It is all gone!
Well, how can it possibly
be fucking gone?
There was 40 grand in there.
Yeah, eight months ago
there was 40 grand in there.
Eight months! How many
fucking scatter cushions do you need?
(Woman) Don't talk to me like I'm a cunt!
Baby? Are you all right?
It doesn't make sense.
I know!
You haven't worked
a single day for eight months.
Take the money for the Jacuzzi
out of the holiday dough.
I can't have it out of action
cos it's for my back.
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
Wake up, Jay!
There's no fucking holiday money!
And there is nothing wrong
with your back!
It's all in your fucking head.
(Motor sputters)
Fuck. Fucking...
Jay!
Ouch!
Jay!
Jay!
Oh!
Jay!
- 24 tins of tuna?
- Yeah, they were doing a deal.
Can you stop spinning?
You're doing my head in.
- You should've done me a list then.
- I did! It was on the fridge, you left it!
- 10 bottles of wine?
- You invited 'em.
What do you want to drink, Shel?
Herbal tea?
Oh, look, it says toilet roll
and it's underlined twice.
Oh, 197 pounds. And, no, you didn't
get any toilet roll, did you,
just, you know, loads of bottles of wine.
- That's good, Jay.
- I'll pop round the newsagents.
They'll have it, won't they?
(Sighs) You're in serious danger
of turning into a miserable cow, Shel.
I'm not going to sit here and have you
glaring at me for another half hour.
Sam? Sammy?
Babe, he's got loads of stuff.
- He doesn't need any more.
- It was four and a half quid, you wally.
He's got loads.
- En guard!
- Cool.
Daddy's promised
to do bedtime stories tonight.
Yeah, we can do that, mate.
(Agitated talking in Swedish)
(Shel sobs and continues
talking in Swedish)
(Intermittent sobbing and talking)
(Swedish conversation continues)
(Groans, shouts)
Get him! Come on, Sam!
(Jay) 'There were once
these two brave and honourable soldiers,
'and they were in charge
of guarding a man in a car.'
(Sam) I want a story about king Arthur.
(Jay) My story is better.
(Sam) No, it isn't.
Are you listening, cos you can go
straight to sleep without one?
What kind of car?
A bullet-proof one.
They were driving around this city,
you see.
What city?
Bagdadistan.
So there were these insurgents
and they made a bomb
and it blew up the Humvee
in front of the column.
It's not real though, is it?
No, not any more, no.
You shouldn't shout at Mummy.
Well, she started it, mate.
You are a bit lazy though.
- Who says?
- Mummy.
Does she now?
And me.
Do it, Daddy.
OK.
One, two, three...
Abracadabra.
Hi, how're you doing?
You're looking gorgeous as usual...
Ahh... please God
It's so good to see you. Hi.
- Fiona.
- Come on in.
- You?
- Yeah.
Canny wee tipple... your favourite?
(Fiona) Is that you?
Mmm! Swedish National service.
I didn't know they made girls do that!
Oh, they don't!
They don't, I wanted to do it.
Why should the boys
get to have all the fun, eh?
(Fiona) Here you both are...
- What uniform is that?
- Security assignment.
Is it dangerous?
In danger of getting your knickers
ripped off later, big girl.
(Chuckles)
The money's good.
The money's really good, Jay.
I can't.
Here.
Try one of these.
Blow your fucking head off.
I'm not eating anything red
at the moment.
- Does Shel know?
- What, about the diet?
No, about the job.
Might have mentioned something
in passing.
No wonder she's been
on my fucking back. Don't do that, Gal.
I wish someone would fucking clarify
the chain of command here.
- Who's wagging the dog?
- (Shel) Jay! Jay!
Coming.
That's cleared that up.
Fuck off.
We are done. Bon Appetit.
Tuck in, everyone.
(Gal claps) Well done.
(Fiona) Thank you.
Aww!
- This is beautiful.
- Thank you. It's not my worst.
- Army and Navy.
- Gravy?
(Gal) Your track record's good.
Dig in.
(Shel) And now... Cheers and welcome.
(Gal) Yeah, cheers. Here's to you.
- Lots of love.
- Cheers.
Thank you, thank you...
(Shel) Is there anything here
that you want, Fiona?
(Fiona) I'm really happy.
(Shel) You sure?
(Jay) What are these
little chef's hats about?
(Shel) I just thought...
you could pick them up with your fingers.
They're little Swedish chefs.
(imitates The Muppets' chef)
Who is gonna say Grace,
are you going to say Grace?
Oh, Stop.
- Not at my table.
- No?
No, no.
I could do it in Irish for you.
So what-what sort of...
Do you just sell anything? I don't...
No, it's kind of...
No, it's mainly...
sort of IT stuff and, you know.
It's commercial sales.
It's not like knocking on doors
and, you know.
- With a suitcase.
- Yeah, it's not flannels and tea towels.
(Laughter)
I know you would assume that
from Gal's accent, but...
It was all right, kinda,
when I was younger and stuff
and when we first
come out of the army.
But it's not, you know...
As Sam is getting older and stuff.
It's sort of difficult for him.
He wants his dad, you know.
So, you have to deal with that
while I am away, don't you?
I think it's hard on us.
Three months starts pushing it
we used to say.
- (Fiona) Three months?
- Sometimes, yeah.
- (Fiona) Wow.
- Bit like being a single mum.
- Can I just nip to the loo please?
- Mmm, course.
- It's just round the corner.
- OK, thanks.
(Jay) The lock's not great,
but we know you are in there,
so I don't think Sam will get
the shock of his life.
- Top up?
- Oh, yeah.
- I'll get it. I'll get it sit down, sit down.
- Sure?
- Old world, new world?
- Whatever you fancy, darling.
Whatever, mate.
Christ. You need a circular saw
to get through this meat.
Because you took the entire rack.
- I thought...
- I'd cut them all up, hadn't I?
I thought there was three big ones.
You could've said to me, darling.
Do you know what, unlike you,
I didn't want to embarrass you
in front of everyone.
As for this, what's all this game?
We've got every dinner set
and bit of cutlery known to man.
You've served the gravy
in a fucking Pyrex.
What's that about?
It's like a chemistry set.
(Gal's footsteps return)
(Gal) ls that all right?
(Shel) Yeah, that's my favourite.
So, what do you do, Fiona?
Hman resources
Hatchet man.
Sorry. Hatchet person.
What is it?
I mean what does that entail?
If there is a department
that is under-performing then...
I go in and assess
the extraneous manpower
and de-force accordingly...
I'm waiting for a comment!
(Laughter)
(Fiona) I know there is one coming.
(Jay) You sort of sack people?
It's not personal.
It is probably personal to them...
...and their families.
When was the last time you cared
about the welfare of a family?
Oh, yeah I know, eight months ago.
There's a bigger picture
in the business world.
Your picture doesn't stretch any further
than your front door, does it mate?
You mean the Jacuzzi.
I think the 80's recession
was a lot more glamorous.
No this is, this is much worse.
There's a lot of dirty work to be done.
I'll tell you one lot
who had no time for extraneous.
The Nazis.
Here we go.
I just wish
I could have had a go at them.
Difficult for a man to know
where he stands these days.
You should've had a crack
at the Mick, mate.
A tour of duty in Belfast
would've done you the world of good.
I've never understood
the whole Irish thing.
Cos, I mean,
it's all the same religion, so...
Not really, love.
They're all Christian.
- That's true.
- That's debatable.
What do I get? Fucking Iraq!
- Iraq's over. What about now, eh?
- Yeah?
I've finished.
Abracadabra!
(Jay, shouting) That's my fucking pal,
in front of my fucking pal.
(Shel) That's not just your fucking pal.
It's not just your fucking pal.
It's not just your fucking house, Jay!
(Gal) Come on, mate,
let's get you to bed.
(Shouting continues)
Don't you pay any attention to them,
they're just over excited.
why?
Because they've been drinking,
all right?
Don't you ever drink, do you hear me?
- Promise?
- Not even water?
Especially not that shit.
Do you know the government
puts stuff in it that shrinks your balls!
But you fall out with people, don't you?
You fall out with your mates, but then
you become friends again, don't you?
That's just what mummys
and daddys do sometimes.
That's why they're mummys and daddys
because they're best friends, you know?
Sometimes they fight,
sometimes the argue.
You know...
But it doesn't mean anything.
So, don't be worrying, all right?
Good lad.
Sorry.
(Fiona) No. Don't be silly.
How old's your boy?
- Sammy is seven.
- Oh.
You?
No. I never wanted any.
You'll change your mind.
No, I don't think so.
I love kids though...
He was the one, you know?
The love of your life?
No. The one who started it.
Knock. Knock.
Where?
Local, UK.
How many on the list?
Three. Not too strenuous.
How much?
Don't ask. Shel got it.
It's nice.
What do you think of Fiona?
Is she the one
you met at your sister's?
No, Boxercise
What?
Hey man, I tell you, a lot of tit women.
It relieves your sexual tension as well.
Fuck's sake.
Hey, don't knock it till you've tried, you.
She likes it rough then?
- Wouldn't you like to fucking know?
- I'm too old for that shit, so are you.
Yeah? Speak for yourself, granddad.
- Kiev was...
- Yeah, yeah... I know.
Listen man,
that was eight months ago.
You've got to get back on the horse again.
Do you know what I mean?
It's all right, it's all right.
The old team back together again.
The two musketeers!
We gonna do it?
Fucking get rid of that.
(Gal, whispering) Come on sweetheart.
Come on.
Are you OK? All right?
(Gal) The-y'll never find that body:
(Jay laughing) 'You could put
almost anything in front of it.'
It doesn't matter how disgusting it is
as long as you put that after it,
you're safe...
Fritzl could have got away with it.
It's OK, cos I don't have my gloves on.
Who'd have thunk it?
(I JOAN ARMATRADING:
"it Could Have Been Better")
J' I was very sad last night
J' You came by, I was so glad
J' Though sadness covered
the smile I kept for you
I I was waiting
for the cloud to pass over
I Then I could show my love...
I'm really sorry.
J' You could have made me laugh
if you'd stayed
J' But you left
I I was more confused
than I was before you came
J' I was frightened I
Cheers! I'll call you, all right?
- You're not driving, mate.
- I am once I find my fucking keys.
Shel, call a cab.
I'm all right man,
dry your eyes for fuck's sake.
- I'll drop the car for you in the morning.
- The fuck you will.
(Laughs) Why do you have
such a problem following orders?
Get your fucking hands off.
Listen, don't go behind my back
to her again!
Get the fuck off me, man!
You ripped my fucking jeans,
you cunt!
That's that shirt fucked.
Wha-hey, come on!
(Laughter)
Thank fuck that's over.
Babe?
Baby, come on back in,
it's getting cold.
Yeah, I'll be up in a minute.
(Rasping whisper) 'Wake up.
'Wake up.
'Wake up.'
Wake up.
Wake up.
- Wake up.
- No.
Not now!
Come here, I ain't gonna tickle you.
- I got you now. There is no escaping!
- (Giggles)
I'm sorry about last night.
I was being an idiot.
(Jay) Shel!
Shel!
Yep. No, that's no problem.
They'll be there.
- (Jay) Shel!
- What?
- Come out here!
- What is it?
Come out here and I'll show you.
No, you come in here.
Shel. Come out here, you lazy bugger.
That's the last time.
It's an offering, not an insult.
No. She's taking the piss.
It's a cat, it can't take the piss.
What is it?
Oh no, Jay!
It's a rabbit.
Put it in the outside bin.
Fuck am I. I'll cook it up
with some onion and garlic.
Not in my kitchen!
Oh, yeah.
Oh, just get rid of it, babe.
Smell of that.
What's Daddy doing?
Daddy's showing off.
What's he eating?
He's eating a rabbit.
Where from?
From the cat.
Daddy thinks the cat brings us
little presents.
The cat thinks we don't eat enough
in this house.
I just think the cat
likes killing rabbits.
(Bell tolls)
- Hey!
- (Gal) Who goes there?
(Laughs)
You all right?
- It was a good one last night, weren't it?
- Eh?
A good one last night.
- You reckon?
- Yeah.
- Nice food and all that.
- It had its moments.
Where's Fiona? Off de-forcing?
Fuck knows.
What?
I think I was
a bit of a bad boy last night.
I woke up this morning
with a 'Dear John' taped to my cock.
You're joking.
No.
Oh, mate.
Get your shit together,
the client's expecting us.
I like this car.
Looks nice but it's a dog on corners.
Here - better safe than sorry.
It's a bit over the top for a meeting, innit?
Do you know who's in there?
Cos I fucking don't.
You come with recommendations.
They're well earned.
Good.
Necessary.
Ah, fuck!
It's all right.
No, it's not.
I hear Kiev was stormy.
I'm in the process of rewriting it.
Good.
It's important to learn
from one's mistakes, I always find.
Fuck, that was dramatic.
I'm bleeding on the carpet.
None of them ever say please or thank
you - that's what really fucks me off.
I mean, good manners cost nothing,
sure it doesn't.
How did he know about Kiev?
He was just letting you know
that he knows.
- What does that mean?
- Psychology, isn't it.
(G roans)
Fucking hell.
Is that your wanking hand?
- No.
- Hmm. Well, you know...
...every cloud...
- One of each?
- Take 'em yeah.
They say that's quite good.
I need to stop
and get a bandage or something.
Got to get through reception
without them noticing.
It's fucking swollen.
I'll walk on that side.
You stay on the left
and I'll walk on the right.
OK.
I could do with clearing up the sink
a little bit.
- Leave that to me, I'll do it.
- OK.
(Distant conversation)
Did you take one of those
this morning, babe?
Yeah, that's all right,
it's like six a day or something.
Handsome.
You going to be all right?
(Monkey whooping)
See you soon.
Back in the house - you'll get wet feet.
(Whispers) Go.
Bye.
I love this bit.
We're not going
to the fucking seaside, Gal.
Thank you.
Can you put your PIN in there, please?
Here on business?
- Crackers.
- Excuse me?
Novelty key rings. Paper hats.
Plastic fingernails. Doggy charms.
- They're my speciality.
- Sorry?
You wouldn't be, love, honestly.
You don't look like sales.
- Have the rooms got free Wi-Fi?
- No.
I'm afraid that card's been declined.
Let me just try that one more time.
Yeah, do.
I'll just ring for authorisation.
It's OK I'll get it.
Don't worry about it - I'll get it.
Hello, Shel?
Yeah, they just declined my card
at the hotel.
Yeah, they declined it.
No, there's no money in it.
One I look like a right mug,
and two it draws attention to me and Gal.
Straight away - who are these people
who can't afford to pay for the room.
- My name is Richard.
- (Receptionist) Nice to meet you.
Friends call me Dick.
(Jay) I can't believe
you haven't had ten minutes to do it.
You could have done it on your phone.
The soap's nice.
- Is it still in the wrapper?
- Yeah.
Nice. I fucking hate dirty soap.
So, what do you reckon?
Do the usual,
follow this guy around;
see what he gets up,
who he hangs out with?
What, do it properly, you mean?
Not just mow him down in a hail of bullets
like some Hackney crack head.
Yeah.
Yeah.
(Laughing)
He's 45 and lives
in 14 Coldwater Road.
If he's got a dog,
do we shoot the dog too?
Yeah, well...
Dogs are ten a penny,
aren't they?
I just wanted to say 'thank you'
to Justin.
His teachings have helped me put
everything in perspective.
I haven't had an anxiety attack
in three weeks.
Don't listen to them.
It's like a fucking worm
boring through my skull.
It's like a graveyard and they still
fucking plod up next to us.
(Justin) ...you could intersect
with the group
when I saw you having trouble
rationalizing your emotional response
to Duncan's departure.
I can't wait to see him rationalise
your emotional response.
- Don't.
- (Chuckles)
- I'm gonna kill 'em, Gal.
- Don't kill 'em, mate.
I am, I'm gonna massacre
that table of people now.
In a hotel.
I ain't gonna shoot 'em, Gal.
I'm going to do 'em one at a time
and do 'em slow.
- With a butter knife?
- Yeah.
(Group member) We should have a song.
We should have a song.
- A song... OK, shall I get the old guitar?
- Yeah, go on then.
Oh fuck, here we go.
You're expecting Jeremy Beadle,
aren't you?
- But he's dead, he can't help you!
- He's not going to play that guitar, is he?
J' Onward, Christian soldiers
J' Marching as to war
I With the cross of Jesus
J' Going on before...
(Gal) I even know this one.
I At the sign of triumph...
Look at 'em,
fucking happy bastards.
J' On then, Christian soldiers,
on to... I
You're giving me indigestion.
Oh, sorry.
Apology accepted.
Sometimes God's love
can be hard to swallow.
Not as hard as a dinner plate.
(Chuckles)
God loves you.
Does he?
Well, tell God from me...
If you're the kind of people he hangs
about with, stay out of my way.
No more guitar mate,
not in restaurants.
There is a time and a place.
And your time and place
is in a very isolated location
where no one is likely to be
for about a fucking hundred years.
OK?
Cos Jimmy Hendrix you ain't.
(Guitar smashes onto floor)
Very sorry about my friend,
please accept my most humble apologies.
And if you are speaking to the big man,
put a word in for us, will you?
Get them all a drink, love.
Double orange juices all round.
It don't look like
the house of a major villain, does it?
Oh, for fuck's sake,
a fucking priest! Brilliant!
You'll enjoy this one, Gal.
Yeah well, at least it's not a toddler.
What's he got there?
Oh, a new brief case.
You're worried.
Maybe.
He's probably shagging kids.
Might get you a pass
on all the other terrible shit you've done.
It's complicated.
As a parent I'd do them all,
even if I weren't getting paid.
Just for the record,
I've hardly done any terrible shit.
(Music plays over dialogue)
Turn round.
Thank you.
Why do you think he had that smile
on his face?
Probably at peace, you know.
Don't know how much at peace I'd feel
if I was getting a bullet
in the back of my head.
(Jay) 'Can you see me, yeah?'
(Shel on speaker)
'Yeah, sorry I just woke up.'
- 'Sorry.'
- 'No, it's fine!
'It's just... Sam was up in the night!
- 'Is he all right?'
- 'Oh yeah, he's fine.
'Bad dreams about the cat.
'How's your room?
I couldn't tell when I booked.'
Yeah, it's all right.
- 'On schedule?
- One down.
- 'Clean?'
- Yeah, course.
Don't worry, I'm all right.
'Babe, Fiona came round.
'With a present for Sam.'
That's a bit weird.
'I didn't like her at first,
but I don't mind her now.
'What do you think?'
- You could do with the company.
- 'Yeah, that's what I thought.'
- Don't let her anywhere near the garage.
- 'I'm not an idiot.
'I've got to go - Sam's calling, all right?'
- Do you miss me?
- 'Of course I do.
always.
'Love you.'
(Distant thunder)
(Gal) Looks like nothing this bloke.
(Jay) They all look like nothing, Gal.
He does look
like my uncle Terry though.
Uncle Terry, that's a new one.
(Laughs)
He wasn't a special uncle,
he actually was my uncle.
- Right.
- Yeah, he was a cunt.
He wasn't one of the people
your old man took money off of
to be your special uncle?
Oh, come on now. it's a family do.
Have you spoken to Fiona?
No.
She's been round at the house,
talking to Shel.
- Really? That's interesting.
- Yeah...
Says she's waiting.
What, for me?
Well yeah, I'd imagine so.
I'll leave her dangling a bit longer.
Do you know what I mean,
keep 'em keen, eh?
Gal, give her a ring.
I don't want some...
...glary eyed phantom kipping
in my front room when I get home.
Don't you dare
talk about my Fiona like that.
She's a good looking girl.
She's a bit of a fucking demon in bed
as well, I tell you.
- Yeah?
- Oh!
Fucking hell!
- Details?
- You know...
Put it this way, I had to shave
my pubes afterwards.
Gal?
What, are we off?
Right, we'll go and see
what is in that lock-up first.
Really?
I thought we were
just going to observe?
No, we are going to go
and have a look, mate.
Lovely... it's a wank den.
You don't get shot
for having a wank den.
Porn business?
There's not enough of it.
No, you're right.
(Scream on TV)
Fuck.
- Uh.
- What?
You don't want to fucking look
at that boy, I'll tell you.
Well, I've got to now, haven't I?
Fucking hell, mate.
(Screaming and wailing from TV)
(Screams) Help. Help!
(Glass breaks)
There's been a mistake.
Oh, yeah?
Mistaken identity.
Just remembered we're your burglars?
Really?
If you are, take what you want.
(Gal) I could do with some reassurance
that the world's
not full of murdering perverts.
We saw the lock-up.
- Christ.
- (Gal) Yeah.
(Gal) It's game on, big lad.
Yeah, don't bother. Fucking freak!
(Gal) Listen mate...
I've seen your wee film.
I'm just the librarian.
Who for?
This is not fair.
I'll show you 'not fair'.
Please.
Don't - because it makes me
hate you more, yeah?
Who films it?
I can't tell you that.
(Screams)
(Screams)
(Cries out)
He lives at Greenwold Street.
Where do you keep your money?
- In the safe.
- Which room?
Top of the stairs on the right.
Does he know?
What?
Who you are.
He doesn't, does he?
What the fuck are you talking about?
Before he comes back...
...I just want to say...
...thank you.
For what?
(Whispers) I'm glad to have met you.
Nice.
I understand.
You have to do
what you have to do.
(Screams)
(Screaming continues)
Thank you.
Thank you.
You crazy fucking bastard.
Oh, fuck!
You can clean this fucking mess up
yourself, you know that?
Fine.
I'm getting a fucking bag.
(Jay) Let's nip round to that house
on Greenwold Street.
(Gal) Fuck that, you need
a long lie down, big lad.
I'm going to Greenwold Street
right fucking now.
- What the fuck is Shel gonna say?
- Then don't fucking tell her then.
Fuck!
You're well off list here, man.
Right! Don't hang about.
If I'm not back in twenty minutes,
come and get me.
Don't you worry, I will.
Fucking first job in months
and he's gone off again, for fuck's sake.
(Shrill whistling)
Oh, for fuck's sake.
Jesus Christ.
(Whistling stops)
(Banging)
Was that twenty minutes?
Let's get the fuck out of here.
What the fuck are we going to do
with him now?
Brilliant. Fucking brilliant.
(Gal) You're covered in blood.
(Jay) I'll burn 'em.
They say the sign of a good painter
and decorator?
- What?
- Clean overalls. No bodging.
Point taken.
(Jay) It doesn't feel wrong.
They were bad people.
They should suffer.
I used to love looking at tires
when I was a kid.
Hi babe, I wasn't expecting you back...
- We haven't got any food.
- That's all right we'll go out.
Erm, it's a school night.
I just want to see Sammy, yeah?
No, he's on a play date, babe.
Can we talk about this later?
Hi Jay, you back?
(Shel) We've just had a glass of wine.
Yeah, and a moan.
- Do you want to join us?
- Er...
Yeah... I should get me...
all my bits and bobs.
- I should go.
- Oh no, don't be silly. You were here first.
No, stay. It's all right isn't it?
Yeah.
Shel!
Jesus, Jay!
(she-l) oh, God!
It's infected, babe.
You've got to go see a doctor.
I'm not going.
No...
I'll get some cream or something.
(Doctor) 'Would you say
you were suffering from stress?'
(Jay) 'Yes.'
'Do you experience fatigue? Nausea?'
Erm...Yes. No.
Why do you think that is?
Any particular reason?
No.
Professionally...
Some financial stuff.
I've got a family.
Now what about your sex life,
how's that?
Normal?
Listen, my wife said I had to come,
so you could look at my hand and...
You're fine!
Yeah, but my hand isn't.
Do you want to have a look at it?
Better still, I can give you some advice.
What happened to Dr Bapkin?
The past is gone.
The future
is not yet here.
There is only ever this moment.
(Shel's voice echoes) 'Jay!
'Jay!
LJay!l
Bloody...
Kids maybe?
Maybe gypsies.
You all right, sweetheart?
Someone's murdered the cat.
(Jay) Fucking loved that cat.
Didn't know.
No, neither did I till it happened.
- Look...
- What?
- It's a message, isn't it?
- Yeah, received loud and clear.
We lifted enough money the other night,
we could sack half this job off, man.
What?
There's pictures of us
outside the priest's house, Jay.
They've got a file on fucking Kiev.
- Where the fuck did they get that from?
- So fucking what?
Listen man,
let's just knock it on the head.
It's not doing your head any good and it's
fucking not doing mine any good either.
Yeah, I think you are right,
we should just give up.
We should let things like this happen
and not do fuck all about it.
We're doing a fucking job, man.
It's not a crusade, all right?
Right! Then you don't bother, but when
I start something, I fucking finish it, Gal.
Yeah I know, I know.
I've been standing around watching
how you fucking finish it.
- You're arsehole's gone, mate.
- Listen man.
I can't fucking work with you any more
if you're going to go fucking over the top
every time you get
a fucking lump hammer in your hand.
(Mockingly) Oh, I'm sorry, Gal.
I'm really sorry, mate.
I'm so sorry.
I'm really sorry.
- More?
- Listen, man!
You're going in there
like a fucking psycho on crack,
what the fuck's going on?
- Wait until you see me after this shit.
- Brilliant!
I'm going to go and bury my fucking cat
and you fuck off out of my gaff.
- (Gal) There, that's me done.
- What?
- Listen, I can't do this any more.
- No, no, Gal please? Please.
He needs to get help.
- I know.
- All right, listen. Don't cry.
- Don't cry.
- Thank you.
(Sobs)
Don't cry, please don't cry.
I'll call you.
We'll chat your mum up.
Get a puppy.
- OK.
- Yeah?
Has she gone to heaven?
I dunno, mate. Maybe.
Cat heaven.
You wanna talk to your uncle Gal really
about that side of things.
Come here.
Where have you been?
We went for a walk to look for foxes,
didn't we, mate?
- Dad said I could have a puppy.
- Did he?
Yeah, we're going to call it Arthur.
What if it's a girl?
Gwinny.
Hey you, young man, why don't you
go upstairs, get out of those dirties,
- and we'll have a bath in a minute, yeah?
- OK.
I don't want to talk about it.
Really? He's ready to walk.
Good! He's gone soft.
Wake up.
You wake up, fucking wake up!
Do you think if you get replacements
they'll let you go free of the contract?
Is that what you want?
It doesn't look good,
but if we're compromised here...
We can get you top draw replacements.
They even look like us.
- It is your job.
- What if we say...
...fuck you very much and good night?
Then you die.
And your families, they die.
No wriggle room on that then?
No.
How long
have we been working for you?
- Please, don't embarrass yourself.
- I'm asking you a straight question.
I see you, what you are.
What are we?
- You're cogs.
- What?
What the fuck is this?
Reconstruction.
So, keep turning.
What do you mean by fucking
reconstruction?
Fuck off man...
Get your hands off me.
- What's this?
- I'm leaving.
What?
I'm taking Sam to the cottage,
just until the job's over.
You know you're in serious danger
of losing this.
Is that what you want?
No.
- Be good for mummy yeah?
- Yes.
OK, watch your head, watch your head.
Turns out he's an MP.
Is that more acceptable
than a priest?
I can't say I'm not relieved.
Well, his name's on the list.
- That's all that matters.
- OK.
You sure?
You don't want to go and have
a little cry about it to Shel?
I might do if I could find her.
She's gone on holiday.
That's funny, she never mentioned
anything to me.
That's funny. I don't really understand
why you're calling my fucking wife, mate,
I'll be honest with you.
- Right, you're her husband, aren't you?
- Yeah, leave this now, Gal.
No.
You shouldn't fucking treat your wife
like a doormat.
- All right. Thanks.
- Know what I mean?
She's a lovely wee woman,
and you treat her like a fucking mug.
All your relationships
have been so very successful, Gal,
so thanks very much for your advice,
you cunt.
Oi! What the fuck was that? Fucking...
Not in the face, fuck!
Not in the fucking face.
(Glass breaks)
I'm telling Shel you started it.
She thinks I'm a saint.
She doesn't know you.
I'll go get a new one.
She won't even notice.
She notices everything.
I can't get that Fiona
out of my head, you know.
- Really?
- Yeah, I think it might be love.
- You don't really know her, Gal.
- Yeah well, you know.
These things happen
like that some times.
She gaffer-taped your cock.
I'm putting that down
as an erotic cry for help.
I can't remember
what I was like before Shel.
Probably a lonely fucker, like me.
They say there's someone
for everyone, mate.
Yeah, it's not much to ask, is it?
Right, let's go and kill this MP then.
Yeah.
(Heavy clang)
- Got it?
- Yeah.
(Helicopter approaches)
- Did you hear that?
- What?
- Chopper?
- Don't know.
The air's good.
Yeah, we should do this more often.
What, kill rich people?
No, get out in the fresh air.
Dinner's on me.
Do you want a cup of tea?
Yeah, lovely.
We'll go down and have a look
at his gaff tomorrow.
What's the plan?
I can't be bothered with anything flash.
So we're not just gonna drag him
down to the village square
and chop his head off
with a fucking axe?
Eh?
Leave it till two or three, then.
Let's go down and get an idea
of the layout of the house.
You look right at home.
The two musketeers, eh?
J' Oh Mr Bunny, it's gonna get cold
J' I'm taking your coat off your back
J' Hey Mr Bunny, what do you think?
I What do you think about that? I
(Gal) That's not right.
(Jay) What?
One man living in all that.
None of it's right, Gal.
That's why we're here.
(Gal) Come on, let's bed down.
He's probably
fucking the scullery maid anyway.
Gal.
Gal.
You awake?
Well, I wasn't, but I am now.
What?
L.m
...really sorry about that stuff.
Yeah, I know.
I don't know where it comes from.
Listen, you're a fucking madman,
but you're my best mate
and I love you, so...
Let's just leave it at that, eh?
Cheers.
(Slow, steady drumbeat)
Gal?
- Gal?
- What?
What the fuck? What?
(Drumbeat continues)
Get your shit together - lively.
(Distant thunder)
(Pulsing drumbeat)
(Hammering accompanies drumbeat)
(Beating stops)
- There's too many of them, man. Don't!
- Fuck this.
Jay!
(Shrieking)
(Hurried footsteps)
(Door clangs)
Fuck it, come on.
(Jay) Are you sure
you know where we are?
Yeah, yeah, I am.
- VVhat's wrong?
- Shush.
Come on.
Fuck! It's been bricked up.
- It wasn't supposed to be here...
- I thought you'd fucking scouted!
It wasn't supposed to be here, man.
(Shrieking)
They are coming
from the other way, Gal.
Jay!
(Shrieking)
(Thumping)
Jesus Christ.
Jay?
Jay?
(Shrieking)
(Knife is unsheathed)
(Shouts) Gal?
Gal?
(Howling reverberates around)
(Jay) C'mon mate. Jesus,
let's get you out of here mate.
(Gal) I can't move mate,
they've slashed...
They've slashed my fucking legs.
(Groaning)
(Jay) We've got to go.
Come on, please get up.
I'm done, mate.
Fuck.
Gal, we've got to, mate.
Tell Shel I'm sorry, will you?
Just do it, do it.
I'm sorry.
Thanks.
(Jay) It's all over.
(Sobs)
Can we go home now?
(Sam) Is he sick?
(Shel) Tired, very tired.
Shall we take you back to bed?
Get down.
Make sure Sam is all right
and turn the lights off upstairs.
- Let's leave, babe.
- No, we can't go anywhere.
They've slashed
the fucking tyres.
What the fuck is that?
It's too noisy!
Just fireworks.
I don't think there are many of them...
Listen, I'm going out there
to find them, yeah? Take that.
I love you, yeah.
(Muffled gunshot and heavy thud)
(indistinct whispering)
(Glass breaks)
(Footsteps approach)
(Muffled gunshots)
(Footsteps cease)
(Muffled gunshots)
(Rustling)
(Muffled gunshot)
(Glass breaks)
(Distant howling)
(Growling)
(Woman's sings in distance)
(Guttural singing continues)