...courageous men who risk
life and limb to explore the stars...
...and secure peace and freedom
the world over.
We are a nation
with a tradition of heroism....
Does anybody know where the head is?
...with us here tonight...
...fill that need.
Through their strength of character,
their fortitude...
...they have proven themselves
to be worthy of the appellation...
...hero.
Tonight we are paying tribute...
...to a breed of men--
Where can a guy take a leak around here?
Well, damn if we're not balls to the wall...
...with all-American hero types
here tonight.
I see space walkers...
...and moon walkers
and Earth orbiters galore.
And over here,
we have the current cream of the crop.
America's best and brightest.
That's a good one, boys.
The most excitement I ever had
was the time I landed a crippled F-14...
...with a stubborn nose gear on the deck
of a rolling flattop in zero visibility.
But you boys...
...you get to test out these babies.
I envy you.
Gentlemen, I salute you.
Shit, I spilled my drink.
Easy.
Battle conditions, boys?
Get yourself a new act. You're a disgrace.
Give that crippled tomcat story a rest
because we've all heard it.
Gosh, I'm sorry, Rusty.
Really, you're right.
When my moment of truth came, I didn't
take a dump down the leg of my flight suit.
You son of a--
Come on. It's what you always wanted,
a piece of Tuck Pendelton.
Shouldn't the project be declassified?
You know I can't tell you that.
Would you just excuse me? I'm sorry.
All right, that's enough! That's enough!
Hello, Pete. Where's your uniform?
Where yours should've been
a long time ago. Hanging in the closet.
Don't worry, Pete. The wait is almost over.
Take him home, Lydia.
Can you try to hit the couch?
No wait, wait.
All you had to do was ask, honey.
Charming. You want a drink?
-What is all this?
-Something new I'm involved in.
-Rabbits?
-Yeah, "wabbits."
You resigned your commission
to study rabbits?
-Now take it easy.
-That's good advice.
You better get some ice on that.
-Where are you going?
-I'm leaving.
You're in no shape to drive.
I am in no shape to drive.
That's really good, Tuck.
You leave me no choice.
-That's not fair.
-What is?
"Straight to my lover's heart"
Come on.
Hey, I told the man on the phone,
"Don't honk."
All I got was an address,
not a book of instructions.
-What's going on here?
-You got any bags?
You know what's going on here.
You read the note.
-I read the note.
-Clean break. Leave everything behind.
-I don't live here.
-One-nighter?
Shut up and get in your cab!
I read the note.
It's your standard farewell address.
I know it by heart.
-Excuse me.
-Lydia.
Don't leave. You know you love me.
I know you're crazy about me.
In a week or two, I'll call you or
you'll call me and we'll be back together.
No, we won't!
I don't get it. I get a little drunk.
I make an ass out of myself.
-What's the big deal?
-Things are different now.
It just hurts me too much to be with you.
Lydia!
Lydia, I stubbed my toe on the cab
when I kicked the door.
I think it's broken.
Better your toe than your heart.
Can we go now, please?
Lydia!
I hope you didn't leave your purse
back there.
Okay, Jack. Let's review.
We've got nausea, shortness of breath...
...dizziness and headaches.
Big, pounding headaches.
What's going on up here?
Where did you get that rash?
-Hairspray.
-Hairspray?
It also makes me sneeze like crazy.
-What do you think?
-I think you're allergic to hairspray.
Isn't this great, Jack?
We're making real progress here today.
The nightmares still keeping you awake
at night?
Now I have a new one.
Put your head back. Tell me about it.
I'm at the market,
working one of the registers.
I suddenly notice that the next customer
is this horrible...
...obnoxious woman
with bright orange hair.
I'm passing her stuff over...
...the bar code scanner. I don't notice it...
...but the computer is ringing up
the wrong prices.
So when I'm all done,
I look at the total and it's way up over...
...and it's way up over $100,000.
So the woman with the orange hair
says to me, real calm...
...she says to me:
"I don't carry that kind of cash
around on me, sweetie."
Open wide.
I say, "Oh, is that right?"
And she says, "Will you take this instead?"
She reaches into her purse...
...and pulls out a little pearl-handled pistol.
She pulls back on the trigger
and at that moment I wake up screaming.
Take it easy, Jack. It's all right.
The nurse will get it.
Just sit down.
I'm sorry, Jack.
I didn't mean to push you off.
Jack, please, sit down and relax.
Catch your breath.
You know that I am more than your doctor.
I'm your friend.
You're one of my favorite patients.
Let's face it.
Your regular office visits
are the cornerstone of my entire practice.
The problem is,
medicine is not what you need, Jack.
What you need is rest and relaxation.
A total change of scene.
Maybe a nice vacation.
How does that sound?
It sounds good.
Then take one.
And find a place that's peaceful and quiet.
The most important thing for you now
is no excitement.
Got it?
-I know it's hard to believe--
-Hard? Try "impossible."
That's why I want you to see for yourself.
Then, if you're interested,
the project is yours.
First amaze me, then we'll talk funding.
Damn this traffic. We're gonna be late.
Just out of curiosity, who's your guy?
Your pilot?
You might know him. Tuck Pendelton.
-Why did you choose him?
-He had the right qualifications.
-Such as?
-He was the only one crazy enough to do it.
Let me tell you about Tuck Pendelton.
He could have been one of the best.
But he hates authority...
...he can't take orders,
and he likes to make up his own rules.
Don't look so depressed.
The experiment is bound to fail
long before Pendelton can screw it up.
How does that feel? It feels good.
Then do it again.
The Tuck Pendelton machine, zero defects.
-You're not getting nervous, are you?
-Not yet.
Let's review the neuromuscular
facial response experiment one more time.
Let's not, all right?
-What do you mean, "Let's not"?
-Who's nervous now?
I know what our objectives are.
I've done my homework.
I can do this little job blindfolded
and backwards, so everyone calm down.
Alpha-level technicians,
report to monitoring stations.
Optical sensor check commencing.
Initiate hyper-conic speaker check.
Initiating.
-Good luck, Lieutenant.
-Thank you.
Zero minus five.
All personnel to their stations, please.
Just one more thing, Lieutenant.
I want to make sure
we've got everything down.
It's not going to be simple,
but there shouldn't be any surprises or....
Good luck, Lieutenant.
Be careful of this unit.
I spilled coffee on it last week.
It's not quite as reliable as it was.
Still rolling? Great!
We are using an experimental...
...submersible pod,
modified with a performance-enhanced...
...helium-neon laser scalpel
of our own design.
This was a 50-milliwatt unit...
...which we increased to 600 milliwatts....
Just pay attention to your business there.
...which, in terms of spacial equivalency,
would be a 60-kilowatt unit.
This is done because we have
such high efficiency, possible...
...because of our enhanced spectral coding.
All surfaces within the laser assembly....
This is done in a chamber,
which is constructed from a generator...
...coupled with
a common home carpet sweeper.
Would you bring up the Biomed
on the specimen, please?
Oxygen percentage, check.
Air tanks fully charged.
Doppler phase translocator activated.
State of the art.
All personnel,
we are now at priority level one.
Secure all stations.
Environmental control systems, check.
Gyro stabilization XYZ coordinates, check.
Laser subsystem analysis, check.
Pod lockdown and rotation complete.
Begin phase two of alignment.
Prepare for shield closure.
-Lieutenant, do you read me?
-Rock and roll.
Stand by.
I need final confirmation from Biomed.
Biomed complete.
-And from optoelectrical station three.
-Three, check.
-Station two.
-Two, check.
-And the MRD?
-Entry point plotted.
CC, do you confirm we're clear to proceed?
Dr. Niles isn't here yet.
That's his trouble, not mine.
Nothing I can do.
Prepare PEM number one.
Activate Photon Echo Memory system.
Insert PEM number one.
Commencing PEM number one's insertion.
Open pre-feed to the hydroperc chamber.
Pull up a display
on the photon densitometer.
Stand by, Lieutenant.
Insert PEM number two.
These should have been on my desk
a week ago.
Do you have any other papers
you haven't turned in?
Pod activated.
Microchip interlock complete.
Hold on to your breakfast, Lieutenant.
This is it.
Activate centrifuge.
Minus 40.
Commencing molecular isolation
and displacement.
Minus 30.
Minus 20.
Minus 10.
...5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
Ignition.
Sequence completed.
-Can I help you fellows?
-Phone repair.
Phone repair.
Do you know anything
about phones being fixed today?
Sorry, I don't--
All technicians,
report to substation monitors.
Prepare to interface with host organism.
We'll have you inside Bugs
in just a moment.
Guys, I need help with the rodent.
Look at this thing.
Primitive. Definitely primitive.
-Margaret?
-Ozzie.
You've backed yourself
into a corner once again.
Mr. Igoe...
...stop him. We need that syringe.
Ozzie?
Ozzie, what the hell's going on out there?
Ozzie, am I being punished?
Mr. Putter.
I certainly envy you.
Fun, excitement, relaxation.
No excitement. Doctor's orders.
How about a little shipboard romance?
As long as it isn't too exciting.
Get some help.
Somebody call security.
Did you see that?
Automatic pilot now functioning.
Please give command code
for environmental adjust.
Jack, you're late.
You know it's coupon day.
-You won't believe what happened to me.
-I don't want to hear about it. Later.
Just punch in and get to work
at register five.
Smell this. Go on, smell it.
What the hell are these things? Fat cells?
What the hell is going on out there?
Mission Control, come in.
Do you read me?
I blacked out. Am I inside Bugs or what?
Thanks, Craig.
-You're late.
-I know.
-How do I look?
-Like shit.
I'm still shaking.
-What happened?
-I had the most frightening experience.
Talk about frightening experiences.
Have you ever slam danced?
-Never mind.
-That's where you were.
-We had a date last night.
-Oh, yeah, I forgot.
-Forgot? How could you forget?
-Jack, I've already told you.
If you want to be part of my life,
you can't hassle me about stuff.
Wendy, I'm not a part of your life.
Well?
-I'm in a hurry.
-Yes, you are.
Just add it up, will you?
Ozzie, if you can hear me,
I'll try to restore contact from your end...
...by activating
one of the electromagnetic booster cells.
Stand by.
That's kind of pricey for shampoo, ain't it?
Ozzie!
$128,000?
Is that with or without the coupons?
What have you done, Jack?
-It's a dream.
-What?
It's a dream.
Jack, way to screw up!
Listen, sweetie,
I don't carry that kind of cash on me.
Get ahold of yourself, Jack.
I need some aspirin.
I'm begging you for some aspirin!
Here!
Hey, I'm not buying that aspirin now!
At $800 a bottle, who'd want to?
Jack, you're becoming unglued.
You're coming apart at the seams.
Oh, my God, he's completely spaced out.
Let me handle this.
Jack.
What the hell is that? Ozzie!
Ozzie, I can't hear you.
I hope you can hear me.
I'll proceed with the mission as planned.
Going to auto pilot.
Phase one:
Optic nerve interface.
Come on, baby, show me the way.
"Please wait"?
"Environmental adjust required"?
Doesn't anything work?
Pathway to optic nerve is as follows:
Superior gluteal vein to iliac vein...
...to inferior vena cava
passed right atrium...
...to superior vena cava
to right jugular vein to optic chiasma.
Let's drive.
Entering bloodstream.
You've always been like a son to me.
Well, a nephew, anyway.
You've got a great future ahead of you
in retail food marketing.
I'd hate to see you throw it all away
by going psycho on us.
-Coffee. Thank you.
-I got it down the hall.
Smoking.
Deploying optic remote.
Optic sensor armed and ready.
Switch to manual projectory control.
Firing optic sensor.
What's wrong, Jack? Let me see.
Let me see.
Come on, where the hell is the picture?
All right, Oz!
That's not Oz. Who the hell is that?
Where's the lab technician?
Where's the lab?
It was just so strange. It was like...
...someone suddenly shoved
a white-hot needle through my eye.
Oh, God!
You stand up now, Jack.
What is this?
Did Bugs just stand up?
What's going on? This can't be.
I'm in a man!
I'm in a strange man!
I'll be a son of a bitch.
I'm in a strange man...
...surrounded by strangers
in a strange room!
Go home and start your vacation today.
This afternoon, Jack.
And you come back to us a new man.
Do you mind if I call my doctor?
Go right ahead, Jack. What a good idea.
Ozzie, what have you done?
I can't be inside a man. I studied rabbits!
I gotta talk to this guy.
Pathway to middle ear is as follows....
Miniaturization is achieved...
...by pairing two 500 series
Photon Echo Memory chips...
...or PEMS as we call them,
a controller and a remote.
Only the controller
is needed for miniaturization...
...but a combination of the two chips
must be used to re-enlarge.
"J. Putter, Assistant Manager."
Find him.
Approaching middle ear.
Hello, can you hear me?
Repeat. Repeat.
Respond if you can hear me.
-Who, me?
-It works. I can hear you!
Would you talk to me, please?
Who are you? What's your name?
What?
-Are you talking to me?
-No.
I'm not out there. I'm in here.
-Did you hear that?
-Hear what?
You didn't hear that then?
No, I'm sorry. I didn't hear anything.
Are you feeling all right?
Would I be in a doctor's office
if I was feeling all right?
Pal, we have to talk.
-No, we don't.
-Don't what?
-Don't have to talk.
-Yes, we do.
-We do?
-Do what?
-Have to talk.
-Not unless you want to.
I'm in here, inside you! lnside your body!
Oh, God!
Somebody, help me. I'm possessed!
Good news, Jack.
We can rule out demonic possession
right off the bat.
But this little voice is talking to me.
That proves it.
Demons talk through you, not to you.
Jack, what are you doing?
I started to hyperventilate.
This usually does the trick.
You're okay? You're not shaky?
Thank God! A doctor!
Somebody who'll understand.
Tell your doctor I'm in the tympanic....
It's happening right now. Quick!
I hear it now.
Take it easy.
Just sit down and I'll check into it.
What are you waiting for? Tell him!
Are you deaf?. Tell him!
Relax, Jack.
Let's see what is going on in here.
I'm blind! Oh, God!
Now it's talking about God.
You're experiencing
some sort of theistic hysteria.
How do you treat that?
Well, the medieval remedy...
...was to flay the skin off your body
with brands of fire.
I have no idea what the current thinking is.
It's just a little theistic hysteria,
which is nothing.
I can see!
Thank God! I can see!
-Jack.
-He knows my name.
-Jack. We have to talk.
-No!
We have a little problem here.
I wonder what's on the television?
TV is so much fun around now.
Jack! Pay attention!
This is a good one.
You can't watch TV. We have to talk.
Oh, no. I'm inside a guy
who likes game shows.
Try a vowel.
I have no choice. I'm going to hit you
with my electromagnetic booster.
Okay, buddy boy, here we go.
Fire! Fire!
Hey, Jack, you want to watch TV?
Watch this.
Primary coil overload.
You see that I am real.
You do believe me now, don't you?
I don't know what to believe.
Believe it, Jack.
Believe it because it's true.
Now I want you to listen to me
and listen good.
-All right?
-Yes.
We're in this together
and we got to help each other out.
You don't work at the lab, do you?
Lab? No, I work at Safeway.
And you don't know anything
about the experiment?
What experiment?
Oh, God!
-The miniaturization experiment.
-No.
My name is Lieutenant Tuck Pendelton.
I've been miniaturized.
I was supposed to be injected
into the body of a lab rabbit...
...and somehow I got inside you instead.
What do you mean "somehow"? How?
All I know is I was inside a syringe
and now I'm inside you.
-Are you Jack Potter?
-Putter.
-This yours?
-Yes.
I'm from Cook Travel Agency.
Sign in number 12.
I think these are cruise tickets,
if I'm not mistaken.
-Thank you very much.
-You're welcome.
Can I use your phone?
Sure, go ahead.
Thanks, appreciate it.
Shot your TV out, man?
Just like Elvis.
You're a lucky guy, going on a cruise.
-Taking your roommate?
-I don't have a roommate.
I thought I heard you talking to someone.
Don't trust him. He's not a messenger.
I made the drop.
How do you know?
Gut reaction. Get out. Get out right now!
Piece of cake.
Where you going, man?
Grab it!
Jack, your pulse rate. I'm going too fast!
Put your knee up.
Kick him where it counts.
Now hit him! Run!
Tuck, what's going on?
Jack, you did real good.
Try and calm down.
I've got a little problem here.
I'm going off radio contact for a minute.
Shit!
Approaching tricuspid valve of heart.
Do not enter.
-Do not enter heart.
-Back, baby, back!
Turbo thrusters at maximum.
Warning:
Cardiovascular threshold exceeded.
Cardiac arrest imminent.
Take evasive action.
Just a little further!
This won't hurt a bit.
Up! Up! Up! That's it! Let's go!
You've got one hell of a pump, Jack.
-Where have you been?
-Never mind. Let's just get to the lab.
You mean to tell me
he can actually talk to you?
Yes. And I can talk to him.
Also, he's able to see everything that I see.
He's patched into the optic nerve and
eardrum. It was part of the experiment...
...to see if we could make audio
and visual contact with the host organism.
-Come on, Doc, this is a guy, not a bunny!
-The computer doesn't know that.
It simply reads the environment
and makes the proper adjustments.
-Can you see me, Lieutenant Pendelton?
-Yeah, I can see you.
Yes, he can.
Good work! Job well done!
Good work! I can't believe this!
Find out what went wrong.
The lieutenant is wondering
what went wrong.
I'll tell you.
You threw in with a bunch of eggheads...
...who know squat about security.
-Thanks for the hot tip.
-But don't worry, buddy.
We'll do all we can
to get you out of this civilian.
You better, you two-faced son of a bitch!
-Tuck says, "Thank you."
-Yeah.
Excuse us a minute.
Let me talk to you outside.
Stay here. Both of you.
That's good.
You're home free now.
I never trusted Pete Blanchard.
Can you see where they went?
Yes, hold on, yes.
Look directly at them. I think
I can beef up the reception a bit.
I'm trying to explain to you
exactly what's going on.
We're not the only ones
working on miniaturization.
Don't you think I know that, Niles?
-I can hear them.
-I know. Shut up and listen.
Sorry.
We are the first to perfect
the tricky re-enlargement process...
...by using two chips.
One of the chips is in the pod.
The other one has been stolen.
Now how do we save Pendelton?
-Find the stolen chip.
-Don't you have duplicates?
No! They're prototypes!
That's thinking ahead, Niles.
We can make duplicates.
-But not by 9:00 a.m. tomorrow.
-What happens at 9:00?
By 9:00 his air supply runs out.
That is no problem.
He can go to the guy's lungs, open
the hatch and breathe the air he needs.
He can't open the hatch!
The sudden change in the cabin pressure
would make the pod explode like a balloon.
That's right, Einstein.
-Then we don't have to do anything.
-What do you mean?
The stolen chip is useless
without the one in the pod, which we have.
Build your duplicates.
It doesn't matter how long it takes,
we'll be back in business.
-What about Pendelton?
-We can't save him. That's too bad.
Thanks, Pete.
Maybe we can use him
to bring the thieves out into the open.
-Find it?
-Yeah.
Put it on. Keys are in the pocket.
Car's out back. See that door?
Use it.
What are you waiting on?
Don't rush me!
Be quiet and let me think this through.
I want you to factor this into your thinking.
You heard the guy.
My air supply is running out.
If you don't help me,
you'll end up with this miniaturized pod...
...floating around your insides with this
teeny human skeleton at the helm.
Not a pretty thought.
All right.
-But you have to do something for me.
-Anything. Let's just go.
The red Mustang convertible.
You see it? It's over there.
Careful! This isn't a Honda.
There's 500 horses underneath this baby.
Use the clutch! It's a five-speed stick!
Oh, that's great, Doc!
-No pain.
-What?
That's what I want from you. No pain.
Don't do anything weird in there, okay?
Don't cause an embolism
or an aneurysm or...
...sever my spinal cord and just go,
"Oh, sorry! "
Do you know what I mean?
-Okay, no pain.
-Thank you.
Home sweet home.
-Is this where you live?
-Yeah, ain't it great? I call it user-friendly.
What's this thing?
Something else from Vector-Scope
that doesn't work. Never mind that.
I need a drink. How about you?
No, I don't drink.
You do now, because I can't have a drink
unless you have a drink.
Get the picture?
See the table
with the motorcycle engine on top?
-Yeah.
-Check the cylinder.
Empty.
Yeah, right.
Check the sink with the big fish in it.
-A bottle of Southern Comfort?
-Yeah, it's here.
I want you to take a big old tug
on that baby.
I'll do the rest, all right?
We're gonna drink this one to Ozzie.
A good man who tried to save my ass
by injecting me into yours.
To Ozzie.
Come on, lucky flask.
Great, Jack.
When things are at their darkest, pal...
...it's a brave man
who can kick back and party.
Jack, let the good times roll.
-I didn't know dancing was so much fun.
-You ought to try it with a girl sometime.
Someone like this?
Yeah.
Somebody like that.
You know what's weird?
You are seeing parts of my body...
...that I will never get to see.
Believe me,
you're not missing all that much.
The gastric mucosa.
Intestinal villi. Pulmonary alveoli.
Faraway places with...
...strange-sounding names.
Hey, Jack. Jack!
-Go to the mirror in the bedroom, will you?
-Why?
I don't know what you look like
from the outside.
Sure.
Are you drunk?
I got up a little too fast,
so I was just a little dizzy.
Yeah, right.
-Is that you?
-Yeah, that's me.
-Look at you.
-Yeah, look at me.
Go to the mirror. Come on.
-How's this?
-A little too close, Jack.
Too close? How is this? ls this good?
You know what,
we're going to need a lot more help.
-Can you drive? ls your head clear?
-Yes, yes.
Slap yourself in the face.
-What?
-Your face. Slap it.
Harder!
Again!
-Sober yet?
-One more time.
-How does it feel?
-It feels good.
The Jack Putter machine, zero defects.
God help us.
"Espionage in Silicon Valley.
"The buying and selling
of advanced technology."
It sounded like Sunday supplement stuff
to me then...
...and that's how it sounds to me now.
Will you look at me
when I'm talking to you?
When people get murdered,
that's when we'll print it in Metro.
Harry, people are getting murdered.
A scientist named Ozzie Wexler
was killed today in a shopping mall.
-Nobody saw who did it.
-What do you know about him?
More than the police. He worked for a lab
called Vector-Scope near the mall.
Something gets stolen maybe?
I don't know. The lab's locked up tight.
Why?
-The Cowboy.
-Who's the Cowboy?
-Is he here now?
-On his way.
TWA flight 607,
arriving San Francisco at 4:00 p.m.
Will you talk to me?
What am l, chopped liver?
Who's the Cowboy?
I'm sorry, sir,
you'll have to extinguish that cigar.
There is nothing like a good cigar.
Eh, partner?
-Hey, there she is!
-Where?
I saw her out of the corner of your eye.
Honk the horn! Honk the horn!
Pull over!
-You see her?
-Yeah.
What do you think you're doing?
Does Tuck Pendelton know
you have his car? No!
He'd sooner trust you
with his life than with his car.
Here we go.
You're wearing Tuck's jacket. Why?
-Lydia, shut up and listen.
-Lydia, shut up and listen.
You said that good.
Tuck's in trouble. He needs your help.
Tuck is being held for ransom.
In a manner of speaking, yes.
We need a certain microchip
to get him back.
Unfortunately it was taken
from Vector-Scope labs this morning.
So there was a break-in! How did Tuck....
-How did you get involved in this?
-Me?
-It's a long story.
-Good. Reporters love long stories.
Don't let her take control
over the conversation.
Be aggressive. Dominate her.
Don't be a wuss-puss. Be me.
Look, Lydia,
you're just going to have to trust me.
There's no time to explain.
We only have until 9:00 a.m. tomorrow.
That's good.
Can't we negotiate for more time?
No, we--
Where is he? Where are they keeping him?
Where?
Close by.
In the area.
In the immediate area, vicinity.
-It's difficult to know--
-Who has him?
Would you excuse me for a second?
I'll be right back.
I blew it. I can't handle her.
No. You didn't do so bad.
She's a tough cookie.
She's a beautiful tough cookie.
You're a lucky guy.
-What's that supposed to mean?
-Nothing. I just hate this.
Why can't we tell her the truth?
She might even believe us.
-Besides, it's humiliating being this small.
-What's so bad about being small?
You won't be small forever.
Play with it, pal, but don't talk to it.
Who was that?
Never mind.
-Tuck!
-Yeah?
Just checking.
Hold it.
This is a Taser gun,
deploying a charge of 20,000 volts.
It will immobilize you for 15 minutes
and in all probability...
...will render you unconscious as well.
So I would let go of that man!
No!
Electrical system overload!
Somebody call the police!
Jack.
Are you all right?
We had a massive power surge.
Jack, what is going on?
Your heart rate's way down. Talk to me.
I'm....
Jack?
You had me worried.
I thought I'd lost you.
Where are we, a meat locker?
-I'm freezing.
-You're freezing?
Jack, what is that loud clicking sound?
Mr. Scrimshaw?
Who are these people? Where are we?
Jack?
Dr. Canker, get in here!
This is a doctor?
Well?
Mild hypothermia.
We need him alive.
Oh, yes. He should be alive.
Bring a blanket.
Let me take care of him.
I know how to warm him up.
Knock it off, Margaret.
You're riding in the Subzero.
Very well.
-Aren't you riding in the limo?
-No, go ahead.
I'm staying back here with my friend Jack.
Nuclear weapons, Jack.
They mean nothing. Everybody's got them.
Nobody has the balls to use them.
Am I right?
"Space," you say. Space is a flop.
Didn't you know that?
An endless junkyard of orbiting debris.
But...
...miniaturization, Jack!
That's the ticket. That's the edge
that everybody's been looking for.
Who will have that edge, Jack?
What country will control miniaturization?
Frankly, I don't give a shit.
I'm only in this for the money.
And that's why
we've got to get that little pod...
...out from inside of you!
This guy is definitely not operating
on all eight cylinders.
Jack, sitting here, freezing as we are...
...l'm reminded of the year I spent
working in the Alaskan goldfields.
Glance around slowly
so I can get a lay of the land.
-I was a young man then...
-Come on.
...much younger than yourself,
but twice as big.
Hold up. Wait. Go back to the doors.
Those were memorable times.
Okay, Jack.
This is it. The doors are unlocked.
This is your moment.
It all comes down to this.
You're not the same man
you were this morning.
You're better, stronger.
You're a man in control of your destiny!
Psych yourself up.
See yourself opening the doors, Jack...
...and jumping from the truck.
You aren't bagging groceries all your life.
See yourselfbeing a hero!
Psych yourself up!
Can you do it, Jack? Can you see it, Jack?
Yes! I can see it!
Not yet! Wait until it stops.
Come back here, you fool!
Jack!
Do you see that truck?
Come in here, you Safeway clerk!
You're scaring me, Jack.
Don't be a putz, get in here!
It's Lydia!
We're going to jump in the car, Jack.
Come on, buddy! Come on!
Wait!
Igoe! Stop the truck!
Get closer!
Jack!
What are you doing?
-What do you think I'm doing?
-Get in the car!
I'm trying to get in the car!
Jump in the car, Jack!
You can do it!
Jack, I love you!
Way to go, Jack!
What exactly are we doing here?
Waiting for someone.
Who are we waiting for?
The Cowboy.
I've tracked his movements for months.
He got to the airport about an hour ago,
and he always stays here.
I think he'll lead us to that chip.
Hey, knock it off!
Why do you think that?
He's a fence.
He deals in stolen Western technology
almost exclusively...
...which he then sells overseas
to the highest bidder.
Who do you think introduced Velcro
to the Persian Gulf?.
Really?
There he is, perfect timing.
We're checking in.
I'll get the suitcase out of the trunk.
It's less suspicious with a suitcase.
How did you know this was here?
Tuck keeps a packed suitcase
in the trunk...
...in case he wakes up in a strange place.
Oh, no. She knows about the suitcase.
Margaret...
...the Cowboy is in town
and we don't have that other chip.
I'm awfully busy right now, Victor.
I'll have to call you back.
Just get me that chip!
"I'm an old cowhand
"from the Rio Grande
"But my leg's not bowed
"And my face not tan
"I'm a cowboy who's never seen that cow
"Can't rope a steer
'cause I don't know how
"And I'm not going to start learning how"
I tipped the desk clerk $100 for this room
so we could hear his every move.
When he leaves, we go too.
What if he stays in?
He won't. He loves a club called lnferno.
The man does not sleep.
The guy in the truck
said his name was Scrimshaw?
What are you looking at?
I thought you were a gentleman.
Come on, Tuck, what do you expect?
She has the cutest little overbite,
don't you think?
It gives her mouth this adorable,
pouty expression! So sweet!
I know what she looks like.
What is the deal
between you two, anyway?
It's none of your business.
Tuck, I need a change of clothes.
Mind if I dip into your suitcase?
Dip all you like, nothing's going to fit you.
Legal counsel
to reputed organized crime figures.
Administrator of four
Teamster pension funds...
...suspected of black market arms dealing...
...yet somehow
he always keeps his nose clean.
Anything else?
They say he has Jimmy Hoffa's wristwatch
in his desk drawer as a souvenir.
Oxygen reserve at 60 percent.
We be cool.
Jack, Scrimshaw is....
How do I look?
What's the matter?
Nothing.
You just remind me of a time...
...when Tuck wore this jacket.
It was the night we first met.
You were doing that article about me...
...we had dinner and talked until 3:00 a.m.
I got drunk and threw up, and fell
down a manhole walking you home.
It looks like you're pretty hung up
on the guy.
How well do you know Tuck?
Well, we're very close, actually.
Does he...
...talk about me?
I find that Tuck tends to be
a little tight-lipped about women.
Will you knock it off!
If I were Tuck,
I'd talk about you all the time.
Yeah. Right.
The Cowboy is leaving.
I think I need a ticket.
Jack?
Jack!
It's Wendy! My God, Jack!
-Look at you.
-Well, look at you.
I'm going in before we lose him.
-I'm with him!
-She's with me.
Hey, Cowboy.
I can't believe it, Jack!
This is so exciting!
How long have you led this double life?
Oh, for a while now.
Women love me.
But you know that.
But for serious,
two things you want to know about me:
One, I make love with my boots on.
And two....
I know I've been mean to you, Jack.
I can be such a shit sometimes.
It doesn't really matter.
It's probably on account of my life sucking
the way it does.
I'm a complete mess, you know.
-You know?
-Yeah.
You're probably the only person
at the supermarket I haven't slept with.
And you're the only person
I'm even partially attracted to.
Thank you.
That lady is signaling you.
I came with her,
I should find out what she wants.
I found out something.
The Cowboy is meeting with Scrimshaw,
they're picking him up at the hotel.
They're going to give him the microchip.
Cowboy.
This is Jack.
-Hi, Cowboy.
-Howdy, Big Jack.
Let's go, Buffalo Gal.
Let's split this nowhere scene.
He's taking me to the hotel. Follow us.
Wendy?
-I'm sorry, I gotta go.
-Call me later?
Hurry up!
I am hurrying up, okay?
I don't want her alone
with that sleazy Cowboy either.
Yeah, why not?
Because I just don't, that's why.
God, I can't believe how hostile I feel
towards you right now.
Because I'm stimulating
your adrenal gland, pal.
Maybe that's the reason and maybe not.
You got something to say, just say it.
She deserves better. That's all.
-Better than what?
-Better than you.
I knew it!
You think she goes for you, don't you?
You know what she sees in you?
She sees me.
All right, Pendelton, that's it.
Where are you?
Where are you, you little weasel?
Save it for the Cowboy.
Wrong door!
That's an exit, Jack. Come on, control it.
You're a dangerous individual.
You can do it!
Big Jack!
Don't knock, just come!
Duke the son of a bitch!
Jack?
-Where were you?
-Next door waiting for you.
Beauty punch anyway, Big Jack.
Now tie that sucker tight,
he's gonna squirm when he wakes up.
There, now look at the Cowboy.
Hold it right there.
Emulation systems activated.
Contour analysis, stage one.
Move over, Picasso. Look at this.
Grid mapping ectodermal contours.
Go to the mirror.
What'll we do?
I'll attempt an electronic stimulation
of your nerves and muscles.
What's that?
-I'm going to alter your face.
-Alter my face?
How do you do that?
It's complicated.
I don't understand it myself. Just trust me.
Will it hurt?
Yeah.
Let's not do it then.
What are you doing in there?
Are you okay?
We're getting there.
Hang on. This might pinch just a little bit.
Jack?
Is that a "5" or a "6"?
I'm right, it's "5."
What?
What did you do to him?
-Who?
-Jack!
Jack?
Get away from me!
I'm Jack. Listen to my voice. It's me.
Then who's in the bathroom?
-He is.
-Who is?
-Him.
-Who?
The Cowboy.
I know it's hard to understand.
It's hard for me to understand.
But you must believe and trust me.
I can explain later--
-How did you get Jack's hair?
-I'm not too sure about that one.
Go see for yourself.
I will go in and see for myself.
I'm not stupid.
-Jack?
-My God.
How?
Don't ask, okay?
Just trust me.
I'll explain everything, I promise,
but not right now.
I'll go with you.
Don't let her. It's not safe.
Better not, Lydia.
Tuck used to say he did the things
I only write about.
I want to do the things I only write about.
Open your mouth.
Men.
Mr. Scrimshaw is waiting.
What do you say?
Never beg. Never beg!
Hello, Cowboy.
Welcome. Sit down. Join us.
My friend, we have been waiting for you.
-Are we close friends?
-I hope not.
How long has it been, Cowboy?
-You tell me.
-Almost six years.
Don't you remember?
Idi Amin's barbecue.
How could I forgot? The sauce.
You haven't forgotten the last time
we saw each other, have you?
Speaking of which,
we seem to have a rather...
...attractive added starter this morning.
Yes, my sister.
In-law.
Good morning, sister-in-law.
Murnau...
...another place setting, please.
I don't know what it is,
but there's something about you.
You've changed, you're different.
-I've been sick.
-Good thinking, Jack.
Champagne?
Please, join me.
I believe these are the kind you like.
Cuban?
Cuban?
Jack, you're in luck, Cuban are the best.
I save this for later.
Jack!
Cowboy...
...what has happened to your hair?
I had it done.
Clint Eastwood style.
You see The Outlaw Josey Wales?
What a flick.
Enough pleasantries.
Let's get down to business.
Dr. Canker.
Miniaturization works
on a dual-chip system.
Don't play with your food.
We have one in our possession now,
and we'll have the other one...
...very soon.
Take what they got.
Fine. I'll take what you got.
You do understand...
...the first chip only miniaturizes.
Both are required...
...for re-enlargement.
We whet their appetites with what we got.
-Good point, Cowboy.
-Thank you.
-Good point, Jack.
-Thank you.
Doctor. The chip, please.
Easy.
There it is.
Hang on, Jack.
Now, I want you to reach out...
...and put it in your pocket.
It's so tiny. Who would think?
Jack, what are you doing?
Take the chip. Don't freeze up on me.
Miss, has the Cowboy ever told you
of his incredible tolerance for pain?
His what?
His ability to withstand pain.
His stoicism is legendary.
Hiding your light under a bushel?
How unlike you.
If that is who you are.
You mind satisfying my curiosity
on that point?
In lieu of champagne,
how about some real pain?
Propane?
Warning: Adrenalin level overload.
You all right, Jack?
No!
Don't worry, Cowboy...
...Dr. Canker has pioneered the field
of limb replacement.
You're generating
too much electrical energy.
I can't hold the balance.
Stay calm, Jack!
Cowboy, stop it. Don't do that.
I was just kidding.
Please, no more.
It was a joke.
I'm begging you. Stop it.
How you doing, Jack?
God in heaven, deliver us from Satan.
It's him. It's Putter.
Get him!
Did you swallow it?
Give it to me. Give it to me.
You've found it.
Don't kill him. Lock him up. The girl, too.
Great. I'm going to get tetanus now.
We got to get out of here.
-Are you going to help?
-No.
What?
Not until you tell me what is going on!
I want to know everything.
You might as well tell her.
-Really?
-Yes, really.
They're preparing the lab now.
Igoe's already on his way.
Good.
I don't think she believes me.
The way you tell it, I wouldn't either.
You talking to him right now?
Yeah.
No.
No.
No, I don't buy that.
This is getting to be a little bit too much.
Okay, I'll just have to prove it to her.
Jack, repeat to Lydia exactly what I say:
Lydia.
Lydia.
I don't blame you for walking out on me
that morning.
I don't blame you for walking out on me
that morning.
But it was my heart that was broken,
not my toe.
But it was my heart that was broken,
not my toe.
What?
Tuck?
It's you.
Let's just wait a second.
Tuck?
I want a moment alone.
I want you to shut off your sensors,
no picture and no sound.
Bad idea, Jack.
What if I can't restore contact?
Look, I want one moment alone.
Alone with Lydia, you mean?
You owe this to me.
Okay, Jack.
Signing off.
I'm not sure what I want to say.
We haven't known each other...
...very long. Less than a day.
They're coming.
So much for words.
Let's go.
Jack, come in.
Jack, do you read me?
I knew I shouldn't have
shut this thing down.
Jack! Where the hell am l?
Mr. Putter, if you please.
Put the girl in my office.
Not to worry, Putter.
We know what we're doing.
We'll use the chip we have
to miniaturize lgoe.
Then inject him into Putter.
He'll locate the pod, eliminate its pilot,
and retrieve the second chip.
Oxygen reserves at 40 percent.
Jack?
I was getting some gum.
Sure, after I check for nail files.
Lydia.
I'm in Lydia.
I'm a dad.
Duane, it's Lydia.
I'm in trouble. I need help.
Call the police and tell them
I'm in a renovated factory near pier 18.
What's up?
I can't talk now, but call Vector-Scope...
...and tell them I've got Tuck Pendelton
and I'm bringing him in.
-And call Pete Blanchard. Got it?
-Yeah, got it.
Ready to inject subject.
Wait a minute.
Once lgoe takes over the pod in Putter,
how do we get the chip out?
Mr. Igoe will pilot the pod out,
through a tear duct or a sweat gland.
Why chance that?
Once he takes over the pod
and gets the chip...
...let's re-enlarge.
-While it's still in Mr. Putter?
-Why not?
Have you any idea
the kind of mess that would make?
Tuck, help me, make me strong.
Restrain him!
He's in! lgoe's in.
Let him go.
Young lady, you are in over your head.
Let him...
...go.
-Now what?
-I'll tell you what we'll do.
-Everybody into the miniaturizer.
-Everybody into the miniaturizer.
The chip.
Come on, you too.
You haven't heard the last of this.
-Let's go. You got the chip?
-I can't reach it.
-You can't reach it?
-I can't reach it.
-Maybe it's one of these.
-Shit.
Point the gun over there.
-Nothing's happening.
-Try the green button.
Don't worry,
they won't know how to close it.
Certainly not.
I'll get you for this, Margaret.
I hope they're not claustrophobic.
-What are these switches?
-I don't know.
-You didn't pay attention?
-I was strapped to a table.
Keep pressing. Try.
Nothing works.
This one.
Oh, my God, cover your eyes.
Come on, give me the damn chip.
Drop it!
Approaching middle ear.
Please hear this. Please.
External amplifier activated.
Listen!
-Do you hear that?
-Hear what?
Music, do you hear that?
No. Come on.
-We're in here.
-Who's in there?
The green button.
Dr. Canker?
Press the green button, you fool. Hurry!
-He'll never find it.
-The man's a high school graduate.
The green button, you fool!
-The police.
-Who called them?
Let's get out of here.
Margaret, look what you've done to us.
Officer, give me a hand. I know the mayor.
Hold it!
You hold it.
I bet it ain't even loaded.
Oh, yeah?
Don't worry.
Tuck will give me the strength of 10 men.
Car keys. Come on.
It's our song I'm hearing.
What?
Tuck's in me.
He's playing our song.
What are you talking about?
Tuck is inside you?
That means I just....
Oh, shit!
Hi, Mr. Killer.
I'm really sorry....
-Where's my Subzero?
-Just get in the car.
-Will you give me a leg-up?
-Every man for himself.
How did he get inside me?
He hasn't spoken to me since....
Since Scrimshaw's cellar.
Since you kissed me.
Kiss me again.
Can you hear me? I'm back.
-He's back!
-Let's go.
Lydia!
-How we doing?
-We have the chip.
We're on our way back to Vector-Scope.
-All right!
-I think that someone is in there with you.
-What?
-They put him inside me to get to you.
Inside you? Watch your driving!
At the lab, they put this guy in.
So just be careful.
-Will we make it to Vector-Scope in time?
-Can't you go faster?
Do you want to drive?
I'm going as fast as I can.
Stop this car!
I said, "Stop this car! "
Watch your driving, Jack.
What's going on?
Get me out of here, Canker.
Stupid little feet!
Foreign object approaching
through esophageal passage.
External malignancy detected.
Oxygen reserves at 20 percent.
Warning: Pressurization imbalance.
Turbo thruster one, disabled.
Oxygen depletion factor....
-Get your little hand away.
-I'll drive this car myself.
You insignificant little pip-squeak,
I'm in charge here!
Knock him off your lap!
I'll kill you.
You want to play?
Oxygen reserves at 15 percent.
Lydia!
Come on, get in the car!
Take a pull on this, pal!
Are you all right?
Life-support system warning.
The air tanks.
No booster left.
Thrusters inoperative.
Gastrointestinal acid detected.
Oxygen reserves at 10 percent.
Jack, are you feeling nervous?
Actually, I'm feeling pretty relaxed now.
I need some stomach action,
and I need lots of it.
No, please. Give me a break.
Not to alarm you...
...but I think I saw something down here.
-It's probably benign, but--
-A tumor?
You saw a tumor? How big?
You're asking the wrong guy.
For me, about the size of Candlestick Park.
Great, there goes my ulcer.
-Acidity level increased.
-That's it, Jack.
Keep those stomach acids flowing, Jack!
Okay, pal, here's how I spell relief.
Jack...
...it worked.
You just digested the bad guy.
There's a phone, thank God.
So? All my change is shrunk.
Use your credit card, Victor.
Don't all big men have credit cards?
How do we get up there?
I've got it.
Cowboy, this is Victor Scrimshaw.
What the hell....
What you've been through
can't compare with what I've been through.
Or what I'm going through.
Cowboy, listen to me.
We need those chips.
And we need them now, more than ever.
Warning: Oxygen level critical.
Life-support systems inoperative.
Switch to manual.
Jack?
I'm running out of air.
I hope we're almost there.
I'm setting a course for the mouth.
Fire up the boilers.
Jack, you have to sneeze for me.
Can you do it?
Sneeze, why?
I don't have enough oxygen to make it out.
The human sneeze is clocked at 100 mph.
I'm in your lung now and
my only chance out is for you to sneeze!
Okay, how?
-Where is he?
-He's in my lung.
-He's in the lung!
-Which lung?
Think pollen, think ragweed, think...
...animal dander, fur balls, anything!
I don't know!
Hairspray!
Get me some hairspray, right away.
Not mousse! Hairspray!
Bless you, Jack.
-Mr. Putter.
-No.
Somebody hand me the optivisor. Quick!
I see it, I see the pod.
Tweezers, has somebody got some?
Quickly.
Quickly.
Go.
-Activate the re-enlargement process.
-No! The chip.
Who has the chip?
-I've got the chip.
-The chip, you've got it?
Where is it?
The chip! There's the chip.
Go! Go! Go!
There's the chip. There it is.
Go! Go! Go!
We don't have time for this.
Thanks for telling me.
PEMS one and two functional.
What is this?
"Eat me, drink me"?
It's from The Exorcist.
No, Alice in Wonderland.
She drank something and became small.
-Or was it the other way around?
-I don't know.
-Pick one.
-You pick one.
Great. Somebody get us some flashlights.
Hurry!
-Are we okay?
-If it's the right program.
Activate centrifuge.
We need some goggles here.
Activate laser pre-light.
Laser pre-light activated.
Initiate MRD sequence.
MRD sequence initiated.
Five...
...four, three, two...
...one, zero.
Well?
Maybe it was "drink me."
Disengage cooker shield.
Let's get him out of there!
Initiating shield disengagement.
I love you, Lydia.
Why didn't you tell me?
Welcome home, Lieutenant.
Like a cigar?
Cuban?
-Congratulations.
-Thanks a lot.
Thanks for the cruise tickets.
-It's only two years' savings.
-Is that all?
Well...
...we sure made one hell of a team.
Take care, Big Jack.
Nobody even noticed my cufflinks.
He has the chips on him.
Good. Close the lid.
-I can't breathe in here.
-Shut up, Margaret.
It's true, Jack.
The whole shipment had worms.
Listen, don't run any red lights, okay?
Thanks a lot.
Nice wedding.
Why don't you stop by the office
next week?
I got some new tests I'd like to run.
Jack!
I've been thinking about something.
I really think we should try dating.
Not exclusively at first, at least for me.
Jack, since you're not going on the cruise,
I could use you at the store on Monday.
That was the Cowboy.
Who's the Cowboy?
It's classified.
Doc, I'm cured.
Wendy, not a chance.
Mr. Wormwood, thank you.
And I quit.
Jack Putter to the rescue!