[ MUSIC ] [ Upbeat, Percussive ]
[ MUSIC ] [ Woman Singing: Rock ]
[ Grunts ]
[ MUSIC ] [ Continues ]
[ Woman Narrating ]
Your 10-year high school reunion.
Oh, everybody wants to make a good impression,
and I was making mine on-
Ted? Tad? Whatever.
[ Crying Out ]
[ Panting ]
[ Retching ]
[ Woman ] I know, not exactly
Most Likely to Succeed...
but it's not like I had
a law degree to brag about...
or a Rittenhouse Square apartment,
or a fancyjob.
- Oh.
- [ Woman ] Or a job, period.
- Man.
- Is that it?
Yes, baby, that's-that's it.
[ Woman #2 ]
There are women- thinner women-
who have lace bras, silk thongs...
things designed to excite a man.
A thong would look ridiculous on me.
I wear cotton briefs.
My life is about working long hours...
planning trips I never take...
and settling for love found
on the pages of romance novels.
[ Mechanical Whirring, Chiming ]
And because things like this
never happen to me...
the lawyer in me wants proof.
[ Phone Rings ]
[ Whispering ]
Hold on.
[ Sighs ]
[ Man On Phone ]
Is this Rose Feller?
[ Whispering ]
Who is this?
My name's Todd.
I'm here with your sister.
[ Rose ] Things like this,
on the other hand, happen all the time.
[ Men Chattering ]
Those are my shoes.
You know, it is actually possible
to attend a reunion...
and not wind up passed out
on the bathroom floor.
[ Scoffs ]
It wants its hair scrunchie back.
- Oh.
- [ Laughing ]
How are the fashionable girls
wearing their hair these days...
when they pick up their drunk sisters
in the middle of the night?
Is that even a dress?
Just drive.
[ Groans ]
[ Panting, Grunts ]
- [ KeyJingles On The Ground ]
- Shit.
[ Groans ]
[ Gasps ]
d Duh-nuh, duhhh-nuh
duh-nuh, duh-nuh d
- d Duh-nuh dd Oh!
- You're drunk!
Shh. Don't let Sydelle know.
[ Laughing ]
Oops.
I was very clear.
You can only stay here
if there was none of your nonsense.
- Excuse me. I'm gonna go to bed.
- And throw up all over my white carpets?
Absolutely not.
Take your things and go.
Where is she supposed to go?
- I don't care. Take her home with you.
- No way.
- I don't care. Take her home with you.
- No way.
Gee, you two really know
how to make a girl feel special.
- I want to talk to Dad about this.
- Your father's asleep.
My Marcia and her husband are coming
for brunch tomorrow. He needs his rest.
I'm sure if he were given the choice of resting
up for your child or talking to his own...
he'd choose me.
Did you just raise your eyebrow?
I can't tell. It doesn't-
It doesn't move anymore.
"My Marcia's coming for brunch. "
To stuff her anorexic face.
[ Sighs ]
What... is... this?
[ Gasps, Chuckles Softly ]
Rose Feller!
- Is there a man in this house?
- Shh!
- A human man?
- [ Whispering ] Shh, Maggie!
[ Gasps ]
Oh.
- [ Giggling ]
- [ Whispering ] No, give me that!
- No! Ooh! [ Giggling ]
- Maggie! Maggie!
- Yummy. Yummy.
- Shh!
He's cute. Who is he?
- None of your business.
- [ Chuckles ]
Well, I, for one...
[ Laughs ]
am shocked...
and appalled.
Shh! Don't, Maggie. Shut up.
Life doesn't have
to be this hard, Mag.
If you just prepared a little, you know,
maybe went back to school?
Oh, right. [ Scoffs ]
'Cause that worked so well the first time.
I mean the literacy place.
[ Laughs ]
Retard "U. "
- If you just went back, finished up there-
- Right.
maybe it'll help you
figure out what you're good at.
[ Chuckles ]
I know what I'm good at.
- Besides that.
- Oh.
You have so much potential.
- You do realize I'm drunk, don't you?
- Mm-hmm.
Remember Honey Bun?
How long did we have him for?
- A day.
- Mmm.
That was a good day.
Yeah.
[ Moans Softly ]
[ Shower Running ]
[ Faucet Squeaks Off]
- Oh. Good morning, um-
- Mmm.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Is that English?
- [ Rose ] Oh, Jim.
This is my sister, Maggie.
Shejust dropped by last night to visit.
Right.
[ Chuckles Awkwardly ]
- [ Chuckling ] Good morning.
- Good morning!
- I'm sorry about that.
- It's not a problem.
Hey.
[ Sighs ]
I could've sworn I had some 20s here.
Mm-hmm! Okay.
[ Chuckles Gleefully ]
Hmm.
Sherbet.
[ Scoffs ]
Where does she get the time
to do this?
[ Sighing ]
Okay.
I love you.
[ Chuckles, Inhales Deeply ]
All right, Rose. What do you got?
[ Gasps ]
Oh, shit!
There's a man in this picture?
Oh, shut up!
I had technical difficulties.
- [ Man ] Who's next?
- Trust me. Look, he's gorgeous.
- Thank you.
- And smart and totally... smoldering.
- Can you make that a full pound
of the hot sopresata?
- You got it.
Office romances can go very bad.
Well, they can also go very good.
You know, 30% of married women
met their husbands at work.
- Where did you get that statistic?
- Made it up.
- Mm-hmm.
- [ Laughs ]
All extracurricular activity happens
off-campus- his place or yours.
No, his. Mine's a little crowded
these days. Maggie.
- No!
-Just till she finds a job.
You say that like that's something
she's remotely capable of.
Why do you let her do this to you?
Because... she's my sister.
[ Man ]
All right. What's your name?
[ Clears Throat ]
Maggie May Feller. What's yours?
Some of you who had plans for the weekend
are, unfortunately, going to have to cancel.
The settlement discussions for the Donaldson
case have broken down completely...
so we'll need to start
gearing up for trial.
Simon, you should put together
a deposition schedule today.
And, Ellen, you should start drafting
a summary judgment motion.
I'll need to see that before we file it,
so you'll need to get it to me by Thursday, okay?
Let's get to it.
[ Man ] Listen, uh,
I'm supposed to go to Chicago...
to do some recruiting interviews
next weekend, but it's my kid's birthday.
- Can you go for me?
- Chicago?
- Yeah.
- It's cold there.
- Aw, come on. I promised I'd be the clown.
- I don't know.
If I could drag an associate along to help
with interviews so I don't fall behind.
Uh, Feller?
- Any interest? Chicago?
- Oh, gee, I don't know.
I mean, like you said,
it's... pretty cold there.
- [ Chuckles ]
- Buy some mittens.
Rose. Your sister.
Guess who's in New York waiting for
her callback to be the next MTVveejay?
Well, uh-
[ Chuckles ]
Out of curiosity, um, how much
did it cost you to get up there?
Who cares? I'll make it back.
Oh, right, when MTV hires you
and makes you a great big star.
Would it kill you to be supportive?
I mean, would that just send you
into "anaphallic" shock or something?
Anaphylactic, Maggie, not "anaphallic. "
- [ Sighs ]
- [ Man ] Maggie May Feller!
I have to go. That's me.
- [ Man ] You're next.
- Excuse me.
- [ Man ] Welcome back, Maggie May.
- Thank you. It's good to be back.
Now, you see the screen
with the words on it?
Just read what it says...
andjust... look into the camera...
and give it that- that personality.
Just let it shine through.
Okay, whenever you're ready.
"It's Friday afternoon on"- Oh.
- [ Exhales ]
- Okay. Let's try again.
- Okay.
- Just relax.
"It's Friday afternoon on TRL and"-
[ Man ]
Take it back.
"It's Friday afternoon
on TRL and later today"-
[ Laughs Nervously ]
[ Man ]
You okay, Maggie May?
[ Whispering ]
Yeah.
[ Door Opens ]
[ Door Closes ]
Well? Are you famous yet?
Aposition in retail.
Employment history?
- dd [ Dance ]
- [ Sighs ]
What was your last job?
- LuckyJeans for three weeks.
- Why'd it end?
[ Sighs ]
Some crazy bitch with a coupon.
The coupon says 15%!
What's your problem?
Okay, well, if anyone asks, just...
say it wasn't challenging enough.
And before that was the restaurant, right?
The Canal House?
[ Laughing ]
[ Metal Letter Clanging ]
- And before that?
- [ Sighs ]
Before that? The Gap.
Before that? The Limited.
Wanamaker's Fragrance,
Wanamaker's Accessories.
Oh, come on. You really don't
want to do this right now, do you?
No, but I also don't want you
on my couch for the next three months.
[ Sighs ] I'll let you do my resume
if you let me do your makeup.
- [ Scoffs ] Forget it.
- Why?
I don't know- at some point today,
I have to face the world...
and I'd rather not do it
looking like a $20 hooker.
Oh, come on. I promise you'll
still look like you, just better.
[ Gasps ]
Let's go pick out an outfit
for inspiration. Shoes.
- I don't have-
- Shoes!
[ Groans ]
You know...
you don't even wear most of these.
Shoes like these should not
be locked in a closet.
They should be living
a life of scandal and passion...
getting screwed in an alleyway by a billionaire
while his frigid wife waits in the limo...
thinking that he just went back into the bar
to get his cell phone.
- These are cute too.
- Please tell me you just made that up.
Look, if you're not gonna wear them,
don't buy them.
Leave them for somebody who's
gonna get something out of them.
I get something out of them.
When I feel bad,
I like to treat myself.
Clothes never look any good.
Food just makes me fatter.
Shoes always fit.
[ MUSIC ] [ Disco ]
- Don't slouch.
-Something for you ladies?
I think we're gonna
just take a minute. Thanks.
- I thought I was getting a drink out of this.
- Patience.
Eww! Maggie, no.
How would you ladies like
to join us for something wet?
- What is that?
- It's a vagina.
You know what? Sydelle's right.
You're completely obscene.
Why, because I say "vagina"?
[ Imitating Sydelle ] "Michael,
I don't know what's wrong with your girls.
My Marcia never uses the word 'vagina'!"
Oh, no, my Marcia
doesn't even have a vagina!
Oh, my Marcia has a vagina,
all right...
but my Marcia's vagina is made
of solid 2 4-karat gold.
My Marcia's vagina is so perfect,
it's in a museum!
[ Maggie, Rose Laughing ]
What can I get you girls?
We'll have two stacks
of whole wheat honey pancakes...
and a side ofbacon, please.
- Thank you.
- Thank you very much.
Oh, and, uh, are you hiring?
I'll bring an application.
My Marcia never eats pancakes.
That's why my Marcia
still wears a m-
What?
I can't believe you just did that.
Did what?
"Are you hiring?"
[ Scoffs ] God, Rose,
we were having fun for once.
- It's an opportunity.
- To do what?
To work the graveyard shift serving pancakes
to cops and whores and drunks.
I think you should work, so you don't
have to mooch off me for everything.
What are you talking about?
I just got us two rounds of drinks.
No. Cuervo Carl got the drinks, and only
because he hoped you'd sleep with him.
[ Scoffs ]
Well, I didn't.
You need a job, Maggie.
There's a whole world
of commerce out there...
that has nothing to do with sex.
Where people actually make money
without seducing anyone.
Obviously, or you'd starve.
You're not gonna look
like this forever, you know.
Eventually you'll be older...
and then all the men who foot your bill now
will be buying drinks for girls half your age.
And what are you gonna do then?
Well, you better think of something...
'cause middle-aged tramps aren't cute.
They're pathetic.
- Fine.
- What are you doing?
Sit down, Mag. Mag.
[ Man ]
Your car's here, Miss Feller.
Mm-hmm.
Thank you.
Hey.
Danvers got busy.
He sent me instead.
Almond croissant? Still warm.
Hi. I was, uh, wondering
if you guys are hiring?
Hi.
[ Gasps ]
Great.
[ Sighs ]
Shit.
[ One Heel Clacking ]
[ Soft Groan ]
[ Dogs Barking ]
- You know about anal glands?
- What?
- Squeeze.
- Eww.
- Oh, you get used to it. Grab yourself an apron.
- We got all sizes.
-[ MUSIC ] [ Cell Phone Plays Electronic Melody ]
- [ Dogs Barking ]
Sorry.
Hello, Sydelle.
No, I can't come right now.
Look, I'll get there when I get there, okay?
Thank you.
[ Dogs Bark, Whine ]
Stepmother.
You can put it all in the basement.
I need this space. I'm converting it
to a nursery for my Marcia's baby.
- She's pregnant?
- She will be very soon.
- [ Singsong ] Maggie!
- Hey, Daddy!
- Yeah, hi, baby.
- Hi.
I thought I heard your voice.
What brings you here?
- I'm being evicted.
- Are you gonna wear that, Michael?
Because if you're not, you should go change.
We're already late.
- Mustn't be late.
- Mm-mmm.
- Stick around, Maggie, have dinner with us.
- Mmm, tempting.
- Yeah.
- [ Chuckles ]
Well- Oh, try not
to burn the house down.
[ Imitates Sydelle ]
Don't look at me like that, my Marcia.
[ Exhales ]
[ Quietly ]
Shit.
dd [ Soft Music Plays ]
Mike, how do you stop
loving somebody when...
- [ Knocking On Door ]
- they've stopped loving you?
[ Movie Continues In Background ]
We are within walking distance to three
of the best restaurants in the city.
- I've already eaten.
- Yeah.
Grease is not a food group, Feller.
- Bon appetit.
- [ Woman On TV] Will you stay with me?
[ Chuckles Softly ]
Okay, I'm not gonna start
with your butt first, okay?
I'm gonna wait for us to get
to know each other a little better.
- All right. Here you go.
- [ Whines ]
Okay.
Oh! [ Quietly ] Shit.
Here we go, sweetie.
[ Gasps ]
[ Dog Barking ]
Oh, God.
[ Grunts ]
[ Whines ]
[ Shrieks ]
No! Truce.
Damn it!
[ Groans ]
- They got you too, huh?
- What?
They tow on Saturdays.
[ Chuckles ]
Great. Do you know
where they take the cars?
Uh, yeah, it's this impound lot
down on South Street.
I'm parked around the corner.
I'm taking him. We'd be glad to take you too.
- Yeah.
- If you want.
Yeah, that would be great.
Uh, you know, are we-
I mean, are we- are we in a rush?
'Cause I could stand going for a drink.
- Sure.
- All right. All right. Cool.
- There it is. What's your name?
- Maggie.
- Hey. Grant. Nice to meet you.
- Hey, I'm Tim.
- Hi. Nice to meet you.
- Nice way to end your day.
Yeah. My sister would kill me
if she knew I got her car towed.
[ MUSIC ] [ Loud Rock ]
[ Giggling ]
[ Speaking Indistinctly ]
[ Maggie ]
Where is this place?
[ Grant ]
We're almost there.
[ MUSIC ] [ Continues ]
[ Horn Honks Twice ]
[ Horn Honks ]
[ MUSIC ] [ Continues ]
[ Grant ]
We're in like Flynn.
[ Man ]
All right, go ahead.
- There it is.
- All right, let's go.
- [ Grant ] All right.
- All right. Thanks.
- All right.
- So, thanks for the ride.
Thanks for the drinks and the fun,
and, uh, we'll see you guys later.
Well- I mean, wait, wait.
Hang on, hang on.
Maybe we can go do something.
- You know, it's early still.
- No, I'm okay, actually. I'm just gonna go.
Yeah, but you can't just take the car.
You got to pay for it.
- Let me go!
- What are you doing? Hey, wait up! Wait!
- [ Maggie Shrieks ]
-[ Tim ] Grant! L eave it alone!
- Ow! God!
- [ Maggie Grunting ]
Aah!
[ Groans, Coughs ]
[ Moaning ]
[ Sighs ]
What the hell is that?
It's Honey Bun Two.
You bought a dog.
No, I borrowed him.
I didn't want to be alone last night.
I had- I had a bad night.
So did I, Maggie, several of them...
but you don't see me stealing dogs.
I was scared.
There were these guys and-
- Of course there were.
- And I got home, and you were gone. I-
My plane was late.
I have to be in court in 20 minutes.
I missed two days of work for nothing,
which means I'm gonna have to work forever.
And now I'm getting a cold...
so I don't have room in my head
for your problems right now.
Just have my sheets cleaned
and the dog out...
by the time I get home.
[ Door Closes ]
My car has a boot on it!
How the hell did my car
get a boot on it?
Oh, I was trying to tell you.
I-I used it the other day-
Five years I've had that car,
not one ticket.
You use it-without permission-
for two days.
- Melanie Dillon.
- Melanie, it's me.
- Hi, Rose.
- There's an emergency,
and I can't make it to court.
- Can you send someone to cover for me?
- Got it.
Thank you.
You ruin everything.
I can't take this anymore, Maggie.
I can't.
I want you out.
Now. Today,
before I get home from work.
- Where am I supposed to go?
- That is not my problem!
You are your problem!
You figure it out!
[ Sighs ]
[ Door Slams ]
- How was Chicago?
- Cold.
Sorry I couldn't swing it.
- Things were kind of crazy around here.
- Yeah, I know.
I work here too.
[ Sighs ]
You know, Jim...
if you say you're gonna be in Chicago,
you should be in Chicago.
And if you can't make it, if you know you're
gonna send Simon Stein in your place...
then pick up the goddamn phone.
[ MUSIC ] [ Woman Singing ]
[ Whines ]
Bitch.
[ Long Sigh ]
[ MUSIC ] [ Woman Singing Continues ]
[ Knocking ]
[ Honey Bun Barking ]
It's okay, Honey Bun. Shh.
Is... Rose here?
Nope.
[ Flirtatious Chuckle ]
[ Opening Door With Key ]
[ Soft, Excited Grunts ]
[ Disgusted Sigh ]
- [ Sensual Moaning ]
- [ Door Bangs ]
[ Maggie Gasps ]
[ Shuddering Gasp ]
- [ Footsteps Approaching ]
- Oh!
Rose. Rose.
[ Crying ]
I liked you. I really liked you.
[ Sniffles ]
She won't even remember your name.
In fact, she can't even spell it.
Can you, Mag? Want to give it a try?
Come on, sound it out.
Ji... immm.
Jim.
Pretty, but real stupid.
Shut up, you fat pig!
Did you honestly just say "fat pig"?
You are my sister...
and the best you can do is "fat pig"?
[ Ferocious Yell ]
Get out of my life!
Oh!
- [ Sobbing ]
- [ Door Closes ]
Is there anything I can do?
I want 200 bucks.
That's the going rate, isn't it?
[ Bills Rustling ]
When's your next train to New York?
[ Arrival & Departure Board Clattering ]
Mrs. Lefkowitz?
All right already!
Oh, sorry.
I thought it was my son.
- I'll get my list.
- Okay.
I didn't know your son was here.
That's wonderful.
Yeah, well,
he said he wants to see me.
And where is he now?
He's on the beach, looking at bosoms.
Hey, Lewis, what's the matter?
You look like you just had a stroke.
- Hi, Mrs. Lefkowitz. Hi, Ella. I didn't see you.
- Hello.
- She's invisible.
- You look confused.
Well, who needs all these choices?
It's soap.
I say, when in doubt,
go for the simplest box.
Ah. You know, Sharla taught me
almost everything.
Cooking, dishes,
how to use a cell phone.
Never got around to the laundry.
You must miss her.
Mmm, every day. You?
Well, I didn't know your wife,
so, no, I can't say that I do.
- [ Chuckling ]
- [ All Laughing ]
Oh, finally,
a date with Lewis Feldman.
What do you mean?
He's had his eye on you
since he got here.
- That's ridiculous. He has not.
- [ Chuckles ]
Anyway, it's not a date.
I'm just helping him with his laundry.
Why? What do you think dates look
like around here, bungee jumping?
Believe me, it's a date.
[ Amy ]
At least she's gone.
Where'd she go to anyway?
I don't know. My dad's, I guess.
Well, that's good. Gives Sydelle
one more thing to complain about.
Which one are you crying about-
the predatory prick
or the shit-for-brains tramp?
'Cause neither one deserves your tears.
[ Sobs ]
You know, Amy...
I'm sure you're right...
[ Sobs ]
but sometimes I wish you'd just say...
"Boy, that sucks...
and I'm really sorry
it happened to you. "
- Do you have them for every high holiday?
- [ Chuckling ] Yeah.
The Passover one says,
"What makes this tuchis unlike any other?"
- [ Laughs, Mouthing Words ]
- My son, the joker.
Thinks it makes up for the fact
that I don't see him on the holidays.
- They go to her parents.
- Well, at least he's married.
- My son- 5 5, still single.
- Gay?
I wish. Immature.
Ella, tell me about your family.
Well, my husband Ira
was in real estate.
Died three years ago. Cancer.
- [ Chuckles ]
- That's funny?
No, it's the way we do that-
the dead spouse intro.
Name, rank, when did he die, how.
But not the specifics.
Cancer's okay,
but no one ever says "lung cancer. "
Or, God forbid,"prostate cancer. "
How 'bout you? Have any kids?
[ Chuckling Awkwardly ]
No.
No, I don't have any children.
[ Bell Tolling ]
- [ Woman ] Rufus? Is that Rufus?
- [ Barking ]
Uh, is Shirley back
from Europe already?
Ooh, I thought she- I thought she
was boarding Rufus for another month.
She is. Yeah.
I just... walk... Rufus.
- Oh, you're with the Elegant Paw.
- No. No, I'm-
- Hi, Carol.
- Hey, Carol.
- Hi.
- Good girl, Molly.
- I'm... freelance. A... freelance dog-walker.
- Oh, I see.
Yeah, I work for kennels,
with kennels, and, uh...
with- for individuals... too.
- She's just what we need.
- Absolutely.
- How much do you charge?
- [ Laughs ]
Jesus! You saved my ass.
- Where did you find him?
- Oh, just... wandering around Rittenhouse.
You know, I give this girl a job.
She seems normal.
Next thing I know,
she's taken off with this dog.
You can imagine, something like this gets out,
and I'm out of business.
So, how does 200 sound for a reward?
Fair enough?
- I don't want a reward.
- What are you, a saint?
No.
[ Chuckles ]
Uh, I was thinking...
maybe instead of a reward...
you could offer your clients
my dog-walking services.
Exclusively.
We could split the proceeds.
- Not so much as the Winnebago he left her.
- [ Phone Ringing ]
- [ Laughing ]
- Oh, it's horrible!
You won't be laughing when
you're eating government cheese.
Hello.
- Hello?
- [ Maggie ] Is this Ella Hirsch?
Yes, it is.
Did you have a daughter named Caroline?
Yes.
[ Ella ]
So, are you on vacation, or-
Yeah.
Mmm. Well, we've been
having wonderful weather.
I'm so glad you called.
I'm so glad you're here.
[ Indistinct TVNoise ]
Mrs. Lefkowitz, this is
my granddaughter Maggie Feller.
- Hello.
- Hi.
Well, you must be starving.
I can, uh, fix you something to eat-
No, that's- I'm fine.
I just, uh-
- I'm really tired.
- Oh. Well, let me show you the guest room.
Um, it's right through here.
Uh, this is the bathroom.
And I'll put out clean towels
and, uh, a washcloth.
The bed's made up...
and there are, um,
extra blankets in the closet.
- Is my grandfather around?
- Oh. No.
No, Ira passed away
over three years ago.
So, you'll call me
if you need anything?
Yeah.
[ Sighs ]
Hey, you said you didn't have children.
I said I don't have children.
I had a daughter.
Her name was Caroline.
She died.
What was she like?
Well, she was-
she was exactly like that.
Same eyes, same skin...
same face- identical.
But she had, um, health problems.
- She had mental health problems.
- Tsk.
Well, how'd she die?
Car accident.
A leave of absence? Why?
I'm just-
I'm not happy at that firm.
So instead you'll be walking dogs.
And running errands, and-
I think it'll be fun.
Are you okay?
You're not having-
- What?
- [ Sighs ]
If you ever want to talk to someone,
Rose, I'll pay for it.
No questions asked.
If you're ever feeling-
[ Chuckles ]
Crazy?
I'm not the one
you should be worried about.
How is Maggie?
- You haven't seen her?
- No, she's still with you, isn't she?
Oh, yeah, she is. She's fine.
- Thanks for the coffee.
- All right. See you soon?
Yeah.
[ Beeping ]
[ Ringing ]
[ Female Electronic Voice ] The number
you have called is no longer in service.
If you feel you have reached
this recording-
[ Yawns ]
Hmm.
Well, good morning.
Did you sleep well?
Fine, thanks.
I have English muffins here.
I can make you any kind of eggs you'd like.
- I don't eat breakfast.
- Oh.
I drink coffee.
So, my goodness. This is a surprise.
Such a lovely surprise.
After all this time.
- Yeah, what's up with that?
- I beg your pardon?
Well, were you always out of the picture,
or just after Mom died?
Oh, your grandfather and I were never out
of the- I mean, we were always there.
We-
And even after your mom died, I wrote.
Birthday cards, every year.
And I never heard back.
Yeah, I know. You wrote
for a while. I just found them.
What do you mean,"just"?
I guess they got waylaid.
Thanks for the money.
You're telling me that your father
never gave you my cards?
Mm-mmm.
What must you have thought?
I thought you both were dead.
Does this place have a pool?
- Oh! Sorry.
- Whoa.
Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa!
Come on.
- [ Chattering ]
- Hey, check this out.
[ MUSIC ] [ Reggae Pop: Man Singing ]
Hey.
Where'd she come from?
Hi, sweetheart.
Come on, come on.
[ Panting ]
[ Barking ]
Come on. Keep playing.
Rose! Rose Feller!
[ Chuckles ]
Oh, Stein.
How are you?
Man, you look great.
Not sick at all.
Why would I look sick?
Oh.
- That's one of the rumors.
- There are rumors?
[ Bell Tolls ]
How 'bout that? Lunchtime.
- Hey, how does, uh- How does Japanese sound?
- I'm not hungry, Stein.
Oh, there's no such thing
as not hungry for sushi. Come on.
We'll bill it to one of your old clients.
Uh, thank you.
You eat everything?
- What do you think?
- Okay.
- Um, two orders of uni, one masago.
- Mm-hmm.
- Uh, two tako.
- Okay.
- Two hamachi.
- Mm-hmm.
Then also that cod thing. It was a special
once, but it's not on the menu anymore.
- You know what I'm talking about.
- Tara.
- Yes!
- Okay. Thank you.
- Okay, thank you.
- Thanks.
- You just ordered for me.
- Yes.
- What am I, 12?
- Uh, I'm an expert orderer.
- It's a gift.
- Is it?
Absolutely.
What was the last
great restaurant you went to?
- I took my sister to Le Bec Fin.
- Uh-huh.
And you both got the... snapper,
right?
Close. I got the snapper.
- She got three rum and Cokes
and the sommelier's phone number.
- [ Laughs ] Okay.
Well, I'll take you there,
and we'll get...
the foie gras
with Roquefort-stuffed fig...
Scottish wood pigeon with cabbage...
and porcini cassoulet.
And the chocolate mousse...
with raspberries
and hazelnut macaroon.
You'll want to eat with me
for the rest of your life.
- Ah.
- Here you go.
- Mmm.
- I know.
- The special, tara.
- Thank you.
Enjoy.
So- [ Clears Throat ]
What are the other rumors?
Ah. Um-
Rumor one: mysterious illness.
Rumor two: head-hunted
by Pepper and Hamilton.
Here. Try some of this.
- Rumor three?
- Um, soy?
Oh, come on.
What's rumor three?
Affair with a partner gone bad.
[ Laughs ]
Don't worry.
Most people are betting on lupus.
Here.
Wasabi makes everything better.
- So, uh, what time Friday?
- Friday?
Dinner.
Oh, look, Simon, this was- this was
really nice, but, um, I don't think-
Thank you.
Mmm. That smells good.
What is that?
That's braised veal.
- Shit.
- [ Drink Fizzing ]
There's a paper towel on the counter.
Out of curiosity...
how long is this vacation of yours
going to last?
How come you don't have
any pictures of my mom around?
Don't you like thinking about her?
I don't need to have a picture
to think about my daughter.
You put out pictures,
people ask questions.
They expect you to tell 'em everything,
and I don't do that.
'Cause Mom was sick?
Because she's gone.
Is that why you pulled away from us?
So that you didn't have to talk
about her with us either?
I didn't pull away. I was pushed.
No, listen.
I'm not the one who didn't pass along
the letters. That was your father.
I'm not the one
who didn't want a relationship.
He said that?"I don't want you to have
a relationship with my daughters. "
- [ Chuckling ] Oh, yes.
- When?
- At the funeral.
- Why? Why would he say that?
Because he's irrational. Yeah.
He blamed me for everything.
Every bad day, every bad episode.
He did not want me near her.
And after she was gone...
he didn't want me near you
or your sister.
I just wonder-
If you had tried harder,
you know, or, like, tried again...
after he'd gotten over the whole...
shock and grief of it, you know?
'Cause it would have been nice
having a grandmother.
Nice and...
maybe a little less lonely.
She sounds like a manipulative
little nincompoop.
- The girl lost her mother.
- So? You lost your daughter.
- It's not the same.
- It's worse.
A parent burying a child
goes against the law of nature.
Well, so does a grandparent
abandoning her grandchildren.
You said yourself
he didn't want you around.
What were you supposed to do,
break down the door?
Yes.
Shoelace.
For Caroline, yes.
For Caroline.
She was gone, cookie.
And you pushing your way into that house
wasn't gonna do a thing for her.
- She wanted me there.
- You don't know that.
- Yes, I do. I know.
- How?
I just do.
How?
I've never told anybody this,
not even Ira.
I'll take it to my grave,
probably tomorrow.
[ Chuckles ]
It wasn't a car accident.
I mean, eh- it- it was a car...
and there was a crash, but-
How do you know it was on purpose?
She wrote a note.
It came the day after the funeral.
What'd it say?
One line.
"Please take care of my girls. "
- And you didn't.
- [ Restrained Sobbing ] Mm-mmm.
You didn't because you couldn't.
Now you can, so you will.
Ella, bubbeleh, you did the best
you could in a very bad situation.
You got nothing to feel guilty about.
And you tell that
to Miss Hotsy-Totsy Pants.
[ Chuckles ]
So this is where all my boyfriends
have been coming from.
[ Chuckles ]
They took a vote. I don't know who
I pissed off, but somehow... I lost.
Or won. Either way, it's official.
I am the captain of the softball team.
[ Laughs ]
Yeah.
Look, I know this isn't my business,
but I can't not say anything.
You have rights, legal options
for getting your job back.
I don't want it back.
You don't?
I thought you loved it.
You were always the first one there in the morning
and the last one to leave at night.
I know. Not because I loved it.
Then why?
I don't know.
Maybe... I was scared of what
would happen if I wasn't there.
Oh, what? Like the place
would fall apart without you?
- With law freaks like you there? Never.
- [ Laughs ]
No, I wasn't worried about the office.
I guess it was more... me...
and what would happen to me
without those people to please...
and those tasks to get done.
Like... maybe... those were
the things holding me together.
And without them, I'd...
fall apart.
But you didn't.
I guess not.
So what does hold you together?
For me, it's the law, politics...
the Sixers and good food.
If you ever want to join me
for a game or a meal...
I hope you'll give me a call.
Ella?
[ Gasps ]
Oh. I was just looking for-
For what?
[ Sighs ]
Sorry, I-
Wrong dresser.
It's in the sock drawer.
What is?
My cash. That's what you were looking for,
right? That's what you want.
[ Scoffs ]
No. God.
[ Clicks Tongue ]
Oh, well.
I guess after being absent
for some 20-odd years or so...
I can't expect you to want
to have a relationship with me.
- How much?
- How much what?
Money, Maggie. How much money
were you hoping to get from me?
- I don't know.
- Yes, you do.
I want to go to New York.
Maybe... act.
I think I'd be good at it.
Mmm, clearly.
- How much do you need?
- Three grand.
That you would not have found
in the sock drawer.
How much do you have?
Well...
I won't give you $3,000,
but I'll do this.
They need help over
at the Assisted Living Center.
You get that job, stop loafing around
here like some princess...
and I will match what you earn,
penny for penny.
You would do that?
Why?
Because I'm your grandmother.
[ Chattering ]
[ Woman ]
Oh, I don't think so.
Last time I ran anywhere was to my wedding.
Look what happened.
- Is that Corinne?
- No.
- Who is it?
- Maggie.
Have we met before?
There's a pick-up line
with a little dust on it.
Fine. What's your sign?
I've been out of the game for a while.
What, like 7 0,80 years?
[ Chuckling ]
Give or take.
Where's Corinne?
She's my number-one girl.
Well, excuse me, but what does
Corinne have that I don't?
- She reads to me.
- Oh.
You could do it, maybe nose her
out of first position.
Here.
I'm a little busy right now.
Maybe you should wait for Corinne.
- [ Exhales Deeply ]
- [ Line Ringing ]
- [ Simon ] Hello?
- Are the Sixers basketball or hockey?
[ MUSIC ] [ Organ: Fanfare ]
[ Crowd Cheering ]
[ Simon ]
Come on, Eric!
Yeah, baby! Yeah, baby!
That's what I'm talkin' about.
Get back, get back!
That's Reggie Miller!
You gotta get him!
- [ Sixers Fans Booing ]
- He'll make it every time.
Boo! That's right.
- Boo!
- Good.
[ Man ]
I can't believe we lost the game.
- Why can't you believe it?
We've been losin' all season long.
- That's right.
We need a three-point man, a man who
can shoot the pill, a man who can thrill.
I don't care if you have the best
three-point shooter in the league.
- You got to get back on defense.
- But at the same time, you need
to put points on the boards too.
Look at the best teams in history-
the Celtics, the Bulls, the Lakers-
all great defensive teams.
I mean, offense sells tickets,
but defense wins ball games.
- He's right.
Without defense, you won't win games.
- Thank you.
[ Sniffs ]
Hmm.
I see you're a fan of the classics.
Um, what?
- Oh, that. That-That's my sister's.
- Oh. Oh, okay.
I hope you like cheap, almost-stale red.
[ Chuckles ]
It's my favorite.
What's she like- the sister?
She's, you know, a sister.
- You don't want to talk about your sister.
- I didn't say that.
I don't want to talk about my sister.
Cheers.
So what's he like,
this, um, Captain Jack?
"His fingers tangled in her curls...
"while his tongue plundered
the soft cavern of her mouth.
"She made no protest.
"Her furnace was alight.
"Jack drew his lips from hers
and urged her forward...
"so he could take
one shirt-veiled nipple...
"into his mouth.
"Kit's gasp urged him on.
"He licked the material
until it clung...
"to the ripe peak...
"then drew the turgid flesh
deep into his mouth.
"Kit moaned, her body
spasming in response.
Her eyes were closed,
her lips parted. "
Okay, um, embarrassing
as this is to admit...
I'm officially turned on.
Does this mean that I'm your bitch?
Do you want to be my bitch?
I have wanted to be your bitch
since my first day at Dommel.
That Chicago trip- I was convinced it was
all gonna come together for me there.
- Was I unfriendly?
- Oh, no. I mean, not compared to, say, Stalin.
[ Both Laugh ]
I'm sorry.
- Hmm. I was hideous.
- That's okay.
You have plenty of time
to make it up to me.
[ Dogs Barking ]
- Go, go, go!
- [ Barking ]
Come on, come on!
- [ Barking ]
- Yes! Go!
Yes! [ Laughing ] Yes!
So, how's it going with Hotsy Tots?
- [ Chuckling ] Oh, fine.
- "Fine," she says.
- [ Chuckles ]
- What?
There's no "fine" with grandkids.
It's either the best day of your life
or sheer torture.
- What do you do together?
- I don't know. We eat.
[ Mrs. Lefkowitz ]
Huh! T hat's it?
Oh, do things she likes to do.
Read the fashion magazines, surf the Net,
watch the smut on the cable.
- I don't have cable.
- [ Mrs. Lefkowitz ] No cable?
And she wonders why she and the girl
aren't all buddy-buddy.
I don't need television to build
a relationship with my granddaughter.
You're new to this. Trust me.
It's all about surround sound.
[ Woman On TV] I just needed
a little kiss to make me feel better...
but now it wasn't working.
- Maggie!
- Oh!
We're having Cosmopolitans.
Would you like one?
[ Woman On TV] I wasn't getting
the same rush. Tonight, I needed more.
No, thanks.
Meanwhile, uptown, Charlotte wondered
when relationships had gotten so complicated.
She yearned for the time when dinner
was followed by dessert, not lubricant.
- [ Gags ]
- Ooh, whoops!
[ All Laughing ]
[ Ella ]
Oh, my.
I don't want to. Or maybe I do.
I don't know what I want, but-
- I've seen this one.
- [ Charlotte ] I can't.
- I want children and nice bedding and-
- It's funny.
[ Woman ] That night, they made love
the Charlotte way-polite-
[ Mrs. Lefkowitz ]
Oh, it was wonderful.
- I thought so.
- Oh, you would.
- Now, walk up straight now.
- Thank you for everything.
- Good.
- Have a very wonderful day.
- Yes, and have a good sleep, and no sugar.
- Okay. And good night.
- Good night.
- Yeah.
[ Chuckling ]
Well-Yeah, okay.
Okay. Thank you. Good night.
[ Water Running ]
What's up with Lewis?
I don't know
what you're talking about.
I say go for it. Just jump him.
Maggie!
Don't talk like that. Here.
Half the fun of sex...
is talking about it.
Well, I guess I missed that half.
You never talked about sex?
[ Sighs ]
Occasionally with Ira.
Kind of.
Yeah, but what about girlfriends?
The first time you got laid.
You had to tell someone that.
It was my wedding night.
It was assumed.
You missed out on one of the all-time
greatest conversations in life.
Who'd you tell?
Rose.
Well, maybe if I'd had a sister.
Even when you were so small...
you had a bond
that I'd never had with anyone.
You still close like that?
Sure.
- You don't talk about her.
- What do you want to hear?
We're totally fine. We're-We're tight.
We're thick as thieves.
Let's ask her down.
I'd like to know her too.
You know, I doubt she would come.
She's, like, really busy.
She's a lawyer.
- No kidding. What kind?
- The really busy kind.
- No kidding. What kind?
- The really busy kind.
[ Amy ] What do you do
once they've all peed?
[ Rose ] Hmm. Give 'em a brush.
Take 'em all home.
Make sure they have water to drink.
- After that.
- Then I'm done.
- So what do you do?
- Whatever.
- Shop for food, cook for my boyfriend.
- I know his name.
I know, but I've never really had a real,
live, grown-up boyfriend before...
and I'm gonna use the word
as often as I can.
All right, first of all,
he's not grown up.
None of them are.
You know, there's a consistency
to your cynicism which is truly beautiful.
Hmm. Just don't be surprised...
if he turns out to be...
less than perfect.
And don't be surprised if he doesn't.
- I gotta go.
- Good-bye.
- Have fun.
- I'll call you.
All right.
[ Old Man ] You sound too pretty,
Maggie, to be cleaning bedpans.
You're right. I am.
I have a grandson, a doctor over in Tampa.
I should introduce you.
- [ Chuckles ] You don't want to do that.
- Are you bad news?
[ Sighs ] Well, you know,
I don't mean to be, but yeah.
Well, since you're not gonna
marry my grandson...
you might as well read to me.
- I'm kind of a slow reader.
- Perfect.
I'm a slow listener.
"The... art... of...
losing"-
- You know, I should just get back to work.
- What is it, dyslexia?
- What are you, a teacher?
- Professor.
Retired.
Just take your time, Maggie.
Listen to the words
as you're about to say them.
Nine times out of 10,
you'll hear a mistake coming...
and you'll correct it
before you make it.
Then again, you might make
a total ass of yourself.
Oh, come on.
Poetry's supposed to be slow.
"The... art...
"of... losing...
"isn't hard to...
"master.
"So many... things...
"may... seem... file-
"seem... filled...
"with the... intent...
"to be... lost...
"that their... loss...
"is no...
"disaster.
"Lose... some-
"something every day.
"Ac-Accept the fluster...
"of lost door keys.
"I lost... two cities...
"two... rivers...
"a... contin-
"continen- continent.
"I... miss them...
"but it wasn't a... disaster.
"Even... losing you...
"the joking voice...
"a... gesture...
"I love...
"I... shan't have lied.
"It's... evi-evident...
"the... art... oflosing's...
"not too hard to master...
"though it look-
though it may look...
"like- (Write it! ) -
"like...
disaster. "
Well, what do you think?
[ Sighs ]
Good.
Unacceptable answer.
What's the poem about?
- I don't know.
- Yes, you do. What's it about?
- Losing?
- What?
- Love?
- Ah.
And how about that?
Is the love lost already?
Is Bishop writing about it
as a possibility, a probability?
What?
Well...
in the beginning,
she's talking about...
losing real things, like keys.
And then she- she gets, like-
she lost a continent.
- She's getting grandiose.
- Yeah.
And the way she says it is like-
like it doesn't matter.
Ah.
Her tone-
would you call it detached?
I think she wants
to sound detached.
You know,
she wants to... sound...
like it doesn't matter...
'cause she knows, deep down...
how bad it's gonna feel to lose.
Lose what?
Or whom?
Is it a lover?
No.
It's a friend.
A-plus.
Smart girl.
[ Sighs ]
[ Sydelle ]
Oh, what a-a comfortable home.
It's very, uh, lived in.
Well, what can I get you?
- I'll have a white wine, and he'll have the same.
- Oh, good.
Why don't you just make yourself at home,
and I'll be right back.
- Hey, Dad!
- Hello, sweetie.
- Oh!
- Where's Maggie?
- Oh, not here.
- Oh, thank God. We don't need
her drama tonight.
- Why isn't she here? Is something wrong?
- No, we just had a fight.
- About what?
- Can we talk about this later?
Yes. Bad enough she monopolizes
the evening when she's here.
Oh, let me see that ring.
[ Gasps ]
Oh, wow. Look at that.
Rose tells me you have a daughter
as well, Sydelle.
My Marcia? You'll meet her.
You'll love her. Everyone does.
My Marcia's a decorator.
[ Mrs. Stein ]
Really?
[ Sydelle ]
She's an absolute genius in her work.
I'd like to say a few words.
Please. To Rose and Simon.
We're all blessed to be a part
of your happiness.
Your love bonds
notjust your two hearts...
but the hearts of two families.
- Mazel tov!
- [ All ] Mazel tov!
- Mazel tov!
- Thanks, Dad.
- That went okay.
- Yeah.
Where's Maggie?
Uh, it's hard to say.
She moves around a lot.
Well, I want to meet her eventually,
you know? She's your sister.
- I want to know her.
- You will.
What was the fight about?
Mmm. Girl stuff.
Oh, shit.
Oh!
I should have used fresh vegetables
instead of frozen.
[ Ella ]
I don't think so. They were great.
- Really delicious. They were good.
- Really?
Yes.
- So, have you heard from Rose?
- No.
- So she hasn't gotten back to you.
- About what?
You were going
to invite her down, Maggie.
I don't know
where you got that idea.
Maggie,
I specifically asked you to.
So? Just because you specifically asked
doesn't mean I'm going to.
You shouldn't smoke.
You have a family history of lung cancer.
I have a family history
of car wrecks too.
Does that mean I shouldn't drive?
- That is not funny.
- It wasn't supposed to be.
All right, what is the problem
between you and Rose?
- Why don't you want her to visit?
- Why do you?
I mean,
am I not good enough for you?
This has nothing to do with you.
She's my daughter's daughter,
and I want to get to know her too.
[ Water Running ]
What was Caroline like with you girls?
I mean, as a mom,
how do you remember her?
Why don't you ask Rose?
Maggie, please grow up.
She was special.
Different than the other moms.
She used to surprise us.
One time I opened up
my lunch box...
and there was a tiara inside.
A tiara. With your sandwich?
Instead of a sandwich.
What was she like as a daughter?
No tiaras.
But I loved her so much.
But loving her in the right way
was difficult, for me, anyway.
I didn't know there was
a right way and a wrong way.
Neither did I.
I had ideas-
I had unwelcomed ideas
about how to keep her safe.
Like?
Like, I thought she should have been
on her medication all the time.
I thought that her relationship
with your father...
was far too passionate
for her to handle.
And as far as children
were concerned...
she was in no condition,
no condition at all.
So you wish she never had me.
You know what I wish, Maggie?
I wish I'd kept my big mouth
shut long enough...
to hear what she wanted
out of life.
[ Chattering In Distance ]
[ Chuckles ]
[ Sydelle ]
There she is! There's the bride!
Be strong.
Stay right here.
I'll get your corsage.
Corsage? What is this, a prom?
- Ladies?
- Ah, thank you.
- Who are these people?
- I have no idea.
- Except for my Marcia.
- Hello!
Hey, you're not sticking around...
to watch me ooh and ahh
over a Mixmaster Deluxe?
It's good of you
to let Sydelle do this.
- Oh, like gale force winds could stop her.
- Go easy on her.
- Marcia's giving her a very hard time these days.
- Oh, what's she doing?
Decorating in last year's colors?
She joined Jews forJesus.
Yoo-hoo! Ladies, it's time...
for the entertainment portion
of our soiree.
Uh, everyone get where you can see.
Anita, Jackie, come on.
Scoot. [ Giggles ]
Here we go.
[ Women ]
Aw!
We, who know Rose,
are so thrilled...
that this day has finally arrived.
- Aw.
- There was a time we had our doubts.
[ Laughter ]
Oh, my goodness.
All that time spent with her nose
buried in her book.
- [ Laughter ]
- [ Woman ] Oh, bookworm.
Of course, there were romances,
but for some reason or other, nothing stuck.
- Oh!
-[ Woman ] A little heavy.
- Oh. One thing Rose always
had was a great appetite.
- [ Laughter ]
For life!
[ Groans ]
Oh, God!
Why would anyone want to marry me?
I'm disgusting!
The only disgusting person here
is your stepmother. She's hideous.
So why is she giving me this party?
She hates me.
Someone else should do it-
someone who I-loves me...
someone who can look at me
and say...
"All of this is nothing more
than the happiness you deserve. "
Young lady.
Rose Feller,
don't you dare walk out on-
- I am talking to my friend!
- [ Screaming ]
She's crazy. She's crazy!
She's sick in the head!
Hands down,
best shower I've ever been to.
[ Door Closes ]
Engagement should be
a happy time, Rosie.
So should childhood and graduation.
And happy hour.
Did you know more suicides happen during
happy hour than any other time of day?
- Is that true?
- I wouldn't doubt it.
I love you, you know.
- Who's Rose?
- There's this thing called privacy, Dora.
This from a girl who puts a postage stamp
on her bottom and calls it a swimsuit.
[ Both Laughing ]
[ Line Ringing ]
[ Female Electronic Voice ] The number
you have called is no longer in service.
If you feel you have reached
this recording in error-
Hmm.
Hey.
Are you dead?
What were you thinking,
going to the mall?
The mall is for young people,
people with teeth.
Well, my son's finally getting married,
and the girl's a ninny.
"Shut up, Ma," he says.
"Just show up in something nice. "
- You know what I saw today?
- What?
Pants with "Juicy" written across the heinie.
I'm gonna wear that?
Just wear something
you're comfortable in.
I haven't been comfortable
since the Dodgers left Brooklyn.
What's your favorite thing
you ever wore?
- Ever?
- Yeah. In your whole life.
My going-away suit
from my wedding.
Black and white checks,
very fitted.
I felt likeJackie Kennedy in that suit.
Give me your credit card.
Give it to me.
Can I get you a size?
No, I'm going to
the women's suit department.
[ Door Opens ]
So?
-Jackie Kennedy?
- Better. Jackie Onassis.
That looks so good on you.
Oh, Maggie, you're so sweet.
Good job!
You ready?
I don't know what to wear
to a Main Line wedding.
It doesn't matter.
Wear whatever you want.
- Believe me, when the bride's
name is Lopey, it matters.
- Look, th-that looks great.
- Come on.
- Really?
- Yeah. Come on. We gotta go.
- Okay.
I can't believe you have
a friend named Lopey.
- Come on, come on, come on.
- I'm sorry. Wait.
Are you okay? 'Cause if there's gonna be
any stabbing, I need a little heads up.
[ Laughs Softly ]
I'm fine.
Oh, my God.
Oh, shit. MyJimmy Choos!
Chewing gum?
Oh, that bitch. That bitch!
- No one will notice.
- Right. No one's gonna notice that.
"Hi. Hi. Hi! Hi. I can talk, 'cause I
have a mouth. " My heel has a mouth!
No one will notice.
Oh, my God!
What happened to your heel?
Uh, best wishes, Lopey, Jordan.
Thanks, Simon.
[ Maggie ]
"Let the wind die down.
"Let the... shed go black inside.
"Let evening come.
"To the bottle in the ditch...
"to the scoop... in the oats...
"to... air in the lung...
[ Snoring Softly ]
let evening come. "
[ MUSIC ] [ Chamber Music Playing
In Distance ]
- [ Exhales ]
- [Jim ] Can I take that for you?
I hear you're getting married.
Congratulations.
Congratulations are for the groom.
You say "best wishes" to the bride.
I guess my manners aren't
what they should be.
[ Chuckles ]
Gee, really?
Rose, I am really sorry.
I've felt horrible about myself
for two solid months.
I've felt horrible
about myself my whole life...
so you'll get no sympathy from me.
You know what they called me
growing up?
Fudgie the Whale.
I'm still shocked
when a woman wants me...
and sometimes I do really stupid things
because I can't believe I can.
- That thing with your sister-
- Was inexcusable.
No matter what you weighed
in high school.
You ruined everything.
[ Quietly ]
I know.
What we had... was really special.
Oh, please! What we-
Because of you,
I have no idea where my sister is.
I can't reach her.
Her phone's cut off.
She doesn't even know I'm engaged.
My own sister.
My best friend.
And the worst part is,
I can't talk to anyone about it.
If I tell my father, he'll get
all panicked and mad at me...
for not taking better care of her.
And if I tell Simon-
I can't tell Simon.
Why not?
Because...
he'll hate her.
And that, I couldn't bear.
Hi, Jim.
Here I am, trying to be patient,
trying to be understanding...
while you lose your freaking mind.
- I'm not losing my mind.
- Ping-ponging between
comatose and homicidal.
God, every day I wake up thinking,
"Maybe today's the day she'll come back.
- I'm right here.
- "Maybe today she'll look at me like she used to.
She'll- She'll look at me in the eye,
tell me what she's thinking. "
- Simon?
- But no, no, no.
Today's the day
you look him in the eye...
tell him what you're thinking.
The guy who treated you
like a- like a disposable washrag.
This has nothing to do with him.
This is about you and me-
you not talking to me, you not
telling me what's going on inside you.
Tell me.
[ Sighs ]
I won't marry you like this.
I won't do it.
[ Car Drives Away ]
So this lady today, she, um- she heard
about how I shopped for Mrs. Lefkowitz...
and she asked
if I'd do the same for her.
- No kidding?
- Yeah.
- Said she'd pay.
- Well, she'd better.
- Do you think there's other women
down here who would?
- Are you kidding? Scads.
I was thinking of doing it
maybe like... a business.
Well, that's an excellent idea.
Um, I'm really terrible at numbers.
I mean, adding and stuff.
Well, I'm good with them.
I can help.
I mean, if you like.
Yeah. Sure.
That'd be good.
Gin.
[ Gasps ]
[ Knocking ]
- Oh, no.
- Dad?
- Dad?
- You are not welcome here!
- Rose? You all right?
- Are you kidding?
I'm fantastic. Turns out I have
a grandmother I never knew about.
It was in your own best interest.
Your father thought-
Why are you speaking? You do not
have any place in this conversation.
- Excuse me, miss. This is my house.
- Sydelle. Please.
How did she find you?
How did she lose me?
She said she sent birthday cards.
Please tell me you never got 'em.
Our mother was dead,
our father was practically catatonic.
- A grandmother might have come in handy.
- She was impossible, Rose.
Bossy, self-righteous, nosy about things
that weren't her business.
- Like what?
- Trust me. We were better off without her.
Because she was bossy?
That doesn't make any sense.
I didn't want to be around that,
and I didn't want you around it.
- What?
- The judgment. The blame.
- For what? What-What'd she blame you for?
- Everything.
- What everything?
-Just everything.
- Dad!
- For your mother, all right?
For her death.
- She said that?
- She didn't have to.
She wanted her protected
all the time. Drugged.
But Caroline-
she didn't want to live that way.
It made her foggy.
She couldn't take it
if she was pregnant.
So... we hoped it would be enough-
loving each other,
loving you and Maggie.
There were so many good days.
We thought it would be okay.
Oh, God.
I'm sorry, Rosie.
I'm so sorry.
[ Ella ]
Now, um...
the only opening on Thursday
she has is 5:00.
- P.M.
- Yes.
- That's right in the middle of dinner.
- Well, take it or leave it.
- I'll take it if she won't.
- I'll take it. I'll take it.
- "Mrs. Stempel. "
- Ella.
Lewis! Are you looking
for a personal shopper too?
[ Chuckling ]
No. A date, to the Tea Dance.
And I'd be honored
if you'd go with me.
- I'd love to.
- Pick you up at 4:00.
- Lewis Feldman.
- Ooh.
This place just keeps
getting better and better.
[ MUSIC ] [ Humming ]
[ Gasps ]
What are you doing here?
I live here.
What are you doing here?
You live here?
In an old folks home?
It's a retirement community
for active seniors.
Wait, so you-
you live with our grandmother?
How'd you find out about her?
I can't believe she wrote you
without telling me.
It's so sneaky.
Does it offend
your strict moral code?
So, how's it going for you down here?
Who's buying your cocktails?
No one.
Oh, no.
Is your mojo failing you already?
My mojo's fine.
I just haven't felt like drinking.
Right. Probably haven't
felt like stealing...
or lying or having sex
with inappropriate partners either.
- Did you come down here just to abuse me?
- [ Door Shuts ]
Maggie! I hope you are prepared
to be exceedingly rich...
because I booked you within an-
Rose. Oh.
Oh, Rose.
Look at you.
Oh, look how lovely you are. Oh.
[ Laughing ]
Oh. Do you remember me?
Yeah.
I remember you too.
You-You're exactly the same.
Smiley and huggable and-
- Ooh, and engaged?
- What?
Oh, yeah.
- Holy shit. To who?
- No one you know.
Champagne. Now, come with me.
Tell me all about it.
I can't believe you're marrying
somebody I haven't even met.
What's he like anyhow?
Why? You want to screw him too?
I don't expect you to forgive me, Rose...
but I am sorry.
[ Squeaky Horn Tooting ]
- [ Maggie ] Careful, Mrs. Haskell.
- I'm always careful!
She hit somebody last week.
It was a big to-do.
And there's a store where you can buy
eight different kinds of hemorrhoid creams.
All right.
Here come the Queen Bees.
Widows. They run the place.
Oh, watch out.
- Hello, ladies! This is my sister.
- Maggie.
- Hi.
- Hi, Maggie.
Yep. Have a good day.
This is the exercise pavilion.
Hey, guys!
- Hi, Maggie.
- This is my sister, Rose.
Hello, Rose!
[ Man ] Good, Lydia. A good stretch.
That's it. A nd left.
Looking good, Mrs. Klein.
- Hi, Maggie.
- Hi, ladies.
Hi!
I call these guys The Bench.
They're all former lawyers.
- Gentlemen! Hey.
- Hi, Maggie.
This is my sister, Rose.
She's a lawyer, too, from Philadelphia.
- Which firm?
- Uh, actually, no firm right now.
I'm just... taking some time off.
- Me too.
- [ Laughing ]
- What are you doing, Ella?
- Sit down, girls.
I've got some things here
I thought you might like to see.
- Whoa.
- Oh, God.
- [ Chuckles ]
- Look at you.
- These are great.
- Hey, look. Our old living room.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, God.
Could Mom have been any prettier?
Oh, you look exactly like her.
Doesn't she?
- I wonder if there's a picture of Honey Bun.
- That'd be pretty impossible.
- Who's Honey Bun?
- Our dog.
- You had a dog?
- For one day.
The greatest day.
Mom woke us up really early.
It was a school day. It was still dark out.
It was winter.
And she put us in our best party dresses and
dragged us down to the kitchen, which was-
- A mess.
- Covered, every counter, in fudge.
She'd been up all night making it.
We loaded it into the car,
and she drove us right past school...
straight up to New York,
to Lord & Taylor.
Which was closed, because we got there
at 8:00 in the morning.
- That's right, and we hung out in the car.
- Eating fudge for breakfast.
Mom had heard about Mrs. Fields.
You know, the cookie lady?
And she figured that her fudge
was just as good as those cookies, so-
So she was gonna make a fortune.
When it finally opened, we went in
and, oh, God, she was so beautiful.
- She was wearing this long, velvety gown.
- At 8:00 in the morning?
Well, by this time it was 10:00.
I guess she talked to some of the store people
about the fudge, but I don't remember.
Mmm, she spilled it,
all over the jewelry counter.
- There was a guy who just kind of looked at her.
- I don't remember a guy.
There was a guy,
and he looked at her.
Anyway, Mom said that we could
each get one present.
- And you got-
- A Nancy Drew book.
I asked for a puppy. And she got it!
[ Sighs ] He was so cute.
I named him Honey Bun.
Why'd you only have it for one day?
- I guess Dad thought it was a bad idea.
- [ Ella ] Why?
I don't know. I think he thought
I was too young.
No. He was just mad.
- About a dog?
- No, about the whole day.
He didn't have any idea where we were,
and school had called.
- Oh.
- Really?
Yeah. He was really panicked
and really, really mad at her.
They had a huge fight.
I don't remember a fight.
You were in your room
with a record playing.
- I was?
- Yeah.
I put you in there and turned the music on
so you wouldn't hear them.
[ Ella ]
Why? What were they saying?
He was saying...
she was unfit.
That's the word he used.
He said he was gonna... send her away.
Put her away. Something.
- He kept saying "away. "
- Mmm. And her?
"Oh, there's nothing wrong with me.
I'm a good mother. "
He'd say,"away,"
and she'd say,"I'm their mother!"
So he was-he was gonna
have her hospitalized.
Yeah.
Oh, God. The poor guy.
When exactly was this?
November 3.
No. No, it wasn't.
It was, like, months before that.
It was two days.
It was Tuesday,
and she died that Thursday.
It was on purpose, wasn't it?
The car, the tree.
[ Water Running ]
Was it even raining that night?
You were so little.
How do you tell a six-year-old
her mom left by choice?
Who told you?
No one.
- Oh, God. Why can't I just stay mad at you?
- [ Sniffling ]
'Cause we're a pair,
like Sonny and Cher.
They split up.
- But they remained quite close.
- [ Chuckles ]
I'm not engaged anymore.
Simon dumped me.
Why are you still wearing the ring?
[ Crying ]
I like how it feels.
- Do you know his name?
- Simon Stein.
- Doctor?
- Lawyer.
- Oh. Nice.
- So you call information-
"Simon Stein in Philly"-
Get his number, make a call.
And say what?
"Hey, jerk, you broke my sister's heart.
Come down here and make it right. "
Maybe not that, word-for-word.
- He broke up with her.
He's not gonna want to come.
- Well, you don't know that.
Men can be very confused.
Yeah, too many options-
be an astronaut, be a playboy.
Often a man needs help
making the right choice.
Yeah, how am I supposed to help him?
He doesn't even know me.
He knows your sister.
And loves her, or he wouldn't have
proposed in the first place.
- So?
- So, what if he learns she was in trouble?
Or sick.
Or pregnant.
Dora!
Don't look so shocked,
Miss Comes-To-Florida-
To-Milk-Your-Grandmother-
For-All-She's-Worth.
We know all about you.
- So, dog walking.
- Oh, don't worry about it.
It's not forever. It's just to keep me busy
till I figure out my next move.
Well, when you figure it out,
I hope you'll let me know.
You know, down here, if you don't have
successful grandchildren to brag about...
you're screwed.
What are we reading today?
A little Emily Dick? A little-
What are we reading today?
A little Emily Dick? A little-
[ Footsteps Approaching ]
Did they move him?
He died.
This morning.
Bummer.
- Were you on duty?
- No, I-I don't work here.
This is his chart.
You're his grandson, the doctor.
Who are you?
Um, nobody.
I-I just- I read to him sometimes.
You're Maggie.
He talked about me?
Just a little.
[ MUSIC ] [ DistantJazz ]
-[ MUSIC ] [Jazz ]
- [ Chattering ]
- Hey.
- Hey.
Who's Fred Astaire?
That's Lewis.
You're a very good dancer, Lewis.
Know what else I'm good at?
[ Gasps ]
[ Gasps ]
Simon.
What are you doing here?
I came as soon as your sister called.
Should you be drinking?
[ MUSIC ] [ Piano Plays Gentle Melody ]
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
- So you're not pregnant.
- No. [ Confused Chuckle ]
- Never were.
- Don't you think I would tell you
if I were pregnant?
I don't know.
You know, I hope so, but, frankly...
there were a lot of things
you weren't telling me back there.
[ MUSIC ] [ Gentle Melody Continues ]
I promise, anything I kept from you
had nothing to do with us.
It was about Maggie.
[ Sighs ] I was protecting her
because that's what I do.
You need to know this, because
if by some insane stroke of fate...
you do decide to marry me...
she will make your life a living hell.
You'll be begging me
to kick her out...
commit her, kill her, anything.
And I'll want to...
but I never will.
[ Voice Cracks ]
Because without her...
I don't make sense.
You look good.
You look like you.
- I can't believe I'm in Florida.
- [ Laughs ]
- [ Ella ] You'll come back?
- Yes, I promise.
- Now, you hold her to it.
- I will.
Okay, don't buy a wedding dress.
It's gonna be my gift to you.
[ Laughs ]
No way.
You'll have me in some
hootchie-mama monstrosity.
Look, I'm good at this. Trust me.
Are you sure this is the right place?
[ Man ] Only oneJerk Hut
in Philadelphia, ma'am.
[ MUSIC ] [ Man Singing: Reggae ]
[ Door Opens ]
Michael.
Ella.
This is my friend, Lewis Feldman.
- Lewis, this is Michael Feller, father of the bride.
- Pleased to meet you.
Welcome. Rose will be
so glad you're here.
Ella!
- [ Giggles Excitedly ]
- [ Both ] Oh.
I'm so glad you're here.
- Are you excited?
- [ Rose ] Yeah.
[ Ella ]
Yes? Perfect.
[ Maggie ] She gets really mad
if you leave the lid off the ice cream.
[ Simon ]
I know.
- Don't even think about using her toothbrush.
- Mm-hmm.
- And she hates the look of raw chicken.
- I know.
And if she starts humming
"Hava Nagila"...
she's, like, really, really mad-
like, mad.
Mag- Maggie, I know. I know her.
[ Chuckles Lightly ]
- Okay.
- Okay.
Mm-hmm.
I wore them in 1952.
- Old.
- But not to you.
- Right.
- And if I didn't give them to you?
- Borrowed.
- Mm-hmm. And look at the flowers.
- Blue.
- Yeah.
So, uh, Simon-
[ MUSIC ] [ Man Singing: Reggae ]
I'll be back in a few minutes.
[ Ella ]
They are so lovely.
You should be very proud.
I'm afraid I can't take much credit.
Well, it's not always easy
taking care of yourself...
and someone else
at the same time.
I owe you an apology, Ella.
Many, in fact.
I owe quite a few myself.
[ Rabbi ]
You'll be entering from-
Oh, yeah, just along here
and, um, down these stairs.
- And will someone be escorting you?
- My dad.
- That's nice.
- Dad.
[ MUSIC ] [ Rhythmic Drums Continue ]
[ MUSIC ] [ Piano:"Here Comes the Bride"]
[ MUSIC ] [ Song Ends ]
- Thanks, Dad.
- Thanks, Michael.
And now, a very special moment.
Young lady?
Uh, this isn't in the program,
'cause it's a surprise.
I surprise Rose a lot.
Uh, usually, she hates it.
I think, or I hope...
that she likes this.
It's a poem by e. e. cummings.
For you.
"I carry your heart with me.
"I carry it in my heart.
"I am never without it.
"Anywhere I go, you go, my dear.
"And whatever is done by only me...
"is your doing, my darling.
"I fear no fate...
"for you are my fate, my sweet.
"I want no world, for, beautiful...
"you are my world, my true.
"Here is the deepest secret
no one knows.
"Here is the root of the root...
"and the bud of the bud...
"and the sky of the sky
of a tree called life...
"which grows higher
than the soul can hope...
"or mind can hide.
"It is the wonder
that's keeping the stars apart.
"I carry your heart.
I carry it in my heart. "
- Mazel tov!
- [ Cheering, Laughing ]
[ MUSIC ] [ Reggae ]
[ MUSIC ] [ Man Singing: Reggae ]
Ah, look at them.
Now, you behave yourself now.
- You'll make sure Ella gets those?
- Mmm. Of course.
- Seriously, you can't keep them.
- [ Gasps ]
I wouldn't do that.
He's kinda hot.
Simon.
Not funny yet?
[ Shrieks ]
[ MUSIC ] [ Man Singing: Reggae ]
Bye.
[ MUSIC ] [ Live Band: Man Singing Continues ]
[ Rose's Voice ]
"Here's the deepest secret no one knows.
"Here is the root of the root...
"and the bud of the bud...
and the sky of the sky
of a tree called life. "
[ Maggie's Voice ] "Which grows
higher than the soul can hope...
"or mind can hide.
"It is the wonder
that's keeping the stars apart.
"I carry your heart.
I carry it in my heart. "
[ MUSIC ] [ Reggae Continues ]
[ MUSIC ] [ Man Rapping In Jamaican Dialect ]
[ MUSIC ] [ Singing Continues ]
[ MUSIC ] [ Man Rapping In Jamaican Dialect ]
[ MUSIC ] [ Singing Continues ]
[ MUSIC ] [ Rapping Continues ]
[ MUSIC ] [ Singing Continues ]
[ MUSIC ] [ Fades ]
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