I won't give in
If I'm knocked down,
I'll get up again
As long
as my dream's alive
I will survive
I will survive
All right.
Come on, now.
"Z"...
"E"...
Okay.
"R"...
"O."
That's it.
I can help you dig your hole
so you won't be so tired
to teach me.
No, I'm fine.
Look...
you're a slow digger.
You're trying to bag on me.
- Yeah, I'm trying to bag on you.
- All right.
All right.
This way, we'll be done
at the same time.
- Well, it couldn't hurt.
- Yeah.
Go ahead.
"Z"...
"E"...
No.
This has to go out like this.
- That's an "R." Okay?
- Okay.
This one's easy..."O."
That's it.
You know,
Zero's not my real name.
It's not?
But even Pendanski
calls you Zero.
My name's Hector.
Hector Zeroni.
Hector Zeroni.
Nice to meet you, Hector.
Nice to meet you.
So we can do five letters a day
for four days,
and then six letters
on the fifth day.
That's good math.
I'm not stupid.
I know everyone thinks I am.
I just don't like answering
stupid questions.
Right.
Yo, Caveman,
it must be kind of easy
working with your own personal
slave and all, huh?
What's up, stupid?
Come on, Squid.
Whatever, man.
"M"...
"O"...
"M."
We weren't always homeless.
I remember we used to live
in a lot of different places.
And then...
we didn't live anywhere.
It must have been hard.
Yeah.
My ma had problems,
but she would try so hard
to make a better life for us.
Yeah.
She always used to say,
"I love you more than air."
She couldn't take me
everywhere she went.
I used to have to wait like
on a porch or a playground.
Then, one day,
she didn't come back.
What happened to her?
I don't know.
That's what bothers me
the most.
If I could,
I would hire a whole team
of private investigators
just to find her...
or to find out
what happened to her.
I used to wait at Laney Park.
- Laney Park?
- Yeah.
I used to go to Laney Park
all the time.
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
I used to sleep in the tunnel
next to the swinging bridge.
But no biggie.
Let's go, boys! Lunch!
Where's your whip, Caveman?
You don't want your slave
to be slacking off.
It's not slavery.
It's an agreement.
- Yeah, man, whatever.
- Line 'em up.
I don't have all day.
Let's go. Let's go.
We have bologna and cheese,
apples, and graham crackers.
All right,
let's move it along.
Get your sandwich.
Hello, Theodore.
That's not my name, fool.
It's Armpit.
Uh-huh.
Alan, a good day to you.
Good afternoon.
Ricky...
Sir.
Sandwiches?
- You can have one sandwich.
This is America.
We speak English here.
Hey, man, I got some
extra graham crackers.
Hey, how about
I give you my cookie
and you let me dig your hole?
Go on. Take it.
Look, I get it, all right?
I'll dig my own hole
from now on.
Just let me eat my lunch.
He isn't gonna
take it. Come here.
Eat the cookie.
- Whoa.
- Whoa.
Back off, man.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
What's going on here?
Nothing, Mom.
We was just fooling, right?
I saw what was going on.
Go on, Stanley.
Teach him a lesson.
Hit him back.
- Yeah, teach me a lesson.
- Yeah, teach him a lesson.
- Come on. Hit me.
- Hit him.
- Come on. Teach me a lesson.
- Hit him, Stanley.
Get him!
All right, all right.
Ugh!
Go get him.
That's enough!
I said that's enough!
That's enough!
Stop. Hey, stop, Zero.
Hey, stop.
Come on, man.
You're gonna kill him!
- Now, I said that's enough!
When I say to end something,
I mean end it.
- Come on, Stanley. Let's go.
- Get back to your holes!
You all right?
- Zero's crazy.
- No. Leave me alone.
Basically,
Zero almost killed Ricky.
Basically?
Uh, uh, Ziggy was beating
up the Caveman, right?
And then Zero
started choking Zigzag.
I had to pull Zero
off of him.
Yeah, I mean, you know,
Zig just got a little hot.
Out in the sun all day,
the blood starts to boil.
Is that what happened, Zigzag?
Yep.
Like X-ray said, you know,
working all day
out in the hot sun, you know,
while Caveman sits around
and does nothing.
Excuse me?
Caveman digs his hole
just like everyone else.
- Sometimes.
- Excuse me?
Ma'am, Zero's been digging
a part of Caveman's hole
every day.
You're not digging holes
no more?
Huh?
I'm teaching him how to read.
What?
He's a smart kid.
Smart?
Oh, yeah?
Hey, Zero,
what does C-A-T spell?
Huh?
What's it spell?
Yeah, he's a real genius.
He's so stupid, he doesn't
even know he's stupid.
Okay, from now on,
I don't want anyone digging
anyone else's hole.
Is that clear?
And no more reading lessons.
Why? I mean,
if the hole gets dug.
Who cares
who's digging it, right?
You know why
you're digging holes?
'Cause it's good for you.
It teaches you a lesson.
If Zero digs
your hole for you,
you're not learning
your lesson, are you?
MR. SIR:
Yeah. See that?
Why can't I still just dig
my hole
and teach him how to read?
'Cause I said so.
We know you mean well, Stanley.
But the mental stress
just causes his brain too much
of a challenge.
That's what made his blood boil,
not the hot sun.
I'm not digging
any more holes.
Good.
I mean, you might as well teach
this shovel to read.
Go ahead, Zero.
Take it.
It's all you'll ever
be good for.
D-I-G.
What's that spell?
Ugh!
- Ohh!
- Ohh!
Dig.
Go, Zero! Go!
Run, Zero!
Don't shoot!
He can't go anywhere.
You think
I was gonna shoot him?
The last thing we need
is an investigation.
I know that.
Misinterpretation.
Let him go, then.
Let him go.
I want round-the-clock guards
on all water sources.
I still expect seven holes.
I'll have
the chicken tenders, warden.
I'm ill. I'm ill.
I'm feeling queasy.
Take it or leave it.
You still pouting?
No, I'm not pouting.
I'm just asking,
are we sure
that he had no family?
He was a ward of the state.
He was living on the streets
when he was arrested.
Is there some prissy caseworker
who might ask questions?
He had nobody.
He was nobody.
I want you to destroy
his records.
He was never here.
Can you get into the state files
from our computer?
I can do anything,
but I'm telling you,
no one is going to come
looking for him.
No one cares
about Hector Zeroni.
I do.
They was in this thing together.
Yeah.
His blood's
on your hands, then.
Man, if he's not back
by morning, he's dead.
He's dead either way...
if he stays out there
or if he comes back.
When do you think
they're gonna find his body?
What body?
Man, Zero's buzzard food.
You know what?
They pick out
the eyeballs first.
I can't believe
you just said that.
Learn how to take a joke.
She left him stranded
in the desert.
No water, no food
for 16 days.
Well, Grandpa,
how'd he survive?
They said he found refuge
on God's Thumb.
What's God's Thumb?
Who knows?
He was half crazy
when they found him.
Zero!
Zero!
Zero!
So, what you in here for,
Twitch?
Oh, ha, joyriding.
I guess you never really plan
to steal one or nothing,
but when I walk past
a really nice car...
whoo! ...I just start twitching,
you know?
Really kind of...
Well, you think I'm jumpy now?
You should have seen me behind
the wheel of that Mustang.
Whoo! Vroom!
Come on, Twitch.
Let's go.
Hey, Twitch,
come get some water.
I'm getting tired...
First hole's the hardest.
Thanks, man.
I want you to jump
out of that hole.
Be first in line right away.
I'm a little scratchy today,
so you got to be sensitive
with me.
- Yeah, I apologize, Mr. Sir.
- Yeah, yeah.
Hey, man, I'm sick and tired
of you cutting in line.
Man.
What's wrong with you?
We all getting water.
Don't be squabbling up in here.
Both of us getting it.
Gentlemen, there's only
one law around here,
and that's me.
You guys want to learn
the tough lessons? Here.
- I'll give you a tough-guy...
Come on. Come on.
Put it in gear.
Hey!
Wait!
Aaaah!
Waahhh!
You stop this truck...
I'll kill you!
Wuh!
Keep going, Caveman!
Yelnats!
Stop that truck!
Yelnats!
Whoo!
Bye-bye, Camp Green...
- My truck.
- You okay?
Caveman!
You all right?
You done it now!
You done it now!
Get back away from that truck!
Get away from the truck.
Yeah!
- Keep going! Don't stop!
Yeah, keep going!
There ain't gonna be
no Yelnats V!
Whoa.
No, seor.
Not for me.
I'm not gonna see
what's not there.
All right,
fill in this section here
and start digging over there
in between.
What are you gonna do
about Caveman?
He ain't like Zero.
He's got family.
In two weeks, we'll report
he's run away.
Call in dogs, helicopters...
the whole nine yards.
By then, there'll be
nothing left to find.
That's exactly right.
Zero?
Zero?
Huh?
Stanley.
What's up, man?
- How you doing?
- All right.
Oh!
We thought you were gone.
I was.
Let me see.
You don't look too bad.
You got any water?
No. I'm out.
Oh.
But, hey, you know
the water truck?
I tried to drive the
whole thing over here.
I drove it into a hole.
- Figures.
What's in the bag?
Oh, it's empty.
No.
Zero, we got to get back
to camp.
I'm not going back.
Want some Sploosh?
Some what?
Sploosh.
Come on, follow me.
I'll show you.
- Some...
- Come on.
Can't you get a door?
This is how I found it.
- Here.
What is this?
Sploosh.
That's what I call it.
- Drink it. It's good.
That is pretty good.
- Yeah.
- Tastes like peaches.
How many of these
you got left?
That's the last one.
We need to go back to camp.
Wrap it up, get your bag,
put this in there, and we'll go.
I'm not going back.
You will die out here.
Here's what we're gonna do.
Okay?
We're gonna go back to camp.
And we're gonna tell the warden
exactly where I found
Kate Barlow's lipstick tube.
And she'll be so happy,
we won't get in any trouble.
Okay?
What's "Mare-yelo"?
What are you talking about?
Mare-yelo.
- I don't know.
Come on, dude.
Come on.
See?
- Oh, it's "Mary Lou."
- Oh.
But I thought "Y" made
the "yuh" sound.
Yeah, well, it does
at the beginning of a word,
but not at the end of...
a word.
See that mountain right there?
That one?
Yeah.
Huh.
What does that look like
to you?
You know, my great-grandpa
almost died out here.
- Really?
- Yeah.
But they say he survived
because he made it to the top
of God's Thumb.
- You ready?
- It's a long way.
Yeah. We better get up
before dark.
Yeah.
All our dreams are gone
With a loss of faith
- Hey, Stanley.
- And we're still hanging on
- What do you think is up there?
- Through another day
Oh, I don't know. Probably
a great big Frosty-Freeze.
Good. I could use
a hot-fudge sundae.
You know
what I keep thinking about?
Imagine how fine this Mary Lou
probably looked in a bikini.
- Oh!
- It's hard to say
Whoa.
Don't give up,
never give up
We won't stop givin'
all we got
Don't give up,
never give up
We won't stop givin'
all we got
Don't give up,
never give up
We won't stop givin'
- Come on!
- All we got
Don't give up,
never give up
- Don't look down, man.
- We won't stop givin'
All we got
Oh, my God.
You okay?
Come on, Stanley.
You can do it.
- Okay.
- Come on.
Okay.
I'm coming.
You grab right there?
Yeah, look.
That's where I got.
Whoa!
Whoa!
No, no, no, no! No.
Come on, come on, come on!
Come on!
Oh!
Whoo!
Oh!
Look at that.
Look at this, man.
This isn't cool.
What happened?
All right, hold on.
- Aah!
- Is it numb or is it stinging?
It stings, man.
Don't think about it right now.
When we get to the top
of the mountain,
I'm gonna get you
a hot-fudge sundae, all right?
- I promise.
- Good.
All that Sploosh
is getting to me.
Maybe he found Zero.
Maybe they're both
still alive.
Maybe the Easter Bunny
and the Tooth Fairy
are still alive too.
Maybe my mom will stop drinking
and my dad will come home.
Man, when Caveman stole
that truck...
That was awesome.
Yeah, man.
Caveman did have style.
- Give me another word.
- R-O-C-K.
Rock?
Yep, that's right, man.
You're doing good.
- Keep practicing.
We're almost there.
Come on.
- You all right?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa!
- Zero!
Zero, Zero, Zero, Zero!
Got you, got you, got you!
Got you. You good?
You good? Hold on.
All right. All right.
All right, hold on.
Hold on.
Let me get in front of you.
Stay right there.
Stay right there.
Okay. Here.
Slide this down.
Okay. All right.
There you go.
Nice and comfy.
Stanley...
I got to tell you
something, man.
What?
Huh?
Come on, Zero.
Zero, Zero.
All right.
We can't sit here.
Got to keep going.
We're gonna go get the shovel,
and we're gonna fill it
full of ice cream.
You must carry
Madame Zeroni up the mountain
and sing while I drink
so I can get strong, too.
Damn bugs.
All right.
Wait a minute.
Wait.
If there's bugs,
that must mean there's...
...water.
Hector, wake up, man!
Hector, wake up!
All right, buddy.
All right.
There we go.
Wake up, Hector, huh?
Hector, wake up. Wake up.
Ooh!
Oh! Oh!
Dude, this feels so good!
We made it!
Stanley!
- Ah, ha ha!
- Hector, we made it, buddy!
Whoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Cool, cool, cool!
What are you doing?
Here. Try this.
Try this.
What is it?
It's a hot-fudge sundae.
Just eat it.
- It's good, huh?
- Mmm. Yeah!
That's the sweetest onion
I ever tasted.
Mmm.
"If only, if only,"
the woodpecker sighs
"The bark on the tree
was as soft as the skies"
As the wolf waits below
hungry and lonely
Cries to the moon,
"If only, if only"
"If only, if only,"
the woodpecker...
Honey...
would you smell the shoe?
Oh, my God, honey.
Can't you just wait
till I'm finished eating?
I know I've asked
you a million times...
just a million and one more.
- Smell the shoe.
- Honey, I don't smell anything.
- What?
I don't smell anything.
Uh-huh.
Pa... what do you smell?
Nothing.
Peaches and onions.
That's the secret.
I don't smell anything.
You don't smell anything.
I don't smell anything.
- Whoo, I don't smell anything.
- Smell anything.
We don't smell anything.
I told you
I was on the brink...
- I don't smell anything.
- Of no stink.
I don't smell anything.
- I don't smell...
- I don't smell anything!
Stanley doesn't smell anything!
- I don't smell anything!
- Oh, no!
Mm-mmm.
Rise and shine, onion man.
Been farting all night.
I can't sleep.
I think you overslept.
How long have I been sleeping?
A long time.
Stanley, I got to
tell you something.
What?
It's my fault you were sent
to Camp Green Lake.
I stole the shoes.
I didn't know
they were Sweetfeet's.
I mean, a lot
of people donated, um,
all their old stuff
to the homeless shelter.
And I saw the shoes,
and I just...
I liked them.
I didn't know
they were famous.
Next thing I know,
everyone's bugging out...
"The shoes are gone!
- Where are the shoes?"
Walking down the street,
I heard the sirens
coming after me.
I got scared.
I end up getting busted
the next day,
lifting a pair of shoes
from a Payless.
That's destiny.
Hey, yo, check it out.
Maybe they're coming
for Caveman's body.
Jaguar.
That's a nice car.
Don't even think
about it, Twitch.
Back up!
You can't keep him from me.
- I'm Stanley's attorney.
- I don't care if you are.
You have no rights, okay?
We have a right
to protect our kids!
Come back here
with a signed court order.
What kind of malarkey is this?
I'm telling you,
I'm not done with him.
I'm not done with you...
that's right.
"Excuse me!"
We ain't seen the last of her.
She'll be back.
And next time
with a court order.
We'll just tell her
the truth...
he ran away.
Right?
He ran away after he was told
he was gonna be released?
Been almost three days.
He's a goner for sure.
What are we gonna do?
You'll do as I say.
What did she say?
Not much.
What'll we do?
You'll do as I say.
But you didn't say anything
either.
Hector...
I'm glad you stole those shoes
and threw them on my head.
What?
None of this
would have happened.
When I first got sent
to Camp Green Lake...
I thought I got sent there
because of my family's curse.
But we're not even
at camp anymore.
You know,
we're on God's Thumb.
I just have
this weird feeling...
...everything's cool.
- Yeah. Same here.
- You got the same feeling?
Same feeling.
It's a good one.
You know, those stars look like
a shovel to me.
Exactly.
Hector...
What's up?
I feel lucky.
The onions have gone
to your head.
What do you say we dig
one more hole?
It's so hot, Sam...
but I feel so cold.
Sam...
I can fix that.
Oh.
You got five seconds to tell me
where you buried your loot!
I've been waiting for you,
Trout.
I ain't gonna kill you.
Go on.
Where's your loot?!
There ain't no loot.
Don't give me that.
You robbed every bank
from Hell to Houston.
We saw you headin' back with
the shovel, Miss Katherine.
Linda Miller, is that you?
I've been Linda Walker
for the last 13 years.
One.
Aw, Linda, you were
such a good student.
You must have married him
for his money.
- Well, it's all gone now!
- Two!
It's dried up with the lake!
Hasn't rained here
since the day they killed Sam.
You better tell him what he
wants! He's a desperate man!
Three...
Go on. Kill me.
The lake goes on for miles.
I ain't gonna kill you.
But by the time
I'm finished with you,
you gonna wish you was dead.
I've been wishing I was dead
for a long time.
You... your children,
and your children's children...
will dig
for the next 100 years,
and you will never find it.
- Look out!
Come here, sweetheart.
Start digging, Trout.
Come on!
Ready?
You see right there?
- That's it?
- Yeah.
Book!
Is this the hole?
Yeah, this is it.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah, I'm positive.
It's gonna take too long, man.
I got to go find another shovel.
- All right. Be careful, though.
- All right.
Of course she's gonna make you
pay for it.
Now you're accusing me
of doing something!
You think I did this
to my own truck?
You left the keys inside
of a truck in front of a...
This is a juvenile work camp
with juvenile delinquents.
Don't get me heated
because I... Don't insult me!
A truck with a tank
full of gas?
I said, "Get me a wrench."
Did I say, "Get me a wrench"?
All right, fine,
I'll get you a wrench.
Get me a wrench!
- You dumb...
- Read my lips! Get me a wrench!
I'm gettin' it,
you sideburned Neanderthal!
- I ain't here to be a mechanic!
- Aah! Don't you throw
nothing at me!
Whoa!
Man, you really been working.
Yeah.
Coming down.
Go.
How's it going?
Who knows? I could be digging up
diamonds and not see 'em.
I don't think
Kissin' Kate Barlow
would have buried
her treasure this deep.
Come on.
We got to make it wider.
How do we know one of her gang
didn't dig up the treasure?
We don't.
Did you hear that?
What's this?
Watch out. Watch out.
Hoo hoo!
We found it!
Come on, come on, come on!
This is it!
What did I say?!
What did I say?!
Oh, man!
Thank you, boys.
You've been a big help.
- Oh, jeez!
- Get back!
- Oh, my God.
Oh ho. Ho ho.
- Don't... move.
Well, get in there.
Pull it out.
You get in there.
Fine. I'll just wait.
Won't take long.
No, it won't take long.
- Oh, my goodness!
- Yeah, check it out.
- Oh, my God.
Oh!
Here we go.
Hey, Stanley, guess what.
You're innocent.
Your lawyer came by yesterday
to get you.
Too bad you weren't there.
Don't listen
to him, Stanley.
At least now we'll have
a body to give her.
- What about Zero?
Zero was never here.
We got lots of holes
to choose from.
Do you know how long
I've been waiting for this?
My granddaddy owned
the whole lake,
then it dried up.
He drove himself crazy out here
digging holes.
Made me dig, too...
even on Christmas.
All righty. Today's the day.
I'm tired of this, Grandpa.
That's too damn bad!
You keep digging!
Well, excuse me.
You'll thank me one day.
Maybe we should
just shoot them.
The lizards or the kids?
You don't want to shoot
any of those lizards.
They'll start leaping
all over the place.
I just want to know why
they haven't been bitten yet.
Oh, crap.
Oh, for Pete's sake.
That can't be her already.
Well, it ain't the Girl Scouts
selling cookies.
All right, keep holding the boys
in the mess hall.
Tell them not to talk
to anyone.
As long as they keep
their mouths shut,
they won't have to dig
any more holes.
But if they talk...
they'll be severely punished.
What should I tell them
we're gonna do to 'em
if they do talk?
Use your imagination.
Go on!
Ugh!
I just don't get it.
Nothing makes sense anymore
around here.
- Stanley.
- What?
Is your last name your
first name spelled backwards?
Yeah.
We wanted to call,
but the phone lines go down
out here sometimes.
Well, you could
have tried harder.
You can always reach me.
We did.
We called several times.
Don't go no further!
It's danger!
- Where's Stanley?
- I'll tell you.
He broke into my cabin
about an hour ago.
I woke up and saw him running
out with my trunk.
They ran out here.
I don't know what the hell
they were thinking!
I witnessed it
myself, counselor.
Don't go too close!
Oh, my God!
Don't move.
How long have
they been down there?
Have you tried to get them out?
Well, just what
do you suggest, counselor?
Well, this wouldn't have
happened
if you had released
him to me yesterday.
Excuse me. This wouldn't have
happened if he wasn't a thief.
What?
- A thief?
- That's right.
Oh, back up.
- Oh!
Those things'll bite.
That's a lie!
Stanley didn't steal anything!
Thank God.
- Thank God you're okay!
- What are you doing?
It's Stanley's.
What are you doing? Let go!
You've been caught red-handed.
I could send Stanley right back
to prison if I pressed charges.
However, in view of
all the circumstances,
- I think I'll just take...
- It has his name on it!
What?
- No, it doesn't!
- Let go!
- Oh, my God.
- You see?
"Stanley... Yelnats."
He can't read.
That's not possible.
Stanley, I'm taking you home.
Let's go.
Come on, Zero.
We're getting out of here.
- What did you do?
- Come on.
Get your hands back.
Come on, get your hands off.
- No, I have to look inside.
- Get your hands off.
This is mine,
it was on my property,
and you are a thief!
My granddaddy...
Stanley, come on.
Put your things in the trunk.
Your parents are waiting.
Let's go.
I can't leave
without Hector.
I'll be okay.
Stanley, there is nothing
that I can do for your friend.
Don't worry.
We'll take good care
of Hector.
I'm not leaving here
without him.
Earl, would you please get me
Hector's file?
Most certainly, Carla.
Ms. Walker...
Well?
Get me the file
of Hector Zeroni.
Well, just do it.
They're alive!
What are you gonna say?
Think of something.
- Caveman! Hey, Zero!
- What's up, Zero?
- What's up?
- What's up, man?
I can't believe
you guys made it.
Oh, man! We thought
you were buzzard food.
No, I'm not.
I'm going home.
- Going home?
- Man, you stink, dude.
What you been eating, man?
You smell like onions!
- Whoo!
- Well, uh...
...there seems to be
no file of...
- Hector Zeroni.
- What?
Is that so?
What kind of a camp
you running here?
A nice one.
If the state would give us
some money,
then we'd have
some decent filing.
I am ordering an investigation
of this facility.
Hey, lady, you got a pen
and paper I could borrow?
No, I don't.
But it looks like he does.
Yeah. You got a pen?
Yeah. Here.
Here's a pencil.
You got paper?
Um... here.
Here you go.
Thanks.
You're welcome.
Hey, call my mom.
What?
- Tell her I said I was sorry.
-
Tell her,
"Theodore said he was sorry."
I will, man.
- Thanks, man.
- I will. I definitely will.
Marion Sevillo.
Oh, crap.
It's been a long time
since El Paso, Marion.
You're in violation of your
parole, carrying this weapon.
I had no knowledge of that.
Oh, yeah,
just like you didn't know
Pendanski wasn't no doctor,
neither.
What?
Sit down, Marion.
You're under arrest again.
Marion? Tell you, I didn't know
that was a man's name.
It ain't.
- Ooh!
- Ooh!
- Okay...
-
This facility is now under
our jurisdiction.
- What?
- Boys...
put these three bozos
right over there.
Let them see the other side
of the criminal justice system.
- Excuse me?
-
Don't push me!
I'm a lady!
Come on, Hector.
You're coming with us.
Let's go.
Let's go, boss.
What's that?
- Oh!
- Oh!
It's rain!
Ahh!
Whoo!
Hector!
Stanley!
Come on!
You be careful out there
in the real world, all right?
Everyone's not as friendly
as us.
Hold on for me.
We'll miss you, man!
All right, guys.
Be good!
Keep your head up!
We'll miss you!
- All right!
- Stanley...
Stanley,
won't you just open it?
Just let me see
what's inside it, please.
Excuse me?
Have a seat over here.
- "D" tent!
See you again!
We'll see you!
"D" tent!
You have the right
to remain silent.
If you give up that right,
anything you say can
and will be used against you
in a court of law.
You have the right to be
represented by an attorney.
If you cannot afford one,
the court...
Okay, one more thing...
no matter what
is in this box...
we are still family.
- We are the Yelnats.
- Okay.
We know.
- One...
- Cross your fingers.
- Two...
- Two...
- Three.
- Honey, you've still got it.
You are so strong.
Oh, my God!
- Yeah?
- Oh, mama.
Oh, boy.
Oh, my goodness.
Let me see that.
- Sure.
- Look at this.
Okay, guys, hold on.
Hold on.
Before we do anything,
I think that it's only fair
that half of whatever
is in this box
goes to my best friend,
Hector Zeroni.
Aw... you want to go halfsies?
Well...
Did you say Zeroni?
Sure did.
Oh, my God!
Is that really worth $25,000?
Hold on.
Check the date, though.
AT&T.
What's it worth, honey?
It's worth a lot more now.
Millions.
Millions?
- Millions.
Millions.
One for us...
one for Mr. Zeroni.
- One for us...
one for Mr. Zeroni.
Boys.
Do good, bro.
- Right this way, ma'am.
- Thank you.
I love you.
I love you.
So Hector was able to hire
his own team
of private investigators.
Turns out his mom had been
looking for him, too.
I love you.
And that's how
the great-great grandson
of Elya Yelnats
and the
great-great-great-grandson
of Madame Zeroni
became next-door neighbors.
Camp Green Lake was closed
and the boys released
for time served
and sent to real counselors.
They say Camp Green Lake
will be reopened soon
as a girls' camp.
At least they won't have to
worry about lizards anymore...
just as long as the girls eat
lots of onions.
Come on, everybody!
Out of the pool!
It's showtime!
Book it out!
Come on, boys!
Hurry! Hurry! It's on!
It's on!
Come on!
Sit down, sit down.
To my fans,
I'm known as Sweetfeet...
but to my wife,
I was known as...
Stinkyfeet.
None of his teammates
ever wanted to sit
- next to him in the dugout.
But that's all over now,
thanks to Sploosh.
I just spray a little
on each foot every morning...
And now he really does have
sweet feet.
Sploosh! Now available in the
Sweetfeet collectible decanter.
A product of K.B. Industries.
Plus, I like the tingle.
The world we know
was built on skills
I guess you have to fill in
the rest of the holes yourself.
Without the sweat
and toil of mine
Wouldn't be worth a dime
You got to live and give
Share and care
Really put some love
in the air
When your neighbor's down
got to pick him up
Nobody can live in despair
Everybody,
let's sing, sing, sing
Let freedom ring
Everybody, let's...
Let's all pitch in
do our thing
Make a better world
to live in
Everybody,
let's sing, sing, sing
Let freedom ring
Everybody, let's...
Let's all pitch in
do our thing
Make a better world
to live in
"D" tent.
Oh, that's what we're doing...
we're singing.
Oh
Y'all don't know nothing
about this.
Watch me. Watch me.
Come on. Come on.
Prove yourself.
Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it
Dig it, oh-oh-oh
Oh
Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it
Dig it, oh-oh-oh
Oh
Two suits,
two tokens in hand
I got no respect
'cause I'm the new man
Got my shovel,
shoes full of sand
Check out the tag,
the name is Caveman
Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it
Dig it, oh-oh-oh
Oh
Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it
Dig it, oh-oh-oh
Take a bad boy,
make him dig five feet
The dirt in these shovels
will give us a beat
Okay, you gotta find
something never found before
If not, we'll just have to
dig some more
Na-na na-na na-na-na-na
Na-na na-na na-na-na-na
Na-na na-na na-na-na-na
Na-na na-na
Oh
Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it
Dig it, oh-oh-oh
Oh
Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it
- Dig it, oh-oh-oh
- Oh
- You got to go
- Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it
- And dig those holes
- Dig it, oh-oh-oh
- You got to go
- Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it
- And dig those holes
- Dig it, oh-oh-oh
Your eyes may blister
your muscles, they sore
You want a break
knock on the warden's door
Uh-huh
Uh-huh
Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it
Dig it, oh-oh-oh
Oh
Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it
Dig it, oh-oh-oh
Oh
A-R-M-P-I to the "T"
What is that you're smelling?
Dog, that's me
I don't take showers
and I don't brush my teeth
That's all I do is dig holes,
eat, and sleep
There is no late,
there is no shade
There is no place to hide
So just sit and wait
to fry
You got to go
and dig those holes
Na-na na-na na-na-na-na
Na-na na-na
Oh
Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it
Dig it, oh-oh-oh
Oh
Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it
Dig it, oh-oh-oh
Wake up in the morning
before the sun
Keep digging that hole
till the day is done
Wake up in the morning
before the sun
Keep digging that hole
till the day is done
- You got to go
- Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it
- And dig those holes
- Dig it, oh-oh-oh
- You got to go
- Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it
- And dig those holes
- Dig it, oh-oh-oh
Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it
Dig it, oh-oh-oh
The old man's been stealing
She's holding a grievance
for a hundred-odd years
We all keep believing
That history repeats itself
year after year
All I fear
is that the future is worse
We have to give in
to a hundred-year curse
Sweat in the sun
like we're digging a grave
Dig deep enough
and our fortune we'll save
"If only, if only,"
the woodpecker sighs
"The bark on the trees
was as soft as the skies"
As the wolf waits below
hungry and lonely
He cries to the moon,
"If only, if only"
Chasing the skirt
of a beautiful wife
You'll make mistakes
and it's my back that breaks
And forever
my past steals my life
To submission I'm beat
But there's hope beneath
these feet
Blisters and blood
and the sun makes you blind
You don't let it eat you
can't help but be kind
'Cause you know
what's important
With your back to the wall
You can break metal chains
You and your friends
won't let you fall
"If only, if only,"
the woodpecker sighs
"The bark on the trees
was as soft as the skies"
As the wolf waits below
hungry and lonely
He cries to the moon,
"If only, if only"
But if you forget to come back
for Madame Zeroni,
you and your family will be
cursed for always and eternity.