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It's a Hard Truth Ain't It (2018)
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When you are working on a case that you think is a wrongful conviction, you're only on one side. And that side is getting to the truth. 18-year-old Hae Min Lee disappeared on January 13. Police found her half-buried body. She had been strangled. The suspect is Adnan Masud Syed. I've been saying to Adnan, "We should go to media. We should go to journalists. 'Cause they can do things we can't do." Adnan Syed's story has captivated millions since the launch of the podcast Serial. It's our responsibility as investigators to consider other suspects. Now, Adnan Syed heads back to court as questions about his case continue to surface. This is a piece of evidence that nobody even realized existed for all these years. I might've been the last person to see him. I'm telling you, that's what happened. I wish I never would've talked to y'all in the first place. This is perhaps the critical piece to this case. Now, I know there are things that don't look good for me. If we do a movie about us, we all come from somewhere. What would we want to open from our past... to open who we are, if they were introducing us as a character? For me, a camera would be looking at an eight- or nine-year-old boy. And the camera moves around real slowly to see what the child is looking at. And the child is looking at Pendleton Correctional Facility. You see the bubble on the top here? Yeah, yeah. Okay, so make sure the bubble's in the middle... Yeah. ...in the circle, and then you screw it in. Nope. It's not in the middle yet. It don't wanna go in the middle. Bubble's acting crazy. You can tell him to look at the camera. No, no, I want him to be real. Okay, good. Just to be natural and normal. But we're seeing two other guys, but we're not seeing everybody. Right, so we can be super wide. Yeah. I see. You just gotta choose. And there's no wrong answer. It's whatever you want. Your back is to... It's probably okay if it's my back, right? 'Cause you guys are all sharing your ideas. True. So... But we just want to include you in everything that we do. Okay, tell me where you want... Where do you want me to go? In between Thacker and Sir Charles. All right. Bam. This is something I never thought we would ever have behind bars in the first place. And I got to thinking, if we do a movie about us, in prison or about a day in the life of prison or whatever, you might wanna show this footage here. And it might say something like, "In the beginning..." Okay, so what do you want it to be like, the beginning of the film? And I was thinking though, we need, like, an aerial shot. But I see 11, 12 minds here. What makes our story interesting? What captures you? What catches your attention to be, like, "Man, we gonna watch that!" Drama. That's what we need to put out there first. Conflict. So, let's start spitting some ideas. How do you introduce each character? Sound speed. "A" slates. Mark. Mark. We're rolling on A cam. Mark. Take one. "A" mark. Put the slate in front of his face and make a soft clap. Mark. Say mark and then clap. We can just go here 'cause that's the camera. Sound check, camera B. Mark. We're all stepping out. Nah, I back out. I'm too nervous. Nah. So, Franko, tell me a little about yourself. Well, oh, what do you wanna know? I been locked up now 16 years... and about a month, 16 years and a month. You've had a lot of time to think, obviously. Tell me a little bit about your childhood. What was your home life like? Lot of love. A lot of people think it's because kids have bad childhoods, that's why they end up in prison. But I had a loving family. I was my mother's first, so, to this day, I'm still her baby. We wasn't no rich family or nothing like that, but she wanted to make sure me and my sister had enough. I had so many toys. I had this little three-wheel spin around thing you roll down the street. I grew up in Memphis, Tennessee. It was a wild place. It was pimps and prostitutes and drug dealers. It wasn't something that you think about as a kid. You just being a kid. You spend a lot of time thinking about the past and thinking about those things? Yeah, I think about it all the time. I think about it all the time. Well, how's your relationship with your mother? I was a mama's boy. I was the only son, you know what I'm saying? And I was the youngest. But my mother worked at General Motors. My stepfather was a... Worked construction. Middle class, you know what I'm saying? Predominantly... "white" neighborhood. She had her high school diploma in the house where we could see it. Did the marching with Martin Luther King. Fought for jobs. She would say, "He fought for the things that we needed," and woo-woo, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. And I used to write raps, in my bedroom, man, and I used to leave, when I come back, my mother would be... Done took a red ink pen and crossed out the words and wrote the correct spelling. She'd be like, "Boy, y'all ain't even know how to cuss." But, uh, yeah, you know, she, uh... Yeah, she was my rock. You know what I'm saying? That's the only person in the world that I call my OG. You know what I'm saying? I don't got no guys, you know, just from the neighborhood that I call OG or nothing like that. You know what I'm saying? The way I grew up, my mother took us over to all our family's house. You know what I'm saying? Even though there's 13 of them, we knew all our uncles and aunties. My cousins and them was a little bit... faster than me, you feel me? My cousins had been going to juvenile. Even though my mother was a little liberal, little free, you know what I'm saying, their mother was a little bit more freer, you feel me? Okay. Let me ask you, are you a mother's... Were you a mother's boy? No. No, but, like you, I always felt protective of my mom. Okay. I connected with my mom in a way that my siblings didn't, you know? We lived in a raggedy trailer, by a creek, on a mountainside. My mom was a little lady, straight-up hillbilly. She had a prescription drug problem. I understood her pain and where she was coming from, even as a young person, I remember that. When she was a child, her dad died saving her from drowning, and I think that's where it started. Has she ever described to you the day of the... passing of her dad? Yeah. Her dad was a preacher. He come home on a Friday, and told my grandma that the Lord revealed to him that he was gonna die this weekend. He asked the kids what they wanna do. And he took them to some river. And then my mom got caught in a current. He jumped in to save her. Daddy! He never did come up. So, her brothers and sisters would tell her that, "We wished you would've died and not Dad. It's your fault that Dad's dead." It's one of them things that is unraveled, and there's no fixing it. There's no turning back the clock. Can everybody see? Yeah. So, what do you guys think the filmmakers are trying to show? It makes you think about what happened to him. Why is he in the wheelchair? Mm-hmm. The difficulty of being in a wheelchair. That's what I would do. Yeah, difficulty of being disabled. Yeah. Is he ex-military? Mm-hmm. What life would be like... That's what I thought when I first saw him. You said it's called a cold opening? A cold open. Yeah. In clubs, I been out all over the place, people will come up to me, and they'll shake my hand and say, "Oh, it's good to see you out." And I look at them like, "Good to see me out?" Where am I supposed to be? In a closet hanging out? Zupan, car accident. Did you call that lower third? Yeah. It's the lower third of the screen, is where they used to always go. I just wanna look at a couple very different examples of movies, so I think let's watch the beginning of Grizzly Man. I'm out in the prime cut of the big green. Behind me is Ed... Yes, exactly. They will decapitate me. They will chop me into bits and pieces. I'm dead. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think we should say what they locked up for at first. Yeah. Let's not show it right off the bat. Yeah. Mr. Dennis, if you could sum up your childhood in one word, what would it be? Dramatic or pathetic. Hmm. Something, you know, um... Why'd you choose dramatic? Well, because it was always full of... I was always doing stupid stuff, stealing and stuff, um, and I was always... At home, it was always chaotic and drama. Just drama, drama, drama, drama, all the time. It all revolved around my dad. He came out likable, uh, and some people do, and, you know, they're monsters behind closed doors. I was at the Travelodge, downtown Indianapolis. We lived in an apartment behind the office. My dad came in, laid down on the couch. He said he was gonna take a nap. He set the TV, said don't touch it. It was on a western. Well, after 15, 20, 30 minutes, whatever it was, there was a lot of action, a lot of drama. He jumps up off the couch, thinking we done did something to the TV... ...and just snatches me by the head of my hair, and yanks me to the ground and stomps on me for no reason. Your father not believing in you, backhanding you, not standing up for you, stomping you. Right. How did that make you feel? Be honest with you, I really... I really wanted something bad to happen to him. They ended up taking my brother to the Children's Guardian home, because my father stripped him butt naked and tied him up, hands and feet, to the hot and cold water pipes in the shower, and tied the shower door shut, and left him there for three days. You ran away a few times, end up in the streets, end up in juvenile, end up in the courtroom. Right. And they knew the details of how you got there, that you ran away, so on and so forth. And, you know, and I begged them for a foster home then. And you did... I did, I begged them. Did you feel more comfortable being locked up than being at home? Oh yeah. The streets were better than home, and Juvie was better than the streets. Streets was presented to me at a young age before I even knew myself. Like, you 12 years old, 13, 14 years old. You really don't know nothing about life. It's like, you know, I ain't got no school. Ain't got nothing to do. Well, I'm out here on these streets. You wasn't going to school? Yeah, I got kicked out of school. How old were you? Was 12. Twelve? And you got kicked out? Yeah. Expelled? What happened? Well... it was an incident on the school bus. Dude put his hands on my sister. Oh! He hit her in the jaw so hard that her glasses she had on broke in half. First, I stabbed him with some colored pencils. Those didn't work out too well 'cause he looked at me and was like, gave me the death stare, and turned his attention towards me. Get him, Franko! Get him! Some of her girlfriends tried to jump in, and it turned into a big brouha. A brawl. A bar brawl on the school bus. I had a knife in my pocket. I always knew the facts, so I had weapons. I know I got him in the stomach area, think, like, the shoulder. When your mom found out, what was her reaction when they learned that you had actually stabbed this guy? When she found out about it, she was highly disappointed. She felt like it all could've been avoided if the bus driver would've let us off the bus instead of taking us back to the school, so. So, although your mom was disappointed that you was out of school, she was happy that you stood up for your sister. Yeah. Well, yeah, 'cause the motto was, like, if one fights, you all fight. You know? Family motto. Right. Oh yeah? Your mom and dad were married? I mean, you had a good nuclear family? Yeah. Um, I don't classify it as good because they were always fighting. When my dad was high or drunk, he was, like, the coolest parent in the world, but once he was fiending for that stuff, it was, you know, ticking time bomb. So you, you step too loud in the house, you know, violence will occur, so... Are you still in contact with your parents? My dad passed away, like, six years ago, but to be honest, it didn't affect me not one bit at all. I was always worried that he would kill my mom. I remember it was... around the time this individual got out of prison on furlough, he killed his wife with a shotgun. We were living in the shelter center for battered women and children, and, at the time, my mama's face was, like, the size of a real pumpkin, both eyes swollen shut. And she telling her friend and everybody's like, that's gonna be me one day. And like, for you to hear your mom say that, like, that's... How old were you then? I was, like, six. Wow. So, yeah, I was, like, six years old. Yeah. The most memories I have was probably around third grade, of elementary school. A lot of fighting, you know, that just comes natural, but I asked where my dad was. She told me that she was six months pregnant when he first found out about it, and he kicked her out of a moving car. That the last time she seen him. She told me that day, he was doing, like, 50 miles an hour, and that she ended up going to the hospital, and she broke a couple of bones. And I remember her saying, "Luckily, you wasn't hurt." That made me feel like, well, she wanted me. You know what I mean? I left the house after he stomped me that time. I was like 12, 13 years old then. I knew a friend whose dad had brought out a sawed-off shotgun, and, um, old Western-style .45, .44, whatever it was. I'm not sure what it was. But I went there to try and steal them, and come back and kill him. I thought about suicide, too. But let me just ask you this question. I was getting whooped when I was a kid, but I never developed the urge to kill my mother. Was your thought process if I kill him, my mother won't be abused... No, I planned on killing her, too. I blamed her just as much. You know, you back a dog into the corner, and you're beating him and stuff, I mean, he's gonna try to come up out of that corner, and, for me, running away wasn't getting it. I kept running away and I just kept ending up right back in the same place. Remember the inciting incident, you know? That always gets everything going, and the self-disclosure. Right. Maybe we are, and our stories in here, each one of us altogether, that is the inciting incident. Inciting incident. Where you decided to change who you are. Is the plot, kind of like, even though... 'cause we was talking about at the beginning how when you start out young, and you don't get the proper education, you know what I'm saying. You know, the proper skills or, you know, how to think properly, you know what I'm saying? How to discern between right and wrong and what not. But I don't want us to get into making this feel like a sympathy type of thing. So I don't want the kids that seeing that, oh, this guy made a mistake. He was abused, he was on drugs, his father wasn't there. Let's also tell the other story of, I chose to kill you. That's a great thought. No one else put you here but you. The thing that I like is that, we start with... with Dennis's scene. A boy looking at prison, bu then you got other kids in animation coming and joining him. And maybe all of the kids coming together, and they're all looking at it, and then you see what they're looking at. I envision some signs where it says, "Turn Left Here," or, "Keep Going Straight." Like, you still have a second chance where you can actually... Take that road, get you back onto the right road. Right. I was thinking about this, like, we recognize that, you know what I'm saying, at the end of the day, you know, society see us as, you know... prisoners. But I was thinking you could come in with your browns off. And as you talk and you start to put your browns on, they could begin to see, like, no, I'm actually in prison. I like that you begin dressed. At the end, you can, like, show the crime that got you here. Like, well let me tell you how I got in this mess. Yeah. If you show each one of us, whether it's in animated or what not, and each one of us is saying my story is not special... We need to get past the visual of something. We need to get to the meat and potatoes of it... None of us in here wanted to come to prison. Now, some of us may have wanted to commit the acts that we committed, but why did we wanna commit those acts? We moved to Indiana so I can go to school 'cause I got kicked out of school. I didn't even really go to school that much. How did your parents react when you got kicked out of school, or when you quit going to school? Well, my dad, he tried to do something about it, but it's, like, man, you out here getting high and you can't tell me nothing. You can sit down. I was an honor roll student as a child. And I wasn't the first person they seen at a young age doing what I was doing, and unfortunately, I wasn't the last. I was smart in school. School was actually boring. My mama, she used to always get on me. "Why you never got no homework?" I'm like, "'Cause it's done." When you moved to Fort Wayne, what was the neighborhood like? People getting beat up, shot. I seen a guy get burnt up. So, what were people getting... You said burnt up? They took his money, took his drugs, and... set him on fire. When you pulled up and that situation was unfolding, what was you feeling? Well, you shouldn't have been over here. Were there any people in your neighborhood that completed high school or held good jobs or good, positive role models in your neighborhood? Nah, there wasn't no role model types. There... I don't remember no dudes my age graduating high school. I really started learning about the Vice Lords probably when I was about 10. We would go to Amber Woods, walk all the way down on Marehoefer, and... you know... socialize with the brothers and sisters that was Vice Lords. They taught me those five principles, love, truth, peace, freedom, and justice, you know what I'm saying. Taught me the signs and symbols. When I was actually in sixth grade, you know what I'm saying, you know, I thought I was doing my little schoolwork. That's what I would do, I would pull out the literature and learn it. What the cross mean, you know what I'm saying? What the top hat mean, you know. My sister would tell my mother. You know what I'm saying... Like, "Mama, do you know that he's in a gang?" And I would always say, "Mama, I ain't in no gang." Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I never committed a violent crime. All the stuff I ever done was petty thefts and burglaries, things like that. I stole a box of candy... from a store once, when we were selling candy for the school. I stole a... a roach clip once, from a house, that was a shape of a naked woman. So, you squeeze on the elbows and the legs would open, and put the joint in. Stupid shit, man, just stupid. Why do you think that you were stealing? I had no reason to do it. On the streets, you have a lot of lost people. It's like The Walking Dead. A zombie, you're eating on this person. For what? Only way I think is 'cause you hungry, so you just done that because you was hungry. But it wasn't a good idea. Wasn't a good plan. I was an alcoholic by the time I was 14. Then I got caught up in selling drugs myself. Was that common in your neighborhood? Yeah. Everybody out there selling dope. They helping they parents out because a lot of our parents were using the drugs we were selling. Look at it, I don't think nobody wasn't selling drugs. The situation was lucrative because we was in a middle class community. When I spent $80, and made over 300, it made me feel kinda good that I'm able to give my mother something, you know what I'm saying? You were 12 years old? Eleven, 12 years old, I started selling dope. Start having sex, 11 years old, got a girl pregnant. When I was 16, me and my girlfriend had our first kid. I didn't make enough money to support a family. I started selling cocaine just to... just to make the ends meet. But then, somebody introduced me to crack cocaine. That first hit... ...right there, it just introduced me to something I knew was stronger than me. Did you ever smoke crack? Never. I never smoked crack, never snorted powder, never did heroin. Why did you stay away from harder drugs? Oh... 'Cause I saw what it did. I saw what it did to people, and I didn't wanna end up like that. So, help me understand, because you didn't do the hard drugs because you seen what it was doing to people. But yet, you was selling them to the people that was doing those things. So, I mean, did you ever think about that? In my mind, it was... they gonna get it somewhere. They don't get it from me, they gonna get it from him, and I'm gonna be walking around here broke, and he gonna be walking around with all the money. Can you describe to me, like, the moment that you realized you were an addict, or a potential addict? When my drug use shifted from just being a recreational weekend thing, to a through the week thing. Sorry. They're having to bring somebody in here. Okay. So, we have to move because it's gonna be too loud. Okay. Soon as this... Uh-huh. Have you guys been in these? Dry cell? Oh yeah. When we were there, everything used to be a good idea at one time or another. What, so it's when they take you... Fighting or if they're under investigation... I remember I got into it in the chow hall. Before they decide to put you upstairs in... It was at breakfast time. Got maced. Stuck me in there for, like, five hours... It was freezing and everything. They stuck me in this dry cell for eight hours one time, I'm all handcuffed behind my back, with nothing but boxers on, in the wintertime. I was froze for three days. Freezing to death. I mean, all right. I'm wondering what they got Dodd for. Man, you know what's... You know what it's about. Stop playing crazy. It's only one of few things. Ninety-one minutes, that mean that's the life left in the battery? Yep. Franklin? F22 is...? F 2.2. That's the f-stop. Okay. It's what? The F-stop, the iris. How big... How big, oh, okay. ISO 320? Is that... What's that? That's more of, you know, opening up the, um... to get more light in or take the light out. Oh. And the, what's that, 180 degrees? Square? That's the shutter. The shutter angle. The shutt... oh, okay. Just inquiring mind, you know. Did Daniel pass? If you don't mind asking, how much is that equipment... Just that unit right there? Probably, 25. Twenty-five racks? Man! Thought this thing was cheap? I didn't think it was that expensive. Wow. Well, that's new. Twenty-five grand? Yeah, it's professional equipment. All right, Brandon, come join us. You did good directing You still playing with it? I'm having fun. I'm playing. We got Quentin Tarantino over here. I'm a good cameraman. So, I was thinking what could be cool to do is split you into pairs. You're gonna interview each other, and tell each other's stories. From his stepdad and his father, as much as he didn't wanna be like them, in so many ways, he started becoming them. Unfortunately, his father, you know, led a life of crime as well. I was a D and F student. He was an A student... A and B student, a good student. Um, his life, if I would've had... more of his life, I really felt that my life would've went in a whole different direction. So, that's what I got out of his interview. That's great. Yeah. That's good. So, I wanna, you know, take it back though to your gangbanging ways, right? I wasn't no gangbanger. I told you, bro. Okay, my... I'm sorry. Excuse me, my fault. You said what? I wasn't no gangbanger. I mean, you was in a gang. I was never in a gang. It was an organization. Okay. Yeah... Some clubs... Yeah, I'm sorry. You know, gangs... Excuse me, I was mistaken. When you hear gang, it's got a negative connotation to it, and you know... Okay, well let me take it back to your organization... In the organization's constitution, it says that, you know, we not about criminal enterprise, you know what I'm saying? Our motives was pure. What you mean by that? Our motives was pure. We didn't have no criminal intent. Give me an example of a pure motive. Did y'all, like, throw barbecues for the... Oh, absolutely. You gotta understand... Backpacks for the kids? For us, we was into community, man. We had basketball tournaments. You feel me? Oh, y'all sponsoring tournaments? Yeah, we did all that, man, know what I mean? Well, okay. Well, like, how was y'all funding this? Y'all was... Where was y'all getting... Fundraisers! Fundraisers? Okay. Yeah! You know what I'm saying? Everybody put in a dollar. Everybody put in two dollars. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. You had a different experience. Yeah, my experience was totally different, right? You know, we selling dope. Mm-hmm. Shooting dice, you know. We gambling, you know, shit going on that ain't supposed to be going on, so... It was told, like, what we doing you can go to jail for, or somebody will kill you for what you got. I think it was what we stood on, you know? Love, truth, peace, freedom, and justice. And one is seeing those morals and standards in our character and in our actions, you know what I'm saying? I mean, you know, I got into all the things that y'all probably got into, you know what I'm saying? But that ain't where I got it from. You know, I got caught up with the street life. You know, money, cars, clothes. When they find out you was doing things outside of fundraising skills and how to... give back to the community, what'd they say? Well, see, the thing was, by this time, I wasn't really under nobody. The buck stopped with me at this point. OGs, they'll come through. They were like, "Hey, here you go, an ounce of dope. Bring me back 600." I didn't know at the time, but... it's a test. You know what I'm saying? To see if you gonna hustle. To see if you gonna jack it off. And I was accepted. They saw the hustle in me. They saw the rider in me. I was groomed by true OGs. I had just stole this car, and I see the police. When you in a stolen car and the police get behind, your heart start beating. So, I turned a corner, he turned right with me. I turned another corner, he turned right with me. I just jumped out, and let the car ride down the street by itself. I just happened to look back and I seen the police face-plant in the snow, and I get away. It's almost like, remember when we were kids and we used to play cops and robbers? Yeah. It felt like it was my job... to commit crimes, and their job to catch me. You can't have all the breaks... Some people wanna go jump out of helicopters, or go swimming with sharks. When I got a taste of the street life, that was my drug of choice. But, see, some of them childhood dreams was brung to you by a... influential adult who didn't know no better theyself. Like... I was buying dope from a dude, like, 12 years older. He'd call me like, "I got somebody for you to rob. I just sold him some dope right now. Go get that." Like, okay, if I'm getting this advice from somebody who I look up to, what is... That's gonna lead me to do? I want people to see this and be like, damn, they needed some help at one point in time, all right? And they didn't get it, and look what happened to them. That's not true for everybody. I didn't say for everybody. If we don't know what we want this film to do, then we can't have a plot. Everybody here does have a different story. We all come from different walks. I come from a horrible situation. We should be an informative film that society can look at us and say, maybe we are fucking up. Not just did they fuck up, but maybe we're fucking up. But see, you can't blame your problems on society. That's what some people will say you have... Do you think, or do you feel that your childhood situation had a lot to do with you ending up in prison? Um... Yes and no. I always felt like I'd probably end up in prison. Mm-hmm. But I felt like it would be for short periods of time, because that's what I had known. I didn't get a foster family until I was 16, and I think if I would've been eight or 10 years old, and moved into that home, or to a home, it may have been a totally different situation. Mm. Could you tell me how it came about for you being with your foster parents? Yeah, I was in Juvie, and, um, my foster dad was the superintendent of Juvie. One day, he brought his wife and kids in. I met them. He told me, "When you get out, if you want to, you can come stay with us." I said, okay, yeah. You bet. It was a beautiful home. There was no nicotine on the walls and furniture and stuff. My house, I remember wiping the window, and nicotine being all over my fingers. We're sitting around on the front porch, and the two kids kissed their mom and dad on the mouth. I never seen that kind of affection before. We just always had a good relationship, even though, like I said, I was always dysfunctional. Running away and doing stupid stuff. You know it was a good situation, but you were still acting the same when you were at home. Right, right. At 18, the superintendent of the juvenile center took him in. He was found on his wrongdoings under benevolent custodianship, where he stole from him and whatnot. While they never abandoned him, no matter his crimes in the house, or out of it, to where they're still in his life today, and come see him on regular visits. I can see his endearment and love for them at this point in the interview, his emotional attachment was written all over his face. I thank him for the interview and his candid reflection on his life. That's great. Awesome. Boy, that was a lot. That was a lot. Is it strange to hear it told back to you? Oh yeah. Yeah, I mean, because... I mean, it's different. It's real, you know? Since I was... 10 years old... I hadn't even been on the streets two years. So, the experiences you guys have, ball games, concerts, things, I don't have that. It's all right. It's all good. Yeah, and putting it all into a story, does it make... It just kind of ties things together in a different way, maybe? It just seems like... To be real, my whole life has been pathetic. I mean, when you look at it. It's just been... from childhood, my adolescence, and Juvie, and boys' school and everything, and then, I just... I just could never stop screwing up. Once I, you know, the life I had as a child, it just led me to be dysfunctional. And even when I had a good foster home... And they're with me today, I just screwed it up. Is that how it sounded to everybody else? I mean, were you thinking... pathetic when you heard the story? No, no. I didn't. I thought it was. I don't think that's how other people heard it. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I realized that I needed help, and I started trying to go to church and trying to... reach back to what I thought might help shake this drug habit. I started weaning myself a little bit, enough to get a job, hold a job. I saved up some money and got another place. So, we moved out, but then... I started doing drugs again. This one night in particular, I don't remember much, I don't remember much at that time, but... we got an ounce of cocaine, and we're just gonna sit there and smoke it, and... After about a couple hours, I get up to go use the bathroom. And as I'm walking upstairs, the room just started getting real dark. My lungs felt like they were froze. As I got to the top of the steps, I'm only seeing through like a small pipe. And I thought I was gonna die. I couldn't speak, but in my mind, I was making a deal with God. And I was like, "God, don't let me die. If you save me, I'll stop." And as soon as that thought went through my mind, my vision came back. My breathing was normal. I went back downstairs, and started smoking again. And three days later is when I caught my case. Were you high when you caught this case? Yeah. I knew that me selling dope, I could be robbed. Me selling dope, I could be killed. Me selling dope, I could be pistol-whipped. I could be jumped. You know, you know this getting into it. And if you don't know it, you will find out soon, real quick. You know, I hated it, that some of my guys died, but I knew the game. When you think about your whole life story, if you can give it a title, what would it be and why? Oh. The title would probably be, "What if?" What if I wouldn't have grew up in Memphis? Would that have led me to here? If I wouldn't have started selling dope, would I stay in the street life, or would I not? Would I still be out on the streets, or would I be dead? Do you think there's, like, anywhere in life while you still living the street life that your mentality could've got put back on the right track? I think there was plenty of opportunities. Yeah. Some I seen, and I didn't take. Some I seen in hindsight. Before I went out the door one day, my mother said, "Come and sit here. Sit at the kitchen table." And she said, "Lemme show you something." She had the paperwork, and she said, "Look, this is your own business." You know what I'm saying? "All you gonna have to do is sign right here, "and I'ma call, get all the contracts, "do all the negotiations, make all the bids, woo woo." You feel me? So, this is how, with my mother's help, I started a cleaning service. And I was working for a while. After we did all the invoicing and everything, you know what I'm saying, we got the money back. You know, had to pay rent. Had to pay for the chemicals. Had to pay on the van. You know what I'm saying? I was like... Yeah. I'm used to having four or 5,000 dollars in my pocket, and I could do whatever I want with it, you feel me? I ain't gotta be doing all the scrubbing no tubs and no floors and walls and all this vacuuming. And like, one day, she said, "I see it in you. You fixin' to quit." I knew the streets wasn't healthy, and my intentions wasn't to stay in the street, you know what I'm saying? You know, truly, I should've just worked hard and stayed on the job. I just couldn't see far enough ahead, you know what I'm saying, and I didn't have enough patience. You could be so busy looking at what you see, that you don't see what you looking at. I was called for some friends to buy some drugs from me, but that wasn't they plan. They plan was to rob me. He drew his weapon, and, me being the idiot, I lunged for the gun. Then somebody else... ...popped a gun and shoot me in the back. When you're young, you think you're invincible anyway. You feel me? I'm like, man, I don't see what's gonna happen. Once they start giving out so much time for selling dope, we said, all right. We'd rather rob the dough boy and take the chance of getting six to 20, or catching a pistol case on the way to a robbery. We was actually cutting your alarm off, climbing in your window, wake you up. "Where that safe at? Come on with that money." I used to pray before we went on robberies. I used to pray that nobody gets hurt. I was in the hospital for a few days. The nurse come in. She was like, "Boy, you is extremely lucky." She was looking at the MRI. "Everybody don't make it through this type of shit, so there's something here for you, and you have to find it." But at the time, I'm like, "Okay, whatever, lady." All I was thinking about, like, this, you know, son of a bitch, I'm gonna kill him, you know, and everybody else in the house. Did you get revenge on the guy? Yeah, I... well, yeah. That's why I'm locked up now, 'cause I ended up killing him. How much time did the judge give you? Forty-five years. Forty-five? Yeah. What would you do? What would you do if somebody put a gun to your head? I'm here because somebody put a gun to me and my son. But that's like you not taking responsibility for your actions though. We don't never wanna portray that. To society, you're gonna say, I have dealt with the same stuff, and I've overcame it. I have not did this, I have not did that. My brother did the same thing. He did six years, got out and never came back. So, some guys come back all the time. The plot is why? Why? Why did you just wanna kill somebody? Why did you get in the situation to where you felt like you needed to kill your folks? Then we just focus it on us and not on the bigger thing. I think whole thing boils down to the ability to make you think about self, to make you relate. But then I think the uniqueness of this project is that all of us come from different places, but our stories are so similar, and the... the uniting threads of all of our stories is one or two things, you know what I mean? I think that's essential, to not just look at my family abused me, or I had a drug problem, but looking deeper. Why? And then as you start sorting out those thoughts, then you start coming to some bedrock. Some real fundamental... footing. Am I discovering myself? And the most profound thing that I heard during this project was when Franko said that he went into the street life before he even come to know his self. And I think that right there is the apex of all of our situations. I did five years of lockup, three and a half of it in isolation. You know, I was in a small cell, solid door. Really limited contact with anybody. But a friend of mine two doors down, he was telling me about these birds that had built a nest in his window. I was like, "Man, I wish some birds would nest in my window." You know what I mean? The next spring, they came and nested in my window. Some turtledoves. Turtledoves, they raise their kids together. And every morning, like clockwork, the father bird would sing. And that's what woke me up every morning. But then, I'm brushing my teeth, and I hear wings against my window. Hey! And when I came up, I seen the hawk reach in there and snatch the baby bird. And I think it's the following day, that fucking hawk reached in there and grabbed the mom. And every night and every morning, that father bird came to the nest and he would sing, and it was just the most horrible, sad... It was like a mourning... a mourning song that he sung. Do you see yourself as the father bird or the baby bird? I guess see myself in both. Okay. Are you a husband? No, I'm divorced. Okay, are you a father? Yeah. You feel like you a good father? No. No? Why is that? 'Cause I'm in prison. Is that the only reason? My youngest daughter, we were talking on the phone periodically, and she come down and seen me a few times, but then, one day, she just looked at me and she said, "Why did you abandon me?" Her reaction made me realize, in that instant, how much of a piece of crap I turned out to be. Do you believe though, being that you know how you were living, do you believe your kids were better off without you? Yeah. Yeah... My actions bringing that to... bringing that to the doorstep of my family, I can't... Yeah, they're better off. They're better off. And we didn't feel none of that back then. It's like Franko was talking about, we just couldn't get it back then. We were just living, you know what I mean? We wrapped up in dope and drinking lifestyle on the streets. Now, we do get it. It's a hard truth, ain't it? Yeah. This is Madeleine. Hey, Madeleine. Hey, you guys. Are you excited to film some more? Yeah. Yeah, what are we doing? I'm gonna be bringing a rough cut to show you guys on Monday. Awesome. It's about two-thirds of the movie, so I set aside three days to do a final shoot. Cool. So you guys can watch the cut so far, and you're gonna give me all of your notes, and then figure out what you wanna do together for the ending. Bring my director's outfit then. So, okay, so I'll see you all in a couple days. All right. All right. Yeah. Awesome. Bye bye! Later! Take care of yourself, Madeleine. Be safe! You guys have a good trip. That's crazy. Great job! That was intense. There wasn't an ending. Yeah, it's not done. What do you guys think? I liked it. Tell me your overarching reactions. It's a great story... I'll go first. I just wanna be able to look at everybody... 'Cause it's more hard when I'm cranking this way and that way trying to see everybody. I got a few notes here. One of them is, I actually felt like there was some of that classroom stuff that just... seemed frivolous. That like... Like it really didn't belong. It was just, added... Which parts? I can't really put my finger on it. We was just talking. We weren't really getting at anything. Then, um, I didn't like the sound of my voice there. You know, I could tell Franko's voice. I could tell Quintes. I could tell everybody's voice, and I'm like, "Why does my voice sound so weird?" What? You know? My voice don't even sound like me. When you're hearing that? Yeah. But, I mean, everybody sounded so... You're not used to hearing your own voice. Who the fuck is that? And then... the scene when we was talking about how everybody's story is different, and yet, we all ended up here. I was glad to see that. So, who's watching it? Maybe a teenager's watching it, you know, and maybe that, you know, will have an impact on him. So, I mean, those are the notes I took from it so far, so... I got, like, very specific on what I liked and didn't like. Like, the part where Quintes' cousin disappeared, in the animation, I would like to have the cousins'... outfits turn into county jumpsuits before they disappear. And, uh, where it was talking about Shawn as the kid on the big wheel, I was thinking we could make him, like, a real big kid on a small big wheel. He's definitely too big for the big wheel. The Benz, that sound, that wasn't a Benz. That was... more like a Honda or something. Yeah, so, that wasn't no Benz. I'll... What I do like is the fact that I see... That ain't what he asked you. I know. Let... You get to do all the talking, you ain't gonna let me answer my question the way I want to? So, but what I do like that's different from the rest is the part that there are men in prison doing their own documentary. Mmm. I thought those were some of the most exciting parts. Just to hear y'all dialogue outside of, you know, the real moments of Q&A. Mm-hmm. Um... Thought that was cool. When he's, you know, Dennis got emotional and stuff, I think that was a strong part of the movie, right? Yeah. It made him look like himself. I see he was like, man, I ain't telling nobody else's story again. I ain't like the feel of that. Because of the results of me... of when I told the story, how he got emotional, and flashed back, you know what I'm saying? Went through the motions and whatnot. You know what I'm saying? That's why I was telling him that I'm not telling nobody else's story. But why? What was wrong with it that you felt... It was just too emotional. For you, too? Well, it had an effect on me, you know what I'm saying? To see him go through that. Relive that, you know what I mean? I mean, I get it. I mean, I wouldn't... I wouldn't wanna... do that either, if the shoe was on the other foot. I wouldn't wanna... I thought that was kind of something we can grow with. Like, you know, how uncomfortable it is for the storyteller telling somebody else's story... The facts. Where are we going with the ending? Where... That's what we're here for now, to do this. Yeah, where are we going? Yeah, where you... How to deal with the crimes? The crime itself? Is that where y'all see it going? I think that's really where it has to go in order for it to really make sense. You gonna have to. There are times when I feel like, man, I don't know that I even wanna be here. You know, in the group. You know, I'm like, man, I just don't know if that's for me. Yeah. What do you think now? I mean... I wanna see the finished cut. You know, I wanna see it through. You know. I don't wanna be a quitter, that's how I feel right now. I wanna see it through. I wanna see the end of it. Got it, Franko? Yeah. All right, it says recording. What'd you think about yesterday? I went back out. I meditated on it... The climax... the ending... what's the last thought that we wanna convey to our audience? I see... the opportunity for us... to talk about the elephant in the room. Mm-hmm. Given that you have the victims in this situation, how do you feel about actually explaining that, or even showing the incident, the vile incident, that took place? Uh... You know, the victim's mother, she's been missing her baby since day one. This was a close friend of yours? Right. I know his mother was shocked, you know, 'cause me and the dude was together like every day. And drugs caused best friends to become enemies. And to see it, I think that would torment and cause them pain. Are they reliving that pain all over again? So, you wouldn't wanna show it? No, I didn't say I didn't wanna show it, but... Why? I feel like if I was to share my story, would this prevent somebody else from committing violence? Would you show the whole situation, how it unfolded? You would have to. No, I don't think you would. Just how did the violence come about. I don't wanna assume what may have happened here. I wanna see it all. I wanna know how you got from here to here. Right... Okay. I want you to tell me. It's the truth. I think that's what they want, the truth. So, how do we deal with that? Do we show you... stabbing the guy? Yeah. Is it worth it, showing you coming into the house and...? I don't know, that would be your decision. No. That would be your decision. No, I'm asking you. One of the things I think about is just selling drugs, to get into the mentality of kill or be killed. How does one go from that transition? Pull the trigger. Well, what would cause that? Like, you knew what you was getting into. I don't know. I don't... I just did what I had to do. Was it your own law, or was it the law of the street that you had to respond this way? That was my law. That's how I chose to... defend my... So, do you still feel the same way? Like, if someone did that to your kid now, would you do the same thing? I would knock his head off. I think it might be worth considering that, actually, a lot of people who might be watching this could come from communities where they don't know anybody who's ever killed anyone. No. Yes. In America today? Yeah. You think you can go back to your yearbooks from elementary on, and not find somebody in there that's in prison for murder, or who's been murdered? Yeah. Nobody from your... Wow. I see people here today, in prison today that I lived with on the streets. You guys might have a different experience of the world of violence than most people... It was... distant from them. That's, well, that's the reason we doing this. Is to tell these stories about our lives. That's what this thing... ironed out to be. It's my story. Right. It's my story. My story, it deserves to be known. Okay, so let's carry on with your story then. If we're going forward down the path... what's the next step? I was selling dope. And, one day, I had my son with me. My dad said, "Let's jump on the kid's bike and, uh, go over to the neighborhood, see what's going on." I had left my foster home, and I was working for the two people I killed. They were cleaning windows, and I walked up to them and said, "Hey, you know, I used to clean windows with my dad." Right then and there, on the spot, he gave me a job. One day, I'm at... at the gas station... ...and he pull up with some other dudes. Before he even get there, we hear him. We like, "Man, who is this?" I said, "Look, my man's mama trying to rest up, man, "recuperate from chemotherapy. "I need you to respect the set, man. "I need you to turn that music down, and kill them lights." So, we got to barking. We sitting in the little dope house. The door come flying open. He put the gun to my son's head. "Where the dope and the money at?" So, I look at him. I just raised the pillow up, and gave him the little money I had in my pocket. And there was a grape pop stain on the carpet. And he asked me to clean up the stain. I said, "Man, I'm not cleaning up that man's stain. "He did that. He was here all day. We were working. You know, let him clean it up." I left, bought two hits of acid. Went and got high. I'm laying out there, watching the stars shoot each other and everything. Then, I went back to the house. When he hit me, it didn't even phase me 'cause my mind at that point was, "You gonna die." I didn't see him again for a month or so. What were you feeling when you left to get the gun? Showtime. So, I tried to open the car door. So, I'm like, damn, you wanted to talk? And then when you had your pistol, all of a sudden, you don't wanna talk to me now, huh? He pulling on the car door for dear life. I would think it would show him coming up and kicking me in my side. Come on, wake up! Waking me up and it coming to a brawl. My right hand to the most high, when I reached for the Glock, it jumped in my hand, bro. I do think it was murder, and I did I walk back over to Tom and shot him in the back of the head. I did do that. When you committed the act, you felt justified. Yeah. At the time, yeah. Okay, Dennis. We wanted to ask if you could change just one thing, what would that be? I think when I look back at my life, there's forks in the road. You know, if I got... Gotten high that night, and just spent the night at my girlfriend's house. I'd have put on my shoes, tied 'em up, threw on my shirt, grabbed my stuff, and been out the door. The day I decided to start selling drugs is the day I should have made a better choice. As a child, I shouldn't have been worried about the struggle. I should've just accepted them, and allowed my parents to deal with them, so it was... it wasn't meant for me to fix. The thing I would change? That ain't no easy question for me to answer, I'm gonna be honest with you. Sure, sure. I wouldn't even put myself in that environment. That was the whole thing. Did you ever think that you might go to college? Nah. Nah, not college. It just wasn't even something that was in my mind. Today, as a grown man... ...it was my fault that I had my son with me, I know that. What did you want out of life? Where did you see yourself? What was your purpose? I never had thoughts about that. It was all about survival. About survival, right. It's like in the wild, wild West. Meet me outside at high noon, we got this shootout going on. Well, that was the illusion though. And it's amazing to me to... be able to see that now versus, you know, me doing it then. Catch them while they're young, you know what I'm saying, you teach them the right thing... So, how young? That's what they gonna use. Five? When they come out of the womb. Before they even get out of the womb. Man remains in existence, and his actions accumulate beside him. And we say the thought is the cause of it all. Well, if the thought is the cause of it all, what is the physical world for? And my understanding is we done came down to this plane, and everything is slowed down, so we can learn how to think properly. You gotta think about what's right. I'm gonna go ahead and read this. That's what I was thinking about last night in case you decide to use it in the future. Okay? Hello, my name is Dennis. Do you think you could look at me and say, "There is a good carpenter, mechanic, scholar," knowing that I was a murderer? If I told you that I studied culinary arts, would call me a chef, knowing that I was a murderer? If I told you I had studied machine technology, would you call me a machinist, knowing I was a murderer? Probably not because I'm still a murderer. When I first committed these two murders, I only thought of how I fucked up my life. Somewhere along the way, I began thinking of the family members, mine and the victims', and how they must feel. How I've impacted them, and how no one will ever be the same again. Though I completed all the programs I mentioned above, I will always be a murderer first. I'm resolved to accept that. I could never take the life of another person today. I will never allow myself to be the dysfunctional punk I once was, even if you never believe I could ever be anything more. I know who I am today, and I am nothing like I was 30 years ago. Keep it rolling. Keep it rolling. So, what was the best part of making this film? Just having the opportunity to participate in something different, something new that I never thought I'd see. I mean, I'm grateful that I got to meet you guys and to get to learn a little bit more about you. So, how would you describe the process of learning how to make a movie? It's long. Long? It's a lot of good old memories, a lot of bad memories. You know, uh... It was kind of challenging bringing them up and just sharing them with people. Okay. What did you learn from this process... Oh, it's got the autofocus on. Cameraman, he ain't learn nothing through the project... Action. Is this your life, where violence is the order of the day? Dysfunction all around you, the more that you feel safe. Overlooking opportunities, unaware of what they are. Fearful of moving ahead, picking at your scars. Is this your life, where middle-class is not enough? Great support from mom, but the streets show you love. Your names ring a bell like a pistol in your head. Quit the 9-to-5 'cause you out here getting made. Is this your life, overwhelmed by addiction? A parent at heart, but not there for your children? Drugs altered the home, let the family pitch a tent, now you have regrets. It's a hard truth, ain't it? Is this your life, hustling to get the bills paid? Giving your mom money at 13 years of age, full-fledged with it. Divided by choice. You Radio Raheem, you ain't turning down the noise. Is this your life, where they pack weapons like the army? The whole hood represent the essence of the zombie? Friends become enemies over drugs and loose change. An environment that breeds no love, just new gangs. If this is your life, you don't wanna end up here. In prison, they count decades, not count the years. The crime ain't worth the time, that's a true statement. This ain't the life you want, and you have the power to change it. Yeah, what he said! Fade to black. |
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