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Kahin Pyaar Na Ho Jaaye (To Fall in Love) (2000)
Good evening ladies and gentlemen.
On behalf of Prem Kumar and party, l extend a warm welcome to you. This is a joyous occasion. Friends, marriage is the sweetmeat that... The one who eats it regrets as also the one who doesn't get it. lf that be the case, no harm in eating it and then crying. Right, Mr. Batliwala how do you find marriage? - Terribly hot! - Why do you say that? Relax, don't get tense. Sir, how do you find the desert of marriage? - Very sweet! - God! What are you saying? So friends, marriage is sweet as well as hot. But marriage is essential. And that is why you have songs in marriages. And where there are songs, Prem (love) is ever present. So let me introduce you to the one and only Prem Kumar. ls everybody in the house tonight? l asked, is everybody in the house tonight? Hi.l'm Prem. To my right... My band. On my left... is the chorus. ls my back up ready? - Oh, yes. - So let's kick it. ''l can't live without you.'' ''l can't live without you.'' ''Oh bride, your scarf is worth millions.'' ''The ornament on your forehead is worth millions.'' ''Your bangles are worth millions.'' ''Your anklets, dear bride are worth millions.'' ''But your heart is priceless.'' ''Your countenance is like a star that one can never forget.'' ''This blush, the flush the anticipation of the union.'' ''You can't put it in words.'' ''Your tiara is worth millions. Your rings, my dear, are costly.'' ''Your bracelet and your dress are worth millions.'' ''But your heart is priceless.'' ''This is the day of separation.'' ''You are leaving your home and friends for your beloved.'' ''We pray to God may you always be happy.'' ''Now you belong to him.'' ''Your nose ring is worth millions.'' ''The henna on your palms, dear bride is worth millions.'' ''The blush on your cheeks dear bride is worth a bomb'' ''Your ear ring is worth millions.'' ''But your heart, dear bride is priceless.'' Thank you. Thank you all. Friends, somebody rightly said.. God makes couples in heaven and brings them together on earth. Like Anita and Raj. Friends, this joy will soon fill my life too. l too have fallen in love. And l too will be tied in this holy relation.'' l hope your blessings are with me. Wish me all the best because l really need it. Thank you. Thank you very much. Hi, folks. At this moment we're in Tarana Bungalow. lt's raining cats and dogs and snacks being fried indoors. Mummy, say hi to the camera. Hi. l'm very busy now because for the first time your aunt is coming. Whom nobody other than Prem has met. Go and ask your uncle whatever you want to know. - Run along. - Okay. Uncle! Aunt Nisha might come any time. Michael, what are you doing? - Let's go to uncle. - Okay. - Hurry! - Uncle. - Hello, my niece and nephew. - Tell us something about Nisha. - Your aunt.. - Camera... Your aunt Nisha is mind blowing. Her face, her figure.. Her voice.. Neelu! Hurry. The guest has arrived. Just a minute. She's coming. Oh my God! She's so beautiful! - Yes! - No, l... Don't worry. l'll get you some hot snacks. - Give her a seat. - Yes, pleas sit down. Sit here and sneeze all you want. Tell you something. Don't worry. l too sneeze when l have a cold. - The kids are here. - Wow! Aunt Nisha! Call Prem. Where are you going? Sit down. - Snacks! - Yes, on the way. - l'll get you a towel. - No... l think they think l'm somebody else. lf l tell them my real name, l won't get anything to eat. l'll first eat some. Then tell them my name. Take some. Take some more. - Has your aunt Nisha come? - Yes. - She's sitting. - She's talking. - Please tell her l'll be there in 2 minutes. - Aunt, uncle is coming. - Prem is coming. Eat peacefully. l've got you a towel. These savouries are excellent for fats. Prem loves you a lot. l love snacks a lot. - She calls Prem snacks! - How sweet! - He's always talking of you. - Yes. This isn't Nisha. Then who is she? Tell us where you first met Prem. - In the bus! - How cute! She's the kidnapper who stole a child in our neighbourhood. The papers said, she's pretty too. See, how she's gorging! l hope it won't be the turn of my nephew and niece after this. Kidnapper, you're going to prison! You're not eating anything. Prem talks a lot about you. - Yes, a lot! - How cute! - Really good for fats.. - Robber! - Thief of heart. - No, of kids! - She's not my Nisha, - What? - What? - But she's eating snacks! - Thank God not your kids! Call the police! - Call the police! - Get some rope! Get some rope! - What is she saying? - She eats adults too. Knife! - Tables have turned. - Put down the savoury. Put down the sweet. - Tie her up! - Oh my God! - What are you doing? - We've nabbed a kidnapper! she's my cousin, Priya not a kidnapper! Leave her. She's Mona's sister. Hi, l'm Prem. l'm not a kidnapper. l'm not a kidnapper. l'm not a kidnapper. Your house was locked so l came to ask them. The snacks were hot so l ate them. They are still hot. l'm not a kidnapper. l'm a thief of snacks. She's taken Nisha's snacks. She deserved that morsel. But why are you so soft? What? You're in Himachal! We're waiting for you here. What? Another 2 months! This isn't fair. You went for And now you'll extend it by another 2 months! At least talk to my sister. - Hi Aunt Nisha! - Hi Aunt Nisha! Look Nisha, Himachal Pradesh is a very cold state. lt must be snowing. Ice cream, cold water and ice.. These are cold things. l won't take too much of your time. Talk to Prem. No, everyone knows he's like this. Come back soon. Your aunt will return in 2 months. Hows your acting career? My struggle goes on. Forget it Tell me about yourself. Mummy is getting me married. - Mummy is looking for a groom. - What? You know me from my childhood. l obey my mother blindly. l'll marry the boy my mother selects. But l don't want mom to bear my marriage expense. l want to do something. l want to stand on my own feet. - Will you help me? - Of course. - Sure. - That's why l've come to you. Here. Scrub your teeth. Scrub hard. Strong teeth makes a strong body. And a strong body makes strong breath. And strong breath makes life strong. - So scrub on. - Father, if the finger gets scrubbed..? Son, you can do without a finger. But how will you eat without teeth? - You'll die! - Father, how can we pick the food with no fingers? - With a spoon! - How will you hold the spoon without fingers? The answer to this is not in our holy books. Not written or you haven't read it? Shut up! Making fun of me! Are you my kids or the neighbours? The neighbours! What's the matter? Wife, how did you give birth to 4 naughty boys? And the fifth is on the way! How did you do this? - Am l alone to be blamed? - Arguing with me! - Priest! - What's wrong? What's this girl doing in our municipality? - She's my cousin Priya. - Beautiful. Send me your horoscope. l'll fix you a good match. Who looks like Shahrukh Khan with a body like Salman Khan. And walks like Aamir Khan. You needn't bother. Her Mummy will find one. Thanks. No problem. Use me as a priest for the wedding. My chants will get you the same groom for 70 incarnations! These days we get bored of the same husband in a few years. - Isn't your phone working? - Mustn't have paid the bill. - What's the matter? - What's the matter? There's a call for your kidnapper. From Poona. Must be Mummy! Mother's call! She's taking a picture! Mother? How are you? l'm fine. Why didn't you call one reaching? Don't you know l'd worry? - Regarding your marriage.. - You're always talking of it! l'm no kid. l'll get married. Don't get tense. Now tell me, hows Rocky. Rocky misses you a lot. Give the line to Rocky. l'll talk to him. Don't do that on the phone. - Take care. - You too, mom. Bye mother. Bye Rocky. - Hows Mummy? - Very well. - And Rocky..? - He too is fine. You love Rocky a lot? What does he do? Nothing. Eats, drinks and makes merry. Do you know we love each other so much that we sleep together? - Sleep together? - Yes. - Mom doesn't object? No, why should she object? Yes, we live in Poona but we're a modern family. Tell me now that you're here Rocky must be feeling lonely. No, because Rocky now sleeps with Mummy. - And you don't object? - Why should l? - A very modern family! - What's modern about it? Sometimes we all sleep together. Yes. But..whom does Rocky love more? Rocky is my dog. But..what were you thinking? No..l..you kept saying l love you, l love you.. So l thought he's your boy friend. - What? - But.. - Get out! - But this is my house.. - l'll kill you! - l'm sorry. - Sis! - Priya, what's wrong? Ask him what he told me! - What did you say? - Ask her. - Priya, what's the matter? - l was talking to Mummy.. - Yes..? - And.. - Tell her. Go on. Kidnapper, what do l say if Rocky calls again? - Who is Rocky? - l thought her dog was her boy friend. Water is good for the figure of plants. She looks gorgeous! - What? - Honestly, pal. - Come on. - Where? Where nobody is seen. - Got it in the pocket? - What? - Money. Yes, for the kids' fees. - Forget it. - Okay. - My rival! - My brother-in-law! - Shall we go? - Yes, hurry. Where are you going? - For the muhurat. - What? - We've started a new business. - What business? Don't you understand? You had what he wanted. Now l have it. And he had what l wanted. Now l have it. - The fees of my kids! - Kids' fees! What is she doing? Has she no shame? Don't worry. She'll change after marriage. And if she doesn't you have such friends who'll come home. What are you doing? l had such dreams.. l'd marry you, settle down, have kids.. We'll discuss it if it's for a night. Don't want a life contract! Show me a thousand bucks if you have it. - Stop! - Why? - She's acting. - Smita Patil in Mandi! - Better than her. l have to audition for the role of Tawaif No. 1 l was rehearsing. - You were too good! Keep it up. - Really? You've as good as got the role. We'll see your film as a family. - Is it adults? - Yes. - l'll watch it twice. - l'll see it four times. - Quiet. Forget this dream of acting and marry me. That would be the best role for you, of my wife. l'll first become a star Then l'll fall in love. - It was pretense. - How do you know? - Mona called me up. - What did she say? l'll be the customer and she'll be the call girl. After our marriage, l've reduced that expense. - What? - l mean, stopped it. ''My beloved, oh dearest beloved'' - What do you think? - The tune is great. But words don't sound right. l haven't written the words. How is the tune? - The tune is a hit. - Now listen to the words. ''Stranger..'' ''l've fallen in love.'' ''l've fallen in love.'' - l said, l'm sorry. - Wow! What a couplet you've written on seeing your neighbour's face! - Isn't it? - You're great! - What a tune! - Isn't it? Now let's make the verse. Don't feel offended. Prem does this each time he composes. He's danced with me many a times. l often tell him, l'm your sister not your wife! He pays no heed. He's crazy about songs. Completely nuts. ''l've fallen in love.'' ''Stranger..'' So you sing? No, just a bathroom singer. Then call me to the bathroom. To hear the song. - Sis, kidnapper sings well. - He always calls me kidnapper! Sis, l'm praising her. - She's good. - Stop teasing my cousin. She's come here for a job. If you can, help her. - What does she do? - Very good video shooting. Yes, l've done a diploma in it. As everyone knows l'm the Daler Mehndi of the poor... We'll give her a chance in the poor soul who's marriage we sing in. Your next programs l mean when is it? Tomorrow evening at 7. Be there!. Hail Lord Shiva. - Father! - Call from Choudhary uncle. He's asking for his money. - What do l tell him? - Hail Lord Shiva! Should l say you're no more? - What do l say? - Father is not at home. You taught us its a sin to tell lies. What's the matter? Your father is excused everything. Father is a liar! You were lonely so l got somebody to sleep with you. - What? - Excuse me, sir.. l'm joking. For you. Because you sang for me yesterday. Honestly tell me how you found my song. You sang well but one thing is missing. - What? - Feelings. Do you love anyone? Look at me. l love Nisha. l only see Nisha in any song. Feelings automatically come. - So you too should fall. - Where? - In love. Forget about me. How did you first tell Nisha you loved her? - What are you doing? Where are you taking me? - Come on. l have something important to tell you - In this huge stadium? - It's a huge thing. You're taking a huge time to tell me this huge thing. l love you. Everybody says that. Everybody..? l mean all boys tell this to girls. l'm different from them. They say that too. Don't you believe that l love you? Okay, let's do something. Do something that will prove to me you really love me. Something like l could kiss you and it would begin to rain? No really. l'll kiss you and it will really rain. - Great! - l believe it. - Really? - Yes. Okay. l don't believe it! - Now do you believe me? - Isn't it beautiful? lt's not rain. It's the love of Prem. What happened? l don't know. l'll ask the guy above. - What's the matter? - The tank is empty. ''l won't find a girl better than you.'' ''l won't accept any other girl either.'' ''My heart has fallen for you. Look into my eyes. Make my life'' ''Go ahead and fall in love.'' ''Today is the test of my life. If l clear it, life is at rest.'' ''l neither looked north nor east, south or west.'' ''You, my love are the best.'' ''l can't find any girl better than you.'' ''When you touched me, l saw light and my heart beats turned bright.'' ''My life turned to colour.'' ''All turned right at the first chance.'' ''l'm head over heels in love with you. Teach me how to live.'' - That's a lot of drama. - Have to do it in love. l'll see what you do when you fall in love. Me and fall in love? No way. l'll marry right away. Marry right away? But if you find a boy like me before marriage? Stupid! Shall l tell you something? Nisha is very lucky. She's got you. l know it. Tell Nisha. She's simply delaying our marriage. She's coming back after - Sure. - What will you tell her? l'll say Prem is handsome, sings well.. And he has a wonderful heart. lf you tell her this, l'll Iove you for the rest of my life! And my wedding is definite. Sis... Where's everybody? - What's the matter? - Uncle! What's going on? What surprise? Them? l see them everyday. Take another look. Please. Let go! What are you doing? Stop it. Stop it? You went for l want to tell you something. - The fact is... - l know what you want to say. But no talking now. l want direct marriage and instant kids. Yes. Prem can't wait anymore. Hurry the marriage. Can't keep a young girl home for long. But there should be an engagement before the wedding. l've been carrying the engagement ring for 6 months! - Listen to me.. - Anybody object to this engagement? Listen to me first... Aunt! Will you only look at each other or have a sweet too? Of course we will. - Prem, on the lips! - On the lips! - What's going on? - l've got engaged. - With whom? - Nisha. Quickly find an auspicious date for the marriage. - What's wrong? - Impossible. l've seen your horoscope. You can't marry each other. The horoscope says so. Who can change fate? l've seen your horoscope. It says you'll get beaten. Think before answering. lf you say no, l'll beat you. lf you say yes, l'll spare you. lf you say yes, l'll spare you. Yes! Yes! Then who are we petty humans to try to change destiny? Thrash him! But this marriage can't take place. The horoscope says so. You're welcoming us? Where is the girl's family? - They haven't come as yet. - What? l called them up but nobody took the call. You know Bombay traffic. They must be on their way. - Prem Kumar! - What's the matter? The auspicious moment will soon pass. Then hold on to it. What's your problem? Where's the bride? Time is flying past. You want to being chanting? So go right ahead. l'll sit there with the garland. By the time she comes, you'll finish She'll escape hearing them. - Will she come? - Of course, yes. - Nisha shouldn't be so late. - Yes, it's quite late. She'll come. Don't worry. l've sent Balu and Jitu to her house. They will come. Don't worry. Why did you stop chanting? The marriage vows are done. Then recite prayers for peace. - Why? - You'll force us to hear it after marriage. Recite them now. l'll pay you double. He'll force me to read till the bride lands up. - Will the girl come? - Of course, she will. Hail Lord Satya Narayan! - Prem Maharaj... - Be praised! Nisha has sent a message that she doesn't want to marry you. She won't come here. Excuse me, at least have dinner. How can we eat when the bride hasn't arrived? What's going on? l feel as if somebody has played a rotten prank. - Hows this possible? - l don't know. She loves me and l love her. Then..? Stay right here. l'll bring her. Why are you crying? l'll bring her. Wipe your tears. l'm sure. Look at me. l'm crying because you gave me away. You turned the marriage hall into a waiting room. Waiting for you a couple of young pairs got made. l don't see myself lacking in anything You tell me what you find missing in me. Don't say that. l love you. And l love you too. - Then why? - You don't lack anything. Something in my life is missing. Come, l'll show you. Sunil's cancer is at an advanced stage. We'll need lakhs for treatment. That is why... - How are you? - Fine. Don't cry. l'll get well soon. Then we'll fly kites, play marbles, bat and ball... But first go to sleep. Take care. He's terribly unwell. You love me a lot. But you don't know how many lives are attached to mine. l'm marrying Rahul because l need money for Sunil's treatment. Rahul is a rich NRl. - From New York. - Why do you have to go far? l am here. l'll take care of you. Sunil too. l promise you. l'll make it real big. And if you don't..? More chances of that happening. Have you ever seen him? What if he turns out to be ugly? Tell me something.. Why did you decide this only today? - You don't know l was... -...in such a dilemma? Yes, l was in a dilemma. Torn between my love and my family. But now you know your family is most important. We'd thought you'd become a big pop star. - Which one? That's what you thought? l couldn't even become the Daler Mehndi of the poor! l'm sorry. Forgive me. On one condition. Tell you NRl Rahul, all that l spent on our marriage... Which didn't take place. Rs 53000. l want a refund of that money. Before you get married. No chance at all? - l love you. - l love you too. Take care. What happened? She's not coming? - You were right. - The holy books can't be wrong. l too wasn't wrong. l loved her. And now she's marrying a rich man. These are games played by God. lf he breaks up pairs, he also makes them. l'm sure he's thought of something for you. You'll see a girl must be waiting for you somewhere. Come in Priya. Prem still hasn't returned? No. He's completely shattered since his marriage broke off. He's taken to drink. Last night he was so drunk he didn't know who is what! He thought l was Michael and Michael was me! - Thank God l.. - Will you shut up? Don't publicise the fact that my brother is an alcoholic! lsn't this very wrong? Yes, very wrong. lndia lost the match for 7 wickets! lndia lost the match? Yes.. What did you think? l'm referring to my broken marriage? No...l've forgotten it. You will forget. It's my marriage that broke! You will say everything happens for the best. But for whose good? - What are you doing? - Breaking ice. Breaking ice? My heart is broken and you're breaking ice! Put it down! Silence! - Thank you. - Have a sip and cool down. What a friend you are! Making me drink! You should be saying, Prem, don't drink. - Yes. Don't drink. - You will say that! Don't drink! What do you care? My marriage broke off not yours. What would you know of the pain of breaking off? Good grief! Now what do l say? Tell me, what this is. - Don't you know? - l do but l want you to tell me. - What is this? - It's a glass. That's me. Empty. And what is this? - This is whisky. - Wrong. This is Nisha. Now tell me what is this? l don't know. Really. - You should know this much. - l don't know! lt's the rich man. ' When this meets this whose will it be? Obviously the rich man's. Does this glass appear rich to you? - You've had too much to drink! - Me...? Are you listening to us? You break ice! Demonstrate how you break ice. Wrong! There's a girl, Nisha. She breaks hearts very well. Learn from her howto break ice! Let's go home. To my house! What for? Am l on the roads? - Don't l have a home? - Then let's go to your house. Who is in my house? Am l married? No. lce! Are you married? - No, sir. - Then today l bless you to get married. May your wife resemble Sribaby. And may the first 3 of your kids look like Tiger! - Thank you sir. - Shut up and break ice! From 8 last night to 5 this evening! l'm fed up! - Come on! - Why go when we have to return in 3 hours? - We'll freshen up. - For whom? These guys don't mind and l don't have anyone. - Oh no! - Isn't it very wrong? Yes, my man, it's very wrong! What are you referring to? The cricket match. You're bothered about the match? Here, your pal's marriage broke off! And you talk of cricket matches! What can l say? What? Tell me what this is. - That's you. - This is me? - Sure. - Wrong. l'm not so thin. And what is this? - Nisha...? - No, peanut! Don't you know anything? l see. But you know all? - Yes. - What is this? - Don't you know? - No, l want to hear it from you. - It's a gram. - No, this is me! And like this gram l've had it! l'll hit you with this! - The mother equals God. - The mother equals God. Do you know the meaning? You never told us. This means the mother is akin to God. Serve and look after her. She shouldn't undergo suffering. And if somebody hurts her..? Beat them. Thrash them. But protect your mother. - What? - Protect mother. - Mother is equal to God. - Mother is equal to God. - Come on! - Mummy! - What's it? - Last night uncle drank liquor with soda. - Yes. - Nowwhat happened? Today he's given it up. - He gave up liquor? - No. - Then? - Soda. Now he's drinking directly from the bottle! l think his drinking capacity has increased. l don't understand what to do about Prem's drinking. l have an idea. Tell us. Quick! - What? - Come here. - Okay? - Yes! But l'll go in first. - l too want a peg. - No. Why? My heart is broken. What's wrong with you? - My heart too is broken. - How? - By Neelu's foul tongue. - My sister! - My wife! - Okay. No problem. Bad for health. - Then why do you drink? - None of your business. l too want a drink. My heart is broken. What's wrong with you? - My heart too is broken. - How? The cost of gas cylinders has gone up. So also vegetables! l'm fed up of inflation! Make me also a drink. Sorry. Whisky too has gone up. - Uncle! - Hello, Michael. Make us too a peg. - What happened to you? - l failed in History. - l failed in Maths. - So..? - The teacher scolded me so much.. - That it broke my heart! - Now quickly make us a peg. - Eat almonds then. Can you give me 2 spoons of whisky? Just 2 spoons? l have a full... l'll return it tomorrow. Was this your idea? You're making fun of my marriage breaking up! Prem hates you! Prem, stop. Shut up! l'll chop you into tiny pieces and throw them in the Ganges! l gave you 10000 bucks last week. What happened to them? - Got spent. - Spent!! l'm a priest, not a smuggler! Expense on expense! Child after child! Shut up! l hate your face! - l'll send you back home! - Listen.. - Shut up! On our marriage your Dad said, get married, l'll give you a mobile. A colour TV. A computer! What did he give me? Trash bin! l please the stars but Saturn... But Saturn is in my house! Unlucky jinx! l hate you! l'll throw you into the well! Like a snake on my body! And sucking the blood out of me! What are you doing? Beating your father! Stop! Why are you beating me? Mother is equal to God! l don't think Prem will come home tonight. He will. l'm sure. Yes, he'll come. With the milkman in the morning. - Silly milly! - Foolish. - See, he's come. Drunkard Number 1 ! - Priest! - Hello. - Live long. - Sir... - What's the matter? - Where's your wife? - At her parents' place. - With whom? - The kids. Who is the woman inside? - l'll curse you! - No, give us wine instead. - Morning and night, give us wine! - Let me go in. Where are you going? Hi girls! This girl, Mona will replace Kajol and Madhuri. - No question. - Why? l won't permit it. You're a good man. Mona is a good man. - But the neighbour.. - The one in red? - Bad girl. Know why: - Why? Because she pokes fun at my broken heart and marriage. She tells me, 2 spoons whisky! How mean! You think l'm whisky? Yes..? l'm a bottle full.. l'll come and show you... You're laughing? You made mine go away. Mine has run away. My chapter is closed. Your chapter is open. Drunkards! Your Pop and Mom are drunk! Kick. Turn and kick! He fell down! Brother-in-law... Haven't slept as yet? Late nights are bad for health. Go to bed. l'll do as brother-in-law says. Sister, l'll tell you something. Actually you are my sister. But you're like my mother. You're my Neelu sister mummy. Get up. l can't lift you. What's going on in this house? You come in at any time! Hands and legs falling all over! Brother-in-law, l think she's referring to me. No, dear brother. l'm referring to my husband! - Are you listening? - But l came home in time last night. You still have to hear this! Does life end when a girl leaves you? Did my parents leave you in my care for this day? You're talking about Prem! Do you think l'm talking about you? Don't be so stupid! Why don't you do something? What can l do? He's grown up. He's a sensible man. He was small when we got married. How often you'd thrash him. Now give him a belting. Now..? - That was different. Muscles now.. - So you won't do anything? Nothing! Won't do anything? Then hear me out! Henceforth there will be no crying, tension in this house! l want happiness! l've organised a party on Sunday. dance and sing.. - And he'll drink. How will he drink? l found all the bottles he'd hidden. What are you doing? Leave my bottles! - Did l do something wrong? - No, you did well. Let's go organise the party. ''Dance with merriment.'' ''Let's have a ball together.'' ''Come, join hands with me, savour the joys of life.'' ''This world and this party holds no joy for me.'' ''Tell a lie and the crow will get you.'' ''Fear the black crow.' ''Just you watch, l'll get you a bride.'' ''Dear pal, forget it, falling in love is a disease.'' ''Love won't leave you good for anything. You are ruined.'' ''No fun living life alone.'' ''No point being solitary.'' ' ''Fall in love with someone give somebody your love.'' ''lt's the best thing in life.'' ''My heart cried out in agony, l'm being punished for falling in love.'' ''Your love has ruined me.'' ''Honey, l'm a pot of honey.'' ''Come and take it or l leave.'' ''Mother, your son is getting spoilt.'' ''Your brother is getting spoilt. Stop him from drinking.'' ''Start him on a trip of life. Get him married.'' ''Give him a TV. Brother-in-law see..your boy's getting spoilt.'' ''The friend is no more a friend.'' ''Love exists no more.'' ''Life, l don't trust you any more.'' ''Whether it's glass or the heart ultimately it has to break.'' ''Before it comes to the lips, the cup might slip out of grasp.'' How many of my bottles will you break? What right do you have? What do you mean to me? What right do you have to scold me? l mean nothing to you? Not friend, neighbour? Nothing? But you are the uncle of these kids! What right do you have to make them cry? And you're the brother of your sister. What right do you have to make her so sad? Tiger, can't you knock some sense into your friend? All of us want to see you happy. But you're enjoying being sad. You are enjoying making all of us cry. Drink as much as you want. Nobody will stop you. ''ls somebody falling in love?'' ''ls somebody falling in love?'' ''ls somebody falling in love?'' ''ls somebody falling in love?'' - Hurry! - What's wrong? The tap broke and water is gushing from everywhere! - l'm coming. - Hurry! - Prem, you go. - Careful. Water will be wet. - What happened? - Take a look. Howthe tap broke! Mind blowing. You fixed it. Why are you dancing? Do something. - What's with you? - l'm glad to see you happy. - What's the matter? - l'm in love again. Really? But l don't know if it's right or wrong to fall in love so fast. Everything is right in love. For Iong you lived with a broken heart. You must fall in love with an open heart. But with whom? The one there. - What's wrong with you? - Why? - Your taste has deteriorated. - No, it's good. Why? - With a servant? - Are you mad? The mistress. The mistress is mine! - Not her. - Then? Priya. What's the matter? Yes? What's the matter? Tell me or l'll curse you! - He's in love. - In love? - With whom? - Priya. Didn't l tell you, you would fall in love? You'll get married and have 10 kids... From these how many will be girls and how many boys? That's a trifle difficult but they will call you Papa. And address him as uncle. - Here are your fees. - Always be happy. - And give me good news. - Hey you! l'll curse you! - My scarf.. - Priest.. - l'll curse you! He gives more of curses than blessings Lost...in thoughts of Priya? Did she say, she loved you? She didn't but l see it in her eyes. Love is blind. Say l love you with your mouth. Hear l love you with your ears. Propose to her. Talk of marriage. You asked me not to tell anyone Out of the blue you called me here. - What's this about? - About love. l'm in love. - Really? - Yes. - Who is she? l can't tell. But does the girl know you love her? l see it in her eyes. What do you think? How can l tell? l haven't seen the girl. - You'll have to ask her. - That's what l'm doing. What? Suppose, assume you are the girl. l love you very much. And l want to marry you. Don't laugh. Accept it. How can l accept so fast? You'll have to say something else. Something more. Come on. Don't be nervous. But l have one condition for marriage. l will work. You will raise the kids at home. Looking after kids is a full time job. We don't have to plan the family. - 10, 12, 20 kids... - Enough! - How many do you want? - Only 2. A son and a daughter. l've even thought of their names. Tiku and Tikati. We'll make Tiku Sachin Tendulkar. Now he'll break window panes. Tomorrow the world records. What about the girl? Don't worry about her. She is now married. She's got 4 kids. She's very happy with our son-in-law. - Will this happen? - Sure. Your style of proposing is different. - l'm in a hurry. - So am l. - So we'll meet tomorrow. - My place at 4. - Over tea. You mean she too loves you. She's coming to tea at 4. You are fixed. What about me? Have patience. Your dream too will come true. And we'll get married at the same venue. She's here... She's coming. She's here. You already know? How did you find out? You know Prem doesn't keep things from me. Strange. l didn't say a word yet you found out. How can l not know what's in your heart? - And mine? - Why do you need a card? - What is this? - You tell me. - Did you tell sister? - No. Okay, l'll go tell her. Great! Engagement card. Printed it so fast? The girls and boys of today are very fast. Read on. ls your real name Rahul Pugalia? Read properly. It must be Prem. Your name is mentioned. But at the bottom. You are singing at her engagement. But you never mentioned anything. To give you a surprise. If l'd told you, you wouldn't be surprised. A surprise should be a surprise. Look at them. How shocked they are. Don't be offended that l printed your name without asking you. Why are you looking like this? Don't l have the right? - Of course. - So sweet. But you must charge for singing. - No, how can l do that? - Why not? You tell him to charge double for the show. My fiancee is a rich NRl. It won't matter to him. Why is everyone quiet? You surprised us with this good news. Mummy too has come! - This is Priya's Mummy. - Hello. - And this is... - Prem? Priya told me lots about you. Mom, leave him. First meet sister and her husband. You've taken good care of Priya. She's getting engaged here. You will have to lend a helping hand. - Sure. - Mother, do you have to say that? Rahul is here! What looks! What looks... How does he look like that? This is my fiance, Rahul. And this is my best friend. Too bad Be brave. You still have a chance. - Sure. She's only engaged. Not married Then you'll say, ''She's only married, she still doesn't have any kids'' lce Did you get married today? - No sir Are you celebrating New Year today? - No sir Why are so many lights burning? Shut them off Focus a spotlight on my broken heart Let me shake your hand. - Did l ever made that mistake? l didn't either. - My point The world is like a stage. God is the director. And we're actors Where's the audience? - That's the suspense Tell me, what's this? No! It's a chess board. - Yes, chess board And what is this? - Carrot No. Our chess Queen. My beloved Priya Tell me, what's this? - A pea No. Rahul our knight. He moves two and a half squares What's this? - That...? l don't know. - What? Have you forgotten your childhood friend? That's me. Someone as insignificant as radishes. And paled of shock! lmagine the carrot and the pea getting together? Carrot and radish! Now that's a pair! People will say, look how deeply they are in love! But this is the match that lit the fire. - Match? Not match. It's Ma! Priya's mother. Greet her Greet her Greetings, lady. - Keep drinking, son Keep drinking! Thanks, model mom! But this one... she has never cared for the radish's love for the carrot! She went ahead and printed invitations! And the radish, oh radish! My dear radish, the carrot and the pea are getting engaged tomorrow Don't you create a scene there. - l won't Just stay mum. - Okay When you're sad, have a drink. If you're happy, have a soupO When in company of rich men the poor had better shut up! For centuries, foreigners have invaded our country The most beautiful of our possessions they plundered and carried away... the Koh-i-Noor, the Peacock Throne. And we couldn't do a thing. Today too, it is an alien who takes away our Priya. He is stealing her. But we say nothing Believe me, today we are... very happy. Because the one who takes is close to us. And the one... being taken away is close to our hearts too He marries our dear friend Priya Sharma, turns her into a Foogaliya... and he takes her away to New York forever! This won't do, Prem. You must say it with a song Sorry, l'm not ready What readiness do you need to sing for a friend during her engagement? Now give us a lovely song You'll sing now, won't you? l can't sing Looks like Prem doesn't want to sing Prem, if you don't want to sing, never mind. Come down No, l'll sing ''There's no one quite like you Priya'' ''Wherever you are, be happy. That's a prayer from my heart'' ''You've found your lover. l have lost a friend'' ''There is so much to say But today, there's little time left'' ''Everything about you, from the first time l met you...'' ''the memories will make me cry after you're gone'' ''Oh Priya, there's no one quite like you'' ''Meeting, then parting, it's all up to God'' ''Making it, or breaking up is a matter of luck'' ''We are all puppets, and you better believe it'' ''The ones who have loved have never taken defeat. Have faith, my friend'' ''Everyone has spoken his heart No one knows what's in my heart'' ''No one knows what's in his heart'' ''No one knows what you are for me'' ''Those lost moments of happiness Howwill l ever be able to forget?'' ''Priya, there's no one quite like you'' ''Wherever you are, be happy. That's a prayer from my heart'' What was my mistake? - None Then why did all this happen all over again? You won't believe this. Before l got married, nine girls rejected me Some said, my nose is too long. Some said l have a paunch Some even said, l have large bums. Even after all that... someone walked into my life. She looked into my heart Your sister Today, l have every happiness that life has to offer lf a duffer like me could get such a nice girl... then why not for Prem of ''Prem and Party'' fame? Just say it. l'll have girls queuing up to marry you! Yes Uncle! Were l not your niece, l would've married you right now! Had l been Madonna instead of being Michael Jackson... l would've married you right away! You're so handsome! l could still have married you You're so nice. Even l would've married you Yes Prem. Had l not been engaged, l would've surely married you Then walk out of the engagement That's what l love about you. How am l going to live without you? And how am l going to live without you? You madcap Pickles for your little sister Do l have one? - Where's the pickle? My brother-in-law sends you scissors. - Why scissors? Play foul, and l'll snip your ponytail Yes? - Find a suitable date Yes. Find fast! Setting a date is going to be difficult But before the engagement, everything was fine, wasn't it? Yes Next month Rahul is returning. The wedding must be done on the 30th There must be a way out. - Two malefic planets are in the way They have followed her right up to here! One is tall, one is short They've sent all the other planets scurrying for cover in jungles! That means, Priya goes to the jungle after her wedding? Yes! This horoscope says that Priya might have to go to live in a jungle Same as in Queen Sita's horoscope? For 14 years after her marriage she went to live in a forest! Ma, l'm not going to a jungle - Shut up! Nothing is going to happen Nothing like that ever happens! - Happens, happens and happens! We're so tense about Priya's wedding, and you're winking? Aren't you ashamed? Try to understand! - Understand what? Didn't l tell you? First l become a star. Then l'll have that affair What's there to laugh about? - Her horoscope says... she'll never become a star. - Great! We're in a hurry about the wedding. Please, do something What do l do? All the planets are adverse, restless What if we perform a ritual to placate the stars? to perform the ritual? Would a fee of 5,OOO or 6,OOO do? - Six thousand? Yes. l too am a priest. And l'm good too For 6,OOO, l'll put all stars, good and bad, to rest! Yes, he's very learned The scissors, remember? - You gave me 1,50O She's giving me 6,OOO! - How about installments of 200? l don't allow credit. - Your ponytail is snipped l'll grow it back. - What is the matter? Just chatting up malefic planets Mighty is the Illusion. So we have the date Yes? - You will be the master of ceremonies Of course. Your daughter is like a bride entering our house What...? - One of ours. l mean... she's one of ours. Like a bride Shall we? Shall we leave? - l'm walking We're walking back too. - Together would be tiring for all of us We won't let you tire. l'll even carry you in my arms May God do to you as you are doing for me Hey priest, you're such a load! - Why? What's up? l'm going to curse you What are you doing at the office? - Just come with me Where to? - Have you forgotten? We're going shopping for the wedding. Now don't ask whose wedding There's an important meeting. l can't make it. You go on Shopping alone? No, take someone along. A friend? Yes, Mona or Prem. Take whatever you want from the cashier Do some shopping for me too, please Mr Sharma l'm venturing into a great project. For your sake What happened? l have to go shopping for the wedding. Rahul is busy So l thought l'd go shopping with you You're busy too. - Who says l'm busy? Let's go. - What about your rehearsal? Prem, how are these earrings? - Lovely But if you want to buy, buy diamonds Pack this. - Pack four or five Her fiance is stinking rich Can you show me that? What's the price? Please put it back Take it. It's gold, gold! - Does it sing? Prem, l forgot to ask you. That day at the restaurant... weren't you about to propose to that girl? What happened? She got engaged too Once again, l didn't have to pay for the wedding Nor did l have to come home alone after the wedding When l am in America after my wedding, l'll look for a good girl. For you You'll look for a girl for me? What kind of a girl would you like? Like her My love, if only you could hear what my heart speaks ''My love'' ''Great eyes'' ''Lovely hands'' ''What looks!'' ''So wonderfully naughty'' ''What a wonderful creature you are'' ''My love, oh my love'' ''You've taken my heart'' ''Great eyes'' ''Sparkling conversation'' ''What a face!'' ''Being young is marvelous!'' ''What a wonderful creature you are'' ''My love, oh my love'' ''You've taken my heart'' ''Your beauty overwhelms me'' ''l'm spellbound, my love'' ''For the first time, my love come touch my heart'' ''Great eyes'' ''What a waistline'' ''What looks!'' ''Oh how naughty!'' ''What a wonderful creature you are'' ''My love, oh my love'' ''You've taken my heart'' ''My heart beats for you l breathe for you'' ''You live in my dreams, oh my love'' ''l talk only of you l remember only you'' ''All my promises are for you, oh my love'' ''lt's the magic of your age'' ''lt's the effect you have on me'' ''What a beauty you are!'' ''So wonderfully naughty'' ''What a wonderful creature you are'' ''My love, oh my love'' ''You've taken my heart'' Now act demure. Like a bride Priya, you're the bride. l'm your groom, and the camera is on Hold your gaze down Now look up slowly at your husband How can l get serious? You're a girl playing a boy! Just a rehearsal You're on the dot of time! Now my job is going to get done l'm appearing for a test shot tomorrow. l'll be playing the bride So she's playing bride, and you're her husband. Any objections? Mine? None. You better tie her up. She might run. One of them ran out on me So Priya, this is your husband. Any objections? For my sake! Tie the knot Prem, put the vermilion in the parting on Priya's hair Hold each others' hands Take your vows around the fire What's going on? What are the two of them doing? - They are acting. For me l have to appear for a screen test tomorrow. It's a bride's role So l forced them to play bride and groom Look, the camera is over there l thought the two of them were getting married! l thought l would have to find another bride for myself Who tied the knot so tight? We did. - We So securely? The dresses are over there How can l let you off so easily? Mona, call his friend Tiger too Why? Because... Because tonight, l'm throwing a parrty. - Parrty? Celebrating what? Yesterday, l starrted a new venture for Priya. And today itself... l've bagged such a big contract! Don't drink Who are you to stop me? Friend? Neighbour? What? Why are you talking like this? l'm a friend, am l not? My friend's fiance is throwing this party. Tonight l'm drinking For my sake You don't want me to? See what's going on? - What's going on? Your cousin Priya, and Prem; and something going on between them She's marrying Rahul You don't believe me? Drag Prem to the dance floor. And watch Priya react So Prem has been teaching you a thing or two Priya, are you all right? Prem you dance so well! l'm feeling uneasy Easy now That's the first time she took a drink She came with me to Goa the last time Want something? Prem, she has had one too many. Let's get out of here Rahul, shall we? She puked Says it's his parrty! And he straddled me with the bill! l have only 250! Just do something. l have to drop her Why isn't someone turning up? Anyway, it's not my party Prem, what's on your mind? - What Priya sees in Rahul! He is too He too Rahul has a fine sense of humour. - His too! Rahul is in love with Priya. - He's in love too lf that's a drunkard, he's a drunk too. - He's an NRl Not non-resident Indian. Non Reliable Indian What was he doing with the waitresses? - Flirting He has lots of money Can't l make a living for myself? You can. - Then...? Do it! Lime juice. Drink it up. It'll take care of the hangover My head is reeling. l told Rahul l don't want to drink Why did you have to drink? - l don't know why. It tasted awful Every sip was fire What? Jealous of you? Because l was dancing with Prem That's why you were jealous. That's why you started drinking Just what do you mean? - Whatever is in your heart Were you, or were you not envious of me dancing with Prem? By the way, Prem was inquiring about you too What? - What do you care about Prem? Forget it. - Mona please, tell me What was Prem saying? - What do you want to hear? He said, Priya is so innocent. Can she spend a lifetime with Rahul? What did you say? - l told him, Rahul is a nice fellow He's a well-to-do, well-settled expat. What more does a girl want in life? Why did you have to tell Prem that? - What else was l to tell him? That you don't like the man you're about to marry? That at heart, you don't even know whom you want l didn't get a word of what you said Maybe you don't want to hear what l have to say? At least, listen to what your heart tells you ''l wish l wasn't in love'' ''Oh my heart, tell me what's happening to you?? ''Why are you so restless?'' ''l wish l wasn't in love'' ''l think l'm beginning to like the man in my dreams'' ''l think l'm beginning to love the one l hold in my eyes'' ''For the first time, l am in love'' ''With him'' ''All my life, l want to make love to her'' ''Oh don't let the seasons of love come to pass'' ''Let me stay lost in thoughts of her for she's my only goal'' ''And all along, l wait for my lover to come to me'' ''How l wish we weren't in love'' Where's Prem? Didn't you give him my message? l gave him your message Then why hasn't he called me? - Prem leaves early He comes back late at nights. What's it? Something special? Yes. Something special. - Then tell me First l'll tell Prem. Then l'll tell you. It's going to be a big surprise Really? Do come over at times. This is your home too Yes. It's my home. And someday, l'll have to come over too Excuse me... - He steals my tunes in broad daylight! And l am to sit quietly? - That's why l'm giving you 500 bucks! Keep it. You deserve it. - l'm here to make something of myself That's the problem with talented folks l've been looking for you for days. Where have you been? Didn't you get my messages? - l got them Why didn't you call me? - l was a bit busy You aren't ever at home. All day, you're with music directors And every evening, you're singing at weddings What are you running for all the time? - l just want to make money But why do you want so much money? - To win love Will money help you win love? - Why not? But why are you acting as if you're naive? Aren't you... marrying Rahul for the money? Am l marrying Rahul for the money? - What else? Mummy must've said... ''He's rich, my dear. Marry him.'' Daughter says ''Okay!'' Invitations printed. End of the game. Isn't that the way it's done? You are right about me. l'm marrying Rahul for the money What have l done? Oh, what have l done? Tiger come and sit with me. Frustrate me some more l'm hard up to find even one. And you go around with twosomes? This boy is incorrigible l can't get worse than you Whatever you say, your style is great! Go around with girls, enjoy! And here l am, thinking of lifetimes, giving my heart out! And these girls... They break hearts! Like wafers! You know what l wanted to be when l grew up? No. l always wanted to be like you! l'd change every evening. Into a new style! My friends would be confused about which girl l'd marry Don't soar too high. You'll fall on your face l fell before l flew You think l'm having fun? - You must be Not at all. The years of youth are over in a trice At 40 or 45, you are all alone. You don't even feel like going home Besides, who will marry a man with such a reputation? Wouldn't l look more like a grandfather than a father to my children? Are you getting it? Better try to understand. You got to have someone at home Someone to stand beside you. Someone to tell you, everything will be all right Everything will be all right, darling. Everything gets straightened out l've seen life. You shouldn't hesitate to say speak your heart out Go and tell Priya that you love her Don't get it yet? Want me to explain? See my future? Want a future like this? No! l'll go and tell her right away Listen, don't tell her l told you Tiger, nice jacket. Can l have it? - You can have mine No! - At least, take my hat! First l'll give her this flower. Then l'll tell her You look so happy with Rahul. Stay happy. Be happy heartbreak again. Control yourself. - l can't control myself! l can't! l've got to bash up someone! Who do l bash up? No! This isn't happening! Look who's here Rahul is here! - Control! Are you here to sing at some wedding? The poor man's Daler Mehendi He makes weddings so lively! But you know, his bride didn't turn up at his wedding He has a crush on my fiancee How come you fellows always stick together? No girls? Are the two of you married? Just because we don't have ''doves'' with us? Doves? Meaning? ltems! Babes! Virgins! You don't understand? What's going to happen to Priya? She's so innocent... so beautiful... - Resilient, lasting She's so homely. And you're bedding someone else? Relaxed. Now tell us Say it l'll tell her. - Do it Lay him On the cheeks? Jaws? Out of control? Screw him. He has screwed you Had we not been drunk... could he have bashed us up? - That's because he knows kung fu He'll keep Priya happy because he has the money. Get it? Whose friend are you? - Yours Then how can you talk like that? Hey, you bashed him up? There's your future. You better change Just stare in the face of future! How are you Prem? - Fine. How are you? Come in Tell me, how is your brother? - Perfectly all right At least some good came out of it Where's your husband? What's up? l hope he knows that you have come here? l didn't get married. - Why? He's marrying someone else Your luck and mine seem to match. After you left... l fell in love with Priya. But before l could tell her about my feelings... she invited me to her engagement. And l was sitting right there Know something funny? Her fianc's name is also Rahul. And he's also an expat Nisha, why are these expat Rahuls after my happiness? Can't they find expat girls? Finding girls is so tough And they just whisk them away, and then they don't marry them! What's God's design about me? Maybe God wants us to get together again? No Nisha Whether or not Priya loves me, l love her Look into my eyes and tell me, do you still love me? No l was just thinking about you Rahul, l want to marry you right now Today? - Yes, today Priya, what kind of a joke is this? Are you going to marry Rahul? But you love Prem, don't you? Why don't you tell him? Mona, l had gone to Prem's place. Nisha is back in his life The two of them are happy together. Good for Prem, isn't it? Some relationships are meant to be consummated What happens to you? l'm going to be happy with Rahul But make sure you tell Tiger what you feel. He loves you a lot Go Mona, spill your heart out. Go! Else, like me, it'll be too late lf you see Prem, tell him he's a bad singer, and he's ugly Tell him l'll never miss him Happens, happens, happens. - Why does it happen only to me? What a life! Toppling again and again like Indian governments! l've been through 200 or 300 girls. If you think... you've had a heartbreak, you've had it. - Have you ever been in love? That's why l'm still single. Every night l go to bed drunk Every night l promise to give up drinking tomorrow morning. But... Why does a man drink so much? Because, how long can you drink only soda? Not a question of soda. It's a question of a little bit of love lf anyone tells me lovingly, ''Give it up'', l'll give it up Then give it up. - All my life l've been drinking How can l do it so suddenly? - How can he let go? So you won't give it up? - Just say it with a bit of love Please, give it up. - Really? That's later Stop tormenting me. You've patched up. Where does that leave me? What for? - You've patched up with Nisha, right? Like in a tv serial. Let's-meet-after-the-break-kinds Priya told me that she saw Nisha at your place when she went to see you And she thought Nisha and l are in love? Exactly She went over to tell you that she loves you What about Nisha? Priya is ruining her life! She's marrying Rahul She left for the airport. They're flying to Agra your boarding cards, as usual. - Please shift me to business class Try to understand. l don't travel Economy Try walking. You have nice company as usual Drive fast, Tiger - Faster than this? Let me call my sister l'm taking the first flight to Agra. - Headed for the loony bin? That was the last straw. - Priya wants to marry Rahul again l want to stop her. l just got to know that Priya loves me Let's go to the airport Where to? - Agra l'm getting married at the Taj Mahal. And you? Agra too. But l'm working in Hotel Taj After you sent him to America for medical treatment, he has recovered Congratulations about the wedding Let me introduce you to my fiancee Do you know each other? Best wishes for your wedding l'm very happy about you and Prem patching up No Priya. l think l'm too late. Prem loves someone else Maybe you know who it is Are you together? - Yes and no Once l was supposed to get engaged to Nisha. Now l'm marrying you But she's the right girl for Prem The airport is empty. The flight may have left What news of the Delhi flight? - Left half an hour ago, as usual Have courage. When is the next flight? - In half an hour as usual Three tickets. Third class. - This isn't a railway Only two classes here. Economy and business class There are five cancellations in business class. You're lucky Three tickets. - Not three. Five Five tickets as usual He's flying the plane too slow Eat the food. It's great! What's more, it's free! He's drowning in sorrow, and you want him to eat? Tiger, we'll look for Priya at Agra. Not in up here in the clouds Just because you have a wife already? - If you won't, l'll take your plates Will you play heroine in my next film? - Film heroine? l wanted to be a heroine all along! Here's my card. Make sure you contact my office in Bombay Tiger! Did you hear? l'm getting a break as a heroine! In Mr Dinesh Kapoor's film Five years, down the drain? - Have courage Won't you act in my film? - Not in your film Don't worry, You'll have your day too. Have courage Will you please shift two of us to business class? Two economy class passengers are asking for seats in the business class Let me see. What is the name? - Some Pugaliya What name did you say? - Mr Pugaliya Not Pugaliya. Foogaliya! They're on this flight! - What are you waiting for? Get aggressive! Just say it! Aggression? Is this plane being hijacked? No. Someone is hijacking his lover! - Oh! A matter of love? Keep it up A passenger in the business class would like to sing a song for you He wishes to entertain you But this isn't just a song. For him, it's his love, his life This comes from his heart ''Oh stranger...'' ''l am already in love'' ''l wanted so say it, but l couldn't'' ''But l can't keep myself from saying it now'' ''Come into my arms, you are my life'' Why sing such long songs? Why not just say, ''l love you''? |
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