So, what did you
want to talk about?
China wanted me to talk
to you about something.
Okay.
She wants to come and live with me
for the rest of her senior year.
She said that?
Yes. And she wanted me to tell you.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Look, I don't know why it is.
And I don't think it has
anything to do with you.
- So...
- I know it doesn't.
I know it doesn't have
anything to do with me.
No, it doesn't, so, good that
you know that.
This is just all kinds of bullshit.
Whoa, Aura.
Of course, she wants
to come live with you.
You have a giant fucking apartment.
I live in a shithole.
And you have the Hamptons
and the plane.
Well, none of that is my fault.
You divorced me while I was a loser,
so you lost.
Oh, shit. Wow.
I take that back.
Yeah, you're just gonna
say that to me?
- I take it back.
- You can't take it back
and neither can she.
Can we get the check?
Great, Edward.
That's great.
Well, I'm really glad
that you like it.
No, I'm excited too.
I'm excited too.
I am excited.
Okay, well, this is great.
We'll start staffing up next week.
Okay.
Okay.
Thank you, Edward.
Thank you very much.
They picked it up?
Twelve episodes.
What the fuck, dude?
You're a fucking machine, man!
What the fuck? Wow!
That's- don't shrug,
come on, fuck you.
This is amazing, man.
Y-you got a show on the air.
You got another one coming.
Fuck you, dude.
I mean, it's like
you can make shit, right?
You can literally like, you could
hand in shit to these guys.
You know what I mean,
give 'em a big pile of shit,
they'd be like, "that looks good,
let's put it on the air."
I guess.
I-I-ff-I mean, you guess?
these guys fucking love you, man.
How do you even know
your shows are even any good?
What, you think they're
not good anymore?
You think I'm making
bad shows now?
No, what do I know? Good, bad.
I'm just fucking proud of you, man.
Well, thank you. I'm pretty happy.
And seriously, fuck you.
'Cause when you think about it,
fuck you, dude.
It's out of control!
You're unbelievable, man.
Hi, Daddy.
Hi!
- Hey, China.
- Hi, Ralph.
- How are you?
- I'm good.
Hi, honey.
So, you're uh, you're back?
Oh, no, I'm still in Florida.
Nice.
When did you-when'd you get back?
Uh, this morning.
Oh, this is...I came home today
so I can pick you up
at the airport tomorrow.
Well, you don't have to now.
Did you have a good time?
Yeah.
Good.
Okay. Well, I'm gonna go
to my room, Daddy. I love you.
I love you.
What's wrong?
I don't... she never tells me
anything anymore.
Well, she was just on spring break.
So, what does that mean?
Well, she's sparing you.
You don't wanna hear about that.
Spring break?
You know what goes on down there?
Yeah, I know the basic idea, but
China's not like that.
Oh, man, I know this one guy
who was in Fort Lauderdale last year.
And he had all these
spring breakers in his hotel.
And let me tell ya,
they had some
fucked up shit going on.
No, I-I've heard about it.
I know about that stuff.
They got this one thing, man, where
like 50 guys all jack off into a beer.
And then if a girl
drinks the whole beer,
she gets to blow all the guys
who came in it.
- Jesus Christ, Ralph.
- I-I know, right?
And there's another one called um...
oh, it's called "Mother, may I?"
Where one girl,
and it's usually the ugliest chick.
you know, she plays "mother".
And all the guys will line up naked,
and the girls will line up naked.
And the guys'll be like,
"Mother, may I fuck this chick?"
And she'll be like, "Yes, you may,
yes, you may.
"But only
if you lick this guy's asshole."
Or whatever, so you
gotta do the gross thing.
And then you get to do the um...
the good thing, I guess.
It's called, "Mother, may I?"
I get it, Ralph, I get it.
What I'm saying is that,
that's not like China.
She's not like that.
She's not a "spring breaker."
No, no, you're right.
No, I'm sure she's th-th-the
one hot girl in a bikini who-
who went to spring break
and spent the whole time
at the library.
Okay, okay.
- Ralph. Ralph!
- I'll see ya, buddy.
Hi, hun.
Hi, Daddy.
How are you?
Oh, thanks for asking.
I'm really good, actually.
Ah, they picked up my show.
Huh! They did?
Mm-hmm.
Dad, that's so great!
What show?
The one about the nurses?
Oh.
Did you have a good time?
- In Florida?
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
- Good. Good.
Hey, Daddy, could I go back there
next week?
Back to Florida?
Yeah.
I mean, I just wanna see
some people that I met there.
You mean Florida people?
Yeah.
What about school?
I mean, Daddy, it's senior year.
After spring break, you don't
even do anything so, who cares?
I don't know.
It's okay. It's okay
if you say no. I just...
Not a big deal.
Well, I don't wanna just say no,
I'm just trying to vet the situation.
Daddy, it's really okay.
It's not a big deal. I just...
thought about it.
Well, if you-if you wanna go...
Could I take the jet?
The jet?
Yeah, just so I don't
have to go to the airport
and deal with the whole security thing.
- And the line, they're so long, Dad.
- I don't-try to understand, I don't own a jet.
I have a card
where I have time on a jet.
Okay, what about when you just
take off for the day somewhere?
Seems to me like you can use it
whenever you want to.
Okay, will you-look,
we can talk about that, okay?
- Okay. Okay.
- We'll talk about it.
Also, like I said, it really is not
a big deal if you say no.
I just would love to go.
And if I'm allowed to go,
I would much rather go on the jet.
Got it.
- Okay, I love you.
- I love you.
- Hey, China.
- Yeah?
Have you, uh, have you thought
at all about what you're gonna do?
With your life?
I don't know, Daddy.
Okay, w-w-we'll talk about it, okay?
Yeah.
Hi.
Hey, can you look into uh,
availability on a jet
for next week?
Just find out if there's any days
it's not being used.
Yes, no, for me, I mean...
Yeah, just... okay? Yeah, thanks.
Yeah?
The fat one is here.
Oh, okay.
Should I let her in?
Oh, I guess she's here, so...
Yes, sir, I already let her in.
Yup, thanks, Albert.
Hey, Maggie.
Glen.
What is up?
- Nothin'
- Awesome.
Maggie?
Hi, baby!
Maggie!
Oh, my God! Look at you.
You got so fucking tan.
Fuck off!
Baby!
It's March in New York and you
look like a schwoogie came all over you.
- Oh.
- Maggie.
What's a schwoogie?
It's Jewish for nigger.
No, it's not!
- Yes, it is.
- Maggie.
But not in a bad way.
Wait, Maggie, I miss you.
- I miss you so much.
- I miss you, I miss you too.
- Sweetheart.
- Why don't I ever see you anymore?
Well, that's your stupid dad's fault
for breaking up with me.
Ugh!
I did not break up with you.
No, no, you totally married me.
Totally.
Chine, go put on some clothes,
I'm gonna take you to lunch.
And then we're gonna go buy some
stuff with your dad's credit card.
Okay. I can go like this though.
No, honey.
I don't wanna get poked in the
face by every boner in New York.
Go throw on a burqa or something.
Okay, Maggie.
Oh, Daddy, is it okay
if I go out with Maggie?
I didn't know
if you wanted to make plans.
- No, it's fine.
- Okay, I love you.
- I love you too.
- Oh!
Daddy, also, I wanna
go to Brooklyn tonight.
Would you mind booking me a car?
It's fine. Sure.
Okay, I love you.
I love you too.
What?
Nothing. You're a bad father.
What?
If your 17-year-old daughter
says, "I love you" all the time,
that means you're
doing something wrong.
Why?
Because, Glen, she's seventeen.
It's a complicated age.
A girl that age is getting into trouble.
And if she "loves" her "daddy",
that means you're doing nothing.
You know something, Maggie?
I appreciate you staying in her life
since we-we broke up.
She loves you very much
but you're not her mom.
And you're not my wife.
So...
let's maybe have
some boundaries, okay?
Oh, God.
Did you just say all of that?
Ugh, yes.
Yecch.
God. Jesus, Glen.
You suck so bad.
Seriously, man!
You suck. Look at you.
"Oh...
"Er... I appreciate you
staying in her life
but let's have a boundary", Oooh!
Fuck you, Glen. That's my China.
Her mother's retarded,
and her father's a douche,
but she's got me.
And I don't need your permission
or "thanks for staying in her life".
China and I are bros.
And you can shove your boundaries
up your back puss hole.
- Seriously.
- I-okay. I got it.
I'm ready.
Chine, who do you love more?
Me or your dad?
You, obviously.
Goodbye, Daddy. I love you.
- Where do you wanna go?
- Cipriani's.
Oh.
Oh-ho-ho!
Oh, my-oh, what the fuck?
What the fuck?!
What?
Hang on, I'm sending this to you.
Okay.
Oh.
Oh, there's an ad.
You gotta watch the ad.
Okay.
- Oh! Oh, Jesus!
- Ah!
What the hell?!
What the hell?
What the fuck?
Oh!
Did you tell the network
they could have that show
for the fall?
They-they wanted it for the fall.
The fall, Glen?
H-h-how are we gonna
get the show staffed,
and cast, and shot,
and cut in time to air
in September, when you haven't
fucking written it yet?
I'll get-I'll get it written.
Get it written?
Glen, it's April.
W-why did you put us
in this position?
Because that's what they had open.
They had a slot in the fall,
and so I grabbed it.
So we have another show on the air.
Isn't that what we want?
To stay working,
to say on television?
They want the show for the fall.
If we can't do it,
th-they push us to mid-season.
But don't you see what
this does to the company, Glen?
What this does to me?
'Cause I like to try to do the things
that we say we're gonna do.
Yes, Paula, and you do.
You do it every time.
That's why you're a rock star,
and that's why you're my partner.
No, no, Glen, I'm not a rock star.
I just work. And I never complain.
Right? You tell me you need
a horse dangling from a helicopter
over the ocean. I don't ask you
what you need it for.
I just go out and I fucking do it.
I-I go out and I find a-
a pilot and an aircraft.
I find a-a slimy animal handler
who is willing to dangle
this fucking horse
off a helicopter
over the ocean.
An experience from which the animal
will never recover, by the way.
And we r-rig them out on a barge
and we go out and we fucking shoot it.
Because you told me it was
"essential to the storyline."
Jesus, I never saw that.
What show is that for?
No, no, you didn't, 'cause he cut it.
And no one will ever be able
to explain to that fucking horse
why it had that experience.
Well, we gave $10,000 to PETA.
Great. The horse will
never see that money.
I don't think horses
remember, do they?
Look, Gle-,
I-I would die for you, Glen.
You know that. I-I-I'm sworn to do
that like a s-fucking knight in armor.
I know.
But when you pull bullshit like this,
w-w-when you turn
my own ability against me,
w-when you promise things
to people I-I can't do,
w-when y-you set me up
to fuckin' fail
so you could hold on
to a time slot
for a show that you
h-haven't even written yet
about nurses, Glen?
Glen, w-why are we doing
a show about nurses?
What the fuck do you
know about a nurse?
Or anybody who works hard
and gives a shit about their job?
Hmm?!
Paula...
What do you want me to say?
I mean, I'm sorry.
If you wanna farm it out,
we can farm it out, you wanna...
We'll hire somebody else
to produce it.
Fuck you, Glen.
That's bullshit.
I'll fucking do it.
But I'll tell you what,
you better be ready.
You better shit out
twelve episodes.
We have 'em.
- What's that?
- We already did the pilot.
Because I'm telling you what.
That show is gonna be
on the air in September.
Because I do
what I say I'm gonna do.
Even if it was you
that said I was gonna do it.
But I tell you, if you ever
promise a show on a timeline again
without talking to me first,
I would fucking quit.
Okay, so... I mean, good.
So, we're gonna do it.
I-I, y-you had me worried
you weren't gonna do it
when you came in here.
So, we're good. Right?
I mean... Paula, I'm sorry.
Come on. I'm really sorry.
She seems upset.
Ah, she'll be all right.
Hey, what show is the horse
over the ocean thing for?
Doesn't matter.
- Hi, honey!
- Hi, Daddy!
Hey, how are you?
You having a good time?
Yeah, um...
Hey, Daddy, is it okay
if I stay here a few more days?
Oh, honey, you're missin'
a lot of school.
Daddy, i-it's senior year,
it doesn't matter.
I know that you said that,
but I don't know, China.
Why don't you just come home?
Um... hold on...
Daddy, listen, um...
this is really good for me.
I really need this right now.
But if you have to say no,
it's okay. I-I totally understand.
No, I mean, just, let's-let me
let me think about it
- and then we'll talk later, okay?
- Okay.
- I love you.
- I love you, too.
- Okay. Bye, Daddy.
- Bye.
Hey, uh...
didn't China just come
home from spring break?
Yeah. She went back
to Florida this week.
S-so you let her go back.
She...
Yes, I let her.
And-and now, she uh, she wants
to stay a little bit longer?
Yeah.
So, do you ever
say no to her?
I didn't just,
I didn't just say yes to her.
Well, you didn't just
say no, either, now did ya?
Mother, may I
Oh, mother, may I
Mother, may I
suck a dick?
Yeah?
Dick Welker's on the phone.
Okay.
- Glen?
- Hi, Dick.
Hey, I heard your nurses
show got picked up.
That's a fucking boner!
Uh, yeah, we're pretty excited.
No, it's all good, and I'm
gonna make your day perfect.
I've got your lead.
No, the lead is cast, Dick.
That's not what I heard.
What did you-
what did you hear?
I heard they hate Jordana,
and I heard you hate her
and you need a lead,
so I got your lead.
Grace Cullen is your lead.
Huh! Grace Cullen? Oh!
Grace Cullen? Why would
she wanna pee on this show?
She loves your work!
Anyway, she's on her way
to your office now.
Just meet her, she wants to talk.
How do I...Grace Cullen?
I didn't have an
appointment to meet her.
What do you... appointments.
What are you, Secretary of Defense?
Just meet her. Meet her.
Grace Cullen is here?
- She's here!
- She's here? Jesus Christ, Dick!
- What do you want me to do?
- She's there.
I can't-t insult Grace Cullen,
let her in.
Oh, let her in! Let her in!
- Go ahead, let her in.
- Oh!
- You'll love her!
- Yeah, fuck you, Dick.
Oh!
Oh! Oh!
Oh! Oh! Oh!
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, God.
Ralph.
- Hmm?
- Do me a favor, huh?
- Yeah, I'll take a walk.
- I don't care.
All right, I'm out.
- Hey, oh!
- Hi! Oh, my God!
Nice to meet you,
I'm Grace Cullen.
Oh, yeah, of course, come on!
Hi, how are you?
I'm really good, yeah,
Ralph, you know.
- Hi!
- I'm leavin'.
Oh, okay, well,
you're hilarious.
Oh, thanks so much! Yeah, yeah.
- Whoa!
- Ah!
- Hi, Grace, I'm-I'm Glen.
- I know, hi.
Um, do you want to sit down?
- Thank you.
- Sure.
So...
Can I just tell you something?
We've actually met before.
- We have?
- Mm-hmm.
I auditioned for you.
On "Two Peanuts."
- You did?
- I did.
I was a... just a... newborn.
Is that the word?
I was uh, 25 and uh,
I did a horrible job.
- And I wanted to kill myself
- Oh.
- after I read for you.
- Aw. Well...
I don't know, I'm a-I'm a huge
fan of your writing.
Wow, wow, I mean, you know,
look at you, though.
You're doing great.
Three huge movies in a row,
and you know.
And you're really good.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
- Well, thank you, I...
- Yeah.
- I really hope to keep working.
- Sure.
Sure.
Is that your girlfriend?
Oh, God, no.
That's my daughter, China.
Oh, wow, she's gorgeous.
Is she an actress?
Uh, no. No.
She's lovely.
Thank you. I mean on her behalf.
Sure.
- So you, y-you're, you have a...
- Yes, that's right. Five months.
- Five months, wow.
- Mm-hmm.
I didn't even know...
I didn't-I never heard
that you were married.
I'm not.
- You're not?
- Mnh-mnh.
Oh, so, you're just doin' it.
Yes, eh...that's right. I'm just doing it.
Good. That's good.
I mean, it's, I don't,
it doesn't matter what I say.
It's your life, your baby.
Do you have any other kids?
No, just the one. So.
You know, I think most people
when they have one kid
it's 'cause they didn't-
they realize they shouldn't have.
I mean, I love her
and she's the best.
But her mom and I never...
we didn't really...
that-that's I mean, this doesn't,
you didn't-you didn't, um...
It's okay.
Well, I'm sure,
I'm sure you're a great dad.
Okay.
- So...
- So, um...
- Can I be honest with you, Grace?
- Oh, please.
Listen, um, this show is very new
and we just...
We've done a pilot,
we're going into series now
but we haven't really
started casting yet and
well, you know Dick.
- Yes, I know Dick.
- Well, so, uh...
He sent you over here
and then told me.
And you know, I mean
the stupid thing is
I couldn't give you this part
right now if I wanted to.
'Cause it wouldn't be
fair to Jordana.
Jordana Newsom?
Yes, she did the pilot.
Oh, no. And you're firing her?
I mean, I don't know, it's, that...
It's early yet and you know,
when the show starts, the
the sharks start to circle, you know?
Am I a shark?
God, no! Dick is a shark.
You're-you're not a shark,
You're-you're-you're-you're great.
Oh, no, I...
I should go.
- I mean, I-I should leave.
- No, no...
- No.
- No, no, I should. I should.
I-I-I feel dreadful.
Y-you, shit, you know what, yeah.
We shouldn't...
- We shouldn't be doing this.
- No.
No, this shouldn't be
happening right now.
So, let's get you out of here.
Well, but-but I really
appreciate your honesty.
- It's very rare.
- Oh, sure, sure.
Let me give you my number.
Sure.
I'm just gonna
give you my number...
And if uh, you know, you wanna
consider me for something...
Please don't call Dick, okay?
Just call me.
Okay.
I'd really love to work with you.
I promise you,
I would do a good job.
Oh, Grace, you don't have to say that.
You're a superstar.
No, but I've never done comedy.
And I honestly think that
that's what I'd be best at.
I'd love to show you that I'm funny.
I'd really, really
love to work with you.
More than you know.
Okay.
Thanks, Glen.
A man!
Lover,
you got me in a tizzy
My head's gettin' dizzy
Can't resist your charm
Lover, di-di-dee-di-di
No, no, no, no, no.
It's your turn.
Truth or dare.
Dare.
Okay.
Unbutton your shirt.
No.
No?
I said no.
That's not how you play...
Truth or dare.
Okay.
Dare.
Unbutton my shirt.
Hi, Daddy.
Oh, hey, hey...
- What are you watchin'?
- I'm just gonna... change it.
Oh, no, no, don't change it.
I love this movie.
Ack.
Grace Cullen.
She is so beautiful.
I met her last week.
W-what?
What?
You actually met Grace Cullen?
You never care when I tell you
I met famous people.
Yeah, but Grace is a badass.
Yeah, she is pretty great.
Yeah.
Why'd you meet her?
Uh, 'cause of my new show.
Are you gonna cast her?
Maybe. Don't know.
Jesus.
What kind of movie is this?
Wha-you never saw?
I thought it was like a romcom,
and now it's a horror movie.
It's not a horror movie,
it's about...
female empowerment.
It's empowering for a woman
to show a guy her tits
and then slit his throat?
Would you rather he raped her?
I wish there was
one other option.
Daddy, this whole movie is about
fucking men.
Men have fucked us for long enough,
so it's time for us to fuck back.
You know, t-t-to claim the world
and finally be in the power position.
It's feminism.
- What?
- Noth-nothing.
What are you laughin' at?
Nothing, it's just... ahem...
it's-it's kind of funny
coming from you.
Why?
Well, never mind, never mind.
No, why?
Your life is not exactly
a great platform for feminism.
Dad.
Well, I mean, you don't-
you don't even
read about that stuff
like your friend Zasha does.
And...
honey, I'm sorry, but you can't
like lay in a bikini in your
dad's high-rise apartment
and go to Florida
twice in a month
and then watch one
reverse horror-porn movie
and then start sayin'
you're a feminist.
Feminism i-is about
taking care of yourself.
It's about being independent, and...
being on your own.
Look, if you're gonna
compete with men...
yeah, your strength has to come from
your own abilities and your
and your own victories.
Not-not from r-rejecting
and hating men.
Uh, from a,
from a lounge on the deck.
But I don't choose to live this way.
Daddy, I, I'm-I'm here because of you.
Well, I think Gloria Steinem
would tell you to
get a waitressing job.
You know, read.
It's-it's up to you,
it's not up to me.
You know, China...
you didn't even fill out
one college application yet.
You told me that
I could take a gap year.
So, what are you gonna do
with your gap year?
Are you gonna go-go back to Florida,
and play "Mother, may I?"
Oh. Okay.
Ah.
Hello?
Hi, Grace. This is uh,
this is Glen... Topher.
Glen.
Is this weird that I'm calling?
Yes.
Maybe this is bad because
you gave me your number
for professional...
Oh, this is not a professional call?
No, I-I-I'm just uh...
Oh, no, it's okay.
It's really nice to hear from you.
Personally.
Okay. Good.
How are you?
I'm all right.
I saw a piece of your movie.
Which one?
Uh, Haven?
Oh, right. Is that why
you're calling?
'Cause you saw me with
my shirt off?
No, no, no, no.
I'm teasing.
Actually, I got um,
got in a fight with my daughter
because of your
'cause of your movie.
Really?
Yeah, she's a-
she's a big fan of yours.
And sh-now she's-and now
she's mad at you because of my movie?
Yeah, I guess I was uh,
I was mansplaining or whatever.
Okay, so, here's what you're
gonna do to fix it:
Bring her to my party this weekend.
A party?
Yeah, I'm having a party
at my house in the Hamptons
this Sunday.
It's gonna be ridiculous.
I'm hosting it
for a friend of mine.
Every young famous person
your daughter's ever heard of
will be there.
Everybody she loves
and everybody she hates.
You'll find it very tedious but
that's your penance.
Bring her here, and I promise you
she'll love you again.
Oh, my God.
- Daddy, this house is so cool.
- Hmm.
This is fucking retarded.
This is the most retarded
fucking day of my life.
Yeah, me too.
That's like, what?
Daddy, do you see who
all's here?
Yes, it's all very...
Oh, wow, there's Grace.
- Yup, that's Grace.
- She's so pretty.
- Oh, my God.
- What?
That's Leslie Goodwin.
I've been wanting to meet him
my whole life.
Ew.
Isn't he a child molester?
- Allegedly.
- That's just a rumor.
- Dad, he's a child molester.
- You don't know that, China.
It's-that's just a story.
Ugh, God, he's gross.
Yeah, but he's sexy.
Zash, come on.
You know, China, you shouldn't
say things like that about a person
that you don't know
who you just heard rumors about.
Okay, well, he also dates
really young women.
And he's what,
like 80 years old?
He's a great artist.
Probably the best writer, film maker
in the last 30 years or more.
Now his private life is,
that's not anybody's business.
It is, if he's molesting children.
What makes you think that that's
something that you know about him?
- Glen! Hi!
- Hi!
Oh, I'm so happy that you came.
- Is this?
- This is China...
and this is uh, my-
is her friend, Zasha.
Sasha or Zasha?
- Whatever you want.
- Oh, I love Zasha.
- And you're China! Hi.
- Yes, hi.
- It's nice to meet you.
- It's nice to meet you, too.
Your dad's a genius, China.
- Oh, uh, sometimes, I guess.
- Please.
It's true! I'm sure this is annoying
because he's your father, but honestly...
Oh, Les, Leslie, come here.
- Hi.
- Mwah.
Leslie Goodwin, this is
Glen, China and Zasha.
Hi.
Hi, it's my manna-my-mynard
to meet you.
Y-your name is China?
No, no, uh, my daughter, this is...
Th-this, your daughter here?
Yeah, I'm Glen
Topher. I'm Glen Topher.
Got it.
Hi, I'm Leslie.
Hi.
Girls, would you like to meet Cameron?
Cameron who?
- Shut up, Dad.
- Come on, ladies.
Okay.
She's a terrific girl.
Yeah, yeah, she is.
How do you know her?
Oh, Grace?
We go back a while. You?
Oh, um, I'm-I'm-I'm writing a new-
it's a new show.
I-I-I write TV shows.
Make TV shows.
Made-I made some shows.
Anyway, uh, the new show
I'm working on,
um, Grace might be in it.
Oh, what's the show?
Uh, just a thing.
It's not a...
To be honest with you, it's not-
it's not my favorite project.
It's not?
No, no. But you know-
you know how it goes.
I never worked in television.
I know.
I know that. I...
I-I'm a very big admirer of yours.
Not to be...anyway,
so this new show...
um, we're going to series,
which is great.
Um, but it's not something
I'm in love with, you know.
It's just not...
I don't have a feel for it.
Then, why are you doing it?
Right, yeah, I mean, you know.
I can't imagine
being in that position.
Why would you do that?
Did you need the money?
No, no, I... I'm doing fine.
My oth-my other shows have
been very successful. It's just...
Sure, but make a show unless you
had a desire to do it
or unless you're poor.
Right. But you know when
you get in that kind of mode
after a while where you just sorta
just start kinda makin' stuff
just 'cause you-
because you can.
Yeah, I would never do that.
But I'm not you.
How did you come up
with the name China?
Oh, China, uh, her mom.
That's her mother's name?
She's China Jr.?
No, no, her mother-
her mother named her.
And you just stood there.
That's, yeah, that's basically it.
It was really nice to, mhmm,
it was very nice to meet you.
Are you having a fabulous time?
Yes, oh, yes.
I'm glad that they're
enjoying it.
And uh, it's nice to see you.
It's nice to see you too.
It's uh, how do you know?
- Leslie?
- Yeah.
Oh, we sort of dated
when I was younger.
- Really?
- Hmm.
I've...I've always wanted to
be that guy.
- He's pretty impressive.
- Yup.
I just-I never-I wouldn't expect to see
him at-at this kind of-this kind of party.
Oh, he likes me throwing these parties
so he can scam on all the young girls.
Really?
He loves it. He's an old perv.
So, are you an intersectional feminist?
A radical feminist?
Uh, I don't know.
It's kinda just something
I started thinking about.
Well, that's the best way.
If it starts with your own feelings.
Then you reach out into the world,
find out who else thinks
the way you do.
That's how those movements form.
What... you know, is exactly
is a radical feminist?
So, your average,
garden-variety feminist...
not that they like
to be called that...
So, but your basic feminist
wants women to succeed
on an equal basis
within the existing system, but
your radical feminist says,
"Let's throw out the patriarchy
destroy the whole system,
start from scratch."
And they-they have a point
because the patriarchy
uh, has a pretty awful
track record.
Hitler or Genghis Khan, Donald Trump.
These are some of the great
products of the patriarchy.
Okay, but uh... so they think
women would do better?
Yeah, that's the question, isn't it?
I mean, humans are human.
I don't think gender
makes so much difference.
If this had been a matriarchal history,
then you'd have Jane Hitler, and...
maybe... Doris Khan.
Somehow still Donald Trump, I think.
Personally, I think it's just busywork.
All these different groups
of people trying to figure out
uh, how could we solve everything?
What's the key to making
humanity work?
Where really, civilization,
no matter how you slice it, uh
it is a necessary, messy complex
of barely coherent disaster
of people
loving and hating each other,
murdering and kissing each other,
telling stories and lies,
buying and stealing from each other.
There is no solution.
And, uh, I wouldn't have it
any other way.
The great poetry comes from our flaws.
But that's just me.
What do you think?
Me? Um...
I don't know.
You know what?
Th-that's really the only
honest answer, so, good for you.
Do you have-do you have
plans for your life?
Are you gonna go to college?
Um...
You know, I don't know.
I-I don't really know what to do.
I know that sounds
really lame, right?
- No. No.
- Don't say it out loud.
It sounds wonderful.
It's exciting.
Exciting?
Yes, because
once you decide what to do,
then you're gonna be faced with
hard work and confusion
and disappointment.
Right now, all you have is potential.
You can literally do
anything you want.
Until you decide what to do,
at which point,
you'll only be able to either
fail or succeed at that choice.
Wow.
You make it
sound a lot better than it seems.
I kinda wish I had some sort of
direction.
Yeah, well, you know,
don't be in such a hurry.
Take this from a director.
Direction is overrated.
Rudderless is a wonderful,
underrated lifestyle choice.
Who needs a rudder?
- Uh...
- I feel-I feel um...
I feel really weird talking to you.
Why?
Because my Dad...
he worships you.
He literally spends his entire career
trying to be just like you.
And I don't like you.
You don't like me?
I'm crushed.
I thought I was making
a terrific impression.
Is it my teeth? Do I smell?
I mean, it's...
it's what I've heard about you.
What you've heard about me?
Yeah.
You know, about...
Okay, well, look, I haven't heard
anything about you, for instance.
I can only go by
what I see in front of me.
In meeting you, um, in my experience,
that's the best thing to go by.
And as far as I can see,
you seem like a boorish
and rude person with no boundaries.
In other words,
I think you're terrific.
And if I read something
terrible about you later,
I won't believe it.
I don't know.
Well, that's the only honest response.
Yeah, oh, my God.
You're having lunch with
- Leslie Goodwin?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Out of control!
- That's actually happening tomorrow.
I-they-his office called to set it up
after I met him at that party.
Uh-huh.
And he wants
to come and talk to me
at lunch about writing and TV.
- Movies and? Oh, my God!
- Yeah.
A-and you gotta ask him
if he touched that kid.
Wha-what?
I bet no one's ever just
come right out and asked him.
Like just go, "Hey, hey, man,
"did you really do like, you know,
sex stuff with the kid?"
This is a huge opportunity, Glen.
I'm not gonna ask him that, Ralph.
Jesus. It's-that's a rumor.
Yeah. But then, you know, if he's
he'll just deny it
and you change the subject.
It's no big deal.
I could maybe work with the
best writer-director like, ever
and you want me to ask him
about a fucked up unproven story.
He was never even
charged with that.
I'm just saying, if you don't ask him,
you're being a great big pussy, man.
You're crazy.
Grace Cullen on line 2.
This is the best day ever.
You're having
the best day ever.
Ah, speaker phone, please.
Speaker phone?
Speaker? Speaker?
Speaker phone. Speaker phone.
Put it on speaker phone.
Speaker phone.
Spe-spe-spe-spe-spe-spe-spe-spe
Hi!
Hi! Oh. Hey, I've been meaning
to call you every day.
I've been working so much.
I just wanted to say
thank you so much
for coming to my party last week.
And for bringing China.
She's adorable.
That's really nice. No, you...
Thank you for having us.
How's it going with the writing?
You know what? I wanted to
talk to you about that.
Glen, I want you to know
I'm not trying to steal that part.
I'm really not.
I just looking in on you.
It's not about me.
Listen, Grace.
I've been unable to write this show
because I don't know who
these people are.
I feel like in my mind
if it's you...
I'll be able to get there.
Wow. Jeez. Glen.
You did tell me that
if I ever wanted to work with you
that I should talk to you about it.
I did. I did say that.
Okay, so, what do you say?
You wanna play this part?
Glen, I'm dying to work with you.
Yes.
Great.
Great.
Um, listen, I'm gonna get off the phone
because this is good. Okay?
Okay.
Okay. Um, bye Grace.
I'm excited.
Bye.
Dude.
You are the master.
You are the master, man.
Here I am, I'm telling you,
and you just showed me.
- Oh, wow.
- No, no, no, no
Don't deny it, I mean.
I feel like I just saw your dick
go inside her.
Hey, that's-that's gross.
She's pregnant.
Well, yeah, she's gross now.
But as soon as she
gets the baby out,
hey, man, you're gonna be
the only one gettin' in there.
Right? So that's the genius of it.
- That is the genius of it!
- No, no, no, no.
Now, Ralph, I didn't-
- I'm not trying to fuck her.
- Ho-ho-ho-ho.
I just cast her in my show.
Oh, think about how much
money and pussy you are getting
from the show
that doesn't even exist.
All right, stop. Seriously.
Glen.
We need to go over the schedule.
I'm just making dates
based on uh,
cast availability, since I have no
scripts or outlines
or locations or anything,
so I'm just making, you know,
basic production schedule
based on talking to the reps.
Trying to make the days
with the actors, so...
You're gonna have
to make some changes.
I-make some changes?
Like, what ch-what changes?
I'm replacing Jordana.
Replacing Jor-I just
got off the phone with her.
We're... with whom?
With Grace Cullen.
Grace Cullen, the pregnant lady?
Yeah.
- She's pregnant.
- Okay.
Well, so, the character
can be pregnant, Paula.
But then she will have a baby.
I mean, you know that's
how pregnancy ends, right?
- A person then has a baby.
- Yeah, not always.
- Sometimes you get an abortion.
- Not always.
Not always because...
I mean I doubt you can
talk her into an abortion.
- But I'm just saying it's a good idea.
- Dear God.
So, then the rest of the series,
this person's going to have a baby.
Yes?
- The rest of the series?
- That's right, I'm gonna make it work.
It's gonna be okay.
She's a big movie star!
Okay, so then you-this is-you-
this is done?
Yes, I-I hired Grace.
You hired Grace,
so then I have to fire Jordana.
Yes.
It's a clear upgrade to me.
Shut up, Ralph.
So, you-you were gonna make me um,
fire Jordana
and redo the sch-well, actually,
just scrap the schedule.
'Cause we have nothing now.
Yes?
I'm sorry, that's what's called for.
- Okay, called for by?
- Me.
Ooh, the man takes charge.
Shut up, Ralph.
Glen, what are we doing?
You know, what is it that we do here?
Like what...
what is this company even anymore?
Same as always.
We're doing the same thing
we always did, Paula.
Okay, so this is our
artistic imperative, right?
You are firing your lead actress
and hiring a pregnant movie star
because clearly, she's the
only person on the planet
who could possibly
play this role
in this show that is
very important to you.
Right? We're-we're working hard and
and we're-we're doing
unpleasant things
because we're making art.
Yes?
Paula, take it easy.
I have Leslie Goodwin's office on 1.
Thank you.
Oh! Speaker, speaker,
speaker, speaker, speaker.
Hello?
Oh.
Okay, sure. I understand.
Thank you. Yeah.
They just canceled
my lunch with Leslie.
- Aw, bummer!
- Yeah.
I'm sorry, Glen. I knew
you were looking forward to that.
Ah, It's a bummer.
I'm just gonna go
fire that woman now.
- Hi, Daddy.
- Hi!
- Hi, Paula.
- Hi, honey. How are you?
- Hi, Daddy.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hi. Good.
- Hi, Ralph.
- Hey, China.
- What's all this, then?
- Oh, I was just in the neighborhood.
And I miss you,
and I wanted to come say hi.
And that I love you.
Well, you're cheerin' me up!
- Why, what's wrong?
- Ah, nothin'.
Oh, your dad was supposed to have
lunch with the great, Leslie Goodwin,
but his office called and
canceled, so he's sad.
Oh, well, he's going to Europe tonight.
For some movie
he's starting in the summer.
Oh, what did he say? He said...
Oh, that he needed to go get some
"Italian money."
Yeah.
Why-why do you know that, China?
Oh, well, I was just with him.
You were...
You were with Leslie Goodwin?
Yeah.
God, isn't that weird?
Uh, yeah. Yeah, that's weird.
Well, it's not that weird.
He likes young girls.
Oh, yes, he does.
Why were you with Leslie Goodwin?
Oh, I was shopping for shorts
at Barney's and, well, there he was.
- By himself?
- Mm-hmm.
What was Leslie Goodwin
doing by himself
in the women's department
at Barney's?
Oh, um... Well, he goes there to...
Get this:
To look at young girls.
He said that.
I said, "What are you doing here?"
And he said...
Oh, I actually come here quite often
because this is where all of
Manhattan's elite girls come
and I like looking at them.
You like looking at young girls?
Sure, who doesn't.
I mean, if you had a choice between
looking at a pretty girl your age
or a retired bus driver,
who would you choose?
Anyway, h-he's kinda gross,
you know?
But he's hilarious.
I'm an appreciator
of fine things, China.
I enjoy chamber music,
certain abstract sculpture,
and private school
Manhattan girls
who shop at Barneys.
And by the way, so does-
so does everybody else.
Look at this guy over here...
staring at you.
He's a pervert.
Oh, my God.
And you're-you're not a pervert, then?
Sure, I'm a pervert, but
at least I'm talking to you
like a normal human being
instead of leering at you
like you're a roast chicken.
I'm interested in the whole person.
It's not just about your
perfect body.
It's about where you are
in this journey of life and humanity.
Really?
Yes.
This time in life that you're living,
China, will never come again.
It's not just your age,
it's your age
at this moment in history
in this country, in this town,
in this particular
department in Barney's.
The who you are, the where
you are, the when you are,
I appreciate all of that.
Yeah, I'm very aware that
you "appreciate" young girls, but
you don't listen.
You're doing all the talking.
You know what? You're right.
That's absolutely fair.
That's correct.
And I realize that that comment is
meant to shame me into shutting up.
But you know what,
I'm gonna keep talking.
Because people your age
tend to think in short bursts.
Because you've
experienced less time.
You haven't yet understood how
very, very long this conversation is.
- Oh, really?
- Yes.
And I'm only, in fact,
in the first stanza
of the first paragraph.
And when it's your turn,
you're going to
have to go on as long.
- Oh, well, I-I...
- Oh, wait, no, no.
Still my turn.
Oh, here, we have the standard.
Never dies.
The gold bikini
should come with a vial of cocaine.
God, I wouldn't be
caught dead in that thing.
Hmm, if you were,
you wouldn't be the first.
Hmm.
Now this one
is actually pretty cute.
Yeah, that's something.
You should try it on.
You didn't try it on
though, did you?
I think maybe she did?
Well, sure, I did.
Now, that is a perfect outfit.
I call that "The Brat with No Goals".
You wear that to the pool
where you treat everyone like crap
until your father hires a pool boy
from El Salvador
who teaches you
how to hallucinate
by licking certain toads.
He had a character and
a story for every outfit.
Now, this is what
you were wearing
when you were abducted
by Russian slave traders.
And it looked terrific at first
but by the time you get to Minsk
it was all dirty because
you've been duct taped for a week.
I don't know, it was fun.
Oh.
That guy is the master.
He is the master.
And then, we went to the park.
We started listening
to this guitar player.
But there was this
saxophone player.
Well, you couldn't hear
either of them
'cause they were just
drowning each other out.
So Leslie convinces
the guitar player
to come over and play
with the saxophone player.
And still no one really
wanted to listen, so...
Leslie goes to this
ice cream vendor
and he starts buying
ice creams and just
handing them out to people to-
to attract a crowd.
God, it was just...
It was the best
fucking time that I have had in...
in years.
China!
What?
Well...
What happened then?
Um...
Nothing.
'Cause he had to go
and so he left
and I came to see you.
So, Daddy, do you wanna
go get some dinner?
Or do you guys wanna go home?
I'm kinda hungry.
It's so beautiful.
Well, yeah, sure.
What does that mean?
Well, I mean, we're rich and
we're on a private beach.
Of course, it's beautiful.
You mean the world is ugly
if you don't have money?
Yeah.
Well, I can't wait to read
what you've been writing.
Yeah, no, I'll get-
I'll give you something really soon.
I really like uh...
I like being around you.
Yeah, me too.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. It's so funny
when you're miserable.
Uh-huh.
It's very funny.
Okay.
Thank you.
Okay.
Oh, Leslie called me yesterday,
he told me about Paris.
What about-
what about Paris?
That he's taking China.
I'm sorry, what?
Yeah, he told me that...
You're saying you didn't know?
- What are you talking about?
- Oh, I, I...
- What are you talking about?
- Shit.
I thought...
I thought you knew.
- Uh-huh.
- Shit.
Sorry.
China!
Yeah? I'm in here, Daddy.
Hi.
What's up? Are you okay?
Uh, I've been told
that you're going to Paris?
With Leslie Goodwin?
Oh, yeah. I uh, I was gonna
tell you about that, actually.
You were gonna tell me?
- Well...
- When were you gonna tell me?
When? When were you
gonna tell me?
When you get back from France?
- No, Daddy.
- This isn't funny.
China, you're a-a minor.
You can't just
go to Paris with some
- fucking...
- Daddy.
Well, you're not going.
- What?
- You're not going.
This is-this is unbelievable.
Y-y-you're not going
to Paris with him.
Daddy, it isn't just me going.
It's a trip he puts together
for a bunch of people.
And he's just including me.
Because they all go and they
see a bunch of French theater.
And I told him I'm thinking
of getting into theater.
And he said it'd
be good for me.
He said... since when?
Since when?
Have you been seeing him?
- No, Dad.
- China, look at me.
Have you been seeing him?!
No, Daddy, i-it's a big trip.
And I am inspired about going.
You told me to start
thinking about my future.
You're not going.
I'm going.
No, you're not!
You're a minor!
And you're seventeen!
Okay, so what are you gonna do?
What, you're gonna
call the cops on me?
Because I'm going, Daddy.
This is good for me.
And you're such a hypocrite,
because you worship him.
And you're just mad that
he didn't invite you to go to Paris.
Oh, my God.
And that he never took you to lunch.
And it's really fucked up that
you would take that out on me.
When this trip could be
really good for me.
I know, I know, it's terrible.
Do you know what
the real shock is though?
I went back.
Yeah, yeah. I did.
I had to do it again.
I loved it.
I love to repeat the worst
moments of my life.
So, leave nothing on the table, gang.
Misery is dessert.
Chin-chin.
Hi, come in.
How are you?
I'm just cooking.
Why are you always
laughin' at me?
You're funny.
Okay.
You look at me like I'm
the sky.
And you've never seen it.
You are the sky.
You're the sky.
And I've never seen it.
Oh, my God, Glen.
For a jaded old fucker,
you sure fall hard for a pretty girl.
I mean, that's all I am?
No, you're a lot more than that.
Not really, and I don't
need to be, but thank you
for trying.
Shall we read the script?
Um, maybe you should read it
alone when I'm gone.
Okay.
Hey, I hope it's not
a sore point, but
I hear China's having
a great time in France.
You heard from Leslie?
Well, everybody's there right now, so.
Everybody.
She's quite the hit.
Hmm.
Look, Glen.
This isn't all bad for her, Leslie.
Hmmm.
Look, if-if I'm the sky
and I'm amazing and all,
then just listen to me a little bit.
This is a positive thing for China
and I think you're smarter
than to be scared of it.
Okay, look, I-I get-I get that
there's a whole, you know...
It's like, different if you're-if
you're an intellectual, right?
Or if you're a f-um, f-f...
a rich artist.
Then, you're above all that,
I guess, you know.
Only poor people are pedophiles,
you know, because, we...
"We a-are Leslie Goodwin.
"We're after a higher
sense of personal stimulus and...
"We're not bound
by social mores and..."
Whatever, but
I mean he's an old fuck
with a shady past
and she's a kid.
She's a kid?
Yeah, I mean she's a minor.
She's not competent to...
I mean... what if they're...
What if they're... you know.
What if they're fucking?
Oh!
What if they are?
What if they are?!
Come on! Grace!
Jesus Christ.
She's not competent
to give consent.
Not to an old,
manipulative guy like that.
She's not-she doesn't have
the tools to sort that out.
So, you think when she turns 18
in three weeks,
she's going to suddenly
grow a magic tool of?
No, she's not, th-that's, but doesn't
mean she has it now.
I mean, this particular kid,
she is a child.
She knows nothing.
She's like a
Disney princess on estrogen.
She's not...
She knows nothing!
Well, considering that she is
gonna be an adult in three weeks,
she's in some trouble, then.
Something better grow her up.
I mean, she could do a lot worse.
So, you think it's-you think-
you think it's okay?
An old man and a-
and a girl?
I mean, doesn't society
have to protect her?
Society? You mean you?
Yes.
Yes. Me.
Because what?
Because she's 17?
I mean, come on, Glen.
It-It's a number.
A person isn't a number.
They declare you competent to
sleep with anyone you want at 18.
Why 18?
Huh? Because that's
when you can vote?
And own property, and
and get your own health insurance.
I mean, why would all those things
happen on the same day?
Why would a person
sexually mature at 13, or
12 and then be expected to be
put on ice for five or six years
so they can vote and fuck
a grown-up on the same day?
I mean.
Look, I know, I know.
I-I know that kids have sex.
I'm not stupid.
But I-I-not-not with grown-ups.
They have sex with other kids.
Oh, great, great, so when a girl
does feel lust and desire,
she's gotta go
be with a fucking boy.
Who's full of all these
new hormones
and far more dangerous
than a man like Leslie.
I mean, if your daughter is
as emotionally retarded
as you're selling her, then...
Look, this is-I-
what do I have to say?
This is wrong, this is-this is so-
this is just a g-
This is an old man
fucking a kid.
But you don't know that
that's what they're doing.
That's not the point.
It is the point.
That you don't know.
You don't know Leslie.
And y-you don't really know her.
I don't know her-
You know, Grace...
You know...
No offense,
but you're not a mother yet.
No.
And you don't know
what it's like.
No, I really don't.
You know, it's easy for you
to sit there and say, you know,
uh, go let your daughter
fuck a corpse.
Which I didn't say.
But you know, whenever that-
whoever that is in there,
when they grow up,
you're gonna be upset all the time.
You have no idea.
No, I don't.
And you don't know me,
and I don't know you.
I mean,
you're what?
You're a
divorced man.
You were married
and then, what happened?
You cheated on her?
What?
Well... that's what I heard.
I mean, it's not a secret, is it?
You were fucking around
and you got caught
and then she left you.
Okay, you know...
Y-you heard-you can-y-you
you can think what you want. I...
My marriage...
that...
People say what they want.
People think they know.
I mean, we-we hurt each other.
We were both in a lot of pain.
You know...
People think they know,
and they don't...
They don't know.
Nobody knows.
Nobody knows what happens
in a marriage.
Except those two people.
I mean, if there's one thing
I learned from that,
it's just-it's never to think
you know anything
about somebody else.
Or to think that you can judge
anybody on their private life.
Hmm.
This is different.
This is different.
This is basic. This is math.
He's old and she's a kid.
When I was 15,
I dated a man in his 50's.
Was it Leslie?
That's none of your
fucking business, Glen.
It was my life. I don't regret it.
I wanted to be with
who I wanted to be with.
I'm sorry, Grace,
but you were raped.
What?
I don't know who the guy was,
but that was wrong.
You sh-you were raped.
How dare you.
How fucking dare you,
you know who's gross, Glen?
You're gross!
It's really gross how
you believe you can just
wave your gavel and tell
women who they should be with.
It's my daughter!
For five more minutes.
She's just living her life.
Let her live it.
Look, I'm sorry,
I-I didn't mean to go that far.
- It's your family, and I'm-I'm...
- Yeah, it is.
Oh.
Ah.
- Oh.
- Ah.
Ooh!
Aah!
Oh, shit.
Ah, fuck.
Glen.
What?
Glen.
What?
You gotta see this.
No, I don't. Ah!
Yes, you do.
What the...
- Right?
- fuck.
What the fuck
is goin' on down there?
Well, I mean, it's pretty clear.
What?
Well, he's a warmer.
He's-he's warmin' her up.
Warming her up for what?
For Leslie.
So, you think that
he handed her off to
Raymond Ross, yeah.
Someone closer to her age,
more of an animal, really,
I mean, that guy
bangs a girl, you know.
- Okay, okay, okay, okay.
- Well, he's British.
Look, he's British and whatnot
- Right? So that's pure sex
- Yeah.
- I mean, look at that guy.
- Ah.
You know what I mean?
So like, Raymond Ross, man.
Well, he bangs her pretty hard.
- Okay.
- And then she cries
Goes to the beach, you know,
kicks around the sand, and cries.
But then, Leslie steps in.
He's kind...
He's wise...
And she's ready for him now.
You know? She's seasoned.
Just enough, but...
Still fresh.
What the fuck, Ralph?
Where are you getting all of that?
It's all in the pictures, man.
Look. Look, look, look.
You know, all I'm saying is that
when we first met...
God, Leslie, you-you did
such nice things for me
I mean, you-you were nice.
You were a-a gentleman.
And now, now it's like I'm your
roommate or something.
I feel like we're both guys!
But you see, that's an illusion.
I'm treating you
exactly the same
the entire time
we've known each other.
But girls want and expect
a constant escalation
- throughout a relationship.
- Uh-huh.
A constant increase
in devotion and favors.
If you treat a girl better every day,
she thinks nothing is changing.
If you treat her the same throughout,
she thinks it's getting worse.
Oh, my God, oh, my God.
Leslie, why do I hang out with you?
That's the only question
you need to ask yourself.
Hi.
Oh, hi, Daddy. Hi.
- Hello, Leslie.
- Hello, hello.
This is-this is Ralph Kinder.
This is Leslie Goodwin.
Oh, my God.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- How are you?
- I know you from television.
- You're hysterically funny.
- Oh, thanks! Yeah, look...
This is an honor for me 'cause
I-I've always wanted to meet you.
- Is that right?
- Oh, absolutely, yeah!
Hey, d'you really fuck that kid
like everyone says?
You know, Ralph,
you're the first person
that'd come out
and ask me that question.
See? See? I-I knew
that nobody had.
I love this guy, he's good.
Yeah, so, just tell me.
Well, you know what,
it's a really personal story
but someday,
you and I will have a drink
and I will tell you all about it.
Oh, shit, I would love that.
That'd be fucking great.
Uh, hey, man.
I'm gonna roll.
- Okay, Ralph. I'll see you, buddy.
- Okay, man.
Hey, Ralph, do you play tennis?
Uh, sure.
Do you wanna come to
midtown someday?
- So, you had a good time?
- Play with me?
- Yeah, yeah, I did.
- Sure!
How are you, Daddy?
I'm okay. Good.
Hey, you're the king, Leslie.
I'll see you, man.
A-and I will find out
if you fucked that kid.
I feel like you did.
I-I'll see you guys.
All right. It's gonna be great.
Bye, Ralph.
I love you.
Thanks, China.
Well.
Leslie, I wonder if
we could talk for a minute.
Okay, sure, if you...
Yes, I, please.
Sure, w-what can I do for you?
Do you mind having
a seat for a minute?
Okay.
Um...
So...
I-Is this the show you're writing?
What?
Uh, yes.
H-how's it going?
Uh, not good.
I mean, I'm struggling.
I have-I have a finished draft
but I don't, I just I-I just don't know.
You want me to read it?
I can give you my thoughts.
Yeah, I-I mean...
Well, I guess you could
take this one, I mean, um...
Yes, I guess I would-
yeah, I-I'd like that, if...
Sure, I'll look it over.
Please.
Mm-hmm.
Hmm.
So, what did you
want to talk about?
Well, I think that-I think
that we should talk about China.
You-you wanna
talk about China with me?
Yes, I would. I-I think that
we should talk about her.
We should? Okay.
What do you want us to say?
Shit.
You're gonna make me
come out and say it?
I need to know about China and you.
I-I-I-I'd like to know what's
going on with you guys.
Well, shouldn't you be
asking her that?
No. No.
I'm asking you.
I'm asking you because...
Leslie, because China is a-
China is a minor.
Oh, a minor what?
What I'm asking...
What I need to know is-is...
Is your relationship
with my daughter...
Well, w-what is it?
I don't know.
You don't know?
I-I like her.
We're-we're...
we're making friends.
Okay, so...
What are your, what are your int-
what are your intentions?
I don't have intentions with anyone.
I mean, I-I find that intent
guarantees failure
especially in personal relationships
I mean, in writing you need intent
to create uh, direction and thrust.
Without intent, the story stops, but...
In-in life, certainly with women
you don't have to do anything.
I mean, you just
go with the current.
Let it happen.
So, where w-where do you feel...
Where do you think the current...
Where is the current
going to take you?
I don't know. I really don't.
I mean, I can
I can say I think she's...
I think she's sweet on me.
I-I think she...
I think she likes me
more than a little bit.
- I...
- Look...
I need to know that you're
not fucking my daughter.
Dad.
Jesus. O-oh, my God, Dad!
China.
Oh, my God, you are...
You're so fucking gross!
- China...
- No, you are!
You are fucking disgusting!
What the fuck is wrong with you?
- Oh, my God!
- China.
China!
Well.
Was uh, it was nice to...
Everybody, everybody, everybody!
Please, please, everyone,
please, gather to me.
Tsank you, tsank you!
Nice and see to sees you alls in here!
And welcome...
To China's surprise 18th
birthday party!
Right?!
Are we excited?
Uh, yes, where is she
is a good question. Hang on.
Hold on.
He says "Hold on!"
I'm checking.
He says "He's a-checkin'!"
He says, "The sheriff is a ni..."
- Here she is, she, she
- Here she comes!
She's comin' round yonder bend
right there ya'll!
Yee-haa!
- Happy birthday!
- Thank you.
Happy birthday,
you look so beautiful.
- Thank you.
- Oh, honey.
Thanks, Daddy.
Okay, honey.
Hmm.
Oh.
Looks like the luster came off
the "I love you, Daddy" thing.
Thank God.
It finally looked like a normal
father-daughter moment.
You know, Glen.
None of this...
This party, the horse and carriage...
None of this...
Makes you a good dad.
You know that, right?
I mean, this is the kinda shit
that Turkish gangsters
do for their kids and they
don't even know their names.
What are you
gonna do about Leslie?
Come on, Glen.
What's the plan? Nothing?
Is that the plan?
Nothin'?
No, "nothing" is not the plan.
Okay, then,
what are you gonna do?
I'm figuring it out.
O-kay, so that's pretty much
nothing.
Hey, hey, what am I supposed to do?
She just tuned 18.
I know.
I noticed.
I'm pretty sure that planes
flying at cruising altitude
know that China turned 18 today.
Well, anyway, she's an adult,
so there's not much I can do.
China's not an adult.
Okay, yes, she's 18, but
she's not an adult
any more than you're an adult.
Look, I know you're right.
I know that I have to do something.
Do you love your daughter?
Yes, I do.
I know.
I know you do.
It's the one good thing about you.
Thanks.
So, here's what a good dad does.
He puts his daughter's welfare
ahead of everything.
Even ahead of
her loving him back.
I know, I know it.
So, what are you gonna do?
What does your gut tell you?
Hmm?
Hmm?
I have to tell her
never to see Leslie again.
Never, never, never.
Ooh! Yes!
Yes! That is a thing!
That is not nothing.
Ooh! Yes, I'm so excited!
She's gonna fucking
hate you so much.
Shut up. I can't do it.
- I can't.
- No, you have to.
- I can't do it.
- You have to.
She's gonna-I'm gonna
send her running back to Leslie.
She's gonna move in
with him or somethin'.
Glen.
You think Leslie Goodwin
wants to live with your daughter?
You think he wants
to take care of her?
Jesus Christ. You fucking men
overestimate the shit
out of each other.
It's disgusting.
Do it, Glen. Make her stop.
If you don't,
I'll stop coming around.
Is that supposed to be a threat?
Yes, it is.
If you don't get her off
that child molester's dick,
I'm done.
Because the whole thing
makes me hate the both of you.
And don't act like you don't like
that I still come around.
Because if I didn't,
you would be so bummed out
if I didn't ever come around
to see China
and yell at you all the time
and fuck you now and again.
Okay, I'm out of here.
Bye, stupid.
Hi.
- Hi, Grace.
- Hi, Glen.
- How are you?
- I'm fine.
I wanted to see China.
Hey, did you...
Did you ever read the script
that I gave you?
I know that you and I are all weird,
but I never heard from you, and...
I read it.
I read the script.
Okay.
Um...
Clearly, you didn't like it.
What did you think
of your script, Glen?
- What did I think?
- Yes.
Be honest with me.
I mean, I thought that I
captured your voice pretty well,
and I think it holds up.
Is that what you were going for?
Something that holds up?
I-I'm confused, I...
I know your writing.
I worshipped your voice.
This is... common.
Jesus. Tell me how
you really feel.
- I am, Glen.
- Yeah, I noticed.
Look, I have to go.
Hey, is that it?
You just-you shit on my work,
and then you just take off?
I mean, what does that
say about you, Grace?
What, did you fuck me so you can
get a part on my show?
And then when you see
that it's not my best work,
you... then I can...
I'm a piece of shit.
No, no, I didn't fuck you
so I could get on your show.
I agreed to do your show,
so I could fuck you.
And you should've told me
you gave up.
I can't believe
I was intimate with you.
I feel like I got bait-and-switched
in the worst possible way.
Holy moly.
Well, I have to go.
Can I ask you a question?
Did you invite me to your party
so that Leslie can meet China?
No, Glen. I didn't.
Oh, by the way,
I had lunch with Jordana Newsom.
She's amazing.
Not a fan of yours.
Glen.
Yeah.
Um, I'm just wondering when
I can start to make the schedule
for uh, the show that goes
on the air in a month
that we have shot none of yet?
I'm sorry.
- You're sorry?
- I'm...
Yes.
I'm sorry, women.
Wom-women?
Yes, please, on behalf of all women,
please let you all know
that I am very fucking sorry.
Okay, uh, we accept your apology.
And I'm just wondering if I...
Okay. Terrific.
Leslie?
Hello, hello. In here.
Hi.
How was your birthday party?
Well...
I'm officially 18.
No longer a minor.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
How you doing?
Well. Working.
All right, come on.
Where?
To the balcony.
I wanna get high with you.
Mmm, I don't think so, China.
Yes!
No, I suffer from enough
- No!
- natural confusion.
I don't need the synthetic variant.
- Come with me to the balcony!
- Ah, don't.
Don't pull on my arm.
I'm 68, it might come off.
Ah, fine.
Then, we will get high
right here.
My goodness.
Oh, my goodness.
- My goodness.
- My goodness.
I'm not gonna smoke that, China.
I'm not that guy. Sorry.
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
Okay, what's the idea here?
To make you smoke.
I'm 18.
I'm 18 and you're 68.
And my friends...
My friends think I'm crazy.
They go, "China!" and I'm like,
"Yeah, I know, he's 68. It's...
"How long it takes
to make a good man."
Yeah, I talk about you.
Shut up.
I tell them good things.
I tell them-I tell them
how good you are to me, and...
And how funny you are,
and weird, and brilliant, and...
And that I like you.
I think-I think you're
kinda sexy sometimes.
Yeah, I know-shut up.
Uh, during spring break,
we play this game
called "Mother, may I", um...
It's-um...
All the guys, they-
they line up naked,
and all the girls
line up naked, and...
It-it really looks stupid because
the guys have their-their dongs out.
It's really...
It's dumb, but um...
Um...
Listen, the whole
point of the game is that
they have to ask permission
to like, touch a girl
so, they just say like, uh,
"Mother, may I do" whatever
to this girl. And mother
has to uh, come up with a
with a punishment.
Um...
And I...
Usually, well...
Always.
Play mother.
It's...
a dumb game.
I don't want you
seeing Leslie anymore.
- So?
- So...
You're not gonna see him anymore.
You can't tell me what to do.
Yes, I can, China.
Yes, I can.
Because I-I-I-I pay your bills, kid.
I shelter you.
You know what, Dad,
I-I'm not a kid.
You're not? Then what are you?
Are you a grown-up?
Do you-do you know what
a grown-up has?
Plans and goals and-
and skills and experience.
W-w-wha-how many times
did you go to Florida
when you should've been
nailing your college applications?
You let me go.
I let you go.
I thought you were a grown-up.
I'm in high school, Dad.
Okay, so which one is it, China?
Do you want me to-to...
Respect you as an adult?
Or let you off the hook when-
when you fuck up
because you're just a kid?
- Wh-which one?
- Oh, my God.
You know, most kids your age,
they have-they're in a school already.
- Dad.
- Or-or they're...
- Doing something, started on something.
- Dad. I know.
I'm 18.
And I'm not doing anything.
I'm not doing jack shit.
Congratulations.
Good fucking job.
I mean, fuck.
You know...
I mean, you could-
you could do something.
You could be-
you could do whatever you want.
- You could be creative.
- I could be...
- You could try to be a writer.
- I'm not creative.
I'm not a writer.
I'm not anything.
Don't say that.
You have a-you have a lot of...
You're too late.
You're so-you're so fucking late
that it's over, Dad.
I'm 18, okay?
I'm not doing shit.
And this is way too
fucking late of a conversation.
I tried-
I tried to give you...
What did you try to give me?
You didn't give me anything.
You didn't give me anything.
All this is-is yours.
All this shit around you?
This is yours.
I'm-well, I'm sorry.
- Sorry?
- I'm-I'm sorry.
I'm fucking happy for you.
I'm happy that you're sorry.
But what am I gonna do?
You know, what am I gonna do?
What-what am I gonna do?!
I can't.
I'm really sorry.
I'm really sorry.
I swear to God, I'm sorry.
I can't do this.
Oh, I can't.
I gotta go.
China.
What-what about Leslie?
You fucking...
That's none of your
fucking business, Glen.
You okay?
She's okay.
What did she tell you?
She says that you kicked her out.
Sent me over here
to get this shit.
I did not kick her out.
Yeah, I know. She's pretty full of shit.
I catch her lying all the time.
So, it was about Leslie?
Look, I can't let her
be with some pervert, I...
He's 70 years old, you know.
And she's m...
Zasha, I'm sorry.
I-I don't need to dump-
dump this on you right now.
It's okay.
I mean, China's the real pervert here.
- China's a pervert?
- Yeah.
She has such a boner for Leslie,
it's hilarious.
You know, that's
always been her thing.
She had a teacher in 9th grade
who she tried to get to
come on to her.
Mr. Hoffman.
Mr. Hoffman?
Yeah.
Older dudes are sexy.
Whatever.
I used to have a boner
for you throughout my teens.
So normal.
I mean, everybody's a pervert.
I'm a pervert. We're all perverts.
Who cares?
Who cares how old you are? And...
who you are?
My cousin and I used to make out
when our families
spent summers together.
It was so hot.
I don't regret it.
I had a thing for you
when I was 14, so what?
So, really good job, Glen.
Just fucking stellar parenting.
You let her go back to Florida.
You let her go to fucking France
with Leslie Goodwin.
Then you kick her out.
And then you try to fuck
her best friend who's 17.
I didn't even...
I didn't even...
Oh.
Sh...
Fuck.
Yeah.
Seriously. Very great fathering, Glen.
You're amazing.
What did China say?
No, I'm not doing that.
I'm not mediating for you,
you chickenshit.
She'll probably
never speak to you again.
And I'm not advocating for you.
I don't fucking care.
How was-how was Peru?
I should've gone in my 20's.
I don't wanna break ya
Sure won't shake ya
I'll hold you so gentle
You'll never fall
'Cause you're my little China doll
I'll make you puddin'
Though I know I shouldn't
This fucking guy, Leslie.
He has us shooting
this scene in Morocco, right?
A-and it's just,
you know, it's me and Sandy
we're having some
bullshit dialogue or whatever.
The show takes place
in San Francisco, mind you.
And so we fly the whole
production to Morocco.
And now we're shooting
in this little caf.
We're having to redress it
to pretend we're in America.
Why, again, you fucking nut?
The walls.
The wa-yeah, the-
He wants Moroccan walls, right?
The cafs in Morocco have
these walls that are
that are made from
pigmented cement, and...
The colors come from
pigments that are long gone.
And, you know, there's nothing
like it. I had to have it.
The guy's gotta have it, right?
But the network
is shitting their pants
that we're shooting Morocco
for San Francisco for the walls.
Right? So, they're not
gonna stop it, right?
They shell out the bucks
'cause they're desperate
to get Leslie's first show.
But they gotta put their foot
down about somethin', you know?
So, they say, "Let's hire local
for the smaller parts."
So, for no reason whatsoever,
there's a guy, like the waiter
in the scene, he comes up, he says...
"Meh get ye anething els?"
And the one guy in the network,
like the head of the production guy,
he cries, like actual tears
are comin' out.
He's lookin' at the
monitor, cryin' like...
Glen.
Hi, Ralph.
- How are you?
- I'm good.
Ah, Glen, nice to see you.
Still ruinin' everyone's fun?
Yeah.
You okay?
Oh, I'm good, buddy.
- Yeah, I'm good.
- Good, good, good.
Congratulations, you're great
in the-in the show.
- You saw it?
- Of course.
You're great in it.
And the show is-is amazing.
Thank you, that's very kind.
- Ah, so, uh...
- You doing okay?
Yeah, yeah. No, look, hey,
I'm really good.
- Good, good.
- Yeah, why are you...
Why are you here?
You weren't nominated for anything.
Yeah, I know.
Did you even
make a show this year?
Yeah, I'm just hangin' around.
You're breakin' my heart.
Huh? Yeah.
All right, you know what, I gotta-
I'm gonna take a photograph.
It's good to see you, bud!
- Good to see you.
- You gonna stay, right?
- I'll decline, thanks.
- All right.
Good to see you, man.
Do you want to sit?
Yeah, sure.
How you been?
I've been well, I must say.
I like making television.
Episodes, I like that part.
- Good.
- That you make episodes.
Mm-hmm.
In fact, uh, it was
reading your script
that-that got me interested
in the first place.
Is that right?
I-I'll confess, I-I didn't know
exactly what you were going for.
I couldn't see the intent.
Intent.
But in reading it...
I... I got excited about
the idea of writing something
that didn't have an ending
and had no conclusion.
Which, they always
seem false to me.
Something about the fact that
that television is in episodes,
ongoing.
I like that.
How's China?
You haven't seen her?
Oh, not in a long while.
Oh, I thought...
I kinda lost her.
Yeah, well, that's
what they do, isn't it?
That's the best part.
The best part?
When they reject you.
What a thing.
To be loved by a girl
and then rejected by
the woman she becomes.
It's truly beautiful.
It's like a truffle.
If there were a
truffle pig for emotions,
and you sent it down into
the deepest hole in life...
That's the emotion
that it would come back with.
Amazing.
Anyway.
Uh, have a good
rest of your night, Glen.
You forgot your Emmy.
You can have it.
Mother, may I
Mother, may I please
Tell me what I gotta do
and I'll do it
But mother, may I
Glen.
Paula.
I know, it's kinda hard
being back here,
but not really being
you know, back here.
Paula, I fucked up.
- No, you didn't.
- I fucked up.
I had a...
real chance and
I fucking blew it, Paula.
Please, it's all right, Glen.
- It's all right.
- No, I'm f-I'm nothin'.
- No, no, no, no.
- I'm nothin'.
- No.
- And it's too late.
- Shh...
- It's too late.
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
Glen, hey, Glen.
- Listen to me.
- I am nothing.
Listen to me.
You were a great writer.
Great.
Great writer.
And now you're not.
But Glen, listen.
In the meantime,
you and me got really good
at making television.
So why don't we
just keep doing that?
It doesn't have to be great.
It doesn't have to be
ground-breaking television.
What happened to
"damn good television?
Right? I mean, as long as
we know that's what we're doing.
I love working.
I know you love working.
Take your Emmys.
Put em on a shelf,
look at em every once in a while.
Remember how great
that time was.
Then get back to work.
And then she says
they shouldn't be serving fish
because it's disrespectful,
and I'm like, To who?
The fish?
And then she's fucking telling
the ushers where to seat everybody.
And I'm like,
Mom, it's not your funeral.
For fuck's sake, wait your turn.
What are we uh, doing here?
Um, I gotta buy some perfume.
- Okay.
- Mm-hmm.
I just, I-I'm into it kinda lately.
I don't even know why.
Mm-hmm.
I tore a thing out of...
magazine...
Let's see, eh,
at the perfume counter...
If maybe this...
young lady...
Can help us.
Maggie...
Fuck you, China.
Don't be mad at me.
This is your dad.
Talk to your fuckin'
retarded dad right now.
Both of you.
You talk to each other.
Fucking retards.
How long do you think
your lives are?
Fucking talk to each other.
Now!
Okay.
Oh, I'm gonna cry!
How are you?
I'm okay.
How've you been?
Um... I'm all right.
This... this job kinda pays shit, but.
I got two, got another one.
You have another job?
W-what is it?
What's the other job?
Um...
It's at this law office.
I started it cause I thought
I would get some experience, but...
I dunno, I'm kinda just-
I feel like I'm getting scammed.
But the people there are nice.
Good.
Yeah.
Oh, this girl, Ashley, she um...
She just opened a design company.
- Mm-hmm.
- So.
I'm probably gonna go work there.
They're gonna pay me more
so I can have more time
figuring out what I wanna do.
Mm... Where are you living?
Oh, um, Harlem.
Harlem, really?
You sent the rain, Lord
You sent the rain, Lord
Old chap in June
Your fair old chum
Thank you for the rain
What have you made, Lord
I love the rain, Lord
Thank you for the rain
Daddy
I love you, Daddy
If there ever was a time
To tell you so
It's right now, before you go
Oh, Daddy
I love you, Daddy
You're with me on high
Right to the sky
And tell me I'm
the apple of your eye
And maybe here and there
you might swear
Or do a thing or two
that you shouldn't do, but
I'll never, never, never, never,
never, never, never, never
Never stop loving you
Oh, Daddy
Why'd you leave me, Daddy?
I thought I'd see you
just one more time
But you never came back
Oh, Daddy
Why'd you make me
grow up without you?
Don't you know
you broke my heart?
How could you do that
to a little boy?
Daddy
I love you, Daddy
And all I have is a song
To make me forget
that you did me wrong
Oh, Daddy
I love you, Daddy
I'll sing it over and over
till it's true
It's the only thing
that you let me do
Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy
Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy
Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy
Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy
Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy
Daddy, Daddy
Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy
Oh, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy
Daddy, Daddy, Dee
Daddy, Dee
Daddy, Daddy, Daddy
Daddy, Daddy, Daddy
Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Dee