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Ingrid Goes West (2017)
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Is this real? Hashtag no filter. The couple that yogas together, stays together. Prayer hands emoji. A perfect day for a perfect wedding. Hashtag perfect so glad I married this weirdo. Fluttering heart emoji. Getting the band back together. Hashtag all the line. Yup! That's how we roll. Princess emoji. And the festivities begin. Twin hearts emoji. Fairy tale wedding. Hashtag about last night. Happy to be sharing this day with all my favorite humans. Hashtag blessed. The couple that yogas together stays together. A perfect day for a perfect wedding. Princess emoji. Yup! That's how we roll. All my favorite humans. Hashtag blessed. Hashtag all the line. Hashtag about last night. Hashtag perfect. Fairy tale wedding. - Is this real? - Hashtag blessed. I know... Hi, Charlotte. -Ingrid. -Congratulations. --Thanks for inviting me. - You fucking cunt! - -Help! "Dear Charlotte, I want you to know how sorry I am about what happened. I think having this time apart has been really good for me. I'm learning how to be present... How to live in the moment... How to listen. Sometimes I'll hear a joke that reminds me of you. And I'll feel sad because I have no way of telling you about it. But, maybe, that's okay. Maybe, it's good to be alone once in a while. I don't what the future holds for me. I just know that things are gonna be different now. And I guess I just wanted to say thank you. You're the only person who reached out to me after my mom died. And, I'll never forget that. And I hope that someday you and I can... Look back on all of this and laugh. Your friend always, Ingrid." You'll freeze to death if you stay here! Taylor Sloane holy shit. "Live in the sunshine, swim in the sea, drink the wild air." Ralph Waldo Emerson. My muse. Hashtag rothko the dog. There's science, logic and reason and then there is, California. Baby, you're a firework. American flag emoji. You're so cool. Hashtag true romance vibes. Another day, another avocado toast. Prayer hands emoji. Yeah, I'm just gonna pay someone. I'm sick of doing it myself. Oh, my god, you're not gonna believe who I'm looking at right now. Ingrid thorburn. She just saw me. Yeah, I thought she was in an insane asylum. I know, right? I mean, Charlotte had to get a restraining order against her. They weren't even friends. Charlotte just commented on one of her instagrams, and then Ingrid went full stalker on her. She looks bad. She haunts right now. So dark... I wish! Grateful kitchen, actually. They are the best. Check it out next time you're in L.A. winking face emoji hi, Taylor. Thank you. Yeah, so, you know, that shit was poppin', and after a while of me squeezing on her ass and rubbin' on it... We went to the crib for some netflix and chill. But you ain't paying your damn subscription no, it wasn't nothing like this. No dude, I gotta' call you back. Alright. Hey. Dan pinto. Nice to meet you. Thorburn. Ingrid thorburn. Okay, Ingrid thorburn. You-- you like the place? -Are you the landlord? -Yes, I'd shock you. I'm the dude who lives next door which you pay rent to. The landlord thing is just a side hassle so I can get my real shit up the ground. You're in movies? -Yeah. -Anything I've seen? -Alright, Batman? -You wrote that? No, but I'm writing a spec script. It's-it's not authorized, but I think it will be a nice installment in a franchise. How much is this place? Twenty-nine hundred, the first two months, plus the security deposit. No pets! But we are 420 fellows, so, you know. Do you take cash? -Are you an escort or something? -No. Fuck! -Are you a drug dealer? -No. Okay, for real what you do? You got a backpack full of money. Suspicious. Yeah, if you really wanna know, my mom just died and left me a bunch of money. I didn't mean to offend. Like, my condolences. I mean... It's okay. It's all there. -Thank you. -Fuck off, then. Alright. Bye. See ya' later then. What's your biggest emotional wound? -What? -It's our question of the day. - Oh. Mine's actually my relationship with my dad. - I'm good, thanks. - -Alright. Well, in that case, welcome to grateful kitchen. My name's Eden. How can I nourish you today? You know, I'm actually meeting a friend for lunch here. -Have you seen her? -Oh, yeah, Taylor Sloane. Yeah, yeah. She comes in all the time. - I know. She was actually here like an hour ago. You said you're meeting her for lunch? Oh... God, I must've gotten the time wrong, so stupid. Do you remember what she ordered? Summer chop, courtesy of the lovely ladies at the hive, L.A. New Clare v clutch got me like... Princess emoji. "We tell ourselves stories in order to live" Joan didion. Cauliflower samosa. Game on fleek! They're totally safe. I think they're conflict free. Oh, my god! That's gorgeous. Noted! And did she outsource to China? No I think she makes -everything... -Fuck! Just... Whatever, just be cool. Just be, mellow! It's fine. Fuck. Hmm. Hmm. Cool! I think I'm gonna buy it. Excuse me, miss? You can't take that. Yeah I know, I was just... Okay, I'll be right out. --What are you doing? What are you doing here, baby? Come here. What are you doing? What's going on? --Thank you very much! -You're welcome. -Wow! It's my lucky night. Oh, god, I hope they brought cards again... Oh, I know. I don't wanna play mafia again. Shh. Hi, rothko. Want a treat? Oh, yeah. - Oh, good boy. Shhh. Good boy. Shh! Shh! Stop. Quiet. It's okay. Be quiet. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up! -- Yo! - Fuck! - - Ingrid. --Shh. It's okay. - I know you're in there. - Shut up. It's okay. - Coming! - - Come on. Ingrid! -Hey. -Yo, what's going on? -Nothing. -Yeah? What? Did you get a new haircut or something? Oh, yeah. Yeah. I just... When in California... Um, did you get a dog? -No. -'Cause it definitely sounds -like there's a dog in here. -Yeah, that's because I was watching a movie about dogs. Oh, watcha' watchin'? Beethoven? -Yes. -Wanna watch it the next door? I mean I got a bubbler, you know. I got way more food than you got here. Oh, you already have company. I see! My friend asked me to dog sit. Okay? What did I ask you to do? No pets. That's all. My only stipulation. I'm allergic to dogs, Ingrid. Okay. Um, it's just one night. He won't go near you and he's leaving tomorrow. I promise. You leaving tomorrow, if he doesn't. Okay. - Hello? - Hello. Hi, I'm not sure if I have the right number. I'm calling about a lost dog named rothko. Babe, we got rothko. Babe, someone found rothko. But is he okay? Yeah, he's... he's good okay, where do you live? I'm gonna come there right now oh, um, you know what, actually? My-- it's not a good time. I'm actually running errands, so, how about I just swing on over to you guys and I'll just drop him off, to mummy and daddy! Okay? Sounds good? So I'll be right over. Okay, okay. Well, wait, don't you need the address? Yeah, of course i need the address. Let me just get a pen. Okay, got one. -Hi! -Oh, my god! Thank you so much! -Hi. Oh, it's okay. -It's okay. It's okay. You're home. You're home. -My god! You're a life saver. -Good boy. -Hi, I'm Taylor. -Ingrid. -Thank you so much! -How's it going? Where did you find him? Just a couple of blocks from here. So weird! Oh, sorry! Before I forget. Sorry. Oh, look, you guys wear - the same purse! - It's crazy! -Oh, my god! So random. -I'm naming it down to cash. -Oh, please, no, I... I don't want your money. Please. Oh! No, no, no. Come on. We insist, please. - No, really... yes! - -Are you sure? Yes. He's so cute. He was just good company. Honestly, I'm just glad he's home. -Are you sure? -Yeah. Whoa, we can't let you go empty-handed. We're making dinner. Let us make you dinner. -Yes! I love that idea. -It's a good idea. Oh, yeah. I mean, you should... Absolutely, unless have other plans. Nope. I'm free. I haven't seen that in a while. Here. I do have to apologize because we've been so stressed out with rothko being gone that we haven't had the opportunity -to go to farmer's market yet. -Oh, it's fine. Yeah, I hope you don't mind if we improvise a little. Huh? --You know what I mean? --I don't mind that. I feel like I'm in a restaurant. --More like kitchen nightmares. You wish! Holy fuck! This is incredible. Jesus! This is fucking delicious. Have we met before? No, no, definitely not. 'Cause your face, it looks so familiar. Can I use your bathroom? And so we're learning how to surf... --...and all of a sudden, -i got stung by a jellyfish. -No! I thought it was a man o'war. And then-- that's right. He... -Yeah, i-i-i peed-- -yeah. He had to pee on my leg. -I peed on her leg. -Ew! He did not? You know, it was kinda gross, but kinda hot, too. -Yeah -we don't need to redo it, but it was actually not that bad. Oh, you wanna reenact it right now? --No. You wanna-- wanna another glass of "vino," -to top it off? -Yeah, thanks. Yeah, you gotta' own that baby. -Anyone wants more of it? -Mm-hmm. So, what do you guys do for money? Ah, I'm a photographer. Wow! That's amazing I mean, it's not as glamorous as it sounds occasionally. Brands, they pay me to post things online. She's really... She's really good. -Cool. -Really good, really creative. Thanks, baby. Oh, my god, I know where... I know where we met. Um, it was the echo park craft fair. And you were selling those Bolivian Clay pots. -Right! The pots. -I bought like, eight. Not me. Actually, I just moved here. Maybe, you're confusing her with one of your insta-fans. He's just giving me shit because I happen to engage with people on social media like the rest of the known universe, and my husband has a chronic case of technophobia. -Wow. -He still uses a flip phone. - No! - -Yeah! - No, he does not. -Wow! Okay, alright. -Okay, first of-- I got-- -can you hear me? --S-stop. Stop. I just prefer to keep certain parts of my life, private. That's it. That's all. And-- and let... You know, just let my work sort of just speak for itself. That's... You know, we talked about that. Ezra is an artist. Really? What kinda stuff do you do? Yeah, I guess you could label it, um... Pop art. That's what I have kind of calling it. But I haven't... there's no... I don't like labels, -you know what I mean? -You do backgrounds as well? Um, no, no, those are found objects from flea markets across the United States. - Yeah. -Are any of these for sale? -I don't-- not technically-- -yes, they are. -You know? Yeah, yeah, they are. -Yeah. How much is this one? - How much.. -What do we say, 12, $1,200? -I think it's what he said. -Yeah. -Ballpark, $1,200. -Cool. I'll take it. Do you take cash? - Oopsy, sorry! -In those. -To my baby. Okay. To our new friend, Ingrid. Rescuer of dogs. -Patron of the arts. -Mm-hmm. And... all around a really great neighbor. -Cheers. -Cheers. Um, so if you need anything... Um, transportation. I can bring it over tomorrow, -um, I gotta-- -no, I can take it tonight. -Oh, really? -Yeah, I'll take it myself. -Oh, you gotta be kiddin' me. -What? What's the matter? - What[S going on? - Is everything okay? Yeah, it's fine. It's just that my friend anish keeps promising to help me take our trailer, in the driveway, to our place in Joshua tree, and she just flaked at the end. -It's cool. We'll figure it out. -Yeah, we'll figure it out. Who else we know that has a truck? Hey. Okay, one second. Shit. Yes? Oh, hey. Hey, Ingrid. Hey. -I need to borrow your truck. -Oh, the bat mobile? It's chill. Where we going? Ikea? Home depot? No, actually, i need it this Saturday. Uh, no, no. No, no can't do. -Just for a couple of hours. -No, my table read... -Please. -...For my script -is this Saturday night. I-- -that's okay, that's okay. I just need it during the day, and I'll totally have it back before your table read or whatever, I promise. Or whatever. -Please -i don't know, Ingrid. Please, please, please, please. I'll do anything anything? It's funny you should say that cause' the chick who we got to play catwoman, she got booked to do this nickelodeon thing and I need a replacement so.. You don't have anyone else who can do that? Don't you have another truck you could use? Oh! Come on, catwoman. Scratch my back. I'll scratch yours. Deal. Come here Saturday. Be here. Six o' clock. Meow. Yeah... I like that. I can't believe you've never been to Joshua tree before. -I know. -Oh, my god, we should go to integratron and get a sound bath. Do you know what that is? Yeah, it's like, so healing and re-grounding. -It's really incredible. -Cool. Oh, my god! What is this? I had no idea you were so into Batman. - I'm not. -Hey, chill. Chill. -We're good. Oh, my god. My brother was like obsessed with this movie growing up. -You've a brother? -Yeah, Nicky. He's amazing, he's like so funny and like, genius level smart. I mean, he had a few rushes with the law but he's like totally sober now. Oh, it's good. -Maybe you should pull over? -No, it's fine. It does this thing all the time, this gutter. I'm gonna just see if there's like, a manual or-- holy shit! Jesus Christ, Ingrid -oh, my god. -Oh, my god. Why do you have a gun in here? It's not real. It's-- just close it. It's just to scare people. -It's fine, I don't even-- -who is Daniel pinto? I can't people you didn't tell me you had a boyfriend. I know, but it's not serious or anything, that's why. Is he your drug dealer? No. He's-- he's a screenplay writer. He writes movies. Oh, my god. A tortured artist. I love that. I know. Me too. How long you guys been dating? Like a week. You-- you've been dating a week and he's already letting -you borrow his truck -yeah. -Why? Is that weird? -No. Damn, girl. You just-- you move fast. That's incredible. What did you do to get that one? Shit. I know. I just gave him a blowjob. You're so funny. I love you so much. You're amazing. Oh, my god, you're my favorite person, I've ever met. Oh, my god. You're good to go ladies. Engine just needed to cool down a bit. Oh, my god, you're a Saint smithy, - thank you so much! - -Thank you so much! Would you mind, actually just snapping a quick photo of us? That'd be really great. - Okay. -Thank you. Okay, cheese. Actually, that smile, and if you hold your back down like this, it might look better. And even at an angle, maybe. Cool. Okay, here you go. Thank you. Sorry, would you actually, would you mind just taking a few more? Maybe, if you got lower, then you can get the sign above our heads, and that would be amazing. Here you go. -Thanks, you're the best. -Sure. Just do it on your left. If you get lower, that would be better. - You mean on the floor? - -Yeah, if you can. Okay. Last one. Should we try one with the peace sign? Yeah. Oh, my god, i love this time of the day. I'm just not sure if we should paint it or not. I think I like this color. I think it's perfect. So nice here. I mean, you really should've seen it when we bought it, because it was wild. Then Ezra and I were able to do all the renovations ourselves, - which was really special. He's so great at that. We should probably head back soon. No, are you crazy? We just got here. I know something we should do. -Do you do this a lot? -Not anymore, really. I think the last time we did it was probably burning man. - Have you been to burning man? Cause' you could totally join our camp next year. It'd be really fun. Oh, I'm so happy we are here. Happy's is the best. I mean, like, the crowd it is a bit stretch, but they always have great music -in the fest as surprise -cool. Mm-hmm. -Is everything okay? -Yeah, totally. -It's Dan checking up on me. -Oh, that's really sweet. Ezra never checks up on me. Come on, hurry up. Oh, yeah. Now, I'm gonna-- gonna do it too. I wanna dance, I wanna dance, i wanna dance, I wanna dance. - No, to you. - -No, to you. -Cheers. -Cheers. Shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, shot... Dan's gonna kill me. Okay, you need to relax, it's just a scratch. And I bet he won't even notice it. You can buff that right out. What do you think i should say happened? Um... say like, "look, I made a mistake." And I'm sure he'll understand. Now, you really shouldn't let a little scratch ruin otherwise perfect night. Yeah, you're so right. Can I tell you a secret? Um... yeah. Do you see that house over there? -Twenty-two, flamingo Lane. -Yeah. Well, I'm thinking about buying it. And this is gonna sound like, such a crazy idea... But I have this dream of opening a boutique hotel that's filled with like, everything I love, and everything in it is for sale. I's gonna be like my instagram, but in real life. Okay, you have to do that. Like, now. --That's amazing. I'm thinking about calling it... "Desert door." -Did you just come up with that? -No, I mean, i-- I wish. It's from this Norman mailer book that I'm obsessed with called the deer park. -The deer park? -Mm-hmm. Could you actually promise that, um... Not to say anything to Ezra? Because I haven't actually talked to him about it yet. Yeah. Why? I don't know. Like, ever since i convinced him to quit his job and become an artist full time, he's just been like, super-weird about money. But I thought you said his paintings were popular. No, I mean, like, don't get me wrong. He is absurdly talented, but he doesn't believe in self-promotion, and just like, thinks... It's really phony or something. I'm sorry, I'm like, talking at you. You probably think I'm awful. No. -You're perfect. -Yeah, perfectly fucked up. No. You are, by far the coolest, most interesting person I've ever met. I'm serious. My god. Thank you. You're a really good friend, Ingrid. We're missing all these shooting stars. - Hmm. -Come on. We did it. Thank you. - Thank you. -Oh, and tell Dan I'm really sorry about his truck. But I'm really looking forward to meeting him. -Okay. Bye. -Bye. Its obviously day, so I don't know where she is. - Shit. Shit, shit. - - I tried calling her... - Hey. I apologize to you, guys. Sorry for wasting your time. -Yo! Where the fuck were you? -I'm sorry-- -you sorry? -Yeah. I'm-- false alarm, guys. Go on about your day. -Fuck! -How was the table read? How was-- I had to cancel it. No catwoman. No table read. -What the fuck is this? -I know. Look, you can probably -buff it right out. -Look at my shit! It was an accident, okay. I'm sorry. I'll pay for it, okay? Some of it. -All of it, okay? -Is there anything else I need to know about Ingrid? We might have done all of your cocaine -that we found in the-- -shut the fuck up. Thank you, guys. All good. Thank you for your service. -What the fuck's wrong with you? -I'm sorry. I trusted you. As you live here. I called the police worried about you. I should've been worried about my fucking truck. You're supposed to be catwoman. You ain't nothing but two-faced. Here I was looking out for you. -Fuck that. Don't, watch out. -Dan. - It's just a-- -damn me. Damn all that, man. Feet on the ground, head in the skies. Twin ladies emoji. "Dear Charlotte, you're probably wondering what I've been up to these last few weeks. Well, I decided to give myself a fresh start in beautiful, sunny Los Angeles. L.A. is the best." Yeah, I think we're doing okay. "I found an amazing house by the beach, and I'm making a ton of new friends. My best friend Taylor has been helping me explore my creative side. It's a part of me I never even knew existed." What's is this? You need this. You need this in your house. -It'd like, change everything. -Yeah, totally. "I've been getting really into photography lately. You should totally follow me on instagram. I have almost 1,000 followers and I'm getting new ones everyday. I have a boyfriend now too. His name is Daniel and he's absurdly talented. He's writing the new Batman movie. Pretty cool, huh? Anyway, I hope you're doing well. I know I am. That's all thanks to you. So... no hard feelings. Your friend, always." - Hey. - -Hey. So cute, I love that. Thanks. Whose car's parked - in the driveway? - - Hey, sis? - Yeah. -You float me some cash. I had to cancel my credit cards and I need some clothes for tonight. - Okay. Stop it. I got it. - Nicky? - -Yes? Why don't you have any clothes, man? -Who's this? Oh, sorry, this is Ingrid. -Ingrid. -This is my brother Nicky. He just flown from Paris to surprise us. Wow! Paris. - Give me my phone. -Hi. - Stop! How long are you here for? Ah, I was thinking like, two or three weeks tops. Ah, i-- sorry-- wha-- two or three weeks? -It's the best surprise ever. -Best surprise! Eh-heh! - Best surprise! Eh-heh! - -Best surprise! -Give me my phone. Give it. -No. No. Huh-uh. Taylor, I brought some ros! Oh, my god, this is such a great bottle. I know, I thought you liked that kind. - Thank you. - -All right, nice. -Cool. -What's your story, "Olga"? It's Ingrid. Do you speak French? So I'm chilling in the ritz lobby and I just happen to strike up a conversation with this Chinese billionaire named Bruno; -which doesn't make any sense... -Nicky and I both, we studied mandarin in college. Yes, we did bullshit back, man. Anyway, the next thing I know, some security guy comes up and Jacks us up by our throats. So then I... I decided it's a good idea to take a swing at him, of course, so... --Ouch. Um, sorry, I thought you were supposed to be sober, Nicky. I am, I am. Anyway, cops came, I hitched a ride to the airport. Then I realized I left my credit card at the hotel. -Right. -But then, while I'm chilling at the airport, at de gaulle, guess who is right next to me? - Are you serious? - -Yes. --Look, I'm done. I gotta get another drink. It's a really good racist story. Keep going. Um... -Wow! Does that bother you-- ? -Hey, baby, can you get another bottle, please? Sure, and a new brother too. -Anyway, the little fucked was-- -there's more? - Yeah. -I thought you were done. He was so thankful for me showing him a good time that he bought me a first-class ticket to L.A. - That's so crazy. -I watched 12 hours of family guy. He gets a hand job from some fashion chick named Harley something or other. -Harley chung? -Yes. Yes! You know her? No, not personally, but she's like, over a million followers. Well, I'm having dinner with her tomorrow night, at chateau. - You wanna go? - -Um, yes! Obviously. - Yay! Let's do it. Yay! Except that you can't, because we are going to that launch party, tomorrow night, remember? Littledoe? - The hats. - -Right. I got us on the list. -Oh, you did. -Oh, shoot. -Yeah. -Thanks. I am on list? No, sorry. I could barely get us on. -Right, right. -Yeah. It's okay, you guys should totally go. It sounds like a fun, fun time. It's gonna be so fun. Whatever, just never gonna meet Harley, then? Hey? Would you mind if I bail, actually? 'Cause Nicky and I, we never get to hangout and... Why don't you just go without me? Like, you should totally bring Dan. Okay. No problem. You guys, have fun. And I'll bring Dan. He loves that kinda stuff anyway. Hanging with Harley chung at the littledoe launch party. Sparkle emoji. Hey. Oh. Thank you. - Taylor! -Ingrid! Taylor! Oh, my god, you made it. Yeah, duh, I made it. I invited you. You made it. Well, alright, alright. Harley, she knows the designers so they got us vip passes. Just really last minute. -Hi, nice to meet you. -Hi, nice to meet you. Oh, god! Where's your imaginary boyfriend? Sorry? You guys were joking about it too. No, we were just-- we were saying that we'd love to meet Daniel. We haven't met him yet and he just made a joke about him being -your imaginary boyfriend. -I wasn't joking. And we know he is not imaginary. --I know. - No, he's not imaginary. - -No? He's just busy tonight. He's a writer so-- oh, really? Like-- like a ghost writer? He's a-- come on, i know it's funny. I got an idea. Why don't you come to Harley's house? She's house sitting for this super-rich dude -in the hills. -Yeah. We're gonna have a pool party, it will be awesome. - You can come this weekend. - -Bring Dan. - If that's okay. -This weekend? -If that's cool. -That's right, invite everyone. -I will. I just invited Ingrid -baby, you should come. Yeah, so bring a bathing suit, lots of sunscreen, a nice hat, and your boyfriend obviously. Excuse me, miss? Can I have your name? -Sorry? -Can I have your name, please? -Oh, Ingrid. -Last name? -Thorburn. -Thorburn? Thorburn? There's no thorburn on this list. I'm on the list, I've been on the list for like two weeks. And you know what, sir, she's actually with us. - So, it's totally cool. - -Yeah, it's cool. So sorry, we got a full house. It's a vips only tonight. Oh, boy. Oh, my god, I'm so sorry. He was so mean. You have to leave. Oh, really? Well, how about I just text you about the weekend and send you all the information? -Please. -Okay, cool. - Okay, bye. -Bye! -What do you what? -Nothing, I just... Came by to say hi. That's nice. Hi. And I got you this. -What is it? -Open it. Nice try, Ingrid. -What? You don't like it? -No, of course I love it. That's why I bought it on ebay two years ago. -Good looks, though. -Right. There's more. Look. See? Indica. Anybody who knows me, knows I only smoke sativa. And an eight-ball would've been more appropriate, don't you think? Look, I'm trying. Okay? That jacket cost like $400. Eight thousand dollars' worth of damage to my truck. -I should throw you out. -Okay, I'm sorry. I did something really shitty. I took advantage of you and I feel really bad about it. Okay? I made a mistake. Can we please just start over and pretend it never happened? Like a reboot? Okay! Yes. Like a reboot. Can I take you to dinner? Can I pick the place? You get Jim carrey as the riddler... That has-- that should make you wanna see anything kilmer, val kilmer. He could kill everybody in this fucking room right now. Homie Joel? Joel schumacher. Joel schumacher? Yes, he was the best Batman, for sure. -Me too, i-- -no, no, no. He's the director. Joel. You like this place? -Yeah, it's cool. -Chill spot. I know I like it. -Do you come here a lot? -Way too often. They would charge me rent, if they could. -Dan? -Hey! Cindy. How are you? -I'm so good, how are you? -Good. You're looking well. -Oh, my gosh, it's been so long since I've seen you. Yeah, you know. Jus-- just working. -Well, you're a busy man. -Well, that means he is-- we're on a date. -Oh, um, sorry. -Alright. Whoa, catwoman has claws. I like that. Why do you like Batman so much? What's not to like about Batman? I'm sorry, it's just, i don't understand. He's just another superhero like spiderman or superman-- that's where you are wrong. Batman is the world's greatest detective. Nothing radioactive bit him. He's not from another planet. He's just like you or I. All Batman's powers come from within him. He had enough will and enough focus to make himself greater than what he was. And... He... in the beginning, before he's Batman, he loses his parents. That definitely stuck with me. As an orphan, I definitely felt a connection towards him. Oh, my god. You're an orphan? I'm so sorry. It's fine. He made it through. I'll make it through. What happened to your parents? It was a car accident. Yeah. It happened when I was a kid, and I didn't know how to cope with it. So, at school, I'd wear a Batman mask. Make everybody call me Bruce... And pretend to be somebody else. So, it was like... It happened to somebody else. What about you? What about you? What's your story? Um, yeah, I don't really like Batman that much. No, no. With your mom? What's your story with your mom? What happened? She had a heart attack. I mean, she was sick before that. You guys were close? Yeah, we were really close. We were... I lived with her. And um... It's just been really hard. Because it was kinda like, i lost my best friend. -Oh, yeah. -Oh, my god, I'm so sorry. -No, don't. Don't. -Getting too intense. I'm sorry. You must think I'm the worst. I'm not. Listen. Don't worry about that. Don't even talk about that. You don't ever have to apologize to me about how you're feeling. It may seem like I don't care. I put up a front, you know. But I definitely care about you. Why? To me, um... I don't know, it's just that you have a different kind of ring to you you have a different kind of shine. And I just think somebody needs to appreci-- meow. Fuck me, Bruce. -Fuck me, Bruce. -Tell me Gotham needs me. Gotham needs you. Now. You were great, by the way. No one's ever done that for me before. Hmm. You were great too. Thank you, mama. Hey, so, my friends are renting a house this weekend... Mm-hmm. They're having like, a party or something. Do you wanna come with me? -Oh, yeah? -Hmm. Of course, baby. You're the best. Hurry up, we're gonna be late. Do I get to use this shit buttoned up all the way? Yes, it looks better that way. Don't be a baby. -I'm being a baby. -Stop that! Don't do that in front of everybody. - Alright, come on. -Wait, wait, wait, wait. -A couple of ground rules, okay? -Okay. I need you to tell everyone that you're my boyfriend. It's a long story, but I just need you -to say that to everyone. -No, no, no, no, no, I get it. And I see that you dig me, i dig you. -I'll be your boyfriend. -Okay. -I'll be your boyfriend. -Okay, whatever. And also, no Batman talk. What am I supposed to talk about? I don't know them. Something cool, like food or clothes or Joan didion. Okay. Don't talk about comic books or anything. These people don't care about stuff like that. -Anything else you might-- -yes. Whatever you do, -just stay away from Nicky. -Who's Nicky? Nicky is Taylor's brother, and he's a fucking liar, a drug addict and just not to be trusted, okay? -Girl, what's up? -Hey. -Who's that? -This is Dan pinto. My imaginary boyfriend. -Dan pinto? -Yeah. My sister says you're obsessed with Batman. -Yea-- yeah. -Wow, get the fuck out! Oh, god, why didn't you tell me? I fucking love Batman. Nicky. Great to meet ya! Harley! -Anybody needs a beer? -No beer, bro. What's your problem with Nick? Why don't you like him? I mean, he seem chill. He's not chill. Okay? And he doesn't like you. He's only being nice to you to fuck with me. Damn. Excuse me, can he like me for my personality shit? -Hey. Is everything okay? -Yeah everything is chill. We're just talking about how amazing this house is, right? - Yeah. It's a dope spot. - -Pinto! Get your ass over her. I got a cohiba with your name on it. Alright, for sure, nigga, I'll be right over. Just between us, Nicky can't stop talking about you. I think, he has like, a little bit of a man crush. -Bye. -Bye. Bye. What the hell is wrong? What is this? Why are you acting like this? -You don't even like these guys. -I do like them. Alright. Tell me when Ingrid gets here, hey, where's the hat I give you? -This is the hat you gave me. -No, it's not. Okay, look, that shit was weak, alright? I'm-- I'm in this shirt. You let me roll up the sleeves, let me get a little bit of Dan in it, please. Fine, you can leave on the hat and go hangout with them -just don't embarrass me, okay? -Nigga, I'm gonna go talk -about some Batman, right now. -Don't say it. -Alright. Love you! -Love you. So, the other day I was at this tech startup thing. They had the most absurd art on the wall - that you have ever seen and I gotta be honest, it kinda bugged me a little bit because it's like, "what statement are you trying to make?" Is it that, as a company, that you're trying to say that you've good taste? You know, like, that's fucking bullshit, man. -You can't acquire taste. -Come on! It's something that you have to earn, you gotta be in pain over it. Do you have something you'd like to say, Nicky? -You wanna share with the class? -I don't think you'd say that if they hung one of your paintings on the wall. That-- first of all, I would, because I'm an objective... --...person. That's not-- and, in fact, it's not what I'm even talking about. Abs-- absolutely everything you were talking about. No. Come on, babe, back me up. Look, i-- I mean, i kinda agree with Nicky 'cause you always say that art is subjective. -Wow. -What? - Oh, come on, I was-- -where are you going? I was just being honest with you, man. - Ugh! - That was uncalled for. I know what you meant. So, Nicky tells me you've a place in Joshua tree. Oh, my god. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Have you been? No, but I'm dying to go. Yeah you should, it's amazing. I've been thinking of doing a pop up out there. For our resort collection. -Wait. Can I tell you a secret? -Uh-uh. Okay. I presume it sounds crazy, but my biggest dream is to buy the house that's next door to us and turn it to this boutique hotel where everything in it is for sale. - Oh, nice. - Yeah, and I was gonna - call it "desert door." -Love it. -What are you doing? -Nothing. -Everything okay? -Yeah, just go over there. - Hey! -Hi. Do you guys need help with anything? No. No, I actually think that we're fine in here. - Cool. - -Yeah. Oh, my god, I wanted to tell you that I read the deer park. The book you're obsessed with? -Yeah. It's great, isn't it? -It's so good. -If you ever want to talk-- -oh, my god. Wait! Why don't you and Nicky just come out next weekend? We'll take you to happy's. The crowd's a little sketchy, but they have the best live music and the greatest desert vibes... Ezra! Hey, have you seen my phone? Can't find it anywhere. Nope. What are you doing? I want skinny dipping. Alone? Yeah. You okay? I'm not an artist. I'm a fucking charlatan. No, you're not. Your paintings are awesome. You're my only sale. But Taylor said they were really popular. She would say that, wouldn't she? Yeah. Everything's the best, with her. "Have you been to this new restaurant? It's the best!" "Have you tried these... These new clothes are the best!" "It's the best! It's the best! It's the best!" It's not the fucking best. It's fucking exhausting. You know what, I actually kind of know what you mean. When we were in Joshua tree, she told me this secret, and she told me not to tell anyone. But I walked in on her telling Harley the same, exact thing earlier. What secret? I mean, obviously, don't tell her I'm telling you, but, I guess, she has a plan to buy the house next door to you guys, and turn it into some hotel slash store. And she wants to call it "desert door." -Desert-- desert door? -Yeah. It's a reference to her favorite book, you know, the deer park. The deer park is my favorite book. Taylor's never even read it. I miss the old Taylor. Back when she first moved here. She didn't know anybody. She was like, this total preppy, sorority chick. Yeah. I miss when it was just the two of us. I-- I'm sorry. I don't mean to burden you. -No, don't be sorry. It's okay. -I'm just shit. I'm just... It's not that I don't feel like, i really... Have anyone that I can talk to... -You know. -Yeah. Especially with fucking Nicky around. Hey! Olga, come on in. -Nose beer for the lady? -I'm good. Yoop, yoop, yoop, yoop, ugh! -What's up? -Nicky, where's my phone? Huh, phone? - Come on. I know you took it. - Did you? -You caught me! --Give it back. No, no. Stay, stay, stay, stay, stay... -Come on, just give it back. -Don't... Reach towards me. Sit down. You know, it's... Really funny what you can discover about someone by just... Going through their phone. Oh, here. Look, this is a... A picture of you in my sister's bathroom. Weird. Here's a picture of her medicine cabinet. Here is a picture of her sleeping. There are a lot of those. That's-- those are just a joke. We were messing around. Actually, my favorite things are the notes. So you have... Taylor's favorite brunch spot, Taylor's favorite books, Taylor's favorite movie posters. -Why are you-- -sit the fuck down! Sit the fuck down. -What do you want? -Me? Nothing. No, I'm-- I'm just looking out for my sister. What do you want? Look, I'm not a psychopath or anything. I just... want to be her friend. Come on. Your password to your phone is my sister's birthday, for fuck's sake. That's like, "single. White, female" shit. Look, I just moved here. I don't know anyone, and Taylor's been so nice to me telling me all the best places to go... I'm not doing anything wrong. -Okay? So please don't tell her. -Sorry, all good. But this is... It's just too good to let go. I mean... You're fucked. I'm gonna make a deal with you. I'm not gonna give you your phone back. But I'm willing to rent it out to you. For a very small fee. -How much? -Five thousand a month. Disco Dan told me about your mom and the sack full of cash. Fucking ridiculous. I don't have that kind of money. -Okay, Taylor! -Don't do that, please don't. -Just... -Oh. You're ready to make a deal then? Five thousand a month, and I won't tell her how much of a fucking loser you are. I'll give you five thousand, that's it. You don't have any room to negotiate. I own you. Fine. Good. So tomorrow night, we'll meet at the whole foods parking lot. Gives you twenty-four hours to get the cash. And don't worry about deleting anything. I already forwarded all the good stuff to myself. Oh! This is my favorite part of the song. - Fucking dainty flower. - -Oh, my god - what the hell's in that? - -You look really cool - with that piece of shit. What are you, a Barbie doll? 'Cause you got fucking ripped off. I don't need to know how much you paid for that shit. -Ah! -Excuse me. Yeah. I'll give one of you 200 bucks if you punch me in the face. -I'm serious. -Fuck off. Oh, okay. It's cool. Yeah, that's fine. If you pussies can't handle it, that's fine. I'll find someone else who can. Dude, come on. -Alright, fuck it. I will do it. -What? -I said I'll do it. -Okay, great. -Oh, yeah! -Where's the money? -You sure about this, right? -Yeah. As hard as you can. Punch me. Really hard, right in the face. - Fucking-- -oh, shoot! --Shut up! - Oh, shit. You got fucked up. Alright, I need to know what happened. I mean, every detail. When I got home, i turned the lights on and Nicky was there. I swear to god. He was sitting there and he was waiting for me, and he was fucked up on... Drugs or drug or something, i don't know. And I asked him for my phone back and he wouldn't give it back to me. And then he said he wanted $50,000. -Fifty thousand? -Yes! I told him that I didn't have that kind of money, but he said that... He said you told him about the money my mom gave me. -Is that true? I don't know. We were drinking this shitty... He kept asking me fucking question. Damn! Why the fuck would you do that? -I told you how dangerous he is. -It doesn't sound like Nick. Okay. Well, you've known him for one day. -So how would you know? -I don't know... I've seen him do dirt, we were supposed to go to six flags. Argh. Fuck. We gotta call him. -We gotta call him. -No. -What do you mean, "no"? -Don't call him. -We gotta call him. -Don't call him. He told me if I told anyone, he would kill me. -I don't give a shit. -You don't know what he's capable of. -I don't give a fuck, Ingrid! Look at your face! What am I supposed to do? Shh. Look... shh. We need to be smart about this, okay? I need you to be Batman. I am Batman. We won't kill this dude, right? No. No. We're just gonna scare him a little bit. We're going to take him out to the desert and you're gonna tell him if he doesn't leave me alone, -you're gonna fucking kill him. -What if he calls the police. -No, no. -If he calls the police... -Nah, this shit just seems sca-- -hey! Keep it together. I thought you were Batman. I am Batman. Batman don't do shit like this. I arrest people, take them to arkham asylum, they possibly get out a few months later and the cycle continues. All right? He deserves this. You saw my bruise. - He fucked me up. That's right. He... he fucking hit you. Tupac said, "it'll be days like this". -All right, let's-- -wait. Love you. Don't move. Did you guys think this through? To tell you the truth, i don't think you did. 'Cause this should be behind the back. Just pointing it out. Sad, but, um, don't worry. I'm good. I'm gonna stay down. You know what, I'm just thinking about this. Who would really want to kidnap me? Ah, there's not many people except maybe, um... Olga. Olga, is that you? Who you got helping ya? Hello? I never knew I get car sick. Well, I never had a bag on my head. -Shut the fuck up. -Gentle. Oh, shit, really? God, is this necessary? Listen! Leave Ingrid thorburn -the fuck alone. -Okay, come on. - Do you understand? -Come on, baby, -you can do this. -This is a fucking warning! You know this bag is see through, right? Fuck! W-wait. No, no, no, no, no. Don't shoot me. Why the fuck you didn't stop? I can kill you. You drag me out to the fucking desert - with a fucking paintball gun. Stop! - Hey. - - Hey. Um, this is gonna sound weird, but have you heard from Nicky at all? No, why? Is everything all right? Not really. We haven't heard from him since yesterday. I think his phone may be dead. Maybe he flew back to Paris. Yeah. Yeah, maybe. I don't know. I'm just worried about him. I'm sure he's fine. But... do you wanna grab a coffee and talk about it? No, I can't right now. Shit. Sorry, my mom's calling me. I gotta go. - Okay. Well I'm at-- last minute escape to j. Tree. Hashtag, blue. Hello? It's five o'clock somewhere. Hello. Hey. Wasn't expecting you. Where are you guys? - We're at dinner. - Oh, cool. Um... Yeah so, it's so weird. I know you guys were in Joshua tree and actually here, randomly, on a yoga retreat. - So I figured we could all-- - we're not in Joshua tree. - You're not? - - Taylor doesn't wanna see you anymore. Put Taylor on the phone. She doesn't want to talk to you. Okay. Um... Should I call back tomorrow? Is that a better time, maybe? Nicky told us everything about the phone, the kidnapping. If he hadn't tried to blackmail you, you'd be in jail right now. You understand? - Ezra, wait. - - Don't call here again. - Hello? Hey. You've reached Taylor. -Leave a message. Hey, it's Ingrid. So I just had the weirdest call with Ezra. And I just feel like, we should talk about this. I don't know what Nicky told you guys, but the fact is, he's definitely lying. I mean, he was probably drunk or something, so... I don't know, but it sounded so insane. So just call me back so we can talk about it. Okay. Please call me back. It's Ingrid. Hey. You've reached Taylor. Leave a message. --Hey! Me again. Um, haven't heard back so I'm starting to worry. I mean, this isn't like you. Call me back, okay? Okay. Hey. You've reached Taylor. Leave a message. --Hey, it's me, again. Remember me, Ingrid? Ingrid, patron of the arts. Ingrid, with the truck. Ingrid, who saved your fucking dog's life. The least you can do is pick up your fucking phone, you bitch. Hey. You've reached Taylor. Leave a message. --Hey, it's me. I was totally kidding about all those messages that I just left. It was a joke. Gotcha. Yes, I'm so angry at you. It's me, Ingrid, I'm mean. I'm just kidding. So... Anyway, I'm gonna be around probably for another hour. So I have one more thing to do. So give me a call. Oh, my god, that's you calling in. Hello? Listen to me, you psycho. If you don't stop this shit right fucking now I'm calling the fucking cops. Do you understand? It's three in the fucking morning. -Just leave us the fuck alone. The voicemail box you're trying to reach is full and cannot accept new messages. Goodbye. Oh, no. No. You okay, miss? I'm fine. Oh, okay. Well, it's pretty hot out today. You might want to get out of your car -and get inside, you know-- -i said I'm fine. Okay, alright. Whatever you say. You see that house over there... Twenty-two, flamingo Lane. Which piece of property is it you're interested in? -Twenty-two, flamingo Lane. -Okay. Unfortunately... The people that live next door, they already put an offer on it. No. I've got several other pieces of property I'd be happy to show to you. That's $50,000. You can count it. Sorry, but you must have a credit card or checking account to open an account. I already have an account. That belonged to the previous tenant. - You have to open a new account. Can you just, please, give me one more week? Ma'am, if you don't open an account in the next 24 hours, we're gonna have to shut off your power. Now, we do offer a payment plan for those experiencing a financial hardship. Fuck you, okay. Fuck you, asshole. Fuck. You piece of shit. Not enough. Wanna take something off? Can't I just have it, man? Come on, it's Halloween. Nah. - Fine. Oh, fuck. Come on. No. Oh, co-- come on! What the fuck! Goddamn it! So, I got a job back east and actually we will end up selling the house. Yeah. It's gonna be a concept designer for Levi's. Well, that's the opportunity. Watch it, fucking dick! Ingrid? I-- I literally just saw you. Whoo! -The fuck is she doing? -Boo! Happy Halloween. What the fuck are you doing here? No fucking way! This bitch again? Piece of shit. I'm calling the cops. No, you don't-- don't-- you don't have to do that. I'm not gonna hurt anyone. I'm not gonna do anything. Okay. I promise. I just needed to charge my phone. You're not welcome here so get the fuck of my property. Can we just talk about this? I literally have nothing to say to you. Please, just give me five minutes. Okay? And I promise that I'll leave you alone. I just... I just wanna talk about it. -Let me handle this, okay. -No, it's fine, baby. -It's okay. -Okay, it's fine. You got it. Five minutes. That's it. Okay. Come on. Okay, are you going to say what you wanted to say? Why are you acting like that? It's just me, Ingrid. I'm sorry. Are you-- are you actually insane? 'Cause you do know Nicky almost died because of you, right? I thought we were friends. -We had so much fun together. -Oh, my god. Ingrid... We were never friends because everything about you is such a fucking lie. You just are some weird freak that found me on instagram. And that's basically all this has been. Everything about me is a lie. Okay, well... -What? -Everything about you is a fucking lie. Okay. -It is. -Okay. Your brother is a drug addict. Your husband is an alcoholic who fucking hates you. And you pretend to be some cool L.A. chick, but you're full of shit. Ezra told me everything, okay. He told me that when you moved here, you were lame and basic, and you had no friends. You were just like me. You know what, Ingrid, um... I was, uh, actually never like you... Because you are a sad and pathetic, and very sick person, and you need professional help. Game over. Forgot something. Phew! Sorry about that, everyone. - Everything's okay. - Everything's cool. Hey guys! It's me, Ingrid. I've never done this before, but... I didn't have anyone else to talk to so I figured, why not. I just wanted to tell you guys that... Basically everything I've posted in the last couple of months is a total lie. I haven't been living, some like, glamorous life in L.A. I'm just... A loser. I'm pathetic. And I know there's something wrong with me, but I don't know how to fix it, and I don't know how to change. And I just... Don't think I can change. So maybe I'm just... Maybe this is just who I am. And maybe I'm just tired... Of trying to make people like me. I'm tired of pretending like, someone I'm not. And I'm tired of being alone. And I'm just... Just tired of being me so... I just... Feel like... If you don't have anyone to share anything with, then what'd the point of living? Yeah, so I guess I'm just making this video... So you guys can see the real me. At least once. So here I am. Ingrid. Ingrid. Ingrid. Ingrid. Ingrid can you hear me? There she is. Where's my phone? Take it easy. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Take it easy. You've been through a lot. It's okay. What all that stuff? Apparently, you've got a lot of fans out there. As a matter of fact, one of them is here to see you. Hey, wassup, Ingrid? Dan's the reason you're still with us. He saw your video online and called 911. - You're a lucky girl. - -Batman to the rescue. The usual. Can you give us a minute? Like the new whip? I know, I'm shining. This is not the Batmobile, but it'll do. I asked for black, but... - They-- they out of black. I like it. Baby, where did you go? Why did... why did you leave? I mean, are you going to disappear on me again in another three weeks? Yeah, yeah. How you feeling? -I feel stupid. -Oh, come on, don't say that. Why so serious? Come on, nobody wants to see this. Okay. I know what'll cheer you up. Oh, I'm fine. By the way. Take a look. Go ahead. Your little suicide video went viral. Your face is all over the Internet. Look at them. Thousands, and thousands and thousands. You're an inspiration, babe. You have a hashtag. Hashtag I am Ingrid. Feel better soon. -Praying for your recovery - amazing. You're too good to do that to yourself. I gotta tell you, -you're fucking beautiful - you're a hero. Hashtag I am Ingrid. |
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