Killers R5
(over intercom) This is your captain speaking
Flight time to Nice will be seven hours thirty minutes
Our flight attendants will be coming by
To provide you with complimentary beverages.
Excuse me
Hello?
Excuse me
Hey there!
Mom!
Do you mind?
Emergency exit's 13D sweetie.
Great, got it, thanks Dad
Excuse me
Bonjour
Three chardonnay's please
-No, nothing for me.
I always remain alert in flight.
-Me neither thank you
Just the three then.
I am so proud of you sweetie.
A lot of women who just got dumped
Would have backed out of this vacation but not you
-Thanks Dad, but I didn't get dumped
It wasn't quite like that it...
-(Mother) it was mutual
Yes, they agreed to part ways
When he dumped her
I thought it was because he needed space?
-(Mother) No he just didn't find her spontaneous enough
Too safe?
Predictable.
I am sitting right here.
-I can hear you
He tried to get you to go
Bungie jump but you wouldn't do it
I have a thing about heights and a rule about
vomiting in public. I think that's perfectly reasonable
Too many rules dear.
There's nothing wrong with being cautious sweetie,
-Safety is sexy
The first time your mother and I made love we managed to
keep our seatbelts on the entire time. It wasn't easy
OK Dad!
What did I just say
About vomiting in public?
Change seats
And the emergency exit is...?
-13D trust me, I know where it is.
About to throw myself out of it.
I've got a visual on him now
Target confirmed
I know the drill
trois minute
(over phone) You have until five pm
to deliver the package
-Then the boss wants you to close the account
Yeah, yeah, I will have his final bill
ready to go
You have my wife and I on the second floor
- And my daughter on the third
When I specifically booked
adjacent rooms.
I assure you your room is lovely Mr....
Lovely and adjacent are not the same thing
She's a single woman
Always alone
Recently single.
- I am not always alone.
Dad, the room is fine can you just...
Do you know how many push in robberies
happen in hotels sweetie
Third floor.
-We'd like an ocean view.
Always the same things with the rooms.
Let Daddy do his thing.
The little Frenchman will cave
He's a weasel face like "you know who"
Richard, I'm talking about Richard.
I know Mother.
We're not discussing him anymore
- Remember?
Right, right
He's dead to us.
- Yes!
So it never bothered you that he
had kind of a womanly butt?
What?
No he did not!
Forget I said anything
(clerk speaking in French)
- I do not speak French
(clerk) Excuse me.
- we have resolved the problem
I'm gonna go check on my room
You and Dad figure this out.
You want a Maalox for the road?
Wouldn't it be easier just to humour me?
"bonjour"
- "bonjour"
Descente?
(speaking French)
(speaking French)
(speaking French)
I don't speak French.
Yeah, no I got it the first time
Why were you pretending back there?
I don't know?
Why did you follow me?
I was already going to the beach
- Remember?
Yeah, well I could be going swimming too
Are you?
No.
I'm just going to go marinate
- in shame
I'm Spencer, by the way
It's nice to meet you Spencer.
Do you have a name?
Jen, Jennifer, sometimes Jenny no its...
Jen. It's just Jen
I'm gonna go uh... swimming.
Before it gets dark.
Yes, of course.
Muscles like that take some upkeep.
Do you wanna get a drink with me tonight?
Yeah, yeah sure. I don't have anything better to do.
So why not?
Great.
I'll see you at "Stella Maurice" at sunset.
Oh no...
No cute dress?
I didn't pack a single cute dress?
Oh God
I don't think I have all my socks
- Gotta find a dress
Thanks
We knocked on your door several times.
I can't believe you're missing this
I know Dad, I'm sorry. It's just...
You know, my stomach.
It's going crazy.
We'll come back right away
With saltines and ginger ale.
No! Stay put
I'm fine.
Don't be a hero sweetie
Dad trust me, you don't want to be a part of this
Uh... wait
Darling?
At least you'll look thin on the beach.
Are you sure you're going to be all right?
Yes!
You and Mom go.
Have fun without me.
You're going to find the perfect guy.
Someone who's good and decent and kind.
Who doesn't have a dishonest bone in his body.
Oh God!
You picked a perfect table
(laughs nervously)
(server speaking French)
I had to atone for being late
- ooh. Too bad I hate champagne
Really? I'm sorry please no...
- I was joking...
It was a joke
(in robot voice) That was a joke.
(in robot voice) I am a dating robot
Sent here to observe your ways.
You just pulled a robot voice.
All right, don't worry. There's a certain segment of the
population that goes over big for that sort of thing.
Yeah...
Nerds
They're my bread and butter
Yeah?
How's that working out for you?
Oh God!
Oh Shit!
How about you?
I don't know
Are you all right?
Hi!
Are you on the lamb?
You see that guy over by the menus?
Freakishly tall, excellent mustache.
Ok
-No, I do need to sit down somewhere
That is a gorgeous mustache
Well he umm...
He's a Russian diplomat
Also kind of a pervert
Sat next to him on the plane...
Got a little grabby.
Really? wait, wait, wait...
Women don't like grabby?
I'm gonna have to change my whole M.O.
I also heard him in the hotel trying to get the
room next to mine. It was just kind of weird.
I hope you switched rooms
Oh no, no
I like to live on the edge.
Dangerous weirdoes, Spicy food...
- Bungie jumping
I can see dangerous weirdoes and spicy foods but...
Bungie jumping? I'm mean it's almost never sexy
To puke in public.
That's what I said.
Really?
Yeah.
I mean it's really nice down here and all but...
My bet is that they're gone so...
Shall we?
Sure.
OK
So...
Should we order?
You know what?
Let's get out of here.
The service is awful and...
I need to show you Nice.
You realize I'm gonna make you tell me
Your whole life story.
(keys beep)
Trust me.
It's boring.
Do you want some of mine?
Oh no! Actually I really don't drink that much...
I should just...
Slow down.
What do you do?
Me?
Consulting... I'm a consultant...
For a company
Company consultant
We've been doing a lot of downsizing
I travel a lot so...
Downsizing
People
Oh.
Well if you could do anything...
You know...
Anything in the world
What would you do?
I just think it would be nice to put down some roots.
You know
I've actually always wanted to know my neighbors
I've never had that before
That's actually pretty beautiful
You're pretty beautiful
(laughs nervously)
It's the dress I...
It's not the dress
You'd be beautiful without the dress.
Not that I'm visualizing you naked
Although...
I'm sure you would look beautiful... I'm saying that...
you would be... beautiful.. clothed...
Differently as well
Yeah, Thank you
I do need another.
Why don't I get you another. Don't leave
- I won't.
Stay put!
hmmph.
Okay fine.
I will dance with you.
I'm sorry.
What?
You almost ripped out of your dress.
To try to seduce me.
It worked!
No I was... Let's dance
- Okay maybe just for a minute
Wow! you are...
A very enthusiastic dancer
Oh, oh this... Oh God!
- Ahh...
This is very nice
But I should really get back
To my date
Now, I blow your mind
Don't move.
Oh now you're gonna blow my mind
Oh God, Okay
Excuse me
I'm going to cut in here
Back off! Yankee
Go find your own prostitute.
Oh no.
No you're misunderstanding.
I'm sorry, I am not a prostitute...
(punches man)
Does this dress say prostitute?
- No.
It's not really, It's just its its maybe
Wait... Just Jen
Yes?
Just Jen
Yes?
There's something that I've been
Wanting to do all night.
Your tag was still on.
Oh no!
-Sorry
No, no no no
-It's Okay
It's Okay
No. Its... I can't afford this dress.
I left the tag on because I can't afford it.
Not unless my Father buys it for me
Which he wouldn't because.. He's not here.
It's Okay
It's fine
Are you Okay?
No, I can't believe this
- So tight!
I'm sorry, I can not keep this up.
I am not this girl.
I am not spontaneous
I never drink this much
And I don't live on the edge
I live a very quiet, normal life
I would like a normal life
I'd kill for a normal life.
Well just it.. it gets
It gets worse
Just, you know that guy...
At the restaurant
With the mustache.
The restaurant pervert.
That's my Dad
Wow
-Yeah
Sounds like a really bad
Home situation.
No, no!
Oh God! No
He's not Russian
Or a pervert
He's a pilot.
He flies planes. I...I came on
Vacation with my parents
Thats...
How lame I am
I was supposed to come here with my geek boyfriend.
But he dumped me for this girl and then....
Sorry.
Go ahead.
I can't breathe
This dress is really, really tight.
I need to get out of it
Seriously
I've been sucking it in all night.
Can you just. You gotta get it off. Just take it off
Really?
Yeah take it off
Okay all right.
Yeah lets do this
The zipper's stuck
Just break it its fine. My father will pay for it.
break it? yeah, break it
Here just...
Turn around
Stay still... Don't
(knife opens) Hold still.
(dress tears)
(cutting dress)
I... Uh
Thanks
I'll be. I'm gonna be over here.
Doing this... In this manner
Thank you
For...
Being so honest.
I actually feel like I should share something with you.
It's gonna be really hard to say
But...
I feel like.
You're real. So...
I want to be real with you.
Haven't really told anyone this before but...
I kill people.
Wow.
You're taking this a lot better than I expected
Awesome.
Usually it's bad people
It's not like I'm out killing good guys
I'm not a murderer.
I'm a professional.
I professionally...
Kill people
You're a great listener
Excellent
Listener
I don't like what I do
I'm not a fan of it
But I like you
Tomorrow, I'm going to show you Nice
And hopefully...
That's just the beginning
Cause I like you.
You should take a bite
Go ahead and try it
I'm not going to eat it all
Good lord!
French food...
I'm going to uh...
Just going to go to the restroom
It's a crush Spence
It happens
Go shoot some guns
And screw some models
You'll be good as new
Then what?
Kill some more people
They're enemies of the state.
Not people
Are you sure about that?
Cause five years ago
Levedeaux worked for us
And then the NSA and god knows who else.
But this week he's the enemy
What the hell's wrong with you?
You go and screw Polly Anna for a week
And suddenly your life's work's out the window?
She's normal
And I feel normal when I'm with her.
And maybe I...
Wake up!
Her world only exists because of people like us.
And I'm sorry if people change sides
Sometimes a friend becomes an enemy
And you have to take them out.
She trusts me.
And I'm not willing to compromise that.
These jobs are not optional Spencer.
You don't get to just walk away
Watch me.
You are who you are Spencer!
You can't change that
I think the best part is you're finally with someone
Who's genuinely attractive
I know
I know
I keep thinking I'm going to build up
some kind of tolerance to his..
Physical, Godlike
Perfection
Which just hasnt happened yet
I'm Okay
It's a little early Mom.
Ha ha! (laughter)
Early...(laughter)
Do you think they're all right up there?
Oh, as long as Daddy doesn't shoot him
We're good
(gunshot in distance)
So I hear you're jobless.
Corporate consul tings a tough business sir.
Jen and I were talking about putting some roots down.
I might open up my own firm here.
Look at my shoes
Theyre Edward Greene. I picked them up 20 years ago
When I was still flying the London route
If you have something of great quality
And you take good care of it.
You'll have it forever.
I know you're worried about Jen.
Why would I worry?
I am confident
That you'll never hurt her.
That's a nice shot.
Thank you
I was an Eagle Scout
They really let you shoot stuff
In the Boy Scouts?
So do the Marines
Semper Fi
That was yours.
I'm sorry I... Be prepared Spencer
You would have learned that in the Boy Scouts
I was in 4H
You know, Jen's not some fragile China doll.
She's funny, and she's sweet.
And she's smart
But in this kind of an off kilter kind of way where one minute she
could be talking about the strategic value of Nice in WWII
And the next she's telling me that
Carey Grant dropped acid.
Which I...(stuttering)
My point is...
It doesn't matter what she says
I can trust her.
I depend on her
Sir. It's not the other way around
So...
With your blessing
I'm going to marry her.
Welcome to the family Spencer.
Thank you Mr. Cornfield
Please...Call me sir
How big is it?
Oh, it's big.
It's probably the biggest on the block
Well have I ever seen anything like it before?
Uhh... Maybe in a magazine
Or in your dreams.
Will I know what to do with it?
I'll help you navigate the tricky parts
Creedy, creedy
It's this blindfold that's making me
Owww! Honey Sorry , sorry
Prepare
To be...
Thrilled
Oh my God
Spence
You remodeled my office.
It's so organized
Okay
You can kiss me now
How did I get so lucky?
How did I get a guy like you?
It was easy
It was your charm
And you wit
You really shouldn't be spoiling me especially since...
It's your birthday weekend
No we talked about this
We're not going to make a big deal out of it this year
No presents
No parties
It's just dinner tomorrow night with my parents I promise.
But I never agreed to no presents
Come on! I have been keeping this secret
For a week
I'm at my limit
You kill me
Open it it's tickets to Nice
I thought we could go back to where it began you know?
And the best part is we can go anytime
But because I rule
I got two weeks off at the end of the month
Do you no want to go to Nice?
Of course I do
Things are hectic at work right now and...
We have a lot going on here.
Plus the peach parade is at the end of the month and
You were going to make your cobbler
My cobbler sucks
You know what made Nice great?
You
I have everything that I need
Right here
Hey batter batter batter batter
Hey batter batter batter
Let's go!
Pick up the pace.
Spencer!
Hi!
Lily and Mac
Hey!
I'm glad we caught you
(together) Block Party
And you guys can dress up
Perfect
You know what?
Here's another one
yeah
(husband) We're going to have those wings
Great That's got a little bit of my spit on it
- Don't clone me.
Okay we're going to go make love
You have fun
Okay
(husband) take care
Block party
Block Party!
Our new Norton internet security suite has sonar behaviour
based protection that defends against any unknown online threats
Be sure to flag that feature for undecided clients
Okay People
We're rolling this out immediately
So uh...
Let's hop to it hmm?
Uh.. Jen.
Polished and concise as always
-Thank you
Don't change a word
When you go to San Francisco.
You want me to speak at the conference?
No, I want you to dominate it.
Okay
You fly out tomorrow
Oh, Mr. Newpar,
Tomorrow's umm...
It's such short notice.
There's no one else you can send?
The conference isn't until Monday just...
Take the weekend to prep.
You'll be fine
Okay
Of course I didn't say that it was Spencers birthday
Because it is extremely unprofessional to turn down a
Business trip to baby-sit your husband.
Birthday or not.
And...
That's why I didn't mention it
Can you take him out tonight or not?
Hello?
Dad?
If I have to
Love you sweetie.
I love you too.
Bye
No no.
It's too low.
Can you lift the back one up an inch?
Right, No
Right, right there.
Perfect
Can you come in tomorrow? I'm sorry.
Mildred's having trouble with the billing again.
Saturday, Mildred and bills
A trifecta
I'm sorry.
Thank you Fine!
What do you think about this thing?
Well, Henry says it's a statement piece
Yeah but is it stating that we like
Ugly shit hanging from our ceiling?
Yep
Yep, What?
Yes you turned our conference room into
Bambi's nightmare
Yeah I know
Hey! Listen, do me a favor. Grab some flooring
Samples for Olivia all right?
Something durable that cleans up easy
In case we decide to have sex on the floor.
- Of course
You're worried she'll vomit?
I like her even more when
she's mean to me.
You're going to be a law suit
Probably
She gets aggravated though you know
When I flirt with other women. That's what it is.
You do realize that only happens in pornos
Yeah! The good pornos
I'm gonna give her a shot.
Soon as I'm done letting Olivia
Do dirty things to me.
That's going to take a while.
Olivia's a bigger slut than you are.
Hey! Are we going to pretend to play
Basketball tonight? Or what?
No can do.
I've got dinner with Jen
Ahhh!
I think I just saw your balls roll by
Yeah? You wanna go catch them for me?
Just crushed it.
Just crushed one of your balls right there.
We'll see.
Call me "ball crusher" from now on
So! how'd it go?
Too good. Newpar is sending me
To San Francisco
No, no. Not the presentation.
Spencer's gift?
What did he say about the trip?
He wants to stay home and eat cobbler
No vacation
No French getaway?
No
Who in their right mind?
Turns down a vacation like that?
Well you know Spence
He's kind of a home body
Okay, Okay...Okay
How long have you two been married?
What like three years?
Yeah
Okay
That's your problem
I have a problem?
Everyone always talks about the seven year itch
But no one mentions
The three year snooze
People get complacent
Get relaxed
But you have to be vigilant
Okay otherwise your growing out your leg hair. Your growing
Out your "down there" hair you're wearing your fat jeans.
and a pair of Spanx Okay?
And the next thing you know. he runs off
With a reality TV star named Shawnda Okay?
And that's my personal experience.
But I'm telling you
You better watch out.
Because Shawnda speaks six languages
And one of those languages
Is sex.
- Are you going to eat that?
Getting hungz...
Super hungz over here.
(receptionist) Peach Plaza Motel
Ah yes. Im trying to reach a guest named...
Yes uh...
Yes the guest named
Annabell Hensler.
(receptionist) Just a moment
Well it took you long enough. We need to meet
That's not going to happen Annabell
I get that you love being this soft, suburban zombie
But like I told you 3 years ago in Nice.
You can't just walk away from this game.
I've got a job for you kiddo
I'm out. You're going to have to find somebody
Else to clean up your mess
My Mess! If you don't do this job.
It'll be your mess.
I'm in room 1-1-4
I'll be waiting for you
Just do what I'm telling you
Spencer
Hey!
Did you just hang up on someone?
No
Jenn's tied up at work so I'm supposed to do something nice
For your birthday so. Here I am
I'm going to feed you.
Oh boy.
That's great
Really. I can just grab something real simple
Are you saying you would rather eat alone?
No
Of course not I...
Let's break some bread.
Who's "h"?
My old boss.
Just asked me if I want my old job back
He sent you hugs and kisses
Yup
It's a French thing
You know always kissing...
Fruits
I can't take you to dinner dressed like a
Street urchin so...
We'll stop by your house and
Pick up adult apparel
I'll leave my car here
I will meet you out front.
What's with you?
You're like a chained recess monkey at the wheel
Just excited about the two of us grabbing dinner
You and Mrs. K. still thinking about
Going on that cruise?
Yes
Where are you going to go?
I really think that's up to the captain Spencer.
What's with you kids?
Jen shouldn't be coming home to a dark house.
It's not safe
I couldn't agree with you more sir.
Did I leave my keys in the truck?
I am not telepathic Spencer
Maybe I'll just...
This is not Candyland
Unlocked trucks get stolen
Which is why careful men
Use the garage
Thank you sir.
The keys are in the ignition
Surprise!!!
I told you I wouldn't throw you a party...
On my birthday
Right. Very cute
Not what you were expecting right?
No
Okay
All right
I'm going to run upstairs and
Change really quick
Okay we'll be down here waiting when you come back.
(drunkenly) Surprise!!!
Good job Daddy
(receptionist) Good evening Peach Plaza Motel
-Yes can you connect me with Annabell Hensler please.
(receptionist) One moment
No answer sir.
Would you like to leave a message
No
No. No message
Well I got a lot going on and that so
I don't know if I'm going to make it...
We should hang out more
We should
I'm going to go to the bathroom real quick
Yeah, yeah
I'll join you
Mama!
Oh sweetheart!
Oh dear
I was just telling Jen how you were going to come over
Tomorrow. We can't let you spend your birthday alone.
I've got the block party
We could come with you
Yeah
Perfect
Great
I'm coming you lush!
Oh, Henry might be staying the night
Uh huh
I'm telling you smoke on the water
This chick was electrified
Pow! Snap! Pop!
Whooo!!
Ha ha ha ha
Okay
I need to get a fill up
Uh huh
You got something there you think I might like?
I'll see you guys in a minute
Or something you might like
It's your party
You get to have whatever you want
Uhh...
Wine?
Having Fun?
I'm uhh...
I'll go open it
I'll be here with a birthday kiss when you get back
I just hope that it was a good surprise you know?
He seems kind of distracted
He wasn't expecting a house full of people
Cut him some slack
Maybe Kristen is right about the 3 year thing. You would
Tell me right? You wouldn't sugar coat it
Cause with things like that.
It's just better to know
I mean, my legs aren't hairy but, I have been in my
Fat jeans for the last two weeks which..
May be why he would rather stay home and make cobbler
Than go on vacation with me. Oh my God
I really am freaking out.
What's going on with you guys?
You got her all freaked out at lunch
Are you still having sex with Spencer?
Yes or No?
Yeah all the time
Then your marriage is fine
Guys can we please play charades now?
Come on.
Are you sure you're all right?
Yeah yeah, I'm Okay
Watch the steps!
Walk home!
He really shouldn't be driving
No no babe. I got it
No honey no.
I got it
I'll put the house to bed
You've got to start packing
Babe, It's your birthday
I got it
Are you sure?
yeah
(snoring) Okay just do the bare minimum
I'll get the rest in the morning
I love you
Thank you
I love you
Where are your pants?
(snoring)
Is something wrong?
No, of course not.
Are you sure?
I mean.
Is everything okay between us?
You're kidding,
Right?
Come here. Come here
This the spot?
Maybe I could skip the Cornfield packing method
Just this once
Your flights early
You should keep packing
(snoring)
(farts)
(follow through fart)
I should have just told Newpar I'd go tomorrow
I feel terrible missing your birthday
No worries.
I've got another one next year
(stifled laughter)
Well hold on
You need your birthday kiss
We don't want the neighbors to get jealous
Throwing a little porno in the driveway
Don't want you to be late
For the airport
Miss your flight
There we go!
Hey Jen!
Jen!
Hey! Jen
Hey Jackie
You're up early for a party animal.
Oh yeah.
I'm just runnning out to the airport
My Doggie says its a good thing that we're such sound
sleepers because you know a lot of other people might have
An issue with all that noise.
Any who. Doggy wants to talk to Spence about this whole
fence on the property line bruhauhau we're having.
We don't want to bring lawyers into it
Any more than you do right?
But, we're quite sure our new fence is not on your land
You know, you understand Oh yeah perfectly, but you
Understand you're gonna have to take it up with Spence right?
Okay?
Thanks Jackie, I'm sorry
I'm in a big rush. See you soon
Okay, you're late.
Hey, Did you guys have fun last night?
Oh yeah, it was great
Of course, I'm paying for it this morning
(laughing) You're still taking Spence out tonight though right?
Yes, for the hundredth time
Good
Okay did Daddy promise to be nice to him?
Hmmm... Not in so many words.
Just get yourself on the plane.
Let us take care of Spence, Okay?
Okay, well I'll call you
When I get to San Francisco
Love you
Love you too dear
Bye
(slurps)
Mmmmm
(cell phone)
What was that?
You or me?
That's me
That's you
You got any milk?
Yeah.
Everything all right?
Yeah
What do I got? I've got some skim milk and...
I've got some low fat yogurt
You know what you can do?
You can mix the two together
What the hell are you doing man?
You should have seen your face
You almost crapped your pants
Yeah, It's really funny....
What are you doing?
Killing you buddy
Where are you going Spence?
Huh?
You got a gun upstairs or something?
Surprise!
I'm back
Spence?
(screaming)
What are you doing!?
Spencer!
Stop it!
Stop!
You're hurting him.
I need you to give me something
Stop it.
Upstairs, in the bedside table...
There's a Glock .45
A Glock?!
A gun!
Just go get it!
Why do you have a gun?!
Just get it!
I'm coming, I'm coming...
I kind of need you to hurry
Okay, Okay, I'm here
Your job right now. I need you to point the gun at him...
And shoot him in the face.
What?! Don't do it he's gone crazy
It's a psychotic...
Okay
(gun fires)
Oww!!
Bitch shot me
What are you crazy?!
You told me to shoot him in the face
I didn't think you were really going to shoot.
I was telling you to divert his...
Well then you should have waved or
Crossed your fingers or something.
I was a little busy
Trying not to die
Oh God, I shot him
It's all right he's just knocked out, he's not dead.
It's Okay. I need you to go to the basement
And get the duct tape
There's duct tape downstairs
Go downstairs and get the duct tape.
I can't move
Come on babe
I can't move!
It's okay
It's okay
It's okay, he's going to be okay
Maybe.
Spence?
What is happening?
(cell phone)
I'm about to find out
Ahhh!!! Wake up
Owwwww!!! You're hurting him
Yeah, I think he'll be all right
Sorry I'm bleeding on your chair
You just had it reupholstered right?
Yeah
You were under contract
Contract for what?
The business?
Somebody hired him
To kill me.
Oh my God!
I thought we were friends.
Really?
Because you never seemed that invested.
Owww!!!
I covered for you. With every client that we have.
I talked a half a dozen hussy girls out of slashing your tires
I even drove you to the free clinic when your balls were
swollen and you had that fungal thing!
No, no no no
I helped you bury "Sir Barks-a-lot"
Hey.
He was a good dog all right.
Leave him out of this
He couldn't fetch for shit.
Spencer
Yeah?
By the end of the day, you're going
to be just as dead as he is
You got a 20 million dollar bounty on your head
Are you going to faint?
Unless I puke first
Breathe
It's okay
How is this okay?
I'll explain.
Just not right now
No you explain now!
I want you to explain right now!
(knock on door)
Jen?
Spence?
Hello?
Yeah thats it.
Be very quiet
Maybe the other assassin will go away.
(outside) Yoo-hoo
They could be any of your neighbors
(outside) Come out, come out wherever you are
What?
You didn't think I'd have some competition?
(outside) Helloooooo!
I can see your car
Spencer, It's just Jackie Valero
(Jackie) I know you're in there.
She just wants to talk about the property line or something
Or...
Kill you.
(knock)
(Jackie) Hello you two, Hello?
What do we do?
Go
What about him? Oh no no! Spencer, stop.
If I don't, he'll come after us
He's our friend
He's a liar
(gunshots)
Put your seatbelt on
I am, I am
Jen!
Jen!
What's going on?
... my gun
I can tell
Jen, everything all right
Good Morning
Slow Down!
Stop the car right there
I am getting out right now!
Sit Down
I have a right to freak out
I don't even know who the hell you are!
It's me
I just have a different resume
Who do you work for?
Is it the Mob?
I can't tell you. If I tell you
They could kill you too
Let's just say that I work for the blah. blah. blah
And they gave me a license to blah
Air. I need air right now
All right
Honey
It was never my primary directive.
Are we even married? Yes we're married I mean
legally married I got out not married in your heart?
I got out in France
I was in a love bubble in France
I was in a love bubble t...
I've got something for you Spence.
Spread your legs. Oh No!
You are not getting off that easy.
Spread 'Em!!
Here
Hold this
(gunfire)
Hold on
He's on my side.
He's on my side
Oh cool!
Race cars
Damn!
That got him
You okay?
Mmm Hmm
He's going to be close behind
Hide
What?
Hide now!
What are you going to do?
I'm going to kill him
(gunfire)
(gunfire)
(coughing)
Whoa!!!
(loud crash)
Spence?
Spencer
Get in the truck
Is he...?
Yeah
Start talking.
I was recruited in college
Freshman year
Why did they choose you?
They look for independent people.
And after my parents passed...
I didn't have any family
So...
We've gotta go babe.
You can be pissed at me in the truck
Are you going to kill me too?
Come on. If I was going to kill you,
I would have shot you back at the house.
Uh.. that...
Sounded weird I...
Logically, You know that that's true
Okay
Spread 'em. For God's sake
What else do you have down there?
How many people Spencer?
Four
-teen
Fifteen
It's fifteen
Is fifteen your real number
Or is that like when
You ask a girl how many guy's she's slept with and
You have to double in and times it by ten?
I didn't do that. I'm just...
Fifteen is my number.
And they were all bad guys
As far as I know
But it was getting harder to tell
And then I met you
And we fell in love
And I got out
My boss reached out to me yesterday
He's staying in a hotel
He'll know what's going on
Sweetie
Your gun is showing
Where do you expect me to put it?
Have you seen the size of this thing?
(toy squeaks)
(children laughing, playing)
(cell phone ringing)
Oh, It's my Dad.
Should I take it?
(rap ringtone)
I thought you said you were going to change that?
Sweetheart
Relax
It's a little early to check on Spencer
Don't you think?
And Jen will just be getting settled at the hotel
Yeah
You're right
(knocking on door)
Spence?
I got the...
Easy...
It's my old boss
Holbrook
Two to the heart
One in the head
It's old school training
Had to be an experienced hitter.
All right.
Judging from his body
It happened earlier this morning
It's okay
It's the adrenaline
You're going in a little bit
How can you talk about him like that?
You knew him.
It's my training baby
Sorry
Spence, I can't stay here
I think I'm going to get sick
Just give me a second baby
Gotta have some information
About the target
You already looked there
I'm missing something
It's the watch
It's wrong
He'd never wear anything this flashy
Nothing to get noticed
Look at this.
It's broken. Who cares?
No no
It's a plug in for like a flash drive or something.
It's missing.
You're right
Someone's taken the drive
Okay
All right
Let's go
Do you think that Henry got to Holbrook?
No Henry was in agreement until this morning
There was another shooter at the house
I think we need to get out of here
Absolutely
And go to my parents
No
Yes
No
Yes! My Dad will know what to do
I used to do this for a living okay. We do not
Want to involve your parents. And we definitely
Don't need help from your Dad.
I think we do.
Because your plan
To kill Henry and come see a dead guy.
It's not really working out
(sighs)
I should have seen this coming
Of course you're going to
Rope your parents into this.
Oh! You are a spy
And a double agent
But I'm the bad guy because
I want to call my parents. Really?
We've been married for three years and we've never been 5
Minutes away from your parents come on now
They're always coming over and you Dad's all
"This is how the Cornfields load the dishwasher" and
"Mow the lawn clockwise, because that's the Cornfield way"
"Take this piece of coal, Stick it up your keester"
"Squeeze it real tight like we do"
"And you'll make a Cornfield diamond"
Now hold up a minute.
You're talking about my parents
I'm your husband
What are we going to do when we have our own kids?
(vomits)
Jen
Jen
If you could just talk to me for a second
I take it back I love your parents
I'm sending them a mental hug right now
Spencer!
Hey.. you okay?
Yeah, I'm good
Yeah
Your garage. It's it's a wreck
Yeah it was a party foul it...
You do realize we
Have the block party tonight and its a...
It's a real eyesore.
Well then don't look at it Pete!
You can't just run off like that
You make it impossible for me to protect you
A little late for protection
Think about it. My emotions are all over the place. I'm
Picking up smells that half the K-9 unit would miss
Plus, I pretty much feel like vomiting
Every time I breathe
It's been a stressful day
Explain these
Aren't they always that big?
You take the pill every day
I know, But I had strep last month remember?
I had to take a Z pack
Antibiotics knock out the pill. That's why I told you we
Had to be careful. I thought you were talking about
My technique. Not getting knocked up.
Okay don't yell at me
Sureshot
You're the one who suggested
Naked Saturdays
Can I help you?
Stop It.
What? She's staring at us You don't...
Staring is rude. You know what?
Can we just.. We're not in a library here.
Let's just pick up the pace
Well they're not all equally accurate okay?
Well it's just crazy to stand out here in the aisle so...
Take one. Take them all. I don't know? Who cares?
I care. I care Spence.
It would be awesome
To know if I am actually making a little being
Inside of me okay? And don't you call me crazy!
I'm not calling you crazy. The scenario is crazy
Standing here is crazy
You know what?
You're not helping
Uh... Folks?
Could I be of some assistance?
Yes
Yes
You can
ahh... uhh...
Kevin
Which one of these is the most accurate?
I don't think he's a pregnancy test expert
Well...
First Response seems to be pretty popular uh...
Can't seem to keep it on the shelf
Here you go
Must be your first. pregnancy test?
Baby
Oh. Yeah, yeah
Well, It may be your lucky day
Stop it
Look at that
It's on sale
Great
That's great
Let's go
Thank you so much. Thanks
No judging
I need to follow protocol
Report Holbrook's termination
I'll get a safe house
You'll be protected there
And I can figure out
Who Holbrook's target was
Maybe find out
Who set this whole thing in motion
Along as I get to pee on the stick and eat my
Delicious jerky. I'm in
Great
Listen.
There's one more thing
You can't be upset...
I need to steal a car
The truck's shot to shit. It will be the least awful
Thing we do all day so...Go for it.
Honey, I'm eating like I just got home from Fat Camp
I'm glad you said it
Really?
You want to poke Mama Bear right now?
That seems like a good idea?
Hey you're kind of scary right now.
Just make your phone call
(over phone) You are a go for contact
This is Zulu one four niner.
Sierra one zero zero's been forcibly retired
Prior to contact. Please advise a secure
Location for briefing
(over phone) Hold for further instructions
Zulu one four niner?
It's my code name
(chuckles)
It's just not very catchy.
Sorry
All the cool code names were taken
(over phone) Zulu one four niner.
Please confirm your contact and his status.
Sierra one zero zero and his status is dead
And I believe his target has put a hit on me
(over phone) Negative
Sierra one zero zero has no target
He is no longer an active agent. Please provide
Your location and code... hangs up
What happened?
Something's not right
Where are you going?
To search Henry's stuff. See if we can find out who
Hired him. Maybe there's a connection to Holbrook
Oh and you could do your...
Pee thing.
I got it
I'm in
Porn...porn...porn.....Poooooorn
Porn
People are so inventive.
They're like propped up there and...
Okay
Okay, how weird is this going to get?
Because there are some things
That you can't unsee
It's a picture of Henry's dog
"Sir Barks-a-lot"
In costume?
Wait a minute
Look at the size of these files
Oh my God
These are pictures from two years ago
I mean, This was the first block party we went to
Whoever set this up was patient enough to embed Henry
And God knows who else into my life Our life
Our life
Wait wha...
I'm pretty sure your Dad took that one
What is that supposed to mean?
Nothing, It's just an observation
Yes. An observation about my father
And that photo
Because it's a picture that he took.
Okay so now my Dad, is a bad guy
I definitely did not...
No no no
You're right
Because you're a liar... and a hitman
And everybody probably is too here we go
So I bet my Mom's in on it
And Granny Cornfield
Yeah, I think she's just messing with our minds with
The whole "I'm in a wheelchair bit!"
Okay, We are getting into some counter productive
Territory here and...I think we should move on to
Something else
Like
Like... Maybe we should piss on a stick now?
That would be a good idea.
It is a good idea because I do have to pee
Grab my gun
You can't just walk out and...
You are aware that people are trying to kill us
I really have to go
Oh for God's sake just turn the light on
It's not like there's a lot of places to hide
Just humour me.
(sarcastically) Why thanks
I can't pee with you just standing there staring at me.
Honey, you've peed in front of me a million times
But there's a little more pressure now don't you think?
(water running)
Better?
No.
No...?
(radio playing "Whoomp there it is")
-Ahhhh...
Honey, can you please just give me one minute
It's going to take a minute
You can guard the door
Hey!
Hey.
You're here
You're here
Oh God look...
There's a problem with the wind pipe count
June 2008
The billing?
You might want to take a look at it.
You know what?
Let's forget the billing
We'll just
We'll take care of it on Monday
Are you sure?
Yeah
Okay
Great
Spence?
Spence?
Hey. You, you... Stop it
Stop it
Honey, I don't know how... it's not
It's not shooting
Are you okay?
Hey
Are you all right?
I'm out of ammo
Bullets before babies huh?
Ammo's kind of important right now
What's it say?
What's two bars mean?
Hey
You've got to translate this for me
Am I going to be a Dad?
I'm going to be a Mother
But I'm not sure yet if you're going to be a father
...
Jen, Jen...
I know you're upset
And you have every right to be
But I can't change who I was
Where does that leave us?
We'll figure it out
How? I will keep you safe
How?
Tell me how?
And I will stay
It's over Spence
I know you don't want this to be over
What I wanted stopped mattering
The moment I saw those two bars
Where are you going?
Jen....Jen
Jen!
(horn blaring)
-oh... Olivia!
(cell phone)
Henry, Who is calling you?
You've got to be kidding me
(horn honks)
Hey Spence, I've got a package for you
Relax buddy
Try a little decaf
Come on around the other side for me.
I think it's that back ordered fabric from Tuscan
Sure took its sweet time in getting here huh?
Yeah
I just need your signature on the top there
Pen?
Oh yeah
I think I got him
Yeah you got him
Oh God,
I'm glad you're okay
God look at the windshield
You must have really pissed him off
Is anyone...
Not trying to kill me?
Thanks
Let's go steal a car
So what do we do now?
I don't know
Maybe some couples counseling
No
Now
Spencer
What to we do? Right now.
Right now
Right
Right now we're going to go to the house. I've got a
Go bag. We've got money, weapons, passports. We're set
Why exactly do we have a go bag
Spencer?
Did you know this was going to happen?
No.
I didn't know
You're lying
You are lying
Am I telling you everything?
-No.
I'm not telling you everything
-Okay
But we're married
That's what married people do honey.
They lie to each other.
They tell people things that aren't true to keep them
Safe. And to protect one another when they ask things like
If they have their Mother's arms
Not that you have your Mother's arms
I'm not...
You lie to me. No I Didn't The first time
We met. No I Didn't!
Unless your Dad is a Russian pervert?
Well I came clean about that
You didn't
You did not come clean
Did too. No you didn't I told you...
I can't help that you were sleeping.
I didn't know that you sleep like a dead person
Come on! For all I know
You heard everything I said.
Based on what?
Based on... Your leg....
Was twitching
God you know this is perfect
This is just perfect
You couldn't have been just hiding Tranny porn in the
Crawlspace like Suzy Pratt's husband Murray?
Really?
Murray?
No no no no you...
Had to be a spy
I can't believe I married a spy.
What am I? Pussy Galore?
(chuckles)
Not that I know of.
Excuse me?
You're going to complain now about our sex life?
Is that what you're doing?
I'm not going to complain about our sex...
That's what you're going to do now?
Pull the car over!
We'll have sex right now!
No! We're going to my parents
We are going to my parents!
No No
I'm taking us to my parents house Yes!
We are not going to your parents house
Yes we are
I said YES!
Listen to me
We can not go to your parents
You have to trust me
I love you
And I will protect you. Now you did a great job of
Finding a car. I need you to point it at the house and
Step on it
Okay
-Fine
I'm stepping on it and it's not...
It's not going...It's
Stopping actually
It's starting to...
Not go.
Didn't notice the uhh...
Blinking fuel light?
You're right
I apologize. Topping off the tank
Should have been my first priority
Run
Go!
Darn It!
It's locked
Stop pulling it!
I missed..
Really?
You got him sweetie
God those Volvo's are amazing
Shit!
The block party
Stay close
Keep moving
Walnut muffin?
Hi guys! Spence Spence
Jen Jen
Jen Jen
Where are you guys going?
They've got corn dogs
Theyve got regular. And they've got bacon covered
Honey!
There's no wat she's packing heat
You'd be surprised where people hide stuff
Guys can I use the bathroom in you house?
Number one.
Where is the go bag?
In the office
Stay away from the windows. The safe is underneath
The carpet and the combination's our anniversary
Where are you going?
To get the guns.
Oh, to get the guns
More guns
That's great
Rotilda Walfredsson?
Ooh,
I'm Swedish
Spence?
Spencer
Is that you?
Spence?
Spencer
Is that you?
Oh God!
Mom.
Hey, You know,..
It is actually not a great time.
You think?
Kristen?
You know...
That actually kind of makes sense
(laughter) Lower your gun!
Or it's last call for Mommy.
I told you
She's not a nice girl
You told her that?
That's very rude
God damn it!
Who is up there?
I don't know.
If somebody shoots Mr. Perfect
Before I have the chance to...
I will kill you both
On principal
Lower your gun, Now!
Check it out.
Just let my Mom go, okay
I am all the leverage you need
I didn't spend the last three years
Listening to you babble incisively
About your perfect little life
To F it all up now
So get in the living room
Both of you
Let's go
Let's go
Turn around
Come here dear
Come on
You okay?
Are you all right?
Jen
To be fair
We did have some good times
Yeah
Remember when...
(gunshots)
Oh, there you are dear.
(cell phone ringing)
Answer the phone sir
My dead best friend wants to let you know
That your target's still alive
Stand down Spencer
Whoa, hey...
Guys
He killed Holbrook
Two to the heart
One to the head. Remember?
And then he pulled the trigger on me
Daddy
Is that true?
I put sleepers in your life
Because I didn't trust your husband
I hoped I'd never have to use it
It's the flash drive from Holbrooks watch
It's all there
His old boss turned dirty.
And in you office...
When I saw that card with his name on it.
I knew you were back in the game
And you were coming after me
So I activated the killers
I'm not trying to kill you sir.
Why don't you tell her about Nice
Where you tried to blow me up
How did you know about Nice?
I was supposed to be on that helicopter
When I saw you
I didn't go
You said you got out when we met in France
You said you were in the love bubble.
I got out
I'm out
Just look at him
Does he look like he's out?
It was my last job
I'm out
I got out
For us
And I'm never going back
So..
You are not a pilot.
Daddy enough, put your gun down. I have been dodging
Bullets all day thanks to you and it is not good for the baby
You have a baby?
No
I'm going to
Ohh!!
I knew it
(laughter)
Let's celebrate
I'm going to be a Grandpa?
Yes
Oh God!
Oh my God
And you are the father?
Oh for God's sakes Dad
Okay
Okay
This would be a great time for a trust circle
A trust circle?
Yes
Let's do that okay
Let's gather everybody
Dad, pull up a chair
Mother
Join us
O...kay
Okay
I don't do
Trust circles
I know Mother, But I think that this is
Necessary. Humour me.
Okay
I finally understand
That I am not to blame
For this dynamic, okay?
You are
And you need to own that. I need to own the fact that I
Unwittingly married the one man who is exactly like my father
A liar
So...
If any of you want to ever see this kid.
This is what's going to happen
Okay
There will be
No more lying
No more..
Stealing cars or...
Hiding weapons in the furniture
And I never want to see you two try to kill each other again
Okay, In fact...
There will be no more killing
I don't want to see you swat a fucking fly!
Okay
All Right
Are we all together on this?
Yeah...
Great job baby
Is there anything else?
That I need to
Or should know
Anyone
Spencer
English is not my first language
(speaking Japanese)
Oh. Oh. And also...
The third week that we were together
You said I love you
In your sleep. And I didn't tell you because I wanted
To be the one who said it first.
So...
Thank you honey
Mom?
Dear. You remember that time that, I took you and
Your little friend for a boat ride?
No
No?
Well forget it then
We're good
Okay
Okay
Fine
In addition to planting killers in your life
And secretly working for a government agency
I would like to admit
(knock on door)
Yoo Hoo!
Jen!
We need to talk about that darn property line
(laughter)
(friendly) Hi Jen...
Sweetie?
I don't think she was a killer
Oh, I know
Red wire crosses blue
Good as new
Blue crosses red. Good as dead
I know. It's my saying
That's not your saying, That's my saying
You copied me.
I did not copy...
I have not copied you a day in my life
Really?
I think it's coming in nice
Don't you?
No.
Well he likes it.
Don't you buddy?
You like Daddy's mustache don't you?
Don't you like that mustache?
How's my little big guy doing?
Great. Except for your Dad thinks I'm copying him which I'm not
Will you please tell him I'm not copying him.
(laughter) Sorry sweetie
Every girl marries her Father
Oh that's not gross
I certainly did
Oh my Father was one handsome man.
Well built,.. Rippling muscles.
His mustache was a lot larger than yours though
Thick! like a Vulcan forest
Well that's nice mother
But you're here to baby-sit, not creep me out
So if you wouldn't mind baby coos
Oh Hi!
Yeah
Grandma's a little scary
Maybe it's too soon.
Maybe we should just stay
No no. It's not too soon
We're not staying. It's date night
We're going to go out. It's going to be great.
I'm wearing my skinny jeans
Don't worry Spencer
You can trust us
If we can't trust them
Who can we trust right?
Right
Bye Buddy!
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