- Name?
- Dortmunder.
This way.
Sign here.
- What is your name?
- Dortmunder.
- Your first name?
- John.
Put your package
on the table right here.
Step over here.
Gimme your right hand.
Get over this way a little bit.
All right, swish your thumb
in the red dish, take a napkin...
wipe your finger off
and remain standing there.
- Your name?
- John Dortmunder.
Do you wanna, uh,
check your belongings, please?
I couldn't let you leave without
hearing my rehabilitation speech.
Sign here.
You don't have to worry about me
getting rehabilitated, sir.
I already am.
Thanks to you
and your prison programs.
Johnny. Johnny.
This is me, remember?
No matter what institution I'm at,
sooner or later I got you inside it.
You couldn't, um, really go straight?
My heart wouldn't
be in it, Frank.
Man on discharge.
Dortmunder!
Damn. Dortmunder!
What the hell you running for?
It's me, your old pal, Kelp.
- Ah.
- So how was it this time?
Not bad.
I learned plumbing.
Man of your talents
can't be a plumber.
You don't have to worry yourself
about my talents.
I'm not doin'
any more jobs with you.
Who mentioned a job?
You mean, you don't think it's possible
I came out of friendship?
Look, I happen to be married
to your sister, and we both
happen to care for you.
And if you think that's easy,
you're wrong because you're
a very abrasive fellow.
Most people can't stand you.
Am I right?
You're still as fascinating as ever.
I took a hell of a risk
stealing this car so
you'd have a little comfort...
to ease you back into society.
Why does that
entitle me to abuse?
It's terrific. I'm sorry.
- Don't apologize unless you mean it.
- I mean it.
- Really?
- Really.
Okay, good. I believe you.
So now let me tell you
a few things about the job.
- Well?
- I don't think so.
I know you.
When you say no, you mean yes.
Say you'll at least meet the doctor,
okay? He's the moneyman.
I'm not being pushy but where's
the harm seeing if you like each other?
- You're not being pushy?
- I'm just edging you
towards making a decision.
There's a difference.
There's a difference.
There's six ways of lookin'
at this. You could look
at this in 100 different ways.
I'm just sayin', let's take two ways
to look at it that way.
Now, listen, I didn't tell the doctor
about you being in prison.
I figure, why undermine his confidence.
He wants the best for his money.
Not that you're not the best.
But a layman might wonder
why you're all the time in jail.
Someday the schoolbooks
of my country will sing your praises.
I don't think we want
this nosed around, do we, Doctor?
I was taking poetic license.
Our literacy rate in Central Vatawi
is 99 percent.
The point is, my entire country
will be in your debt...
for returning the Sahara Stone
to its rightful people.
- This is him?
- I am the permanent representative...
- of Central Vatawi
at the United Nations.
- Some job of explaining you did.
You may call me "Doctor" Amusa,
Mr. Dortmunder.
You see, the countries
of Central and Outer Vatawi...
have been stealing the Sahara Stone
from one another for generations.
We like to think
it was originally ours.
The whole matter at present is
being studied by the United Nations.
Being a member of that body...
I, of course, have complete faith in
the wisdom of their eventual decision.
But as you Americans might say,
in case they blow it...
I'd feel more secure
with the jewel in my possession...
which is why,
naturally enough, we are here.
Mr. Dortmunder is not entirely
committed yet, Doctor.
I won't pay a penny
more than 25,000 a man.
I didn't ask for any more.
It comes to a total
of exactly $100,000.
Four men. If you need five,
you'll each take less.
What if we can do it with three?
That will still be 25,000.
I wouldn't want
to encourage greed.
There's no greed around here, Doctor.
We're all men of goodwill.
If I weren't a man of goodwill...
I might think that some of us lied...
about the prison records
of others of us.
As it is, I know it
was only an oversight.
The doctor is, uh,
a most understanding employer.
How much help are you good for?
What kind of help?
Vehicles, weapons,
whatever's needed.
- Oh, matriel, of course.
- And expenses.
- Expenses?
- Come on, little birdies,
and get your supper.
- What?
- Come on. Come on, dears,
and get your supper.
Come on. Near the bench.
Here. You, come on. Get it.
Come and get it, dearies.
Come and get it.
He means expenses
to live on, Doctor.
- Planning something like this
could take weeks.
- Oh, the sweet little...
Oh, you mean an advance
on your 25,000?
- No, that's not what I mean.
- I'm sure something can be arranged.
What I mean is expenses
in addition to the 25,000.
- I mean per diem. I mean
whatever is needed in order...
- I'm sorry.
It's-It's not possible.
Good-bye.
Doctor, the man
is fresh out of prison.
How's he supposed to eat?
How's he supposed to keep
body and soul together, Doctor?
- All right.
- All right!
Eat your supper, I tell ya.
I'll let you have $75 a week.
- Seventy-five?
- Seventy-five.
Do you realize what
the cost of living is in this town?
Cheap.
I couldn't work for it.
How can you insult the man
with an offer like that?
Offer him 150.
- I can make him take 150.
- Yes. Right I am.
You want the stone,
you'll say 150.
You say it for me.
I'll tell you something, you are
the poorest birds I've ever seen.
Hey.!
Hey, Amusa thinks
you're a fabulous guy.
He's apologetic as hell.
He's happy to go 150.
The reason he said 75
was because he got confused.
He started thinking in Africa money.
You hear? He'll go 150.
That's a good deal. It is.
It's good and it's bad.
There's a guaranteed return,
and that's good.
But the guarantor is Amusa,
and Amusa's a rookie, and that's bad.
But it's an easily transportable
object, and that's good.
Only it's in a rotten position
in the museum...
and that's bad.
And the glass over the stone,
that's bad too, because that's
glass with metal mixed in it.
Bullet proof. Shatter proof.
But the locks don't look impossible...
three, maybe five, tumblers.
But there's no alarm system
and that's the worst because...
that means no one's going
to get lazy watching, knowing
the alarm will pick up...
their mistakes, which means
the whole thing has got
to be a diversion job.
And that's good and that's bad,
because if the diversion's
too big, it'll draw pedestrians.
And if the diversion's
not big enough, it won't
draw that watchman.
Dortmunder, I don't know
where the hell you are
or what the hell you're sayin'.
Just tell me,
will you plan the job?
It's what I do.
Well, my God, you've expanded.
Can't beat the panic business
in this town.
Every time the "Daily News" has
a scare headline, people go bananas.
Hi. Did you
get what you want?
- Yes. Three locks. Thank you.
- Enjoy 'em.
- I got some really key guys
I can call for you for the job.
- Okay.
And I wouldn't mind doin'
the lock work myself.
You make your calls.
That'll be just fine...
except I was thinking
of using Saul Neisser for lock man.
- No hard feelings.
- Uh, Saul's in jail now.
They got him
for letting a lion loose.
Hey, we're home!
- Hello. Hello.
-
Hi.
Hi.
- God, you look awful.
- Not you. Who's keepin' you?
- Him. We're practically rich.
- We're not rich.
And now you're working together.
Listen, he doesn't think
I'm good enough to work with him.
He must have just been kidding you.
Personally, you know
how fond I am of Kelp.
He, he hit me in the eye this morning
when I went to pick him up.
He gets nervous under pressure,
you know that.
Not anymore. We're well off now.
He doesn't have to hustle.
He's relaxed.
He's still family, and I don't like
working with family.
- What if we get caught?
Who'd look after you?
- Andrew doesn't get caught.
You're the one with that difficulty.
Come on, Clara. You're not fair.
He's had rough breaks.
I don't need you
defending me to my sister.
I don't need you
attacking my husband.
My record doesn't need
defending by anybody.
Bye, John. Pull thejob
without him and write me...
when you're back in stir
so I'll know where you are.
Hold it. All right. I'll tell you what.
I'll consider using him, okay?
- His nerves are now steel.
- I'll get to work making some calls.
Are you happy?
The kid's peeing on me.
Hey, everything okay?
Hello, Stan.
Hey, what do ya say, Ma?
Hey, look what
I bought. Brand-new.
- "What is it?"
- Daytona Speedway... in stereo.
Oh, play it for me, Stan.
I could use a little cheering.
Okay, Ma?
Uh, a little more treble, Stan.
What?
- Treble.
- Treble, right.
Yeah?
Who? I can't hear.
Hey, Kelp! What do ya say?
All right. We go into the
top half of the seventh inning.
Mets on top of the Dodgers.
Score three to one.
Rather exciting game
this evening...
on a very, very hot evening
here in New York.
104 degrees.
We don't have the humidity.
- Good to see you back.
- Anybody here yet?
One fellow. A draft beer.
I don't think I knew him.
You're a double
Jack Daniel's straight up.
- Surprised you remember.
- It's the only way
to make it in this business.
Customer relations. Once I got
your drink, you're mine for life.
- Murch?
- Dortmunder?
- What do ya say?
- Hi.
- How ya doin'?
- You're early.
Yeah. I made good time.
You know, instead of goin'
all the way around the Belt...
I went up Rockaway Parkway
and over Eastern Parkway
to Grand Army Plaza.
Then right up Flatbush Avenue
to the Manhattan Bridge...
and up Third Avenue, pbbt,
through the park at 79th Street.
There's a Pinch bottle and Perrier
out there asking for Kelp.
If he calls himself Greenberg,
send him on in.
Sure. Kelp takes
his Jack Daniel's with soda.
Next time around, gimme
a bottle of salt, will ya there, pal?
You know at night you can
make better time that way
than if you went...
all the way around the Belt,
through the Battery Tunnel,
up the Westside Highway?
I never knew that.
- The bartender said
to bring salt to the draft.
- Yeah, right here, pal.
- Rollo said you had the bottle. Oh.
- Right here.
- Hey!
- Hey, you're early. Huh?
Hey, Allan Greenberg,
this is John Dortmunder.
- Pleasure.
- Stanley Murch, Allan Greenberg.
- I'll get your chair, Al.
Sit right down.
- Al.
- Thank you.
- Okay.
Huh.
Dortmunder's open for questions.
Yeah, I was thinking...
We get 150 a week
till we do the job, right?
Then why do we ever do the job?
Because we'll only get
a few weeks out of Amusa and
I'd rather split the 100,000.
- Right.
- Equal splits?
Yeah. I don't work
any other way.
There's gonna be need for a lot
of preparation and surveillance.
Most of it night work.
Kelp says there's muggers
in the area so go easy.
Once we get the diamond, um...
Well, why do we have
to give it to this Amusa?
It sounds like it's
worth more than 100,000.
Should we deal with the, uh,
insurance company directly?
Well, that's always possible
if something happens to Amusa.
Well, just so we're
flexible in our thinking.
Uh, one little problem
is that Amusa knows who
me and Dortmunder are.
And since this stone
is this big symbolic thing,
I'm not all that anxious...
to have an entire African nation
after my ass, if you don't mind.
Blowguns and poison arrows,
no thanks.
I think they're a little
more modern now, Andrew.
Is that supposed to make me
feel better, tommy guns and airplanes?
What are these numbers there?
- Suit sizes for the uniforms
you're gonna buy.
- Buy? What's wrong with renting?
Come on, Doctor.
You said you'd supply matriel.
You mean it's actually
going to happen?
Maybe not right away,
but we're researching full time now.
I'm a criminal.
Bigger.
I've never seen one like that before.
Uh, well, it's kind
of European and I, uh...
I learned it when I was
at the Sorbonne.
Oh. Right.
- God, I'm sorry.
- Oh, that's okay. Just go ahead.
No. Bigger.
Uh, I picked this up at Berkeley.
- You studied a lot, I guess.
- I love school.
Bigger still.
I'll work on it.
And I'll need noise.
How much noise?
Okay.
Aaah!
Oh!
Help! Police!
Police... Police!
All right.
Are you okay, fella?
I am now.
Aaah-h...
Get the fire extinguishers.
I'll take care of him.
- It wouldn't steer. The wheel...
- Yeah.
Kelly, don't just stand there.
Get the buckets.
Get those fire extinguishers...
Get them away from the gas tank.
The wheel. The wheel.
- Easy, fella.
- I couldn't make it turn.
- "What is this?"
- H-H-How do you mean?
How do you mean?
I can't find the goddamned place.
The building sounds like it's exploding.
- And I'm all the hell turned around.
- Uh-huh. Let me show you.
Take the east and your first left
and that should be it.
Sounded like a mother of a crash.
I wouldn't miss a crash like that.
- Thanks.
- Yeah, anytime.
Get back over here with
that extinguisher. Hurry up!
- I called the ambulance.
-
Get those people back.! Back.!
Cops cannot get
this thing under control.
It wouldn't matter. He's gone.
How's it coming?
You don't mean how's it coming.
You mean what's the matter.
That's what you mean.
You mean what am I doing
with a lox like Kelp?
A no-talent, no-good,
no-confidence...
I get caught tonight,
and it's life for me.
And in all the world, who did
I choose to take that risk with?
You.
Now why do you think I did that?
Because you've got
golden hands, Andrew.
Those hands can open
any lock devised by man.
You really think I got golden hands?
Nah, maybe they used to be golden.
- I used to be great, I admit that.
- You are great now.
And you're gonna be legendary.
- I'm a doctor! Let me through, please.
- " Oh, God.!"
- Anybody call an ambulance?
- Yes, sir. A few minutes ago.
- It's all right. It's all right.
I'm gonna need all of you.
We're gonna have to put him
in temporary traction ourselves.
- I thought we weren't
supposed to touch people...
- Now you listen to me!
His ribs are scratching his heart.
At any second now, they're
gonna cut right through.
- You want that on your
conscience, you tell me.
- Sorry.
Me.
I did that. Me. I did that.
Legendary.
Get the others.
No!
- Bring him up.
- Ah, no...
- Bring him up slow.
It's gonna be all right.
- Do it slow.
It's all right. Bring him up.
Hold the tension.
You're doing it.
That's good. You're gonna be fine.
- You're gonna be fine.
Shhh, shhh, shhh.
- Hold him.
- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh.
- Oh, yes.
- You're gonna be fine.
Oh, bless you. Bless you, Doctor.
Thank you. Thank you very much...
You're gonna be fine.
You're gonna be fine.
- God bless you.
- Hold him.
- I'm gonna be fine, right?
- Perfect.
- Okay.
- They're doing it.
They're doing it really right.
Hold it, boys. That's it.
- Don't leave me!
- It's all right. It's all right.
- Hold him.
- Uh, wait a minute.
Back here by the gas tank.
Where the hell
is that ambulance?
- Where's the ambulance?
- It's coming. It's coming.
- Now...
- Aaah, ow, ow...
Shh, sh, sh. Where's
the nearest phone? Tell me.
- It's right inside...
-
- Sh. Sh. Sh.
- Don't let him leave!
- Hold him good.
- Hold me.
Hold him until I come back.
You understand?
- Hold me.
- Hold the tension.
Keep the tension strong.
- Keep it strong.
- Keep it... You hear him?
Okay, here they come.
Here they come.
Now, come on.
Stand back now. Let 'em through.
Come on now. Get out of the road.
Let 'em through there.
- Murch?
- Okay, so far.
Okay.
You sure you got it all unlocked?
- You haven't insulted me
enough already?
- Sorry. Okay. Once again.
The man in the car.
Over here.
Come on. Get in. Hurry.
- I can't hold it.
- What?
I can't hold it. I can't.
Hold it. Hold it!
Hold it! God, hol...
How could you do this to me?
There's no air in here.
You know what this feels like?
Okay, together. Up.
Where are you? Come on. Again. Up.
- Grab it.
- Easy.
- What is it?
- I forgot my tools. Take it.
Kelly, don'tjust stand there.
Let's get out of here.
Hey, have you seen them?
They're trapped. In here.
Over here.
Come over and help me. Over here.
No. No, thanks.
Yeah, thanks, honey.
- Hey, we made the "Daily News."
- What?
- Let me see.
- Yeah. Yeah. Listen. Listen.
Uh, uh, uh, "priceless jewel."
"The Sahara Stone."Uh,
"says that, uh, "the museum"...""
"The dazzlingly successful
operation was handled by four men...
one of whom escaped
from a hospital ambulance by
savagely assaulting a doctor."
- I didn't savagely assault him.
- "Another has been
identified as Alan Greenberg...
- of 52 West 11 th in Westbury."
- I just popped him.
That ain't savage. You expect
rotten reporting in the "Times."
- The "Daily News" called me
a dazzling success.
-
- Did they say anything about
what we did with the diamond?
- What?
The thing to remember,
Andrew, is we haven't got it.
I'm just tryin' to look
on the bright side.
Greenberg obviously dropped
the damn thing in the museum.
I know it's there.
Well, why don't you just wander on over
and tell them about your interest.
I'm sure they'll be happy to let you
look around to your heart's content.
- Stan.
- Pleasure.
- Hey, what am I gonna tell Amusa?
- Come on, kid.
- Tell him good-bye. From now on
I'm sticking to plumbing.
- You take failure too hard.
I don't mind it so much anymore.
- That's some stomach.
- Then it is an ulcer?
No, no. Not yet.
Right now, it's only gastritis.
Can you make it go away?
I guessed you were
the strong, silent type.
That's no good. You keep
everything inside you.
Don't get
into tension situations.
Don't get into arguments.
Turn the other cheek.
Smile. Then we'll just have to make
a few adjustments in your diet.
- What do you mean?
- Here.
Chew on these. Keep 'em handy.
Stock up at the drugstore...
- and I'll give you
some pills to go with it.
- How serious is it?
I want you to keep away
from ketchup and mustard and onions...
and, uh, garlic and tea and coffee...
and tobacco and scotch...
"and bourbon and vodka and gin"...
You'll never guess
why I had to find you.
- Another key job?
- Not exactly.
More like the same one again.
See, Greenberg's got it.
- Greenberg?
- Yeah, yeah.
He contacted his lawyer, the lawyer
called Amusa and Amusa called me.
I got him up to 200 a week
on our per diem.
L-I think I could've
squeezed 250, but...
- you gotta let those diplomats
save face when you can.
- Yeah. Where's the stone?
Where's Greenberg
is really the question.
Greenberg's in state prison
and once we bust him
outta there, the stone is ours.
You want me
to break into prison?
I'll be with you
every step of the way.
What I'm talkin' about
is a point of view.
You gotta have a point of view.
You just can't... You go through
to say no all the time.
You cannot... That's good luck.
Come on. Come on.
Look. Look.
There are many ways
to approach something, right?
You always take
the negative point of view.
Just don't be negative.
Just say to yourself...
It's just the psychology...
psychological thing.
Just say to yourself, no,
I'm not gonna be negative.
I'm gonna be positive.
Shall we get right down
to cases, gentlemen?
I'm sure you have more
important things to do. I know I have.
You're Greenberg's lawyer.
My card.
My client is innocent. No court
could convince me otherwise.
Unfortunately, the fact
that my client was captured
the night of the robbery...
traipsing around a museum
in a guard's uniform...
might seem to an uninformed
juror slightly more than
circumstantial evidence.
Therefore, I am following my client's
instructions and I'm doing...
what has to be done
to expedite his release from prison.
What about the stone?
My client informs me
that he got away with it.
And if you spring him,
he will turn it over to you
with gratitude and appreciation.
If you won't, he will hand it over
to the authorities...
in exchange
for lightening his sentence.
If I seem less than enchanted
with all of you...
it's only because I do not like
the way you led my son...
the horse's ass,
into the path of lawlessness.
- You're Greenberg's father?
- Guilty.
I have managed
to secure some notes...
about the prison guards
and plans of state prison...
which mainly handles
the overflow of convicted prisoners...
and some special cases
from the city.
Otto.
Could you please...
Please stop that, Otto.
Do you honestly think picking your feet
is the height of human aspiration?
Screw, huh?
Yeah, screw. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Don't get me into those
intellectual arguments, all right?
Why don't you pick your nose
like other people?
Greenberg.
Visitor.
- Hello, Alan.
- Hi.
- How goes the world?
- The world misses you.
Your friends miss you.
I miss you most of all.
Well, um, how's my appeal coming?
Oh, it's going very well.
I wouldn't be surprised if you
heard something by next week.
I'll be in touch with you.
That's good news.
All your friends ask is that you...
meet them halfway.
I'll certainly try.
Anything worth trying...
is worth trying more than once.
Three times at the very least.
- I'll do my best.
- You must.
Even though the effort
lands you in the hospital.
In a hospital?
That's what I said.
Good-bye, Al.
Here's the matriel request, Doctor.
What is it this time?
More uniforms, uh... A truck.
Yes, sir,
and it's gotta be kind of huge.
A kind of huge truck.
And it can't be hot.
You can rent it but it better not...
be traceable back to you,
if we're caught.
You might consider buying it.
A legitimate kind of huge truck.
Hey, listen. I'll be back on time...
and I don't want you
to think I'm a quitter...
but if you're not there,
I ain't waitin'.
Down.
- Go!
- Wait.
Here, take this.
- What's that?
- Hard candy.
- Let me have some. My throat's dry.
- You wouldn't like it.
- Let me be the judge of that.
- You didn't get it.
- I did. I got it.
- Oh.
Okay. This is it. Let's go.
Come on.
That's some kind
of crazy hard candy.
- Tastes like medicine.
- It's a new flavor
they're test marketing.
The hell it's a new flavor.
That's stomach junk.
- What do you got, an ulcer?
- Gastritis.
Years away from ulcers yet.
All these years you've
made me feel inferior with
your nerves of steel routine.
I've got better things to do
than to listen to this.
Section four.
No, no. Johnson's
on the next shift.
Cut that out!
Cut that out! Guard!
Stop picking your feet!
I told you! I'm gonna tell you again!
- "I'm gonna tell you again.!"
- Guard! Guard! He's after my feet!
I told you
not to pick your feet!
Guard, he's after my feet!
- Goddamned feet! Good-bye!
- Guard! Guard!
- Guard!
Your feet are dead!
Your feet are dead!
Guard!
What the hell?
Why didn't you bring a ladder?
- I can't climb one of these things.
- Go on, for God's sake.
You shouldn't have brought
a stupid rope. I can't
climb any stupid rope.
Help him.
- Help him?
- Yeah, help me.
- Come on.
- Use my shoulder.
- Like this?
- Yes.
- Okay?
- "Yeah."
Where's that thing?
That handle?
- There's no thing. Wait.
- Go on.
I... can't... feel...
I can't...
- Are you there?
- Always. Go on.
Oh, God, my leg.
Go on. Go.
Come on.
Hit it.
I didn't think it
cornered too good.
We're not moving.
What the hell? Come on!
Let's get moving.
No. W-We're staying
here till 6:00...
till all the other
trucks start goin'.
Then Murch will drive us back.
Well, that's
really good thinking, waiting here.
And back in the city, we hand over
the stone and collect our dough.
- Mm.
- Well, um...
We can at least start, uh,
working on that tomorrow.
What do you mean
start working on it?
Well, it's, uh...
- It's just not gonna be
that easy, that's all.
- Why not?
You hid it in the police station.
- It's where I was.
- Well, surely then...
at the museum you could have...
- Or somewhere!
- He swallowed it.
What happened then?
When did you next see the diamond?
Not until the next day.
I'll sort of skip over that part,
if you don't mind.
- I wish you would.
- Right. The next time
I had the diamond...
I was in a police station
in a detention cell on the top floor.
And that's where you hid it?
Well, what else could I do?
I couldn't
keep it on me, not in jail.
Couldn't you have just
kept on swallowing it?
No.
Gee, that's a nice watch.
I'd really like that watch.
Keep goin' to church
and maybe God'll reward you.
I didn't say I'd like
a watch like that...
I said I'd like that watch.
- It's yours.
- Thanks.
Here's the matriel
request, Doctor.
Is it going to upset me?
I think it's safe to say that.
Yes, sir.
Whoo!
Yeah.
You're sure you've driven
one of these things before, right?
-
- I don't wanna know
the answer, neither do you.
Let's load. Come on.
You phony. You've never even seen
one of these up close before.
You know, you got
some kind of mouth.
I got books at home
how to make one of these.
All right, all you do is hit
this here. Hit this switch here.
Hit this. Hit... this one here.
Over here. These two here.
Double it over.
Hit that switch there.
Hit your battery and your starter.
Come on, baby.
You're gonna click.
You're gonna click.
We're gonna go.
Come on, baby.
What do ya say?
I told you I could
drive anything, yeah?
Hey!
What do ya say, Kelp?
There's
the police station roof. Get ready.
This is it!
Murch, you ass!
It's the wrong roof!
I counted the blocks
over from the river.
I could've sworn I got it right.
Well, just don't stand there
like a dummy. Will ya go ask questions.
If you're gonna be a sorehead
about this, I'll go ask 'em.
You probably
couldn't even find them.
I'm, uh, sorry
to bother you, gentlemen...
but we're looking
for the Ninth Street Precinct House.
That's right, Officer.
There is one on Ninth Street.
Two blocks straight ahead.
Aw, hell.
Two blocks ain't bad.
That's it.
Come in.
- Lieutenant, the phone's gone dead.
- Aw, again?
Uh, did you try, uh,
jigglin' it and everything?
- Yes, sir.
- Yeah?
Somebody's jamming our signal.
We can't broadcast
and we can't receive.
Well, did you try...
monkeyin' with it
and everything?
I'm tellin' ya, somebody
set up a jammer on us.
We used to have the same thing
in the South Pacific.
Okay. Okay.
I'd better tell the captain.
Get me the cap...
We'll have to blow it.
You sure you guys
got the right place?
- " Yeah."
- Sir?
Bombs.
There's bombs in the street, sir.
Bombs, huh?
It's a revolution.
It's a goddamned revolution.
They always try for
the police stations first.
T-T-Tear gas in the stairwells.
They're cutting us off
from the detention cells.
Break out the riot guns
on the double. On the double!
Come on, fellas. Go.!
I'm not gonna be the first
American policeman to lose a station.
Can you see it?
Take cover.
Take cover!
- Go on!
-
Me, fellas?
You doin' all this to free me?
That's beautiful, man.
That's the most beautiful
thing I ever heard of.
How the hell
can it not be there?
- Did you take it?
- It's been here for weeks.
Somebody else took it, that's all.
We beat 'em, men!
I've had it with that
stinking stone, man!
I'm done! That's all!
Good-bye, Charlie.
Not me.
I've got no choice.
I'm not superstitious...
and I don' believe in jinxes,
but that stone's jinxed me
and it won't let go.
I've been damned near bitten...
shot at, peed on and robbed.
And worse is gonna happen before
it's done. So I'm takin' my stand.
I'm goin' all the way.
Either I get it...
or it gets me.
And if I ever find out
that you talked to anyone...
Come on. How dumb
do you think I am?
Anyway, Dad made me
swear not to tell.
He knew?
Well, of course he knew.
He's my lawyer, isn't he?
He has to know all the facts.
Now, come on. He's my father.
He wouldn't cross me
anymore than I'd cross you.
Watch your step there,
Mr. Greenberg.
I'll keep lookout.
Do you want a kidnapping charge?
That's all you need with a record
like yours. You want it?
- Abe Greenberg will lay it on ya.
- You do that.
- Dad?
- Allan?
Get me out of this.
Trust me, son.
- You'll answer to the courts for this!
- Where's the diamond?
We don't know anything.
Tell him what you finally told us!
What did you tell them, Allan?
Just...
Just that when you first came
to visit me in prison...
that you said...
if they don't wanna spring you...
and if you knew
where the stone was...
you could get it...
and sell it.
And use the money to spring me.
You think I took the diamond?
You think I'd cross my own son?
That or you're in it together.
Come on.
What? No!
- Alan! Alan!
- No! Please!
No, Daddy!
I just told you where it was!
Daddy, please!
No.! Make them
believe that, please.!
For God's sake, Daddy!
I just told you where it was!
I'm sorry.
I just don't think you can do it.
We'll throw him down
and you right after.
- Help me! No!
- Never. Never in this world.
No! Stop it!
Daddy, for God's sake!
It's a long way down, Dad.
Stop him.!
Dad, please.!
- It's not in you.
- "No, Daddy, please.!"
Help me.!
I just told you where it was!
I am sometime so astute,
it's remarkable.
There are some things
people will not do.
But there's things that get done
that you can't do yourself.
There's things that happen
that you can make happen!
Am I right, Chicken?
- Get out!
- No!
- Now, you will stop this.
- No!
I know what you will do and what
you won't do, and don't do this.
- Help me!
- I haven't got the time.
Now, stop this.
Help me, Daddy.!
I'll kill you, bastard!
Get off!
Stop him now!
- "Jesus.! Put me down.!"
- Put him down, Chicken.
Daddy, help me.!
Chicken, no!
Stop him.! Stop him.!
Jesus, stop him.!
Tell him he can have it!
Tell him he can have it!
You can have the rock.
Tell him you can have the rock!
Tell him.! Tell him.!
Here! Here! It's in
my safe deposit box.
Here! The keys!
I'm gonna tell Mama on you, Dad.
I know. I know.
- Why didn't you tell me
they ran a signature check?
- You didn't ask me, sweetie.
- How's your forgery?
- Fair.
- Fair to good. I'll brush up on it.
- And how long will that take...
and what happens
to Mr. Greenberg in the meantime?
You'll hold him here.
We can't afford to let him loose.
- Come on, guys. Let's not
fight among ourselves.
- Why not?
You want me to hold him
prisoner here?
It's called accessory after the fact.
- Minimum sentence...
- Shut up, Dad.
Gratitude.
While you're practicing up
on your penmanship...
you might leave a little time for
a refresher course in plastic surgery.
I've been tippin' people
at that bank for years.
Everybody knows Abe Greenberg.
That key won't get you anything.
Even if you forge my name, you'll never
forge this amiable countenance.
Wait. Wait.
How's this?
One of you goes into the bank
with me, armed, naturally.
And when I open the box,
you grab the diamond. Good?
Brilliant, except that that box
is in the name of Mr. Abe Greenberg.
And Mr. Abe Greenberg
is the only one allowed to get at it.
Wait. Wait. How's this?
You kill me. Bang, bang, bang!
And then you take the diamond
from my wife when she inherits it.
Good? Brilliant...
except when I die, that box gets
opened in the presence of my wife...
her lawyer, two bank officers
and a man from probate court.
She'd never get
that diamond halfway home.
That's the toughest
bank anywhere.
I'm really quite disenchanted
with the results you're getting.
Things could be worse, Doctor.
I mean, at least
we know where it is.
Now, all we need is a little plan.
"Here's the matriel request, Doctor.
"You'll notice there's
a submarine on it!
"But don't get excited,
we don't need anything atomic.
Just your standard, ordinary sub.
We're used to hardships."
Just give us a few days, Doctor.
We'll come through for you.
My guys thrive on challenge.
Eat your hearts out,
you sappy bastards.
It's crazy, but I somehow
feel this is all my fault.
Not so crazy.
It is all your fault.
Hey, come on.
Don't talk that way.
- Hey, we got a winning team.
-
If what we've been doin'
is winnin', guy...
you better keep your eye on the referee
'cause somebody's killin' us.
- "Dortmunder'll"
think of somethin'.
- " Oh, yeah."
Won't you think of somethin'?
He's thinkin'of somethin'.
All right. Seaver's now, again...
shaking off a sign
given to him by Yogi Berra.
Evidently, they're not
in communication tonight.
Maybe something took place
in the locker room just prior
to the game starting.
Whatever it is, he's
shaking one more sign.
Apparently, he remembers
seeing something we don't.
- This the plan?
- No.
On that one,
we don't get the diamond.
- You got one where we do get it?
- Just this one.
- Let's work on this one.
- Only trouble is we also get caught.
- Can't you refine it?
- I don't see how.
I would've been here sooner,
but when I took Pennsylvania
to the Interborough...
and then Woodhaven
to Queens Boulevard to the bridge...
Con Ed was digging a hole
at the intersection.
Stan, we got troubles of our own.
You think I don't know?
Park Avenue traffic is murder...
and the lights is all set wrong.
So you can forget
about your getaway.
It's like God was tellin' us
to go straight.
I tried everything
I could think of.
I did.
But you see...
the walls of the vault
are 27 inches thick.
And if that's not enough...
Miasmo.
- Did you say "Miasmo"?
- Miasmo.
I'm sorry. Floor?
Twenty-six, please.
- Look at the lights.
- I beg your pardon?
Look at the lights.
See how even they are.
How regular.
What a rhythm they have.
Look at them. They're fascinating.
You feel the soothing
effect of them.
You can feel
the soothing effect relaxing you.
Relaxing deeply.
And as you look at the numbers,
your eyelids are growing heavy.
Very heavy.
I'd like to see about renting
a safe deposit box.
Yes. A safe deposit.
All right.
There we are, sir.
If you'll sign.
- If you'll sign right there, please.
- Okay.
You can do everything
I tell you to do. Is that right?
- Yes.
- That is right.
And you will do everything
I tell you to do. Is that right?
- Yes.
- Yes, that is right.
You are deep asleep.
Soon...
a man is going to come
into your place of employment...
into the bank where you work.
- "Do you understand me?"
- Yes.
When this man says
to you the words...
"Afghanistan banana stand,"
you will do exactly
what he tells you to do.
Do you understand this?
I will do exactly
what he tells me to do.
That is fine.
Very good. You see...
how peaceful you feel
by following my suggestions?
It makes you feel
so good and so secure.
Now, what is it that
the man will say to you?
"Afghanistan banana stand."
Yeah, got it.
Got it. Got it. Okay.
- That was Amusa.
He says he's gotta see us.
- When?
- He says right away.
- Yeah, well, I can't now.
Miasmo says the longer I wait,
the better the chances
of its wearing off.
I've gotta hit the bank
right after opening.
All right. All right.
I'll take care of it.
I just keep wondering what's
gonna screw up this time.
- Where is Dortmunder?
- He couldn't make it.
That's typical of your efficiency.
- Ask for four, I get three.
- What was so important?
- I'm firing you and I thought
you'd want to know.
- What?
I've been convinced
I could do better elsewhere.
Doctor, after all the risks
we took for you, how can you
double-cross us like this?
Sir, I'm a man of honor
and a patriot...
and I wish you would not
speak to me that way.
If I had intended
anything underhanded...
I would hardly have brought you here
to explain it to your face.
Come along, Abe.
We really must go.
The bank will be open soon.
You were convinced by him?
America is a country
based on free enterprise...
and I'm merely
underselling you, that's all.
Don't expect me for any more
Sunday dinners, Dad.
Dillinger.
Y-You never intended paying us
from the beginning.
I've done nothing but
pay you from the beginning.
Between my expenses and your per diem,
it's come to $12,000.
Which, considering the caliber
of your work, is ample payment indeed.
You Americans, all you ever
think about is money, money, money.
I've heard
of the habitual criminal, of course...
but I never dreamed I'd become
involved with the habitual crime.
Your key, sir.
I can take it to an alcove
if you'd prefer privacy.
That won't be necessary.
Okay.
- Thank you. It wasn't so long.
- "No, sir."
Afghanistan banana stand.
Yes, sir?
We'll open this box now.
Yes, sir.
I can take it to an alcove
if you'd prefer privacy, sir.
Please.
Just call when you're through, sir.
Okay.
- Your key, sir.
- Thank you.
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
- Yeah!
-