Wow! Where did you come from?
You're beautiful, caring.
And don't get me started
about that sexy body.
You're the type of woman a man keeps.
And I know you're working later,
but, baby, I need to see you tonight.
Well, I wanna see you tonight, too.
Baby, can I call you right back?
Yeah. No, I promise.
All right, sexy. Yeah, I gotta go.
No, I promise, I promise.
All right, beautiful. Bye.
Breakfast?
I gotta go. I just remembered
I have a 10:00 o'clock photo shoot.
Oh, God, I did it again.
I gave up the cookie for a cute face,
nice body,
and some mediocre conversation.
I don't even think
he can spell "mediocre."
I promise, God, again,
that if you get me out of this situation
with some dignity...
Okay, just get me out of here.
I promise to only share my cookies
with my future husband.
No more of this.
And, God, because it's obvious
I don't know how to spot a human being,
could you please make it clear
who you want me to be with?
I mean, clear clear,
the kind of clear that...
-Hey...
-Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Oh, no!
Are you okay? Oh, my God!
Sir, are you okay?
I am so sorry! I didn't see you.
I mean, you came out of nowhere.
I could've killed you. Do you know that?
I could've killed you! Are you okay?
You look okay, but you could be dying
of internal bleeding,
where people have concussions
and they think they're fine
and then they go to sleep
and then they never wake up.
You could be dying.
-Oh, my God, I killed you.
-I'm not dead. I'm alive.
Well, listen, my name is Sabrina Watson.
I have great insurance
and an excellent dry cleaner.
I even have a good enough job
to pay for dinner.
I clearly owe you, and you could have
whatever you want on the menu.
-Well, except for the cookie plate.
-Sabrina?
Sabrina Watson?
Breathe.
I'm fine.
God, did I say
how much I love your sense of humor?
-Verdict?
-Amazing.
My parents took me to see Carmen
when I was a little girl.
Back then, you know, all that mattered
to me was the music and the costumes.
But now, I realize it's all about love
and anger and how they're linked,
-but, ultimately...
-Incompatible.
Jason Taylor, you are full of surprises.
Babe, I have you to thank for it.
I mean, to think that I grew up
in this city
and all this time I had no idea...
Come on, let's go.
...that all this was available to us.
-I mean, opera?
-You liked it?
-I loved it.
-Really?
But, babe, you can't tell the guys
about all the stuff we do.
They're still hazing me
about the picnic we had in Central Park.
-Okay, fine.
-You promise?
-Pinky swear.
-I trust you.
So, I hear the Peking Opera
is fantastic.
Supposedly, it's like nothing
you've ever seen before.
Peking?
You got the offer.
It's cutting-edge IP law
and a 20% pay raise.
-Wow.
-Couldn't say no.
I understand. Congrats.
When would you start?
-Two months.
-Two months?
-So soon?
-Yeah.
Wow. Two months.
Jason, I know we haven't been together
that long,
and I probably have no right to
ask you this, but I just feel like...
I don't know.
Do you think we could
try to make it work?
Babe, China is really far away.
-I don't know.
-There's the telephone
-and Internet and Skype, and...
-Skype.
And I'd be back every two months
for meetings.
Look...
I just... The long distance thing, I...
I don't know.
I don't... I don't believe in it.
So, what does that mean?
It means that you have a really
good opportunity in front of you,
and I'm not gonna stand
in the way of it.
Well, it sounds to me
like you made up your mind.
It was a fun night.
You're such a perfect lover
And, baby, you could do better than me
But you stuck by me like a soldier
Sweet loving until...
Look, Sabrina,
ever since I met you, I've felt like...
Like I can accomplish anything,
anywhere.
New York, China. It doesn't matter,
as long as we're together.
You've introduced me to a world
that I can't even begin
to imagine living without you.
I don't want to.
I want you in my life forever.
Sabrina, I prayed on it,
and God answered me with you.
Sabrina Watson,
would you marry me?
You scared me!
Babe, is that a yes?
Yes!
-You said yes, right?
-Yes.
Come here.
I'm so unpredictable
yet your love's unconditional for me
And I wanna know why
How can you love me so much, girl?
Put up with all of the crazy things I do
It's incredible.
-You like it?
-It's amazing.
JUMPING THE BROOM
Mabel?
Let's give each of the couples
an extra bag of the wasabi peanuts.
Yes, Mrs. Watson.
-I'm sorry.
-Amy. Are you okay?
Yes, I tend to get a little nervous
before a big event.
You do plan big events for a living, no?
Yes, I do, ma'am.
And as to yours, tomorrow is day one.
The workmen will arrive in the morning
to hoist the tent for the reception.
Jason and Sabrina will meet with
Reverend James to discuss the service.
The bulk of the guests will be arriving
on the midday ferry,
followed by 3:00 pm, the rehearsal.
And then cocktails
and the rehearsal dinner in the tent.
Amy, remember, I just want everything
to be very simple,
elegant and modern, you know?
And I need to have a long table
so we can all sit together
like one big, happy family.
That is gonna be so fun to do
at the round tables I was told to order.
Right. Not to worry about that.
I'll just make that go bye-bye.
-Good.
-Continue.
Right. Day two, the big day, Saturday.
Breakfast on the deck.
Later, the women will primp and groom
while the men play football.
A Watson family tradition
I wish I could ignore.
Like the round tables,
I can make that go away.
Back to the wedding.
All right, rental chairs and lanterns
will be arranged here on the lawn.
The ceremony begins at 2:00 pm sharp
with dinner and dancing to follow.
And on Sunday morning, Jason and I
will be Mr, and Mrs. Jason Edgar Taylor.
Girl!
-Oh, wow. Okay.
-Yeah.
-Well, I'm gonna check on...
-What's wrong?
Mom, come on.
It's just... It's just all so rushed.
No time for an engagement party
or bridal shower.
Really, Sabrina.
It looks as if we have no home training.
We should've taken months to plan this.
Really, why the rush?
If you're pregnant, you can tell me.
For the millionth time,
no, I'm not pregnant.
Okay? Trust me.
Jason and I are in love, really in love.
We wanna go to China
as husband and wife, a team.
Jason makes a good impression,
but we haven't met his family yet.
What are they like?
Amy! Let's put some greens in
with the roses, okay?
-For, like, a pop of color.
-Sabrina.
And Bellinis. Mom, you love Bellinis.
Let's serve Bellinis as well, okay?
-Sabrina!
-Yes?
-What are they like?
-I don't know.
You don't know? Sabrina,
your father and I have invested
over half a million dollars
in your education.
-Communicate.
-I haven't met them yet.
I know. I tried, but it was
hard for Jason to work it out!
-Sabrina!
-Mrs. Taylor is a very busy woman.
-Sabrina.
-Mom,
everybody's gonna love each other
because Jason and I love each other.
How can you say you love him
when you don't know them?
They could be awful
-or:::
-Or great.
-Come on. You worry too much!
-No, you don't worry enough.
Well, it's all under control.
Right, Amy?
-Okay, Miss O'Neal. Next!
-So, when are you leaving?
You know all those people over
at the Vineyard,
they are so loaded,
even their servants are rich.
I can't believe little Jason
is getting married this weekend,
and I'm not gonna be there.
Well,
of course you're not gonna be there.
You wearing a ankle bracelet
and it's not for fashion. Next!
What's the girl like?
Miss O'Neal, go on, now.
I gotta go to work. Next!
Come on up here, baby.
Hurry up. I ain't got all day.
What?
-One minute, baby.
-Come on, girl, don't...
-Shonda!
-Pam, I'm busy.
You see this long line
we have out here?
Excuse us, excuse us.
-What's the problem, Pam?
-I have tried to be nice to this girl,
but you know by now she should've come
over here to Brooklyn to meet me.
You will not believe it.
She sent me a text message.
A text message!
Talking 'bout she want me
to bring some baby pictures of Jason
so she can put 'em
in the wedding program.
She treating me like I'm her secretary,
not the mother-in-law to be!
She got Jason's nose all open, talking
about she gonna take him to China.
China! My Jason don't like
nothing sweet and sour.
This girl need to
have a little more respect for me!
Why are your panties all in a wad?
Didn't you tell me that Jason hadn't
met her family, either?
Heifer, whose side you on?
All this stuff going on,
her text messaging me
when she can pick up a telephone
and call me like I'm a human being.
I don't play this. Strike one.
Don't forget about
your anger management classes, Pam.
Calm down.
Honey, you gonna have
to go get back in line.
I'm going to lunch.
What?
Our guests arrive tomorrow,
so we will need to prepare every room.
All the linens need to be changed.
The floors need to sparkle.
-And sparkle they will, Mrs. Watson.
-Each of the guest rooms
needs to get a bouquet
of summer flowers.
-Yes, Mrs. Watson.
-And we have to assemble the gift boxes
-for all of our out-of-town guests.
-Yes, Mrs. Watson.
Where in hell are you?
Meeting ran long.
I'm on my way to the airport now.
Did you forget that we have 50 people
arriving here tomorrow
for our daughter's wedding?
Your sarcasm is unattractive.
Gregory, I cannot tolerate
one of your disappearing acts.
-I am not doing this alone.
-Yeah. Calm down.
You're not alone. Like I said,
I'm on my way to the airport.
Where were we?
All right. Where were we?
Yeah. Dissolution of property.
Gregg, I can't keep up this charade.
I've known Claudine for a long time,
and I do owe her a modicum of respect.
You have to tell her, or I will.
Jason!
-Wifey-to-be, wifey-to-be.
-What are you doing?
God, the stairs weren't good enough
for you?
I'm old school, babe. I got the horse
double-parked downstairs.
You know how they do it in the movies?
What's wrong, babe?
I'm just really nervous
about meeting your mom.
I need to know more about her.
-Like what?
-I don't know, just, you know, details.
Details are what make a person.
Like what's her taste in art?
Is she more MoMA or Met?
-Does she eat sushi or soul food?
-Baby...
Does she wanna play Mahalia Jackson
or Michael Jackson?
Breathe.
Okay. Let's see, my mom.
She's a very sweet...
Yeah?
...gentle, soft-spoken woman.
-Really?
-Just like you.
Come here.
-Oh, God.
-I know, I know.
Wait. Oh, my gosh.
Sorry, Jason, I'm sorry.
-I'm sorry, I just...
-I know.
-I can't do that.
-The promise you made with God, right?
-Yes, and you should respect it.
-I respect it, babe, but it ain't easy.
I mean, look at you. I mean, come on.
-Can we just keep that open?
-No, we can't. We can talk.
-Talk?
-Yes.
French.
I don't know what to say.
Just say anything.
Please don't be mad.
But I am afraid that when we're on
our honeymoon,
It will be that time of the month.
I don't know what you just said,
but it sounded so good.
Did it?
Sabrina! Reverend James is here!
See? You hear that?
That's God talking through my mom.
Oh, my God.
You couldn't control it?
I'm okay with this waiting thing,
but he is pissed
at my choice in women right now.
-Say you're sorry. Say you're sorry.
-I'm sorry. Kind of.
-It's not working.
-Not really.
-French?
-Get outta here.
-Sabrina!
-I'm coming, Mom!
Maybe we could get to the last detail
of this wedding, the reading.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
I was thinking Jude, Chapter three.
"The quality of mercy is not strained.
It falls like a gentle rain
from the heavens."
That's Shakespeare.
-That's not Jude three?
-There is no Jude three.
-There's no Jude three?
-No.
I was thinking Corinthians 13.
"Love is patient, love is kind."
How about John 15?
That's my mother's favorite.
Well, it's our wedding, so...
Well, babe, it would really make
my mother happy, come on.
Yeah. And when she gets married again,
they can read it for her, okay?
Wait a minute, wait a minute,
hold up a minute.
Maybe we should just
look at Genesis 2:24.
It says, "For this cause shall a man
leave his mother and his father
"and take unto him a wife
"and then they shall cleave
and become one flesh."
Now, that... That feels good.
That is a good one. That's a good one.
Could we possibly get back
to you on this one, Rev?
Certainly, certainly.
Let's talk about it.
Sabrina, dear,
I understand that you love each other
and that you're maybe even meant
to be together.
But I should warn you that
sometimes life will really test you.
Well, we'll pass. I mean,
Reverend James, Jason was sent to me.
He's my soul mate.
That's so sweet.
But even a soul mate
can really test you.
You've known me since I was just
a wee little thing, and now...
-Pigtails and braces.
-Yes!
-Look at you now. So wonderful.
-That's right. Can you believe it?
I tell you what,
I'm gonna have to leave you lovebirds
and get on back to the church
so we can have
this marvelous wedding of yours.
Thank you!
-Be sweet, dear.
-Thank you so much.
-And take care.
-Thanks.
-We'll talk soon.
-All right, Rev.
-All the best. See you all. Bye-bye.
-All right, see you tomorrow.
-Take care.
-Bye.
It's almost noon.
I gotta go pick up my mom, all right?
No, no, no, no!
You're not going anywhere.
-What do you mean, babe?
-Amy sent a car for her.
-Amy sent a car for my mom?
-Yes.
Babe, this ain't gonna be good.
What do you mean?
I'm sure it was a nice car.
Show her how to pose, will you?
Oh, my goodness! Stop all that now!
All right, just smile, Pam! Okay...
Don't touch my baby's pie!
-Where's Willie Earl?
-No, he could be anywhere.
I see you been around the world.
You got a few stamps in your passport.
It's none of your business.
Just trying to
have a polite conversation.
I'm sure whatever distant land
you come from that line about stamps
may work as a natural aphrodisiac.
To me, however, it's just country.
Ain't nothing wrong
with a little biscuit and gravy.
Please.
Don't walk away from your future.
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
Please get me out of here.
See, that's what I'm talking about.
-Be careful with that.
-He know what he doing.
Shonda, I am trying to be nice,
but who are they trying to impress?
A car? A driver?
Why couldn't they send somebody from
the family down here to pick us up?
And where the hell is Jason?
What you looking at?
Girl, what you think I'm looking at?
It's August in the Vineyard.
I'm looking for Barack and Michelle.
Oh, God.
Have you seen Sabrina? Thank you.
No, but, Mrs. Watson,
the calligrapher broke her arm
and she can't finish the guest cards.
So, I was...
Okay. And that's not your problem.
That's my problem. Moving on.
The bedrooms are all ready.
Thank you, Mabel. Have you seen Sabrina?
I'm right here, Mom.
Where's Sebastian?
He missed the ferry, but he'll be here
for the cocktail party.
-You all are working my last nerve.
-Relax.
-Hey! Sweetie!
-Hi, Dad.
So good to see you!
All right, they'll be here any minute.
Go change.
That sounded a little bit like,
"Go fetch."
Dad, Mom is right.
You need to make a good impression
on my future mother-in-law, okay?
Absolutely, sweetie.
Thanks, Dad.
-That's them! They're here!
-Mom, how do I look?
-Do I have anything in my teeth?
-Sabrina.
-What about my nose?
-Sabrina, that is vile.
Now, remember who you are.
You are my angel.
Hello.
Claudine.
-Geneva.
-Auntie! You made it!
Look at you. You're beautiful.
Why didn't you respond
to the wedding invitation?
The mail on the island
is so unpredictable.
Are there no phones on the island?
-Claudie.
-Mom.
Where are you staying?
In Grand-Mre's old room, of course.
-See? Room for me.
-Come on. I have so much to tell you!
I can't wait to show you
what I bought you. It's see-through.
-So, it's really a gift for Jason.
-And where is he?
I need to see the man
who stole my little girl's heart.
Auntie, you are going to love him.
First of all...
Just bring 'em in here and drop 'em.
Drop 'em right here. Put it...
She sure can pack for a two-day wedding.
You know, if you don't mind me asking,
Mrs. Watson, she's like a...
She's like a couple shades lighter
than you.
Is that... Is that the normal kind...
Fair question. She's like a mocha.
You're like a... I don't know,
like a milk chocolate.
Got it.
It's pretty nasty. What is this, Auntie?
Now, now, this is not
for your honeymoon night. No, no, no.
No, this is for when you guys fight
or you want something expensive.
You put this on
-and you cook him some dinner.
-Got it.
I might not know anything
about marriage,
but I do know
how to help you guys stay married.
Auntie, I think you got the perfect one.
-I love it! It's the best.
-Good!
-I love you, chrie.
-I love you so much.
Do everybody out here
got their own boat?
I don't wanna get on
no boats around here.
Make you feel
like they're taking you back to Africa.
This place is amazing.
This is so beautiful.
Look at these houses!
You know, I was thinking
I could represent Jason's father,
say a few kind words over dinner
about love and marriage.
Okay, so now you a pro at marriage?
-Could be.
-All right.
So, how many marriages have you had,
Willie Earl?
-Three.
-Who?
Four, four, four, four times.
But I married one of them twice.
And don't forget about that fiasco
in Mexico last year, remember that?
No, Willie Earl, she was fine.
I would've went to Mexico for that.
What a brother will do for the taco.
And a burrito and rice and beans.
You probably left a baby down there,
Willie Earl.
Come on, Pam.
Come on, Pammy Pam.
So what they didn't come meet us at
the dock, and you haven't met the girl?
But we're here now.
Can we please have a good time?
I don't care what y'all talking about.
This is nice.
Get picked up like this every day.
They got their own lake or something?
Are you serious?
-You guys, look at that! Oh, my God!
-This is nice.
You guys,
it's like the Kennedy Compound!
That's gotta be an apartment complex.
They got workers and everything.
Look at 'em.
They got white people working.
I bet they got, like, five bathrooms.
-Doing good for theyself.
-Come on, y'all. Calm down.
We done seen houses bigger than this.
-Where?
-No, we haven't!
Black folks own this? No.
They're dressing 'em different now.
You look rich.
Well,
does money make you more beautiful?
If you fat and unattractive,
money certainly will help.
-Willie Earl.
-Hey, whassup, Jay?
-How you doing, man? Good to see you.
-My love to you, boy.
Long time no see.
Welcome to the Vineyard, Mom.
-You sent a car to get your mother?
-Only the best for you.
Well, the best would've been
for you to pick me up.
I love you, too, Mom.
Mom, this is Sabrina.
Hello.
Hi! Mrs. Taylor!
It is so nice to finally meet you!
Isn't she great, Mom?
I'm sorry. I just...
I didn't think a handshake
expressed the moment, you know?
No.
I'm a hugger. I like to hug.
I can see that.
Sorry.
I'm Claudine Watson.
Pam Taylor.
Well, may I say that you've certainly
raised a wonderful man.
Thank you. He is wonderful.
I wish I could say the same about you
and your daughter.
I said that the wrong way.
I mean, I wish I had met her earlier,
-before now, and then I could say...
-This is my family.
Shonda. She is my mom's best friend.
-How you doing?
-Hello.
Uncle Willie Earl.
Rich and fine.
Fine as a glass of wine.
And my cousin, Malcolm.
I invited the two of them to stay here.
I hope that's okay.
Mom.
Yes, yes.
I mean, we certainly have enough room.
Why don't we go into the house,
make you more comfortable.
You guys have to be so thirsty.
We have Bellinis.
I hope you like Bellinis.
-Bellinis. What the hell is that?
-Yes, yes.
It is so good.
I want some Coca-Cola...
-Come on in, everyone.
-Thank you.
Bellini for you, Mom.
-No, no, no, no.
-No? You sure?
Everyone, come on into the living room.
William Earl, Michael?
-Malcolm.
-Malcolm. Pardon me, Malcolm.
Please, have a seat.
Make yourself comfortable.
-Welcome, welcome.
-Is this...
I made Jason a sweet potato pie.
It's his favorite.
Well, what a lovely gift.
Yeah, no, she's famous all over
Brooklyn for her pies.
Really? We'll have to serve it tonight
at the rehearsal dinner.
No, no, no.
This is for Jason and his friends.
It's just that my buddies always fight
over her pies.
She's a really, really good cook.
Well, Mrs. Taylor, you really need
to share your recipes with me.
Hear a way to a man's heart
is through his stomach.
It's a family secret.
Well...
It's a good thing we're all
gonna be family after tomorrow.
Where can I put this?
You can shove it...
-In the kitchen.
-Thank you, Mabel.
Hello! Hello.
-Dad!
-Gregg Watson.
You must be Jason's sister.
No. I'm his mother.
Jason, why have you
kept this jewel hidden from us?
-My apologies.
-Thank you.
We are so sorry you couldn't make it
to lunch with us last month.
You all went to lunch together?
-Where?
-21 .
-21 .
-It was phenomenal.
Well, Jason told us that you were busy.
Busy?
It was really last-minute, Mom.
Well, Mrs. Taylor, allow me to show you
and Shondra to your living quarters.
This way, please.
It's Shonda.
Here we go.
"It's a family secret"? What was that?
If I can't have your cookies,
you can't have my pies.
Hello! Maid of honor in the house!
Blythe! Oh, my goodness!
Look at you, you look so good.
You are just in time to counsel the
bride with a mother-in-law situation.
Well, as long as you pay me in Mot.
-Done. Come on.
-Let's do it.
Excuse me.
How you doing? I'm Malcolm. And you are?
-Blythe.
-Blythe, Blythe, Blythe.
So, I hear you the maid of honor.
Well, I'm the best man,
so there's gotta be some kind of ritual
we can do
to get to know each other better.
There is. There is.
It's called stop touching me.
-Okay.
-Bellini, lovely.
Bellini?
Now, that's that boomerang game,
brother.
-She gonna come back.
-Okay.
No, I mean, I feel so fresh.
You didn't use that thing, did you?
You know I did.
And you know what I realize?
That rich people are not happy
because of the money.
They're happy because of the bidets.
The bidets make you wanna go out
and make more money
-so you could buy some more bidets.
-Listen,
they have those bidets
because they're full of it.
What, you brought a broom?
Honey, this isn't just any broom.
This is the broom that Mike
and I jumped when we got married.
You know, I don't know
why I feel like a bald-headed stepchild
at my own son's wedding.
And all that talk about
they didn't have time
for her to come across the bridge
and meet me is just a lie.
Then they gonna go to 21 without me.
Yeah, Jason, he should've told you.
There's no reason why they should've
had that party without you or me.
It wasn't Jason.
He'd never do that to me.
It was that little ugly girl
in that teeny tiny dress.
-Oh, my God!
-What is it?
Rich folks got good taste in property,
but bad taste in snacks.
Knock, knock!
-Hi.
-Hi.
I hope everything's okay with the room.
So, I just...
I wanted to make sure we're all set
for the fitting tomorrow morning.
-Fitting?
-Yeah, Jason didn't tell you?
He's such a man.
I bought you two dresses to choose from.
-For?
-The wedding.
Honey, no. I dress myself. Thank you.
I know,
but, you see, I wanted everyone
to wear the same shade of buff tomorrow,
for the optics.
Optics?
The photographs.
You mean pictures? Well, then just
say pictures. Say pictures.
-Pictures.
-Well, if you had mentioned a dress
in that lovely text message
you sent yesterday,
then I would not have gone out
and bought this one.
I mean, this got buff.
Buff, that's white, right?
White is buff?
-See? Lot of white in this.
-Yeah, kind of, but...
It's just...
Would you mind wearing one
of the dresses?
I'll have my father reimburse you.
You don't mind, do you?
It's just, it's my wedding,
and I was hoping that...
Okay, okay, I'll wear your dress.
Really?
Thank you!
I was...
Sorry. Just...
Okay. Well...
I hope you enjoy the box.
My mom made it special.
I'll see you at the rehearsal dinner.
And I really think you're gonna love
either one of the dresses.
Buff usually looks good on everyone.
Just as a general rule of thumb, so...
Okay.
Girl, I'm really proud of you.
I mean, really, that anger management
class must've really paid off.
That is strike three.
Who shows up with extra weekend guests?
It's just so...
Ghetto?
I was gonna say simple.
Mre Claudine would have put them back
on the ferry
faster than they could say
"sweet potato pie."
She nearly banned Gregory's parents
from our wedding.
They never acted up again.
I wish I could say the same
for their son.
There's nothing wrong with Gregory.
He invited his mistress to the wedding.
You don't know that to be true.
Mabel, I'm not a fool.
The signs have been there for a while.
Well, that Mrs. Taylor may be backwards,
but she sure can make a pie.
Mrs. Watson? There you are.
Hey. Hi, Mabel.
-Oh, Lord.
-So, I told Chef about our extra guests,
and he said, "There's no more chicken."
So, I suggested he serve salmon.
Well, he said they seem
like chicken people to him.
And I thought that sounded
a little bit offensive,
but given the history of our country,
I didn't think I was the one
who should point that out.
I really need him on my side
to pull this whole thing off.
So, anyway, bottom line,
he refuses to make any new chicken
because he's already seasoned
the RSVP'd chicken, so, you know, help.
Thanks.
Hoods are good for a roll in the hay,
but you don't marry them.
I do agree with you,
but Jason has become a bootstrapper.
Hoods, bootstrappers, same thing.
I know, right?
Then the ushers take the mother
of the bride
and mother of the groom to their seats
on opposite sides of the aisle.
Dude, they're looking at me, ain't they?
Yeah, they're looking.
I ain't marrying nothing.
Talkin' about some China. Right.
I bet you good money that girl pregnant.
That's the only reason Jason would be
getting married this quick, bro.
No, I don't believe she's pregnant.
And I don't think Jason would
appreciate you spreading that rumor.
I ain't spreading a rumor,
I'm talking to you.
Okay, well,
maybe you should be talking to Jason.
What is that, that's your role here,
the rumor police?
No, I am a colleague.
Goldman Sachs, maybe you heard of it?
-No. -And the best man
takes his place right here.
Ricky, please.
-Wait, wait.
-Right this way.
-You the best man?
-Yeah.
Ricky, if I could get you up here.
-Hey, your cousin's hilarious.
-What's he up to now?
I don't know, he seems really interested
in you and Sabrina's love life.
Well, that makes two of us.
But in 23 more hours, guess what?
-I will be good to go.
-Okay.
How long have they been dating,
like, six months, right?
I guess they think it's romantic.
Well, I don't know. He might be
getting it from somewhere else
'cause the only guy I know
wait six months to have sex
is either on the low-down
or the down-low.
True.
I want you to be honest with me.
I'm gonna ask you something.
I wanna know right now.
-God, here we go.
-'Cause I know you, all right?
How are you doing this?
Let's see.
Lot of baby oil, medicated Vaseline.
-They have this new stuff...
-Okay, pause.
You asked. Let's just say
I've been handling the situation.
Yeah, apparently, for six months.
Yeah, six months. And guess what?
For Sabrina, I'd go another six months.
Just don't tell her I said that,
'cause I don't wanna give her any ideas.
I mean, seriously, like, what kind
of man waits that long to have sex?
The kind of man
I'm about to marry tomorrow.
And stop talking about me
and worry about your own sad situation.
Where'd this come from?
The married one, or the
investment banker or the footballer?
-I can't keep up with you, Blythe.
-All of them.
Well, excuse me,
Miss "I-made-a-deal-with-God."
Just remember that I knew you when.
Yes, and you are going to be quiet
about that.
I am not talking about that
this weekend.
-Thank you.
-You're welcome.
-You do you and I'll do me.
-Fine.
On that note, I'm gonna go get
another glass of champagne. This one.
-Blythe!
-Darling, your secrets are safe with me.
I don't understand this obsession
with chicken.
Come on, people,
put some pep in your step.
Let's go, people.
They're getting hungry outside.
And if these are not going out,
put 'em on ice, please.
Getting hot out there.
Pardon me.
-Excuse me.
-Excuse me.
-Excuse me.
-Watch the stove. It's hot.
Blythe.
Chef.
Excuse me.
We need to talk.
Could you pick a worse time?
You've always been great
at recognizing a moment.
Our guests are about to arrive.
Sarcasm is something
your family always used
to keep from actually
talking to each other.
I'm getting pretty tired of it.
You shouldn't be out here
cleaning in this hot sun.
-Don't you worry, Miss. I'm okay.
-Is sunscreen something you would use?
-No.
-No.
So, is that Jason's crew?
Slim pickings, right?
Ricky's kind of cute, but what's up
with the pressed khakis and Top-Siders?
Analysis. He bought those clothes
to impress and look the part,
hoping that he would rub elbows
and maybe come up like Jason.
Don't talk about my boo like that.
You know, if you'd stop dating
from that crazy list of yours,
you might actually find a decent man.
I don't have a list.
You don't have a list?
I don't!
Okay, let's see, lvy League,
not by scholarship. Seven-figure salary.
Black Card, seasoned at least one year.
Laughs at all your jokes
and loves your mama.
Need I say more?
But what are you guys saying,
that I should lower my standards?
-Yeah.
-Yes!
-What?
-Because it's based in fantasy.
You gotta look through different eyes.
Open your mind to other possibilities.
Ladies, hey.
Sorry for ear-hustling over there,
but I agree with her.
You should open your eyes
to different possibilities.
See? No lvy League.
Seven figures? Not at all. Close
to five some years when I'm working.
But I get you, Blythe.
We should hook up.
-You and me.
-I'm a hermaphrodite.
I don't care what your religion is.
-It's more about us.
-Wow!
It's nature.
Listen, baby, this is the
perfect weekend, right? There's...
-Ladies?
-Thank you.
Caviar is very fresh. You should try it.
Blythe, right?
Yeah.
I have something I want you to try.
Why don't you come with me?
Okay.
Excuse me.
What, what... What just happened?
-Thanks for rescuing me.
-My pleasure.
Thank you, sir.
I'm sorry.
I'm Sebastian.
I'm Shonda.
So, I'm guessing
you're a friend of the groom?
I'm his mama's best friend.
I'm the bride's cousin.
How old are you?
I'll be a senior next year at Yale.
Cheers. Okay, take care.
Try this.
No.
You feel that tingle of the champagne
on your lips?
And the smooth and gentle texture
of the body between your teeth?
And, finally, the explosive finish
on your tongue?
-You know, the shrimp are cold.
-They're supposed to be that way, Mom.
I'm not having any of this food.
I'm hungry.
Who in our family eats oysters?
And when did you start eating oysters?
God, I mean, you love my cooking.
Why didn't you just run the menu by me?
Because all I did was write the check,
Mom.
These folk have all the money in the
world and they got you paying for this?
-Mom, look at this.
-No, you look at this.
Now, this is not you.
I know you. You love greens.
You will not eat a meal without greens,
-and I don't see a green anywhere.
-Mom? Mom.
I'll have the chef makes us
our own pot of greens.
With neck bones.
That stanky chef don't know nothing
-about no neck bones.
-Turkey neck bones,
-just like you make 'em.
-Well. Yes, okay.
Now, this pool is nothing. I have
a friend who's got a big, big pool.
-It goes way up...
-Mom, come on.
It's true.
Hey, everybody, if I could just
get your attention for a second.
I wanted to take a moment
to welcome you all to our home
and to thank you for sharing
this special occasion with us.
Good friends and family,
we appreciate how hard it was
to come here without much notice.
For that, you can thank Sabrina.
-Yes.
-Baby girl,
she is impulsive and spontaneous.
She's got a good mind and a huge heart.
And I love her.
Thank you, Dad.
And now Jason's uncle, Willie Earl,
will be giving the blessing.
-Willie Earl. Willie Earl.
-What's happening, Pam?
Okay.
Heavenly Father, dear Lord,
thank you for these gifts.
And thank you for being merciful,
even to those
who do not appreciate your generosity.
Dear Lord,
they're sitting in their expensive cars,
Lord, and they wear their fancy clothes,
and they think
that they alone are responsible
for everything they have.
-But, Lord, we know the truth, don't we?
-This is not a blessing.
-Hey, baby, just breathe.
-We know that the meek...
The meek shall inherit the Earth.
Thank you, Jesus.
Hallelujah! Amen! Bon appetit.
-What was that? What was that?
-Just breathe.
Your mother said
that I could give the blessing.
Well, if that was a blessing,
you going to hell.
That was completely inappropriate.
I'm inappropriate?
Where are my people? Where is my family?
Well, aren't we all gonna be family
after tomorrow?
That's right. After tomorrow, it's on.
We're already all one big family, right?
-Baby, let it go. -Yes, and this food
is really hitting the spot.
I'll have to work it off tomorrow
with the Electric Slide. Let's have fun.
To the left, to the left,
to the right, to the right.
Actually, Jason and I told the DJ
not to encourage the slide, you know,
so I don't want you
to look forward to that.
Y'all don't do the Electric Slide? What
y'all do, the Riverdance or something?
No, Willie Earl. It's just so cliche,
you know.
They do it at the end
of every black wedding, and we just...
Well, it figures
that your kind would think that way.
-Mom.
-Here we go.
"Your kind?"
I'm sorry, I didn't realize that the
Electric Slide was a cultural necessity.
Well, the Electric Slide at a black
wedding is just like jumping the broom.
-Yeah, right.
-You're gonna jump the broom?
No.
-What?
-Namaste.
Remember anger management, okay?
Just calm down.
Jason, enough is enough.
You've got to jump the broom.
-Mom, we just...
-Mrs. Taylor,
Jason and I decided we wanted
everything to be simple, elegant.
Modern.
Would a Jewish couple get married
without breaking the glass?
We're not Jewish.
I didn't say you were Jewish.
The slaves were not allowed to marry.
Jumping the broom was the only way
that they could show their union.
Now, we have done that in this family
for years.
It is a tradition.
It's gone on for generations.
And, as you say,
it is a cultural necessity.
Look, Harriet Tubman,
Kunta Kinte ain't sitting at the table,
and, you know,
this ain't a black history moment, Pam.
Well, why should they have to jump
over a broom?
My family weren't slaves.
Are you so sure of that?
Yes. As a matter of fact,
they owned slaves.
What?
Mom, don't say that.
And you're proud of that?
No, no, I'm neither proud nor ashamed.
It's just an immutable fact.
You know something,
you're crazier than I thought you were.
Here's another fact, honey.
You need to get off your high horse
and come on back down to Earth,
'cause, baby, you black.
-That's right.
-Okay? You're black.
-You black.
-No, you don't come into my house
and tell me what I'm supposed to do.
I'm about to have this woman dragged
out of my house.
No, they're not trying to voulez-vous
coucher avec moi ce soir us.
I don't care what they saying in French.
I know she talking about me.
Hey, come on, Pam.
Mrs. Taylor, it's just that...
Did you just kick me
under the table twice?
Not in a row, baby. Just relax.
Listen, everybody, calm down.
Calm down, calm down, all right?
Now, listen, if it is important
to Jason's family to jump the broom,
would it be so difficult
to actually consider jumping the broom?
-There.
-Thank you.
Go play with your whore over there.
She said she gonna hit you in the head
with a computer, I heard that.
Good evening, good evening,
good evening.
You look awesome this evening.
My baby, hi!
Can I... Yes.
Like we rehearsed.
That's a short dress.
I'd like to sing a song
for Sabrina and Jason's big day.
I heard it's been a long,
long six months.
I don't know how you two do it.
Wow. I know I couldn't do it.
Get up, get up, get up, get up
Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up
This is gonna be interesting.
Oh, baby, let's get down tonight
Ooh, baby
I'm hot just like an oven
I need some loving
No, she didn't say that.
And, baby
Any chance you might be able to get
that dress after she's done with it?
I can't hold on much longer
It's getting stronger and stronger
And when I get that feeling
I want sexual healing
Sexual healing
Oh, baby
Make me feel so fine
Help to relieve my mind
Sexual healing, baby, is good for me
Sexual healing is something
that's good for me
If you don't know
the things that you're dealing
Jason and Sabrina,
get some sexual healing
I got her sexual healing right here.
Hell, she gonna be
the next ex-Miss Willie Taylor.
I thought you would at least look
after me once I got here.
How could you let those people
treat me like that?
Mom, there is blame to be
had on both sides.
Now, will you please
just give these people a break?
-Give these people a break?
-Yes.
-Her family had slaves and she's proud
of it? -That's not what she said.
Now there's something wrong
with my hearing. I know what she said.
And you know what, you're gonna end up
being her slave for life.
So, now I'm a slave?
Boy, don't you get dramatic with me.
Mom, I have a bachelor party to go to,
all right?
Go.
Hey, Willie Earl.
You on one tonight, ain't you, sis?
That was wrong.
And what'd you say that speech for?
It's "why did you give that speech."
You're out here
with all these bougie folk.
You better not be using that Ebonics.
No, I'm serious, Pam.
That was wrong and it was foul
for going in there and starting that
fight at their dinner table like that.
If Jason don't wanna jump the broom,
he don't have to jump the broom.
Willie Earl, the only reason
I brought you up here was to support me.
I told my brother
I was gonna help raise his son.
I'm here to support Jason.
Well, it really ain't your business.
It isn't none of my business.
Remember that? Bougie?
Let me tell you something, Pam.
If you keep fighting progress,
you gonna find yourself
on the wrong side of history.
-Whatever.
-And that's real talk.
Yeah, it's gonna be whatever.
God don't like ugly, Pam.
He ain't too fond of cute.
I just think the best gift
you can give anyone
on their wedding day is the truth.
-Have you completely lost your mind?
-What?
You think of no one but yourself.
And who are you thinking about,
Claudine?
Are you thinking about Sabrina?
Are you thinking about what people
will say behind closed doors?
No, I could care less
what people think of me.
-Please!
-I am always thinking of Sabrina.
That's clear.
I was thinking of Sabrina
when she went to kindergarten
and when she went to college.
I could write you a whole list
if you need me to, Geneva.
You want me to throw you a parade?
Petition you for sainthood?
You didn't do me any favors.
You did Mother a favor.
I didn't give you Sabrina.
Mother took her from me!
Well, what would you have done
with her, Geneva?
Pack her in a suitcase every time you
felt like flying off to a new adventure?
What, get pregnant again?
Well, at least I could get pregnant.
If you come anywhere
near my daughter this weekend
with any of your foolishness,
you will regret it
for the rest of your life.
Yes, Malcolm,
it was nice to meet you, too.
Hold it, hold on.
Okay, don't be too hasty.
I usually
don't talk to dark-skinned girls,
but I'm making an exception for you.
So, how about we...
-You don't like handcuffs?
-That is not the same thing, Jason.
-Rude, ghetto, same thing.
-No, it's not.
Look, look, at the end of the day,
I honestly don't care
if we jump the broom or not, Sabrina.
You don't care and I don't want to,
so why do it?
Because it would make her happy.
Look, this woman sacrificed everything
for me.
And, quite frankly,
if it wasn't for my mother,
I wouldn't be the man you wanna marry.
If it wasn't for your mother,
I wouldn't be questioning
if you're the man I wanna marry.
So, you're questioning marrying me now
because of my mother?
She's disrespecting my family
and she's treating you like a child.
You're letting her
talk to me any kind of way.
A husband is supposed to defend
his wife, remember? Leave to cleave?
Look, Sabrina,
she's always gonna be my mother.
-I know.
-But you are not my wife yet.
You're right. I'm not.
Which makes it so much easier
to walk away from you, Jason.
Look, I didn't... What are you saying?
I'm saying you're a mama's boy.
Does she know you're out right now?
Do you need to text her?
Do you need to check in?
Do you have a curfew?
Are you allowed to be out past 12:00?
This is ridiculous.
I need a drink.
And not one that's thrown on me, either.
It's a $200 jacket, man.
-Can I holler at you for a minute?
-Do I have a choice, Malcolm?
Look, I've known you your entire life,
all right?
You messing up.
Your mama mad at you.
From the look of things,
your girl pretty mad at you.
You rushing in, marrying this girl.
You don't know her.
I get it, she's rich, her family's rich.
It's the come-up.
But do you wanna be one of those guys?
What kind of guys are you talking about?
One of them guys.
The kind of guy that'll do any and
everything to get where they wanna be.
It's all falling apart right
before your eyes. You know why?
You going about it
for the wrong reasons.
That's what this is all about, isn't it?
What?
You're just mad because Ricky
and not you is my best man, right?
-Nope.
-Tell the truth.
You know what? Yeah, I'm upset. I am.
I'm your cousin
and I'm your best friend,
but I ain't good enough
to be your best man.
That's what you basically telling me.
You'd be the best man at my wedding.
Whassup?
Okay. You wanna talk, let's talk.
Yeah, let's do it. Let's talk.
You are my cousin,
but the whole best friend thing?
Come on, Malcolm. Who are you fooling?
We haven't been best friends
for, what, two, three years?
Right around the time I bought my house.
I have a housewarming,
you don't show up.
I got promoted to vice president.
The entire block shows up.
Eddie, Casual Mike, even Dave comes.
Did you come? No.
Because you don't like hanging
around white people?
Hey, man.
Whenever I'm around white people,
-you know I get arrested.
-This isn't funny, Malcolm.
The only time you don't have something
negative to say about my success
is when you're on the phone
asking me for money.
Exactly.
So, the answer to this big question
you have in your head, no.
Money did not change me. It changed you.
Thanks for the advice,
but, frankly, I don't need it.
You're welcome.
The hell money changed me.
I ain't got none. Explain that.
I've been looking all over for you.
Here I am.
Thought you said you were coming to bed.
Things change. Don't they?
Yeah.
Yeah, they do.
Claudine?
You don't have to say it.
The late nights,
the incessant phone calls.
The way you looked
at that tramp of yours all night long.
You think I'm having an affair?
Please. Let's not do this.
I'm not having an affair, Claudine.
We're broke.
Broke?
Yes, broke.
This is not the moment for a joke.
Claude, I am not joking.
Oh, my God, Gregg.
How is that even possible?
With the credit freeze,
we didn't have enough cash up-front,
so we had to sell off assets at a loss.
It's complicated.
Basically, I think we were
a little too aggressive.
We?
We were too aggressive?
All right, I was too aggressive.
You didn't seem
to complain all those years
you lived off my aggressive investments.
Do not confuse your love for
the finer things in life with my values.
Unlike you, I could afford them.
Unlike you, I worked for them!
What exactly is broke?
Most of our retirement fund's
been wiped out.
We can barely afford this wedding,
let alone the kids' honeymoon.
All we have left
is this house.
Honestly, Gregory, an affair might
have been easier to swallow.
And just so I'm clear, are you saying
that all my family's money is gone?
That's what I'm saying.
Well, if the sofa
hasn't been repossessed,
please find yourself on it tonight.
No, absolutely not.
I am not doing this again.
Claude, I'm not playing this game
with you.
I'm gonna have some leftover vichyssoise
and I am gonna pour myself a Scotch.
Then I'm gonna go up to our bedroom,
get into our bed,
go to sleep, and snore.
Whether you're there or not.
Hey, girl!
This water feels so good.
I haven't been swimming in so long.
You crazy. Get out of that water, girl.
You know, I knew something wasn't right
about this family.
All the money and the big houses
and them weird accents.
Yeah, but you know what, Pam?
That ain't got nothing to do with it
'cause, you know,
you didn't wanna like 'em from the get.
Honey, that's because
I can tell a fake a mile away.
And I'll tell you this.
Now that I know what's going on,
-I don't want Jason mixed up
in this mess. -Okay.
Talking about sending him to China.
Do they even let black folk in China?
You know what, Pam,
I've known Jason his whole life,
and the boy has never been happier,
so leave him alone!
That's exactly my point. He can stay
in the US of A and stay happy.
No. I'll break this wedding up
if I have to,
-I tell you that.
-You know what, Just stop that.
What?
Just 'cause you got that young boy rubbing
on your old ashy legs,
you ain't gotta act out.
Yeah, well, that's one way to go.
And if you had somebody
rubbing up your little ashy leg,
maybe you would stop
getting into everybody else's business
because you'd have some of your own.
I tell you this, you about two days
from being a pedophile.
-He is young, ain't he? But he fine.
-Girl.
-Let's brush you.
-How old is that boy anyway?
-Twenty.
-Cougar, cougar, cougar, cougar.
You so crazy.
-Girl, you ought to be ashamed
of yourself. -Hush up.
Don't be mad 'cause you keep trying
to get your man off of a oldman.com.
So, this is what happens
at a bachelor party?
No, this is what happens at a funeral.
At a bachelor party,
there's a lot of alcohol,
and we drunk by now, with some lady
named Cinnamon Bun dancing on our lap,
like strippers, like they're bouncing.
Yeah, that's what happens
at a traditional bachelor party.
I don't know what happened here.
-Ready?
-So, you're not angry anymore?
I wanna go and they don't.
I'm not really ready to leave either.
But I wanna go home.
We have a big day tomorrow.
Babe, I'm in the middle
of a conversation right now.
For you to ask me to just walk out
on it, it's kind of rude.
-Rude?
-I didn't say ghetto.
Hey, hey, hey, guys. It's not that
serious. Jay, we can just call it, man.
I can't believe you're doing this
in front of everybody.
Look, babe, I called my mom,
and she said I can stay out as late
as I want tonight, so, don't be a brat.
A brat?
Fine. Have fun with your friends.
Hey! "Brat"?
Come on, man, you from Brooklyn.
"Brat" is the only B word
you could think of right now?
Jay, you don't wanna do this. You know
you're gonna get in some trouble.
Shut up. Look at your shirt.
Look, you did the right thing, Jay.
You're supposed to put your foot down
when women act like that.
Put 'em in their place, man.
And you are giving the wrong idea
to this young buck right here.
Malcolm. What do you know about a woman?
Now, let's be real.
You know, I don't understand
why y'all are chasing these young girls.
You know, me, myself,
I prefer a more seasoned woman.
Someone with a little experience,
mature.
You know, you gotta grow up
and leave the childish games behind you.
Yeah, you're 12, so I don't wanna
hear nothing you got to say.
Okay, first of all,
neither one of you guys understand.
All right,
this man's about to get married.
-"You don't... Neither one
of you guys..." -Jason, forget all this.
You need to go get Sabrina
and squash all this. I'm serious.
Jason, don't listen to nobody
that say words like "squash," all right?
"Squash all this." We don't talk
like that. We from the hood, man.
You don't even know Sabrina.
I know Sabrina.
-And I know Jason.
-Jason, go get your girl, man.
Jason, get your manhood.
Another round.
And that's how you do it.
Yes! This is turning
into a bachelor party.
Now you gonna have some fun.
Ladies, please! Ladies!
Not... Not you.
I'd hate to be you in a hour.
Sebastian,
I got this all under control.
Sabrina!
Sabrina!
-God, you taste good.
-So do you.
You wanna taste something good?
It's sweet, but there's a little spice
in it as well.
Sort of like you.
It's good, right?
Burning.
Burning.
Burning, yeah.
No, no, no, it's burning, it's burning.
My sauce.
Oh, my God!
What the...
Is everybody okay?
I was just making some sauce.
My helper.
Listen, everything's under control.
The alarm should go off in a minute.
This in no way impedes my ability
to do my job.
I want you to know that.
So, as you were.
Babe.
Sabrina. Sabrina.
I mean, I know you ain't
got your private parts out
around all this good food, do you?
And second of all,
do you have any kind of relationship
with some Vaseline lotion or anything?
Your knees look like you been praying
in some chicken flour.
Sabrina, please, just let me...
Sabrina, let me in.
Come on, open up, Sabrina.
I just wanna talk to you.
Okay, fine, I'll wait
all night, if I have to.
I love you, too.
Jason? Are we getting married too fast?
You're not having second thoughts,
are you, babe?
No, I'm just... I'm asking.
Did we rush into this because of China?
Baby, open the door.
I wanna look at you.
I can't. You're not supposed
to see the bride before the wedding.
Right.
No, babe,
we're not rushing into anything.
I knew from the first day we went out
that I'd spend the rest
of my life with you.
You're my heart, Sabrina.
You're my heart, too.
-Jason, let's not do this again, okay?
-All right.
Let's not let other people get in
between the two of us.
Pinky swear?
Pinky swear.
Sabrina, get up!
I'm awake.
-Morning.
-Morning.
I wanted to give you this
before everything gets hectic today.
What's this?
This was Grand-Mre's.
And her Grand-Mre's.
Something old. It's lovely, Mom.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Thank you for everything.
Sweetheart, we love Jason.
But are you sure about this?
How can you ask me that?
Are you trying to ruin my wedding day?
No.
I've never stood in the way
of your dreams,
but what kind of mother would I be
if I didn't ask?
Sabrina, marriage is serious.
It's for life. Are you ready?
Yes.
Are you and Dad getting a divorce?
Now, why would you ask me that?
"Go play with your whore over there."
I was wrong.
Your father's not having an affair.
Mom, I see the way
you guys treat each other.
You don't look at each other anymore
when you talk.
-You don't even touch each other.
-We're not getting a divorce.
The vows say for better or for worse,
and even though we're pretty close,
we're not at our worse.
No matter what, I'm still committed
to your father and I still love him.
-No matter what happens?
-No matter what.
I want that with Jason, Mom.
I want that for you, too.
I'll tell you something that Mabel
told me the day I got married.
Life is like a disco.
No matter how the music changes,
you just keep dancing.
That sounds like Mabel.
Mom.
I can't lie to you. I'm nervous.
Sweetheart.
This is gonna be a great day, right?
It is.
Jason, you know I love you
and I want the best for you.
I know, Mama, I know.
Well, what is done in the dark
must come to light.
Mama, Mama, listen. What's wrong?
You should be happy.
You're one step closer
to getting those grandkids
you've been wanting.
Jason, I need to tell you something
and I feel that now is the...
Good morning, Pam.
-Jason, you ready?
-I'm ready, I'm ready.
Mama, smile. Okay?
-Smile. Hold that thought!
-Jason, I need to talk to you!
Yes, yes, yes,
I want some of that, that.
Excuse me.
Wait, why do you keep leaving?
'Cause I'm not trying to go to prison.
I see you got jokes.
Boy, do you know I could snap your
little butt
in two with all these curves?
You promise?
Okay, so now you got jokes.
Look, I may have the body
of a 20-year-old,
but I have the heart, the mind,
and the soul of a grown man.
That doesn't change the date
on your birth certificate.
Well, I'm sorry you feel that way.
Help me, Jesus.
That boy is fine.
If there is any Geneva drama today,
I will unleash a world of hurt.
What a surprise. You speak French?
That's Spanish.
Fool.
I'm not a fool.
And I'm not a scientist.
But I do know some things.
What are you doing way over there?
Hey.
Don't you look sweet enough to eat.
Wait.
I'm sorry.
I thought you wanted this.
I did. I did.
Well, I thought I did. I don't know.
Maybe it's because my best friend
is getting married today, and I'm not.
You know, it's...
You're not the kind of guy I'm used to.
What are you still doing here?
I don't know.
But I need to know.
What do you think of me?
What do I think of you?
You're like a pomegranate.
Like a piece of fruit?
You have this hard, protective shell.
You know, the jewelry, the clothes.
The sharp tongue.
But underneath that shell,
you're real sweet. A real beauty inside.
You see all that?
Yes, I do.
I'd love to tell you more.
But first,
I have a date with some chicken.
-Yeah.
-See you later?
Go, go, go, go, go, go!
So, you went crawling back
like a little girl.
Is that what you did?
You had to go back for that money?
Mr. Watson with the ball,
quarterbacking.
He's got a half-gray,
half-black Jheri curl.
A-one.
Maybe you should get
two wedding dresses made.
Two girls getting married.
Go, go, go, go, go, go!
Throw the ball, baby!
What the...
-Hey, man!
-What the hell was that?
It's touch football, pretty boy.
-You call that touch?
-Yeah, I touched you, didn't I?
Come on, Malcolm, take off that halter
top so we can see your belly ring!
Looking like America's Next Top Model!
Roses right this way.
Thank you again for doing this
at the 11th hour, Reverend James.
It means the world to us.
Yes. See you then.
Thank you.
Anything I can do?
Mrs. Watson,
we have a problem in the kitchen.
Yes. Stay out of my way.
Really.
It looks beautiful.
Thank you so much for wearing the dress.
Here, this is for the wedding.
I hope you like gardenias.
Of course, you don't have to wear it
if you don't want to.
Listen, Mrs. Taylor, I really want to
apologize about last night.
Nobody meant any harm and...
Well, it's your wedding.
It's stressful and I understand.
Thank you.
And I know you want us
to jump the broom,
but Jason and I
wanna start our own traditions,
so we're probably not gonna do it.
I'm out of pins.
I'll be right back. Do not move.
Thank you, Mabel. Looks lovely.
So nice to finally meet you
and your family.
Thank you. Well, I'm gonna go get ready
for the big day.
Your Aunt Geneva,
I really enjoyed her singing.
She's something else.
Well, that's my auntie.
Yeah, and your mother, she was
pretty upset about her doing that.
What do you mean?
Well, I saw them later,
last night, arguing.
It was pretty heated.
Well, I'm sure it was no big deal.
I mean, every family
has their issues, so...
You're right.
Every family has their issues.
And secrets.
Sabrina! Sabrina, come quick.
Jason's hurt.
Jason? Wait, don't go!
Jason? Jason, are you okay?
-Oh, my goodness!
-I'm fine, babe.
Who hurt my baby?
-What happened?
-Just...
Who hurt my baby?
He all right.
My fault, Auntie P. He was running.
You know,
he ain't been working out lately.
Jason. Honey, I'm gonna have
to take you home.
-Home? Where, to Brooklyn?
-Yes, to Brooklyn!
I can call your pediatrician,
Dr. Hunter.
Pediatrician, are you serious?
Pam, this grown man
don't need no pediatric...
Ain't nobody said pediatrician!
-Mom, I'm fine.
-Yeah, you going overboard.
Willie Earl,
ain't nobody asked you nothing.
-Okay?
-Come on, let me help you.
Thanks, babe.
Jason, what time is the ferry?
He's gonna be fine. We're just
gonna get him some ice, okay?
Now, you wait just one minute,
Miss Johnny-come-lately.
You haven't known my son over six,
what, seven months?
And who the hell
you think you are to know
what's best for him over his mother?
You know what?
I spent the last two days listening to
you disrespect Jason, me, my family...
Your family?
You think your family is so perfect?
Honey, you don't even know
who your parents are.
What are you talking about?
Ask your daddy who your real father is.
Mrs. Taylor! You are way out of line.
Dad, I mean, she's crazy.
Dad?
-What...
-Honey, it's complicated.
No, it's not complicated.
Either you are or aren't my father.
We should talk to your mother.
Fine, let's go.
Sabrina.
Yeah, go talk to your mama!
Really, Mom?
Keep chopping. I need that whole bowl.
We are going to have to polish
every one of these glasses, Mabel.
Look at this!
Sabrina's getting married
in three hours, and look at me!
Sorry. Look at you.
Great.
-What's wrong?
-Is there something you need to tell me?
Tell you? Tell you what?
-Why are you so upset?
-We should discuss this in private.
No, Dad, there's no more private here.
Somebody's gonna tell me the truth.
Mom?
Mom, tell me that this lady's crazy
and that she's making this up.
Tell me the truth.
Are you two my parents?
Sabrina, honey, listen.
I was 16.
Honey, your parents were... Honey,
they were already married, you know?
It just made sense for them to take you.
Sweetheart.
From the moment I saw you,
you were mine.
And every moment that we spent together,
you became a part of me.
-I didn't wanna lose you.
-No, don't...
Happy now?
-The wedding's off.
-What?
You let this happen.
Sabrina...
Sabrina, hold on!
Sabrina, wait, let's talk about this!
Sabrina, wait! I'm gonna take care
of this! Come on, baby, please! Talk...
Sabrina! Sabrina!
-What was that?
-It was the truth.
I prayed on it.
-Somebody had to tell her.
-You prayed on it.
And God told you to do this?
To destroy a family
and ruin Sabrina's life?
I was protecting you!
Protecting me from what, Mom?
I'm not a 10-year-old boy anymore!
-That's still your mama, now...
-I got this!
No, no, no, no, you watch your tone.
You realize who you're talking to.
Mom, what is it that you want from me?
You want love? I'll give it to you.
-You want respect? I give you that, too.
-Respect?
Well, you haven't given me very much
of that this weekend.
How? Because the shrimp was cold
or your pies didn't make it on the menu?
Or because Sabrina
just doesn't wanna jump the broom?
It's her wedding, not yours.
Listen, you and that little girl
have been dating for six months.
She thinks she's too good
to come across the bridge,
-say hello to me?
-No, she doesn't. No, she doesn't.
I wouldn't let her.
-You?
-Yes.
Can you understand why now?
Look at what you've done.
Mom, every single woman
that I've let in my life,
you've driven 'em away
with your manipulations.
And I actually thought
Sabrina would be a little different.
But, no. You win.
-Jason...
-No, Mom, no.
You treat me like I'm either
a little boy or your husband.
And I'm neither.
I am a man and I am your son.
And I promised you
that I will always be here for you.
And that hasn't changed.
That hasn't.
But you have got to change.
You've got to change, Mom.
Excuse me.
Show's over.
Go about your business.
What was that?
-I didn't mean to say it.
-Yes, you did.
-I did not! It just slipped out!
-It slipped out?
You know you've been trying
to break up this marriage
ever since the beginning, you know that?
I feel terrible about this!
You ought to feel terrible
about this, Pam!
You know, it's real funny
how people like to apologize
after they do something bad.
It's real funny.
I see you sitting there
with your Bible. You praying.
Trying to make up with God?
If you wanna pray on something, Pam,
you better pray
that Jason get that girl back.
Pray on that.
And fix your wig on your head.
Sabrina, it's me.
Please tell us where you are.
We got your back, girl.
Just call, tell us what to do. Sabrina.
Ricky, I'm gonna go to the cliffs,
if you could go to the swings.
-And, Sebastian, you check State Beach.
-Got it.
Jason, where should we look?
Thank you, Shonda.
She could come with me.
Sebastian, didn't I tell you
that I wasn't trying to go to prison?
Look, woman,
this isn't about you and me.
This is about Jason and Sabrina, so
get in the car and help me find Sabrina.
Well, all right.
Look here. You chasing now?
Sell out your whole family
for this uppity chick?
This is not the time for this.
What's the rush?
Ain't nobody the best man now.
The guests will be arriving in an hour.
Should we start making the calls?
No. Not yet.
You know, when Daddy died,
I felt alone.
Like anything that went wrong,
it was up to me to fix.
Well, I can't fix this.
I need you.
I need your help, God.
All I ask is
that you bring her back to me.
That's all I ask.
Sabrina?
Thank you for calling me.
Don't thank me just yet.
I know you just think
we're just all horrible.
And this may sound crazy,
but, chrie,
we didn't tell you because we love you.
It does sound crazy.
How could you lie to me?
What kind of woman just leaves her child
for someone else to raise?
I wasn't a woman.
I was a child.
Your Grand-Mre knew that.
But look at you, Sabrina.
You are beautiful.
God, you're smart. You're everything
I would've ever wanted you to be.
But I wouldn't have been able to
give you what Claudine gave you.
And I gave her hell about it, too.
And what about my father?
I took this summer trip to France
and I met this gorgeous man.
We spent two weeks together
and we fell deliriously in love.
I mean, we planned to travel the world.
And then he told me
about his wife and kids.
I returned to the States
unmarried and pregnant.
So, they just cleaned up your mess.
Mom and Dad,
they just took me.
Is that what you're saying?
Yes.
Yes.
Sabrina, having you
was the greatest achievement of my life.
And not caring for you every day
was my greatest failure.
Don't let all this keep you
from your blessing.
You have a good man
who's looking for you.
You okay, baby?
I am so sorry.
You were right.
And I promise you
this will never happen again.
I spoke to my mom.
And if you just, please,
just give me another chance,
-I promise...
-Jason, no. I can't.
We can't.
Your mother ruined our wedding.
You're not the man I thought you were.
-Baby.
-And you didn't protect me,
-you didn't defend me.
-Sabrina...
Everything has changed.
My life has changed!
Sabrina?
Breathe.
Just breathe, baby.
Jason,
it's too messy now.
I don't know who I am.
How can I marry you?
Sabrina, you remember when you told me
that details are what make the person?
Well, here are some details.
Sabrina, you're an optimist.
Whenever anyone's having a bad day,
all you have to do is smile
and you bring them right back up.
And you taught me the value
of protecting our love.
And I know it was hard for you,
but you kept your vow to God.
Baby, that's who I fell in love with.
That's who you are.
That's who I love.
And, yeah, I know it's a mess,
but you know what, baby?
It's our mess.
Ours.
You left out one important detail.
What, babe?
I love you.
I love you, too.
Okay.
Will you please never
take this off again?
Pinky swear.
I hope our honeymoon's better than this.
I promise you.
Dear Sabrina, I'm sorry.
I feel sick
about how I behaved this weekend.
I was afraid of being alone.
I want you to have this broom
because it means more to me
than almost anything else in the world,
and I pray you and Jason
have a long and happy life together.
Pam.
Lord, give me strength.
Sabrina?
She's on the run again!
-What now? Please.
-Sabrina!
-Sabrina!
-Wait, wait!
-Where is she going?
-Wait!
Mrs. Taylor!
Sabrina?
Don't go, don't go!
-My goodness!
-Got your note.
Jason and I need you to be here, okay?
-Honey.
-All right? Come on.
Don't be silly now.
-Look at you! You look beautiful.
-Yeah?
-I wanna be here, too.
-Good.
-Here, let me get your gown.
-Thank you.
Sir, bring my bags! Bring my bags!
Come on.
-Love you, sweetie.
-I love you, too.
Jason.
Please be seated.
Who giveth this woman
to be married to this man?
-We do.
-We do.
Sabrina,
you've given me the clarity,
the strength,
and the wisdom to be a better man.
Jason, you make me happier
than anyone ever has.
I don't wanna live life unless you're
in it. You're my man.
-I love you.
-I love you.
Sabrina, Jason,
by the powers invested in me,
I pronounce you husband and wife.
You may salute your bride.
Come on.
I taught him how to kiss,
you know what I'm saying.
Ladies and gentlemen...
Ladies and gentlemen, brothers
and sisters, may I present to you...
Wait, I'm sorry.
Amy, come here.
There.
Thank you.
Ladies and gentlemen,
brothers and sisters, I present to you
Mr, and Mrs. Jason Edgar Taylor.
So, are you on Facebook?
No.
-Twitter?
-Nope.
Can I at least text you?
Sebastian, you're such a great guy,
but we're just in two different places
in our lives, and...
Did Sebastian just...
Not your business, not your business.
You know, not a lot of men would've
raised someone else's daughter.
Not a lot of men
were lucky enough to marry you.
You still feel lucky?
You know I feel lucky.
This feels like the last hurrah.
So, we'll go to China on miles.
I am gonna miss the Four Seasons.
Well, I do have a rainy-day fund
for special occasions.
You kept it hidden from me?
Not all secrets are bad.
You
are smart.
And beautiful.
So, how much?
Wouldn't you like to know?
Yeah, I would. Maybe I'll invest it.
Excuse me! Hear ye, hear ye!
I'd like everybody's attention.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I'd like to say one thing.
I'd like to send a congratulations out
to the bride and groom,
the beautiful Miss Sabrina.
And, Jason, I'm proud of you, nephew.
-And I know your father would be, too,
man. -Thanks, Willie Earl.
You deserve this happiness.
This time right here is a beautiful time
for alls of us to come together
and be a family in one.
That's right, and you know
what a family does when we get together.
We party.
Now, I know, Sabrina, you didn't want me
to do the Electric SIide.
But I can do the Cupid Shuffle. Y'all
wanna help me do the Cupid Shuffle?
Come on, Sabrina, please,
can we do the Cupid Shuffle?
Come on, I know
how to do the Cupid Shuffle.
Come on, let's do it!
Come on! Hannah Montana! Akon!
All you ladies with them tight shoes on,
come on up out of them shoes.
We seen 'em already.
Come on, baby girl!
Get you a white girl!
-Get you a black man!
-Come on and dance with me.
One, two, three, four!
What is this dance?
It's the Cupid Shuffle.
What's that?
It's like the Hokey Pokey
for black people.
I get that.
-Do you wanna do it?
-Do it?
-The dance?
-The... Yeah.
-With me?
-Sure.
Amy.
Malcolm.
Thanks.
Swerve it like you mean it!
Chef in the house! Hey!