The Office of Entertainment Programs
presents a film
Kobiela on the Beach
starring Bogumil Kobiela,
TV and film actor
Script
Andrzej Kondratiuk
Dialogs
Bogumil Kobiela
Camera Boguslaw Lambach
with Jerzy Fronk
Sound Karol Lewicki
Assistant Jerzy Sobczak
Production manager
Jerzy Bida
Director
Andrzej Kondratiuk
This film was shot with the
help of the candid camera.
The sound was recorded by the
button-sized microphone.
Microphone was hidden as well.
Thanks to all who unknowingly
participated in our film
Hello!
I am here, in the booth
My name is Bogumil Kobiela
I am a TV and film actor.
I'll go out in a moment.
- Good afternoon!
- How do you do, sir.
Good afternoon
Thats nothing!
I'll go to them, to the beach.
We'll see what impression
will I make.
It's all good.
I reckon that one must
always keep fit, that's it.
Well, it is about keeping your
body in a good shape.
What should I do? Just lie on
sand for hours?
I must tell you, sir, it is
even little bit shameful.
One needs to train
body a little.
It seems to me that you,
ladies and gentlemen,
are laughing at me.
But this is good that
you laugh at me,
because I've done this
for you to laugh!
So when I'll
laugh at you in my turn
Well, not so much at you, but
at all of us here on the beach,
I want you not to
have any issues with that!
Is it a deal? Good!
Thank you!
And please, laugh at me
as much as you want to.
- Sorry, what was that?
- [not distinct] ... swimming suit
Well, no, mister. I have
my own ... Well,
thank you very much and let's make
a deal that we will laugh at each other
without any offence taken!
Is it a deal?
Good afternoon!
Do you have
a swimmer's license?
If you teach a child you
must have it. Could you please...
- Is it on the shore? Sure?
- Yes, yes.
- Sure? So I don't have to worry?
- You don't have to worry, no.
Thank you very much
- May I see your swimmer's license
please? - But I don't swim!
But you are wading. How should I know if
you don't go any deeper?
No... Sir, up to where
is this, what's its name...
Limit? Up to here. But everyone
who is in the water
should have...
- Even if I am up to my knees?
Well, naturally.
There is no guarantee that you
don't go any deeper!
What if you get a cramp?
Ladies and gentlemen, your
swimmer's licenses please.
We stay here,
we don't go far.
- So you don't have them at all?
- We don't have them on us.
- But in general? Do you have them?
- Yes. - So they're with your stuff?
Ok, I believe you. Everything
is all right. Thank you.
Swimmers' licenses
control.
- May I see your license please?
- I don't have one.
I am allowed to swim
in here.
How far do you go?
- How far? Well, just up till there.
- All right.
Yous swimmer licenses, please.
- Licenses? - Licenses. What language
do you speak, Madame?
Parlez vous francais?
Alors, avez vous de cartes de swim?
- No? No.
- Vous n'avez pas...
Speak you English? Yes,
you speak a little.
From where are you? Very
simphatic.
- Argentina.
- Argentina? So you speak Spanish, yes?
- Yes. - And English?
- I also speak English.
- Yes. You swim? - Yes, I swim.
- Very good?
- Can you show me a little?
- Yes. - Please, do it.
- Oh, you have... C'est ne pas bon,
parce que... - C'est ne pas bon
I am more suntanned than you, miss.
Oh here, young lady. Just a moment!
I wanted to see who is more tanned.
Mister, please,
who is more
Well, I guess it is probably
you, sir.
- Well, how is water today?
- Perfect!
Kobiela on the beach
What are you looking for?
See! There's a lot of them here!
- This is mine.
- Ok.
Good afternoon! How's the bite?
I have been waiting here. Sir,
could you give me 3 kg of ...
It seems to me that using a net
is not fair.
It is not fair, one has to give
sea creatures
some chance.
- What chance are you talking about?
Well, with a rod there's this unmediated
contact of a human being and a fish
and there is a struggle,
a fish has a chance.
While with a net you just catch it
like that...
You mean it's barbaric?
But it goes in this net by itself.
Yes, but this isn't the chance I'm
talking about, when there's unmediated
contact of a human being with
a sea creature!
Oh, by the way, do you have
a kilo of flounder to sell?
We're separated here from the fish...
Maybe you can sell me something?
Oh, good! Thank you!
I will take this one in the
meantime.
This is a beautiful one!
Can I buy it from you, sir?
Well, sir, I fish for pleasure,
as a hobby.
But this one is a really big one,
as for this beach
Last year I caught one that was
this big.
That was the biggest one, and
this one is the second biggest
that I've ever caught.
Here, just a moment ago.
Over there. A little bit further,
see those people? They come
close here, the big flounders.
Well, you know, sir, this is more of
a sport,
unmediated contact of
a human being and a fish.
This is not like fishing with a net,
when a fish stands no chance!
- Sir, where did you catch it? - Dear
ladies! There, where those people are,
I just went a little bit deeper.
One needs a bit of patience
and luck
and here we have it, right?
Kids, what's the deal? Haven't
you seen a fish before?
Sure, sure. It must have an influence,
on hygiene, for instance.
Dear sir, you know,
the notion of beauty in Ancient Greece,
the Olympic Games and all that...
The body was beautiful
and the spirit had to be
beautiful
- But sir, it isn't possible to...
- Because neither excessive asceticism
nor, you know, sir,
excessive loosening of the mores...
It seems to me that those
ancient Greeks
were close to that
middle ground.
Sport, when a person practices,
when a person feels the
firmness of muscles,
a person feels the development,
feels that body is overcoming some
barriers, physical barriers.
It is in a way a kind of
a beautiful thing.
- Yes, surely, it must
create a foundation for good health
But to defeat an opponent,
thats something different.
- It is ugly.
- Yes, something ugly.
A human being, dear sir, must be loved,
not conquered.
You know, when a conqueror
puts his boot
on a defeated person's chest
and only then he goes:
aaaaaa
No, this is ugly...
But you see, sir, it seems to
me that sport kind of mirrors
our situation
in life, this fight
for existence
in the 20th century, you
know, sir.
I yearn this clean air
so much
after the stuffy air in Warsaw.
- Have you [not distinct] in Warsaw?
- Yes, all the time.
To breathe in this iodine,
you know...
But you know, sir, I have
to tell you that this air,
iodine...
It's a hellish place: from there, from
above, all the sand is blown this way
But you know, sir,
somehow ...
He made all that dust,
that boy did it.
Amazing air! Being at sea is good.
There's no doubt about it!
Don't they film us from there,
from that box?
Oh, right, they are doing something
there, urchins, do you see?
Oh no, I am sorry! I didn't
know!
Let's better hide!
Oh, this air is amazing here,
near the sea! So much iodine!
One senses it!
This freshness, this
coolness
in the lungs!
Nice to meet you, nice
to meet you
I want to ask you a couple
of questions.
First one, what do you think
about this year's season?
- All is very good! - So you
like this year's season? - Very much!
Do you spend time on the beach? What do
you think about holidaying on the beach?
- I think that holidaying is very good!
- Very good too? - Yes, very good!
- No. no. I was standing here, in front
of this gentleman.
- Were you?
- Sure!
I was standing somewhere here,
probably this person left the queue.
Ah no, here, in front of this lady! Now
I remember! Here! Right? Yes!
In front of this lady, yes.
Do you know that there is
only beer left?
They ran out of soft drinks,
they have only beer.
They ran out of soft drinks.
Oh, I just want to have some beer.
They ran out of soft drinks,
only beer left.
Where was this lady? I was queuing
behind her, shes probably left.
I think I was standing here.
Or maybe a little bit closer,
somewhere here?
I am sorry, was I standing here?
This lady... No?
So maybe here?
Are you sure? There was this lady here
and she left the queue.
But sometimes... No, it is my aunty who
works there, in that booth.
If I just wanted I would have got it!
I cannot get in... But I was
standing somewhere here
I left for a second and that lady
came back.
- You were standing there. - Where?
- No, not so close. - I was here.
My dear, I was standing here
- But I saw you.
- Hey, we work here...
You know what, they had only beer,
no soft drinks!
Could I ask you for this as well,
I want a perfect disguise
for myself.
- And the box.
-Does it look funny?
- Sure!
Sir, please, don't worry! I'll
bring it back to you!
- How many do you have there?
- Around 30.
- For how much do you sell them?
- 2.50
- Thank you!
- You're welcome!
- Mister, will you wait here?
- Yes.
- Ice cream!
- Mister, I want ice cream!
Things are bought and things are sold,
you should wait until youre old!
- Ice cream!
- How much is it?
- 2.50
- 0.40, please
Can I have 4, mister.
Please, 2 for me.
Who buys less, gets them first.
Ice cream!
- Four.
- Ice cream!
This is too big, I accept
only small change.
- How much is that?
- 0.80 for an ice cream.
Ice cream!
Ice cream!
This one is damaged, it is cheaper.
It is damaged
- Mister, 4 please. - No, 2 per
person. I can't give you more.
Ice cream
Special absolute ice cream
with spirits!
Put these life savers here
and tangle the oars, please.
Meanwhile I will go and find
some young girl.
I'll act like a clumsy man and
we will see what will she do.
- Good afternoon, ladies.
Do you know how to swim?
Excuse me? Yes?
Sure? Maybe we could hire a hydrocycle
and swim in the sea? What do you say?
I am an older man
I must tell you, Miss, that it brings...
I asked for this one with life savers,
just in case
It brings this enthralling... Stop!
Don't let it get away!
It brings this enthralling satisfaction.
Physical culture and sport!
I've slipped. Horrible.
Please excuse me!
So awkward
Just a minute. How do I
shove this off?
- Oh, I don't know.
- Should we put these on?
No, no, put it there.
But just in case, you know, Miss
It can be dangerous, yesterday
there was an accident,
some girl fell off this
hydrocycle.
Maybe you better put this on,
just in case.
- Why do you laugh, Miss?
- Oh, I can't help it.
It's not to be worn like that!
It's not to be worn now!
You're right, it's not comfortable
Please, help me, Miss!
Why are you laughing, Miss?
Do you laugh at an older man?
Excuse me.
- No, I don't laugh at you.
- Is it better now?
How do we move away
from the shore now?
- Well, one needs to sit there.
- Who has to sit there?
Oh, please excuse me.
I will push it!
Oh, it is almost impossible...
And this water...
Oh, it goes now!
Miss, please stop this hydrocycle!
Stop it!
Excuse me, please,
excuse me!
- Are you making a movie?
- No, I want to make some pictures.
I look for some beautiful girl. You,
Miss, would you agree?
Miss, please, come here.
Miss, could you please help me
in directing this shot?
Director's wife...
Oh. A serious face, please!
- Maybe a little bit closer, closer.
- Closer?
Closer, here.
And now a little bit further.
And smile.
And now some sad expression.
And now freedom, be absolutely free!
- And a smile! Imagine sea, stars...
- Stars?
Attention! Come a little bit closer,
closer
to this camera. A little bit closer!
A tiny bit closer!
Attention! And...
it's too late
And now I have to tell you something,
Miss, I haven't taken picture of you
but you were filmed on the camera
hidden over there.
- Oh no...
- You see, Miss.
Bunia, doggy, where
are you?
Yes, let's try on
this hat
I haven't worn hat in my life!
Maybe let's cover your eyes
a little bit more. Very good.
This looks very beautiful.
- Well, if only it could stay like that.
- And now, move freely.
And now take this little dog
and go there,
to those spheres.
Maybe... Well, just act naturally,
naturally.
He looks so good!
He likes it! It will be very good!
Very natural!
Please, smile! And come a little
bit closer! Further!
And you, Miss, play with
that dog, like this.
Attention! Innocent look!
Maybe you can quickly hop on
this sphere?
The most important thing is...
No, no, don't make the dog
nervous! Calm it down!
Miss, don't make it nervous!
Up you go on that sphere!
Thank you very much.
And now a little bit of movement,
let go of that oar!
Thank you very much! Entertaining...
So a little bit...
And now some movements.
- How should I move?
- As if dancing Polonaise.
Now please just be natural, I'll try
to catch it.
Maybe something contemporary?
And move towards me!
Very good! And now also
in this direction.
And please, move your legs
a little bit.
Thank you very much
And what about twist?
Something contemporary!
Hello! I would like to get out!
Is there someone?
Yes. You sat on me.
- Did you get up?
- I did.
- Because I don't have
air here. - I see.
Thank you! How do you do?
But you shouldn't sit on these baskets,
because it damages them.
- Really, sir?
- Yes, it ruins them.
One shouldn't sit on the baskets,
because they are meant
to be used in this manner:
Dear ladies and gentlemen,
I wanted to tell you
that you can't sit on
the baskets!
Baskets are damaged because
of it, they collapse.
And all in all, one should be careful
where one sits!
Do you now, Sir, I've been
watching you
and I saw that you're messing
up with people all the time.
- This is not a circus! - You know, we
laugh at each other.
- It is not pleasant, not at all!
- Not pleasant?
You have to let people have their
holidays, sir, and to rest yourself.
Seriously. I tell you this
as a friend.
It all has been planned.
We have no influence over it.
Mister, can I have a word with you?
I am leaving. Good-bye!
Good-bye. I am leaving for Warsaw.
My duties are calling me.
Bye!
Sir, you've mistaken
me for someone else.
No! I say good-bye to everyone,
because I am leaving.
What's your surname?
- Kobiela. - Ah. so you are that
one?.. - Yes, that one.
- From yesterday?
- Good-bye!
- It's time for me now.
- It's a pity.
Please excuse me, sir!
Could you please come over
here for a minute?
This really can't wait!
Yes. The thing is
I wanted to say good-bye to you,
because I am leaving.
I am leaving. I am definitely
leaving Sopot and going to Warsaw.
Why are you telling me this?
Is it an interview or something?
No, I say good-bye to everyone!
- It's natural, I am leaving...
- Ah so, yes, very nice of you.
It's only natural, isn't it? We've spent
so many nice moments here all together!
Good-bye!
Have a nice journey and
have fun!
And you, sir, have a nice
holiday!
Thank you, good-bye!
It was nice to meet you,
good-bye!
This is always like this
with our holidays
that we can't stay till the end,
have to rush in the middle.
Good-bye! All the best to you!
Good-bye, sir! See you later!
The summer was excellent
this year!
- Good-bye, ladies!
- But I don't know you, sir.
But this is not a problem,
I still can say good-bye to you,
because Im leaving now,
I won't be here anymore.
That's why I wanted to say good-bye
to everyone.
Have I bid my farewell yet?
Good-bye!
- What is it, sir?
- I am leaving. - Very good.
I am leaving, I won't be here anymore.
It was nice to be here together.
Good-bye, sir!
My respect!
Excuse me, I haven't bid
you farewell yet, sir.
Good-bye
I have to leave Sopot today,
unfortunately.
The duties are calling me!
Good-bye. Allow me
to kiss your hand.
Have a nice stay. I can't be here
any longer.
My time is up. My warm hugs,
dear ladies!
Good-bye
It was nice to meet you!
I haven't yet bid farewell
to you, sir.
Good bye, I am leaving!
Good bye!
Hugs and kisses!
I embrace you too,
good-bye!
Good-bye. I've already
said good-bye to you.
I am leaving. Oh, this lady.
Good-bye, Miss. I am leaving.
Bye!
Oh, gentlemen! Have fun!
Good-bye
I am leaving, this is my last
day in Sopot.
It was nice to meet you!
Hugs!
Good-bye, mister. I am sorry,
you seemed to... Anyway, good-bye!
Those were amazing holidays!
Good-bye!
Good-bye! I wouldn't want to disturb
you, you seem to sunbathe. Good-bye!
I am leaving! Bye!
Good-bye!
Bye!
I am leaving!
Bye!
- Bye!
- Sweetheart, I'm leaving!
- Where to? - Well, this is the end of
the summer....
I need to say good-bye to everyone
and to pack my stuff...
Have I bid my farewell
to you, Miss?
And to you?
Allow me to kiss your hand,
good-bye!
Good-bye. I don't have time, I have
a train to catch
Oh, the train... Good-bye,
with all of my respect!
- Good-bye, excuse me!
- Bye! - Bye!
Good-bye
Good-bye, sir!
Good-bye, I'm leaving!
Dear gentlemen, could you please
take me to the train station?
But quickly, my train is leaving
in a couple of minutes!
Could you? To the train station,
I'm leaving!
Good-bye, dear lads! So who
will give me a lift?
- Here you go!
- Thank you very much!
And quickly! Hit the road!
Bye-bye!
Good-bye, good-bye to all of you,
today I'm leaving for Warsaw!
See you next year on the
same beach! Good-bye!
Good-bye
The End
Bureau of television films,