[Foot steps running]
[Girl narrating]
Technically, what happened wasn't my fault.
I'm a minor.
I'm not responsible
for my actions... technically.
[Alarm sounding]
- Where are you going?
- Running away. What does it look like?
- We gotta stick with the plan.
- No!
But these things should be taken
on a case-by-case basis.
In our case, I've always
been the responsible party.
- We gotta get out of here.
- Stick with the plan.
Oh, God.
[Girl narrating]
Someone had to look out for him.
[Girl]
Welcome to McDonald's.
Can I have a Number 1?
[Punching button]
Actually, can I have
a five-piece chicken?
Um, but instead of the Coke
I want a McFlurry
with extra Oreos,
and make sure
they stir it in.
And then a Number 1 with mustard, ketchup...
[punching buttons]
Pickles and lettuce only.
[Girl narrating]
When my father went away,
I lived alone in our house.
Which was not exactly normal,
but at least I had a routine.
Before, when he was home,
I could never exactly get comfortable
because it always felt like
something was about to happen.
- [Chuckling]
- What?
Oh, yeah,
it was so weird,
I don't know whether
I dreamt it, you know,
or heard it on the news.
Naked Chinese men
washing ashore by the dozens
up and down
Southern California beaches
at sunrise.
Boat people, you know?
The boat stops outside
the maritime limit,
they put their clothes
in plastic bags,
and they swim ashore.
Naked Chinese guys.
Fuckin' amazing.
[Girl narrating]
Naked Chinese guys?
Jesus Christ.
Don't people go to hospitals
to get better?
[Men chattering]
[Jack hammer rattling]
It would've been easier
if we'd just sold the house,
because the way
the market was,
we would've cleaned up.
But Charlie grew up
in our house;
he refused to leave.
Even though we were
barely getting by.
Before I was born, he had
already lived several lives
and managed to avoid
fatherhood for a lot of years.
I'm pretty sure my arrival
took him by surprise.
Once, when things went south
for Charlie in Saint Louis,
he had to pawn that bass.
He said that everything
really started to go wrong after that.
And they didn't start going right again
until he found it two years later
in a pawn shop in Atlanta.
He said things were
all right after that,
all evidence to the contrary.
[Charlie speaking
foreign language]
[Recorded female voice
speaking foreign language]
[Charlie repeating phrase]
Oh, shit!
[Speaking foreign language]
What's going on?
Great things.
[Girl narrating]
So, it was time to get back
on that ol' bipolar
pony and ride.
Naked Chinese guys.
Hee hee hee!
[Record static]
## [Jazz]
[Girl narrating]
Pepper and Charlie spent
years together on the road
with a five-piece jazz combo.
Once, after a club date
on the Kentucky side of Cincinnati,
Pepper ate so many pancakes
at a Denny's that the busboys
had to unbolt the table
to get him out of the booth.
Hey-hey,
lookin' good, man.
Lost some weight.
It's the chemo.
Oh.
Hey, might as well
put that away.
I'm not playing anymore.
Some other time.
I'm not doing that,
either.
Oh, it's a whole new
Charlie.
- Hello, Miranda.
- Hey, Pepper.
How are you, sweetie?
What the hell is that?
[Snickers]
It's my uniform.
You got a job?
Aren't you supposed
to be in school?
No, wait. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Is this Christmastime?
It's March.
Oh.
Well, then, why aren't
you in school?
I had to give
school up, Charlie.
I had to make money,
you know,
while you were gone
for two years.
Huh.
I'll be back around 10.
You working at night?
Yeah.
I gotta go.
Wait, wait,
you working at night?
I mean, that's not good.
It's not a safe place. I don't like that.
It's not the old McDonald's
on Alameda.
It's a new one
on Crest Parkway.
Crest Parkway.
Some new neighborhood,
Tierra Buena Estates.
I don't know.
Where the fuck is that?
Hey, can I get a ride
from you tomorrow?
I gotta see a man about a job.
No way.
I got an interview.
Yeah, sure,
I'll give you a ride.
You make me laugh.
[Chuckling]
[Miranda narrating]
When Charlie was in the mental hospital,
Social Services thought
I was with my mother.
And Child Welfare thought
I was with my father.
My father thought
I was with my mother.
My mother thought
I was with a foster family.
Somewhere, some foster family
thought I was with my father, and so on.
Welcome to McDonald's.
By working double shifts
and keeping expenses low,
I was able to buy
a car on Ebay.
They didn't know
who they were selling it to.
An unlicensed 15-year-old
looks the same
as everyone else on Ebay.
It's like the Social Services thing,
nobody sees anybody.
[Engine ignition falters]
I admit, it's a beater...
[engine sputters to life]
...but a safe beater.
[Tires screeching]
Things were a lot different
when Charlie was gone.
Easier.
In some ways,
things were wonderful.
[Bass string snaps]
[Charlie]
You always get home so late?
It's none of your
business, Charlie.
Why don't you try
calling me "Dad"?
[Low growling]
[Window creaking]
[Miranda]
Animals were popping up
in the most unlikely places.
Someone from work
said she saw a deer
in the cosmetics aisle at Target.
You have an interview here?
I'm having a hard time
picturing you working here.
I thought you said
the interview was at 3.
[Train whistle blaring]
[Miranda]
Good luck!
After Mom left,
Charlie helped me
with my class projects.
He did his best, but things
changed for me at school.
He had his own ideas
about science and history.
When the teachers
disagreed with those ideas,
he always told them
they could look it up.
You think they're
going to like it?
They're going to love it.
- Think so?
- I know so.
You have a good day,
sweetie.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Good, very nice, Ron.
That's fine.
Who are the little people, Miranda?
Those are the bodies
of the Chumash Indians
who died of syphilis
and influenza,
infected by the missionaries.
Uh, Miranda,
go out in the hallway
and wait for me
out there.
Go on.
[Woman]
I don't understand.
We're not having
any interviews.
We're not hiring now.
Okay, sorry.
Thanks.
[Automated female voice]
Proceed to route.
- Left turn in two miles.
- Charlie!
- Goodbye.
- Shit, Charlie...
Hey, Miranda. Hi.
Where did you go?
Just, you know,
walking around,
checking
the neighborhood out.
What about the job?
You know why people
like to eat in this place?
Fear of the unknown.
Nothing in there
surprises them.
Why do you feel like
you have to make stuff up?
I mean, so you're not
looking for a job.
You just want to go,
I don't know,
explore or something.
That's fine, whatever.
I mean, it would be great
if you got a job.
I was barely scraping by
when it was just me...
Pull over there.
[Automated female voice]
You have arrived.
You know what, no.
I just wasted half my afternoon.
Please, just pull in right over there.
No, I'm not letting you
out of this car.
Miranda, I gotta go.
What are you talking about?
What is this all about?
- Just tell me what you're doing.
- It's embarrassing, okay?
I take these medications.
I gotta do pit stops all the time.
Yeah. I'm sorry.
Can you back up to the bushes?
[Beeps]
[Automated female voice]
When possible, make the first
available legal U-turn.
[Man choking, struggling]
[Gasps]
[Guttural cries]
Charlie?
[Scraping, tapping]
[Car ignition faltering]
[Car engine starts]
Ow! Shit!
Charlie? You okay?
I'm fine.
Stop! Stop!
God...
What are you doing?
Do you have to do this right now?
The stars are
in a perfect position.
They won't be like this
for another year.
I can't stop you, can I?
Work your magic.
Oh, yeah, that's it,
the northerly declination
from Sirius the Dog Star.
That's my baby!
This is it.
This is what?
What're you doing?
Come on, let's go.
Come on.
Oh, come on.
[Truck horn blaring]
Come on,
I'll give you a boost.
Come here.
Just so you know,
I have to be at work
in, like, seven hours.
Relax.
You'll be there.
Miranda...
meet the Excalibur 1000.
[Machine powers up]
Is that a metal detector?
[High-frequency whine,
beeping, chirping]
[Beeping faster]
Now you hear that?
That's maybe tin foil or nickel.
Nickels and tin foil
make that low tone.
We call that the fool's gold
of modern prospecting.
Prospecting?
Yeah.
[Beeping faster]
[Tone changes]
High tone,
could be silver.
Silver is a great conductor.
Must be one
of the old quarters.
The new ones,
they don't have much silver in them.
We are well on our way
to paying off the Visa.
[Chuckling]
You know, Charlie,
the manual says
you can plug headphones
into that thing,
so why don't you do that
so that we don't get popped?
No, then you wouldn't
get to hear it
when it makes a noise.
- [Sighs]
- [Beeping grows higher]
Huh!
[Dog barking]
[Whispering]
Get the shovel!
- We have a shovel?
- It's in the bag!
I'm am out of here.
We're going to get busted.
We're not doing
anything illegal.
This is public land.
There's gotta be
something illegal about...
You are so lame,
Miranda.
I can't believe I raised
such a law-abiding citizen.
Oh, you raised me?
Of course,
the highest tone
is for the best conductor of them all.
[Spits]
[Laughing]
[Crying]
Eureka.
Can we go now?
Don't you want to
even know what this is?
Okay.
What is it?
This is a doubloon.
A what?
A doubloon
from the 17th century.
The diary of Father
Juan Florismartes Torres,
So, I picked up this book
in the hospital library
and it got me thinking.
I thought the whole idea
behind the hospital
was for you
to stop thinking.
And I got some other books.
More books, eh?
Along with a gold crucifix
and the statue of the Virgin,
Father Torres' expedition
had a cache of gold doubloons.
Now, these doubloons were dated.
This one...
it's hard to see.
Something...
Something, 1624.
Let me see.
That's 24 carats.
Records that I obtained from
the Spanish Treasury indicate...
Okay. Wait, wait, wait.
How the hell
did you obtain records
from the Spanish Treasury
from a mental institution?
The internet.
- Perfect.
- No, I'll show you.
Here.
[Paper shuffling]
See for yourself.
Father Torres' doubloons
were dated.
Now, coins minted in 1624
were allocated
for what we call now,
you know, "petty cash,"
which Torres lost sooner.
Nobody else was around back then,
so it's gotta be his.
Now based upon
where we found this
and the reports of
the underground cave system...
- Cave system?
- Right. Right.
So all we gotta do
is follow this journal
and it's going to lead us
to the treasure.
It's just...
It's waiting to be found.
You're serious.
Yeah.
Look, a lot of people
must've read this journal.
How come nobody ever found
the treasure before?
They've tried!
I mean, lots of people have tried.
It's been well documented,
all right?
I've read all of them.
- I marked chapters for you.
- Oh, Charlie.
The thing is that nobody realized how special
this Father Torres was.
Nobody ever went and looked
into his background!
Charlie, these people
all look like idiots.
[Sighs]
I'm going to go to bed.
- Miranda...
- You're freaking me out.
Okay?
[Foot steps]
[Knocking]
[Sighs]
I'm not decent.
Come on, Miranda.
Open up.
Sometimes I wake up and...
and I don't know if I'm me.
That's why you take
your medication.
No, it's not that.
I'm me. I know that.
What I'm saying is that...
I don't know if I exist.
- Oh.
- Come on, listen...
No, l... I'm listening.
You're not sure you exist.
- And?
- I've done a lot of things in my life.
But maybe I haven't
done what I need to do.
And if I do this,
maybe I will.
Exist?
Yeah.
You're shaking.
You need something to eat.
Read the book.
This is so stupid.
Please?
All right, I'll read it
if you eat something.
- [Knocking]
- [Sighs]
This is for you.
[Miranda narrating]
Parents have this advantage over us.
We want to believe in them.
And when we don't
believe in them,
we still just want
to be with them.
[Bell tolling]
[Man speaking
foreign language]
Hey, Padre!
[Charlie]
As a young man,
Torres was a mathematics scholar in Seville.
[Man screaming]
In fact, it looks like he might've
been sent to the New World
because certain of his ideas
were considered heretical.
[Screaming continues]
But that's not
what's important.
The thing that matters here
is that he was more accustomed
to communicating
with numbers than words.
So then, it dawned
on me one night,
while the other patients
were watching JAG.
They like that in there?
- They love it.
- Oh.
Anyway, I noticed that some
of the passages repeated themselves.
I read the book again,
and sure enough they did.
So I began to wonder, why would
somebody in the middle of nowhere
presumably with a limited
supply of pen and ink
repeat themselves like that?
Senility?
He was writing in code.
Took me a long time,
but I finally broke it.
I gotta go.
[Charlie muttering]
[Charlie]
See, I transposed
Padre Torres' description
and found the area he was
in was exactly seven leagues
to the north of where
he said he was.
It's simple, really.
[Miranda narrating]
Charlie believed
the doubloon had been dropped
when Father Torres'
expedition was robbed
and half of his party
was massacred.
He thought that Torres
had headed northwest after that,
and that we were following
the same route.
"Journal of Father
Juan Florismartes Torres,
"18th of October,
the year of our Lord 1624.
"As we reached the summit and look
down into the valley of Santa Clarita,
"there unfolded before us
was as beautiful a picture
"as one ever looked upon.
"We saw a large green meadow
of thousands of acres, more or less,
"its north side bounded
by low mountains at the base
"which oak trees
were plentiful.
"It was like a grand old park,
"such as we read of
in fairy tales.
"We passed that night
under some large trees
"whose branches
went over our heads
"as beautifully
as the ceilings
"in our finest cathedrals.
"Upon our safe arrival, we offered
the sacrament on a large rock
"that seemed almost to have
been fashioned for that holy purpose.
"I bade the smith
use his chisel
"to carve the three crosses
of Golgotha into the stone.
[Beeping]
[Automated female voice]
You have arrived
at your destination.
This is it.
- It might be.
- No, it is! It is!
Look how old these trees are.
All right.
So obviously, it's going
to be worn down, right?
I mean, you know,
it's more than 300 years old.
Uh!
[Golfer]
Damn!
C-Come here, come here.
- See this?
- What?
This is it.
Look at that.
Look! Look!
[Laughing]
I don't know.
It might be.
It is!
That's it!
The rock must've moved.
Well, it could be
an earthquake.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Look!
I think I see it, right there!
I see it. Look!
Yeah, they're upside-down.
That's why I didn't
recognize them at first.
[Car door closes]
Can I help you?
I think it's time to go.
Why do they always say,
"Can I help you?"
When it's the last thing
they want to do?
Sir?
And they say "sir"
and "ma'am"
like they want
to show some respect.
- It's monstrous.
- Charlie.
- Sir!
- Yes.
Are you a member
here at La Cresta?
[Guffawing]
Are you shitting me?
Then I'll have to
ask you to leave.
- Are you happy?
- Sir?
- Charlie.
- All I want to know is are you happy?
Sir.
- Is this man your father?
- Yeah.
Just wanted to see
your eyes.
I couldn't tell
what color they were.
A first, I thought
they were brown.
Now they're looking
very green.
Must be the foliage.
They are so beautiful.
They're hazel.
Hazel.
Well, I'm so sorry that I
caused you any problems.
[Scribbling]
But... I'll be on my way.
I can't believe you just gave
that cop our phone number.
I hope she calls me.
She's a peach.
Once you get
that flack vest off,
she'd be something else.
- [Laughs]
- Oh, God.
[Miranda]
Let's just say this gold does exist.
What are you going to do
with it after you get it?
Wouldn't we have to give it
to a museum or something?
[Charlie, over phone]
Not necessarily.
I know a lot of people who want
to buy it if we wanted to sell it,
but you're missing the point.
[Miranda]
What's that?
[Charlie]
I don't want the money.
[Miranda]
That's easy for you to say.
You don't have to work for it.
[Charlie]
Well, define work.
[No audible dialogue]
[Miranda narrating]
People walk around all day,
sure that they're going
to win the lottery.
I've always thought
that was crazy.
Ten more minutes, Randy.
[Sotto voce]
My name is Miranda.
At least Charlie had a plan.
I mean, who doesn't
want to believe in buried treasure?
## [Hip hop]
[Car approaching]
Still, maybe I shouldn't
have encouraged him.
"From the journal
of Father Torres,
"November 21st, 1624.
"The natives appear to be
a simple, good-natured,
"stupid race of people,
"and in most respects
resemble the savages we find
"in other newly-discovered countries.
"There was no sign
of aggression at first,
"until one of the soldiers
who'd come into our mission
"was inspired to the act
of seduction,
"the object being
a young female.
"An action
unfathomable to me
"as the females are uniformly
unpleasant of aspect.
"Considerable uproar ensued
and we were forced
to retreat inland,
following the river upstream."
After they carved
the crosses on the rock,
Father Torres' expedition
had followed
the Santa Clarita River.
The thing was there wasn't
a Santa Clarita River anymore.
It had been dammed
and diverted.
But Charlie thought
that his calculations
would lead us to where
the river used to flow.
He said I can look it up
if I didn't believe him.
What do I say?
You don't have to say anything.
We've got every right
to be here.
Thanks for the tip!
You got a 302 in there?
What?
Does that have a 302 in it?
What?
The backhoe.
Oh, that.
Yeah, yeah.
It's a power plant,
that 302, for its size.
It sure is.
[Backhoe shuts off]
[Charlie]
Ha ha!
Ah! Jesus Christ!
Pottery shards!
Ha ha!
Will you excuse me?
I'll catch you later.
Right on.
Broken water jugs,
exactly the same kind
the expedition would've used!
And look, it's even got
curved sides.
Okay, well, shouldn't
we take them to somebody
like an archeologist
or something?
What, have them
spoil everything?
No, they can do that...
that thing, that radio...
- Radio carbon dating, yeah.
- Yeah.
[Spits]
That's been discredited
a long time ago.
"In questions of science
the analysis of a thousand
is not worth the humble reasoning
of a single individual!"
Galileo!
Miranda, just feel this.
Put that in your hands.
Feel how old that is.
[Miranda narrating]
Charlie believed
that if we followed
the original riverbed,
we would locate the cavern
where Father Torres
and his men
had been forced
to abandon their gold.
But there was one obstacle.
This is the way.
Hi. Uh, do you have
your card?
Oh, we're just browsing.
What I need you to do...
I want you to take
this out 67 feet.
Please?
Don't touch that!
Don't...
Oh, Jesus Christ.
I'm so close.
- Excuse me, sir.
- What?
Pardon me, but I didn't know
we really carried these.
These? You guys
got everything in here.
Yeah, we sure do.
Is it working out for you?
- It's working out fine. It's fine.
- Okay.
All right, well...
Okay. All right.
Okay.
All right.
I'll just get this...
- Okay.
- Sighs]
Can you hold this, please?
[Muttering]
This is plugged.
This over here.
And that's it.
X marks the spot.
This is so wild.
Doubloons from
the King of Spain,
lost more than
and they're buried
under a Costco?
Well, I guess you know
it wasn't meant to be.
It's only 6 feet down.
Only 6 feet?
M-Maybe 7.
It'll take two
highly-motivated individuals
maybe fours hours
with the right equipment.
Are you nuts?
I'm sorry, but can we be realistic here?
I'm being realistic.
There's no problem here.
- I'll lay it out.
- No, forget it, Charlie.
No way.
- You did your best.
- No, no, no, no!
I'm not going to be beaten
by a few layers of concrete!
No, sir!
Not on my watch!
Hey, take it easy.
[Growls, sighs]
[Miranda narrating]
Mom was a hand model,
a job held by adult women
with eerily childlike hands.
Which you don't
come across every day,
so they get paid pretty well.
[Man]
Cut. Great.
That's a wrap.
[Miranda narrating]
She was careful.
She had to be.
Her hands were the only income
we had for a while.
- [Yelling]
- Don't you touch my hands!
[Miranda narrating]
After she left, it was just me and Charlie.
Things were a lot more
exciting then.
Like an adventure.
But the supply of toys dwindled.
We managed, though.
I don't know why anybody would
want to buy one of these things.
It's not as if it's so hard
to wash dishes by hand
the old-fashioned way.
[Men speaking foreign language]
## [Jazz]
[Door slams]
[Woman laughing]
Ooh!
[Record stops]
Morning.
You...
Uh, Miranda?
What happened to my car?
Miranda...
Did you wreck it?
I couldn't pay the rental
on the backhoe.
No way.
So, your car
was a necessary sacrifice.
But we're almost there,
Miranda.
We are so close.
Jesus Christ.
I'm sorry, l...
I'm really sorry.
I just wasn't thinking.
You never do.
Well, I'll get it back.
- How are you going to do that?
- I don't know.
But I will.
Well, I guess I'd better
get a move on
since I'm going
to have to take the bus.
Can't you get a friend
to give you a ride?
I don't have any friends.
What about that skinny one
who only eats carrots?
Carrots-and-Mountain Dew-Julia?
Right, Julia,
carrots, right.
She had an eating disorder.
She went to the hospital
and died.
Oh.
Well, in that case, maybe I can
go back down and get the car.
I'm sure he hasn't
sold it yet.
It wasn't that the car
was in such great shape.
- I'm sure the car...
- Stop! Stop!
I loved that car.
I know you did.
No, you didn't
because I never told you.
Why? Because you never listen.
All right, I'm an asshole.
That has been established.
Not to the extent that
I'm about to establish it.
You make fun of everything
I do, including my job.
No, I'm proud of you working.
Don't... Yeah, right.
You know, I'm the one
that's paying the bills.
No, it's wild.
Isn't it?
You don't take anything seriously, do you?
You think the world
is just here for your amusement.
- Look at the world.
- I do.
But unlike you,
I have to live in it.
I just...
I don't understand.
You're a really smart guy.
How can you keep
doing this year after year?
What do you mean?
The treasure is just like
all your jazz combos, Charlie.
Just like the tour boat
that sank,
just like the Mexican
holistic medical degree,
just like your marriage.
How come you can't
see that?
Everybody else can.
There's something
really wrong with you.
## [Mariachi]
I can't believe
you sold my fucking car!
[Woman over P.A.]
And now... Oh.
[Electronic feedback]
And now, I give you
Orange Grove Estates' 1,000th family.
Let's give them a hand.
[Children giggling]
[Child laughing]
[Chattering,
machines beeping]
[Woman]
# Oh, my home #
# Is just floating all away #
# My dreams #
# Take to the road #
# As I try to stay afloat #
# In this flood #
# And this flood of dreams #
Welcome to McDonald's.
# When you were mine #
# The sky was so high #
# The forests were green #
# And the stars were bright #
# Now I've got the road #
# Leading me off
cleverly... #
Have a good day, sweetie
- Okay.
- Okay.
# Oh, my home #
# Is floating all away #
# My dreams #
## ["Hail to the Chief"]
[Miranda narrating]
After he found his bass again
in that pawn shop in Atlanta,
Charlie swore
he'd never pawn it again.
He swore he'd pawn
his own mother
before he'd pawn that bass.
[Snoring]
- [Whispering] Charlie.
- [Snoring softly]
- Charlie.
- Snorts]
Have you eaten anything?
Uh...
No.
- I'll go make something.
- Oh, no, it's cool. It's cool.
Why don't you sit down?
Used to look out here,
you'd see one,
maybe two lights.
Your mom, she used to complain
all the time about being
in the middle of nowhere.
It's still the middle of nowhere.
There's just a lot more people in it now.
You didn't have to sell
your bass and records.
You just have to know
when to give up.
Dad, don't.
I told you,
I'm finished with music.
That's not what
I'm talking about.
Um, excuse me.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Would you like to try
some chowder?
[Charlie]
So let's hear it.
[Miranda]
Okay, well, a lot of the doors
claim to be alarmed
but they're not.
[Charlie]
How do you know?
[Miranda]
I opened them.
[Charlie]
Well, that's fine.
We'll make a good scofflaw
out of you yet.
[Miranda]
Most of the people are really nice.
Everyone says I could be looking at a raise
within six months,
and the benefits are great.
[Charlie]
Hold on, here. Let's focus.
Tell me about
the security guards.
[Miranda]
They have two of them.
They only work in the daytime.
Come on, come on!
[Miranda]
One of them is named Mike.
And the other one
is named Bruce.
Security guards
have master keys,
but the manager,
he's the only one
who has the great
grand master key.
It opens every single door.
He calls it the "God" key.
[Man]
I think you're doing great,
by the way.
[Miranda]
Thanks.
Kelly and I sometimes head
out to the beach on Saturdays.
We have a little barbecue,
play a little volleyball.
Nah, you play volleyball.
I just listen to Jimmy Buffet
and soak up the rays.
I'm a total parrothead.
Do you like the beach,
Miranda?
I can't even remember
the last time I went to the beach.
I bet you'd look great
in a bikini.
[Charlie]
Miranda.
[Miranda]
What? Let me finish the story.
Did you...
Did you get sort of
a weird vibe
from these people?
- Kind of.
- Yeah.
That's because they're swingers.
What?
Do I gotta draw you
a picture?
What are you
talking about?
- You don't know, do you?
- No.
So nice that you don't
know everything.
Swingers, um...
Well, they're, you know,
people who like
to spice up their life
with different partners.
Oh!
Oh, my God.
They were talking
swinger code.
Oh, God,
that is so gross!
What am I going to do?
Why? Wh-What's the matter?
- They invited me to a barbecue.
- They what?
You were the one that told me
to accept any and all invitations
so that I can get to know
the people and the layout.
But I didn't mean that
you were supposed to go and...
I didn't know that
they were swingers.
It's cool, all right?
It's cool, it's cool.
Y-You just...
You don't have to go.
I told them that I would,
and, you know,
I thought I could maybe
get at Doug's keys.
The God key.
- Yeah.
- Mm.
No, no. We...
We can't do this.
I think I can take care of myself, Charlie;
I've had a lot of practice.
You know, sometimes
I just wish you'd call me "Dad."
Okay, I can take care
of myself, Dad.
Thank you. I mean, you're what,
I'll be 17 in 3 weeks.
You're gonna be 17?
I gotta write this down, man.
You are so young.
But, you know,
you act so old.
Sometimes you're very, um...
- Precocious?
- Precocious, yes.
Now, I forbid you
to go to this barbecue.
You hear me?
Okay, I won't.
Are you going
to promise me that?
Okay. God.
[No audible dialogue]
# See the curtains
hanging in the window #
# In the evening
on a Friday night #
# A little light shining
through the window #
# Lets me know
everything's all right #
# Summer breeze
makes me feel fine #
# Blowing through
the jasmine in my mind #
[Doug]
One of the perks
of the management position:
Half price on all seafood.
Have some before
it's all spoiled.
It's a virgin,
by the way.
Berry flavored.
Miranda, did you bring
your bathing suit?
No. Why?
You don't have
a swimming pool, right?
Hot tub.
[Chuckling]
- Huh. Um...
- Dude! Dude!
We need some more chairs!
Okay, Leonid.
Just a sec.
Excuse me, ladies.
Hey, so do you want to go
check out my suits?
I've got a major selection.
Huh?
I mean, we look
like we're about the same size, huh?
Uh, I think I'm...
I'm sorry, I think I'm going
to have to pass on the hot tub.
Are you sure?
Lt'd be really nice.
That water's, like,
fruit scented.
It's pineapple...
# Summer breeze
makes me feel fine #
# Blowing through
the jasmine in my mind #
Actually, I changed my mind.
The hot tub sounds good.
It does, doesn't it?
All right, come on.
So, I'm guessing
a G-string is out.
What?
[Gasps]
Wait, I got the perfect thong.
[Humming]
- A thong?
- What? Oh, no, no.
- Look at this.
- No, no, no.
All right.
- I got it!
- Oh!
- Parrots?
- Oh.
Check it out.
Look at that.
No? Okay.
One more.
[Expels breath]
Okay, I hope you dig this.
- Dude!
- [Gasps]
Check it out.
Look at this.
Oh, hey, it's all right.
Are you sure
this is a virgin?
[Sniffs]
Oh, boy.
[Laughs]
You know, um,
there's this...
- [puking]
- Oh, Christ.
- Oh, okay.
- I'm so sorry.
[Men speaking foreign language]
## [Jazz]
[Pepper laughing]
[Coughing]
- Hi.
- Hey.
- What's happening?
- Ugh.
So, um... look
what I got for you.
One with your own name on it.
Good. Great.
No.
Come on, your credit rating is great.
No, Charlie. No.
You all right?
Yeah, I'm fine.
So, Pepper here,
he used to work
for an alarm service
company.
Was that before or after
you went to jail?
Before.
And Pepper, he knows
how those alarm systems work.
Wait, Charlie,
what did you tell him?
What did he tell you?
[Chuckling]
[Loud clatter]
[Men shouting]
- [Gasps]
- [Speaking foreign language]
[Banging]
Charlie?
[Police radio chatter]
Charlie!
[Flustered utterances]
Is this what I think it is?
Charlie, what did you do?
What is going on?
Uh, I got behind
in the third mortgage.
- I didn't even know there was a second.
- Well, sure.
There's a third
to pay the second,
a second to pay
the first, and so on.
- How'd you get this?
- "And so on"?
They're taking everything.
Miranda, did you go
to that orgy?
L... It was a barbecue.
[Knocking]
Are you sure nothing happened?
Something happened, didn't it?
The swingers, they
got to you, didn't they?
Goddamnit!
What've I done?
I'm supposed to be
your father, you know.
And here I am, throwing you
right into the lion's den.
You didn't.
It was my idea.
Just tell me.
When you went
to the bank,
what was the reason
you gave them
for why we needed
the money?
Home improvement.
Okay.
What about the second time?
Swimming pool.
Ah.
You know,
but the timing's perfect.
When is the timing ever good
for getting kicked out
of your house?
Think about it.
Yeah.
It's the Chinese thing.
Catastrophe
equals opportunity.
[Man]
Excuse me.
It's time for you to go.
[Miranda]
"From the journal of Father Torres,
"November 30, 1624.
"When the savages
were silent,
"that was when the company
was most affrighted.
"Evidently,
they were gathered
"around the entrance
to the cavern,
"awaiting such time
as our hunger
"might overwhelm good sense
"and force us
out into the open.
"Ofttimes perforce,
the officers were compelled
"to use their muskets,
firing over
the natives' heads."
I'm getting
really good vibes here.
[Whispering]
I can't believe we're doing this.
[Alarm sounding]
- Where are you going?
- Running away. What does it look like?
We gotta stick
with the plan.
- Come on!
- We gotta get out of here...
Oh, God! Oh, God!
Oh, God! Oh, God!
It's over here!
[Clang]
Up here!
Where's my glasses?
On your head!
[System dialing]
It's done.
[Pepper]
Where's the propane?
[Miranda]
Over here!
[Police sirens blaring]
[Alarm sounding]
Right here!
That ought to do it.
Where are you going?
Outside, remember?
L...
What are you doing?
You really sure
this is going to work?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No... No problems.
Pepper, he fixed
the alarm box
so it would read
like a gas leak.
- And if that's the case we don't...
- Ahh!
[Alarm stops]
[Police radio chatter]
[Man]
Panel says "gas leak."
Smell anything?
Yeah, I found it.
Propane bottles leaked.
[Canisters clanging]
Perfect.
[Whispering]
Shh, tat tat tat.
I think we should
stay here for a bit.
Breaking and entering
makes everything
taste... different.
Makes it taste,
um, livelier.
In those days they would've
used pitch pine torches.
It's got to be here
somewheres.
[Sniffing]
- [Charlie grunting]
- Do you smell that?
What?
Ammonia.
They must've cleaned
the floor.
They cleaned your X off.
That does it, then.
Oh, no, I-I know
where to dig.
No, it's...
it's right here.
- Here?
- Yes.
No, it's... it's...
It's here.
Charlie.
Miranda, we're going
to dig here.
Are you sure?
[Sighs]
[Chuckling]
Well, l... I guess I'd better be.
You got the walkie talkie?
Yeah.
Pepper, is it all clear?
Yeah.
Come in, Charlie.
Charlie, come in.
[Jackhammer rattling
in distance]
[Hammering stops]
[Police radio chatter]
Evening, sir.
What seems to be
the problem?
Motorcycle's not working?
We hit rebar.
Well, I think
I might've flooded it.
[Muted buzzing]
There's the throttle
right there.
I know. I know.
[Buzzing stops]
Hey, let me try.
[Engine starts]
Hey!
[Siren chirps]
[Metal clangs]
[Siren chirps]
[Beep]
[Beep]
Miranda.
Hey.
[Siren chirps]
[Siren chirps]
[Siren chirps]
Don't step on that.
[Thud]
Hello.
[Hollow thump]
- Ugh!
- Hmm.
What is that smell?
- Ugh.
- You must've hit the sewer line.
No, the sewer's all the way
on the other side of the store,
under pet care.
Current is stronger
than I thought it'd be.
That looks a lot
like sewage to me.
It's the underground river.
Just like the journal
said it would be.
Where are you going?
[Officer, P.A.]
Sir!
Come on, sir,
you're just wasting gas.
[Miranda]
Pepper.
- Come in, Pepper.
- [Foot steps squeaking]
Charlie?
This store is great.
It's got everything.
What are you doing?
That should
be long enough.
The journal says the passageway's
about 40 barras.
That's Spanish for "yards".
So it should be
about 120 feet.
People get killed all the time
doing stuff like this.
I need you to hold
the other end tightly.
Stop! You're jumping
into raw sewage.
This is not sewage, okay?
It's sulfur.
I noticed before
when I tested the water,
it's warmer than
the room temperature.
And this brown color indicates
an iron sulfite hot springs.
There's no reasoning with you.
You have an answer
for everything.
That really bothers you.
I was hoping that I wasn't
going to have to say this.
- What?
- Don't make me say it.
[Muffled]
All right, then.
There's no gold, okay?
There's no treasure.
You're about to jump
into a sewer.
This whole thing
is a delusion.
Sir, put your arms
out to your sides.
Sir... put your arms
all the way out to your sides,
like Jesus on the cross.
Straight out.
There you go, just like that.
Pepper.
Come in, Pepper.
I need some help in here.
- Pepper, are you there?
- Roll him over.
Pepper, the button's
on the side.
Pepper, push the button
on the side.
Ventura 105 to all units,
be advised.
We believe we've got
a 459 there now
inside the Costco.
Any available unit
please respond.
[Pepper]
Damn.
# Here are you #
# Here am I #
# No moon in view #
# No star on high #
# But it's a lovely
night to spoon #
# Let's pretend
that there's a moon #
Pepper, where are you?
# Nights like this
were made for love #
# Regardless of the moon above #
[doors opening]
# The time and place
are opportune #
- # Let's pretend that there's a moon #
- Pepper, is that you?
[Bubbling]
Pepper, please come in.
Where are you, Pepper?
[Muffled cry]
[Grunts]
## [Woman singing
foreign language]
Uh!
[Miranda]
"Journal of Father Torres,
February 9th, 1624.
"Final entry.
"We were trapped in a cavern
whose walls were marked
"with their
childish carvings.
"A cavern sometimes used
for whatever variety of pagan ritual
"which these lost people
felt compelled to observe.
Miranda.
[Miranda]
"I miss my home
and wish to leave this land
so filled with madness."
I found it! L...
Miranda.
[Police radio chatter]
[Foot steps squeaking]
Come on, my little
sack of potatoes.
[Breathes deeply]
You smell awful.
I found it.
Didn't get all of it.
Still a lot more
down there.
I gotta go back.
Huh?
Do you believe me?
[Police sirens approaching]
[Police radio chatter]
What are you going to do?
You're staying right there.
What about you?
You know, when I was
at the hospital
I used read a lot
of biographies
about these great men.
The thing was that their dads...
well, they weren't so great.
- They were screw-ups.
- What are you doing?
Then, I started to see
that all my life
I've been trying
to do something great.
But then I realized
that I was laying
the groundwork for you.
You know, to do something...
great or whatever.
But your dad
was a screw-up, too.
Well, it was just a theory.
[Police sirens approaching]
What are we going to do?
Wait. Wait, wait.
Char...
This is very important.
Don't lose it.
Wait, where are you going?
Just tell them that
I forced you into this.
- What?
- You just tell them I'm nuts.
Charlie.
Charlie.
Charlie, come on.
Charlie.
I don't think...
that I've thanked you, ever,
for what you've done for me.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Wait. Charlie.
Charlie!
Charlie!
And don't let them push you around.
Charlie, come on, please.
Charlie!
Charlie.
[Sobbing]
Charlie.
Charlie, wait, wait!
Come back!
Dad!
[Rattling]
Hey, you!
[Shouting]
[Splash]
Follow me!
[Crying]
Shit!
[Police sirens blaring]
[Miranda narrating]
They searched all night,
but they never did
find Charlie's body.
One of the cops asked me
why Charlie jumped back
into the hole.
I told him it was where
Charlie wanted to go.
It was where he wanted
to go all along.
The cop looked at me
like I was crazy
and stopped asking me questions.
What I didn't tell them
was that if Charlie hadn't tied me up,
I probably would've
followed him.
[Bubbling]
[Miranda narrating]
Want to know how
California got its name?
It's not named after
some explorer or king.
Nope.
Someone made the name up.
A writer.
He just pulled it
out of his imagination
in the 16th century in Spain.
He made up this place where
there was unlimited gold and pearls,
and beautiful, fierce women who
wore gold armor and rode wild beasts,
and he called it "California."
It's true.
It was a bestseller back then.
- Oh, yeah!
- [Splashing]
[Miranda narrating]
Charlie told me that.
He said I could look it up
if I didn't believe him.
But I didn't need to.
[Men speaking foreign language]
[Speaking foreign language]
Excuse me?
Beautiful place.
This is California, huh?
Oh.
Yeah.
[Laughs]
[Speaking foreign language]
Welcome.
[Ignition falters]
[Engine starts]
# I'd like to rest
my heavy head tonight #
# On a bed
of California stars #
# I'd like to lay
my weary bones tonight #
# On a bed
of California stars #
# I'd love to feel
your hand touching mine #
# And tell me why
I must keep working on #
# Yes, I'd give my life
to lay my head tonight #
# On a bed
of California stars #
# I'd like to dream
my troubles all away #
# On a bed
of California stars #
# Jump up from my starbed
and make another day #
# Underneath
my California stars #
# They hang like grapes
on vines that shine #
# And warm the lover's glass
like friendly wine #
# So, I'd give this world
just to dream #
# A dream with you #
# On our bed
of California stars #
## [alt country]
# I'd love to feel
your hand touching mine #
# And tell me why
I must keep working on #
# Yes, I'd give my life
to lay my head tonight #
# On a bed
of California stars #
## [folk]
# Oh... #
# How can I stand aside #
# And watch all these
colors fly #
# Out of this world
and into the next #
# My heart is on fire #
# And I'm getting
reckless, too #
# Though the dream #
# Is slipping
through my hands #
# They're not mine to hold #
# This flood of dreams #
# Is taking control #
# When you were mine #
# The sky was so high #
# The forests were green #
# And the stars were bright #
# Now I've got the road #
# Leading me off #
# Gravity dissolves #
# Oh, my home
is floating away #
# My dreams take to the road #
# As I try to stay afloat
in this flood #
# In this flood of dreams #
# Oh... #
# In this flood #
# Oh... #
## [folk fiddle]