Johnny English.
Five years ago,
he was our top agent.
Yeah. Took his eye off the ball
in Mozambique.
Does it have to be him?
He's the only one our contact will talk to.
So where is he?
You came here
to forget your life of shame.
But the path you must tread to new life
will be not be easy, English.
Our purpose here is simple.
To strengthen what is weak.
Make hard what is soft.
This will take time.
Mind must be master of the body.
Strong mind can separate the body
from its suffering.
Good concentration, English.
Sorry? Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot!
You are not young.
But with age comes wisdom.
When mind
is master of the body,
you will be warrior once more.
Master, what is my destiny?
I'm in touch with a higher power.
MI7 wants you on
the first flight back to London
Master, am I ready?
No.
Window seat or aisle?
One moment, please.
Good morning, sir.
Toshiba British Intelligence.
For electronic products press one.
To speak to an agent, press two.
Certainly, sir.
Can I redirect you to our website?
Toshiba British Intelligence.
Good morning, sir. Can I help you?
Johnny English.
Pegasus is expecting you.
Look into the camera.
Don't smile.
Pamela Thornton, Head of Ml?
Johnny English.
Have a seat.
You've been away for some time, English.
But you haven't been forgotten.
Come on.
People here often talk about
your adventures in Mozambique.
Well, Ml? has come a long way since then
The guns, the fast cars, and the
chauvinism are all on their way out.
Frankly, I didn't want to see you back.
You are everything
I came into this service to change.
But my hands are tied.
And there are times when one
has to go against one's better judgement.
We have a situation.
Indeed.
There's a good puss. There's a good puss.
There's a good pussy. Who's a good pussy?
- I'm impressed.
- Who's a good pussy?
Philby never lets strangers pick him up.
I'm very much atone
with the animal kingdom.
There's a good puss. I know,
I know. Who's lovely? Who's lovely?
Who...
We're all lovely.
Kate Sumner, our behavioural psychologist.
I've heard a great deal about you.
Glowing reports, I trust.
Tell me, Ms Sumner,
what exactly does
a behavioural psychologist do?
Monitor observable behaviour
for signs of internal psychology.
We read people.
Well, we must get together sometime.
I think you'll find me a real page-turner.
Ah.
So, Pegasus, this situation.
Ex-CIA agent Titus Fisher
has contacted us from Hong Kong.
He has intelligence of a plot
to assassinate the Chinese Premier
at the Anglo-Chinese talks next week.
We need you to go and find out
what he's got.
Well, in that case, Pegasus, count me in.
Agent One will meet you downstairs.
So, I just scaled the walls,
blew the whole place to kingdom come.
An hour later I'm sitting in the bar
with a White Russian in my hand.
Who was very lovely, too, I can tell you.
Simon.
Hello, Johnny!
Simon,
you look wonderful.
But, then, you always did.
Welcome back. How long has it been?
I don't know. Five years, three months
and six days, or something.
Of course, Mozambique.
That was a balls-up with a cherry on top.
Come on, let's get you sorted.
Welcome to the toy cupboard.
I won't leave you my number.
You know Patch.
Patch Quartermain, the man himself.
English.
Please, don't get up.
No chance of that.
Lost them testing the
B-6 exploding brogues.
Oh, I'm so sorry. How are you?
Have to be this one, I'm afraid.
Lost this to the D-10 doorbell.
Ah. Well, it's great to
see what's left of you
This is rather good fun, actually.
Top speed of 60 mph,
and I've managed to add the odd thing.
This way. I haven't got all day.
Don't!
Would you stop meddling, English?
Here she is.
Ah, the Rolls-Royce Phantom.
Truly the Rolls-Royce of automobiles.
Armour plating, all the bells and whistles.
Say "Bonnet."
- Bonnet.
- Command accepted.
Voice activation recognises only you.
Rolls has fitted
one of their experimental engines.
The nine-litre V16. Goes like the wind.
Only quieter.
Beautiful.
Keep up!
Here's what you'll be taking to Hong Kong.
- Ah, yes.
- A satellite receiver,
tracking device, Semtex chewing gum.
Now, what did I just say?
That's the new P-two digital dart gun.
Gentlemen. May I remind you all that MI7's
current weapon of choice is dialogue?
We do love it when you get strict, Pegasus.
English, you go to Hong Kong tonight.
Fisher will contact you there.
To ensure protocol is observed,
I'm sending someone with you.
Agent Tucker.
It will be an honour, sir.
Well, it'll be good
to have somebody to carry the bags.
You made a laughing stock
out of this service once, English.
Not on my watch. Clear'?
Crystal clear, Pegasus.
Just like old times, eh, Johnny?
I'm off to Switzerland.
Let's catch up when you get back.
There's nothing I'd like more, Simon.
Has anyone seen
the voice-changing travel lozenges?
Um...
No. No.
Come on, Tucker.
I'm not 21 till September, sir.
I'm not really allowed in.
Tucker, you're an agent working for
Her Majesty's Secret Service.
Just act the part.
Ten thousand dollars' worth,
please, my lovely.
Thank you.
And a receipt, please.
Be alert for contact, Tucker.
We're looking for
a Chinese man in spectacles.
Would you like another drink, sir?
Sir, the Chinese man in spectacles.
- One more beer.
- No more bets, please.
Contact.
Evening.
Your grandmother is sick.
What?
Your grandmother is sick.
Well, she's dead. That's how sick she is.
Is he dead, sir?
Yes.
- Hi, Mum.
- What's the matter?
No, no, no, no. Nothing's the matter, no.
I felt a bit funny last
night, but I'm okay now.
So, what have you got for us?
The people behind the plot to kill Xiang Ping,
the Chinese Premier. A group called Vortex.
Never heard of them.
Paid assassins. The best there is.
Come on, Fisher, I need names,
I need evidence!
Vortex has a secret weapon.
This is one of three keys that,
when used together, gain access to it.
Without this, Vortex is finished
How did you get hold of it?
It's mine.
I beg your pardon?
Vortex is three of us.
Come off it, Fisher
You, a hired assassin?
You couldn't hit a barn door with a banana
And as for Vortex,
clearly you got the name
off a box of washing powder.
Vortex was in Mozambique.
What?
Yeah? Really?
Mum? Mum, Mum, I gotta go. Gotta go.
We were all there
that day, Johnny-boy.
- Excuse me. Sir!
- What?
Sir, there's a...
Quick, come on! Come on!
Madam, let me help you with that.
Here. Yes, I think you
should vacate the area.
There are some
very dangerous people about.
There we go.
Get after her, Tucker, get after her!
What?
Sir! Sir!
Over here, Tucker!
I lost her, sir.
Look what I found.
This way, sir! This way!
You get down to the street.
I'll take the roof.
You are not young.
But with age comes wisdom.
Hand it over, chimp.
Come on, Tucker.
Can I help?
I am commandeering this vessel
in the name of Her Majesty.
Right-0, Wing Commander.
How exciting!
Now, what's your poison?
Can I get you something?
We've got vodka, rum.
Your safety is our priority.
But you can help us by familiarizing
yourself with this leaflet.
Crme de menthe, a smidgen of port,
and that's about it, I'm afraid.
I'm Shirley.
Hello, Shirley.
Just a tad to your left, Shirley.
Thank you.
I say, Wing Commander!
- Well played, sir! Well played!
- Just like a gladiator!
Come on. Put 'em up.
Well played, sir! Well played!
More champagne, my lovely.
Certainly, sir.
Tucker' are you sure
you don't want a Shandy or something?
I have got to finish this
mission report, sir.
And Pegasus wants to see us
as soon as we touchdown.
The mission report?
Oh, come on, Tucker. Live a little.
You should learn to savour success.
Work hard,
play hard. Isn't that right...
Barbara?
Vortex is finished
But better still,
for years I believed what happened
in Mozambique was my fault.
Now I realise it was only partly my fault.
What did happen in Mozambique?
Excuse me, sir. We're coming in to land.
Can I stow that overhead for you?
Certainly.
Sir, I don't think he's a "Susan."
But then you're not a linguist,
are you, Tucker'?
It's not "Susan," it's "Shoooshan."
From the Xinzhou region,
unless I'm very much mistaken.
Thank you, Shoooshan.
Foreign Secretary.
I hope you've got something
for us, English.
The Prime Minister is extremely concerned.
He has every reason to be so.
There is a plot to kill
the Chinese Premier.
Masterminded by a group of
ruthless assassins called Vortex.
Good Lord.
The danger, however, has been averted.
Now that we have this.
- English?
- Now, I know what you're going to say,
it's a pretty small object
Well, it's often the little things
that pack the biggest punch.
- After all, David killed Goliath with a pebble.
- Sir.
The mighty Vortex has been slain
by my possession of this small key.
Shoooshan.
Susan.
We got it, but Fisher talked.
Understood. We'll deal with English.
You've got some more cleaning to do.
Mummy, Mummy! Mr Rhubarb's here!
Izzie, darling, why don't you
show him into the conservatory?
I'll be with you in just a minute.
Okay. Come on, come on, let's go!
- Shall we?
- Hurry up, Mr Rhubarb
Perhaps when you've found your key,
you'll give me a call.
I'm very sorry, Foreign Secretary.
I had hoped to have more for you.
Oh, God.
Pegasus! I've got her!
Come on, you witch.
English?
She was in Hong Kong! She's the killer!
She's my mother!
Couldn't she be both?
Mummy, Mummy, are you all right?
Let me get you a cup of tea.
- You'll be fine, Mummy.
- Who was that man?
Yeah, I think a cup of tea,
that's what's required.
Pegasus, I am truly, truly sorry.
Don't apologise to me. Apologise to her.
I cannot apologise enough, Mrs Pegasus.
It was a simple case of mistaken identity,
I'm afraid.
Now, I completely understand
how upset you are,
but I was hoping perhaps...
Sir!
Tucker! That's her!
It's the killer from Hong Kong!
- No, it's not her, sir.
- It is! This time it's really her!
- It's not her, sir!
- Yes, it is!
Make way!
Sir.
You murderous crone!
Granny! What's he doing?
Take that! And that!
Hey! Stop it.
English!
I've got her this time, Pegasus!
This is the witch who works for Vortex!
Want any more' you old hag?
- English!
- Granny!
You humiliate me
in front of the Foreign Secretary,
you lose our only lead on Vortex,
and then you try and kill my mother!
Twice!
Pegasus, we have another lead.
Vortex was in Mozambique!
They were responsible
for the death of President Chambal!
No! You were responsible
for the death of President Chambal.
Well, you certainly gave Mr Rhubarb
a run for his money.
Still, at least we know Vortex
was in Mozambique.
When you told Pegasus,
you displayed all four indicators
of someone telling the truth.
This is a facial action
coding system.
Its high-speed cameras
record microexpressions,
invisible to the naked eye.
It detects what we call emotional leakage.
Ms Sumner, I'm a trained agent.
I don't "leak."
I want to take you back to Mozambique.
Is that really necessary?
Take a look at this.
I want to take you
back to Mozambique.
There.
Could we call that leakage?
Now, play ball.
I'm taking a risk being here after hours.
If Vortex was in Mozambique,
perhaps you saw something.
I'm going to take you back there
using hypnosis.
Oh, please.
Spare me the new age mumbo jumbo.
Mr English' please. I'm a professional.
I'm not going to just snap my fingers
and make you say the first thing
that comes into your head.
Plump pillows.
Excuse me?
Brilliant mind. Beautiful face.
Incredible.
And completely out of my league.
Mmm.
I'd like to take you back to Mozambique.
Tell me what's happening, Johnny.
Where are you?
President Chambal's
inauguration day.
Yes, you're head of security.
Everything's going perfectly.
Today we climb the mountain!
Agent English.
The people
have spoken, and the message is clear.
A future of peace and prosperity!
The backup electrical supply has been cut.
No, it hasn't. It's been turned off.
Do you know how to turn it on?
I should be getting back.
Well, operations like this
are always difficult.
But it's very satisfying
when you get a result.
The President couldn't be in safer hands.
The future belongs to Mozambique!
Thank you.
The fireworks have begun.
The sound of freedom and celebration.
Easy, Johnny. Easy. Go back.
Before the Jacuzzi, what did you see?
Yes.
Fisher.
On the terrace with two others.
Yes. All three members of Vortex
were there that day.
Who can you see?
Who can you see, Johnny?
Artem Karlenko.
Artem Karlenko, double agent.
Recruited by MI7 in Moscow.
Retired after his penchant for
killing people threatened his cover.
Five years ago, he turned up here
as Sergei Pudovkin.
Rich, very rich.
A member of the exclusive
Oakwood Golf Club,
which is where you'll
be meeting him.
He's in a match play competition, sir.
I'm making you his opponent for the day.
Done it, sir.
You're booked in as Mr Peter Adams.
Thank you, Tucker.
If Karlenko is Vortex,
I want you to bring him in. Alive.
Mr Pussykin?
Pudovkin. And you must be Mr
Um...
Adams.
Beautiful car, Mr Adams.
Ah, the Royce.
Ready, sir.
Thank you.
Shall we?
Let's go.
Command accepted.
So, what line of business are you in,
Mr Adams?
Pudovkin.
Sorry. Yes, I'm Mr Adams, and you're Mr...
Whoever you said you were
- Well...
- Stop!
Sorry, I thought I had forgotten something.
Glove, sir'?
I may not know much about golf, Tucker,
but I know how to hold the bat.
Shot, sir.
So, what line of business
are you in, Mr Puddykin?
I made my money
in the removals business.
A friend of mine had shares
in a removals business. Titus Fisher.
You haven't come across him at all?
I warn you, Mr Adams,
not to stray into the rough.
You get in there, you might never come out.
I'll bear that in mind, Mr Puddykin.
Pudovkin. Please.
Shot!
As was my friend Fisher, actually.
In the back.
By his cleaner, of all people.
But they didn't take much.
Just a key
Break, left to right, I think.
Thank you.
In the trees.
Come on.
- Oh, my God.
- He can't die. He mustn't die.
Let's get him out of here. Come on!
Come on.
He's not looking good, sir.
We're getting you to a doctor.
You'll be fine.
You do know how to fly these, sir?
- It was part of basic training.
- Good.
It's just like riding a bike.
Yes. It's all coming back to me.
This is helicopter
Golf Hotel Zulu Zulu Tango.
We have a casualty on board.
Request guidance to nearest hospital.
Where's your exact location?
Our location? Location?
She shot out the navigation system.
Hang on.
- Runstock.
- Our location is Runstock.
What is your altitude?
What's our altitude?
About 18 inches.
Hello? Hello?
Sorry. I'll just move.
What now, sir'?
We'll have to stick to the road.
Let's follow the 1328.
There's bound to be a hospital in Dingham.
Look after him, Tucker. Look after him.
- I think we're losing him, sir.
- We can't lose him, Tucker.
He's our only lead. Try something else.
Don't give up on us, baby
Lord knows we've come this far
We are
The angel and the dreamer
Don'! give up on us, I know
We could still come through
Look, sir! Follow that ambulance!
Good idea.
Sir. Sir, quickly.
Karlenko. Karlenko!
The second key.
Vortex is KGB...
- Yes.
- CIA.
Yes? Yes?
MI7.
Unbelievable. A vole in MI7.
A mole, sir.
What?
There's a mole in MI7.
There's a mole and a vole?
No, sir. There's a mole, not a vole.
Well, I disagree. There's certainly a vole.
I mean, we know that much.
But what you're saying is
there might be a mole as well.
Pegasus.
There's a meeting at MI7
with the Prime Minister.
And here again, eyes down
and to the left, indicating dissent.
With Xiang Ping, it's all about the eyes.
Thank you, Ms Sumner.
If the talks go ahead, I'd like you with us.
Yes, Prime Minister.
Good evening, gentlemen.
- Mr English.
- Ms Sumner.
Right.
So when is the Prime Minister
going to grace us with his presence?
I'm the Prime Minister.
Yeah, you wish.
All right. So we're all here.
These talks with China
are of paramount importance.
Rogue slates in Southeast Asia
have begun secretly to develop
nuclear weapons.
It is vital that we get China onside.
Traditionally, China has been
impervious to our concerns,
but I believe Xiang Ping,
given the opportunity,
can and will help defuse this situation.
Well,
with his pro-West stance,
it certainly offers an opportunity,
but the talks can't go ahead
unless we can guarantee his safety.
I believe, with the correct security,
that we can.
If Vortex is operational
it's just too dangerous
I'm inclined to agree, Prime Minister.
There is a way.
The Swiss are willing
to lend us Le Bastion.
That's their government
fortress in the Alps.
It's a stunning example of
architectural engineering at altitude,
and completely impregnable.
I mean, that should solve
all our security issues.
Then the talks go ahead.
Pamela, I hope you've brushed up
on your Mandarin.
I'd like you in the room with me,
and your best man on security.
Yes, Prime Minister.
Where are we on Vortex?
English?
Vortex is three men.
Fisher was one, Karlenko was another.
Karlenko was killed today
on the orders of the third.
Any leads?
Yes, but I need time.
We do not have time.
We need to know the identity
of the third person in Vortex.
Give me 24 hours.
Another bottle of Romaine-Conti?
Of course.
And would you like to choose dessert?
Yes. You.
And bring two spoons.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
Cheers.
So, come on, Johnny,
what was it you wanted to ask me'?
Simon, do you know what this is?
Some sort of key?
Karlenko and Fisher both had one,
and they were both killed for them.
Well, I'll give it to the boys
at the lab and see...
Karlenko told me that the third man
in Vortex is in MI7.
And you believed him?
Simon, I have to ask you a question,
face to face.
Do you have any idea who it might be?
Johnny, I thought
you were about to accuse me.
No! I mean, honestly.
- What?
- Simon Ambrose, the evil mastermind!
- Don't. Stop it-
- The traitor in our midst!
You! You!
Simon, you are so funny.
Hysterical.
Oh, dear.
Would you excuse me
for one moment, Simon?
- Sir.
- Tucker, can'! this wait?
Sir, it's Ambrose.
Yes, I know it's Ambrose.
I'm having dinner with him.
No, he's the third man in Vortex.
Simon Ambrose?
He went to Eton.
Simon.
Leave it.
- What are you...
- Move.
- All right, all right.
- Come on, move.
Tucker.
- You said you never knew Karlenko.
- That's right.
Then how do you explain these?
I hacked into Karlenko's computer.
You and him in Mozambique?
Sometimes I have trouble myself, old boy.
You're Vortex!
You're the third man in Vortex!
Tucker, this is ridiculous.
Sorry, I'll be with you in just a tick.
It's true, I was in Mozambique.
What?
I was there because of Patch Quartermain.
Patch? Sorry, I'll just be one second.
He's the man you're after.
- You're bluffing!
- Sorry.
I work for a secret organisation inside MI7
set up specifically to bring him in.
A secret Secret Service?
Yeah? What's it called?
What's it called?
Armitage.
A secret secret secret service
called Armitage?
We answer only to the PM.
It's extraordinary, Simon...
Indeed, it is.
...That you'd think for one moment
that I would fall for
such a steaming pile of old baloney.
Well done, Tucker.
You're not Spy of the Month for nothing.
- Thank you, sir.
- Here, let me take that.
Now go home.
- What?
- You're the one talking baloney.
You're in way over your head, boy.
Now run along.
No! I won't go, sir. He's lying.
You've let me down,
you've let the Service down
and, frankly,
I think you've let yourself down.
- But I...
- Now get out!
Patch Quartermain, of all people.
Blowing his own legs off?
Now that's what I call deep cover.
And to think how much I admired him.
He hates you.
- Really?
- He always has.
He thinks you're a moron
with no place in MI7,
a jumped-up grammar school nobody
That's why he tried to destroy you.
Now, Johnny,
just because he ruined your life,
that's no reason for you to go rogue
and take him down on your own.
God forbid I should put a crazy idea
like that in your head.
Good night, Simon.
Johnny, that key you showed me.
We might need it to bring him in.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome, sir.
Silly tit.
Bingo.
- Arrange a meeting with our client
- Of course.
Pegasus.
We have the third man.
It's Johnny English.
Hello, Patch.
Looking for forgiveness?
It's all over for you now, English.
It's the end of the line.
Yes, you'd like that, wouldn't you, Patch?
After all, I'm just a jumped-up
grammar school nobody, aren't I?
What are you talking about?
I know that you are the
third man in Vortex.
No, Johnny. You are.
No, you are.
No. You are!
Standby, all agents.
And it all ends here.
Take him.
Johnny.
Hey! Watch it!
Got him! Move! Move!
Don't lose him. Go, go!
Halt!
Heading west into Vine Street.
Mobilise all vehicles.
Idiot!
You've lost him! I don't believe it.
Oi! Who do you think you are?
Gotcha.
Agent English, pull over! Pullover!
Stop ii!
Get after him.
Kate, Kate, I'm not Vortex.
I've been framed.
You must believe me.
How will it be done?
Same as in Mozambique.
One person, apparently working alone.
Who have you chosen?
Leave that with me.
My account in Zurich.
You've been out for hours
Well, you're lucky it
was just a flesh wound.
Now, look, I'm going to Switzerland tonight,
but you can stay here while I'm gone.
Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.
I've been going through the news footage
from the night Chambal was killed.
And there's something not right.
Seconds after President Chambal was shot,
the assassin collapses and dies.
And the autopsy says heart failure.
But, if you go through
the classified CCTV footage...
You all right?
Yeah, fine.
Take a look at this.
Fifteen minutes before
the assassination, look, he's manic.
He's completely lost control of his body
And then, suddenly, catatonic.
Here, wait.
There.
Someone was talking to him.
I don't think he had any idea
what he was doing.
I think Vortex's secret weapon...
Is a mind control drug.
And only one fits the symptoms.
Timox... Timoxylin Bubby...
Timoxeline Barbebutenol.
The CIA ordered its destruction
And the agent in charge of its disposal...
Titus Fisher.
I don't know how to thank you.
I'd love a take-away.
Consider it done.
Flying low.
So, Johnny, what are you going to do
about Vortex'?
I don't know. If only Simon was here.
He'd know what to do.
Why do you think he's better than you?
Well, the man's a god.
Well, I prefer mortals.
Pure, complicated, maddening mortals.
I've come to realise
that what's really exciting to me
is great loyalty,
determination, and courage.
You have always fascinated me, clinically.
But now you...
Ms Sumner, your pupils are dilating.
Are they?
Your cheeks are colouring.
Eye contact deepening.
Heart-rate rising.
Ms Sumner,
I believe we're emotionally leaking.
- The bedroom, quickly.
- Absolutely.
Now!
- Hello?
- Hello.
- Oh, Simon.
- Hi, Kate.
You ready? I'll drive you to the airport.
How nice. I'll just get my bag.
You alone?
- No.
- Of course.
Been working?
Been brushing up
on the Chinese PM. You?
We're trying to track clown Johnny English
There's some questions
we want to ask him, about Vortex.
I don't suppose you've seen him, have you?
No.
Not hiding him away?
Not my type. Shall we?
Mmm-hmm.
Ambrose.
There's a Mr Adams to see you, Colin.
- Hello, Tucker.
- What are you doing here?
Every agent in the country is after you.
We were right about Ambrose
What do you mean "we"?
And if we can act fast, we can still...
You wouldn't listen, would you?
You think you know it all. Well' you don't!
Being an agent means everything to me.
And, thanks to you, I'm suspended!
Would you boys like some orange squash?
- No, thank you.
- Bye, thanks, Mum.
Tucker, Ambrose is in Switzerland.
We are in Tooting.
I am here because my country needs me.
And because it needs you, too.
- Royce.
- Ready, sir.
Come.
Obstruction detected.
Set the sat nav for Switzerland
Let's kick some bottom.
You have arrived at
your destination.
Good luck, sir!
Le Bastion. One way up, one way down.
Come on. Let's get the stuff.
Whoa, look. The T-2 ground-to-air missile!
That's a D-7 bulletproof shield.
Take it from me, Tucker.
I was working with these
while you were stringing conkers.
The P-8 grapple hook?
Check.
- Estimated height?
- Thirty-five feet.
All yours, Tucker.
Can I just say, sir'?
This is just great.
Well, go on.
The D-16 ascender, and up we go.
Are you sure that's the ascender, sir?
Yes, yes, I'd know it anywhere.
Agent in distress.
Agent in distress.
Agent in distress.
Agent in distress.
I am over here!
Shut up! Shut up!
I am over here!
Activating visual locator.
Three, two, one.
Intruders in Sector Four!
Dear God, let me not die
at the hands of the Swiss.
Tucker, now listen. I want you to attack me
- What?
- After a struggle,
you can "arrest me"
and take me inside as your prisoner.
- Sir, I can't.
- Tucker, that's an order.
Hit me. Hit me.
Come on, harder.
- Better, sh'?
- Yes, much better.
I can see how people get a taste for this.
I got a better idea. I'll shoot you!
No, no, no.
- Die, Vortex scum!
- Tucker!
Agent Tucker!
It's Johnny English.
Bag him.
The glass can withstand
mortar attack.
The door's one-way.
You can get out, but no one gets in.
Excellent.
You ready, Slater'?
I'll have them send refreshments
to your room
when you're ready, Pegasus.
Thank you, Agent One.
I'll take it from here, boys.
Hold it right there!
Let me see your ID.
- Excuse me
- What the...
Stop!
Warning, this is a
designated conflict zone.
Sir'? Sir?
- Thank you so much
- You're welcome, Pegasus.
Pegasus.
Go on. Go on.
What the hell is that?
Sir'? Sir?
- English!
- Pegasus.
They're going to make you kill Xiang Ping!
You're insane!
Agent One, thank God.
He won't help you.
He's the third member of Vortex.
Aren't you, Simon?
Here to give you some Timoxy bubby...
Timoxy bubby
Timoxy bubby...
To give you a drug that will make you
obey his every command.
I'm intrigued, Simon.
How exactly
were you going to administer it?
By injection?
Some hideous gas through the air vents?
Or by spiking her drink?
Timoxeline Barbebutenol.
He'll enter the manic phase
any moment now.
I have to warn you that I've been
trained to resist this kind of thing.
You swine.
Agent One, what's going on?
He's quite harmless at this phase.
The drug will kill him,
but just before it does,
there'll be a short window
where he'll do everything I tell him to.
Poor Johnny.
You were never really Ml-7, Johnny.
You were never really one of us.
Now you're about to become
our most famous agent.
You'll now do exactly as I tell you.
You are a traitor to the Service
and to your country.
Shut her up, old chap.
- Duck.
- What?
I warned you.
Okay, Slater. Let's get him ready.
Ready.
Premier Ping,
it's a pleasure to finally meet you.
You had a pleasant flight, I trust?
I was just asking the Premier
if he had a pleasant flight.
Kate, Johnny's back on the team.
What?
It's all checked out and the PM
and the Chinese have approved it.
- Approved what?
- He's standing in for Pamela.
Isn't it great?
Excuse me. Agent Tucker.
Good, good.
And your wife is well?
Lock it up, Johnny.
Wonderful.
That's it.
Premier, I am most grateful you have
agreed to meet me at this time.
It is our pleasure.
Maintain that tone, Prime Minister.
Avoid confrontation, keep eye contact.
I can assure you that the Chinese people
have always regarded the British
people as completely horrible.
- Honourable.
- Honourable.
Completely honourable.
Of course.
I was very keen to meet...
Johnny, stand up and go to the water table.
Premier,
I believe the present danger
can be averted if we act swiftly.
Go to your right pocket.
We designed it for Pegasus.
Well, it's too bloody late now.
Just act natural.
- Prime Minister, traditionally...
- Somethings wrong.
...China does not respond well to advice...
Pull out the barrel.
Now, Johnny, I want you to kill Xiang Ping.
Oh, dear God, no.
He's being controlled.
By who?
Ambrose.
Shoot Xiang Ping!
Mind must be master of the body.
He's resisting it.
His left hand is fighting the right hand.
Come on, Johnny.
If I can interrupt the frequency,
I could stop Ambrose
from communicating with him.
English, stand up!
Come on. Come on.
He'll be dead in 50 seconds, sir.
Tucker!
Come on.
- Pull the trigger!
- I'm in.
Listen to me, this is Simon Ambrose,
and I order you
to shoot Xiang Ping!
Ten seconds, sir.
Fire!
Go, go, go.
Time to get out of here.
Hold your fire!
Stand down!
His pulse is dropping.
Don't lose him!
Come on, sir.
Open your head, English,
and you shall be reborn.
Almost there.
Thank you, Kate.
I was passing.
Sir.
Tucker!
Welcome back, sir.
Thank you, Tucker.
I won't kiss you, if you don't mind.
Well, whatever.
Where's Ambrose?
English?
Sir. What are you doing, sir'?
Guideline 17-5: Never question
a senior agent in the field.
No!
Ambrose' you five-star turd.
Another balls-up, Johnny.
Ooh.
What's the matter with you?
It's all over, Ambrose.
You can betray your country,
you can cheat your friends,
but you can't get away
from Johnny English...
So long, Johnny!
The D-7.
The bulletproof shield!
Hey! It's not working!
It's the T-2, sir!
- Is he... Oh, he's alive!
- It's the T-2!
Close it. Close ii!
Stupid thing!
Oh, Johnny.
The T-2.
Tucker, you clever boy.
I couldn't be more delighted.
Vortex's paymasters have been arrested,
and China has expressed its gratitude
to both Britain and the Service.
We owe English a great deal.
Well, reinstating his knighthood
is a truly lovely gesture.
And it will mean the world to him.
Her Majesty will be with him shortly.
Gotcha! Gotcha.
Got you!
Just about had enough of you,
you old cow!
You're going nowhere! Pegasus!
English!
It's her! It's the killer cleaner!
Finally, I've got her!
You never know when it's over, do you?
Well, it's over, over, over, over, over!
I don't know how to thank you.
I'd love a take-away.
Consider it done.