When I first came to Los Angeles,
it looked like just this mass of dots.
All jumbled and disconnected.
It was pretty disorienting.
What the fuck are you doing? I'm straight.
That is so how all guys say that
No, I'm serious, dude.
Oh really? It's too bad. 'Cos I'm amazing.
I don't like to brag, but I can suck the engine block
to the tail pipe of the '58 Chevy.
Really?
Yeah, talking 'bout the big ones with the 380s.
Oh. So you know cars, yeah?
And beer.
See, unlike with women, you can crack one open right after..
Hell! You can have one during.
It'll just be a little fun between buddies, you know.
And you'll never have to call me.
Till you're up for another round, that is.
You're not worried about Elizabeth coming in?
Elizabeth? My roommate is Julie.
I'm here for a date with Elizabeth.
Elizabeth is 243D, as in 'down the walk'.
This is 243B. As in 'Blowjob'.
You're not StraightCurious from AOL?
No.
Not again.
Oh, shut up! You're so lying to me.
A-a! Check the journal! Look.
September 20th. Oh my God! That is so funny!
So maybe you should write a song about that.
I can't believe you've almost done with your demo
and you haven't written a song about your best friend.
Yeah, I can't believe that the tree falls in the forest
it wouldn't have something to do with you.
Hey, J. Martinis, vodka or gin?
Gin, and you, you can tell that friend of yours to go fuck himself.
You know, I only have one friend who can actually do that,
and I doubt you've met.
I mean the base player. We were just
supposed to lay down some tracks
but the second song it
was like my bra had grown hands.
Excuse me, wannabees, order up.
One callback, she's Margo Channing
Second callback, thank you. Second lead in the feature.
I'm so getting this. Soon, I can kiss you losers goodbye
and finally justify moving to this miserable fucking town.
You ever read for Barry Wolf?
Hey, why are we skipping on the fries? Come on, load me up.
Barry Wolf read me once for this commercial,
he was licking me with his eye the whole time.
They don't call him the 'Wolf who cried Boy' for nothing.
You know, he wouldn't even see me for that
crappy TV 'Wacky Gay Neighbour' thing?
What's that about? I'm gay, I'm wacky
Maybe you're not neighbourly.
Fuck you. I'm Donna Reed on a stick
Excuse me, darlings. I hate to interrupt this important
discussion between all you big stars...
I'll settle for medium star.
Point well taken.
In the meantime, I hear that Disney's opening a Fantasia
restaurant where the plates fly themselves to the tables.
Until then, what to do. Hot stuff, coming through.
Yes!
Hi guys.
You take one of my tracks and give
the karaoke at Funny Boys. Julie!
Also two-for-one margaritas?
I'll be there.
Enjoy your meal.
Quit gawking, we don't have all day.
Au, fuck. Yeah, fuck you too.
Mum? Julie. Where the hell are you?
I'm here. Isn't this where you called
me, where did we end up last night?
I don't know, but I woke up without
my bra. That's never a good sign.
I wouldn't worry about it.
So, why are you calling me and not just tiptoeing
across the hall with sympathy and Excedrin?
I tried that, I thought you'd gone. Spin class is starting.
Oh fuck.
Hey, hold up a minute.
We've met. Um, no, I'm brand new here.
Hey, Green, let's get it moving along huh.
Gotta go.
All unpacked...final bell, Harmon is down.
Hey Gilford why don't you come
over here and give me a back rub?
Wrong tree. Barking. Think I'm
rubbing your pimply back, you homo.
David? Come on, Green, help a guy,
allright? Have stuff to put away.
Come on, Gil, just like ten
minutes. You know I'd give you one.
You're on. No, I asked you first. Nope.
That hurts!
Prepare to die, dude.
Hey.
Hi!
You remember me, from across the way?
Yeah. Harmon!
I brought you guys a 'Welcome
to the complex' sixer.
Uh, thanks, but we don't drink.
What kind of frat boys are you?
Who called up
Deliver-A-Fag?
Geez, Ryder a little louder and he'll probably hear you.
I don't care
You see those
flippin' shorts he was wearing?
Just check that.
OK, three of these
There was the most adorable man,
Daniel, here this evening.
I thought I might introduce you. Really?
Blue shirt, end of the bar?
Actually yes. Daniel. We've met.
August, 3rd... yup.
Oh, not so good, not so good.
Andrew, can I have a glass of that Merlot there?
Sure thing. And Ben called for you, Miss M.
Well, I suppose if he calls this late in the week,
I can call him this late in the evening, right? -Absolutely. -Cheers.
Oh oh, you guys wanna hear something
freaky? Remember those four people
that moved into Elizabeth's old
apartment? Guess what they do.
Quadruplet porn stars. This town? Hardly
freaky. They're rodeo clowns.
No, listen, it's even weirder than that.
They are Mormon missionaries, swear to God.
Oh. Although rodeo clowns
would've been kinda cool.
They must've loved your aberrant
lifestyle. I dated a Mormon guy once.
His family put him through shock
therapy. We have sex, he was a wild man.
Then he wanna throw
himself out the window.
So, you live on the first floor.
Yes, but it's hell on my azaleas
Now, wouldn't it be funny if you converted
them instead of them converting you?
Could you imagine? No, I've seen these boys,
they're wound way too tight for that.
I bet he can't do it.
Oh, wait. Are we betting here?
Same as always, five and a sixer?
Oh no, this is big.
We're going high
stakes? 50 says he can't.
I've seen the guys on the bikes. I'm
thinking, this time you have met your match.
Really? -Bullshit. 50 says he
can. And I bust tables for a week.
OK, I'm in with Andrew, no way.
Oh, cool. We on? So what are we
talking about here? I get him to what?
Do anything? Blowjob?
We need proof. OK, underwear.
I knew this other Mormon guy in the army.
They got these sacred boxers they shimmer.
Get one of those. Sacred undies?
I gotta see this. All right, I'm in.
I will get one of those boys out of their underwear
Seal the deal.
Alright, we're going out tonight?
Oh please, not another episode of 'Christian hooks up'.
Hey, gotta keep my skills honed. To skills.
Hey, leaving? Yeah, yoga. You?
Mmm, arm day...
Hey, I don't think we've met. I'm Julie Taylor.
Hi. I'm Elder Davis. What you reading there?
I'm just studying. You know, I thought I'd come outside.
'Cos, we're from Idaho, it gets cold in October.
Oh, wow, bummer. It's pretty much like this all the time here.
Isn't it, Chris? Yeah.
So, what is it that you guys do?
We talk to people about our church.
Oh really? Chris likes
to talk to people.
Sometimes it helps people to find meaning in their lives.
Julie was complaining her life is void of meaning.
Void? I said 'void'? Well, maybe we can come talk to you.
You know, we would like that. Sure. OK.
Bye.
Subtle... Yeah, I got 50 right on you. See you at work.
Thank God she's leaving. Can you
believe 'Entertainment Weekly' called her
the new sweetheart of American cinema?
That cunt? She made Julie take
my table, because she thought
I hadn't bathed recently. Like she
should talk. Did you see her eat?
Yeah, did you check out her legs?
Now I know why they call them calves.
I bet after sex, she smokes a ham
Darling, give me a glass of Cuvet
I do hope we're not speaking disparagingly
about our clientele
Gossip is so ignoble.
Especially regarding those less
fortunate. Less fortunate? That bitch?!
You know something... tell.
No, I would never tell tales, such as
with the frequency she does it
the poor child must think that binging
and purging are aerobic excercise.
She hardly looks bulimic. Yes, if
I were a different sort, I'd suggest
a little more of the purging,
a little less of the binging.
But I would never say such things.
For gossip is the lowest form of discourse.
You should avoid it
if at all possible.
Hear, hear. I shall be in the office,
cooking the books, if anybody needs me.
Oh, and Ben called. He
seemed kind of insistent.
Do you suppose Lila is
hiding a boyfriend from us?
Fucking skank... that's not a tip, that's an indictment.
Take it sound, J. Christ, who pissed in your Cheerios?
Some A and R guy. She has drinks with
this guy so he'll listen to her demo
and now she fears for her virtue. Hey!
He's totally cute. I bust my ass making a great demo,
I can't get anyone to listen to it till this guy
who so obviously just wanted to fuck me.
Poor baby. I thought he was cute.
What, you would have sex to help your career?
Honey, I'd blown a guy just to get him out of my apartment.
Sex for my career would be noble.
Ben, I'm not ready to make that kind of decision yet.
I have to go. OK, I'll call.
Here's Andrew's wine order.
Thank you.
Is there something else? Everyone thinks Ben is your boyfriend,
but he's not, he's a doctor, isn't he?
Is everything OK? Young man, I will not
be the subject of gossip in my own establishment.
Sorry.
And that's how, through Joseph Smith,
God restored the true church of Jesus Christ to the earth.
Have any questions?
How come if God talks to Joseph Smith, he's a prophet
but if God talks to me, I'm schizophrenic?
Ah, well, he was sort of special.
What's the Mormon church's stand on black people?
That's a good question. African American members
have been allowed to hold the priesthood since 1978.
Since disco. And women?
Women don't get to hold the priesthood, what they get
is to be wives and to be mothers and share in its blessings.
Oh, sharing. See, sharing is good. Christian here was wondering
what is your church's stand on gay rights.
Um well... There's no such thing.
'Gay' and 'right' don't belong in the same sentence.
Oh, but 'right' and 'rightwing' go hand-in-hand?
Yeah, God hates homos.
You're gonna come into my house and tell me
God hates homosexuals?
And the French!
God hates the French?
Everybody hates the French.
Just push the orange button. Oh, you are such a sweetheart
for doing that, thank you. You're welcome.
Ma, you're flashing the whole terminal. I can't help it.
If I don't they are gonna end up around my knees.
Oh, I'm losing the only other sane one around here.
I think this belong to you now, son. Do us proud.
Yes sir, I will.
You know, you have yourself a real safe trip, OK?
Oh, for crying out loud, I wasn't gonna do this.
Ma, you promised. If you start, I will.
I know, but I can't help it, because you're my baby, you know.
And you always will be.
You okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Look, if there's a problem, I could come back.
Look, maybe I'm just homesick.
Homesick? For Idaho?
Okay, fine.. I'm sorry. That came out wrong.
It's just.. When I left home... I zoomed like a rocket here.
But if you've never been away from home before.. Have you?
What? I've been away from home. Just, not for two whole years.
Could be worse, could be raining.
That's 'Young Frankenstein'. Yeah.
So two years, huh? Yeah.
We're not allowed to call or go home in the holidays,
and they're not allowed to visit.
Wow, where do I sign up?
Hey, I happen to like my family.
After all, a boy's best
friend is his mother.
'Psycho'! That's 'Psycho', right?
She goes a bit mad sometimes..
We all go a bit mad sometimes.
At least you got your
friends here, right?
What, Ryder? No, we just got assigned
to each other a few weeks ago.
Oh. Well, better you than me.
Kind of a funny coincidence, all you guys
being named Elmer, huh? -Elmer?!
You think I'm an Elmer? -Well, you're not?
No, doofus! It's Elder. It's a title. Elder..
Oh, that's a good thing. Somebody naming you Elmer,
it's just mean. What's your first name, then?
We're not allowed to use them. What? Why not?
We're not allowed to do a lot of things.
It's Aaron.
Aaron. I like that.
You're gonna sort through those, right?
Colours and whites don't mix, Aaron. OK, thanks.
Oh wait, you've never done your laundry before either, have you?
Well, maybe I've just never done everybody's.
That's what I have to do, 'cos I'm
a greeny. The new guy, you know.
So I have to do everyone's laundry,
in accordance with prophecy.
Really? Psyche'!
Dude, you're way too easy. That's what I've heard.
Well, thanks for the laundry tips.
Geez, Elder.
You're a thousand miles away over here
How you doing, Green? Good.
Yeah, you sure? Yeah.
You know, when I was a Green, it was really tough.
I used to pray that I would die during the night
so I wouldn't have to wake up to another day of this.
You're joking me, right?
I couldn't take going back to the family, you know,
Salt Lake and all. I had two of the general authorities
at my missionary farewell. You know what's that like,
your dad is a state president, right?
They set this thing up to be difficult, OK?
We can't listen to music, we can't watch movies,
we're never supposed to be alone.
I mean, what, we're 19, 20 years old,
and we're not even allowed to beat off.
Some nights I wake up and I find teeth marks
on my head board.
Look, I put my time in here so that I can go home,
so I could marry Jennifer, so that I can finally nail her.
See? It's amazing what we'll do for sex.
I know you did! I did not, I promise you.
Yes you did! I cross my heart. Oh, that means something.
Hey, we'd like to play here.
Yeah, we're playing here.
You're just farting around.
How vivid. We're playing, see?
Bounce the ball, bounce the ball.
No, you're just jerking us around.
There's one afternoon a week
where I can just be normal
and play some hoop, and you have
to come and get all ignorant about it?
Oh, listen to that, Julie. I didn't think Mormons liked whine?
I didn't know fairies liked sports.
Fairies? Oh, how seventh grade.
Why don't we just play two on two?
But you're.. A girl, so I can't play?
But then I am black, so maybe I can.
Your only problem is deciding which one of your
narrow-minded stereotypes can kick your
lilly white ass.
Which one will it be? Black girl... and a fag?
We'll mop you like a dirty floor.
Fine. We're shirts, you're skins.
Uh... no...
Fine, we'll be skins.
That's unfair put your shirts back on
we can keep the teams straight
You can play. Yeah, we can learn a skill.
I played in highschool, when I learned all the jocks were doing it
but only with other jocks.
Maybe we should cut the chatter.
OK slackers, how's the studying coming? Ryder? Right.
All right, First Corinthians 7,1. Ryder? Right. Anybody? Gil.
And therefore these promises, dearly beloved,
let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness
of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness
in the fear of God.
Well, all right Green! You know, if Gilford wouldn't be
completely heartbroken, you would be my new best friend.
Yeah, Harmon, I got your heartbreak right here.
Oh, man!
Elder, you got the devil in you!
Hey.
Oh, shit. Jesus Christ! Sorry, I stabbed myself.
Looks like you're bleeding.
You okay?
No, I'm fine. Just go back to your reading.
What? I think you.. fainted.
I don't bleed very well.
I'm OK, really.
No, maybe we should get you inside.
Ryder! Wanna give me a hand?
Damn Ryder I'm gonna hit you and it's gonna hurt.
That hurt! I warned you.
All right. No, Aaron, come on. Do me a favor
you've got to take a look at it...
tell me if I stiches or something.
I can't really tell.
All right, look! Come on I'm not going to lunge at you
just take a look at it.
Let's see here..
Is it bad?
No, it's fine, it's just a little cut.
Do you have any disinfectant?
Yeah.
It's funny, you know. I'm not squeamish.
In high school, we went to this hospital,
but I was the only one who wanted to watch surgery.
They brought me in and they..
scrubbed me down, and they put me in these
green things, you know?
You have Band-Aid?
I watched as they opened this guy's chest
and there it was, this heart, this human heart.
You think about it beating and all but it's
it's more of a dance.
And I couldn't get over it that's all
That tethers us to this planet you know that...
...fragile little muscle
and it's tiny you know, in the scheme of things...
if you think about all the things that can stop it
there's got to be something else
some miraculous thing that keeps
that valiant little muscle dancing
you know what I mean?
I'm sorry... I'm gonna stop talking
I have to lay down now.
It's hot
I'm hot
Maybe I should get you a cool cloth
I haven't done anything...
...anything like this... happened...
It's OK...this doesn't have to mean anything
Yes it does
It can be just a little fun... between friends
My first time could just be a little fun for you?
Maybe you can equate sex with a handshake
That's what... like a badge?!
What do you want me to congratulate you?
Hey... don't preach to me, OK?
I know you are some kid from the sticks
You come in here an fucking judge me?
Yeah... I am some dudah pudnacker from Pocatello...
they ship us here from dork island
I'm saying I know how retarded you think I am OK
You found me out, alright?
My worst secret
Now I'm humiliated so your work is done here
Wait... I don't think you are a dork
but if you know how ridiculous you look,
why would you do it?
Don't you believe in anything?
Yeah...
Then tell me...
Tell me one thing in your life beyond a shadow of a doubt
that you really believe
I believe Ann Margret has never been given her due
as a night actress
Duh! For Tommy alone, I mean, did you see her when she was...
Is that something you can build a life on!
Look at yourself!
You're so pretty and colorful on the outside...
...but on the insde you're nothing but fluff
You're like a walking... talking... marshmallow peep
That's not fair
It doesn't matter when it's true
I can't believe what I was about to do
When there is nothing Christian, nothing about you
that's not skin deep
Do you believe in God?
What, who are you talking to?
You.
No, everybody...alright, general question:
Do you believe in God?
You mean other than Madonna?
Fucking A yeah, I do... why not?
I believe in harmony as a law in the universe like gravity
you know we're meant to vibrate together
Well being positive since I was 17 gives meaning
to the word Miracle so yeah
I mean without getting all holy on your ass
I believe...what?
The mormones are mindfucking him
Oh honey you do not want to let them get
into your psyche
You start off listening to Amy Grant but then
before you know it...
...it's 3 am and you got your Visa card and you're giving it
to the scary bitch on tv with the lavender hair
Hello Chris we have a bet going here.
It's you convert one of them, remember?
Did you forget who you are talking to here?
I will bust everyone's tables if I lose this
But let me just say...
No no, let me say...
I dated this guy once... actor, cute southern
came from this real religious family
well his parents found out he was gay
and can you say drama..
They sent him to one of those Christian change ministries
Wow, did he change?
Did he!
His thing used to be a tux
I'm serious he's still gayer than a box of birds
a box of birds... they love that!
How about twirlier than a party dress
but seriously, it fucked with him
Well I'm now being fucked with
It's just... I'm not shallow, am I?
Honey, you don't have to be deep
you just have to be pretty
OK, you're not helping
If you have something to prove
be at my house at 6:30 in the morning
You have to sacrifice if you want to find yourself
or whatever it is you're doing
You don't think I'll be there
Quit bitching it's the early bird who gets the worm
There's an incentive... specially as we don't get
pizza till 2 am
OK, here's the deal
after your training I'm going to set you up on a route
A route! On my first day?
It's what you do already, it's delivering food
only this time you're driving
Think as yourself as a waiter on wheels
Great, I will give you some hot pants and roller skates
as a fullfilment of a dream
For all of us...
Hi! We're from the Church of Jesus Christ..
Just a moment
Honey? Stacey, you'll wanna hear this...
What have we here...!
Hello, Project Angelfood, hello?
I said come in three goddamn times
Sorry, I didn't hear you
Where do you want me to put this
I don't care, I'm not hungy
OK, well maybe I can just turn a light on in here
Prick
You're not going to last long if you look
that shocked with everybody
I'm going to put this down over here
So... you got a cigaret?
ahuh... isn't that an oxygen tank?
Couldn't that... explode?
Boom
That would be such a terrible way to go
wouldn't it?
So come on how about that cigaret
Sorry, I don't smoke
What are you doing here?
I'm delivering your food, I thought we'd been
through the routine
No no I mean you
Pretty boys don't usually do shit like this
Are you punishing yourself, or something?
Feel... guilty for being so good looking...
...and there are so many ugly fucks in the world?
you get tired of doing reps at the gym?
and bragging about your latest conquests
and all the rest of your stupid shallow little life?
Fuck you.
You don't know me
Of course I do
I used to be you
I had a career...friends... looks
the whole package...
but now I am just a skeletol reminder that
we might only be in the eye of the hurricane
OK, I'm gonna go now
I'm just fucking with you right?
You should have seen your face
I get bored, I'm sorry... I like to rattle the newbies
I must really look like shit
it didn't use to be this easy
Could you just help me with this pillow under me
I don't... I can't...
anyway sort of christ my butt has wasted away to nothing
it's too bad cause I used to have a killer ass, I did
I've got pictures of it around here somewhere
I take your word for it
That's good
Snow!
It's all just snow!
What did you just say?
Maybe it's the meds but...
Sometimes I get this weird read on people
like a blank TV screen
all I see is snow
What do you suppose that means?
Nothing
I'll see you
No you won't
We should go in.
Ah for the love of flippin Pete
we're not tracked in a hospital
That's sick, and not in a good way
Let's just see if they let us leave some
pamphlets in the lobby
And you're dancing solo, cowboy!
They only allow non-denominational literature in the lobby
What did I flippin tell ya!
You OK?
Is there anything I can do?
I.. I'm sorry
I don't do this
I refuse to break down in front of strangers
But someone dies
I'm so sorry
They shouldn't have made me do it
Turn it off... like...
watching a line on a little screen just... go...
...straight
He always said that television would be the death of him
Was he your husband?
No...never my official husband...
then again
probably my best friend
His doctor Ben called me and said that it was time
This is what he wanted
I should have been prepared for it
Who are you?
Cary Grant?
No Ma'am
I'm a mormon missionary
We just pass out pamphlets
and they give us these discussions that
we memorize
I really don't know what to say here
Did you read the Sunday Comics?
I beg your pardon?
The comic page
When I was a little kid I used to put my face
right up to them you know
and I was just amazed because it was just this
mass of dots
I think life is like that sometimes
but I like to think that from God's perspective
life... everything...even this..
makes sense
it's not just dots
in stead we're all... we're all connected
and it's beautiful
and it's funny
and it's good
from this close we can't expect it to make sense
right now
Thank you
Oh keep it
Would you come and see me?
Please?
Drinks are on the house
Oh I don't drink
That must make your church a bit of a hard sell
At times
Well just hold on to it anyway
Maybe you can come by for a meal...
on me
I will
Promise?
I promise
So, did you have fun? Talking to crying lady?
Yeah, I did actually
Good.
So we missed lunch
I've seen you guys going out early in the morning
I bet you are wondering where I am off to huh?
You are always at the gym
No, I am volunteering now
Project Angelfood
That's great
What do you want from me..
some sort of merit badge?
No... I just... you know what you said about me
it's not true
Fine! It's not true and the world is a better place
You're not doing that cause of what I said, are you?
No, I just thought we could...
Yeah we could what?
Hang out? Be best friends? Ride off into the sunset?
I don't know
Everyone seems to think that... they treat me like I'm...
...like you're perfect
Yeah... maybe so at times
And you are the first person I've met that's made me feel
like that's not enough like maybe I want to be something more
So I just thought...
Look...whatever you thought...
Don't
We're colours and whites...
...we don't mix
Oh fuck I got to piss
Hall in, first door on your right
I don't kiss
What's your name again?
Dick?
Dirk
Dirk? Your parents named you Dirk?
It's really Mort
My friends call me Watersports Sport
It's not that I don't appreciate what you're doing back there but...
Could we have a little talk?
Talk?
Cool!
I'm into that
Fuck yeah... I am your nasty little slut boy
I'm your pussy whore
You're gonna spank momma's ass cause
she's been a bad, bad girl
Oh, OK that's not exactly what I meant
I meant conversation
Conversation?
Why?
Don't you ever want to get to know someone?
Have it... mean something
sleep with someone and actually Sleep with them
You wanna what... Sleep together?
I don't know man..
Isn't that kind of intimate?
Excuse me, a moment ago you were licking my spleen
but sleeping with you would be too intimate?
Woa.. now you're freaking me out
I didn't know you were into weird shit
I'm just gonna go man
I'ts back...
Yeah! It must be your lucky fucking day
Or maybe I'm not suffering enough yet
I didn't expect to see you again
Oh come on now you don't think you going all
Miss Cleo on me is going to scare me off that easily now, do you?
Maybe it's just dementia setting in
Sometime I read people and I...
I pick up the Oracle at Delphi
And sometimes I growl at people
doesn't make me Eartha Kitt
I'm just going to put this right about here
Doesn't matter, I'm still not hungry
I don't remember asking if you were
I just deliver the stuff, remember
But my friend Andrew made this and he doesn't even cook for his
boyfriends so the least you can do is try an be polite...
... and eat it
I don't have to pretend to be polite I think I've earned that right
Oh yes, that's right... you're dying you're bitter... blah blah blah
Fortunately I'm shallow so I'm impervious to that
Now eat it
Impervious...
I bet you don't know how to spell that
Sure I do.. It's spelled 'Bite me'
Now just to show that our little problems in this world
don't amount to a hill of beans...
...I'm going to read about some people who have some real trouble
Say it isn't so!
What
Well, apparently poor Pam Anderson
has had her breast implants taken out
and put back in so many times
her entire chest is collapsing
Oh they have bikini pictures
They're horrible!
Shut up
No they are seriously, they're down to her knees
Eat your chicken and I'll show you
Prick
Give me the fucking magazine
Aaron, what happened!
There was an accident
Come on let me help you inside
There was this car that was just going way too fast
Ryder... I should have warned him
now they've take him to the hospital and...
Accidents.. they happen
I was thinking.... I wasn't even paying attention
It's OK...
Look... you're in no position... I should..
go
Ah for flippin... Gross!
Pretty boy is not the only fag here
OK, look, nothing happened here guys
We walked in here and you two were mackin' like schoolgirls and
you're saying nothing happened?
Well maybe you can try and reach down in your little
bible geek soul and be cool for two seconds?
I don't think you get to be making requests here gayboy
Don't fucking touch me asshole
Dude you so got to be leaving
Don't blow this out of proportion, it's not that big of a deal, right?
Yeah, it kind'a is
Please just go
Um...hi. Is Davis around?
You're too late loverboy..
you'd better betcha they're putting your boyfriends butt
on a plane home this afternoon
and now we have to move again cause we can't live across
from some big doodah flamer homo
thank you very much
You stay! Your friend and I are gonna have a little talk
OK asshole the way I see it you've got a big mouth
and only one arm to back it up
so how is it going to look when a big flamer kicks
the shit out of you
Ryder... tell me where he is
What do you think I wanted to see him get busted?
This may come as a surprise to you
but I actually liked the guy
He took this whole thing serious as a seizure
But we were getting through it OK
So why him? Huh?
did you go fuck him up
He doesn't deserve the kind of grief
he's got coming down the pipe
Nothing was supposed to happen to him
Oh pucky! You were gunning
for something ever since we got here
and if you want to know where he is I want to know why
It was...it was just stupid.. it was just a dumb bet
It's not about that at all
Please
You're too late anyway his flight left 10 minutes ago
Hey... if it's any help... there's a five hour lay-over in Salt Lake
Thanks!
Aaron!
Sorry
God I hate the snow
What are you doing here
I came after you
How could you leave without saying anything
It's not my choice
I'm being sent home in shame
And I'm probably going to be excommunicated
For just a kiss?
Don't get me wrong it was a nice kiss but hey come on
we didn't even get to use our tongues
You wouldn't understand
I'm sorry I'm not... I'm not very good at this
See I've never made a fool out of myself in front
of anyone before
But I've never felt this way before about anyone
in my entire life
What for just some guy you can't have
And then next week you're get to be on to your next conquest
But what if you're not
Huh? What if everything in my entire pathetic life
which I happen to love has led me to this point, right now
What if you are the blinding light
in the middle of the road
that strikes me like the guy in...
...the in the Bible
him!
Paul? Yeah!
And what if everything's changed like that...
And lions lay down with lambs and colours mix with whites...
What if you're the one I have been waiting for my whole life
and I let you go
You have no idea what I'd be giving up
Damnit... what's wrong with you
You want revelations engraved in gold and
angels trumpeting down from heaven
what if this is it in stead
Me telling you I love you, right here..
in the snow
I think that is pretty miraculous
But if you don't... I'll go
you can pretend this was just some coincidence
you can pretend there wasn't some reason we met
That you're sorry I ever walked into your life
God I hate the snow
Ho... door must have froze shut
you boys come in before you freeze too
My we're closing the whole airport because of this storm
How long did we go at it
Two and a half hours
It's OK right?
OK?
That's amazing
I don't know how long you're supposed to do it
You carry a pocket watch!
Just some months
It was actually my great grandfathers
but...
... I don't think you came here for a geneology lesson
You know, I thought you'd be a little more reticent
Well... I'm already going to hell for kissing you so..
I may as well take the scenic route
What God do you believe in
It's not just God...
...it's everything
this... you... tonight
I'm just... turning my back on it all
But you know I guess... a guy like you really doesn't
know what that's like you know..
to be completely cut off
When I was 13 years old my dad...
...he was this macho hot shot banker guy
and I was just this skinny little kid...
who'd been caught trying on his mother's
shoes one too many times
anyway, my dad said he would rather die
than raise a little nellyboy
and I thought I would rather die than be one
So my dad, who'd never been out of the city
in his entire life
decided we're going to go hunt deer
so my dad drags me to this lodge up in the Sierras right...
it's early November
the same as now
and there is this storm rolling in
my dad was so determined that
sissy boy was going to kill something
snow came at us from all sides
the air, the sky, the ground they all became the same
and horrible screaming...white
and I thought we're gonna be OK, right
and then I saw my father's eyes
and they were that same white...
and that's when he did it
And do what?
Ran
He didn't come back for you
Uh uh
But I got calm...
I knew I was going to die
and that's when I heard it
an angel
singing
An angel?
Turned out not to be an angel at all
What was it
Just the wind... over some rocks
A cave
Inside at least I was out of the snow
and I guess I drifted off
when I woke up it was dark
it was still snowing hard and I heard
a noise at the mouth of the cave like a bear
and it grabbed me and it picked me up
and I fought but I was so weak and cold...
all I could do was knock the bear's hood off
Bear had a hood?
Turned out to be a bear only in the sense
of the search and rescue guy was pretty hairy
That's when it got weird
And not until then?
He ripped off all my clothes
and he tore all his clothes off
Sure you weren't delirious?
Then he stuffed us into a sleeping bag
Oh wait... hypothermia... I remember from the boyscout manual
Exactly but I didn't know what to think
I was so... tired
and cold
despite of it all..
I popped the biggest woody ever
And he wrapped those big arms around me
pulled me into that hairy chest
and told me I was OK
That was the first moment in that whole ordeal
I began to cry
I don't blame you I would have been freaked out too
No...
it was joy
I thought I'd rather die than be gay
I got a pretty good idea what dying felt like
But lying there in the arms of that man
I thought if this is what being gay feels like
Bring it on
Come on... let's get you home
Hello?
Oh that's very funny
Fuck you Andrew
Boy... where have you been
Salt Lake
OK if you haunt your guys all that way
you had better tell me you won the bet
I think I'm the loser on this one...
Hey hey hey..don't let it get to you...
even Tiger Woods slices now and then
Fucking Andrew!
Is he doing his crackhead telemarketer again?
No he is jerking me around by...
on the offchance just... you didn't happen to give my
demo out to anyone, did you?
Um.. yeah.. this Angel Food guy delivered to him
and he said he was once in the music business but..
you know I thought he might like it
I think he gave it away
To?
Oh Julie oh no I mean he's on heavy medicine
he's loopy anyway
you can't take what he says seriously...
Julie you are hurting my arm
Who did he give it to?
He said he was gonna give it to Clive...
Davis??
Clive Davis?
Oh fuck me I hung up on Clive Davis?
Oh my God answer it
No you answer it..
Answer it!
Au Julie that's the arm that I...
Fucking answer it!
Hello?
Julie Taylor?
Um... so is that Clive with a D of Clive with a V
Oh well.. it's official... winter's here
Bundle up
Ah... much better
So... guess what...this A and R guy from the record company
has been totally coy about which team he plays on..
when I introduce you, you can totally nail him
and set the record straight
well... so to speak
I go pass on this one...
You know... why? he is totally cute, I'm serious
What's wrong with you...
you know, you haven't been yourself since...
wait... are you still not over missionary man?
I don't know
Chris
It's weird with him disappearing like that
OK... wel then stop moping like a schoolgirl and
do something about it, call him...
Just dial 1-800-TORTURED MORMON?
Probably sounds they've got enough of them
But I think you should just get the hell over it
Maybe I don't want to
I mean LA is a city where everyone dances with
one eye on the door...
like we're all waiting for something better to walk in
Who would even recognize it if it did?
It would be nice to stop circling
It would be nice to stop equating sex with a handshake
And it would be nice to have it mean something
Listen to you, you are turning into a chick
Shut up!
You are! Wait Christian wait, seriously you dropped something
What?
Your balls! Must have fallen over under somewhere
This is me not talking to you
OK wait but you're still coming to the show tonight, right?
As president of the Pocatello stake it is my unhappy duty
and obligation to convene this church court on behalf of the Elder
Aaron Davis for grave and grievous sin of homosexuality
In the light of your abnormal and abonimable state
and your refusal to see you have been duped
into a hogwash alternative lifestyle..
I wish my shame was enough for both of us
not to mention the shame you brought to this church..
a family... our ancestors...
Wait a minute our ancestors?
Dad...your grandfather had half a dozen wifes
Same goes for every single person in this room...
I'd say we were the original definition of alternative lifestyle
Are you calling us hypocrites?
No we've gone way beyond hypocracy Dad,
now we're just being mean
With the authority invested in me by
the Melchizedek priesthood
and in the name of Jesus Christ I have no choice
but to begin excommunication proceedings against you
at witch point you will be stripped of the priesthood...
the garments... and membership in this church
Still at it?
There are a lot of Davises up there
Hi, I'm trying to reach an Aaron Davis
No not Errol.. AARON...two A's...
Hi, I'm looking for Aaron Davis...
No, he didn't win anything...
No no no, he is younger than that...
Does he have a son named Aaron?
No! Yeah! Let me talk to your wife
Hi, hello I'm looking for an Aaron Davis
What? The Davis Boy, yeah that sounds like him
No, he's not in anymore trouble...
What kind of trouble?
I'm sorry... I'm not trying to pry
Ferron Davis can you spell that?
On Stone Creek... really...Thank you so much
Buck Owens... really... they still run that?
OK, well you get back to it now
OK, thank you
Hello?
I'm sorry, brother Davis is down at the Stake Center
Oh, I'm sorry... Aaron?
May I ask why you are trying to reach Aaron?
Los Ang... are you one of the Elders in Los Angeles?
No...you know what, my son has no desire to speak to you
and I hope you could have the decency not to call here again
Is Dad missing dinner again?
Oh it's nothing but he sure is late over at the Stake Center...
there is no point in this getting cold
If you are just gonna play with it...
I don't know why I bother anymore
Julie! get out here... I found him
You talked to him?
No, his mother hung up on me
Um... bitch!
No, but if he really did not want to
talk to me then she really would not
have had a problem putting
him on the phone, right?
And next time he will probably pick up
Damn girl I didn't know getting hung up on
makes me feel so good
Good! Then we're going out because you
have been a contrary mary way too long
Did something fall again?
Yeah, just a little dropsy... you go on
Mum?
Mum...
What Aaron
What?
It's nothing I just wanted to see if you
bring yourself to look at me
I'm looking at you... what am I suppose to be seeing
Nothing
His name was Christian, wasn't it
What?
Is Christian the one?
What did he do to you!
He loved me
Don't say that! Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?
How repulsive that is to God to everyone?
Two men? Men don't love Aary...
women bring love to a relationship.
But Ma he told me he loved me...
He would have told you anything
He flattered and beguiled you... tools of the devil
that's what they do
You don't know that
Yes I do
You don't know that
I do... you know why? Because when you didn't arrive home...
I called your mission president
You checked up on me huh?
I was worried sick about you.. and you know what he said?
Your missionary companion told him that that Christian
person... you were nothing more than a bet he made
That's not true...
Yes it is true.. he won your soul for a lousy 50 dollars
That's all you were worth to him and you know what?
He's probably forgotten all about you
and now he's moving on to his next fornication
Mum he wouldn't..
It meant nothing to him, he was using you and that is why...
you can never think about him again, ever... ever again
You got... you have got to put this thing behind you
this horrible mistake that everybody knows about...
You've seen how they look at us
You've seen how people just turn their carts around
when we walk down the isle in the market...
and how they look away at the bank
Why do you think your father doesn't come home anymore?
What if it is not something I've done...
what if it's who I am?
Don't say that. Don't you ever even think that!
You can be forgiven...maybe heavenly Father can forgive
you for what you've done but who you are...
He could never forgive something like that.
You know... I think I am going to heat up that casserole
with the cream and mushroom soup
Where are you going?
I left some stuff down the church...
Now? We just got back!
Our son... we've just come back from...
As good a time as any
Hello?
Mrs Davis.. listen, I know you don't want me to speak with your son
My son? Let me tell you something you son of a bitch
Thanks to you my son took a razor to his wrists
Thanks to you I have lost my son
And I hope you burn, I hope you burn for ever!
Chris?
Sit down
Drink that
Toss it
That way it's medicinal
Good it's vital for a man to have a couple of
slugs in him before discussing heart ache
I think Hemingway told me that...
You knew Ernest Hemingway?
Margot actually
But beauties don't always escape tragedy
Oh God, this is hell...
I've done something
I'm guilty...
and I'll burn for it
Funny thing about guilt... there is nothing so bad that you
can't add a little guilt to it and make it worse
and there is nothing so good you can't add a little guilt to it
and make it better
Guilt distracts us from a greater truth... we have
an inherent ability to heal
We seem intent on living through even the worst heartbreak
How?
Practice
I worked through in the studio... I can't seem
to come up with a song for the single
You?
Couldn't sleep
So what... you sit here in the dark?
Hey. Let's just say fuck the no-carbs thing
let's go to Dupar's and eat pancakes till we choke huh?
Yeah... I think I'm just going to go back to bed
Tuesday, 3 am, once again I can't sleep
It's like I am waiting for time to fix some part of me
that keeps on breaking
I've already thrown out the newspaper and washed
the left over dishes
nothing to do but sit here and think
As a citizen and voter in the city of
Los Angeles it is up to you to decide
if you will allow...
Where are you going with my goddamn flowers
But they are...
We don't throw anything out that is not completely dead
Deal?
And another thing... you've got to quit coming over here
and moping around, you're fucking depressing me
I am depressing you?
That's what I'm saying... If we've reached the
point where you're dragging my day well then...
we've got a problem... seriously
you got to do something... it's time to make a move
Find a way to get past this
Are you being the Oracle right now?
Nah... I'm just being a friend
Hello may I help you?
Are you Aaron Davis' mother?
I am sister Davis yes
I knew your son, in Los Angeles
Ah you must be one of the elders from there
you have that look
No, my name is Christian
He lost his watch
I wanted you to know how sorry I am
It kills me to think that I could
have caused him any pain
Wait!
Could be worse... could be raining
Oh yeah... it is raining
Only in LA it does rain when
the news has operation storm on
Don't suppose there is bills
of mine in that mail?
Oh my God...it's a copy of my video..
What?
Get outta here... it's about damn time
Been waiting to see this
Come on girl it's been so top secret
plug it in, let's go
OK, I don't want you to
snap to some judgement...
Why... It's some kind of like nasty-ass-Christina
Aguilera's-can't-go-wrong-with kind of video?
No, it's just...
Tuesday, 3 am
once again I'm wide awake
waiting for time to mend this part of me
that keeps on breaking
newspapers I threw away
washed the dishes in the sink
What the fuck...
That's from my journal what the fuck
is that stuff from my journal doing in here
You were the one always telling me to write
songs about you... I was gonna tell you...
or ask you or whatever...
You knew I would tell you to go fuck yourself..
so you what? You'd steal my most private personal hell
I've been trying to get past and you turn around
and throw it back in my face
is that it?
I just thought that something good could come
out of this
Oh for you maybe...
Jesus Chris... I did want to tell you
Look... I don't want to tell you
like this... but the record label they...
want me to move to New York for a while
cause... all the hot producers work in the clubs there
Have a nice trip
Help you?
I was looking for Christian...
Yeah um... no Chris is um....
Want me to give him a message or anything?
I heard you didn't get the part
I hate to admit it but I'm gonna miss you
when you go back to New York
Who said anything about leaving
Come on, you hate LA
Look if you tell anybody that I said this
I will ripp your lips off
I was miserable in New York
At least in LA you can be miserable
while you get a tan
My dear boy
I was hoping this was still good
Of course it's still good
I didn't have any place else to go
Welcome
Give my young friend whatever he wants
What will it be...
Just a coke, thank you
Nothing stronger?
You look like you could use it
If you don't mind me saying you look like um...
hell?
Why?
I didn't come to unload on you
Well, you gave me that privilege once
let me return the favour
After we met I was sent home and excommunicated
for being gay
Your church doesn't like alcohol or homosexuals
Well, I am definitely not joining
Can't imagine heaven without both
Sorry, go on
That led me to a brief but disastrous affair
with a sharp object
After the hospital stitched me up
my parents put me in this place
this facility where they were supposed to change me
and fix me
this one night I was on restriction
and I was cleaning this floor with a toothbrush
that's when I heard it
this voice
it was like an angel
It was just the TV
It was the strangest coincidence
I don't believe in coincidence
these days I believe in miracles
Maybe
Because the girl who was singing
she is only almost famous you wouldn't know her
but I did
And I know people feel this way about certain songs
but I felt like she was singing right to me
This is my young friend
We've met
I went by your place...
I sublet it...
Is this, this isn't...
He's a great tipper
Darlings the food is not gonna get
warmer sitting on the counter
Hot stuff coming through!
A toast
An affirmation
A prayer of thanks
I want you to know that wherever
we find ourselves in this world
Whatever our successes
or failures
Come this time of year you will always
have a place at my table...
and a place in my heart
Sometimes it all still feels like a mass of dots
but
more and more these days
I feel like we're all connected
and it's beautiful
and funny
and good.
with a little help from friends at Gayreactor