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It's Not My Fault and I Don't Care Anyway (2017)
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The lips, the teeth, the tip of the tongue. Tip of the-tip of the- tip of the tongue. The lips, the teeth, the tip of the tongue. Tip of the-tip of the- tip of the... Giantman. How you doing. Hold it right there, big fella. Five minutes, Mr. Spencer. Okay. Um... Would you mind? Yeah. Sure. It's for my sister. Okay. What's her name? Daniel. And there were all these bikers, you know, they were all cumming, like all over me, and it was hot, and then I thought... Who am I? Who are they? So then I thought, maybe I do have a problem. So that's why I'm here. That's it. Okay. That was very brave. Thank you, Victoria. Okay. You're next. Really? You can do it. Hi, I'm Diana. Hi Diana. I don't wanna say it. The second part. I'm not gonna say "And I'm a sex addict". I don't know if that's even really a thing, like it's controversial, medically. I think the real reason I'm here is 'cause I'm a girl. You know? I like sex and I'm a girl, so I must be sick. If I were a boy it would just be like, 'ha, ha, ha, you know, teenage boys are so horny'. Can I smoke in here? No. In rehab, you could smoke. Excuse me, Detective Stone? What do you need? It's about the Spencer kidnapping. I hear you have a suspect. Is that him? Big fella. That's him, right? Who wants to know? The public. I'm a journalist. Oh. Well, then. No comment. Care to elaborate? Yeah. No, none, zero. Statements, things to say, comment. No comment. Can I quote you? So... Where should I start? Why not start at the beginning? Okay. We were a happy family, when I was young. Back before people started dying. Bernice? Bernice!! And my Dad was never the same. He started drinking, and, well, he hated bullies. Hey! That's enough of that now! Hey fuck you! Don't you ever put your hands on a woman. Do you understand me? C'mon. I'm sorry. Fucking, come on! Dad? Are you okay? I am gonna call 911. Stay with me. I want you to- I wanna say it now- I'm your father, and you always gotta do right. Even when it's hard. Because I ain't always gonna be there to help you. You do right, you hear me? I'm gonna call 911, Ok? - Stay with me... - It's gonna be ok. Okay, son. Wait. You go, son. Go. Seems like pretty deep background. It's all related, sir. Cause it's how I came to be in this weakened condition, available to bad influence. Continue. Please. Well, I started doing drugs. I tried everything, you know. But heroin... Heroin was the one that stuck. And after I sold everything, I was living in my Daddy's Lincoln. It's not that bad. Nothing's that bad, provided you're on heroin. You don't mind stuff that much. Comforts and morality and that. That's no excuse, I know, but... It's a reason. Showtime. Public Speaking. It is the Number One fear in the world. And why? Because it is the one time you know, everyone is looking at you. His palms sweat. His pulse quickens. And if you listen real closely, we can even hear his thoughts. Oh my God. Oh no, they're all looking at me. Oh! How's my hair? I hope there's nothing in my teeth? Oh no, I wish, I really wish they would stop. It's scary, when everyone looks at you. But it doesn't have to be. Hi. I'm Patrick Spencer. Of course, you can see the size of me. Sure. There's this gland in my head, the pituitary gland, and mine, it just keeps going and going. It's a medical condition. Symptoms include shortened life span, heart troubles, benign tumors - Okay. When did you meet Johnny Adebayo? Is that his last name? We always call him Johnny Three-Fingers. Nobody knows how he lost those fingers. Some say he lost em in a bet. One guy told me he chewed them off to get out of a pair of handcuffs. I buy my medicine from Lil' Charles, but everybody knows that Johnny's the boss. Well, one day I was buying my medicine, and I was about 50 cents short. Yo, that's 50 cents short, Giantman. Yeah. I think I got it. Yo. You ain't got it, you ain't got it. Move along, double-stuff. Oh my holy mudda of fuck. Is dis a mountain I see before me? Are you some kinda urban Sasquatch? You all seeing dis? You seeing the raw, magnificent size of dis here muthafucka? Yeah, boss. They call him the Giantman. Giantman! Now what's this, you say you fifty cents short? Yeah. Can you give me a break? I mean, it's only fifty cents. And I feel everyone stop and then I remember why. I said 'only' to Johnny. About money. He once beat a man half to death for saying 'only' about five dollars. Only! Only you muthafuck... Only five dollars, you fuckwad! Fuck! And that's a famous story where I live. I really screwed up bad. Yeah, Giantman. I'ma give you a break. I'm give you a big break! So, I'm told that being a young person with absent parents, I need extra guidance or whatever, or else I risk being a super fucked up mega- bitch and I'll spend all my money on coke and be a freak. I don't want that, and neither do any of my agents. So here I am. But I also have to ask, are you sure that this the cure? Telling these stories? Because like, yours are all like super hot. It's seriously, I mean like, titillating, you know. You with the pool boy... And like you giving blowjobs at the airport... I never did any of that stuff, but now I kinda want to! This is like treating obesity with ice cream! You know? Because it's the opposite. And hey! You know, maybe I'm already cured, because right now I would love to get high and fuck some dangerous-looking guy that I don't know. You know, it really takes your mind off stuff, you know, and I would love to, but I won't. I promise. Also, that first step, you know. Admitting that I'm powerless. And then this higher power will return me to sanity. And that's God, right? Okay well, I don't know much about God, but I do know that God doesn't make people not want sex. That doesn't even work on Catholic priests, so how am I supposed to feel. Like my Dad says; 'It's not my fault. And I don't care anyway.' It's not my fault, and I don't care anyway. Eh? You've heard it before, you've seen the T-shirts. The meaning is clear on the surface, but let's dig in. It's not my fault. Let's apply that to something big and disastrous, let's say, Climate Change. Climate Change is not your fault. I mean, yeah, sure, we are North Americans, we are the leading consumers of carbon on earth, but we share that responsibility with hundreds of millions of people. Responsibility sufficiently shared, is no responsibility at all. And what if it is perhaps, maybe, somewhat, oh just a little your fault, well... who are you. Are you not the product of your parents with their flawed genetics, their terrible habits. Are you not the person they made you to be? Yes, you are. You had no choice. Therefore, it is quite simply- Not. Your. Fault. And now the second part. I don't care anyway. This is a little trickier. Apply it once again to Climate Change, and oh, I can see you already all prickly in your seats. Of course you care! You care! Don't tell you that you don't care, because you do! You do care! Well. To that I ask; Do you? Really? Do you really? Really? Well, I think that you don't care. That society changed, at some point and we simply stopped caring. No one knows why. Was it the media, was it horror movies, was it violent video games that hardened all of our hearts? No one knows. But one thing is certain; It wasn't my fault! And I don't care anyway. And neither do you. So say it. Everyone! Come on! All together now! It's not my fault, and I don't care anyway! - You got it. You understand this! Give yourself a break. Why not? It's not your fault. And you don't care anyway. And I was scared. Right this way Giantman. But it was nice in there, Girls. Drinks. His own pool table. He had everything. Yes, alright. You like it. I got some things for ya. But for Johnny, it was never enough. - Smoke a little of this so you hear me, but no much you can't listen, you know. Thank you, sir. Sir. Dis muthafucka polite! A muthafucking gentleman giant up in ma muthafucka! That's a big man. That's Moose. Dat's Bottlecap. Dis is - Who the fuck you? I'm Darla. Darla. What do you think of my new giant? Aw... He looks like a big old Teddy bear. Oh no. He a demon. See Johnny, he was a crook of all trades. Lately he was trying to move into Chinatown. And that was what I was supposed to help with. You see there was this Chinese guy called Wing. Dis mutherfucka Wing! Got Chinatown wrapped around his pink shorties! And you, you be just de dimensions to whip it from his grip, you feel me? Got a plan. Mega brilliant. Megawatt like the sun is my mind, big friend. Because honestly, that's just how he talks. We're going to put a scare in him and scare the white from his rice, no time! Better den killin' him, you know. We gonna fear him something worse than death. A demon, to haunt his dreams. Ya do dis. Ya do it right, and you get high on de Johnny. All month. Ya do it right. Wait, wait, wait. He said he he wanted to scare the white from his rice? Yessir. Continue. Wing was the wisest of the old Chinese wise guys. Everybody in Chinatown did what he said. Johnny said that if Wing fell into line, the other shopkeepers would too. - Like little yellow dominoes. - Because Johnny was kinda racist for a black guy. Anyway, the one thing about Wing, like his one weakness maybe- He was superstitious. He believed in demons. Not demons that hafta stay in hell, like Christians believe. But demons that infect your soul. Demons that will kill your whole family line, like in that movie about Bruce Lee. - Anyway, dis here. Dis will make ya voice even more deep and scary than it is right now. Hello. I sound like Darth Vader. No ya sound like a bad ass mudder focka, mudder focka. The force is strong with this one. Yeah, yeah. Luke! I am your father. Don't fuck around. Sorry. Dat's right. You're more than Darth Vader. You... You're something better. Something else. What am I? Are you a scary demon, head ass escaping monsta style, mudder focka! Yeah. Who's da scary monsta? I'm the scary monster! Der's one lass ting. What's that? Ya gotta smell right. What do you mean? Demons are of death and decay. Yeah. Ya don't smell of roses, but you're not quite yet of death and decay neither. Okay. I've been keeping dees in the closet. Two months. Hmm. It stinks. Not enough. No, like that really stinks. Is this shit? Yeahh. Is this human shit? Yeah. It's Moose's. I ain't fuckin talking about that. You aren't going to put that on me, are you? Death and decay, mudder fucker. Ohhh, Ohh. Come on. Ouuu, shit. Let's go. Seriously? I don't want to be a demon. It was gross. And as a homeless person, I have a high tolerance for bodily functions. Morning mudder fucka. Wake up and smell your demon! And that's my cue. He slapped him and I'm supposed to roar. But I got the Darth Vader thing on my throat so I accidentally, I say, "Luke! I am your father!" Which I figure was a dead give away, but I guess Wing wasn't a big Star Wars fan. Yeah, Yeah, I'm a voodoo, mutherfucka and I brought a demon to your dreams! I am Johnny of the Tree Fingas and you will respect me! - And I opened my mouth to roar and I can taste how I smell. Stand in my way and I'll eat your soul. That was the bombingest grenade you ever exploded, that throwing up like that, that was some real demon shit like from The Exorcist! What was that stuff that Moose was spraying on him in there? Concentrated LSD. You did good my giant friend. You and me we work together now. Permanent-like. - I should have been scared, but ah, but all I could see was that big bag of Heroin. You my demon, mofo! You my demon, forever. - That was like a lot of Heroin. A month's supply. And maybe I could ahead on my bottle collecting. Then I'd be a month ahead, possibly forever. To an addict like me that's a dream. It seemed harmless at first. The beef between Johnny and Wing, it wasn't my fault. And in a few minutes, I'd be so high... I wouldn'a cared anyway. So, like I say, my sex life was getting dicey. I was getting into some stuff with some questionable dudes. I'm sorry. This is confidential, right? Cause like, I signed exclusivity on life rights for a book and a movie and also I'm getting a reality show. But that's also a secret. This is all confidential and anonymous. And I mean, who even are you anyway, right? - Yeah. - Big fan. Okay, so... Here's what happened. After that I was Johnny's boy. Johnny would let me park my car at his warehouse. And he let me use the shower. He took me to the big and large and got me this suit. He said I was bad ass. - You bad ass. I thought so too. I also got these fight'n lessons. Alright, alright. The ting about ya giant man fry pan hands is that you gotta lay em on em, you know? Charles. Git here. Me? Who the fuck else is Charles. You, stand here. Alright, now pretend he's a resistant-ass shop keeper and we gotta take him to school. Okay. Alright, now you say something resistant. I ain't paying you shit. Get the fuck up outta my shop, nigga! - Oh, ohhhh. That Chinese man said the N word! Now you, you can get very angry. Put your hand around his neck. Okay. Yeah, now lift him up on da wall. Yeah. You wanna pay now? Yes please. That's what I thought you'd say. Sorry. We cool. We cool. Shouldn't I learned how to punch him? Naw, naw. That is the only move you'll ever need. Trust me. He was right. So it was Johnny's idea that I wear these Halloween fangs and give them em a little peek. So that everybody wondered if Johnny really had a demon after all. You gonna pay now? Okay! Okay! Okay. I felt pretty bad about it, but whenever I did I'd just get high some more. At this point I realized that I was turning into an actual criminal. And I wasn't proud of it at all. But I also knew it was one of the only class of people that could get high all the time. Pretty soon after that, we heard about Diana. So, I started seeing this I guy who I bought coke from. Now, how do I know you're not just using me for my cocaine? Well, how do I know you are just using me for my body? I guess mainly cause I ain't used your body yet. Well then, mister. We are behind schedule. His name was Lil Charles. It was one of those ironic nicknames. And like he was beautiful. He has this scar on his chin. And that's the adventure scar and I know cause Indiana Jones has one. And like everything would have been fine, except I wanted to go to his place. He liked it at my dad's place, but I specifically wanted to fuck at his place in the hood cause I thought it'd be hotter. So, you know. But also, I was right, it was stupid good. Fuck yes! - We'd fuck like we were in the Olympics. If there was an Olympics for fucking. Which would probably be pretty good for the ratings. And uhm, he bragged about me, and like, that's why people knew about it, but he wasn't in on it. Like he's questionable, sure but, he's good at heart. So, I was over at Johnny's place making banana pancakes for me and Charles, Moose and Johnny and some girls were there. And I can't really cook, but I can make banana pancakes and spaghetti sauce and chili which is just spaghetti sauce with beans and chili powder. And, uhhh, sorry. Anyway, Lil Charles is bragging about Diana. She is white, rich, sweet, she generates her own heat, you know what'm sayin'? And she knows she ain't 'sposed to be fucking with no kid from the block, but that's what she likes about it. You feel me? It's like it flips the freak-switch, makes her pistol-hot, like a preacher's daughter or a Mormon or some shit. Goddamn, goddamn! You say she rich? Yeah man. Why she rich? Her Daddy is some big ass self-help guy, right? It's almost like a church he's got. People worship the motherfucka. Patrick Spencer. Wait. Patrick Spencer. Da guy from da TV all fuckin hours. The infomercials. That's him. Da guy with the books and everything and da sold out shows at the convention centre? Cocaine bring people together from all walks of life, J. True that, dog. Okay. We gonna boost her. What? Dis little rich girl o' yours. We gone boost her. For da ransom. Nay. We ain't gotta do all that, J. Bottlecap. Google me dis. How much dis Spencer man worth in Dollars? Eighty six million. Okay we can't afford to not boost dis little girl. Dats money on da fucking table, G. But she's a good customer man. Her and her friends... Is she ten million Dollars good? Nah, Lil one. Let's make a plan. Nah. I'm outta this one. You ain't out on shit. You're, you da bait. What is dis. Fuckin art? I love you too, Giantman. And then they got into it. You know, like it was a staff meeting. We need some shit to knock her out. What's dat stuff from the old movies? Chloroform. Does dat even exist? I'll look it up. But I guess it was like anything else we did. We did terrible illegal stuff all the time. We were criminals. It was our job. And sometimes it's part of your job not to care about things, right? So we boost Diana. We burst into the room and they were... They were making sex in there. Ha, ha, haaa! Goddamn, crime is so fock'n easy. I don't know why everyone not do it, ya know. I felt bad. Not only to interrupt, but she was naked. The only thing worse than getting kidnapped is to get kidnapped naked. Why do you have to hit her, man? Chloroform only work in da movies. You said you wouldn't hurt her. I say a lotta tings. Giantman, take her away. You, you not playing. I wrapped her up in the sheet. That way she was kinda dressed. Then I wouldn't be touching a naked girl, which you can't do without permission. She looks so small. Charlie said her father was the king of self help. I guess that made her a princess. The princess of helping yourself. That was, I think, like, ironic because she couldn't help herself at all. All knocked out and kidnapped by a giant. So. I know it's a clich in therapy to blame your parents for everything, but I do think it's significant that my Mom was suicidally depressed, and my Dad doesn't care about me, on purpose. So, imagine me, 14, with this depressed Mom. Daddy's home. And I hope, are you feeling better. My dad still cared, but also he was a drunk. And how was your day? It was okay. - Honestly, it wasn't even that bad. My drunk dad at least tried. But then one day, bam! Just like that, a whole new guy. - Hey dear. Move over and watch this. What are you doing? I am about to write a great book and I cannot stop until it's done. Sometimes people ask me, how did I become me? What happened? I'll tell you what happened. I looked into the abyss, and the abyss looked back into me. See, I was a drunk, throwing my life away with the city's trash. My marriage was a disaster. My wife was an anchor. My daughter was livid. My headcastle stuffed with my demons. And my only comfort was a steady supply of my drug of choice. On the fateful morning I had awakened from a terrible bender and my self-loathing was at it's peak. I was thinking, "Why can't I stop drinking? For my family." Was I a terrible person? Or are these the wrong questions? Was my responsibility to them a reason not to drink, or was it the very reason I drank in the first place? And the lights went on! I finally knew why I drank. I drank because I was not living for myself. The tension of living in servitude of other people, it tore at my soul, and my only comfort was that anesthetic. I mumbled it at first, the phrase that would become famous. I repeated it to myself, until I was shouting it to the heavens. It's not my fault and I don't care anyway! Good bye. Well, I brought these ideas into my practice as a public speaking instructor. And this was when I became more than that. This was when I became, as some say, dangerous. Yes, to this I say, Yes I am dangerous! Dangerous to the stale, middle-of-the-road, that is modern human life. Why? Why? Why are we flushing our lives down some corporate toilet, not even reaping the rewards! Instead, it all goes to wives and husbands and children and taxes and charities and other such parasites. They will pull you under! It is you or them. Choose you. God knows, I chose me. Hello?! Hello!! Hello!!! Is anyone there? I'm here. Hi? Hi. You're Diana, right? Yeah. What's your name? Johnny says we're not suppose to say. That's not very sociable. Well, they call me Giantman. You're the one that carried me. Yeah. Sorry. So, I'm kidnapped, right? Like this isn't a game or a prank or anything. I'm actually seriously kidnapped? Yeah, I think so. So what kind of ransom are you hoping for? I don't know. Lots maybe. Your dad's the king of self help, right? He cheats money out of stupid people. You don't like your dad? It's complicated. You're lucky to have a dad. Yeah, you're right. Sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry. So what happens now? I need your dad's phone number. Who's Johnny? How do you know... Shit! I said his name. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I won't say anything. Really? Sure. Cause, I'm, I'm kinda new to all this and I really don't want to get fired. I, I won't say anything, I promise. Thank you. Sure. But I need you to do something for me. Okay? That's fair, right? Uhhh, I guess. Okay well, being a kidnapped person is a pretty dicey situation, right? People get killed right? It happens all the time. You'll be fine. No. It happens all the time. I just, I want you to look out for me. A little bit. Okay? If you get me through this I have money in of my own to make it worth your while. You do this for me, I'll pay you like tons, I promise. So, would you look out for me little bit, Giantman? Yeah. Yeah, I would have anyway. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, for sure. Love. Compassion. Duty. These supposed virtues are the very rocks that we put in our pockets to drown ourselves with! Those who don't care, are the ones who go furthest, they do the most, because they are free! And I know that this is true. Not only because I feel it to be true in my very bones, but because I was tested. My time in the desert started with a phone call. Hello. It's 09:00 A.M. Do you know where your daughter is? Excuse me? No ya don't, cause she her with me. Who is this? I'm the guy that done boost her. I'm not giving her back for gratis. - I'm sorry, I honestly can barely understand you. Daddy? - Diana! What's going on? Where are you? I'm kidnapped. Daddy, they got me here they want money. Kidnapped! Come on, now come on! Come on sweetheart. What's happening? - Daddy look, I know I've lied to you before, but this is no lie, Daddy! They have me. They're serious and they want money! How much money? Ten million dollars, Daddy. Ten million dollars! Wow! It's a lot of money. But it was also an amount that I had. The ostentatious fact was that I kept 12 million dollars in a pair of duffel bags in the safe. I could have gone downstairs right then and gotten it. Daddy I know we don't get along right now. I know I haven't been the best daughter, but I'm still your daughter, aren't I? Your little girl. I'm still your little girl, aren't I? I'm still your little girl, aren't I? She said this. And oh did my prehistoric brain kick up a fuss. Now, what to do. I took a breath and divorced myself from my prehistoric mind. I sat in my head-castle's favorite chair and I applied my credo. Was this my fault? No, surely no. This was the fault of the man on the phone. Also the fault of my daughter who I knew to be doing drugs and having relations with um... Anyway back to me. Due to my training and clear thinking I saw in this an opportunity. You see, there are lots of people like me. People who claim to have wisdom, to claim to follow that wisdom themselves. But how many of them get the chance to prove it? To prove that even in extreme cases, they can stick to their guns. I was being given that chance, folks. To prove that I was real. And nothing beats real. Let me talk to the gentleman you're with. Yeah, mudderfocka. Ya understand now, okay? I want dee money in a black suitcase with wheels. In the trunk of a Lincoln Navigator... - Hey fella. Let me stop you right there, okay? My daughter does copious amounts of cocaine and she spends time with the very worst sort of people. I imagine that's where she met you. What? I will call the police, because that is what a concerned citizen does when there's been a crime, however I will not pay. Is that clear? I will not pay. No police or the girl dies. Oh yes, yes, of course, because that's kidnappers say. Let me repeat. There will be no money. Is that clear? No money. I don't think you understand what is happening here. Daddy please! They're going to fucking kill me. She's absolutely correct! Be that as it may, my daughter and I are not close, so any threats against her safety will not have the usual effect. And I called the police. So... I got the call early on Tuesday the 27th, it was just after nine. It was the father of the victim, one Patrick Spencer. Ahh, had you heard of him at that time? Sure I heard of him. We all of us at the station heard of him. He's the Tony Robbins of Canada, right? World famous for selling all those books on how to be an asshole. So you had heard of him, but you didn't like him. No I didn't. But at the same time, I felt for the guy. I mean, I got two girls in college, and the thought of them being abducted, well, I felt for him right away. So, I grab Smitty and we headed over to the Spencer house. His fucking mansion, I should say. Fuck, I should swear less. My daughters say. But, fuck it. It was a fucking mansion. I mean, I knew you could get rich doing this shit he did, but I had no idea. We're in the wrong fucking business. No shit. Yes, yes, hello. Please come in. Hey, I got food. Are the clothes okay? Yeah, No I was uncomfortable before, but now that I have on a high end sweat suit this whole situation is just fine! Well, it's all I can do. He's not gonna pay! He's not. Because of his philosophy. This just isn't his fault, and so he just, he doesn't care. Come on... No, he doesn't care, on purpose. But I... I always thought that he'd look out for me in the end, you know, when the chips were down, he'd take an interest. I mean he has the money. He has eleven and a half million dollars in the safe! But now that the chips are down, like they are down right now, I am in mortal fucking danger and he just doesn't... He doesn't care! He never cares. Well maybe... Maybe he's got a secret plan. There's this Mel Gibson movie called Ransom where they did something kind of similar. Here. Maybe he's using his big rich person brain to find a new way to save you. Just... Just... Hey. I don't know how into... sex... you might be... But... I think you're really cute, so... if it would maybe like help... What? Oh no! No no. Ehm... That would not be right at all. Sorry! Thank you, though. Uhh... Let's just be friends. Okay... 'Bye buddy! I hadn't been turned down in - I thought I knew men, you know... This guy, Mr. Spencer, he was calm. He was cool as a cucumber margarita, and he lays it all out. - I got the call about 9:01 am. They demanded ten million in ransom. I refused to pay, and I informed these criminals that I would be calling the police. - Right there, that's weird. I mean, sure, you call the cops, but you don't tell the fucking kidnappers you called the cops. You tell the kidnappers that you would never call any cops, and you'll pay right away, yes sir, no sir, three bags full. And he says to me; It's not the money. I have the money. I keep twelve million in cash right here in the house in the safe. - And the way he's telling me this, I feel like he's proud. Like he's somehow proud of himself for being calm, for screwing up the procedure, for having the money and not even trying to offer it. So I say to him, I say; Sir... - And I wouldn't normally tell a vic this, but, I say; Your daughter might die because of the way you handled things. And you know what he says to me? He says; It's not my fault. And I don't care anyway. - So yeah, I read the books later, so I know where it comes from now. But at the time, it blew my mind. I thought of my girls and all my sympathy for this rich motherfucker went right out the window. I was thinking, fuck him. I'm in this for the girl. So we're friends, right? Mh-mm. But not really, because we don't know each other. Okay. So, we need to get to know each other. It's easy. It only takes three questions. Like a game? Yeah. It was a game I played as a kid. Three questions, to know anybody. I figured he was gonna tell me shut the fuck up. Okay. Okay. First question. What's the best thing that ever happened to you? Jeez, I dunno. There must be something. Um, well, there was this one time when I was young. My folks and I were driving around and we splurged on a day at the amusement park. You know, with rides and all that. Yeah. Well, I was only 6 at the time, but I was tall enough that I could ride any ride I wanted. The other kids my age, they couldn't ride anything because they would come up to the signs that said you had to be this tall to ride, and they weren't tall enough. For me it was easy. That sounds nice. Yeah it was. It was a nice day. My folks were always trying to give me nice days, you know, giants don't live too long. Oh. I didn't know that. Yeah. And you, what's yours? You'll laugh. I will not. Charles. I was in love with him. Oh. Stupid, right? Nah. No. Ehm... He didn't wanna do it. Okay? Johnny made him. If that helps. It helps. It helps a lot. Okay, next question. What's the worst thing that ever happened to you? The worst that has ever happened to me has got to be when my Mom died. She had a stroke and she was in the hospital, and they were keeping her alive on machines. I'm sorry. Yeah. She was signed up to be an organ donor. And the doctors knew this, and they started in on my Dad about when they could get some of her organs for their other patients. My Dad had this flashlight, that he would shine into her eyes. Because if her pupils reacted to the light, then maybe she wouldn't have to die after all. So my Dad would shine the light into her eyes every so often, just to check for himself. And we had been down to the cafeteria to talk, man to man you know, about letting Mom go to Heaven, even though we'd miss her. And then we went back to the room, and my Mom, she had the prettiest eyes. And so my Dad went to check her eyes with the light one more time, and... they had already taken her eyes. The look on my Dad's face when he saw that! That's got to be the worst thing that's ever happened to me. That's awful. I lost my Mom too. She killed herself. Really? Yeah. But she was always sad. The ironic part was that things had just gotten a whole lot better. Yeah? Yeah. My Dad had left a while back, but suddenly his book became a big deal, so I suggested maybe it was a good time to settle the divorce. We got a bundle. That's nice. Yeah. Well... I think my Mom was sticking around for me. But now we had money and I was okay, so she was free to go. So she went, and that's the worst thing that ever happened to me. It's okay. I cry for my Mom sometimes too. My Dad said it's okay to cry. I agree. There you go. Okay. Last question. What's your dream? My dream? Come on! There must be something. Heroin. Something else! Um... Oh no! You can do it. Okay well... I went to the library recently, to check on the internet, about Holland. Holland? Yeah Holland. It's a country. You heard of it? Yeah. Yeah well, the people in Holland are really tall. Even taller than the Germans, who are tall as well. They're so tall in fact that they recently changed the rules of construction so that, you know, doorways are bigger, and buildings are made bigger, and you know for taller people, in general. That's cool. Yeah. And ehm, if I had a dream, it would be to go there, and you know, maybe live there. I'd still be tall, but at least I'd fit in. I think that's a great dream. You think? Yeah. Well what's yours? It used to be to you know, be famous. Like an actress or something. But now, it's just... To live. To live through this, and to live some more. Hey hey hey. Come here! Everything's gonna be okay. Yeah? Yeah. I promise. - So, I guess right there is when we became friends. He promised me. And then Johnny came in. Your father a real hard ass for a rich man. Is that my sweatsuit? Sorry, Johnny, she was naked and... Did you just say my fucking name? Sorry Johnny- Sor-Sorry! Shut de fuck up! And you little girl. You tink about your least- favorite- finger. Now, I do not know if you have ever been involved in a high profile kidnapping case, but it is extraordinary. So drugs... Yeah well, all the rich kids buy their dope in this area, but why should... So many dedicated professionals standing ready, it's a wonder criminals have any chance at all. We're gonna do the trace on on the phone from here. Yeah, I know, I'm gonna go downtown about... I cooperated utterly, even as I stayed cocooned in my philosophy. Anytime worry would get the better of me, I would use the Ten Selfish Thoughts technique and the - Breaths of Me-ness. At this point, I was still me. But all that was about to change. Johnny was mad! This muthafucka won't pay! What kinda muthafucka turns his back on his own little girl dis way. Maybe we should just quit while we're ahead. What? Yeah, maybe, just. Let her go. What? It's just an idea. You gone soft, giantman. I didn't go soft. No. You been soft dis whole time. Well, that changes today. That morning I received an envelope via courier. And inside was a severed finger, and the nail polish matched my daughter's. He made me put a bag over Diana's head, I think to help me be mean to her. Moose was with us. Dis for you. A tool for the trade. What this for? It's for cutting off the little fingers of rich girls, to get money. Ah. I understand. You forgot. You forgot you who you are, my giant. You are in my family now, and we are a different breed. You gonna cut her and get the money. That's who you are. Maybe one day a long time ago you were someone else, but dat's all over now. There's no more Brian. There's only Giantman. There's only my demon. Please Brian! Shut her da fuck up! You came to me with nuthin. I care for you Giantman. I'm more than your boss. More than your commander. I'm your father, and as your father, I'm telling you boy, you gonna cut off her little finger! Everything mighta gone a little different if Johnny hadn't said that last part. Johnny was a lot of things, but he was not my father. My father was good, my father was kind and my father was smart. So I said- Back the fuck off! Blood's gonna spurt from this bitch and I don't wanna get it on my coat. Nooo!!! - And Johnny relaxed. And Moose heard what I said about spurting so- he had on his rare Simpson practice jersey, so he backed up a bit too. No please, I beg you please! Stop Stop! No please! But then, at the last second... I cut off Moose's finger instead. A coupla fingers actually. Then I used the only fight move I had. Diana sorta freaked out. And pretty soon, Moose was dead. Yeah. Moose was dead. Like-for sure dead. It's just me. Come on. Where's Johnny, Brian. Where's Johnny? It's okay, I knocked him out. He's over... - But Johnny was gone. - Shit! - Diana was losing it a little. So I figured I'd take charge of stuff for a bit. So I said; - We gotta go. - Yeah. Johnny's Rover was gone. We took the phone and gun off of Moose. But his car was tiny, like a clown's. But then I remembered my Lincoln! Where are we going, Brian? To the police. I thought this was a pretty nice, unselfish thing for me to do, being the criminal in the car. But Diana said; No. What? No police, no! Well, we gotta go somewhere. I have an apartment. We can go there. It's on Queen. Johnny will be watching your place. No, it's like a secret apartment. It's in my roommate's name but she's in Thailand. But what if Charles... Charles doesn't know about it, okay? Nobody does. We'll be safe there. What's that for? Then she tried to hide it, but I saw. It was one of Moose's fingers. And then the courier guy shows up, and I'm thinking "Here we go". Hey, I got a package. Smitty! Just a second. What's up? Look, this has gotta be the finger, right? Could be an ear. Ears are getting more popular these days. But it's probably something. Yeah. So, what, you wanna shield Dad from the terrible carnage? Take it downtown? What, Fonzie over there with the icicles up his ass? Fuck him. Yeah, he is a piece of work. It's weird, right? Maybe he's just in shock. Maybe he's dirty. Shit. Let's shake his cage a little. See what bubbles up. Well, you are the senior detective. Watch your mouth, Junior. Uh... I'm gonna need a signature on this. Here. Yeah sure. Oh!! We're gonna need you to identify this finger. And both me and Smitty can see right then and there that something is off. As kidnapper police, we see more than our fair share of severed fingers. But unless this guy's daughter is 200 pounds, Aboriginal and male, there is no fucking way that this is her finger. But we don't say shit. We wanna see what this does to the guy. That day, I learned something about myself. I have a limit. I was in a haze. I admit this now. I was so far in, you see. I had said those terrible things to the kidnappers and they cut off a part of my daughter. And as I started my usual mantra "I am all that matters, I am all that matters" scenes of horror were creeping in. Her finger, her tiny finger. What sort of tool did they use to take it off? How clean was it? Is there an infection building, right now? God! Was she already dead? It's ironic, isn't it? The combination was her birthday. And it finally works. He comes back upstairs with these duffel bags, and he dumps the money at our feet. - What they asked for. It's more than what they asked for, but is it enough? I don't know, is anything ever enough with people like that? The guy looked just wrecked. Here it is, this is my house. Make yourself at home. Cool. Why do you have that? I just-I need it. As a criminal I know that it's not smart to keep physical evidence like that. It's like, a test. Are you okay? I'm just missing my medicine. Shit. Right. I get sick without it. Uhhh... I think I have some valium. Yeah. Okay. It was the first time I had gone without for weeks and weeks. I wanted some for sure, but where could I go to score that Johnny wouldn't hear about it? I know it sounds sounds crazy, but this is how I got clean. I stayed at Diana's place and she took care of me the whole time. I screamed, I moaned and I threw up a lot and sweated even more. But she was always there with a cool cloth and a fresh bucket. Brian no! No! Stay Brian! No I can't. I... Yes you can. I need my medicine. No, you're doing so well. You don't need it, you don't. Sources close to the investigation say that a ransom has been demanded, but Spencer so far has refused to pay, stating that he is simply adhering to his own philosophy of perfect selfishness. This controversial ethos is the foundation of Spencer's motivational speaking career. After three days my head felt clear for the first time in years. I started to really think, you know? And what I thought was, we were fucked. How fucked? Pretty fucked. Johnny gets very emotional about disappointment. We'll think of something. So there I was. A wreck of a man. I was praying that there would be another phone call, just give me another chance. And then the phone rang. What de fuck? It's me, Johnny. Ooooh! Dis is a spooky ting for me, talking on da phone to a dead man. I'm scared, Johnny, nothing about this is right at all. Wrong is wrong. You killed Moose for that tiny piece of ass. Your priorities is a summersault. Look, if you meet me at the warehouse tonight, I can bring Diana back to you, and everything can go back the way it was. I just... I just really need my medicine, Johnny. Alright, Giantman. 10:00 pm. Don't be fucking late. So public opinion is pretty split on what I did, right? Like some people think that my Dad had it coming, and others think that I'm a terrible bitch for putting him through it. It's controversial, which is I guess why I got so much for my life story. - Hello? - Daddy? Diana! Thank God! Listen, you tell the man that I'm doing everything that he says! Alright? I've got the money! They say it's too late, Daddy! They say they're going to kill me! No listen! You tell him I have the money here! The money is here. And the car, the Lincoln Navigator, I've got it, I've got everything he wants. They say it's not about the money anymore, daddy. It's the principle. It's the principle of the thing! No! It is the money, it's the money, and the money is here. You tell him that. They just want you to listen Daddy. No! My God no! Diana, Diana! Who's there? Talk to me, somebody. Diana! - And... My daughter was dead. I thought long and hard about what to do about Johnny. Hi. I was left alone. I was left with my... my culpability. So I dressed as if for a funeral. And for the first time in a decade, I had a drink. I waited for him to leave, and I let myself in. I went for the safe. The combination was my birthday. I had been helping myself to a bundle here and a bundle there for years, so I took the rest. And at the time, I didn't feel bad at all. I was just thinking, fuck you, Dad. Fuck you. So you all assumed Diana was dead. Yeah. Officially the case goes to Homicide. But you kept investigating. Well, I felt for the guy. He cared about his daughter in the end. But also, it was fishy. That was not her finger. So who's fucking finger was it? He sold us coke. Super cute black guy. She mentioned him a coupla times. Which is rare. She musta really liked him. He got a name? Well, everybody has a name, right? Do you know his name? Shit. It was like, one of the princes. William, maybe. Or Harry. It was a prince name. For sure. Thanks for your time. So she's dead now? Seems so. Shit! You seem real broke up about it. I just always thought I'd get my shot with her, you know. I mean, she was fucking everybody. Now, kinda sucks is all. Anything you can tell us would help. She was sort of dating this Charles guy she used to buy coke from. Sort of. What's 'sort of'? Well, she was fucking him. But you know - Let me guess. She was fucking everybody. You don't have to say it like that. Lil Charles, AKA Charles Washington, dealer for Johnny Abedayo, known as Johnny Three-fingers. Johnny Three-fingers. The streets are so colorful. Where is Johnny? You a big disappointment, Giantman. You let me down. Where da fuck you get a conscience from? You're too poor to have a conscience! All of this, all of this life is just a war between the rich, and the poor. I mean, if you don't know that by now, then you just standing in line, waiting to get fucked. You know? I guess that's one way you can look at it. Where da girl? No, please, please, please. Fuck you, Johnny! I guess you're not so stupid after all. I left, that was the deal. He gets Johnny, and I go free for pretending to be a demon. Giantman! Brian! Brian! Brian! Brian!!! What a fucking mess. What about known associates? Now, that's a funny thing. His number two guy, Leo "The Moose" Tootoosis, killed maybe three days ago. Killed here. Right here. What's with his hand? Cut up to shit. Might be a sicko, though. Yeah? Yeah. The finger's missing. By the way, the morgue boys say that the corpse weighs in about 200 pounds, and he ain't a Tootoosis by marriage. Do I know my fucking severed pinkies or what? What about other known associates? Well, I don't know, but word in Chinatown was that Johnny was breaking in some impossibly big black guy. Impossibly big? Yeah. Black guys call him giantman. Chinese guys call him 'The Demon'. Huh. Like I said. Colorful. Okay. We leave that there a second. And, we take another look at the girl, this supposedly dead daughter. Turns out there was a little something we were missing. She has a secret apartment. It's leased in her friend's name, but she gets a magazine sent there. Erotica Weekly. Erotica Weekly. Kids today. - So we stake it out. Now that is an impossibly big black guy. Giant, even. He weren't no real crook. He told us everything. So I think that's everything. That's exactly what happened. I didn't even try and gloss it over to make me look better or anything. How do we know Diana's still alive? Well, you can call her. But you'll have to use my phone or she won't answer. Smitty. Brian? Where are you? Are you okay? Okay. You said you had new information. Yeah. I do. What do you think? I dunno. I believe him. Yeah. Me too. So. The girl's alive. Yep. The kidnappers are dead. Yeah. All we got is this poor jerk. I kinda like him. Me too. He'll die inside, he goes down for this. No doubt. Yeah, well. Too bad there's nothing we can do. There's things we can do. Come on. We got no cover on this. He's a nobody and the vic... The vic has got a daughter alive today because of that man in there. He was in a bad situation and he saved the day. We're gonna lock him up for that? For life? Oof. My lunch is not agreeing with me. You don't look so good. Must be food poisoning. I left an hour ago. Get well, buddy. We're gonna want you to write down everything you've told us. Take your time, be thorough. Okay. Is this your first time in Amsterdam? Yes, it is. And how long will you be staying? Forever. Well then. Happily ever after. You're tall. You too, sir. Here you go. Enjoy your, well, enjoy your forever. I will. Thanks. And then you found him dead? Heart attack, poor guy. I saved this. Isn't that illegal? Big guy's a hero, as far as I'm concerned. I want people to know that. And then, there's me. I'm a happy ending. What does that have to do with you trying to spring the giant? The big guy, he inspired me. He showed me. You make your mark, and then you take your reward. You sound like Patrick Spencer now. Yeah well, whatever else Mr. Spencer was, you know, he talked his talk and he walked his walk. I mean, you gotta respect that a little, right? I'm not saying that I'm like Mr. Spencer, but I seen a lot of shit on the force. But I understand now. A lot of that stuff, it just wasn't my fault. And if I were to be a thousand percent honest with you, I don't care anyway. Thanks. Hey, got any rum in South America? The rum's the best part. What about the men? The men are the other best part. So I got my revenge, I guess, but I knew I might never see my Dad again, and I miss him. Is that weird? And there I was. I had gone back on everything I ever believed. I grieved for her. I drank for her. And for what? My daughter was alive. It wasn't even her fucking finger! I cared. Oh I cared. I cared. And it cost me dearly. And when I had nothing, who was there for me-I was. My lost money? She can keep it, because that's the last she'll get. I consider that to be a small price to pay for my certainty. Because now, more than ever, it is not my fault, and I don't care anyway! It is not my fault, and I don't care anyway! I gave Brian his reward. For all the good it did him. I mean, sure, a deal's a deal, but he didn't do it for the money. He did it because he cared about me. He cared about me when he wasn't supposed to, and my Dad was supposed to care about me and didn't. It just goes to show, things aren't fair. But some people try to make things better, and some people try to make them worse. So, which one are you gonna be? I mean, at the end of the day, it's the only choice we got. |
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