Solving the following riddle
will reveal the awful secret
behind the universe,
assuming you do not go
utterly mad in the attempt.
Say you have an axe... just a
cheap one from home depot.
On one bitter winter day
you use said axe
to behead a man.
Don't worry...
the man's already dead.
Maybe you should worry, 'cause
you're the one who shot him.
He'd been a big twitchy guy
with veined skin
stretched over swollen biceps,
tattoo of a swastika
on his tongue.
And you're chopping off
his head because
even with eight
bullet holes in him,
you're pretty sure he's about
to spring back to his feet
and eat the look of terror
right off your face.
You now have a broken axe.
So you go
to the hardware store...
explaining away the dark reddish
stains on the handle as barbeque sauce.
The repaired axe sits
undisturbed in your house
until the next spring
when one rainy morning...
So you grab your trusty axe and chop
the thing into several pieces.
On the last blow, however...
Of course a chipped head means yet
another trip to the hardware store.
As soon as you get home with
your newly-headed axe though...
You meet the reanimated body of
the guy you beheaded last year,
only he's got a new head
stitched on with what looks like
plastic weed-trimmer line and
wears that unique expression
of you're-the-man-who-killed-
me-last-winter resentment
that one so rarely encounters
in everyday life.
So you brandish your axe.
That's the axe that slayed me.
Is he right?
My name is David Wong.
I once saw a man's
kidney grow tentacles,
tear itself out of a
ragged hole in his back
and go slapping
across my kitchen floor.
But that's another story.
More side effects.
It's always like this
when I'm on the sauce.
I dosed six hours ago.
My count had 5,829 grains
of rice on her plate.
The rice was grown in Arkansas.
The guy who ran
the John Deere harvester
was nicknamed Cooter.
I'm not a genius.
I'm not a psychic either.
Just side effects, that's all.
David Wong?
David Wong?
What, did you doze off there?
Hey, you're...
you're Arnie, right?
Arnie Blondestone.
Sorry I'm late.
You don't look Asian,
Mr. Wong.
I'm not.
I was born right here.
Had my last name changed though.
Thought it'd make me harder to find.
You know that Wong is the most
common surname in the world?
Mmm. Is your family
still around?
No, I was adopted.
I never knew my real dad.
You could be my dad
for all I know.
Are you my dad?
Uh...
I don't think so, no.
Anyway, my adopted family
moved away.
I won't tell you
where they went, but...
Get out your pen, 'cause you're
gonna wanna write this down.
My biological mom,
she was institutionalized.
Must've been hard.
She was a strung-out,
crank-addicted cannibal,
dabbled in vampirism
and necromancy.
Blew her welfare check
every month on black candles.
Really? And I thought
my mom was bad
because she wouldn't
let me watch "space ghost."
- You pulling my leg?
- No, this is just what I do when I get nervous.
Um, she was bipolar,
that's all.
Couldn't keep a house. But isn't
the other story better though?
- I think you should use that.
- I thought you wanted
to get the truth out,
your side of it.
If not, what are we even
doing here, Mr. Wong?
You're right. Sorry.
So you guys are...
you're what?
You're some kind
of spiritualists?
Exorcists?
Something like that?
- I could blow your world
- Away, Arnie.
If I show you
what's in this container,
you'll never feel at one
with the human race
until the day you die.
You ever shit yourself, Arnie?
'Cause you would've if you'd
been there last night.
He's a seeker of truth
in an age of fear.
Marconi.
He is willing to face down
- the legions of evil.
- Marconi.
He will help his fellow man
to find a path into the light.
Marconi.
- Hello?
- Hey, this is John.
Your pimp says bring
the crack shipment tonight
or he'll be forced
to stick you.
Meet him where we buried
the Korean whore...
the one without the goatee.
That was John's code.
It meant "bring your gear
and come to my place"
as soon as you can.
It's important."
John, it's 3:00
in the morning, man.
Oh, and don't forget...
tomorrow's the day
we kill the president.
John.
That last part was code
for "stop and pick me up
some beer on the way."
Dave. Come in.
Dave, this is Shelly.
She needs our help.
So, Shelly, tell us your story.
It's my boyfriend.
He won't leave me alone.
He's been harassing me
for the past week.
I'm terrified to go home.
- Miss...
- Morris.
Miss Morris,
I'd strongly recommend
a women's shelter.
They can help you get
- a restraining order...
- My boyfriend...
Has been dead for two months.
I didn't know where else to go.
I heard through a friend
that you guys handle...
Unusual problems.
Shelly, when he comes,
you can see him?
Yes, and I can hear him.
- He hits you?
- Man, what a dick!
Shelly, in our experience,
spiritual beings that
can manipulate objects
in the physical world are rare.
Uh, look, miss Morris,
I really don't think...
I told her that we'd
look into this tonight.
I thought that maybe
you and I could go over there
and show this bastard
what's what.
So where do you see him mostly?
In the basement.
And once in the bathroom
when I was on the toilet,
- he stuck his hand through the seat once.
- Okay, just...
just show us the basement door.
It's that way.
Well...
- He's not here.
- Big surprise.
She seems like
a nice girl, doesn't she?
She reminds me of Amber...
Amy's friend.
When she came to my door tonight I
actually thought it was her for a second.
Oh, by the way, Dave, I wanted
to thank you for coming along.
I'm not saying I'm gonna take advantage
of her distress or anything, but...
Aw, jeez.
Ooh.
Guy must've been a hunter.
Wait. John.
Did I hear you say that you thought
that she looked like Amber?
- Yeah.
- John, Amber's almost as tall as me.
Like, just under six feet,
blonde hair, kinda top-heavy.
Yeah, I know. She's
cute as hell, right?
Yeah, and you think
that Shelly looks like her?
- The girl sitting upstairs?
- Yeah.
John, Shelly's short.
Short with dark hair,
blue eyes.
God damn it. I knew she
was too good to be true.
Uh, Shelly.
John and I are having
a bit of a problem here.
We're both seeing completely
different versions of you.
Now John here
has eyesight problems
'cause of his constant
masturbation, but I don't think...
oh! God!
Ah! Oh!
Ah! Ah! Oh.
- That door cannot be opened!
- No.
They love to play games,
don't they?
It's all they have time for.
You disappoint me. All
these years we've dueled.
You will never
defeat me, Marconi.
Wait, Dr. Albert Marconi?
The guy who hosts
the magical mystery show
on the culture channel?
Dumbass. Marconi?
Marconi's like 50 years old.
They guy's got white hair.
We're not your Nemesis.
Okay, I'll tell you what... if we
can get you in touch with Marconi
so you two can work out your little
differences, will you release us?
- You lie!
- No no no, we're in the same business.
We got a direct line. Here.
Marconi! Marconi!
Marconi!
Marconi! Marconi!
Monsieur?
- Yes?
- S'il vous plait.
Unseen forces
swirling around us,
- willing to face down the legions of evil...
- Yes.
And helping his fellow
man to find the path
from darkness into the light.
From sold-out engagements
in Rome, Tel Aviv,
- Madison square garden and Las Vegas...
- Sir.
Hello, doctor.
Uh, yeah, John is feeling better.
Thank you for asking.
I'm afraid we have
a situation 53 here.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, would you be willing to speak
directly to the manifestation?
Okay, yeah, I will.
We have a deal?
So we meet again, Marconi.
You thought...
damn. He's good.
Marconi. Marconi.
Marconi. Marconi. ( Cheers
spiritualists? Exorcists?
You guys already have a bit of
a following though, don't ya?
I found a couple of
discussion boards on the web
devoted to you and your friend
and your... hobby,
I guess.
Okay, I'm not farting around.
You have 83
in your front pocket, Arnie...
three quarters,
a nickel, three pennies.
The pennies are dated
Well, I'll be damned.
That's a neat trick,
Mr. Wong.
If you flip the nickel 10
times, you'll get heads,
heads, tails, heads, tails, tails,
tails, heads, tails, tails.
I don't think I wanna
take the time to do that.
Last night you had
a dream, Arnie.
You dreamt you were being chased
through the forest by your mother.
She was lashing you with a whip
made of knotted penises.
- That's right, Arnie.
- Everything you know is wrong.
You've got my attention,
Mr. Wong.
Oh, it gets better.
A lot better.
- Bullshit. What it gets
- Is worse.
A lot worse.
It started just
a couple of years ago.
We were just a year
or two out of high school,
just kids.
So that friend of mine John,
he had a band.
I once knew a man...
actually, I made that up.
One, two, three, four!
My melon soul
camel holocaust
crushed by
your Gallagher of apathy
camel holocaust
there's a wolf behind you!
Camel holocaust
no wait, it's just a dog
camel holocaust
hair! Hair!
Hair!
Hair!
my hat smells
like lubricant
camel holocaust
I don't want
to touch it...
- Telling the story now, I'm
- Tempted to say something like,
"who would've thought
my friend John would help
bring about the end
of the world?"
Hair! Hair!
Hair!
Hair!
hair! Hair!
- Hey, Fred.
- Hey.
Here's to all of the
kisses I've snatched
and vice-versa.
Amen.
Justin.
Girl, what you thinking?
- Justin, please!
- Get your hand off me.
Please give it
back to me, Justin.
Please?
Please give it back
to me, Justin.
Get your hand off me, girl. No!
Could I have that back, please?
Umm, hey, you're...
you're Amy, right?
Um...
Do you want a beer?
No, my dog just...
Bit some Jamaican guy.
I've got to go find him.
Man, my Uncle lost a foot
in his riding mower.
Says you can still feel it.
What's that... what's that called?
Fantasy leg situation
or something like that?
It's called
phantom limb syndrome,
and all amputees get it
and it goes away.
Asshole.
Good one, Fred.
I'm floating, man.
- And that's real magic, man.
- What's up?
Is there some guy exposing
himself over there?
Oh my God,
that guy just levitated...
- Right off the ground.
- How high?
- Wow.
- Ooh.
You gotta love
the skeptic, man.
Lemme guess...
about six inches
above the grass, right?
Balducci levitation?
Let's see. What can I do to
impress Mr. skeptic man here?
Ah, look at there.
You forgot to wash behind
your ears there, didn't ya?
It's a quarter, right?
Well, the bug's a nice touch.
Oh.
Do you dream, man?
I interpret dreams...
For a beer.
Well, I don't have any beer,
so I guess I'm out of luck.
I'll tell you what I'll do,
Mr. skeptic man.
I'll do it like Daniel
in the old testament.
I'll tell you
the last dream that you had
and then I'll break down
it's meaning for ya.
And if I'm right, you owe me a beer.
Okay, man?
Sure.
I mean, you've obviously been
blessed with supernatural gifts.
What better way to use them than
to fish for free beer at parties?
You had this one
early this morning
in the middle
of the thunderstorm.
And in the dream, you were back
with your girlfriend Tina.
Whoa. How'd he know that?
And you come home
and she's there
with this big
honking pile of dynamite
and one of them
cartoon plunger detonators,
ready to blow.
And you say,
"what you doing?"
And she says, "this," and boom.
Your eyes snap open
and the explosion
at the end of the dream
become the clap of thunder
outside of your window.
So tell me, man...
am I close?
Holy shit.
Okay.
You made a lucky guess.
You see?
You gotta ask yourself, man...
you gotta be really brave to ask
yourself the scary questions.
How did your mind know, David,
- that the thunder was coming?
- How'd you know my...
the thunder came right as she hit the
detonator at the end of your dream.
Your mind started the dream 30
seconds before the thunder.
Now how did the mind know
that the thunder was coming?
Hmm?
Because...
Time is an ocean...
Not a garden hose.
Space is a puff of smoke,
a wisp of cloud.
Your mind is
a flying corn snake,
hovering through
all the possibilities.
Whatever.
You want to know where
your papa really was
when you were in hospital
with broke leg?
Do you want me to tell you
the name of your soulmate?
Or how she'll die?
Do you want to know when the first
nuclear bomb will hit American soil?
Or in which city?
Hey, man!
You owe me a beer, man!
Three arm Sally!
Three arm Sally!
Oh. Where'd you come from?
Good dog.
Oh.
Help yourself.
Okay, Bark Lee,
you and me'll go visit Amy,
see if we can't get back
in her good graces.
John, what's going on?
I can't get out
of my apartment.
- What?
- I'm scared, Dave.
I mean it. It...
it can't be real. It can't.
The way that it moves,
the way it's made...
this is not a product of any
kind of evolution or anything,
but it still managed
to bite me.
- What?
- Can you come over?
Yeah, I'll be there
in 12 minutes.
Oh!
John?
John?
John. John, I'm gonna
call the police.
Oh!
It almost killed you!
You're a fucking idiot. You know that?
Now we're both gonna die!
- You ready? Go!
- Yeah. Ahh.
Ahh! Ahh.
John?
Do not move.
What?
I know you don't believe me, but
when you turn around, you will.
Don't scream.
If you scream, you're dead.
Now, very slowly, turn around.
There! It moved!
John, you can either come
with me to the hospital
or I'm gonna call
an ambulance, all right?
But I'm not gonna just
stand around
in your apartment while you...
John, go!
Get in the car.
- Why don't you tell me what this is?
- You don't want to touch that.
You shouldn't have come here.
- You called me. You begged me.
- What? I did?
- When?
- Just tell me what this stuff is, John.
They're gonna ask me, so just
tell me before you fall asleep.
All right, I remember now. I
was... I remember calling you.
It's hard, okay, 'cause
everything's running together.
I kept calling you. I kept
calling and calling and calling.
I bet I called you
like 20 times.
You kept getting
all weird on me.
You know what I think? You're gonna
be getting phone calls from me
for the next eight or nine
years... all from tonight.
I couldn't help it.
I couldn't get oriented.
It was like I kept
slipping out of time.
No, wait. Where are
we gonna go?
- Emergency room, John.
- What? No. No. No.
Yeah. I don't know what else to do, all right?
I'm not gonna play this game with you.
Hey, let's go to your place or something.
Any place but here.
Someplace safe.
- So you don't know
- The name of the drug?
Robert called it "the soy
sauce," but now I'm thinking
that was just the nickname.
It's not actually soy sauce.
- Wait... Robert?
- The guy with...
oh, right yeah,
the fake magical Jamaican.
- What was his last name?
- Marley.
Ah. Of course.
Robert Marley.
And that guy's the one
who gave you the...
we were in the one ball
parking lot, right?
Just passing around a joint.
That Jamaican guy...
He pulls out this sauce
and goes,
"it be opening doors
to other worlds, man."
Did anyone else take it?
That stuff, Dave,
I'm remembering things
that haven't happened yet.
- I mean that didn't happen.
- John, answer my question.
Did anyone else take the sauce?
I don't know!
That's what I'm trying to say!
We went to Robert's trailer...
Andy and those guys,
they didn't want to come.
I think they got freaked out
when they saw a needle come out.
And you still
actually tried that shit?
Are you kidding me?
How could I not?
Dave, please please please,
answer your phone
or just turn it off.
Okay, all right.
- Yeah?
- Dave?
It's me.
- Is this a recording?
- What? No.
Look, I don't know if we've talked
tonight but we don't have much time.
I think I called you and told you to come here.
If so, don't do it.
If I haven't called,
then obviously you shouldn't...
- just stay away regardless.
- Who is this?
It's John.
Can you hear me?
I can hear you
and I can see you.
You're sitting
right here next to me.
Well, then just talk
to me in person then.
Oh wait, do I look like
I'm injured in any way?
- What?
- Shh. I'm sorry, I gotta go.
Say hello to me.
Was that me?
It was me, wasn't it?
I'm sorry, Dave.
No, I really am.
I'm sorry for messing up
your sleep cycle.
- Come on, get in the car.
- I'm sorry for everything that's gonna happen.
All the people
that are gonna...
Explode.
John. John, wake up.
He's still breathing.
Fuck it.
Saint dom's.
Uh, hi.
I need a priest.
Well, this is father Shelnut.
What can I do for you?
Do you...
Have any experience
with, like...
Demonism?
Like hauntings,
possessions and all that?
Look, people say
they see things
or hear voices in their head, we
generally refer them to a counselor.
No no no. No no.
I'm not crazy.
- Other people have...
- No, I didn't mean to imply that.
Why don't you come talk to me?
And then even if you need
to see a professional,
I've got a brother-in-law
who's real good.
- What do you think it's like, father?
- What's what like?
Being crazy, mentally ill.
Well, they never know
they're ill, do they?
I mean, you can't diagnose yourself with
the same organ that has the disease,
just like you can't see
your own eyeball.
I suppose you just feel regular
and the rest of the world
seems to go crazy around you.
But let's just suppose
that I actually...
I mean, in reality, ran into
something from beyond the...
oh fuck!
Ah!
Ah.
- I'll try to explain this
- Without cursing,
but the black shit
from planet X that came out
from that motherfucker
looked like it had grown hair.
Did I mention that the stuff
was moving? Twitching?
Uh, hello?
Are you still there?
Yes, son, I am.
Just keep calm, okay?
Nothing you're seeing is real.
- I could feel it,
- That strange venomous warmth
spreading through my thigh.
Look, I appreciate
your time, but...
I'm starting to think there's
nothing you can do to help me.
Son, I'm going
to be honest with you.
We both know you're fucked.
Excuse me?
Your mom writes on the walls
with her own shit.
Great changes are coming
to deadworld, my son...
waves of maggots
over oceans of rot.
You'll see it, David.
You'll see it
with your own eyes.
Do you understand?
Be calm.
Drive.
- Ah.
- Drive.
Just drive.
Wanna... ahh!
John! John!
John, wake up!
Who the fuck are you?
My name is Roger north.
Congratulations.
Now who the fuck are you
and what's this fucking thing
you've got on my chest?!
My interest is only in you.
It is said out of genuine
concern for your safety.
A very important role
you must play.
Korrok is a powerful adversary.
Things are in motion,
Mr. Wong.
- Fascinating.
- What?
They harvest insects here,
do they not? For their honey?
Do the bees know that
they make the honey for you
or do their work tirelessly because
they think it is their own choice?
Have you ever noticed
when you hear a word for the
very first time in your life,
you will hear that word
again within 24 hours?
Do you ever wonder
why sometimes you'll see
a single shoe
lying alongside the road?
I've been watching you
for some time,
but there are great gaps
in my knowledge.
Do you know I observed a man
who masturbated until he bled?
Did he want to do that?
And you, when you're alone...
okay. Okay.
This thing I got pointed at
you... you know what it does?
I believe I have an idea, yes.
And are you familiar
with the old human saying
"I want to shoot you so bad,
my dick's hard"?
I don't believe I do.
Maybe you'll hear it again
in the next 24 hours
if you don't try
to fuck with me.
Now shut up and don't move.
Things are in motion, huh?
Huh. Nice work, Bark Lee.
David Wong?
- Yeah.
- Detective Lawrence appleton.
Would you please step out of the car?
You and your friend?
He's... resting.
Get the fuck out of the car.
I want to thank you
for coming down, Mr. Wong.
I bet it's been quite
a night for you, huh?
Where's John?
Oh, he's fine. He's talking
to another officer
- a few rooms from here.
- John... he's talking? Really?
Since you're both gonna tell
me the unvarnished truth,
you don't have to worry
about your stories matching.
Do you? Just tell me
what you did last night.
Well, I went
to a party by the lake.
I left around midnight.
I was asleep by 2:00.
Ooh, you sure about that?
You sure you didn't go over
to the one ball inn?
You know, on grand Avenue?
Grab a nightcap?
Your buddies were all there.
No, I had work in the morning.
I went straight home.
- As I spoke, a strange
- Jittery energy
began to rise up in me,
radiating from the chest out.
At that moment, things began
to clarify and become simple.
All of a sudden I was startled to find
I could see the cop's next question
before he spoke it...
word for word.
- "Have you heard the name..."
- Have you heard the name
Nathan curry?
A guy about your age.
His parents own a body shop
right here in town.
- No.
- "How about shelby winder?"
How about shelby winder?
Heavy girl.
Senior at east side high.
- Justin white?
- No, sorry.
- What happened?
- Everything was obvious now.
All the walls of the maze
turned to glass.
I immediately knew...
this list of people had all
been at the party last night
and they were all now dead
or heading there.
How do you know that?
How do you know any of this?
Magic?
You know damn well why.
That black shit John took
made blood contact with you.
Now you're getting high,
partner,
on the soy sauce.
It's got you.
At least nine people
at the one ball inn
at closing time 12 hours ago...
Three are missing.
Your friend is here.
The rest are dead.
Your friend is
the only known survivor
of the one ball nine.
And now don't take
offense at this...
but he's not looking
too healthy right about now.
Did he say anything
this morning?
John called me last night,
talking crazy...
paranoia, hallucinations, the whole
monsters-in-his-apartment bit.
Said he couldn't remember how
he got where he was like that.
Did he say what he was on?
No.
You know we'll
find out anyway, right?
I'm not interested
in booking a bunch
of your raver buddies
for popping pills.
To somebody like me,
dead bodies are what matters.
Now if somebody is out there
selling poison...
I would tell you if I knew.
So what, that's how
everyone died?
Overdose?
What about that guy?
You know him?
Yeah, he was there.
Whatever John had,
he got it from this guy.
That's Bruce Matthews.
He runs an amateur
unlicensed
pharmaceutical operation
on the corner
of 30th and Lexington.
And those?
Before.
After.
What could even
do that to a person?
Like a bomb or some kind of...
nothing you'd know how to do.
I'm sure of that.
Maybe it's something not within
the bounds of our familiarity.
What I...
sir, we need you
in the other room now.
Hey, what the hell's going on?
God damn it.
Your friend...
He's dead.
Sorry. Hold on.
So, uh...
Black stuff...
this soy sauce.
That's a drug, right?
- Oh, I'll get to that.
- It makes you smarter when you take it.
It lets you read minds
and all that.
It heightens your senses,
I think.
I don't know. It's like... when
you're on it, it's like overload.
Like if you hooked
your car radio up
to one of those interplanetary
SETI antennas,
you just get shit
from all over the place.
You can see things
you shouldn't be able to.
And you've still got
some of this stuff?
- I'm getting to that.
- You're on it right now.
You're on it right now
and that's how you did
the whole thing
with the coins and the dreams
and all that earlier.
Yeah, I took some today.
- It's fading though.
- The effects don't last that long?
The side effects
don't last that long.
The effects will last
the rest of my life, I think.
Maybe longer.
Wow. Okay, so...
so wait a minute.
The kids that died...
that was that
rave overdose, wasn't it?
I remember all that... a couple of
years ago, seeing that on the news.
I thought they got a hold of some
tainted ecstasy or something.
- You're the guy...
- Something like that.
Okay, so if I contact this...
Detective appleton, he'll
remember talking to you?
Good luck finding him.
So what do you think?
Huh, well...
I think you've got a book here,
probably, if you flesh
it out a little bit.
A book?
Meaning a work of fiction?
Meaning it's all bullshit?
Hey, a story's a story.
I'm just a feature reporter,
so the fact that you think
it happened is my story.
You know, I don't remember leaving the
house with any coins in my pocket.
I think you could've
slipped them to me.
Without you feeling it?
And the thing with the dream?
Come on, Arnie.
I think you're trying
to be one of those...
one of those mentalists,
like that Dr. Marconi on TV.
Dr. Marconi may be
theatrical,
but believe me,
he's not an act.
Well, I caught
Marconi's act in Vegas,
and your story sounds like a lot of
the same kind of hocus-pocus to me.
Come with me.
I wanna show you something.
- Where are we going?
- Just out to my truck.
All right.
You see it?
No. Or, you know,
it's an empty cage.
Turn your head
so you're looking at me.
Yup.
Now you should see the box just
out of the corner of your eye.
Let's go back inside.
Your story was more interesting.
You're gonna die, Arnie. Someday
you will face that moment.
And at that moment you will face
either complete nonexistence
or you will face
something even stranger.
On an actual day
in the future, Arnie,
you will be
in the unimaginable.
It is physically
impossible to avoid it.
Think about that.
Now,
without turning your head,
look at the box.
Ah! Shit!
Oh shit shit!
Shit!
What the shit is that?
Wait a minute.
How the fuck did you do that?
What the fuck is that thing?
What the fuck, man?
There's no name
for it in this world.
It's pretty freaky
though, right?
Wait. No no no no. You...
you made me see something.
You made me see something
out of my own head.
You freaked me out so that
I would see something.
No, it's really there.
I'm surprised you saw it
so easily though.
You must have an open mind.
Most people only see it that
fast if they're stoned or drunk.
I want to tell the rest
of my story, Arnie.
I need to.
I need to get it out.
But you have to take it
for what it is...
- the truth.
- Okay.
Until I figure it out for real.
Okay.
Eh, that'll have to do.
Come on.
Anyway, so the cop comes in,
tells me that John is dead.
Your friend...
He's dead.
What? How?
Calm down. Calm down.
He went into convulsions or something.
His pulse stopped.
We've got ambulances. One
will be here in 30 seconds.
We've got Vinnie
doing CPR on him.
Vinnie is a lifeguard
in his off hours.
Now you listen to me, boy.
Here's what you're gonna do.
I'll be back in five minutes
and then you are gonna
tell me the truth.
And if you obstruct me
in any way,
you're gonna live the rest of
your days wishing you had not.
Yeah?
Dave, this is John.
What? Did you get out?
Yes and no. Are you still
at the police station?
Yeah, we were...
we were both...
have I died yet?
Dave, can you hear me?
Umm, yeah. I, uh...
everyone ran out of the room.
They said you had...
no no, there's no time
to explain all this right now.
Look, leave the police station right
now during all the commotion.
They'll have EMT's
hauling my body out,
lots of people will be
standing around looking.
Just walk out. Don't run.
That'll attract attention.
Just calmly walk out like
your business is done there.
Also, is there any way
that you can steal my body?
- What?!
- No, probably not.
Okay, never mind.
We'll have to work around that.
Okay, have you reached
the sidewalk yet?
No, I'm still standing
in the room. I can't leave.
There's still a guy in here with me.
Another cop.
No, there's not.
Check the mirror.
I don't get it.
He's not real, Dave.
Well, not in
the traditional sense.
Just go.
Just walk out.
Okay, you're gonna start seeing
things like this from time to time.
It's important
that you not freak out.
So, uh...
He can't hurt me, right?
Oh, I'm pretty sure he can.
Ah! Ah! Ah!
- Dave, it's me.
- Where are you right now?
I'm on the sidewalk outside
the cop shop, walking.
Where are you?
Heaven?
When you hear a song on the
radio, where is the song?
What?
- Wh... what, John?
- Just keep walking. Just go toward the park.
- And don't freak out. Are you freaking out?
- I don't know.
I can't believe
this phone still works.
There's a hot dog guy about
maybe a half a block ahead.
Do you see him?
- Okay.
- Buy a bratwurst from him.
One.
Okay, I have the bratwurst.
Put it up to your head.
Gonna have
to ask you why, John.
I have to show you something.
Dave. Dave,
can you hear me?
All right, all right, I get it.
Yeah, I can hear you through
some kind of psychic vibration
or whatever and not the phone.
Okay, I get it. Okay?
- Could've just told me that.
- The only reason that you can hear me
is because you have some of the soy
sauce in your system from the syringe.
But it's not very much and it's
not gonna last very long.
What is that stuff, John?
The sauce...
it was alive.
- I swear.
- Listen, you've got to get over to Robert's place.
There aren't any cops there
right now, but there will be.
We've got sort of
a narrow window here,
so you've got to take
a cab to Wally's,
get your car and then go to wayside
village on Lathrop Avenue.
- It's a trailer park South of town.
- I don't have any cash.
I had $5. I just spent three
of it on the bratwurst.
That bratwurst cost $3?
Holy crap.
Okay. All right,
give me a second.
Okay, check between
the sausage and the bun.
You should find a $100 bill
rolled up in there.
There's no money
in the bratwurst.
It's just a piece of lettuce.
Okay. You have
your atm card?
- John.
- Dave!
- Yeah.
- What?
Did you just drive under
a bridge or something?
No, I'm at the trailer park.
Which one's Robert's?
Oh, it's wearing off.
Okay, don't talk, just listen.
Go inside...
And as long
as you absolutely remember
not to do that
you'll be fine. Good luck.
Oh, wait wait wait, John.
John, I didn't get the...
hello?
This looks like the place.
Stay in the car.
Oh shit.
- You know what's
- In there, right?
We know Robert had
a stash of the shit.
Hey, man!
You owe me a beer, man!
And if he had a stash, he couldn't
just cram it under his bed.
That black shit moves,
it has a will, an attitude.
It bites. And then I realized all
at once what I had come here for.
When I was one the stuff...
that little hit in my thigh...
I could communicate
with the dead, with John.
When it wore off I could not.
My one chance to save John
lay inside this bottle.
It was decided then,
just like that.
Ugh.
Oh, son of a motherfuck!
The fucking soy sauce is digging a
fucking hole in my fucking face!
I'll throw myself at the cop and beg
him to take me to the emergency room
to pump my stomach,
to bring in an exorcist,
to call in the air force to nuke this
whole town into radioactive dust
and bury it under
60' of concrete!
And then... calm.
Almost zen.
That's what came next,
that soy sauce feeling.
I wanted to run,
to duck, to act,
but the body is
a slow, wet mechanism
of muscle and bone that
creeped even as my mind flew.
And so just like that,
I stepped outside of it.
I had a full 1.78 seconds before the
detective would step through the door.
A supercomputer can do over a trillion
mathematical equations in one second.
To that machine,
one second is an eternity.
Okay, think. You're standing
on the thin cool crust
of a gigantic ball of molten rock
hurtling through frozen space.
You're in a situation
that could threaten the nature
of said existence
on said molten ball,
depending on which decision
you make. But wait.
There are a shitload of subatomic
particles in the universe,
each set into outward motion
at the moment of the big bang.
Thus whether or not you move your
right arm now or nod your head
or choose to eat fruity pebbles or
corn flakes next Thursday morning
was all decided at the moment
the universe crashed
into existence
17 billion years ago.
Thus it is physically
impossible for you to deviate...
I never finished this thought,
as I suddenly realized
I was no longer in the trailer.
Was I dead?
Uh, excuse me.
So... I...
Suppose you're wondering
why I'm here.
Same as everybody.
You're trying to figure out
what in the name
of Elvis is going on.
Everybody except me.
Me... I don't even wanna
know any more.
I suppose you're wondering
what I'm doing
with this can of gasoline?
Oh, thanks.
I fell...
On a drill.
Oh!
You leaving already?
Here, help me.
I'll be glad to, but first
I wanna know what happened
to my friend John.
Well, he's gone,
you know that, right?
Meaning?
He's just gone.
You know a kid named
Justin white, Mr. Wong?
- High school kid?
- You asked me that back at the station.
I remember now. He's that kid...
kinda talks like a junior gangster.
He's one of the missing, right?
Well, he's the guy
who called in the...
the whatever happened here...
about 4:00 in the morning.
- Get in!
- Go go go go go go!
Oh!
Shit.
- I thought he was stabbed
- In the gut or something.
I looked closer and there
was something on Justin...
his arms and his face.
And this stuff, it's alive.
Stay back, Steve.
I got this.
Yo, what up, 5-0?
So you're still gonna burn
this place down?
That's right.
And you're not gonna let me go.
So you understand my mood,
understand why I'm out here
committing felonies today,
there are some
very dark things happening
and I've got
this lonely feeling
like I'm the only one
who knows,
the only one who can
do anything about it.
Everybody's got a ghost story,
UFO or
a bigfoot story... no.
You know what I think?
I think stuff is both
real and not real
at the same time.
I'm not a star trek fan.
I don't know very much about
other dimensions and all that.
I'm an old school catholic.
I believe in hell.
I believe that
it's more than just
murderers and rapists
down there.
I believe in demons
and worms...
vile shit in the grease trap
of the universe.
And the more I think about
it, the more I think
that it's not just
someplace down there.
Oh no, that it's
right here with us.
We just can't perceive it.
It's kinda like the country
music radio station.
It's out there in the air
even if you don't tune into it.
And I think that somehow
through chemistry
or magic or voodoo...
that Jamaican son of a bitch,
he tuned in to it,
into hell itself.
Through that, he opened a door.
He became the door.
And me?
I intend to close it.
Uh, excuse me.
Move.
Oh! David!
You understand me?
This is John.
Uh... hello.
- We're in big fucking trouble, Dave.
- Yeah, no shit, Fluffy.
Oh, you can hear me, so I
guess you took the soy sauce.
Why?
Didn't I tell you not to?
And what happened to your face?
Your second question
answers your first.
There are two people
still alive
from last night other than me,
Fred Chu
and your girlfriend Amy.
Wait. You're with Amy?
And who's got you?
Justin white... or that thing
that used to be Justin.
Uh, that's four still alive,
including Justin.
There's nothing left of Justin
inside of him now. Couple of days,
Justin's gonna hatch
just like that Jamaican did.
Anybody in the vicinity
when that happens
will become
a spawning pod thing.
Dave, the last world
that saw these things
was saturated within 100 days.
And don't ask me how I know that
either, because I don't know.
Okay, I got another question.
Everyone who took the soy sauce
is either dead or comatose
except for me.
Probably able to adjust. But you
should have figured out by now, Dave,
you don't choose the soy sauce.
The soy sauce chooses you.
The soy sauce chooses you.
If it can't use you,
it kills you.
From what I hear,
it plays with you first.
Justin?
Yo, you need to come
roll with me, dude.
Where, uh...
where we going, Justin?
Why you fronting, bro?
You know what time it is.
Stop calling me Justin
like nothing's changed, yo.
What should I call you, homey?
Just call me shitload,
because there's a shitload
of us in here, yo.
Dude, I know you strapped,
but before you think about...
flashing that nine on me, yo,
you better listen
to what I's gots to say.
As I was saying, yo...
Gonna listen to me, dude?
I've... I'm listening,
shitload.
We taking a ride.
Yeah, I don't think
that's gonna happen.
Oh my God, my balls.
Hey hey.
We heard the gunfire.
Are you the one that shot him?
- I saw his head.
- I was aiming for his heart
- but yeah, I did get him.
- Good.
Amy?
Do you think he can be killed?
Look, I don't know.
- He said something
- About an old mall.
The mall of the dead.
Why there?
John?
How long has he been like this?
Does he ever say anything?
He mumbles. Been like that ever
since they brought him in.
Wake up!
Come on, wake up, asshole.
Hey.
Uh, I found your dog.
I know. Thanks.
Listen,
I'm gonna get us out of this.
Don't worry.
John's got a plan.
Ooh.
Man! Where are we?
We're in some liquor truck
and we're on our way
to the abandoned mall
on highway 59.
Did you say we're going to the
mall or coming back from it?
- Going!
- Yeah, that's right,
- 'cause Fred's still alive.
- What?!
Nothing nothing.
I got a headache.
You see that door?
I see it.
Yo, she'll be able to walk up
outta here if y'all cooperate.
I need her to open
the ghost door, yo.
But if you give me static or try
to play the motherfucking fool,
as soon as she done what
I need, I'm gonna make you...
hey!
Yo, what's out there?
A weapon?
You trying to gank me, fool?
I guess there's
no getting rid of you.
Any more of them?
No, I don't think so.
Then come on...
all of you.
Let's get to my car.
Okay, so those white things
that you saw take over Justin...
they're looking
for hosts, okay?
Now, uh, there was
a drug that the guy,
the one who exploded,
he had it in his trailer...
that stuff is black, right?
Oh. You're, uh...
you're familiar with it?
Sounds like you and I both
got long stories to tell.
I've been up 48 hours straight
and this case ain't
getting no clearer.
It's the adrenaline...
it keeps me going.
Yeah.
That and those...
Piercing voices in my head.
Wait.
What kind of voices?
Uh...
Oh fuck!
- Ah, come on!
- Oh! Oh!
Get out of the way. Oh!
- Dave, let's go, come on.
- Get outta there!
Take my hand!
Come on!
Go! Go! Move!
Shit!
Come on, let's go.
Guys, I'm all right.
I'm okay!
Whoa!
That's not Fred.
Not any more.
Guys, look, I don't know what
you think you saw back there.
Any one of us could
be infected or whatever,
but we gotta stick together.
We're the good guys here.
Right?
Fred, why don't you go down to
the highway and flag down a car?
Yes.
Oh.
Help me get him to the wreck!
These things are starting
to come out of him!
- Come on! Drag him!
- Oh God, I can't.
You can do it! Come on!
Get him over here.
Get back! Okay.
John, what are you doing?
My weapons.
I'm not gonna stand by
while some white fuzz
from another dimension
invades our world and infects
every last man, woman and child.
We're gonna go through that
ghost door and clean house.
What?
I went with the old testament.
Okay.
Why?
'Cause we're
the only ones who can.
'Cause we were chosen...
By the soy sauce.
Are you in?
Yeah, I guess.
Is that a paintball gun?
Ghost door... you see it?
Yeah.
All I see is a wall.
Oh, cool.
Shit.
It's a ghost knob.
This just doesn't make any sense.
Nuh-uh.
'Cause Justin... or shitload
or whatever his name was...
he said he needed Amy
to open it.
Hey! Amy!
Oh, I have
so many questions to ask
- but no time to ask them.
- That's him, that's the guy...
the one in my truck
with the slug last night.
Okay, slug man,
can you tell us just what
the fuck this place is?
Well, what do you think
you're looking at there?
You're gonna be looking at
my fist and then Dave's dick
if you don't fucking
tell us what this is!
The others have devoted more time
and resources than you can imagine
to developing an ability
to pass from one side
to the next with no success.
But now we realize that you,
- and John here, apparently can.
- Who's "we"?
Oh, I have enlisted
an ally from your world.
This guy?
You trusted this guy?
He's just an infomercial dude.
Hey, don't be so hasty, Dave.
Dr. Marconi brings
a lot to the table.
Thank you, John.
You're a gentleman.
The source of the current
manifestation is
on the other side
of this portal.
The entity's name is korrok.
And what does this
korrok look like, exactly?
You will know him when you see him.
Believe me.
He cannot be destroyed
by conventional means,
but I have a plan.
Ladies.
It is called the tripper.
And it came
from where, exactly?
This is an experimental
cold war weapon
designed to take down
a city the size of moscow.
Contained within this detonator
is a block of c-4 explosive,
surrounded by a highly-potent
military-grade hallucinogen.
If you get the opportunity,
you may detonate it like this.
Now the tripper
may not kill korrok,
but it will sure
fuck his shit up.
Severely.
Well, I like
the concept, doctor.
Ah! Mmm. Mmm.
Fine.
How do we get in?
Just decide that you
want to and you will.
Ah.
We must be in an alternate
universe of some kind.
Apparently it's
"eyes wide shut" world.
Gentlemen, welcome!
As you can see,
a select few interested parties
were allowed to come
and observe your arrival.
So we thought
removing the garments
would lessen your discomfort.
Yes. A very nice touch.
Good! Come.
Gentlemen, welcome!
I think they were expecting us.
I like the little
touches though.
I suppose you are
wondering where you are.
I'm gonna guess we're in an
alternate universe of some kind.
Well, that is correct.
Tell me... what was it
like passing through?
I wasn't really
paying attention.
Yeah, it really wasn't
that great.
We have been awaiting
your coming.
We have worked very hard
for many years,
suffered many tragic
setbacks in an attempt
to find and communicate
with your world.
Your world, you see,
is a twin to our own,
dual offspring
born of the same litter.
Watch!
Up until this point,
our histories were identical.
There was a man named
Cyrus Rooney from Tennessee.
In your world,
he died at the age of 17,
gored to death while trying to
crossbreed a bull with a clydesdale.
In our world, the man survived.
Here, Cyrus Rooney was
a genius.
He continued to experiment
in what he called beastiology.
Yes. People from our South
are into that as well.
You see, by 1881
his group had
insectile flying machines.
In 1902 he created the first
primitive thinking machine
out of the brain of a pig.
You see, by your year 1922
we already had
self-feeding,
self-healing,
self-modifying computers.
In 1926
Mr. Rooney passed away.
And then something
miraculous happened
to the greatest
of his creations.
The very day Mr. Rooney
passed, it became sentient.
It gave a name unto itself
and expressed
desires and emotions.
And from that day forward, this astonishing
creature carried on Rooney's work
and conformed all living nature
to urge on the advancement
of mankind.
For some,
this process was easy.
Others required
re-education.
Watch!
Mama.
Ow! Ow!
No! Please!
No! Oh! Oh!
Oh my God!
To process the magnanimity
that is korrok
for your simpler minds,
we have translated
the following images
into a format that we think
that you will find
more familiar.
I believe in your world
they're called cartoons.
Mama!
Mama!
Mama!
- There are always those
- Who resist progress.
In our world
it is considered a crime.
On our world it's
considered a greater crime
to unleash killer spiders
on an unarmed crowd.
We call that arachnicide.
But what if you had
a thinking machine?
An entity so powerful
that it could foresee
the outcome of any action?
Follow me.
We are all very excited
that you could join us.
Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
That if Franz kafka was here,
- his head would explode?
- Actually, yeah.
Gentlemen, you are
about to see something
very few others
have seen before you...
the ultimate manifestation
of Cyrus Rooney's creation.
Dave, John,
meet korrok.
I am korrok.
Welcome.
Your wiener is
even smaller in person.
What?
With a tiny change in your brain chemistry,
I could make you
a child molester.
- What do you want?
- Not big black cocks,
so we don't have
that in common.
Get the fuck out of my head!
David Wong,
son of an insane prostitute
and a mentally-challenged
amway salesman.
There are worlds upon worlds,
- an infinity you cannot grasp.
- ...ln our world.
They will soon be
in your world too.
20 years ago
korrok foretold your coming.
He showed us the way
to your world.
We have never traveled
from our plane to yours.
But we have tried.
Oh, we have tried.
Dave, John,
your arrival here
is a new dawn.
You can show us the way to go
from our world to your own.
You see, in our world,
when someone is born
with special wisdom,
he shares it with korrok
so that korrok
could be greater.
Watch.
Ah! Ah!
Mmm, bacon!
We understand. We only
have the best intentions.
We have observed you
and will soon move
into your world
with astonishing speed,
so that you too can know the
beneficence that is korrok.
But first
we have to share your
knowledge with korrok.
Dave!
John!
No!
Door!
Aw, man.
You fucked up
- the detonation sequence!
- Dave, John.
All of the human minds
who have ever lived in history,
all of your
thinkers and writers
and teachers and philosophers
could not equal even one node
of Korrok's neural web.
Our legions are ready
for the call.
And soon all of your turmoil...
and unrest and confusion
will vanish under
the soft hand of korrok.
Hmm?
Hmm?
Did Bark Lee just
sacrifice his life?
- Damn. That dog just saved the universe.
- Amy's gonna kill me.
We must hurry.
Move. Now!
Wait. If you could
cross over here so easily,
why didn't you just deliver
the freaking bomb? Why us?
We needed to send someone they
would consider totally innocuous...
completely unable to pose
a serious threat.
Besides, the dog
needed an escort.
Yes. Good thinking.
So Marconi saved the day.
Huh.
- Korrok still exists?
- From our world,
it's hard to really
know for sure.
But it's no secret that there's
still strange stuff
going down in this town.
What about the girl, Amy?
What happened to her?
Amy wasn't too happy
about her dog.
The soy sauce that the
dog ingested when he bit
the Jamaican guy allowed Bark
Lee to psychically connect
with north and Marconi.
So the dog knew
what had to be done
and was willing to make
the ultimate sacrifice.
As to Amy...
She's been my girlfriend
ever since.
I got her out of town though.
She's upstate at college.
Got a 3.7 GPA.
Good for her.
And John?
What, uh... what happened to him?
He survived too?
We shoot hoops a lot...
whenever we're not
too busy with, uh, work.
What the hell, Mr. Wong.
I say we just
go public with it,
with your story.
But just telling our story,
that's not going to do shit.
The testimony of two nutjobs...
that's just going to get us lumped
in with all the roswell losers.
Ah, I see. Okay.
So what do you wanna do?
We show them this...
a physical piece of evidence.
I'm thinking if you can get
this in the hands of someone,
like a...
like a lab or something.
Yeah. Yeah.
Someone with
an electron microscope.
Right?
'Cause I'm thinking
whoever takes the first close
look at your soy sauce
is gonna have
a brown stain down
the bottom of his lab coat
a second later.
Yes!
Make that the story.
Hell, let 'em see
the effects themselves.
Just feed that shit to a lab
rat and watch the fun begin...
watch that thing start
levitating and speaking French!
And you're... you're willing to risk everything?
Your life, your family?
Because, I mean,
best case scenario,
your career as a journalist
is gonna be over
because this is all anyone's
ever gonna remember you for.
And don't forget that there
may be people out there...
real people...
who don't want this out.
Oh shit.
Come on, Wong.
I've been around.
Wong, I've been around.
My first year out
of journalism school,
I got knocked cold covering devil's
night for the "Detroit tribune."
That was 1984.
I woke up with my camera
busted on the pavement,
blood running down my shirt,
a big fat cop standing over me
and he says,
"stay down, nigger."
So I think I knew then
what I was doing this job for,
and in the years since...
what?
What, Wong?
They, uh...
they called you
the n-word?
Why on earth
would they do that?
What? Is that
some kind of joke?
Why are you laughing?
- Oh my God.
- Hey! Hey!
Hey, asshole, answer me!
- Ow.
- What?!
I should have known.
Describe yourself to me,
Arnie... physically.
- Tell me what you look like.
- Oh, no no no no no no no.
You're fucking with me.
'Cause to me
you're not black, Arnie.
To me you're a sloppy white guy
in a rumpled corduroy jacket
with a tape recorder.
You think there's
something in there, Arnie?
Come on, Arnie.
Open it. The sooner you do,
the sooner we can move on.
I'm sorry, Arnie.
I really am.
You did this to me.
You did this to me.
You killed me,
you son of a bitch!
Look at your body, Arnie.
The one in the trunk, I mean.
You've been dead for days.
I think someone got wind
that you had contacted me
and they took you out.
I'm really sorry about that.
I'm not a fucking ghost.
This is bullshit.
This is bullshit.
This is my fault, Arnie.
Not just you getting
killed and all,
but... but this...
this half-life ya got.
I did this.
I projected you.
It's the soy sauce. It's the
one thing it lets me do.
I'm thinking you got killed right
after we talked on the phone.
You know how when you talk
to someone on the phone
you sort of imagine what they
look like based on their voice?
Well, when you got killed,
you immediately assumed
the shape of what I...
this can't be.
I can't.
I don't accept it.
I got kids.
I got a vacation
coming up in june.
I'm going to Atlantic city.
I got tickets.
You're in
the denial stage right now.
This is all normal.
Shut the fuck up,
Wong! Now!
I refuse to believe
that I am only here because I
popped outta your imagina...
I'm sorry, Arnie.
I really am.
Ha! Ring it up!
- Ah.
- If you weren't counting every basket as 137 points,
then you'd be up two to one.
Was that there before?
I kinda see into it.
Yeah I can see people.
It's a hole
to another dimension, I bet.
- Wanna go through?
- Not really.
Mmm. After this point.
You just tossed our ball
into another universe.
- Yeah. My bad.
- So do I have to go get it?
No. This is a man's job.
Whoa!
Oh God. Here we go.
Hey, Dave.
Where you been, man?
I've been walking around
for like two hours.
Time must move different here.
I came right after you.
At least it's cooler here.
You!
Unstained!
How?!
I am sergeant Vance McElroy
of the human liberation army.
Prophecy has foretold the coming
of strangers from another world.
It is an honor to meet you.
I must confess I do not know
from where you came,
but I can tell
by looking at you
that you have not been infected
with the great disease.
I assume we share
a common enemy.
If you cannot defeat him, then all
hope for mankind will be lost.
Gentlemen, the winds of destiny
have blown us together.
A bright dawn is about to mark
this lost and broken world.
Tyranny will forever be
overcome with...yeah yeah yeah.
That's very interesting,
but to perform this task
we'll need a number
of items from our world.
So you must let us return there
and come back
to begin our quest.
It is good then.
We shall await your return.
But as you depart, know that
we of the HLA resistance
will always and forever
be in your debt,
for both of you mark
all that is good and promising.
And the fact that all good...
This is how I'm feeling
there is a painter
angel de woman
she clearly said "no"
he is listening
to everything I'm saying
feels like this Mountain
Dante finally
ran its stride
but the root of all that is
hidden in the middle
hidden for the fact
that it tore him apart
what about that smack being
tossed around
like cattle?
tossed around my mind
is official christening
I hear they're coming back
I hear they're coming back
I hear they're coming back
I hear they're coming back
a very important fact
is that he never left
so how can he come back?
This is how I'm feeling
there is a painter
angel de woman
she clearly said "no"
he is listening
to everything I'm saying
feels like this Mountain
Dante finally
ran its stride
but the root of all that is
hidden in the middle
hidden for the fact
that it tore him apart
what about that smack being
tossed around like cattle
tossed around my mind
is official christening
I hear they're coming back
I hear they're coming back
I hear they're coming back
I hear they're coming back
a very important fact
is that he never left
so how can he come back?