1
Greetings, Americans.
Leave a message after the beep, but
not if you're going to mumble,
because a voice is not just a
blessing, it's also a choice.
Hey, Carol. It's Louis
from Sound Mix-A-Lot.
I'm just calling real quick because
Eva Longoria, the actress,
she has to re-loop her lines for an entire
film where she plays a cockney mob wife.
I attached the sound file
for you to check out.
She sounds like a
retarded pirate,
so the studio is paying to
have her work with a coach.
And I thought of you.
Sorry, I never use the word
"retarded" in a derogatory way.
I hate people who do that.
Sorry, if you have a cousin
or a friend who's retarded,
I didn't mean it that way.
So, sorry about that.
Is that what you think,
you stupid slapper?
Is that what you fink?
I don't give a shit
about what you think!
Is that what you think,
you stupid slapper?
This Wednesday, one woman
will teach another woman
to sound a little less retarded.
In a world
like nothing you've
ever imagined.
Without a single unified voice,
humanity has been left searching
for answers to the unknown.
Now, one man has the
power to change that.
One man.
Me.
When the storm hit, both our
cars were totally underwater.
In a world where both of our
cars were totally underwater.
We thought it would take
forever to get some help.
But a new wind was
about to blow.
There's hundreds of
people doing voice work,
but only five of them are
making all the money.
Yeah. That's as it should be.
I'm sorry. As long as I'm one of
the five, that's as it should be.
Is it true that sometimes you will
do 60 promos a week, 35 in a day?
Oh, yeah. That's... That's
actually not uncommon at all.
That's pretty much a
slow week in many cases.
Odds are you already knew the
voice of Don LaFontaine,
who died in Los Angeles Tuesday.
He was 68.
He was the Don. He was the guy. Nobody
really could ever compare to him.
When we were young, for a while,
we were both referred to as the "it
boys" of the voice over world,
which I thought was
kind of amusing,
because I never met a boy
with pipes like these.
"In a world..."
Those words were for Don only.
- I mean... - There's
no question about that.
But I think that it could safely be said
everybody wants a piece of that legacy.
Meet Thomas Coyne. He's out
of cents and he's $3 short.
Ever since I was a kid,
I remember hearing Don coo those words,
"In a world... In a world..." You know?
And when I heard that I was like, "I
want to be a part of that world."
"I want to be part of
that world. That world."
For whoever takes his place, those
are gigantic shoes to fill.
I think Don was a...
I think a size 11.
It is true that I
happen to be a 13.
I don't know if you can see
that, but it's just the truth.
Whether or not that
matters, I don't know.
Why aren't the humidifiers on?
I'm dead.
Fuckin' Christ.
Listen, did Gustav
Warner happen to call?
- Jesus Christ. - He and I
are getting a steam later.
I'm not home.
Did Gustav call?
God, Dad. I don't know why you...
I can do what that guy does.
What the hell does that
have to do with anything?
This Wednesday, one woman
will teach another woman
to sound less...
This Wednesday, one woman
will teach another woman...
I just woke up, so my
voice is cold, but...
Look, are you hungry? Jamie
worked me up an appetite.
I'm gonna rustle
us up some grub.
Oh, my God. "Grub"?
I'm gonna make breaky.
"Breaky"?
Jesus, what the fuck is
wrong with you, Carol?
You know, I say, "Black,"
you say, "White."
- I'm gonna eat out here.
- You're yelling so much. Why?
- You don't want to come,
stay in bed. - It's so early.
Her name is Erin and her
other name is Erin.
So you know that mentally unstable guy
who lives in front of the Quiznos?
No.
You remember, he's the lunatic who's
got that crazy German brogue.
You know, this is
Jamie's favorite show.
Actually, it's quite good.
You should check it out.
I think he's from
Munich or something,
but I wanted to get his
voice for my archives.
And he's always lecturing how the
world's real currency is lettuce,
so I had to buy a
head of Romaine
- to negotiate with him. - I
can't wait to see you, puppy.
I'm gonna purr to
you all night long.
Voice mail, huh?
- I'm sorry, sweetie.
What's up? - Nothing.
Where is "the groupie" anyway?
What, is she busy at a smiling
convention somewhere?
Jamie is doing re-shoots for
a Ziploc commercial she got.
Jesus. That girl is bad
news, Dad. I mean...
Honestly, she smells
like Life Savers
and she has a Midwestern
accent, un-ironically.
Moreover, she should be paying
us rent. She's here a lot.
Jamie is going to be
moving in, sweetheart.
You're gonna have to find
another place to live now.
- What? She's 26!
- She's 30.
- That's my age.
- You're 31 now.
- Okay, barely. - Look, she's
an adult. That's the point.
She collects rainbow magnets!
- At least she likes me.
- For the wrong reasons.
Well, they're right
enough for me.
I'm appalled, Dad. I'm appalled.
Look, I'm feeling happy for the
first time in quite a while.
You know what? I think this is
just a validation thing. I do.
I think you should start spinning
again. I've been thinking about...
Carol, I love you, but let
me tell you something.
You're not gonna be able to
talk me out of this, okay?
Jamie printed me out an
article from Yahoo! Health.
It was all about enabling,
and I realized at that point
I cannot continue to support
your emotional handicap.
- I understand. Okay.
- Let me finish, okay?
Sometimes, I get the feeling I've
done all I could for you, kid.
I mean, I let you share my
crash pad with me for years.
I shared all my contacts
in the biz with you.
Listen, if I could break you off a piece
of this voice and give it to you, I would.
But I can't, because that's
an impossible conceit.
And the truth of the matter is,
it probably wouldn't help you
anyway because, let's face it,
the industry does not
crave a female sound.
Yeah, Dad, you've made me painfully
aware of that my whole life.
I'm not being sexist,
that's just the truth.
Okay.
This whole voice-cracking
problem you've grown into
isn't doing you any
favors either.
But here's what I'm trying
to say, sweetheart. Okay?
You should stick
with the accents.
I mean, that's your thing.
That's what you're good at.
What was that great Russian Star
Wars thing you used to do as a kid?
Yeah, I know the one you're
talking about. But, Dad...
- What was it?
- It was... Don't make me do it.
- Come on.
- I don't want to do it.
Please let me hear it.
Deese are not the droids
you're looking for.
I just love that.
It's so random.
But listen, I can't pay rent
with the freelance
vocal coaching.
- So, why don't we think of
an agreement... - Sweetheart,
not my problem. You understand?
Listen, I'm gonna support
you by not supporting you.
Okay, but what's the timeline on
this? Can you at least let me...
- Look, there's no big hurry.
- Okay, good. Because...
Tonight would be good.
The search is on, my friend.
What's that?
There's a great big epic
coming down the pike.
They wanna bring "it" back.
Copy starts with the
words, "In a world..."
And right now, they're
trying to find their guy.
How can they do that
without LaFontaine?
He coined the phrase, he's the
godfather of the industry.
Enough with that, please! That
Don LaFontaine stuff. All right?
"Donnie was the... Was the
godfather of the industry."
"Donnie had perfect tone."
"Donnie had a big dick."
Donnie this, Donnie that!
All right, the guy was the best.
You think I don't know that?
No, Sam, that's
not what I meant.
I know what you meant. I understand.
It's just... It's just...
What is it?
I'm sorry, Gustav.
It's just hard.
I know.
I know I'm not as
good as he was.
You know what? You.
You're their guy.
- That's right.
- Sam...
If they want me to do it, sure.
I wrote the book. I
lived that life.
I'm getting a Lifetime Achievement
Award for Christ's sake.
And the fact of the matter is, I could
never really do it as good as Don. No, no.
It's time. It's time
to pass the torch.
What are you saying?
I'm saying, I'm going to
go to bat for you, kid.
Moe, I am simply saying that it
was on the counter this morning,
and that you just must
have moved it. That's it.
Honey, you've misplaced it.
That's all.
Okay. So, you're accusing me of
losing my wedding ring! Got it.
Now see, I feel like that
sounds kind of argumentative.
Moe, I'm not going
to have an argument
about whether we're having a
goddamn argument or not, right?
That's the only kind of
argument I know how to have.
- I'm coming.
- I'm somewhat practiced at it.
Dad kicked me out.
- Hey, Carol.
- What? What happened?
- I need to wash everything I own.
- Carol, could you have called?
I did, Dani, but you don't
answer your telephone.
- That's not my fault.
- What happened?
I'm glad I didn't throw
away my lucky couch.
Okay. The groupie's moving in
with Dad. Can you believe it?
- She's 23.
- She's 30.
Well, it's your fault
for introducing them.
I didn't. You always do that.
No, you do.
- What is in this bag?
- That was a different one.
So the autobiography and winning
a Lifetime Achievement Award
aren't enough? He's
gotta have a concubine?
Your dad is a sexy cool guy.
Give him a break.
"A sexy cool guy"? What's
the matter with you?
So, you can use a plane. Then
you exit to the two exit door.
The door is on
"automatchically".
The... You see the...
Up the stair and the down stair.
You go to up the stair.
Then little building here. The
little building, go, go walk way.
You... You see the park.
The park is... Okay...
What's your favorite craft?
Well, I really like
making pottery.
- It's like... Like it's
amazing... - Like in Ghost?
- Yeah, it's amazing! - I think
if you walk away, you see that.
It's like if a Beanie
Baby could talk.
I love your gloss.
Please do not accost my clientele
here with your goddamn recorders.
The Eastern Europeans are a
really paranoid group already.
I say that it's for "artistic
research" and they, like, love it.
They don't understand that.
They think that you're a spy.
- Okay?
- Excuse me.
Good afternoon, Mr. Pouncer.
How can I help you?
Well, there's this
mate of mine, right,
and he's a little under the
weather at the moment.
So I want to send him this.
Medicine.
- Very good. - There's his
address and information.
Do you think you could
do that for me, love?
Absolutely. Consider it done.
- Thanks a million.
- Have a lovely day.
Sure, now that I've seen
you, I most definitely will.
Get out of here.
I'm sorry. His voice is a
vision. What could I do?
Go to your meeting.
For someone who works
in hospitality,
you're really inhospitable.
You know that, Dani?
If they paid me a little
more, I'd be nicer.
Stop it! Don't do that!
Get out!
And I need to check out other
facilities but right...
You gotta be kidding me.
Hey, I'm here to see Louis.
Hi! I'm Nancy. I'm new.
Have a seat. I'll let
Louis know you're here.
Okay.
You're Sam Sotto's kid, right?
Yeah, how'd you know?
Your dad is so hot.
Sorry. I just bought
his autobiography.
I love to read. So, I'm
like always reading.
It's important.
Very cool. Cool.
Sotto Jr.'s here.
It's just Solomon.
It's Carol Solomon, "Sotto"
is my dad's stage name.
Guess you didn't get to
that part in the book.
Carol.
- Hey.
- What up, playa?
All right. Come on. Let's make
something shiny out of shit!
- Great.
- All right.
Hey, so, really sorry about
that stupid rambling message
I left on your machine
the other day
when I said "retarded"
a bunch of times.
I didn't mean actually retarded.
I think I just get nervous or something
when I'm leaving a message on your machine.
Your dad might hear it
and I'm doing a voice over
basically on your phone.
You don't have to worry about
it anymore 'cause I moved out.
So you can just call me
on my cell directly.
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
Oh, cool. Definitely. I'll definitely
call you on your cell, you know.
If the situation calls for it,
professionally, I'll call you on the cell.
- I'm not gonna bum Rush
you or anything. - Okay.
I should cut you with
a knife, I should.
Is that what you think?
Is that what you think,
you stupid slapper?
Just remember the
"F" for the "T-H."
Like "F" for "fink," "fink,"
versus, like, "think."
- What do you fink,
you stupid... - Yeah.
- Say it, say it. - Is zat whot
you fink, you stupid slappa?
Is zat whot you fink,
you stupid slappa?
Yeah. There it is.
Is zat whot you fink,
you stupid slappa?
- Should we try one?
- Okay. Yeah.
Okay. I'll do a series
and we'll keep it open.
Is zat whot you fink,
you stupid slappa?
- Nice work.
- Guess who's a no show!
Gustav Jizz Nuggets.
Hey. I'm in a session, Heners.
Come on.
Louis, I gotta turn this temp track in
today. I was gonna do it myself, but...
No, no, no! You sound like an angry
Muppet. Get Cher. It'll be better.
Cher sounds like a
sleepy chipmunk.
I can do it. I
mean, I'll do it.
I'm no Don LaFontaine, but if it's
just a temp recording, I can do it.
No, that'd be perfect.
I needed to do this 10
minutes ago. Thank you.
Eva, could you just put the cork back
in your mouth and work on those vowels?
- Thank you.
- A-E-I-O-U, A-E-I-O-U...
So, Princess boy will
not be gracing us
with his shitty vocals for
this piece of Dung trailer
for a fucking romantic
comedy with children.
This is for Welcome
to the Jungle Gym.
Hey, Gustav's sound is tight.
Do not judge him for being
monetarily privileged.
- Carol, you want a water or
a Fanta? - I'd like a Fanta.
I'm sorry, I have no
time for a rich kid
who threw away his
inheritance on a soccer team
and then somehow fell into being the
highest paid voice over artist...
Okay, Carol, why don't you
just hop in the booth.
He's lucky he's got those pipes,
otherwise he'd be a washed-up
mortgage trader right now.
Thanks for asking me if I
wanted a Fanta, Louis.
Do you want a Fanta?
No.
Here we go. Here we go.
Carol, can you hear me in there?
Yeah, I hear you perfect.
Ready, ready.
Okay. Welcome to the Jungle
Gym promo, take one.
Allo Carol!
- Eva Longoria.
- Allo.
Where'd you go?
You just ran off.
Oh, sorry. I thought we were done.
You said we were done, right?
Yeah, yeah. We're done. But
you forgot your Fanta.
Thanks. Back to stupid slappers.
Stupid slappa!
Yes, very good. You lead.
Stupid slappa! That's what
you fink, you stupid slappa!
- You want some Fanta?
- No.
It's in the fridge, Moe.
It's not. Otherwise, I'd
have it. And you'd have it.
- We'd all have it. It would
be great. - Let me just do it.
It's not a matter of you doing it,
okay? We're out of soy vanilla.
You guys are so loud.
Weren't you supposed to
be in charge of that?
Well, I will be from now on.
Okay?
Love you!
"I love you, too, Moe.
Have a great day."
"You, too. Thank
you, sweetness."
- Obviously, butter side down.
- Oh, no.
- It's okay. - Yeah. Yeah,
let's do it. Let's live.
You're killing me, Dani.
Mr. Pouncer, hi. I'm so sorry. I just
didn't see you there. I'm so sorry.
How can I help you today, Sir?
I just noticed you're not
wearing a wedding ring.
So now I'm never gonna
leave you alone, am I?
- Sir...
- No, I'm not a Sir.
No, you have to do
something brave
or do a shit ton of drugs in a rock
band to be one of those. No, no, no.
I am a Terry, however.
- Terry.
- Terry. Hi.
Hi, Terry. Can I get you
anything today, Terry?
No, actually. I just wanted to see
if I could get you to call me Terry.
And I just did.
That's what me mother
calls me, you see.
Cheers!
Cheers. Cheers.
Relax, Dani, you're acting like I'm
the first guy to ever hit on you.
Good afternoon, Concierge.
Yes, good afternoon.
Carol, I can't talk right now.
I'm super busy.
No, you're not. I'm
standing right behind you.
- Just kidding. Psych.
- That's not funny, Carol.
What?
Do you know that your neighbor
Pippa is from Guildford?
And I had a really
nice chat with her...
Because you are all out of
soya vanilla. They say "soya."
What's up, Carol? What do you want?
I got a lot of things to do.
All right. Fine, fine. I'm gonna
try the soft sell on this,
but you know that's really,
really hard for me.
Sister code, Dani. I really
need that Pouncer guy,
the Irish good-looking guy.
I need his accent
for my archives
because, really, it's one of the
accents that I struggle with.
- Really, Dani.
- No, no. No, Carol.
The news clips that I have,
they're too regional.
And in order to really
master a dialect,
you need to have these vowels.
Dani, come on!
- Fine. - You're just...
Did you say fine?
Yeah.
Great!
Oh, so, there's one
issue, though.
What?
Your manager has, like, a fake
restraining order on me or something
because the Bulgarian guy that I followed
out last time happened to be a diplomat.
I didn't know about it. It was a
thing... Wouldn't have done it.
God damn it, Carol!
Hindsight was 20-20.
What? What do you want?
What do you need?
Okay. So sister code. It's super
easy. All you have to do is...
I'm gonna drop off my
little interview questions
and the recorder and you
just press "Record."
Ask the questions. The
guy answers it. Done.
Sister code. Done deal.
Sister code.
What is this "sister code" thing
that you're doing right now?
What? Sister code?
"What? Sister code?"
Yeah, it's a new thing. I
was just trying it out.
Do you like it?
I don't know. I don't
really like it.
What? Ping-pong it a little bit.
Like I say, "Sister," you say...
I'm not saying it.
I won't push my luck. But you'll
do the interview questions?
Look, I'm going to do it.
Okay? I'm doing it.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
I love you. Sister code.
No.
Okay. Bye.
How did Mission Ireland go?
Yeah. Really good.
I'm gonna drop off the equipment
now. I can't believe she said yes.
Yeah, me neither. She could
lose her job if she's caught.
Oh, my God, you're so dramatic.
Yello.
- You booked that gig!
- What gig?
Welcome to the Jungle Gym.
Who did?
You did! The studio heard
the temp recording you did
and they want your voice
on the trailer, Carol.
But I'm a chick.
Yeah, I know. I'm
acutely aware of that.
The studio said they feel that
it's a "modern, quirky" choice.
- A what? - And that you're
perfect for the genre.
Children's romantic
comedy is a genre now?
Who cares? You just took a job,
a huge job from Gustav Warner.
I did?
Yeah. You just served up
a can of warning soup
to the Warn-dog himself!
I say next up, lemon
drop shots on me.
Are you excited or
trying to fart?
Hello? Carol?
Okay. All right. All right, then.
All right, let's get those shots.
All right, okay. I'll see you
tonight then. All right. Okay.
I know she Hung up already.
It's that obvious?
- Hello?
- Dad, I...
- Hello?
- Can you hear me?
- What's that? - Sorry.
Wait. Can you hear me now?
Gotcha!
This is my voice mail message.
I'm unable to take your call...
Really?
What?
I lost it to a broad?
Are you kidding me?
No, why would I be kidding you?
You know this is all happening because I
got sick and I couldn't perform that day.
Put it down.
Siegel. I smell legal.
I smell legal!
Well, get off the phone with me
and get on the phone with them!
I'm sorry, Sam.
- I'm sorry you had to hear that. -
No, no, no! Listen, don't apologize.
It's fine. Times are changing.
That's the way it is.
Nowadays, they're flying
planes, they're taking jobs.
- That's just the reality.
- Welcome to today's world.
I mean, it wasn't too long ago that I
can remember, all I had to worry about
with the ladies was how quickly to get
their panties off. You understand?
- Yeah. Yeah.
- And I don't want you to fret.
As soon as you get to resurrect
those three little words, buddy,
you are gonna own this town.
Amen to that. Amen to that, Sam.
Hi, Moe!
Pippa! Hey!
Is Dani here?
No, actually. No, she's at work.
Look, I'm really sorry. I know I do this
all the time. It's just one tiny...
No, no, no. Go ahead.
Please, I'm taking a break
rom work. Making a PB & J.
- Peanut butter and jelly.
- Jam.
"Jam." Right, right.
This is really awkward, Moe, but the thing
is, our drain's busted in our flat.
My mate is dealing with it at the moment.
But the pipes need cleaning. Who knew?
And I haven't showered in three
days. And I stink. It's disgusting.
Oh, right! God, I've been in my
sweat pants for, like, years.
I was just wondering if I
could use your shower.
Yours and Dani's shower.
That's weird, isn't it?
I'm sorry.
No, no, no. I'm sorry. Yes! I
think that'll be totally fine.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah. Of course. Yes.
I'll be back in a jiff. Okay!
All right.
It's not a big deal.
Hey.
Hey. I was just trying to see if
you're coming home for dinner,
because I was... I
was cooking a...
What?
I was cooking a sandwich bar.
A sandwich bar?
Yep. For dinner. I was cooking
a sandwich bar. You know.
Cold cuts and rolls
and mustards.
No. I think I gotta stay.
They want me to help out with
some corporate thing tonight.
Oh, great! I mean, whatever. No.
We'll just do a sandwich bar another
night. I mean, it's so easy.
- Okay. Bye.
- Bye.
Hello, shower friend!
Hello! I'm shower ready!
It's right over there.
In the bathroom.
Thank you.
No, thank you.
What?
Do you need help with anything?
No. I'm good. I've
got it from here.
There's a tricky
hot-and-cold ratio thing.
So if you get into a jam.
If you get into a "jam,"
just holler, or, you know.
- Hey!
- Hi!
Are you okay?
Pippa's naked in the shower.
- Who?
- Pippa.
- Why?
- Her pipes need cleaning.
You look like you swallowed a
frog. What's wrong with you?
What is this? PB & J? Nice.
Yeah. It's peanut
butter and jam.
Dani's not coming home for
dinner, so I thought...
Who cares? I just texted her that she
doesn't have to do Mission Ireland
because the vocal coaching
is temporarily on hiatus.
Why?
Oh, because I just got offered
another children's movie trailer
and I just came from an audition where
I might be the voice of Sunny Delight!
Dude! Wow! You're cleaning
up is what, sister!
Wow! Did you tell your dad?
No, but I will.
- Sunny D!
- Yeah.
You're always taking care of me, so I am
thrilled to be able to return the favor.
Well, it is my job to
get you what you want.
Darling, you don't get me what I
want, you get me what I ask for.
I'm sure what I want
would make you blush.
Really? You're funny.
That's funny. Okay.
Setting it out right here.
One-two, one-two.
I think it's working.
Okay, sorry, first question.
What makes you laugh?
That's an odd question.
Sorry. My sister's strange.
I'm definitely going. Mimi and
I need to have post-party sex.
Come on. Are you serious?
You hate Gustav, why would
you go to his party?
A few more like that, Carlos.
Rape him for his
open bar, idiot.
Yeah, I have enough
beer at home, thanks.
Besides, I don't have a date.
You don't have a date. You're
not supposed to go with a date.
You're supposed to
leave with a date.
That's the point. What
is this, the '50s?
Okay.
Well, I feel safer
with the buddy system.
Don't act like those parties aren't
the worst. A voice over party?
I'm tired of waiting for the bathroom
and hearing the voice of Cialis
hitting on the Virgin
America message-hold girl.
I'm not going to beg
you to go, man.
Ask Carol.
What?
You should ask Carol
to the party.
Really?
- Yeah.
- Wow, okay.
I think that's probably the single worst
idea you ever had, Cher. Nice one.
- Hello.
- Hey. You busy?
- No, I'm just leaving this
audition thing. - Cool, cool.
Hey, so listen, I was calling
'cause I was just wondering
if you had any
plans for tonight.
For like... Like to just...
For what?
There's this thing,
just this party thing.
- Oh, what, the Gustav party?
- Yeah, totally lame, right?
I'm obviously not going...
- I'm actually going. - I mean, I
might go, but I don't wanna go.
So are you going with anyone?
Yeah. My dad's girlfriend wants
me and my sister to go to it,
like, as a bonding thing or
something. It's gonna be whack.
Totally whack! Wickedy whack, baby!
You know what I'm talking about?
That's probably why I'm
not going, actually.
Honestly, the only reason why
I'm going is just to network.
Cool. I mean, I think
that's a smart move.
If I were in your situation, I
would definitely do that. Nice.
- It would be more fun if you were
there. - I'm gonna get this call.
- What?
- Didn't you hear what I said?
- No, what did you say?
- Excuse me?
No, I was just... Hello?
- Please take your other call.
- Okay. Later.
Do you know where I can get
a smoothie around here?
I'm sorry. I do not...
I'm sorry. I didn't
hear what you said.
I said I don't know where you'd get
a smoothie around here at all.
I'm so sorry.
Oh, okay. Thanks so much.
Yeah. No worries.
Have you seen my stress ball?
What is your problem?
Carol's going to
the party tonight.
- With you?
- No.
Are you gonna ask her?
I just told her I'm not going.
Why would you do that?
I don't know, Cher!
How you going to eat the
apple if you got no teeth?
What?
She's saying stop being a pussy and
bring Nancy as your date tonight
to make Carol jealous.
Thank you, Carlos. I don't think
she used the word "pussy," though.
Was someone looking for a
date to Gustav's party?
I will totally look hot for you.
You'll shit when you
see what I'm wearing.
Please, I'll be super classy.
This is cute. Right?
This works.
Yeah. Yeah. Is the
party in 1989?
Do you have a cocktail
dress that I can borrow?
- Yes, I do, but I'm wearing
it tonight. - For what?
- For date night.
- What?
No, Dani's coming
with me tonight.
What? So I'm the third
wheel on a dad date.
Sorry.
The horror.
She woke up all warm and fuzzy this morning
and suggested we have a fancy dinner.
Maybe she's happier
'cause you're here.
No, it's definitely not that.
Hey, Pippa is like, you know,
a fashiony-type person.
- Yeah? - You can borrow
something from her.
I mean, she owes me one for
letting her shower here.
What an excellent
and awkward idea.
- Hi.
- Allo.
- Hello there.
- How are you?
Hey. Hi.
Listen, we have a
fashion emergency
and we would like
your help, my lady.
A fashion emergency. Yes,
absolutely. I can help you.
I never would have expected
that coming from you.
- It's for... Yes.
- You.
That's a lot easier.
No, no, no. Sorry.
That was not clear.
I'm good.
Absolutely. I can
totally help you.
Great. Chim-chimeree.
Any more primping, the girls
are gonna cry with jealousy.
Well, then you're just gonna have
to kiss this lipstick off me.
If you insist, I guess.
Hey, honey. I'm really
touched you took my advice
to include the girls tonight.
I can't say no to you, can I?
Nope.
Whoa! You look like
somebody else.
Are you serious? Thanks.
All right. Where's Dani?
Late. What else is new?
Well, use protection, okay?
I will.
I have my diaphragm in.
- Hi.
- Hi.
This chair, it always
sticks like that.
Can you get in there?
Watch the leather. Just be
a little graceful, okay?
- Sorry.
- Where's Dani?
She's not coming.
You look nice, Carol.
Thank you.
She didn't say anything
to me about it.
Well, she has work.
Of course, I told you, remember? I
said exactly this would happen.
- Would you like a Life Saver?
- It's just predictable.
It's tiresome. It's predictable,
the same thing all the time.
It's a lot stuffier
than I remember.
Yeah, Gustav, you got
enough goddamn flowers?
Maybe he's covering the
fact that he stinks.
Nice one, Meems.
Where is he, anyway?
Why are we talking about him
like we're in West Egg?
Oh, there he is. Mr. Big Pants.
Watch the door. I just had
it detailed. Watch the door.
- I'm trying my best. I'm fine.
- Watch your foot... Okay.
Dad? You know what, I'm just going
to make a phone call really quickly.
What phone call?
We just got here.
It's going to be really quick...
Carol, you always do this.
Come on.
Listen, make sure you
find us when you're done.
- All right?
- I will. I will.
Hello. Yes, I'd like
a cab to Reseda.
How long is the
wait on that ish?
- Carol, hey. How are you?
- Louis.
- Hi.
- Nancy is who I am.
Yes. This is true.
You look great.
Thank you so much.
Were you waiting for someone?
Or should we go in?
I'm just here with my dad.
- Oh, really! Let's go in.
- Yeah.
I was doing a gig, and we
were like on the 22nd take,
and so the producer says,
"On the next take"
"can you give me a
little bit more energy?"
And I said, "Well, why don't
you go back to take one."
You decided to come.
Oh, yeah. Nancy wanted to come.
I thought, you know, "Maybe
I'll run into a friend."
This place is rich.
Drinks stat.
- You want to come?
- No. I'm good.
Are you sure?
Yeah. You go and
get your drink on.
Used to be Don, Hal Douglas and Sam
here who had the lockdown on the epics.
Sam, you weren't doing
epics until Don passed.
I mean, no disrespect.
None taken.
By the way, how's the Just
for Men working out for you?
Sam, by the way, congratulations
on the Lifetime Achievement Award.
That was very, very
well-deserved, my friend.
Very kind of you, I
appreciate that.
It is such an honor.
It'll be a great way to get
Sam's whole family together.
Bittersweet, though,
isn't it, Sotto?
I mean, you reach the peak of your success,
and you only have one way to fall.
Listen, you're just on edge,
Graue, because you're getting old
and Gustav's closing in on
that "In a world..." gig.
- Well, let's hope so.
- I'm not sure about that.
I think that they're gonna
make you fight for it.
I'm surprised they didn't
go to you on this one, Sam.
Well, gee, Marc, what makes
you so sure they didn't?
Wow. That is not feminine.
Gym bag.
That's your spot.
Always has been.
- Pretty cool, right?
- Yeah, it's impressive.
What part? The map?
Or the world?
You know, both are good.
That's correct. Both are good.
Gustav Warner.
Yeah, I know. I know.
This is your...
My house and my party.
I don't know who you are.
Would you care to indulge me?
- I'm Carol Solomon. - Carol
Solomon. You're very pretty.
What?
You're very pretty. You're
really, really pretty.
I saw you come in with some randoms and
I've been clocking you out all night.
You're just really pretty. I
just wanted to tell you that.
Thank you.
You don't have to
return the compliment.
I get it. I have a
face for radio.
But enjoy the map.
Or the world.
- Mimi?
- Alla?
- What are you doing here? - My
God, what are you doing here?
- I am working here dummy.
- So, is he a good boss?
He can be a shit, but he
overpays me so who gives a fuck!
Jesus.
Bye!
Amazing, right?
You got to take that thing out of
here before she strains her milk.
Oh, no! Oh, sorry!
Could I just have a water?
It's me again. Same message.
Let's see what you got, mate.
Just people who have a flustered
vendetta for the unavoidable.
And you, actually.
Yes! You make me laugh.
Just looking at you.
I'm sure you're a strong woman.
And you're a toughie
with your friends.
But I'm looking at you now,
and you're shakin' in your
knickers like a little girl.
I just wish I could do something
to make you feel more comfortable.
I'm fine. I'm not shaking in
anything. So comfortable.
Do you have a boyfriend?
No.
Hello, nosy.
Hey! God!
I'm sorry. I'm in this...
I'm really sorry about being here.
This is clearly off-limits to guests.
Oh, no, no. All of my guests
have left at this point.
They have?
So either you're an intruder,
a figment of my imagination
or you're my new roommate.
I would be your roommate if
I could live in this room.
This is really...
This is cool.
I built this special
room for me.
This is my private space.
Oh, sorry.
- I'm glad you like it.
- I like it.
My parents died when
I was very young,
and they left me a
large inheritance
and I used that to travel the
world, so I never went to college.
I guess you can say that
culture was my education.
But now,
whenever I find myself
wrapped up in the industry,
I know this sounds crazy,
but I like to come to this
room, take off all my clothes,
and just remember what it feels
like to be uncomfortable.
I'm only telling you this because
there's something about you
that reminds me of me.
You know?
I'm sorry, I don't mean to
unload all of that on you.
It's just that I look at you in
this space and you're so pretty.
And I just want to
kiss you right now.
Sweetie, I am so sorry
that our entire date night
got totally screwed up.
Lizzie's nephew had some kind
of procedure or something.
I don't know. He's
like a kid to her.
So she wanted me to cover
for her 'cause her sister,
whatever, is like, in AA,
or she now is in AA,
and everybody's trying
to clean up over there.
And she had to take care of him.
I guess we could just go get
Greek food if you want.
Get takeout because
they're gonna...
But I'm looking at you now,
and you're shakin' in your
knickers like a little girl.
I found it behind the sink.
Wait. Wait.
Wait.
Wait.
Hey.
It's a nice day, huh?
Thank you.
It was really...
Nice.
Oh, my God!
Did we sleep together?
No.
Did I sleep with anyone?
Nope.
Who did you sleep with?
Nobody.
Hello, Bell Cab.
- Yeah, hi, can I get a
taxi cab... - Please hold.
Yeah, I'll hold.
I'm just going to
use your bathroom.
Sorry about your sheets.
Guess who's a slutty whore?
Dani?
Danielle? What's going on?
Are you okay?
What's wrong?
Okay.
So where were you last night,
man? I didn't see you.
No, I was talking to some redhead with
a shitty voice but a killer rack.
I know who you're talking about.
Yeah, so, what's
the word, Chief?
Listen, I got a little
gossip for you.
I found out the name of the
broad who snagged that gig.
Spill it.
Forget it. She's a nobody.
She's a two-bit vocal coach.
But now, she booked two
more movie trailer gigs.
Get this. They're all
children's movies, but still.
Her name's Carol Solomon.
What?
Carol Solomon. She's not
gonna keep working,
if I have anything to do
with it. Little thief!
She was at the party.
What're you talking about?
Who fucking brought her?
I don't know.
He came in and he walked
up with this puppy.
He gave Erin a puppy?
What kind of puppy?
I didn't even sleep with
the stupid Irish schmuck.
Are you serious?
- Not that it matters. It doesn't
matter. - It does matter, Dani.
That makes it... It's a gray area, but
I think that makes it a lot less...
No, we just kissed.
That's pennies.
And then I ran out of the room.
We made out for like 25 minutes.
That's not hideous.
- He tried to put the tip in.
- Okay.
- I wouldn't let him put the
tip in. - Yeah, that is...
You're not gonna win an
award with that one.
You can't tell...
You can say, "Moe."
"He tried to put the tip
in, but I didn't let him."
Sister code.
Did you sleep with him?
It's okay.
Sister code?
I didn't.
I do not believe you!
I can't believe we're
still on this.
It wasn't even my idea to
bring her to the party.
Oh, no? Sorry. Why were you
late to work yesterday?
Because I slept in!
And I couldn't wake her up and
get her out of my apartment!
Oh, sleepy.
Okay. One more time, guys.
I'm going to keep it open
this time, all right?
Nancy is a volcano
of sensuality,
you could have experienced
her eruption.
Volcanoes kill people, Cher.
You're just miffed about Carol.
What about Carol?
What? I thought
you'd tell him.
Tell me what?
Mimi knows Gustav's maid, Alla,
because the Russian community
is very interconnected.
Okay. So what'd she say?
She said that Carol spent
the night at Gustav's.
So I guess they...
Cut!
Okay, let's go again. It's a
police station, remember. Okay?
Less restaurant hubbub and more aggro
conversation in the background.
Snacks, take it to the
kitchen, for Christ's sake!
Sorry.
I'm sure they probably
just did oral.
I noticed you had some fine-looking
girls there at the party.
There was this one
girl that I took down.
At first glance, you look at her, I
thought her face was kind of rough.
But at second glance, whoa!
She's super hot.
And she was a crasher so
she was a little feisty,
- if you know what I mean?
- Yeah.
She let me rip her panties off as soon
as I stuck my tongue in her mouth.
Holy cow! Man, you got lucky,
kid! You sound like me!
And here's the crazy thing.
She is the chick who
snagged the gig from me!
No shit!
She is the chick who
snagged the gig from me.
- You're kidding me.
- No.
Well, you showed her who's the
boss, didn't you? You're the boss!
Hey, man! I'm the boss!
It doesn't matter. I'll
never see her again.
So whatever. You
know what I mean?
No, no. She bitch-slapped you
by stealing that gig from you.
I think you should have a little fun.
Play this ViXen out. You understand?
After all, it's her fault for messing
with the scorpion. Am I right?
- Am I right?
- Yes, you are right, Sam.
Give her the stinger! Once more
from me, if you don't mind.
Unknown number? Hello.
- Gotcha.
- Who is this?
Come on. You should recognize my voice.
After all, most of the country does.
- Mr. Warner.
- That's right.
Yeah, I can't talk right now
'cause I have to go to work.
Oh, really? You snaking
another one of my jobs?
What are you? A detective?
No. But I'll search you anyway.
You're cheesy.
Hey, come on. You're laughing.
To answer your question, no,
I'm not stealing anything.
It's a job that was
offered directly to me.
Oh! Well, break a lung.
Thanks, I won't.
Bye, Carol Solomon.
I'm the boss.
The new Saber Tooth
bristle brush technology
is patented to be soft on
hair, hard on fly-aways.
Saber Tooth. Because
nobody's purrr-fect.
So where's Louis?
- He's sick and went home early.
- He doesn't want to see you.
- What?
- Not what I said.
I heard through the grapevine
they want you to V.O. the
promo for that crazy trilogy.
And don't bust me for
dropping the broccoli.
What crazy trilogy?
Oh, my God, The Amazon Games!
How could you not
have heard of this?
It's common pop knowledge.
I don't have an agent.
First off, it's a quadrilogy.
Great.
It's an adaptation of the
hyper fantasy book series.
It's about these fierce mutated
female Amazonian warriors
as the sole future
world-inhabiting species
battling cloned prehistoric
cavemen hybrids.
It's all based on
the Prussian War.
Anyway, they're reinstating the
hokey "In a world..." gimmick
and everybody's in
a huff, I guess.
Because it marks the
rebirth of epic cinema!
Whatever.
I'm just glad it's a woman this
time instead of a sweaty old man.
I'll see you guys.
Yeah. Congrats.
Thank you for dropping
the broccoli.
You should cut your hair.
Stop trying to woo me by
being mean. It doesn't work.
You want to get a drink later?
Okay.
Hey! Watch it!
That is so rude.
Excuse me. I'm so sorry.
I just want to give you my card.
I'm not a vocal coach anymore, but
I would make an exception for you
because you sound
like a squeaky toy.
And I don't mean
that in a bad way.
I think you're better than that. And
I think we're all better than that.
It's good for the species.
You know what I mean?
There's also a Jamba Juice
two blocks away from here.
'Cause I bet you were
looking for a smoothie.
Maybe not. I don't know.
But if you were,
you know where it is.
Excited or farting?
How are you?
I just came back to
get my cell phone.
There is no way to function in
the modern world without one.
Yeah. No, I know it.
Do you want to talk
about anything or...
- There's nothing you can say,
Carol. - Right. I know. I know.
I wish that there was
a bubble or something, you know,
that we could just step into
where there was no judgment
or past or present.
A bubble where I
can hear her say
why she did it in a vortex.
Sort of. Yeah. Not the bubble
part of it, but the general...
Listen, I'm staying at my
friend PJ's editing suite,
- 'cause I got a lot
of deadlines. - PJ?
And he's got a comfy couch
and this stupid yellow lab
that definitely thinks
I'm the best person
that ever lived.
PJ who, though?
Just so I know...
I really gotta be away from
everything right now. Okay?
Okay.
Hey. I got good news.
What?
Dinner at Dad's tonight. The
groupie's making casseroles.
I'm ignoring that.
Come on. Yum-yum.
Hamburger hash.
Have you spoken to Moe?
I feel so lost without him.
Like I can't even tell
him, you know? Because...
I know. I know. If you could...
If you could...
If you could tell him,
what would you say?
In a way, that's kind of a
good... It's a good exercise
to just let it out.
Just let it flow.
Whatever you want to say.
- I am. Carol.
- Okay.
Jesus.
It's just that nobody takes care
of me the way that he does.
I just feel really
safe with him.
The only thing I gave him in
return is total dishonesty.
It doesn't even matter that I didn't
sleep with that asshole, right?
- Tip or no tip.
- Tip, as in "gratuity"?
God! I should not even have been
in his room in the first place.
I hate myself. I hate myself.
I hate myself for doing that.
I hate myself for squandering
the most beautiful thing
I ever had in my
whole stupid life.
I'm so scared. I'm so scared,
Carol, that I'm gonna lose him.
And I'm so sad because I'm
not good enough for him
and I don't deserve him.
And I don't deserve
his sandwich bar.
Who's that hot friend of Moe's?
Named PJ?
'Cause I kinda want to date him.
Wait, what?
PJ?
PJ Koopchick?
PJ Koopchick. I think it
was, yeah, PJ Koopchick.
He's married.
Oh, my God! PJ Koopchick's married?
Jesus, another good one gone.
He's really fat. Hairy.
Yeah. I know. You know
I like that. Like Dad.
That's literally why I was
always into PJ Koopchick.
What are these?
Oh, they're just
cherries from a can.
From Canter's.
No, I made it.
Just kidding. It's as Jewish
as you can get in her family.
That's a good one.
Listen, I wanted to
show you something.
I came across this article
I wrote decades ago.
I think it's worth a read. Have a
look at it. It's all about goals.
I wish I could write. Your
father's book was so...
I'll give it to you after.
I'm no Philip Roth, but I try.
Dani was always a
really good writer.
You don't have to do that.
It must run in the family.
My aunt Peggy writes a column
for health journal in Ohio.
But she's not really related to me,
'cause it's my mom's brother's wife.
You kids with your phones.
That is what I'm talking about.
Oh, look at these. They're
almost too pretty to eat.
So, how's the Moe situation?
Listen. We're all family here.
I think we can look to
each other for strength.
Oh, my God!
Jamie, I think, could be real
helpful in this situation.
I actually have to run to the
little girls' room. Excuse me.
"How's the Moe situation?"
Listen, Dani. Let me
tell you something.
I don't think you
did anything wrong.
Oh, okay. Thanks, Dad.
No, I mean it. Moe's
gonna get over this.
Okay. I'm sure.
You know, people make mistakes
in life. I know I have.
Marriage is all about forgiveness.
Your mother understood that.
Yeah! Mom totally
understood that.
She understood it completely.
I mean, she did OD on the prescription
meds that she had to take
to deal with the anxiety
that you caused her.
In the first place, let
me explain something.
I don't want to
split hairs, Dad.
Your mother had a deep
affection for Sudafed,
which accidentally interfered
with her love affair with Valium.
It was Xanax. It was
definitely Xanax.
Don't start!
She was going out with
Howard Wetson when she died!
At least Howard Wetson knows
I don't like bell peppers!
For Christ's sake, it was 16 years
ago. Would you let it pass?
Jesus Christ. The moment I find
one little iota of happiness
the two of you have to start
blaming your mother's death on me.
- No one's blaming you, okay?
- Don't be so crass.
You're blaming yourself!
So Mom died. Do we
need to rehash that?
I feel like we
really got into...
Here, Jamie, try some of these.
They're very good.
I don't want to eat
them all myself.
I already had one, but,
yeah, they're pretty good.
So, I have news.
What news? You're not
pregnant, are you?
All we need.
Oh, I'm just kidding.
No, I've been working.
- The vocal coaching, right?
- Terrific, yeah.
No, no. I just booked
these two voice over...
Like, movie trailer
voice over gigs.
And I wanted to share that with
you because it all started
because I swiped this really
big job from Gustav Warner,
who I finally met at the party
you guys brought me to.
And now I'm going to be the voice
of this new epic quadrilogy.
And I get to be the first woman to
utter the words "In a world..."
Sam!
- Are you okay?
- Dad, have some water.
Excuse me. Wait a second.
That's you? You're the thief?
The what?
"The thief," it sounds
like a crime novel.
You're dating Gustav Warner?
Wait. How do you
know about that?
It's more like fucking probably
than I would say dating.
Jesus Christ! Why don't you
tell me any of this stuff?
You don't ask about the stuff.
You don't ever ask
about us or anything.
Sam, a daughter should not have to
share her sex life with her father.
Yes, thank you, Jamie.
I appreciate it.
Listen, sweetheart, let me
explain something to you, okay?
This is a business.
An industry you've seen from arm's
length for your entire life.
And there's a reason for that.
You don't just put one promo,
one trailer on your rsum
and expect to get a
gigantic job like that.
I've booked, actually, three movie trailer
gigs and then now this quadrilogy.
You have to understand
something, sweetheart.
They would never
try and resurrect
something this important, this
iconic with a freshman vocal.
It's not done.
Well, I think I could go for
some of that nice green tea.
Could we have some of that?
I don't drink
caffeine, remember?
Yes. Clearly, I forgot
about that, Jamie.
Carol?
- Can we go, please?
- Carol! Don't. Wait.
- Do you want me to start it?
- Carol! Wait.
- Do I have the keys?
- Carol, would you wait?
I'm in my heels. I've
been working all day.
- I can't even walk.
- I'm sorry.
I don't believe him. I think he's
lying about the whole quadrilogy.
It's fine. He's a legend. It makes
sense they would give him the line.
I call bullshit.
I call bullshit.
Because that man cannot let anybody
in this whole goddamn family shine
because Nana was a cunt to him
when he was a little kid.
Nana was a survivor. You
should be easy on Nana.
Yeah, right. You know what?
You gotta believe me.
You cannot expect that man to
ever be supportive of you.
He is totally incapable of that.
I think the studio is going
to be very pleased to learn
that I've been reconsidering and
now I'm very much interested
in doing the quadrilogy gig.
For what? The Amazon Games?
Exactly.
Sam, it's too late.
What do you mean, "Too late"?
How am I supposed to
tell them to recast it?
Because I'm Sam goddamn Sotto.
That's why.
The studio wants Carol.
I suppose you can put yourself
on tape. Give it a shot.
Very well then. So be it.
Okay.
In that case, I will put myself
on tape with everybody else.
And I will conquer.
Alla! Before you leave make me one
more of those soy white Russians.
I'm sorry, Siegel.
What were you saying?
You're not gonna believe this,
but Sotto, he's back in.
To what? Amazon Games?
Your girlfriend's not the
only one to beat out now.
The legend himself?
Are you kidding me?
I thought you guys were pals?
Yeah, so did I.
You're not gonna be able to screw yourself
out of a voice over battle with Sotto.
"Better than a bubble."
How am I gonna play this?
Hey.
Your voice sounds bad.
Are you sick?
Oh, no. I just woke up
'cause I was up talking
to my sister till late.
Right, where are you now?
I'm at my sister's
place in Koreatown.
Yeah, Koreatown. That's funny
because I'm right in your neighborhood.
I'm pretty much right near you right now.
Hey! Why don't we get a snack?
Let's get a snack.
All right.
But I'm gonna need a
second to spiff up.
Totally. You know what? You
take a couple of minutes.
You know, I'll just text you where
I am and just meet me downstairs
and then we'll figure it out.
I'm sorry.
I'm good. That's cool.
I got you a hot
water with lemon.
Gargle that.
Oh, I'm good on the gargle.
- Sure. Whatever.
- Thank you.
You want to take a walk?
Sure.
Okay, here's the deal. My life consists
mainly of work, family, fantasy baseball.
You do that? I didn't
know you did that.
- Yeah, Rotisserie League with
my friends. - Oh, right on.
I'm not a meddler, okay?
But I like you.
So when I heard
something about you...
What did you hear about me?
I'm not done with
my speech here.
Oh, I didn't know
there was a speech.
Yes, it's a pitch.
To be precise.
Is that a baseball reference?
No, no. It's a literal pitch,
like I want to pitch you an
idea kind of thing, okay?
So, I grew up with
three sisters.
So I've always been
into women's rights.
And I listen to the
Cranberries openly.
Oh, what about Zombie or Linger?
Linger. I like Linger better.
Really? I would have
pegged you as a Zombie.
- Okay, can I finish?
- Yeah.
I'm really excited about you
doing the quadrilogy job, okay.
It's a big deal for a woman to
be considered for that job.
No, I know, I guess Cher must've
had that wrong, I don't know.
- No, she didn't.
- Yeah.
No, no. Gustav was up for it
because the director wanted him,
but then when that executive heard
your voice, the job was yours.
- But now that your dad's back in...
- What do you mean he's back in?
- What? I thought you knew.
- No.
As of last night, his reps are pushing
for him to be considered for it.
So now the studio feels
like they have choices.
Each person is responsible
for recording and mixing
their own audition,
which is due tomorrow.
And I'd love to
help you with that.
I gotta go back 'cause
I gotta talk to Dani.
Danny? Who's Danny?
Do you like him?
No, Dani's my sister. I was
gonna see her before I...
What is the matter with you?
I'm sorry. I was trying
to get your attention.
My mom has ADHD and it's like...
It's called positive
road blocking.
It's just a way to kind of like
jolt somebody into like focusing.
Can I just finish
my mission here?
Yes.
Positive...
- Look.
- What?
I like you. I really like you.
I know you're seeing Gustav
Warner right now and I just...
How does everybody know about
that? I don't understand.
The Russian community
is really tight.
The point is this.
Gustav's housekeeper Alla
told Heners' wife Mimi that
Gustav just slept with you
to push you off your game.
He doesn't even consider you
a real threat for the job.
Now I say screw that wet
lettuce piece of shit.
Let's step up to the plate.
It's the bottom of the
ninth, the bases are loaded.
Let's give the voice over industry
something to talk about here.
What do you say?
I'm sorry. Got
carried away there.
You surprised me, Louis. God.
- Yeah?
- Yeah. It was a good pitch.
Was it? Good. 'Cause I
actually did rehearse it.
I like you, too.
What?
I do.
She likes me.
All right.
Sandwich bar!
Watch your step.
Louis, thank you so much
for letting me stay here.
I appreciate it. My sister and her husband
needed some emergency alone time.
Watch out for that.
Hey, no sweat.
It's my pleasure.
Welcome, welcome.
This is cool.
- You like it?
- Yeah.
Well, I finally got you here.
I mean as much as we've known
each other for a while.
You've never been here before.
That's all I meant by that.
Oh, wow. Is that a couch bed?
Yeah.
Oh, that's cool. It looks great.
You're good at that.
I find myself sleeping
on the couch so much.
Oh, no, that's too bad.
You're in here, by the way.
- Oh, no.
- Yes.
No, no. That looks awesome.
Look. I put waters
next to the bed.
- I happen to be a couch
aficionado. - I re-did the sheets.
All clean sheets for you.
- I can't.
- I insist. Come on.
Tomorrow's game day.
You're the athlete. The
athlete sleeps in the bed.
The coach sleeps on the couch.
I insist. Sleep well. Okay?
Okay.
Was it something I said?
Oh, hey, no. I was just
trying to give you privacy.
Oh, okay.
By the way, there's a switch right
next to the bed down there.
If you hit that switch when
you want to go to sleep,
everything will go dark.
I rigged all the lights
into the one switch.
Because I hate getting up and it's
like I'm already falling asleep,
and I gotta walk across
the room and whatever.
I'm not showing off. I'm sure
other people have done it, too.
It did take a lot
of work actually.
There was quite a bit
of wiring involved.
So, I'm gonna stop talking now
and we'll get some sleep.
If you need anything,
coach on the couch.
Okay. Coach on the couch.
Oh! I'm naked!
Just kidding. I'm not.
- I got you. - I didn't
want to be inappropriate.
- Thank you for the knock.
- Yes.
Towels in the bathroom. Fresh.
Great. Towels.
Not the blue one. Don't
use the blue one.
The blue one.
What's wrong with the blue one?
In case you can't get to sleep,
I left some homeopathic sleeping
pills next to the water.
How'd you know?
I'm naturally intuitive.
You went to what?
Who is Viv?
No, there's no Viv.
I'm intuitive.
Like a person who has
intuition, it's the...
I think it's the adjectival...
It doesn't matter.
I just thought maybe it would be
weird sleeping in the same place
since we've both admitted that
we like each other. You know?
Yeah. It is awkward sort of.
Yeah.
But now that we've acknowledged it,
it's not as weird, though. Right?
Yeah.
I'm gonna still take one
of these pills, though.
All right. Get some sleep, okay?
Yeah.
Rest that voice. We've
got a big day tomorrow.
I'm trying.
We ride. We ride. We ride
on a cushion of air.
I thought you didn't eat meat.
I don't. But on game day you want
to taste the blood, you know?
I want you to wear this.
Sweetie, let me alone. I need to do
my thing now. I have to concentrate.
It's my lucky scarf. It
helped me through my surgery.
Surgery? I didn't know you
had any kind of surgery.
Corrective rhinoplasty.
It was so scary and this
scarf was my strength.
Thank you, Jamie. I
really appreciate it.
You're welcome.
- All right. Let's hit it.
- Okay!
Here we go.
Remember. First the right
button, then you slate.
Right button. Okay.
Check one.
No, you push the button
first, then you slate.
Okay.
Action.
- Just say "Take 1."
- Take 1.
Take 1.
Test 1. This is Sam Sotto.
That sounds real good.
Sweetie, I'm in the middle of recording.
You have to keep absolute silence, okay?
Okay, I didn't know.
Once more. This time it's
"Take 2," don't forget.
Okay.
- Take 1... Two! Take 2.
- Take 2.
Excuse me.
Hey, make sure your phone's turned off. I
think we're getting some feedback out here.
Sorry.
All right, Carol. Let
me hear your levels.
Yeah, hold on.
Testing, testing, one, two,
three. How does that sound?
Good, sounds great.
Okay.
All right.
The Amazon Games promo, take 1.
In a world...
Where a hybrid breed of
mutant male savages...
Are feeding on the barren
lands of Mother Earth.
A time where mankind has
been replaced by womankind.
A battle of epic strength will
collapse a barbaric enemy.
One woman...
Dared to rise up and exceed the
boundaries of the impossible.
From the literary phenomenon
that inspired a generation...
Comes a quadrilogy...
Of one brave warrior who
must fight for her land.
From BAFTA winning director,
Terrence Pouncer.
The Amazon Games.
It's a broad new world.
I cannot wait to see that movie.
Oh, man.
Oh, thanks for that, babe.
That was unbelievable.
I don't understand why you think
you have to deprive yourself of
pleasure before you perform.
You were so tense.
Now, now, Jamie. They have to
hear the sex in your voice.
Oh, there's always sex
in your voice, Sam.
So, how do you feel?
How do I feel? How do you feel?
I feel awesome. I feel great.
Cheers! Awesome.
Seriously, like, you
did awesome. Congrats.
Thanks.
Hey, do you have to
wake up early tomorrow?
Who?
Carol Solomon, home safe.
- Louis Parker. Thank you.
- Done.
You're a great driver.
I thank you. I wasn't...
No, you're really good at it.
I thought I was very good.
And I'm not drunk, BTW.
- No. Of course. I get it.
- I don't even say BTW usually.
The tiniest buzz. Potentially.
Louis, can you come back
though, for a second.
Come back. I have one
question for you.
It's a real quick Q.
Do you have any more of those,
like, you know, those...
Songs?
No. The sleeping pills?
No. Not on me.
You know the ones?
No, I'm sorry. Why?
No. It's just gonna
be really hard for me
to fall asleep
after you kiss me.
It's gonna be really hard.
She's the whistleblower.
Or the confronter.
Guys! How many hours of
this crap can you watch?
Honey, you look so cute.
Who died?
Give me a kiss.
We're leaving for the Golden
Trailer Awards in 15 minutes!
No, I can't.
Dad can suck it.
Your dad is winning a
Lifetime Achievement Award.
You are his only family.
We have tickets.
You're going if I
have to drag you.
I've a lot of important
work I've gotta do here.
Jeff Garlin's hosting.
This girl's a Daisy Whore.
Let's go!
Sweat pants off!
Hey, do we have to do
anything, if we have these?
- This is Sam Sotto's daughters
right here. - Shut up.
I can't go in there.
Literally, I'm humiliated.
I'm not going in if
you're not going in.
Guys! Lifetime Achievement.
Lifetime.
You work your entire lifetime
to win a Golden Trailer
for the Best Original
Foreign Teaser Trailer.
We are just thankful
to be recognized.
I love you, Tracy!
How about that, huh?
Before the show I saw the two of
them tossing a pumpkin backstage.
Must be something they do in
their homeland. Just a warm-up.
There's a big deal going on now
with the quadrilogy series.
Quadrilogy, three books
weren't enough. Four!
And they're making four movies
and the first movie, you're
about to get a... You'll see.
Please welcome the executive producer
of The Amazon Games, Katherine Huling!
Thank you.
This year, in honor of
the late Don LaFontaine,
the Golden Trailer Awards have
deemed this the perfect occasion
to unveil the first trailer
for The Amazon Games.
As you know, Don coined
those three little words
that make this a
truly epic promo.
And one of which we
can all be proud.
So without further ado,
take your first look
at The Amazon Games.
In a world where a hybrid
breed of mutant male savages
are feeding on the barren
lands of Mother Earth.
I will avenge you.
A time where mankind has
been replaced by womankind.
A battle of epic strength
will collapse a barbaric enemy.
We will walk! We will run!
But we will fight!
Sam!
Sam!
One woman dared to rise up
and exceed the boundaries
of the impossible.
This land is ours!
From the literary phenomenon
that inspired a generation
comes the quadrilogy
of one brave warrior who
must fight for her land.
The Amazon Games.
Sammy, don't scream. It's
bad for your larynx!
Sam! You stop it right now!
Oh, cork it, Jamie!
Now, you listen to
me, Samuel Solomon.
I am my mother's daughter and
you cannot talk to me like that
no matter how bad
you're hurting.
You Buck up and be proud
of your daughter, damn it.
Dad.
Now when you're done standing there
crying and feeling sorry for yourself
you are gonna go and apologize
to both your daughters
for being such a jerk.
Okay?
And you're gonna be a
good daddy from now on
or else you can say goodbye
to me and my perfect nose.
You're a better man
than you think, Sammy.
Winning isn't everything.
Family is.
And being nice is a lot
more fun. You'll see.
Oh, my God! You're... Hi.
I'm Carol Solomon.
I know who you are.
Of course you do. That's stupid.
Listen, I want to take this
opportunity to thank you.
I really appreciate you
taking a chance on me.
I know you hire whoever's best
for the job, but I just...
- Carol, let me level with you.
- It's really special.
Sure, you have perfect
tone and a strong sound
that's a fitting
choice for the genre.
Oh, thanks.
But I'm using you for
a bigger purpose.
This pseudo-feminist fantasy
tween chick-lit bullshit
is a devolution of
the female mission.
It's cancerous to the
intelligence of young women.
You got this job because
whether the general public
chooses to acknowledge it
or not, voice over matters.
Everyone in the world
watches movie trailers.
Everyone in the world sees
commercials on television.
Or they hear them on the radio.
And that is power!
Look, this quadrilogy is going
to make billions of dollars
and your voice is going to be the one
to inspire every girl who hears it.
And that's why I chose you.
Not because you were
the best for the job.
Because frankly, you weren't.
I bet your dad is proud.
Okay. You're gonna be great.
You screwed me over.
You screwed my daughter.
Yes, I did.
I don't like him one bit.
Which is partially a joke.
Really rubbed me the wrong way.
But nonetheless, I'm going to
introduce him. Please welcome
Gustav Warner, everybody.
Thank you. Thank you.
Tonight, one voice transcends the
very generation it represents.
One voice soars above the rest.
Ladies and gentlemen, it
is my honor to present
the recipient of the Golden Trailer
Lifetime Achievement Award,
Sam Sotto.
Good job, Sam.
I'm so very sorry.
My voice seems to have
finally thrown in the towel.
I just wanted to...
Well, I had you all going
there for a minute, didn't I?
But in all sincerity,
I just wanted to express
how deeply grateful I am for
this tremendous accolade.
You know, a great voice isn't only
a blessing, it's also a choice.
And I choose every day to be a
part of this great industry.
Now, I'm not quite done
with my career yet,
so don't get too
excited, Gustav.
But I'm proud to say
that the tradition carries on.
It's surprising where some of our
new iconic voices will emerge from.
You know,
my father used to say to me,
"You're good, kid,"
"but as long as I'm around,"
"you'll never be as good as me."
Well, this award sure does
make me feel pretty good.
And so tonight I'd like
to dedicate this award
to my daughters, who
make me very proud.
Thank you.
It's a broad new world.
All right. Thanks so much.
So I shared that with all of you
guys 'cause I wanted to remind you
why you're all here today.
I guess let's start with Stacy.
Stacy, what do you
do for a living?
I'm a corporate attorney.
Great. And I know you've
been on a job hunt.
How's that going for you?
I've been interviewing
for about 10 months.
And why do you think that is?
Because I sound
like a sexy baby.
Which may be great
for the bedroom.
Yeah. It is.
But am I really going
to hire a sexy baby
to defend me in a patent
infringement lawsuit?
Right. No.
Over the next six weeks
Louis will be
recording your voices
and we will listen to
your sounds evolve.
Right before your very ears.
'Cause women should
sound like women.
Not baby dolls who end
everything in a question.
Let's make a statement.
Now, who's ready to be heard?
Great, so what we're gonna
do is north-south-east-west.
North-south-east-west.
I'm gonna go say hi to
them, but keep it up.
North-south-east-west.