Good morning, Dr. Lamar.
MAURICE: Good morning, Pierre.
- Good morning, Doctor.
- Good morning, Doctor.
MAURICE: Good morning.
- Good morning, Doctor.
- Good morning, Doctor.
MAURICE: Good morning.
- Good morning, Doctor.
- Good morning, Doctor.
MAURICE: Good morning.
- Good morning, Doctor.
- Good morning, Doctor.
MAURICE: Good morning, Greta.
(CLACKING)
Good morning, Doctor.
Good morning, Annie.
(CONSUELO CLEARING THROAT)
Dr. Lamar?
Yes, I am Dr. Lamar.
I'm Consuelo Claghorne. Mother sent me
to see you about an operation.
Oh, yes.
Take your clothes off, please.
- Oh, must I?
- Yes, please.
Here are some telegrams.
What kind of operation
do you want?
Oh, I don't want
an operation.
It's for Mother. She'd like her hips
cut down before she sails.
Oh, I see.
Then why did you...
I thought you were interested in how
I looked without it, but you're not.
How do you know I'm not?
Suppose we take that up at luncheon?
(EXCLAIMING)
Suppose we do.
1:00? Here?
(CLEARING THROAT)
Make a note.
Luncheon at 1:00.
(INTERCOM BUZZING)
WOMAN: Dr. Lamar goes
on the air in 10 minutes.
MAURICE:
I'm starting right away.
We're starting right away.
INSTRUCTOR: One, two.
One, two. One, two. One, two.
- Good morning, Doctor.
- MAURICE: Good morning.
One, two. One, two.
- ALL: Good morning, Doctor.
- Good morning, girls.
- Good morning, Doctor.
- Good morning.
- Good morning, Doctor.
- Good morning.
- Good morning, Doctor.
- Good morning.
- Good morning, Doctor.
- Good morning.
Thank you, Annie.
And now, dear distant worshippers
of the Temple of Beauty,
I present your high priest,
Dr. Maurice Lamar.
Ladies, my dear disciples,
once more it is my privilege
to speak to you on that subject
so dear to every
woman's heart, beauty.
Yesterday I covered
the abdomen.
Today I shall
take up the throat,
the connecting link between
a lovely head and a lovely body.
MAURICE ON RADIO: How can you
obtain true throat appeal?
By the use of
my Creme Supreme,
which I trust all of you
now have beside you.
First, take a generous quantity
of Creme Supreme on the fingertips
and work it into the throat tissues
with a gentle rotary movement,
alternating with rhythmic patting
by the back of the fingers.
Do you fear the scorching rays
of the midday sun? You need not.
Creme Supreme will protect you
from it on the hottest summer day.
No longer need any woman
suffer from sunburn.
Creme Supreme will give you
that pink and white complexion,
which is lovely
woman's birthright.
Should your beauty needs be greater
than can be met by these broadcasts,
I would suggest
a personal diagnosis.
Every day hundreds of beauty seekers
from all over the world
are coming to me here in Paris
for an answer to their problems.
He must be a great man,
that Dr. Lamar.
He could've been. He was the brightest
student in our class in medical school.
Now he advertises
face cream.
MAURICE ON RADIO: Have you
a glowing, gleaming body?
So, he's a friend of yours,
is he?
We were great pals in college,
but then we sort of drifted apart.
Well, you'd better drift together again
and see if he won't lend you some money,
or out you go
at the end of the week.
(CLANKING)
Doctor, what is
that terrible noise?
Please have it stopped.
I'll see to it at once.
(CLANKING CONTINUES)
Do you...
Do you have to make all that noise?
No.
- No, I can stop now.
- Good.
Now that you're here.
I've been trying to see you.
See me?
Yes, about my wife.
I want you to let her alone.
But I don't know your wife.
You don't know Eve Caron?
Eve Caron!
How can you
be her husband?
That's what I often wonder myself,
ever since she started
being your patient.
Eve Caron's husband is a motorbus
manufacturer, not a plumber.
This is the only way that
I could get in to see you.
That feminine individual, that large girl
in your outer office, kept stopping me.
Mmm. Greta?
Well, the one with the extra-long wheel
base and the streamlined superstructure.
Oh, yes, that's Greta.
Pardon me.
And you're Madame Caron's
husband, huh?
I am, yes. On those rare occasions
when you're not messing around with her.
Messing around?
I'll have you understand that my...
My contact with your wife
is purely professional.
- That's what I resent.
- What do you mean?
What right have you
to make my wife over?
You've enlarged her here
and reduced her there
and you've even done something to
her knees, and I liked them as they were.
I married those knees
for better or for worse.
Madam Caron merely asked me
to add a couple of dimples.
And I contend, and every
right-thinking husband will back me up,
that dimples give a distinctly
gaga expression to the kneecap.
Quite unsuited to my wife.
Listen, when you make
motorbuses for the public,
you improve their lines,
don't you?
Have you...
What right have you to classify
my wife as a public conveyance, huh?
Where is she? Now, you've got her
around here somewhere.
You can't go in there.
Oh. Why not?
She might not be dressed.
- I'll see.
- Well, you tell her that...
Oh, you'll see,
but I can't.
Doctor, the Countess says
that she must see you.
Rita? Oh, no, she mustn't.
Get rid of her.
She won't go.
Oh, all right, I'll see her.
And show this gentleman out.
Doctor, put my wife back the way she was
when I married her or I'll take steps.
I don't know in what direction,
but I'll take steps.
(SCREAMING)
Perhaps I'd better
precede you.
I am the Mirwalk of Sogron.
I want all my wives done over.
GRETA: Yes, yes, of course!
Just wait here a minute, please.
MIRWALK: Thank you.
So, you finally
decided to see me.
Rita, please.
Send her out.
Annie, stay right there.
(STAMMERING) Rita, I'm very busy
this morning.
I thought it was understood that
we had finished with your treatments.
Oh, no, we haven't. You can't
cast me aside like a... Like a...
A worn-out glove?
Yes, a worn-out glove.
Oh, I know you're tired of me.
I know why you always say you're busy
when I suggest going to your apartment.
Yet other women go there,
dozens of them!
I won't stand for such
treatment any longer.
You act as if I were
no better than the... The...
The dirt under his feet?
Yes, the dirt
under your feet.
I ought to shoot you down like...
Like...
Like a dog?
Like a dog.
How did you know?
Oh, I just thought
it might be.
Hmm.
If only I had something
to shoot you with.
- Thank you.
- Annie!
(CLICKING)
Why doesn't it shoot?
No bullets.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
What's this?
The first chapter
of your new book.
I typed it at home.
Mmm. Very nice. Very neat.
When will you dictate
the second chapter?
Oh, I don't know, Annie. I never
get any time. Perhaps this afternoon.
Oh, any time at all.
- Annie!
- Yes?
Your nose is shiny.
Why can't you use a little powder?
It's bad for business.
Not necessarily. Why not point me out
as a horrible example?
If my patients were like you,
I'd starve to death.
And if I were like your patients,
I'd want to.
Everything all right?
Very successful,
monsieur, very.
And here's
100 francs for you.
Good day, monsieur.
Excuse me.
Could you direct me
to Dr. Lamar's Temple of Beauty?
- Right there.
- Thank you.
But you can't get in.
Oh, yes, I can.
I'm an old friend of the doctor's.
Oh, you could be his Siamese twin
and still not get in without these.
But I don't need...
It'll only cost you 100 francs, and
you'll never get more for your money.
Thank you.
Did you have
any definite ideas?
Yes.
I went to the Folies Bergre
last night.
There was an act called
"A Night in the Orient."
If this is a night in the Orient,
I'm being gypped.
I want them all done over
to look like this. Will it take long?
Oh, yes. Several days.
Please call me
when they are finished.
You can get me at the...
At the Claridge.
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
(WOMEN CHATTERING)
(WOMAN SCREAMING)
There he is, under here,
girls. Get him out.
A man in here.
Hurry up, get him out!
It's a mistake, ladies.
I know the doctor well.
Dr. Lamar is a friend of mine.
Please, ladies!
Please now, ladies,
Dr. Lamar is a friend of mine,
if you'll just give me
a chance to explain, I...
What's this?
We found this man
molesting the patients.
Why, I wasn't
molesting anybody.
I was looking for you,
Maurice.
Why, Max! Is that you?
Max, I haven't seen you in years.
What are you doing with those on?
Why, I had to see you,
and they told me that this was
the only way I could get in.
Oh. Well, come on, sit down.
Tell me about yourself.
Remember when we were going to
set the world on fire
- with our scientific discoveries?
- Yes.
Say, Max, whatever happened to that serum
you were working on last time I saw you?
That's what I came
to see you about.
Another two months
and victory will be mine.
Of course
in the meantime, I...
In the meantime, you want me
to lend you some money.
Yes. Will you?
I will not!
Max, you've got to stop wasting
your life on a lot of guinea pigs.
I've got something better
for you to work on.
- What?
- Women.
Women?
Yes, yes, you've heard
of them, haven't you?
I want you to move in here
and work with me.
Thanks, Maurice,
but I'm afraid I can't.
Why not? In the old days
we always planned to work together.
I know, but
that was to be
scientific.
Oh, and this isn't,
I suppose.
Let me tell you, the work I'm doing today
is just as important as the work I did
after I graduated
from medical school.
Don't you realize that ugliness is
a disease, and that in curing it,
I'm bringing beauty and joy
into hundreds of lives?
- Oh, Doctor.
- Yes?
That new patient
is prepared.
Right. Come on, Max.
- Me?
- Yes, you.
Ah, Madame Severac?
Yes.
I'm Dr. Lamar and
this is Dr. Pascal.
Now, my dear, just relax.
Just relax.
Now, what can I
do for you?
I want to be beautiful.
I see.
This will have to
be lifted.
Yes, Doctor.
This will have
to be lifted.
Yes, Doctor.
Yes, Doctor.
Did you make
a mask of madame?
Oh, yes, Doctor.
Now, what do you wish
to look like, madame?
Why, just beautiful.
MAURICE: I see.
Like this, perhaps?
There!
You mean I can
look like that?
Yes, indeed,
Madame Severac.
Your first treatment
will be Tuesday at 4:30.
My secretary will speak
to you about the fee.
In the meantime, have no fears.
You shall be beautiful.
Oh, thank you, Doctor.
Thank you so much.
Don't mention it. I shall see you
on Tuesday. Come, Max.
Well, what do you say now?
Isn't she more beautiful already?
She certainly seemed to be.
Is she going to get her
husband back, or isn't she?
You saw the tragic state
she was in.
I'll make her
the happiest woman in the world.
Once more, Max,
a doctor has saved a life.
Well, what do you say
about our proposition?
You can name your
own salary to start
and later work up to
an interest in the business.
I don't want to seem
ungrateful, Maurice,
but I don't think I'd
fit into a place like this.
- Just as you like.
- I'm sorry.
Goodbye, Maurice.
Goodbye, Max.
Oh, Doctor. Madame Caron is
waiting to have the bandages removed.
Madame Caron, waiting?
How long?
Oh, about an hour.
You've kept Madame Caron waiting an hour?
Why didn't you tell me?
You were busy.
Don't tell me there's still
something you don't like?
It suddenly occurred to me
I won't be seeing you anymore.
Why not?
Because my work is done.
You are perfect.
Really?
Well, of course we ought to
have a complete check-up.
Vilma, get ready
for a check-up.
No. I'll check Madame Caron.
The weight first.
Your husband was
here this morning.
Oh, can't we talk about
something pleasant?
You know, we won't get
the proper result if you do that.
How do you know we won't?
It disturbs the balance.
Whose?
- The scale's.
- Oh.
Perfect! I couldn't
ask for more.
No, I suppose not.
Now over here, please.
Are you so strictly professional
with all your patients?
No.
Well, then why
am I so honored?
Because I'm afraid.
Of me?
No, of myself.
You see, I might
fall in love with you.
And would that be
such a calamity?
Yes, it would.
There is only one way
I can afford to love you.
How?
In the way that
Pygmalion loved Galatea.
In the way that every artist
loves the masterpiece he has created.
You are my creation,
you know.
When you first came to me,
you were merely pretty.
Little by little, I molded you,
as Pygmalion molded his statue,
until you became
my most beautiful achievement.
It all sounds very poetic,
but not terribly thrilling.
It could be
terribly thrilling if...
If what?
It's just as well
you're going out of my life.
Must I?
Why?
Because...
Because what?
Because there's nothing more
I can do for you.
Are you sure?
Will you do me
a great favor?
What?
Put this on.
I'll mail you the measurements.
Goodbye.
Has the doctor finished
with madame?
He only thinks he has.
Anything wrong?
No, I got away.
Was she difficult?
Very difficult.
Oh, why can't
women be sensible?
Probably because
you won't let them.
What do you mean?
I mean that you've built yourself up
into such a glamorous figure
that all these women are dazzled
into thinking they're in love with you.
But it isn't you they fall for,
it's just the trimmings.
Yes, I suppose you're right.
It's just a little hard on
one's self-esteem to have to admit it.
It's nothing to feel
badly about.
These aren't the kind of women
who can appreciate your real qualities.
And you have them, you know, even
if they are being wasted around here.
Why, Annie, I didn't know you were
so interested in my welfare.
Well, who said I was?
- Here. You better look at these.
- Must I?
Well, this one, anyway.
It's an invitation to speak
at the International Beauty Congress.
Oh, yes. Tell them I'll be there.
And you handle the others.
- Annie!
- Yes?
- You've powdered your nose.
- Yes.
Well, it seemed
the simplest way.
I think some air
will do me good.
- When will you be back?
- Oh, I don't know.
Annie, are you
busy tonight?
Why, no.
I can come back here
any time you like.
No, no, I didn't mean that.
How about coming up
to my apartment?
Your apartment?
Yes, yes. I thought I might
get in some good work.
- On the book.
- Oh.
We'll have plenty of time
and won't be disturbed.
You don't have to,
you know.
Oh, I don't mind
in the least.
Is the doctor at home?
Yes, mademoiselle,
he's expecting you.
I shall tell the doctor
mademoiselle is here.
Thank you.
JEAN: The doctor will be
here immediately.
Thank you.
MAURICE: Good evening, Annie.
You don't mind if I'm not dressed?
I say, you don't mind
if I'm not dressed?
Oh, no, not at all.
You see, I do like
to be comfortable.
Of course.
Well, do you like it?
Oh, it's beautiful.
And so are the pictures.
Are they patients?
No, Annie, not patients,
episodes. Lovely episodes.
Oh, I see.
"Lovely episodes."
- You look very lovely yourself, Annie.
- Do I?
You certainly do.
That's a charming dress.
You know, at the office one is apt
to forget that an efficient secretary
can also be
a very pretty girl.
Thank you.
Well, shall we begin?
Begin?
(JEAN CLEARING THROAT)
What is it, Jean?
Is there anything you want,
sir, before I go out?
No, I don't think so.
Good night.
Good night, sir.
I'm sure we won't need
all these lights.
There.
That's better, isn't it?
Is it?
Now, before we go any further,
won't you have some wine?
It probably will help.
Fine.
Now, sit right down here
and I'll get it for you.
(CORK POPPING)
Here you are.
Here's to... What?
To what?
To lovely episodes?
Splendid!
To lovely episodes.
Now, shall we get started?
Why not?
Well, where's your book?
Book?
Certainly. You can't start
dictation without a book.
Oh! No, no,
of course not.
Now, let me see,
where did we stop?
"Every woman wants love."
Oh, yes, yes. "Every woman wants love."
Mmm-hmm.
To deprive a woman of love
is to deprive her of life itself. Yeah.
But, unfortunately,
men are selfish brutes and they...
(ACCORDION PLAYING)
Oh, what was that last?
"Men are selfish brutes."
Oh, yeah, yeah. Men are selfish brutes
and they demand beauty.
Beauty at any price.
(PLAYING PIANO)
Annie, I'm afraid I'm not in the mood
for dictating tonight. Do you mind?
Would you get us some wine
like a good girl?
I'll get it, but I'm not sure
it'll be like a good girl.
(PLAYING ALONG WITH ACCORDION)
(HUMMING)
(SINGING) There never was
a night like this
There never was
a girl like you
Each moment of delight
like this
Is love divided by two
Your loveliness will glorify
That happiness
I have in view
And I'll have
even more if I
Divide the glory with you
Do I hit the ceiling
Whenever you're near?
I don't hit the ceiling
I hit the stratosphere
My heart is at
the height of joy
No beauty can compare
with you
This night will be
a night of joy
And love divided by two
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello. What?
I simply must
see you at once.
No, I can't explain
over the telephone.
178 Avenue Wagram.
Yes, as soon as I get
some clothes on. Goodbye.
That was Madame Caron.
I'm sorry we didn't get any farther,
but it was nice of you
to have come, anyway.
If you'll tell me where you live,
I'll drop you off.
No, thank you.
That won't be necessary.
You mustn't keep Madame Caron waiting.
Good night.
(CRYING)
You must always remain as beautiful
as you are at this moment.
But how can I?
Continue the treatments
I've given you,
keep out of the sun,
wind and rain.
Care for your face morning,
noon and night.
Continue your diet
and electrical massage.
Bandage your ankles.
Wear gloves to bed.
Exercise daily and most important of all,
no excitement.
No emotional strain.
Does that include love?
Oh, absolutely.
Love causes more wrinkles
than anything else in the world.
Oh, but what if I
can't help myself?
What if I'm already in love
with the most wonderful...
But you cannot afford
to love.
A less perfect woman, perhaps,
but not you. You are too beautiful.
MARCEL: Is that so?
Even you'll admit
she's too beautiful.
You, the wrecker of my home.
- Are you mad?
- Yes, good and mad.
You get that way
when somebody steals your wife.
Now, Marcel, whatever you think,
you are mistaken.
Yeah, that sounds familiar.
A typical wifely remark.
Oh, you beast!
Now, now, no excitement.
Excitement sags the face muscles.
I can't think of my face
at a time like this.
Oh, I don't mean your face,
I mean your wife's.
Now just try to relax.
Splendid.
But he accused me
of being faithless.
Not of being faithless.
Of desertion.
For the past year you've been so busy
with his treatments
you've had no time for me.
Your wife wanted to be beautiful
so that she could appeal to you.
That is a lie.
I hate thin women, she reduces.
I hate red fingernails. Every man does.
So she paints hers every day.
She's not a wife to me,
she's an advertisement for you.
I'm surprised at you, sir. You should be
proud to have a wife so lovely.
Why, did you ever see
such classical features?
Perfect.
Such flawless skin?
Marvelous.
Such a superb figure?
Magnificent.
Well, then you do approve.
Certainly not.
She won't do at all.
What did you say?
I said she won't
do at all.
The woman I married was
just pretty enough.
In warm climates, men would occasionally
turn to look at her.
You've turned her into something
to attract the American tourist.
I have turned her into
a masterpiece of loveliness.
I don't want a masterpiece
of loveliness.
Do you realize what the husband
of a woman like that is up against?
There'll be lovers
in the shrubbery.
Lovers on the balcony.
Only today, I found a dark Spanish fellow
lurking in my vestibule.
Oh, my nerves are
absolutely wrecked.
Have you quite finished
insulting me?
Yes, I believe I have.
And tomorrow,
I'm suing you for divorce.
How dare you!
Now, remember,
no excitement.
Smile, if possible.
And in the name
of the husbands of the world,
I'm naming you
as co-respondent.
Smile, if possible.
Doctor, you've sinned with your scissors
and other surgical instruments.
You've lured her with lotions,
corrupted her with...
What was the name of that goo?
Creme Supreme.
Fortunately, I've been getting used to
doing without your company.
All these treatments have
kept us apart so much,
it's like saying goodbye
to a lovely stranger.
Goodbye, madame.
And may heaven help your next husband.
In India, when a husband
is about to divorce his wife,
he puts a betel nut
under her pillow.
Therefore I say, madame,
betel nuts to you.
How can you smile
at a time like this?
Because you told me to.
And because now you need
never lose your masterpiece.
My beautiful Eve,
I must have loved you all the time.
Oh, my darling, as soon as I'm free
we can be married.
Who said anything
about marriage?
Very well.
I know what I shall do.
It's desperate, but so am I.
- You're not going to sue me?
- No.
- Shoot me?
- No.
Not shoot yourself?
You're getting warmer.
Eve, tell me, please.
I shall get fat.
No!
I shall get fat in
all the wrong places.
Eve, you couldn't
do that to me.
Why not?
What can life mean to me without you?
From this moment I shall let myself go.
I shall neglect my skin.
I shall give up dieting and massage.
I'll never exercise and live only
for excitement.
In other words,
I shall destroy your masterpiece.
You would destroy
your beauty for my sake?
Why not?
I've no desire to be beautiful
in the eyes of other men,
if you don't want me.
Oh, Eve. I do, I do.
Beauty at any price.
Sweetheart.
(MAURICE AND EVE MOANING)
EVE: Now you must go.
Go? Why?
Because we mustn't spoil it.
It's all so beautiful.
I can't imagine why you didn't want
to come to this convention.
- But, darling, on our honeymoon?
- Why not?
You'll be very proud of me
in front of all those other doctors
and I'll be proud
of you, too.
All right, sweet,
anything you say.
(JAZZY MUSIC PLAYING)
Oh, darling, not here.
It's too public.
But, sweet, this is
our honeymoon.
Yes, honey, but let's
wait for the moon.
(LAUGHING)
Ah, look at that sea,
that limitless expanse of blue.
Come on. Come on,
let's go for a swim.
- But darling, have you lost your mind?
- I hope so.
One should on a honeymoon.
Come on.
But how many times have you
told me yourself
that there's nothing worse for the skin
and hair than bathing in salt water?
Oh, that's true.
I forgot.
Yes, I'd be a fine
advertisement for you
at the convention tonight,
wouldn't I?
Yeah, I suppose you're right, dear.
I didn't think of the convention.
- What time is the dinner?
- Oh, about 8:00.
8:00? But darling, it's nearly 5:00 now,
I must start dressing at once.
You'll just about
be able to make it.
MAURICE: Well, what am I
going to do for three hours?
Why don't you dictate
to that stenographer
you insisted on bringing along?
That's a good idea.
She went swimming.
She'll look terrible tonight.
There she is now. Annie!
Annie, wait!
Hello.
Hello.
(HUMMING)
(EVE SCREAMING)
Oh, Rolando!
What are you doing here?
You promised not to follow me.
I told you,
I cannot live without you.
Do you want me
to call my husband?
No, it is you I want.
- Go away. You are mad.
- Yes, I am mad.
Mad with this love
of you in my soul.
Shh!
- You don't understand.
- Yes, I understand.
You are here with another man,
but he shall not have you.
Did you ever see
so many freckles?
I never did.
They're fascinating.
You've no idea how long
it's been since I've run into
anything as natural
as freckles.
Hang on to yours,
won't you?
I don't see
how I can help it.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Have you been here long?
No, just a few days.
I came to the Riviera
right after my divorce.
Sort of a honeymoon,
you might say.
- Honeymoon?
- Yes.
My last marriage taught me
that the right time for a honeymoon
is just after the divorce.
And alone.
Then you're
sort of celebrating.
Indeed I am.
This is the happiest moment
of my entire married life.
Why did you leave Paris
without telling me?
Well, I... I left very suddenly.
Of course!
With this other man, huh?
It wasn't a man.
It was my husband!
You have no husband.
Oh, yes, I have.
I was married this morning.
- A new husband?
- Yes.
Oh.
Why did you not say so?
I cannot be jealous
of a husband.
No.
- Kiss me, my love.
- Oh, no, no, no!
EVE: No, no, no, please.
No, no, please. No, no!
(MOANING)
- The husband?
- Yes.
Who are you?
My name is Rolando Manuel Cristobal
Martinez Correro Fernandez Corragio...
Never mind, that's enough.
What are you doing here?
I love your wife.
So...
Darling, whatever you think,
you are mistaken.
How long have you loved her,
if I'm not too inquisitive?
For two whole weeks
I have been her slave.
Is that all?
Is that all, two weeks
or is that all, her slave?
Is that all, her slave.
That is all, so far.
Yes. Well, so far, so good.
(ROLANDO PROTESTING
IN SPANISH)
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello. Yes.
Well, this is indeed
an honor.
Yes, of course I accept.
Yes, indeed. 7:30 sharp.
I'll be there. Goodbye.
Eve! What do you think?
The cosmeticians have
elected me President.
Not really?
Yes. Do you know what
an honor that is?
The biggest men
in the profession are here,
Hertzman, d'Orsay, Factor, DeSano.
And yet it is your husband
they've elected President.
The convention dinner
starts at 7:30.
The President cannot
be late.
Of course not, darling.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Come in!
Oh, hello, Annie.
Here's your speech
for tonight.
Will you want me anymore?
No. No, thanks.
Oh, I'm so glad. If I can let
a gentleman know right away,
I have a dinner engagement.
You have what?
A dinner engagement.
I can be dressed
in 10 minutes.
You can dress
in 10 minutes?
Zippers permitting.
Oh, so you've found
a friend already, eh?
Why, yes.
I met him in the water.
Do you allow men to
pick you up in the water?
Why not? One weighs
so much less there.
Well, you certainly
have changed.
I never thought you were
the kind of girl that would...
Oh, never mind, Annie.
Run along and enjoy yourself.
I hope you have a very pleasant evening.
Thank you.
The same to you.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello.
Oh, my dear friend, I'm terribly sorry.
We're coming right down.
Eve, you've got to hurry.
You're ruining my career.
Darling, what would
you like me to wear?
First I thought the blue,
but then green is so smart this year.
The trouble is, I look
so much better in yellow...
Look, sweet,
any one of them is all right.
Oh, but, darling,
I can't decide.
Well, why don't you wear one
and carry the other two on your arm?
(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
I think I'll have some
corned beef and cabbage.
Make that two orders.
I love corned beef
and cabbage.
Will you marry me?
Because I like corned beef
and cabbage?
Yes, and because
you're real.
No powder, no rouge,
no artificialities.
Oh, you've no idea what a relief it is
after all I've been through.
I know just how
you must feel.
It's nice to see
naturally curly hair too, for a change.
Oh, it's nothing
out of the ordinary.
Yes, it is. Why,
it's just the kind I like.
Now, what is it?
Darling, I just want
to touch up my lips.
What do you think you've been doing
for the last four hours?
Now, don't be cross,
darling.
Your masterpiece is only trying
to look masterpiecey.
There.
Are you ready, darling?
All ready.
It's over!
Yes, all over.
You mean there's nothing to eat?
And I'm starving.
Per signore.
Corned beef and cabbage.
A penny for your thoughts.
ANNIE: (SINGING)
I'm simply wild about you
I couldn't do without you
Corned beef and cabbage,
I love you
You always set me raving
You satisfy that craving
Corned beef and cabbage,
I love you
If I could have you every day
My life would have more spice
And even if I have to pay
I'd gladly pay the price
I see you and surrender
Oh, won't you please be tender
Corned beef and cabbage,
I love you
(SINGING) I'm always happy when you
Are featured on the menu
Corned beef and cabbage,
I love you
Although you're so plebeian
You're fit for any queen
Corned beef and cabbage,
I love you
You fill me with
a strange desire
That haunts me
all night through
You seem to set
my heart on fire
You give me heartburn, too
Really? Why don't you
try a load of
Bicarbonate of soda
- Corned beef
- And cabbage
- I love you
- I love you
What's this pork chop
la Pompadour?
Ah, it is a chop, signore,
with a very fine crme sauce,
potatoes, asparagus, stuffed tomato,
and other fresh vegetables.
It is a poem.
Good. Bring us
two orders of that.
Oh, no, no, Maurice.
Too much starch.
Look, darling, I'm hungry. You order
what you like, but I want a pork chop.
Oh, but you wouldn't have
the heart to eat all those good things
right in front of me
when you know I'm fairly starved.
You order.
Well, bring me a small slice
of very lean ham,
fresh lettuce, melba toast
and, oh, yes,
some mineral water.
Now, order whatever
you like, dear.
What's the difference?
Bring me the same.
Well, it's the exact diet
you prescribed, darling.
Good night and
thanks so much.
Good night.
(HUMMING)
(SINGING) I love you
(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
- I told you so.
- What do you mean?
That's that Spanish vestibule lurker
I was telling you about.
How was the
beauticians' banquet?
Well, I don't know,
you see, because when I...
When you arrived,
they'd all gone.
How did you know?
It doesn't matter.
I fell asleep.
While Eve was dressing.
Yes.
That's one method.
Personally, I used to read a good book.
Prosit.
Prosit.
You wanted to go for a swim
this afternoon, didn't you?
Yes.
- But you couldn't go.
- No.
Prosit.
Prosit.
You wanted a good dinner.
Yes.
But you got lean ham
and fresh lettuce.
Yes.
Prosit.
Prosit.
Prosit.
Darling, my love for you
made me jealous.
Will you forgive me?
51, 52, 53, 54, 55...
On a night like this, there should be
no bitterness, only beauty and romance.
59, 60, 61, 62, 63...
One has only to look
at that moon to realize that
love is the only thing
in the world worth having.
68, 69, 70.
I shan't be
a minute, darling.
(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
Darling, I'm out of
cleansing cream.
You could have said anything.
North Pole, gold standard,
bicarbonate of soda,
and nothing could have killed my mood
like that hideous little sentence,
"I'm out of cleansing cream."
Now, don't make me
nervous again, darling.
Your secretary must
have some samples.
I'll ask her
to bring me a jar.
What, now?
Well, of course.
How else can I remove my makeup?
Or would you rather
I went to bed with it on?
Do just as you like.
Room 698, please.
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello.
Did I wake you up?
No, I couldn't go to sleep.
Cleansing cream? Yes.
Yes, I'll bring it.
She wasn't asleep.
Are you angry because I called her?
No, and I'm not going to be angry
about anything anymore tonight.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Well, come in.
Thank you, Annie.
You're quite welcome.
I shan't be long, darling.
What is it, Annie?
Nothing.
- Tell me.
- Nothing, really.
I'd better get some sleep.
What is it, please?
You haven't enough heart
to understand.
I'm going back to Paris
in the morning.
Annie, I won't allow that.
Oh, you won't? Well, I don't know
how you're going to stop me.
- You don't know what you're saying.
- Don't I?
- But, Annie, please...
- Stop it! Don't touch me.
Don't even speak to me.
EVE: What's the trouble,
darling?
Why don't you answer?
Your darling is calling you.
(SOBBING)
(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
(HUMMING)
(SINGING) Once I thought a husband
and a lover
Were two men, not one
I thought romance was only
A game of kiss and run
Now I'm both
a husband and a lover
And really it's fun
There never was
a night like this
There never was
a girl like you
Each moment of delight
like this
Is love divided by two
Your loveliness will glorify
That happiness
I have in view
And I'll have even more
If I divide the glory
with you
EVE: (SINGING)
Love that's all one-sided
Leads only to sighs
But when love's divided
Somehow it multiplies
BOTH: (SINGING) My heart
is at the height of joy
No beauty can compare
with you
This night will be
a night of joy
And love divided by two
Kiss me.
No! No!
Don't you love me
anymore?
Oh, how can I love you when
you look like a walking beauty parlor?
- Maurice!
- It's true.
We come to the seashore
and I can't swim with you.
I take you to dinner
and I can't eat with you.
I've become
your husband and...
I tell you, I've had enough.
I can't stand any more.
Well, what are you
going to do?
I'm gonna get myself
another room!
Are you going crazy?
No, I'm just
getting over it!
MAURICE'S VOICE:
Smile, if possible.
Hello. Dr. Lamar's
Temple of Beauty.
But, Madame Bordeau,
your appointment was for yesterday.
- It was yesterday, wasn't it?
- Just a minute, please.
You must have forgotten
to write it down.
But, madame, it was yesterday.
I'm looking at the records.
WOMAN: You'll have to make
another appointment. I'm sorry.
Does anyone know anything about
Madame Curio's liver spots?
One moment, please.
Aren't they down in the book?
Yes, madame, I will.
Are Madame Curio's
liver spots down in the book?
I haven't seen
a thing of them.
Well, I'm sorry you feel that way
about it, madame, but...
Hello. Dr. Lamar's
Temple of Beauty.
I just don't see
how Anne managed.
(DUPONT SCREAMING)
DUPONT: Oh. Look what
they've done to me!
Come quickly, someone.
It's Madame Dupont.
DUPONT: I've been murdered,
that's what happened to me!
Go see what that is,
quickly. Hurry!
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello. Oh, no, madame,
the doctor is not here.
Oh, he'll be away for
at least another week.
No, no, really, ladies,
I can see no one today.
Oh, pardon me, madame.
He has just come in.
What is all this?
Well, we weren't expecting
you back so soon.
Where's Annie?
Isn't she with you?
She came back three days ago.
Haven't you seen her?
No, sir.
I will sue! I will sue!
Where is he?
He shall pay for this.
Oh, there you are.
Is something the matter?
Is something the matter?
Look!
Madame! What has happened?
You have ruined my life.
That's what has happened.
But you shall pay for it.
You shall pay!
(WOMEN GASPING)
Look! This is what they
do to you in this place!
Look! My beautiful,
beautiful hair!
You... You idiots! What are you trying
to do, ruin my career?
Such a thing couldn't have happened
if Annie had been here.
Find her for me at once.
I'm taking delivery.
Here's your check.
Wait! Stop!
Goodbye.
Where are you going?
We have a contract
with a nightclub.
I'll sue you!
You shall pay for this!
Oh, what next?
- Doctor.
- What is it now?
Would you care to interview
a new patient?
No!
Wait a minute. I'd better see her.
I've probably lost all the others.
Now, madame,
what can I do for you?
I want to be beautiful.
Oh, yes, yes.
I know. They all do.
What is your husband's
chief complaint?
Nothing.
- Andr loves me just as I am.
- Is that so?
Yes, but I want to
surprise him.
Poor Andr.
Oh, well, that's
none of my affair.
- I'm going to give you a diet.
- Yes?
Lean ham and
fresh lettuce.
Melba toast without butter.
But your husband can eat
anything he likes, understand?
Of course.
At night bandage your ankles,
cold cream your face, wear gloves...
Oh, I can't do it.
Madame, forget everything I've told you
and go home to your husband.
If you want to surprise him,
present him with a pair of healthy twins.
That's surprise enough
for any man.
And if you want further
cosmetic advice, take this.
To reduce,
scrub the floors.
To beautify your face, wash it
in cold water with plenty of good soap,
so that if your husband
wants to kiss you, he can.
That's all.
Doctor, what do I owe you?
Everlasting gratitude.
Good day.
Oh, good day.
Good day, Doctor.
Get me Dr. Max Pascal.
(PHONE RINGING)
Genevieve! Not again.
Hello.
You don't mean it. Maurice!
But I do mean it.
I'm through with cosmetics forever.
Bring over all your stuff
and move in today.
I'll be there in an hour.
Yes, yes, yes!
Goodbye.
A scientific laboratory,
just as we planned.
Well, if I had known
you were going to be so dull,
I would never have
left my husband.
Dull? What do
you mean, dull?
You're not as affectionate
as you used to be.
What did you expect
on lettuce?
Well, rabbits seem
to do all right.
But the doctor is
back in town now, yes,
and he will give your case
his personal attention.
Thank you. Goodbye.
- GRETA: I'm so glad to see you.
- I'm glad to see you.
- Did you have a nice trip?
- Oh, lovely.
Oh, what an
attractive suit.
- Do you like it?
- Oh, it's lovely.
Thank you for letting me
know he was back.
I'd have called you anyway.
He's terribly anxious to see you.
Not half as anxious
as I am to see him.
So, this is the time
you show up for work.
Everything's gone to
the devil around here.
Does that mean
nothing to you?
Less than nothing.
What?
Apparently you didn't believe me
when I told you I was quitting, but I am.
Where are you going?
I'm going downstairs to the taxi
that's taking me to my wedding.
- Why, married...
- Oh, get out.
But, Annie...
You don't know
what's happened.
Now, of all times,
you mustn't leave me.
Why not?
Because I'm through
with cosmetics forever.
That's what you always wanted,
wasn't it?
Yes.
Well, I'm going to turn this place
into a scientific laboratory.
- It's too late.
- Why?
I'm going to
marry Marcel.
Marcel? What Marcel...
- Not Eve's Marcel.
- Yes.
Oh, I don't believe it.
Marcel.
- Hello.
- Hello.
Marcel, the doctor doesn't believe
we're going to get married.
He doesn't? Then the doctor is
going to feel pretty silly
when he sees us
in the newsreel.
Look here, you can't get away with this.
I won't allow it.
Well, I don't know how you're going
to stop it. Annie's in love with me.
I don't believe that, either.
Is this man attractive to you?
- Of course.
- Show me one attractive feature.
Look at that profile.
Can't you see that
his nose is all wrong
and that his eyes are
too close together?
- Say...
- And look at those teeth.
Well, after all, she's picking out
a husband, not a horse.
Go on, just show me
one attractive feature.
Well, he has
beautiful, curly hair.
So, all our work, our mutual interest,
all the things we've been to each other
are to be thrown into
the discard because Marcel
happens to have
a wave in his hair.
Come, Marcel,
the taxi is waiting.
Coming, darling.
What right have you to take her
away from me? I love her.
Yes? Well,
I loved Eve.
Remember? Goodbye.
(CHATTERING)
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
Annie!
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
Follow that cab! Get in!
Faster, faster.
MAURICE: Don't lose that girl.
(ALL CHATTERING)
Where is he? Where is he?
- Which one?
- Well, they took him over there.
He's been scalped!
MAN: No, madame,
just a toupee.
(ANNIE EXCLAIMING)
Darling, speak to me.
Speak to me. Are you all right?
(GROANING)
- What's the idea?
- I love you.