-Amsterdam, motherfucker.
-Okay.
Come on, let's go.
Where are we going?
Red-light district. Time for sneepur.
Let's go to the coffee shop first,
then get some sneepur.
Hey, I think the Anne Frank
house is around here.
Did we come to Europe
just to smoke pot?
I came all the way from Iceland.
-Yeah, what if we did?
-We did that every day in college.
Why not, like, you know,
check out a museum?
No, you're right.
We should go to a museum.
How about the hemp museum?
Oli proudly presents...
...Isabella.
She's cute.
But we can't rail a girl
who's in a coma.
I think that's illegal
even in Amsterdam.
-Hey, I'm just warming up, man.
-Fucking Oli.
The Icelandic...
Oh, God, how are you?
You want to get stoned?
-This will wake you up.
-What the fuck?
This is good Amsterdam shit.
That's the shit right there, dude.
Trust me.
Yeah.
-It's all good, bro.
-Yeah, dude, smoke it!
-Dude, what happened?
-Any Dutch people in Amsterdam?
All right, this is my friend, Josh.
-Well, hello.
-Hi.
-Do you guys want another round?
-Yes, okay.
Yeah?
We will be right back.
-What are you doing?
-What?
Do you see a single other person
in here with a fucking fanny pack?
Wait. There's a guy.
Why don't you go have
fanny-pack sex with him...
...and jizz all over each other's
storage compartments?
I can't put my passport in my pocket.
It chafes my thighs, bitch.
-All right?
-Yeah.
Where's Oli?
He's fucking genius.
Sneepur alert, 3 o'clock.
-She smokes.
-Dude, it's Europe!
Every fucking chick smokes.
Stop being a pussy.
You are so easy sometimes.
The power of the pack is yours.
I'm out of here.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, I...
No, I don't even speak Dutch.
No, I'm sorry, I...
Get off me, you fucking
faggot-ass elf. Fuck off.
-Hey, what the fuck?
-Hey. Hey.
Come on, faggot.
-Fucker!
-Get your fucking hands off me.
-I'm an American, I got rights.
-Get the fuck out.
-Your fucking club sucks ass, bro.
-Kiss my American ass, fucker.
-Fuck you.
-Let's get out of here, bro.
Hey, I don't know why
you guys are waiting.
It's a fucking fag fest in there.
Wall-to-wall fucking cock.
You need one of these
to get in, bro. Sorry.
That shit was classic, dude.
He was gonna throw down
with a 400-pound Dutchman.
I'm fucking awesome!
I don't fucking know what...
I thought you were a Jew, man.
This guy's a fucking Israeli!
You are fucking Israeli.
Oh, God, I hope bestiality
is legal in Amsterdam...
...because that girl's a fucking hog.
Look at that, man.
Hey, guys,
I think she likes me, man.
Oh, look at that.
Josh, my gift to you, man.
Thanks, but paying to do whatever
you want to someone isn't a turn-on.
How are you gonna get over your chick
if you don't bang some new pussy?
You can't go home
without getting some hot chick.
I agree, but I shouldn't
have to pay for it.
Hey, come on, I'm paying, man.
Hey.
Are you okay?
Hello? Hello?
Hey, close the door.
You watch, you pay.
Sorry. Jesus.
You're up, slugger.
Man, I'm fucking... I'm tired, man.
I can, like, barely stand up.
Josh, you want
to be a fucking writer?
How about some life experience,
right there in that room.
-What do we have in here?
-Hey, you watch, you pay.
I pay. I pay, man. Come on.
Hey.
Come, sit.
Your friends are so funny.
Yeah.
You can wash over here, by sink.
It was fine.
What do you mean? That bitch had
the best fucking tits in Amsterdam.
It was fine. It was whatever.
What was that?
-It's fucking after curfew, man.
-Curfew? What are we, 1 3?
Let us the fuck in,
we're freezing our balls off.
We paid to stay here.
They can't just, like, lock us out.
This is bullshit.
Hello?
Open the fucking door.
-What did you tell him?
-He just told them to let us in.
-Shut up!
-Jesus.
Shut the fuck up,
you fucking Americans.
Hey, I know what to do.
Shut up.
Hey, hey, guys. Up here.
Climb quickly.
Come on.
Go. Go, go, go.
Oh, don't mind them.
They are so fucked up they don't
know what planet they are on.
-Thanks, bro.
-It's no problem.
Not everyone
want to kill Americans.
Paxton.
Alexei. But call me Alex.
What's up, Alex.
This is Josh and Oli.
Guys, this is fucking awesome, man.
I'm the first in line for sneepur.
Oh, that's Icelandic for "clit. "
Clitoris or clitoris,
however you wanna say that.
Women have it.
It's, like, right near the labia.
Like, it hangs.
Oh, yeah.
Very good sneepur in Iceland.
-Yeah.
-Come on, guys, have a seat.
Where you travel to?
We started in Paris,
which is where we met this drifter.
Anyway, we went all over France...
...and then Switzerland, Belgium,
and now we're in Amsterdam.
Yeah, kind of over Amsterdam.
Way too many Americans.
Yeah, but Oli's got a friend
with a flat in Barcelona...
...and he's supposed to hook us up
with some hot-ass senoritas.
Looking for girls?
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
So talk to Alex.
He open up the pussy
all over the Europe.
I can help you.
Oh, shit.
Alex is a pimp, apparently.
Thanks, bro,
but I think we'll be okay.
-Yeah.
-Good.
You looking for girls like this?
These are fucking magnificent.
-Who the hell are these girls?
-You have to go east, my friend.
This is where the best girls are.
The best.
How far east?
You can go as far as Ukraine,
around Odessa.
These girls I met
at this one hostel in Slovakia...
...just outside Bratislava.
The girls there are so hot
you cannot believe it.
And they love anyone foreign,
especially American.
They hear your accent,
they fuck you.
So wait, this place
is near Bratislava?
Josh.
You won't find this hostel
in any guidebook.
Barcelona, so many Americans.
But Slovakia? No one there.
There is so much pussy, and because
of the war, there are no guys.
You go to this hostel,
you will have any girl you want.
They go crazy for any foreigner.
You just...
...take them.
Fuck, man.
Can't you keep your Viking ass
in your pants for, like, two seconds?
Hey, man, I shaved my ass
just for you.
-Okay, all right.
-My Viking balls too.
Okay, stop.
I'm sorry.
My daughter.
She miss her daddy,
and Daddy miss her.
Yeah, no problem, dude, it's cool.
-Saskia.
-Cute.
-She's adorable.
-She's a little cutie, yeah.
This is Svanhildur, my daughter.
-Very pretty.
-She's 6.
She's starting school this year.
Wait, you have a daughter?
Yeah, of course, my horse.
I was married for eight years.
Okay. All right.
-You are on vacation?
-Yeah, we're backpacking.
Our next stop is Bratislava.
-What?
-Slovakia.
You will like it.
Casino, girls.
You can pay to do anything.
Anything.
-How are the girls?
-Very beautiful.
They will love you.
Handsome American like you.
Handsome devil. He is handsome.
That's... That's awkward.
That's awkward.
That's awkward too.
-You need a fork there, chief?
-No, no, no.
I prefer to use my hands.
I believe...
...people have
lost their relationship with food.
They do not think:
"This is something who gave its life
so I would not go hungry. "
I like to have a connection
with something that died for me.
I appreciate it more.
Well, I'm vegetarian.
And I am a meat-eater.
It's human nature.
Well, I'm human,
and it's not in my nature.
Tell me, what is your nature?
Don't touch!
Don't fucking touch me!
I'm sorry.
Excuse me.
Fucking freak.
Jesus.
Edward Saladhands
just groped Josh.
Dude, you finally hooked up.
That's awesome.
Yeah, that's fucking hilarious.
Or we could visit some factories.
Should be cool.
In this area...
...we make plastic for Slovakia.
Is that so?
Look at this.
-Nice, eh?
-This is a fucking hostel?
Holy shit.
You can have that, man.
I'm too scared.
Hey, hey. The party has arrived.
-You are saved from boredom.
-Let me guess.
You must be
the King of the Swing.
You made a reservation under
"King of the Swing?"
-Yeah, of course, my horse.
-I'm sorry.
-He doesn't get out of his cage much.
-I can see that.
Here are your keys.
You leave your passports
at the desk.
That was taken when I was like 1 3.
I was kind of husky.
Not anymore, though, you know?
Do you have any private rooms?
We're probably gonna need them.
The rooms are semiprivate,
so you will have roommates.
Roommates, huh? That's gay.
Sorry.
-Oh, my God.
-It's okay.
The room is yours.
We are going to the spa.
You should come.
Spa.
Jugs.
-Hey.
-Hello.
Oh, Jesus.
-Hi. Hey.
-Hi.
How you doing?
I'm so happy I shaved my balls.
What? I have the smoothest balls
in Iceland.
-You wanna see?
-No, no, no, you're not... I'm good.
Put your anteater away,
it's totally creepy.
-You're not from Iceland, no?
-No. Fuck, no. American.
Yeah, unlike him,
I had my foreskin removed at birth.
Hygiene and... Am I talking?
-I'm Josh.
-Natalya.
-And this is Svetlana.
-Hi.
Hi, I'm Paxton.
-And this is Oli.
-The King of the Swing.
Hello.
Face on the ass. Never gets old.
Jesus.
So where are you girls from?
I'm from Italy,
but my parents are Russian.
Prague.
Prague's cool. Kafka.
So, Natalya....
-Yeah?
-You're Russian, eh?
Oh, my God.
Look, there are too many girls.
-This is awesome.
-Yes.
I mean, I was a senior,
you know, she was a junior...
...and then I graduated,
and it was weird, you know.
I mean, I'm totally over it.
It's... You know, it's cool.
It's okay.
Look, Vala is here.
-Who?
-Vala, from front desk. Vala.
-All right, Oli.
-Hey, I told you, man.
I'm the King of the Swing.
Come, let's dance.
-Does the cigarette bother you?
-No, it's...
I put away.
It's fine, I....
I'm gonna go get some fresh air.
But I'll be back, okay?
Cigarette.
Cigarette.
Aren't you a little young?
-Dollar.
-What?
Dollar.
-Dollar.
-Here you go.
Here, children commit
the most crime.
They don't care.
They will attack anyone.
-You're okay?
-Yeah, yeah. Thank you.
Hey, let me buy you a drink.
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
Hey, Josh.
Faggot.
Go with your friends. It's okay.
I wanted to say sorry about earlier.
About the way I reacted.
We cool?
I would have done
the same thing at your age.
It's not easy...
...but from my experience...
...choosing to have a family
was the right choice for me.
Now I have my little girl...
...who means more to me
than anything in the world.
But you should do...
...whatever's right for you.
Excuse me, it's my turn now.
Should we be doing this
with them there?
Yeah, it's okay.
-Yeah, baby. Josh, give it to me, baby.
-Okay, all right. Okay, stop!
-All right.
-Come on, big boy.
-We go to spa.
-Spa.
Spa, spa, spa.
Being dirty while getting clean.
Bye.
Mission accomplished.
You know that Amsterdam kid
with the thing on his lip?
I'm gonna send him
a really nice thank-you note.
Be quiet.
They're showering together.
Shit, man. We're never leaving here.
I guess Oli's not back yet.
No, dude, he probably
took that desk girl home.
We'll see him at breakfast.
-What's the name?
-Oli Ericson, 23 7.
How are we supposed to
Fucking gay.
Yeah, he checked out this morning.
You mean he took his
passport to go out?
No, it say he checked out
this morning.
-When this morning?
-I don't know exact time.
I could find out tomorrow.
Hey, Oli, it's Pax.
Are you still with that chick?
Can I leave a note
in case he comes back?
Okay, cool. Yeah.
All right.
He's probably still with Vala.
When she call me, I call you, okay?
Okay.
-We see you later, right?
-Yeah.
Okay.
-Bye-bye.
-Bye.
Oli, hey, it's me again.
We're gonna go into town, so call us.
You're gay.
Damn voice mail again.
-Hi! Hi! Hi!
-Hi.
Your friend.
-What the hell?
-Your friend, my friend.
What does that say?
Sayonara. Your friend.
What, they left? Like, together?
That doesn't make any sense.
Oli doesn't even like Asian girls.
I mean, no offense, but...
When did she send this to you?
This picture. Today?
Could you do me a favor
and send this picture to my phone?
This picture.
That water looks fucking cold.
You know, if you fell in,
you'd die in 90 seconds.
Dude, did I tell you I saw
a girl drown when I was 8?
-Where?
-Lake Michigan.
It was fucked up, man.
This little girl, probably 4 or 5.
We made eye contact,
which was a weird thing, you know...
...and she was yelling for me
to help her.
Yeah? What did you do?
I ran to the lifeguard, who was busy
talking to her boyfriend at the time...
...and I yelled, you know,
"There's this girl drowning. "
And she couldn't see her.
Probably thought I was making it up.
And then a second later all you could
hear was this horrible screaming.
It was that little girl's mother, dude.
Her kid was dead.
-Jesus.
-I had nightmares for years after that.
I mean, I'd wake up every fucking
night hearing that mother scream.
I just....
I just felt like I could have
done more.
You did the right thing.
Could've been a double drowning.
Yeah, well, I didn't see it
that way at the time.
All I knew was this little girl was dead
and her mother's life was ruined.
What makes you think of this now?
Bubble gum.
-Sorry, kid.
-No, no. Give him some.
What are you doing?
These fucking kids are dangerous.
Hey, Oli.
-Hey, Oli.
-Hey.
-Hey.
-Hey.
-Hey, Oli. Hey!
-Oli!
It's your lucky day, Josh.
A museum.
How's it hanging?
-What the fuck?
-Holy shit.
-He got you.
-Yeah, that's hilarious.
Okay.
Hey, Oli.
Hey, Oli.
Hey, hey.
Excuse me?
I'm sorry, I thought you
were someone else.
Well, I'm not.
Where did you get that jacket?
-Hey, I'm talking to you, man.
-Get your fucking hands off me.
This is my jacket.
It's from Oli.
"I go home"?
I don't know,
maybe his battery died.
Hey, Kana, when are you leaving?
I'm sorry. When are you going away?
Tomorrow, I go.
Okay, because we may go too.
Do you wanna go to the train with us?
To the train station?
Tomorrow, train?
Yeah, yeah.
-Hello, Josh.
-Hey.
-Hey.
-Come, we go for disco?
Actually, I just wanna find my friend
and get the fuck out of here.
Okay, we'll see you.
Hey, guys, hold up a sec.
We'll be right out.
Okay.
-Josh, come here, dude.
-Yeah, what?
It's not their fault Oli disappeared,
so stop acting like it is.
-I'm annoyed he'd ditch us.
-I'm pissed too.
But we're not in America.
I mean, people meet each other
and split without saying shit.
It's just how they do it over here.
As well as we may think we know Oli,
we don't really know him.
He could've gone
somewhere with that girl.
Fuck, maybe he's in Iceland.
The guy's got a daughter.
So let's look at our options.
We can A, fuck these girls one more
night and then head to Barcelona...
...or B, not fuck them,
then head to Barcelona anyway.
Think about it. When I'm studying for
the bar and you're writing your thesis...
...this is the shit
we're gonna think about.
Okay. All right, he doesn't show up,
it's his problem.
-It's his problem.
-All right.
All right.
Hey, Kana, you wanna go
to the disco with us?
You know, disco?
Dancing?
No?
Josh?
-I'm gonna go back.
-Are you okay?
I'm, like... I'm tired.
Actually, I have, like, a headache.
If you want, I will go with you.
No, no, no, I'll just see you
back at the room.
Goodbye.
Fucking pussy.
-Josh.
-Vala.
You don't look well.
-No, I...
-Here, let me help you.
I feel sick.
Where is...?
Where is Oli?
You need rest.
Where's the restroom?
Past the bar, in the back.
You guys cool?
-Vodka Red Bull.
-Vodka Red Bull, danke.
Yeah.
Hey!
Hey!
Open the door.
Oh, fuck.
What the f...?
Oh, fuck.
What...? Who are you?
What the f...? Where the fuck am I?
What the fuck is this shit?
Please, please...
Fuck. Please, please, please...
I didn't fucking do shit to you,
what the fuck!
Please, please, what the...?
Please, no, sir.
Please fucking stop. Please!
What the fuck?
Please, I didn't fucking do anything.
What the fuck?
What the fuck?
This is such fucking bullshit.
What the fuck is this?
What? No! No, please don't...!
What the...?
No, no, fucking don't you... No, no!
Oh, my God, no, no!
Oh, my fucking God!
Oh, my God! No, no, no, no!
Oh, please. What the fuck?
No, no, no, no, fuck! No!
Fuck! Oh, fuck!
You.
Why?
I always wanted to be a surgeon...
...but the boards wouldn't pass me.
Can you guess why?
You see?
So I went into business...
...but business is so boring.
You buy things, you sell them.
You make money, you spend money.
What kind of life is that?
A surgeon...
...he holds the very essence
of life in his hands.
Your life.
He touches it.
He has a relationship with it.
He's part of it.
Please, please.
Just let me go, please.
You want to go?
Is that what you want?
Oh, my God!
Fuck! Oh, fuck!
You are free to go.
Oh, fuck. No!
No. No, fuck. No, fuck...
Please, I have money.
I'll fucking pay you.
Ten times, two times,
whatever you want...
-Pay me?
-Yes.
No one is paying me.
In fact, I am the one paying them.
Relax. Relax, bro.
Oh, shit.
-Two thirty-seven, please.
-Two three seven.
Didn't you check out?
No, not yet.
Not yet.
-This your bag?
-Yeah.
The maid brought it here.
You're checked out.
-I didn't check out.
-It says.
It happened this morning.
This is bullshit.
Did somebody leave a note?
Because I didn't
fucking check out, dude.
No, man, just this bag.
If it's a mistake...
Yeah, it's definitely a mistake.
We need a fucking room.
Chill out, man. You're on vacation.
Two three seven.
Hey, was there a Japanese girl
waiting in the lobby for somebody?
No, think they left this morning.
Yeah.
I'm sorry, dude.
Oh, I'm sorry. Excuse me.
It's okay. We are going to the spa.
You will join us?
You should come.
Hey, Josh, call me
soon as you get this, man.
I got locked in that club.
It was retarded, dude.
I'm at the hostel.
Svetlana!
Svetlana!
Hey!
You little fucker.
Jesus.
Wait at hostel for your friends.
They will look for you there
no matter what.
Yeah, I know. But, see, my friend
Josh is the kind of guy who...
He just wouldn't check out without
so much as leaving a note, you know.
He's the responsible one.
Yeah, but maybe he worried
his belongings get stolen...
...so he take them when he go out.
Someone misplace if he leaves note.
It is not uncommon.
Yeah, well, is there
anything else that I can do?
There's nothing right now.
We have his picture...
...if we see him, or he is picked up,
or something happen...
...we contact you at hostel, yeah?
Okay.
Where are you from?
California.
You are so far from home.
Paxton. Come, have a drink.
Hello, Mr. American.
-Did you get my messages?
-Which one?
There are so many.
I call you back, but child answer.
Yeah, I know.
Have you seen Josh?
In English, please.
He is with your friend...
...the King of the Swing.
-He's with Oli.
-Why you leave last night?
Did you not listen to my messages?
I got locked in a storage room.
I don't know,
I got sick and passed out.
-What?
-She said you met another girl.
Where are my friends?
The art show.
-You mean like a museum?
-No, no, no.
Not museum.
They went... How you say, for artist?
-Exhibit.
-Exhibit for artist.
No, that doesn't make any sense.
Why? What is wrong?
Well, they didn't leave a note.
They didn't call or do anything.
They tell us to tell you.
Yeah, but I tried calling them all day.
Yes, but their phone, the battery die
and they do not have...
How you say, for electricity?
Converter. Okay, whatever,
where is this art show...
...because I wanna go.
-Have a drink.
-I don't want a drink.
All right? I wanna see some art.
Okay? So can we go?
You're not going?
I've seen this show.
You want gum?
No.
Too bad for you.
We are here.
Are you coming or what?
Excuse me. Excuse me.
How is it in there?
Be careful.
Why is that?
You could spend all your money...
...in there.
How much is it?
For you, free.
There.
That's the show?
Yes.
-What?
-Nothing.
You're so serious,
Mr. Serious American.
You fucking whore.
You fucking bitch.
You fucking bitch!
I get a lot of money for you...
...and that make you my bitch.
Fuck. Get the fuck off me!
This is fucked!
Get the fuck off me!
Get the fuck off me!
Fuck.
Talk.
Talk. Speak.
What the fuck
do you want me to say?
American.
No. No, wait!
I'm not fucking American!
I'm not fucking... Look at me.
I'm not fucking American.
American.
Please, what the fuck is this?
Let me go. Please.
I promise I won't tell anybody.
Just please let me go.
Don't. Don't.
Please don't.
Don't, please.
God.
Oh, please, stop!
Please stop it. Please stop it.
I know you don't wanna do this.
Please don't do this.
Fuck.
Oh, shit.
What the fuck?
What do you think?
How do I look?
I feel like a butcher or a surgeon
or some shit, know what I mean?
I feel fucking ridiculous in this thing,
but I guess you need it, huh?
Yeah. I'll tell you something....
-Excuse me. Excuse me.
-Wait a sec.
How was it?
Good.
Well, goddamn, motherfucker,
for this money, it better be. Shit.
What did you go for, a local?
What, European?
-American.
-An Amer...?
Ain't that a bitch. Big spender.
I fucking... I love it.
I just fucking love that shit.
You know what they got for me?
They told me they lined up
something special.
I've been waiting almost a week
for this shit.
For 50 grand,
she better be worth it.
But it's supposed to be
a real rush, right?
It's like... They told me
it's like a real fucking rush, right?
Come here.
I've been all over the world.
You know, I've been everywhere.
And the bottom line is,
pussy's pussy.
You know, every strip club,
every whorehouse, every....
It's all the same shit.
I just fucked a girl two days ago, I don't
even remember the color of her tits.
But this, this is something
you never forget, right?
Right?
-Never.
-Never, right.
Let me show you something.
Pretty sweet. Check this out.
What do you think of this?
Come on, let me see yours.
Come on, let me see yours.
We're all in the same club.
I'll be out in a second, guy.
Can I ask you something personal?
Do you mind?
How'd you do it?
Did you do it real slow...
...or did you just get it over with
right away?
That's why I asked for
the fucking gun.
Because I just wanted
to fucking do it quick.
I just wanted to get it over with.
But now I'm thinking maybe
I wanna feel it, you know?
I wanna fucking feel that shit.
So I don't know what to... I'm thinking...
What do you think I should do?
-Make it quick.
-Make it quick.
Yes.
Yeah, that's... No, fuck that shit.
Fuck this, too fucking American, dude.
I'm going fucking old school.
Who wants this, motherfucker?
Who wants this shit?
Come on, motherfucker.
Bring it.
Hey, buddy.
Get your own fucking room.
I paid for this.
What are you, fucking deaf?
Kana.
-Oh, my God.
-What do you want me to do, Kana?
What? I don't understand
what you're saying. What?
Fuck. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Hold still. Hold still.
-Fuck. Oh, God. God.
-No. No!
-Shit.
-No!
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Fuck!
Fuck!
Fuck!
We're gonna get the fuck
out of here, Kana.
Move this fucking truck!
Fuck.
We're almost there.
Oh, my God.
Oh, no.
Fuck.
Kana.
Kana.
Come here.
No. No, Kana. Kana.
No, Kana.
No, thank you.
I prefer to use my hands.
I believe people have lost
their relationship with food.
They do not think:
"This is something who gave its life
so I would not go hungry. "
I like to have a connection
with something that died for me.
Oh, Jesus.
Goddamn!
Fucker.
No, please!
I get a lot of money for you...
...and that make you my bitch.