Destroy the Earth.
Coming in for a landing.
Hey, what is going on here?
-I didn't do it on purpose.
-Yes, you did.
No. Jason, we don't hit.
You got to use your words.
Come on, I want to hear you
use your words. Go ahead.
I think what you did was wrong.
Friends don't do that to each other.
Sorry.
Can you guys shake hands?
You guys are good.
All right, I'm out of here,
and I want you to play nicely, okay?
-Okay.
-All right. Bye.
What do you think, pretty face?
Am I dynamite in this, or what?
You actually bought that?
Yeah, I actually bought it.
You think they give shirts like this away?
It took $46. If you don't like it, who cares?
Don't look.
No. I like it.
You do? You're sure?
-Otherwise I could take it back.
-No, I'm positive.
It's great on you, Pop. They're your colors.
Yeah, that's what I figured. The colors.
It makes me look like a young Tony Bennett.
Only handsomer.
And thinner.
Pop, my sink's still leaking.
Can you stop over?
Now that you're such a big shot
living alone, fix your own sink.
At my age, I should be living alone.
-And at your age you should be--
-What?
-Nothing.
-What?
-I didn't say anything. What did I say?
-Don't start with me, okay?
I'm not starting. You're starting.
But...
seeing that you brought it up...
there's this guy I met. His name's Gino.
Terrific guy. He's an apprentice plumber.
I tell you, he's got a head on his shoulders.
He's gonna have his own shop someday.
-Does he speak English yet?
-He's learning.
That's good, Pop. Keep them coming.
So, want to stay
and play poker with us tonight?
I can't. I'm meeting the girls.
How come you're always meeting the girls?
How come never a guy?
And how come my sink leaks
when my father's a plumber?
-See you, Pop.
-Yeah, see you.
-You look good tonight, Ange.
-I do, right?
Yeah, I like that shirt.
-I got this at Rassini's.
-You did? How much?
-$13.99.
-No way.
-I can't believe you shop there.
-What's wrong with Rassini's?
-Nothing, if you like cheap clothes.
-They have the same stuff as Stardrift's.
-They have the same exact stuff, Cookie.
-You guys don't know how to shop.
-You probably have no money in the bank.
-I don't. Everything I own is on me.
You shop the way you shop,
and then we'll shop the way we shop.
Wholesale or no sale.
You're so cheap.
I told her no French fries. I'm on a diet.
You hear that, Toby? Angie's on a diet.
No French fries,
but half a barbequed chicken is all right.
You're so special, Cook.
Did I tell you
how nice your roots are looking?
Cook, the mustard.
-What?
-It's all over you.
Put club soda on that.
You know what club soda gets out?
Club soda.
No, it works. Club soda works.
Miss, could we have club soda here, please?
Jeez, Ange, I don't think
enough people heard you.
Excuse me. What is wrong, Toby?
Every Friday night we go to the same place,
with the same people.
We eat the same garbage food.
The last guy I made love to forgot my name.
There is something desperately wrong
with my life.
Come on, Toby,
you'll feel better in the morning.
If you don't, just give it a couple of days...
then something really bad will happen...
and then you'll forget all about this feeling.
Is that supposed to
make me feel better, Dottie?
It always works for me.
-Ange, see this guy?
-Who is this?
I don't know. Just some guy.
But there's thousands of them in Manhattan
and none in Jersey.
This is the kind of guy that doesn't
eat in front of the sports page, Cookie.
This is the kind of guy
who remembers your name.
He doesn't forget your anniversary.
He writes you love notes,
plans special things for you to do.
I love the way
these guys look at these girls...
like they're the most unique things
on the planet.
That's 'cause they are.
They're 5'11", and they weigh 100 pounds.
So what?
-I want them to look at me that way.
-Toby, will you get real?
These guys are out of our league.
They go out with model-actress types.
If you were an uptown kind of guy,
would you want one of us?
Depends if you want a good blowjob or not.
-That's not what I'm talking about.
-We know what you're talking about.
What we are talking about is real.
What you are talking about is nuts.
Don't worry. He'll show up.
I don't think he's gonna show here, Dottie.
I think I gotta go find him.
Toby, I know where I'd be
if I was a cool guy.
-Yeah, where?
-lnside a cool girl.
Aren't you guys sick of guidos running
around in guinea tees, driving Camaros?
-Doesn't that make you sick?
-No.
What do you want? Some guy
from Manhattan driving a Mercedes?
You think that will make you feel better?
-Yeah, maybe.
-So go cruise a car lot.
While you're at it,
you can polish your fender.
Maybe I will.
-Come on, you're not serious.
-I'll do something.
She's serious.
-What's wrong with meeting a guy that way?
-Nothing.
Not if you're the most beautiful girls
in the world, which we are not.
Actually, maybe I am.
Hello. May I help you?
No, I'm just looking around. Thanks.
This is stupid. I've seen enough. Thank you.
Stupid idea. I'm over it now.
Don't do this to me, all right?
Goddamn it!
Thank you.
Excuse me, can you move your car forward
so I can get by?
Hello?
Can you move your car forward
so I can get by?
Sure, no problem.
No! Forward!
Sorry.
Never mind. I'll go around you.
Excuse me!
Could you please tell me
how to get to the....
What? I'm not from around here.
I don't know.
Shit.
Shit.
Are you okay?
Come on. You sure?
Sit down until you're really sure.
-Come on, breathe. You all right?
-Yeah.
-You okay?
-I'm fine.
-Jesus. I can't even look.
-I'm sorry.
-That's all you can say, "I'm sorry"?
-I'm really sorry.
Do you have any idea
what kind of damage you just did?
My insurance will cover it.
Except I don't have any insurance anymore
since they raised my rates.
How about I pay you $20?
$30 a month, you know.
$30 a month?
What are you talking about?
It's a brand-new car.
It's supposed to last 20 years, and in
You don't have to keep screaming at me,
you know. I said I was sorry.
You're fine, right?
No broken bones, no pains anywhere...
no internal bleeding, anything like that?
I'm just so embarrassed.
-Where are you going?
-I have to get it towed, don't I?
Don't you want to exchange
phone numbers?
Hi.
Are you some kind of nightmare
or something?
I stayed 'cause I felt bad, okay?
Can I give you a ride?
In the car with you?
I'd be dead in five minutes.
I can drive carefully.
-No, thanks. I called a cab.
-You're not from Jersey, are you?
-No, why?
-Because I was gonna say...
that cabs in Jersey take four or five times
longer than they say it's gonna take.
It's a big problem we have here in Jersey.
But it's fine if you want to wait.
That's no problem.
I've got the afternoon free.
I'm gonna hang with you.
What are you looking at?
-You.
-Why?
I want to know who you are,
what you do and stuff.
I'm a guy. I got a job.
I had a beautiful car.
You completely destroyed it.
Anything else you want to know?
-I figured you had a job. What kind?
-Just a job.
Is it a good job?
Of course it's a good job,
or I wouldn't be doing it, would l?
What kind of job is it?
What do you do all day? Where do you go?
Graphics.
-I sell graphics.
-Now that's very interesting.
Graphics. What exactly is that?
Printing.
-I sell printing.
-That's good for a start.
-What else?
-What else what?
What else do you do for fun, friends, family,
that kind of stuff?
Are you hungry or thirsty--
Look, I'm not hungry. I'm not thirsty.
I want you to keep driving.
Keep your eyes on the road.
I don't want any more accidents.
I'm not hungry or thirsty either.
Lousy idea. It was a bad idea.
How about maybe some gum?
As like a mood-lifter or something?
No. I feel like we've started out
on the wrong foot--
The wrong foot?
You destroyed my $70,000 car.
Do you understand that?
-Yes.
-We've got off on a really bad foot.
Okay. Maybe we should
just listen to some music, you know?
It'll mellow us out.
Just pull over. Fine. Great. I'll walk--
No, I want to take you right to your door.
Wait!
I need your name and your address,
so I can pay you back.
-Save your money. Go to driving school.
-No, I gotta pay you back.
There you go.
How about we never do it again?
Call me with the damages.
Toby Mastallone, Hackensack.
One "T," two "L's"!
See you, Sal.
Yes. All right.
Guys.
Where have you been?
We had to let ourselves in.
-I found him.
-Who?
Him. Mr. Make-It-Happen.
Mr. Sal Torme.
-He's Italian?
-He's in trouble, is what he is.
-Where'd you meet him?
-A Mercedes dealership.
Get out of here.
I swear to God, Cook. I felt so pathetic.
I thought, "What am I doing here?"
And then I saw him.
My heart started pounding so fast...
-that I could hardly restrain myself.
-Is he cute?
Oh, my God. He is gorgeous.
He has dark hair and big blue eyes.
What, did you just walk up to him and say:
"I'm looking for a gorgeous, rich guy,
and you're it"?
I chased him down and wrecked his car.
-Oh, my God.
-You got into a car accident?
Just a little one. I ran
his brand-new Mercedes into a bus bench.
A Mercedes? He must be rich.
Who cares? He's just the greatest guy
in the entire world.
Did he ask you out?
Not yet, but I'm sure
he's thinking about it right now.
Thanks, Bernie.
I'm sorry, baby. Go ahead.
What were you saying?
-Sal, what are you doing?
-I'm working.
Could you take a break
and come play again?
You ask me this every day.
I can't, honey. I gotta work.
I know, but I was just thinking about
what you were doing to me this morning...
and how good it felt.
I want you to do it again.
You know, you keep talking like this,
and I'm not gonna make it till tonight.
And, Sal...
I seem to have lost my panties.
And I was wondering if you'd found them?
Could you check inside your jacket pocket?
Bye, Sal.
-Hey, Pop.
-What?
When you first met Mom,
did you instantly know she was it?
What's to know?
We got along, we got married. Simple.
That's simple, okay.
Toby, remember that fellow
I mentioned, Gino?
I gave him your number.
-You gave him my number?
-Just talk to the guy.
-lf you don't like him, then--
-Pop, I met someone.
You met a guy?
No kidding, pretty face. What's his name?
-Sal Torme.
-Torme?
-Sounds ltalian. Is he ltalian?
-I think so.
So when can I meet him?
We haven't exactly connected yet.
What exactly does that mean,
you haven't exactly connected?
I haven't really talked to him.
Then how you do you know
you're gonna go out?
I don't know I'm gonna go out with him.
I want to go out with him.
Has he given you any indication
that he wants to go out with you?
I'm not exactly his type.
I have to make a few changes.
Changes? What are you talking about?
Who does this guy think he is?
Let him change.
Pop, I want to be different.
I want to improve myself.
Toby, you see this apple?
You see this banana?
This apple knows it's an apple,
and this banana knows it's a banana.
You know what I'm talking about?
If you want to improve yourself...
if you want to take classes,
get a new hairdo, that's fine.
But you're still you.
Like that wall.
If you were to put a coat of blue paint
on that wall...
that wall wouldn't think it was a waterfall.
Otherwise it'd be a dumb-as-shit wall.
Now you know what I'm talking about?
-What's up, chief?
-You're up.
-What are you talking about?
-I'm giving you Smith and Smith.
-What, are you kidding me?
-No, I'm not kidding.
That's Marvin's.
He's been working on it for six months.
So he's been warming it up for you.
Come on. You can't do that
to the poor bastard.
Working it costs money, Sal.
Closing it makes money.
-You like to make money, right?
-Of course I do. That's not my point.
I know you like to make money.
Come on, Mitch. You can't do that.
He's got a family.
The elevator's going up, Sal.
You get on, you punch any floor you want.
It's up to you.
You with me on this?
Good.
Straighten that tie.
I just wanted to give him my number at work
in case he tried to call me at home...
'cause I'm hardly ever there.
I'm pretty busy most of the time...
and I know a guy like Mr. Torme
is pretty busy, so I figured...
why waste the guy's time
by dialing a number I'm not even at?
I'm out of here.
Do you know a Toby Mastallone?
Hello?
-Mastallone. One "T," two "L's."
-No.
Tell her I got hit by a bus.
I'm dead. Anything.
We'll get back to you. Okay, hon?
Kind of like this?
Hon, unless you want
to walk around with a fan...
blowing out your hair all the time,
it'll never do this.
So you can't do this for me?
No, I can do this for you.
Your mother can do this for you,
even your father can...
but your hair still will not do this, okay?
Face the news.
Cookie, I need to borrow
that outfit you bought on Saturday.
Forget it. I haven't even worn it.
I need it, Cookie. I've gotta go see him.
He's my only chance.
Who, Mr. Millionaire? Mr. "Make-It-Happen"?
Let him buy you a dress.
Cookie, please.
If you could only see his eyes....
Toby, I hope you know what you're doing.
I'm telling you.
You stain it, you stink it, or you stretch it...
-you own it.
-I love you. Bye.
Get out of here.
So you really won't do this for me?
-Sounds good.
-Damn right it sounds good.
May I help you, please?
-So it's not chicken feed?
-No.
No, I found my party. Thank you, anyway.
-That works for me. I'm solvent.
-You win.
If you lose, you still win. You can't lose.
It works, you know?
Hi. No, sit.
Your secretary told me
that you would be here.
She did?
Not exactly. I went to your office,
and I saw the calendar on her desk.
So I figured since I'm in the city,
and since I owed you money, what the hell.
-This is Tony.
-Toby.
Kind of a hard name to remember.
-This is Mr. Stevens.
-Hi, I'm Gabe. Just call me Gabe.
-Hi, Gabe. Nice to meet you.
-Nice to meet you.
-Would you like to join us?
-Sure it's okay?
-Sure it's okay. Right, guys? Come on.
-Thank you.
Thank you. That's very sweet of you.
You have a price tag sticking out here.
-Just pull it off.
-No.
I'll stick it in here.
You might want to return it.
-Is that better?
-Yeah.
Just when you think you're looking
your best, it can't get any better...
there's a price tag sticking out,
you run your stockings.
Sometimes the whole thing
goes haywire, right?
Get rid of her.
-Love your dress.
-Thank you.
Can I talk to you for a second?
What are you doing here?
First, you destroy my car,
now you're trying to destroy my life?
-Sal and I had a little bit of a fender bender.
-Fender bender.
And he was more concerned about me
being okay than he was about his car.
How many people do you know
that are that understanding?
Gabe, you've got a very special person here
working for you.
That's great.
-Listen, do you want something to eat?
-Sure, if that would be okay.
Are you kidding me? It's no problem.
Right, Mitchell?
The lady would like a menu.
Thank you.
And take this back, would you?
It's absolutely ice-cold.
Make sure that it's decaf.
I was once a waitress...
and I have to say
it's very difficult to keep the coffee hot.
First of all, you put it into a cold cup.
Second, you're walking
through the air conditioning...
so you could just imagine, right?
We could all imagine.
I wasn't a very good waitress.
Come on.
I can't imagine you being bad at anything.
You should see her drive.
That's very sweet of you.
Have you ever tried grilled swordfish?
No, but I'm always into
trying something new.
-What was her name again? Tabby?
-Toby.
-You like the name?
-Try and get her number.
-What's this?
-My first installment.
You're gonna get one every month,
just like I promised.
And here's my number,
in case I forget a payment.
You can call or contact me.
$30. You don't have to do this.
My insurance is gonna cover it.
-But they'll raise your rates.
-I've been a high-risk since I was 15.
How much damage did I do?
-You don't want to know.
-I do.
-You don't want to know.
-I do. I feel horrible.
$6,300 and change.
Really? That much?
How about I just pay the change?
Look, all I want you to do
is stay on your side of the road...
I'll stay on my side of the road.
You know, hopefully we won't...
run into each other.
No, but you keep my number, all right?
I'm kind of high-risk, too.
Sal, come on.
-I gotta go.
-See you.
Bye. Nice meeting you.
I can't believe I'm this late.
Don't want to be late for Mommy and Daddy.
Sweetheart, I'm not keeping you
away from them.
I'm keeping them away from you.
So where is this party?
It's at my grandmother's house.
Back to Scarsdale?
Jesus, Sal.
I don't want to put you through that.
No, you're right.
I'd probably have a horrible time.
I just don't think
you'd have anything in common.
You'd find them terribly boring.
-Baby, I'm already late.
-So you'll be later.
Hello, operator?
I don't think this phone is working.
So could you call back
and check it for me? Thank you.
Hello? Yes, it's working fine. Thank you.
So you can't take one of the kittens?
I got six cats at home.
-I'm allergic, Ange. I told you.
-They got medicine for that now.
Tobe, you okay?
I've been sitting by the phone
waiting for him to call. It's pathetic.
-I love men.
-He's gonna call you, you'll see.
I want him to call so bad, I can taste it.
Dottie, you and Larry look so beautiful.
I just wish he was here for our anniversary.
-I don't even know where he is tonight.
-I told you not to marry a trucker.
...all the luck in the world,
and I'm happy for you....
Greg looks so hot in the tux.
I mean, he's just so hot.
He's hot.
...and I'll baby-sit.
I mean, I don't look good.
No wonder he dumped me.
All right, tell me the truth.
Do I look that big in real life?
-Yes.
-No!
You don't understand, Sal.
It's my gallery. I can't be late.
Relax, we're 10 minutes late.
In Soho we're supposed to be late.
Late is late. I invited 550 guests.
The critics, the collectors....
I don't know how your people work.
My people pay attention to schedules.
My people! What is that?
Are we some kind of tribe?
Don't push me. I am not in the mood.
I want to know what you meant
by "my people."
-I don't have time for this.
-Make time, then.
Sal, do I really have to explain the obvious?
Hello?
Yeah. Who's this?
Sal, hi.
What are you doing?
Okay, listen up. This is a really good one.
"You and your lover are in bed,
and he asks you to do something kinky.
"You, A: refuse,
but continue to make love to him.
"B: start crying
and lock yourself in the bathroom.
"Or C: give it a whirl.
After all, you might like it."
-Angie?
-"A." Definitely "A."
I would make love to him,
but I'm not gonna do any weirdo stuff.
-Dottie?
-N.A.
-What's "N.A."?
-Not applicable.
-Ange, it's probably Greg.
-Yeah, right.
Hello?
-Oh, my God, he called her.
-Yes! There is a God.
-Thank you.
-You're welcome.
You're right. This is better than Bud.
What?
I gotta tell you,
I've never seen earrings so big.
-You don't like them?
-No, they're fine...
just big.
Don't do that.
You don't have to do that for me.
Put them back on.
I was really surprised when you called me.
Good surprise, not bad surprise.
I mean, really, it was an excellent surprise.
You did give me your number.
Kind of forward?
I believe in letting people know
what you want.
Otherwise you might never get it.
You ever wonder
which ones are on their first dates...
or which ones are dating other people,
or who's seeing the wrong people?
-No.
-I do.
-Which do we look like?
-Us?
We look like them. First date.
How do you tell?
She's nervous, and I'm very nervous.
She's hoping that he likes her,
and I'm hoping that you like me.
And he's not sure
if he's gonna call her again...
just like you're not sure
if you're gonna call me again.
Let me ask you something, Toby.
-What do you want?
-What do I want?
What do you want out of life?
I want to look like her...
a city girl.
God, I look at them and I think,
"Where are they going?"
And then I invent things.
Like, she's probably going to a meeting...
or to a secret date,
or to some kind of conference.
Nothing ever ordinary,
like going to the A&P to pick up bleach...
'cause some kid threw up grape juice
all over you.
So that's what I want.
I want some Jersey girl
to look at me someday...
and say, "Where is she going?"
And I'll be going to a meeting.
Have you decided?
Two Venison l'Orange.
-Venison l'Orange, please.
-Trs bien.
That sounds good.
What is that?
So do you want to come up?
No, not tonight. It's late, and....
So I guess I should go in then?
Sal, are you ever gonna call me again?
You're a good kid, Toby.
Not that good.
No one can say that didn't work.
No. Nobody could say that.
-Night.
-Good night.
Hey, Cook, it's me. How you doing?
I just got home.
I had the best time. I could not believe it.
I am in love with this guy. He's so great.
You did not. A fish? You sent him a fish?
Stop laughing. Yeah, I sent him
a little goldfish, with an invitation to lunch.
I think it's kind of cute.
You couldn't have given him
one of my kittens, right?
I wanted to give something he couldn't
throw away, like flowers or a card.
Yeah? You can always flush a fish.
I'm kidding.
I think you forget who you're talking to.
All right.
I'll call you tomorrow.
-What is that?
-It's a fish.
I know it's a fish.
-But what is he doing here?
-He came with this.
Did you get enough to eat?
-'Cause I got a lot more if you're hungry.
-No, thanks.
I gotta tell you, you are a great dresser.
Thank you.
When you go shopping,
do you ever look at a price tag?
-Probably not, right?
-I look.
Get out of here. You're rich.
Rich. Yeah, I'm really rich.
Toby, I'm a kid from Queens.
I grew up with nothing.
-You're from Queens?
-Yeah, Rockaway.
Rockaway? I can't believe this.
How does a guy from Rockaway
get from there to here?
I worked at it.
Believe me, I worked at it.
I hope you don't think
that I'm dating you for your money...
because that's not the way it is.
That's not what I'm about.
So I just wanted to set that straight.
Are we dating?
No, we're not dating.
I mean, I could call this a date.
That would be okay with me...
really okay.
-So, to you, this is a date?
-Yeah, to me, this is a date.
You busy next Friday night?
-Are you asking me out on a date?
-Yeah.
-Are you accepting?
-Yeah.
Okay, we're all in. Here we go.
A possible straight for Fat Louie.
No help for Tommy Pickles.
Minchia, three deuces
for the good doctor.
And ungatz for the dealer.
Minchia, I can't buy a hand.
-This is bad.
-I'm in.
Hey, Toby, where you been? I was worried.
-You should've called.
-I know. I forgot.
You know how these guys get
when they don't eat.
They turn into raving cafones.
-Fat Louie's on the verge of tears.
-I'm sorry. I was in the city.
You seeing that guy again?
When you gonna bring him by for dinner?
-Here?
-Yeah, here.
What, is he too good for Fat Louie?
-Guess where he's taking me Friday night.
-Where?
To a charity benefit for the mayor.
-What mayor?
-Of New York City!
No kidding?
That's real nice.
That still don't answer my question.
I mean, these are your people.
Why are you doing this to me?
What am I doing? I'm asking you a question.
Look, Dad, Sal is teaching me things.
He's showing me a different life.
Let me ask you something, Toby.
These kids at the daycare...
they show you respect?
Do you think that just anybody
can find that any place they look?
Maybe Mr. Wonderful from Manhattan
just forgot to tell you that.
Think about it, pretty face.
All right, listen up, cafones.
It's antipasto time.
So he says he wants to start up again.
-Do you believe him?
-From the waist down, she does.
Of course I believe him. I mean, I love him.
And he loves me, too. All of me.
Guys, you gotta help me.
He's taking me to a charity benefit.
I found the perfect dress. I'm $60 short.
A benefit?
Come on, I'll pay you back.
It's for charity. Cough it up.
-All right, when are we gonna meet him?
-Soon.
What do you think of these?
Do you like them? Don't they look real?
-They're made of glass.
-They're really nice, Toby.
-You can have all my hoops, Angie.
-When are we gonna meet him?
How about Friday?
He can meet us at the Steak 'N' Brew--
I'm sorry, Friday night's
the night of the benefit.
Tobe, Friday is Dot's birthday.
-God, Dottie, I forgot. I'm sorry.
-It's all right. Forget about it.
-It's just that he bought these tickets.
-And he's more important than you are.
No. He bought these tickets.
What do you want me to say to him?
"No, I can't go to the charity benefit, I'm
going to the Steak 'N' Brew on Route Four."
-That's where we're going.
-Dottie, listen. I'm sorry, okay?
I promise, I will make it up to you, okay?
I love you, all right?
Let me see you smile. Have a kiss? Bye.
Excuse me, am I deaf?
Or did anybody hear her ask us
how we're doing?
I'm thinking, "My girl's gonna meet
the mayor of New York City...
"so she's got to look great." Right?
I happen to be passing
this place on Passaic...
Rita's Fine Wear.
And I see this in the window.
And I think to myself,
"Dummy, buy it for her."
Open it. Go ahead. For tonight.
Do you like it?
Because if you don't, I'll take it back.
They'll give me my money back.
No, I love it, Pop. It's my color.
That's what I thought.
The pink and the lace, it's you.
-You're gonna look dynamite in it.
-But you gotta go, Pop.
You gotta go now
because he's coming any minute.
This is the perfect time.
Look, I promise you.
"Hello, how are you?" And I'm out of here.
-He's here. I have to get ready.
-Don't worry about it.
Just go do what you have to do,
and I'll let him in.
-You better be good.
-Me? Of course I'll be good.
-I'm sorry. I'm looking for Toby Mastallone.
-She's here. Come on in.
-Bennie Mastallone, Toby's father.
-How are you doing? Sal Torme.
How you doing?
She ain't ready yet,
but you know the way women are.
Come on in.
Have a seat. Yeah, take a load off.
So you sell printing?
Got your own office?
You got your own secretary?
How many windows in your office?
One.
One big one.
What do you make a year?
Look, you don't have to tell me exactly.
Round numbers.
You clear six figures?
In that neighborhood.
That's a good neighborhood.
So, Sal, what do you say
we talk man-to-man?
I know what girls from the city are like.
When I was your age...
I dated a couple, myself. Nice girls.
But not like girls from around here.
You catch my drift, Sal?
Let me put it this way.
In this world, you got fast girls,
and you got family girls.
It's all right to go out with both.
But when you cross the river into Jersey...
it's important to know the difference.
Think about it, Sal.
Nice watch.
What did it cost you?
You look just like an angel.
Oh, wow! This is so beautiful.
Look, they have an orchestra.
Shall we go listen to them?
...is that it took 50 trees
to make this bookcase...
which was smuggled out
of a small African country.
Let's go upstairs. Come on.
It was quite exciting, actually.
A friend of mine had told me
about this little village...
where the trees were cut down
and brought in.
-Are you cold?
-No, I'm fine.
-God, it's cold in here.
-No, it's not.
-I feel a draft. I'm catching a cold already.
-I'm okay.
Wear this. I don't want you to catch a cold.
I told your dad I'd look after you,
I don't want him mad.
I'm okay.
Darling, what a surprise.
I don't think you know Kenneth.
-Hi.
-How you doing?
Kenneth is a buyer from England.
-I hope I'm more than that.
-And an old friend.
Hello, I'm Tara.
-Toby.
-I'm sorry.
-And this is....
-Kenneth, I already heard. How you doing?
I hope you two enjoy your evening.
-It was very nice to meet you.
-Nice meeting you.
Here, they already saw me.
I'm sorry.
-Who was she?
-Just somebody I know.
That was obvious.
-You want to stay?
-You tell me.
I'll take you home.
Who do you think you are?
Do you think
you're the only one walking here...
or the only one trying to get someplace?
-Talk to me! You goddamn owe me!
-Owe you? I don't owe you anything.
-Yes, you do.
-Why is that?
Because I love you.
Because you love me?
How the hell can you love me?
Like I met you. I crashed into it.
-Toby, you don't even know me.
-Who knows anybody?
What, is there a manual
I'm supposed to read on you?
Or can't I just figure it out as I go along?
-I wish it was that simple--
-It is that simple.
Not here!
-It isn't that simple here.
-I see.
I'm just some stupid Jersey girl
in some stupid dress, right?
Laugh with your friends
at what an idiot I am!
You're right, I am stupid.
My father bought me this dress
especially for tonight.
I had a dress. A simple, black dress.
But I thought it was more important
not to hurt his feelings...
than it was to impress you.
God, I guess I was wrong, right?
I don't know who I feel sorrier for:
you or me.
Get me out of here, okay?
I don't care where we go. Just get....
-What?
-I'm sorry.
Jersey feels so far away.
It's after 1 :00.
Are you hungry?
No, are you?
I'm starving.
-I guess I could eat if you could eat.
-Okay.
Let's get up.
No, I don't want to.
I'm very happy where I am.
-You're very happy where you are?
-Yes, I am.
I see.
Are you happy with this?
I'm up!
You know, Sal, I got to tell you something.
This place looks like a hotel.
I mean, it's beautiful and everything,
but there's nothing personal.
Where are your family pictures?
Where are the souvenirs from the vacations?
-There's nothing of you here.
-I love you in my shirt.
What about family,
your mother, your father?
Yeah, I had one of each.
Really, you did? We usually do.
Where are they?
My dad, he....
He cut loose when I was about 10.
And a new guy took his place.
And I left when I was 14.
What about your mother?
Don't you see her?
Dolores?
I last saw her about four years ago.
She was in-between husbands...
and she needed some money.
What about you?
-What about me?
-Tell me about your parents.
Can we talk about your father
for just a second?
A little bit protective.
I think they loved each other,
but kind of in a sad way.
Sad? Why?
They always told each other
that they were lucky...
if a hammer didn't fall on them.
That's the most their lives were.
Nothing too awful happening.
And they were grateful for that.
But were they happy?
Yeah, very.
Then maybe that's all that matters.
-All right, I'll call you tomorrow.
-Okay.
-What time do you get up?
-Early.
Go.
I forgot to tell you
how beautiful you look in that dress.
-Did you come?
-What kind of question is that to ask?
Come on, Tobe.
I never do the first time I'm with a guy.
-And Dot, she never does.
-Shut up.
-It's true.
-It doesn't have to be public knowledge.
-So when can we meet him?
-Soon.
So, videos tonight, right?
Dot, get a comedy.
No more of this depresso bullshit.
-You don't like my wedding video?
-Yeah, it's as funny as a heart attack.
Fluorescent satin, cloth and foil.
I need three shipments of this.
I gotta call you back.
I'll call you back in 10 minutes.
Rosie, hold all my calls.
I don't have a white flag,
but will white lace do?
What, are you slumming again?
Or are you just bored with your people?
You're still mad.
Technically, I'm the one who should be mad.
I started a fight, you started an affair.
What is she? A girl
from the old neighborhood or something?
Or something.
You want to explain Kenneth?
Kenneth is a buyer from England
who likes ballet and boys.
But I'm happy to see you were jealous.
What's this?
That's Carlos.
It's cute, but it's not very you.
Rosie, could you please
find a home for this?
-I'll take it. I need a pet.
-Thank you.
I understand distractions, Sal.
Until I met you,
that's all the men in my life were to me.
So I forgive you for what's-her-name.
-Tony.
-Toby.
Toby, yes.
It's really a hard name to remember.
I don't want you to remember it.
And I don't want to remember it.
You are so past something like her now.
Don't go backwards.
I know where you've come from,
and I know where you wanna go.
And I can help you get there.
I love you, Sal.
The door's open. Come on in.
Oh, my God, Sal. Hi.
How you doing? What are you doing here?
This is such a great surprise.
You want something to eat?
-I'll get you something to drink.
-No.
So what are you doing here?
Listen, Toby, we gotta talk about something.
Can you believe she won't let us meet him?
I know. What does she think we'll do?
Lift our legs and pee on him?
I don't know how to say this to you.
Just say it.
We can't see each other anymore.
-Why not?
-'Cause I need something different.
"Something"? What's "something"?
Toby, we come from different worlds.
What, Queens and Jersey are so different?
What's so different?
You gotta understand.
I can't go backwards. I can't.
I worked too hard to get where I am.
And I'm gonna hold you back? Is that it?
She's in here.
Aren't you gonna introduce us?
-Sal, these are my....
-Friends.
"Friends" is the word she was looking for.
We're her Jersey friends.
You know Jersey,
where the little people live?
-Toby, I think I better go.
-No, Sal, you stay. They are going.
Outside now. Cookie, right now!
-What were you doing up there?
-I don't like him, okay?
How do you know?
You don't even know him.
No, but I know you,
and you are no longer you.
What is that supposed to mean?
That means, "I drink Corona now.
Hoops are out, diamonds are in."
Does that sound stupidly familiar?
Tell her what it means, Ange!
It means that if we didn't know you before,
we probably wouldn't like you now.
Why? Because I don't hang out
at the diner? Is that why?
It's because you look down on us, like
the city girls do. You're not from New York.
You're just a Jersey girl
trying to act like she's not.
Fine! Stay in your halter-tops!
And your purple eye shadow,
and your pink nails!
Stay in Jersey, because I don't give a fuck!
-Don't you like being with me?
-Yes.
-Oh, God.
-Don't you like kissing me?
I love kissing you.
-I can't do this.
-Do what?
Toby, I don't wanna hurt you.
You know, I never wanted to hurt you.
-I just need more.
-But I can give you more.
Yeah, but I can't.
You understand?
I know where you are, I do.
I'm just not there anymore.
Don't.
God.
You owe more.
-Get out of here. You ate half my food.
-You ordered it.
Can I get a cheeseburger
and French fries to go, please?
We are not talking to her
unless she talks to us first.
What's the matter?
He doesn't feed you caviar for dinner?
Doesn't that make you guys happy?
-What, did he blow you off?
-Yeah, he did.
Why don't you buy yourselves
some balloons, pop open the champagne?
Why don't you guys
throw yourselves a party?
-What happened?
-Nothing happened.
I'm shit, okay?
And I was stupid enough to forget it
for one second!
He blew her off. I knew he would.
It's good for her.
It'll cool her jets for a while.
-Listen to yourself.
-What?
You disgust me, you really do.
You sit there, with your hair
and your legs and your shiny lips...
and you're either giving out orders
or passing judgments...
on anyone who can't live up
to the great Cookie's standards.
Look at us. What's so great about us?
We're not beautiful. We're not rich.
We're not too incredibly special.
We're just girls. But we're friends.
You know what I'm saying?
We have nothing, and less than nothing,
if we don't have loyalty.
Excuse me. Move.
Gabe, this is a Heidelberg Press.
It's the fastest printing press in the world.
You give me the artwork tomorrow,
and I'll have the separations the day after.
-You're kidding.
-I'm not.
I'm talking about Wednesday,
Thursday of next week.
It will be in the magazines by Friday.
Hey, you!
Mr. Big Shot. That's right,
I'm talking to you.
You think you are so cool, don't you?
Let me tell you something, Sal.
When you gave up Toby...
you gave up the best girl
you ever had the chance to meet in your life.
-Get your hands off me!
-Jimmy, get them out of here.
And that's why guys like you
are so goddamn ordinary!
-Jimmy, get them out!
-Out.
Come on, the bunch of you.
Sal, what was that? What is this?
What?
I'm sorry, Gabe.
Excuse me.
A little misunderstanding.
-Let me show you the rest of the plant.
-Who was that redhead?
You like her, too?
Right.
Wait a minute. That's my fish!
Where are you going? Come back here!
-She's got the fish.
-Oh, my God!
-Keep it down.
-Where's the elevator?
You guys, we're gonna get arrested.
Here it is! Come on!
There you are.
Playing hide-and-seek?
Let me give you a little piece of advice.
Don't risk this for an easy lay.
I saw you at the benefit.
You take such girls to a hotel.
You don't take them to meet the mayor.
Back off, Mitch. I like that girl.
Relax, okay? Take it easy.
Gabe likes her, too. He likes her a lot.
He wants to know if you're done,
so he can have a crack at her.
You know what?
Toby may not have a lot of style...
but she's got more class
than you and Gabe put together.
Where you going?
Sal, we're not through here.
What are you doing?
What am I doing? I'm out of here.
That's what I'm doing.
Okay, so fine. So you like the girl.
I like the girl.
Gabe likes her. We all like her.
She's a likable girl.
Now you listen to me, goddamn it.
I watched you. I groomed you.
I taught you which fork to use,
how to tie your tie.
I showed you how to make money.
You listen to me.
I showed you.
I invested myself, you hear me?
Yeah, you groomed me?
Is that what you said?
You groomed me? You did a hell of a job.
You taught me how to steal accounts.
You taught me how to pimp for clients,
anything to close a deal.
The real world too much for you, Sal?
Neither one of us could spell "real"...
even with a gun up our ass.
You leave now, Sal, you end up
back on the street where I found you.
You know what? I'd rather be in the street.
These potatoes are real?
The box was real. How's that?
I don't think I ever told you this...
but your mama and l
wanted to have a whole bunch of kids.
But when only you came...
it was okay,
because we thought you were perfect.
I ain't saying that 'cause I'm your father.
If you were a stranger
who I met at the hockey game...
and I saw how pretty and sensitive you are...
I would think,
"This girl is a perfect living miracle."
And if this Sal guy doesn't think so,
then he's a loser.
And he needs glasses.
-I love you, Pop.
-Yeah, I love you, too.
So let's eat.
What do you think?
Maybe I should have cooked the box.
Come on, all right?
Bennie, have you seen Toby today?
She left already.
Do you know where she went?
No, nothing's wrong.
Listen, will you do me a favor?
If you see her, will you tell her
that me and the girls are looking for her?
Here she comes.
Okay, I'm a jerk.
I'm probably gonna be a jerk again, right?
But I'm good with kids.
I'm a great tipper,
you guys know that about me.
And I'm generally a good friend.
So what do you say? How about it?
Come on, guys, are you listening to me?
Oh, God!
-You should've been there.
-It was beautiful.
-We nailed him in front of God, everybody.
-It was great.
You guys stole the fish.
-Dottie stole it.
-I stole it.
-She kicked ass. Cookie kicked ass.
-I would expect nothing less.
Are you out of your mind?
This is absolutely wrong.
Can't you see that?
These two pieces cannot possibly
be hung on the same wall.
-Don't you think I'm right?
-About this? Yeah.
About us...
no.
What are you talking about?
You see, Tara, you and me,
we're like these two paintings here.
We shouldn't be hung on the same wall.
She'll never fit in.
I don't want her to fit in.
"And the handsome Prince
fought the evil dragon in a mighty battle...
"and saved the beautiful maiden
from sure death.
"'I love you, fair maiden,' said the Prince.
'Will you marry me?'
"'I love you, too,' said the maiden.
'And I will marry you."'
But not until after I finish law school.
-Is that really what it says?
-That's what it should say.
Okay, it's nap time.
We all gotta get to our mats, okay?
Who's that?
Okay, I want you guys to be good.
I'm gonna be right back, okay?
Outside.
What are you doing here?
I want my fish back.
I want you back.
I don't want you back.
I love you, Toby.
You do?
Take a look, Sal, 'cause this is it.
This is me.
And I like who I am.
And I don't want to change it for you
or for anyone.
And I don't want you to change.
Lie to me, Sal, but don't lie to yourself.
You'd run over me
and every kid in this school...
to save a dent in your stupid car.
Is that what you really think of me?
I know where you're at, Sal.
And I'm just not there anymore.
All the boys are being crazy,
and they won't let me sleep.
I gotta go.
So I guess you're gonna need a ride.
Yeah, maybe I do.
So call a cab.
You know I would, except that I hear...
that cabs in Jersey take four, five times
longer than they say they're gonna take.
Seems like it's a really big problem
they have here in Jersey.
You got another big problem here in Jersey.
-What's that?
-Me.
-And you call me a bad driver?
-No, wait, I did that on purpose.
On purpose? What is that, a male thing?
You could have just brought flowers.
Hey, who let these animals out of the zoo?