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Kummeli kultakuume (1997)
Kulokoski, isn't it a nice day?
What are you talking about? -Give me a cigarette Ask nicely May I have a cigarette? You won't May I Now have a cigarette? No You said that I can't have a cigarette Why I can't have a cigarette? Because smoking's forbidden here Just a little one Oh? Just that Ooo Devil's devil! Hell's arse! Don't use "hell's devil" Arctic fox's shit found in our pit Whole summer and just half an ounce of gold With that can get a starter soup from Pohjahovi already, after which - mr butler already points to the exit Kyrp-Jooseppi (Cock-Joseph), what've you got? Can't find, no But next to that ditch the gold vain goes How do you know that? I have that kind of feeling on my arse How does your arse know it? I just have that kind of an arse Er-Jorma (Backwood-Joe), have you noticed - that Kyrp-Jooseppi shits at his own pole? So what? We are shitting at the outhouse What then? -I mean, why? I guess it's because he has such a special arse (in German) Look there, two gold-diggers I doubt they have found nothing They've been here for a long time There is also a third man. -Where? There. Taking shit Taking shit? Weird guy. There is an outhouse just next to. Strange Countryside men. We should go and say hi We need to meet such comical men Klasu, stay! Tell me, what is wrong with Hautamki? Broman Well, psychodynamically he is insane There are more manias than all other patients combined - and impulse-control, hey, that is really poor Probably the worst in the North-Calotte At times he is rather charming - or in some way rather nice. -Kulokoski continues Last summer, when we tried to organize a midsummer party, - that satanic crazy screwed up himself - to a flagpole. -Yeah That was a human lock. Four days in the rain - twisted his arms and legs It was a katatonic forced posture Whole Hautamki-clan is full of forest people What caused the conflict at this year's midsummer? Who says? -You say No you say. -Okay, I will Well, he wasn't given cigarette Boys, boys, this is not going anywhere This is not going anywhere, goddammit Kakelper's boys, retailers get - 4000 boxes of liver casserole and they all include - a surprise arranged by you: a condom, goddammit Soon my name is printed on tabloids, goddammit And there are Korean niggers on their way here - to see model for a food factory, goddammit You have been two months in apprenticeship, - and if I had the authority, not the county officials, - I would have kicked you out already after the first week Goddamnit! Goddammit Get out of there Now, Jnssi and Dille, - let's make a deal You may only be at the dispatch platform - and smoke cigarettes, - and talk bullshit as so far, - but you don't do any work Thanks, mister sub-manager It is a matter of chance, at what mood one happens to wake up Can't expect much from a man, who's been howling moon all childhood - and been running around fells nude all juvenile years. -And dick swinging out And now he's just raving all night. -What's he raving about? He has an obsession for gold. -What? Gold-obsession. -Insane person's dream of gold-treasure In it's own way it is fascinating Wouldn't it be better if we all three didn't go there? Broman stays outside That's what I was just thinking, that I stay here outside Broman stays outside Good day, Hautamki May I have a cigarette? No Kulokoski, did anybody hurt bad? Hautamki should know, - that it does hurt, when hit hard Could this shirt be removed now already? Let's just keep the shirt on Hautamki Well, what was that interesting? It was damn good that you didn't come in Strong medication shall be continued Broman will watch Hautamki over night The case will be reviewed again tomorrow Just so I have two more days and then I will go to Ibiza What could happen anymore? Hey Dille What now? Shall we go in? Let's I assume it is clear to everyone what we are going to do Last bets are still accepted Still accepted With what size bet Kari is in? I don't want to be in to this in any way Well, then you don't need to watch either Let's begin Ready-dy, set-te, go Legendary Ready-dy, set-te, go Legendary Why did he have to go look for that Alice? Don't tell me you are going drinking? How so? -Drinking's not allowed here No? Boys, you are asking for trouble Lasse? Lasse! Lasse, Lasse Lasse! Hmm, what's up now? When are we going? Oh, listen, dear, you are rather nice, - but not exactly my type Moreover I am going to Ibiza, - and how can I know, are you speaking true? If you are not you, then it is somebody else Come here I don't want to talk here Come on here now Come here, right next to me. Come on. This way See... No need to be afraid Goddamn, these are sweet I can feel, listen, gold-diggers' pickaxes' strokes - and smell their sweat It smells, hear me, just plain shit Now we are going already And here, here is our famous meatball oven which makes 13,000 meatballs per hour And the next place, where we are going to is here I suggest we don't go to the dispatch area, - because last night there's been a terrible hassle there Of course we go there And this is our glory and pride. The delivery room Oh, shit No way, boys, goddammit, this is not going anywhere Everything is at end. You need to leave Hey submanager, do you think that when butterfly's dung beetle has - been on the watch next to elephant's arse for weeks, - it didn't know that one it is going to fly off - to hell when the elephant farts. -What? It's going to build a house there Out! Hey submanager, don't start to give birth here - when Dille is speaking. -Out Hey, may I drive Aspen? Why not Autoradio plays: "Titanic, iron shell..." Should I buy glasses? -I don't know Should you drive? -I don't know I think you drive fucking well Goddammit Goddammit, kneecap J.P! Broman! Where the hell is Hautamki? Towards where we shall drive to? Keep driving May I have a cigarette? That's what I was thinking, that now we must - go and get you cigarettes. (In Swedish:) That must we do (Car radio plays:) "I look at deserted sandbeach" "Thoughts of mine travel far" "Here with you" "I once get to be, just two of us" "I look at the deserted sandbeach" "the most beautiful memories they are" "the summerday when I get to be the luckiest" "I look at the deserted sandbeach..." "Thoughts of mine travel far" Hey, can you drive while I put on some makeup? Hey hey, what did just happen? I guess we ran out of petrol How do I drive this? Never know who comes to visit Hey Dille! -Yes? What the hell stroke us? -Looks like Seat Malaga Would it better if you drove? -Why so? I might faint. -Yes I can drive Fuck, my shirt ripped. -The dices flew to hell Oh terrible, what a wreck Terrible wreck and where is my other shoe? Hey Was that ke Blomqvist? Hautamki, Hautamki, where is my make-up comb? Hautamki? Hautamki is dead! And look at my Seat Malaga You are murderers! Look at Dille's Aspen I feel like my skull is loose. -I see A little bit feels on forehead May I have a cigarette? -Of course May I sit down? -Go ahead Thank you. You are nice gentlemen I value good manners, - although I myself am from a madhouse. -So are we My family is from up north. You happen to know Kyrp-Jooseppi? We don't. -He was my father We are on our way to his gold cache with Broman Broman is my nurse from the madhouse Boys, hasn't it been a nice day? -Yes. Pretty legendary Broman is gay by the way. No need to care about it Join us to the gold rapids There should be enough for everyone I'm not so much after gold, but that Broman He is so greedy for everything that shines. He is like a magpie Now he woke up. -Hautamki Hautamki, don't tell me you told them - about our secret to those dudes? Don't be inconsiderate. These are nice buddies This is Dille and Jns. -Good day Don't believe him, he is insane I mean totally crazy Well then. Here we are. Police. I'm going to run away Hey Dille, what shall we do? I guess we run away too Run and catch them! Perkele! (Damn it!) Catch them. Push them down to ground Give fist, but gently! Damn, there goes one A lovely chase There goes another! One more there Catch them Oh no. Have I done something personal to you? Nothing personal. I'm just doing my job Oh like a honeybee? -Like an ant We don't really have desire to prosecute Broman Resignment papers are already submitted We don't care where he goes Let him calm down in the jail for awhile Do you know these Kakelberg twins? What men are they? Kakelberg-family's tragic story It is familiar to all from 60's. All magazines wrote about it Mother died, father sent the kids to reformatory and went his own way Boys were tried to be integrated into the society already in 70's Now they are in the ministry of labour's job training experiment The previous place, Ponso's sawmill, burnt - and the owners got nothing from their insurance They shot themselves Yesterday they got kicked out from the foodfactory - and over there guns had started to bang as well I'm tired of this, but let's let it be Let's just handle all this paperwork, - then we can return to the madhouse with Hautamki What sort of mental illness makes man to love tree so much? Hey Broman, we need to have a negotiation Go away, go away you rats Hey do gays always let go so easily? Listen now, stinky baldhead, it doesn't belong to good manners to - talk to people like that, and secondly, we don't let Furthermore, I am very unyielding gay Hey Broman! Do you want Donald Duck -drink? We could offer I don't know. I really don't Where you going? -I'm going to fix our windshield Oh well, it's maybe not criminal offense - but it almost is though The problem is that how to get him out. -I don't know It is a problem. If I go, I have no chance Yes I know. Your profession is vandal - and it causes problems to you. -Of course not Dille hey Just like this! And my condition is that we need to act attractively - and discreetly You think we are amateurs? No, but if something happens, I won't be taking part What's smelling here? -Me This is BX's windshield. How much this cost? Nothing. -Legendary Is it necessary to do this just like this? -Yes Have to act silently. Seppo is at nightshift Could you just shut up? Oh well, it got loose Shut up Very noisy. Probably nobody heard Shut up I see, I'll go to the car then Oh how terrible I was just fretting, when I was watching your drilling... Yes? ...that I haven't met you before Good day Thanks Mr Jnssi, I didn't know, - that you are such a caveman By the way where comes the name Jns? Is it like John, John Wayne? My real name is James It comes from James Dean. By James Dean Well what is Dille then? -My real name is Dean Also comes from James Dean? -No. From Dean Martin Lapland's rather large region I was just wondering, - that where exactly is this gold-treasure located? Stop the car! -Stop the car! What now? -We will camp here What goddammit? Elmeri, Elmeri, come and eat so you have energy I'm not so hungry. -What? Broman, do you know what kind of person is insane? You mean that do I know how it is to be crazy? But do you know how it is to be insane? (gibberish) Try (more gibberish) Do more Roll Roll. Look to the sky Roll, roll. -Is this good? Now he left. -Who? Hautamki. He runs there on the field So what? He really went? Somebody's moving there in the dark I am sure that we will never get out of here No Hautamki, no gold, and I won't ever make it to Ibiza It's your fault Dude, now shut up That's what you always say, when I try to explan something. -Be quiet! I was just saying... With all respect, mr. Broman - but I'm not going to eat any bag-soups Hautamki Think about this Whole elephant herd died to elephant-plague One carrion fly arrives to the scene What does it do? Does it go to tell his friends? I don't believe so Not so It thinks that it was pure luck It enjoys a meal, and if it has energy it goes - to inform others, that the bar is open You understand, do you? I didn't know that you are such a philosopher mr Dille Like a new age Friedrich Nietzche. -What? I've got, boys, a little bit sad things to tell Broman, you don't likely know - but my life-doctor told that I have one month left to live What? No way I have a dream and I would like - that you realized it with me What we need to do? I have lived my whole life lived in treatment facilities - and I would just like to live normal life - live an average person in the society Be normal like you are Ouch! Mr Broman - let's go Left Left and then right I guess we are approaching the gold-treasure Oh my goodness... Elmeri! Oh, Elmeri! What the hell is this now? Be quiet. The man is marked by death I guess those nice chicks are Hautamki's relatives The dying has come to meet them for the last time Fr den sista gngen. Frstr du? Do you understand? Show some respect - if you have any left. I can't What is that dude explaining about? You got plenty of space here. I can clearly see - that there are no men in the house. I have also always wanted - to get and be a maid to a countryhouse like this Shut up. Includes also Broman Just like this! But day by day Elmeri becomes - more and more like Kyrp-Jooseppi Oh you Kyrp-Jooseppi, Elmeri's dad, he was my and Lyyli's brother Elmeri never met Kyrp-Jooseppi - but tell me, what have you been doing? So pretty and nice to see these people with you Aren't you introducing at all? Sorry now, lovely aunts. This is Dille, he is philosopher Jnssi is mine digger - and mental nurse Janne Petteri Broman - he is solid gay. -Not completely Janne, do you want egg salad? -Of course Is there any possibility to get more salt? We are going to get Jooseppi's gold I haven't said anything bad about it May I ask - is the story about Jooseppi's gold even a true story - or is it Hautamki family's - so called funny story thingy or something? Listen now mr Purman Don't you come and challenge us with such We go the backyard and I will show you something. Jeses, thanks for the food So you haven't heard anything about Kyrp-Jooseppi (Cock-Joseph)? Then you don't know Naamap (Facehead) or Er-Jorma (Backwood-Jorma) either They were such hubbies that you don't find today Purmani, do you know what this is? Well, it is truly old car This is the German war era SUV It's that Kgelwagen, familiar from "High Heels" Himmel, dive What does this have to with Kyrp-Jooseppi? Damned damn, hell's contraption What levitated you too here? (march-song Erika plays in the background) (the song ends) (in German) Good day, Finnish friends How is it going? Do you want to go for a ride? That's not all Jooseppi's coffin laid upright in that cabin. The year was '44 Naamap and Er-Jorma didn't care but left the coffin, - the remains of Jooseppi and car, and head to the sea Since then those hubbies haven't been - heard or seen. I doubt they are alive either Jooseppi rests under that rowan tree Mother washed up the corpse, because it had crapped Do you know Ruumanni, - that if there was gold found in the gold-digger's crap, - wouldn't he be quite a gold-digger? -Real tough I hope you, Elmeri, got the nuggets intact? -Well yes, of course You have kept the memory of your father haven't you? -Yes Was there, Broman, any questions left? Shall we go back to eat? Keep yourselves men. Here are pies for you And watch that Roomanni takes too Now that Elmeri tells the sad news to the aunts Elmeri, are you still crazy? -I am Oh, how tragic Well, that is good. What do you say? You may be right. It's perfectly clear What's the point of releasing such madman through the wall We won't tell the police. It's better for the patient, - if we won't cause any extra hassles We can take care of this on our own Two of us aren't capable defeating him No no! We shall take a big car and Lasse and Seppo And go and get complete stunning-set We take our own car Yeah Hey Broman. Let's start to calculate, you are a doctor I'm just a nurse. -In any case How much gold there can be in crap? It depends on how much gold has been eaten How much gold one can eat? It depends on how much gold has been found to be eaten How much gold one can find to be eaten? That really can't be known. -Say something now Say somehing now. -Fuck, you don't know nothing about anything I'm assuming we are driving the last metres, (in Swedish: last metres) Mr Broman, you are the most impatient person - who I've ever seen Take a look at driver James Kakelberg You cannot sense any kind of uncertainty from him What fucking place is this now? You moor. This is an orthodox monastery of men Can't you see, dying has come here to clean up, - to receive the last anointing? Wear a shirt, you sweating potbelly Oh goddamnit ...run away from the crowd Coming! Ehee! Hehe hee he, he he hee he He he heehe. -He he heehe Hautamki, who is that dude? Mr Dille, here is the father Aleksei He is my step brother Aleksei Hautamki Hi there, hi. -Can't catch me God bless you Hehhehee (Russian talk) Kautokeino Kautokeino... -Kautokeino? Aha! So that's what this is about. -Yes It's acquired by deceiving. Won't do any good You want your share of the gold? I don't want anything anymore, I have made my promises Anything secular doesn't interest in that way Take a look now, Elmeri, take a look During the war the enemy caught our clock Nowadays the elder monks don't hear the sound of the clock nomore - They fast quite involuntarily. -Be without eating? Yes By himself the man himself knows the best Father Aleksei? -Yes? May we interfere your holyness? It is so peaceful here I have always dreamed about monastery Monks are in certain way gloriously holy, - forgive me rather. -No no, that's how it exactly is No, but I wanted to ask... -About the gold treasure? No, I'm not interested in gold I just wanted to ask - that how many Hautamki siblings there are? Our father, Joosep Hautamki was very fertile - and popular man, there are totally - twenty-four of us siblings. -Oh terrible Our father Kyrp-Jooseppi was very ecumenical buck Thanks a lot, hey hey Calling me the Kyysm A fjell I see sturdy. Well? What now? I can't tolerate this, this doesn't go anywhere Here we just gad about the length and breadth ways Always the same deal. -Hey Bromanni Do you think that if coyote stalks a fowl in the jungle - that it would work out...? No, it wouldn't, if it started striking Yes yes, I don't understand nothing about anything, - I don't know anything. Dear pissheads, - I wouldn't spend a second with you unless I had to And now I will exit for awhile (Adj) (farewell in Swedish) Hey Jnssi. The gay lost consciousness. -Good Are these gentlemen part of Elmeri's party? Well those they were. -Yes The men have a long crime registry Police is also looking for them For certain they will take advantage of Elmeri In the worst case scenario they murder him May the Lord bless! When I was there with Ruumanni - I guessed that that man didn't have all bolts in place So they are on their way to north, or? That's right, to get Jooseppi's gold But aren't such gold treasures - complete products of imaginary? Listen now, girl, let may say some Don't brisk! -Don't, don't you But we just want some help. -Where are they heading to? We made it! Well then boys, this is Kautokeino Paskaknk's gorge Is there electricity? Is it possible to blow-dry? Here my dad, Kyrp-Jooseppi, accomplished those deeds If may eyes don't lie - near that fjell is my dad's ancient pole I'm going to get a tent from the car There's a shovel in the shed probably I assume that work is begun immediately For my part I'm going to satisfy my age-old instincts. Think about it here he has been sitting with the naked bum And yet this is in good condition And now from there really properly yet hey Like that, good And then, hop hop, mars mars Hey, try to at least look productive I can't be here all year. Oh terrible Hot and sweaty I knew Mombasa Tau dau da da dau Fuck I can't recall the lyrics Hey Jnssi Do you know how this gold flushing happens? In this...like...shake this pan. That gold remains on the bottom and those light rocks go to fuck Do you get it? -Yeah What are these small birds, they bite so damn strong? They are no birds, they are gnats -Just like this! Do we have anything? -No Bears! This makes about 20 grams. -That's all? How much it makes per arse? -Sh! Two hundred times ounce... 1,300 marks But that's a hell of a good, mindless pile of money Shall we now leave from here? What's up with him? In all probability there was more gold Sorry mr Dille - but with your gold flushing skills - nuggets worth of a stone house leaked down the downstream. Could that be? Hey Dille. -What? Come outside That's an old motorcycle handle Do you happen to know how much these gadgets might be worth? Well no. Do you? -I do (Jns starts singing Halti's wedding song) Lai lala laila What is this then? It's that motorcycle's driver Jordai No ni, this is what I found This is...hey!...tsidecar Zndappi. -A what? Tsidecar-Zndappi, known from Commando comics What's that then? -It's handyman Let's see what's here Oho Oh goddamnit What? -Oh goddammit Dille. -Yeah? Why didn't we take that Dotsi and get away with it? We are quite idiots. -Yea We were supposed to be with that Hautamki, - when it dies and everything We are quite shocking idiots On my behalf this is it I will go to rebro to see Tommi-brother What has happened here? Where are the skinheads? Skinheads weigh cycle, and carry a box What for? -Worth our while to drive there beside the road - and ask from themselves Hautamki? -Yes? One bad thing, you ate your last medicines yesterday That's interesting. -Just de Open the trunk, start the engine Well, what are your carrying? Hey Gold. -What? Gold! Tsidecar-Zndappi was totally loaded with goal. -What? Zndappi, side Oh What's this scout camp here? We've been found, that's Kulokoski's Volvo Hautamki, shall we take this situation peacefully? Hautamki, fancy a cigarette? I just did smoke, but thanks Lasse, take Hautamki to the car What's this box here? There's some makeup stuff Take the gold to the car, it belongs to the state No, no, it's mine I mean we are taking it to the police Broman, you've been dismissed - and in any case you've got nothing to do with this case Dude calm down. Even the bears don't rage all the time - they pull some lingonberries now and then. Do you understand? -Just like this Now Hautamki-boy gets a morningshot Mistake Just like this Just like this Mistake, mistake, mistake Rasinkangas' vengeance will be quite horrible And now you are against the whole society system Mr Broman, you used wrong pronoun - not you, but we Hey, Hautamki. -Well? How can that sort of gold be exchanged to cash? Quite easily but we got just one problem. -What? Medicines are gone and my head will go nuts soon Hey don't go mad just yet Let's buy you Aspirin, Bacimysin or something Skinheads were clearly plotting some sort of bump Why so? -Well do you have any idea - to what kind of problems that amount of gold can lead? You can't even sell it. -You are ungrateful clown There is such a pile of gold in the trunk - that you buy Sirkus Sariola including the elephants and all It's not enough to you that you are false-erotic - and smelly animals, no, but you are also stupid Now goddamnit! Again a collision! Open up satan What's up with Jnssi? He's annoyed cos Aspen broke up Well aren't you annoyed as well? -Perhaps a bit Well you shouldn't care about that You know, listen up, in that bang - my thoughts have become completely crystal-clear You asked about the gold exchange - at Helmivaara there lives a former banker - Karl-Heinz Rummenigge He is the only one who can help us in this case See See the bus comes always at the moment lighting a cigaratte Dudes, the bus is coming Lasse and Seppo, take ambulance back to the institution - we continue from here with Kulokoski by ourselves No help from those monkeys Now we forget the injections and psychiatry Good day. -Hi Where're you going? -We are going to Helmivaara - to Rummenniggel. -It's 50 per adult Dille Strictly speaking we don't have cash Well then you have no ride either Is this bus yours? Tsing, Tsing, Tsingis Kaan, - oppressor of every neighbor-nations Tsing, Tsing, Tsingis Kaan, - lover of all beautiful women used the saber, ha, ha, ha, haa showed the "signs of heaven", ha, ha, ha, haa Third reich... ...where you boys have found this? This is the most lowest quality of gold - that I have never examined This sort of old-fashioned ingot's price - in the free market is not - more than about half a million marks What can you pay for us for one bar? How many bars you got? Sorry? -Eleven Mr Rummenigge, what sort of cash you have here? cos we are needing some cash - and cos I'm losing my mind I'm able to get together the whole sum - in just a few days You can leave the remaining bars without concern - for me to keep We are taking them with us. -Oh okay I could pay you for this separate bar - 36 872 marks - 95 pennies Is this so? Yes, yes At the final transaction we can negotiate - about the true value of the bars and the lump sum of the deal Precisely Then there's one more request Now that you have cash like building contractors - I wish that you wouldn't tell - about our business- partnership to anyone And that you would keep imperceptible and low profile Well that is unspokenly clear You know boys, that I have never get to feel - woman's warmth and closeness. -There's nothing special about it It's over-advertized. -I guess so Completely over-advertized We are in hell of a rush now We got to find them before they exchange the gold to cash In free market they can't sell it They have to find a buyer of dark gold Aren't there still few of them in Lapland? Surely. And local police will tell us where Medical superintendent Rasinkangas here hello (music: "Gold or honor") We can't take an unknown singer halfway through the gig Besides, how can we know can the dude even sing? He sure can. Hey it's the dude's dream Do you know how coyote pulls? -We do So then when they begin to pull there in the jungle - do they begin to think that, oh fuck we didn't practice this at all You get it? Quite nice evening isn't it? An adult woman I am I don't get lost in the world's winds anymore May I? -Our alliance shall validate I would like to continue a journey with a good beginning (song: dark eyes, brown hair, one time I get to lapse...) Would either of you like to come and dance with me? Either of you is fine or even both Yes he is that fella who just stopped eating - at the table in the middle. -Clear What can you do? I know nine basic positions - and 11 special postures and four massages - including thai and geisha. -Oho And you can choose either active, passive - or even dominant role. -Aha I use my body brilliantly. -Good And I make arousing sounds during intercouse. -Yea-a But listen, the most astonishing is that - I'm able to move smoothly - eventhough I'm penetrated My internal muscles they are pumping already... -Hey hey This thing is pretty settled. -Aha It's best to do this gig very calmly because we have a beginner in question When tiger sees a green mamba for the first time, it doesn't say: "Hey there, how's hose?" Oh yea precisely I so love him only This is Fredi Open your heart to me, I wish only good for you May I? -You won't Something you hide inside - can see that thru your smile My name is Vanessa. -Just, just What's your name? I am Elmeri Lovely name. -Juu Elmeri Oh how strong neck you have. -It is Shall we go to your room? Well I live together with my group - out there, in kind of a trailer, so... ...But you can come there, there is space May I recite a poem that I have written? Yes you may I look at pond from behind grille, swans fly away curved and vanished from sight behind horizon Only one remained, that was me You came to the shore, I felt twinge in fistula - I didn't need wings anymore, you were there, Vanessa You need something? No I was saying - that I can offer you whatever you want Sorry my friend is in trouble a little bit, have to go to help But we will see later. -It tickles! Goddamn Here we don't tolerate boys like these Lilliputian, now let go of Broman And how is it your business? -Lovely Like that Hey Hautamki, need help? -No Interesting man So bestial and after all so sentimental, so sentimental Shall we leave, or should I still sing something? Let's sing later Hey fellow Here's some smart money for you, so that I would run out Boys let's go. Applies to Broman as well Just det Listen hey, I would like to stay very much - but highway is hot. -But listen - also my lap is hot, and you may absorb in it. -Yep yep I will give you such treatment this night - that you will remember it for rest of your life Maybe that highway can await for a bit I assume that I'm starting to feel a bit differently about you I know that we can't ever like love - or at least be like I would like to But perhaps we can be friends You were so lovely, cos you came like Leos - to defend me against those barbarians Nobody has ever defended me before Jnssi, can we hug? No we don't hug (German from radio) Well Who is it calling now? At Gring, Hermann speaking It's Karl-Heinz Rummenigge here Heil to you. -Hey You have that secret number to the staff Cos something totally unexpected has happened here now Should get some message through to the staff now Wait a bit, I'll grab some pen and paper Okay then? Really? Should I call to Garmisch-Partenkirchen? Got some terrible business happening here now. -I see In that case I'll call directly to Bischofshofen Eleven bars of reich's old gold Good lord what is this? In that case I will take direct contact to Oberstdorf Halo? Das ist Hermann Gring aus Finnland (Hello? This is Hermann Gring from Finland) Guten tag (Good day) (murmuring unclearly to the sheep) -Don't say anything else What men are you? You break into people's homes Do you some business? We have quite a bit - to talk about For heaven's sake, that's them Goddammit Jnssi There're the cops, you are speeding Oh fuck. -Well? This has a mile speedo Hey Jnssi Bluff the cops with a fast cop-out Hey Jnssi. -Whath? Trailer came off -This is wild Song rings out - music plays, faun Bacchus frolicks Everyday life's despairs remained behind - poem-days begin for us, heyssan What devils are coming there? At reckelss speed Good day Hey come here a bit. -Well? Did pink Dotsi drive to your yard a moment ago? Where is it? You see the thing is that it has a group we've been hunting all night What have they done? Are they dangerous? Caused hoopla at restaurant. -Aha Some naughty gay started dancing. -What? There hasn't been any gangsters around here Besides, go away from my lands, you pig or I will hit you to the hepatica To hepatica, I see Well when, after all this confusion we all could move inside the mansion There's fun, tasty food and surprise program. Doesn't apply to you Come honey Ladies and gentlemen - we have here today a surprise guest - who arrived on burning wagon like godly hunk Adonis Our surprise guest Janne Petteri Broman Well this came a bit hastily - but into this kind sentimental moment - fits quite well, written by my brother Tommi, who nowadays lives in rebro, a poem "Koppakuoriainen" (Beetle) Interesting An insect carries a shell Does the shell give shelter or barrier strong does it create? Down in soil trudges him - but up there, there dragonfly carries light life Well... A birdie ate the dragonfly - and beetle witnessed the event and contined his journey and thought - basket this - fascninates me - Bravo And now to eat What's this party here? Mister baron, have we been tactless - cos we started already? But we were quite starving What does it cost to have this kind of buffet? No need to get frightened, we are able to arrange... Or I mean we got pole (cash) Yes I can see that you got pole. Besides... Baron good, be merciful to those boors - they don't know what they are doing You see, since they are not culture-people like we are But their heart... -Oh don't make a fuss now - Janne Petteri, your friends are my friends also Isn't it lovely? Besides as we all know - Summerdays' meal is free for everyone Oh, oh Please start grabbing the offerings from the table, but I ask - remember to use knife and fork Hey is that store-bought liver casserole? -Yes Have you bought this from store? -Yes, yes Waits, yes, look There is. -Oh, oh You should send it back to the food factory. -I see, but why? You'll get two new casseroles and surprise gift Aha Tell me. -Ow! Yes, now I recall I found it Tell it. -Ow! (piano music) I have always dreamt to become hostess exactly to a mansion like this Just the heating expenses here are already astronomical Although I would like to, in the name of honesty I have to confess - that there is no single drop of carpenter skills in me The east wing of the house is needing repairs for sure - and the roof needs carpentry Oh, I am spiritually totally crumbled Perhaps I should move to live in studio apartment in town. -Don't Listen, Eugen. -Mm? When life is being strain on the nerves - there's always solution to be found in the end Isn't it so? Thanks. -You're welcome Pump some more Dudes, I'm really starting to lose my mind Is it bad? -Actually no. Feeling light like cuckoo Quite superior I got it as a gift. -Be quiet now When did they come here? And are they coming back? Ok, ok, ok, I'll tell Well were you bored? -Well, no, but don't say - that you are looking tired, if you really aren't. -Cuckoo Oh my goodness Is there any way I could help this poor man? You can't leave anywhere Stay here for my company Let's treat that man back to shape together We could have sauna. -Oh that would be lovely Enjoy art Dille and Jnssi could sleep in the granary, far away And we then... -Well, but we need to leave - as horrible as it sounds We have to get medicine for Hautamki Hautamki and Hautamki Oh I would have so much to tell And besides we... -We have to go now I hope you won't be offended, dear friend but... -Hey - let's start going now. -I promise and I assure... Oh terrible. -Where are you taking him? Where are you going? Thanks. -You're welcome What are you up to? Are you ever going to return? We will meet again Well then Elmeri, now we got pills Getting you back on file Broman, I don't want to judge your psychiatric nursing skills but I am in good health They are coming back, I promised to get more This is Karl-Heinz Rummeniggen - and Northern-Arctic's Lamb Meat and Valuables Ltd's - automatic answering machine Well it is Hermann Gring who's calling here About the Obertsdorf case I was able to reach the contact - and they sounded really happy there Some really great gentleman is on his way here now Damn, so the head-devil is coming, and today... Listen hey, put that good lamb stew of yours in the oven I would have gladly come myself too - however I have a mangle. -Friends are calling Could you take your hat off please? What? -Your hat, take it off please Thank you Jooseppi Hautamki was virile man I have inherited his passionate hormone activity - and strong sexual drives Such vital genes flow in my veins My scrotum is like two pomegranates Guess what happens - when such man is put into institution? -Well what? He becomes crazy Rummenigge, for the last time. -Tell everything now satan Ow, hurts! What's happening here? Thank god you arrived right on time My name is Peter Nord You have something that belongs to me Don't shoot Lamp! Could you loosen these ropes now? Where is my gold? Damnit! This trip was one hell of a mistake Ouch ow! Mistake! Devil is fond of animals Yes, be patient now - your gold arrives in just a moment Where was the gold found from? I've been looking for it for 17 years Gold was in the motorcycle's - side wagon and it was found by two gold diggers - in Lapland On the site you can also find - skeletons of two German soldiers What? Who found it? Entourage that included that old gold digger's son Where are the doctors by the way? It's not important Well then, Rummenigge, shall we start business negotiations? Yes, yes Come in please How are you? Everything good? You have the gold with you? -Yes Padam Hey Jnsse? -Yes? Where are you going? -Out Why? -There are raspberries Really? -Yes This year raspberries have been very tasty And there's a lot I have had some troubles here What troubles? You have the money at least? You don't really understand the seriousness of the situation Listen I am offering you a chance to survive Leave the gold to me Here is quite a pile of money. Go away good boys You'll be fine. -What are you messing about? What's going on here? In the closet there's nazi. -What? I have a nazi in the closet. -What? Damn there's a dangerous nazi in the closet! Situation has changed now Well then, I tried to warn you Do you understand? Sorry but I know any German Do you speak Swedish? -Dammit! I'm starting to understand now, pieces in a way clicked into place Elmeri Hautamki Shall we hug? Let's hug away I take only what belongs to me? -How come belongs? Are you the son of that digger? -Yes I am That's what I thought You look like your father You killed my father? Would you like to offer coffee? German arsehole What did it say? -That devil wants coffee We have no coffee to offer Is Jooseppi still taking shit? Yes he's at the chutes. -He would know German War is over We are not returning to Germany We have other plans in Sweden We take your identity and your clothes Hopefully we don't need to take your lives What he said? -I guess he wants bun Where's the third man? (cursing) Good Damn. -H (gun shot) Damn, hell's devil That's it Damnit Jooseppi, hurt bad? Jooseppi? Jooseppi? Get up Jooseppi isn't getting up anymore Jorma, we can't remain here Carve a coffin for Jooseppi - I will cover up the traces Damn I'll do the same I did to your father May I make a final wish? Can I get a cigarette? -What? Help! Who's here? -Those ruthless doctors Let us out of here, Kulokoski is dying What? -Hautamki Let us out of here or we will both die On one condition Whatever as long as you let us go Respected doctors, come and drink hot chocolate - and I will tell about my plans Evidently legendary events have happened here Unconscious dude flew out Hey shall we get out of here now. -Not yet Lift the man in, and drink hot chocolates - I will tell about my plans Hurry up now satan So now tell everything and from the beginning Well then... Jnssi, could I get one cigarette? I have no cigarettes left You think I haven't earned a cigarette? Well I guess this trip will work out with out cigarettes I have cheated you boys by the way I'm not dying - it was just some madman's obsession Legendary. -Just like this (Elmeri: ) Therefore, we all got rich Gold was sold and moneys were split I guess you want to know some post events Karl-Heinz Rummenigge continued his old businesses He hid his money while he was drunk - and still he hasn't found them Try to behave, soon we can go to sauna Monastery received a huge clock as donation Lyyli and Tyyne aunts went to work as cooks in the monastery and now the most deaf monks could hear the clock - and every day they get to taste tasty treats by the emos (German from the radio) Neo-nazi from Joensuu, Hermann Gring - met his destiny while mangling his laundry at home Kulokoski and Rasinkangas got married - and established mental health clinic Kulokoski became famous weather prophet With his wounded knee - he forecasted rains, flurries and frosts Soon it's going to rain and hard. -Shut up Yes Should have guessed After strange coincidences - Jnssi married food factory manager's daughter - and became factory's sub-manager Get an ashtray here hey And quicky goddamnit. -Just like this Doublebrother Dille got his PhD in record-breaking time Here is the bend of rectum and duodenum There's intestine worm. It has five choices: left, right, forward is not feasible - if want to stay inside So two choices remain, to keep still - or back up. -Today he teaches at Tampere University ...invertebrate, so that couldn't grasp it Based on research made in Alabama - 36% keeps still, the rest start to rush - and end up backing up Janne Petteri Broman realized his dream He became hostess at the mansion The mansion was restored to its former glory Lahtinen changed his name to von Broman They began small-scale catering service and expanded their activity - to interdisciplinary bacchanals Can you imagine that I was crazy and planning to go to Ibiza? Yes, and what about the nazi? We made a deal with Kulokosken and Rasinkangas Still today at Tyrv mental hospital prison - there's a man who speaks only German and insists being Peter Nord - but hospital papers prove that he is - incurable schizophrenic called Elmeri Hautamki My name is Nord, Peter Nord Well what about me then? Well I moved to countryside - I found my fortune and got married Nowadays my name is Peter Nord - and here is my wife, Vanessa Nord Come on here I imagined - that I would never be able to enjoy sex But then I met Elm... Peter And I realized I had been so wrong Come to the picture now children let's take a proper portrait Hop hop He or she who doesn't smile, gets hit by thong And then Like that. And free. -Yippee! Don't come in until 20 minutes has passed |
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